#TESS. // lady? you must be thinking of somebody else.

[saveahorse-ride-a-cowboy]

"Bye Joel," Ellie murmurs sadly, resting her head on her arms on top of the window sill as she watches him walk down the street.

Half an hour after he set out from the house, Joel arrives back at the edge of that base, clenching his jaw as he studies the structures and barricades they've set up.

Smart people, he'll give 'em that.

But they took Tess. And left him alive. And that's the dumbest thing they ever could've done.

He quickly approaches the first guard on duty and throws a punch so hard that the impact sends the boy to the ground. Just a teenager, it looks like.

Joel doesn't give a fuck.

"Your leader. Who is it."

"Somebody call Kathleen!" The boy yells hoarsely, holding his cheekbone. This has to be the guy that she told everyone to watch out for. The guy she honestly, probably, should have just killed.

A bunch of raucous later, a woman emerges calmly from one of the nearby buildings, several men flanking her in heavy duty military gear.

Great. A bunch of former soldiers who think the world fuckin' owes them something because they got to legally kill people. Sometimes the bad people, sure- but everyone knows the government ain't always clean. And neither were those boys.

People need to make split-second decisions to save their lives or the lives of others. Joel knows that. But he also knows that some of them would just as quick commit murder and label it self-defense.

Especially that cocky son of a bitch to the woman's right. He looks like a real pain.

"You must be Joel," Kathleen hums, giving him a small, pleasant smile.

"As if you didn't already know that."

"My goodness- for a Texan I expected more manners," she tilts her head, "Tell me, why do you keep your driver's license? It's not like you need it."

"Never know. I'm here to take back what you've stolen from me." He studies her closely. She appears unarmed. Even if he gets rushed by G.I. Joe over there, he'll at least get her body on the ground first. And that's all that matters. Sending a message.

But- he has two girls to get back to. Two girls counting on him. If he gets gunned down here, you and Ellie won't ever be protected. And Tess won't be able to find you if she manages to escape.

"I'm afraid that's not possible," Kathleen's voice softens, shifting into a tone that makes Joel's gut do a flip.

"Where's my lady?" He asks roughly.

Kathleen frowns, as if she's deep in thought. "What was her name... Tara?"

"Tess."

"Oh- yes of course. Tess," she nods slowly, 'Well I hate to tell you, Joel, but Tess is no longer with us."

Joel tilts his head, "Where'd you send her then?"

Because the other meaning of 'no longer with us' isn't possible. Isn't bearable.

"Oh sweetie..." Kathleen sighs softly, "No... she's no longer with us. She's dead."

"You're fuckin' lying," Joel straightens. What else could he say?

"I'm afraid I'm not. We were going to keep her so we could continue to grow our population but she just fought too hard and wouldn't shut the fuck up," she huffs. "So we had to do away with her."

"You fucking bitch," he breathes, though the words almost get caught in his throat. "You could've let her go. We woulda left without fuss- we weren't here for trouble in the first place-"

"We wanted to ensure you weren't part of Henry's-"

"Who the fuck is Henry?" His voice raises.

Kathleen shrugs. "We see now that you did not know him. And it's unfortunate that your family has been broken apart in such a way-"

"YOU DID IT." He pulls his pistol from his belt, cocking it as he levels the barrel right with her forehead. "I will kill you where you fuckin' stand."

And it sounded like a great plan to him.

Until, just as he anticipated, several guns cock around him, even with red sights, the dots decorating his jacket.

And it's far more guns than he imagine.

At least the death would be quick. He's not so sure Tess got the same mercy.

Joel gulps, stunned by the tears burning his eyes.

Tess is gone. His Tess. She suffered a painful death without him even near to comfort her.

He'll never forgive himself for that.

"Honey, you should just leave," Kathleen nods sincerely, "Really. We let you go because we're merciful. Don't test my patience or generosity. We sent you and your girls with supplies- if I were you I'd take them and get the fuck out of my city. Count your losses on the way."

Joel subconsciously takes a small step back, his ears ringing.

