#Sonny stays for his issues and Rico stays for Sonny and his issues

[doesnotloveyou]

Facts about this scene :

as an ending, it parallels the scene at the beginning where a tortured man begs for water and is killed immediately after drinking

it proves that Rico and Sonny are both penniless and powerless to change a system that profits off violence and suffering, including their own

Beck, holding that symbolic glass of water, was literally dying of cancer irl. this episode aired two weeks after his death. thus the "i'm patient" line means little. the man is a smug corpse going to a gold-lined grave

Miami Vice - Prodigal Son

Julian Beck, the evil preacher from Poltergheist II, as an evil banker dropping some facts that probably are a bit more chilling. 

[mitochondriaandbunnies]

Miami Vice S1E8: No Exit

Bruce Willis plays one of the sleaziest villains in all of Vice, directed by David Soul.

One of my favorite early episodes-- this is definitely a good candidate for trying to convince someone to watch Miami Vice. Fair warning that it’s fairly upsetting!

While Paul Michael Glaser (Starsky) directs 3 episodes of Vice, David Soul (Hutch) only did this one. PMG’s episodes are brisk, sarcastic, and laden with visual metaphor. This episode from Soul is dark, contemplative, and artistically spare. Both directors, however, use music absolutely beautifully, and seem to understand the almost visceral connection between Sonny and Rico, even this early in the series. It’s a shame we never got another Soul episode, but this one is damn good.

I love that Tubbs mentions that he is scared of machine guns, because it’s something that sets him apart from the other men in the department. He’s willing to admit his weaknesses and fear and isn’t as wrapped up in the I’m-the-toughest-cop-here machismo bullshit. His ability to be a little more honest with himself is almost certainly a protective factor in terms of why he doesn’t crash and burn quite as badly as the other characters over the course of the show.

Poor Lester the bug man. Lester is one of those early Vice characters who was clearly intended to be recurring, but he mostly spends the beginning of this episode trying to explain how his tools work while Tubbs is like “shut up I’m creepily looking at ladies through a telescope” again. Jesus, Tubbs.

Sonny and Rico are so fucking mean to Paul, the FBI agent who is supposed to be going undercover. Sonny jokes that the guy “must’ve taken drama in high school” and Rico patronizingly says that he “thinks they’ll handle it.” Then they proceed to send Rico, who has like 3 months of inconsistent undercover work under his belt, and whose Jamaican accent occasionally sounds Transylvanian, to do the job instead. Great work, boys.

God. Just-- the way Sonny is simultaneously truly, genuinely, and deeply concerned about Rita and wants to get her out of Tony’s grasp, and yet in the next breath he’s utterly manipulating her so Vice can use her. “Can you do that, Rita?,” he asks her, looking desperate and mournful, “Can you buy us some time?��� It’s so goddamn bald-faced. You wonder if he justifies it to himself-- he has to make her do this to save her-- or if he just goes home hating himself that night because he knows what a bastard he was for even asking.

The sequence that follows is utterly wrenching. Tony offers Rita earrings, and when she doesn’t react with the level of excitement (fawning?) he was hoping for, he slowly stalks her down the spare, white hall and then slaps her so hard she falls to the ground. It’s a repetition of the same slow, white-backgrounded violence from the interrogation scene in Calderone’s Return pt. 2; it’s shot and framed like Tony is a horror movie monster; it’s set to the tinkly, synthy, shmaltzy strains of Stay with Me by Teddy Pendergrass. The intentional musical mismatch makes it all the more painful to watch; the age-old excuse that abuse comes from love or the fear of losing the victim’s affection falls apart when a love song is juxtaposed with such stark violence.

I think it’s very telling that Sonny’s call to Rita after he witnesses this (and, rightly, blames himself for it happening) is shot with him standing in almost exactly the same way at the exact same kind of payphone as when he calls Caroline in the pilot. In both cases, he’s calling theoretically to offer some kind of support or reassurance, but in actuality appears to need reassurance himself. He wants Caroline’s confirmation that she did love him once; he wants Rita’s forgiveness. Sonny’s ongoing issue with women comes from the same place as his issues with his self-esteem; he sees himself as a hired weapon at worst and a protector of the innocent at best. When he fails to protect someone, especially a woman or a child, his self-image starts to collapse. He doesn’t believe he’s good for anything else-- so in S1, he asks those he’s failed for reassurance that he is still a good protector. In later seasons, he just believes he really isn’t good for anything.

Sonny: Well, time for you to go to jail / Tony: No one can ever make me go to jail / Random government agent: Yeah uhh so we use him for proxy wars in the Southern Hemisphere, you know how it is with the US government and guns and cocaine and something something contras, so uh, yeah, he can go free

....but Miami Vice definitely is just about speedboats, right

I consider the ending of this to be the most classic/the “ur” Miami Vice Freeze Frame ending. It’s perfect, because like. Yeah, sure, there could be a denouement, but... why bother? There’s nothing that can be said that hasn’t already been said, and nothing that can fix what has happened that wouldn’t utterly undermine the themes of the story. It just sucks! The system is corrupt! They failed because they were set up to fail! You can’t fix the justice system from inside the justice system! This is the theme of the series in one abrupt freeze!

