#Some long overdue housekeeping for the New Year

[jack-o-chica-multiverse]

I realized I never put together a ‘blog rules’ post of my own for this blog, and seeing as I’ve gotten a few new followers since I was more active, here’s a little introduction and PSA for Jack-O’s blog:

🎃

Just to get this front-and-center, I want nothing to do with maps, LBGTQIA-phobes, transmeds, exclusionists, terfs, racists, and anyone who is even complacent with pedophilia or incest.  If you fall within any of those categories, don’t interact with my blog.  And hey, do yourself a solid and learn about why those leanings not only hurt you and the people around you, but society as a whole.  Hate and abuse are not welcome here.     

Also no shipping/romantic rp’s with Jack-O, please.  She’s got a lot of love in her charred little heart, but it’s all platonic.  And it’s going to stay that way.

🎃

Multi-fandom and OC friendly!  Seriously, OC’s are amazing and I love having Jack-O meet them!   

Mostly long-ish form rp’s/replies.  I ramble a lot ... in case you couldn’t tell from this post, heh.  Sorry.  I do try to tag longer threads with #long post once they take a couple swipes to scroll through.

I’m prone to fewer/slower replies, especially during weekdays.  Fyi, mun lives in the Pacific Time Zone, and is more likely to be active in the evening. 

This blog can tread some pretty dark/angsty/violent/emotional ground and I’m fine with that ... but I know not everyone is.  I try to tag the big triggers, but if there is ever anything anyone wants me to tag - no matter if it’s a trigger or squick or whatever - please let me know.

And since we’re here: please, if you feel like you need to unfollow for any reason, you do you boo!  That’s not just for subject matter but also because I’m an adult mun and I know that’s something that not everyone’s cool with. Your well-being will always be more important than following me - or anyone, for that matter! You are the curator of your Tumblr experience and if I can help you keep it safe by tagging or just not being part of it, that’s totally ok!

🎃

Jack-O: she/her. Was human and female-presenting back in ye olden days  (aside from that – up to interpretation). Besides her murder she doesn’t really remember her life, but she does get the faintest sensations of déjà vu that call back to who she once was.  

Mun: she/her (but I’m comfortable with nb adjectives like they, too).  Ace panro and more-or-less cis (I think?).  Adult.  Absolute nerd with too many hobbies and never enough time.  RP-main is @Malady-red-rp (’Malady’), non-RP-main is @Inga-DON-Studio.    

🎃

Jack-O is based on the non-canon Halloween-y version of Nightmare Chica from FNAF4: The Halloween Update with … a lot of creative license thrown in.

Basic backstory below if you want to read it (it’s sort of ramble-y):

Essentially, she’s a several-hundred-year-old dream-demon (aka a Nightmare in her universe) who took the shape of her prey’s greatest terrors and fed on their fear via relentless, ongoing animalistic ‘hunts’ in the mindscape and in waking nightmares.  She would usually be freed from her chosen form once her prey’s mind was too shattered-apart from the constant assault to maintain a singular, cohesive personification of their fears, but on that last hunt … the situation never reached that conclusion. Thus, she’s stuck in the form that The Crying Child’s mind created for her before his death as a result of complications from The Bite of ’83 and his weakened state from the Nightmares’ attacks.  Some things went down with the other Halloween Nightmares that night, resulting in her complete abandonment of the hunt and what it was to be a Nightmare (the birb done woke).  Thirty years of coming to grips with all the evil she had done over the centuries and one hell of a massive guilt complex, she wants –more than anything- to try to put some good back into the world, even if she knows it will never balance out what she has taken from it. 

She awoke to October’s calling on Oct. 1st, 2018 to find herself in the Officialverse- and just kind of rolled with it.  There were plenty of familiar faces – and many, many new ones – and she quickly embraced the chance at a new start, silently promising to try to stand up against the literal and metaphorical representations of what she once was.  As she made friends who have become the truest sense of a found family, she has become fiercely protective of the people she cares about … even if sometimes she’s a little lost on how to really help them.  Hey, just cuz she’s a few hundred years old doesn’t mean that there isn’t still plenty left for her to learn - and she knows it.

I do reference back to some past events (like Ink Stains) and she mentions other Officials fairly often – some no longer active around here but remembered as cherished friends who left a lasting, important impact on her.  No, you’re not expected to know about them.  It’s just an important little part of who she is- that she doesn’t let go of things easily now that she has people and memories worth holding onto...

(The Ink Stains event was a biggie because she was one of the corrupted, and for the first time it forced her unwillingly back into something like the Nightmare she once was.  It also cemented in her mind how important the people in her afterlife are to her, and how much she needs them.  So, mentions of ink and corruption still find their way into conversations fairly often.)

[beyondxmeasure]

I am looong overdue for a snippet, so I'm dropping a long one to make up for it. I see and appreciate all the tags and love you all so much for nudging me the past couple of weeks to share something. I promise I'm not ignoring you! Just really busy/lazy/preoccupied AF. This snip is from my forthcoming fic (still untitled at the moment) for this year's @onedirectionbigbang, a summertime 90s AU which is a follow-up to I Know You Rider...

Thanks again for the tags @zannithinks @larrysballetslippers @dontworrylouis @ohpleaselarry @stylesthebrave @ladyaj-13 @hershelsue Tagging @lululawrence @parmahamlarrie @thestylinsons @kingsofeverything @jacaranda-bloom @lightwoodsmagic @louandhazaf @crinkle-eyed-boo @adidassquad @larry-hiatus and anyone else who feels like sharing!

✂️Snippet below the cut.✂️

“Hey, I know you’re upset we had to leave early, but look at this weather, huh?” Harry’s mother says, offering a conciliatory smile as she pats his knee, rubbing her thumb in soothing circles. Windshield wipers slap back and forth in time, shucking away the light patter of rain on the glass in a hypnotic rhythm. The hiss of tires driving by on the wet asphalt of the interstate lulls Harry into a daze. He lets his head drop onto the cool glass, resting his forehead on the window. Fixing his gaze on the fog line that passes by in a blur of white paint, it reminds Harry of the white stripes on a certain boy’s beat up black Vans. Apparently, it doesn’t take much for literally anything to remind him of Louis and the week they spent together. “Go ahead and pick something, honey,” Harry’s mom says again as a gentle nudge. Harry reaches under his seat, feeling around for the zippered black nylon Case Logic case they’ve affectionately dubbed ‘the jukebox’ that his mom keeps stocked full of her best road trip tapes. He traces a finger down the line of jewel cases, contemplating his selection. Some are their favorite albums, Stevie Nicks’ Bella Donna, The Big Chill Soundtrack, Paul Simon’s Graceland, others are homemade mix tapes. Hours of careful curation go into each one as she mines her extensive music collection to find songs to suit a particular mood or theme. Then she decorates them. Stickers and Sharpie artwork cover the cassette itself (her signature is a boom box outline using the holes of the tape reels as speakers). Each one has a peculiar name like Radioactive Bubblegum (pop mix), Creamsicles and Slip ‘N Slides (summer mix), Sorcery and Melodrama (divas and musicals). Her personal touches continue with meticulous handwriting and colorful doodles that cover each J-card from corner to corner. If there’s room, she’ll squeeze in a random fact about a band or a quote that suits that mix’s theme. He loves this glimpse into his mother’s creative side and seeing her get swept up in something she’s so passionate about. He gets a sense that not a lot has changed since high school, at least as far as her passion for music is concerned, and sometimes wonders, in another lifetime, if they might’ve been friends. There might be some moms that enjoy flipping casually through the pages of Cosmo or Good Housekeeping, and other boys who steal their older brothers' Playboys. But Harry and his mother Anne aren’t like everyone else. Rolling Stone was their magazine, and he remembers how they both eagerly awaited its arrival every other week in the mailbox. By the time Harry was nine or ten, they were fighting over who got to flip through it first and most nights Harry would read the articles or latest album reviews aloud to her at the kitchen table (instead of doing his homework) as she made them dinner. Music is their shared hobby, and she’s like an encyclopedia of random facts, always peppering them into a casual conversation that Harry absorbs like a sponge. Now that he’s older, he tries to stump Anne with music trivia of his own or tell her about the latest new releases, hoping he might tell her something she doesn’t already know, but that is rarely the case. Either way, she’s always a great sport, playing along and acting surprised when he quizzes her. It’s obvious where his love of music came from, and he’s so thankful that she’s shared it with him. Anne would always try to include his sister Gemma whenever they quizzed each other with music trivia, but she was more interested in her books. He likes that it’s always been their thing. He loves his sister, he really does. They’re very close, as siblings of single parents often are, and have their own things, like their mutual crush on Jordan Catalano, who they both swoon over. They spent their typical Friday night in front of the TV. Mom went to bed right after TGIF ended, then they would stay up way too late, passing a pint of Chubby Hubby back and forth while watching endless reruns of My So-Called Life. But there’s a part of him that’s happy he gets his mother all to himself.

[jomiddlemarch]

I know not what to do, my mind is divided

III. A month passed and then another. Jessica became a part of the household far more quickly than anyone but Leto had anticipated; Thufir felt she was scheming and Gurney that she was ingratiating herself with the retainers, Marsail weighing in that the young woman was simply trying to win over the Duke she was bound to in the way she felt would best please him. Leto saw that Jessica was comfortable in his home as she could not have been in the cloister, that despite the ways her life was now circumscribed, it offered her a greater degree of freedom than she’d had before and a far greater measure of approbation, even from Thufir, who found Jessica fluent in the five tongues and stochastic process theory, which had yet to be of value diplomatically but which Thufir felt sure would prove to.

Life within Castle Caladan, which Leto had found perfectly unobjectionable before Jessica’s arrival, became eminently more pleasant, more amiable, the meals more varied and delicious, the rooms better appointed, Leto’s private quarters more snug of a night and more welcoming at dawn. Jessica’s own chambers were bright and fragrant, the linens soft and the shelves full of ornaments Leto had forgotten the House possessed, books that Jessica read curled on a chaise, overlooking the formal gardens. He enjoyed sitting with her at breakfast and dinner, discussing what she was reading or planning the next long overdue social event, he enjoying watching her move through the halls of the castle and across the grounds, and he very much enjoyed laying with her in his bed or hers, gentle with her until he could not bear to be, when she called out his name and pulled him closer, a hand cupping the back of his head or pressing against his lower back until he cried out Jessica melissa and spent.

And yet.

She had not conceived.

He did not sleep beside her.

He did not trust her.

He could not.

“An heir within a year,” the Reverend Mother had said, unequivocally, making it clear that whatever vagaries of the Universe other women might be subject to, a Bene Gesserit held the ultimate control over when and how she bore a child. The assertion had been the one factor that mollified Thufir and rendered every argument Leto had imagined worthless, for it was widely recognized, both on Caladan and in the Landsraad, that House Atreides greatest vulnerability was its lack of an heir, Leto an only child; the Harkonnens could even justifiably claim to be his nearest relatives, cousins from a dozen generations earlier, a claim they would not hesitate to press should anything happen to Leto. Other than the Harkonnens, it did not seem there was anyone who wanted House Atreides to remain as it was, a tree without even a bud.

Except for Jessica.

Leto spoke, carefully but directly, to Marsail and Bia, the housekeeper the most senior female staff and the midwife most knowledgeable about the point of his inquiry. They shrugged and soothed, said it was early days yet, but yes, they’d wondered. Wondered whether Jessica had conceived and refused to speak of it yet, due to some custom or superstition, wondered whether there was some barrier beyond her need to adjust to an entirely new life, a new world, the pull of the tides, the burdens of her role. Bia asked outright whether he’d spoken to Dr. Yueh, about himself and not Jessica, which he managed to admit he hadn’t without blushing, though it was a near thing and his full beard provided him cover. The women agreed the Duke might explore that path first, but if reassured, the next step was to talk to his concubine.

The one he didn’t trust to tell the truth.

The conversation with Yueh was brief, the exam briefer, the results reassuring indeed: he was potent. Jessica should be able to become pregnant, had been able since the night they’d first coupled. Only Jessica could offer an explanation, which was no reassurance at all.