Or is he imagining that? It can't be real. Nothing exploded.

"One of these days..." he breathes, nodding a little as he gestures to her loosely with his pistol, his finger off the trigger so they know he isn't planning on shooting, "One of these days you'll get exactly what's comin' to you. All of you sons of bitches will. Especially you," he levels the soldier on the right with a cold glare- a look that the soldier would never admit gave him shivers down his spine. But it did.

Joel slowly backs away and turns his back to the group once the dots disappear from his jacket, feeling pretty confident none of them will shoot him at this point.

Even if they did, at least he'd be with Tess. And Sarah.

Tess would want him to keep going. For you two. So you could have a good life.

"I'm sorry, baby," he whispers, his face crumpling, "'m so sorry." He only lets the tears fall when he's several blocks over, away from anyone's prying eyes. At least he hopes.

By the time he gets back to the street you're on, his feet are nearly dragging beneath him, his body so tired from the stress of the day.

What... is he supposed to say to you two when he gets inside? How can he even get himself to say it out loud?

His life partner is gone. His life partner, who made him believe that this life could somehow be the least bit good.

Whatever hope he had, whatever progress he'd made toward a more positive mindset... it's gone.

It died with her, when he was several miles away and unconscious. Helpless. Useless.

Some protector.

Ellie perks up when she sees him coming, "Lili! Joel!" She looks around for Tess, her smile slowly fading. "Where... where's Tess? She's not with him..."

I move quickly to the window and go on my toes to look out of the very bottom, “told you. Dead like my Mama.”

[chobit92]

Home: Jacob Seed/OC Chapter 33

(1 Month Later: Mara has been staying at Joseph’s compound for a month now. She hates it. She doesn’t fit in here at all. Besides Lexi and an elderly lady called Evelyn she has made no friends. Evelyn has been teaching her to knit and sew which Mara is terrible at. Mara is up on the lookout tower overlooking the compound. She is sitting on the railing her legs dangling in the air. She hasn’t seen Jacob or John much over the last month. Except for when they come to Joseph’s sermons. She sighs and rubs her head. She is so tired today and she’s been feeling like shit all weekend. The sun has long set, the compound lit by floodlights and she can see several people milling around the grounds. Everyone seems close here. Except her. She feels like an outsider. She feels like she doesn’t belong. She’s never had a home. She’s never felt home anywhere. This feels more like a prison than a home. She looks at the large black perimeter fence that surrounds Joseph’s island. She wonders if it’s designed to keep people out or in. Probably both. Joseph held his Sunday sermon this morning. She sat near the back away from everyone else. John hasn’t spoken to her since he kissed her. She wonders what Joseph said to him. She brushes her fingers over her chest where he carved her sin into her skin. It’s healing nicely now. She is wearing her leggings and baggy black top. They have given her new clothes. Knitted jumpers with the Edens Gate logo on them but she’s only worn one of them once. The jumper itches. She gets down from the lookout tower and walks over to where she sleeps. She doesn’t sleep in the little white bungalows like the others. She sleeps behind a chain link fence on the far side of the compound. Her bed is outside. The building has a roof and three walls. But the rest is open to the elements. It could be worse she supposes. She could be sleeping on the other side of the fence. Where all they get to sleep on is a thin blanket on the dirty floor. She walks over to her bunk bed and lies down. She closes her eyes willing her headache to go away. It’s been pounding all day. She is just dozing off when she is disturbed by her sisters voice.). 

