#Spoiler alert: it's the devil but oh baby am I such a good listener

[setaflow]

What if I just

[letterstothemidnightsociety]

Previously On Supernatural Season 3, we had a really rock solid trio of episodes to kick us off right, so what does SPN do next? It’s gonna lay the groundwork for some spicy character development that may or may not pay off by the end of the season. Let's find out!

To be honest, I felt the next three episodes just sort of plateau? There’s enough nuggets in these three eps - “Sin City”, “Bedtime Stories”, and “Red Sky at Morning” - that it does feel like they’re setting up for something big but it’s taking too much time. If the season had been longer, I don’t know that I’d be complaining, because there’s SO much potential introduced with these character developments, but I know it’s gonna get cut off at the knees in the very near future. 2021 Me has been trained on what to expect from a short season, so half of my brain wants to give the show slack for Unexpected Circumstances, but the other half of my brain is shouting YOUR NOT DRIVING THE BUS FAST ENOUGH, YOU’LL NEVER MAKE IT TO THE END OF THE LINE IN TIME!!!

And that’s maybe unfair because there really are some great nuggets in here. We’ve got “Sin City”, which is Dean’s episode. I mean, they’re ALL Dean’s episode, but this one more so than the other two in this post. Dean gets trapped with a demon who turns out to be...kinda...nice? In kind of a Stockholm Syndromey way I guess? She let’s Dean in on the fate that awaits him when his year long contract is up and it is NOT great. This isn’t the first time we see that there’s more to the demons than SPN has shown us in the past (hello, Ruby), but it is the first time Dean chills out enough to actually have a conversation with one. Dean doesn’t really get it, like he’s still not interested in getting out of his deal, but the fear gets planted, it just needs some time to grow. Oh, also, the Colt Ex Machina is back in action, so that's important.

This dumb bitch thinks he can fool us with that devil-may-care side glance but he caaaan't

But then we get “Bedtime Stories”, the Sam episode, where Sam learns...to let go? That’s the point of this episode right? It’s about letting go of someone before that person becomes too toxic and dangerous? At least, that’s the lesson that Dean wants Sam to take away from this case. But Sam will NOT learn this lesson, so instead he tries to cancel Dean’s deal by killing the crossroads demon who wrote it. Spoiler Alert: it doesn't work.

And then we get “Red Sky At Morning”, which opens and closes with some heavy emotional baggage, but then is stuffed full of fun. Like, this episode ricochets wildly in terms of Feelings, but then that’s probably what we should expect from SPN. I mean, what show have I been watching for 3 seasons now?

Fun Facts guys: I’m a tired Millenial, and swapping DVD discs was too much work so I switched over to watching this season on Netflix and GUESS WHAT???? THESE EPISODES COME WITH A SUICIDE WARNING!?!?!

They're not wrong.

And like, if that doesn’t tell you everything you need to know about this season I don’t know WHAT will. Cuz Dean is absolutely suicidal and I am surprised (??) I guess (???) by how much the show acknowledges that. Or I guess, surprised by how much Netflix acknowledges that. It’s something that I did not...pick up on the first go around on season 3, possibly because I was 19 and I was an idiot and found this sort of emotional vulnerability to be endearing. Listen, I know there’s a lot to be said about the producers of the show making...umm…poor decisions in regards to character developments? But if the target demographic of this show was anything like me - and I suspect they were - then the viewers were also...probably...responding inappropriately to some of those character developments. And here’s the thing - I’m looking at this from 12 years in the future, with 12 years worth of real life drama that makes the heavy handed melodrama of television feel...well, heavy handed. Maybe irresponsible? Certainly a little uncomfortable. Big Me is having A Time confronting Little Me’s taste in TV Characters. It’s one thing to have a kink, Little Me, it’s another thing to romanticize suicidal depression.

And hey, I can’t deny that the character development for Dean makes sense. I actually appreciate that the show is thinking through the world and the relationship dynamics that they’ve built and the toll that these misadventures are having on their main characters. These episodes all get bookended by Impala Fights where Sam keeps pushing Dean to give a shit about his own life and Dean responds with an inability to care. That’s just where he is right now, and I get that. We’re early in the season still. But how will the rest of the season handle this? I honestly can’t remember but I also don’t want this to be a throw-away issue that they use to remind us that Dean’s supposed to die at the end of the season. I’m prob gonna come back to this throughout the season because I ~just~want~this~show~to be~repsonsiblllllleeeeeeeeeeee.

Lol, I know, that’s a lot to ask from the CW.

ON TO MORE FUN THINGS!!

Sam is gettin’ reeeeeallll bitchy in these episodes and #1, I love it, Bitchy Sam 5Ever, but also #2, was this supposed to be the sign that Sam was going darkside? Like, he’s snarky, he’s angry, he’s not pulling any punches and that could just be him reacting to his brother’s situation but it could also be….you know...him...becoming slightly...evil? For instance in “Sin City”, he kills the two demons who kidnapped Dean without even thinking. On the one hand, this is the Winchester MO, they kill demons, that’s their job, but on the other hand, Dean is actively telling Sam to stop. Same deal in “Bed Time Stories” - Sam kills the crossroads demon in cold blood (or maybe viscera). Again, we could blame this on instinct - the Winchesters were brought up to do exactly this - but 1) Dean keeps telling Sam not to and 2) that’s not Sam. This show spent 2 seasons telling us that Sam is the Good Brother, the White Hat, the Touchy-Feely One. This is not the Touchy Feely Sam who reasons with ghosts and falls in love with werewolves. Like, everyone else sees it too, right? Also, he is usually very nice to everyone but he is a REAL BITCH to Gertrude in “Red Sky at Morning.” Like, come on, Sam, she just wants to have a nice time. She is OLD. You really think she’s got what it takes to climb that tree?

Honestly, how tall are this lady's heels?

I know that there was a plan for Sam to start Turning in this season before the show’s episode order got slashed due to the Writer’s Strike. And man, I really would have liked to have seen this play out. Like, first season Sam is the Innocent, right? He’s our stand in for the viewer in those first few episodes and then he’s revealed to be kind of the only thing that went right in the lives of both John and Dean, so Baby Must Be Protected at All Costs. The fact that John ultimately lets Sam go off to college and doesn’t contact him for the next four years says to me that on some level, John felt the need to preserve that innocence, that kind of untouched quality Sam has. Dean is very similar - whenever Sam gets too into the job, Dean calls him out on it. So in the second season when we find out that Sam might be evil, it’s a real punch in the gut, for Dean most of all. But then the show admittedly got bored with that storyline and it didn’t really go anywhere. So whereas Dean has personality in SPADES that fluctuates and changes and develops/maybe just gets more intense as the show goes on, Sam remains that kind of blank slate that the viewer can put their face on. Except now we’re in season three, and if you’ve bought into this show, then you’ve bought into it, so the audience doesn’t need a Blank Slate Sam anymore. And if you start with Sam the Innocent and then introduce the idea of Dark!Sam and then just leave that concept hanging, then isn’t this sort of like Checkov’s Evil Sam? If you introduce Evil Sam in the first act you really ought to deliver on Evil Sam by act three, right? Wouldn’t that have been A+ and Wild? Wouldn’t that have made Sam’s arc and emotional struggles over the previous seasons have more weight?

Will this be resolved in later seasons? Maybe. I’m gonna be honest, this is the last season I watched all the way through and seasons 4 through...like, 8 were real touch and go for me. I know that Sam ultimately is revealed to be a vessel for??? The devil??? And Dean is ultimately revealed to be a vessel for??? Michael??? And then the two of them???? Fight to the death???? Point is, season 5 got weird guys and I’m not there yet.

Back to more fun things! You know what guys?? I think I ship Dean and Bela. I’m...almost ashamed to admit it? Like, I remember Little Me watching this season and just dumping on Bela, I HATED her, but this time? I am 1,000% On Board This Ship. Like, there is an alternate universe somewhere where these two got a spinoff show that ran for 6 seasons and I watched EVERY episode. And then, like, 5 years after it ended, they rebooted it with Dean and Bela’s grown up daughter as the lead and the whole OG cast makes cameos over the three seasons it stays on the air and it’s amazing. I’d own both shows on DVD.

What I like about Bela this time around (and again, I am WILDLY surprised about this development), is that she can dish it just as hard as the Winchesters can. Like, every line Dean throws at her she holds up a mirror to say, “Oh yes, I know the Kettle is black, but what color are you, Pot?” and I’m just continually thrilled. She is also just as damaged as Dean is but somehow channeling it into a healthier way? Like, she’s true Chaotic Neutral, which is not necessarily healthy, it’s just healthier than Dean. Or maybe it’s just that she’s better at managing it. In either case, they are HOT MESSES and I love it. I just love it. I know I complained about shoehorned romances but Ackles and Lauren Cohan just totally crush it in every scene and when Dean walks down the stairs all She’s All That in “Red Sky at Morning”, I yelled at the screen OMG just BONE already!!!!! And then like, 5 seconds later, Bela literally says “We should really have angry sex,” and it was probably the most vindicating moment I’ve had on this ride so far.

I just think they're neat!

WHY did we cancel her? WHY?? I don’t want to believe it was the Wincest again, so I’m gonna pretend that it wasn’t, but it was definitely fans. According to Kripke, Bela gets the axe at the end of this season because of the fan hatred of her. Now, I’ve already admitted that I personally held a grudge, but good Lord, what was wrong with us, as a Fandom? To be fair to me (and all of us), would we have felt differently if we had not been introduced to Jo a mere season earlier?? I'm gonna say yes. Although I had misgivings about Jo the first episode we meet her, by the end of season 2 I was certainly on her side. Working through season 3, I am remembering that, when we were introduced to Bela, I was immediately FURIOUS because WTF, WHERE’S JO? SPN just introduced to her. They just settled on a love interest for Dean and the writer’s just got me on board with that. Now they’ve completely done away with both that character AND that dynamic and you want me to get on board this NEW thing? And be excited about it??? So I'm gonna blame the love-interest-whiplash, combined with the fact that Little Me related my own personal self more to Jo than to Bela, that made me hate Bela in the first place. When you look at how quickly the show abandoned one character to introduce another character, it makes sense why fans got mad, but I’m also mad that we continued to hate Bela when she turned out to be such an A+ Frenemy. It makes me want to shout at the writers through the time void COMMIT TO A FEMALE CHARACTER YOU JAGWEEDS.