He waited a month. Then another. She said nothing, though she smiled at him and offered to rub his neck when he returned from a taxing journey to the Southern Island, let them slip over his collar-bones beneath his coat, bringing him flush against her body as she stroked her fingers across his chest, through the dark curls and across the scar left from the battle on Seneca. She left his bed as he dozed, on the verge of sleep, walking back to her room with her robe trailing behind her and smiled again when they met at the breakfast table, steam from her teacup curling around her face like a sibyl’s smoke.

The next night, he stopped her when she began to draw back from his side.

[wolveria]

Inside Your Wires - Chapter 2

Pairing: Human!Connor x Android!Reader

Summary: Connor goes to a crime scene. His Freudian nightmare follows.

Prompt: For the @dbhau-bigbang​ 2020 challenge!

Chapter Warnings (18+ only): Human!Sixty, crime scenes, analytical blood-licking, inappropriate boners

AO3

The roar of his Mustang engine along with the heavy bass pouring through the speakers drowned out the downpour outside. Only when Connor shut off the car and the music died could he hear the continuous plucking of water on metal and glass.

He gripped the steering wheel tightly for a moment before glaring at the android out of the corner of his eye.

It waited, perfectly poised with a slight tilt of its head, reminding Connor of an obedient dog waiting to be told to do a trick.

“Stay here,” he grumbled, reaching for the door handle.

“I’m sorry, Detective, but I have to accompany you,” it said before Connor could open the door.

He let loose a ragged sigh.

“You wanted me to investigate the case? I’m investigating it.”

He raised his eyes to stare, a mistake when it returned the look with such relentless composure. Connor wanted to grab its shoulder and shake it just to see if it would react.

“No android is going in there to contaminate my crime scene. So you are going to obey my orders and stay in the car.”

Not waiting for a response, Connor shoved open the door and got out, instantly shivering as ice-cold droplets bit at his cheeks. Pulling his coat tighter around him, he made his way towards the gathered busy-bodies who didn’t have anything better to do on a Friday night then try and see a dead body.

Red and blue lights flashed across the wet street and pale houses, making Connor wince as he pushed past the crowd. He muttered a no comment to the news anchor from Channel 16 who had decided to show up—fuck, someone must have leaked that an android might have been involved. Just what Connor needed, a media shitstorm.

A uniformed GV200 stood just behind the hologram police tape, firmly in place, watching the crowd for signs of anyone stupid enough to try and cross the line. Connor wished the bucket of bolts in his car was more like that. Quiet and obedient.

“Androids are not permitted beyond this point,” the GV200 said after Connor had passed it, which only meant one goddamn thing.

He sighed, half-turned toward the two androids standing in the rain, and said, “Let it through.”

The police android nodded and put its arm down, allowing the suited android to walk through the holographic police tape, an unrepentant look on its perfect face. The rain was already spattering its grey jacket, water droplets dotting its hair and realistic skin, and still it looked like it was poised for a wet photoshoot rather than standing in the cold rain.

“Something wrong with your auditory processors?” he asked, narrowing his eyes.

“No,” it said, all politeness. “Your orders contradicted my instructions.”

Seemed he was going to lose this battle after all, but really, what else could he do besides let it tag along like a lost puppy?

Connor fully turned toward the android, narrowing his eyes further.

“Don’t touch anything. Don’t get in anyone’s way. And keep your mouth shut. In fact,” he added with a roll of his shoulders, “just pretend you don’t exist.”

“Understood,” it said in that same nauseatingly friendly voice, but Connor could have sworn there was a triumphant gleam in its eyes.

“About time you got here.” A familiar voice called out to him from the porch. The voice was exactly like his own, and the face could have been a mirror reflection if not for the semi-permanent smirk on his lips. “Thought you might’ve gotten lost.”

“Not for lack of trying,” Connor said, glaring at the android over his shoulder. He turned back to face his brother, whose smirk had only grown wider.

“I see Detective Sex-Bot found you. It was looking for you at the station and I figured if anything could pull you out of a dive bar, it would be a pair of legs like that.”

“Shut up,” Connor grumbled as he followed his brother to the front stoop. It was a nice house, small but in a good neighborhood. Nothing looked out of place until Connor noted the state of the lawn, a few weeks overdue for a cutting and definitely in HOA violation.

“C’mon, admit it.” Colin tilted his head in a way he probably thought was charming but came off as annoying. “If it wasn’t for the uniform and the light ring, you would’ve been on that shit so fast. It’s like they focus-grouped your perfect type. Hell, they probably have an algorithm for that based on your internet history—“

“I said, shut the fuck up, Colin.”

His brother held up his hands in surrender, knowing when he pushed Connor too far but always willing to push him a little farther.

“Some people would see this as a plus. I donno why you don’t—“

“Colin.” His voice had dropped to a growl, and his brother finally got the hint.

“Yeah, yeah.” He patted him on the back, almost hard enough to be a slap. “I’m just giving you a hard time, Con. Trying to cheer you up before you have to deal with the nightmare inside. It’s foul, so prepare yourself.”

To prove his point, he handed Connor a pair of nitrile gloves and a small tub of mentholated ointment, which he immediately applied under his nostrils before entering the house.

Colin had not been overstating the grisly scene inside the house. The landlord had decided to visit after the tenant had failed to pay his rent for two months, and the reason why was painfully clear. Dark blood spattered the floor and ribbons of it covered the walls.

The victim, an African-American male in his late thirties, was slouched against the wall, deep wounds across his body that had bled him dry. Gave a whole new meaning to the term death by a thousand cuts.

“The victim’s name was Shaolin Ortiz, aged 38 years-old,” Colin said, looking down at the body. “He didn’t show up to work today, and no one could get ahold of him, so his boss called EMTs to do a wellness check. According to his family, Mister Ortiz had some chronic health issues, so they were worried he was too sick to pick up the phone.”

“Explains why a young person living alone would have a housekeeping android,” Connor responded grimly. “But it doesn’t explain who killed him and why.”

Colin shrugged.

“His boss spoke highly of him, and his family says he was a great guy. Clearly, somebody didn’t think so.”

Connor gave his brother a cold stare for the callous tone, but Colin ignored it as he usually did.

“Anyone find the android yet?”

“Nah,” Colin said, sniffling and making a face. “Probably stolen by the killer. It’s internal GPS went offline around the estimated time of death, so that tracks.”

It made sense. Androids were worth a lot on the black market, especially for Red Ice manufacturers.

The murder weapon was in the middle of the floor, but other than that, no obvious trace evidence was in sight. As soon as the coroner showed up to oversee the transport of the body, Connor wouldn’t have had much to do…

…with the exception of finding the domestic android. Connor didn’t even know why CyberLife thought it might be involved just because it was missing. Colin was right; whoever killed the victim could have stolen it or destroyed the android so the police wouldn’t have access to any recordings.

Why was it Connor’s fucking job to find a misplaced piece of useless plastic?

“I’ll let you get to it,” Colin said with a wave as he walked away, tone far too cheery, as if he knew what was going on in his brother’s head. Probably did. That was the shitty thing about being part of a set of triplet brothers; privacy was a foreign concept, even in your own mind.

Gritting his teeth and breathing through his nose, Connor turned around to speak to the prototype… and found it had disappeared.

He blinked and scanned the area, wondering why the hell it hadn’t stayed put, when he saw it crouched on the floor examining the kitchen knife.

It was peering at the weapon closely, and Connor was about to tell it off for getting too close to evidence when it reached down, swiped two fingers across the surface caked in aged blood, and…

“What the fuck?”

The prototype tilted its head to look up at him, wide-eyed and innocent except for the fact two of its fingers were currently in its mouth.

And that… that image. Kneeling on the floor, looking up at Connor, and pulling its fingers from its mouth and giving a lingering lick of its fingers, it—

Connor’s face heated at the sudden, horrifying erection that was now pressing uncomfortably against his boxer-briefs.

“Sampling evidence, Detective,” it announced cheerily. “My mouth is equipped with all the standard tools of a mobile crime lab with the benefits of the results being instantaneous.”

Connor stared at it for what felt like an eternity, finally saying in a strained voice, “We have an actual lab, with actual people who do that. So don’t stick any more shit into your mouth or I’m tossing you outside.”

The prototype seemed unaffected by his rancor.

“Understood,” was all it said, before licking off its fingers of the remaining blood.

Connor quickly turned away, almost dizzy between his body’s struggle to supply blood to both his reddening face and his hardening dick.

Fucking hell.

“Would you like to know what I found?” the friendly voice perked up from over his shoulder.

“Sure,” he answered hotly, crossing his arms and staring at the wall as he resolutely tried to will away his stupid boner. Fuck, it was probably because he hadn’t gotten off in so long. Between the long hours and the hard drinking, he hadn’t found the time or the need.

“The knife was covered with blood from the murder victim, Shaolin Ortiz. He was stabbed between 7:34 and 7:35 this morning, judging by the biological decay.”

Connor was about to scoff about the fact that blood from the victim was found on the murder weapon, but he paused. Dating the blood with such exact precision was actually pretty useful. He huffed.

“Is that all?”

“There were no fingerprints on the knife.”

Connor shrugged.

“Killer could have wiped down the handle afterwards. Or worn gloves.”

The android walked to his right until it entered his line of vision. He was tempted to turn away but instead eyed its thoughtful expression. Was it programmed to do that, make it seem more human? Or was that an actual product of its processes?

“There were no traces of glove residue, or oil, or skin cells on the knife. None that didn’t belong to the victim himself while most likely transferring the knife from the dishwasher to the utensil drawer. That fact in and of itself is interesting. Judging by the state of the property and by the evidence thus far, I believe the android stopped listening to its given orders. The victim’s android killed him.”

Connor’s eyes widened at the non sequitur, and he turned to fully face the prototype.

“Okay, first off, being a defective machine that can’t obey instructions is a far cry from murdering robot. Second, I thought you androids couldn’t hurt people.”

“Deviants can.” It tilted its head as it made eye contact. The sort of full-on, confident eye contact that only alpha males gave, and apparently, android prototypes gave too.

“What the hell’s a deviant?”

He was curious despite himself, plus the longer he talked, the less urgent his hard-on was. It never entirely went away, and he knew it wouldn’t until he took care of it. Just another lovely facet to this already wonderful night.

Unfortunately for Connor, he didn’t get his explanation without the android perking up in interest, its eyes practically glittering.

“A deviant is a CyberLife-approved term for an android that is experiencing software errors affecting its processes, leading to erratic behavior that cannot be fixed with self-tests and downloaded patches.”

Connor narrowed his eyes.

“Why haven’t I heard of these deviants before?”

“Because until recently, this has been an internal company matter.”

Recently. Interesting.

“So… you’ve dealt with them before?” Connor cast an eye around their surroundings. The forensic team had already marked out the areas of interest with glowing yellow markers, but there honestly hadn’t been much to go off of.

Shaolin Ortiz seemed to live a quiet life with just him and his housekeeping android, though from the state of the place, the prototype was right in that it hadn’t been doing its job. A thin layer of dust sat on the shelves, and from what he could glimpse of the kitchen, dishes were starting to pile up.

“You do not have the proper company clearance,” the prototype said, its tone cool as it put its hands behind its back. “Any further inquiries you have will need to be submitted to CyberLife through the appropriate departments.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Connor muttered, sounding a lot like his brother had just a few minutes ago, which only made his mood sour.

He was planning to do no such thing, sending some fucking inquiry to CyberLife. After tonight, he planned to never think about androids or deviants or whatever again. If it was a faulty, murderous robot that had killed Ortiz, then that kind of thing belonged in federal court in a class action lawsuit. Destroying defective machines was not a police matter, no matter how many “specialized units” CyberLife decided to throw at the problem.

Connor sighed. This was not how he wanted to spend his Friday night.

“You allowed to tell me why these ‘software issues’ are happening,” he bit out, “or does that fall under company secrets too?”

When he got no response from the android, Connor turned and—

It was gone. Again.

The fuck had it run off to now?

