#Some things you give up are temporary. you trade them for money. to get just this little bit done

[zypiris]

ID/ A tweet from @MitchellCClark saying "'Never quit' sounds great, but sometimes, you gotta quit. be willing to say, "this isn't what i thought it was", or "this doesn't appeal to me anymore." remember that you can quit "the thing" without quitting on yourself. remember that persistence and fluidity can coexist. /End

[sunlitewhispers]

Marvus and his money headcanon

(Been surfing through the marvus tags and I've got some thoughts to share regarding this clown)

To start off, I personally think troll currency is more digital than physical. Like everyone uses a card to trade or get items (and its only due to the empresses restrictions on things when she removed the adults from the planet) but physical money is still real, it's just a fun thing that highbloods and high midbloods use to flaunt and to trade amongst each other.

To signify the value of the bills, they have a strip of color from the cast they were made for. For example, Teals =80, Cerulean =90, Indigo =100, etc.

(There were coins that were common amongst lowbloods and low midbloods, but that got discontinued when moving to cashless/digital. There is evidence preserving the old currency existence such as in museums showings of the old times and extremely old paintings in the clown churches.) (You can think that these coins are caegars or not)

With that out the way! On to Marvus and his money 💰

I imagine Marvus doesn't really care about money nor feels that it has a heavy connection to his identity compared to performing/entertaining. Marvus just knows that people wanna see him and lose their shit at his concerts and are willing to drop stacks to be there even with the risk of being culled.

With that, Marvus can be loose with his money, quite literally throwing it around to which some highbloods would critique the act as 'disrespectful' and 'rebellious' since money is one of the ways ancestors can provide to descendants and give them a clue to their existence. (If they want or have left a will if they died, regardless, the empire still sets them up with a small fund)

I dont know if philanthropy would be an actual thing or just be a thing highbloods (like Zebruh) say they do for approval points. But I imagine Marvus would be the type to do so in the most unconventional means.

He probably stopped his tour bus once to grab a grubshake or a handmade sandwich from a small cafe and threw a fat band on the counter saying, "Keep da change lol." Leaving the workers there in awe and fear cause damn he just weirdly blessed them, and damn they now gotta fight off his fans from stealing the marvy money. (If Marvus is there, his fans are certainly gonna be there too.)

Marvus definitely buys his crew lunch or, if he's hanging with someone, offers to pay for them when he's out and about. He stresses tf out of his accountant because he doesn't keep track of how much he spends in a day. You know his ass absolutely has a money gun to use at his concerts.

Bascially when you're Marvus, you're a baller who is a big spender.

When interacting with Marvus, depending on his quadrant, you're gonna see how he moves with his cash.

•♡ Matespirit ♡•

if you got this man in this quadrant, good luck on getting Marvus not to spoil the fuck out of you. Trust and believe he'll take any chance to drop some stacks on you. If you guys are out and you say or point out some items, you can bet that Marvus is buying them.

Oh, you think that clothing line is cute? Guess what? He's ordered the entire line to be sent to your place.

Big fan of video games? No problem! He is getting the newest console out on the market in your favorite color with your name on it.

Love sweets? Bam! He's gonna invite you over to his crib and have you watch a team of trolls bake the best desserts of Alternia.

Money ain't a thang to this man. It gives him a chance to show his love through the material means and show that he wants you to enjoy yourself and time with him. Small part of him uses money to be a temporary fix when he has to go on long tours. If he can't spend time with you on troll FaceTime or in real life, he'll send gifts to show that he's still alive and thinking about you.

However, if large displays of affections through money don't appeal to you or you start to feel overwhelmed by the purchases or think he's being disingenious in his affection, he'll pull it back.

He'll likely give you a card that's connected to his account so you can have the control to buy what you want without feeling like you have to ask him. (And such an act will give him a small piece of security to know you'll have the means to survive financially on Alternia, especially if you've expressed times of financial hardships to him)

Also doesn’t matter if it's public or private, He's gonna randomly place bills on your person, i.e., stuffing them in your pockets, slipping them in your shirt pocket, pinning them to your jacket. If you ask him why he's doing that (or wonder where he stores his cash)(btw he literally has no pants pockets) Marvus is gonna give you a saucy wink and smile all dumb and say "a mf gotta pay dem feez 4 havin a wicked mate lik u b ;0)" than he'll place a smacking wet kiss on your forehead and be all noisey about it while doing so.

•◇ Moirials ◇•

In this quadrant, his spending habit might look casual to outsiders, but with you, they'll be a tad more personal. Still be extra af like in matespiritship but he'll be spending money to clear his mind or yours.

Feeling stressed about some unfinished work? Don't worry. He'll reserve a spa service just for you.

Need to cry out some hard feelings? He's gonna get some matching pajamas and grab some emergency blankets to get that session on.

You know that one ring that SpongeBob and Patrick have to show off their friendship? He's gonna get something like that to represent your guy's moirallgience. Anything involving moirails, he will buy and send them to you.

You're definitely gonna be his merch tester and probably be brought to his trips to the galleries when he goes to buy art pieces. (Need your support and opinion when bidding for art pieces.)

Like with matespiritship, if you feel like he's being insincere or rather prefers more handmade gifts. He'll try to schedule days to create personal gifts. He might pay someone to tutor him about your interests just so you can rant without having to stop and explain what you're talking about.

Marvus will remember what your favorite snacks and favorite meals are for when you're hanging with the crew or just him. Compared to where he won't care about what someone orders, you don't gotta worry about an order mess up or reminding him. He got that locked in, unless you want something different, then just point him to it.

If there is a fucked up order for you, he will raise hell. Typically, he won't care if something he orders is messed up. He'll pay for another one. However, on behalf of his moirial, this mf gonna walk up to the counter like that meme saying they asked for no pickles. The first and hopefully (in his opinion) only time you'll ever see him asking for a refund.

A thing that'll be a routine of your relationship is him swinging by your place late af in the daytime to grab you and get some breakfast before he has to start his night.(Unless you spend the day at his hive than he'll order said breakfast and catch some more Zzzs with you.)

•♤ Kismeses ♤•

Now in this quadrant, compared to the other two, Marvus is a clown who's mischievous as hell. This bitches antics are gonna be up to 100 when it comes to him.

Honestly, you're gonna be on your toes for buying things. It'll become a back and forth of him randomly, not having money than to him having it though being really annoying and lazy with it.

If your someone who's well off, you better hide your wallet. Marvus will snag your card and make an excuse how he left his cash in his other pants/trailer/hive and buy the most stupidest shit under your name. (He'll troll cash app you back but do it so tediously that you hope your account crashes)

If he catches a single hint or a word, even a wrinkle of disgust on you, Marvus will make it the bane of your life.

You dislike the residue of his paint left on your face after a hate-makeout session? Marvus now has to buy this one face paint that is known for being messy. what? His manager told him, too. :0)

You think cowboy boots are clunky and tacky? Guess who's strolling up in some bedazzled purple lined boots that jingle when he walks.

You make a comment on how creepy troll beanie boos plushies are, he's gonna get a brand deal with them and send you a crate of his new designs. A note will be attached saying "4 my numba 1 fan ;0)~".

Similar to moirallgience, you will be a merch tester, yet you won't know if he's being serious or wanting to rile you up. Regardless, when you shit on the design he's showing you, that's how he'll know his fans will love it! Doesn't matter if it's the simplest design, an eyesore to the public, he'll promote it to the point that even your small-time friends will surely mention the product to you. Might even send a shout-out to you on Chitter for your 'help'.

Don't ask him for a bill if you want something from a vending machine. Marvus will pull the most crumpled weirdly stained bill you'll ever see in your lifetime and smile at you plainly like, "Here u go buddi dats all I can find on me atm lmao." Additionally to this, he will slowly count his bucks out if you all are in a line somewhere. (Marvus knows no one will rush him and if you complain, he'll pretend he lost count and start over)

To conclude this, watch out for when he's feeling more petty. He'll make a habit of sending you items in loud peculiar packaging that suggest to those handling it that there's something inappropriate in it when there really isn't.

•♧ Auspistice ♧•

With this one, Marvus doesn’t fit the vibe of where he might truly kill his kismeses. Nor does he seem to want to be in a situation to be aggravated enough to join in murdering someone (Going off his response to MSPA reader when the clown fight happened). However, Marvus may strive on not becoming active on those emotions. Close calls can exist.

A tiff among his roadies about best faygo flavors is a good way. His manager hassling him, and trying to change up his brand is close enough. Groupie sea dwellers trying to follow him back to his trailer and not taking a hint is a real close call.

If you mediate for Marvus a few times, he'll certainly be grateful (and a bit embarrassed) he'll grant you a gift card of some shop of your choice as thanks.

On the other hand, you've been around long enough to spot a murderous Marvus, then you're undeniably a part of his inner circle. With the exception of being his paid emotional bodyguard coach.

As business-like, it might seem in the beginning, you're a trustworthy and skillful individual in Marvus's eyes. He knows dealing with irritated trolls, particularly enraged highbloods, is not a fun nor easy task.

Other trolls may feel like this relationship is wandering into moirallgience territory.(which might be) Marvus won't really care about those opinions and possibly offer to meditate for you in the event he catches you in a tense position.

You’ll be called for his long tours when he has to do shows for sea dwellers and, without a doubt, be put through the ringer. It'll end with you guys munching on loads of the troll version of ice cream in silence.

At any point, you're too stressed to de-escalate a situation. He'll give you a paid vacation and make sure you don't come back until you are entirely stressed free.

He may tell you once he calms down that you should open a private business due to your and I quote "motherfckin dopeazz obzi-va-tional skilz."

Small note : Marvus has dealt with people trying to form a quad with him just for the fame/money, as we seen with Zebruh. So if he catches signs that what's happening, he's going to be acting distant and extremely scripted around you, then like ghost you. You'll be blacklisted from his concerts (unknowingly), and future clowns might keep a close eye on you if you hang at the churches.

Welp, that's all! Hopefully, this was entertaining to read! I do apologize if some parts feel rushed or that there were more details in some quads, I tried to keep them around the same length.

[lamarkeu]

Episode Summary: Myungho is left home alone with his kids for the first time since their youngest was born allowing his wife to go on a much needed break.

Genre: Fluff (and minor angst)

Masterlist for SVTTROS Series

a/n: Mentions of divorce and child custody (TW)

Italics: Narrators Boo Seungkwan (BS) and Lee Minhyuk (LM)

Bold: Staff

Regular: What family member says / what camera films during the show

Listen To: Wonder by Standing Egg

BS: The Return of Superman, Episode 3 “I Think I Love You ” Part 2.

LM: This condo is absolutely breathtaking. The simple black and whites give off the vibe of modern minimalist layout. Once we pull back the floor to ceiling curtains the high ceilings warm up the space by revealing various artwork once hidden in shadow.

The living room is impeccably clean, for a second your daughter, Luna, is shown laying on her stomach adjacent to her younger brother Minho. The two take turns patting away at the foot of a massive teddy bear they received from their uncle Seungkwan.

BM: Ahh! I know who this is.

LM: Really? I haven’t been able to guess because I’ve been so busy admiring the artwork, it looks like Superman is either an art collector or a painter.

The camera captures how the kitchen perfectly overlooks the living room. Such a small detail can make a world of difference when you’re taking care of children. Zooming in closer towards the opened kitchen the audience sees a pair of hands chopping away on the counter top not going past the wrist level.

“What gift should we give Jeongwoo?” a voice asked before transferring the chopped carrots and onions into a bowl.

“Traditionally speaking clothes and Money should be fine. We’re not part of the intermediate family so we can avoid things like gold.” A second lower voice could be heard off screen, the camera capturing him boiling a pot of water.

“Sounds perfect,”she agrees before placing her used knife and cutting board into the sink as she adds, “I’ll stop by the bank on the way home.” She places her apron on a hook inside their pantry door. Dusting off herself from the ingredients she prepared for her husband to cook while she’s gone. “Are you sure you’ll be okay with them?”

“I promise, now go enjoy spending time with your friends. It’s about time you get a break.” A smile of adoration appears on his face before he leans down to give him a kiss just as the cameras pull up to show their face.

BS: Welcome Seventeen’s kind lead dancer and renowned painter Xu Minghao and renowned makeup artist Y/L/N Y/N. Hyung and Noona I missed seeing you!

LM: Myungho! What a sweet husband.

“Hyungsik might stop by, he said Luna left her project that’s due tomorrow at his house.” Y/N continued as she puts on her shoes in the foyer.

“Okay, I’ll keep an eye on the door camera.”

“See you later babies, I love you.” She calls to her kids with warmth in her voice after kissing her husband on the cheek.

Luna is heard yelling from the living room, “Bye mom, I’ll take care of bàba and didi while you’re gone.”

“That’s my girl. I’m so lucky to have you as my daughter.”

“Hello I’m Seo Myungho better known as Xu Minghao. I am one of Seventeen’s artists. I’m also more proudly known as Luna and Mingyue father.”

“Hi. I’m Y/L/N-Park Luna. I’m five years old. I have a baby brother name Ming Yue. I want to become a artist like my bàba.

“My name is Y/N Y/L/N, I’m a professional make up artist by trade and a passionate skincare business owner. Im also the mother of these beautiful babies. Thank you for inviting our family onto this show I’m a huge fan so this is a dream come true.”

How did you meet?

“I was doing some solo promotions while our Korean members were in the military. Originally I had a makeup artist through PLEDIS but she was about to go on maternity leave. I asked around my friends if they knew anyone that would be willing to take a temporary position. Dokyeom’s wife got in contact with me and relayed how great Y/N was.”

“I worked with Dokyeom doing stage makeup for musical theater since he played King Arthur. I got a message from Lee Y/N asking about Myungho and I immediately said yes. We’ve met before in passing and with other people so I took it as an opportunity for a better introduction.”

“She did quite the job helping with my appearance but also helped calm my nerves when I performed on different stages. Without that introduction I don’t think we would’ve found love the way we did.”

When did you realize you wanted to introduce Myungho to Luna?

“It was pretty early on. I was very upfront about having recently gone through a divorce. Being the amazing man he is, Myungho knew Luna was first priority and wasn’t scared of that.”

“If it were up to me I would’ve met her as soon as we started going out together but, I knew how delicate their situation was, especially because they were figuring out the custody arrangements.”

“Ultimately they did meet in person after 2 years. He was amazing at soothing my concerns and ultimately made me realize that he was in this relationship for the long haul.”

“We officially dated after that, got married and had Mingyue this year.”

What has co-parenting been like for you?

“It’s the best thing I could’ve asked for. I’ve always loved the idea of having a kid and Luna really made me enjoy that even more. I love seeing her grow and figure out who she is. At the end of the day on paper she may not be my biological daughter but in my eyes she will always be my little girl. I have Hyungsik Hyung and Y/N to thank for that.”

“Hyungsik and I much to people’s disbelief ended things on good terms. Now that we’re both remarried I hope that people show us respect for our blended family. I can’t speak for him but I know he’s really thankful for Myungho being another amazing father figure in Luna’s life. I’m so thankful that even when disagreements occur that they look past that because of their love for Luna.”

Do you have any messages for our viewers?

“I know netizens have had their misconceptions of who I am and the relationships I’ve had. I don’t blame them I hope through this show however, they’re able to rewrite their perceptions of myself and my family.”

“Y/N is an amazing mother and partner. To see how the media has manipulated this to benefit their own interests has been something we’ve been trying to fight against. I’m so grateful for the support given to us from my members, carats, Y/N’s fans, and our families for being so supportive during this time. Without you guys I don’t think we would’ve had the courage to share our love story to the public. My goal for our time on this show is to heal from the damages inflicted onto us in the past and expose our viewers to our family dynamic. Ultimately if we help even a single person to become open to blended families like ours I can proudly say that we’ve done our job.”

[nonotnolan]

Cuerpo Inc: The Internship

It had taken him a few weeks, but Mark was finally getting used to the office culture at Cuerpo Inc, one of the leading manufacturers of body swapping technology. He hadn't really expected to make a career out of a product that seemed to be used only by the young and the perverted, but the pay was more than worth any sort of stigma that people still had about the relatively new field. Besides, the position had required a Master's in Accounting and a CPA license, and the work was as difficult as it was satisfying. The office culture was… weird, to say the least, but he took it in stride. He was still finishing up with a bitter divorce with his wife of three years, so it was nice to have something to distract him.

"Hey, James," he said, waving at the man standing in front of the bathroom sink. At least, he assumed it was James. It was James's body, at any rate, and it was polite to use the body's name regardless of who was in it. It was hard to tell who was who around the office, but since all of their work was tied to a username and password, it didn't really matter either.

"Hey Mark," came the reply. "How's it going? You excited for intern season? Sign-ups just dropped a half-hour ago. I'm so excited for this year's group."

Mark rolled his eyes. "I can't say I'm excited," he said. "It'll be two months of baby-sitting a bunch of wet-nosed college students who just want to pad their resume. I don't know how we'll be able to train them to do anything useful, since they won't even have a license, let alone a full degree."

James looked confused. "I mean, sure, they're just padding their resumes, but why would we… wait, this is your first intern season, isn't it?"

Now it was Mark's turn to be confused. "Well, sure, but what does that have to do with anything?"

"Hah! No wonder," James said, slapping him on the shoulder. "Look, Cuerpo Inc is considered a really forward-thinking and prestigious company, and our internship slots are in high demand. We can set some pretty crazy demands, and we'll still have a bunch of kids clamoring for the spots. They have to give up their body for two whole months in order to work here."

Mark couldn't help but raise his eyebrows in disbelief. "I… two months? What do they even get out of a trade like that?"

"First hand experience," James said, with a wide smile. "It's a modified swap where they get to keep a temporary copy of your work and school knowledge, in addition to all of their own memories. The company doesn't lose any productivity because it's almost like you never left. The intern gets first hand experience having and using relevant industry skills. And you get a two month paid vacation in a body that's in peak physical condition."

"Really, even me? But I haven't even been here for three months yet." Mark couldn't help but bone up at the thought of having a hot, young body for the summer-- it seemed too good to be true.

James just shrugged. "I mean, why not? There isn't a shortage of applicants, and it's not like they're losing any money. During intern season, half your salary goes to the intern, and half your salary goes to you. I guess technically you could keep you paycheck if you opt out of having an intern's body, but… almost no one ever does. Having a hot, young body is totally with the temporary pay cut. My wife loves this time of year, it really helps spice things up in the bedroom. Plus it's nice go out on a weekend bender without having to worry about the Sunday hangover. Anyway, you should sign up before all the best ones get taken."

He finished washing his hands and left, leaving Mark alone to his thoughts. The timing was perfect. His marriage ended when he finally admitted to himself that he was gay, but coming out of the closet and entering the dating pool in his late 30s seemed beyond embarrassing. Getting some dating experience with a body in its early 20s, however…

--------------------------------------------------------------

It had only been two weeks, but Mark-- or rather, Tyrel-- was having a great time.

He was grateful for James's tip about checking the sign-ups early. The pool of body builders had gone quickly, and while it would be interesting to have a cute twink's body… he wanted something a bit more traditionally masculine for his first time. The thought of a hairless body just felt like too much of a change. It was weird enough choosing a body with a different heritage, but… well, what was the point in having a new body if you weren't going to rock the boat at least a little bit? Mark had thought looking down at his arms and seeing a new skin color would be the weirdest part of the body swap, but that had stopped surprising him after two days. Honestly, being a few inches taller inside of his home was the part that was throwing him off the most. All of the drawers and cabinets were now slightly lower than where he expected them to be, and it was screwing with his muscle memory.

Mark was surprised at how quickly he was getting used to seeing Tyrel's face in the mirror. It was serving him well on Grindr, too-- it was rare for him to have a night alone unless he wanted one for himself. Mark wasn't sure if Tyrel was gay before the internship, but with eight inches of uncut cock in his pants, it certainly made him popular amongst the local gays.

He normally avoided blank profiles even if they did message him a photo-- he could afford to be picky, after all-- but when he received a message from a blank profile named Mark, he couldn't help but be curious. Sure enough, the first message was a photo of his old body, wearing nothing but a jock strap, ass out toward the camera. "Your body has turned me into an insatiable bottom ;)" he typed. "I've been having bathroom sex after the workplace happy hours, but no one at the office can come close to satisfying this hungry hole. Can you help me, Tyrel? Fill me up with my own cock!"

Mark immediately felt himself getting hard at the thought of ravaging his own body with Tyrel's massive cock. "You got it, Mark. You're clearly begging for this dick. Who am I to deny Daddy what he wants?"

"That's my boy," Tyrel replied. "Bring lube, unless you want to go in raw ;) I've got rope. Room 734, see you soon."

Mark started to take deep breaths, lest he blow his load early. "Damn, and here I was worried Tyrel might not be gay-- dude clearly has way more experience than I do." The thought of having to find more hookups for the next six weeks suddenly looked a lot less appealing. "Hopefully tonight goes well. With any luck, I can just fuck myself for the rest of the internship."

[katyspersonal]

Happy (incoming) New Year!