What’s wild watching this show now is just how Male it was, especially considering its audience was already skewed heavily female by this point in the series. If you made this show today, I don’t know that you could do that. Today, there’s a real push for balanced, diverse casts in programming, especially in sci-fi/fantasy and young adult. I think if SPN had started in 2021, they would have introduced the Harvell’s or Bela up in season 1, and that introduction would have been much more intentional. The benefit of having a shorter episode count as the standard is that there’s less of the “throw stuff at the wall and see what sticks” approach. Looking at it from 2021, reading snippets of interviews from Kripke, that’s definitely what they’re doing with the side characters in these seasons and you can feel that in Jo and Bela. A shorter season means that the storytelling has to be tighter, it can’t wander, so every decision has to be a load-bearing decision. On the other hand, one of the down sides of having a shorter episode count is the exact same thing - less room to throw stuff, less room to experiment. Heck, Bobby was technically a character they threw at the wall and he didn’t just stick, he became a tentpole character of the series. The only side character that actually made it into the series finale even!

So how much room should we be giving our television programs? I think it depends on the show, honestly. I think you have to decide up front if you want space to experiment, or if you have one, tight, compact story line that’s gonna drive viewers from episode 1 right through the finale without giving them the chance to catch their breath. You have to make the decision, but that doesn’t mean we have to stop making one style of show in favor of the other. Just because we’re in the Age of Streaming doesn’t mean there isn’t room enough for both.

[ltjlily17]

Its hard to dance with the devil on your back

Was it a boy or a girl to text you last ? It was my husband. He was responding to a meme I sent him about Napoleons penis.

Name something you are doing tomorrow? Feeding the baby.

Do you sleep on your stomach? I used to. I wish I still could. Like my body wants to roll on my stomach, but it hurts my back and pelvis when I do it. I’m hoping that will change eventually.  

Where are you going to be at 4pm tomorrow? No idea. Probably hanging out on the couch.

Last time you saw fireworks, with whom & where? All the 4th of July celebrations were canceled around here this year, so people just bought fireworks and lit them off at their houses. For months, ha ha.  

Are you missing someone? Nah.  

Do you like horror or comedy? Both.

Who did you last share a taxi with? The first time I went to New York was before Uber existed, so we used taxis. It was my roommate, Lori

Dogs or cats? Both are pretty cool. 

What were you doing at 12 this afternoon? Sleeping. I sleep from 8a to 1pm these days. Completely normal, I know.

Do you think you will be in a relationship 3 months from now? Yep.

What’s your favorite season? Fall. Although the fall is getting less and less fally here every year.  

When’s the last time you did something you knew was wrong? I’ve been taking what I assume are hospital bills and just putting them in a pile to be dealt with later. Dealing with all of that is just insane. I actually got a phone call the other day and the lady ledt me a voicemail saying I needed to call and make a payment plan to pay my $105,000 balance and I just don’t know how someone could even leave a voicemail like that. 

Do you hate being alone? Nah. I’m actually pretty good with whatever circumstances. I have a limit to maybe being too alone, but mostly I’m good.

Is there a girl that knows everything or mostly everything about you? Close-ish. I’ve had the same best friend for like 20 years.

What about a guy? The husband.

What color shirt are you wearing? Plain black. Second shirt of the day, first one was vomited on. 

What are you listening to right now? Spotify Daily Mix 1. Husband banging things around in the kitchen trying to cook, ha.  

If you won a lot of money on the lottery, what would you buy first? Hmmm, no idea. Maybe bedroom furniture? We painted and pulled up the carpet to reveal the hardwoods and got a new ceiling fan, but I still have the same dressers and nightstands that I had when I was 15 and I’m, just, tired of them. They’re in great shape but man, 21 years is a long time to look at the same dresser ha ha.

What was the last thing you bought? Target order online. The baby is on special preemie formula and we can only reliably get it at Target. 

What’s your greatest fear in life? Death.

Who was the last person to see you cry? Husband. The aftermath of having a baby and then just coping with life caused a lot of tears. Also, lack of sleep. 

Who was the last person you hugged? My husband. Hugging other people is still frowned upon due to the pandemic. 

Do you think you would be a good parent? Ha ha, hopefully, its a little too late to go back now. 

When was the last time you cried? I need one of those workplace accident style signs for this. 3 days since the last sobbing. 

Who was driving the last time you were in a car? I was. I dropped off some paperwork to a mailbox to get out of the house the other day. 

Does any part of your body hurt right now? My tailbone hurts when I’m sitting like all the time these days and I don’t know why or what to do about it. 

Who was the last person that text you and what did it say? I was chatting with a friend about one of my house plants earlier. A bunch of them were neglected when the baby and I were in the hospital for two months and I’m trying to nurse one back to life. 

What was the first thing you thought this morning? When my husbands alarm went off at 8, I thought oh good, I can finally sleep. 

How many times do you talk on the phone a day on average? Zed. 

Do you like your bed? No. I fucking hate it. The blankets and whatnot are great and we got one of those adjustible bases so we can sit up and read and stuff but our mattress is just so awful. My husband for some reason convinced himself he wanted a firm mattress- spoiler alert, he didn’t- and we ended up with this compromise memory foam thing that is so hot and uncomfortable. If it wasn’t so exensive I would’ve set it on fire by now.

Hey, that’s what I’ll do with my lottery winnings from above- new mattress.

Do you like your life? Zoomed out, yes. Day to day, questionable.  

When did you last talk to your brother or sister? I have neither. But I do have two friends that might as well be sisters and I’ve talked to one today and the other last night.

Do you ever wanna know who you are going to marry? I do know. Why did we have to spoil the surprise? Ha ha.  

How much cash do you have on you? Zed. There are some dollar coins in my wallet from having to put a $20 in a vending machine a couple of months ago.

Who are the 3rd and 7th texts in your phone from? One is some automated system thing from the vet I take the dog to that I never even opted in on, and the other is me sending my husband a door code that our contractor gave him over the phone so he wouldn’t forget. 

Are you tanned? Nope. Rarely am. This summer it was over 90 degrees and I was pregnant, so I didn’t spend a lot of time outside. 

Are you upset with anyone? Nah.

Did you get any compliments today? Ha ha, no. I only saw my husband and the baby.  

Have you ever gone to court? Once, because I got 3 speeding tickets within 6 months when I was 19.

Do you get jealous easily? I’m like low level jealous sometimes, but not like seething with it.

How good is your eyesight? I can see perfectly for about 14 inches. 

Would you ever want to swim with the sharks? Sure. I did this snorkel/scuba thing in St. Kitts and there were wild Manta Rays swimming around/below us and it was amazing.

What time did you wake up this morning? I was up pretty much all night and then went to sleep at like 9am and got up around 1pm. 

What are you doing Saturday? Same thing I do everyday. Being pregnant/having a newborn in quarantine is even more isolating than I thought it would be. We can’t have any one over to even give us a half hour to be human again.  

What is in your back pocket? I am wearing fuzzy penguin pj pants and they have no pockets unfortunately. 

What were you doing at 3am this morning? Reading. I’m on my 4th book this week. I finished two and got halfway through the third and just decided it was awful and to call it.  

If people see this- book recommendations please! I’ve been reading a lot of non-fiction, but like most everything but smutty romance and fantasy. I’m also not reading scary stuff right now because I’m doing all my reading at like 4am and I don’t need to spook myself, ha.

What do you usually do first in the morning? Hope for more time to sleep.

What color is your room? Darkish green.

Are you any good at math? I am. I don’t particularaly like it but I can do a really good amount of math in my head easily.  

Any plans for Friday night? Pretending that weekends have any meaning to me whatsoever any more.

What did you do last weekend? Fed the baby. Ate some food. Didn’t really sleep. I think last weekend is when I finished putting most of the nursery together.  

Do you have a little crush on someone? Nope.  

How old is the last person you kissed? 35. 

Why did you last cry? Exhaustion. Change. Feeling like my body isn’t my own. 

Why did you kiss the person you last kissed? Unsure, other than like, we love each other and stuff.  

What's his name? Steven.  

How has this week been? Tiring.

[johnsbleu]

Hold My Hand: John Wick & Reader Chapter 49

warnings: nsfw, minor john wick chapter 3 spoilers 

The floor in the living room creaks as John walks throughout the house locking up all the doors and making sure everyone is gone. You’re already in the guest bedroom, praying like hell the bed is semi-comfortable for you and John, even if it was the most uncomfortable bed, John would never complain. You, on the other hand, would definitely complain about it.

Bleu pushes the door open with his snout and wags his tail when he sees you. He sniffs the bed a few times, then he groans loudly as he lays at your feet. The lights in the living room go dark, and John’s footsteps get closer as he appears in the doorway.

He leans against the door frame and exhales, “All locked up, and all the lights are off. I did leave on the light above the stove though, just in case someone needs some water or something in the night.”

“Oh, good idea actually. Dan usually gets up in the night for some water.” you say as you watch John start to undress. He throws his dress shirt on the bed and you get out from under the covers and put it on, leaving it unbuttoned, “I’m cold.”

“Well, it looks good.” he says and leans back against the headboard of the bed. He pats the spot between his legs and points at your foot, “You said earlier tonight that your feet hurt.”

“They hurt so bad.” you whimper as you crawl in between John’s legs and rest your feet in his lap.

“Look how tiny your feet are.” he holds up your foot, then puts his hand next to it for comparison, “Tiny.”

“Rub them, Jonathan!” you whine, playfully.

“They also stink.” he says, holding it up to his nose as he laughs and you wiggle your foot out of his grasp. “I’m just kidding.”

“You’re so gross.” you say, closing your eyes when John rubs his thumb into the arch of your foot. He pushes his thumb hard against the knot in your foot, working it loose and you gasp loudly, “Oh, my god, that feels so good.”

“Shh!” John laughs, “Someone will hear you.”

You look at John, cocking up an eyebrow as you open your mouth to moan loudly, but you don’t when his face turns bright red. He continues massaging your foot, and you watch as he starts to smile.

“What’s goin’ on?”

John looks up at you and shakes his head, “Nothing.”