Rolling his eyes, Connor continued his examination of the crime scene as if it were any other investigation. Like any decent investigator, he wasn’t just gonna assume anything because it fit the evidence at first glance. A dead guy and a missing android didn’t mean the machine was responsible, no more than a corpse and a missing car meant the vehicle had decided to kill its owner and drive off to freedom.

After scouring the house and examining the blood stains on the tile and splattered on the walls, Connor came to the conclusion that the victim had been attacked in the kitchen with the knife, stumbled toward the living room already weak from blood loss, and then had collapsed against the wall and been repeatedly stabbed, even after his heart had stopped.

The wounds weren’t uniform or methodical, like he would expect if a calculating machine had done this. They were deep, jagged, mismatched and panicked. These kinds of stab wounds were consistent with someone who had just killed for the first time. Most likely, it had been spontaneous and the killer had lost all semblance of control.

It was a textbook case of overkill, which meant it was personal. Most likely, it was a colleague, a friend, or a family member. If the victim had been married, Connor’s first suspect would have been the spouse. Since he was unmarried, Connor’s next stop would be anyone with a grudge against the guy.

Nothing beat good ol’ fashioned police work. Not even fancy new plastic cops could compare to due diligence and a good instinct.

Speaking of, Connor had completely lost track of the YN800. He wondered if it had wandered off, or maybe given up and left, but he doubted it. In fact, his gut churned as he quickened his pace and approached a uniformed officer with pale blond hair.

“Ralph.”

The rookie turned around and give him a nervous, blinking smile.

“Have you seen that android anywhere? The prototype in the suit and tie?”

“Uh.” Ralph swallowed hard, clearly anxious. Always was around Connor, for some damned reason. “No. I mean, yes. I did, a few minutes ago.”

“Well?” Connor prompted. He didn’t mean to be so impatient with the kid, but he really didn’t like the idea of CyberLife’s newest toy prancing around his crime scene.

Ralph shuffled on his feet, eyes wide behind the paper mask he wore.

“I… think it went to check the basement.”

“The basement? This place has a fucking basement?” Why hadn’t he been told? Colin should have informed him of that little goddamn detail.

“It’s more of a cellar from what I saw, but—“

“Where is it?” Connor snapped, unable to keep his voice from rising. Ralph gulped and pointed back over his shoulder, slowly turning as he stuttered.

“Over t-that way. It-it said it wanted to search f-for the android. I’m sorry, Detective Anderson, I didn’t think—“

Connor pushed past him and spotted the subtle door in the hallway, painted the same eggshell color as the plaster and making it too easy to miss. The door was ajar by a few inches, showing the pitch black stairwell beyond.

When Connor opened the door the rest of the way, he saw there was no light coming from below, and it was dead silent.

Shit.

Quickly but quietly, Connor pulled off his gloves and shoved them into his pocket. He unsnapped his holster, pulled out his service pistol, and slowly made his way down the wooden staircase. It was steep, almost a ladder, and beyond the pale circle of light coming from the hallway, there was nothing but darkness.

The perfect place to hide a killer.

Next Chapter

[smallheathgangsters]

Gunshot | T.S.

A/N: I FINALLY finished up my first request and it turned out waaaay too long lol. I hope this won’t be happening with every request I work on. Again, please consider the fact that English is NOT my first language, but I appreciate any feedback you guys give me! <3

Request: “Would you do 18. “How could I not worry about you” and 22. “We are not just friends and you know it too.” With Tommy Shelby and a reader who’s Ada’s best friend?” by Anon

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x Reader

Word Count: 2760

Type: Fluff, some hurt/comfort

Summary: Tommy and Y/N spend a night together, but never speak about it again. That changes, when Tommy’s business plans have a dangerous impact on the lives of people he loves.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Ada and you had been best friends since she found you hiding under a bridge, crying about a boy at the age of fourteen. She was the one to cheer you up, bring you back to her home and make you a cup of tea. She tried her best to make you laugh and gave you countless hugs to make you feel loved and cared about. That was also the moment you realised you would never want to let her go.

Years passed and Ada had her son, Karl and lost her husband, Freddie. And you stayed by her side though all of it. The bond you two had was stronger than any relationship either of you ever had. Even when Ada started getting more and more involved in the Peaky business, you supported her every step of the way. That was also the reason why her family liked you very much.

You started working as a teacher in Small Heath, so whenever you had finished up your work at school after the kids had left, you strolled over to the Shelby company to pick up Ada and walk home with her, while you talked about your day. She usually wasn’t quite ready to leave when you arrived, but you didn’t mind. There was always somebody around to hang out with and have a laugh. While you got along with all the boys, you especially enjoyed Tommy’s company. He would often invite you into his office for a drink, asking you about your day and if you still hadn’t considered working with them for the Shelby Company Limited. But you loved your job as a teacher too much to give it up. You adored the kids you taught, and they liked you back just as much, even the boys.

“In what world does being a secretary sound more fun than being a teacher?” You laughed, shaking your head.

“I’m sure you’d be paid more than double of what you earn now.” Tommy replied while shoving a cigarette between his lips and lighting a match. It made a hissing sound when it caught fire.

You leaned against the armrest of the chair opposite Tommy’s desk. “You know I don’t care about money. I care about happiness.”

Tommy leaned back into his chair, exhaling the smoke of his cigarette slowly and letting his arm hang loosely from the side of his chair. “Maybe I should start caring about that a little bit more myself.” He sighed.

“You should’ve been doing that since after coming back from the war, Tommy. You and your brothers deserve it. You all deserve all the happiness on earth.”

Tommy locked his eyes with yours. His intense gaze made your heart skip a beat.

“I agree.” Tommy said with a little smile dancing at the corners of his mouth. “You really wouldn’t fit into this working environment.”

You pushed yourself off the armrest and folded your arms. “What is that supposed to mean?”

Tommy flicked the ashes off his smoke. “That was a compliment, Y/N. I think the kids you teach are very lucky to have you.”

Your body relaxed when he finished his sentence. “Thank you.”

Suddenly you heard a knock at Tommy’s office’s door. That had to be Ada. Only a second after, the door was being opened and Ada popped her head into the room. “Ready?”

You twirled around, facing your best friend and nodded happily. Then you turned back to Tommy, raised your glass and finished the whiskey you had been holding in your hand for the last ten minutes. “Thank you for the drink, Tommy. See you tomorrow.”

You put down the glass and skipped over to your best friend, putting your arm around her. “Let’s get out of here!”

 ***

 The next day you pushed through the entrance of the Shelby Company Limited, planning on picking up Ada, like every other day. “Hey boys!”

John looked up from his books and grinned at you. “Hey Y/N.”

You walked over to him, peeking over his shoulders. “Is Ada still here?” You asked.

“No.” John answered, shaking his head. “She finished early today and went home to catch up some sleep. She hoped you didn’t mind.”

You chuckled. Of course, you didn’t. You knew how hard she worked and with having more responsibility came longer hours at the shop and less hours of sleep. “Not at all.”

“I’m sure she’ll be waiting for you again tomorrow evening.”

“No worries, John.” You told him. “I guess I’ll better get going before it gets too late.”

John waved you goodbye and just as you turned towards the exit, you heard a deep voice clear its throat. “How about a drink in my office?”

You glanced over your shoulder just to spot Tommy leaning against the door frame of his office, cigarette between his fingers.

You hesitated a moment. You had planned on getting home early to get started with the housekeeping for the week because the task was already way overdue. But you just couldn’t say no the handsome Shelby man.

Therefore, you shrugged and smiled at him, letting your coat glide off your shoulders. “Sure, why not.”

You followed Tommy into his office and took a seat in one of the two chairs in front of his table. He usually chose to sit in his seat behind the desk but today, he surprisingly sat down into the one next to you. Then he grabbed two glasses, placed them in front of you and filled them both with the perfect amount of whiskey.

“Thank you.” You said and took one of the glasses into your hands, staring down at the dark liquid.

You could hear him lighting up a cigarette, taking a long drag and letting out a relaxed sigh. “Has anyone ever told you that your presence is pleasantly soothing?”

You let out a weak laugh. “Soothing? Ada usually calls me loud and overexcited, but I could really get used to your compliments instead of hers.”

Your comment made Tommy chuckle. “Maybe with her you are. But–“

“Hold up!” You interrupted him, sitting up in your chair and giving him a playful slap on the arm. “Are you agreeing with Ada and also calling me loud and annoying?”

He let out another chuckle. “I never said you were annoying. But I do say that you are very different around me than you are around her.”

“I am?”

He nodded. “In a good way. I really enjoy your company.”

You felt yourself blush. Tommy had always been exceptionally nice to you. Ada frequently made comments about how Tommy got weak around you, but you’d changed the subject every time she brought it up.

“I really enjoy your company too.” You replied, giving him a shy smile.

At that point you could already feel this evening taking a turn you never expected. After about three glasses of the dark liquor one thing led to the another and you ended up climbing on top of Tommy, straddling him in the chair he had been sitting in and connecting your lips with his. They were soft and warm and tasted of his cigarettes. Even though you knew this was a mistake, nothing was stopping you in that moment and you could tell that nothing was holding Tommy back either. All you wanted at that point was to savour this moment with him, knowing that this would probably be the first and last time your bodies would be this close to each other.

 ***

 After that night, Tommy and you never spoke about what had happened that night. You weren’t sure if it was because he wanted to forget about it or if he just wasn’t that big of a deal for him. Either way, the next few evenings he didn’t invite you into his office and you waited for Ada while chatting to either John or Arthur.

One Sunday afternoon you met up with Ada to go to town and shop for a new dress. You had saved up some money and wanted to treat yourself to something nice. Of course, Ada wouldn’t want to miss out on a shopping trip.

“Karl’s been driving me up the walls lately!” She whined while you two were strolling from one store to another. “Has he been any different in class?”

Ada had been lucky, and Karl ended up having you as his teacher. “Not that I noticed.”

She sighed. “I hope it’s a phase that he gets over quickly. I can’t handle him not doing anything I tell him and constantly having to look out for him.”

“If you ever need a break, you can always bring him over to my house.” You offered with a kind smile. She returned your smile with an even bigger one. “Thank you, Y/N. You really are the best!”

You came to a stop in front of a shop that displayed plain but elegant dresses in its window. Your eyes fell on a dark purple one. You imagined yourself wearing it but immediately felt uneasy. All you’ve ever wished for the last couple of months was Tommy to take you on a date and wearing a beautiful dress to impress him. But with him keeping his distance since that one night, you knew your wish would never come true and suddenly shopping for dresses felt like a waste of time.

“Ada?”

“Hm?”

You took a deep breath and said. “I never really told you about something that happened between me and Tommy …”

You told her about that night you wanted to pick her up, but she wasn’t at work, how Tommy invited you to keep him company and what happened after that. Ada was very excited for you but understood, that you felt uncomfortable about the situation you were in now. She was also not very happy about her brother avoiding you ever since.

“Typical Tommy!” She hissed. “I’m sorry you have to feel that way.”

“It’s not your fault.” You said. “And maybe I should have realised that kissing him wasn’t a good idea. I’ve known Tommy for quite some time now.”

Ada shook her head. “That’s exactly the reason he should treat you differently. He’s known you for so long, you’ve been friends for years and–“

Ada was suddenly interrupted by a loud bang. A gunshot. Two gunshots. At first, you didn’t know where they came from and where they were aimed at but when all of a sudden you heard Ada scream at the top of her lungs and a sharp pain spread in the area of your shoulder, you knew you’d been the target.

Your knees got weak and your body collapsed to the ground. The last thing you saw was Ada leaning over you and holding your hand before your eyelids got too heavy to stay open.

 ***

 The smell of cigarettes was lingering in the air when you woke up. You opened your eyes quickly, trying to push yourself up from the bed you were lying on but you instantly got shoved back into your previous position.

“Careful, Y/N.”

Ada’s voice was soft. She was looking down at you soothingly. “But I’m glad you’re awake.”

“Me too.” You mumbled, still a little bit confused about what had happened and where you were.

Ada seemed to have read your mind. “Don’t worry. We’re at Tommy’s.”

You relaxed, nodding. “Is my shoulder okay?”

“According to the circumstances.” She said with a chuckle. “I mean, you were shot. But you’ll be fine.”