Faith: Sis! It’s a bit early for bed isn’t it? Mara: Not really. Faith: Come on get up. We’re all having dinner together. Mara: Not sure if it’s a good idea for me to eat sis. (She sits up and notices that Joseph is with her.). Faith: Of course it’s a good idea to eat. Mara: Not when everything you’ve eaten has ended up coming back up. Faith: Oh. Are you not well? Mara: Must be coming down with something. (Faith walks over and puts her hand on Mara’s forehead frowning.). Faith: You do feel a little warm. (Mara gets up.). Mara: I’ll just have some water and maybe some soup or something. Faith: Yes. (Mara follows Faith and Joseph over to the canteen. Chatter fills the air as they walk inside. Mara sees Holly, Terry, Barry, Will, Jacob, John, Evelyn and Jason. Steve is also there along with two other guys and several women Mara has barely spoken to. Mara sits down away from the others and closes her eyes again. She is so tired.). Faith: I’ll get you some water sis. (Faith goes over to Holly who is at the counter serving up food. She comes back with a glass of water and sits down next to Mara.). Mara: Thanks. Faith: So...What have you been doing? Mara: Um...Not much really. Been doing the obstacle course thingy. Faith: Yes Steve said you’ve been doing really well. He told me you went for a run the other day and you beat him. Mara: I guess I did. Faith: Maybe that’s why you’re feeling a little run down. Not used to all the exercise. Mara: Maybe. Faith: Maybe you’ll feel better once you’ve had something to eat. A good night’s sleep wouldn’t hurt either. (Mara drinks the water.). Faith: Lets go and get some food. I told Holly to do you some soup. Mara: Thanks. She’s probably poisoned it. (Faith frowns.). Faith: She wouldn’t do that. Mara: Hm. She hasn’t stopped glaring at me since I walked in. If looks could kill I’d already be dead sis. (Mara stands up and walks towards the counter. She sways slightly and the room starts to spin. She feels lightheaded and dizzy again. She almost collapsed earlier. She hears Faith call her name and she sees several people staring at her as her vision blurs. She then feels her legs give way under her and the world goes black. Faith rushes forward.). Faith: Sis! (Several other people get up and look down at Mara who is lying face down on the floor.). Terry: The hell happened? Barry: She alright? (Evelyn bustles over pulling her shawl around her as she bends down and examines Mara.). Evelyn: She’s breathing. It looks like she just passed out. She’ll need to see a doctor I think this is the second time today. Faith: It is? Why didn’t you tell me? Evelyn: Has she been eating properly? (Nobody looks like they know or care. Faith looks around.). Faith: Well? Holly has she been eating? (Holly shifts slightly and looks down shrugging.). Evelyn: I know that look Holly. What have you done? Terry: Why would she have done something? It’s not Holly’s fault if Mara has been starving herself. Evelyn: Young girls don’t just starve themselves Terry. Silly girl. (Steve helps Evelyn roll Mara over onto her back.). Evelyn: Mara? Can you hear me? Somebody get me some water please. (A woman appears seconds later with a glass of water. Evelyn tips a little onto Mara’s head then her face.). Evelyn: Mara? (Holly looks as guilty as sin. Faith is studying her frowning.). Faith: So what did you do Holly? Have you been putting something in her dinner? Holly: I-What? No of course not. Faith: Then why are you looking so guilty? (Everyone stares at Holly.). Woman: It’s no secret that you don’t like the girl Holly. (Holly looks shocked.). Holly: What? No. I haven’t done anything. (The young woman behind the counter next to Holly looks at her awkwardly. Faith sees the glance and scrutinizes her.). Faith: Something you want to say Tess? (Tess looks up at Faith clearly afraid.). Tess: Well...I don’t want to tell tales but... Faith: But? (Holly glances at Tess. She too now looks afraid.). Tess: Holly hasn’t really been giving Mara anything to eat. (Several gasps are heard and several people shake their heads.). Evelyn: Holly. Holly: I...I’m sorry. I just thought that she was...That she needed to... Evelyn: To what? Starve to death? I am surprised at you Holly. I thought you were better than this. I am so disappointed in you girls. (Evelyn sounds upset. She sees herself as a motherly figure to the younger girls never having been able to have children of her own.). Joseph: As am I. (Mara stirs and opens her eyes.). Evelyn: Mara? Can you hear me? Mara: What...Happened? Where am I? Evelyn: You’re on the floor of the canteen dear. You collapsed. (Mara looks confused.). Mara: What? Evelyn: You collapsed. Holly has admitted what she did. (Mara frowns.). Mara: What? Evelyn: Steve can you help me get her onto a chair? (Steve steps forward and lifts Mara to her feet. She sways slightly and he helps her onto a chair. Mara sinks onto it and holds her head. Evelyn hands her the glass of water.). Evelyn: You should see the doctor. Mara: I’m fine. Evelyn: Fine? Oh yes collapsing all over the place is normal isn’t it? Mara: It is for me actually. Evelyn: Poppycock. (Holly brings over a bowl of soup. She puts it on the table.). Holly: I’m sorry. Mara: For what? (Mara looks at the bowl of soup and almost throws up. She pushes it away and stands up.). Mara: I just need to lie down. (She walks to the door. Evelyn follows her. Faith looks worried and follows Evelyn as she leaves the canteen. Holly looks at Joseph then at the floor.). Joseph: Mara is one of us now. She is family. She will be treated as such. Holly: Yes Father. Joseph: I expect your behaviour to improve Holly. If it does not I might see how wrong I was when I told you that you could be saved. (Holly looks scared. The room is silent. Nobody moves. Nobody speaks. Joseph turns and walks out of the canteen. Holly returns to the counter and glares at Tess before serving people with food.).