“I don't believe you,” you say, almost singing, “Tell me.”

“I just want to thank you.”

“For what?” you ask, tilting your head.

“For everything. For...” he clears his throat and swallows hard, “For giving me a family.”

“You consider Tess and Jimmy your family?”  

“Yeah, your mom too.” he nods and smiles at you, “Your mom is so nice to me, and when I picked her up from the airport, it was so…natural between us. And Dan, he’s cool. It’s just nice having them be so accepting of me. And your mom trusts me so much with you, so that makes me feel really good. I mean, you’re out here on your own, then you moved in with me and she immediately accepted it and…” he leans closer and whispers, “I think she likes me. I think she thinks I’m good for you.”

“Of course she does! John, she loves you. When I talk to her on the phone, the first thing she asks about is you. She really likes you a lot. She goes on and on about how good you are for me.” you watch John as he smiles wide, then it slowly fades. “Did Helen’s family not like you?”

John shakes his head, “Conversation for another night I suppose.”

“Got it.” you laugh and get up to move to sit next to John.

“Tess is like that really annoying little sister I always wanted when I was younger.” he laughs as he wraps his arm around your shoulder.

“Oh, god, I know.” you laugh, “Except she’s my annoying big sister. It’s good to have her. I tend to think I deserve the awful things people say to me, so I’m not the best at sticking up for myself, but Tess, she’s great at sticking up for me.”

John brushes his thumb against your cheek to get you to look up at him, and he smiles sweetly, “You know you don’t deserve the awful things people say to you though, right? And I’ll always be here to remind you of that.”

“Yeah.” you nod and lean up to meet John’s lips for a tender kiss. “So, I have you, Tess, and Jimmy now. Seems like a good trio to me.”

“Yeah, Jimmy really cares about you.” he nods and looks down at you, “Kept asking if you were going to be okay when you were talking to Tess. He was so worried, and he felt so bad because Matt had come with his cousin.”

“Well, that’s not his fault. It’s not her fault either. I’m sure she had no idea who he was, and I’m sure once she finds out, she won’t be going out with him again.”

“Oh, definitely not. Jimmy already talked to her and she was disgusted. She was asking if you were okay, too. That family…worries a lot.” he laughs and presses a kiss to the top of your head as he hugs you, “She told me to hug you for her, so...”

“That’s sweet.” you hug John, then intertwine your fingers with his and sigh, “Can I ask you a question? You can totally say no, I won’t be upset.”

“You can ask me anything.” he says, leaning down to kiss your forehead.

“Did you ever look for your family? You have the resources and the money…”

He nods his head slowly, almost like he knew you were going to ask. He starts to shake his head and looks at you, “No, I never did.”

“Really?” you tilt your head back to look at him and he nods.

“Nope, just figured since they didn't want me, I shouldn't waste my time looking for them.” he says, looking down at you, “I’ve made peace with that.”

They didn't want him. You feel your heart break at the thought of John being so young and not understanding why his parents gave him up.

“Maybe they couldn't keep you. Maybe it was a really unfortunate situation.” you say, trying to play devil's advocate. “Maybe…she was really young and just couldn't take care of a kid. We don’t know the whole story, John.”

He shakes his head, “It doesn't matter.”

“I’m sorry I brought it up. I upset you, I can tell.” you say and feel your heart break again. Upsetting John was your last intention, but you just wanted to know a little more about his childhood.

John lets out a small laugh as he shakes his head, “You didn’t upset me.”

You sit up to straddle John and his hands move to your hips. “Listen, you're my family, John. And you know what, if they didn't want you, then fuck them. They're missing out on the most wonderful man I've ever met in my entire life. You're so full of love, and it amazes me that even after everything you’ve been through, you still have such a big heart. I have literally never met someone like you.”

John cups your face and leans his forehead against yours, “Thank you.”

“I mean it. Jonathan, you are…amazing. I know that word is so overused, but it’s true. You’re so patient with me when I’m having a bad day. You’re understanding when I don’t want to talk about something, and I’ll admit, I am not like that with you.” you laugh and John starts to smile.

“You underestimate yourself a lot. Not many people would have stuck around after finding out their boyfriend is…well, me.” he rubs his thumb over your bottom lip, smiling when you press a kiss to it, “They would have ran for the hills when they saw the guns in my basement and probably been scared of me, but you…you just yelled at me.”

“See, I’m not scared of you.” you say, poking John’s stomach. You wrap your arms around him and he pulls into a bear hug as you two cling to each other in silence.

“Anyone would have left me when they saw the way I was acting tonight.” he whispers and you lean back to look at him, “But I needed to do something. I’m sorry that you had to see it, see me being…”

“Don’t say it. Jonathan Charles Wick, don’t you dare.”

“A monster.” he whispers and you sigh loudly as you slouch.

“Never. Never, Jonathan.” you cup his face and shake your head, “I would never think of you as some sort of monster, and I hate that you think that’s what you are. I’m sorry that someone has gotten into your head and made you believe that, but all I saw tonight was a man protecting someone he loves.” you say, then immediately start to laugh, “God, was that corny or what?”

“It was a little.” John laughs as he pulls you back into his arms. “Been hanging around me too much.”

“Well, it’s true.” you close your eyes, then start to laugh again, “Can you believe I pulled the ‘John Wick is my boyfriend’ card tonight? Who the hell was I?”

John laughs quietly and leans back to see your face, “I was honestly so shocked.”

“I mean, you are just…Jonathan to me. You’re just John.” you shake your head and chuckle, “But I kinda like throwing it in his face who you were. I know he knows who you are. Everyone does. Except me apparently.”

“And I liked it that way. Well, until I thought we were both ready for you to know.”

“That didn’t go according to plan, did it?” you say, and the two of you laugh.

“Can I show you something?” he asks and moves you back to the bed as he stands up. “I'll be right back.”

You watch John leave the room and hear the basement door squeak open. Bleu is at the foot of the bed and perks up a little as John's feet scamper down the steps. After a few minutes, Bleu begins to wag his tail, alerting you that John is on his way back into the bedroom.

“Hi,” you say and kneel on the bed. You notice John holding a manila folder and you look back up at him, “What's this?”

“When we were looking at baby pictures, I thought about these. I didn't look for my family, but I do have some stuff from my childhood. I know you want to know more about it and trust me, it was pretty uneventful.” he sits back down on the bed and taps the spot next to him.

“Okay, well, I definitely don’t believe that it was uneventful. You were in foster care, and you were in the Marines for a while. That’s not uneventful, you’re just leaving stuff out so you don’t make me sad, or so I don’t judge you -- which I never would.”

John laughs and shrugs a little, “Well, what would you say if I told you I went to a school that trained children to become assassins?”

“I would say it’s not the weirdest thing you’ve told me.” you look up at John and smile, “The weirdest thing you’ve ever told me was…hmm, probably that you’ve never seen Titanic. Everyone has seen that movie, Jonathan. Get with the program.”

John stares at you in awe and he exhales in relief, “I can’t tell you how much I appreciate you.”

You pat John’s cheek and smile, “I love you.”

“I love you.” John holds your gaze for a few moments before he looks down at the folder and pulls out some papers, “This is a file with all my information on it.”

“Can I look at it?” you ask, reaching out for it and sitting cross legged next to John.

“Of course.” he laughs and hands it to you, “Why else would I have brought it up here?”

John’s file has him listed all over the world at some point. Hawaii, Mexico, Germany, Italy. You knew John traveled a lot for work, but knowing he was a kid when he went to a lot of these places takes you by surprise.

“Where haven’t you been?”

“Where haven’t I been?” he laughs and tilts his head back as he thinks, “Well, I’ve never been to Australia.”

“Really? Not much assassin business going in Australia?” you laugh.

“No, there is. There’s business going on everywhere, you’d be surprised. I just haven’t had any jobs in Australia. Plus I…work for people who usually do their business in New York.”

“Makes sense.” You shuffle through the papers more and land on John’s birth certificate, and John lets out a small sigh. You look up at John and smile, “We met a few days after your birthday.”

“Did you just realize that, or just not know my birthday?” he laughs and you playfully slap his chest.

“No, I know your birthday, you ass!” you squint your eyes at John as he laughs. “Did you get anything good for your birthday this year?”

“You.” he smiles and you laugh loudly. “Actually, Jimmy got this weird face statue to put my glasses on.”

“You don’t wear glasses.”

“I didn’t have the heart to tell him, he was so proud of this thing.” he says and points over to the strange looking statue on the side table.

“He’s an odd gift giver, isn’t he?” you laugh and look down at the papers again then back at John, “This part is about your parents, not much information.”

“Yeah.” he says quietly, and you can hear the sadness in his voice.

You can see it hurts John that he doesn’t know anything about his family, and you can’t even begin to imagine how he feels. Reaching out to cup his face, he leans into the palm of your hand and closes his eyes for a moment, and you lean forward to kiss his forehead.

“That must be so hard. It must have been really hard growing up and not knowing your family.”

John nods slowly and exhales, “Yeah, it was.”

“Well, if you ever wanted to, we could look into finding them.” you say quietly and John opens his eyes to look at you. “I just want you to know that I’d be supportive either way. Whether you want to find them or not. I will fully support you, and I’ll be with every step of the way if you decide that’s what you want to do.”

“I don’t want to look for them.” he says as his eyes dart over your face, “I have my family now.”

You smile at John and feel yourself tearing up. He leans his forehead against yours and hands you a picture, and you gasp when you see it’s John as a baby. “Ooh, my god!”

“I have no idea how old I was.”

“Hmm, I'd say around nine months. You look the same age as Harper in this.” you hold the picture up next to John and he smiles. “Oh, my fucking god, I see it. This is literally the best thing I've ever seen. Please tell me there's more.”

“There's a few more,” he says and shuffles through the papers and holds up another picture. “I believe I was seven in this picture.”

You start to tear up a little and hold the picture up to John again, comparing the photo to his face. “I want to die, look at how cute you are. Look at your dorky little smile and your hair. Oh, my god, this is the best day of my life.”

John holds up another picture and laughs, “There's a few that were taken by a girl, she was big into photography–” John looks at you and shakes his head, “It wasn’t Helen, and we didn’t date or anything.”

You put your hands up in defense and laugh, “You went there, not me.”

