#Star Ranboo best loser ever

[nerdyenby]

Red time :D I’m watching Ranboo

I showed up late and have no idea what the costume is but we love the eye makeup

The unhinged energy is off the charts

I’m so excited for this team, you guys have no idea

Oh my gosh their hair has gotten so long holy crap

What the heck is a weeblewobble

WHY DO HIS EYES MOVE LIKE THAT

I feel like Ran and Aimsey haven’t been on a team together in so long, I’m so hyped

Their skins are so silly goofy

Michela!!!

“What brings you to the bar?” “What brings me to the bar? My issues”

“We’re currently roleplaying, would you like to join?” “Absolutely not” iconic Ant 😂

Ranboo religious reference counter: 1

SCAR :D

The squad :))

Aimsey squatting in front of Scar and talking him into playing fnaf

NO!!! Grid runners is the best game in existence (except sot)

Alright losers, we’re gonna need somebody to have opinions and make decisions, who’s it gonna be?

“I’m pressing my life alert but it’s not doing anything” it’s a crime that no one else heard this

Why is Ant a rsr hater?? Brother, Scar is right there

Rocket Spleef

“My girlfriend :(" Aimsey my beloved

Ran and Scar popping off!!

Ran just absolutely jumping Pete 😂

Grid Runners

Best game time :))

They got this, I believe

I’ve never seen Ranboo lose these, his team always crushes it

Ant is such a good igl, staying back and walking through it with Scar, what a king

Uppies!!! /neg and /pos simultaneously lmao

Oh no….

There wasn’t one specific room that tripped everyone up, it’s was just a bunch of moderately hard ones back to back to back

“Think about the morale deficit” Ran 😭

Aimsey’s chat message 😂😂😂

Battle Box

Ah yes, tnt if your team for science

“Do we want a catch phrase?” Of course we do!!

Holy crap they got swept

The come back!!!

That match against blue was so wild

RAAAHHHHHHH

Scar singing Barbie my beloved <333

Sands of Time

That was the most unconvincing thing I’ve heard, thanks Scar

The initial comms are stunning <333

OH MY GOD THAT WAS SO STRESSFUL

The greed oh my gosh

That was the most intense sands I’ve seen in such a long time oh my gosh

“I think I’m learning to be a good sandkeeper” aismey you’re easily one of the best sandkeeper s in the event, what are you on about <333

RED FIRST!!!!!

My predictions were so rude to them but I genuinely believe they’re a 4th place team

“We got a lot of audience pull on this team” Ranboo and Scar duo unstoppable, real and true <333

SCAR 28TH!!!!!!!

“Minute Maid lesbians” 😭😭😭

The Aimsey and Scar interactions are absolutely everything <333

Ace Race

Oh rip, we lost Oli :(

“If you guys lap me can you give me a little push?” Scar I love you

Any first!!! Red first!!!! They killed it!!!!

The hermits pointedly not asking Scar about his fandoms vs Aimsey genuinely being 100% down for a half hour of Star Wars rambling <333

Parkour Warrior

The way all the streamers just start crying at the top of their lungs when faced with technical difficulties, just stay calm losers, you don’t need to spam

I’d scold Ranboo for being so hard on himself if it wasn’t just so funny

Ran almost ragequitting out of sheer instinct 😭😭😭

Ran losing their absolute mind the entire time and then the perfectly calm “That… is how you do it” once he finishes lol

“Check this out, check this out” *drops from fourth to tenth* *absolute silence*

Ant is such a sweat, I mean this in the kindest way possible but who the heck memorizes skybattle chest loot

Hole in the Wall

Absolutely adore the meta of everyone typing the word ones /g

THE DYNAMIC DUO!!!!!!!

HAS THAT EVER HAPPENED BEFORE?!???

I love how they’re able to maintain the chill vibes between all the stress and hype <333

LOOK AT MY BOYS!!!!