Okay. Okay. So. If Don Johnson is to be believed, he got Bruce Willis either the role or the audition for the role here. And he knew him because Bruce Willis was a waiter at a restaurant he liked. Not to put my tinfoil hat on or anything, but I find it utterly hilarious that Phillip Michael Thomas and not Don “hey boss, I need you to give a job to this hot talented waiter I know” Johnson has a scene here where he and Bruce Willis feel each other up in a men’s room. Look up photos of DJ and Bruce Willis from the 80′s. Look at DJ’s face and tell me I’m wrong.

[neptrabbit]

So. Here are some of my personal thoughts on ith movie. since this post is LONG, most of the thoughts are leaning towards criticism & ofc it contains spoilers so imma put my bad takes under cut. they’re my personal, subjective opinion, so it’d be normal if you agree/disagree. anyways, you’ve been warned.

The opening song

stage performance & movies are two VERY different media, so unavoidably they had to make many changes to adapt the musical to big screen. One thing they were trying to adapt was the breaking the fourth wall narration in the opening song. they changed the setting of a lot of these lines to Usnavi telling a bunch of kids in an unknown future timeline abt Washington Heights. I personally am not a fan of this decision. the cut between the two different timelines in that 8 min release got me pretty confused & taken out & that feeling did not change much when i was watching the movie either. in the course of the movie, suddenly cutting to future timeline breaks the flow & consistency of the narrative for me, esp since the future scenes rlly aren’t that long. Ik it's for the reveal in the end. I still don't like it.

Choreography

the choreography & cinematography by themselves are hella fantasitc. there’re VERY pretty scenes and choreography, esp during songs. from top of my head i can name a few: the reflection of dancing in the opening song, the running scene in It Won’t Be Long Now, the pool scene (with Vanessa floating on a life saver in the middle) in 96000, THE FUCKING ENTIRETY OF PACIENCIA Y FE, the dancing in The Club, the horizontal dancing scene in When The Sun Goes Down, etc. But a lot of the scenes, esp those that involve group dancing, seems a bit out of place when they seem to take place in the real world rather than on stage. This is prolly another demonstration of the difference in the media of stage performance & movies. I had a hard time to suspend my disbelief, and the movie trying to place some of the dancing in the actual narrative rlly didn’t make it better for me.

(at first I thought for some reason the pool scene in 96000 was everyone’s imagination coming together & was looking forward to it. I did not expect it to actually take place in a pool in the movie & they even used a whole sequence of them going to the pool to show them going to the pool to set it up. So is the dancing in the intro. i did not expect an overhead shot to reveal that it actually happened. Moments like these gave me serious pauses & made me unable to rlly appreciate the fantastic cinematography & choreography.)

bc of the reason i stated & the fact the movie is so centered around these songs & the plot gets cut by the narration from the future, this movie kinda strikes me as a series of well-made music videos connected by loose plots & themes rather than an actual movie.

Plot change

as we all are aware, they made several choices regarding the plot. 

changing nina’s reason to leave Stanford from unable to take care of school & jobs to provide for her living at the same time to experience of racism. i’m personally not a fan of this change - i am not implying that racism is not an issue that poc experience daily. It’s just, I expected a more nuanced discussion on racism & identity in a movie centered around a socially & financially marginalized minority group than a few lines of “my roommate lost her shit so her & RA searched me”, “the school board thought i was a waitress at diversity dinner”, “the waiters looked at me in the looks that question if i am with them”, and “i felt lonely and without a community there”. They are pretty superficial considering their impact in the story. tbh the line “when i was younger i’d imagined what would happen if my parents had stayed in Puerto Rico” did a much better job to capture the identity crisis that first gen immigrant children go thru and gave me more emotional impacts than all the horrible things stanford did to nina. 

deleting Hundreds of Stories and putting Paciencia y Fe right before abuela’s death. i understand it’s a narrative choice bc they decided to reveal that abuela won the lottery later & make it that Usnavi had saved to move to DR in the beginning. in the changed lyrics of Paciencia y Fe we also had a peak of abuela’s struggle of deciding whether to leave or stay in Washington Heights. which is nice. but putting that song right before abuela dies rlly makes her conflicting feelings unimportant to the story... maybe the leave or stay refers to her dying, but she doesn’t rlly have much of a choice either way, does it. she’s just.. kinda like some characters in anime.. whose tragic backstory is narrated right before they die to get the readers emotional... but in a pretty song sequence... the choreography & lighting is very pretty tho. gotta give credit where it’s due.

Sonny’s subplot. i rewatched the movie and realized that there was some foreshadowing of his illegal status in the beginning when Daddy Sonny was talking to Usnavi, but tbh it was quite easy to miss.. so i was a bit surprised when they brought up Sonny’s subplot when there was only 45 min left of the movie. that was not enough time to fully develop this plot, esp given that time is used for other subplots too. we know Sonny is very aware of the politics & is sorta an activist, but him wanting to be like Nina & wanting to get into college wasn’t established earlier, so that part following the protest scene feels a bit flat.

Other things

I’ve seen the discussion of the film’s lack of rep of Afro-Latinos, but I am not the most qualified person to talk abt the experience of Afro-Latino community. I’m keeping my ears open and learning on this subject. 

I liked that they made Daniela & Carla a couple and was excited when i heard the news. The movie itself was not rlly explicit on their relationship tho - there were scenes of Carla pulling Daniela outta bed in the beginning & their dancing. but tbh the fact that they added a third Salon lady, Cuca, who’s always hanging around, makes D&C relationship harder to notice. Im not gonna say blink and you’ll miss it, but it’s pretty easy to miss. obv their relationship has nothing to do w the main plot, but eh. wished it was more explicit.