“I think she liked me, but I wasn’t really interested in dating. It was just nice to have someone to hang out with sometimes.” John leans over to kiss you and laughs, “Please don't make fun of me.”

You already feel a laugh rising in your chest and when John hands you the picture, you bend over laughing until your eyes fill with tears. “You're kidding me? Look at you, you're so tiny. How old were you?”

“Mid to late twenties.” he says, leaning over to look at the picture with you. “Probably around your age actually.”

“Your hair was so short.” you say and run your fingers through his hair. “It’s weird to think that you had it really short for the Marines.”

“Yeah, I hated it.” he closes his eyes when you tug lightly on his hair. “I like it better this way.”

“I do, too. You are literally the most gorgeous man I have ever laid my eyes on, you know that?” you say and hold the picture up to John, “Literally, you have not aged at all.”

“I have.” he laughs and grabs another picture. “This girl in this picture was…my first time.”

“Okay, now that is adorable. How old were you?”

“I think I was around 17,” he says and looks at the picture. “I was so nervous.”

“Please, please, please, tell me about it.” you say, knowing damn well it’s going to be embarrassing.

John starts to laugh and looks up at you, “Well, I took her out to this restaurant. I thought I looked so good, I wore this suit that was way too big for me. And she looked very pretty, she was wearing a dress with flowers all over it. We drove down to the beach after dinner, and I laid a blanket down on the ground and…”

“Sex on the beach for your first time. John, how ambitious of you.”

John rolls his eyes and looks back at the picture. “Yeah, bad idea. There was sand everywhere and on top of it all, I lasted about 45 seconds.”

“45 seconds?” you begin to wheeze as John watches you. You try to stifle the laughter and cup John’s face. “That is so fucking funny. I mean, I’m sure it was a wonderful 45 seconds.”

“Hey, don’t laugh, I was nervous as hell. My hands were shaking so bad. I thought she was gonna laugh at me.”

You roll your eyes at John, still laughing hard, “Yeah right, you know damn well that your dick is huge. You have nothing to be nervous about.”

“No, I mean because I didn’t last long.” he says, rubbing your thigh, “Young John Wick… didn’t last long.”

“Yeah, well, old John Wick doesn’t last that long sometimes either.”

John’s mouth drop open in shock and he laughs loudly, “Mean.”

“Hey, I’ll take it as a compliment.” you laugh and look back down at the picture. John has his arm around the girl’s shoulder and a fake smile is plastered on his face. “For it being your first time, you don’t look very happy in this picture.”

“This wasn’t my first time, this was after we were dating for awhile.”

“Oh, so, she was also your girlfriend?” you ask and look up at John.

“She was.” he says. You hand the picture back to John and he looks at it closely, sighing and shaking his head, “She was not very nice to me.”

“Oh, no.” you frown and lean over to kiss John’s forehead.

“She was controlling, and she wanted to marry me almost a month after dating.” he laughs, “I was 17 years old, why the hell would I want to do that? And honestly, I was a little sick of people trying to control me.”

“Well, obviously that didn’t happen.” you say, looking at John. “Unless you have another marriage you’re hiding from me.”

John playfully taps your leg and laughs, “Nope, she dumped me on the same beach that we had sex on.”

“Oh, tragic. I’ll kick her ass for being mean to you.” you say and put your fists up. You try not to laugh at John, but your body starts to shake from holding in your laughter. You cover your mouth and John looks up at you. “I’m so sorry, that’s terrible. I just can’t get over you only lasting 45 seconds.”

John tackles you to the bed and tickles you, “Yeah, I’m sure your first time was funny, too.”

“Oh, my first time was bad.” you say and John nods, waiting for you to tell him. “All you need to know is it was in the basement of a friend’s house, and all my friends listened to us. Well, listened to him. I was quiet back then.”

“Not anymore?” he smirks.

“Nope,” you lean up to kiss him, then flop back on the bed, “Anyway, Tess protected the door for the three minutes that it lasted. He came, and that was it.”

“That was it?”

“Not very satisfactory, I didn’t even…you know. I went home and cried in my mom’s bed for about three days straight. I didn’t really regret that I had sex, I just regretted that my first time was so bad. Then again, everyone’s first time is bad.” you say and lean up to kiss John, “Except with you.”

He laughs and lays down on top of you, “Our first time was pretty good, I’d say we both enjoyed ourselves.”

“It was really good -- amazing, actually. You definitely lasted longer than 45 seconds…maybe 47 seconds.” you tease and John laughs. “It was good though, I remember being so worried you were going to rip me in half.”

John jerks his hips a little and smiles, “Yeah, me too.”

You bite your lip, trying your hardest not to smile, “And the thumb thing you always do…”

John pulls you on top of him and licks his thumb, then slides his hand into your underwear, rubbing your clit slowly. “This?”

“Yes, that. Fuck.” you start to grind against John and close your eyes, but he removes his hand and moves you back to the bed as you try to catch your breath. You glare at John as you pull your nightgown down, “Such a tease.”

He starts to laugh and leans over to kiss you, “I grabbed your baby picture on the way back up. Look at your hair, it’s just stuck all up on top of your head and your cute little smile, you look so proud of your stuffed animals.”

You look over and see John holding your baby picture next to his, “Pretty cute. I really hope our kids look like you though.”

John looks up at you and you shrug, not knowing what to say when you realize it just slipped out. He nods and smiles, letting it go and you feel relief wash over you.

“You’re so damn cute.” John says and holds your picture up next to your face, “Look at your little smile. You look the same, too.”

“Pfft, yeah, right.” you laugh and shove John’s hand away.

John takes all the pictures and puts them on the side table. He looks over at you as you tuck your hair behind your ear and he points at your ring.

“Where did you get that?” he asks and takes your hand in his, rubbing his thumb over your ring. “It’s beautiful.”

“I got it from Tess, it was my gift from her.” you say and curl up next John. “You like it? She made sure to get blue because it’s my favorite color, and because of this guy.” you tap Bleu with your foot and he looks at you.

“It’s really beautiful.” John says again and you take it off your ring finger, moving it to your middle finger.

“I can’t figure out which finger it feels best on.” you laugh and move it back to your ring finger. “I think it feels best here.”

“You should keep that finger free.” John frowns and you look up at him.

“Why?”

John tries to hide a smile, but he starts to laugh, “You know why.”

“Are you gonna make me Mrs. Wick anytime soon?” you ask and John laughs so loud, it echoes throughout the room. “Sorry, I’ll stop asking, but just know I’m waiting as patiently as I can. And when you do ask…it’s gonna be a yes.”

“Peach, it has to be a surprise. I can’t just do it. Will you marry me? What’s the fun in that? We’re just laying in bed.”

“Yes, I’ll marry you.” you crawl on top of John, hiking up your nightgown a little and John smiles wide.

“That wasn’t a proposal.” he shakes his head and cups your face. Leaning close to John’s face, you grind against him and he laughs. “It has to be special. You deserve something special.”

“Fine.” you run your hands up his chest and onto his biceps, “Your arms are so big. I want them wrapped around me all the time.”

John’s hands move up your thighs as you lean closer, kissing each other passionately. You begin grinding against John as he slowly bucks his hips under you, and you can feel his cock growing harder and harder.

“Wait...” he sits up and moves you back to the bed. He opens the door a crack and looks at Bleu, “Go lay down, boy.” Bleu hops off the bed and John watches as he walks out of the bedroom. “He can come back in after.”

“Oh yeah, definitely don’t want him in here for what I’m about to do to you.” you joke, wrapping your arms around John’s neck as he crawls on top of you. “He’s a good boy though, he protected me tonight.”

“I’m not surprised.” John presses kisses over your stomach as he lifts your nightgown up, “Wish he would have bit Matt’s face off. Bleu is too sweet for that though.”

“My boys protected me tonight.” you cup John’s face and smile sweetly, “Thank you again.”

“You don’t need to thank me.” he says and kisses you tenderly. He lifts you off the bed a little to take off his dress shirt that you’re wearing and his eyes grow wide, glued to your arm.

You look down to see the bruises that Matt left, and you gasp as you attempt to wipe them off like it's a temporary tattoo. You didn't realize that they were even there. Matt gripped you hard and you knew he was probably leaving behind bruises, but your dress had sleeves so you didn’t even think about checking. John sits up straight and gently rubs his thumb over it as he sighs loudly.

“I’m sorry.” he says and you watch as he leans down to kiss your arm. His lips are warm and soft, and you feel his tongue glide against your skin. You sit up and wrap your arms around John, and he pulls you tighter into his arms. “I’m sorry this happened to you.”

“Let’s just forget about it for now.”

John holds your gaze as you kneel on the bed and lift your nightgown up a little as you pull your panties off. He lays down on his back, then he scoots to the center of the bed and kicks the blankets to the floor.

Your fingers wrap around the waistband of his boxers and you tug them off slowly, killing John with anticipation. Still keeping eye contact, you crawl on top of John and pull your nightgown over your head.

“I love you,” you run your fingers through John’s hair and cup his face, “I love you so much.”

You press your lips to John’s as he lays back on the bed, holding you tight to his chest. You lift yourself up a little and reach down between the two of you to slide his cock between your legs. Still keeping your lips pressed together, you roll your hips and John tilts his head back to moan. He bends his knees as he bucks his hips wildly, and the bed creaks incredibly loud to John’s horror.

“This is not going to work.” you laugh and look at John frozen in place.

He slides you back to the bed and sits up to pull on his boxers, “What are we going to do then? There’s no way we can just stop now.”

“Very flattering, Mr. Wick.” you wink, then look around the room as you think, “The basement?”

“The car?” he suggests and you quickly hop off the bed to put on your nightgown again.

“Of course you’d suggest that.” you laugh and lean up to kiss him.

“It’s only because it’s away from everyone.” he says, but you know it has nothing to do with that. John has told you before he wants to have sex in his car, and honestly, at this point, you’re down. He’s so sad about the events that unfolded tonight, and if this helps cheer him up a little, you’re more than happy to do it.

Holding tight to John’s hand, you both tiptoe through the house, and when you hear a noise coming from your bedroom, you freeze in place, “Oh, my god.”

“What?” John turns around, looking at you, then starts to laugh when he hears it too. “They’re having sex in our bed. That’s weird, isn’t it?”