Ah yes, the return of Ran’s third place curse incoming

Ugh I’m feeling a tgttosawaf finale :/

Glowduo messaging each other even when in the same vc is so <3333

Sky Battle

Heck yeah!!

YOOOOOO?!?????

ANT IS INSANE!!!!!!

OH MY GOODNESS HOLY CRAP

Ant on Ant violence!!

Hermit on hermit violence!!!!!

HOLY SHIT!!!!! OH MY GODDDD

If Ran and Aimsey get their first win together I will cry, fair warning

Dodgebolt

This team is everything to me

Aimee giving them back rubs <333

AIMSEY!!!!!!!

It’s Aimsey’s world, we’re just living in it

OH MY GOD

Wait ran has to swear in front of Scar 😂😂😂

GLOWDUO WINS!!!!!!!

127 is not a high heart rate… is it?? I get up to 130somethings just standing up

WILBUR 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Oh my god, I’m crying

[rexc0re]

‘A fools price to pay’ - star!ranboo

A/N: Hello dearest leia rexcore enjoyers and welcome to the proper star!ranboo writing!! This is a more silly writing (like VERY silly) I will admit but I’ve gotta get in that flow ya know :) anyways featured in this story are the lovely @allhugs4ranboo @cgl0wduo @genderationloss and @kashleytaylor !!! Wonderful friends i love them all smile

WARNINGS : slight description of blood and car crashes

Summary: Lately Atsraeus has been getting a little too annoyed with Ranboo and their shenanigans. So as punishment, Atsraeus has taken away lusa (sad face) and banished Ranboo to the earth until he finds a way to help 4 humans. Stuck on earth, Ranboo finds a way to be helpful in a way that seems to always go wrong…

Sad. Boring. Full of losers.

That’s how Ranboo describes Earth. He never enjoys going here it’s full of a bunch of humans who are never fun. The suitable punishment for someone who may or may not have dyed a titan gods hair highlighter pink…

But that’s besides the point. It was a silly prank! Astraeus should have a better sense of humor in their opinion. There’s always a plus side, the pink compliments the a blues of his astral robes!! Kind of …. Maybe….not really. Well anyways here he is now. On sad, boring, full of losers earth. Lusa isn’t even here!! Maybe he should’ve listendes to her and NOT dyed Astraeus’s hair..

Looking down at the scroll they’re already looked at maybe a million times Ranboo decides to finally get along with his task and get off this sad planet sooner rather than later.

As punishment, Astraeus has banished Ranboo to earth with the task of helping 4 people. (and also to get hair dye.) So here Ranboo is signing up for a car service. Driving people around shouldn’t be too hard. I mean what? It’s not like their car is going to flip. This will be a breeze. In and out if you will.

Or so he thought.

Under the name of Alvis Ontos our dearest star boy is officially the newest car driver on the block! Patiently sitting in the dingiest car the company gave them, Ranboo patiently waits for someone to call upon his services.

DING

Well would you look at that! His first request and conveniently it’s a 4 passenger request! In and out, just like they thought.

Wait.

Oh no.

The location these HUMANS want to go to is conveniently a nice and short 12 HOURS AWAY. Get a plyn at that point!! plane? pane?? whatever that thing is called. But alas. Ranboo has no other choice but to accept. I mean it’s probably shorter in the long run than driving 4 separate people to multiple places.

After a short drive Ranboo finally picks up their 4 clients. A small group of humans who look particularly nice actually, they introduce themselves. Max, Feña, Kash, and Arc. Interesting names. (Loser names) Ranboo introduces themselves in the nicest and most normal way, they were very awkward. Max in the front, Feña on the left, Arc in the middle, and Kash on the right. It’s an awkward silence for the first 20 minutes.

“Sooooooo you guys doing good?”

Silence.

“Not much of talkers are you?” An awkward laugh slips out of Ranboos mouth.

More silence for the next 10 minutes then all of a sudden Ranboo swerved off the road and INTO A RABBIT. Swerving back onto the road as their passengers are looking at him with a shocked face. Ranboo calmly turns on the radio and starts humming along.