Tl;dr: i think they have a lot of interesting ideas that they didn’t explore fully so the movie feels a bit all over the place. this goes for Vanessa’s hope to become a fashion designer, Nina’s experience of racism & identity crisis, Sonny’s illegal status. Loved Daniela and the songs tho. Piragua song’s funny as hell. A bit sad they didn’t paint abuela in the finale :(

i am familiar w the source material & liked it a TON but i don’t like it enough to feel nostalgia.. so i can’t go in there with a fresh mind & see it without comparing it to the original, and neither do i hold so much affection for it that i can happily ignore the defects. so honestly i’m probably in the group that has the worst experience watching it

also: pls lmm i beg u pls don’t make a live action adaption of hamilton, pls

[comiccartel]

Beautifully paced and masterfully drawn, Loose Ends is hoping to be that four issue mini-series that you just can’t live without. And except for a few blemishes, it’s coming pretty damn close.

Here’s the official word from @imagecomics :

No one seemed to notice Sonny Gibson as he stepped back into “The Hideaway,” a dusty little honky-tonk nestled off the Carolina highway. But before the night was over, Sonny would be on the run—from the law, from the criminals, even from himself. LOOSE ENDS is a gritty, slow-cooked, Southern crime romance that follows a winding trail down Tobacco Road, through the war-torn streets of Baghdad, and into the bright lights and bloody gutters of South Florida.

As the co-creator of Southern Bastards, it’s safe to say that Jason Latour’s love of the South is well documented -- and celebrated. His gritty take on fictional Craw County Alabama did, after all, win him an Eisner Award, and proved he’s not afraid to depict the South in ways that are both romanticized and hyper-critical. As a native of North Carolina, most readers -- myself included -- are willing to assume that his explorations of Southern culture and both informed, and sincere, even when the characters are ripe with Grindhouse exaggeration. This is all to say that when Latour takes you down South, you feel in good hands, and issue #1 of Loose Ends is no exception.

Opening at a seedy bar, Latour’s inaugural script introduces us to Sonny Gibson, a man with pockets full of cash and a debt he feels he must pay. Latour’s script is careful to present Gibson as a man who feels hard-nosed, but emotionally vulnerable, as though he’s better at being a tough guy than a reliable friend or lover. While Gibson’s attempt to win back an old girlfriend is the story that takes center stage (and in true Latour fashion turns exceptionally violent), this narrative is spliced with scenes of a character named Rej, a vet who’s trying to convince Gibson to make opium runs for him. While it’s sometimes tough to discern what’s flashback and what’s not, both alternating storylines feel generally satisfying and are only occasionally marked by moments of exaggeration that feel marginally cliche. But still, these moments are short-lived and forgivable.

The true artistry of Loose Ends comes from the jaw-droppingly elegant collaboration of artists Chris Brunner and Rico Renzi, each of whom adopts and illustrate discrete threads of Gibson’s wayward story. The way these artists weave in and out of each other’s pages feels flawless, and the panel work, which is leveraged perfectly as a tool for pacing the story, brings life to issue #1 in ways that will surprise even veteran comic readers. Make no mistake: while Latour’s script is enjoyable, and his characters intriguing, the work of Brunner and Renzi is the reasons I’ll be snagging issue #2.

Overall, Loose Ends #1 offers an engaging (and visually stunning) start. And while the promise of a good story might pull you in, it’s the art that will make you want to stay.

Review by Max Delgado; max@comiccartel.io ; Twitter: @LongBoxProject

Subscribe to Loose Ends on Comic Cartel and never miss an issue

[gokinjeespot]

off the rack #1149

Monday, January 30, 2017

 It's the Chinese Year of the Rooster folks and there's a cock in the White House. We are living in interesting times indeed. I am trying my best not to get riled up by the d-bag but it's difficult. The empathy I feel for others means I cannot ignore the affect the changes have on everybody. I just hope we all get through these difficult times relatively unscathed.

 I'm going to have a fun Sunday on February 5. I'll be at the Walkley Arena for the Capital Trade Show where my partner Chris and I will be flogging old comic books. Then it's Super Bowl 51 with two gun slinging quarterbacks. I am cheering for a high scoring affair.

 Civil War II: The Oath #1 - Nick Spencer (writer) Rod Reis, Raffaele Ienco, Szymon Kudranski & Dono Sanchez-Almara (art) VC's Chris Eliopoulos (letters). Didn't see that coming. While it makes sense to appoint Captain America as the new Director of S.H.I.E.L.D. (again) the surprise is that I don't think it's Steve Rogers under the mask. I don't particularly like the new political landscape that the Marvel U is headed towards but it does make for some easy enemies for the good guys to fight with. Nick put in a lot of rah, rah patriotism in this book so it was a tough slog trying to get through it but the payoff at the end is worth it.

 Kamandi Challenge #1 - Part One: Dan Didio (writer) Keith Giffen (pencils) Scott Koblish (inks) Hi-Fi (colours) Clem Robins (letters) Part Two: Dan Abnett (writer) Dale Eaglesham (art) Hi-Fi (colours) Clem Robins (letters). He's the last boy on Earth and he's going on a wild adventure to find his parents. One of Jack Kirby's creations is getting a round robin of comic book creators to excite fans like never before. Each part of the story will be done by a different team that will end with a cliffhanger that the next team must find a way to resolve. I have a nagging feeling that this stunt has been done before but I can't remember when so I'm going to tag along to see who does what. I'm not a fan of Kamandi but I want to see who all are going to be involved on the creative side.