[hadhit]

tags  !

[elenajohansenauthor]

Fictober19, Day 3: “Now? Now you listen to me?”

OCs: Tess, Courtney, and Gene all from #2, plus the new POV character, Simon, yesterday’s mystery man

Project: “hell if I know what to name it yet” new novel idea, original fiction

Potential Triggers: alcohol, set in a bar

Word Count: 1,020

About: Simon stops Gene from making a complete ass of himself.

Simon took a step back as another woman approached them, a beer in each hand. Courtney had said she was waiting for a friend, this must be her. Simon opened his mouth to began the little pleasantries that would let him exit gracefully from the conversation, but before he spoke a word, Gene ruined that for him. "Tess? Oh my god, Tess! I haven't seen you in--in forever!"

Someone Gene knew, obviously. Simon hadn't been friends with him in high school, or Courtney, and he'd been pretty insulated from anyone who wasn't on the football team, or, because of who those guys tended to date, the volleyball team or cheerleading squad. The woman--Tess--looked only vaguely familiar, but Simon would have been happy to bet she didn't play any sports back in school, or he was far more likely to have known her. Making friends as adults with the people he'd barely known before left him grateful that he hadn't seemed to have many unknown enemies lurking among everyone he'd basically ignored for four years.

"Hi, Gene," she said politely as she moved to sit beside Courtney.

Gene tried to stop her, but she took an immediate step back. "What, no hug for old times' sake?"

Courtney took her beer from Tess and shot him a nasty look. "Jesus, Gene, back off."

Simon felt the need to apologize for him, but also didn't want to prolong the moment. "Come on, let's not crash their girls' night out." He put a hand on Gene's shoulder, meaning to steer him away, but Gene shook him off with a shrug.

"Just a few minutes, Simon. Don't you remember Tess?"

With a glance at her, he tried again to identify her in his high school memories. Something vague surfaced, an image of her standing on the auditorium stage. Choir? A musical? It was too indistinct to admit to. "I'm afraid I don't. Sorry," he said to her directly. "Since I know you weren't on the football team..."

"It's okay. We didn't have any classes together." She paused. "And I didn't go to games that often."

Courtney nearly snorted into her beer. "You didn't go to any games ever."

Gene had apparently used this interlude to steal two unoccupied chairs from nearby tables, dragging them over and facing them towards the bench where the women sat. Simon perched on the edge of his, ready to leave again the moment he sat down, but Gene lounged as if he had nowhere else to be. "Too busy working at, what, the pizza place that used to be over on Ninth? Or am I remembering wrong?"

"Yeah, I waited tables there for a few years," Tess answered quietly, at the same time Courtney said, "Gene, really? We're catching up about high school jobs?"

