#Stern trolls depression mental illness podcast theories

[hanzi83]

It’s Been a While But It Will Be Weaponized Regardless

It has been a good 3 years almost since I have done my last blog. I have been working on a podcast that no one really listens to but still have the consistent hate monitors who will always stalk everything I say, they have the satisfaction with knowing that no one will ever give a shit about whatever “imaginary” problems I have while my aesthetic continues to look pathetic, and I am supposed to be happy with what I have left, so people can use me because they know my future trajectory before I do, and I have to sit there with delusions thinking the world is after me and even if these thoughts are not valid to the online contingent who swear that online shit is not funded government propaganda from all angles, and all there is left is faction warfare, these people have mentally fucked with me and put so much into perpetuating negative shit about me, so it is the only thing that exists, they can literally have, what I perceive to be, fed accounts who literally get on the internet and build cults online and funded behavior in the real world, and have more sports entertainers who are funded to help manufacture consent, horrible or good shit with these culture wars, and already me publishing this shit on Tumblr is gonna already have online factions to roll their eyes because the cool online contingent can decide what is and what is not cool, because you know there is nothing cooler than funded under cover right wing accounts doing all their work on substack where the new right has located to, if they don’t already have a fucking Rumble account. I know the responses to this blog, if there are some, if I make valid enough points in my own delusional way, there will be no response, not an on surface response, they will do the usual gossiping and organizing chaos in private because they will find any reason to get radical and have people invade my space, compromise people in my life to ruffle my feathers, because everyone has to fucking prostitute themselves to be part of the “elitist” squad, where people are the most morally corrupt, and do unethical shit on a daily basis but get triggered that maybe 15 people listen to my podcast, or that I am storing AI art on my social media to give some activity, having all these resources and connections, this is what triggers them, so tell me how come people with nice aesthetic, and are allowed at these elitist events, politicking to fuck your favorite industry sex worker, you have the aesthetic of a normal family and yet you will still be mentally ill to have fed like behavior and monitor someone like me, this isn’t just a me thing, see I could cash in and focus on my fucking trauma and the underhanded mafia shit that I think has helped suppress me, so everyone becomes this character on a fucking documentary because the system will always profit off your trauma, if they can’t find a way to find an angle and profit, they will fucking not give a shit, but it is fine because all this torment that I feel I have endured the last 15 plus years, I know that others are going through it, some of them have become public figures where they have to regress and become a caricature, some are really obvious but other online social climbers are just as much the establishment even if they call out the liberal shit that exists, more apt to say maybe neoliberal pro establishment shit, so automatically you can’t think alt media personalities or online accounts are not compromised, and while there is genuine shit they talk about, not everything they say is on the up and up, no one is consistent, you point this shit out, they have their cults online and feuding with each other, they are beholden to entertainment because it helps manipulate and manufacture consent for their view point, and if they don’t get on a writing team for a project, they will then shit on things and none of it is under good faith. So my point is that everyone who has severe mental illness, because we are in a mentally unwell society, and that is why no one’s aesthetic impresses me because people either suffer and are suppressed with mental illness, or you cross over into a clique and start doing mentally ill things with your vast resources and power that you continue to accumulate, some of you don’t want to do the shit you do, and because I have avoided selling my soul and not being completely compromised, even though being a mentally ill dumbed down guy not knowing shit, I was easy to persuade and manufacture consent with, and that is what online shit is, that is why everyone who has inside knowledge, know the world is going into a far right wing direction and everyone is finding their meeting spot to agree that “wokeness” has gotten out of control, now I have no proof to back me up, but if you have spent the last decade or so to discredit me for my mental illness and weaponize people online or in my life to give me mental abuse and humiliate me because people are more infatuated with becoming sitcom characters or sports entertainers, then let a mentally ill fat man have his mentally ill theories, I am not relevant, you guys have gone above and beyond to make sure I am not to be taken seriously. So why not have my mentally ill theories, no one on the surface will pay attention, if they do they will make the usual “Wow this guy can’t get over the Stern Show” I have tried, I could’ve done the fucking easy thing when doing a shitty podcast and make it about the Stern Show all the time, but I choose to do my theories about wrestling or other pop culture shit and see the grand view of the sports entertainment parody we live in, while we continuously further ourselves as a society to sports entertain our ways into fascism, normalizing fucked up laws while perpetuating the sensationalist bullshit from the entertainers who I feel are just as much government tools, it is only obvious when it is a liberal, but someone who caters to the right wing online means that they are the only truth tellers, the Stern Show trolls attack Howard under the guise of him being a liberal and I personally don’t believe that, and before I continue, I know writing this shit, it will make me more of a taget, if it isn’t regurgitating the narrative of the Stern show about it, it is gonna be predictable quotes from me from the show, and then some of them will start incorporating that they are watching me and monitoring me, and if they are just trolls, at the very least these are professional adults in the real world instilling fear in a mentally ill man, they will say I have not gotten over the show for writing this blog they will pretend not to read but instead of admitting what I am writing is triggering them, they will then just generalize it and make fun of my looks, I rather look like shit and have my soul than being a caricature online for a sub reddit and message boards for the most irrelevant radio show on the planet, a lot of you partake in th same conversation, this is the most excitement the show gets because I will address this shit, I don’t give a fuck about my reputation, I am not afraid of being canceled, cancel culture to me is a right wing marketing tool that disguises itself as a left wing thing but it is designed for people who get “canceled” to make a deal with right wing fundamentalists to keep your name out there and you can justify why the heel turn needed to happen, because we are living in a pro wrestling storyline, we have taken all the entertainment we have consumed over the last 30 years and have rebooted it into our society. I used to have desire to be “famous” and hang out with celebs, but most of these people are broken souls themselves, and they just recruit new cult members because they are glorified superheroes, it is like the televisions how the Boys, at least from my perspective, these people will never be mentally well, they will make people’s lives miserable or they will become miserable, and I try not to shit on others but when people shit on me and constantly think I should take it, then I bring up valid points towards their sociopathic behavior, suddenly they all play pussy and take it to heart and have a blind grudge against me for life, my mental illness has made it possible for me to take in every single emotion on loop every fucking hour, there is a constant playlist of disrespect I have taken playing in my mentall ill head, and I still manage to mentally be more powerful than people like, they have the advantage of having resources and connections and the hivemind and the plants to boost their shit up, I have felt the lowests of the lows mentally when I didn’t sell my soul and because they got mad at that, they made sure to make my aesthetic as someone who lives in his parents basement, and having every negative aesthetic of what you would describe a right winger, but they can’t get me to be a right winger, they hate me for knowing the internet has been designed to push people more to the right. 