A couple of hours later the sun is setting, and Ranboo abruptly pulls over in the side of the road and declares:

“Time for sleep!! Goodnight everyone <3”

Sitting calmly back in their seat he falls asleep. The passengers look at them for a moment before Arc gets out and hops in the trunk. The other three sigh and relax in for the night. The next morning, after being forcefully awaken by Ranboo chasing a bunny, they continue on their way.

It’s a mostly calm drive for the next 3 hours and look at that they’re 7 hours in! Suddenly Ranboo swerved out of the way of a rock and conveniently into a tree.

“If you’ll excuse me…(he walks away)…CAN I HAVE JUST ONE GOOD THING HAPPEN??? THANKS GOD!!….(he walks back)….alright just had to get some thoughts out let’s get back on the road shall we!!”

Max nods awkwardly, Feña drops their head into her hands, Kash sighs, and Arc is still in the trunk.

On hour 10 our lovely road trip crew is starting to get exhausted. The last rest stop was 2 hours ago and Ranboos teeny tiny car is not helping. Not to mention the 3 bunnies they have hit in those past 2 hours. As the drive goes on Ranboo seems to be getting more and more….silly?

He seems to be talking nonsense? Like who is Lusa and why is she a star??? Our 4 amigos in the car are talking amongst themselves to figure out a plan to get away from this silly person.

And it’s almost like the gods above are smiling upon them as their conversation seems to drag out more and Ranboo seems to be losing their mind a bit more, suddenly Ranboo seems to lose grip if the wheel as a rock on the road scares them and the car crashes and suddenly they flip and flip and flip and…flip.

When the car finally lands they look over at Ranboo and….oh boy. Their face and the windshield is covered in blood. His nose looks rather crooked and they’re just staring off into space. The passengers take it as an opportunity to run off! Bursting out of the car with their belongs they run off!

Ranboo jumps out of the car yelling “YOU HAVE A PROBLEM!! I AM A GREAT DRIVER!! DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IVE WORKED FOR THIS POSITION!!! IM ALVIS ONTOS AND I AM AMAZING!!!! GET OUT OF HERE!”

“RANBOOOOOOOOO”

Uh oh. That’s the sound of Astraeus. Ya know, that titan god who he works for that he pissed off and probably pissed off more by ruining this road trip.

Oh boy.

A/N: RAHHH!!! hello everyone i hope you enjoyed thsi absolutely SILLY writing I had so much fun <3 also thank you to RAN FEÑA ARC AND KASH!! Yes, they survived the road trip so proud of them!! Anyways i will be making an actual serious writing Abt silly guy Star!Ranboo soon I swear and Nyona!! Okay bye bye everyone I had so much fun!!!!!!!!! (reblogs always appreciated por favor)

[beacon-lamp]

here’s my technoblade and tommy 12/27 stream recap for the one (1) person who asked:

- technoblade gives tommy a turtle helmet and a “canon technoblade disc” crafted out of Friendship for christmas.  tommy shows technoblade the most powerful weapon on the server that affects Everyone Except Dream which...isn’t useful.

- they kidnap and bully a sonic furry who has been dwelling in tommy’s old home in l’manberg.  they use connor’s life as a bargaining chip to get techno’s firework launcher crossbow back from tubbo and ranboo, sorry i meant a floating santa hat and netherite armor.  only for connor to die literally a minute after he was released.

- tubbo thought tommy was dead.  surprise, he’s not.  tommy calls tubbo a Monster for not visiting him once during his exile.  tubbo tries to explain that he Did only to be stopped by dream at the portal.  unfortunately, this falls to deaf ears.  but We heard it.  tubbo apologists rise up.

- dream stops tommy and techno at the portal in l’manberg.  tommy’s in trouble.  techno steps in to inform dream that tommy’s under his protection for the time being, at least until techno’s Goals are Accomplished.  to get to tommy, dream’ll have to go through techno first.