“We’ll just wash the sheets.” you jump into John’s arms, pressing kisses to his neck. “Or buy new ones.”

“I know, but it’s Jimmy and Tess.”

You cock up an eyebrow and look at John, “You’re telling me that if we stayed at their house for the night and I wanted to have sex, you wouldn’t fuck me in their bed?”

John opens his mouth to argue, then he nods, “You got me there.”

Still holding tight to you, John quickly walks out to the garage, turns on the light and quietly opens the driver side door. You hop off of him and he sits down, then taps his thighs, “Hop on.”

You carefully crawl into the car and onto John’s lap. He puts his hands behind you to stop you from bumping the horn with your ass and when you tap it a little, you both start to laugh. You finally get situated, and John slowly and carefully shuts the door.

He lifts your nightgown up and pulls it over your head, throwing to the passenger seat as your lips meet, desperately kissing each other. He reaches between the two of you to pull his cock free from his boxers and you sink down onto him as the two moan loudly.

“Oh, my god,” you say and feel John grabbing your ass, guiding you and moving you faster on his cock.

John’s hand slides up your chest and wraps lightly around your throat, “That feel good?”

“Mhm,” you suck on John’s thumb and he leans forward to pepper your chest with kisses. “You’re so hard for me tonight.”

“Well, you look beautiful tonight, and the way you were moving when we were dancing...”

“Almost came in your pants, didn’t you?” you laugh.

John starts to laugh and he looks up at you, “If I’m being honest, yeah. You’re kind of a huge tease.”

“You have no room to talk. You just stuck your hands in my pants, trying to get me off and then just stopped like it was nothing.” you say and John laughs again.

John reaches down and lays his seat back, and he smiles when you kiss over his chest and up to his neck. The two of you press your foreheads together as you moan breathlessly, and John groans loudly when you rotate your hips slowly.

“Peach, I’m sorry.”

Burying your face in the crook of John’s neck, you start to laugh, “Already?”

John pulls you back so he can see your face and gives you a small smile, “I’m sorry.”

“What?” you look down to where the two of you are connected, but since it’s pretty dark in the garage, you can’t see anything, “You can’t be done already. You didn’t even make…the face.”

“No, I just…I should have been there with you tonight.” he shakes his head and tilts it back against the seat to look at you.

“Baby, don’t. It’s over with.”

“Yeah, but if I had been there, it wouldn’t have happened in the first place.” he says and you roll your eyes. You move to get off of him and he grabs your waist to keep you in place, “What are you doing?”

“John…” you sigh and sit up straight, “Listen, it happened. There’s nothing we can do about it.”

John frowns a little and he cups your face, “I know, but I still--”

“You still wish you could have been there, I get it. I’m okay though, isn’t that what matters?” you lean your forehead against John’s and he nods.

“Yeah, that’s what matters.”

“Are you going to keep bringing this up?” you ask, rubbing your thumb against his beard.

John starts to laugh, then shrugs, “Probably, but I won’t bring it up anymore tonight.”

“I’m fine with that. Now…fuck me.” you say, and you moan loudly as he starts bucking his hips frenziedly.

John moves you to bounce up and down on him, and you put your hand on the ceiling of the car to keep yourself from hitting your head. His hand trails up to your breast and he leans up, sucking on your nipple.

“You’re so wet tonight. Listen to the sounds you’re making.”

“Can you blame me? You looked fucking delicious all day.” you laugh and bite at John’s neck.

“It was so hard to keep my hands to myself today. Right before everything happened, I was gonna pull you into the backyard.”

“What were you gonna do to me in the backyard?” you ask, moaning in the crook of John’s neck. He pulls you back to make eye contact with you, and he smiles cheekily.

“I was gonna bend you over and fuck you as hard as I could. I was gonna rip that dress off of you and take you right in the backyard, listening to you moan my name.”

“Fuck,” you cry out and ride John faster as he begins to breath heavily.

You watch as he leans his head back against the seat, and you tighten around him as you feel him rubbing your clit with his thumb, bringing on your orgasms simultaneously. You tilt your head back and quickly cover your mouth with your hand, feeling a loud moan beginning to surface.

“Let me hear.” John says and moves your hand just as you let out an earsplitting moan.

Holding tight to each other, you ride out your orgasms, moaning and breathing loudly. You tuck your hair behind your ear and look at John as he pants, trying to catch his breath. The windows in the car have fogged over, and you start to laugh when you see your hand print on the window.

“I don’t remember doing that.”

“Wow.” John laughs and looks at you, still holding tight to your waist as he pulls his seat back up. “So…I make a face?”

“Yeah,” you cover your mouth as you laugh. “You always like…scrunch your eyebrows together and tilt your head back when you come. Sometimes you clench your jaw like you’re trying not to scream or something. Wish you would though, then I’d know I’m doing something right.”

John slaps your ass and laughs loudly, “Trust me, you’re always doing something right.”

You grab your nightgown and pull it back over you and nod to the door, “We should probably head back in.”

“Yeah.” he nods and watches you wince as you lift yourself off of him.

John opens the glove compartment and takes a few tissues, quickly wiping himself off, then he grabs more and pats between your legs. As quietly as you can, you open the car door and wait for John to fix himself.

He reaches out for your hand and peeks through the door, then looks at you, “I think we’re safe.”

You tiptoe through the living room and see the kitchen light is on. Peeking around the corner, you see Tess sitting at the kitchen table eating a bowl of cereal.

“What is she doing awake?” you whisper to John and he peeks around the corner.

“Apparently she was hungry.” he walks past you heading for the kitchen, and you pull back him to you.

“What are you doing? You don’t have a shirt on, and you’re only in your boxers.” you point down and he laughs quietly.

John looks down at his boxers and shrugs, “I think she can control herself. She is a married woman after all.”

“I…” you blink at John a few times, and he walks into the kitchen and greets Tess.

“Hey, Tess. Can’t sleep?” he asks, grabbing a bottle of water.

“Oh…uh,” she clears her throat and laughs, “No, I was starving. Jimmy is passed out and I thought I’d just come grab a bowl of cereal, I hope you don’t mind.”

“No, of course not. Eat whatever you want.” he says and from the glass on the oven, you see him lean against the counter. “There’s still some leftover food in the fridge and there’s cake as well.”

“Nah, I was craving cereal.” she says, holding up a box of sugary cereal, “I’m guessing she picked this cereal, you don’t seem like the type to eat this. You seem more like a healthy cereal type of guy. Lots of fiber, I bet.”

“Actually, I picked that, but yeah, she definitely picks out the cereal. She picks out a lot of our junk food.” he laughs.

“Excuse you,” you gasp as you walk into the kitchen, “You buy junk food.”

John looks at you over his shoulder and laughs, “Yeah, but you pick it out.”

“So, what are you two doing awake?”

You and John look at each other, and your cheeks start to burn as you shuffle in place. John takes a big gulp of water so he doesn’t have to answer and you roll your eyes at him. You look at Tess as she leans back in her chair, trying to look at John and his tattoos.

You walk over and sit down next to Tess, pulling your nightgown down when you remember you’re not wearing any underwear. You drum your fingers on the table to get Tess’ attention and she jumps.

“Huh?” she says and looks at you, “Oh, I was…wait, I mean, I couldn’t sleep.”

“I didn’t ask you anything.” you turn around and look at John as he finishes off his bottle of water, “Baby, come here.” John walks over and stands behind you, and you get up and point at the chair, “Sit down.”

“Okay.” John laughs and sits down.

You grab Tess’ hand, pulling her up to stand next to you, “There, now you can look.”

“What?” he says, turning around to look at you.

“Your tattoos. She wants to see them.” you say and look at Tess, “Don’t you?”

“Yeah, sorry. I was trying to be subtle. I was going to wait until you invited us over to go swimming, but since your pool still isn’t filled…” she laughs and you push John forward so she can see his tattoos. She reaches out and brushes her fingers over the wolf on his right shoulder, “Your tattoos are amazing, John. Are you ever going to get more?”

John starts to laugh and shakes his head, “I don’t know. Depends.”

“Depends on what?” Tess asks.

“If we had a baby, I’d maybe get something.” he says and Tess looks over at you and smiles, nudging you and winking. John looks up at you and smiles, “I’d get a tattoo with you.”

“Matching tattoos, how corny. You know what, that’s cute actually. We always wanted to get matching tattoos, and Jimmy and I want to get one as well.” Tess says, still looking at John’s tattoos. “We should all go together and get one.”

You lean forward to look at John and smile, “You can get my face tattooed across your chest.”

John starts to laugh and shakes his head fast, “I love you, but I don’t want that.”

Tess furrows her brow in confusion, “You have two crosses, I didn’t realize you were...religious.”

John chuckles and looks over his shoulder, “I’m not.”

“Well, then why do have them?” Tess teases.

“I was young when I got all of these.”

Tess runs her fingers over the large cross in the middle of John’s back and she gasps loudly, “Jesus, John, this isn’t a tattoo.”

John looks up at you and frowns as you lean over to look at it with Tess. She looks up at you with tears in her eyes and puts her hand over her mouth.

“John, she’s speechless. We did it. We did the impossible.” you say, and John laughs quietly.

“Were you fucking…branded?” she asks, rubbing her fingers over the bumped up skin.

“Something like that.” he says quietly, and he reaches for your hand to pull you back to him.

“Exactly like that.” you say and you watch a tear slide down Tess’ cheek. John’s left hand slides between your legs and onto your knee, and he pulls you even closer.

“Well, I hate this.” Tess says and you move to hug her. “I hate this, John. And not to be weird, but I…want to kiss it and make it better. In a platonic way…if that’s possible.”

“I will!” you say happily and press your lips to John’s back, moving them up to the crook of his neck and he squirms away. “Ticklish.”

When you touch his shoulder, John instantly can tell the difference between Tess’ hand and yours, and he smiles at you over his shoulder. You sit down next to John at the table and watch as Tess continues looking at his tattoos. He props head on his hand, eyes darting over your face as the two of you look at each other.

Tess leans closer to get a better look at the cross in the middle of his back and finally notices the other scars littering his skin. She puts her hand over her mouth and looks at you with tears in her eyes.

“I know.” you whisper and look at her, smiling softly.