 Loose Ends #1 - Jason Latour (writer) Chris Brunner (art) Rico Renzi (colours). The cover says that this 4-issue mini is a southern crime romance. They got that right. We're looking at a trailer dwelling war vet whose friend gets him mixed up in running drugs. You can expect that the vet and the friend get into a heap of trouble and they do. I like how Sonny and Rej each wind up where they do at the end of this first issue so you bet I'm going to keep reading. Not much romance so far but I'm sure Jason will get to that.

 Star Wars #27 - Jason Aaron (writer) Salvador Larroca (art) Edgar Delgado (colours) VC's Clayton Cowles (letters). Yay Yoda. Root for him I will.

 Batgirl #7 - Hope Larson (writer) Chris Wildgoose (art) Mat Lopes (colours) Deron Bennett (letters). Part 1 of "Son of Penguin" introduces Ethan Cobblepot and I don't care if there is no reference to him anywhere else in the DCU because he's going to be a great adversary for Barbara Gordon. I like how Chris draws her older than Rafael Albuquerque did. This is going to be fun.

 Briggs Land #6 - Brian Wood (writer) Mack Chater (art) Lee Loughridge & Jeremy Colwell (colours) Nate Piekos (letters). I really like Grace Briggs. The risks that she is taking will hopefully keep her people safe. Brian has crafted a story fit for cable TV.

 Totally Awesome Hulk #15 - Greg Pak (writer) Mahmud Asrar (art) Nolan Woodward (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). Greg continues to feature heroes of the Asian persuasion in this story about Amadeus hanging out with Jake Oh, Kamala Khan, Cindy Moon, Shang-Chi, and Jimmy Woo. It does play on some stereotypes but I think it's okay because they're true for these guys.

 Odyssey of the Amazons #1 - Kevin Grevioux (writer) Ryan Benjamin (pencils) Richard Friend (inks) Tony Washington & Tony Avina (colours) Saida Temofonte (letters). This 6-issue mini has a lot of women but not a wonder one in sight. Kevin features Diana's sister Amazons in a tale worthy of Homer. If you like classic sword and sorcery, you'll like this.

 Dead Inside #2 - John Arcudi (writer) Tony Fejzula (art) Andre May (colours) Joe Sabino (letters). The plot thickens like congealed blood and murder suspects start to emerge. Linda has plenty to deal with inside the prison but she's surprised when she gets home after work by a sight I did not expect to see. This mystery is crazy good.

 Inhumans vs. X-Men #3 - Charles Soule & Jeff Lemire (writer) Javier Garron (art) Andres Mossa & Jay David Ramos (colours) VC's Clayton Cowles (letters). There are three more issue to this mini but it seems to me that Charles and Jeff have already come up with a solution to the Terrigen cloud that would end the war. The mutant Forge has built a machine that can collect the Terrigen gas and compress it into a solid in this issue. Wouldn't that solve the problem of the gas killing the mutants? Works for me.

 Justice League vs. Suicide Squad #6 - Joshua Williamson (writer) Howard Porter (art) Alex Sinclair (colours) Rob Leigh (letters). All is well that ends well. Both teams join forces to defeat Eclipso and Max Lord is at the mercy of Amanda Waller. Batman sees the light and gathers another team together to fight evil forces. Get ready for a new Justice League of America #1 hitting the racks on February 22. DC is sure spreading Bats pretty thin these days.

 Skybourne #3 - Frank Cho (writer & artist) Marcio Menyz (colours) Ed Dukeshire (letters). The identity of the bad guy was a nice surprise. I like Frank's comic books because they're simple stories about good versus evil that are beautifully drawn.

 Hulk #2 - Mariko Tamaki (writer) Nico Leon & Dalibor Talajic (art) Matt Milla (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). Waiting for Jennifer to Hulk out is one of the things I like about the new book. She has a lot more self control than I have. The scary thing about the eventuality of her losing control is that this new Hulk will be an uncontrollable creature of rage but we'll have to wait and see what happens. Until then I'm enjoying Jen's life so far.

 Hal Jordan and the Green Lantern Corps #13 - Robert Venditti (writer) V Ken Marion (pencils) Paul Neary & Dexter Vines (inks) Alex Sollazzo (colours) Dave Sharpe (letters). Now that the planet Xudar has been saved, what now? It's time for a bedtime story that's what. This is a nice interlude issue before we launch into the next story. I've been enjoying this team book now that my loyalty to the Avengers has waned. We'll see if Robert can keep me hooked with his next adventure.

 Saga #42 - Brian K. Vaughn (writer) Fiona Staples (art) Fonografiks (letters). And fade to black. No, really. It's hiatus time again but this issue didn't leaving me screaming profanities about the long wait until the next issue hits the racks. There is a new character introduced who I will be very interested to find out more about.

 Doctor Strange #16 - Jason Aaron (writer) Chris Bachalo with Cory Smith (art) Al Vey, John Livesay, Victor Olazaba, &  Tim Townsend (inks) Antonio Fabela & Java Tartaglia with Chris Bachalo (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). Dormammu is finally going to get his chance to kill Doctor Strange after he has been weakened by his fight with the Empirikul. Jason does find a neat way to save Stephen however. The next bit of nastiness involves someone close to the Doc. Oboy.

 Wonder Woman #15 - Greg Rucka (writer) Liam Sharp (art) Laura Martin (colours) Jodi Wynne (letters). Part 1 of "The Truth" finds Diana in a mental hospital. How she got there has yet to be explained but I'm sure I can handle it.