I don’t know why I broke for a paragraph now, I am not really a good writer with the sophisticated structure that you would get from professional writers but it felt like a good time to actually space this out otherwise this entire thing is gonna be a run on sentence, I know most people who hate me will monitor this, so maybe I am trying to make it as uncomfortable for them, they will judge the layout that I didn’t update or anything, but I will use this fresh paragraph to question what kind of people are behind this, because for someone who is irrelevant and useless, I have sure as hell made a lot of enemies, whether it is people from my past who will constantly hate on anything I do or say and are not satisfied flexing their accomplishments and what cool shit they have done, if there is a chance for someone to fuck me, and trust me the list is not long, and it is mostly fetish shit from people who want to say they got to fuck an ex whack packer from the Stern show, there will be jealousy over that, like it is like they pushed me out of the way to not to experience anything good and when I do, they get upset, and there goes their narrative that I don’t go outside or talk to women, even though it is probably for the better I am not a desirable in the dating scene, because I have had mental illness problems, I never thought I would be living this long and I wanted to die like 20 years ago, but for some reason, whoever makes the decision for this planet, decided to keep my useless ass out there, I am supposedly owed a lot of money because my trolls have taunted me with me being fooled into signing a power of attorney and all the calls and other shit have gotten me payment but I don’t have control of it, so they make it seem like I am useless but then want to be associated with me because they know about future money coming my way? It makes no fucking sense, there is a lot of people online and other avenues over the last several years that have needed me, but they can’t admit my full value but they get mad if I don’t give into them, they don’t like that I actually think freely, and I know people who now say they are “free thinkers” are normally people who think because they have woken up to legacy media and institutions being complete and utter shit that their online narratives mean a fucking thing to me. Those online narratives on corporately run platforms, that is where you get the real truth, no billionaires could fund narratives, did you know the MSM tried to censor the MSM, they didn’t want you to know, even though everyone on television and who has a large podcast were talking about it.  But the reason I am writing this, is because first of all, I have not written one in a long time, and I figure more people will probably read this, so this is kind of a mix of shit I talk about on the podcast and I know the podcast is not being propped up because I do it on my own and do it in the angles that I want to do it with, and it is a big no no because even though the system can’t admit they listen to the podcast, they are aware and they need people to step in to get me on their platforms, because someone has to limit my thoughts because I might make a thought and put it out there that might have valid points even though the theories I have, I can’t prove, I now being a conspiracy theorist is now a right wing thing because they are able to manipulate it while legacy media continues and transparently goes into the gutter with their narratives, and anything they are right about, it is out of preservation even though the alt media accounts and sports entertainers think because they call out the MSM that anything online is completely fucking true, so the credibility that the online figures have is that the MSM hacks will call them out but they do it under the guise to get you to be pro corporate, but that suddenly means I am supposed to agree with other white supremacist right wingers who will pretend to be anti establishment, when the establishment is probably funding them, but they said anti war shit, that would have meant more in the 2010s, in the 2020’s, everything is inflated as a WWE title reign. Everyone has a show, everyone has a narrative, everyone is someone the media doesn’t want you to know about. I really don’t know what the point of this blog was, but god dammit it felt good to write this and not stutter out my points, I will say over 430 episodes in doing the podcast, I am proud of the work I have put in, I know people won’t think putting hours into content is nothing to be proud of, especially if no one in the masses are listening to it, mostly hateful agents are listening and taking notes of when they can strike, since they have tried to show and threaten they will eventually try to kill me, you can look at the thread on twitter, or hear my podcast where I talk about what I have been through, I don’t think anyone will give a shit and this is not gaslighting anyone to give a shit, I have come to the realization I will never have anyone on my side because I am not funding them, since people can’t get on my good side, they will want to align with me because they know there is an audience that hates me and will always be there to fuck with me, so they need to fund my future opps, they don’t like that I don’t want anyone to write me comedy bits because I am not saying others aren’t funny, but I am not a very useful person, and the only thing I have is kind of being funny, it kind of helps that I look funny and I don’t want contentious people who always want to duke it out because they are tyring to gain clout, or I don’t want someone laughing at everything I fucking say, but I want to do that shit on my own, for an entertainment form that is supposed to not be taken seriously, people put so much political shit into the comedy elements, if someone is not over enough or respected, they will get people not to purposefully laugh, and when people do and for shit that is not as funny, it is like people can give you residual laughs because your status is supposed to be a fucking funny guy. And they always want you to go more regressive and find your Dennis Miller moment, or your Jay Leno moment, you have to regress and become the old man yelling at the cloud, or in Jim Bruer’s case, someone who squawks to mock the vaccinated, and the people who support him by political alignment, have to kind of hesitate to laugh, and then the Jay Leno element, of becoming a middle of the road comic who doesn’t take any hardlines on anything and you are used as fodder for conservatives edge lords to goof on you, like you know how everyone goofs on Jimmy Fallon or other SNL people for fake laughing, when literally everyone edge lord comic has to laugh at their favorite comics and everything they say is apparently funny, and sorry that shit is impossible, the funniest person on the planet is not gonna have a 100 percent hits with their jokes, it only becomes noticeable when you are supposed to hate someone. I don’t know where this blog is really going, I just wanted to vent about shit in written form, and maybe there one person who still subscribes to my shitty tumblr who didn’t know I had a podcast, most people don’t but I will tell you I like the shit I do on that shit, a lot of people won’t but I feel I have approached it from a different angle in how analyzing the discourse like it is pro wrestling and how we are basically the entertainment, that is why people get defensive about their entertainment, all of it has some propaganda but we will be willing to excuse, it feels like the storylines are now going on social media, it is like Hollywood is producing our political climate, and booking it like wrestling because the end result is supposed to be a fucking civil war that right wing personalities are promoting every day and we are not supposed to take it seriously because the obvious shitty legacy media are the ones who will do it while doing a pro empire narrative, and then people who used to be socially conscious will then make it seem like “Isn’t it ironic the right wing are the ones standing up to all of this shit” like the game hasn’t been advanced 20 steps ahead, and they can manipulate our viewpoint, people who claim the MSM is the biggest threat, and to an extent to who they answer to, they are, but acting like personalities on substack or Rumble are not because they say some anti war things, AOC can’t take a shit properly without Jimmy Dore kicking down her door and getting in her face about how the shit smell doesn’t feel authentic, but this guy will pull his pants down and wiggle his body while Joe Rogan and Tucker Carlson play patty cake with his man pussy while he lowers his gaurd because he thinks the Boogaloo Boys are not racist because they didn’t come across as the stereotypical white supremacist, like they are not capable of intellectualizing it and actually getting agents from other minority groups to become their tokens. And some of these post leftist people, then do what corporate democrats do, because if you say “Hey I don’t think it is a good idea to be associated with white supremacy” they will then shit on you for questioning their narratives. I don’t fucking know. 

