#THANK YOU AGAIN KRIS THIS WAS WONDERFUL!!! PRIDE MONTH REAL!!!

[yache-berries]

HUGE SHOUT-OUT TO @drawnbinary FOR MAKING THIS A VERY SPECIAL PRIDE MONTH!!! 🥹🌻🍊✨️

[krisrowland]

Promises for this year and reflections on last year

 A few activities that I’m trying to have a positive impact my life in 2019

Reading (so many books I haven’t read on my shelf)

Drawing in my Adam J Curtis book

Writing Kasper pieces

Spend time figuring out a vague shape for Kasper so far.

Organise Skype sessions with friends, Helena, Steph/Archie, Tina/Aine, Rosie, Lauren,

Research artistic meetups

Find time to meditate

Find time to be silly/rehearse monologues

Singing in the shower

Practising monologues

Writing thought pieces

Practical things to work on in 2019

Get a credit card and spend     £50 each month

Buy all birthday cards and     presents for sister, mum, dad, matt, Archie, Sophie, Jonny and Rich and Helena. + any  other major birthdays

Organise birthday party in August

Organise China trip in August

Things I promise to be this year

Being a better uncle to     Archie

Everyone is a little bit racist as they say. I want to be less so.  I want to understand more and go to talks, plays, listen to activists that have a BAME voice . And figure out how else I can be an ally.

Always be willing to learn

Reflections on 2018

January 

I met Chris at Paul's birthday party which was amazing it was so fun and an overwhelm of lust and play.  I stopped doing the Landmark Education introduction Leader Programme after  4 months of emotional, frustrating and enlivening phone calls. I couldn't deal with the pressure I was putting myself under. My grand visions of social justice and my own creative practise were in severe conflict with reality and I needed to reassess what I was saying to myself. I think Landmark has undoubtedly changed my life it has made me really respect myself and find ways of being more flexible on a day to day with others. I now have the best relationship with my Dad, Mum and work I have ever had. I also started counselling for the first of three times this year to clear up some irrational thought patterns, which has continued my personal development journey and understanding of myself. Katharine and I continued our obsession with Stacey Makishi @ The Yard Theatre. Paul and I watched an earthshattering theatrical version of Network at The National theatre.

February started with Rosies hen do and a rekindling of the Notts college crew. I had a two week break to hang round London see shows and art galleries. I had my first rehearsals for Kasper, a performance piece I have wanted to do for ages and invited Chris k to collaborate. I also partied hard with Kayleigh Foulkes for the first time in a number of years in Camden and G.A.Y. The broom dancing team were on form (minus Heather)

March Rosie and Bob's wedding was another wonderful reminder of the awesome people that are in Nottingham, god I love our college crew there is so much I have to thank you for. Catching up with Jake was great, though we only met up three times this year, a culture vulture with a big heart and the best company. Kris R's party was a messy fun night with glitter et al at G.A.Y. And another messy night to welcome Gurdeep to his new Stratford home.

April Discovering the cruisey vibes of Bloc bar with Bryan was amazing. It felt like I was at a gay trance night in the 90's. Pulsating music, guys and telling the time by the number of topless men you could see. April was also Jamie's birthday with a terrific karaoke and Chinese evening. I went to Nestas people powered health conference which made me want to do a service design ma in the new year and had a number of wines for the road with my director and manager.

May was an eventful month starting the new job, Eurovision being a messy evening to say the least in a fabulous location.  I saw Hamilton with Jamie which was an honour and a pleasure it was the best musical I'd seen in ages, intelligent, mainstream, modern and political, never mind catchy. The amount of times I listened to the soundtrack  Spotify created me my own Hamilton playlist as if it was a genre.

In June I did my first stint drinking no alcohol at house parties with support from Helena as she was trying to cut down as well. I joined the Grapes quiz team and won a number of times throughout the rest of the year with them. Helena and I went to Phobiarama which was a political and race based ghost train. Followed by a very iffy messy night at XXL. It was Jonny and Rich's 40th and Sophie's 30th. We said goodbye to the first care leavers peer support group and partied at Chris's caravan to say goodbye to Chris and Helena on their next adventures.

 The start of July was Helenas leaving party :( This years London pride felt like the first time I really understood why we still celebrate. A space in which you can be anything you want to be and feel comfortable being who you are. Years and Years were epic at the Roundhouse showing off their new album with much pizazz. Grindr the Opera was a weridly touching patische that was both hialrious and heartwarming. Helena was back in London and had a brief visit to see Gary in his new pad with Lindsey on the Henley part of the river Thames.