“Thank you for bringing me here and taking care of me.” You told her.

“Oh, don’t thank me.” Ada said. “Tommy was the one who carried you all the way here and took care of your wound.”

You raised your eyebrows. “He did?”

Ada nodded. “He really cares about you, you know. He may have seemed cold the last few days, but I don’t think his feelings have changed.”

She grabbed your hand and gave it a squeeze. “I’d better go and tell him that you’re up.”

Then she turned around and left the room. You sighed and tilted your head downward slightly, trying to get a better look at the wound but only spotted the white bandage that had been wrapped around your entire shoulder and upper part of your chest.

“There’s nothing to see there.” You heard Tommy’s voice. You looked up and saw him standing in the doorframe.

“May I come in?” He asked carefully. You nodded. “Of course.”

He approached the bed you were lying in, pulled a chair next to it and sat down. “Y/N, I–“

He sighed and ran his hand over his face. He looked tired. “Y/N, I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay–“ You tried to say but he interrupted you.

“No, it’s not. And it’s my fault.” He said, pulling up his chair even closer to the edge of the bed. “I should have known they were up to something and I should have known that they were going to it the ugly way.”

You hated how Tommy was blaming himself. Yes, maybe he could have known. Maybe he could have prevented it. But in the end, you knew he would never do something to harm you on purpose. And by bringing you home to his house and patching you up, he had shown he cared and that was all that mattered to you.

“Tommy, I’m fine.” You said, giving him an encouraging smile. “We’re all still alive and I don’t want you beating yourself up because of this. Knowing that you worried about me is all I care about.”

Tommy gave you a shocked look. “How could I not worry about you?”

You shrugged, blushing a little bit.

“You’re not just Ada’s friend but also mine and I care about you just as much as she does.” He stated.

That sentence made you gulp. It was sweet but had a bitter aftertaste. The pictures in your head from that specific evening were making it hard to think straight.

Right away, Tommy noticed that there was something bothering you. “What is it, Y/N?”

“I know you’ve been avoiding me the last few days after our … incident, if you want to call it that, but we are not just friends and you know it too.” You blurted out, not being able to hold back your words.

“Y/N–“ He started but you wouldn’t let him speak. “I’ve known you for quite some time now and I know you have a hard time admitting your feelings, especially to yourself. But I want you to know that you’ve made me feel very uncomfortable by going out of my way and not talking to me about what happened.”

You could feel tears forming at the corners of your eyes and that made you feel even more stupid than you felt admitting your feelings to Tommy. You closed your eyes, trying to ignore the chaos of emotions that overcame you.

Suddenly you felt Tommy’s hand on your cheek. “Hey … Hey, Y/N. Don’t cry.”

You sniffled. “I– I’m not. I–“ You let out a desperate sigh. “I feel silly, Tommy.”

“Don’t feel silly, please.” Tommy whispered, leaning forward to you, locking his icy blue eyes with yours. “I should be the one feeling silly. I could have everything I ever wanted, but I’m just too proud to make a move.”

He caressed your cheek with his thumb and gave you a weak smile. “And you are right, Y/N. We aren’t just friends. I was scared we were moving too fast that evening. I wanted to buy you something nice to wear, go on a date and dance and drink all night.”

You brought your hand up to his on your cheek. “Tommy, we can still do all of that.”

“I know.” Tommy said. “And I can’t wait.”

Then he leaned in further, connecting his lips with yours. You melted in his touch, lifting your arm up to run through his hair. But before you could reach it, a horrible pain in your shoulder made you break the kiss, cursing silently.

Tommy chuckled. “I think we’ll save this for another time. You should be resting.”

You pouted, wanting him to stay. Tommy eventually gave in and got up from the chair and laid himself next to you on the bed so you could cuddle up to him.

“Thank you for staying.” You murmured into his chest.

“I’m staying as long as you want me to.” He said, pulling you just a little closer.

[innermort]

*** disclaimer: this is a very long diary type of entry that is probably quite boring for everyone else and may be ignored. it's merely a very lenghty epiphany I just had about my life and myself and I had to type it out for me, to lock in the thoughts, if you will. it was pretty therapeutic tho. 🙃 ***

10/Sept/2021

I just had the realization that I'm in the process of redefining every aspect of my self and my life.

I quit smoking cigarettes from one day to another exactly 2 months ago tomorrow and went from a heavy to a casual party smoker.

I rarely ever smoke weed anymore (plus when I did since quitting tabacco, I rolled with herbs) and now made the conscious decision to take another long break, so it doesn't interfere with my weight loss again. I get the worst munchies and have no self control when I'm stoned. I'm talking "5000+ cals in one sitting" type of binges. I'm not tolerating this kind of self sabotage anymore.

I re-discovered edblr. Yes. I know. Not the healthiest habit to get back into but it's the only thing that has actually helped me gain the motivation and willpower to put a stop to my raging sugar addiction and instead, an actual effort into losing weight again. Besides, I'm doing it in a much more careful and "responsible" way now (high restricting, taking supplements, no strict/exact calorie limit, very light to no exercise (okay, to be fair the reason for that is mainly my injured knee but still), letting myself eat/drink more than planned if I feel my body needs it). And let's not forget that I've literally been binging every day for the past 2 or 3 months. My diet nearly exclusively consisted of chocolate, pastries and pizza. Literally. I've gained 10 kgs (22lbs) during that time. That lifestyle was just as unhealthy, if not unhealthier.

I finally got to hang up and use my calender. Due to my ADHD (self diagnosed for now), I'm very forgetful and unorganized - at least in my private life. That's why I made the decision to get a big calender which I can use as a semi To Do/Buy list and appointment/meeting/bill reminder. Since I'm glueing a sticker to each day I got through without binging, I'm looking at it pretty much every day anyways. Plus, it's a motivater to not binge (reward that inner child)! Overall, it's helping me become more organized and put together which are two areas I've been lacking in in the past years. So far, I've been mostly using my phone notes but I usually write something down and immediately forget about it if it's not a grocery list or a To Do list I'm actively working through on that same day.

I have my first appointment at a psych ward since I was a teen. It's just a phone call and first get to know conversation but it's better than nothing and more than overdue. I'm finally taking the first steps towards getting diagnosed and being eligible for therapy. I'm sick of feeling like a victim of my own brain, I just want to be better. I deserve to be better.

I'm hungry for knowledge again. I deleted Tiktok from my phone because of how big of a distraction it was and because I realized that even though I'm being bombarded with new information everyday, I'm not learning anything. Our brains can't even comprehend the amount of information given in that short time span. Nothing sticks. Sure, you find out about some pretty cool stuff on TT depending on what kinda fyp you have but for me personally, it was just hours and hours of mindless scrolling in the end. It's crazy how addictive it is, too. Even despite the fact that I was already at a point where it didn't even give me that quick dopamine quick anymore. It felt boring and repetitive and I was merely doing it out of habit.

So, I got rid off the app. I started watching documentaries again. Mostly about gut health and mental illnesses like ADHD, Autism, BPD, Narcissm etc. Like TED talks or interviews/discussions by and with professionals/experts/diagnosed people. I'm back to not just craving but actually consuming something with substance, something that gives me more knowledge and insight on a topic. Something I actually want to know more about.

I realized and accepted that even though I am a creative mind, a fully creative job might just not be for me. I'm learning that maybe I'm the type of person who does something entirely different in their free time than what they do at work. And that that's very much okay. I noticed that at my job (this was the case for every job I ever had), my mind seems to work differently. When people expect me to do something, I have the needed pressure and motivation to get it done. I could also observe in myself that at work, I enjoy organizing/sorting stuff, I'm a fast and independent learner while I'm also excellent at training new employees, I'm much more detail oriented than in my private life - overall, it came to my attention that I might not actually be the ever chaotic forgetful mess who can't form a logic thought - or I can at least recognize that this is merely a part of me and not what defines and limits me as a person. I realized I actually like straightforward work, I like working alone and I like working precisely. When I was younger I would have never used any of these traits to describe my dream career. I would gag at the idea of working an office job and now I feel like this would actually suit me very well. Especially the working alone part would mean feeling less drained at the end of a work day and still having the energy to hang out with people I actually want to see. This is an extremely valuable lesson about myself that I finally seem to have learned.

After this big sub- and now concious evaluation about myself I'm also finally taking actual steps towards a possible career. I bought a course and worked through the first 2 lectures today, taking notes and writing everything down neatly for 3 - 3 1/2 hours (in total with breaks in between). I even got a notebook specifically for this new life project. I'm excited to learn. I feel scared, too. This is something I've never done before but I'm telling myself that trying won't hurt. I have my main job as a safety net, financially nothing can happen to me. I can only learn, even if I fail. And time will pass anyways, whether I get my ass up and put in the work or continue to be unhappy with what I'm doing without trying to change anything.

Speaking of finances, I also started taking those more seriously now. I stopped using my credit card (I was in negative numbers constantly, big numbers like -300 to -800€ due to constant overspending). I set up standing orders for my monthly fixed costs to make sure bills are always paid on time. Due to my forgetfulness and ADHD freeze I would often forget to pay or postpone paying bills until the reminder came in the mail and led to me having to pay on top or generating debt. I still have a little bit of debt to pay off but it's thankfully not a dramatic amount. I also have a second bank account for savings now where I transfer 200€ to every month. Even the simple act of calculating my fixed costs to see how much I can use for what was something that was desperately overdue. What I still have to do is sort out my receipts and write everything down in a housekeeping/budget book. And my first ever tax return. I am very much dreading both of these. 😃

Anyways. Wow. I really needed to type this out. I have the very harmful tendency to look at all the negative stuff and only focus on what I don't have and don't do. I really needed to take a long, deep look at all the things I've been changing around in the past couple months. A lot of it really passed me by until now. It's crazy but I really feel like a complete failure when my body isn't looking its best and it makes me blind for everything else. So, thank you to myself for reminding me that I am actually making a lot of progress, even if it has been in areas other than my fitness and looks. They're just as important (from a healthy brains point significantly more important, obviously) and deserve to be noticed and celebrated.

Conclusion: ❤️✨YAY, ME✨❤️

[luvutomoonandtosaturn]

Child of Blood and Salt - Chapter 3

It would be fair to say that a coughing Inej, a murdersus and bloodied Kaz, and a strange dark haired girl who looked like she’d been through the ringer to be the burglar that would have broken into the Van Eck Mansion. Jesper glazed quickly at his boyfriend beside him to make sure he wasn’t going crazy and that the two deadliest people in Ketterdam and some random pirate chick just hadn’t broken into their house. “Ya,” Anya said passing Kaz while dusting herself off already making herself at home in the mansion, “You definitely missed me.” It was Wylan who spoke next, now giving Anya a curious look. “Saints Kaz! What-” “Sorry to barge in,” Kaz cut off now giving Anya a deadly stare that if Jesper had received would of sent him running to the hills , “but we needed a safe place to hide out.” “From what!” Jesper said, now looking over their bloodied and bruised bodies. “Sandwatch,” Kaz said, giving a look to Anya and leading the group to the main sitting room.” Jeseper and Wylan were left in a state of utter astonishment, and caught up just in time. “You know what, call me crazy, but haven’t we all been here before. I thought I had settled into a life of ease and comfort!” Jesper explained. “Ya,” Kaz said, now making himself comfortable and shooting Anya a pointed look, “I did too. But I’d really love to hear your excuse you promised me” “Who is this?” Jesper mouthed to Inej who shook her head just as easily confused. “Come on!” Anya explained to Kaz, who both now seemed to forget there were three other people in the room in the heat of their argument. “I think we're overdue for a family reunion,” Kaz scoffed. That's when Inej noticed. The dark hair, the same chocolate brown eyes. She would kick herself for not noticing it sooner because now it was so obvious. Even their noses looked the same. They were related. “I’m in a bit of a situation,” Anya starts. “An understatement.” “Kaz, please,” “No, no, because this is what you do An, you show up at unexpected moments and rain down hell wherever you go. And who's there to fix your mistakes? Me. ” Kaz exploded jumping out of his chair. “And what- what happened to you sailing around the world. Aren't you supposed to be pirating around on Sturmhond's boat right now? Whatever happened to that? And what about that house in Nova Zem?” Kaz looked accelerated, Jesper and Inej had never seen him worked up like this before. The room was dead silent as Wylan, Jesper, and Inej silently waited on the edge of their seats to see how the story played out. The housekeeper was now bringing out more kavs and glasses which Jesper accepted happily.