It might look like a rush, but in my timezone, New Year only will arrive in as much as several hours. Like I noticed before, in my culture New Year is THE 'winter holiday to celebrate everything good and give warm wishes', not Christmas x)

Not going to lie though, this year has been a literal Hell for me from almost the very start. It is even sort of... hard to recall just how MUCH I've lost this year. Hopes, plans, peace, dreams, any sort of stability in the future, money, losing connections to being more trouble than I was worth, losing people to cold ruthless clutches of death - family members included, friends vanishing without a notion, health depleting... Past some point I started to feel personally cursed, even with the background of the tragedy of society- humanity, in general. I was cynically wondering - 'And what crucial thing will I lose this month?' as time went by. It felt like a sadistic game by a fate itself, to stripe me from literally everything that makes me a human being that I am, so when my inevitable death comes - it can't even count as a person dying... Only an empty husk resembling former self, that no longer can hope or believe. I cursed the whole world and decided I'll be the last one standing when 2023 arrives, even when everything and everyone around me is gone.

But now?

I realize that it is only some hours away from 2023, and yet, I miraculously didn't lose everything. I still live in this house, I still have my mom and my job. And most importantly... I still have my true friends, and just people dear for me.

All pain I went through this year was worth it, if that meant getting to say - 'I have people that saw me through everything and still stayed with me'. The previous New Year celebration I concluded - 'If you are not friends with someone anymore, it doesn't meant you never were', and now the same moral plays differently. Because, truly, in this awful and chaotic world, you can lose anything, anyone, anytime - only keeping warm memories of it. But in the end, the past can only give you so much. However, memories of TRUE, genuine friends are different. The people you chose to keep around and trust to and allow to influence you end up shaping you. Even after they are gone from your life, what you were shaped into by their presence lingers with you even after, helping you to face new challenges, helping you to be a better friend for new friends, after all! This sort of happiness is unique, even if that life takes away from you too.

So, honestly, guys; if you find TRUE friends that love you unconditionally and stay with you through your worst moments and want to UNDERSTAND you despite your differences and are ready to pay the consequences of their love for you and not target to change or fix you... Fucking HOLD onto them. This sort of true friends you cannot attract with 'good behavior', cannot buy with money, cannot earn with drawing things for them and with always giving your support to them, cannot 'deserve' by being a 'good' person, cannot even win by changing yourself entirely to cater to their tastes. With all your struggle and what you THINK can win you loyalty and true love, genuine friends are always and ultimately the gift of fate - for weak or strong, for good or bad. You do not question why you was gifted it, but you must cherish it. And never, ever, EVER trade them for any of the arbitrary and temporary values this world has to offer. Because nourishing and transforming your soul by the bonds that are WORTH it is what will get you all further.

And as this year ends, I do not have regrets, because I have the bonds that are WORTH it, and on every step I've made a right choice regarding what people to value. I've gained experience, and I do not feel alone - instead I feel like I can truly choose friends wisely now, and am free to explore and develop my true self. Pain is how you grow, and pain is worth it when you have people that are willing to see you overcome it.

(Well... and also this year I created drawings I loved, saw the red moon for the first time and helped people a lot on several occasions - things I will value too.)

Happy new year, and I hope that you guys likewise can say that this year you are stronger than the last one, and that you've made choices you are proud of. Friends or just acquaintances, thank you for making this terrible year worth it in the end: @val-of-the-north @saintmicolash @ako-sirin @heraldofcrow @fantomette22 @scrawnytreedemon @kyrdjava @bimbomcgee @bombur-sexy-bitch @tangerinethecat and... also Arrol that Tumblr doesn't let me tag, Kris and Masha that do not have Tumblr and @cuddlefish-fish and now deactivated @fishbowlcarnage - who just disappeared one day, but are very good memories that were crucial for my fandom experience, and I pray that they are fine and are in better place after leaving the internets, not worse one.

[thefanbasewhore]

OUR GIRL.

Summary || Mob leaders Steve and Bucky are closer then what people think and they don't like when people stare at their girl, especially a meeting in their own home.

Warning/content || Bucky and Steve, poly relationship, fluff, implied smut, mob au, mafia au

Paring || Bucky x reader x Steve

It's always assumed to be rumors.

That Bucky Barnes and Steve Rogers, the men who own the most notorious and gruesome mafia are in fact more then just business partners. Just the thought alone of two powerful, equally dangerous men, would never work. Too strong willed and determined, one always wanting more power, asserting dominance but that wasn't the case.

Steve and Bucky had loved each other since they were kids - best friends since birth, Steve's father took care of the business, pretty much owned the whole state of New York City and even currently after his death, Steve has managed to keep it that way. And just like his father, a Barnes being his right hand man, but it was much more then that.

Then they met you, a sweet girl, filled with laugher and happiness, something they have been desperately been needing in their life. Where they work too long, you're there to remind them they're human, to eat, to sleep. When they're enraged, about to act of feelings, you're there to remind them it's only temporary, it will pass.

Business is good as ever but now instead of the drug trade, stealing and laundrying, they have decided to start a business - the goal to be one hundred percent legitimate by two years but of course some things always get in the way.

Like the fact no one can seem to do their job and their employees always seem to have sticky fingers. A huge financial loss, one that can set their planalmost a whole year behind.

Bucky sits up straight, shoulder to shoulder with Steve as he flips the data sheet over with equally displeased scowls. Bucky's the first one to look up, steel blue eyes darkening as long table of men nearly shake. "How did this happen? When we hired all fifteen of you, it was to make sure we don't loose any fucking money."

"Sorry sir, we just assumed -."

"Shut up." Steve huffs as he brings his hand up to rub his beard, leaning into the table with an elbow. "You're going to get that money back or else, I'm not paying with you fucking idiots no more. It's my money, you lost it, you go find it."

A calloused but soft hand reaches into Steve's light hair, he lets out an a hum of acknowledgment and leans into Bucky's touch. The men around them freeze but they don't seem to care; agreeing to not hide it anymore.

Bucky's concerned eyes leave the sight of his boyfriend but narrows at the wide eyed men. "Is there a problem?"

"N-No, not at all sir."

"Good." Steve claps his hands, "Tell us exactly what happened last night, not one detail left out."

Meanwhile the sun shins brightly through the slits of white curtains, adorming and glistening from the lotion on your skin. The white searing light makes you wince, claiming it's too bright, unknown that no one is listening.

"Steve, stop opening the curtains, close them!" He's always the first one up, opens all the curtains in hopes that you and Bucky will take up; you never do. There's no answer, squeezing your eyes in annoyance as you reach over to tap Bucky, he'd close them even though he wasn't much of a morning person like yourself.

"Buck -." But no one is there, the bed incredibly cold, depsite the size of the bed, it feels so small without them.

You hiss at the contact between the cold, morning floor and your feet through the bedroom and into the hall, where you found yourself jumping from area to area rug in the ridiculously long hall way.

Decending the stairs and heading right towards the direction of their home office, it had to be something work related to pull your boys away, if they left they would have woken you up to tell you.

The moment you open the large, double doors you're greeted with seventeen pairs of eyes, two pairs being got of your boyfriend's. Clearly displeased with the intrusion.

To start, they try to keep you away from the business as much a possible, sparing any details and keeping it short. You're aware of who b they are, what they do but they're trying to change.

You're completely oblivious to the fact that you stand just and only a thin white shirt, no doubt Bucky's from the night before and a very small pair of cheeky black underwear, which showed through the translucent white.

“Pretty girl, go back up stairs ya?” Steve bites his inner cheek. The crowd does a double take, eyes widening as they realize his words - were you his too?

"We'll be up in twenty minutes, keep the bed warm. Put some pants on." Bucky's words confirm it - you're both of theirs.

In an instant your cheeks are on fire, flushing at the realization you're pretty much naked. Frozen in embarrassment.

Bucky and Steve's eyes along the crowd of men, daring any of them too look again but no one has a death wish today.

“I was hungry, I’m sorry I didn’t know you had a meeting, was wondering where you went." Bucky reaches over, pressing his lips into your hand, mumbling against it. "Wait it the kitchen for us - won't be long and put some freaking pants on."

The moment you leave, Steve clears his throat. "Get me my money back, I don't care what you have to do. And bring that jerk-off to me, teach him something about stealing money."

"Are we understood?" Bucky adds. "Now go, we have other business to attend to."

**

You don't miss the way the men tip their hats to you, respectfully and not for too long as the exit the house. A gentle hand cups your hip, chest pressing against your back to sandwich you between them and the counter top. Steve's lips find your cheek, trail to your ear. "Hi honey."

Cheeks blazing hot as Bucky's gaze catches your attention, a sly smirk that makes you pout. "You know, next time a warning or a note would be nice."

"Was," Steve's lips press against your temple, "No," now to your hair, "Time."

"Okay sweetheart," Buck huffs, "Quit hogging her up, cmere, give me my morning kiss doll."

A smile curls at the ends of your lips, legs still naked despite his warnings but trail over to kiss him. With one small kiss his other hand reaches out for his other lover, "Steve - sweetheart, come here. Wanna kiss babe."

Bucky pulls you into lap with a lady grin, hands falling to cup your rear. "Next time, put some pants on."

"I dunno, maybe." You tease him, sticking your tongue out only for him to tap his finger against it.

"Brat."

"Mmm, never have to wear pants around me." Steve comments finally joining the two of you with a teasing smirk. "Like ever, ever again."

[nobodyfamousposts]

Helluva Deal (Miraculous X Helluva Boss)

Well, since Miraculous crossovers with Helluva Boss/Hazbin Hotel are a thing now, I figured I’d write my own on how I think it would likely go. Since this IS the Helluva Boss universe, expect mentions of death and the afterlife, allusions to violence, innuendos, and general inappropriateness:

“Let me get this straight.”

Blitzo stared down the demon before him.

Said demon simply looked back, unimpressed. The little thing was small with blue skin, dorky-looking round glasses, and uneven horns. It wasn’t even a notable demon. Just a random weaker demon who somehow got the funds to pay for their services.

And normally, Blitzo was hardly one to turn down money—or a job that offered money. But this…

“You want to pay us to kidnap someone from Earth—not murder, which is in our company’s name, but kidnap. Which is decidedly more difficult and less fun.”

“Yep.”

Blitzo steepled his fingers together and held them up to his face. “And you want this person kidnapped—not so you can kill her yourself for whatever issue you may have, but because you want her to make you a jacket.”

“Yep.”

“A plain old jacket you could just get anywhere here in Hell.”

The demon gasped in offense. “It’s not just ANY jacket! It’s an MDC original piece and I want one!”

Blitzo took a breath, getting the feeling he was going to regret this. 

“Why?”

This…made the demon pause and eventually shrug. “Well, I did say I would have died for an MDC jacket. And I’m dead now, so…gimme.”

Well, who was he to argue with that logic?

Although…

“That is going to require quite a bit more effort…” He started, obviously leading…

The demon gave a flat look. “I’m not paying you double. I need the rest to pay her for the jacket.”

“Why would you want to pay for it?” Blitzo demanded. “This is Hell! You’re a demon! Just steal one!”

“It’s a commission! I have to pay for it!”

Blitzo would have spit out his drink if he’d had one.

“What are you even in Hell for, anyway? You won’t kill. You won’t steal. You just want to pay some human for a jacket you could get anywhere. What’s the point of that?” He asked, giving the other demon a strange look because really, what kind of demon WANTED to pay for things?

The demon stared flatly at Blitzo, his tail flicking against the chair in apparent increasing agitation.

"Are you saying that a commission shouldn't be paid for?” The demon asked curiously, sounding a little...too polite. “Because the last guy who tried to skip out on paying for a commission died. Eyes stabbed out and everything. Do you want to risk that kind of thing happening to you?"

…

Blitzo paled.

“Oh.”

The silence lingered to the point of long past uncomfortable as the demon continued to wait for an answer and Blitzo’s not so subtle attempt to desperately press his secret security button under his desk had no effect.

This would turn out to be because of Loona disconnecting the thing due to her hangover. Though in the moment, Blitzo would choose to blame Moxie.

After a good minute of no response from his team, Blitzo started to sweat when the determined artist demon seemed to grow bored and pulled out a pencil.

He jumped to his feet.

“We’ll take the case!”

And immediately fled the room.

_______

Once on Earth, the problem came up rather quickly that they had no idea who MDC was or how to access them. The client only knew the target was a fashion designer in Paris, which narrowed it down to one city at least but still was little help when the city in question was one of the fashion capitals of the world.

Blitzo, naturally, took the lead in trying to work out a means of information gathering.

And by “naturally”, what was really meant was “horribly failing”.

“I’m telling you, the plan is foolproof. We hold someone for ransom until MDC trades herself.” Blitzo said with apparent glee.

“Sir, that would be the exact opposite of subtle and get us the wrong kind of attention!”

Moxie, for his part, was trying to come up with what he would call “sensible plans”. Millie was simply scouting the area while the two argued. Ever faithful Loona stayed behind to try using her own connections…a magazine.

Needless to say, Blitzo was the one carrying the team. Or at least in his not-so-humble opinion.

Blitzo rolled his eyes. “I don’t see you coming up with any plans, Moxie.”

The smaller demon gave his boss a disgruntled glare. “I already told you! We should just go back and ask the client for more information!”

“Hmm…” Blitzo paused, before pulling out his phone. “Hey, Loona. The client still in my office?”

“Yeup.”

Blitzo immediately closed the phone. “Yeah—nope.”

“Sir—”

“He gouged a guy’s eyes out, Moxie! I need my eyes! I’m too pretty to lose them! They frame my face!” Blitzo exclaimed, bringing his hands up to his head in a fit of dramatics. “Is that what you want, Moxie? Do you want me to lose my precious, precious eyes?”

Moxie stared at the man like he was insane. Granted, Moxie had long had doubts about his boss’s sanity, but still...

“Hey, fellas?” Millie called, interrupting the two as she waved them over to the side of the building they had set up a temporary base atop of. “Listen to this!”

Blitzo immediately headed over, with Moxie following along behind looking annoyed. As they got closer, they heard what Millie had called them over about. Blitzo leaned over and peeked into the room in question.

Below them was an open window of the building where apparently a number of teenagers were gathered within for some inexplicable reason. And in this specific room, a group of the teens were gathered around one particular girl with a large forehead and hair that appeared to be made of meat. It was this girl who had their attention.

“—really friends with MDC?” One short blonde asked, looking overly excited like Blitzo did when he got a paycheck.

“Of course!” The meat-girl replied, looking smug. “We go way back! I was even the one who encouraged him to start in fashion and inspired his Heroes line.”

Blitzo looked back up at his team. “I thought MDC was a girl?”

Moxie shrugged. “If no one knows their real identity who's to say if they're a boy or a girl?"

“What else are they saying?” Millie asked, which returned the focus to the room.

More talking from below, using words that none of the demons really understood or cared about.

“—which was why he even made the Fox outfit for me!”

“Wasn’t that design based on Rena Rouge rather than Volpina?” One other girl with blue hair asked from the doorway of the room. She appeared to be rather annoyed for some odd reason.

The meat-girl looked somber. “Well, that was before he had to change it. After all, as bold as he is, not many people would support an akuma line, even if he had kept my idea to donate the funds to charity for the victims.”

The group “oo”-ed over the girl and praised her for her thoughtfulness. The meat-girl preened at the attention. The bluenette rolled her eyes. Some other blond guy looked on in disappointment.

“How amazing!” The little blonde exclaimed, clasping her hands to her cheeks. “I’d love to be able to meet MDC!”

“So would we!”

All eyes fell to the window which Blitzo, Millie, and Moxie used to make their entrance.

Honestly, he thought it was one of his better displays of dramatics. It certainly warranted some applause. Or screams of fear. Maybe one fainting.

“Akuma!”

Honestly, he was rather disappointed by the underwhelming response.

“I know we're demons and all, but I thought this place was French, not Japanese!"

“Nevermind that.” Blitzo replied to his workers before stepping forward to face the students.

Or rather one student in particular.

“Greetings! I am Blitzo. The two behind me are Millie and Moxie.”

The class stared as one of the two glared at them while the other waved cheerfully—or would be considered cheerfully if her teeth weren’t so razor sharp.

“We represent IMP, a for-hire group out of Hell. We take contracts, complete tasks, and make wishes come true!”

The teens looked at the demons in wariness and confusion.

“That sounds nice…” The little blonde in pink said.

“Those wishes generally involve murder.”

“I take it back! That sounds horrible!”

Blitzo grinned. “We are the ‘Immediate Murder Professionals’, dealing with the unfinished business of those poor wretched souls who are seeking some small vindication in their current status in Hell.”

“Then…why are you here?” The bigger male demanded.

Blitzo ignored him in favor of his true target.

“You! Ugly girl!” He shouted, grabbing the meat-girl.

“Hey!” She exclaimed, insulted.

He shook her. “Take us to MDC and we’ll rip out those sausage-links you call hair!”

“…don’t you mean ‘or’?”

He grinned ferally.

“No.”

She shrieked in fear.

“Lila!” Others cried out in horror.

Ah, yes. There was the fear. This, Blitzo was good with. It made him feel better about the previous lackluster response to his entrance.

“Why do you want me?!” The girl—Lila shouted, looking panicked. “I don’t know where MDC is!”

He raised an eyebrow at this. “But you said you were friends.”

She glanced around, taking note of the fact that her cohorts were still in the room. Though he didn’t know why that should matter for her answer.

“We are! But…I don’t know where he lives now! He’s moved since his name got out there and hasn’t given me the address yet!”

A glasses-wearing girl frowned in confusion. “But didn’t you just say that he invited you to his house for fittings?”

“Yeah, you said it was for the latest line that just came out.” Another girl with multi-colored hair added.

“That was months ago. Before he moved.” Lila replied quickly. “So I can’t help you.”

“Sure, you can!” Blitzo replied jovially. “We can just use you as ransom until MDC agrees to hand himself over.”

Moxie approached the two, keeping his gun leveled at the other kids. “We can save some time and see if she can’t call him.”

“Hey, yeah!” Millie agreed, grabbing Lila’s bag off of her and searching for her phone. “If they’re friends, she’s gotta have his contact info!”

“It’s not in there!” Lila replied quickly. “I was worried someone would steal my phone to get his info so I don’t keep his number in my phone!”

Millie frowned, before holding the now open phone up to Lila. “Then just type in the number yourself.”

Lila glanced around the room in growing agitation. “I can’t! I don’t have it memorized!”

“Then where did you write it down?”

“I lost it!”

The demons were looking particularly vexed.

“When and where?”

“It was a while ago. I don’t know where.” Lila replied.

A girl with glasses looked at her in confusion. “But didn’t you say you just called him this morning to congratulate him on the new line? And that he promised you a free outfit as thanks for all your help?”

Lila paled. “I—”

“Then the number should still be in the phone under its call history.” Moxie noted. Millie grinned and looked back to the phone screen to look through the data.

“I deleted it right after!” Lila shouted desperately.

Millie looked up at her in irritation.

Then promptly crushed the phone in her grip.

Lila shrieked, though it would be up for debate as to whether it was in shock at the loss of her phone or in fear that she may soon share that same fate.

Blitzo seemed similarly put out, but ended up shrugging it off as he pulled Lila closer to him. “Then it’s back to Plan A to hold her for ransom. Or torture her to see if she can’t remember the details.”

“No, please!”

“Lila!”

“Let her go!”

Lila grabbed at the arm holding her, panicked but not enough beyond reasoning. She couldn’t afford to reveal she lied now. She could only hope that these monsters would take her somewhere private where she could manipulate them with less witnesses.

Marinette, for her part, was also analyzing the situation.

These were three unknowns. Definitely not akumas. If they were to be believed, they were actual demons. From Hell. Which existed, apparently. And was where Lila would likely find herself in the next hour if she kept this up.

But from Lila’s expression, it seemed she was insistent on staying tight-lipped about her lies. Marinette figured as much due to her history. But she would have thought that Lila would have had some measure of self-preservation. Though perhaps that only applied to the preservation of her lies and manipulations rather than her own well being.

It was clear that Lila wasn’t going to get herself out of this. Not in any way that would spare her and everyone else in the room, at any rate.

As it was, the classmates were about to rally in Lila’s defense. While they had stood their own against akumas in the past,Marinette didn’t want to see how well they would fare against demons. Nor did she want to have to test if the Miraculous Cure would be enough to fix whatever would be left of them if they tried.

Marinette looked to the doorway.

No one was paying any attention to her right now. She could escape. She could go out, find a place to transform, and come back to deal with these…demons.

But by the time she returned, who was to say what could happen. The demons could kill Lila. They could kill all of her friends for being witnesses.

Ladybug may not be able to fix this.

But Marinette…as Marinette, she could.

“I’m MDC.” Marinette admitted.

Everyone froze.

“Come again.”

“MDC.” Marinette enunciated. “It stands for Marinette Dupain-Cheng. My name. I’m MDC. I’m the one you want.”

Alya stared. “Girl?”

Moxie looked at her in consideration. “That would fit with the client’s report of MDC being female.”

Millie, frowned in suspicion. “How do we know she’s really MDC?”

Marinette took a breath and slowly pulled out her tablet. “Well, my signature is in the clothes, so if you’ll let me pull up one of the shots, I can point it out and—”

Blitzo cut her off, grabbing her arm. “Yeah, I think we’ll just take you both and let the client sort it out. Sound good? Good, because we’re leaving.”

“Bye all!” Millie said, waving to the group. “Don’t do anything we wouldn’t do!”

Moxie rolled his eyes. “That’s a pretty short list…”

Blitzo ignored them an opened a portal, dragging both girls after him. Without a glance back, both Millie and Moxie followed him through the portal. Before anyone else could move, the gateway closed behind them.

A long pause followed.