 Punisher #8 - Becky Cloonan (writer) Laura Braga with Iolanda Zanfardino (art) Frank Martin (colours) VC's Cory Petit (letters). That little old lady toting the double barrelled shotgun from last issue is named Ethel. She looks scary but she's not what you think. The change in art took some getting used to but it isn't bad enough to make me bench this book. I do have a couple of complaints though. If you're going to call a motorcycle a Harley, don't show what looks like a BMW logo on the gas tank. Also, draw the bad guy from the chest up when Frank says that he opened up his guts, not a full body shot that clearly shows an abdomen without any wounds at all. I don't know if the art had to be rushed after Steve Dillon passed away unexpectedly but that's just shoddy editing.

 Action Comics #972 - Dan Jurgens (writer) Stephen Segovia (pencils) Art Thibert (inks) Ulises Arreola (colours) Rob Leigh (letters). Trust Dan to come up with a non-violent way to stop Lex from being executed by the bad guys. It also served to show what possible futures are in store for this new Superman. DC has managed to revive my interest in this iconic character.

 Daredevil #16 - Charles Soule (writer) Goran Sudzuka (art) Matt Milla (colours) VC's Clayton Cowles (letters). We find out why Daredevil put out a hit on himself to lure out Bullseye. There's some soul searching this issue which leads into the next storyline. I liked how Charles sets it up.

 Detective Comics #949 - James Tynion IV & Marguerite Bennett (writers) Ben Oliver & Szymon Kudranski (art) Ben Oliver, Gabe Eltaeb & Hi-Fi (colours) Marilyn Patrizio (letters). The finale of "Batwoman Begins" is a very good prelude to Batwoman's solo book which hits the racks on February 15. It looks like James and Marguerite are going to have a Raymond Reddington and Agent Keen thing going on between Kate and her dad. That's got me interested.

 Infamous Iron Man #4 - Brian Michael Bendis (writer) Alex Maleev (art) Matt Hollingsworth (colours) VC's Clayton Cowles (letters). Brian must have a thing for mother and son stories. He did it in International Iron Man where he introduced Tony's biological mother. Now he's showing us Victor's mom. I really do believe that Doom has reformed and I hope he stays a good guy.

 Spider-Man/Deadpool: Monsters Unleashed - Joshua Corin (writer) Tigh Walker (art) Rachelle Rosenberg (colours) VC's Joe Sabino (letters). The boys save Toronto eh.

 Thanos #3 - Jeff Lemire (writer) Mike Deodato (art) Frank Martin (colours) VC's Clayton Cowles (letters). It's the Imperial Guard of the Shi'ar versus Thanos. A perfect opportunity to give a history lesson on the life of the Mad Titan.

 Spider-Woman #15 - Dennis Hopeless (writer) Veronica Fish (art) Rachelle Rosenberg (colours) VC's Travis Lanham (letters). Jessica subdues the new Porcupine and finds out who put the hit out on her friend Roger. Now she's gunning for the Hobgoblin but he's protected by an army of super villains. I hope little Gerry doesn't become an orphan.

[beowulfs-booty-call]

3, 7, 13, 20, 48, 53!

Ciao! Hey, so sorry about being late on answering! We had a whole bunch of snow today, and guess who had to do some shoveling? So, thanks for asking, it means a ton to me!

Let’s get started, eh? I wrote a MASS TON and I really wanna apologize in advance for that!

3. do you miss anyone?

Gah, tough question! Truth is, I do miss people a lot, not just one person. There’s the people who I spoke to once before, and slowly, we just drifted apart and just stopped altogether, there are people that I can't exactly speak to without feeling uncomfortable due to what they did to me, and, then there are the friends and family members who moved on with life and I didn’t have the opportunity to catch up or get in contact with them.

But, I realized today, I missed the memories more than I did the people at times, and, I had to accept it, really. In one way, it’s like, I miss Felix, this worker who was my mother’s friend at the Veteran’s Affairs. He was like the father I never had, he inspired me to start drawing, when I got interested in science, he came along and helped me build a robot! Later on, in life, when I was beginning to suffer from emotional problems with my family and I was “banned” from coming to the VA because my mother feared I would tell her coworkers stuff from home, Felix understood. I wasn’t allowed to give my number to any of the staff or patients, which, I respected and understood, but, I always hated that I couldn't call him for support or talk about things on my mind. I was really a super curious kid, and, he’d treat me like an adult, taking me to lunch when he never had to, but he’d always have some topic on his mind to talk on. “Do you ever wonder why the sky is blue?” and I’d respond, “Well, it’s reflecting the sun’s light, right?” at age 8 because he and I were such Nat. Geo fanatics. “Sure, but, when you think about it, why is the ocean blue then?” and he’d go on this amazing lengthy talk about what particles were and even bits of politics. 

People never really “got” my relationship with Felix. He was like a dad, a teacher, and a best friend when I needed him. When the chips were down, he was there, ready and willing to say whatever I needed to hear because that’s all he ever wanted for me. As an 11 year old, I started feeling like I was bothering the guy, he was driving sports car as a working computer technician (IIRC) and I thought he probably had kids and a wife on the side while I was taking all his attention away. When I asked, he just laughed this silly laugh a dad would do, put his hand on my shoulder, and say “I don’t have anyone with me like that. Your my kid whether you like it or not!” 