- unless of course... dream wants to call in his favor.

- dream laughs and declines.  he has something in store for that favor later.  tommy doesn’t have any idea what they are talking about.  and neither do we.

- then local racoon tells god to go fuck himself. 

- that’s it.  that’s the stream.  oh techno also like transports some of his dogs to his retirement home i think?  

Starring:

- The Santa Hats that have made a Stunning Debut and are incredibly Central to the stream but also Not

- the invisibility effect/arrows who are just Trying Their Best give them some credit they turned the ghast invisible

- a growing Brotherly Friendship forged out of caring— HAHAHA SIKE you thought Losers there is only Pain and Anguish because we cant have anything Good Ever hahaha man i can’t believe we all fell for that hahah. oh.

- “Dream?  Go. Fuck. Yourself.” and the audience Cheers a Standing Ovation you tell him tommy you go little raccoon boy!!!!

- tubbo’s christmas skin.  it’s Magnificient and Deserves More Attention.

- connor, who didn’t ask for any of this and is Definitely Wearing a Onesie and Is Not A Furry allegedly

- ranboo, the funniest minor on that server

[mythrilhusk]

Korosensei Never Dies - Chapter 3

Words: ~2600 Chapter 2 (Last) AO3 Version Chapter 4 (Next)

Quackity stumbles into the classroom, exhaustion dragging on his eyes. The silence of the room almost deafens him. He yawns and slouches into the desk beside Sapnap's. "Sup, mothers and fuckers of the court."

"And they have the gall to call me late." Technoblade sighs. "Quackity, you missed first period."

"Just get on with the motherfucking class." Quackity grumbles, his head on the desk. And when did he get so comfortable with talking back? He wonders about it briefly, then scrunches his eyes and tries to block out the oceans of hatred beating through his skin.

"You good, mate?" An unfamiliar voice chuckles from the front of the class.

Quackity looks up at the new guy- two new guys. "Who the fuck are you?"

"This is Philza." Technoblade's dry tone almost hides the notes of fondness. "He'll be teaching you how to kill me."

"The lessons will be applicable in later life, I guarantee." The skinny man with ragged blond hair must be Philza. He slouches unconcernedly beside the other, heavily armed, fellow. "Oh, and this is Punz. He's my guard. He'll help me with demonstrations."

"However, the deal is that you will all attempt to at least get a C in every class." Technoblade adds.

"Who agreed to that fucking shitass deal??" Quackity cries. "You think we couldn't get A's if we tried?? None of us give a fuck about school, that's why Puffy stuffed us all together here!"

"Hm. You make a good point, Quackity. Get all A's in every class by the end of the first semester, and Philza here will tutor you in the art of assassination."

Quackity feels his fellow students glaring at him. "It's a fucking deal, baby! You're as good as dead!" This, added to Bad's smuggled weapons, should be enough to level the playing field.

Lunchtime rolls around, and Quackity learns from Sapnap that Punz and Philza have been employed by the school ostensibly to teach extracurriculars like Sociology and Martial Arts. He demolishes his food as Sapnap and Foolish argue over the best way to go about attacking Technoblade with their new weapons.

At the front of the class, Technoblade cleans off the whiteboard. Hannah Rose, the only girl in class 3-E, sits alone at her desk. Quackity watches her for a moment, considering whether he should let her join his group or not.

His mind is just about made up to beckon her over when she stands up and produces a second lunchbox and thermos from her backpack. Placing both on Technoblade's desk, she scrawls a little note, and then returns to her seat.

Technoblade turns around, sees the food and tea, and makes a little "Heh?" sound of confusion. Quackity glowers at Rose. She tilts her head and glances at him with a mysterious smile.