“Not so fast!”

Suddenly, the door was kicked open as Chat Noir burst into the room.

The much less enemy-filled room.

“Um…did I miss the party?”

_______

The room they soon found themselves appeared, for all intents and purposes, completely normal. It looked like an office of the sort they’d find anywhere in Paris. Complete with a secretary’s desk, a few chairs, and a table littered with magazines.

The difference was made quickly apparent, however, through the view out the window. The landscape the deceptively quaint room was mostly a collage of red and black, with a sunless sky above and a myriad of strange buildings. Also of note where the various denizens of…distinctly non-human appearance wandering the streets outside.

“All right, ladies! Welcome to Hell!” Blitzo announced with a flourish, causing the girls to pale.

Lila fell back with a screech, landing on her butt and immediately attempting to scuttle back away. Her path was quickly halted as she bumped into something. Looking up, that “something” was actually a wolf monster, making Lila panic even further.

Loona, for her part, was not having a good morning—ignoring, of course, that it was actually the afternoon. And as if it wasn’t bad enough that her hangover still hadn’t cleared, now some…thing had shoved into her, followed shortly by an ear-piercing shriek that only made her head feel worse.

Seeing the way the wolf demon growled, Lila opened her mouth, possibly to scream even more when Marinette quickly shoved a hand over her mouth with a smile to Loona.

“Oh my! Your hairstyle is quite lovely!” She lied. Blatantly lied to the wolf girl’s face.

“It’s bed-head.”

“I couldn’t even tell. It looks so sleek and shiny!”

“Whatever.” Loona grumbled and stormed off to the break room, slamming the door behind her (and then immediately regretting it due to the noise agitating her headache).

Marinette decided to take the initiative. “So…what do you want with us, anyway?”

“Our client paid us a pretty penny—”

“Basic contract.” Moxie interrupted.

“Pretty. Penny.” Blitzo continued as if he hadn’t heard. “For a chance to meet with MDC.”

Okay, they had mentioned that before.

“Then what?”

“If you are MDC, you can do whatever the client is wanting. If you’re not, you’ll at least make for a decent distraction while we escape and blow up the building.”

The humans in the room blanched at that.

“WHAT?!”

“I know. She was a beautiful building.” Blitzo said mournfully as he actually wiped a tear from his eye. “And I just got my office arranged how I like it, too. But it

Marinette stared.

Lila whimpered.

“I second that ‘what’.” Moxie interrupted. “Nobody at any point discussed blowing up the building!”

“It was on page 3 of the handout I gave you this morning, Moxie.” Blitzo exclaimed, covering his eyes in exasperation. “At least read the mission briefings!”

“Sir, the ‘handout’ was a paper napkin. There was no third page!” Moxie insisted.

Beside him, Millie for her part was looking over the aforementioned napkin for the part that was supposed to mention the circumstances in question…or really any of the plan.

“We’ll discuss it later.” Blitzo said over his shoulder to Moxie as he proceeded to grab both human girls and drag them over to a previously closed door.

“Hey wait—!”

“Hang on!”

Within seconds, Blitzo opened the door and proceeded to shove both girls through before slamming it shut behind them, the last thing they heard being him mentioning where to buy explosives.

_______

So.

Recap.

Hell was real. Demons were a thing. And the two human girls were getting a first hand view of the less than pleasant or holy side of the afterlife.

Marinette was…actually taking it all in stride.

Lila was less so. She was sitting ramrod straight in the chair, keeping a tight grip on her knees and trying very hard not to move as her eyes glanced quickly around the room at the assembled demons.

Marinette actually felt bad for her. And probably should have been panicking herself, all things considered. Maybe she would have been had it not been for her extensive experience as Ladybug.

Sure, it was Hell, but floating gods and people turning into monsters had already broadened her horizons of the possibilities of the universe. Plus despite the name of the company that had kidnapped them both, murder didn’t appear to be on the table. All in all, despite the circumstances, Marinette didn’t feel that scared.

The fact that the “client” in question who hired the group was actually a fan of hers wanting a commission helped quite a bit with that.

As did the flattery.

“OMG! OMG! I can’t believe it! It’s you! Can I get your autograph?! No—wait! I need to focus! Can I get a jacket with your autograph?!”

“Thank you.” Marinette said, somewhat flustered. Honestly, she hadn’t thought she had gained THAT much fame. Especially not enough for someone to want to commission her from the afterlife.

…was that a thing? Could that be a thing?

“What I don’t get is why the other girl had to tag along?” The demon asked, curiously. “Is she your assistant or something?”

Lila brightened, looking ready to speak—likely to try to lie her way out of this. Or mess up what little peace Marinette had managed to create.

“No!” Marinette interrupted quickly, ignoring Lila’s petulant glare. “No, she’s not. There was just a mix up since they didn’t know where I was or who to bring.”

Blitzo rolled his eyes. “Well, how were we supposed to know?!”

“You could have asked me when I contracted you.” Said the demon, somewhat annoyed.

“I have a website, you know.” Said Marinette, very annoyed.

They paused.

“…the fuck’s a website?”

Silence.

Marinette coughed. “In any case, you wanted to commission me?”

“Oh, yes!”

_______

It didn’t take long to make the arrangements. Marinette named her prices and the demon was more than willing to pay her for her services. They made use of Blitzo’s office to negotiate and fine tune some details regarding the arrangement. From determining the materials to writing up the contract to negotiating the costs, it was all pretty professional.

And ultimately involved the humans not being murdered and the building not being blown up, which was always preferable.

It finally came down to determining just how the demon customer wanted the jacket to look, and Marinette started drawing out some sample sketches on spare paper in the office that may or may not have been important documents for Blitzo which she may or may not have particularly cared given the whole “kidnapping and being used as a sacrifice” matter.

The only issue seemed to be that the demon customer wanted the jacket to be made of materials that were only available in Hell. Which made sense, she supposed, since she wasn’t sure how long anything she made on Earth would last in this environment. Millie and Moxie had been sent out to gather the necessary material in question, and what they returned with was a strange sort of leather. It was unique and of a color she had never seen before, and part of her really wanted to get a bit more detail about the make.

…given how pale Lila had already gotten, Marinette kindly decided to refrain from asking questions.

“Well then, let’s go over a few sketches and determine which one you like.”

The demon looked almost giddy at the prospect. The IMP team looked relieved. Except Blitzo, who still seemed to be pouting over their takeover of his office.

Lila was…less enthused. “WHAT?! What are you thinking?! He’s a demon!”

Marinette shrugged. “Well, I do have a non-discrimination clause.”

“That shouldn’t apply to demons!” Lila hissed lowly.

“The demons who have brought us to Hell and are currently our only way of getting back.” Marinette pointed out, dryly.

Lila huffed and went back to her chair.

So, with Blitzo and his team begrudgingly kindly being forced willing to donate their office for her use, Marinette sent to work to try and design a jacket to the client’s taste as quickly as possible.

The sooner she got done, the sooner they could go back to Earth.

…hopefully.

Lila, for her part, was terrified and miserable and just wanting to go back to Earth. Immediately would be preferable. Even without Marinette.

Yeah, thanks Lila.

“Why do I have to stay here? Why can’t I go back home? Or do anything else?”

The client tilted his head. “Are you saying you don’t like art? Because the last person who told me they didn’t like art had their eyes stabbed out. With pencils. Would you want that to happen to you?”

“…can’t I like art and not stay in Hell?”

“No.”

Lila paled and sunk lower in her seat, where she remained quiet for the next couple of hours while Marinette worked.

It was mostly in silence as Marinette drew one sketch after another. Asking occasional questions about preferred length, how many pockets, special embellishments, and which parts of the various jacket styles did he prefer. Eventually, they had come to an agreement about the set look he wanted, the materials needed, and when he wanted it completed by. And from there came the matter of payment…

“Um…I’m not sure what the exchange rate is for Hell currency.” Marinette said, looking at the coins he handed her.

The demon frowned, tilting his head in consideration. “I could always rob a human bank and pay you with that.”

Marinette paled.

“This is fine. Really. I can probably buy some things from Hell with this.” She said with a forced smile.

“There are tons of things you can only find here.” Millie said, brightening. “We could deliver them for you!”

Well, that was a good point.

“That’s true.” Moxie agreed. “You could make other things with the fabrics here. Hats. Shirts.”

He paused, looking over his shoulder at Millie who was busy chatting with the customer regarding the fabric he chose. Seeing she was suitably distracted, he turned to Marinette. “So…how much would it be to make a dress. Just out of curiosity.”

Aww. Even in Hell there was love.

She smiled. “We can certainly discuss it.”

The moment was ruined as Blitzo stepped in and slung an arm around Marinette’s shoulder.

“How about one of those sexy maid outfits for the bedroom? You’re French, right?” He asked before giving Moxie a nudge. “You could stand to have a little more fun in the bedroom.”

“Sir, I’m 14.” Marinette replied dryly.

“And what we do in the bedroom is none of your business!” Moxie rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Didn’t we just have a discussion about this last week?”

Marinette coughed as the two started to argue. “So…um…are we going to return to Earth so I can start working on this?”

Blitzo sighed. “Fine, fine. Killjoys.”

Lila heaved a sigh of relief. “Oh thank God.”

_______

With an agreement forged between Marinette and IMP to have the customer’s order completed and delivered within two week’s time, Marinette and Lila were safely deposited back in their classroom no worse for wear.

…well, physically. Mentally, there were probably going to be a few scars.

Several of their classmates had apparently remained since the earlier incident. Perhaps it was out of worry? Or maybe classes had resumed after their disappearance—akuma attacks and strange circumstances had become rather common, after all.

Still, it was Alya’s cry of surprise and then being pulled into a hug that assured Marinette she was, in fact, back home.

“You’re back!” Alya exclaimed, relieved. “We were so worried!”

It wasn’t every day your best friend and classmate was dragged to Hell, after all.

“—and I’d been trying to reach out to Ladybug and Chat Noir, but only Chat showed up and Ladybug must be busy or maybe she already knew? Did she help you? How did you escape?”

Part of her wondered if Alya had even stopped to breathe. The rest of her was just basking in the happiness that they had made it back safe and nothing too terrible had happened in the meantime.

The absolute LAST thing she needed was to come back and find out Hawk Moth had let loose another akuma that destroyed Paris while she was gone.

Alya suddenly gasped as though struck by a thought.

“Oh my god, Marinette! I can’t believe you did that!”

Marinette smiled. “Well, I had to—”

“You claimed to be MDC just to protect Lila! And here I thought you hated her!”

Happy feeling gone. Gone like a punch to the face. Knocked out. Dead, even.

Alya beamed. “I’m so proud of you, girl! I knew deep down that—”

“Nope!” Came a quick interruption. “That’s not what happened. It was just a lie. Completely and utterly.”

The interruption was half expected.

The fact that it came from Lila was not.

Everyone froze.

“What?”

“I never met MDC.” Lila explained, wasting absolutely no time with subtleties and just blurting it out. “I never knew Marinette was MDC. I just lied about knowing him because I thought he was the next big thing and I knew you would all believe me.”

“…what?”

Lila sighed. “I lied about knowing MDC. And being the muse behind his fashion line—well, hers. Since Marinette is MDC. She never lied. I did.”

The classmates were startled, but seemed to be taking in the information.

Rose, for her part, tried to be positive. “Oh...well, you didn’t have to lie about knowing MDC—”

“No, I mean about everything. Ever. In fact, there’s probably not a single time we’ve known each other that I was ever honest with any of you.”

Everyone stared.

“I’ve been lying since the moment we’ve met.” Lila continued. “I am a liar. Always have been. I am a horrible lying liar who lied about everyone I ever claimed to know and everything I ever said I did just to get you all to admire me because it was easier to manipulate you that way and get you to do things I wanted. From interviewing me for the Ladyblog to carrying my lunch tray to buying me things. I lied about having tinnitus just to get to sit next to Adrien and lied about not being interested in him to manipulate Nino into guilting him into letting me come to his house. Ladybug herself even called me out for lying. And when Marinette got upset that day I came back over the seat change? I threatened her in the bathroom because she was wise to me from the very start.”

A few stares were sent Marinette’s way. She didn’t have any explanation for them though. She was just as surprised as they were. More, even.

Lila shrugged. “Everything I’ve said. Everything I’ve done. All lies. Ever.”

Everyone gaped in shock. Nobody even really knew what to say.

Marinette started. “But why—”

“Because that was Hell, Marinette. HELL. The bad place you go to after you die, reserved for bad people. And until today, I didn’t even think it was real. Or that there could be a chance I could end up there. But I imagine if anything would warrant that, it’d be lying, manipulating, and trying to get revenge on a superhero.”

Nino blinked. “Wait…what was that last one—”

As if a great weight was lifted from her shoulders, Lila sighed. “Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go join a convent to try and save my soul now that I know I have one.”

With that, she promptly exited the room, leaving the group staring after her in complete bewilderment.

Alya gaped. “...what?”

_________

Epilogue: 

Marinette completed her commission to the demon and later for Moxie. Her fame increased in both realms and she eventually did open up her own design house. The only issue came in the customers who wanted to pay her by removing her competition, which she was mostly able to prevent until IMP took a hit on Gabriel Agreste. While Marinette did stop the attempted murder, this did still reveal his secondary identity of Hawk Moth, allowing the Butterfly and Peacock to be recovered and peace to return to Paris.

The classmates were shocked at the reveal of Lila’s true nature, but were more bewildered than anything given how it happened. They did all feel foolish and embarrassed for trusting Lila, but considering what could have happened, they all chose to take it as a life lesson to be more cautious in the future. They all remained friends and moved on to live quite fulfilling lives.

IMP formed a contract with MDC and gained a secondary job of delivery service as well as assassins, which increased their profits.

And Millie loved her new dress.

Lila Rossi convinced her mother to send her to a convent, where she became one of the most pious and devout members, spreading the message of being good in life more than any other.

[fictionplumis]

Witcher modern AU where Julian Alfred Pancratz, who has a B.A. from Oxford in Philosophy, minoring in language--earned it all by himself even if his parents did technically pay his way in in the first place. They were hoping he would study law, he didn’t, and they’re vaguely supportive but absolutely don’t understand why he won’t at least go back and get his master’s, maybe teach or something? 

But no. No, this idiot, on a whim one day towards the beginning of college, decided that playing guitar was boring so he went and bought himself a lute off Amazon and taught himself how to play through YouTube tutorials and the second he got his B.A. he fucked off to a Ren Faire and was like, “Behold! In my free time I’ve rewritten all of these pop songs in ye Old English and taught myself how to play them on a lute.” And he’s pretty much hired on the spot because he looks the look and walks the walk and has all of this boundless energy and unrestrained confidence. He goes by Jaskier at work and eventually just starts introducing himself as that outside of work because whatever, he likes it better than Julian. It means buttercup and flowers are pretty and he writes a ballad about it to play on the job. 

His parents just. Don’t understand. He’s young, though, and he’s having fun, and he’s making money, so they don’t actually have a problem with it but they Don’t Get It. 

It just gets worse when Jaskier meets Geralt. 

Yennefer and Geralt are this on again, off again thing and during one of their off periods when Yen isn’t too angry at Geralt to refuse to talk to him, she drags him to the Ren Faire all dressed up in her finished sorceress costume and she’s made Geralt wear this nice doublet and leather pants and pull his hair back. Geralt is like, “Okay, fine.” And he lets Yen drag him around all she wants and Jaskier sees him and is instant heart eyes, spends the whole time following them around with the worst love ballads, and Yennefer finds it HILARIOUS. 

When Jaskier gets the chance to actually talk to them he finds out that Geralt technically doesn’t have a job, he just does odd work wherever he can find it which makes him some weird jack-of-all-trades. Pest problems? He knows weird tricks to deal with that. AC broke? He can probably fix it. Remodeling your home? Geralt can probably rebuild the damn thing from scratch. Radiator broken? Just pay for the parts and he’ll replace it for half the service of a normal mechanic with none of the up-selling bullshit.

Jaskier is like, “Perfect because we’ve actually been looking for a handy man around here since our last once decided that traveling on the road wasn’t for him, SOOO let me sweet talk some people.” 

Geralt’s not sure but then Yen finds out that she would get free admission and demands he does it, so like, sure, okay. 

Then a few months into it one of the knights gets injured and they’re like FUCK who can we train with a sword on short notice who looks like they could actually handle a sword? All eyes turn to Geralt. Who is also like, “...Fuck.” 

He’s not a good performer. The knights are supposed to make all these grand speeches about honor and valor and they give the script to Geralt and he reads three lines and then just doesn’t read the rest, because whatever, this is a temporary thing anyway until the other knight heals so he doesn’t care about fucking it up. He’s only doing it because Jaskier gave him puppy dog eyes and has already written five ballads about his imaginary conquests so when the sword fighting and jousting stuff comes up and the other knight makes their big long speech and it comes to Geralt he just shrugs and goes, “I’m here to fight, not talk.” 

And the crowd loves it. They lose their shit. Geralt does NOT get to go back to being a general handy man, much to his annoyance, and he can’t walk through the Faire without people constantly stopping him to take pictures with him. They go nuts over this stoic, reluctant knight at the Ren Faire who only vaguely smiles if you happen to catch him having lunch with the bard. 

Jaskier brings him home for the holidays. This big, imposing man who their son got hired on at the fair as a handyman because he was unemployed at the time, no formal education, stupidly good with a sword, doesn’t talk much, is all over social media scowling in selfies with people and covered in dirt. These poor middle-to-upper-class parents desperately trying to understand why their Oxford graduate son is so happy living life as a Ren Faire bard dating the gruff handyman turned knight, they just Don’t. Understand.

Part 2

[grailfinders]

Fate and Phantasms #198

Happy New Year! (If it is not new years, please disregard.) Today we're crossing into the 2020 servants; hopefully this build makes that clear.

Today we're building Katsushika Hokusai, the daughter/fatheroctopus painter duo, most famous for... waves? And also making a deal with Cthulhu. We're grabbing some levels in Creation Bard for the former, and Hexblade Warlock for the latter. Don't worry, it'll make sense as we go.

Check out their build breakdown below the cut, or their character sheet over here!

Next up:

Race and Background

Oui is a Human. Her dad's an octopus, which is weird, but we'll deal with that later. Also, we're making her a variant human for cool stuff. She gets +1 Wisdom and Charisma, as well as Animal Handling proficiency to get along with her parents and the Magic Initiate feat, which uses her Wisdom to cast druid spells. Since magical paintbrushes aren't an official weapon in D&D 5e, we'll call it a quarterstaff instead, which means you can use Shillelagh to make it fancy and magical for the duration. It also turns the damage die into a d8, deals magical damage, and uses your wisdom instead of strength to hit things and deal damage. You also get Frostbite to splash cold water on people, and Protection from Evil and Good. You can cast that last one once a day for free, and it'll protect you against aberrations (plus celestials, elementals, fey, fiends, and undead) for ten minutes with concentration. They'll have disadvantage to hit you, and they cant' charm, frighten, or possess you, and any existing effects of that ilk you can shake off with advantage. No spoilers, but that'll come in handy soon enough.

You also get the Guild Artisan background, because you paint for money. That gives you Insight and Persuasion proficiency.

Ability Scores

Make your Charisma as high as possible. You paint good, and you have the mental fortitude to keep an elder god from yeeting your soul from your body. Good job. Second highest is Dexterity, painting lifesized waves in the air around you doesn't actually need all the backflips, you just like to show off. Your Wisdom is also pretty good, it's hard to paint things you can't see well, and again that whole "mental fortitude" thing. Your Constitution is pretty good, you handle all-nighters pretty well. That means your Strength isn't great, but we're dumping Intelligence. You're kind of a hick, after all. Plus, really? Swordbeauties?

Class Levels

Bard 1: You weren't born with the squid powers, so we'll grab those up a bit later. Right now you're just a plucky young artist with a dream. As a bard, you get proficiency with Dexterity and Charisma saves, as well as three skills of your choice. Performance and Nature will help you paint nature, and Arcana will help you find the squid guy in the first place. You get Bardic Inspiration, Charisma Modifier d6s per long rest, and you can give one to your allies to boost one attack, check, or save by however much they roll. Nothing like some tasteful nudes to get the spirits up. You also get Spells that you can cast using your Charisma. Friends makes it easier to pass charisma checks against a creature for a minute, but they'll know you magicked them afterwards. Thankfully, getting paid doesn't take that long. Minor Illusion helps you bring your paintings to life, but just a little bit. It'll create a still object or sound that lasts for up to a minute. Creatures can tell it's an illusion with an investigation check, or by touching it. You also get Animal Friendship- your dad can be hard to get along with. Color Spray weaponizes your paints to blind creatures in the area, and Illusory Script lets you write one thing, but really write another. I'm sure you can argue this should count for paintings as well. Oh, you also get Dissonant Whispers. You're a Foreigner, you can be a little creepy if ya wanna.

Bard 2: Second level bards become a Jack of All Trades, adding half their proficiency to skill checks they aren't proficient in. You're an anime character, it's an unwritten rule you should be good at everything. You also get a Song of Rest, adding a d6 to healing your party does over a short rest. On top of that, your bardic inspiration becomes Magical Inspiration, letting your allies add it to the damage or healing of a spell. Finally, grab the spell Silent Image for moving images, so now you can paint birds and/or waves and have them look just like the real thing. Now, third level of bard is where things start getting funky, so before we can do that, let's make a deal.