Anyways, I didn’t want to do a really long one, I know I am not the most intellectually gifted person, I am someone who has been dumbed down, and have always found himself being lured in with some hivemind group think, and I think because it has happened so many times, now some of the people who have been propped up have become parodies of themselves and caricatures, it does kind of hurt that I have been lied to again, and then they will mock you for being parasocial, even though they are the sociopathic ones who want to grow a cult and shit on anyone who doesn’t fall in line to perpetuate your anti establishment persona,  you just think because you did credible shit in the past, that means you can’t possibly go down a shitty trajectory and become more right wing, and it feels like nowadays the trans issue and the covid issue was by design to get people to go for the money train, the only thing they have to offer you is that MSM is shit, but then they help dumb down the system by pretending they are the ones who are smart, when they are just as compromised and paid to probably pump out a narrative working from a script and if someone takes you off the script, you will respond with shitty sarcasm that you probably had to get assisted from a fucking ChatGTP or whatever the fuck it is, a lot you can’t admit you pay attention to me, you have though it is punishment for me not to get propped up because it is decided who goes viral and who doesn’t, it has been going on for along time, and I have called it out when I was relevant which stunted my growth, and now I have become irrelevant because I don’t get on the same fucking page. So fine, I don’t get boosted up, they still concentrate on me and take pleasure that I have no reach anymore, but it would’ve meant something 10 years ago, now I don’t give a shit if I am alive or dead, and I will tweet into the abyss, but you get mentally ill and get mad at my shit and now because I just comment on the discourse and people get mad at me, they can’t say they are mad, they then go behind the scenes and activate the trolls who are for hire, who have me monitored, they have shown what they can do, they can subtly hack my shit to let me know they can do it anytime, they will report other accounts on my twitter that I never reported, they have one time copy and pasted my past blogs onto the Stern Show sub reddit, before I even posted it, they have shown that, and now that I build up evidence of the organized harassment I am facing, they then want to instill more fear and paranoia, it can be in the comedy scene, the political scene, the wrestling scene, the Stern show scene, I separated that from comedy because nothing the trolls from that fan base have said has been anything remotely funny, if you want a sub reddit where they remix the show’s jokes, go to Sopranos sub reddit, they at least know how to keep it interesting even if at times it can get a little boring, but these people needed a boost of interest to their sub reddit, they can’t admit that I am valuable enough to respond to them, and when I do, they will ignore the valid shit I say and they will fucking continue to downplay me, which is hilarious because they always say they are against Howard, yet they hammer home his narratives about everyone else who steps away from the show, and before I got kicked off from it, they won’t mention that I tried to leave multiple times, and what did that leave me with, a bunch of people from my past who hate my guts and bring me out as a fucking guinea pig but they are ashamed of me to be brought out for important events, because maybe their significant others don’t like me, or I am not an elitist enough, they will bring me out, knowing they have probably done dirty shit, and tell me I am not fucking classy and try to put me in a suicidal rage, these are people who fucking get laid and have inserted themselves into every fucking social gathering and I have to sit there and take in their shitty comedy characters, I know they will hate what I fucking do regardless, but they still will not hesitate to tell me how rich I am even though I don’t have the money, but that is my only use, so they cn fucking be vultures in my life, and anyone else who I don’t see often, will try to vulture their way into my life because they want to play the Howard Stern in my life by funding chaos so I fucking lose it, these people will never be mentally well, and you won’t reflect and apologize of admit anything but you will get on me for being honest about the mental illness and what that entails, being able to explain and articulate how I was dumbed down and fell for propaganda, how I want people who have been oppressed not to be oppressed, it feels like everyone wants to be regressive, and I don’t want to be that, I am not gonna be the hero, but I won’t fucking join a bunch of elitists in being the fucking villain, I would choose death rather than ever be that shit head. Funny thing is 10 years ago, I probably would’ve, because it would be easier but then what, I become more miserable even though my aesthetic is better but then I would recruit people to mentally abuse like every other institutional boss. The best part of this blog, these are just thoughts in my head, I can’t prove anything, I personally think you have all downplayed me for so fucking long that you can’t stand that I will then weaponize it toward you, I know you guys will always fuck with me, anyone I meet will fuck with me, I have no genuine friends in this world, and I don’t give a shit, I am not impressed with how much money you have or how many insiders you are cool with, or what kind of orgies you went to because you compromised yourselves to be initiated into a fucked up cesspool called the system, I know the conspiracy shit will have you labeling me a right winger, but I just think the right wing has been designed to carry the lead so when conspiracies are true, the right wing will own the claim, kind of like people actually want people to move more to the right by design. Just my opinion though. But all the Stern Show trolls and other shit heads who blindly hate me, and have or bully people into thinking they are funny will do the “NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NONONONONONO” audio drop, it doesn’t have as much effect, so now you guys will now have to move plans forward to now put my life in more transparent danger, just like these white supremacist trolls have promoted anti white supremacist tweets from me, and put them up for patriot groups to target me and have me on their hit list, this is the kind of shit they do on the systemic hanzi83 sub reddit, all one word, but they closed that one down so now they do the systemicallyhanzi83, I personally think the systemic Hanzi83 one is private and that is where they do the specific shit, like getting a hold of what I write or what I say and talk about that, one of the white supremacist trolls, there are several, one admits he has child porn on him that he can plant on my shit, there is another one who has some attraction to black people but he projects that onto me because I have spoken out about history of white supremacy and how there is a systemic anti blackness into the system, and he gets triggered by that and he starts projecting that I want to get fucked, like dude this guy has left messages on my podcast where he is drunk after getting triggered by me speaking out against the system, because he is too pussy and had to fall in line and now he is mad I didn’t fall in line and embrace the regressive attitudes, they think because it is the internet that you are supposed to impress them even though you are basically impressing the feds, but these guys are really fucked in the head, and when I suspect people I know, or others in the other industries who get triggered by me, use these shit heads to put more paranoai in me, then you can go fuck yourself. These trolls are looking for a reason for me to snap and say some harsh shit so they can then fuck with my life, this blog is already gonna trigger the fuck out of them, maybe be a better parent, if this is how sociopathic you people will get, I feel sorry for your kids because you will probably fuck with them if they don’t live the way you fucking like. Anyways I better put a stop to this, I just wrote this blog because I know this shit won’t get addressed, they will make mention of it on the sub reddit but then completely just do the usual hacky jokes, it must suck being assigned an entertainment institution to be a fan of and you can only be as creative as the show allows and because Howard is creatively bankrupt, they have nothing to copy off of, that is why they need me to address them even though they won’t appreciate it because they have tried to get me to call back to the show, instead of Howard admitting that he needs me back on the show, he will get trolls to trigger me into calling back, so they can get their freak out, I am the last hope for the show to be entertaining, these people can’t admit they secretly listen to the podcast and hear me kind of giving my theories and they are afraid of me being right in the long run, like I have been about a lot of the overall trajectory. I am not supposed to do that, I am supposed to dumb myself down and regress like other morally corrupt shit heads who think me expressing myself is “sad” . Eat shit, if you are someone who is partaking in destroying other mentally ill people’s lives and they can’t fight for themselves like I can, I hope the worst shit happens to you, you will never be okay mentally, you will be so fucking mentally fucked up for the rest of your life, and when I am gone, you will then have to see who you can trust, it is easy when I am the guy you hate blindly. If you do anything to me, you guys will succeed but my memory will haunt you forever, your nervous fucking system will twitch off my fucking name. Leave me the fuck alone, I know you won’t because you are so soulless you will just act like shit heads, you people trigger people into responding this way and then you play the victim and think now you have to go on the offensive. Fuck it, and fuck you. That is a throwback to the Myspace blog era. 