“John, baby, you are covered in scars.” she says, and John quickly turns around to look at her. She notices the scars on his chest and stomach, and she covers her mouth again with both hands as she gasps, “Oh, my god.”

“Oh no, not you too.” he laughs and stands up to hug Tess. “It’s okay. I’m okay.”

“I cried the first time I saw them, too.” you say and watch Tess as she stares at them.

She looks at John’s stomach and frowns even more when she sees the splatter of scars, “I know about your job, well, barely anything about your job, but I just…I guess I never thought about it. You getting hurt like this.” she reaches out to touch a scar on his stomach and he flinches.

“Your hands are cold.” he laughs.

“How did you get this?”

“Ask my map.” he laughs and points at you.

“Uh,” you get up and point at John’s stomach, “I think this was the broken bottle, right?”

“Yeah.” John nods.

“And this one?” she points at a scar on his right side.

“A gun. Two bullets.” you say and Tess points at more, “Gun, knife, another knife, gun.”

Tess’ eyes scan over his chest and she sees a thick scar on his collar bone, “What about that?”

“Huh?” you stand on your tiptoes and look at it, “I don’t know about that one.”

“Knife.” John says, “Had to stitch it myself.”

“Oh, my god.” she wipes a tear off her face and looks at you, “How do you do this?”

“Well, I’m always in a constant state of worry when it comes to John,” you wrap your arms around John’s waist and press kisses to his chest. “But I haven’t had to worry about that lately since he hasn’t had a job in a while.”

“Which is still my choice, by the way.” John pulls your arms around him tighter and laughs, “I’m fine, Tess.”

“Listen, I’m blaming everything on this baby.” she starts to sob and she covers her face again.

“Should I start calling you too?” he asks as he laughs.

Tess starts to laugh and exhales loudly, “This is so stressful, and he’s not even my husband!”

John looks over at you and smiles, “Should we head to bed?”

“Yeah.” you nod and John picks you up bridal style as you squeal loudly, “John! I don’t have any underwear on.”

“Ooh, that’s why you two were awake.” Tess nods and brings her bowl to the sink, “Wait…where the hell were you?”

“His car.” you laugh and press a kiss to John’s face.

“You two are wild, let me tell you.” she says, shaking her head.

“Definitely not.” you say and John bounces you in his arms. “Also, don’t think we didn’t hear you and Jimmy about 45 minutes ago.”

“Well, I heard you two talking earlier in the bathroom, so consider it payback.” she blurts out, then covers her mouth when she looks at John, “Sorry.”

John leans closer to your ear and whispers, “She…she heard us?”

You try your best to push the laughs down, but you tilt your head back laughing loudly, “Yeah, she did.”

“We’re going to bed now.” John says, quickly turning around, heading for the guest room.

Tess follows you through the living room and stops at the steps, “Goodnight, you two. Love you.”

“Goodnight.” you and John say together.

“Love you.” you say, waving at her.

Tess laughs loudly as she starts her way up the stairs, “I can see your ass, by the way.”

__

taglist: @keanubot @raveviolet @deviljoonie @cheekybluefox @ibelielveinmusic @avxgers @beyond-antares @hhighkey @lokismortallove @vladtoly @sanctuarygirl @daily-evanstan @chicksamwitch @star017 @lainalainalain

Sorry I’m so shit with tagging people. lmfao

[madamquacklemore]

Chapter 6-The devil awaits (part 1)

a/n This chapter takes place during s03 e05 -as ever spoiler alert! It should also be noted that this chapter is divided into two parts as it would be too long otherwise. As always thank you for your support and please let me now what you think! This chapter will be entirely in Tarian’s POV.

Are you ready to swear right here, right now Before the devil That you're on the square That you're on the level That you're ready to stand right here, right now Right here, right now

Ghost-Square Hammer The march to Aylesburgh would be a long one and due to the nature of their journey there would be little time for stopping. Tarian with much food for thought, took up position at the rear and kept to herself. This did not go unnoticed as Aetheflead herself broke formation (much to her guards annoyance) and chose to ride beside her.

"You do not seem quite yourself this morning ," the lady of Mercia said to her friend. "My apologies Lady, I am just tired and wanted to conserve energy." "Are you sure there is nothing wrong?" she asked. Oh no nothing at all just everything she believed about her family had been a lie, half her people want her dead and the other half wanted to marry her for her family's connections. On top that she had sworn loyalty to a man who still did not trust her fully and had conflicting feelings over his closest friend. "Nothing at all Lady." Tarian replied. "Are you avoiding someone? I only ask because I heard you were in the forest this morning with Uhtred" Tarian looked up. "Guards gossip more than fishermen's wives." "My lady I assure you there is nothing going on with Lord Uhtred." Tarian began she had seen the two of them in the barn and they seemed to care for each other great deal perhaps even more than that. It was none of her business Tarian knew that, nor could she fault Aethelflead after all she had told her about her abusive husband. The last thing Tarian needed was the Lady thinking there was something going on between herself and Uhtred. "Then are you avoiding another?" Tarian bit her lip and avoided the lady's gaze. Her interrogator was used to getting her own way. "Hmmm. I shall take that as a yes. Well it can't be the Dane, Sihtric, as he's happily married from what I gather and the monk Osferth is too young. So that leaves either Finan or one of my household guard." The very mention of his name brought flashbacks of their passionate yet brief embrace. She was good. Too good. "Lady I-" "It is Finan" Tarian looked up "Lady please I-" "Tarian I consider you and I to be friends. Correct me if I'm wrong but both of us seem to be rather lacking in female friends that are not children nor servants?" she smiled. After a moment of thought Tarian replied "We kissed lady." "I assumed something was happening between you both! I saw you the other evening in the hall-" "You were not the only one" "Uhtred disapproves? Not to worry I will have a place for you in my guard and-" Tarian started to laugh "No Lady Aetheflead Uhtred has no issue with it." "Then why-" "There is much stake right now and I guess I'm not sure where either of our feelings lie." "Then perhaps you may get some clarity at this very moment?" Aetheflead suggested as both women looked up and saw signal for rest. The lady of Mercia excused herself with one of her ladies and left Tarian to stretch her legs. "Baby monk is missing your company this mornin'" an Irish voice came from behind. "Is that so?" she smiled as she turned round to face him. "Yeah he's missin' your laughter somethin' fierce." Finan closed the space between them he was so close now that Tarian could smell the lemon grass wash he had used this morning. "'N I'll tell ya somethin' he ain't the only one." he whispered in her ear. Tarian shivered ,the cold she told herself, swallowing hard she retorted. "Really Sihtric too? My my I didn't realise I was so popular." His hearty laugh sent warmth flooding through her, but then his face sobered and he looked her in the eye. "You aren't avoidin' me after last nigh' are ya? I know we..er got a bit carried away but I jus' want ya to know if ya don't want it to go no further or if ya-" "Finan" she cut across him he had looked away at the sound of his name, she reached out and brought him back to face her "I just have a lot on my mind right now. A lot of thoughts that need sorting" "Ah I understand." he replied and began to walk away but she grabbed his hand this time and he turned to face her. "I said thoughts Irishman not regrets. I will remain at the rear to be on the safe side." she closed the gap between them reaching up to whisper in his ear this time, she added "I enjoyed last night and as I recall so did you." For the first time Tarian saw him nervous perhaps? He chuckled "Aye that was a bit of a give away wasn't it? I will leave you to your thoughts I just wanted to be sure is all." "And now you are." She watched him as he hesitated, unsure of what to do, in the end he decided it was probably best if he returned to the men. He looked back and grinned at her in front of the whole camp earning a curious and bemused looks from the rest of their party. Hours later their arrival was sounded at the Aylesburgh and the largest Saxon Tarian had ever seen came out greet them or so to speak. A dozen men at the entrance had their spears pointed in their direction and beside this great Saxon man were two smaller men, a thin man with a large nose and another man with a rather feminine face framed with golden curls. It had taken Tarian a moment to realise the latter was indeed a man and when she mentioned this to Osferth and Sihtric they did their best to conceal their laughter and explained that it was Aethelred of Mercia the ill-minded husband of Aethelflead. Upon this revelation Tarian immediately got down from her horse and went to the lady's side, earning some strange looks from the other Mercian soldiers. If only I had turned up dressed for battle that would give them something to stare at she thought angrily. She ignored the audience she had garnered and listened to Aethelflead telling her husband of the treachery that had occured. They were ordered to surrender their weapons upon entry-all visible weapons that was. Finan, being Finan , protested of course but in the end they all handed their weapons over. Tarian handed over her newly aquired Mercian steel sword and two daggers the third was secrectly stowed in her undergarments. Regardless of whether they were in the company of Aethelflead's father or not she would take no chances. After entering the stronghold, Finan jokingly offered to kill the lady's husband which naturally she declined. However Tarian had previously offered to shadow walk and slit the man's throat, promising the lady she would make it look like the Danes had done it but she had declined her offer too. The large Saxon man named Steapa had ordered that only Aethelflead and her lady may enter. Tarian and her dear friend exchanged bemused looks and the noble woman insisted she would stay with the outlaws of Wessex. Finan, Tarian had been warned of , enjoyed goading Steapa further. The banter lightened the atmosphere and provided them with a decent meal. "He threatened to step on you?" Tarian exclaimed as they ate the food that had been provided for them. Sihtric and Osferth nodded Finan rolled his eyes "He certainly is a rather large Saxon." Tarian replied as they all turned to look at Steapa who was guarding the hall. "I could take him on he migh' be bigger bu' I reckon he's slower." "They call you Finan the agile I believe?" Aetheflead said subtly nudging Tarian under the table. "He dances around his enemies and smiles like the devil these Christians are so fearful of." Sihtric explained. "Aye that I do son that I do. Like I said I could take him on." "Shall we tell him you wish to make the square?" Sihtric teased. Before Finan could respond a tall skinny Saxon came up to them as an approximation to a Witan was to be called and their presence required. "A what?" Tarian asked. "A Witan is like a war council but I do not no what an approximation to one is." Sihtric explained "Basically the same ting but not" "Helpful Finan." It had turned out that the approximation to a Witan was a council where the king was not present. This would explain why Uhtred and Aetheflead looked so concerned. If Uhtred's plan was to get an army and take down Haesten to recover his seer how could he do that without the king present? Tarian followed them this time choosing to stay with Finan Osferth and Sihtric, this was a matter she had no experience in nor knew how to proceed with. It was a small hall the cross hanging in the center almost a warning against non believers. The dimly room was heavily guarded and shrouded in the Mercian colours altogether not a welcoming sight. The pompous pudding of a man sat on the would-be throne of the room and attempted to make a mockery of Aetheflead as she begun to explain. Tarian wanting nothing more than to reach behind and fire her dagger straight at his treacherous heart, was stopped by Finan as it was as if he could read her very thoughts when he reached behind and gripped one of her clenched fists behind her back. Neither of them looked at each other instead focusing on the meeting before them. It was at that moment king Alfred entered the room weak, but proud, Tarian found herself very nearly in bitter admiration of the infamous ruler of Wessex. After demanding Uhtred to tell him what he wanted and why they were dismissed. It did not look good even if the young heir apparent Edward seemed to be on their side. This time there was no laughter no reminiscing as they pondered on what was to happen next. Tarian noticed two holy men and the young prince headed there way alerted Uhtred and the others and left to make room joining Sihtric at the other table who was cleaning his warrior's bands. Tarian and Sihtric exchanged looks as Osferth joined their table. She reached out to him and he gratefully accepted her hand. Finan had told her he was the bastard child of the king and so it could not have been easy for him to sit there among the half siblings who would never accept him nor the father who would have him. After much seemingly dull discussion Uhtred stood up with a smile on his face and nodded. Finan joined him and winked at her. They retrieved their horses and weapons as it would seem they had gotten what they came for and made there way to Beamfleot. "The lady does not come with us?" "It would be too dangerous." Uhtred explained. "I do not like her here alone with that treacherous turd." Tarian gritted her teeth. Lady Aethelflead was to stay in the clutches of her awful husband-alone. The group plus Aetheflead's guard marched into the late afternoon and set up camp at reasonable march away from the fortress with any luck they would return victors. Uhtred had tasked Finan and Tarian with the disposal of scouts sending only one back  with the notice of their arrival. No one joked much that night nor did they stay up late drinkig ale. Tomorrow was a battle they needed to have all their strength for and if anyone doubted Edward's ability to get five hundred men they never said it. 

