#Sometimes I feel like Austria is more relevant to the Czech Republic than it is to Germany

[ukulelegodparent]

Heartbreaking: This German almost died bc they had to manually select Germany as their location on a German-language website, bc the default was Switzerland or Austria bc that's where the company is from

[irkimatsu]

All right, all right, let's do this... Eurovision rankings! Well, not so much a ranking because I'm putting them in alphabetical order by country, but little blurbs about how I feel about each song after looping the playlist for a couple of weeks, and what category I'm going to place them in. As a refresher:

Love: Top five. My absolute favorite songs, and the ones I'll do anything to see win or at least perform well. Caps and italic for my special, number one love.

Like: Didn't quite make it to the top five, but I still like it a lot! I'll probably keep it even after the Contest is over.

Okay: I can see its merit, and maybe I like an element or two of it, but overall, it just doesn't click with me and I won't miss it if it fails the semi. I’ll get it if it does make it, though.

Indifferent: I just can't bring myself to give a shit about it, and I really don't want to see it in the semi, especially not at the expense of a Loved song. Not so annoying that I can't stand to listen to it, but it doesn't bring me any joy, either.

Surprisingly, three categories won't be used this time - I can finally retire "bias" because there's no goofy/boring songs that I only like because they remind me of fandom; there aren't any songs that I feel make my life worse, so "hate" won't be used (good, after I embarrassed myself last year by putting the eventual winner there); and while there is a song for the "what" category, there always is in Eurovision... well... you'll see.

Okay, let's roll!

Albania: "Mall" by Eugent Bushpepa - Sorry, not feeling it. Indifferent.

Armenia: "Qami" by Sevak Khanagyan - I can tell he's trying, but like the above, this just isn't my thing and I'm not gonna linger on it. Indifferent.

Austria: "Nobody But You" by Cesar Sampson - Meh. There's worse, but there's better. I like the chorus well enough, mainly the way it bursts, but by the time it comes up, I'm bored. I'll say Okay for that.

Australia: "We Got Love" by Jessica Mauboy - After two years of not giving a shit about Australia and not understanding why they're still here, they've won me over again! I like cute, upbeat things like this. Like!

Azerbaijan: "X My Heart" by Aisel - It's cute enough! I don't think it stands out super well, but it still has a certain charm to it. Let's say Okay.

Belarus: "Forever" by Alekseev - Eh, it grew on me. I like synths, what can I say. Like. Maybe on the lower end of Like, since it does get outshone by a lot of other stuff I enjoy, but I don't feel right putting it in Okay, either.

Belgium: "A Matter Of Time" by Sennek - Reminds me of a Bond song. Sometimes I'm in the mood for that, so it's good for then, but "Rise Like A Phoenix" did it way better. Okay, because I'm feeling generous.

Bulgaria: "Bones" by Equinox - A little on the mellow side, but it has a calming effect I do enjoy. There's just better electronica out there, is all. Okay.

Croatia: "Crazy" by Franka - I do like the soulful element of it! It's not quite my thing, but I appreciate it for what it is, and if it has a major fanbase, I can understand why. Okay!

Cyprus: "Fuego" by Eleni Foureira - Something about this song hits me in all the right places. Fun as hell to walk to, fun as hell to sing along to, this one was a latecomer to my top five but now I can't make it leave. Love!

Czech Republic: "Lie To Me" Mikolas Josef - when I first heard this, I thought of it as a combination of "Don't" by Ed Sheeran, a song I like well enough when it's on the radio but never seek out on its own; and "Talk Dirty" by Jason Derulo, a song I can't stand. So why, why did this climb my ranking so quickly? It's such a damn earworm! I love it so much, Love, Love, Love! I think my only real complaints is all the f-bombs - not because I'm sensitive to cursing, but because I'm wondering how he's going to handle that on stage... I found a stage performance where he just went quiet instead of replacing them, and it just sounds awkward...

Denmark: "Higher Ground" by Rasmussen - Oh, this is awesome. Vikings! I had a bit of a viking phase in high school... blame E-type. I just love how grand this sounds, and I'm looking forward to seeing it on stage! Like! (As an aside... Sannie of Whigfield was also in the qualifiers, and while normally I'd be morally obligated to cheer for a Eurodance darling... "Boys On Girls" sucks, even by my cheesy standards. No way did it deserve to win over this. No Dolly Style flavored bitterness here!)

Estonia: "La Forza" by Elina Nechayeva - On one hand, this may not be my type of music... but holy shit, for something that's not my type of music, it's put together well! I'm impressed! I'm gonna say Okay just because I can't see myself keeping it after the Contest, but I wouldn't fault anyone if it won. The woman can belt! It's impressive!

Finland: "Monsters" by Saara Aalto - I kept putting this on and off my top five due to another song it was rotating with, but it finally landed on and hasn't moved since! Of course it's written by the same team that brought us "Heroes" in 2015! It's just one of those songs where I feel the music so deeply, and I love the mental illness awareness (according to another site I read), and I just... yes, yes, go Finland. Love!