[hanzi83]

Part of my Script for the Podcast

Here is a fun game you can play since most people who love to read or listen to my stuff, read along the script to see how much I ad libbed and how much I read. Trolls wanted to act like school children so I am going to treat you like school children and we are going to play cornball games like this. 

Podcast topics script 

It feels weird doing this podcast, and even though I have felt motivated doing this podcast for almost a week now, it just feels like people who have surrounded themselves by me online and have felt they have been a part of my life, whether it is them just forcing themselves into my psyche, where I am going to always think about them after making every move, because they know that I know whatever I say or do, they will be on top of it, and because I barely relevant in the grand scheme of things to the masses, I assume they think that I am going to always want them around because they are the only ones even talking about me, whether it is underselling anything I do that is positive, or memorize anything I have said out of irrational anger or just trying to joke around, they now have me in a bind where I am always going to have to address and engage the fucked up shit going on, especially spreading disinformation and making up rumors. Since I have started this podcast it feels like they will now attack a lot more aggressively because I am restraining from letting them have this much direct contact with me. 

It turns out the last episode was not even properly uploaded on Spotify or other podcast distributing sites, and I don’t even know how to fucking address it, was that done on purpose to show there is some censorship going on because people with power who might be close or far away are even shitting on any attempt for me to gain traction, and now they have found a way for me to have to be forced to get people’s help, or in my mentally ill brain, it will make me wonder if I am being fucked over by people claiming to be trustworthy, or someone powerful so the topic will always focus on the notorious trolls who have made a name the last year being really aggressive about the trolling and making sure I am living in fear, or does it direct the conversation back to Stern, because maybe in my head I am concocting this scenario where Howard will not let me get bigger, and will disencourage me from wanting to continue because they know it was a struggle just to start this basic podcasting shit, and now I am going to have to go learn how to fucking problem solve this distribution shit. It is fine, it is something else for you people to laugh at me about because even when I try to be creative and a little more productive, it becomes clear whether it is people in my life, my supposed fans or the powers that be don’t want me ever being on my own because they need me to be interactive with people who just want to remind me of every fucking insane thing I may have said or try to create rifts between me and others. 

I don’t even think people who I have become friendly with seem happy that I have decided to do something for myself, which is the criticism I receive the most from people, so when I do something on my own, still not sure if I am doing this right, or whether I will remain compelling to carry this out, or just not being tech savvy enough, I have gotten a few “I am proud of you” but for the most part I think people are scared of me being unfiltered even though I have stated that most of the shit on this podcast are from my delusional thoughts, and they are my theories. It becomes difficult because I listen to so many podcasts that wrap up and analyze politics, hip hop, wrestling etc, where I have now taken that for granted because I have become reliant on people spotting the interesting observations and analyzing it so my shit is just a reaction to that. Can I talk about the Childish Gambino album? I can barely articulate how to explain the different styles and instruments being used, all i can analyze are lyrics, and even now I am taking in so much hip hop to catch up on weekly releases, I don't even get to go revisit it again. Only joke I had for the Gambino album was that if I list off my favorite tracks from the album, people will think I am attempting to give away my router number in a drunken stupor. It feels like I have to come up with angles etc and if it has not become obvious I am reading this and I am sure writing it will come out better in my head than me attempting to reading it, and insisting on keeping up the fuck up because showing my mistakes seems to be the only interesting things about my stupid podcast

I know this take has been done to death on twitter or whatever echochamber, but I feel like I was a pioneer with all this social distancing shit. I have been exiled from everyone for so long and have spent countless nights sitting in my room in the dark, smoking a cigarette while the windows are open, just being depressed about not having anyone and then when I am around people, I don’t want to be around them because I find it more fascinating talking to myself and feeling my own thoughts and maybe that has to do with the fact that when I was younger I did not want to be alone with my thoughts. Like I did not want to even think about shit in fiction. Seeing Terminator 2 as a kid, being used to watching pretty PG kind of stuff, the part where the sun explodes and the entire earth is burning, I remember being freaked out and asking my friend if that could happen someday and he would say calmly “Yeah if there was a nuclear war” and it just made me not want to think about it and I would always want to be distracted because I was scared of having to think what is possible. I feel like people are now kind of going a little bit nutty by not being able to interact or go outside, and as someone who barely left his house since 2009 I assure you, you will survive this. 