Warlock 1: Bouncing over to warlock lets you become a Hexblade, which sounds kind of weird, but there's a reason for that. You don't do weird mind stuff like the GOOlocks, and you don't really use Tentacles like the Fathomlocks. What you do need though, is a fancy magic brush, and a fancy magic octopus. There isn't a familiar-based subclass yet, so we had to go with the weapon-based one, and we'll pick up your dad later. Anyways, starting off as a Hexblade lets you invoke a Hexblade's Curse as a bonus action, dealing your proficiency in extra damage to the cursed creature, crit on 19s, and heal yourself when the cursed creature dies. The curse lasts 1 minute, and you can use this once per short rest. Hokusai also become a Hex Warrior, turning one non-two-handed weapon into a special weapon at the end of a long rest. Now your brush uses your Charisma to attack, nice. Unfortunately, this doesn't include magical damage, but you can stack this with Shillelagh if you really need to. You also get another set of spells with your Pact Magic. These slots recharge on short rests, and it means your multiclassing doesn't mix slots like most spellcasting classes would. You can still use one kind of slot to cast the other kind of spells though. Speaking of spells, grab Eldritch Blast for some paint splashes, and Mage Hand for a pseudo-octopus that'll grab things for you. Cause Fear lets you paint a really creepy thing one target can see, forcing a wisdom save and scaring them if they fail. Arms of Hadar will give you a little bit of tentacles, as a treat. They'll force a strength save on creatures near you, dealing necrotic damage and making them too gooey to take reactions.

Warlock 2: Second level warlocks get Eldritch Invocations, mini-feats to help you cope with only having two spell slots. Grab Armor of Shadows for free Mage Armor on yourself at will. Your family is your armor, and I mean that literally. Stop wearing your dad, it's creepy. You also get a second one, but we're saving that for the next level. Don't not take one now though, I'm just saying it won't matter in the long run.

Bard 3: Now that your pact is sealed, we can get the real living paintings going. If you're thinking 'bout an inking feel free to shuffle levels around, I just want to hit Font of Inspiration quickly. As a Creation bard, Hokusai gets an Inkling of Potential, adding extra effects to her bardic inspiration. Ability checks let the user roll twice, attack rolls deal extra thunder damage, and saving throws add temporary HP to the user. She can also enact the Performance of Creation, creating a nonmagical item nearby. Currently it must cost less than 20 times your bard level, and it has to be medium or smaller. You can do this once per long rest, or by spending a 2nd level slot, but doing so destroys the first object if it still exists. Right now this only makes medium objects, but a 5' wave of water is nothing to sneeze at. You also get Expertise in two skills, doubling your proficiency them. Pick up Insight and Performance for the ultimate style-copying skills. Finally, you get second level spells. We can't focus too much on non-charisma abilities, but this'll give you a leg up on seeing the true nature of things. It gives you advantage on any one kind of ability check for up to a minute.

Bard 4: Use your first Ability Score Improvement to bump up your Charisma. Now you have more inspiration, better spells, and a bigger brush. Charisma's good, you'll like charisma. You can also paint Dancing Lights and a Phantasmal Force now. The former lights up an area, the latter creates a phantasmal creature or object that only one creature can see for up to a minute. It can break the illusion with an Investigation check, but until then it treats the thing as completely real, rationalizing away inconsistencies. It also can take a bit of psychic damage if the illusion would cause harm within 5' of itself.

Bard 5: Fifth level bards become a Font of Inspiration like we talked about earlier, giving you inspiration recharges on short rests instead of long ones. Your inspiration also jumps to d8s. Finally, grab Major Image for more major illusions than minor image. It creates an object up to 20' on each side, and includes effects like sound, smell, and temperature, as long as they wouldn't deal damage. You can also move the illusion using your action. Same rules apply to breaking it though- investigation check or just touching it.

Warlock 3: Finally back in warlock, you get your pact boon, and the Pact of the Chain gives you Find Familiar as a ritual, and you can skip your own attack to attack with your familiar. Wildly enough, Octopus is already a rules as written option for Find Familiar. Awkward point; octopi can only be out of water for 30 minutes. Good luck with that! On top of that, Mirror Image lets you paint duplicates of yourself, making it harder to hit you. Boom, evade skill achieved. You get three extra copies, and every time you get hit, there's only a 25% chance of actually hitting the real one. If an illusion gets hit, it's destroyed, so the odds go up to 33%, then 50%. You also put in the Investment of the Chain Master, giving your dad a flying speed, the ability to attack as a bonus action, magical weapons, your DC for saves, and you can react to give the little bugger resistance to one instance of damage. Literally everyone else's dad is dead already, try not to add one more to the pile. Except for Romani's, but that's sad in its own way.

Warlock 4: Another ASI, max out your Charisma. It's good, you use it for literally everything. For spells, Mind Sliver deals psychic damage an makes the target's next save a bit harder to make. You also get a Crown of Madness, which gives you control over a creature's attack action. Just because you're less spooky than Abby doesn't mean you're not spooky.

Warlock 5: Fifth level warlocks get a new invocation and third level spell. Summon Shadowspawn lets you paint one of three kinds of shadowspawn, creepy little things that can scare people by screaming at them. They'll obey your commands, and it'll last up to an hour, until they hit 0 HP, or you drop concentration. Your last invocation is the Gift of the Depths, letting you breathe underwater and swim as fast as you can walk. Now it's slightly less awkward to carry your dad around, yay. You can also cast Water Breathing for free once per long rest.

Bard 6: Finally back in bard now, sixth level creation bards can put on an Animating Performance, turning a large or smaller item into a Dancing Item with its own stats and everything. You have to use your bonus action to command it in battle, but you can inspire people at the same time. I'm not sure how well animating water would work, but it's something to look into. You also learn how to Countercharm, spending your action to give creatures near you advantage on saves against being charmed or frightened. For something better, grab Intellect Fortress. For up to an hour, you'll resist psychic damage, and you get advantage on all Int, Wis, and Chr saves.

Bard 7: Seventh level bards get fourth level spells, like Hallucinatory Terrain! Now you can paint a landscape- literally! It's only 150' in range, but that's still plenty of space to mess with people. It doesn't really change anything, but forcing people to look at non-euclidean geometry is its own reward.

Bard 8: Another ASI. Bump up your Dex now so you're less likely to get hit, then grab Phantasmal Killer to paint a scary creature that will follow the target around and beat them up. It's a shame only one creature gets to see it.

Bard 9: Ninth level bards get a better song of rest, but more importantly you get fifth level spells. Legend Lore will help you see the true meaning of things more easily, and the more you already know about something the more you'll learn. That's why your Arcana and Nature skills are so high. Oh, wait, sorry, one sec...

Bard 10: And that's why your Arcana and Nature skills are so high... starting now, with another round of Expertise. Your inspiration also jumps to d10s, and you learn Magical Secrets, two spells from any spell list you can cast. On top of that, you get Prestidigitation to paint up small objects. For your secrets, Conjure Animals lets you paint up some real animals that'll attack enemies for you. Alternatively, you can Control Water to make those waves we've been trying to do with way less fuss than a Song of Creation or Animating Performance. It does come with the limit of using existing water, though you can also Part Water, cause a Whirlpool, or Redirect Flow with this one.

Bard 11: Eleventh level bards get a sixth level spell, and True Seeing will help you see All Things in Nature, letting you see through illusions, invisibility and the like.

Bard 12: One last ASI; bump up your Constitution for better concentration and more HP.

Bard 13: Your Song of Rest is a d10 now, and you get a seventh level spell. Prismatic Spray is the return of Color Spray, but it's taken steroids. Now it deals plenty of damage of a random type to each creature in its area, or it has a chance to shove them into another dimension or petrify them.

Bard 14: Your last goody from the college of creation is a Creative Crescendo, allowing you to paint up to your Charisma Modifier in items when you use a Performance of Creation. Only one can be a biggun, the rest have to be small or tiny. Also, your max size is Huge now, and a 15' cube of water will make a pretty big splash. You also get another round of Magical Secrets, grabbing you Conjure Elemental for a more symbolic approach to flooding people, and Wrath of Nature to paint a landscape that'll really fuck with someone. The grass turns land into difficult terrain, the trees will slash at enemies nearby, Roots and vines restrain enemies, and Rocks will throw themselves at enemies, knocking them prone on a failed strength save. It's not mind melting geometries, but it's still mess with people's heads.

Bard 15: Your ultimate level gives you a d12 inspiration die. You also get one last spell, of the eighth level. Feeblemind will handle all the mind melting the last level failed to live up to, forcing an intelligence save and dealing damage regardless. On a failed save, the creature's Intelligence and Charisma drop to 1, and it can't cast spells, use magic items, talk, or understand people. The only ways to fix this are with another Intelligence saving throw (every 30 days) or using Greater Restoration, Heal, or Wish.

Pros and Cons

Pros:

Like the regular Hokusai, this build has a great deal of flexibility, with pretty good AC, HP, and physical attack options to get up close and personal, as well as ways to buff allies and attack with spells at a distance.

Speaking of spells, they give you a lot of crowd control options. You can create extra allies with summoning spells and Animating Performance, blow them away with waves from Control Water or Performance of Creation, or keep them tied up with various illusions.

You're also really good at fighting other spellcasters. Spells like Protection from Evil and Good and Intellect Fortress will shore up most of your saves against fancier spells, and you can use Feeblemind to completely shut down anyone who isn't a wizard or artificer.

So piss off your patron and kick the ass of their flunkies, easy! Wait, there's still cons.

Cons:

Okay, so there are some problems with throwing waves all over the place: they're hard to control where exactly they end up. Also, your best wave requires real water, which won't always be available.

On a similar note, you specialize in summons and illusions, both of which tend to require Concentration saves. Yours aren't that great, and on top of that it means you can only have one up at a time. Unless you're cool with an elemental running around willy nilly, but that fits into Con #1.

Your Familiar can only stay on dry land for 30 minutes at a time. If you're going to play this in a landlocked campaign, switch the octopus and last invocation for something else, it'll be a pain otherwise.

Okay, she isn't perfect, just make sure you carry an aquarium with you, problem solved, right?

[cumaeansibyl]

I posted 2,272 times in 2022

That's 496 more posts than 2021!

206 posts created (9%)

2,066 posts reblogged (91%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@velociraptors-in-hats

@ysabelfaerie

@ratsintherosebush

@callmebliss

@indieninja92

I tagged 952 of my posts in 2022

#leave immediately and wait in the car - 138 posts

#oh no babies - 56 posts

#louis - 45 posts

#anathema - 37 posts

#always reblog - 28 posts

#food - 28 posts

#laugh rule - 25 posts

#boogers! - 23 posts

#bangerz - 15 posts

#check out my face - 10 posts

Longest Tag: 139 characters

#i've put so much power in this man's hands... faith that he wants me as i am... faith that he won't use me or trade me in for a newer model

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

One of the funnier things about Goncharov to me is that that image is two years old, it's been on Tumblr for a long time. How did everyone decide that now is the time to initiate the fandom?

278 notes - Posted November 21, 2022

#4

See the full post

349 notes - Posted July 23, 2022

#3

idk if anyone's been following the ThedaCare case in Wisconsin but a judge lifted the absurd TRO and the seven health care workers can go work their new jobs

if you haven't been following it, this filing by defendant Ascension lays out the facts of the issue clearly and concisely, to wit: ThedaCare didn't pay its employees enough, seven of their employees, responded to open job ads posted by Ascension, and Ascension hired them. ThedaCare, instead of either offering more money or moving to hire replacements, waited a whole month and then filed an "emergency" lawsuit screaming that Ascension stole their employees and if they didn't get them back immediately everyone would die. Some dumb motherfucker of a judge who needs to be recalled granted a temporary restraining order that would ban the seven workers from reporting to their new jobs until the lawsuit was resolved, even though ThedaCare had no apparent intention of scheduling said workers for shifts.

Which is why Ascension comes straight out the gate with one of the clearest "plaintiff's a lying sumbitch and we can prove it" lines I've ever seen in a legal filing:

But this emergency is also of ThedaCare’s making in a second, much more troubling sense: ThedaCare has invented the emergency ostensibly justifying this lawsuit. As the facts will show, allowing seven health care workers to leave ThedaCare for the hospital of their choosing — Ascension’s St. Elizabeth Hospital, not even seven miles away — will not plunge the Fox Valley into a critical care crisis, as ThedaCare claims. St. Elizabeth already offers the medical services at issue, just without the fancy designation ThedaCare appears to view as a better use of funds than paying its workers. And Green Bay is and will remain available as a backup option—no need for diversion to Milwaukee or Madison. In short, this emergency is entirely of ThedaCare’s making because ThedaCare is making it up. [emphasis in the original, holy shit]

381 notes - Posted January 25, 2022

#2

I don't give a fuck if your food has GMOs in it, what I want to know is if you paid anyone involved in farming or processing it a living wage

Where's my cute little logo for that

2,214 notes - Posted February 14, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Every time people talk about putting billionaires to the guillotine I'm thinking "in this scenario where you can execute the richest people on the planet you can clearly do whatever you want, so just take their money"

I personally think it would be way funnier to stick Bezos and Musk and them in bland middle class lives like Ray Liotta at the end of Goodfellas, it's a perfectly good life if you aren't accustomed to being able to buy entire political parties or go to space or command a herd of creepy little followers who would probably literally kill for you

Want these chumps to suffer? Make them unimportant.

38,325 notes - Posted July 23, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[kaen-ace-of-diamonds]

Cinderquil

Word Count: 4900+ (oneshot)

[AO3]

Genre: Fluff/Friendship

Characters: Cinder Fall, Cinder’s Pokemon

Summary: Pokemon AU. Ever since they were young, Cinder's only Pokemon has been her starter, Ella the Houndoom. She is proud of her position as her Trainer's sole companion and sees no reason for anything to change, thank you very much. So when Cinder brings home a new addition to their team, Ella's world is turned abruptly upside down.

Warnings for implied/reference child abuse and animal abuse

Inspired by this art by @astoria00!

~0~

Ella, like her Trainer, had no concept of downplaying her own importance.

She considered herself the paragon of partner Pokemon. Ever since she was a little Houndour, tripping over her own paws and barely able to cough out a flame, she had always done her best to look after Cinder. The girl she had grown up with was whip-smart and strong, as hotblooded as any Fire-type, and Ella would follow her commands without hesitation. 

That being said, she didn’t always understand what was going on in Cinder’s head. For instance, coming to this unfriendly and unfamiliar region on the orders of that shadowy organization. Sure, the safe house they’d been provided was comfortable, a small and cozy cabin in the woods, but, Ella wondered, at what cost? She had been alone for hours. 

Ella watched the thick forest around her with all the alertness of a hunter, gnawing at the large Grumpig ear she had been given. It was not hard work, guarding the cabin while Cinder was out on her mission, and it was clear that Ella was better suited for the job than Talonflame. The Flying-type had been lent to Cinder by her new leader for easy transportation, and while the supercilious look in his eyes got Ella’s hackles up, she didn’t feel threatened by the new addition. Talonflame was, if not temporary, nothing more than a utility. 

Ella was Cinder’s only Pokemon. As for Ella herself, she disdained the company of both humans and other Pokemon alike. None of them had ever done anything for her: all she needed was her Trainer.

It was growing dark, and she could smell impending rain in the air — not unusual, in this awful cold and wet region — and was glad when she caught Cinder’s scent alongside it, growing steadily closer. She did not move from her spot on the front porch, but her ears perked up and her gaze homed in on the speck of red in the distance. Small as it was, it stood out against the dark greens and cloudy greys that surrounded them. 

Ella didn’t scramble up and run to her as she would have in the past — she had learned professionalism alongside Cinder as well — but her shoulders relaxed and her barbed tail flopped back and forth against the wood. Finally, her Trainer was home and things were the way they were supposed to—

Wait a blasted minute. 

What was that?

“Hello, Ella,” Cinder greeted her as she stepped out of the trees, as if everything were normal. “Did you miss me?”

Ella jumped to her feet with a furious bark, the Grumpig ear clattering down the stairs. Her tail stood straight out and her head reflexively jerked up and down, showing off her horns to the tiny, dirty, squirming thing that Cinder was carrying into their house. 

To the Cyndaquil’s credit, she got the picture immediately. She didn’t even try to flare up her back before emitting a loud squeak and attempting to leap out of Cinder’s arms, presumably to scurry back to whatever hole in the ground she had come from.

Unfortunately, instead of coming to her senses and letting it go, Cinder held Cyndaquil tighter, close and protective. After a few seconds, she curled up timidly against her chest. 

“Shh, relax, it’s okay. Ella’s not going to hurt you.” She narrowed her eyes warningly at Ella as she walked up the stairs and into the cabin. “Ella is going to be a nice girl and hear me out.”

No, Ella damn well would not. Not without standing her ground and making her case. She followed Cinder inside growling and bristling. 

Once the door was shut behind them, the one Pokeball at Cinder’s belt burst open, and Talonflame flapped across the living area to his perch next to the fireplace. His beady black eyes watched them with unusual interest, and Ella resented the sense that she was putting on a show for him.

What’s gotten into you?! she barked at her Trainer, who had begun trying to coax Cyndaquil out of her defensive ball. You said all you needed was me! Why would you do this without even asking me?

True, all Cinder could hear was “Houndoom Houndoom Houndoom Houndoom,” but after all this time, Ella knew she was getting the gist of it. 

“I realize that this is sudden,” Cinder began, her tone deliberately calm and even. “But I couldn’t exactly leave her there and run back to check with you. And we can’t just toss her out now that I’ve brought her here.”

Ella snorted. Very convenient for both of them. And how soon can I expect to be replaced? Was I that shameful of a starter?

With her free hand, Cinder reached over to grab a towel from the kitchenette and started rubbing the dirt from Cyndaquil’s damp fur. She let out a muffled squeak at the sudden touch, but didn’t uncurl.

“I expected to run into some people while I was out, that wasn’t the problem. There’s plenty of towns and cave systems around these mountains to look through. I didn’t plan on actually battling anyone, but apparently somebody on the trails had something to prove. One of those rich boys — you know the type, of course.”

Yes, they had met more than enough of those in their time. One of Cinder’s new teammates even seemed like one all grown up, complete with an equally smug Toxitricity by his side. Ella didn’t relax at all — in fact, her shoulders tensed up more — nor did she soften her accusing glare, but she did cease growling.

“So he won’t take no for an answer, won’t even break eye contact, and I decide that if he insists, I might as well teach him a lesson. He had three other Pokemon, and they were high-level but sloppy. I’d bet money that he didn’t catch them himself, that they were gifts or trades that he had no idea how to actually deal with. Talonflame made short work of them, but then — hm?”

Cyndaquil had been starting to lift her nose tentatively out of her defensive ball, and only now that she wasn’t too frightened to think did she notice the running slow cooker and containers of Pokemon food on the counter. The realization made her pick her head up and squeak loudly, and the smile that broke out on Cinder’s face was of the sort that Ella hadn’t seen in years.

“Are you hungry? I know, you’ve had a long day...” She dug around in the box of PokePuffs — not strictly belonging to Ella, but who else’s would they be? — and pulled out a Basic Spice to offer it. “Here, you can have this, can’t you?”

Cyndaquil sniffed the treat, and gnawed at it a little, but didn’t move to take or actually eat it. Cinder sighed. 

“Well, I had hoped so, but I guess not.” 

She gently pushed the treat into Cyndaquil’s stubby arms until they gripped it, and then knelt to set the tiny Pokemon on the floor. Ella tilted her head as she scowled down at her: what was the matter with her, stumbling around like that? Had she hit her head somehow?

Cinder shot Ella a warning glance that, in Ella’s mind, was completely uncalled for. “Be nice.”

Ella huffed, and stalked deliberately closer. Cyndaquil paused in trying to figure out what the PokePuff she held was, and looked worriedly between the human and Houndoom glaring at each other. Once Cinder was satisfied that Ella would not, in fact, rip the smaller Pokemon’s head off like some kind of feral beast, she turned around and started going through the cabinets and minifridge. 

“I did beat his whole team, as far as I’m concerned,” she went on with her story as she retrieved the big saucepan and a carton of milk. “All the ones who were fit for battle. But when I held out my hand for the money he owed me, he went purple in the face and insisted that we weren’t done. He pulled another Pokeball out of his pocket, and sent her out. And of course she had no idea what was going on, did you, dear?”

Cyndaquil blinked, puzzled, and nearly tripped over her own chubby legs. Ella’s anger was very quickly giving way to confusion of her own; she knew that the average starter Pokemon wasn’t wildly powerful, to match its equally inexperienced Trainer, but surely they started at at least level one?

“No, she didn’t. I don’t know what garbage breeder they got her from, but she was definitely not ready to be separated from her mother. Even Talonflame backed off.”

Something finally clicked in Ella’s head, and her eyes went wide. She lunged forward, claws clacking on the hardwood floor, to sniff vigorously at Cyndaquil, who nearly fell over backwards in surprise. Under the rainwater and dirt, the scent of juvenile pheromones was unmistakable.

From up on his perch, Talonflame chirruped, amused. It really took you this long to notice? Do you usually growl at baby humans, too?

Ella was too stunned to even bark back. True, she didn’t spend any time around other Pokemon, but she should still have known...

“Obviously this spoiled brat had no business keeping her in his care,” Cinder said, stirring vanilla and cinnamon into the simmering pan. “But fortunately, it was very simple to set up an exchange.”