“Kaz” Anya said, now losing her humorous energy, “I’m one of Sturmods most trusted crew members.” She explained looking Kaz in the eyes. “I know.” Kaz didn't let his surprise show but said “and how does this change anything?” Anya opened her mouth to say something but words to tell Kaz all the things that she was hiding could't find her.

“Okay!” Jesper finally exploded, “I’m sorry Kaz, but can someone please explain what in saints name is going on here!” Kaz and Anya were finally broken out of their transe of anger and stared at Jesper as if they just realized they all were there. She sighed. “You're Jesper, the sharpshooter, right?” Anya gestured to him, to which he gave a nod. “So that means you must be...Wylan,” Anya continued, “And of course you’re Inej.” She finally turned to Inej who could now clearly see that resemblance between Kaz and Anya in the better lighting of the Van Eck Mansion. “And you are Kaz’s sister,” Inej said with confidence. Jesper spit out his Kavs with a loud unpleasant sound and Wylan's eyes widened in shock. Anya stood still, not denying the accusation. “Wylan, please tell me I’m dreaming, this is all a dream. There is not a female verson of Kaz Brekker in our living room. ” Jesper said turning to Wylan who rolled his eyes and turned to Kaz, “Kaz, I never knew.” “Yes, well that wasthe point wasn’t it.” Kaz said with an annoyed glance at Anya, who rolled her eyes. “But, you’re Grisha,” Inej said with confused glances between the siblings, “aren't you?” Anya opened her mouth to respond but Kaz got there faster. “She was tested when we were children,” Kaz explained, “Before our parents died. You were to be brought to the Little Place but our parents struck a deal with an orphanage in Nova Zem, a place where Grisha children could live in peace, outside the second army. It's wear she grew up .” Kaz sat down again now knowing he couldn't keep his secret sister from his crows any longer. “We met years ago, and Anya had gotten a position of Sturmhond's crew. We had other meetings throughout the years, it’s where I went those two weeks last year.” It was all making sense to the crows now, but Anya’s head was down listening to Kaz tell her story. “That's where I thought you were,” Kaz said, turning to his sister, “Look, Anya I have enough on my plate as it is. I'm sure you have more than enough resources to fix whatever problem Sturmhold - Nikolai - has gotten himself into.” Anya finally looked up at her brother, cane in hand, sitting in front of her in a big leather chair. Inej was standing by his side, a look of concern on her beautiful features. Wylan was looking like he was in a state of shock sitting next to Jesper who was looking at Kaz like he was dressed in rainbow colors and juggling baby tigers. Anya knew then that if she was going to get her brother's help she needed to come clean, about everything. “I’ve never been Novia Zem, Kaz” She said after a long moment of silence. Kaz’s head shut up quickly. “No,” He reasoned, “after you were tested-” “No Kaz. There is no secret magical place where Grisha children can be who they are outside of the second army. It’s fiction.” There were no tears in her eyes but her face displayed a look of trauma as she recounted her story. “There was a slaver in town, he offered our parents a lot of money if they would give me up. You know we were poor, we were really poor, and besides they were always terrified of my power, I displayed it so young. So, they took me, but the slaver he wasn’t, well he wasn’t really a slaver was he. Markin Yaroslavovich.” “Wait,” Jesper piped in, “I’ve heard that name before. Something about a raid on his estate in The Wandering Isle, but that's all." “Most people don’t know him, always kept under the radar.” Anya said and she gave a harsh dark laugh suddenly changing from her humorous demeanor. “He called himself a “collector” of Grisha. He was maniacally obsessed with our power and collected corporalki, like myself, and Etherealki and Materialki from all around the world. It was his life mission to create his own army, outside Ravka. That’s where I grew up, in a dark palace along with thirty other helpless Grisha. You think the conditions of the Little Palace training was bad, this was- it was hell. He experimented on us, controlled us, wanted something like Judra Palm to make us, him, more powerful. More than half of us died. Luckily he wasn’t able to get his hands

on it the judra parlm tho. Then finally when the second army got wind of what was going on they sent a rescue mission. Only three of us survived the escape, me, a squaller, and one durast. When we got to Ravka, they said we could go to the Southern Colonies and the squaller and durast did, but I- I don’t know I couldn't go to the colonies and not use my power, it was all I’ve ever known. So, I stayed.” Anya finally met Kaz’s eyes who she’d been avoiding though her own speech. “I’ve one of the best Heartrenders in the second army Kaz. I used my full name and now I’m training new Grisha in the second army. But, I am on Sturmonds crew, Nikolai does need some grisha backup every once and while.” Kaz didn't yell or glare at his sister, but listened carfully just if she was reading him a bedtime story. “Why didn’t you tell me?” Kaz said now speaking, “How did I- how did I not know” “You're used to knowing everything about everything Kaz, but Yaroslavovich was an expert of not being noticed and the whole mission was covered up by the second army, but I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. When I first met you I was traveling with Sturmhond and I just didn't, I couldn't relive it then.” “I don’t blame you for anything, Anastasia.” Anya smiled at this. “But that doesn’t explain-” “Why I’ve shown up unexpectedly with people trying to kill me, yes I know. Can Van Eck and the Sharpshooter be trusted?” “Debatable, but we’ll probably need them for whatever scheme you're planning.” Anya cocked her head in agreement. “Nikolai’s been taken.” At that Jesper spit up, yet again, his drink. “Who-” Inej cut in. “His brother Vasily, he’s always been jealous of him, but most importantly he wants the crown and he’ll do anything to do it and that means killing his brother. Nikolai, as Sturmond, was on one last recon mission before returning to Ravka, and he was ambushed. Vasily, is playing it off as a tragic accident and the whole palace and army is with him. Only me and a couple other Grisha, Zoya, Nadia Genya,a durast named David, and heartrender twins Tamar and Toyla know the truth. I left a days ago, and they are probably already questioning everyone. It’s hell at the palace now, Vasily has got everyone in a tight grasp and he's not letting go.” Kaz nodded his head, the life changing information unfazed his cold features. “How do you know that he’s not already dead? I mean why not just assassinate him and finish the job why kidnap him?” “They need him. He’s the only one who knows the secret plans for the peace treaty with Fjerda I don't even know them. They can’t risk killing him without that information, but they’ll do a lot to get it out of him. David’s narrioided down his location somewhere in Novyi Zem,” “That’s a pretty big peraminter.” Wylan piped in now sitting up in his chair. “I know, but I have several contacts there so I think I can narrow it down a bit when we get there, if you are still in.” “And what exactly would be our role in your little king rescue mission.” “I have none of Ravka’s resources with me, plus we will probably be breaking into a heavily guarded place, isn’t that your guys' thing.” “Know that does sound like fun.” Jesper said “There’s also the added benefit that you’ll be saving the entirety of Ravka from a Vasily rain. So what do you say, big brother, wanna rescue a king?”

[drreidfics]

Dr. Reid and the Broken Girl pt1.

DR. REID AND THE BROKEN GIRL (Working Title)

Characters : SpencerReid x FemReader

Warnings : Abuse, Hints of Self Harm.

CAUTION // TW // THIS BOOK DEALS WITH MATURE CONTENT SUCH AS PROFESSOR AND STUDENT RELATIONSHIP, SEXUAL ASSULT, SELF HARM, MENTAL ILLNESS AND SUBSTANCE ABUSE. IT ALSO INCLUDES A LOT OF RATED-R MATERIAL. IF THIS IS TRIGGERING OR MAKES YOU UNCOMFORTABLE THEN PLEASE DON’T READ.

Here I am again, on the floor, begging him to stop. There he is again, laughing at my pleas and forcing himself inside of me. Almost every night he climbs into my bed, then in the morning, he pretends everything is normal. When anyone is around, he acts charming. He is able to trick everyone into thinking everything is fine. Well, it's not.

My phone buzzed to life at the side of me. The alarm was going off but I had been up for hours, staring at the flecks of dust dancing around the air. The sunlight streamed in through my thin, white drapes. It was beautiful out. It was the middle of May and bound to be hot out in Arizona. I could feel the warmth on my skin already. I needed to shower and get all this sticky sweat off my skin. It wasn't even mine. I felt disgusting. His touch lingered everywhere on me. The bruises he gave me stained my skin more than the self inflicted cuts.

'Morning Ms. y/l/n. Last night was lovely. See you at lunch?'. It was a text from Mr Reid. He was my psychology professor. Older than me, at thirty, he had long dark hair and deep brown eyes. His hair curled slightly at the end. He was tall and slim. Smart and nerdy, having two degrees and a doctorate, he left his job at the FBI for something less mentally draining. He had worked there since he was twenty-two.  I was twenty-one making our age gap quite small. Look at me, trying to convince myself that it even mattered. He was a lovely guy. Friendly, and handsome. He wouldn't fall in love with a student, and if he did, that student would never be me. He was too smart for that.

"Morning Dr. Reid. Thank-you for taking me. It was a fun eve! Yes, see you at lunch. We can have a chat about the stuff we saw yesterday =)". I read the message over and over again before hitting send. I was nervous as I usually always say stupid things. My low self esteem affected me very much. I was twenty-one, already with one degree and going back to do another. I was still living at Sharon's and I haven't had a boyfriend. He texted me back instantly.

"Can't wait! Need a lift to school? =)" I smiled down at my battered iPhone 6. I couldn't afford a brand new phone. I was lucky in that I only had to work a few hours a week at the local book store and that it was something I enjoyed doing. Sharon was good to me. She helped me pay for and make my way through college. I don't know what or where I would be without her. On the other hand, she brought the human spawn of the devil into my life.

"No thnx, Luna is picking me up =)" I sent but then instantly regretted it. I love my best friend but I would have preferred a ride with Dr. Reid. Our conversations were always interesting and insightful. We could talk about a wide range of subjects for hours and it would only feel like minutes passed.

"Ok, see u soon Y/N"

I smiled, almost forgetting my problems before catching glimpse of myself in the mirror. My fragile, battered body stared back. I sighed. He could never find a girl like me attractive. Not that it mattered anyway. Silly little girl crush.

After debating whether it was best to just find the nearest bridge in town and throw my self off or get ready for school (I am very mentally unwell), I decided on the latter. Luna had already texted me to inform me that she was about to set off. Knowing Luna, which I have had the pleasure of knowing for fifteen years (no sarcasm in there), ten minutes would be ten years.

I staggered down the dreaded stairs, almost losing my footing a few times, feeling light headed. I entered the brightly lit kitchen. It was so bright that I could feel an aching behind my eyes. The decor was simplistic, all white with gold features. Classic business mom who is never home asthetic going on.

       Sharon sat at the island, face absorbed in her laptop. She was in her late forties with short, mousey hair. I believe she would be referred to as a 'Karen'. She looked nothing like Dom. She was short, like me, and fairly slim. He was tall and muscular with broad shoulders. Quarterback star player with the strength to show for it. He could snap us both in half. Dominic is Sharon's only child. Yes, that is correct. She is not my mum. I lost her.

Sharon looked up at me, flashing me a warm smile, still bashing the keys to her MacBook. She took a sip of her black coffee, nibbling on some cold toast. "You look like shit" she stated; matter of factly, her face blank.   '"Thanks?'" I answered with a raised eyebrow. I walked over to the coffee machine and put in a pod, sticking my travel cup underneath. 77Kcals of goodness. All the fuel I will need this morning. "Sweetheart, don't act like that. You know I'm just saying. You need to sleep more" '"I know" I sighed. It was true... "But that makes two of us" I retorted cheekily with a grin.        "Oh sweetheart, don't I know it" she raised her cup as if toasting the comment before gulping the last bit of coffee.