Simon felt much the same and struggled for a way to turn the conversation, but he didn't know Tess and barely knew Courtney. Gene was his anchor in this setting, and neither woman seemed to like him much. "We're not," he assured them. "We just wanted to say hi, and now we're leaving. Right?" he added, turning to Gene as he stood.

His friend stood as well, though clearly reluctantly. "Yeah, fine, sorry we intruded," he said sourly. He followed Simon back toward the bar tamely enough, probably grateful that Simon was breaking the crowd for him on the way.

Once they'd scored stools at the far end and the crowd hid Tess and Courtney, Simon gave Gene a weak, backhand slap on the arm. "What the hell, man? They were both sending out clear do not disturb signals, and you were being an ass about it. I didn't think you'd had that much to drink yet." Simon was only finishing his second beer himself, and didn't remember Gene ordering a third yet.

Gene sighed and waved for a bartender. "I used to have a thing for Tess."

The urge to groan was strong, but Simon held it in. "Seriously? And please confirm for me that it's past-tense, because if you still have a thing for her after not seeing her for years and that's how you acted..."

"Hey, man, we can't all be smooth with the ladies like you are, okay? I just wanted to hang out with them and you're being a party pooper."

"They didn't want to hang out with us, and that matters more." He paused to let Gene order his next beer. "So, cry into your beer about it, I guess. Or get mopey and tell me all about how fabulous Tess is. Or was. Since you clearly aren't happy I made you leave her."

"Nah, you're right. I don't know her at all anymore, she went off to college and I heard she got married right after. Don't know what she's doing back home, I certainly never expected to see her living here again." He took a long swallow of his beer and stared morosely at the bar, falling silent.

Simon turned over what he'd learned in his mind. He hadn't noticed a wedding ring on Tess, but he hadn't specifically looked for one. No one had said her last name, but that wouldn't have helped, because he didn't know what it had been originally to compare it to, if she was married. Or had been. Divorce was certainly one reason to move back home, he supposed.

The chatter around them flowed in waves while they said nothing, draining their drinks. When Gene finished his, he tapped the glass twice on the bar and stood. "I'm going to go back over there," he announced.

Simon grabbed his shoulder again and shoved him back onto his stool. "No, you're not. Don't go over there, don't ask for her number, don't bother her at all."

"But--"

"If you want to spend time with her and not be a jerk about it, let's think this through." Simon paused, his head swimming slightly in the fog of booze and warmth surrounding him. "I've got Courtney on [come up with a social media site name.] We give it a few days, then we round up a few other people, find an excuse to go out and celebrate something--I mean, somebody's got to have a birthday coming up or just got a promotion at work or whatever--and I mention it and invite them both along. We all get to hang out, but without them feeling cornered, because we didn't just randomly run into them. And there'll be other people. And you won't be an ass."

"Yeah. Yeah, okay, that could work. I mean, they could say no, but you're right."

Simon must have been drunker than he thought, or at least drunker than he'd planned to be, because Gene agreeing with him sent him into an unexpected gale of laughter. "Now? Now you listen to me? You couldn't have just started there and not make me work so hard for it?" In the back of his mind, as his laughter faded away, he wondered what the people around him thought of his outburst, what they attributed it to. If they thought about him at all, and didn't just left the laughter pass over them in a haze, like he was doing to them. He wondered if Tess could possibly hear him at this distance and pick the laugh out of the crowd and wonder if it was him.

Thinking that, he decided he was definitely drunker than he should be, and pushed the rest of his beer away from him.

[saeranlover]

This is the fluff part of the very self-indulgent OC stuff- I’m gonna write the sin as a second part to it-! And I don’t wanna leave you all with a wall of text so I put a read more thing in it-

“The stars here… They honestly look amazing. You never get a sight so clear back at my apartment, Ciel...” Lucas whispered, leaning on his lover’s shoulder as they sat in the grass of Ciel’s home in the human world. “I would love to just… stay here, and have this moment with you last forever...”

“Adorable… You’re really quite cheesy when you feel like it, Lucas. I’m… so happy that we’re going to be getting married soon. We could do this at any point at night, just… looking at the stars.”