Talonflame chirruped, amused. Your Trainer throws a mean Mach Punch, Ella.

Cinder smirked at the fresh memory. With her free hand, she reached into her hip pouch, pulled out the shards of a shattered Pokeball, and tossed them into the trash can. Ella heard muffled clinks, and caught a glimpse of a coin purse that definitely was not theirs. Or, well, it hadn’t been before.

“I think it’s about time we start expanding our team, anyway. We’re in service to a very powerful leader now. We should be meeting a higher standard.” She glanced at Ella while digging back in the cabinet for the Vespiquen honey, and amended, “An even higher standard. I know this was a shock to you, Ella, and I don’t expect you to babysit her. But I couldn’t imagine a better example for her than you.”

Well. Ella couldn’t argue with that. She considered Cyndaquil for a moment more, watched her twitch her nose curiously up at her, and then ducked her head down to take the smaller Pokemon’s scruff in her mouth. As expected, she was still young enough that she went limp in her teeth.

Cinder blinked, but didn’t move to stop her. “Ella? What are you doing?”

Ella didn’t respond; she was already carrying Cyndaquil over to the living area. She laid down on the rug, deposited Cyndaquil between her front legs, and set about licking her short, downy fur. She wasn’t sure how Typhlosion mothers usually groomed their young — she barely remembered how her own mother had done it — but this felt right. 

Cinder smiled and returned her attention to the pan on the stove. Cyndaquil, for her part, didn’t seem upset, but she was certainly confused.

Who... She was cut off by Ella’s wide tongue sweeping over the top of her head, but tried again. Who are you?

My name is Ella, she informed her, making sure to get the back of her neck. Cinder’s hasty rub with the towel hadn’t done anywhere near enough to rid her of the residue on her fur, and it certainly hadn’t done anything for the scrapes on the skin underneath. I am your teammate now. 

Oh. Cyndaquil squirmed around some more until she could look up at Cinder’s back. That lady’s nice. And warm.

Her name is Cinder. She is your Trainer, and you should do as she tells you.

My Trainer’s sleeping on the ground back there, Cyndaquil said with innocent bluntness. I don’t think he got up yet. 

Talonflame let out a deliberate, throaty laugh, and Ella shot a warning glare over her shoulder before returning to her ministrations. 

You can forget about him, she insisted to Cyndaquil. All you need now is us. 

Perhaps it was only because Cyndaquil was too young to fully grasp the reality of her new situation, but she didn’t question it any further. Instead, she settled down between Ella’s front legs and continued to watch Cinder make her dinner, submitting to a thorough grooming as she did so. 

Talonflame tilted his head back and forth as he stared down at them. You’ve changed your tune quickly, haven’t you, Ella?

Shut up, said Ella curtly, in between licks. You’re not staying.

We’ll see about that, Talonflame replied, too lazily to be threatening, as he tucked his head beneath his wing for a brief nap. Wake me when dinner’s ready, will you? 

Ella made a noncommittal noise in the back of her throat. She couldn’t find the room to care about that right now. Not when the cabin was steadily filling with sweet and savory scents, when the room was growing warm in the way it only did when the evening chill was falling outside, when there was a sense of comfort settling into her bones that she hadn’t felt in quite a long time. 

Not since...ah.

Ella looked up at Cinder, who gave her a knowing smile back. Of course she remembered too.

~0~

It’s only the adrenaline surging through her veins that’s keeping her moving. She just wants to run, run, run, as far and as fast as she can, because if she stops for an instant they’ll catch her and drag her back, but she can’t feel her paws anymore and it’s very quickly not her decision. 

The driving rain is already making it hard to see what’s in front of her, but then her vision blurs out completely, and she’s dropped right into a puddle before she even realizes her legs have buckled from underneath her. She doesn’t have the strength even to struggle back to her feet. All she can do is shuffle on her stomach through the mud, inch by miserable inch, until the sore tips of her toes brush rock, leaving behind smears of blood that are quickly washed away.

Her eyes flick upward: less of a cave than a hole in the ground, but she’ll take it. It’s a painful squeeze through an opening that’s just barely bigger than her own body. When she finally manages it, she collapses, lying like a wet pile of fur on the rough stone. Even here’s not really dry — cold runoff drips steadily right into her ear — but she couldn’t move to a better spot even if she tried.

She closes her eyes, the sound of her own labored breathing filling her head. She doesn’t know if she’ll ever get up again, and right now, she doesn’t much care. All that matters is that she’s not moving, that no one can touch her here.

So it takes her a good minute to register the strange scent wafting into her nostrils, underneath the heavy smells of rain and earth: acrid enough to make her nose twitch and fur raise. With a colossal effort, she lifts her head an inch, and finally notices that she is not alone here.

Barely a few feet away, desperately trying to cram herself into the far corner of the cave, is a human not much bigger than her. A little girl, just as skinny and soaked as she is, her amber eyes huge with terror. She wonders what she’s so afraid of — wonders if there’s anything behind her, if she should be afraid too — before realizing.

Oh. This was your hiding place first.

The girl doesn’t seem to have been here long: she’s out of breath, eyes puffy and red, and none of the mud spattering her once-white shirt and pants has dried. She gapes at her for a long moment, before hesitantly scooting forward and reaching out towards her ears.

What ear she has left pricks straight up. She might have intruded on this human, sure, but that doesn’t mean she gets to touch her.

Her hackles raise, her lips pull back, and she snaps at the offending fingers the second she realizes where they’re going. She misses — the girl gasps and scrambles back again, holding her hand protectively to her chest — and her smooth, flat-topped teeth clack painfully together.

“I-I’m sorry!” the girl yelps. “It’s just...you’re hurt.”

She’s fine. So what if her ears and tail had been cut into this awful shape? So what if she’s been robbed of her fangs, and now her claws? She’s still a Pokemon and not some spoiled brat’s toy. Still strong, strong enough to defend herself against one pathetic human. 

She growls, but it’s weak even to her own ears. She is strong, it’s either tell herself that or lose hope completely, but she’s running on fumes. If she can’t fight back...if she can’t make them stop touching her...

The girl is doing something puzzling now, and it almost makes her let down her guard. She’s pawing at her shirt as if looking for something, but it doesn’t seem to have any pockets or other affectations. Then after a moment, to her shock, she grabs the one part of it that isn’t filthy, tears a long strip away, then tears that in half with a soft snap.

“Here...” She edges closer, slowing but not quite stopping at her growls. “I — I get it if you don’t want me touching your face. But your paws are bleeding, and...”

She narrows her eyes and keeps her teeth bared in warning: with the combustion pouch in her throat snipped or punctured or even pulled out entirely, whatever they had done to it, a cigarette lighter could produce a bigger flame than she can right now. But she doesn’t have to act like it.

The girl bites back a whimper, the smell of fear still coming off her in waves. “I’m not trying to hurt you, I promise. I just want to help. Please?”

Growls keep bubbling up from her throat, but they’re half-hearted. Against every instinct, she slides her front paws forward. The wounds on her half-amputated toes sting when the scratchy fabric wraps around them, but it’s a small relief to have the bleeding finally staunched.

The girl smiles. “There. Better?”

This close, she can see in the girl’s sunken cheeks and ashen skin how starved she is, spot the jagged outline of a fresh scar around her neck. The faint smell of human blood, not quite covered up by the muck, reaches her nose. Oh. So they really are in the same boat. 

She goes quiet, and tries to relax, and is rewarded with the fear-scent steadily receding.

“My name’s Cinder. Do you have a name?”

She heaves a deep sigh in response; she’s never been called anything but mongrel, dumb mutt, dirty animal, and she’s pretty sure those don’t count as names.

“No? I’ll think of one for you, then. Just give me a little bit, I’ve never named anyone befo—aah!”

Thunder shakes what felt like the whole world around them, and they both jump so badly they hit their heads on the painfully low walls. She lets out a whine despite herself, curling tightly in on herself to keep from shaking. Cinder doesn’t look much happier, but instead of recoiling...

“Here...” Cinder mimics her, getting down and snuggling up next to her back on the floor. “I know I’m not very warm, but I should be better than nothing.”

She makes a soft noise of assent. When Cinder slings an arm over her shoulders, hugging her body close and gently petting her flank, it doesn’t exactly make her feel fuzzy on the inside. But it stirs something deep in her chest that she doesn’t have a name for yet, and it’s a welcome distraction from the cold and wet.

“We can stay here until the storm stops. We could figure out where to go together,” Cinder suggests, in a hesitant murmur. “We could be friends.”

Friends. She’s never heard the word before, and isn’t sure what it means, but she wouldn’t mind finding out. She twists her head around and licks Cinder’s cheek, and the girl giggles like she’s never tried to before.

The rain drives down hard and punishing outside, washing away all traces of them. Freezing droplets fall on them from the roof. They’re hungry, dirty, and shivering, with no idea of what they’re supposed to do next. But tonight they’re huddled together, the world outside this cramped little cave does not exist, and for the first time in their lives, they aren’t alone.

 ~0~

“Dinnertime,” Cinder said, balancing four dishes as she came into the living area. Talonflame stirred and flapped down from his perch to join them as she served the meal: beef stew from the slow cooker for the three of them and warm spiced milk for Cyndaquil.

The baby Pokemon let out her loudest squeak yet and bounced out of Ella’s legs when the dish was set beside her, but stopped short of actually going for it, looking up at them hesitantly.

“Go on. It’s all for you, dear.”

Cinder, sitting cross-legged on the floor with them, smiled as she watched the tiny Pokemon scramble eagerly towards the milk.

“You like it? There’s plenty more where that came from. We’re going to raise you to be big and strong, and one day nobody will dare mistreat you. Right, Ella?”

Ella loyally thumped her tail on the hardwood floor: she knew better than anyone. She knew that she wasn’t the starter Pokemon that every child dreamed about, nor, she conceded, had Cinder begun as the cool and confident Trainer that any Pokemon would want. But still they had fought every day to survive together, to become strong enough that nobody could ever lay a hand on them again. 

She had evolved under Cinder’s command, and with evolution the body parts that had been carved away from her when she was young were restored to her. Most importantly, it had given her her fire back, and she knew in her heart that she would never have been able to reach that point on her own.

It was just like Cinder used to say, in the dead of one of their countless nights huddled up together: It’s all right if nobody else loves us. All we need is each other.

That had held steadfastly true for them, from childhood to adulthood. Ella saw no reason why the same could not apply to Cyndaquil, if she herself were magnanimous enough to allow it.

As she gulped down tender chunks of beef, she watched the tiny Pokemon lapping up the milk so earnestly she seemed in danger of falling headfirst into the dish. It had taken Ella a long time to train herself out of scarfing her food down like that, so fast she didn’t even taste it, to be sure that nobody would snatch it away from her now. 

Though Toxitricity and Drapion still acted as if they would sometimes, just to get a rise out of her. While she was still small, Cyndaquil would be free to take refuge behind her legs or in Cinder’s arms, but soon Ella would have to teach her how to stand up for herself, and to not roll over for them or anyone else. There were a lot of things the two of them — three, if Talonflame decided to make himself useful — would be responsible for teaching their newest member. She ought to start making a list.

Not that there was much room in her head for that right now. Cyndaquil polished off the milk before the rest of them were halfway finished with their meal, and after licking the dish clean, she looked up and glanced uncertainly around at the three of them. 

Now that there was nothing to distract her, it was starting to sink in that she was all by herself, in a strange place surrounded by strange people, with no idea what was going to happen to her next. Ella knew that feeling: the sudden drop in her stomach, the cold spreading like frost over her skin. She remembered. She expected that Cinder did, too. 

Her Trainer was watching Cyndaquil intently, and at the first tiny whimper that might have been the prelude to crying, she set her bowl aside and held out her arms. 

“It’s okay, sweetheart. Want to come here?”

With only slight reluctance, Cyndaquil allowed Cinder to scoop her into her lap. Smiling, she rubbed the tiny Pokemon’s belly with one hand and scratched the back of her neck, just above the incendiary spots, with the other. Cyndaquil let out a series of high-pitched cheeps and squirmed happily in her lap, clearly unused to such affection.

“There, you see?” Cinder cooed, as Cyndaquil twisted around so she could scratch under her chin. “Nothing to be afraid of. This is your home now, with me and your big sister Ella.”

Ella! Ella! Cyndaquil squeaked, delighted. She says we’re sisters!

Ella swallowed a chunk of potato and tilted her head at them. Sister. Another word she would soon be learning to embody.

~0~

The next morning, Ella found her need to pace militarily when impatient at war with her utter disgust of wetness and mud. They had planned a schedule for Cyndaquil’s first full day with them yesterday evening, and it would not do at all to start slacking so soon.

Last night, Cyndaquil had tried to sleep in the corner of the bedroom at first, clearly too used to being shunted out of the way. She had needed plenty of coaxing from Cinder and a commanding bark from Ella to feel safe climbing up onto the bed and letting herself be tucked in between them.

She had slept restlessly, kicking and yelping in her dreams, needing constant soothing to calm down. In the morning Ella had had to drag her exhausted body out from under her blanket, shaking the sleep out of her head. Even Cinder, who had always been a light sleeper anyway, had been rubbing her eyes as Cyndaquil followed her out of the bedroom, bouncing at her heels. Arceus only knew where the little Pokemon had gotten so much energy from.

Ella lifted a paw and shook excess mud from it, her lip curling. Cinder had said that they would only be a minute, it had now been several, and if they didn’t get out here in the next ten seconds she was going to march in there and drag her Trainer out with her teeth—

“Being patient, Ella?”

Ella turned and fixed Cinder with A Look as she watched her coming down the front steps of the cabin, determined not to return her easy smile just yet. She was supposed to have been introducing Cyndaquil to a new Pokeball, but as it happened...

“Yes, I know,” Cinder said, reaching up to steady Cyndaquil as she sprawled happily on her belly, atop her new Trainer’s head. “She does have a new Pokeball now, but I think she likes it better here with us. Right, dear?”

Cyndaquil chirped assent, grinning and swinging her stubby legs.

“You’ll need a proper name soon, too. But training comes first, so watch your sister carefully, now. Ella, if you would?”

Ella gave a firm nod and stepped back, facing the open space in front of the two of them, so Cyndaquil could get a good view of what she was about to demonstrate. The smaller Pokemon, while still idly playing with Cinder’s bangs, was staring transfixed at her. Ella doubted whether she could even muster up an Ember yet, let alone try Flamethrower. Well, then all the better a show for her.

She would never again take for granted how good it felt to flex the muscles in her throat and get her combustion pouch working. It was like taking a gulp of sweet smoke, sparklers lighting just under her skin, as the heat surged up from within her.

Maybe the need to show off to someone younger, which she had never had the chance to do before, gave her some extra fuel: the flames that burst from her mouth burned hotter and stronger than ever, brightening the overcast morning and sending steam hissing up from the puddles before her. 

Cinder gave her an approving smirk and some soft applause, but Cyndaquil couldn’t contain herself.

Wow! She took a flying leap off of Cinder’s head and scurried to Ella’s side, mimicking her battle pose. My turn, my turn!

She opened her mouth, throat straining and tail sticking straight out, only to cough up the measliest crumb of flame that Ella had ever seen. It extinguished itself almost as soon as it had been ignited.

Oh, Cyndaquil said plaintively, tail drooping. I...

Ella gave her a nudge with her snout that she hoped was uplifting. Will try again, that’s what you’ll do. As long as it takes. Don’t look so downcast.

“Whatever Ella’s saying to you, she’s right, dear,” Cinder chimed in. “We’re going to become the strongest, but not overnight.”

You do have an advantage. I had to figure this all out on my own. Ella re-assumed her attack position. She would go slower this time, explain the physical aspects of combustion that were innate to all Fire-types, so the little one could better lean in to what felt most natural. You have me to look after you. And when you’re finally ready to be in a real battle, you’ll be far more prepared than the others. Understand?

Cyndaquil nodded very seriously, then mirrored her once more, sparks flying already from her arched back. 

Good. Now, watch closely...

[mostlysignssomeportents]

Understanding the aftermath of r/wallstreetbets

A couple days back, I wrote up my best understanding of what happened with /r/wallstreetbets and meme stocks like Gamestop, trying to show how all the different, seemingly contradictory takes on the underlying financial stuff could all be true.

https://pluralistic.net/2021/01/28/payment-for-order-flow/#wallstreetbets

In the days since, a new series of contradictory takes has emerged, these ones disputing the meaning of this bizarre financial spectacle, and likewise what response, if any is warranted as it unfurls.

I think that all of these takes can also be true, and as with the trading itself, reconciling them requires that we widen the frame.

Let's start with Jimmy Carter.

In 1978, Carter's IRS created the 401(k), a tax-sheltered account for people who wanted to gamble on stocks to fund their retirement.

That was a fringe proposition at best.

The normal retirement system was a "defined benefits" pension where your employer guaranteed you a certain monthly percentage of your salary from retirement to death.

The vast majority of Americans wisely prefered a guaranteed payout to a tax-advantaged gambling account.

Obviously, right? On the one hand, you have the guarantee of a pension (maybe even inflation-indexed); on the other, you have a bunch of bets, that, if they go wrong, leave you literally homeless and starving.

When gamblers remortgage the family home and cash in the kids' college funds to play the tables, we consider them to have a mental illness, a pathological condition that harms them and the people around them.

Giving up a defined benefits pension in favor of a 401k is just the same kind of bet - staking all the money that will support you when you exit the workforce on the movement of stocks and bonds.

Who would do that voluntarily?

Pretty much no one. But the transition from defined benefits to 401k was not voluntary. Finance ghouls like Ethan Lipsig wrote memos to major employers like Hughes Aircraft showing them how they could ditch their pension obligations by moving workers to 401ks.

In the 80s, Reagan created a bunch of legal tools that allowed employers to coerce their workforces into giving up the security of a pension and force them into gambling their salaries on the prayer of a win in the markets.

This was insanely, amazingly great for the finance sector, in three ways:

1. It made companies more profitable. Guaranteeing that the workers whose labor made your company viable wouldn't spend their dotage starving and homeless is expensive.

Helping fund wagers on shares is much cheaper. The finance sector represented the major shareholders of the companies that transitioned to 401ks. The savings were transferred to these shareholders and the finance sector got commissions.

What's more, this temporary inflation of share prices disguised what was going on with the pension switcheroo: workers' defined benefits pensions were liquidated and turned into stocks, just as stocks were going up because their pensions had been liquidated!

Their legs had been amputated out from under them, but so subtly that they didn't yet feel the pain - and now their bosses cooked their legs and snuck them into their dinner, and everyone marveled at how full they felt after that hearty, meaty meal.

2. 401ks brought a lot of suckers to the table. The market was - and is - dominated by "sophisticated investors," AKA predators, who knew all the ways to fleece the rubes who had no idea how any of this worked.

The predatory nature of finance only increased over time. Hedge funds, for example, exist to find unethical practices that are legal (thanks to loopholes in the rules) and exploit them until they are illegal.

3. 401ks created a political force outside the finance sector that would lobby on its behalf. Transforming America into a nation of stockholders meant that workers had to choose between supporting rules that protected their jobs and rules that protected their retirement.

For your pension account to grow, you had to support policies that permitted finance ghouls to offshore your job, or misclassify you as a contractor, or eliminate the safety rules that prevented you from being maimed, or take away your right to sue for compensation.

Every time there's a particularly ghastly bankruptcy driven by PE or hedge funds - Toys R Us, Sears, etc - it emerges that at least some of that money is coming out of a union pension fund.

That's marketization - turning the once obscure, boring business of market-based capital allocation into a matter of import to everyday people.

Marketization begat financialization.

While marketization is primarily about capital allocation (who gets what money), financialization is about bets. Sometimes those bets are about things - businesses, houses, coal and timber - but things are limited. Mostly the financial market consists of bets on other bets.

Bets are infinite. Every time you make a bet, you create inventory for a market in a bet on the outcome of your bet. And that's inventory for a new market: bets on the outcomes of bets on the outcomes of bets.

It's called Wall Street Bets for a reason.

Bets need referees, someone who decides who the winner is. In sports, it's a major scandal if a referee is caught wagering on one of the teams in a match. In the financial markets, it's the norm - referees that lay wagers on the outcome of the contest they're overseeing.

Let's take stock:

Workers are forced to play the casino, and if their bets fail, they spend their old ages homeless and starving;

The vast majority of casino games are wholly abstract - bets on bets on bets - and require layers of refs;

the refs are all crooked.

Every couple of years, we have a massive, systemic financial crisis, and every time that happens, the finance sector lobbies for a no-strings-attached bailout, abetted by suckers who hate the finance sector but fear starving in their old age.

We're about to be engulfed in the second-largest crisis of our lifetime - the reckoning from trillions in capital market gains propped up by the Trump administration's policy of buying all corporate debt as a covid stimulus.

https://pluralistic.net/2020/09/28/cyberwar-tactics/#aligned-incentives

(the largest crisis of our lifetimes is a few years off, as the climate emergency piles losses on losses, stranding tens of trillions in assets, from fossil fuels to obsolete gas-stations to literally underwater coastal real-estate to whole towns incinerated by wildfires)

That's where we're at: a crooked casino that we've trusted our futures too, a crisis on the horizon, and a bunch meme-stock "players" who have thrown the normal weirdness of the market into stark relief through a spectacular stunt.