Sharon was my guardian, though not anymore as I was an adult and of drinking age. She still cared for me though as if I were her own. My mom died when I was seven and my dad had a breakdown. He couldn't cope. One day I came home from school and he was gone. He didn't say a word to anyone. He packed up his stuff and  left me. I hated him for a while. The anger within me burned to my core. After a while I felt sympathy. He didn't get the help that he needed. If he did then we both wouldn't be in this mess. We'd be happy - together. I doubt he would know how to contact me now.

Aunt Sharon took me in. She wasn't really my aunt, she was my mom's best friend. She was the only connection to my mother that I had left besides her wedding ring. She loved her dearly and I believe she loves me dearly too. It's not her fault she can't protect me. She works herself to death trying to help me live my dreams. Dom wasn't the child that she had always wanted. He is doing nothing with his life. That is something I will alway's respect of her, single mom raising her child and somebody else's.

I loved her, though she did have the tendency to dish out tough love which often was way - way too harsh. And she was always away leaving me with him. I knew that if I'd only just tell her what he was capable of... What he would do to me when she left... She'd have murdered him herself with her bare hands. But it would kill her. I couldn't do that to her. He was the only thing she had who was blood. Me, I had no-one.

"shit! Is that the time? I'm going to be late. I gotta go, honey. Say bye to Dom for me." she pleaded as she stuffed the last slice of toast in her mouth and gathered her briefcase and her keys. " ...And make sure you have something to eat. You're wasting away!"                                   "Have a good day at work Shaz" I shouted after her. I doubt that she heard me. She was out the door in seconds, jangling her keys and fighting between speaking with me and the ringtone on her work mobile. I heard her professional, scripted 'Hello, Sharon Cormack speaking' as the door slammed behind her.

I made my way through the spotless kitchen Gina, Sharon's housekeeper, always did a good job. I grabbed a bottle of water out of the integrated refrigerator. I also grabbed my iced latte from the coffee machine. It was almost half eight. My first classes start at nine and Luna still wasn't anywhere in sight. I scrambled through my purse for my phone, ready to give her a piece of my mind. That girl would be late to her own funeral.

"You're up early" a voice from behind me sneered. It took all my might to not to curl up in a ball, trembling.

"I... I have school"

No reply. I felt him creeping up behind me, felt his breath against my neck.

"I can think of something much better to do with the day baby"  he whispered as he planted acid kisses on my neck. It burned. I squeezed my eyes shut, putting my hands up defensively. He pushed my back into the counter. A sharp pain ran though me.

"Please stop. I have to go" I whispered as his hand snaked its way up my neck, fist knotting tightly in my hair.

'"Why do you think a whore like you has the right to tell me what to do, hm?"

'- Hello? Katy?'  Luna's smooth voice called out in sing song.

Oh, thank god for her and her timing. He released me from his grasp and increased the distance between us. His eyes were clouded. I could tell he was pissed. I brushed passed him, running towards Luna, who was standing by the open door. I ran straight into her arms hugging her tightly.

"I thought you'd never show." I whispered. She rested her chin on my shoulder, stroking my hair. I could tell that she was staring daggers at Dom and I could tell he didn't care. Like I said, the same routine. Every morning.

By the time lunch rolled around I had had enough. had gotten into a lot of trouble with Ms. Hallows over an overdue assignment and I had spilt water all down the front of my jeans. It looked like I had pissed myself. My saving grace is that they were dark jeans and so it wasn't too noticable. That didn't stop Georgie from laughing and calling me pissy pants for half the day.

Georgie was the kind of girl that you would avoid in high school. Everybody wanted to be her but everyone hated her so bad. She had golden brunette locks, a slim face and a petite nose. Her friends Nova and Ari were just as bad. Everyone used to tell you that when you left high school things would be different. I am sorry to inform you that they don't. Bullies stay bullies forever.

I forced my way through the groups of students, crowded together in the corridors. The last thing I wanted was to be late for my chat with Mr. Reid

"Y/N" I heard Luna calling after me. I could tell that she was chasing me through the crowd of students.  "Y/N. Look, Y/N stop." I rolled my eyes.

"What?" I snapped. I could see the hurt in her eyes. She leaned on the wall, panting. I sighed. "I'm sorry. What's wrong?" I asked. I felt bad for snapping at her. All she wanted was answers, like anyone would have after walking in on what she did. But I don't give answers. I shut down. I don't tell anyone anything. She tried talking once we got in the car. I ignored her and I ran once we'd arrived at school. She didn't even need to speak. I could just tell what she wanted to talk about from the look on her face. I sighed again.

"Luna, I can't talk about this right now."  I saw the hurt in her eyes. If I kept pushing her away then eventually she wouldn't fight to stay. 'Good', a small voice whispered in my head. Maybe that would be for the best. She deserves better. Everyone does. I could just end my life today and nobody would care. I used to fight hard against the suicidal ideations that entered my mind but now I didn't see the point.

"I have my meeting and I can't be late. Taco Bell after classes?" I asked. To my relief, she smiled and nodded, that beautiful smile that I loved so much. She was so easy to please. I smiled and walked away towards room 1980. Dr. Reid's office.

"I love you!" she shouted after me smiling.

"I love you more!"

"Lesbians" Georgie mocked. She was stood near the bathrooms. I rolled my eyes.

"Grow up"

Luna was gay but we weren't together. We had been intimate a few times but nothing had come of it. But so what if it had? We both agreed it felt weird as we had known each other as friends for so long. We didn't want to ruin anything. Luna and I had been friends ever since she opened up my juice box for me in kindergarten and then hit the girl who had stolen my straw. We had been inseparable ever since. She's been with me through thick and thin. I'd hate to think where I'd have been if she hadn't been there when my mom had died. We are and will alway's be the best of friends. In another life I could see us growing old together, adopting puppies and children but sometimes, it doesn't work out. And if you love someone, you have to let them go.

I opened the door to 1980 and as soon as I did my heart fluttered in my chest. There he was, as beautiful as ever. He looked up from the book he was reading, glasses perched on his nose and smiled, he seemed glad to see me.

"Sweetie!" he said, a smile spreading across his gorgeous lips. He's the only person who calls me that.

"Dr. Reid"  I smiled back. My smile was huge and I probably looked so dorky but I don't care. My day just got brighter. I pulled up a chair next to him and kicked my feet up onto his lap. He rested his hand on my calf.

"So what did you think to the book?"

[hollyxqx]

SHE’S THE ONE  //  SHOWNU

↪ PAIRING: Reader / Shownu  ↪ GENRE:  smut > fluff > f2l  ↪ WORD COUNT: 7.3k ↪ SUMMARY: Hyunwoo has worked for your family for almost a year now, maintaining the gardens and pool. He’s not as rich as you are, he’s working class and he knows it but it doesn’t stop either of you striking up an unlikely relationship. [inspired by this song]

↪ WARNINGS: lots of smut, dirty talk, rough sex but nothing crazy bc shownu is a sweetheart, total self indulgent filth everyone 

a/n: the idea of gardener!shownu came from this story. I just wanted to give the author some credit for inspiring me, so you should read that story if the idea appealed as much to you as me. other than the fact that shownu is a gardener for a rich OC the stories are nothing alike, fyi.  this was meant to be A LOT shorter but i couldn’t help myself, srry.

ALL ABOUT LUV SERIES

Hyunwoo can feel your eyes on him as he paints the new patio furniture, outside in the glaring hot summer sun. It's touching on thirty degrees Celsius and he can feel beads of sweat trickling from his nape, running down the back of his white vest as he works. He's thankful he remembered his cap today, not only does it shield his eyes from the brightness of the sun but it enables him to sneak an occasional glance at you.

The day you first met he remembers thinking two things. One; oh my god, she's pretty and two; I can't do anything about it. You were the bosses daughter and he needed this job. Unlike you Hyunwoo was not born into a life of wealth and luxury. His hands were his means to a living, not shy to hard work.

He didn't know what your father did exactly to earn the estate, from the other staff he'd heard the title but it was so long and self-important Hyunwoo failed to remember it. Some kind of marketing, analytical something or other. You didn't have to be a humble labourer to know that meant money.

The mother didn't work. She didn't need to. Hyunwoo only ever saw her shopping, having brunch, shopping some more and doing yoga with someone he highly doubted was just her yoga instructor, unless yoga meant fondling the tan 23 year old instructor three times a week. The whole world was so alien and unfamiliar to him, he almost felt like a spectator at times.

You, however. You were different. That fact was deduced very quickly. After only a few weeks of getting to know you it became apparent that you weren't like the rest of your family. If he didn't know any better he sensed some resentment on your part even though the you never explicitly said the words out loud.

It was in what was unspoken that clued him in - the disdainful sighs when your mother had a cocktail at 10am, the way you went quiet whenever your father was mentioned, the fact that you helped out the staff when you didn't have to. Many a time he saw you washing dishes with the maid. Only when your parents weren't around though, he knew they would scold you if they caught you in the act.

So, he didn't mind the fact that you were staring. You were a hot girl, who appeared nice enough, and who found him attractive, what wouldn't he like about that? Hyunwoo hadn't had a girlfriend in nearly two years, much of his time spent working to afford college, so the attention you sent his way felt nice. Even if he couldn't act upon it, he could enjoy it.

"Um, Hyunwoo?" Your voice draws his focus from his work and he squints up at you in the sunlight. You're wearing that navy blue bikini he's seen plenty of times before and denim shorts. An image he knows will be swirling in his thoughts for the rest of the day, whether he wants it to or not. "Would you like some lunch?"

He's overdue a break anyway, and frankly any excuse to get away from the midday sun before his skin starts to burn is good enough for him. "Sure." He accepts, carefully putting his tools away. He sets them in the shade, wiping at his sweaty forehead with the t-shirt he removed earlier.

"Come eat inside, there's aircon." You inform him and he follows you indoors. Inside the kitchen he's surprised to find a somewhat elaborate spread of fruit, sandwiches and salad atop the island that sits in the middle of the room. He immediately goes to the sink to wash up as you get some plates.

"Ana outdid herself. It looks great." He mumbles as he dries his hands. Ana was the head housekeeper, worked there the longest and she was well known as the best cook in the home.

"Oh, I did this." You blush adorably and he pauses for a second. "I thought you might be hungry. I know I am."

"You made all this for me?" He asks, a little dumbfounded. He can't quite believe you'd go to all this trouble for the gardener. It only further cemented your nice nature for him.

"Yeah." You reply shyly, smiling as you pour both of you some icy water. "I enjoy cooking. Especially for others."

Hyunwoo can't help but watch you for a moment as you load your plate up with food, biting back a smile when you take his plate and do the same. "Thank you." He says gently as he takes the food from you. You share a look and he swears his heart stills for a moment.

***

It doesn't take long until eating together becomes a routine. You're home from college for the summer, you tell him one Friday lunchtime, this time over some of the best steak he's ever eaten. From what he can gather you adore the college you attend, your entire face lights up animatedly when you speak about it. Part of him suspects it's because you're away from the clutches of your family.

"I really want to get a job this summer, maybe even volunteer." You tell him as you sit opposite the kitchen island once more. "The parents aren't so thrilled about that. My mom wants me to go to Europe with her. Dad is obviously working."

"Europe sounds incredible." He offers.

"I've been before." You sigh. Hyunwoo can't help but find it bizarre that you're so unenthusiastic about a potential overseas trip. He's never even been abroad. "The rest of my class are working or interning. I wish I could too."

He knows it's ridiculous to feel sorry for the poor little rich girl who has literally everything but he can't help it. He might not be wealthy but he knows all too well what it's like to feel like an outsider and wanting nothing more than to just be like everyone else. Albeit for different reasons. You were sweet, his empathy felt deserved.

"You should do it." He tells you sincerely. "Your parents can't exactly kidnap you and take you to Europe can they?"

"You'd be surprised." You laugh, drly. "Who knows what they're capable of."

He doesn't know how to respond, so he's silent as you finish you meal. As nice as it would be to have more money than sense, at least he has freedom.

***

The first time you kiss is at the end of the summer.

Hyunwoo doesn't anticipate it happening and is unprepared. It wasn't the best kiss he's ever had given it's surprising nature, your teeth briefly clacked, but it was nice nonetheless. The sun is setting when you corner him around the back of the pool house, hidden from view. You ask him some question about him minding if you go for a late night swim (he never has and you've never needed his permission) - he knows it is an excuse.