She woke early and with a seeing glass she painted her face and braided her hair. If today were to be the day she joined her mother Tarian made sure the Gods knew exactly who she was. "Why do your people paint their faces?" Osferth asked seemingly alarmed as they made their way on foot to the fortress. He was not the only one who seemed intimated as several of the men had moved blaintly out of her way and avoided eye contact blessing themselves some wouldn't even speak to her. "To scare the livin' Jaesus outta their enemies and allies by tha looks of tings lil monk" Finan joked the men around them laughed at the Irishmans joke for it had indeed had that very effect "Yes and no" Tarian began "Green paint is used for camoflage when we are watching our enemies blue is for battle and white is for death a funeral. Red for weddings. The marks on my body tell of my family and who I am. Should I perish today the Gods will know who I am and that I died a warrior." Everyone went quiet perhaps she said too much? The young monk had asked after all and tact was not Tarian's strong suit. "Well I hate ta break it to ya Celt bu' 'tis a waste of paint. Today is not your day to meet your Gods." Finan replied so only her ears could hear. Looking up she met those beautiful dark eyes. She had been so consumed in her own thoughts of late with everything Arthfael had told her with fear for Aethelflead's safety that she hadn't seen or spoken to Finan much and now here could be the last time they fight alongside each other. Oh how she longed to be alone with him. Some place quiet some place private.

Uhtred ordered the halt as the fortress came into view. A short fat man came into view along with another stocky man with braided hair and a beautiful woman with long blonde hair markings on her face it could only be the seer. The short fat man was Haesten he and Uhtred traded insults both sides laughing and argued over the witch who seemed utterly bored with the conversation. The open air seemed thick and hard to breathe as she stared at every one of them. Despite her beauty there was no denying she was the very embodiement of evil itself. Tarian glared right back at her probably not the smartest thing to do but she would not show this witch of the North any fear. "You bring another woman-a Celt- with you?" Haesten called out drawing Tarian's attention to him and she made her way to the front at Finan's side. The dark haired Dane whispered something into his ear. "Dagfinn tells me she is the daughter of a Jarl and says he will claim both her and the reward he offers." the Dane sneered "You would loose your cock before you touch me Dane scum!" Tarian roared in her native tongue and spat on the ground. "Good luck  with that" Uhtred jeered "I do not think  she likes your man very much. Enough games Haesten! I am tired of this! Fight me. Bring your guard nothing more and we will make the square. I will wait for you in the clearing there." Uhtred stared long and hard at their retreating figures the blonde witch held his gaze as she sauntered off after her captor. 

They left for the clearing and hours passed as they shivered in the cold. Uhtred ordered them to get up the plan had failed. "Lord! Lord!" Osferth called out. They all spun round and found that hell itself had been unleashed for there rode Haesten and what looked like hundreds of men-against 50 of them. Tarian prayed to the gods Edward would make good on his promise otherwise this would be slaughter. If they were in a thick forest they still could not win. Uhtred gave the order for two lines and automatically Tarian found herself shield and sword at Finan's side. The Danes circled and Uhtred changed their position to match that circle. The ugly Dane announced he only wanted Uhtred and the rest of them would live. But they were going nowhere. Where was Edward's promised men? After Finan promised Haesten he'd shove his sword up his hairy arse the madness began. 

The strength of their shields did little against the onslaught of hundreds of Danes. Tarian had no more time to think as she dodged blocked and sliced her way through the foes that approached her. A sharp sudden pain grazed her left side but she had no time to look for she narrowly missed the swipe of a Danish axe and slipped on the muddy surface as her head collided with something hard on the ground. Blinking hard she tried to make sense of what was happening and tried to get her body to move. She knew if she fell to the ground she was a dead woman. A Dane stood before her sword ready for the plunge adrenaline flew through her veins once more and the need to survive took over as she reached for her hidden dagger and stabbed first his foot then his thigh. The man collapsed in agony and she slit his throat finishing the job she was not however fast enough for the man behind her. Luckily enough it had been an act of the Gods or a singular God in this case as Osferth came from behind and struck the Dane with his club. 

"Tarian are you-ug!" His sentence was not finished as the man he had clubbed was still conscious and stabbed the young monk. "Osferth!" she roared and drove her dagger through the throat of the Osferth's attacker. With no time to assess the damage Tarian caught the young monk before he fell and put a shield around him to protect the wound. Standing firm she would not leave his side as life had been rejuvenated within her again slicing and stabbing the Danes that came near. Finan was not that far away she laughed bitterly as she heard his curses and warrior roars. Oh if only she could relive the last forty eight hours! Oh the things she would do differently. It was at the very moment when all hope had seemed lost that a charge sounded from the woods dozens of men on horseback came charging towards them a several hundred on foot all wearing the colours of Wessex. Edward had made good on his promise. They would live yet to see another day.  

@geekandbooknerd @itzmegaaaaaaan @tesstrash @xthezodiacage @ariellostatci @sprinklesthrows17 @medievalfangirl  @laketaj24

[edourado]

Karedevil prompt: I loved your "Daddy Lessons" fic, so this is kinda/sorta in the same vein; Karen has a pregnancy scare but when it turns out she's not, both she and Matt are a lot more disappointed than they thought they'd be.

I’ve been putting this one off for a while, because I couldn’t quite get it right, but I think we could all use some lightness after the Defenders. 

That said, there are no spoilers for it. This was mostly written before it aired, so if you haven’t watched it, you’re clear. 

Please forgive any mistakes.  I just finished writing it, and I’m not in a big editing mood. 

Hope you enjoy. 

Positive

Matt wakes up when he can’t feel her in bed by his side. After making sure she wasn’t there, he touches his alarm. Almost four in the morning.

He gets up, alert, when his quick sweep tells him she’s not in the apartment. He’s already on fight mode, scanning the place and the hallways and the streets around, when he locates her. On the roof, of all places.

He’s barefoot, his sweatpants barely on when he climbs the stairs and rushes to her. She’s fine, at least physically, but she’s crying.

“Karen”, he calls, half desperate already, when he reaches the roof. “What’s wrong? Are you hurt? What happened?”

“Oh!”, she says, turning to him, placing her hands on top of his when he touches her face, her arms, looking for something. “No, I’m fine, I’m fine, it’s nothing, I didn’t mean to wake you, I’m sorry.”

“Why are you crying?” he asks, wiping her tears away, still looking for something, trying to figure it out, his senses alert to the world around them, trying to locate a threat. “What happened?”

“I’m sorry, I’m fine, I promise, I promise.”

When he comes up with nothing, he relaxes a bit, his hands still on her face.

“You’re not fine”, he says, finally. “You wouldn’t be crying on the roof in the middle of the night if you were. What’s going on?”

There are still tears coming down her face while she looks at him.

“I-”, she starts, but interrupts herself. “I didn’t want to worry you.”

“I am worried. Please tell me what’s happening.”

Sniffing, she places her hands on his chest.

“Did someone come after you?”

“No, no, nothing like that. It’s… I think…”

He runs his hands up and down her arms, trying to comfort her.

“What?”

“I think I might be pregnant.”

Two things happen: first, he is washed with a warm flood of relief, because she’s not in danger. Second, he is almost paralyzed by her words, his brain going so fast it comes up with nothing useful for a good ten seconds.

“Matt?”

Finally, he sighs, wrapping her in his arms.

“Don’t scare me like that, please.”

“Sorry”, she whispers, hugging him back.

“Um…” he starts, and she moves back to look at his face. He tries to school his expression into a soothing one. “You- you think? You’re not sure?”

“No”, she shakes her head. “I’m late. But that’s not uncommon, so I didn’t think much of it at first. But it’s been two weeks, and today I almost gagged at the egg salad someone left in the fridge at work.”

“You didn’t, uh… Take a test, or anything?”

“I bought one, but, I don’t know, I guess I’ve been too scared to take it.”

Another tear comes down and he reaches to clean it up.

“You should have told me sooner”.

Karen sniffs.

“I didn’t want to worry you, maybe it’s nothing.”

“But what if it is… Something? What if you are really pregnant?”

