#Sorry for any typos ajdjsk

[blitzwhore]

And concerning the "no matter what in this world i could give" line from LMW. Stolas has literally NOTHING left to give now, and NOW is the time Blitz starts letting himself love Stolas.

“I’m sorry,” Stolas murmurs one night as Blitzø sets a bowl of soup in front of him at the table. “I… I don’t know how I can ever repay you for taking me in. For everything you’re doing for me. I have nothing left to give. I’m… I’m really sorry, Blitzø.”

“What—” Blitzø blinks, setting his own bowl at his side of the table and watching Stolas carefully. “Stolas, what in hell makes you think you have to repay me?”

Stolas just shrugs, averting his gaze when Blitzø sits down in front of him.

But Blitzø doesn’t let it slide, instead stretching out a leg to rub his foot against Stolas’.

“Hey,” he says lowly, and waits until Stolas chances a glance up at him to add, “I’m glad to have you here. You know that, right?”

Stolas’ eyes widen a bit, so easy to read now that his pupils are always visible.

When Stolas doesn't say anything, Blitzø gulps. His voice breaks just slightly when he says a small, “I… I’ve really missed you. Since… You know.” He bites his lip. “I really thought I’d lost you. And then at court… When I realized what you were doing—realized I hadn’t lost you, but I was about to, I…”

And then he can’t continue, suddenly choked up by unexpected tears.

He breathes past the worst of it, but a single tear slips out as he softly admits that, “I don’t ever want to lose you again.”

“You… missed me?” Stolas asks, voice so low, as if he barely dares to believe what he’s just heard.

“So fucking much,” Blitzø says with a little, choked-up laugh. “You have no idea.” He takes a sip of his soup, just on the edge of being too hot to drink. “All those things you said at the party… I don’t know if you even remember, you were wasted as shit, but…”

Stolas nods slightly. “I… have some recollection of it, yes.” He blushes. “Sorry about that. I must’ve been quite the unbecoming sight.”

“No, I—” Blitzø sighs. Breathes in slowly, and says what he’s been too afraid to say for far too long. “Stolas, I care. I care if you stay or go.” He bites his lip. “You said you wanted someone to look at you, a-and think—you’re the only one I want. And I couldn’t help but look at you and feel… Well.” He doesn’t try to hold back the sheepish smile that tugs at his lips. “That.”

He’s pretty sure Stolas is about to cry, his hand shaking slightly where it’s resting on the table by his spoon.

“I—” Stolas’ voice breaks. He tries again, voice tiny. “I didn’t mean just anyone when I… said those things.”

And then he’s looking Blitzø right in the eyes, his ankle pressing against Blitzø’s with a nervous urgency, like he needs Blitzø to understand.

And he does understand. He hadn’t then, but he does now.

He reaches out and rests his hand on top of Stolas’, because it won’t stop shaking and he really needs Stolas to know everything is okay.

“I know,” he says softly as Stolas twines their fingers together. “And I want to be with you. And hold you. And do all those things you mentioned. I... I wanted to hold you that night too, but I just—I was so sure you’d be better off without me,” he softly admits.

“Never,” Stolas says, no trace of hesitation in his voice. “I could never be better off without you.”

And then they’re both smiling, and Blitzø is pretty sure that’s another tear sliding down his cheek. But it’s okay, because Stolas is tearing up, too, and maybe that’s just what they both need. A little, cathartic cry and some warm soup to go with it.

"The feeling is mutual, birdie," Blitzø murmurs, then wipes the wetness from his cheek. He gives Stolas’ hand a squeeze before letting go. “Now come on, eat. Don’t want your soup to go cold.”

Stolas takes a sip, and Blitzø does the same, warmth spreading in his chest like soft balm. A warmth that has just as much to do with the soup as it does with Stolas. With his smile, his ruffled feathers; with the vulnerability and the love in his eyes. And with the way their ankles stay pressed together under the table as they eat in silence, soft but firm, tentative yet certain.

They've got each other now.

No matter what comes their way, they're going to be okay.