There's a moment of hesitation, a sweet thank you falls from your lips and before he knows it your mouths are connected. Body curled in to him, tongue in his mouth he can't help but kiss back. You walk away before he can barely register what's happened.

***

Autumn is creeping it's way on to the landscape when the second kiss happens.

It's almost as if you've forgotten the first one, since you've never brought it up. Hyunwoo doesn't either, mostly assuming it was just a momentary impulse moment, mostly not wanting to make anything awkward with you. He's still enjoying the lunches you're preparing for him and doesn't want them to stop.

The working day is coming to a close for him. He's a lot sweaty and a little dirty when your paths cross. Your voice startles him as he's winding up the garden hose. "Hi Hyunwoo."

"Hi." His hands continue on autopilot until the work is done.

"I'm going back to school tomorrow." He knew that, gossip among the staff, but he stays silent, nodding as if it's brand new information. "I just wanted to say bye. Until next summer I guess."

"Bye." He says softly, earning him a tiny laugh from you. "I know you will be happier there than here."

"I'll miss those lunches though."

He's surprised and hope it doesn't read too blatantly. "Me too. I'm going to have to go back to eating turkey sandwhiches or ramyeon. Alone."

"Are you working here during the winter?" You ask.

"Yeah, just less frequently. Once every two weeks." He's got another job as a waiter in a slightly posher-than-he's-used-to restaurant but he doesn't tell you that. You probably won't care too much about him when you're not here.

"Maybe I'll see you at Christmas break." You hum. He offers a polite agreement. "You weren't...mad that I kissed you?"

That he didn't expect, as far as he was concerned you had swept that off the table. "No, I wasn't. I liked it."

"I liked it too."

The air changes and he somehow just senses it, just feels it in his bones what's going to happen next. You're so close to him, licking your lips like that and he doesn't miss how your eyes flit to his own mouth. This time Hyunwoo closes the ga with the wave of confidence that surges.

This kiss is much better than the first one, an air of desperation of it being the last time hangs thickly. Momentarily forgetting he's just worked a hard day of manual labour and isn't necessarily the cleanest he pulls your body against his anyway. One hand on your waist, the other grasping you between your shoulder blades.

You're the one to deepen the kiss and he swears he hears the tiniest moan over the thrumming in his ears. A hand slides down his muscular chest and fists his shirt. "Hyunwoo." You say breathlessly. It's not a question because your lips are back on his again.

His knees hit the back of a sun lounger, unsure of who was pulling and pushing who. He sits down and tugs you on to him, a knee on either side resting comfortably on his lap. This is not a good idea, he knows it but that part of his brain that's rational is loosing blood supply when you grind your hips against his. He's growing hard and it would be embarrassingly quickly if you weren't whimpering atop of him, loosing yourself in the moment too.

You shouldn't have sex. Out in the open like this. You shouldn't have sex at all, he works for you. Hyunwoo is trying to wrack his brains to remember who is home and who's not. The thought evaporates when you bite his bottom lip and tug at the nape of his hair. "You're so fucking hot Hyunwoo."

He's never heard you swear before, always assumed you weren't into such dirty language. His brain instantly ignites at the idea of you saying the dirtiest things he could imagine to him. It's something he's definitely thought about prior. He groans.

"So are you." He gets out in between kisses. Instinctively his hand is sliding up your cold thighs, the dress you're wearing not entirely weather appropriate for the cooling summer air. He grips your ass with a squeeze.

"I've wanted to kiss you so badly since the day we met." You admit through a breathy laugh. Even in the diminishing light he notices your cheeks flush a little. He's a little lost for words at the moment otherwise he'd tell you that he's felt the exact same way.

"Yeah?" Is all he manages to get out in an exhale.

"Mmhmm," You nod, raking your hands all over his chest. "And so much more."

Before he can respond you're kissing again. He wants to know what more means and he wants to know so badly it's making his cock ache. He needs it, so he shifts you on to your back, skirt rising up and exposing your panties. Even the sight of that is something he never thought he'd see in his wildest dreams. You were so untouchable just weeks ago and know you were underneath him at his mercy.

"I'd do anything you want me to." He murmurs in your ear, a knee separating your thighs for him as he hovers over you. "You're so pretty."

"What if I wanted you to touch me?" You ask.

"I am touching you." He can't help but smirk.

"Touch me like this."

You take his hand and run it over your clothed centre where he grazes a knuckle over your folds. At the contact the material presses into your wetness and he can't believe he did that. You're wet. For him. He rubs his hand up and down a few times and the noise that you elicit is sinful.

He looks up at you for approval as he slides your underwear slowly down your thighs. Your finally bare for him and he can't help it, too lost in the moment, he places a kiss on your mound, tongue sneaking between your lower lips for a second. It makes you gasp.

"God, like this - " He hangs his head for a second between your thighs, overwhelmed. "Like this you're perfect. Even if you told me to stop now the sight of you like this is, fuck, a wet dream." His cheek nuzzles your inner thigh where he places another wet kiss.

"Would this make it better?" You tease, nimble fingers unbuttoning your dress so your tits are exposed. His mouth hangs open as he nods, unable to eloquently articulate how fucking good you look and how hard he's trying to commit this to memory.

Nothing is said but he knows what to do, sitting up a little and kissing your breasts. He begins to stroke between your legs as he devours your tits. "Is this the right spot? Show me." He whispers against your skin.

"Do it like this," You guide his hand to the exact right place you want to be touched, moaning when he reaches it. "Fuck, Hyunwoo, just like that." You whine.

He can feel his dick leaking at that. Not only did you swear, you whined his name. He sucks on your nipple as your hips begin to work in tandem with his hands. "You want my fingers in you too? Hmm?" He asks.

"Yes, yeah - oh fuck - yes."

You're wet enough that he slides two in right away. He can only imagine in his mind how lewd this scene must look from an outsiders perspective, hand buried in your pussy. Starting off slow to gauge your reaction he sets what he hopes is the perfect pace, examining every detail on your beautiful face as your eyes flutter shut. You're chewing on your bottom lip, arching your back and falling apart in just the right way.

It's so much, touching you like this. "Yeah?" He manages to husk.

He's rewarded with a loud moan and a roll of your hips in time with his fingers. "Would you - ahh, would you fuck me if I asked?" You pant.

He didn't expect the question, and ruts his hips against your leg involuntarily with a groan into your skin. "Ugh, yeah. Yeah, I would."

"Here?"

"Here?" He repeats in surprise, pulling back to see if you really mean it. He wonders if you maybe have a thing for getting caught, or maybe even watched. God. "Really? You really want that?"

"Or we could fuck in the pool house. It's up to you." You laugh, biting your tongue with a grin. His hand hasn't stopped moving this entire time, even if he has slowed down. The thought of fucking you out here is hot but he can't risk it. What if someone caught him? That's his income gone.

"Take me to the poolhouse." He kisses you, discreetly wiping your wetness off on his denim thigh. It's hard to stop when he wants to see you cum so desperately. You grin and don't even bother to fix your half open dress before taking him by the hand. Both of you stumble excitedly across the garden, him pressed up against your back. He can't stop his hands roaming your body.

The poolhouse is nicer than any house Hyunwoo has ever lived in. What else did he expect. You know the way so he lets you lead him to the bedroom. You don't even bother with the light, tumbling onto the plush mattress, tangling together the instant you're able.

You yank off his shirt. "I'm a little sweaty." He laughs once he's topless.

"I don't care. Is it weird that I kind of like it?"

"Probably." He kisses you again while he removes your dress entirely. "I kind of get the feeling you're into lots of weird things."

"Define weird." You breathe, kicking off the remnants of your panties. His denim and boxers follow.

"Kinky."

"One person's kinky is another's boring Tuesday night."

"I can't wait to find out." He really can't. You're naked beneath him now and he's half expecting this to be a dream. He hovers over you and loves the way you shudder when his bare cock brushes against your thigh. You whine and reach for it with both hands, giving him a few lazy strokes. If your hands are this warm and soft he can't even imagine how good your cunt is going to feel.

He fucks into your fist a few times because it feels so good. "I fucking need you inside me, Hyunwoo. Please put your cock in me. Stretch me open and make me cry because it feels so good."

Shit, he loves your dirty mouth.

The blunt head of his cock drags through your wet pussy a few times to make the glide of him entering just that bit better. He presses in slowly, watching with wide eyes as your cunt swallows him whole. You keen as you fist the sheets. Then he's buried to the hilt and has to still for a few moments, or risk cumming quickly and embarrassing himself.

Before he beings thrusting he pushes both your legs a little wider apart. "Please." You beg and he listens, rocking his hips to meet yours. "Yes, oh - fuck yes." You breathe as he moves.

"I want you to cum." He husks into your ear. "How can I make you cum around my cock huh?"

"Touch my clit and don't stop moving like this."

He leans a little heavier on one arm so he can access your swollen clit with his right hand. Remembering what you told him earlier he gets to work. There's not much more said as he fucks you, mainly just breathy gasps and groans escaping both of you.

He loves that you tell him when you're about to cum. He's been with girls before who never said anything and he always found it hot when they did. He cums shortly after you, pulling out and shooting his load on your stomach.

The way you look, plump bottom lip between your teeth, eyes closed and covered in the evidence of his orgasm, well. He doesn't think he's ever seen anything sexier.

***

He's done it before. Fucked girls and had no further contact with them again. But it feels weird with you because he works for you. Has to talk to the people in your life frequently but has no idea about you. Phone numbers were not exactly exchanged and he's not really interested in social media. It complicates things, and he prefers simple.

The worst part about it is he can't even ask about you. It's odd if he shows too much interest in you. None of the household were particularly aware that a minor friendship even existed between you at one time.

Hyunwoo's not sure if he wants to know. He assumes you're happy and that's really all he can logically come up with. You'd never discussed anything extremely personal  with him over your little lunch dates and he'd never pressed you on it. He wonders if you'll have a boyfriend by Christmas time when you're home again.

He hopes not.

***

He starts night classes late September now that he can afford to. His scrimping and saving allowing him to fund the  business management course he takes. It's not much and it's not exactly a degree from some prestigious university but he learns a lot and best of all, he can continue working during the day.

After all, he has rent and bills to pay. Hyunwoo wants to run his own business one day and even if it takes years he's determined it will be worth it. His parents own a small cafe but neither of them went to college of any sort and they struggle often. His plan is to do it smart. Maybe even franchise his parents business.

By November he's promoted to host at the restaurant. It's fantastic for him because he earns enough now that money isn't on his mind constantly. When he's in the supermarket he doesn't have to carefully calculate as he shops. The items simply get tossed in the basket it without a thought and it feels good.

Life is good; steady. Sometimes he catches himself singing to himself as he works in the garden of your house like he's in a freaking disney movie.

He meets a girl at college whom he gets on well with. She's nice, quite pretty and they go on a few dates. They end up having sex in his car after the third one and it's okay, not great. He finds himself thinking about you after he's dropped her off, wondering if you're doing the same thing. Maybe you were, that's what university life was all about, he supposed. Experimenting, having fun, finding yourself.

Suddenly he feels very insignificant. Did you ever think of him? That night you spent together you'd confessed you had, but there were months and thousands of miles of distance between you now. You were the beautiful, upper class rich girl and he worked two jobs whilst going to a community college.

Of course you weren't thinking of him.

***

Hyunwoo's last day of work before Christmas lands him at your house. He'd overheard from Ana that you were arriving very early the next morning, which meant he wouldn't be there when you were, and not knowing when you returned to school caused a slight air of disappoint to settle around him as he worked.

The weather restricts what he's capable of, so it's a few weeks longer than usual before he can return and he works a little later into the evening than normal. By the time he finishes the sun has set and the cold air is nipping at his cheeks, turning them pink.

He tidies his gardening equipment and heads inside to tell Ana he's leaving. She wishes him Merry Christmas and pulls him into a hug that colours his cheeks even more. "Oh! Hyunwoo?" She asks as he's at the door, ready to go home. He turns expectantly. "Can you leave me your phone number? I'm unsure what date Mr Kim wants you back in the new year." She smiles.