Lucas nodded, before he decided to lie back on the pillows upon the patio and stare up at the sky. He then sighed, and his hands moved up to his face. “This… reminds me of my childhood, you know. We’re a big family, so my parents decided to take me and my siblings out camping in a field some distance away… I would have to always share a tent with my older brother, because my little brother and sisters were a bit too young to be trusted alone. He’d always beg me to sit outside the tent with him and he would teach me about the stars in the sky. He wanted to be an astronomer, after all.” Lucas then grinned, just as Ciel also lay back beside him.

“You and your family quite literally want your heads in the clouds! I mean, you’re now a meteorologist, he wanted to be an astronomer… What about the rest of your siblings, huh?”

Lucas raised an eyebrow, before taking hold of Ciel’s hand. “In all honesty… I’ve not kept the best contact with them. My parents are always busy, and my older brother is off studying at a university somewhere. My younger brother should be almost finishing high school though, and my two sisters… I think they’ve just started high school. In all honesty, I don’t mind the lack of contact with them… But I do get curious at times about what they’re up to.”

Ciel then moved to lie on her side, and propped her head up on her elbow. Lucas had a slightly distant look on his face, most likely reminiscing over his childhood. She couldn’t even begin to imagine what life was like with a sibling, but being one of five like Lucas…

But then… she began to think as she rested her head on his chest. “If we ever had a family together… I wouldn’t want to lose contact with anyone… It’s been hard enough not knowing my mother as she’s been imprisoned in Hell for me, and… I just would love to have a close-knit family...”

Slowly, Lucas nodded, before he sighed. “Maybe… I should try to contact my own family before we have one of our own.  It would be amazing for any children we have to be surrounded by as many grandparents, aunts, and uncles as possible… Both of our dads, your grandmother, my mother, my brothers, and my sisters… It would be...”

“Wonderful...”

“Yes… A big, loving family...”

The pair remained silent as they continued to look into the skies, until a layer of clouds began to cover the stars. Lucas then realised that Ciel had fallen into a light sleep on him, so he slowly sat up and pulled her into his arms. He knew that he had to get her inside, but he figured that it would rain soon, and ruin their little pillow pile… So he had to gently lift her to lie her on the sofa inside, before recovering the pillows just in time.

He couldn’t help but stare at Ciel after that, with the way in which her dark hair cascaded off the sofa onto the floor, before she made a few incoherent mumbles as she went to lie on her side. He sat down on a chair beside the sofa, stroked her cheek gently, before turning on his phone and looking at his contacts.

It took a short while for him to find the person which he wanted to send a message to, and it took a lot for him to type in the text and send it.

‘Hey Aaron… it’s Lucas. Not spoke in a while, huh? Sorry, I’ve been rather busy recently… How are mum, dad, Elliot, Becky, and Tess? What about yourself?  Stars treating you well at uni? I’d love to be able to talk to you all at some point… and introduce you all to my fiancée too. Speak to you soon???’

Once the message had sent, he placed his phone on the arm of the chair and turned his attention back to Ciel. She was much deeper in her sleep now, and she seemed to be extremely happy in whatever dreams she was having. Not too much later, he too had fallen asleep…

And was awakened in the morning by Ciel nudging him over a noise his phone was making. “Lucas… Make it stooop… Somebody sent you a message a few minutes ago and it won’t shut up...” She was looking at him with pleading eyes, so he groggily grabbed the device and looked at the message which had come through.

‘Eyyy lucas!It’s about time you contacted, Mister Weather Man! And don’t worry, we all know about that lady you’re dating. Your live tv proposal is all Becky and Tess would talk about for weeks when I was at home lol. What’s her name… Ciel? She’s pretty hot. Lucky guy! The family’s good too, I’ve moved back in to the family home for my studies for the time being. Everyone’s just as usual except mum and dad are going grey, and Elliot’s kinda the rebellious kid now. He took over from me! Still live in the same place, and the others would love to meet you and the hottie soon!’