I wanted to talk about the coronavirus shit but here is the deal, and this is probably why so many people who go the route of the lowbrow type of humor might gravitate to me, because realistically that is where my level of intellect should be because I have been so dumbed down for so long, I would wait for people who were smarter to kind of lead me, and agree with it even though I don’t know how to explain why the earth is actually round, but the evidence that scientists will tell you I will just pretend to understand and use their explanations and I feel a lot of people do that, even though the thing they are going with might be a fact but I bet if you got those people in a room alone to ask them off the record, a lot of people would be in admission that they have no clue, so I have no clue what the fuck is legit about this coronavirus, it used to be so simple just to have a few things that you sense as bullshit, but now with conspiracy theories also becoming a marketing tool, it has made me question that as well. Was it started in China? Was it planned from the US? Did Bill Gates do it since more interviews about him talking about the pandemic are making the rounds, are these celebrities really quarantined? Are they hiding in their bunker? Have they fled the planet and let their illuminati clones suffer? God damn man, tell me something. Some say this is to start a war with China, but if I think the Chinese government is corrupt and dangerous, then I am buying into neocon propaganda, but then if I think there are racial implications with taking advantage to this shit, then I am a hater of the US empire, because it is apparently okay to like US imperialism. There is so much to keep up with, and there are too many narratives. Maybe I need an illuminati microchip that can make me take all of this in and analyze properly because it feels like mentally I am 15 years behind or some shit. I just analyze the world like I think we are all in some reality show and the people who are the upper echelon and their associates of lower status are hooked up with some advanced shit. 

I feel like it is a serious thing happening, while some people are being Thanos snapped, but it is also a test run and all I am doing is being Doctor Strange and analyzing all the scenarios that are fucking possible of what could be happening. Will this be the one of the system’s sacrifices of mass people before a more deadly one is created. Is this a way to bring in more leftist policies and make an argument for socialism because if there were ever an event that is taking place that has given the best argument for it, it would be what is being so transparent with how businesses are acting, and how pretentious some of these celebrities are acting. They are supposed to be the villains now, so when you see a bunch of people circle jerking and singing the song Imagine, then you have Norm McDonald come out and give this overly religious message because being anti neoliberal, while making it seem you are anti left, makes right wing people think you are some hip dude because you are not politically correct

That is why I analyze shit the way i do, and I like being unfiltered while I am fucking wrong most of the time with my opinion, even though people have told me I am fucking right in some sideways like way but never bother to elaborate. I really think that this is all planned out, and there are good factions and bad factions. I believe people are having their last run as a baby face before they are revealed to be heels, when in actuality they are just playing heels. We are supposed to be calling it out, but it also seems that people that do call it out, do it with this far right perspective and maybe that is part of their propaganda to tell some truth, or maybe they are pretending to be truth tellers while still running a hustle. I have to think that we are far advanced, and maybe the people dying are being cloned for another planet, maybe the celebrities have escaped the system and are using their clones to fucking die on earth. I don’t fucking know anymore. It just all feels planned. I am not saying idol worship, which is a mistake we all have made, maybe some of you were smarter than most of us before, but it takes some of us some time. I still think they have really tried to hard over the course of the last decade to make it seem like people in the upper echelon are like regular people, and sure with emotions and depression and stress etc but I do think it is harder for them on some level because they are in a world with hidden people and have to embrace some dark ritualistic type of shit, and they make it seem relatable. Is this a way to crash the economy and is it for the sake of good or bad, because I think this whole Trump thing has been a way for people to be more woke and actually have a revolution, even if the whole thing is scripted, and the tragic thing is people will die. That is why in my fucked up brain I hope these people are spiritually somewhere else, maybe their consciousness will be transferred, or maybe there is another world after you die, and no I am not religious, but I believe we are far more advanced than we think. Am I right? Probably not. 

