#THAT BOY IS NEURO DIVERGENT I TELL YOU WHAT

[gothic-cepho]

*taps mic* drizzt do’urden is autistic thank you for your time

[bcbdrums]

unpopular head cannons?

Not sure which fandom you're asking for... I'll hit my main two right now, lol. And I don't know if they're actually unpopular or just...unique to me. So anyway...

Kim Possible

Drakken and Shego do in fact get married and want/have kids and get very domestic, post-canon. But. They remain in evil. They're just more lowkey about it.

Ron and Kim go to different colleges and break up for awhile. Ron starts seeing Yori seriously. Ultimately he realizes that yes, Kim IS the one for him, but he had to spend some time finding who he is without her to be his best self for her.

Ron also easily masters the monkey powers and they're not some big angsty problem for him. It's KP, come on. This is a lighthearted comedy cartoon.

Soul Eater

Stein is NOT some cannibalistic kinky blood-play neuro-divergent. He has some serious issues that never got addressed properly during his childhood, and so he struggles his entire life having to deal with these issues without any proper guidance. (Because burdening another child, Spirit, with that responsibility was a bad idea and sure as heck didn't work.) So he has his serious ups and downs since he has to figure everything out for himself, ultimately. But the common fandom treatments I often see of him just don't jive with what I see onscreen/on the page.

Stein didn't experiment on Spirit in the way it's implied. I think Kami convinced Spirit that worse things were going on than actually were out of jealousy, and I also think Spirit knew about the minor things that did go on. I think Spirit's comments to Blair about the experiments were drunken gross exaggerations, and he canonically does that (manga) soooooooo yeah. Lord Death simply wouldn't have kept Stein around if he was truly a threat, so the experiments couldn't have been that much. And I have plenty of ideas about just what went on...

Spirit did NOT sleep around!!! Now, hear me out. And I'll keep it brief cuz I could go ON about this! The man is a celebrity, and he is THE death scythe. He's gonna have adoring fans all over him no matter where he goes. Also, dancing with people??? Is a normal social interaction??? Since when does someone only dance with their spouse at a public gathering. The ONLY evidence we have of him "cheating" is the point of view of a five year old watching her celebrity dad interacting with people, when her mother isn't there. (Seriously...if Maka's fave memory of her mother is the divorce...where WAS the woman for her entire childhood???) And okay so moving past Maka's perspective and the fact that THE death scythe is gonna be surrounded by fans at all times (and you SoMa people y'all have the same headcanons about Soul so I know this isn't outside the realms of possibility) when we see Spirit in potentially compromising situations? What happens? His wife merely gets mentioned and he turns into a blubbering emotional disaster. You're telling me this man could have actually followed through on sleeping with another woman? In any case... His wife was simply not around, they had a loveless marriage that only occurred cuz of an illegitimate baby, and if he did seek attention elsewhere it's hard to blame him. But no, mister cries-at-the-mention-of-his-ex absolutely did not have it in him to sleep around. He's just a celeb trapped in a loveless marriage, and he's an attention whore. And yes this was me being brief.

Gonna stop there, ask again if you want more cuz boy do I have more! Thank you so much for the ask!!!

[ensignsimp]

[Please feel free to ignore this if ya like]

Do you have any advice for someone who wants to start up a Star trek x reader blog? I'm pretty new to it, don't know too much, but steadily catching up an the series.

The thing that's giving me the most grief is that I don't know enough lore to feel confident enough to start writing about anything with the characters ._.)

Ensign Simp Advice Column:

How to Write x Readers

Finding the right formula for writing x readers can be difficult. As authors we have a distinct habit of putting ourselves into our works. However in this case you should try to remain as neutral as possible. Remember that you are an outside observer. Similar to a video game you are creating a world for your player/reader to interact with, just on a more limited scale almost like Mad Libs.

For new people writing x readers, here are the main points you should take away:

Gender

For anyone starting an x reader blog I always recommend keeping the reader Gender Neutral (GN) and Gender Non-Conforming (GNC). This helps a wide sweep of readers be able to better connect with who they are in the story. Many x readers are written in a hetero-normative structure. This isn't the writers fault most of the fan fiction we read today was started by women and feminine people in the 60s.

And a lot of fan fiction is written by feminine people as a way to cope with the crap dating pool that they're in. The men in our fandoms are basically our new Ken Dolls. We can project our own desires and needs on to them. Writers and readers can take comfort in knowing that we are safe because no real harm is being done, it's just make believe.

However, as an evolving culture, we as a fandom need to embrace the variety in gender and break up gender norms. This is why keeping the reader's gender neutral is a good way to break that norm. Also it allows your readers to connect more when their are options to choose from, example: "Good (boy/girl/gender neutral pet name)." Using "they" is much easier in the sentence structure because it is grammatically correct when you don't know the definitive gender of a person.

They walked along the beach holding (insert random character)'s hand. "I love you so much, my dear (husband/wife/partner)." (Character) said lovingly. "I love you too." They said.

If a gender is specified make sure your label it clearly! This helps readers navigate which writings they may like more. I personally only do it on request. It is also why I don't do pregnancy plots or end with "they lived happily ever after with two kids, a dog, house, and white picket fence. THE END"

Appearances and Race

Just like gender race is always an issue in writing x readers. We will try to compensate with trying to add descriptions like:

"She had (long/short) (hair color) and sparkling (eye color) orbs."

However, descriptions don't give a personality! As a Pansexual myself I love people for who they are and not what they are. This has benefited my writing over the years because I was able to break out of the mold of "you must be aesthetically pleasing in order to be loved by this person" in my writing. Remember that all of your readers come in different shapes, sizes, colors, backgrounds, and neuro-divergence.

We have lots of people of color who write and read fan fiction. So make sure your are leaving the door open by not describing the appearance of the reader but the personality! Allowing your reader to mentally roleplay. If you want to tell the reader how beautiful they are (which all readers are beautiful), try something like this.

"I've always been insecure about how I look." They said looking down shyly. "I've always thought you were beautiful. I love your laugh, the way you bite your lip when you're thinking, and how you look at me with such love and devotion. I thought I would never get the chance to be with someone as amazing as you." (Character) said taking their hands.

Describe little things that could be about anyone. Keep it open, keep it loose, and don't pigeon hold yourself into something. Remember that this is an open audience, character appearance customization is for visual mediums.

Characterization

Having a good personality for your character will be important. You don't want to make the reader "the perfect protagonist" but as we know this is a way to help people cope with their own insecurities and issues. But give them realistic issues such as anger issues, social anxiety (not just selective social anxiety), recklessness, impulsivity, SOMETHING THAT ISN'T A PERFECT FLAW!

"Perfect" Flaw Examples:

They care too much

Clumsy

Shy

(Insert Disney Princess Flaw Here)

That is why when making an x reader you should make the reader a flexible as possible but yet give them realistic obstacles and problems. Maybe the reader has anger issues or has a fear of intimacy.

Interesting Flaw Examples:

Childish

Competitive

Impulsive

Indecisive

Jealous

Paranoid

Socially Awkward

Stubborn

ALSO REMEMBER THAT BEING AUTISTIC OR NEURODIVERGENT IS NOT A FLAW!

Give them fears and problems that are relatable to a lot of people and are plot relevant. Try not to give them a specific niche fear (again unless by request and you have it labeled). Remember that your reader will be more interested in the story, if they are interesting. Especially in longer stories than a short one-shot!

Setting

DO RESEARCH ON YOUR SETTING YOU ARE IN!

Unless it is an AU (can't stress labeling), make sure to do research on the time period, world lore, and settings before making up stuff. New writers may not know certain lore but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't do research. If you are writing fan fiction you obviously have access to the internet or someway off connecting to it. USE IT!

For example I had a request for a character I didn't know. So I went on YouTube and looked them up. I watched a couple of videos and decided I liked the character enough to write for them. So I borrowed my friend's box set of the show I was going to write for.

I watched a couple of episodes, looked up everything about them online through fandom wikis, chat rooms, and lore (videos, articles, and other fan creations), then I started to write for the character.

To me, being new to a fandom is no longer an excuse for why you are not able to look up information. It doesn't just stop in high school. You'll still need to research things, BEFORE YOU WRITE ABOUT THEM!

Plot

Start with the action, I know I got out of bed, brushed my teeth, and ate breakfast. WHAT AM I DOING AND WHY SHOULD I CARE? Explain what am I doing, what is happening, and what is at stake!

If you don't have a plot idea look up other fan fictions about that character, if there are none, look up prompts to use. Make sure to ask or tag someone in the prompt or inspiration you pull from. This helps other writers get their work noticed, while also sharing in the love of the character and writing.

Make sure everything you write about it plot relevant!

And the most important:

Establish Boundaries

Make sure you have a list of rules for your blog and your writing preference. Make a list of things that you do and do not write for.

EXAMPLE

This helps readers understand what they can and can't ask for.

REMEMBER THAT FAN FICTION WRITERS ARE NOT PAID!

THEY DO NOT HAVE TO TAKE YOUR REQUEST IF THEY DON'T WANT TOO!

[horizon-verizon]

What do you think of having made Helaena a dreamer in the series? I personally have mixed feelings about this, but one thing is for sure, giving him autistic traits was a mistake.

*EDITED POST* (3/19/24)

Disclaimer: I really don't know anything about neurodivergence or autism.

Here is one earlier post that I wrote about an issue with Helaena’s new characterization.