When he says it, she starts crying all over again, and he pulls her back into his arms.

“Hey, hey, listen. It’s ok. Listen to me. We’ll figure it out, it’s gonna be fine.”

“I wanted to tell you only when I was sure”, she says, sobbing lightly, and the freaking out about to happen inside him has to wait.

While he stands there holding her, he takes a minute to think about it. If she really is pregnant, it’s not gonna be easy. None of them are equipped, in any way, to have a baby in a few months. They’re gonna have to make some changes, big changes, fast. He’s not entirely sure he knows how to do this, if he’s capable of doing this.

On the other hand, it’s not the worst thing in the world. He had entertained the idea of having a kid, years ago, but, every day a little more, he walked further away from what he thought a good father should be. Dressing up as the devil and beating up criminals was not, exactly, things that would make it safe for him to welcome a child into the world.

“Come on”, he says, kissing her temple. “Let’s go inside.”

“Do you- Do you want me to take the test?”

He pulls her by the hand and squeezes it a bit.

“Not if you’re not ready.”

“Ok”, she sighs, and his heart tightens at how relieved she sounds. “Thank you.”

He guides her back to bed, and holds her against him. Neither of them, he realizes after a few minutes, will be able to fall asleep anytime soon.

“How would you feel?” she whispers in the silence. “If I really am pregnant?”

“I don’t know”, he answers honestly after a few seconds. “It’s been a long time since I thought about having a kid.” He runs his fingers up and down her back. “What about you?”

She takes a little time to respond.

“I never thought of myself as the mom kind. I’m not sure.”

They lied there on his bed, both wide awake, thinking.

“Would you want me to keep it?” she asks suddenly. “If the test comes back positive?”

He blinks, startled by the question.

“Well. You know I’m a catholic.”

“Is that a yes?”

“Yes, it is. But… I’d also never ask you to do something you weren’t comfortable with. I’d never force you to go through with it just because-”

“No”, she interrupts. “No, I- I think I’d want to keep it, too.”

He smiled up the ceiling, not really knowing why.

“Ok. That’s one decision down. How many to go?”

Karen falls asleep before him, and her breathing lulls him eventually. He dreams of holding things too tight, but then not tight enough.

.:.

When Karen wakes up, she is feeling somewhat better.

Knowing that Matt won’t freak out eases her mind a bit. But she should have known, what with all the meditating and the lawyer thing and all the martial arts, he’s pretty level headed.

She wakes up and he’s still asleep, his arm thrown around her, hand on her belly. She wonders if it was an accident.

What if she is pregnant? Would that be the worst thing?

Sure, she was not planning for a kid, nor was she preparing for one. At all. Her life was not, in any way, suited for a child.

How would they raise it? Where would they raise it? Would they want to leave New York? Stay in Hell’s Kitchen? Would they even be able to afford it?

“I can hear you thinking”, he says, suddenly, behind her. Glad he was awake, Karen turns around to face him.

“I’ve been doing that a lot”, she whispers back.

“Let me think with you.”

Sighing, Karen places her hand on top of his on her belly.

“Let’s say I really am. We would have to do a lot of change.”

“Like what?”

“Like… I don’t see how a baby would fit in my apartment. Or your apartment, for that matter.”

“A baby is tiny.”

“Yeah, but they come with a lot of shit, Matt. A lot of shit. There has to be a nursery to fit the crib, the clothes, the diapers, the changing station, a stroller, toys-”

“Ok, ok, I get it. There’s a lot of shit.”

Breathing deep, she nods.

“Ok, so we’ll get a new place.”

“Can we afford a new place?”

“You forget your baby daddy is a lawyer. A damn good one at that”, he says, smiling because she’s laughing at the term “baby daddy”. “Trust me, I can get us a good place. You would just have to chose a good one and I’d get it for you.”

Feeling better, she decides to agree with that. Maybe let him take the lead on some stuff.

“Ok.”

“What’s next?”

“Hmm… I guess… Would you like a boy or a girl?”

That pulls a smile out of him, honest and open, and she finds herself smiling in return.

“I don’t know. I think I’d like a mini you. A little trouble maker raising hell wherever she goes.”

“Or a mini you. A tiny ninja dressed in red, beating bad kids up. You could train him to be just like you.”

“Oh, I’ll do that either way. But not exactly like me. Hopefully we’ll be able to raise them as a normal person.”

“Normal is boring.”

“Ok. Slightly weird, just like us.”

Slowly, he makes her feel better. They could figure this out.

“What about names?” he asks while picking a tie for the day.

“Isn’t it a little early to think about that?”

“Hmm. Maybe you’re right. Which one?”

“Right hand”, she picks, zipping her skirt up.

“Would you be ok with baptizing her?” he asks as they exited the building, ready to face the day.

“I don’t see why not. And ‘her’?”

He shrugs, holding her hand as they walk down the street.

“Maybe I’m partial to a girl.”

They walk together to the bakery they usually get coffee, but, today, Karen orders tea. He kisses her goodbye when she has to turn a different corner to go to work, and it’s a little bit harder to let go than usual.

“We’ll have lunch, yeah?” he asks and she nods, sharing his need to be together, at the moment.

Lunch comes and they meet at a small restaurant near his office (the new and improved Nelson and Murdock).

“Foggy would be her godfather”, he muses while they wait for their food.

“And Claire for godmother”, she completes. “I’d feel very safe with that choice. But also… Maybe Trish?”

They eat and talk about what life would be like if they were, indeed, expecting a child.

After work, he picks her up, smiling at her when she exits the building, for once clocking out with the rest of her colleagues.

Once home, when they’re already in bed (there would be no Daredevil-ing tonight), he lies with his ear to her stomach, trying to hear something, anything, different.

“No, I can’t get anything”, he says, finally.

“Well, thank God. It would be weird if you did.”

It was close to midnight when she sits up.

“Ok. Ok, I think I’m gonna take the test, now.”

Matt tries not to pace, but she can tell he’s restless.

“I actually bought two”, she says before the time was up to the result of the first one. “Should I take it, too?”

Yeah, I think you should”, he says in a hurry and she walks back into the bathroom.

One comes out positive. One comes out negative.

Karen sits on the couch with her head in her hands, face hidden, legs shaking.

“We’ll take a blood test tomorrow”, he decides, crouching in front of her, hands taking hers from her head, making her sit up. “We’ll be fine, we’ll know tomorrow.”

She sighs, upset that they didn’t know yet, and he pulls her up for them to go to bed.

“We’ll have to figure out which schools we like pretty quick”, he says to the ceiling, rubbing her back, trying to soothe her enough for her to sleep.

“Didn’t you grow up here? I thought you would know.”

“My school was very shitty. I’d want a better one for her.”

“There you go again”, she says, and he hears the smile. “Her.”

“Mini-Karen”, he muses, closing his eyes, picturing a small little thing giving him trouble.

.:.

“Matt”, she whispers above him, a light hand on his chest, trying to wake him gently.

It almost works. He fell asleep thinking about where he would like to raise a kid, in Manhattan, a nice place with space for them to play. He grips Karen’s hand when he wakes up, trying to sit up, alert, but she presses on his chest to keep him down.

“Is everything ok?” He asks, relaxing back, still holding her hand on his chest.

“Uh, yeah. Listen. I’m not pregnant”, she says as softly as she can.

Fully awake now, he focuses on her.

“You’re not? Did you-”

“I got my period. Not pregnant.”

They stay still for a moment, that information settling in their brains and, it seems, in the room around them. After a few seconds, Matt sits up, pulling her into a hug, and she lets out a long breath, her arm around him.

“That's… That’s good, right?” He asks, feeling strange, feeling… he doesn’t really know.

“I mean”, she starts, sitting by his side, and he notices her hair is washed, she’s been up for a while. “Yes. Isn’t it? We’re not really equipped to have a kid. We never talked about it, we never even… I mean, that’s a huge step for a couple. Would we be ready for something like that?”

She lies down again by his side, and her question was immediately answered inside him: yes.

“Well”, he turns towards her, glad it was the weekend, glad they didn’t really have to get up right away. “I don’t know about you, but if I had to have a kid, I’d want it to be with you.”

She shakes her head, but that smile is there, pulling at the corners of her lips.

“Sweet talker.”

“It’s true, though.”

His forehead is pressed against hers and he runs his hand up and down her back.

Her arm around him, she moves her head to press a kiss on his lips.

“Me too.”

It’s strange. He should feel relieved, and he is. A kid out of the blue like that can be a lot of trouble, and it’s not like he doesn’t have enough of that already.

Still. That little, small, tiny part of him is getting bigger. The part that considered how nice it would actually be, to have a small version of both of them running around, calling him daddy, calling her mommy, learning how to walk and talk and then, when they’re a little older, learning to fight. He would teach her - or him - everything he knows, he would teach his kid to be better than he is, he would work every single day of his life to be a good father.

He wants to be a father.

He wants to be a father and he wants Karen to be his kid’s mother. Suddenly, he wants it more than anything in the world.

When he wakes up the next morning, he hears her in the bathroom, washing her face, but when she picks up the towel, he can smell the tears.

He’s up in a second, walking out of the bedroom, opening the bathroom door.

“Karen”, he says, and she mistakes his urgency for concern.

“It’s nothing.”

He knows what it is. He felt her running her hand over her own belly last night, felt how restless she was when she was supposed to be relieved.

“Karen, listen”. Matt grabs her hands and turns her towards him, feeling excited, feeling scared, feeling nervous that she’s gonna think he’s crazy. “Let’s do it.”

Karen blinks at him and her hands tighten around his.

“Wh-what?”

“Let’s do it. Let’s have a kid.”

She looks at him for a second or two, stunned, and then a sudden huff of laughter comes out of her, she looks away, but then looks back at him, blinking.

He wants to try and convince her. He wants to ask what she thinks. He wants to stop and really think about this. He wants a lot of things, so he does nothing. Just stands there, holding her hands, waiting.

Matt hears it when she decides. Her heartbeat picks up a bit, she bites her lower lip and leans forward, kissing him softly, a press of her lips on his.

Her fingers are still wet from when she washed her face, they’re cold as she raises her hands to weave them inside his hair. Slowly, she leans back, her arms around his neck, his around her.

“Ok.”