France: "Mercy" by Madame Monsieur - This wins the questionable honor of being one of those songs that I can never remember no matter how many times it comes up. There's nothing wrong with it, I just don't care. There's worse, but I'm still Indifferent to it.

Germany: "You Let Me Walk Alone" by Michael Schulte - ...oh. Oh dear. I feel like I should at least be kind to this song, since it's about his dead father... I appreciate that sentiment, I can see it doing well on that merit, it's probably more artistically valid than something like "Lie To Me"... but I don't like it! I can not make myself care about this! Indifferent! Sorry! Don't kill me!

Georgia: "For You" by Iriao - No. I can't even think of anything interesting to say about it. No. I'm sure it's culturally relevant, and that's very nice for it and Eurovision should always have those songs... but that doesn't stop them from boring me to tears. Indifferent.

Greece: "Oneiro Mou" by Gianna Terzi - I'll call it a low Okay because I like it more than, say, Georgia or Armenia, but it's a cold compliment. I just feel bad for typing Indifferent on most of the non-English ones and this is one I felt like being nice to. Um... I like the strings?

Hungary: "Viszlat Nyar" by AWS - Holy shit this goes hard. I'm fussy about my rock, but damn, this is really, really good! There, I'm saying really nice things about a non-English song! I'd love to see this in the final for a change of pace! Like!

Iceland: "Our Choice" by Ari Olafsson - This song bores the crap out of a friend of mine, and god, I understand why. There's nothing here. When she said her least favorite was Iceland, I couldn't even remember what Iceland sent, and when I looked it up... yeah, this isn't noteworthy at all. Except for that screech toward the end, but I wouldn't exactly call that a point in this song's favor. Indifferent.

Ireland: "Together" by Ryan O'Shaughnessy - Ugh, boring. Sorry, no thanks. This doesn't grab me at all; this type of music never has a chance with me. Indifferent.

Israel: "Toy" by Netta - I love you, chicken lady! By all rights, this song belongs firmly in "What", between the chicken noises and all the pop culture references... but god, from the first time I listened to it, I've been hooked! It was the second or third song I listened to, and I got so stuck on it that it took a while for me to move on! This is LOVE, no doubt, and while I'm extremely surprised that a lot of people seem to agree with me, I'm not disappointed! Go Israel! ...isn't there a rule against mentioning copyrighted stuff, though? I remember when they had to change a line in "Cheesecake" because it mentioned Google... I wonder what'll happen here...?

Italy: "Non Mi Avete Fatto Niente" by Ermal Meta & Fabrizio Moro - I have a soft spot for how the Italian language sounds. Is it because I grew up with an Eiffel 65 CD as my first non-English album? Who knows! In any case, I like the vocal track on this a lot, and the music's no slouch, either, so for that, Like!

Latvia: "Funny Girl" by Laura Rizzotto - Oof, this one hurts. It's just so bitter and mournful... it gets what it needs done damn well, and I feel so bad for the narrator. Like, definitely. I like a good, angsty story.

Lithuania: "When We're Old" by Ieva Zasiauskaite - When I first listened to this song, I got hit by such a wave of feelings that I can't shake them even now. If those feelings were for a fictional character, I'd immediately pitch this into "bias", but since they're for a real person I love very, very much... it's a Like, even if I wouldn't say that about a song that sounds like this if the lyrics were about anything else. Leave me alone, I'm gay.

Macedonia: "Lost and Found" by Eye Cue - I like that tropical beat going on in the background, and the way it switches on and off. The whole song brings a smile to my face, and I'll give it a Like!

Malta: "Taboo" by Christabelle - It hits in all the right places, and what i mean when I call a song a builder. I love how it climbs at the minute point. Like!

Moldova: "My Lucky Day" by DoReDoS - I saw someone insult this song by saying it's no longer 2004, but to me, who grew up drenched in 2000′s Europop, that's a high compliment. Like "Toy", this one latched onto me the instant I first listened to it - maybe not quite as hard, but if "Toy" wasn't here, I'd have no complaints about making this my favorite. My... number one, so to speak! Love! (Also, anyone who has known me for more than 20 minutes and who has very basic Japanese knowledge would know why "number one" is one of my favorite compliments)

Montenegro: "Inje" by Vanja Radovanovic - Montenegro and I will never be friends. I've never, ever hoped for them to be in a final, they've always been either criminally bizarre or criminally boring... I just wish they stuck with being bizarre twice in a row. Sorry, Indifferent, this isn't my thing at all.

The Netherlands: "Outlaw In 'Em" by Waylon - If we had to have a country song this year, it could have have been far worse. It's another one that kinda grew on me for what it is. I get weirdly into it sometimes! You know what, I'll call this one a Like! I like it way better than predecessors like "Calm After The Storm" and "Slow Down", at any rate!

Norway: "That's How You Write A Song" by Alexander Rybak - Can I say something controversial here? I like this better than "Fairytale". Now, to make it clear, "Fairytale" is probably better, artistically - but I don't rank by art, I rank by fun, and while I do like "Fairytale" and believe it deserved the record it set, I have more fun with this one. It just barely missed my top five thanks to Finland, but I still really Like it, and I'm looking forward to how it does!