I used to think that it was nice to see some neurodivergent representation and that she got to be a little more than just the “plump” “fine mother” Gyldayn describes her. But it’s just that: “little”.

Now:

A) Dragon dreams are...dreams. Not visions you have while fully awake. So...

B) I think that it Helaena’s characterization suffers from the reliance on her neurodivergence. Neurodivergence does not equal personality. We don’t know her other than one small scene of her unintentionally(?) calling Aegon out, that she liked to play with bugs in her youth, and that she doesn’t like her own mother. These aren’t personality traits they are conviences for the greens’ image.

And the prophecies she speaks does nothing but tell us what we--the book readers--already know will happen, except for Rhaenys, but that was a scene that also never should have happened. We’re supposed to be wowed by how she is like Cassandra--the prophet who no one believes after cursed by Apollo for not sleeping with him or otherwise disobeying him. At least Cassandra is trying and much more active in her story, using her visions to try to stop catastrophe even though she knows or we may make the argument she already knew and thus this is where the Greek tale's futility comes from. HotD is not using this kind of futility but it is expressing a futility while keeping Helaena a passive victim.

But using the futility of Cassandra’s story element to express how “futile” and “tragic” the Dance was diminishes human choice more than i needs to--how Alicent decides to go after Rhaenyra and tries to get Aegon on the throne for power. Diminishes the activeness of human decision specifically for the people already having lost their ambition in the adaptation from the original story to the show:

Alicent is a such younger sexual abuse victim (after years of fans having said that there was too much sexual abuse or violence esp against women in GoT) who apparently can't really reason as she would have in the book version and is more vulnerable to her father's machinations rather than her being a go getter herself

Rhaenyra's muster has also been greatly diminished

even Aemond's whitewashed and made less active by his killing Luke made into an "accident").

Then there is what another writers says about how we know what will happen to her. The show gives us the only neuro-divergent character and we know she’ll lose her son to Blood and Cheese, of which she obviously blamed herself for, driving her into a mad grief. That she will die a horrid, “suspicious” death. Her suffering will be used to generate more sympathy for the greens, while diminishing and ignoring that Daemon only uses B&C for what Aemond did to Lucerys. (Again, eye-for-an-eye is not moral or justifiable. I’ have said over and over that it is rather Aemond and Alicent’s fault for targeting Rhaenyra.) The show till then inadvertently act like the biased Maester Gyldayn, who also just refers to Helaena's death; the writer ponders over how her death inspired rebellion against Rhaenyra and seems to lean towards Rhaenyra actually doing it, even though it brings up the missing Larys and the possibility that he spread the rumors to incite the peasants against Rhaenyra more than they would have otherwise.

This cheapens her, especially because we don’t really get to see her apart from her Alicent, her brothers, and her kids. Nor do we see her interact with Aemond or Aegon like the two eldest boys do in episodes 6-9.

Rhaenyra’s story was about how women in Westeros would be pushed further back into practically subservient positions, and Daenerys was meant to be a penetration into that element. Rhaenyra is the story of how a precedent against women in power came to be; Dany is when a women pushes back and begins to regain that power.

So Helaena doing nothing more than tell visions that don’t matter while she stays in her room with her children and tries to get her own mother to stop touching her and knowing that she’ll die a horrendous death after long grieving and torturing herself for her son’s death just so she becomes some sort of Martyr for green-stans makes for a more disheartening picture than I’d like.

Oh, and it doesn't really make sense for her to know what's going to happen to not just her siblings and parents but her CHILDREN and not go to Viserys, the most prophecy-focused person in her family as well as the most able to actually do something to turn things around.

Dragon dreams in ASoIaF are fixed but they do not say that a specific person WILL do this so much as someone must do this for that to happen...unless they're Dany, Daenys, Rhaegar, & Aegon I.

[marysunshine23]

Okay, lemme explain.

S Rank - Best of the Best

Magical Miracle Girl Usami - I. Love. Her. Like... I feel like if I were a magical girl, I’d be Usami. I want to cosplay her. I just... I love her so much.

Nagito Komaeda - I mean... He’s clearly neuro-divergent, he’s chronically ill, he’s basically chaotic neutral, and I’ve loved him almost as long as I’ve loved the series. What can I say?

Angie Yonaga- PRAISE BE TO ATUA. She’s a vibe. I want to be her friend.

Kokichi Oma - A perfect example of “I initially hated him with every fiber of my being, but then he did a thing and now I like him”.

Korekiyo Shinguji - Similar to Kokichi, but the incestuous thoughts kind of... eh...

A Rank - I love them, but...

Ibuki Mioda - They did her dirty, I swear.

Mikan Tsumiki - I may prefer more masc-presenting women, but I would date her.

Kotoko Utsugi - I will protect this brat for the rest of my life

Monophanie - I dunno. I just think she’s neat. You know… besides the incestuous stuff…

Monomi - Monokuma did her dirty. And… again… incestuous stuff…

Aoi Asahina - I love her relationship with Sakura! But I also feel like she was just… token big boobs girl…

Miu Iruma - I love the spin of having a super-perverted girl. But also kind of the token big boob girl.

Hajime Hinata - Of all the protags, he just seemed the most fleshed out. Also. Tig o’ bitties on a guy

Junko Enoshima - Fun design? Check. Interesting Personality? Check. Would wear similar clothes? Check.

Kaito Momota - I feel like we’d be best friends.

Kiyotaka Ishimaru - He and Mondo are the best homo ship in the series fight me

Mondo Owada - He and Kiyotaka are the best homo ship in this series fight me

Rantaro Amami - He’s the midpoint between Nagito and Shun Kamiya from Tribe Nine and you can’t tell me he’s not

Fuyuhiko Kuzuryu - Severely underrated. And he and Peko are the best canon relationship in the series fight me

Peko Pekoyama - At first I thought she was just meant to be a sexy Sakura, but I felt like she was super underestimated as a rival and a character. And she and Fuyuhiko are the best canon ship in the series fight me

Sonia Nevermind - First of all, her name. Secondly, I love that she was just… always 100% herself. Like… she was a princess into horror shit. I dig that.

Sayaka Maizono - I kinda wish she was in the series longer. I just really liked her.

Mahiru Koizumi - She’s the mom friend and I love it.

Kaede Akamatsu - I wanted her to be the protag, is that so much to ask?

Gundham Tanaka - He’s the type of person we all wish society would let us be; absolutely unhinged and in our own world.

Gonta Gokuhara - Best bean.

Chisa Yukizome - Ultimate Mom is best.

Monodam - I mean, he had everyone’s best interest at heart.

Ruruka Ando - Excuse me, she makes sweets and she’s cute.

Yuta Asahina - Good boi. Possible sister complex.

B Rank - I mean, they’re good, but…

Kirumi Tojo - I mostly like her because of her design and her execution.

Leon Kuwata - Not gonna lie, he was my first Danganronpa crush. Had I not read his Free Time events, I might have ranked him higher.

Maki Harukawa - At first I was thoroughly pissed off that she was the Ultimate Childcare Provider, but then her true identity came through and I liked her a lot more.

Chiaki Nanami - She’d be higher but I feel like the developers got tired part way through per backstory and just threw something together

Himiko Yumeno - She did the whole “too much effort” schtick for too long.

K1-B0 - Underrated.

Sakura Ogami - Great character overall, but I feel like her design was just… 100% shock value.

Shuichi Saihara - Like… I’d be fine if the game started with him being the protagonist, but I’m still kinda peeved that they just threw him in last minute.

Tenko Chabashira - I’m sorry, misandry is not a personality trait or a quirk and the joke got old quick.

Tsumugi Shirogane - I hate her and everything having to do with the ending of this series.

Toko Fukawa - Why are people cool with her but not Miss Piggy? At least Kermit is into what Miss Piggy does.

Genocider Jack/Jill - Yandere.

Jataro Kemuri - He’d be higher if it weren’t for his voice.

Hiroko Hagakure - 

Akane Owari - Token Big Boob Girl mixed with zero impulse control. But her and Nekomaru are cute together so…

Celestia Ludenberg - 

Chihiro Fujisaki - Let our friend be happy, okay?

Nekomaru Nidai - He made me tired.

Izuru Kamukura - He’s fine. He’s mostly here because he’s in Hajime’s body.

Masaru Daimon - I’ve worked with children like him. They’re fun!

Monosuke - I like the mobster penny pincher persona that he’s got going on.

Monotaro - I liked him for 90% of the game. But then the incest stuff happened and… yeah…

Shirokuma - I knew he was putting on a ruse from the beginning, but I enjoyed him

Taichi Fujisaki- WHAT A GOOD PARENT.

Kiyondo - I think I prefer them in separate bodies, but it’s a sweet sentiment and an… interesting way to cope.

C Rank - They’re Fine

In C Rank, if I don’t mention them by name, it’s just “they’re fine”.

Kyoka Kirigiri - I wish we knew more. Like… she seems very two dimensional

Mukuro Ikusaba - I’m glad we had some time with her in the anime… but it wasn’t enough. More please!

Haiji Towa - The only reason he isn’t lower is that he got his comeuppance

Koichi Kazakura - That’s blond Johnny Depp and you can’t say he’s not.

Monokuma - I actually threw him in C because I didn’t know where else to throw him. I actually don’t have a lot of feelings about him as a character.

D Rank - Either I hate them or I don’t know them

I’m only elaborating on some.