It is not all pretentious because I have enjoyed the hip hop element of storylines taking place during this pandemic, with the producers having their battles on Instagram live or Boosie asking women to put their pussy lips on live so he could then give her 1000 dollars. By the way because I think everyone becomes a character and a meme for social media, I am going to predict where this boosie storyline is going to go. He made some anti trans remarks, according to the T’s because he gave his opinion on Dwayne Wade’s daughter, and even though I think there is a sensationalized thinking of the worst case scenarios with this stuff, I do think there are people in the celebrity world who have agendas when they do it. Anyways I think with Boosie asking these women to strip for him, there is going to be a time where some chick is going to be shaking her ass and then she will somehow then reveal she has a dick, and then Boosie will react and he will become a bigger meme, and then to come full circle, it will be revealed to be a plot by the black fraternities he was beefing with a couple of months back. 

As far as the wrestling stuff goes, now here is where we go with layers. Let me preface this by saying whatever is happening with these institutions, I believe it is all planned for them. Since WWE is on the downswing, I don’t know if this will be a case of WWE doing well with what the hand they have seemingly been dealt, and people can toot their own horn that anything good that happens is when it somehow happens to be an accident, or maybe this is one situation where they are going to fall a part because they insisted on going on with this show when a pandemic is happening, so will wrestlers end up having it so we have more sacrifices and then people will really be outraged about WWE and mixing in the accumulated bad press they have received for other things. Maybe the bad press will be that instead of informing their fans of the safety of the wrestlers, they decided to pull the wool over our eyes and lie about Reigns being pulled so we assume the match is not happening. People will then think using a pandemic to pull the wool over our eyes was done in such bad faith. I don’t know what the angle they will decide to go with, but I know that there will unfortunately always be something that will be revealed about Reigns, because he is supposed to be a real villain, and lately he has been seen as a good company man and not talking down to fans. I feel like we are in the conspiracy era, and by the way it feels like America, which I have pointed out is like the attitude era just a little before Trump was becoming a political figure, and now in the world we are in the era of WCW shutting things down for couple of weeks and they rebooted it to start over with Russo and Bischoff. 

So I will be happy to talk more about wrestling but if you haven’t noticed and you can tell when I am reading, that I will probably mess up 15 times because even though this sounded good in my head writing it, it will not sound as clear because I tend to adlib a lot. But this podcast is a fucking failure and no one wants my vision of podcasts because it is not good enough until I give into how they want me to do it because it is not simple enough for them to move on to a next podcast but because they have entitlement issues over me, they think it has to be catered to people who have verbally jumped me everytime I log on, and then if they give me criticism I am supposed to just take their judgement as is and not add any context why i don’t react well to people telling me what I should do. If you are a real supporter of mine, you will understand the journey I am taking, and if you actually have respect for my mental health you will stop pressuring me to have guests and take calls when most of it is just trolling and not even anything creative. Why do you need to be a part of everything I do? Stop trying to bully me into doing it your way. I don’t care if people listen or not, I just want to express myself in a more healthier fashion than having to be reeled into drama on periscope and it is becoming so fucking sickening having to guess who is setting me up, are people confiding in me, knowing my shit is tapped, am I being put through morality tests. Sorry if me expressing my mental health is too fucking boring for you. Maybe some of you shouldn’t be part of my life. I will probably end up failing with this anyways. I fail at everything. I will probably fail at failing, because that’s how much of a god damn failure I am. 

[hanzi83]

Various topics of Trolls, Summer Slam Epstein, Conspiracy narratives etc

Blog

It has been a while since I have written. I have gotten myself into a pickle, because I have gone back into a deep depression about how I don’t have the will to live, even though I will never do anything to myself, and with the health concerns, mental manic breakdowns, etc, they have been instilling paranoia into me so much so I have lost the will to write my thoughts to organize my thoughts, due to the fact they could be watching what I write, or the fact that I am testing to see how much I can put in my head before it becomes overwhelming, so even though I have not really done a daily journal thing in several months, I thought of getting some recent ones out of my head, and I will put it out there.

Anything I have to say in this blog, I don’t know for a fact 100 percent because these are just my irrational thoughts mixed in with my theories, and as deranged and fucked up as it sounds, I just wanted to put the disclaimer out there.

First what bothers me and prompted this blog was the talk of mental illness and health. I feel because the system pimps out a general view of it, they will use it to their advantage, and while it is dangerous Trump is generalizing all mental illness as the reason for shootings etc, while there is truth that there is mental illness there to some extent, because someone who is mentally well and stable, would absolutely buy into racist propaganda and act in extremes, I am not saying the person is good or anything, but part of me wonders if these mass shooters are government puppets, who have been MK Ultra’ed and they are put out there to do the elite’s agenda, and I have gone back and forth on this, because even though it is valid to say white supremacy has caused this, they only explain it in such a minimal way, where people on the right can easily counter it because they make it seem white supremacy is just some fringe group that is running amok with guns and tiki torches, but a white supremacist system could be the cause of these problems, but the right wing conspiracy theorists take advantage of the mainstream media talking about in such a limited way, they start pointing out black on black crime, which the media does not really cover, and make it seem like anything standing up to racist shit is just some imaginable agenda made up by these “liberal elite” so while yes they fuel a continual race war, does not mean there aren’t legit racial issues that need to addressed.