Lucas groaned slightly at how his brother was referring to Ciel, before he turned to face her with a slight smile on his face. “I spoke to my older brother again… Aaron seems really eager to meet you, and apparently everyone else in the family does too...”

Ciel grinned back at him, before she stood up and took hold of his hands. “Hehe, they really must love you… But the question is, who loves you more? Them… or me?” She then laughed slightly as his face went red, before pulling him up to his feet. “I’m only kidding, we all love you more than anything, Lucas… You’re a wonderful fiancé, and on top of that, it seems as though you’re a great brother and son too… A wonderful man, in a wonderful family...”

Lucas then gently took hold of Ciel’s cheeks, her own face turning red as he pressed his forehead against hers. “But the family isn’t complete…” He fought back the fluttering feeling in his chest, before blurting out what was on his mind. “W- We spoke about the future last night, and about what it would be like to have a big, loving family-! I- I would love to have ch- children as a part of that-!”

It took a few moments, but Ciel eventually began giggling slightly. “Oh, sweetie… You’re adorable. I’d love to have children with you too… It would give us the excuse to finally choose where we live together too, rather than going between my home and your apartment all the time! Ah, and not to mention any children we have would be the cutest things ever, if they have your amazing eyes and adorable flustered face...”

[tessatechaitea]

Justice League #32

It looks like Ethan initially drew Wonder Woman having a nip slip and it had to be corrected by an intern with a shitty pencil eraser.

To complete the Alice Cooper part, I added the Alice Cooper facial make-up and carried around the bloody, decapitated head of the white rabbit (a larger (stuffed animal!) rabbit than the one pictured. That one lived). Bonus picture: evidence of my problematic friend Soy Rakelson who I've mentioned numerous times on this blog! Just do a search for "Soy Rakelson" so you can enjoy some Soy stories!

Cyborg is thinking about teams because he needs to get his team, the Justice League, back together. When we last left them at the competent hands of Joshua Williamson (did that come across as an insult?), they had been split up and were each being attacked by a separate Batmonster from the Dark Multiverse. See?! That's why the Batmonsters are going to lose. Because they don't consider working as a team a positive. They each want to prove themselves as individuals and that's a weakness the Justice League will exploit! If the Batmonsters were smart, they would have just all gone to see Flash to make sure he died, then they'd go kill Green Lantern, and finally they'd move on to kill Wonder Woman. I didn't leave anybody of note out of that explanation because Superman and Batman are currently lost in the Dark Multiverse. The first battle that takes place is between Flash and Batflash. Batflash has built a Batflashmobile that runs on the Speed Force. That doesn't just mean it's really fast in the way a person reading a comic book about The Flash having a Flash car would think. No, it means it can do anything the plot demands of it. That's the power of the Speed Force! Man! Don't get me started on the Speed Force! I'll start myself on it! The Speed Force is what happens when comic books begin to take themselves too seriously and people began thinking about the real world implications of The Flash's power. If The Flash runs at such high speeds then that means he needs to think faster than everybody else as well. But if he can think and react that fast, how can anybody defeat him at all? What happens to his body when he runs at top speed? What if that top speed is the speed of light? What if it's faster? What about time travel? What about his clothing? What about how he can constantly communicate with people while running really fast? I think there were probably more concerns but I never read The Flash. I don't even actually know why the Speed Force came about. You probably shouldn't be using me as any kind of a trusted source in comic book knowledge. Just know that the Speed Force is capable of anything because something was needed to make a guy who could move faster than nearly anything in the universe less boring. Or at least seem kind of interesting in a cosmic way? Maybe that's why they also gave him a huge family. Some editor was all, "We thought it was just Barry that made this character boring! But it's the concept! Make Wally more interesting somehow! Let him fuck that hot reporter! And give him space kids! Or time travel children! Or something! And somebody figure out why his face doesn't melt off when he runs fast or what being struck by lightning has to do with being fast. I mean aside from bolts of lightning being incredibly fast. Are they fast? They are, right? Like instantaneous!" He had to ask that because this imaginary moment comes from a time before the Internet. At least a time before the useful Internet that wasn't mostly AOL chatrooms and Neverwinter Nights bankrupting nerds. Cyborg doesn't really know that The Flash is currently being rundown by multiple Flashmobiles inside a giant hourglass so he just keeps thinking about his football team analogy. He's all, "What if the running back can't run faster than the big fat defensive ends?! Then the team needs somebody who's angry!" That's when he starts thinking about Aquaman. Wait. That doesn't make sense. Shouldn't Cyborg think, "If the running back can't score, that's when the team must rely on the most boring player on the roster: the kicker!" Then the scene should shift to Aquaman.