Teruteru Hanamura - Perverted characters that are just there to be perverted are annoying.

Monokid - I absolutely hate that he represents the percentage of people that shit in the shower. Like… I’m so glad he died first. I hate him so much.

[phaedraismyusername]

Just chucking my 10 pence into the ring for Women in Translation month with a handful of recs on the off chance it'll be of use to someone

The Vegetarian by Han Kang

- a short novel about a Korean woman who decides to become a vegetarian after a bad dream and how the people (mainly men) around her react to the decision and her subsequent spiral into stranger and stranger behaviour.

Convenience Store Woman by Sakaya Murata

- the story follows a neuro-divergent middle aged Japanese woman who loves her job at a convenience store more than anything and just wants to be left alone to do what makes her happy and how the people around her pressure her into conforming to what society expects from her (finding a man, getting a "real job", etc) and how those expectations negatively impact her life.

Fever Dream by Samanta Schweblin

- a strange winding Argentinian novel about a dying woman and a young boy sitting in hospital together and telling stories. I don't really know the best way to sell you on this one other than you'll have to try it to know if you'll like it lol. But if you like a whole lot of weird and appreciate narratives and themes around environmental abuse then this could be for you.

Tender is the Flesh by Agustina Bazterrica

- another Argentinian book but this time it's just a straight up consumption horror lol. It follows a man who works at an abattoir essentially in a dystopian society where animal meat is now poisonous to people so they've started breeding and mass-processing humans for meat instead. Does what it says on the tin and pulls absolutely no punches in the process lol.

Confessions by Kanae Minato

- an excellent little Japanese thriller. A class room of teenagers are sat down by their teacher on her last day of work to talk about her resignation after her young daughter died in an accident on school grounds, only for her to reveal that she knows that two of the students are responsible for her death, and the steps she's taken to set her revenge into motion. The rest of the book jumps pov every chapter as you watch the consequences ripple out from there.

and last but not least

Vagabonds by Hao Jingfang

- a Chinese sci-fi novel that follows a group of Mars-born teenagers who, after a civil war between planets, have spent their formative years on Earth as delegates and are now returning to Mars and how they deal with that, basically. It's the longest book on this list by far at around 600 pages but the writing is beautiful and the conversations about Mars being a communist ideal while Earth has reached the pinnacle of what capitalism can create are done in a way that doesn't feel at all soapbox-y and feels very fair in exploring the pros and cons of each system. Just an all around excellent book.

[stevengrantandmarcspector]

What’s your opinion on Arthur being super ableist towards the boys? I’m curious 👀 have a wonderful day friend!!!

hello anon! this is gonna be a bit long, so i am gonna add a cut!

(disclaimer: i do not have DID, but i do have other mental illnesses and i am neuro-divergent, and i am going to draw from my own personal experiences with ableism.) cw: depression, panic attacks, ableism, the whole nine yards, and moon knight spoilers for episodes two and three

i'm gonna answer this seriously. as a mentally ill person myself, i have experienced ableism, whether it be someone dismissing my mental illness(es) by telling me that i don't "look" like i'm mentally ill, being incredibly invasive in the sense that they don't want to learn more about the illness(es) i struggle with, but want to entertain themselves with the information, calling me psycho when they find out i have mental illness (which has actually happened), telling me to 'just be happy/get better' and the list goes on. a lot of the rest of this ask is gonna relate back to my personal experiences with ableism, i do not speak for anyone else.

the first time that i recall us seeing arthur be ableist is to steven in 'summon the suit' where he actually says to steven

"I'm curious, do you think that Khonshu chose you as his Avatar because your mind would be so easy to break or because it was broken already?"

i had to actually pause the episode because of the surge of emotion i felt. i have had people tell me that i am 'broken' because of my mental illness, i have been told that i am weak. and most of the time, i react like steven, i think, 'i'm not broken. i am a whole person. i might need help, but i am not a vase that needs to be superglued back together. i am a person who is trying my best everyday, and that's all that matters.' but there have been times, far and few but still nonetheless, that i think, 'maybe they're right. maybe i am broken. maybe i'm just pretending that i'm ok. maybe i am weak, and i don't deserve to be happy, and my best isn't enough.' i am not broken because i am mentally ill. i am not defective simply just because i was born with something i cannot control. we don't tell people they are broken because they are blind or deaf or have speech disabilities (or at least we shouldn't). we say, "i see you have a disability. how can i help make things more accessible to/for you?" or at least we should.

on top of that, in ‘the friendly type’, arthur using marc's DID to discredit him in front of the ennead hit a nerve for me. i have trusted people and confided in them about my struggles with mental illness, only from them to throw it back in my face during an argument or when they are mad. i have had people use my own struggles to discredit me and make me look unreliable and 'unstable.' arthur tells the ennead:

“This is a man who literally does not know his own name.” “I have no idea how many personalities he must possess.” “The man is clearly insane.” "...this man is a deeply troubled man."

i have heard most of these things in some way, shape, or form, i.e:

'you're two-faced (while i was in the midst of a period of depression and struggled to be as energetic as i usually was while hanging out with a so called 'friend')'

'you're a fucking psycho! (from a relative when i revealed that i was seeing a therapist)'

'have you ever been admitted to an asylum? (believe it or not, that is a real question i was asked. and the person asking it was a person who had proven themselves to be incredible cruel when it came to other people's struggles and experiences)'

and my personal favorite, 'wow, you really are fucked up (said to me while i was in the middle of a panic attack).'

people have taken advantage of my mental illnesses to dismiss and discredit me, and watching that situation that i've lived through many times play out with marc because of arthur resonated with me. much like marc, i am not in denial about my mental illnesses. i know that i am 'unwell'. i am aware of my mental illness and how it impacts my life. what it shouldn't impact is how people see me. it should not impact my credibility. my mental illness should not impact whether or not someone believes me. i should not be dismissed simply because my brain is wired differently than someone who is neurotypical. i will be completely honest and i've said this before, but ethan is doing an incredible job playing arthur harrow, and yes i may make jokes about arthur in my posts and asks, but do not forget that he is an ableist cult leader. he is manipulative and he views mentally ill and neuro-divergent people as defective and broken as evidenced by his own words. i love the person playing the character, and i love the way the character is being approached and played, but in no way do i like or support the ableist views that arthur harrow has nor do i actually like arthur as a character himself. please realize that my jokes are just that. i dislike arthur as much as marc and steven do, not only because of how his remarks put down people like me simply because of something we have absolutely no control over, but because any decent human being would not and should not stand for the belittlement of disabled people, whether it be mental, physical, or any other capacity.

i apologize for the length of this ask, and in no way do i expect anyone to read this entire thing, but i felt compelled to be as honest and as forthcoming about my feelings as possible. i may have unintentionally repeated myself a few times but i hope this made sense! thank you so much for this thought provoking ask anon! i hope this didn't depress you too much, and i hope you have a lovely day as well!

laters gators!

[luxshine]

Sigh. Ok, Dear Moon Knight fandom,

We REALLY need to talk.

I've written now about... 5 posts begging people to tag their shit. In particular, to tag #Separate Bodies fics. For ME? It's a preference. I want to read about the Boys as whom they are, a System. I want to read about the challenges about navigating a relationship when everyone is in the same body (In those fics where Layla is not with them, although I do prefer them with Layla) or three people are in a body and the fourth one can only see/hear one at a time.

Is it challenging to write? Hell yeah. But it's possible.

HOWEVER, I am not the only reader of the Moon Knight fandom. Neither are all the members of the Moon Knight fandom singlets.

For obvious reasons, the Moon Knight fandom has a TON of interest from the Plural community. And THEY are the ones who get hurt and worse when they are hit with fic, after fic, after fic, after fanwork where the guys are depicted either as in separate bodies, or as thinking that the ONLY way to be happy is if they're in separate bodies.

Now, as every time, I will tell you that this is not a post about "Don't write X because of Y". This is a post that reminds you if you are going to write X... THINK of WHY.

And also, consider what the hell you are doing by turning a lovely Plural System into Three Separate Singlets just because it's easier for you.

Because what you are doing, intentionally or not? Is straight-washing, is white-washing, is Simple and Plain Erasure.

I can talk a lot about intersectional representation. Moon Knight, in the comics, is a Czech-American, Jewish, Neuro Divergent Plural Superhero. Do you know how RARE that is? Not only that, he's one of the very few, if not the ONLY representation of a System that doesn't have an Evil Alter, where every Alter cares for each other, and whose final goal is not Integration. Seriously, find another one. I will wait. Because the other two BIG ones in Marvel? Are Legion and Typhoid Mary. And BOY are those two a big package to Unpack.

With that in mind, making the boys have separate bodies? Is like making Marc Catholic considering that, in the series? He's the ONLY jewish character in the MCU. Yes, Magneto is jewish, but he is still not in the MCU; and Wanda and Pietro? Not Jewish even in the comics, because even if Magneto IS Jewish, their mother was Roma, and that's ANOTHER group that is so underrepresented that taking that away is a big no-no. Or grab one of the, again, incredibly few bisexual characters in comics and make them either exclusively homosexual or heterosexual. OR... well, sorry, grabbing a character of color and making them white.

I know some of you may jump at that comparison, but the boys's plurality is as basic and integral to their character as ethnicity is to T'challa or America Chavez, or Shang-chi. And since you wouldn't write white America Chavez... you shouldn't just write Moon Knight in separate bodies, at least not without WARNING.