What worries me is that the trolls that harass me, who you can just say “They are just trolls and they are not harmful, stop being paranoid” but in my opinion there is an entire career on people taking side money for trolling someone, whether it is government agents themselves, or paid people they have kind of blackmailed into doing it, they will put out a narrative of all these negative things about me and others and make wild claims like they are actually fact. At least when I make my wild claims, I put a disclaimer that this is my mind thinking outside the box and I don’t have any of the facts, because the facts are what they decide it will be, and they can put out a violent narrative about me like I beat my mother or that I beat up a gay couple at a Buffalo Wild Wing, and some of you might have chuckled reading that, and I would to, and I did in the past, but maybe they see me as such a threat to some degree, because I will keep coming back to my platforms and speak my mind, and they have to get rid of me. They will scare me, by having these people refer to a mission needing to be completed, and they will go on their gimmick accounts and play scopes of past audio I have done.

All these characters keep showing up, and then it ends up being they are associated with filth and because I am getting in the groove of trying to come up with some kind of content so I can iron out the kinks later for a podcast, I entertain some people on different political spectrums, and some of these people fall for right wing talking points, and I try to see if I can make them see a different view because even though they see the mainstream preach about race, homophobia, and sexism, it is done in such a way that it makes it seem like it is purely an agenda, and even though it is supposed to represent the system is changing, and even the phonies, who have done the contrary prior years, now becoming socially conscious, it makes it seem like that speaking out against those social issues mean it is propaganda, while they pretend some of the people speaking truth about certain things in the establishment, they add their bigoted takes on it, and with all these characters I have met on periscope, it feels like some of them have been brainwashed, and anyone I make friends with, these trolls will start stalking them.

There was this one chick who claimed she was some alien, I thought it was her being a gimmick, but then it turns out the people she is fighting with, which I thought was funny because I just thought it was humorous when someone from her past came in to confront her, and her gimmick dropped, I just thought it was some innocent squabble, but then it turns out it some patriot groups going at each other and some of these people dox each other and I want nothing to do with it, but it feels like these people are also connected to people who might be behind harassing me. Some of the trolling that has gone on this summer has been the notion of me being kidnapped and taken back to Pakistan, I don’t know if it code for them trying to get me framed, or get me killed. I don’t know. I will notice cars out of nowhere just pulling up outside out of my house and just being parked there and then after a few minutes leave, they even had a fake periscope video of someone in my city they found on the internet and made it seem like it was them coming to where I live. They have taken it personally that I am trying to have guests on, and people who happen to be black, and because I have felt guilty of my past ignorance and trying to use my platform for good, these trolls have gotten upset about it, and now have upped their game on how to make me lose my mind.

They keep hinting they will do something to me at Summer Slam etc, and it is like my existence is already shit and is reaching embarrassingly levels of me being Al Bundy but instead of the 7 touchdowns in one game, I keep hanging on to this Stern Show fame because other than being known on that, there is nothing remotely interesting about me. No one really buys into my shitty conspiracy theories about conspiracy theories; I don’t have any notable skills. I am pretty useless, and they are not happy with the fact I am banned, I guess Howard wanted me to not even broadcast at all, especially since the leaks have happened where he was caught putting out this pretentious demands of his staff back in 2013, and even that has to be limited, because I am sure he knew it would come out. I kind of think since his time on the top is coming to a close, that these people in the upper echelon now have to write their heel turns in society, and of course Howard has to become the villain by being labeled a sellout by coming off as more liberal, even though prior when he was spewing his shit in a conservative way, he also sold out then, but now because it isn’t what that ilk likes, they consider being a little more socially conscious being the end of someone, but Howard is not even that, I mean he could be in actuality from the beginning, but since he is supposed to be the villain now, I predict he will be revealed as being a conservative who still has not evolved while he is putting on a pretentious display.

So I know I have angered the brass, or maybe I am part of the game? I don’t fucking know. Interesting enough though Busted Open, the radio show that is on Sirius started mentioning me again and they said they want me to come to the Summer Slam party and I want to go and maybe talk it out with them, but they have been going off on people on social media who go after wrestlers etc, and even though my insults come from a place of self defense since I deal with people constantly fucking with me, and the people in power who do that can pretend they are not, so maybe there will be a confrontation, maybe there will be gratitude for the contributions I made to the show. Part of me feels like maybe because some people are tied to powerful people, maybe they have me out of commission for Summer Slam because the trolls have put out a narrative of me being dangerous, even though I am not a violent person. It made me angry because when some celebrities go through the trolling, the narrative has to be seen as rich people being sensitive, so I don’t know if the ones going off on these trolls who have platforms, are supposed to be seen as the villains going off people with no power, or will it represent that these people are being fucked with and it will be revealed the system is sending the trolls, or is the outrage made up so these people can purposely piss us off and then act like people are just badgering them? I don’t fucking know, but all I know is that I have been open with people on the air about my mental illness and what I deal with, and the “fans” of that show would put out I am crazy and want me banned, and if I fight back, then the hosts say I am being disrespectful towards the fans of that show, when they are fucking with me constantly.

