#Still pisses me off that I bye the physical copes of games

[oifaaa]

Oifaaa: aaaah, i finally hace time to play the arkham games

Spider-man 2:

I actually think the next big game that's coming out that I really wanna play is lies of p but thankfully I am also once again poor as fuck so I can't really afford to buy any new games at least not for a while

[yumenosakiacademy]

hi my name is rox and wowza did stuff just Happen a few hours ago :)) (i had to get over what happened and eat breakfast) I decided to make a diary entry abt what happened to slightly cope?? idk like look back on this situation when days get better, maybe.. but anyways i’m Dead inside and at one point i was openly sobbing in front of my mother while shaking and wanting to Die so.. :) You’re welcome to read it and feel sad w me idc but fair warning this is long. this took a While to write out. TW for kinda verbal and (possible) physical abuse (idk?) and some slurs. The slurs + verbal stuff was toward me, the physical (thank god) wasnt. (this is under a read more but sry if ur on mobile)

okay so this whole thing started out w this post (tldr, my mother swore loudly bc she stepped in dog piss and it woke up nana so nana started screaming at mom and dad tried to defend my mom but him and nana ended up screaming @ each other)

the second part of this buildup basically started off w what happened in this post that i posted hours ago at 7:32 am but tldr my mother cussed me out for going to bed at 7 am and called me Stuff (B*tch, cr*zy, a retard, a freak, etc.) and every time she insulted me i’d say thank you and occasionally  insult her too but never yell/scream just calmly/sweetly (which would irritate her more)

and so my dad heard my mother yelling, woke up, and came into my room to see what was going on and when i told him what was happening and mom was still screaming that i was in the wrong (and called me a freak in front of dad (dad: “ive been in here for like 2 minutes and you’ve called her a freak twice. Mom: Because she is one!!)) and dad basically cussed her out and set her straight bc she shouldnt be talking to her child like that and stuff and so mom started crying and talking abt she was going to leave us to which i said “bye~” and mom was like “look! she said bye!!” and i was like “well u keep saying you want to leave us so what else am i supposed to say?” but anyways i tried to go to sleep and mom was sniffling and still kind of crying as she took the laundry into my room and took some hangers out of my closet and i thought she was packing a suitcase but no it was laundry.

So. the screaming had apparently woken up nana again. and so i heard her scream “well, mina! come on out and help and clean!!” and i think she mentioned something else abt how if she was screaming she could help around the house (my mom doesnt have a job so nana+Dad expect her to clean quite a bit since she doesnt work like they do) and she kept yelling and saying that she “couldn’t sleep all day” and to get up and help since she’s screamed so much that nana got tired of her. But the thing was that my mom was doing stuff. she was folding laundry in my room. so i said, “hey, i think.. nana wants you” and mom replied with “i’m busy folding clothes” so i just kinda whispered an affirmative and tried to close my eyes again but nana yelled again and mom got up and opened the room of our bedroom door and screamed “I AM DOING STUFF!” but i forgot if she mentioned the laundry but nana stormed past the front gate and into the area right in front of my room and they were screaming for a sec and mom was trying to say that she was doing stuff and nana must not have believed her and they were both pissed w each other and this is when everything went to Shit.

So next thing i know (i’m watching them from my bed, which isn’t far away) nana grabs mom’s arms or body or something and she’s like, tusseling with her and she rammed mom’s arm into the wall or something and mom is trying to fight back a bit but trying to struggle out of her arms or hurt her too and i’m screaming shrilly/angrily, “NANA!! NANA!” and dad woke up again and came out of his room and nana pulled away or dad helped get nana away from mom and nana was yelling abt mom and i’m just over her angrily (and V loudly like rly high-pitched and full of unbridled rage and fear) “NANA!! NANA! SHE WAS DOING STUFF! DON’T DO THAT YOU- YOU DISGUSTING WENCH!!” (i didnt wanna say B*tch) and while i was screaming and dad was near nana, mom was sobbing and walked to the foot of my bed and rested her head and she was crying and nana stormed off sometime during it and dad followed her (i could hear them screaming abt how dad needed to move out with mom or nana would just lose the house or w.e when i got up to get something for mom) 

and i got out of bed and tried to see if mom was okay and mom was crying abt her arm and saying she was going to have a stroke/heart attack and that she couldn’t feel her heartbeat and the blood was rushing to her head and i asked her abt the bruise and asked if i could get her an ice pack (it was a small bruise on her arm and she was complaining abt her neck but idk if that was bc of nana” and so i went into the freezer in the kitchen and grabbed a bag of vegetables and brought it for her arm and she wan still crying and she was like, “nana has been doing this to me for 20 years [...] she’s brainwashed you guys too and stuff” in between talking abt the pain she felt bc she had a headache (i got her aspirin since she requested it) and i was trying to ask her if she’s okay and she’s like i’m.. fine but i don’t want you to grow up like Her [nana] or even like him [dad] okay..?” and finally at that moment my mother noticed how my fingers were shaking as i tried to help her w the frozen bag and i couldnt help myself and i started crying just from being so overwhelmed and all of this stuff happening in front of me and this is the 2nd time that i’ve seen nana attempt to fight w my mother and i just couldnt take anything anymore and i was a shaking sobbing mess and mom was like “hey don’t cry” and she was like “oi, look, don’t cry” and she took off my glasses for me and i was just sobbing and sobbing and i had to calm down and wipe away all my tears and mom just kept telling me to go to sleep/bed and close my eyes since like, an hour had passed since i originally tried to go to bed or w/e 

so i was like “...i’ll go to bed a bit later i’m gonna play some games first” so i went into dad’s room where my ipad was plugged in (he was still talking w nana. when i brought the vegetable pack back into the kitchen, nana was tryng to show dad proof that mother woke her up loduly in the middle of the night using the camera we have installed in the living room/kitchen to keep watch on the dogs when we’re away) and decided to play en//stars bc my LP had filled up but i played cn en//stars first bc i had to collect my rewards from a mission and since i was sitting in a corner away from mom, dad, and nana and had some alone time, i started crying to myself again for a while and i was trying to pet koga on the screen to calm me down and i eventually dried most of my tears and played some en/stars and then dad came back into his room and i was trying to lighten up by cracking some jokes abt the like, dance exercise product that was being advertised on tv to try to make myself (and him) happier to cope w everything that just happened and we sat around for a while- making jokes and i was playing en//stars and everything.

also it’s 11:17 am as i’m writing this sentence and i havent slept... wowee has this been a Morning. i’m gonna take a nap and then go see if mom’s okay. also, nana came into the office while i was typing this and i said hi cheerily then my face went Dead and i glared at her and she kept asking why and i was like “well you kept me up and you should have just stayed in your lane” and shes like “i was! ur mom woke me up!” like... you fuccer you almost harmed her bc she woke u up twice w her screaming (that wasnt even directed @ u) like fucc off u Shit i have to deal w that too and i dont effin do this Shit, esp not in front of me. i told her that it’s not only her i hate- that it’s everyone in this family and she said she didn’t care anymore. good then.