And, soon, time came for him to retire. I was around 14 at the time, my art started blooming unlike what I had thought at first. I could draw unlike most people used to tell me, the bullies in my catholic school who would draw comics with me as the butt of the joke? Flushed down the drain when I won an art award for outstanding painting in my eight grade year. Felix left the VA, but before he did, I wanted to make it up to him. I painted his favorite cartoon Felix the Cat (That’s how he got his name when he came over from Puerto Rico, we call him Manny as an Americanized name, but Felix was his real name after the cartoon cat.) on canvas and left it at the job so he’d get it during his going away party.

...Sadly, he never did receive it, my mother never brought it to him. And, just like that, the first father I had in my life left to retire, and the only thing I had left of him was the painting he wasn't able to take with him. ...I wanted so bad for him to see how good I grew to impress him, and maybe, get a “You did so great, son!” from him. My father and I have a very strained relationship, and, Felix was one of the only people who pushed me so far to be the best person I can be.

Truth is, I miss him dearly. I missed him showing up out of nowhere just to see me, and ask the big questions to me. I miss when he would hug the kid-me and scruff my hair and ask what my next “major discovery” would be. Sometimes, when I walk around, taking some Photogs, I get a glimpse of him in my pictures. And I’d double take, “Is that...?” and realize my mistake. Before he left, I remember visiting his office for the first time; He had pictures of me and him hung up with the words “Best Kid Ever” written underneath a picture of me and him with my robot (We made it out of plastic bottles!). He even framed a picture I haphazardly drew as a 3 year old, where I painted some mishmash of colors on printing paper. 

He had smooth jazz music playing in the background, and we spoke about things like two old men talking after years apart. “How’s the next presidential candidate doing?” “Only as good as his VP!” We’d joke, but, he knew I wasn’t doing so well with the way my mother and father were being at home. He saw straight through me, and, holding the framed picture he said aloud, “You know, I always joke about how famous you’re going to be someday, but you know what? When you become the president, or whatever you put your mind to; You’ll get an old man coming into your office and he’ll say, “You remember me, sonny?”

I didn’t understand what he had meant by the statement, and so, I laughed it off a bit and just said, “Manny, of course I’ll remember you, how’d I ever forget my first ever friend?” Despite me being so cheery, he smiled a bit sad, placed the framed picture down, and remarked. “I know, kiddo, but I’m not going to be here forever. I wanted to let you know, every time I saw you, I saw myself in you. I didn’t have the same things you did, and sure as heck I didn't have the brain you do, but, you’re one special boy, Chris.” 

I wrote it all in this old ratty journal like some giddy school girl, but, when I look back on it, I miss the fact that there was someone who supported me like he did. Emotionally, I wanted to please someone, I wanted someone to love me when my parents didn’t and tell me “You are needed, you’re special to me. Even if given the choice, I’d never replace you.” 

I miss having someone I could look up to, instead of always being the person everyone looks at as an example, I suppose. I had to take a few moments after writing this part so I can write it just as truthful and legitimate. Turns out, I’ve been keeping it bottled up for so long, I just felt so relieved talking about it!

7. what was your life like last year?

Oh gosh,

Last year was er... Not exactly the best year for me, trust me.

I dealt with a lot of problems besides emotional issues, along with getting more comfortable with myself. I broke up with my ex at the time, and, besides losing contact with people, I had to constantly remind myself not to bottle my emotions. It wasn’t because of my breakup, but more so bottling up my emotions and not giving myself the decency of talking about it or getting it off my chest! I thought I pushed people away because of who I was, when, in reality, it’s just part of life. I took a lot of time out to assess my life, and, life itself. My sociology teacher thought of me as “enlightened” because of that, really! 

To explain, I know now that life is filled with people coming and going in life, but at the same time, there will always be people who gravitate towards you. Usually more than not, they’re the people who stay by you when you least expect it. Things and sayings like that? I’m known for, even when comforting someone or just talking about life in general. I’ve lived a long life filled with both suffering and pleasure, and most people note that with the things I’ve lived with and took up, I’m an old soul in regarding them and observing them.

Besides that, I also had major problems bouncing family duties/issues with an exhausting school schedule that ultimately left me with one class failed and the others at B’s and C’s. My grandfather, who, more or less is my rock besides my grandmother, fell ill with cancer earlier in 2016. It had gotten progressively worse during the school months, and with the emotional issues I got from the problems with my parents such as coming out as Pan/Bi, and a witch, it wasn’t pretty. We also had to deal with financial issues, which, I’ve come to accept. I most likely will have to transfer schools for my four years of school because my college is a tad bit more expensive in the long term than the present. I’m hoping that when I return to the dorms this february it won’t be a tough transfer experience, since because I failed a language class I will either have to retake the course (likely not easy since I do not have my access code to change right now, it’s in the dorms, and, I’ll still be meeting my counselor to discuss the transfer as well) or find something else to satisfy the requirement. I’m also hoping that if anything, if I cannot find a class when I return, I can always then simply take the lesser class filled course I made for myself and simply transfer to my next school and simply then take up whatever needs to be done there, as the transfer school is one of Criminal Justice rather than a liberal arts university I attend now.

In all seriousness, as bad as the last year was, I grew up as well, both in art and in myself! I rewatched and got back into Sailor Moon, and it’s definitely effected me as a persona and understanding my identity, even getting back to my spirituality as a Hindu-Pagan! So, 2016 for me was about learning more about myself while learning to accept myself, flaws and all.

13. how do you feel right now?