The rest of the day passes as uneventfully as it possibly could with having a terrorist, hostage, and military guard as teachers. Punz has declared his intent to teach Mathematics for the rest of the year after Technoblade started ranting about the economy while attempting to explain trigonometry. Quackity has a feeling the rant was partially a bait for that very purpose, but then again, he's grown used to Technoblade's rambling segways from the actual topic of discussion.

The situation has started to feel almost normal. A simple fact of life. The truth is that people adapt to their environments. As Quackity follows Sapnap out of the classroom, he shoots one last glare at Technoblade, almost a tradition of sorts.

Technoblade meets his eyes and gives him a subtle nod before returning his attention to whatever Philza is on about. Quackity scoffs and hurries to catch up to his friends.

Clubs have started to form for the year. But, cut off from the rest of the highschool by both merit of their reputations as delinquents and the threat of their teacher, class 3-E can't join in any official clubs. So they've made their own.

The Ducklings plus Charlie have formed the Prank club. Tommy, Tubbo, Eret, and Wilbur made the Theatre club. Ranboo and Rose remain separately aloof. Foolish reports to Quackity that Rose disappeared into the Chemistry lab a bit ago, and Ranboo has just been wandering the forest line surrounding the building.

Charlie, as Head Prankster, proposes going over to the main grounds and pranking the other classes. The Ducklings agree on the condition they steal Karl from his club.

When they reach the main grounds of the high school, a mile away from the secluded building for class 3-E, Connor whines about his twisted ankle as Foolish carries him. Quackity drags his feet on the clean linoleum, smirking at the disdainful glances of passing students.

"Well, if it isn't the loser class." Jack Manifold crosses his arms and stands in the middle of the hallway. "Come to beg for scraps, have you?"

"Out of our way, Jack." Charlie snarls.

Jack adjusts his heterochromatic sunglasses. "Niki and I have a proposition."

"What the fuck do you assholes want with us?"

"Give us a cut of the money when you kill that dumb teacher and we'll help you study for college admissions. Win-win." Jack grins.

Quackity gestures for his gang to discuss. "Yo, we don't need that prick."

Sapnap nods. "We're already splitting the winnings with Bad, we don't need another reduction."

"Wait, who's Bad??" Charlie hisses. Quackity shoves him out of the circle.

"We could always take the help and then not pay him. Like, as a prank." Foolish suggests.

"Good idea. In favor?"

Connor and Sapnap agree. The motion passes.

"Alright, Jack, we'll fucking take it."

"Nice. Okay, we want fifty percent of the bounty in return for our splendid, magnanimous help." Jack puffs out his chest.

"Deal." Quackity spits in his hand and holds it out for Jack to shake. The boy looks disgusted.

"Ew, I'm not touching that."

"Deal or no deal?" Quackity grins, watching Jack squirm.

"For the love of Newton, Jack!" Niki Nihachu storms out of the nearby empty classroom, her pink hair pinned up in a messy bun. "It's a deal." She spits on her own hand and takes Quackity's without flinching.

"Great, now piss off. We have club business to attend to." Quackity shoulders past Jack, and his club follows.

"How are you planning to kill the Blade??" Niki trots to keep up.

"Secret."

"I want to kill him, too!"

"Join the fucking club."

"Rude! I'm offering help!"

Quackity shrugs at her. "I just told you, join the club. Fail your classes to get transferred into 3-E, then we'll talk."

"I- I will!" Niki cries, then storms back to Jack and drags him away.

++++

"Can I kill him for you?"

Philza glances at the mercenary guard in question. "Mate." He chuckles darkly. "I won't stop you, but he could be useful."

Punz, oblivious to Techno's bloodlust, cleans up the shattered glass on the scorched floor of the Chemistry lab as one of the students cries in a corner. Fake. Philza can spot crocodile tears from a mile away.

"Techno, you didn't eat the lunch she gave you, did you?"

Techno shrugs. "It was a good attempt. Five stars."

Philza laughs a bit. "What's arsenic taste like, then?"

Technoblade glances at the crying girl. "Eh, nothing much."