A lot of people are angry at Robinhood, the stock-trading platform at the center of all this. Robinhood froze trading on meme stocks, and has only allowed it to come back in a useless, performative trickle that is seemingly calculated to prevent more meme-stock gamesmanship.

Is Robinhood just another crooked ref? Yes…and no. The meme stock run upset the stable cheaters' equilibrium whereby cheating never escalated to the point where the game just collapsed.

For example, the total short position on Gamestop exceeds its total stock issuance.

Translation: there were more Gamestop shares promised between bettors than exist. When the game stops, all those promises come due, and they literally can't be paid off because there aren't enough tokens in circulation to settle all the debts.

Robinhood halted trading in part because the big fish upstream of Robinhood also halted trading, because they have even more at risk than Robinhood does if the game collapses - they the refs for MANY players, all the same size as Robinhood or larger.

https://www.bloomberg.com/opinion/articles/2021-01-29/reddit-traders-on-robinhood-are-on-both-sides-of-gamestop

But remember, the refs are cheating. And they are both downstream and upstream from other games in which the refs are also cheating.

And the games, as a whole, encompass our economy, including the solvency of the "real economy" (the people who make masks, deliver groceries and drive ambulances), and whether you spend your old age homeless and starving.

So the people who say, "Don't blame Robinhood, they didn't halt trading to help billionaires, they halted trading to prevent the game from collapsing are right."

But they're not the only ones who are right.

Also, there's the people who say that meme stocks aren't making money for little guys at the expense of the big guys. They're right too.

First, because these stocks will all need to be converted to cash, and that means selling them.

https://arstechnica.com/tech-policy/2021/01/the-gamestop-bubble-is-going-to-hurt-a-lot-of-ordinary-investors/

When the selloff starts, the price will plunge, because even if the stock was undervalued before, it's certainly overvalued now. Every bubble produces wealth for its early bettors who sell out to later players who lose everything when they can't find a sucker later on.

From Beanie Babies to subprime, bubbles burst and leave suckers holding the bag. If you just heard about meme stocks last week, you're too late to make money off of them.

There's another version of the "this isn't little guys, it's big whales" that's *also* true: the main beneficiary of the meme stock runs is giant funds who magnified and the bets from r/wallstreetbets and got out smart and fast.

https://twitter.com/zatapatique/status/1354904995901136896

So given all this, what can we make of calls (from parties as varied as AOC and Ted Cruz) to investigate Robinhood and other retail brokerages to see whether they're honest refs, or in the tank for billionaires?

At Naked Capitalism, Yves Smith calls this a "fatuous uproar," saying that the Senate has more important things to do during the racing-out-of-control pandemic than to investigate a literal penny-ante grift.

https://www.nakedcapitalism.com/2021/01/the-fatuous-uproar-about-robinhood-and-gamestop.html

Do we really care who the winner is in "a beauty contest between Cinderella’s ugly sisters" ("clueless new gen day traders versus clumsy shorts")?

Smith is right too.

A speculator-v-speculator contest that falls apart when the crooked ref halts play to prevent collapse - who cares who "wins?"

But here's how they can all be right - the "who cares" and the "goliath v goliath" and the "bubble" and the "Robinhood is a plutes' honeypot."

*If* there's hearings, and *if* those hearings expose the absurdity and corruption of the system, *then* there is a chance to build the political will to make real, systemic changes when the crisis comes.

And there's a real crisis coming: two, in fact. The covid junk bond financial crisis, which is due very soon, and the climate crisis stranded asset emergencies, which will unroll with increased tempo and intensity for decades to come.

The half-century cycle of "addressing" finance crises by increasing financialization MUST stop.

If the meme stock spectacle gets us to pay attention to hearings that reveal the irredeemable rot of the system, then it's a unique chance to spread *real* "financial literacy."

And that literacy is the necessary (but insufficient) precursor to taking action when the time comes - and the time is certainly coming soon.

[moldisgoodforyou]

barcelona (ii)

wordcount: 2.3k

_______

Sophie introduced him to the whole group, then separately to her roommates all sitting together at the top of the table. “This is Isobel,” she nodded, “this is Andrea,” she waved, “and this is Juliet,” she smiled. 

Rafe nodded, smiling at the three of them. “Isabelle -” 

“Isobel.” She corrected. “Ee-so-belle.” 

“Ee-so-belle.” He repeated slowly, trying with the accent. “Sorry, I’ll remember that. And you’re Andrea, and you’re Juliet.” 

“Rafe, do you always show up late to places?” Isobel asked him with a stern look, nudging Sophie under the table. She tried her best to hold back a grin as he shook his head quickly, the tips of his ears turning red. “No, um, sorry, we got held up by the - the subway -” 

“The metro.” Sophie corrected calmly. 

“Yes! The metro. Sorry, uh, jetlag.” Rafe tried, looking nervous. 

“Uh huh.” She nodded, trying to seem unconvinced, and Andrea snorted into her mimosa, making all of them laugh. “Andrea!” 

“I’m sorry, I couldn’t keep it up!” 

Rafe glanced between the four girls, confused. “Keep what up?”

Sophie grinned, squeezing his leg under the table. “I told them they could grill you a little. Andrea just has no poker face.” 

“We’ve heard so much about you, I feel like we already know each other.” Juliet told him with a welcoming smile. 

The girls all nodded in agreement and Sophie beamed at their approval, letting them go on with stories about their antics as roommates, like when Juliet had set off the fire alarm while smoking - three times - and when Andrea brought a boy over and he turned out to be a total bust, so they girls had to make up an excuse to rescue her from the awkward situation. As Isobel reached across the table for the salt, Rafe noticed a small carnation tattooed just below the inside of her elbow, still a little red. “I like that, is it new?” 

“It is!” She nodded down the table. “Mateo just did some of them for us last week. Oh my god, Sophie, do you remember like a month ago -” 

Sophie shook her head quickly, sending her a pointed glare. “I don’t remember. Anything. Ever.” 

Andrea hid a giggle behind her napkin at the way Sophie’s cheeks went red, and Juliet smirked. “The initials R.C. don’t ring a bell?” 

“Stoooop.” She whined and Rafe caught on quickly, grinning. “Was that when she tried to get the tattoo on her hip?” 

“Yes!” Andrea exclaimed, laughing. “Oh my god, it was like five inches tall and looked like it’d been written by a primary schooler.” 

“You were determined.” Isobel grinned, poking Sophie in the side and put on a poorly done American accent to mimic her. “Nooo, guys, I hafta get it!” 

Juliet joined in, her American accent even worse. “I’ve only had four drinks, I’m fine! Like, sober!” 

“That was with Sebastian’s heavy pour, too.” Andrea added, laughing. “I think we got to know a little too much about you that night.” 

“Alright, that’s enough.” Sophie was bright red now and nudged her elbow into Rafe’s side when he went to ask another question. “I FaceTimed him that night, he saw how bad it was.” 

“I’m so glad you didn’t get it.” He laughed, shaking his head.

“Besides, she already has the ring, it’s not like she needed that to ward any guys off.” Isobel pointed out nonchalantly and Sophie bit her lip, trying to be subtle as she hid her hand under the table and switched her ring from her ring finger back to her middle, something she’d forgotten to do in her haste to pick him up from the airport. 

Rafe noticed immediately, of course, but chose not to comment. “Maybe a temporary tattoo instead.” He teased, pressing a quick kiss to her temple. When their waiter came back around to take everyone’s real food order instead of just adding to their sangria, most of the table ordered in Spanish with ease, including Sophie. 

 She looked to him to explain his order but he straightened up a little, clearing his throat. “Uh, hola! Yo comer los huevos con chorizo, por favor.” He gave the waiter a proud smile and Isobel had to hide a snort in her napkin at his horrible pronunciation and grammar - it was as butchered as possible. The waiter furrowed his brow a little and Sophie subtly pointed at his option on the menu. The waiter laughed, clapped Rafe on the shoulder and told him - in a nearly-perfect American accent - “Welcome to Spain, buddy.” 

“Since when do you speak Spanish?” Sophie held back a grin, not wanting to burst Rafe’s bubble. 

He beamed, taking it as a compliment. “I did a little studying over the summer.” 

“It wasn’t horrible!” Juliet chimed in with an encouraging smile, not noticing Rafe’s face drop. Sophie winced and kissed his cheek. “It’s alright, we’ll practice. The idea’s there.” 

He kept his voice down, turning to her with a curious look. “You mean it? It wasn’t bad?” 

“No! Not really. I mean, some things could use some work, but you have like, the basic foundation -” 

“Sophie. No lying.” 

“I’ve never lied to you.” 

“Oh, bullshit - you’ve lied so many times -” 

“Pre-relationship does not count!” She exclaimed, grinning as she swatted him with her napkin. “We agreed. No bringing that up.” 

He grinned back, poking her side. “What, are you trying to hide our sordid past from your roommates?” 

She fixed him with a cross look, shaking her head. “Sordid hardly describes it. Just a few arguments here and there, that was all.” 

“Ah, you seem to have a selective memory.” He smirked and squeezed her knee under the table. “You hated me.” 

She frowned. “I never hated you. Just, maybe, didn’t like you sometimes.” 

“Understatement of the century.” He trailed his hand up her thigh and she pushed his hand away, giving him a warning look. “Rafe Cameron.” 

He just gave her a smile and moved his hand back to her knee until their food arrived. 

_____

Three packed days later of showing Rafe around, Sophie had to say a tearful goodbye to her roommates. It was hard for her to leave her newfound friends she’d grown so close to, but they promised they’d see her again - they’d all applied early for graduate programs scattered throughout the US, some starting as early as January. 

Somehow, after a lot of persuading over the summer, Sophie had convinced Rafe to rent a car and drive to Nice in France. It was a little over six hours of a drive and along the coastline, and he couldn’t say no to her after she’d sent multiple photos of the coast and fancy cars they could rent too. After loading everything into the car and carefully adjusting the short driver’s seat, Rafe grinned over at her. “Ready to go?” 

“Yes, but I have something for you.” She reached into the backseat and pulled a wrapped box out of her tote bag, practically buzzing with excitement. “I know your birthday won’t be until we’re in Rome, but I think you’d like this now. The rest of your gift is back in Ohio though.” 

He took the box, fixing her with a playfully stern look. “I thought I told you no presents? Just being here with you is enough.” 

“Yeah, yeah, I didn’t listen. Open it.”

He opened it curiously, then grinned when he saw the camcorder printed on the box. He’d mentioned earlier in the summer how he’d like to have something that wasn’t just his phone to document senior year, and then to be able to edit the footage together into little montages each month. Of course, she’d listened and found the perfect gift. “You remembered!” 

“It’s the right kind, I think, but double check for me?” She asked, urging him to open the box. “I did a lot of research making sure it was the right one.” 

He took the camera out and inspected it, nodding. “It’s perfect. I love it, Sophie, thank you.” He turned to her and smacked a kiss to her cheek, grinning when she turned her head and caught his lips with hers. 

“You’re welcome. I was going to wait, but figured you could take videos of our trip and everything.” She beamed. 

Rafe’s grin morphed into a smirk as he flipped the camera on, pointing it toward her. “Is the rest of the present that we’re making a sex tape?” 

She immediately rolled her eyes, huffing as she reached for the camera. “Okay. You just ruined the moment, good job.” 

He laughed, pushing her hand away and put it back in the box. “Thank you, for real. It’s awesome.” 

She took the box and put it back in the backseat, smiling. “Welcome. Happy early birthday, old man.” 

Rafe started up the car and flicked on the radio, handing Sophie his phone loaded up with their directions. “Twenty-two is hardly old.” 

“Ancient.” She laughed. “Alright, this says we’ll get there by two, so just in time to check in to the hostel and we can stop to eat halfway. Feel okay about driving? Because I can trade with you -”

“Absolutely not. And, uh, about the hostel.” He kept his eyes on the road as he drove. 

“I thought I sent you all the information, you said you’d book it -”

“No, no, not that, I have everything covered. Just.” He tapped his fingers on the wheel. 

“Just?” She cocked her head curiously.

“I may have gone a different route for accommodation in Nice.” 

“Rafe. I said I’d pay for my things.” 

He didn’t need to glance over at her to feel her slow-building annoyance, but did anyways. “I know! I know. I was just thinking, we’re going to the beach and we’ll be all sandy and whatever afterward, it might be nice to have a real hotel and our own bathroom. Just for there, I booked the hostels for Italy.” 

“Just for there.” She repeated, skeptical.

He nodded to confirm. “We’ve just  been so busy with everyone - which I totally understand - but I thought it’d be nice to have it be just us for a few days.” 

She considered it for a moment - he did make a great point. “I can transfer money from my savings to cover my half.” 

“No.” 

“Rafe.” 

“I’m serious, Sophie, no. The hostels, fine, but not for Nice.” He declared. He’d chosen a boutique hotel instead of a big expensive chain hotel in hopes that would hide how much he spent, so she didn’t question it.

She frowned, crossing her arms. “I really don’t want to fight over this, baby, but I told you -” 

“So don’t fight. I’ve got it.” He reached over and rested his hand on her knee and squeezed it reassuringly. “Ward gave me extra money.” 

Sophie rolled her eyes. “Ward gave you extra money to spend on your trip with me? I’m supposed to believe that? I don’t think he even knows my name still.” 

“Well.” He paused, nodding. “Not exactly for the trip, he just put double in my account for my birthday month. I think he feels a little guilty, last year he forgot.” Rafe tried to force a laugh, but it came out more pained than he wanted. 

She frowned and reached over to play with the hair at the nape of his neck. “He forgot your birthday? Seriously?” 

“Yeah. It’s no big deal, happens. Anyways, um. I’m not letting you pay for it.” 

She could tell he was growing uncomfortable talking more about Ward and nodded. “Okay. Fine, but just this once.” She gave him a small smirk. “You think the walls are thin?” 

“I think the building is structurally sound, baby.” He gave her a confused glance. 

She laughed, shaking her head. “That is so not what I meant.” 

“I don’t understand.” 

“Think harder.” 

He furrowed his brow for a moment, then shook his head. “I give up.” 

“We only had sex once since we’ve been back together.” 

“What does that have to do with thin walls - ohhhh. Right. You know, sometimes I forget how dirty you are, I appreciate the reminder.” He grinned and she tugged on the ends of his hair, rolling her eyes. “Fuck off, you are too.” 

“Think we could pull over when we make it to France and have a quickie on the side of the road?” 

She raised her eyebrows, skeptical. “Do you speak enough French to get us out of trouble if we get caught and arrested?” 

“Minor details.” Rafe laughed, nudging his head back into her hand a little so she’d start playing with his hair again. “Hey.” 

“Hey.” She responded, scratching his head lightly. 

“I love you. So damn much.” 

Sophie beamed and leaned over to press a kiss to his cheek. “Love you too, fool. I’m glad you’re here.” 

He grinned widely. “Yeah? Me too. I really hated being away from you.” 

She frowned, just a little. “At least you had your internship to distract you though, right?” 

“I was too damn nervous about Brooklyn doing something to fuck us up half the time.” He confessed. “I’m really sorry she kissed me, I should have known -”

“Quit.” She cut him off firmly. “I don’t want to hear a single thing about her on this trip, and I especially don’t want to hear apologies for that. Not your fault.” 

He bit this inside of his cheek, sparing a glance over at her. “You mean it?” 

“Of course I mean it. I’m glad you’re willing to tell me, but it’s over with. Quit stressing.” 

“I wasn’t stressing -”

“You’re too easy to read, baby.” She flicked the back of his neck and he yelped, laughing. “I am not.” 

“You absolutely are, you wear your heart on your sleeve and I love you for that.” Sophie grinned. “No more talking about her.” 

“Jealous.” He quipped, smiling over at her. 

“Damn straight.” 

taglist: @whoeveniskendall @kkmaybank @karsinner @outerbanksbro @outerbankspreferences @randomficsandshit @jailcalledlife @tovvaa @moniamaybank @illbesafeforyou @dontjinx-it @freddymaybank @jjmaybankzz @g4bster @oopsiedoopsie23 @babygal-babygal @thecuthoney

[mysterymistressx]

Velma wasn’t a quitter. However there was quite a few large factors that led her to the conclusion of leaving mystery inc behind. She didn’t want to stay around to witness innocent people get hurt especially her friends. But this battlle--war was much bigger than anyone could handle. Especially for four powerless young adults with a great dane besides them. Some people had powers and they would stay behind and fight and it might’ve been cowardly of Velma but she couldn’t take being a second in that town any longer. When she told Shaggy about leaving she was nervous as to what he would say. She would be understanding if he wanted to stay for Daphne and Fred but Velma couldn’t live like this. Not knowing what monstrosity was waiting right around the corner. It would kill her if Shaggy wanted to stay but if that's what he wanted than she wouldn’t object to his stance. Luckily for her he felt the same way. Maybe the could come back when things have settled down but for now? They were on their own.

It didn’t take long to pack up their things. Velma only took what she could carry really, she had never bothered too much with materialistic things anyway. Two suitcases, one filled with clothes and the other books that she couldn’t bear to leave without...and maybe a plant or two. Tying their mattress to the roof of Velma’s old tiny Toyota Prius they were ready to hit the road.

Velma wanted to drive as far as she could get from that town. With little gas money she calculated how much they could use to survive. Stopping only for bathroom breaks, snacks and for Scoob to stretch his legs. It was a tiring move but one that was so desperately needed. The father they got from home the less tense Velma became. When they were finally two states away Velma could finally relax her jaw. Letting the passenger seat finally cradle her sore muscles to sleep.

Finding an apartment wasn’t easy especially in this economy and on such short notice. But after many hours of searching and calling they finally found one. It wasn’t spectacular by any means. It was a bit--run down but it wasn’t bad for just the two of them and Scoob. Velma wasn’t worried at all, she knew this was only temporary and Shaggy was great at comforting her through such a stressful time.

Soon enough they were moved in with only a few boxes and a full sized mattress. That first night was one of the best days she had in so long. Velma laid in Shaggys arms on their single piece of furniture and laughed the whole night. It felt so peaceful. Velma wouldn’t have traded that night for anything in the world. It didn’t matter if the world was ending they had each other.

The next morning Velma got up while Shaggy was still sleeping. She smiled warmly as the sunrays hit across his body in diagonal lines. Leaning over she placed a gentle kiss into the mess of his hair. Pulling some clothes from her suitcase she got dressed quickly and decided to pick up breakfast for them. That way when Shaggy woke up he’d have a hot meal waiting for him. Fast food was always cheap so she wasn’t too worried about spending the money. Bringing back four breakfast burritos and two iced coffees for them all. Entering the door she saw Scoob waiting patiently with an eager tail. “You can smell the food from down the block, can’t you?” She giggled, unwrapping one of the burritos to give it to Scoob. “There you go boy, enjoy.” Setting the rest of the food on the counter she saw the bed beginning to rustle. Removing the items from the to-go bag she smiled softly. “Did you sleep well?” @likezoinkshag​

[writerpeach]

Roommates: Part One

IZ*ONE Hyewon X Male Reader

7813 words

Categories: smut, oral sex,  detective! hyewon

18+

---

Read on AFF

Read on AO3

"Please come in."

The second meeting with Detective Kwon was eight days after the first. Thankfully, you were there under much more pleasant terms, trading being led in handcuffs to roaming freely, greeted with smiles, and offered coffee.

Instead of being tossed inside a windowless cold room, you were meeting Detective Kwon in her personal office, quite the inverse of scenery. Greeting you with a welcoming smile instead of threats, she offered a seat and you sat down, scanning the awards on her walls, the various cabinets, and files as you spotted a small piglet plush resting on one, not bothering to mention it. 

You felt comfortable. You weren’t being yelled at or questioned, and you certainly weren’t fearing for your life or freedom. The detective engaged in polite conversation, her friendly tone putting you at ease as she inquired how you were handling the change of being on the opposite side of crime.

Detective Kwon had been promoted due to your cooperation, earning the rank of Chief Superintendent. Changing into a more supervisor role allowed her to command her team more efficiently but still allowed herself to do what she was best at, getting information out of uncooperative suspects in any way she knew how.

Eunbi had a different look since you last saw her, chopping her hair short which gave her a more youthful and vibrant look. 

“You look good, detective,” you complimented, earning a blush from the sharply-dressed woman across the desk. 

“Thank you. You know, we really owe a lot to you,” she said in earnest. 

“I didn’t do much, detective. It turns out you can be a very convincing woman.”

“You gave us valuable information that would have taken us weeks to find.”

Shuffling around papers and organizing a dossier Eunbi looked up and her expression softened.

“But we still have a lot of work to do to take down your former boss. The Goda clan is in shambles. We’ve made several arrests lately, we have them on the run.” 

“That’s wonderful to hear. To tell the truth, I was never comfortable with some of the things I saw during my time as a clan member. It still keeps me up at night.”

“I’m sorry to hear that. What you’re doing has been very helpful, we couldn’t have done this without you.”

“If that asshole gets locked up then it’ll be more than worth it.” 

“Now, there are still a few high ranking members we don’t know the location of,” Eunbi said and slid three pictures across the desk, two men you recognized and one you didn’t. 

“Is there anything about them you can tell us?”

You studied their pictures before speaking. ”Never met this guy. These two were the boss’s right- hand men. When he needed someone taken out, a business shaken down for protection money or anything else that he didn’t want to dirty his hands for he used them as his errand boys.”