Wouldn't all of sports be better without the guy who plays angry? I know the Justice League would! BROZINGA!

The Drowned turned Mera into a sea monster which somehow turns Aquaman's anger against the Justice League. That's not a confusing conclusion I came to. It's what Cyborg had to say about the angry player. Once the angry player is being used against you (like say, the super villain making fun of Aquaman and Batman snickering so that Aquaman turns on the Justice League screaming, "I know what you all think of me! I FUCKING KNOW!"), it's time for the next player! I hope he doesn't say it's time for the cheerleaders to get the crowd in the game and then start talking about Wonder Woman because I think that would be sexist. Also it's definitely something he won't say. Maybe he'll talk about how the defense will need to step up and then it'll be Green Lantern time. Wonder Woman is probably the halftime orange slices. Instead of continuing with the football metaphor, Cyborg decides to change things up. He says, "Anger can be useful. But the other team can turn it against you. Drag you into a dogfight. When that happens, you brawl." Wait. What? What kind of football do they play in Detroit high schools?! "If we can't run it into the end zone, let's get angry! And if our anger doesn't scare them into letting our running back into the end zone, let's kick their motherloving asses!" When Cyborg thinks of a brainless brawler, he, of course, thinks of Wonder Woman. That seems dumb. I know he wants to save the quarterback position for Batman but let's think this metaphor through. Wouldn't you want, as quarterback, the person who has the most experience on the field who has been trained by immortal football players who have spent all of their immortal lives training for the big game? Wonder Woman should either be the quarterback or the coach. But instead she's the enforcer? Which, you know, is a hockey term but what am I supposed to think? You don't brawl in football. Sometimes you brawl in hockey though! In football, one guy shoves another guy and then the other guy grabs the first guy's facemask and then a whole bunch of old white guys blow whistles and throw their underwear at them. I really don't understand football but I do jerk off to it sometimes. So every member of the home team is getting beat up. The game will be lost shortly unless the coach comes up with a plan. And what better plan when you've got a team than choosing one star player to win the day for you! Oh man! Venditti did the old double loop de loop trick shot on me! He was all, "This is about a team! And teams win by team efforts!" But then he's all, "No, no! Just kidding! It always comes down to the star player and you better believe Hal Jordan is the star player!" I'm not going to ask why Hal Jordan is even in this Metal series. Where are the newbies? It was probably explained earlier but how am I supposed to remember past issues! It's not like I've been rereading my previous commentaries to refresh my memories like I used to. Now I just approach each issue shrugging my shoulders and thinking, "I'll probably remember what was going on by about the sixth or seventh page." Actually, I probably should have read the rest of the issue before commenting on Green Lantern saving the day. Hal only gets one page because the other characters took too much time losing. Thankfully Hal only needs one page to lose (probably because he's the focus of the next chapter, it being in his comic book and all). After that, Cyborg points out that the team was never going to be able to win because the coach (Cyborg) has been compromised by the other team! Shocking twist! So in summary, Cyborg thinks football is won on speed, anger, hiring an ancient Amazonian warrior, and guts. I'm not sure he's as smart as DC wants us to think he is. Justice League #32 Rating: How many of you read that part about me "slipping into a reality where writing a thought in 280 characters is comfortable" and thought, "Fuck you, you long-winded idiot! You've never had a thought that was less than three thousand words and six dick jokes!"?