August was my first holiday with my dad in a beautiful air bnb in the New Forest. I had a joint birthday with Chris K starting with a picnic in Green park and ending in the beautiful Set You Free at The Chateau for pure 90s pop #messy. Kayleigh came to London again and we saw Britney at the O2 and went to Jonny woo' club The Glory.

 September I headed off to see Helena and explore Estonian culture in Talinn. I managed to do my best time on a half marathon. 1hour 54 minutes.

 October

Not much happened in October.Cabaret night with Phil Will and Kris. Halloween twas

November I met a really nice guy on Tinder but just didn't get the spark. I started Kasper rehearsals again, trying to figure out what the hell you do in a devised rehearsal space. Fantastic Beasts was a disappointment.

December started off with a fab racalette and wine evening with Chris Will and Phil. We had two Team away days on the same day which I helped organise. The Xmas party was at one my fav craft beer places. I had the gayest of Secret Santa's with unicorn Christmas decorations, a apron with a fake cock attached to it and a very fluffy rainbow pen. I finally went to see The Inheritance. A beautiful bittersweet depiction of modern gay life and the debt we owe older gay men.

Throughout the year I have been volunteering at a care leavers peer support group in Thurrock. It has been a challenging experience with the young people but also being able to find our place in the group. I wrote a blog about my experience here. I am continuing this into next year and won't be continuing after June.

It was a bit of a shock in May to hear that Helena (my closest and best friend) would be moving to China. We have really gone through thick and thin together and with each other over the last two years. Meeting at Landmark on a course and then developing a social impact concept together. Whilst the CCA's output may have left much to be desired. We created some unbelievable friendships ourselves and with other people including Gary, Kris , Annie and Papola. July was the month when she departed to go to Estonia for a few months before leaping over to Bejing to be a lecturer. Looking back over the year it strikes me how much of an impact she has had on me. Getting me off my seriousness addiction, pushing me when I didn't think I could give much more. She is one in million a real open, honest, not afraid to share her thoughts, willing to give anything a go and also a mysterious multitasker that you don't realise is doing so much brilliant stuff.  She has opened my eyes to the EU migrant experience in Britain, Estonia's vibrant culture, my own biases, helped me celebrate myself and so so so much more. Helena I frigging love you and miss you, no one can ever take your place.

At work it was an up and down year. A department restructure and consultation had been taking place since September 2017. After six months we had the finalised structure, my line manager was leaving which was a blessing and a curse. (In some ways he was an amazing line manager giving me space to explore with him what I wanted to develop in the role but he was also not great at following up and holding me to account plus our meetings could go on for hours.) Then looking at the final paper I saw that my job had been deleted. So I had to interview for a new position which mostly matched my previous role, though it was the grade above which softened the blow. We welcomed Jane to the peer support team and many others into the unit and it felt we had new found energy and ambition.  Two colleagues and myself started the LGBTIQ+ workshop which has been an amazing 6 months of creating events, learning, creating structures and trying to see how we are best placed in the organisation.  At the Xmas party we even had someone congratulating us on sustaining the group and seeing us as a steering group for the organisation. I also travelled to Birmingham and Swansea for Influence and Participation (I&P) events, helped create an animation and will be facilitating a session next year for a new set of videos explaining the benefits of I & P to people on their recovery journey. The success of our staff forum pay paper meant in April  that all staff got a pay rise, with further Brexit/ economic developments this will be a key focus in the coming years to see how we can support staff within our capacity as a charity. I was recently made the staff forum chairperson as Zadie leaves after having helped us navigate a consultation that asked major questions of our internal structures and leadership and form a project plan. Things now seem more on track with my role with a clear steer that my efforts to troubleshoot and problem solve is a positive contribution to the units and department as a whole. We will see what happens in the new year.

Jamie was another of Paul's friends who I instantly hit it off with. An amazing creative/ animator who has enthusiasm for all things culture with a labyrinth of music, film, TV shows and merch surrounding his almost iconic living room.  We created a film club watching films we had never seen before it was a zany mix of animation, black comedy, surreal adventures and classics that you are suppose to have seen. After a bit of persuasion Jamie created an amazing puppet lipsynch to Robyn's here. Talent screaming out, can't wait to see what next year brings for this phenomenal guy.

Chris what to say about Chris. Well he has given me some of the best nights of the year pub quizzes, theatre, drinks, nights in, films, banter, Karaoke, clubbing, a picnic. His smile is inffectious. He made me value the small things. We dated and that came to an end but he became a solid friend. There is so much going for him I just wish he would see how great he really is.

Big love