Poland: "Light Me Up" by Gromee feat. Lukas Meijer - A fun little electronic thing! It's nothing spectacular, but I do really like the instrumental break. I'm feeling generous, let's call this one a Like.

Portugal: "O Jardim" by Claudia Pascoal - Portugal could stop competing in Eurovision and I wouldn't even notice. I'm serious - I'm constantly forgetting if they really did skip 2016 or if their song that year just made that little of an impression on me. This year hasn't changed a thing. Indifferent.

Romania: "Goodbye" by The Humans - This is one of those songs that I enjoy eventually, but it's annoying that it takes me half the song to get there, and I don't even find the latter half all that spectacular. It's just interesting enough to carry it up to Okay territory, and then it settles in there.

Russia: "I Won't Break" by Julia Samojlova - Congrats on actually getting to sing this time, Julia! Your song is... all right! It's Okay! Still proud of you for making it, though, even if I'm not overly excited about it!

San Marino: "Who We Are" by Jessika feat. Jenifer Brening - Oh this video is goofy. I love San Marino when they're goofy. It's no "Spirit Of The Night", but I don't think we're ever getting another "Spirit Of The Night", and the song's still fun. The rapping is hard to take seriously, but it adds a bit of cheesy flavor, and I do appreciate that. Firm Like!

Serbia: "Nova Deca" by Sanja Ilić & Balkanika - I have taken a full 90 seconds to think of anything to say about this, at which point the cool beat kicked in. I like the cool beat. Okay. I don’t like being mean to all the non-English ones, I gotta say something nice, all right?

Slovenia: "Hvala Ne" by Lea Sirk - This doesn't sound bad at all at first, but something about it gets old by the time it ends - it's like one catchy sound that wears its welcome quickly. Sometimes I get into it, sometimes I'm just not in the mood and I zone out. Okay.

Spain: "Tu Cancion" by Amaia & Alfred: Bored. Not as bored as when I listen to Portugal, but still bored. Indifferent.

Sweden: "Dance You Off" by Benjamin Ingrosso - Hello, low-rent Justin Timberlake! Okay, more like mid-rent? It's not like it's a bad song. Not the most fun "would fit in on American party radio" song ever in Eurovision, but it somehow clicks anyway. Probably a low Like, but a Like all the same!

Switzerland: "Stones" by ZiBBZ - It's not a major standout for me, but I can't say I dislike it, either. I can see why people like it! But I'm gonna say Okay, in a way that says more about its competition than the song itself. I far from hate it, but I can't quite put my finger on anything specific I love, either, so I'll put it there.

Ukraine: "Under The Ladder" by Melovin - It's a catchy one! I like how much life this one has to it. Like!

United Kingdom: Ah, hell, it's a cute one, so why not! I don't have much to say about it, but I think I Like it.

Songs in Like/Okay/Indifferent are capable of sliding into categories one above or below themselves, based on my generosity levels, mood, and, I dunno, my digestive status or something. My Loves are locked, though. No matter how politely Norway asks.

Looking forward to the show! And by that, I mean I'm looking forward to finding the results after I get home that Saturday!

[distant-rose]

A boiling, bubbling pot? That's great, and actually pretty accurate! Sometimes I need to stir, but mostly the ingredients are better left alone to amalgamate to that perfect *insert your favorite pot dish here*. Ah, I see! I've traveled a bit, but as you say, when you live in Europe, it's not that difficult. I've been to the US, too, and to London, Wales, Germany, Italy, France, Spain, Tunisia, Austria, the Czech Republic, Greece, Switzerland and Slovenia. Any place you like in particular? ~csss

Bubble, bubble, boil and trouble~ I’ve been on a witch kick since I binged the Chilling Adventures of Sabrina two days ago.

My favorite dish, not that it’s relevant, is chicken pad thai. I’m a lame white chick. I also like chicken alfredo, chicken francese and chicken biryani. Seeing a pattern here? I also like anything with four chillies next to it on a menu.

I’m actually jealous how easy it is for Europeans to travel. Traveling across America is a struggle without a car. I would almost argue its impossible without a car. If it were up to me I would use public transit for the rest of my life. I’m not a fan of driving and avoid it when possible.

I haven’t been to Tunisia or Slovenia but they are on my list of places to go. I have a massive list of places to hit before I die, they’re on there. 

My favorite place is probably Malta. I love the island and it’s often overlooked. It’s a really cool transfusion of European and Arabic influences. And there’s cactuses everywhere. Valletta is a gorgeous city though it’s incredibly European and sometimes feels out of place. But regardless it’s gorgeous.

Out of the list of places you’ve been, I really love Greece and the Czech Republic. Those have definitely been some of the more cheaper places I’ve been to. Greece is a lot of fun and I actually loved going island hopping. I have some Greek ancestry so it has a special place in my heart. The Czech Republic is stupidly cheap for a drink. Beer is less than a euro and when you’re a young dumb idiot like me, there’s nothing better than gorgeous architecture and a cheap pint.