(On AO3)

[hitoshi-shinsous-actual-archive]

ajdjsk i’m just being honest hun <3 and whatever you decide to do- just know i’ll think you’re adorable either way ;)) ssjdnk sorry i can’t help it- seeing your reactions are just so,,, endearing and cute sndjk

and please please please give me a hug,,, or just anything at this point i’ll take anything from you sjdjk,,, i can’t believe i forgot to mention but uhh,,, it’s ✨that time of the month✨ for me and i have no chocolate or a heating pad so my cramps just might kill me ajdjk:’) also,,, forgive me for saying it so much but i fucking love you for that “you go girl” thing sjdhjdkfjsjdjdjk

honestly- i’m not too stressed on whether or not I’ll look good or not,,, more so, having to see ALL my (mostly) bigoted classmates in person in forever and i’m probably going to cry 🧍🏽‍♀️anjdjk im gonna sound awful and ridiculous but I want their last image of me to look 😩✨seggsy✨😩 y’know? (at least beforeI transfer to a new school and won’t see them for awhile,,, hopefully,, I’ll rant about this new school thing another time ajdhjk) but then again,,, who cares wtf they think,,, im just extra skjdk. all I’ve been doing is looking online and just getting rid of all my bookmarks of stuff but I’m now choosing between two so I’ll probably send a picture on the day before I go to this hell hole graduation thingy :)

ajdjsdk y-you’re,,, sweet <3 but,, are you sure you got the right person in terms of adoration? like,,, you of all people,,, think i’m amazingly cool and are in adoration... with me..? that’s,,, insane but in a good way sjndk,,, UGHHH i could talk about summertime in paris foreverrr it’s just,,, so good ajdjskdkdfl,,, i love willow smith sm :’)) well you have to fill me in on these ideas ‘toshi,,, i love hearing your ideas and thoughts and honestly anything you have to say <3

and don’t worry babes,,, it makes sense. and :000 you did the mwah back??? adorable.. 🥺 pspspsp sir you make me a fool in lo-

like i said before, if anything, i love your long answers so don’t even worry about it. and i kNOW you didn’t want me to say anything buuuut just remember not to be so hard on yourself okay? but okayyy,, i accept your apology and your hugs <3 <3 <3 little update- turned in that geometry assignment 13 mins before the due date,,, im literally god ✨ okay no but sorry for any typos when i blink i can hear my eyes and I’m not so sure that’s a good sign ajdjskfkskdjnsk

- 🧋

dfrhejdfhsjlg, i- *lightly, i wrap my arms around your waist, pulling you to my chest so that i can bury my face in your hair.* shuddup.. *i mumble, but i can’t not have this dopey sort of grin as i speak. you can probably even hear the smile in my voice.*

and, mm, yeah, my condolences. though... i’ve heard that when people crave chocolate, it’s because they need potassium? so like... a banana. or raisins. google also says yogurt and rice work. otherwise, uh, yeah, i wish you good luck with your. t- time of the month- *i’m probably blushing more. because. well- jdhfnja you know- but for the most part i’ve calmed down, now sort of just hugging you to my chest.*

...but, uh, bigoted classmates? mm, yeah, it’d be amazing to show up all seggsy beautiful, show them just how much cooler you are than them. also, it’s absolutely valid to be extra, aha, i just don’t want that to be another thing that stresses you, y’know? ohh, i see. i’m sure that whichever you pick will look nice... once again don’t feel pressured if you end up not wanting to, but, y’know- i’m looking forward to that picture.

yeah, i’m sure. can’t lie, what i feel is way more than just adoration... but, y’know. when i try to say that word, it just makes me so nervous.. someday, i’ll say it to you, again, though. that i know <3 willow smith... i’ve heard a couple of her songs but i don’t know her music well enough. just turned her... spotify channel, or whatever, on though; knowing that you like her. really liking what i’m hearing. hmm... i’m thinking, for the first hour or so, we just... drive. unless you don’t like long car rides, because then i’d be just as content setting up in the lawn or something. we’d have a blanket- or a couple of them- and we’d have snacks. also an ice chest of drinks, because, y’know... hydrate or diedrate, aha. we’d play good music and we’d just exist near eachother. also probably make out. okay rereading that last line makes me feel so nervous i- i need to not get too deep in my head.

pspsps?... i thought you were the kitty... th-then again, though, i guess i wouldn’t mind if you wanted to pamper me like one...

mm... okay, okay- fair warning though, you might start getting rambling your way far more often >:) also, i mean... i’ll try not to be too hard on myself- yeah, you’re a god. a goddess, if i may- also get some sleep if you need it oh my g-