#TAKE YO SENSITIVE ASS BACK TOPSIDE

[booker-dimwit]

ALSO mutual who brought up twink fanart you are so fucking correct I get it was 2014 or whatever but every time I see frank (or jack he's a victim of this) as some pale slim angular twink I feel a primal rage. he would NOT FUCKING LOOK LIKE THAT

frank fontaine is short and fat ARGUE WITH THE WALL

[princeoftheironfist]

@itsaaudraw Ayy, thought I’d tag ye in this so you could see the Bad Dad in full! Hopefully this also gives you an idea about the rest of my Clown fellas!

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HEY. Like Clowns? Wanna hang and chat with other Clown fans? Join the ClownTown Discord Server and have a grand ol’ time!

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Alright, it’s time for Nonkinaverse Bad Dad #1: Sir. Andross Ironvein, Field Marshal of the British Armed Forces.

You might remember a few days ago I posted his son, Alfred, and made mention that Al’s story ties heavily into Andross’. Well it’s time to get to that, as well as learning what made this Bad Dad so Bad.

And just a heads up: It’s not a pretty story. There will be mentions of Child Abuse and Neglect, so if you’re sensitive to that stuff, here’s the TL:DR;

Andross was attempting to create Super Soldiers by putting his men through hellish trials, but to no avail. He then had Alfred and got the idea to train his son from the moment he could walk on his own two feet, eventually turning his son into the stoic, hammer wielding Soldier he is.

Now for the real nitty gritty.

Andross’ came from a poor family in London’s east end. They lived in a shitty flat with barley any money to their name. They barely had enough to send Andross to a good school, but he proved to be quite the bad egg.

Andross was smart, with an IQ soaring over everyone else, but was as stubborn as a mule. He was rude, bragging about his greatness, and always came to classes late or left without being excused.

His parents lacked back-bones and only let their son grow more and more vile, up until his teens. By then he had become a violent street punk, getting into fights and muggings. His folks had enough of their son and planned to ship him off to Military school to get him straightened out.

Luckily for Andross, he had heard of his folks plans and ran away from home into the night, winding up in Scotland where he met a very peculiar Clown. A Japanese Clown by the name Jigu-Jo Momotaro, martial arts practitioner and master of a mysterious fighting force that Clowns can tap into: Clown-Po.

Jigu-Jo saw promise in Andross’s street fighting skills and offered to take him under his wing as a student. Andross saw this as an opportunity to increase his brutal strength and accepted the offer. For months Jigu-Jo trained Andross, forming an almost father-son relationship with the youth, but that all came to an end when Jigu-Jo had found out that Andross was a run-away being looked for back in England.

They had their real first and final fight that ended with Andross being victorious. AFter that Jigu-Jo moved to the mountains of Diamond Star, New Yo-Kyo, while Andross returned home and willingly went to the Military academy with his new found power.

He graduated at the top of his class and quickly joined the British Armed Forces, where he rose to the top of the ranks within 10 years: Field Marshal, even being knighted by the Queen herself. And it was all thanks to his Clown-Po abilities (of which we’ll get to later).

He was jokingly touted as England’s Super-Soldier, a fact that he took to heart and mind. But soon he realized that one day, he will die, and England’s pride would be forever lost. With that in mind he began a top secret program within the Forces where he trained soldiers in hellish conditions, hoping to spark more Clown-Po in Clown soldiers.

Many showed promise, but it was all to no avail. No matter how tough they were, they could never get that spark to light into a mighty flame. It seemed to Andross that England’s Super-Soldier would be without a successor...That was until he got married to his long-time partner from Military school and they bore a child.

His son Alfred was born onto this world, and the idea sparked in the back of Andross’ head: Train Alfred to become the successor.

And so he did.

Once Alfred was able to walk on his own two feet and speak, Andross began his harsh training. Pulling hellish hours and tasks on his son, putting his young body through hell back with tasks such as (but not limited to) wrestling a bear into submission in the middle of a Category 5 snow-storm, fish out a shark with his bare hands and NOT losing said hand, and holding up a giant pneumatic press for hours on end, latter of which caused Alfred to reach his breaking point, turning him into the stoic fighter he is today.

And now we jump to the present.

Alfred has reached his peak performance, finally able to best his dad in a one on one fight. While the win gave Andross the satisfaction he had hope to achieved through his training of Alfred, it wasn’t enough. Andross was the only Clown-Po user Alfred had fought against. How would he stack up against others?

That’s when Andross creates The Great Team Grapple Royale: A Clown-Po User only Free-Style martial arts tournament to find a Clown-Po user strong enough to truly test Alfred’s capabilities.

And it just so happens that Grand Stand Tournament winner Ace Nonkina and his friends have been invited to participate in the Grapple, and oddly enough their teacher Jigu-Jo seems to have a score to settle with Sir. Ironvein...

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Andross’s fight style is his own mixture of his old street fighting style (which focused on strong power and hard defense over speed), Jigu-Jo’s teachings of Shorinji Kempo and Bajiquan (Eight Extremities Fist), his training of Gōjū-ryū, CQC (Close Quarters Combat) and Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu.

That’s not to mention his Clown-Po abilities: Pure Wind and Electricity Manipulation, both of which give Andross an advantage with distance. Not to mention his Wind Manipulation is strong enough to cause storms.

What? You thought that Cat.5 just came out of no where?

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Now I’m sure you’re asking “He can’t be that much of a dick?” to which I say: He’s Major Dick. There is no good bone in this man’s body.

And I love him so much for that.

But don’t worry, we got an even WORSE Dad in the Nonkina pipeline~!

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OTHER FAX:

-8′1″ -Likes to lounge around in his dumb, Wolfgang Krauser ass looking armor -Fav. Book is Lord of the Flies -Prefers Star Trek over Star Wars -Fav. cut of streak is Chuck Eye Roast (Well Done) -Punched a bullet hard enough once to light the gun powder inside and fire the round -Character Inspirations: Jaki Daiguin, Heihachi and Jinpachi Mishima, Wolfgang Krauser, Geese Howard, M.Bison, Rugal Bernstein and The TF2 Soldier.

Can you guess which characters influenced which parts of Andross? You already have one hint!

Guess correctly and you’ll get nothing but my admiration for your sharp eyes!