And now it worries me they are trying to put out there for involuntary confinement for these mentally ill people and it feels like it would come to Canada since we seem to be going more right and maybe that narrative of me being dangerous, I will be framed for something.  That is why the FBI reported that conspiracy theorists are more dangerous threat, and while I agree that there are right wing conspiracy theories that are dangerous, but the way the establishment has lumped all people who are anti Democratic party in with the people who are pro Trump, they surely can do that with these conspiracy theorists, and low and behold mass shootings take place and debates start happening, is it because of the banning of guns, is it because of sensible gun control, is it to make it seem like every conspiracy theorist will be an extremist, when I truly believe these things happen because they are orchestrated to happen, and now all of a sudden with Epstein being dead and people are not even buying that he killed himself, but even that could be orchestrated, because I do believe there is a good side that is socially conscious being allowed to put their shit out there, even though they make it seem like the internet isn’t mainstream because it does not pull mainstream media numbers, but that is just much a script in some kind of manner. I personally think they knew this would cause a conspiracy theories buffet going on, and it is all controlled chaos, people think Trump got him, people will keep pushing it to Clinton, and even though I think Clinton is guilty of going on that island, there could be Trump trolls who are pushing you to believe it was Clinton who did this, when it could actually be that. I am not even saying Clinton couldn’t have done it, but these people are in the same bed together.

I also have a fucking delusional theory that has no facts that people in that position was not in danger and he could very well be alive. I believe these billionaires etc have their body doubles or clones take the hits while they just fake their death, and just escape the system. The fucking guy could be in some other fucking planet since most of the elite are escaping this planet because they know the end of time is coming sooner than you think. I don’t fucking know. This is probably why I am still in my parents’ basement with nothing going on. I pray every day I could be off this planet so I never have to fucking think another though because I am not on the same wavelength and I will never be a regular fucking person and not being able to cope with the system’s ills. I think it is more of a game and a script, and if I point that out, it will of course be seen as ridiculous but these people never want to cop to any kind of conspiracy going on because these people gate keep.

Here is an example. People have weaponized people in the industry who have to do sexual shit to get ahead and change their look, and while people have weaponized it, and I am guilty as fuck about it, because I have been angry, irrational and bitter, and sometimes justified if certain people attack me, and I am fighting back fire with fire, but even though that is wrong to suggest and question a woman or man about that because it might seem like you negate their talent and hard work, there is something to be said about the system’s way of working and how it is all kept under wraps until a certain point when it becomes convenient with the media etc making money by outing one abuser after decades long abuses, so when people point out certain people in showbiz have to do plastic surgery, implants or sexual favors, it does not mean those people did not work hard or have the talent, but rather the system in place is horrible to these women, and even when they come clean years after, it puts them in a position where people don’t believe it because no one said anything before then. And these shills who gate keep for these women make it seem like they are male feminist and allies to these women but you are actually help protecting a system to do this, because the women in these industries have not come out completely about the what they have to go through, so you assume they are being 100 percent honest, but I will make any of you a bet you will hear in several years of women having to be forced to do these aesthetics because the industry is run by racists and misogynists.

I have been scatter brained and so concentrated in trying not to push everyone away who don’t agree with me politically because if you just chastise people they will not listen but I try to show that they are buying into some right wing talking points but because it is contrarian they think being cynical about anything socially conscious means they are not being pandered to by people spewing bigoted points that get seen as edgy, and I point out all through my life I have been there, it is not that I am sensitive to words being used, but it is not edgy. Do I think there are nuances to discussions in some of these circles? No, it sucks because we gate keep for minimal racial issues which make it seem like people are being sensitive or being too offensive but we don’t discuss the hidden rules that are played behind the scenes, which is why it is dangerous to think that these people are evil but they are dumb, yeah they could be evil, but these people are very smart so when you set a narrative it makes it seem like they are not smart enough to hatch out a multilayered plan. Maybe I am wrong, but further proof I should not be here, and I am all over the fucking map, and it does not help that I post these blogs on tumblr because that was my first blog site I saw when I stopped posting these on Myspace, and it turns out that the most sensitive type of people post on this, so of course if I go against the right wing types, they will sum it up to a “PC LIBERAL CUCK POSTING ON A SJW WEBSITE LIKE LIBTARD HE IS” type of bullshit.

I keep thinking these people will eventually come for me and kill me, and since I have been angry with people locally who I feel have kept these secrets from me and hide their elite inner circles, maybe they have been tasked to organize my demise and it hurts that I have to think this, because it might be true and it is scary that people in your life would have pimped you out for their self serving bullshit, and then limit me where I can interact and try to hold back me from becoming bigger because I did not sell my ass to get ahead, and again that is more of what the system does than the people having to partake in it, and if it is not true whatsoever, I don’t feel good thinking people who are supposed to love me would harm me and profit off me. It is more reason why I should not even be here, but alas this is where I am and I am so backed up with my thoughts and so scatter brained I don’t know how to organize these thoughts.

I constantly come off like such a fucking loser and nerd with the way I want to speak out on the evils and maybe it is because I feel guilty of buying into ignorance and whenever I think I am on the up and up, it turns out I am buying in another kind of propaganda, and it feels like they create this narrative of taking your past ignorance and correlate it and juxtapose it with something they script you to do get you in trouble, so like let’s say someone made a rape joke or racially charged comments in their past, the system has it pegged, and if you’re supposed to be seen as a bad guy then you will have situations where they orchestrate some initiation of rape or accuse you and then go “Oh look at the jokes he made in the past though” and it feels like the game is played and these people behind the scenes get a long regardless because people are just playing roles, because in the end of it all, it seems like life is just one fucking long endless game that is being played. It is why it is so dangerous for these people to act like they play by the same rules and go through the same thing as regular people, even though there are things in common like insecurities, fear, depression etc, it is on a different level and that is why there will always be inconsistencies in these stories and we will be kept arguing over it while we are promoting what the media wants.