The girl sobs harder, clearly attempting to play the sympathy card. "I- I didn't p-poison it, it wasn't m-mine." Lies. All lies.

"K." Techno scratches his head and turns away, uncomfortable with the tears.

A knife whistles through the air and buries in Techno's shoulder. He gasps a pained, "Heh??" And he grips the smoke wound as the metal melts and sizzles.

"Techno? You good, mate?"  

Keen steel digs into his back. "Don't move." Rose says, adrenaline making her voice tremble.

Punz laughs in the background. "Nice job, kiddo. Now, twist one arm behind his back, and force him to back away from the Blade."

Philza sighs as Rose does as Punz ordered. "Rose, mate, you don't want to be a murderer."

"You won't be my first kill." Rose retorts in a tremulous attempt at a cold voice.

"Technoblade, hands up." Punz comes around in Philza's peripheral vision. "Try anything and my associate will stab the old man."

"Hey!" Philza cries. "Watch your tongue, motherfucker, I'm not fucking old!" He just could kill the girl and let Techno take out Punz, but Techno has already told him to leave the students alone.

"Phil?" Techno says in a low, furious voice. His wound has already healed. "I'll take care of this." The blade against Philza's skin trembles, then steadies.

Punz smirks and draws his gun. "You'll take care of this, will you? I've got the biggest payday of my life waiting for your death."

"You've caused enough suffering." Rose snarls. "It ends here."

"Phil is innocent. Let him go." Technoblade growls.

"Not unless you let us kill you. You made a big mistake, and now you're going to pay."

"And we're going to get paid!" Rose laughs.

"Rose, kid, let go and run before you get hurt." Philza warns.

"That would be smart, yes." Techno remains motionless.

"Stay there, Rose." Punz snaps. "Don't move. We've got them."

"Ha, the only thing stopping me from punting both of you into the sun is Techno." Phil yawns.

"I could kill you!" Rose presses the dagger between Philza's shoulderblades. "Don't try me."

"If you kill him, what's stopping me from killing both of you?" Techno muses. "Rose, let Phil go, get outta here, and I'll forget this ever happened."

"Don't listen to him." Punz urges.

"You don't stand a chance, buddy." Philza grins mockingly at Punz. This is exciting. Philza hasn't felt so alive since he was burning down cathedrals with Techno.

A smoke grenade drops in-between the four. It shudders on the ground. Philza barks to startle Punz and Rose, "Scatter!"

Punz leaps away. Techno jumps for Phil. Rose lets go and shoves Phil into Techno. Smoke poofs out and fills the entire room.

Techno throws Philza over his shoulder and storms for the door as Phil coughs out the burning air. As they reach clear air, Philza laughs. "Not even close, ey, mate?"

Techno's eyes are dark as he growls, "Never again." A threat. A promise.

++++

Ranboo stares at his empty hands. The smell of smoke lingers on his clothes. What was he doing? He can't remember. That's nothing new, though. He doesn't want to remember.

He staggers shakily through the forest, unable to recall why he's here. Why is he here, so near the school? He opens his book and flips to page two, the day Technoblade joined the school. Right, right, he's supposed to be helping everyone kill Techno.

Was that what he was doing? He can't remember.

++++

"Alright, nerds." Technoblade slams a fist on his desk. The chatter abruptly ceases, leaving the air tense and cold. "If anybody, and I mean anybody, so much as looks at Philza the wrong way, so much as harms one hair on his head, I punt first and ask no questions ever."

He doesn't even glance at her, but Hannah Rose shrinks in her chair anyway, regretting ever choosing the front row for her seat assignment. She could have done it, she could have gotten rid of Technoblade, if it weren't for the damn smoke bomb.

"Who teh fuck tried to kill Philza??" Tommy cries, somehow sounding more incensed than Technoblade.

"Punz." Technoblade replies. Rose frowns in confusion. Why wouldn't he tell them about her involvement? He certainly has no reason to hide it.