Right now? Pretty contemplative, I’m somewhat sad about things that happened in the past, but, I’m more happy that the things that did happen, did, in the end; Had they never, I wouldn't be as strong as I was before. It’s a bit taxing, but, I love that feeling, it reminds me I’m more powerful than I think. I even practiced a bit of some meditation with my goddess, Parvati! It’s a grounding practice I do, so, I’m ready for anything, even if I don’t feel 100%

20. what is your favourite song at the moment?

Actually, it’s Teedra Moses’ “Be Your Girl” ! It speaks a lot about how I feel about someone special I know, if you disregard the whole pronouns thing! I love how smooth it is, but there’s also a remix by Kaytranada here which is more fast paced and techno? Both are pretty dang fluid!

48. turn offs

Easy,

Erotic Beatings, “showers”, “Cleanings”, Assholes (and not the hot kind), Racists, Emo/Grunge? (Like, the whole “I’m better off alone” sort of person, no one loves me/understands me so therefore I must scream. Personally I feel that everyone deserves time alone, but people shouldn't outright push people away unless they hurt them.) Misogyny and classism, People who try to take others down a peg for their religious beliefs (like pagans), aaaand people who hate the idea that mannerisms and lifestyles are “gay” or too “gender” focused. Like when someone thinks a guy who speaks with his hands or crosses his legs are “those™” people.

53. 5 things that make me happy

1.) Getting better at what I do, (Tarot, drawing, writing, etc) and observing it!

2.) Summoning demons/Occult (Gems are an easy way to make me happy!)

3.) Drawing!

4.) Asks, being tagged and tagging my friends,(My friends also counts!) and just knowing I’m acknowledged!

5.) My favorite characters! : Amy Rose/Coco Bandicoot/Beowulf/Princess Peach

Thank you so much for the asks, dude! I sincerely mean it!

[anthonycharlestabone]