“Do you have their names?”

“Afraid not. I was too low down the totem pole to really know them.”

“That’s fine, we’ll work with what we have and I’ll make sure our investigation team makes this their priority. It might take longer but we’ll find these thugs.” 

Eunbi smiled. It was different talking to her like this, cooperating with her, and not being threatened to spend the rest of your life behind bars. 

“How are you holding up? This can’t be easy.”

“Like I said, some sleepless nights. A lot of looking behind my shoulder, thinking someone I swore loyalty to is coming after me. This is all I’ve known for most of my life, so being on the other side of things is hard to get used to.” 

“That’s understandable. The monitoring app we installed on your phone tracks your location with pinpoint accuracy as long as you allow us to. If you ever end up in trouble you know how to activate it right?”

“I do, thanks, Detective. Let’s hope I never have to.” 

“Yes, let’s hope. The sooner we can get these scumbags off the streets, the better we’ll all be.” 

There was a sudden knock on the door that broke the tension.

“Come in!” Eunbi said. 

The door gently swung open and in walked a petite girl, blue mixed into her dark bobbed hairstyle. “Sorry to barge in, boss.” 

“It’s quite alright, Detective Miyawaki. You wouldn’t interrupt without a good reason.” 

“We’ve got new leads on potential suspects. A stolen vehicle was spotted downtown in an abandoned warehouse, it appears it was used in last month’s weapon smuggling ring that was shut down.” 

“And you’re sure they’re still there?” 

“According to our surveillance, no cars have been in or out of the warehouse all day. There could be underground tunnels but that’s highly unlikely given the layout of the building .” 

“Excellent work, Detective. Put out an APB immediately.” 

“Right away, boss.” 

The young girl bowed politely and left the room.

“We’re getting closer with each day thanks to you,” she said with a mild sense of relief in her voice.

“You have a good team here it seems.” 

“It gets pretty stressful but they’re wonderful and I couldn’t do my job without them. Between forensics, our investigation team, and our computer analysts, there's about twelve of us working non-stop.”

“Impressive.” 

“Now, I do need to talk to you about the security detail we promised you.” 

“What about it?” 

“As you can tell, we’re swamped. We need all the men and women we have working around the clock. At this moment we don’t have the resources to monitor who may be looking to harm you. We’re looking into a third-party security service to protect you but getting approval at a time like this is no easy task.”

“That’s really quite alright. I don’t leave my house much these days, and I have cameras all over my house.”

“No, it’s not, it was part of our terms and I won’t fall back on it. I can offer you an alternative, your safety is a necessity not just as part of our case against the Goda clan.” 

“An alternative?”

“Yes,” she responded, pushing a button on the black phone on her desk. “Detective Kang, can you come to my office, please?” 

Seconds after the door opened, and in walked an incredibly attractive woman with purple-dyed hair tied in a loose ponytail, dressed formally in a white shirt and gray jacket and almost as busty as Detective Kwon. She took a seat in the wooden chair next to you.

“This is the guy, Detective Kang.”

“Ah, so you’re the reason why we’re putting all these jackoffs in prison? It’s very nice to meet you,” she said, extending her hand and shaking yours gently. 

“Nice to meet you too, Detective.”

“Oh, you can just call me Hyewon,” she said with a shy smile.

“You see Detective Hyewon is the second-best detective here. She works really hard, she’ll be sure to surpass me soon.”

“That’s not likely boss. Nobody can interrogate like you can.”

Eunbi proudly smiled and quickly changed the subject. “Now, while we’re unable to offer you the protection we promised, we have an offer that’s a bit unorthodox.” 

“How so?” you said with a puzzled look. 

Hyewon spoke up. “We can’t monitor you 24/7 at this time but in lieu, I can offer you a safe place to stay.”

You furrowed an eyebrow in confusion.

“As I said, it’s a bit unorthodox but given the situation, we believe it’s a good compromise,” Eunbi said. 

“You see, I have a spare bedroom that’s just collecting dust. Equipped with the latest home automation, reinforced windows, and a 24/7 monitoring system. My house is very secure and located away from all major parts of the city.“

“That’s a generous offer but I don’t need a babysitter.” 

Eunbi laughed. “We’re not saying you do. These men are out for blood and we don’t know who might show up to confront you. Like you said you don’t get out much and Hyewon can do most of her investigative work from home. It’s a temporary solution, you shouldn’t be there for more than a month.”

“Along with my elite detective skills I spent two years in culinary school, I can cook as well as I can catch criminals,” Hyewon added nonchalantly.

“We won’t force you to live there of course, but you would be safer than at your own home.”

The two detectives looked at you, anticipating your answer. You gave it a moment to ponder over. 

“I’ll give it a shot.” 

“Thank you. Your safety is our number one priority.” 

✦✦

Moving to a new place even temporarily with someone who was a complete stranger was a bit awkward, to say the least. You only brought essential items over to Hyewon’s place, surprised by how large it was and grateful for two separate bathrooms. 

It was an understatement to say it was strange living with a beautiful woman you had just met. It took an entire week to adjust to the complicated situation, but each day that passed you both opened up little by little. It turns out Hyewon wasn’t lying, she was a fantastic cook and you had a multitude of things you shared in common. 

The first week went by quicker than expected. Awkward exchanges of quiet good mornings gradually turned into full conversations, sharing stories of being on opposing sides. 

Hyewon had plenty of tales to share of her short two year career - ranging from month-long investigations to chasing after suspects, to seeing a dead body for the first time. Hyewon shared the unexpected frustrations of being considered the prettiest woman in the station and having to prove that she wasn’t hired for just a pretty face.

After helping her clean up the intricate feast that was a most delicious breakfast, she took a seat on one of the kitchen island stools, refilling her coffee.

“I have to head into the office today to help out our team with some investigations. I’ll be working late most likely. You have both of our numbers if you need anything though, okay?”

“I’m not a puppy, I can survive one night,” you teased.

“I know, I wasn’t insinuating you were...” Hyewon replied as her awkwardness returned, her embarrassment strangely cute.

“The fridge is full of groceries but I didn’t have time to cook anything, sorry.” 

“Don’t be. I’m not that bad a cook myself, It’ll be fine. I’ll hold down the fort.”

“Okay. Call if you need anything.” 

✦✦

Hyewon’s spacious two-bedroom house felt rather lonely without her in it. You caught yourself talking a little too much to her living room virtual assistant, the eerily human voice being the only human contact you had that night meant it was time for something else. 

Heading to the fridge to grab a soda you conducted your own investigation of your own, having free rein of the house you gave every room except her bedroom a look, well decorated with light red and pinks everywhere.

After watching a couple hours of tv and making a quick meal you decided to sleep early. In the morning Eunbi wanted you to come in and sign a few affidavits and you wanted to be fully prepared for that process. 

When you woke up that morning something felt different. You didn’t quite know what time it was, but judging through the light shining through the sheer black curtains of your room it had to be at least 6 a.m. 

As you struggled to adjust to consciousness, you couldn’t help realize the obvious weight and pressure on your body. Your vision cleared, and the unmistakable purple hair snuggled against your chest belonged to a feminine figure that could only belong to one woman. Hyewon. 

While you enjoyed the comforting warmth of her body, you weren't sure what she was doing on top of you. She felt your movements and stirred awake and you were about to get your answer. 

Hyewon lifted her head off of your chest, realizing where she was but not looking any less confused. 

"Good morning?" you said, just as confused as her. 

"H-hi…” she sleepily said. “I can explain…I think..."

"Take your time," you said.

Hyewon gathered herself and laid down beside you flat on her stomach. 

"We had a late night and we didn't get much done yesterday. Our leads ended up as dead ends, so I didn't get home until around 2 am."

"Sounds rough."

"I washed up and going to my own bed seemed so lonely, and your door was open and well...your bed looked so welcoming and inviting. I only laid down for a few minutes but I guess I fell asleep and ended up on top of you and so here we are."

“Sure was an interesting way to wake up.” 

"I'm so sorry,” she said as she buried her face in her hands.

“It’s not that big of a deal, Hyewon. It’s all cleared up now so I understand. I’m just sorry I woke you.” 

"You didn't wake me. Well, part of you did but.."

She hesitated. "I felt something poking me when I was on top of you," Hyewon blushed. 

"Oh god. Now I'm the one who should be sorry."

Hyewon giggled. "Is this the famous morning wood I've heard about? There's nothing to be sorry for..."

"Have you not-" 

"Had sex before? I'm not a virgin, I've just never slept with a man before.”

“I see. Do you not like men?”

“I”m not against sleeping with men, I just haven’t had good experiences. Women are gentle and their skin is so soft and they smell amazing.”

“All of that is definitely true.” 

“I’m just picky I guess. Meanwhile, Eunbi will sleep with anyone who will put their head between her thighs.”

“I bet that’s a very long line of people.”

“It is. I was at the top of it.”

“You were?”

“She...she was my first. I’ve only slept with a few women after her, and we still fool around from time to time when work doesn’t keep us busy.” 

“And here I thought my morning wood was over.”

Hyewon blushed and covered her mouth, hiding against the mattress.

"I'm really sorry, I-" 

"There's nothing to be sorry for. It happens…” you said embarrassed. 

“I just like having someone to talk to in the morning,” Hyewon said. 

“I do too.”

“Would you be okay…” she hesitated. 

“With sharing the bed? I don’t mind.” you interrupted. “It’s plenty big for two people.”

“No I-I mean if y-you don’t want-” 

“I don’t mind at all, Hyewon.” 

Hyewon paused. “I probably snore though. And some days I’d have to get up before you do, I’d hate to wake you. “

“I’m a really heavy sleeper,” you said, trying to deflect her excuses. 

“If you really don’t mind, then I’ll sleep here too. My room does get rather lonely…”

Sharing a smile, the thought of sharing a bed with Hyewon made your sudden arrangement more enjoyable. 

“I can sleep away from you or put the pillow on the other side of the bed.”

“No, that’s not necessary. Just sleep how you always do.” 

“Okay,” you agreed, settling your agreement.  

If Hyewon snored in her sleep, you never once heard her. Keeping things casual, you told each other good night and good morning, sometimes both and sometimes neither depending on if your schedules met up. 

Hyewon’s sleep attire went from long sleeve pajamas and pants, and as she became more comfortable with the situation she herself became more comfortable and more casual. 

Ditching pajama pants for shorts, long sleeves to tank-tops, and eventually settling on oversized shirts enough to cover her up. Except for the time it didn't and you got a glimpse of her cute butt and the black pair of boyshorts underwear she didn’t know she was showing off. 

You had reached the third week of living with Hyewon, and you were as comfortable with her as being in your own skin. Sharing a bed wasn’t as complicated as you thought, although there certainly were moments where a leg brushed up against your own and vice versa. Avoiding physical contact completely was impossible though and you didn’t think much about it.

“Good morning,” Hyewon sat as she sat up, yawning widely and stretching her arms high up. You turned your head to the side to greet her. 

“Morning. Heading into work today?” you asked sleepily. 

Hyewon shook her head and messy violet hair went everywhere. “Eunbi has a bunch of interrogations scheduled, so unless she needs me for something I’m staying here.” 

“A nice relaxing morning then.” 

“Mhmm. Want breakfast?” she asked, throwing her side of the covers off and standing up, doing a quick stretching routine.

“Breakfast sounds great.” 

Lifting your head up you realized you weren’t the only thing that had woken up, gritting your teeth and laying your head back down. 

“I’ll...meet you at the table.” 

“Morning wood again?” she teased.

“Yeah...You know too much about me now.” 

 You were more than thankful the blankets weren’t thin. You waited for Hyewon to leave the room so you could make a beeline for the bathroom, but instead, you saw the wheels turning in her head. 

“Do you want me to help?” she asked as innocently as she had just asked about breakfast. You nearly choked. 

“Help…? You repeated, making sure you weren’t hearing things. 

“You’re always hard in the morning. I’ve felt it poking me in the back, and I know how annoying it must be to wake up throbbing like that.” 

“H-hyewon I-”

“It’s not a big deal,” she smiled as she threw herself at the covers. 

You still couldn’t believe it.

“I’ve jerked off a guy before. He finished in like twenty seconds so I never got to enjoy it.” 

“You’re that good, huh?”

“I’m definitely not,” she laughed. 

She tossed the covers off, leaving the sight of you pitching a tent through your boxers in plain sight. 

“You poor thing,” she said as she stared at the huge bulge poking through your underwear.      She took a breath as she grabbed the top of your boxers and slowly pulled them down, revealing your needy cock that throbbed as it was released. 

Her eyes went wide. “You’re really big,” she said, not wasting time as she wrapped her slim fingers around your length, forming a tight fist and began slowly stroking. 

You moaned at her touch. Her hand was cold which brought a different yet pleasurable type of sensation. “Hard like a rock,” she smiled as she continued pumping and you quickly began leaking all over her fingers. For someone inexperienced, it felt good, but you’d have to try really hard to screw up a handjob.

Hyewon looked at the clear liquid coating her fingers with a curious look.

“So much precum,” she said innocently as she licked one of her fingers clean, waiting a second to form an opinion. 

“It tastes good.” 

“The real thing tastes better.”

She blushed. Tightening her grip, she quickened her strokes as she settled on a rhythm and looked up.

“Does this feel good?” 

“It feels great.” 

Hyewon’s innocent eyes as she jerked you off was such a bold contrast. The last woman who had touched you was Eunbi, a master of teasing and anticipation. Hyewon’s straight to the point was a nice change.

“How long does it usually take?” she asked, genuinely curious. 

“To cum?” 

“Yes.” 

“It depends on a lot of things. Who’s doing it, what they’re doing, how they’re doing it…”

“Am I not doing a good job? You didn’t cum yet,” she said, feeling concerned.

“No, you’re doing great. There’s not a lot of stimulation with a handjob, so unless you really know what you’re doing it’s gonna take a while.”

“Anything I can do to make it feel better?” 

“Do you have any lube?” Hyewon shook her head disappointed.

“That’s fine. You can spit on it.” 

Hyewon listened and did as told, letting saliva drip out of her mouth she spat multiple times on your cock. The friction felt better instantly. 

“Anything else?” 

You were already at this point, might as well up the ante.

“You could uh. Take your shirt off?” You said, testing her reaction. You waited nervously. 

Hyewon thankfully didn’t seem to mind. She grabbed the hem of her large black overshirt and lifted it over her head. There wasn’t a bra on underneath to cover up her pale chest. She had the same pair of underwear you had seen that one time. Her breasts were big, not as big as Eunbi, but still sizable and the perfect shape with perfect pink nipples. Her stomach was toned and tight, Hyewon’s body was downright delicious. 

“Holy shit.” 

Hyewon smiled. “You like my body?” 

“I do, you're pretty hot, Hyewon."

She smiled and kept stroking and you couldn’t peel your eyes off her delicious tits. So large and round, you wanted to dive in immediately but didn't want to get greedy. 

After just a few minutes you felt your abdomen tightening, subconsciously fucking into Hyewon’s fist, drooling at her newly exposed tits. 

“Fuck, I’m close,” you moaned, leaking even more.

“You’re going to cum?” 

“Y-yes,” you replied. 

Hyewon gripped harder and stroked fasted, encouraging your release with her eyes focused on your cock, anticipating your release. You were almost there, staring at her beautiful tits bouncing in time with her strokes, waiting for your climax to arrive. With a forceful grunt, you exploded in her hand, hips jerking and groaning loudly as you released and coated her fingers with your hot seed. She kept pumping until you were drained, keeping notice of your sensitivity as she winded down her movements to a halt. 

She looked on in surprise as her fingers were covered in your stickiness. She grabbed a tissue to clean herself off, but not without giving one of her messy fingers a sample. 

“You’re right, the real thing does taste better.” she smiled. “Now let’s get some food in us.” 

✦✦

There was a surprising lack of awkwardness around the table as Hyewon served breakfast. Scrambled eggs, both sausage, and bacon cooked to perfection as per your request. She knew you needed a little extra energy after draining your stamina. 

“How is the case proceeding? Any closer?” you asked, not wanting the conversation to steer towards what had just happened. 

“Things are complicated. We’re finding it harder to apprehend the suspects we need, they’re on the move constantly. They know we’re onto them but we don’t have the resources to send more teams.” 

“They own so many businesses they could practically hide anywhere in the city, sadly,” you said.

“This is so frustrating,” she said. “But we have to move forward, taking any steps we can. I’m going to be spending a lot of time at the office next week.” 

“I’ll take care of the house, it’ll be in tiptop shape.” 

Hyewon nodded. “You’ll also have to take care of morning wood on your own, mister,” she teased.

“Back to the old ways then,” you sadly said.

Hyewon paused as she finished her eggs, chewing carefully as she formed a thought. 

“I feel bad. Although, you know I kind of liked it.”

“Liked what?”

“I... liked jerking you off. Feeling how hard you were, hearing you moan when I touched you. I felt something...seeing you throbbing when I made you cum.” 

Hyewon’s typical blank expression morphed into a deadly smirk. 

“I can see why Eunbi likes her job so much. That feeling of control is just...intoxicating.” 

“Do you like taking control, Hyewon?” you asked. 

“In my job absolutely not. But in the bedroom...I don’t know yet. Maybe.” 

“We’ll have to do some investigating then.” 

“Guess we will.” 

✦✦

 You didn't see much of Hyewon that week as expected. Your sleep schedules never synced and you ended up fast asleep alone before her, usually waking up to an empty bed. 

"Long day?" 

"Long week."

Hyewon didn't follow up on the conversation that night, drifting away to sleep. Over the weeks of becoming familiar with each other, you had gotten closer with Hyewon, both figuratively and literally. There was something that was never spoken about but you often woke up with an arm or leg draped over your body, or her chest pinned to your back. You certainly didn't mind the welcome intimacy. 

During a rather peaceful sleep, you felt something jolt you up. 

"Were you asleep?" she asked. 

"No, I wasn't," you lied. 

"I can't sleep," she frowned. 

"Too much on your mind?

"I guess. What do you do when you can't sleep?"

"I lay there for a few minutes and try to relax. If it doesn't work warm milk usually does the trick," you said. 

"We're out of milk," she pouted. "Any other ideas?" 

"Honestly when I really can't sleep I just jerk off. Puts me out like a light."

Hyewon felt her cheeks flushed as she hid her head in her hands. 

"I can leave the room if you want..." you said. 

"What for?" 

"So you can…you know."

"Touch myself?” She said innocently. “I've never given myself an orgasm. I just let Eunbi do everything for me."

"I see," you said as you formed an idea. 

"Can't you just do what Eunbi does to yourself?" 

"I don't think it would be the same."

"Well, I'm out of ideas then. Unless you want to call her in the middle of the night."

"She'd kill me."

Hyewon huffed in frustration. You were fresh out of ideas and sympathized with her. Looking over her it was kind of cute how frustrated she was, bundled up neck-deep under the covers as she watched the ceiling fan, trying to do anything to fall back asleep.

She turned onto her side, her doe eyes facing you. “Can you help me?” 

“Help you what?” 

“Help me fall asleep…”

“How do you want me to do that?”

“Ah, don’t make me say it.” 

You smiled. “Do you want me to give you an orgasm, Hyewon?”

“Y-yes... If you don’t mind...” 

“Not at all.” 

You threw the covers and sat up, making your way to her position. Hyewon had on a black cotton t-shirt which you lifted up enough to see her hips. Her underwear was pink and lacy, covering up just enough of her skin to still be sexy enough. 

“Can I take these off?” you asked. She nodded and lifted her butt. You grabbed the top of her cute underwear and began to slowly pull it off her hips, peeling it off her body and down her smooth long legs.

Hyewon nervously kept her legs locked together, but after seeking her approval you spread her thighs and revealed her beautiful pink pussy. Kissing up her inner thighs you heard her gasp as your lips made contact with her soft warm skin. 

“Your body is so amazing,” you said as you planted more wet kisses on her pale thighs. 

“T-thank you. It’s not as nice as Eunbi, I wish I had her figure,” she said sadly.”

“It’s not a competition. I’m sure you have things Eunbi is jealous of.” 

“I-I guess so.” 

Not wanting her to be down on herself anymore you interrupted her and licked up and down her thighs, painting them with long swipes of your tongue. She whimpered. 

“O-oh, fuck…” 

Making your way in between them, you kissed her center before running a finger through her folds, watching the way she looked.

“You’re wet.” 

“I-I can’t help it...” 

You started warming her up by licking up her pink slit, giving yourself the first taste of her pussy, and inhaling her aroma. You explored her folds with your tongue, cleaning off her juices until you reached her clit. You blew a puff of hot air against it and she whined. 

“You have such a pretty pussy,” you said, and before she could respond you swirled around her hardened clit, running circular patterns along it before taking it into your mouth and sucking.

“Ahh!” she moaned. You continued to eat her out, tasting her juices and licking everything up as her warm thighs wrapped around your head. 

Buried against her crotch you went wild, tasting all of Hyewon’s delicious sensitive pussy, suckling on her clit wildly as she squirmed and moaned. 

“Fuck, you’re so good at that. No wonder Eunbi likes you.”

You kept the pressure on her clit, suckling hard and you brought a finger inside her cunt, and then another, curling them and finding her spot immediately. Hyewon’s hips bucked as she moaned loud, as you licked and sucked everything that leaked out between her luscious legs, feeling her body trembling and reacting to everything you did. 

“Oh god, oh god! I’m going to cum!”