Oh, and for those who want to say "But if I tag it AU is fair game"? No. Marvel Universe canon: Every single Moon Knight in every single universe of the multiverse? Is Plural. Hell, even Arachknight who is MORE of a Peter Parker alternate universe version has DiD, because he is also Moon Knight. Yes, some writers only pay lip service to the DiD -glaring at Dixon- but at the very least they DO describe Moon Knight as having Did. So the Au tag by itself doesn't imply otherwise. SO again, PLEASE, two words: Separate Bodies. That's IT.

Consider the group you are part of, because I am willing to bet that unless you are white, cis, straight, neurotypical, body abled AND within the margin of 25 - 35 years of age in the USA? You are part of an under represented or misrepresented minority group. How much representation in media THAT side of your self has. And how much of it is actually positive and not a negative stereotype that makes you be the victim of harassment or discrimination. And then imagine someone NOT part of that group coming, and striping THAT away from the one character you managed to find and claim as your own.

And again, yes, you may say "But Moon Knight is also Jewish representation, Autistic representation, Hispanic representation, so why can't we focus on those?" Well, first, I never said you couldn't. Yo can and you should. NO part of Moon Knight's background and personalities (as in, the personalities of each Alter, of course) should be erased. Marc and Steven are jewish, Jack -in the series - Is latino, not just "knows spanish" (and well, yeah, actually, all off them are Jewish and latino because that's something the Body IS, but of the three, Marc and Steven are the ones who got all the visual clues to their jewishness, such as the Star of David necklace, while Jack wasn't on screen long enough to know, and neither Steven nor Marc seemed interested in their latin roots given that their hispanic parent was, well, Wendy.), and because TPTB said so? The guys ARE Autistic. But before ALL of that? They're THEY. They're a System, and we must respect that.

And, unlike other changes and communities who WILL pile on you if you erase them (Seriously, I dare you: Say that Willow Rosenberg from Buffy the Vampire Slayer is Bisexual and not a Lesbian. I will be on the sidelines with popcorn because Man, that is always a shitstorm) the Plural community ONLY asks for respect in the form of Tags.

So yeah, keep writing your separate bodies fic if you want. But for the love of Tawaret (Because I know you, Moon Knight Fandom, not many of us love Khonshu) TAG YOUR SHIT!

[august-persona]

More Witch Week Epiphanies (I'm losing track at this point)

Some time ago, I wanted to write a little essay (I feel weird calling it an "essay," makes this sound scholarly and not at all like the ramblings of a hyper fixated 15-year-old, but that's what it is) on the queer-coding in Witch Week. I got very busy and sort of forgot about it. Recently, I've been thinking about it more, and realizing just how much mental health plays into the themes of Witch Week as well as homophobia.

In the world of Witch Week, you cannot tell a witch just by looking at them. Witchcraft is not tied to any ethnicity, sex, religion, etc. Anyone could be a witch and you'd have no idea unless they told you. Of course, some people seem to be more obviously a witch than others. Everyone assumes Nan is a witch (and they are right), but even then they really have no way to be sure. There's also the way that witch history is banned, stifled, twisted to fit a certain narrative. The book asserts that this is all very wrong. Witches cannot help being born witches. It's simply not healthy for a society with so many witches - a society where witchcraft is intrinsic to so many people's lives - to persecute that witchcraft so harshly.

Now replace the words "witch" and "witchcraft" in that paragraph with "gay, queer, lgbtq+."

The themes of Witch Week are very relatable to the lgbtq+ community. You cannot tell that someone is gay or otherwise just by looking at them. There are people who are assumed to be queer based on how they act or look (and you might be right), but there's no way to be sure. Anyone of any ethnicity, sex, religion, etc., could be lgbtq+.

Lgbtq+ history, similarly to the history of witches in this story, has also been frequently banned, stifled, twisted to fit a certain narrative by society at large.

Homophobia is harmful. It hurts everyone living within a society where these bigoted mindsets are the norm, even straight and cisgender people.

Now, onto the topic of mental illness. It was no new revelation to me that many - if not all the kids - at Larwood House have, or at the very least exhibit some symptoms of, various mental disorders. The book even says at the beginning that Larwood House is a school for witch orphans and children with "other problems." Nan is schooled at Larwood House because she is a witch orphan; Charles is schooled at Larwood House because his parents sent him there, presumably due to his "other problems." The book was a bit vague on this. It mentions Charles becoming standoffish after his encounter with the second witch, and his parents being concerned that he was a bad influence on his siblings, but there are certainly more elements at play.

Along with being queer-coded (more on that some other time) there are many instances in the book where Charles is obviously in a dissociated state. Charles often references this 'other part' of himself, which splits away from him when he is distressed. Sometimes Charles floats away while the other part of himself does the talking and walking and such; in other instances Charles is present but aware that a split has occured.

Charles clearly has a personality disorder, one which is probably the result of his traumatic childhood experiences and further exacerbated by Larwood House's awful environment. He has no good friends, and his emotional needs often go unchecked by teachers and peers alike. Charles often wonders how no one ever seems to notice when he 'splits.'

You cannot tell that someone is mentally ill, or neurodivergent (some mental disorders aren't so harmful to one's life that they are ill) just by looking at them. Anyone of any ethnicity, sex, religion, etc., could have a mental disorder. Of course, some people seem more likely to have a mental disorder than others based on the symptoms they exhibit, but even then you may not know for sure what exactly is going on.

The only time anyone realizes something is up with Charles, is when he self-harms in view of the boys in his dorm. Even then they only conclude that Charles must be pretty stupid to do such a thing to himself, and think not much more than that.

Then there's the ways in which mental disorders have been demonized (and more recently romanticized, but that's a whole other beast) and twisted to fit narratives in mainstream culture which are often harmful to people with those disorders - should the concept of mental disorders and neuro divergence even be addressed in the first place - in order to cater to a neurotypical audience and a society which would often like to promote the idea that people with trauma and mental turmoil should simply choose to be unaffected by these sufferings, and should the "mentally ill" ever display symptoms or behavior deemed to be inconvenient due to their disorders, it is a moral failing on their part and not a failing of their caregivers and authority to provide them with help.

Or, that the mentally ill simply need to be locked up because they are no use to society; or even done away with entirely because how could they be any more than inconvenient, and quite possibly dangerous.

In cases of people whose disorders are not harmful to themselves or others, there is often an idea that their unusual behavior must be 'fixed' (got rid of entirely) to prevent inconvenience.

These are attitudes often applied to lgbtq+ folks as well. That queerness is a moral failing, or that queer people need to be locked up, or that their queerness must be 'cured.' If not considered a sin, homosexuality was considered a mental illness for a very long time. 'Homosexuals' were thought to be dangerous, and best kept locked away or done away with. Then there's the "trans women are actually just predatory men" storyline that's been unfortunately popular lately.

Parents are still kicking lgbtq+ kids out onto the street, telling their own children they're going to hell. Lgbtq+ kids are still being sent to conversion camps in some places. Lgbtq+ people are still bullied, killed, arrested, executed, around the world.

Mental disorders and neuro divergence is a present aspect of many queer people's lives. And no, not because homosexuality = derangement - but because some people with mental disorders just so happen to also be queer; or due to the fact that queer people tend to be more susceptible to trauma, end up developing mental disorders more frequently.

What's interesting about Witch Week is that Charles' disorder is not linked to him inherently being a witch, but to how his witch-phobic society traumatized him and led him to develop his disorder.

That's pretty neat. Consider the sheer quantity of media which depicts queer and queer-coded characters as being deranged. Even when the narrative does not outrightly state "gay = psycho," the connection is still made in the viewer's mind, overtly or subconsciously. And rarely is the distinction made that the Evil Psycho Gay ended up mentally ill not because of the fact they're gay, but because of the way their homophobic culture traumatized them.

Then there's Witch Week, a book featuring a subtle but excellent portrayal of a child living with an unaddressed personality disorder in the character of Charles; a character who also happens to be queer-coded; a character who is not the antagonist, but one of the protagonists; in a book which makes it altogether very clear that it is not the fact that any of these characters are inherently witches (witchcraft = lgbtq+) that they lash out in ways that are harmful to themselves or others, but that these harmful behaviors are perpetuated by the bigoted society they live in.

[the-delta-42]

Disarmed

Disarmed

Gabriel glared at the screen in front of him. The girl, Marinette, Ladybug, had been a major thorn in his side for too long. He’d tried going to her home and taking all the miraculous she had in her possession but had found he couldn’t remember where she lived.

Nathalie had suggested targeting the school, of course, it’d have to at a time no one was there. Gabriel smirk insanely as he started drawing up his plan.

Nathalie had started to grow concerned at the lengths Gabriel had started to go to bring Emilie back. She hoped he wouldn’t go too far in his campaign.

D

Marinette glared at the little screen on her yoyo, Adrien was dozing behind her as Alec Cataldi’s smirking face looked up at her. Ever since Marinette’s arm had been taken off, the ‘reporter’ had been openly questioning if she was capable for her job. It didn’t help that he had the backing of an alt right politician, who’d started calling for anyone who was neuro-divergent to be sectioned for ‘being a danger to society’, and Gabriel Agreste. Marinette supposed that Gabriel had a reason to question her competence, since she was in his son’s class, and she’d lost him his ‘muse’.

Marinette looked behind her, at Adrien, quietly wondering if he agreed with his father. Adrien opened his eyes and smiled at her, before stretching his arms out.