Having trouble viewing? View in Browser Monday, September 25, 2017 TOP OF THE MORNING It's Monday, Sept. 25, 2017 ... Welcome to Fox News First, your spot for all the news you need to start the day ... If you have friends who are looking for an early morning news fix, please spread the word: They can subscribe to Fox News First by clicking here. Here's your Fox News First 5 - the first five things you need to know today: The NFL braces for possible backlash after players across the league kneel during the national anthem, Trump defends his comments  Trump approves updated travel restrictions on eight countries, adding North Korea and Venezuela to the list The latest GOP health care bill appears to be on life support as Sens. Susan Collins and Ted Cruz voice opposition Sen. John McCain insists he did not vote against the GOP's ObamaCare repeal-and-replace bill to get back at Trump Authorities are searching for a motive and FBI has opened a civil rights investigation in Sunday's deadly Tenn. church shooting Let's do this...  THE LEAD STORY: The NFL is hoping it won't feel a backlash from fans in the ratings and game attendance after players across the league knelt during the national anthem, largely in protest of President Trump's comments ... A defiant Trump said Sunday that the outrage over NFL players kneeling during the national anthem "has nothing to do with race," but rather is about "respect for our country." The president touched off a firestorm Friday night at a political rally in Alabama when he said: "Wouldn't you love to see one of these NFL owners, when somebody disrespects our flag, to say, 'Get that son of a b---- off the field right now.'" Must-read related features on the Trump-NFL controversy on FoxNews.com: (1) Army veteran Alejandro Villanueva is sole Steelers player to stand outside for national anthem (2) NFL stars should get off their knees and lead a constructive conversation on race (3) NASCAR owners issue stern warning after NFL players kneel (4) WWII veteran, 97, kneels in support of protesting athletes ADD NORTH KOREA AND VENEZUELA TO TRAVEL BAN RESTRICTION LIST: President Trump signed off on updated travel restrictions that would limit entry for people coming to the U.S. from eight countries, as the existing travel ban is set to expire ... The new travel restrictions, set to take effect Oct. 18, would slow or limit entry from citizens of North Korea, Chad, Iran, Libya, Somalia, Syria, Venezuela and Yemen. North Korea and Venezuela were not listed in the earlier ban. Why does this matter? -  The new policy could complicate the Supreme Court's review of Trump' travel restriction order. The high court is scheduled to hear arguments over its legality on October 10. IS THE GRAHAM-CASSIDY HEALTH CARE BILL D.O.A.? Republican opposition to the latest GOP Senate bill to repeal and replace ObamaCare are at near fatal numbers after Sens. Susan Collins and Ted Cruz both indicated they could not support it ... The White House, however, insists the bill isn't dead and a "vast majority of Americans" will benefit. The GOP-controlled chamber has until Sept. 30 to pass the legislation with a simple, 51-vote majority, under so-called budget reconciliation procedures. However, at most, 48 of the chamber’s 52 Republican senators appear to support the bill, which has no backing from Democrats. Sens. John McCain and Rand Paul have said they’ll vote no; Republican Sens. Lisa Murkowski and Susan Collins are a likely no. MCCAIN CLAIMS NO HARD FEELINGS AGAINST TRUMP: Sen. John McCain shrugged off any suggestion he voted against the GOP repeal-and-replace ObamaCare bill to get back at Trump for his past comments ... The Ariz. senator, who's battling brain cancer, told “60 Minutes” that "life is too short" to worry about everything someone has said to someone else. Trump said on the campaign trail in 2015 that McCain wasn't a war hero. McCain told "60 Minutes" that the president never apologized to him for the controversial comments.  From Fox News Opinion: McCain's defection on health care is inexcusable SUDANESE IMMIGRANT CHARGED WITH MURDER, MOTIVE SOUGHT IN DEADLY CHURCH SHOOTING: The FBI has confirmed it is opening a civil rights investigation into a Tennessee church shooting that left one woman dead and seven others injured ... The alleged gunman, identified as 25-year-old Emanuel Kidega Samson, immigrated from Sudan two decades ago, police said. He has been charged with murder and other charges are pending.   THE WEEKEND THAT WAS SACKING THE NFL: "Don't give me this crap that you guys want to support reform and stand up against social injustice. Shame on you. Shame on all of you. And shame on you too, Roger Goodell, for not showing you love this country as much as the president does." – Judge Jeanine Pirro, in her "Opening Statement" for "Justice with Judge Jeanine," blasting NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell and NFL players kneeling in protest of the national anthem. WATCH MULTIMILLIONAIRES IN NEED OF THERAPY: "Don't impose on me your sense of somehow, you feel oppressed. If you're a multimillionaire who feels oppressed, you need a therapist [and] not a publicity stunt." – Newt Gingrich, sounding off on NFL players protesting the national anthem, on "Fox & Friends Weekend." WATCH EARTH TO ELLEN - TRUMP HAS A BIGGEST PLATFORM IN THE WORLD: "These Hollywood liberals, they're so elitist that [DeGeneres] thinks that by having the president of the United States on her show that she's giving him a platform. You're not giving him anything."  – Tomi Lahren, on "Watters' World," reflecting on Ellen DeGeneres saying she would not have "dangerous" President Trump on her show. WATCH   MINDING YOUR BUSINESS Walt Disney threatens to pull ESPN, ABC from Optimum ABB buys GE unit for $2.6B to boost North American business White House says proposed tax plan will help business, middle class Oil holds gains as producers say market rebalancing   NEW IN FOX NEWS OPINION Grover Norquist: Tax reform is a must win for Republicans (and it really could happen) The Trump Effect reaches Germany Why Trump's economic moves against North Korea may do more to tame Kim than any insult A drunk driver killed their daughters, but Lynn and Dan Wagner embody the awesome power of forgiveness   HOLLYWOOD SQUARED Kingsman: The Golden Circle dethrones It at box office Francia Raisa shows off scars at the gym after donating kidney to Selena Gomez George Clooney slams Hillary Clinton's failed campaign: "I never saw her elevate her game" Former President Clinton gets TV deal for upcoming White House "thriller"   DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THIS? Mystery of Great Pyramid may be solved, researchers say End of world still coming soon, Christian numerologists say -- it was just postponed Michelin-starred restaurant calls out blogger's shameless "vegan meal" request Woman at LongHorn Steakhouse bit several times by copperhead snake   STAY TUNED On Fox News: Fox & Friends, 6 a.m. ET: Guests include: Rep. Louie Gohmert will discuss Trump's new travel restrictions The Five moves back to 5 p.m. E.T.: Don't miss the panel debates you love as Trump vs. the NFL, Trump's new travel restrictions and more will be the hot topics of the day The Story with Martha MacCallum, 7 p.m. E.T.: Martha will interview both Sen. Luther Strange and former Alabama Supreme Court Chief Justice Roy Moore as both vie for Attorney General Jeff Session's senate seat in a tight race Tucker Carlson Tonight, 7 p.m. E.T.: Tucker will have a brand-new in-depth report on the notorious MS-13 gang Hannity moves to 9 p.m. E.T: Don't miss Sean's must-see interview with former Trump White House chief strategist Steve Bannon   On Fox Business: Mornings with Maria, 6 a.m. ET: Guests include House Chairman and Ways & Means Tax Policy subcommittee member Rep. Peter Roskam on the latest in the quest for tax reform; Philadelphia 76ers and New Jersey Devils CEO Scott O'Neil on Trump's battles with the NFL and NBA star Stephen Curry Cavuto: Coast to Coast, 12 noon ET: Guests include Art Laffer, former Reagan economic adviser, on the latest political hot topics of the day After the Bell, 4 p.m. ET: Guests include Puerto Rico Governor Ricardo Rosselló discusses recovery efforts and the challenges ahead after Hurricane Maria's devastation On Fox News Radio: The Brian Kilmeade Show, 9 am to 12 noon E.T.: Guests will include New York Post columnist Michael Goodwin, who will discuss the Trump-NFL players kneeling during the national anthem controversy   #OnThisDay 2007: Warren Jeffs, the leader of a polygamous Mormon splinter group, is convicted in St. George, Utah, of being an accomplice to rape for performing a wedding between a 19-year-old man and a 14-year-old girl. (The conviction was later overturned by the Utah Supreme Court; prosecutors ended up dropping the charges, since Jeffs is serving a life sentence in Texas in a separate case.) 1997: President Bill Clinton pulls open the door of Central High School in Little Rock, Arkansas, as he welcomed nine blacks who had faced hate-filled mobs 40 years earlier. 1981: Sandra Day O'Connor is sworn in as the first female justice on the Supreme Court. 1962: Sonny Liston knocks out Floyd Patterson in round one to win the world heavyweight title at Comiskey Park in Chicago. Thank you for joining us on Fox News First! Enjoy the day and see you in your inbox first thing tomorrow morning! Unsubscribe ©2017 Fox News Network, LLC. All Rights Reserved. 1211 Avenue of the Americas, New York, NY, 10036. Privacy Policy.