Looking up straight at her buried in between her heavenly thighs, you licked and sucked up her clit, and Hyewon came almost right away, making a mess on your face. 

Slowly removing yourself from her pussy and licking your lips, helping her ride out her orgasm, caressing her thighs as she came down from her high, panting, and still seeing stars. 

“Hol- wow. You’re really good with your mouth.”

“Do you think you’ll be able to sleep now?”

“I will...but I don’t want you to go without returning the favor.”

“I’ll be fine,” you said. 

“You made me feel so good though, I just want to do the same,” Hyewon protested

“I don’t want to keep you up.” 

“You won’t.” 

“I can just go jerk off in the bathroom, it’s no big deal.”

“You don’t need to do that. After what you just did for me I want to help you too,” she said.

“Besides, I’m already half-naked,” she said as she pulled her shirt off, letting you see her wonderful full breasts for the second time. 

“Now I’m fully naked.” 

You felt the throbbing in your crotch as your eyes focused on every inch of her body. 

“You don’t have to get naked to give me a handjob.” 

“A handjob? You deserve much more than a handjob.” 

“What do you have in mind?” 

“I want us to both be tired at the end of this,” she smirked. 

You had established Hyewon as the innocent and naive type, and while you were mostly spot-on seeing this side of her changed that. 

Hyewon gestured for you to lay down and you took her former position, adjusting the pillows to your liking. Taking a kneeling position, you spread your legs for her, the anticipation high already.

She lingered there for a moment. Her face stayed blank, the same way it had the first time you met her. It gave you the chance to admire her face, her pretty brown eyes, her cute nose, and cherry red lips, lips that you didn’t realize were so plump and kissable. 

“Are you going to keep your shirt on? It’s only fair I see you naked too isn’t it?” she asked. 

She had a point. Grabbing the collar of your shirt, you lifted it over your head and tossed it off the bed, 

“Now we’re talking,” she said, biting her lip. “You have a really nice body as well.” 

Staring just a little longer than you expected, Hyewon’s view went to your crotch. 

“What do you want me to do?” she asked. 

“You’ve never given a blowjob before?” 

She shook her head disappointingly. “Jerking off that one guy is the only experience I’ve had with men. And now, you.” 

“Just do what you did that one morning, but add your tongue and lips. Be careful with your teeth though.” 

She nodded in acknowledgment. “I've seen porn. Just suck it right? Like a popsicle?”

You couldn’t help but laugh. “There’s more to it than that, but yeah.”

“What do I do to get you hard?” she asked. 

“Well, I’m halfway there, just rub it through my boxers.” 

She followed your instructions, using her hands to create friction through your crotch awkwardly. It was cute how clueless she was about this. 

Hyewon’s eyes opened wider and within a matter of seconds before a bulge had formed.

“That didn’t take long,” she smiled and knew how to do the rest. Tugging your boxers down, she left you in the same state of undress as her, your cock twitching as it was freed to meet her. 

She did the same thing she did before, albeit with more confidence this time, wrapping her cold hand around your shaft and keeping a tight grip. Using smooth movements she stroked slowly, the now-familiar pumping motions becoming more natural. 

Using the earlier example a bit too literal, licking up and down one side of your shaft like it was an actual popsicle. It looked awkward but didn’t stop from feeling good. She did this on all sides, and you directed her to move her tongue lower, helping her figure it out one step at a time. 

“You’re getting it,” you praised her, as she continued lathering up your shaft. 

“Go lower,” you told her and she got the message, licking your balls with shallow swipes of her tongue, causing you to groan. 

“They’re sensitive right?” she asked. 

“Very, so you have to be careful,” you replied. Hyewon nodded cutely.

“Put your lips around the tip, start out gently. That’s the part that feels the best.” 

Licking a little more she traveled up until her mouth found the tip of your cock, eyeing your length. When she was ready she licked her lips and wrapped them around your swollen tip, hollowing her cheeks as she started sucking gently. You let out a deep breath and a moan immediately, the softness of her plump lips indescribable as they surrounded your cock. 

“Like this?” She asked as she carefully sucked, trying to keep her teeth out of the way as she drew out your pleasure. 

“Yes, that’s perfect. Feels so good already.” 

Feeling proud, Hyewon took more inside her mouth, almost reaching the middle of your shaft as she activated her gag reflex. 

“Don’t take it all at once,” you warned. She looked so damn pretty giving you head. Innocent Hyewon with her lips all over your dick, it was a wonderful sight, even the first few inches inside her mouth felt absolute heaven. She got used to it little by little, knowing where her limits were as she bobbed her head up and down, keeping her eyes dead centered on you. 

“Your lips feel amazing. You’re a natural at this,” you praised, the warmth of her wet mouth driving you insane. Maybe it was the porn videos, or maybe she just had a gifted talent, but what she was doing to you felt so fucking good. Her lips were perfect for giving head, their plumpness sucking the life out of your cock as her throat made loud slurping sounds, infinity pleasing to your ears. 

“You can use your tongue too,” you suggested, and after a moment you felt her wet tongue splashing against your underside, causing even more pleasure.

“Fuck.” 

You leaned back against the pillows, closing your eyes and listening to Hyewon’s mouth slurping your dick, her warm lips doing their work. You’d have to train her to deepthroat at some point, but if she was already this good at sucking you off you were in for a treat. 

Hyewon took you rather deep, gagging herself a few times before pulling her mouth off and stopped, stroking your length. 

“You okay?” you asked.

“Mhm. I don’t want you to cum yet.”

She had a determined look in her eyes and you could tell she wasn’t ready for things to end. 

“I want us to feel good. At the same time,” she said.

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I’ve never felt a dick inside me. That changes tonight,” she said, growing more confident. 

“Not even a toy?” 

“No. Eunbi doesn’t want to use them, she thinks I’m not ready yet. But I am.” 

“If you say you’re ready then you’re ready.” 

“I am.” 

With her expression determined she and straddled your lap, giving you even more time to stare at her naked body. 

With her warm thighs on each side of your waist, Hyewon grabbed hold of your cock and lined it up with her entrance. Her pussy was so pink, just as pretty as she was and plenty wet. She carefully lifted herself up, and with very delicate movements she lowered herself onto your cock, both of you gasping as she was penetrated for the very first time. 

“Shit,” she moaned, the new sensations so overwhelming to her. 

“Take your time,” you said, watching carefully and caressing her thighs. She sank down a little deeper, gritting her teeth as a mixture of pain and pleasure hit her all at once. Her pussy squeezed your shaft tight, almost painfully so even guided by her intense wetness. 

“How’s it feel?” you asked. She looked unsure.

“I-I don’t know yet.” 

Hyewon moved her hips back up until she was almost empty, moving back down and you watched as the tip of your cock disappeared inside.

Giving her time to adjust, you let her do everything, only taking you as deep as she felt comfortable with. 

“You’re so fucking big. I feel so stretched already,” 

“So tight, Hyewon. You feel amazing.” 

“That’s good right?” she asked. 

“Yes. You’re even tighter than Eunbi,” you admitted, not that you would tell anyone else that. 

Hyewon braced herself by holding on to your chest, carefully trying to position herself. Once she slowly adjusted, her hips began moving, and she began riding you. 

“So damn big,” she repeated. “Eunbi must love this.” 

She moved slowly at first, hips gently moving up and down, letting herself feel that intoxicating stretch. The pain had subsided and she only felt pleasure, moaning softly already. Her walls tightened more and more as she took you deeper inside her, leaving a trail of slick covering your cock to aid in penetration. 

“You feel really good inside me,” she said, at first not letting more than half of your shaft inside her pussy, trying to control her breathing. 

Hyewon carefully found a rhythm, riding with a slow but constant pace, her tits gently bouncing with every movement. You couldn’t stop staring, mesmerized by the way they jiggled, adding to your arousal. 

“You really like my tits don’t you?” she asked.

“Of course. They’re perfect.” 

“You can touch them if you want,” she said. 

“Oh I’ll do more than just touch,” you replied, and she beamed, giving the go-ahead. Running your hands up her tight body and feeling her soft pale skin you grabbed a handful of them, groping them as you felt her tight pussy lips squeezing your cock. You didn’t need to compare them to anyone else, they were perfect as is - soft, heavy, and delicious. 

She rode a little faster, moaning louder as you buried yourself in her scrumptious tits, sucking on her tits and feasting on them, being careful to not overstimulate Hyewon. 

“You’re so wet, Hyewon,” you said, watching her slowly fall apart. She replied in groans and moans, taking as much inside as she could, relaxing herself.  

“I’m going to feel this in the morning,” she said, lips curling as she pushed herself all the way down, impaling her pussy to the hilt. 

“Oh god!” she moaned as she bounced up and down, riding faster with all of you inside her tight cunt. You wanted to feel all of her body, wandering your hands around her delicate soft skin as you settled on her ass. Plump and tight, you squeezed it, still letting her do the work. 

“Fuck, oh fuck! I think I’m going to cum!” 

“Then cum for me, Hyewon.’

“I-I will!” she said, louder than expected. Bouncing her ass on your cock she leaned backward, supporting herself on your thighs as she exerted more energy in her hips. 

“Oh fuck yes, I’m gon-” 

Not even able to finish her sentence, her body lost control as she came violently, rolling her hips as her tight pussy pulsated around your cock and you felt a wave of juices drowning your cock. Her pace slows down significantly, trying to ride out the first orgasm she’s had that wasn’t a woman's fingers or tongue and the pleasure is so intoxicating to her that she might pass out. 

“H-holy shit,” she said, as she looked up for the first time in several seconds, almost embarrassed by how loud she was. Her eyes were fully glazed over after her orgasm and her pussy felt even tighter and wet around you, but she had just enough strength to keep her hips moving. 

“You need to cum too,” she said, regaining her senses as her whole body leaned forward, pressing herself against your body and you unexpectedly felt her soft lips against yours. 

“That’s for making me feel so good,” she smiled, running a hand through her hands, returning to her past pace.

“Now I want this pussy to return the favor.” 

With a tired gaze on her face, she bounced again on your cock as you kept your hands around her waist, feeling the sweat misting across her perfect skin. You wanted to freeze the moment in time. The way she moaned with every thrust with that pretty voice, how wet and tight she was, the way her supple breasts bounced deliciously, it was all incredibly arousing and yet too much at the same time. 

“I’m gonna cum too,” you blurted out, words becoming difficult to use. Her eyes lit up. 

“Good. I wanna see how much you can fill me up.” 

Her lewd words and the way her wet pink flesh squeezed your cock made it impossible to hold on, giving a few more thrusts as you buried yourself in Hyewon’s tight pussy. Lustfully staring into each other's eyes, you throbbed inside her and groaned her name loudly as you began filling her hole up, shaking as you emptied wave after wave of plentiful thick seed deep into her cunt. 

Once her tight pussy milked you of everything, giving Hyewon every last drop she collapsed on top of you, the warmth of her hot sweaty body and her weight comforting yours. 

“It’s so warm,” she said, gasping and panting in your ears. She rested there for what felt like hours as you both tried to breathe normally again. Heaving panting filling the room as Hyewon used your chest for leverage and gingerly lifted herself off of your cock, decoupling your tangled bodies. 

You watched together as the mess you left inside her slowly leaked out of her pussy, a steady thick stream of hot cum the was the evidence of the intense pleasure she had given you, dripping down her thighs and splashing against the bedsheets. 

Hyewon’s chest is still heaving, her purple hair out of place as she tried to catch a deep breath. She looked at your depleted cock and the combined juices still left on it and instinctively grabbed and took it back into her mouth, sliding it down her mouth as much as she could to clean it off, before using her tongue to do the rest.

“I’m going to need to taste a lot more of this.” 

With her stamina used up, she crashed, her skin kissing yours as her wonderful breasts pressed against your chest as if she were using your body as a pillow. 

“That was amazing.” 

“Are you okay? You rode my dick so well.” 

“I...I’m good. I could use a shower, but I can barely move.”

 “Probably be worse in the morning.” 

“Then I’ll deal with it in the morning,” she said. Her final words before she drifted off, tired, her naked body still rested on yours. It wouldn’t take before you followed, sharing one of the most peaceful nights in some time. 

You woke up restful and full of energy for once, Hyewon was surprised to see you wake up a few minutes after she did. 

“You’re up! Good morning,” she sweetly said.

“Good morning, “ you replied. 

“Sorry if I snored.”

“I didn’t hear you if you did.”

“Are you heading into the office?” 

“Yes. There’s been a big break and we have the advantage for once. Eunbi needs the whole team to be there.” 

“Want breakfast?” she asked, not bothering to put on pants yet.

“I do, but I have everything I need to eat right in front of me,” you boldly said.

Hyewon blushed. “You’re feisty this morning.” 

“When do you have to be there?” 

“In about an hour.”

“An hour is a lot of time,” you said.

“I know that look…”

"I don't know what you mean by that." 

"I'm sure you don’t…" she said as she plopped on the bed on her stomach, bare feet up in the air. 

“I wouldn’t mind one for the road. It’d keep me in a good mood all day.”

“Don’t want you to be late though.” 

“I do have to still shower and get ready, but I’m sure Eunbi won’t mind if I'm a few minutes late...”

“We’d save some time if we just went straight for the shower.” 

Hyewon looked flustered.

“And water,” you added. 

Hyewon pondered, sitting up. “My shower is rather big, so you’ve sold me,” she said, removing what little clothes she had left on and gestured to you to follow her, not that you needed any instructions to. 

She liked the water as hot as it would go. Her body was beautiful naked, but as water flowed down her chest and onto her flushed skin, matting her dyed hair to her gorgeous features. it enhanced her naked body even more. Hyewon came on your cock as you fucked her from behind and pressed her against the cold shower tile and she finished you off on her tits, carefully away from the water to make sure you got a chance to savor your handiwork. 

Drying her hair off and deciding on what to wear, Hyewon’s phone rang. 

“Detective Kang speaking.” 

“Yes, boss. He’s right here.” 

“Understood. We’ll both be there.”

Tossing her phone onto the bed she took a seat and finished dressing as you waited for her explanation. 

“We’ve made an arrest on one of the Goda clan’s lieutenants and we have a potential lead on the patriarch. Eunbi wants you to be there to give any assistance and make sure he doesn’t escape.” 

“Why me?” 

“You know the way they operated and any potential backdoors they might exploit. We’re looking for any and every advantage we can use. Your knowledge of their operations will be a powerful ally at this point.” 

“I’ll do what I can, I can’t promise I’ll be useful.” 

“That’s all we’re asking. Now let’s get going, I’ll let Eunbi know we’re on the way.” 

[jessbakescakes]

J/D: things you said with too many miles between us

15) Things you said with too many miles between us from this post!

A present-day Josh/Donna fic for you!

July 2021

Josh stirs when his phone vibrates, and he orients himself to his surroundings. He’d fallen asleep on the couch at some point during the post-debate coverage after ensuring that the girls went to bed, and he was waiting on Donna’s phone call to debrief. Josh attempts to reach into his pack pocket to retrieve the vibrating phone. He manages to do so without stirring the dog, whose head is resting on Josh’s chest as she sleeps, letting out barely audible barks and huffs as an ndication that she’s dreaming.

“Hi,” Josh answers, his free hand moving to gently stroke the fur on top of Sadie’s head.

“Hi,” Donna parrots back.

The sound of her voice still makes him feel butterflies, even after twenty-three years of knowing her and almost fourteen years of marriage. He smiles to himself at the thought, taking another moment to realize exactly how lucky he is. “It’s quiet,” Josh notes. “Thought you’d all be celebrating.”

“We are. I just wanted to call you first so you could get to bed.”

“All the post-debate coverage is calling it a standout performance from Senator Sam Seaborn,” Josh notes. “I’m not surprised, but they sounded a little stunned, although I’m not sure why.”

Donna lets out a quiet laugh, and he has a clear vision in his mind of her leaning against a wall, smiling and looking down at the floor as she grins. “Sam did an incredible job. He was probably the most prepared out of all of them when it came to healthcare and social security. Foreign policy needed a little bit of work, but…”

“But he ran away with it,” Josh finishes. “Donna, you don’t have to be modest. I know what a big part you played in this.”

“Sam worked hard,” Donna insists.

“Of course he did,” Josh agrees, “but you worked just as hard, if not harder.”

“You’re right. I did. I think this is a turning point. It's still early, and we're narrowing down the Democratic playing field but... you know.”

Josh does know. He doesn't say anything further, so as not to tempt fate, as Toby would put it, but he absolutely understands what Donna's hinting at. Josh stretches and yawns, trying not to let on that he’s as tired as he is. “I let the girls stay up for the debate, but they’ve been in bed for the last hour or so.”

“I was going to ask you how they were, considering the only updates I’ve received in the last twenty-four hours were dog photos. I was beginning to wonder if you remembered we had daughters,” Donna teases.

“Well, our eldest is going through a Taylor Swift phase,” Josh starts.

“She knew the words to what was likely Taylor Swift’s entire discography before kindergarten, and you’re just now realizing this?”

“Songwriting,” Josh clarifies.

Donna lets out a half-laugh, half-groan. “Is it the kid from marching band again? Or… still? I don’t know which is the most accurate way to finish that sentence.”

“I think it would be 'again', but nope. Apparently, this is just your run-of-the-mill preteen self-expression stuff.” Josh shifts slightly as Sadie lets out a low growl in her sleep, kicking her front and back paws as though she’s dreaming of chasing something. “I think I heard the same chord progression on the guitar for about six hours straight today.”

“Excellent, looking forward to it,” Donna says.

“Nora spent her morning drafting a plan to convince me to get another dog,” Josh starts.

“Absolutely not,” Donna interjects before Josh can finish the sentence.

“I told her no!” Josh laughs in disbelief. “I do have some willpower, you know. Then she decided she wanted to start a dog walking business, because if she earned the money for the dog maybe it would sway me.”

“I’ve only been gone twenty-four hours, please tell me Leah hasn’t asked for a piercing or declared a college major,” Donna jokes.

Josh scratches Sadie behind the ear. “She asked me to take her to that little used bookstore so she could spend her birthday money.”

“How’d she fare?”

“She currently has two stacks of books in the corner of her room as she debates whether she wants to spend the rest of her money on another shelf or trade in some other books to make room,” Josh explains. “She also considered using the money for a custom Mets jersey with her name on it, but decided against it.”

“Too expensive?”

“No special characters,” Josh says. “She didn’t like the way Moss-Lyman looked without the hyphen.”

“I’d ask how Sadie is, but I think I know exactly how her day went thanks to your efforts,” Donna says.

“I’m but a humble servant of man’s best friend,” Josh jokes. He’s noticed something in Donna’s tone as the conversation has unfolded, the hesitant ‘we need to talk’ undercurrent of everything she says, so he decides to be the first to dive in. “What’s on your mind, Donna?”

Donna sighs. “So I was approached by Bryce Palmer from the DNC today. Apparently, there’s something brewing with Congressman Hanover and some allegations of impropriety.”

“Hanover? Like the Wisconsin fifth, Hanover?”

“The very same,” Donna confirms. “Problem is, they don’t have a viable Democrat for a special election should he resign. So they came to me to take my temperature on the whole thing.”

Josh can’t help but let the wheels in his brain start turning. The idea of Donna flipping a typically Republican district in Wisconsin sounds incredible. If anyone’s capable of it, it’s Donna. But he’s learned over the years to let Donna process before giving an opinion, so instead of rattling off all the possibilities, he simply listens.

“I told them I’m running Sam’s campaign right now,” Donna explains. “But they really want me to consider a run in the fifth next go-around. Or… you know, should there be a special election sometime between the general and the midterms.”

“You thinking about it?” Josh asks.

He hears Donna take a deep breath, then let out a long exhale. “A little? I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet. Don’t start your ‘Donna, I’ve been setting this up for you for years’ speech,” she warns.

“Wasn’t gonna. Just listening.”

“I know you’d be at your laptop searching for properties in the Wisconsin fifth right now if Sadie weren’t asleep on you,” Donna says. “I can tell if you put me on speakerphone, you know.”

Josh sheepishly taps the speakerphone button, putting a temporary pause on his search that he had already started, just as Donna had predicted. “You’re not on speakerphone.”

There’s a pause for a moment, and Josh can sense her hesitation. “Flipping a district is a lot of work.”

“It is,” Josh agrees.

“I also don’t know if I’m ready to jump right into another campaign after this,” Donna continues. “It’s been a lot of time away from all of you. If I stay away too much longer, Caroline’s going to become a YouTube sensation whose material is almost entirely inspired by the absence of her mother. Nora’s going to be running an animal shelter out of the garage, and Leah will have either a Beauty and the Beast sized library or a podcast with her Grandpa Jed, it’s a toss-up.”

“That’s a little dramatic, don’t you think?” Josh asks, holding back laughter.

“I’ve been away a lot,” Donna insists. “Things change while I'm away. I miss all of you.”

Josh smiles. “We miss you, too.” He has the instinct to tell her not to dismiss the idea out of hand, to give it some thought before she gives her answer. But despite her hesitation, Josh knows there’s a small part of Donna that’s considering it, and that’s enough for him. “Get back to the party. We’ll talk about it when you get home.”

They say their goodbyes and I love yous after confirming Donna’s flight details. Josh wakes the dog and heads up the stairs toward the bedroom, already plotting out the strategy for winning in the Wisconsin fifth.

Hypothetically, of course.