“What time is it?” Asked Adrien, looking around to make sure no one had seen them.

“Just after 11.” Replied Marinette, frowning as Adrien looked around, “Adrien, if anyone spotted us, I would’ve woken you.”

Adrien yawned, before flopping back down. Just as he did, an explosion rocked Paris. Both heroes looked at the explosion.

“Did… did Hawkmoth just blow up our school?” Asked Marinette, blankly.

Marinette shook her head and shared a look with Adrien, before the two called on their transformations. Ladybug and Chat Noir skidded to a halt in front of the burning building.

“Okay, we’re at the scene, but there’s no Akuma.” Muttered Ladybug, her bionic arm twitching.

A deafening roar tore through the street, as a dinosaur glared down at them.

“Mr Césaire got Akumatised again?” Asked Chat, cocking his head.

Ladybug was about to answer, as a blue blurr rammed into her side. Mayura threw Ladybug through the window of her parents bakery. Chat moved to grab the villainess, only to be grabbed by the collar and thrown at the dinosaur. Hawkmoth sneered at the boy, just as Mayura sailed past him and into a lamp post.

Ladybug charged at Mayura, ramming her fist into the elder woman’s stomach. Ladybug’s continuous blows triggered a coughing fit, the woman doubled over, unable to continue fighting. Ladybug turned her gaze on Hawkmoth, before launching herself at him, with Chat following. Ladybug’s fist connected with Hawkmoth’s chin, while Chat’s staff got the back of the man’s knees.

Hawkmoth stumbled back, spitting out a tooth as he went.

“I really need to get one of those, M’Lady.” Smirked Chat, falling into a defensive stance.

“I wouldn’t recommend it, Minou.” Responded Ladybug, mirroring her partner, “Looks like Mayura’s down for the count, Hawkmoth.”

Hawkmoth glanced at Mayura, as the woman continued coughing. Ladybug removed her yoyo from her hip and started spinning it, “We could easily end this now, you just have to give me your miraculous.”

“I was just about to say the same thing, Hawkmoth.” Snarked Ladybug, launching her yoyo at him.

Hawkmoth quickly dodged the attack, before swinging his cane sword at her. Ladybug blocked the attack with her arm, as Chat swung his staff at Hawkmoth’s head.

Hawkmoth snarled, before he grabbed Ladybug’s yoyo and pulled her towards him. He swung his cane-sword at her again. Ladybug raised her left arm to protect her chest and neck, only to collapse to the ground as Hawkmoth stabbed her right leg  and twisted the blade until the limb fell away from the rest of her body halfway up her thigh. Hawkmoth plucked the earrings from Ladybug’s ears and threw Marinette towards Mayura, who’d stopped coughing.

Hawkmoth turned his sights onto Chat Noir, an insane grin covering his face, “You need a new arm, boy?”

Chat gulped, before he swung his staff at Hawkmoth’s head again, only for Hawkmoth to grab his wrist. Hawkmoth grinned sadistically, as his sword pierced Chat Noir’s right bicep and he pulled on the limb until it came off the young hero’s body with a wet snap and a scream from the hero.

Hawkmoth threw Chat to the ground and smirked as he held both Miraculous in his hand.

“Finally.” Muttered Hawkmoth, before glancing down at the boy and freezing as he saw Adrien trying to stop the remains of his arm from bleeding, “Adrien?”

The boy froze, before he recognised the voice of his father.

“Why didn’t you tell me?!” Demanded Hawkmoth, advancing towards Adrien, “We could’ve brought your mother back together!”

Adrien froze, before looking up at Hawkmoth. Hawkmoth tutted, “No matter, we can just have another, worthier, son.”

Hawkmoth raised his sword to kill Adrien, before Mayura tackled Hawkmoth and ripped the miraculous from him. Gabriel looked down as he realised that Mayura had taken all of the miraculous he had on him, including the butterfly. The senti-monster dissolved into nothing, as Gabriel was tackled from behind, while paramedics attended to Marinette and Adrien.

D

Adrien stared down at the stump of his right arm. He now understood what Marinette meant when she said she could still feel her fingers. The very thought of his arm being cut off, much less that it was his own father that cut it off, sickened and distressed Adrien. Max had already come by and measured a new arm for him, he was muttering about having to make Marinette a leg.

Adrien knew that Marinette had lost a lot of blood, since his father’s sword had severed her leg mid-thigh and cut through an artery.

“They’re tying to sew Marinette’s leg back on,” Said Nino, making Adrien look at him, “but there is the possibility that the leg can’t be reattached.”

Adrien frowned, before Nino grabbed his remaining hand, “Focus on me, don’t look at the arm.”

Adrien cracked a small smile, as Alya poked her head through the door.

“Mari’s out of surgery, they’re putting her leg in a cast until it fully heals,” Alya informed them, “It’ll be a while, but she’s going to keep her leg.”

“Thank Allah.” Muttered Nino, releasing a sigh of relief.

“Don’t thank him yet,” Said Alya, “Marinette’s not going to take it well.”

“WHAT DO YOU MEAN IT’S GOING TO BE THREE TO NINE MONTHS BEFORE I CAN WALK AGAIN?!” Came Marinette’s scream, sounding panicked.

“Yeah, she does not react well to the pain killers.” Said Alya, as Marinette was wheeled past.

“I don’t need blood transfusions.” Babbled Marinette, her tone doing a complete 180.

“You lost a lot of blood, you’re barely surviving on the blood that you didn’t lose, you need these transfusions.” Said a Nurse, as Marinette pouted and glared at the cast.

“I wanna go home.” Mumbled Marinette, folding her arms and sulking.

“You’re going to be kept here for a few days for observation, but you’ll be able to go home soon.” Reassured the nurse, as she and Marinette grew further away from the room.

“Marinette doesn’t seem to like hospitals much.” Remarked Alya, before looking at Adrien, “How’re you holding up, Sunshine?”

Adrien shrugged, looking down at his lap.

“He hasn’t said a word since the fight,” Said Nino, looking away from Adrien and towards Alya, “I think he’s still in shock.”

Alya frowned sympathetically, before sighing.

“I’m not surprised, considering…” Alya trailed off.

“He was going to kill me.” Whispered Adrien, as his vision blurred, “He said he was going to bring Maman back and he was going to kill me.”

Adrien wasn’t aware he was crying until Nino pulled him into his arms.

“Breath.” Nino instructed softly, “Breath.”

Adrien choked out sobs as he buried his face in Nino’s chest.

D

Chris poked Nino’s face while sitting on his chest.

“Nino.” Whispered Chris, “Nino. Nino. Nino. Niiiinooo.”

“What is it, Chris?” Groaned Nino, squinting at his brother.

“Adrien’s had another nightmare.” Said Chris, pointing towards a dark corner of the room.

Nino could make out the vague shape of Adrien rocking back and forth with his face buried into his knees.

“Okay, thanks Chris, I’ll handle it.” Said Nino, rolling Chris off his chest, “Go back to bed.”

Chris quietly shuffled out of the room, as Nino got up and walked over to Adrien. The blond didn’t react to Nino moving towards him and Plagg was hovering next to his chosen.

“How long has he been like this?” Asked Nino, looking at the Kwami.

“A couple hours,” Responded Plagg, “Sugarcube and pigtails are already on their way over.

Nino glanced at the clock; it was six am. He sighed, knowing he wouldn’t be able to get Adrien back to sleep.

“Bro,” Nino’s voice was soft, “Bro, look at me.”

Adrien slowly lifted his head. His eyes were red and bloodshot, he had dark bags under his eyes and his face had become thin and gaunt. Adrien let out a small whine and buried his face in his knees again. A loud banging at the front door echoed though the house, Nino thought he heard his mother grumbling about whoever was at the door.

“Sorry, Ms. Lahiffe, I need to see my cat.” Came Marinette’s muffled voice, “Alya, move faster!”

Nino winced, remembering that Marinette’s leg stump was still healing. Despite Marinette being rushed to hospital a short while after the leg had been severed, the doctors focussed on getting Marinette’s blood levels back up, before focusing on the leg, which had been left behind at the battle ground. Much like Adrien’s arm, the muscles in Marinette’s leg had be torn as Hawkmoth had cut and the limb had become infected, necessitating the legs removal. Marinette was still getting used to the leg Max had made her.

The loud drag-thump sound on Marinette limping on her new leg came down the hall. The bedroom door flung open, revealing Marinette being supported by Alya.

“Adrien.” Said Marinette, as Alya struggled to get both herself and Marinette through the door.

Adrien stopped rocking himself, just as Marinette decided to push Alya away and crawl along the floor to her partner.

“I’m here, Minou,” Said Marinette, softly, once she reached Adrien, “It’s okay. It’s over.”

D

Marinette leaned on the bright pink cane Rose had given her. Everything was quiet, no birds, not aimless chatter. Just silence. Marinette caught sight of her reflection, her arm and now her leg. Marinette wondered if it would ever get the point where she was more machine than human.

Marinette swallowed the lump in her throat, before quickly looking away from her reflection. Marinette walk-limped towards the door. She carefully climbed down from her room, noticing that everything was shrouded in darkness.

“Hello?” Marinette called out, looking around for anyone who was in the apartment. Marinette reached out for the light switch, flicking it on, Marinette was assaulted by both the light and the unanimous yell of “SURPRISE!”