"I'll kill him!!" Tommy barks, gesturing with his knife haphazardly. "Where is he??"

"He met an unfortunate accident and is now recovering in the hospital." Technoblade deadpans.

Rose wonders if she should feel bad that her former partner got hurt. She doesn't. He wasn't a friend, he was a business associate. He even blamed her for the failure of their attempt. So fuck him.

"Good. Serves the fucker right." Wilbur hums. "Philza, we're going to try to kill your friend, sorry, but you're safe with us."

"Killing friends is not cool, Wilbur, I'm trying to be cool." Tommy complains, brushing back his hair.

"Tommy, we kinda need to kill Techno. Again, sorry about that, Philza."

"Fuck you, bitch!" Tommy retorts.

"Kids, kids. Chill." Philza chuckles. He smiles at Rose for a moment, then turns his attention back to Tommy and Wilbur, who have devolved into slapping each other with notebooks. The look leaves her confused and angry. She was going to kill him. Why isn't he respecting that??

"Tubbo, please sit between your friends so they stop hitting each other." Philza snaps as the playfight grows louder.

"With pleasure." Tubbo grins.

A few minutes into the start of class, Tommy yelps. "Tubbo!!"

"Wilbur paid me to."

A few minutes later, Wilbur cries, "Ow, hey!"

"Tommy paid me more."

Rose snaps and turns around, leveling a glare at Tubbo. "How much do I need to pay you to make your friends shut the hell up??"

"Ten." Tubbo holds out his hand. Rose stuffs a tenner in his hand and turns back around, huffing.

"T-Tubbo, put away the duck tape!!" Tommy cries. "Eret, no, don't help him, help me!! Phiiilza!!"

"Kids, will you just shut up and fucking learn something??"

Hannah spots Quackity in the third row, sitting beside Sapnap and glaring up at Technoblade. He hasn't spoken once the entire time.

A movement from Ranboo catches her gaze from all the way in the back of the class, beside the window. He smiles nervously, not meeting her eyes as he stuffs a kitty-decor notebook back into his backpack. She's seen him with it often, in every class, and it doesn't seem to be for regular notes. She saw the cover once. It was marked 'Do Not Read', which only makes her want to read it.

"Hey, Rose." Eret steals her attention with a wave. "I heard you know martial arts. Can you teach me?"

++++

Ponk grumbles to himself as he strides up the stairs to the small, rundown building that houses class 3-E. He was supposed to begin teaching here at the start of the year, but he got delayed by family issues. His substitute should be gone by now, but if they aren't, he'll get rid of them soon enough.

He opens the door to absolute chaos. Two kids are firing guns at the substitute teacher, who just sits there and takes it as he munches a sandwich. Another man demonstrates to a small group the correct method for throwing knives. Still others are crowded in the center of circled desks and wrestling as a girl criticizes their techniques. And in the back corner, scrawling in a notebook, is the only normal person there. Ponk makes a beeline for him.

"Hey." Ponk sits beside the normal person.

"Hey." The normal person replies in a growly and annoyed voice.

"What's with the chaos?"

"You get used to it."

"Oh. I don't think I want to."

The ?normal? person looks at Ponk's forehead. "Then leave."

Ponk shivers and excuses himself hastily.

But before he reaches the door, he stops himself. No. He's not going to give in so easily. He's the teacher here. When the gunfire ceases to reload, Ponk storms up to the substitute and slams his boot on the- on his desk. "Out of my seat."

"Nah."

Ponk stares at the piggy-mutant man. "What the hell, man? What are you??"

"Some would say I'm death incarnate." The man says in a tired voice.

"Would they, really??"

"Nah. They're already dead."

Ponk glowers. "I'm the teacher here."

"K. Ponk, right?"

"Yeah?"

"Right. Well, hate to break it to you, but I'm the head teacher now. I guess you can help out, though. Not that I need help."

"Right." Ponk groans.

"How good are you at teaching math?"

Chapter 4 (Next)