#StrengthInDarkness

[jmikepatt]

Good morning!

Rise and face the battles within. The darkness may blind some, but it sharpens the vision of those who dare to see. Today is another step in the war of existence—choose your path, embrace your scars, and let the fire within guide you.

Enjoy the day you create!

[lostheartfound]

Hi, my name is LHF and I have an eating disorder. No one knows. Not my family. Not my long term partner. Not even my best friend.

I don’t really hide it well; I’ll purge right after dinner or I’ll restrict all day in front of family. I get upset about workouts and constantly get frustrated about my weight, and if someone comments on my food, I straight up stop eating. Not gonna lie, I’ve kinda wanted to get caught because I need help but I’m too ashamed to admit yet again, I have an issue I can’t battle on my own. Weren’t the handful of other mental health battles enough? Some of the people in my life have made me feel small for needing help. They’ve thrown it in my face. They’ve made hurtful comments. These are people I should’ve been able to trust, no matter what. I still struggle to feel safe and to know who I should rely on.

So I’ve been battling it myself and I’ve been on the long road of recovery. I really am trying to get better and get comfortable in my body. Recovery has had its ups and downs. The thing is, my eating disorder is all over the place. I restrict. Mostly I binge and purge. I over exercise. I have to be very, very careful because my disorder adapts itself and changes just as soon as I think I’ve figured it out. And the thoughts I constantly battle? I’m always thinking about food. If I’m not thinking about food, I am CONSTANTLY thinking about when I’ll be able to work out. I have to run this far and burn this many calories or else! Or else what, though? In my mind, it’s or else I’ll get really fat again. I’m a logical person and I know that I won’t sprout 200 pounds back on, but I feel like if I give in I will lose control and spiral.

Body dysmorphia is no joke. Working through it and using cognitive tools to break apart negative self-construct is an every day, every hour, every minute activity and it is exhausting. Buuuuut I’m trying. Every day I’m working to build confidence. I’m trying to break through the shame and seek help.

[mab-tiamat-moon]

#nofear #strengthindarkness

[howlofthecanislupus]

I love my gpa. He knows just what I need when I'm hurting. #brokenhearted #needguidance #God #ChristianStruggles #Love #Strengthindarkness

[jmikepatt]

Embracing the Dark to Find My Strength

There’s a unique power in facing the shadows within ourselves—a kind of clarity that only reveals itself in the dark. I’ve spent time in those heavy moments, feeling the weight of uncertainty and fear, wondering if I would ever find my way through. Darkness, for me, isn’t just a metaphor; it’s something I’ve walked through, stumbled in, and even feared. But as I’ve learned, facing it changed something inside me.

I remember times when life felt like a storm, and I stood alone on the edge of my own fears, questioning my purpose and the point of it all. But it was in those moments, when I was stripped of comfort and pretense, that I began to see myself more clearly. I found strength I didn’t know I had, and I began to believe that maybe the darkness had a purpose too—to reveal the light that could only be found from within.

Each step forward, I’ve realized, is a testament to resilience. Even in the darkest places, there’s a whisper of hope, a glint of something greater than the fear itself. Embracing my journey through the shadows has shown me that light is not always obvious, but it’s always there, ready to be seen.

“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.” — Psalm 23:4

Enjoy the day you create!

https://www.jmikepatt.com

[lostheartfound]

The thing I’ve learned about anxiety and depression is that no matter how hard you battle it, no matter how much work you put in, you will eventually end up falling.

Falling feels like failing. It’s taken me YEARS of work to recognize it is not failing, it just means it might be time for a break. You’ve fallen, but you can and will get back up.

On the good days, everything is good and I’m happy and productive. I can feel music in my soul. Colors are brighter. Food tastes better. Smiles and laughter flow naturally. I write, I sing, I draw, and start to feel like my life is coming completely together. I start pushing myself to be the best version of me I can be.

But the bad days come suddenly, sometimes with no warning. I cry in my car on my way home from the job I love, to a family and a grifriend who love me, wondering why that is not enough to stop this feeling. My thoughts are obscured by twisted and dark hopes that I’d be lucky enough to perish on my way home. Car accidents are my reoccurring fantasy. I’ve been in a few bad ones; it’s easy to imagine losing control. On these days, while I drive, my body freezes and holds me still, willing me not to do anything stupid. And I won’t. The logic in my brain runs over and over and over but the feeling stays the same. I don’t want to keep going anymore. I want to stop. I want a break. I want to rest. I don’t want to do this anymore. I want off. If that semi could just merge into me, if that truck could sweep me off the road. If that car could hit me from behind just hard enough. It would all stop. I would stop having to live feeling like I’m not good enough for the people I love. I won’t feel like I’m not worth anything. Like no one cares. Like I’m meant to be thrown away. Then maybe everything would finally be okay. And the pain would finally stop.

On bad days, I come home exhausted from battling invisible demons. I wait for the pain to dull and I put in the work to build again. Sometimes there are more bad days than good. Sometimes the days are just meh, nothing. Sometimes I am lucky enough to have strings of good days without any bad. No matter what I am dealt, every day, I will myself to live for the good days, because those days are how I define myself. Happy, loved, strong, creative, and full of life. I refuse to let myself be defined by the bad days, because the day I do, I will lose my fight.