Marinette let out a squawk of surprise, toppling back and landed on her rear. Adrien laughed, before walking over to her. He held up his black prosthetic right hand out for Marinette, which she grabbed with her red left.

“Happy Birthday, M’Lady.” Said Adrien, as soon as Marinette was on her feet.

[animeisokay]

Episode 3 of Talentless Nana Thoughts

So i just watched the first three episodes of “Talentless Nana” and im losing my marbles over this Kyouya kid.

The general premise of the show is that theres super powered teenagers and this girl, named Nana, is sent to kill them all. She disguises herself as a mind reader but in actuality she has no powers (she is “talentless”) and is just really good at reading people and picking up social que’s.

The first 2 episodes she has no problem killing two students but then,,, but THEN, episode 3,,,,

Nana starts to be prodded by the other transfer student (Kyouya), who had been keeping his power a secret, about what had happened to the two boys she’d been “hanging out” with (killing) and so Nana sets her sights on killing him next.

Only thing is,,,, she can’t get a read on him,,,, like at all. The only thing she can guess is that he can’t smell which she assumes must be a side effect of his powers,,, 

but as a viewer,,, i would like to propose to you,,,, that ,,,, Kyouya,,, is simply,, nuerodivergent. Maybe Autistic? but 3 episodes in and its clear he is at the very least not just the “edgy” loner boy, nor is he the “fuck boy” that Nana assumed he was.

like he’s made it clear that, while very smart and able to pick up on physical clues (ie the fact that those two classmates shared an umbrella, finding Nanao’s watch, noticing Nana isn’t actually a mind reader...ect), he struggles with making friends and connecting to people. Nana tells him its because he comes off as an “f-boy” and he genuinely asks her to define what that means, taking notes of what it means.

His room is super cluttered, filled with games and manga and his floor is covered in clothing (due to his hyper awarness of smells ((because he cant smell) i’m assuming its clean laundry) which,, as a fellow neuro-divergent person,,, i can very much relate to!

and so up till this point while i was watching i was sort of joking to myself that he’s nuero-divergent or autistic (or ADD, really just any sort of neuro-divergancy im no doctor so i can’t say WHAT), not really expecting for the show to give me anything else to go off of but then,,, the most damning evidence,,,

he stims.

he straight up stims,,,, his preference for items to stim with are things that feel silky. 

So can I just say,,, that I love how the main antagonist for this series is going to be this funky bastard solely because this woman can’t tell what he’s thinking. His Neuro-divergancy (and his power of being “invencible”) is whats going to save him and ruin her plans. I love this kid.

[mastreworld]

I wasn’t like other girls

This thing about “not being like other girls” keeps nagging at me.

When used in discussions, it’s supposedly about internalized misogyny and maybe it is in some cases. Maybe. But it’s certainly not my experience.

Those of us who are/were not like other girls didn’t chose that. In fact, it was those other girls who told us we weren’t like them, and they made it very clear that not being like them was a bad thing.

We were told that if we wanted to be one of them we had to change. We had to dress differently, use make up the way they did, smoke like they did, adopt the same interests as they did (not reading comic magazines meant for boys, wtf is wrong with you?), drop those cringy neuro-divergent behaviours and not show too much emotion.

Some girls I remember successfully went through with this transformation and became accepted. Others kept trying and failing. Some, like me, just wanted to be left alone and didn’t care about fitting in but that wasn’t acceptable either. It made you a target with no allies.

I’ve never hated myself as a woman. I was gender non-conforming by nature as well as neuro-divergent and just wanted to be myself. I learned the hard way that I was different. From others.

The funny thing is, now when people like me begin to talk about our experience and tell the truth: “We weren’t/aren’t like other girls and that’s fine. There’s nothing wrong with us for being different.” that’s when others start talking over our heads about “internalized misogyny”.

We supposedly hate ourselves because we’re taking back what was used against us? I don’t think so.

There is something rotten hidden under that whole discussion and it smells like radfem.

[rosequartzakapinkdiamond]

Everything’s Fine

you know what got me the most about ‘Everything’s Fine’? this scene:

‘I’m a fraud.’

on god, i felt that

when you’re mentally ill, abused, neuro-divergent, or have had anything different in the way you think, you CONSTANTLY feel like you’re masking, like you have to wear this facade to stay included, or loved, or safe, until you’re so far down that hole you don't know how to get out, so you deny its even happening, and you work yourself up inside with all this self-hatred, after all you’re lying to people, and you begin to believe deep down that you’re not good anymore. that you polluted yourself. and so everything in you wants to pretend its not real, and the cyclical facade continues.

‘I don’t know what you’re talking about! I’m fine, awesome in fact! Ah- c’mon, you’ve seen me when I wasn’t doing well. Nothing’s wrong, and besides, I don't want you to worry.’ 

Steven is deflecting, trying to draw attention away from his problems so the others won’t fret about him, because worry leads to scrutiny, which leads to concern, and then he could burst, everything he’s tried to prove, tried to show as true, is all going to shatter. he’s so, so used to being the one who catches the other in a trust fall, he doesn’t know how to lean back himself, so when faking doesn’t work, he immediately tries to remove himself from the situation. 

‘It’s not that easy! You know what, I don’t have to deal with this!’

if he’s not in the room, the atmosphere can’t follow, he can find somewhere safe and far, and calm down, but this doesn't work. its another attempt at deflecting, and neither Pearl, Amethyst or Connie allow it, they know he needs to talk it out before they can help

and so now, the lies begin to come out, and oh god it hurt to watch. ive been exactly where Steven is and hoo boy sucks, because you instantly try to dumb it down as a protection measure, despite how it feels to lie further. throughout the show we’ve seen how much Steven values the Gems’ opinions of him, Connie and Greg too, as early on as ‘Laser Light Cannon’ he’s desperate to show he isn’t a liability. he’s taught himself to not be a problem, to not cause problems, so he can stay included and helpful, and help them get better instead. its just so much easier to focus on other people over yourself. its distracting, it’s comfortable.

‘Hahaa... It wasn’t that important you guys! You’re making a big deal out of nothing! Have I done some thing wrong? Sure! I trashed the house today, I broke an anvil, but what teenager hasn’t? Dad and I had a little disagreement, but that’s practically a rite of passage! I mean, it would be weird if we didn’t, right?’

he’s still looking for their approval, their assurance that it’s not a problem, repercussions can go away, and everything can just go back to normal, but you can see in their faces, they’re angry, and this only spurs on his deflecting, because now he’s faced with rejection, again. so he tries to assure himself that it’s just the everyday teen problems, nothing to make an issue out of, because that’s too raw to think about, I mean, Connie's had disagreements with her parents right, that’s the same?? right?

‘And maybe I’ve had a not-so-nice thought or two, about, like, slamming White Diamond’s head through a pillar, but, but, it’s not like I actually went through with it! Ha, I-- I only actually shattered Jasper!’

and what’s horrible is it’s almost a satisfying feeling at first, technically he succeeded!! he got away with it, and doesn’t that make him smart, or capable of coping, or maybe he’s getting better!!! he could’ve done those horrible things, but its okay! he fixed them, or they weren’t as bad as they sound, or, or, or--

ive done plenty of damaging impulse things thanks to my mental illness and neuro-divergency, and ive had exactly the same script. you try so hard to make it seem like the problem isn't as large because really, you know what you did was bad, or stupid, or dark. but you still did it, you couldn’t just stop yourself. you still made the mistake and now you want to move past it as quick and as painlessly as possible, but doing so puts other things in jeopardy and means telling other people, and that’s scary. you can’t avoid letting people know about your problems, but what Steven’s struggling with is that he’s on a completely different page to the Gems, Connie and Greg. he’s had all this time dwelling on these thoughts-- he’s several chapters in, but they’ve only just picked up the book, so no wonder they’re shocked and horrified to read the blurb. these thoughts of inflicting harm, whether it be or others or otherwise, are dark, so who wouldn’t be shocked?

so Steven immediately deflects again. he pushes himself to sound positive, so desperate for the facade of normality, that it borders on unstable, as he overcompensates for this fear of criticism 

‘Oh! Don’t worry, I fixed that too! I can fix anything! I can just keep messing up and fixing things forever and you’ll never have to think or know about any of it!’

it’s because they had no idea there was anything wrong that cemented this idea in Steven that he had to keep hiding, because what they didn't know couldn’t hurt them, right, and he’s Steven! he fixes things! if you’re always deemed as perfect, any flaw can’t be shown, right? any fall and you’re out, you’re not a crystal gem anymore and you can’t go on missions or hang out with Connie or protect anymore, protect the town, protect the earth, so you hide, and you can go on, self-sabotaging and hiding and stressing, without anyone knowing a thing. 

but you know. you know well, too well, and eventually everything crumbles whether Steven wanted to ever acknowledge it or not. it just became too much for one person to hold.

