#Soully for trauma reasons

[prussiasqueen]

As I cut grass, it dawned on me why I am so fixiated and so connected to Germany and Prussia from Hetalia…

Many contributing factors… but I think the main reason is due to trauma and being from a very abusive and toxic relationship that lasted 6 1/2 years and it was very gross. That past partner of mine didn’t like me liking any characters and hated me basically liking anything that they didn’t like, and it was just,… a very big mess to begin with. And when I discovered Hetalia then, it helped me heal and helped me ease so much pain and be distracted from it, And because Germany and Prussia are very tough and strong characters, I talked to them in my head, I thought about how that I wanted a man in my life like them, and I also wanted them to protect me. Prussia and Germany mended my broken soul. And that’s why I kept them hidden in my heart for so long, I didn’t participate in the Hetalia fandom I was too busy trying to avoid any chaos among it and stuck to my ocs and my own universe, which in result they helped me too and I’m very attached to my ocs and my multiverse universe, but something about Prussia and Germany made me feel… there’s someone watching over me and to keep going despite how much was against me. And I watched Hetalia in secret with my bestie, she helped me and we both were obsessed happily with Hetalia.

And I still now use Prussia and Germany as means to be determined, then now Malka (Israel Chan) is added to that list and Hungary I’ve always liked her as a friend/familial but as years went on, I developed a crush and somewhat kin to her a little bit (not everything but the fact she and I are geminis and we are hardy ass ladies, and we just are intense but in good ways and also motherly/sisterly~)

I just, my f/os are very important to me mentally and the fact my German bf in real life understands this and he role plays with me and talks like Prussia to me and wants to cosplay as Prussia and Germany for me, makes me very happy… and feel like he cares about my feelings and heart. And I’m fortunate for it.

I’m fortunate for my future hubby, Timo.

And I’m fortunate to be close to Prussia and Germany, Malka and Hungary~

This is why I’m so protective of my boys, it’s not that I don’t mind others liking my f/os, but I feel as if I’m soully connected to them in many ways, crazy it sounds to some… but it’s not to me.

And I love them as if they are right here in front of me…

They helped me endure and stay strong and stay alive even when I wanted to stop living…

That’s also why the music I always give them in my playlists help me understand and bond with them, and for me to better understand my love for them but also to have that connection deepen. That’s why I always post songs that remind me of them. Because they are so precious to me…

💜👑