#THANK U SM SOPHIE ILY <3 i love talkin abt my baby n u pulled NO PUNCHES w these questions

[solasan]

🍋🌳💚💤🌸 for sivala?

JUMBO OC ASK GAME

🍋 does your OC act petty and jealous easily? what sort of things make them feel like this and do they experience guilt for getting so worked up? how do they deal with these emotions when they get them? if your OC doesn’t feel like this often, why not?

answered here <333

🌳 compare your OC to themself from 10 years ago. how has their mental state changed since then, how have they aged and grown up? would they say they’re in a better place than they were back then or do they need help? what advice would they give their younger self? what advice would their younger self give to them now?

hoo boy. sivala ten years ago was obviously very different, bc her life was the complete opposite, and she's obviously kinda... lost everyone lmao. i will say i think her development had already started by then though; yasta's death would've been pretty recent (within the last year or so) and that's what first started real change in her personality.

she was ironically a lot more emotionally stable / self-possessed, bc she'd worked very hard to forge herself into the Perfect Jedi and put aside her more dangerous feelings. she was however having problems with meditation (as she does for the rest of her life, bc meditation was so intrinsically tied with yasta in her head that she couldn't do it bc of the pain) and her control was beginning to fray; she was having more emotional responses in stressful situations. given that she was a consular and they’re so bound up in meditation and study, diplomacy and emotional regulation, this was... obviously not great. 

by 9 bby, she's driven by emotion. by her pain and her hope combined. she can generally still talk circles around people — she's slippery! — but she's more likely to leap first and ask questions later than she used to be. her best plans come as a consequence of extremely poorly thought-out decisions. there’s a reason she doesn’t run the path on her own, and it’s not bc she just loves people so much <3

she would not say she's in a better place shdsjkdjkds. she loves the people she protects; she loves the people who help; she loves the few remaining jedi she's found. she'd still trade it all in a heartbeat to have back what she's lost. honestly, the main advice she would give herself is probably: don't let the people you love out of your sight. also, like... always have a backup plan? always have contingencies in place? open up untraceable accounts and get ready to run.

younger sivala: could you fucking. chill out please. and meditate a little. please. older sivala: ✓ seen 10:56

💚 talk about some of the traumatic events in your OC’s life. these events can be ones that have happened to them or a loved one. these events can be minor or major.

there’s so much oh my god. i obviously can’t ignore order 66, bc it’s the biggest one; sivala was on siskeen with two other jedi when the order was given out, and when their men turned on them, she watched both of those jedi die. half-jumped, half-fell a few hundred feet off a separatist skiff and survived by the skin of her teeth. then she felt vuren die on coruscant, swiftly followed by practically the entirety of the order, and the sudden silence in the force literally had her screaming at times, she was so desperate to block it out. she doesn’t, uh... actually know precisely how vuren died, and she certainly never recovered his body, so there’s that added guilt on top of her usual survivor’s guilt.

yasta’s death i’ve already talked abt 🤔 there’s also, yknow. the usual horrors of war. even before yasta passed, sivala wasn’t sleeping well. for years, she’d been a mediator; she was trained in combat, and she carried a lightsaber, but she spent more time negotiating with politicians and furthering the expansion of the jedi archives than she did actually fighting. she’d killed before, but not on such a huge scale, and the realities of war vs the skirmishes she’d been part of in the past were weighing on her heavily. she saw a lot of shit that messed her up. some of it still features in her nightmares a decade later, even after everythng else that’s happened.

💤 what was your OC like as a baby, a child and as a teen? (if your OC is a teen or a child, what will they be like as an adult?). how have they changed since then? what lessons have they learned and what things about their youth do they miss the most? do they have any general regrets?

as a young baby (under three), she was relatively easy. she cried like other kids, but wasn’t particularly prone to tantrums; mostly, she just seemed curious. however, after the jedi brought her to coruscant, sivala became... a bit of a nightmare. she threw screaming fits that could be heard even outside the creche; refused to listen to any authority figure (and... honestly probably bit at least one of their minders); generally made a bit of a name for herself as one of the worst younglings of her generation. she was actually a bit of a bully during her younger years, and i think her and quinlan came to blows a few times, bc they’re around the same age and i don’t see him just taking that.

as a teen, though, she’d grown a lot. through yasta’s guidance, she eventually developed a real skill for meditation and emotional control; yasta was herself known for her more emotional nature, and she understood a lot of what sivala was going through. i think she definitely saw some of herself in her padawan. which is good, bc by helping sivala deal with her whole... shit, she leads sivala to like... actually repenting for being an asshole as a kid, and apologising very maturely. sivala was pretty desperate to prove herself and pass the trials, like most padawans, but she went about it patiently. she understood it was something she couldn’t take lightly, and something she had to work for. 

she’s obviously changed a lot, as i’ve already covered. and she has a lot of regrets surrounding her survival / the lack thereof of the people important to her. but she regrets taking things for granted, too; regrets thinking of the jedi as a timeless, concrete thing that would never fade, now that she’s lost it. she regrets that she didn’t tell people she loved them more. she regrets the goodbyes she never said. the hellos. the girl is mired in regret 🤷

🌺 does your OC have any tattoos or other body art? does their body art have any specific meaning behind it? do they have any scars? how did they get those scars? any birthmarks?

no tattoos, but plenty of scars! most of them are ones she got during the clone wars, but she spent a few years as a smuggler between order 66 and forming the path, so she’s got quite a few from runs gone wrong. she definitely has some kind of facial scar, but i haven’t figured out where yet. she has a number of blaster-wound scars on her torso, too. and one birthmark on her shoulder-blade! it’s about an inch and a half big and it doesn’t really look like much, but obi-wan kisses it sometimes and sivala gets very overwhelmed when he does.