‘How messed up is that? That I’ve gotten away with this for so long? You have no idea how bad I am!’

what strikes me about this too is ‘gotten away with this’ and ‘you have no idea how bad I am’. cannot tell you how many times ive said these phrases word for word in therapy and i almost screamed at my computer when I heard him say it, because that’s EXACTLY how it feels. you’re acting. the whole time you’re acting in self-preservation because of this all consuming anxiety of failure, and its always in your head and hey, you know its BAD-bad, even if they don’t notice, or ask, because you’re absolutely not going to tell. he already tried, remember, and they brushed him off, so nope, no, their fault.

so now Steven’s faced with actually looking at what exactly he’s done and how no one noticed. how not one of them thought to have this conversation with him before, did they not care? did they not see him? did not one of them wonder why Jasper just appeared suddenly out of their bathroom, at the least? could they not bother to try to reach him?

but it’s not a matter of them not loving him, or seeing him. it’s that they didn’t listen in the right way to understand him. Connie’s speech in the following episode sets it out perfectly 

‘Yes, you hurt him, but this isn’t the time to make this all about you! That is not helping! Maybe Steven would care about how sad you are, because he always puts everyone else’s feelings first, but he can’t do that for you right now, because he needs us this time!’

she acknowledges that they needed to hear Steven, especially when he wasn’t laying out exactly what was wrong, because he didn’t know what was up either (the dude has only been to the doctor once, he doesn’t know what c-ptsd is, let alone anxiety or depression), and because they should, as adults, realise that while their actions and feelings do matter, it cannot be at Steven’s detriment. his venting to Garnet, and to Greg, in ‘Together Forever’ and ‘Mr Universe’ wasn't an opportunity for them to give him advice or lay their own experiences on top, it was a chance for them to really listen to, and really hear, what Steven was telling them he was feeling and then see that as his truth. no ‘you had it better’, no ‘it was inevitable’, all he needed was ‘I hear you, I love you, let’s fix this together’. 

‘We all had Steven when we needed him, but the only person who’s never had Steven, is Steven! So, how can we be there for him now?’

which makes what Steven says next all the more painful, as he’s been holding this role on his shoulders like atlas holds the sky and its breaking him.

‘You think I’m so great, I’m so mature, and I always know what to do, but that's not true! I haven’t learned a thing from my problems. They’ve all just made me worse!’

thus far, Steven’s been taught that every experience is a chance to learn, like in ‘The Test’ (which was another ep that made me go FERAL when i saw it). he’s searching for meaning in all the horrible things that happened to him but sometimes, there is no moral. sometimes things are just that. they’re bad and they hurt you.

‘You think of me as some angel, but I’m not that kid anymore! I’m a fraud. I’m a fraud. I’m a monster!’

when you believe so deeply in yourself that you’re not a good person, it really hurts, especially when the people around you keep reminding you of who you used to be, see the whole of ‘Snow Day’. you feel like a fake, because who exactly are you? who are you without that mask? who is Steven Universe if not the boy who helps? yes, he’s not that kid anymore, but he doesn't want to be this ball of pain either, so what’s left after but to think he’s just ruined? he’s not an angel, he’s not helping anymore, he’s just angry, hurt and lost.

what’s left but a monster?  

[lair-of-the-jabberwock]

I don’t think Disney will ever stop frustrating me with the way they handle certain topics. Particularly, how they dance around the topics of gender identity, sexuality, and neuro-divergence. They literally have the absolute perfect neutral platform to help teach kids, in a very simple and easy format, about these topics. Yes, they’ve been getting better about some ethnic representation in their movies, but they still don’t touch on those topics that are really needed nowadays.

Disney functions on a basis of ‘their parents can teach them about that stuff, they’re too difficult of topics for us to explain in a kids’ movie’, and usually just leave it at that. Sure, sometimes they’ll toss in a glimpse of a gay side character, or make a very small nod here and there to non-cis people. But that’s exactly what I mean when I say they are dancing around the subject. They avoid it, and simply try to placate us with these very tiny side comments you often have to squint at the margins to notice. Shame on you, Disney. These aren’t actually difficult topics, and you know it.

I spend a lot of time helping my older sister as she helps our older cousins by watching their kids. So, I’m around young kids a lot. I’m around them a lot, their ages ranging from 5 to 10, and I am a bisexual, trans-male, autistic individual with severe depression and anxiety, as well as some PTSD. -le gasp- Oh, no! How am I supposed to make all that make sense to a five-year-old?! He’s too young to understand it, it’s too complicated for him! ...... Psh, yeah right. It’s a two-second conversation, and it’s a fucking piece of cake to explain.

‘Hey, buddy, you know how your parents and everyone call me ______ and call me a ‘he’ even though I look like a girl?’

‘Yeah’

‘That’s because I picked out that name specially for myself, because I’m transgender and that means I’m actually a boy trapped in a girl’s body.’

‘Oh, okay, -uses chosen name instead of dead name-.’

Yeah. See how easy that is? Kids understand things WAY better than adults do, and are a lot quicker to accept the information presented to them and just roll with it. It’s the same with the 7-year-old and the 10-year-old cousins I have. ‘I’m transgender and that makes me a guy just like you.’ ‘Okay.’ Now.. what about my sexuality? ‘Hey, guys, you know how your mom and dad love each other the way they do?’ ‘Yeah.’ ‘I have a partner that I like the same way, and they’re a girl, but I also sometimes like boys like that too.’ ‘Oh, okay.’ Boom. Sexuality, check. Gender identity, check. But what about my neuro-divergence? Lol, still very easy.

‘Hey, guys, I really want to hear everything you have to say, but since I’m autistic, it makes it hard for me to keep up when you all talk at once, and so I get a little overwhelmed and need things to slow down so I can make sure I hear everything and I don’t get too stressed that I panic and get upset, okay?’ ‘Oh, okay. We can take turns so it will be easier for you.’ And I’ve explained my depression and anxiety to them in similar ways, telling them that sometimes I just feel really really sad with no explanation, or that sometimes I just get really nervous and worried about things even if it doesn’t seem like a big deal just like how they can sometimes get really worried about a bug crawling near them or they suddenly get too shy to talk to someone even if they know them.

Point is, Disney has the perfect neutral platform to teach kids about ‘difficult’ topics, but they don’t use it, and that pisses me off. Even when they do have a more prominent character that is definitely coded a certain way, and people point it out to them, they will deny it because they have a mindset that they have to be ‘super PC’ and all that bullshit. Like, everyone absolutely knows and agrees that Lilo is definitely very much autistic (specifically with what is likely an Asperger’s diagnosis), but Disney still denies it and just tries to be like, ‘oh, no, she’s just a little different but she’s not autistic.’ Yes, she fucking is, Disney. She has pretty much my exact diagnosis, and she is an AMAZING representation of it! Take the praise and run with it, ya fucktots!! Honestly even Milo in Atlantis has a lot of autistic traits, with his centralized interests and info-dumping and social anxiety and awkwardness. But yeah. Hell, fucking look at Soul!! 22 is clearly non-binary, and when Joe is in the cat’s body, that cat is a fucking calico and calicos are almost exclusively female only! There’s a perfect way to explain transgender and how it feels to be in a body that doesn’t feel like it’s the right gender for you! But did they use that? No. They just decided that the cat is also a boy so it just works and they can blow past it. Just saying.

Long story short, Disney is scared to touch on some very important topics that they have the perfect platform to explain, and it pisses me off.

[firecooking]

* Neil train pulls up to the Neil station * so tell me a little bit about him ;P

You wanna talk about Neil! Well you’ve found the god damn driver of this train

Let’s discuss Neil

Do you see this mans? This man is the most important character to me of all time only behind Darkwing Duck [that’s for another day]

Reasons I love Neil are plentiful so let me show a diagram

I personally relate to the fact he looks like he doesn’t know how clothes work and doesn’t wear pants

There is a lot to unpack on that image so lets take this point by point

- East Asian Features

OK KO arguably has some issues with how it portrays skin tones and body types, but with Neil he very constantly has a pale east Asian complexion, while stylized and not 100% Asian [race and ethnicity is kinda hard to place in this show] his body type, hair colour, skin tone, and face shape actually lines up with common east Asian traits [I can’t say 100% what he lines up with but I hc him as half Chinese]

- Neuro Divergent Traits

Neil Is shown in several episodes with ‘odd’ characteristics, which are commonly played as jokes, however I think it’s important to take a step back and think about what characteristics correlate with common ideas about Neurodivergence. For one he’s shown as relying on note cards when public speaking [I don’t have time to unpack his comedy routine but that also has big ND vibes]. His ‘I don’t want this bread’ scene physically vibes with me, getting so overwhelmed you can’t even remember why you have a loaf of bread and you can’t articulate whats wrong cause you where ignored so long. There is a lot more but i don’t wanna go on and on.

- Explorer Scout

Solo Hero scouts is Explorer Scouts, Sidekick scouts is Explorer Club Scouts. It’s really cool to see an adult Character in a scouts program like Explorer Scouts, not many people realize you can be up to 22 years old and still be an active scout [btw, Explorer scouts isn’t like you think boy scouts is, it’s about learning job skills in a advanced field of work, I’m an Aviation Explorer! My backup career is working as a gate agent/flight attendant! I teach youth classroom workshops about aircraft safety and help them go on young eagle flights! I wanted to talk about this lmao]

Side note: Neil’s mom signing him up for solo hero scouts is great also a point for neurodivergence

- Goofy and Unhinged, but kind and helpful

Self explanatory tbh

- Clear and visible disabilities

Neil’s a triple amputee, and that’s important to see on screen and for kids to just, see a dude with three prosthetic limbs hanging out and chilling like a normal person. I also think it’s cool they canonically gave him struggles with his limbs

- Very clearly Nerdy and unashamed

He literally held Radcon, he brought dnd dice in another episode, his hero inspiration was comic books/old heroes

- No Knee’s

I lost my knees and Neil lost his knees; it’s a sign

- Pants fucking suck

Neil agrees by not wearing pants at anytime in the show besides during plaza prom when he tried to dress nice

SPEAKING OF PLAZA PROM

The French cuffs, the tight cut shirt, the salmon coloured tie, the flower, the tight tailored pants [probably just black skinny jeans], the fact he’s not wearing shoes and his shirt is missing the collar, a absolute disaster but still stylish, he probably read like one hipster style blog before doing this

COMBO BREAKER

Can’t talk about Neil without discussing his son

This mans was SO down to adopt a kid in Sidekick Scouts, he was seconds from shoving KO under his arm and running. I think it’s really cool they gave Neil and CB each other, it’s really nice to see a young man playing mentor/father figure to a kid, especially since they both seem to still have a lot of room to learn and grow. Also when Neil cried over CB getting toasted in the finale, that genuinely felt natural even tho Neil probably should have attempted to kick ass as well. Also Neil sobbing as CB get’s into POINT prep, that’s a real feel good moment.

I don’t think Neil is ‘big hero’ material, even if his dream is to be. He has a very home town feel to him, I can totally see him settling down to helping his community and teaching young heroes. I have head cannons for what he’s going to college for and his goals in life but I’m gonna stick to what we know in cannon for this ranting page [we know a lot about him huh, guess why!]

Neil was Toby Jones’ childhood oc!

Yes I asked him about Neil, I care a lot

Beta Neil slaps, so cute, love the dumb cape design, and the glove *chefs kiss*

Anyways, I’m going on a very big ramble about this but Neil’s really important to me! He helped me figure out I’m Uranic and a Demiguy! He helped me see that I can still do what I love and be disabled! He helped me see it’s okay to be yourself in public! He helped me learn it’s okay to sometimes forget social norms!

I think it’s important to have diverse characters in media, I think it’s important to have socially weird and quirky characters, and disabled characters, and you know what, Neil meets a bunch of those check marks!

Also

Where are his limbs Toby

[supposed2bfunny]

Heck it! Vento Aureo Neuro-Divergent Headcanons!

Narancia

-Narancia has (undiagnosed) ADHD.

-And boy does he love to stim with his hands! Using his flick knife is his preferred method of keeping his hands busy, but that tapping he’s doing while listening to his boombox? Slappy time! 

-He also flaps when he gets served his favorite meal or a fancy dessert at restaurants with the gang.

-His feet are EXTREMELY restless and he has a tendency to kick his shoes on and off when he’s sitting around. This makes them a tad loose, which is why they always come flying off in battle.

-Surprisingly, Abbacchio is the most equipped to handle Narnacia’s energy and helps ground him with his Cool Goth Vibe.

-Abba and Nara paint their nails together sometimes when Narancia is feeling overwhelmed. Especially on rainy days when the sound of the rain puts him on edge.

-He’ll just start singing jingles from commercials at random, sometimes in the middle of a conversation. When they get in his head, he’s gotta let them out! In general, noises can be either a source of elation or anxiety for him.

-He’s often lost in his own thoughts so deep that when someone speaks to him, it can take a few seconds for him to process what’s just been said. 

-Sights, sounds, and smells all tend to overwhelm him, but touch is very soothing. Look how tight that shirt is; there’s a reason!

-Sometimes if he’s having a hard time, he’ll just ask for a bear-hug from Mista. The pressure helps him relax instantly. Since it took a long time for Narancia to work up the nerve to ask for a hug, he would at first just grab one of Mista’s arms and drape it around his shoulders, or even place one of his hands on his head. It didn’t take long for Mista to understand the wordless request for comfort.

Fugo

-Holy fuck words are hard for Fugo.

-Unless you ask him about something he’s passionate about. Then he will chat away and info-dump, his eyes light up and it’s one of the rare times you’ll see Fugo open up and look super happy.

-Since he has a hard time socially, he tries to use formalities to bridge the gap between himself and friends. Teaching math to Narancia? Formal, serves a functional purpose. A logical thing to do, really. Also means he gets to spend the afternoon with his friend :) He’s also always trying to take on extra tasks for Buccellati so he can be around him.

-He adores Buccellati, but Bucci tends to make a lot of intense eye contact, which always makes Fugo antsy because he hates eye contact. Thank god for Abbacchio, who will go on a mission with him and return to Naples without ever looking at his face. What a good friend!

-Yes, sometimes he practices speaking in front of a mirror, trying to keep his head high and make his cadence more like Buccellati’s. And what about it?

-Touch-averse to the extreme. Do not touch him. Please.

-Hands-down pickiest eater of the group because a lot of smells and textures freak him out. His sense of smell in particular is super strong. When in doubt, strawberries are always a good way to make him eat. He can devour those all day and never tire of them. He’s been known to just eat bread for lunch if the smell of his meal is Bad and puts him off.

-Also prone to stomach-aches from stress. His mind-body connection is VERY strong and his social anxiety informs how he feels. And since he’s anxious most of the time...:(

-His skin is so sensitive: his suits are made from super soft material and don’t have tags. His clothing budget is sky-high but he looks dope and he feels good!

-He tends to pick at his hair, so he has horrible split ends all the time.

-He’s probably the least likely one in the gang to self-sooth or practice self-care because he doesn’t feel he deserves to feel good. Thankfully, the rest of the gang feels quite differently and is slowly but surely memorizing everything they can do to make his life easier.

Mista

-He’s naturally extroverted and loves to be with friends, but he needs breaks to recharge frequently, which is why he always brings along books or magazines to read and have quiet time. If he doesn’t get a chance to decompress, he gets fidgety, overly chatty, and very unhappy. 

-Understanding what people are saying and interpreting other people’s feelings? Easy! Communicating back to people what’s on his own mind? Oof!

-Voice modulation? Lol never heard of her. Sometimes he’s just yelling instead of talking and that’s that on that.

-Despite the efforts he puts into being the “laid-back” type, he’s actually prone to anxiety attacks. Generally, he’s pretty helpless to communicate when he’s going into an attack, and doesn’t want to be seen as overly emotional or worse: a burden. So he tends to clam up until he reaches a breaking point. The only two people who can soothe him once he’s in the height of anxiety are Buccellati and, surprisingly, Fugo.

-His fear of the number four is 100% a self-imposed sort of order to help him feel he has control over some aspect of his life. Is that specific number linked to a childhood trauma? Probably! He’s not gonna talk about!

-Loves to eat, but he used to get distracted/lost in thought and skip meals chronically when he was younger. That’s why the Pistols are always begging for food at mealtimes. It gives him a routine.

-Executive dysnfucntion to the max.

-Hyper-empathic. Don’t let the tough demeanor fool you: he cries like every day, and adopts the vibe of whoever he’s with, which is again, why he gets overwhelmed and needs down time despite his love of socializing. 

-Zero spatial awareness. If there is something to bump into, he’s already bumped into it, knocked it over, tripped over it, or stepped on it. Half the time he’s hurt on missions, he’s the last one to notice.

Giorno

-Zero perception of personal space. Especially if he really likes you. (People are quick to assume he and Mista are a couple because his hands are always on him: it’s really just a security thing for Gio, nothing romantic intended).

-He also tends to get right up in your face if you’re having a one-on-one conversation. For the longest time, Fugo avoided talking with him alone cuz he Did Not Like the invasion of personal boundaries.

-He has a silly sense of humor, but his delivery is so flat people often can’t tell he’s joking, which leaves him feeling kinda :/

-Not good at reading people’s tones. If he has empirical evidence to glean something about someone (ie Buccellati’s hesitating to injure the drug addict teen in their first fight, which showed Giorno that he’s a kind and trustworthy man), then he’s confident. But he gets confused when he has to go off of facial cues and tone of voice alone. Those are way harder to understand for him!

-He’s constantly asking if his friends are upset with him because he can’t tell and he’s very anxious about that! At least Abbacchio is upfront about his feelings, even if he’s not too fond of Giorno. At least once a day you’ll hear a very polite “Hey, Narancia...I’m very sorry to trouble you, but you’re not mad at me, are you? No? Okay just checking...”

-Put Fugo and Giorno in a room together and get them talking about Roman history or biology and they will not shut up. They LOVE to info dump at one another!

-He had such a lonely childhood and he is hyper aware of how literal and overly formal he can be. He acts collected but he’s actually so self-conscious of it, and is terrified that the gang puts up with him because of his stand abilities, not because of who he is as a person.

-Soooo sensory-seeking. Please braid his hair! Go ahead! He would adore that!

-Has been known to summon Gold Experience just for a hug when he was really upset. These days Narancia and Mista try to be there for him instead.

-He has synesthesia all the time, which might be part of how he’s able to think so creatively when fighting other stand users. Sometimes on bad days, he’ll just communicate in colors instead of words, because it takes less energy.

-On one really bad day, Abbacchio asked why Giorno was showing Mista pictures of different gray skies in a book and not talking. Mista explained that those pictures were what was in Giorno’s head, that words were too heavy that day. After a moment’s thought, Abbacchio grabbed his headphones, set them on Giorno, and put on Monteverdi’s Symphony No. 3 in D Minor with the order “listen to that and tell me what you see.” Giorno searched through some of his books, then showed him a series of Monet’s water lillies. “That’s what I thought. Keep listening, punk. I’ll need the headphones back at the end of the day, or else you’re in for it.” Closest bonding experience they ever had.

At the moment I can’t think of anything for Abbacchio or Buccellati, but I’m happy to hear any other ideas people may have!