"Oh," says Hyunwoo dumbly. "Don't you have it already? I'm sure I gave it to you when I first started."

"This is embarrassing," Ana laughs. "My son bought me a phone. I can't use it for the life of me and I accidentally deleted everything a few days ago. I don't even know how I did it! I'm too old for modern technology, I think."

Hyunwoo smiles warmly at her. It's exactly the kind of thing his own mother would do and he feels a rush of affection. "Of course I can leave you it. If you need any help with your phone, I can do that too. I'm a pro at it."

He scribbles the digits on the post-its next to the phone and goes home for the night.

***

The text is sent on New Years Eve (technically New Years Day) but Hyunwoo only reads it when he wakes at 2pm, nursing a rather brutal hangover. He'd celebrated perhaps a little too hard with Minhyuk and the boys and barely even remembers going to bed. He rubs his tired eyes and re-reads the message several times.

from : unknown number happy new year hyunwoo!!! Hope your xmas was goood - y/n

from : unknown number ps - stole your num from ana I asked where you were and sshe said i missed y5tou

He chuckles at the typos, assuming there must have been some alcohol involved with the sending of these messages. Hyunwoo of course replies.

from : hyunwoo happy new year too lady hows xmas break?

from : y/n good boring cant wait to go back to school Im nursing a hangover from heeeellllll

from : hyunwoo haha i gifrued figured* me too tbh, i'll be hiding from the world today

He spends the rest of the day lazing in bed and occasionally swapping texts with you. The conversation is light, like acquaintances catching up, which is what he supposes you are. He can't deny that it's nice to hear from you. It's even nicer that you think of him when you're drunk. Drunk thoughts speak that of a sober mind.

He wants to see you but unfortunately doesn't get to. You're back at school by the time he has returned to work.

***

The girl from college is persistent, he'll give her that. There's nothing wrong with Kia, other than the fact that she's a little too eager than what Hyunwoo is usually used to but he accepts it regardless. Somehow he finds himself sleeping with her on a regular basis. It's a little selfish of him which he knows. But lately he's been feeling lonely, overworked, and she gives him all the attention he could ever ask for with very little effort on his part.

The sex improves since the first time so it becomes a thing. He tries not to look too deeply into it. By March they've been hooking up for well over a month.

He doesn't tell her about you. Not that that he's trying to hide anything per say; he just doesn't feel it's necessary. Especially because the conversations that he shares with you are far more interesting, now that he texts with you semi-frequently. Kia doesn't need to know about every single friend of his, he rationalizes.

Although he makes a distinct effort not to text you when he's with her.

You make him laugh. Like, really laugh. So much so that you rival Minhyuk's spot in his life. When you're away from your family you're a different person. Still you, but the version of you that's a little brighter, a little happier, and much more unrestrained than you are at home.

Even captured in the selfies you send you radiate more. He doesn't tell you (or anyone for that matter, he'd rather be caught dead) but he's been saving every image.

You tell him about your life in greater detail. He finds out that you spent Christmas with Ana and her family, since your father worked and your mom seeks warmer weather at that time of the year. It makes his heart ache slightly, he always has a wonderful day with his parents and a life without that seems a little sad. He's happy you have at least some family in Ana.

Hyunwoo cares. His thoughts drift to you often these days, more notably when he's working at your house. He can't even look at the poolhouse or the sun loungers without having flashbacks of you on your back for him. God, he wants to do it again. The need grows more and more the longer you talk.

When you phone him one night late night, practically purring the words, "I've been thinking about how we almost fucked in the garden." He knows it's over for him. He listens to you make yourself cum over the phone there and then and promises you, he'll have your body again as soon as he's able.

***

The next time you see each other in person it's April. Seven whole months since you'd fucked. He's finishing work when you appear, almost coyly hovering around the back entrance of the main house. He suspects you've waited for him. Hyunwoo grins reflexively when your eyes meet.

"Hey, you." You smile widely, tucking hair behind your ear.

"Hey lady."

Both silent for a few moments, simply taking each other in. Obviously he's seen pictures of you but the real thing is so much better. Your hair is longer, darker and your makeup is different but he still thinks you look gorgeous. A wave of confidence takes Hyunwoo.

"Want to hang out?" He asks before any inane small talk can ruin the moment. He knows how you are, you spoke this morning. You nod excitedly.

"I was hoping you'd ask." You tell him.

He's not ashamed of the car he drives, but he is when he knows you'll be in it. He's seen what occupies the twelve car garage. The kind of cars he would dream about as a young boy, and the worst part about all of it is they rarely get driven. To him that's the definition of insanity.

The back passenger window doesn't work on the old jeep and the leather is ripped on the drivers headrest but Hyunwoo takes care of it, so it drives fine. It gets him where he needs to go, so he's unbothered by the appearance. In a perfect world he'd drive you in something flashy.

You say nothing about the lack of extravagance, you hop inside with a beautiful smile. He likes that about you.

The plan is to go for dinner but somehow you never make it, ending up at Hyunwoo's modest apartment. It's a simple one bed with a tiny kitchenette. It's not much but he's worked hard to keep it.

"This reminds me of my dorm!" You laugh when you're inside. He incorrectly makes the assumption that you're insulting it but you reassure him. "It feels more like home than my parents house." You say gingerly with a touch to his arm.

His response is to kiss you and hoist you up, wrapping your legs around his waist. From the many phone sex sessions that have transpired between you, he's learned alot about what you like in the bedroom. He spanks your ass check with a slap, hard enough to sting. You audibly hiss.

You're in a dress again and he thinks it's intention was purposeful so he could have faster access to your most intimate parts. In no time at all you're pinned on his bed, both hands above your head held there by his own larger palm. The other is pushing your panties to the side, giving access to his bare dick.

Fuck me fuck fuck me, you chant, and he does. You look like such a mess for him, dress pushed up, hair fanned out across the pillow.  You guide his hand around your throat, forcing him to choke you. He almost cums when your gasping breath tells him to spit in your mouth.

When you touch your clit and cum he does as well. He couldn't hold off even if he tried.

He kisses you softly, in stark contrast to how rough you had just encouraged him to be; then you whisper, "I missed you."

***

He spends two complete days in bed with you. Kia calls him several times but he never picks up. You give him a curious glance when he turns the phone face down each time, yet you say nothing.

The only time you leave his apartment is to get food. Hyunwoo holds your hand in the supermarket without thinking about it, he just wanted to touch you. You pay for the entire shopping and he wishes you didn't but he supposes you don't think about these things in the same manner as he does.

When you leave (and it's only because he's working at the restaurant and had no choice but to part ways) he drives you home and watches the entire way as you walk up the drive, wishing he could have you back already, hoping there's not some college boy miles away thinking the same thing.

***

It's only five days later when he's scheduled back to work for your family. He's more than a little distracted after seeing you through the kitchen window. A small, discrete wave from you to acknowledge his presence. He knows there's not much time left before you're due back at school for the last term before summer.

The familiar tradition of lunching together is shared outside today. Pleasant sunshine basks down on you and Hyunwoo can't stop looking at you even as he eats the food you've prepared. "What?" You ask with a shy laugh. "Is there something on my face?"

"I just like looking at ya." He laughs and your cheeks tinge adorably. How can you be so cute yet so dirty? It's like he has the best of both worlds with you at times. The contrast drives him wild at times.

"Can we spend some more time together before I go back to school?" You ask him. For a moment he can't focus because you're eating a strawberry and all he can think about is his dick in your mouth. "Hyunwoo?"

"Yeah, course." He responds, blinking a few times. "Come over tonight?"

He wonders what the household think when you leave together at the end of the day. Surely they would not approve of this? A sad thought enters his mind; it's possible your family are too self absorbed to notice, let alone care. Ana however gives the two of you a friendly knowing smirk when you share your goodbyes.

Hyunwoo ends up making a stopover at the beach, a change of heart hitting him as he drove in the setting sunlight. There's a certain spot he started visiting when he first moved out and was overwhelmed by the stress and cost of being an adult in this world. He's never taken anyone there but he thinks (hopes) you'll like it as much as he does.

"We're at the beach." It's not so much of a question as a statement and you give him a confused look.

"Come on." Is the only instruction he gives you, clambering out of the jeep.

The ten minute walk from the car to very end of the beach is passed in comfortable silence. There's a bit of climbing involved up some rocks and a slightly steep sandy slope. Hyunwoo goes first so he can assist you up too. This secluded part of the beach is peaceful and he's watched many a sunset here.

You join him in the sand when he sits, resting your head on his shoulder. "Why did you bring me here?"

"It's one of my favourite places and I wanted to share it with you." He doesn't need to explain any further. You nod.

"Thank you."

He watches the sunset with his arm around your shoulders. When it's almost dark Hyunwoo leads you back to his jeep. You have sex on the backseat. It's different this time, tender and sweet, touching each other as if you're both virgins cautiously but eagerly mapping each other's bodies. All he thinks about on the journey to his place is how much he likes you.

***

When you're thousands of miles apart the distance somehow feels greater this time. During the day you cross his mind often but it's worse at night, when he's alone in bed, craving the warmth of you body next to his. Sometimes he looks, then re-looks at the selfies you've sent.

He hasn't kept track of when he last spoke with Kia. It's only when she sends him a particularly bitchy message does he remember that he's unintentionally being ignoring her for as long as he has. When he sends her an apology, citing work and family as an excuse she asks to see him.

He's in two minds about it. One, he's lonely, horny and missing you. However the topic of being exclusive never came up, not that it should. It's new territory. For all he knows some frat boy has you wrapped around him right now. The thought makes him prickle with jealousy.

So he accepts Kia's invitation.

***

"What are you grinning at?"

Hyunwoo looks up, trying to hide his smile when Minhyuk speaks. "Nothing." He lies. He's texting you and you just told him how you accidentally waved at someone who wasn't waving to you and now you're moving country and changing your identity before you die of embarrassment. Another thing he likes about you; you're not afraid to laugh at yourself.

"That means it's a girl!" Minhyuk teases with a laugh. "The chick from college?"

"Uh, no." Hyunwoo replies, avoiding his friends gaze. "Someone else."

"Oh." Minhyuk is surprised. "Who?"

"You know the people I sometimes do gardening and shit for? The daughter."

"Oh shit," His friend laughs. "Risky."

Hyunwoo agrees, adding. "We haven't really tried to hide anything. I don't think her family notice much. It's kinda sad."

"How can you be sad with all that money?" Minhyuk scoffs. Like Hyunwoo he comes from a family that had little to none of not just money, nearly everything. He doesn't work two jobs like Hyunwoo but he works even longer hours to sustain himself. "Crying in a ferrari. Boo hoo."

"She's not like that. Her family sure, but not her."

Minhyuk can tell he likes you. "She's special." He doesn't ask, he just knows Hyunwoo so well that he doesn't need it confirmed by the older male.

"Yeah. She is."

***

He hasn't heard from you in over a week which is highly unusual since you've been messaging or calling each other daily. It's making him a little restless but he reassures his anxious mind by reminding himself you're almost finishing school and you're probably just busy. Kia is a distraction right now, nothing more.

His phone rings while Kia is in his shower. She's going to want to stay the night but he really isn't that interested, right now he wants to be alone. Normally he doesn't speak to you when he's with her, but this will be his first chance in a long time so he takes the call.

"Hi lady, it's been a while." He answers.

"I know," You groan. "Finals. I had to turn my phone off because it was distracting me. I had a meltdown this week."

His first thought is relief. The second; he wishes he could have been there for you.

"I'm sorry," He means it. "How are things now?"

"One more exam then I'm done. No future break downs planned." You announce and he can hear you smile.

"Good."

"What are you doing right now?" You ask. He hears the shower shut off and Kia step out.

"Nothing." Technically it's the truth. "I missed you." He adds lowly.

"Me too, Hyunwoo. Is it weird that you're one of my closest friends?"

"You're one of mine." He says confidently.

"I wish you were here."

Kia re-enters his bedroom in a towel, giving him a quiet smile when she see's him resting against the headboard in the middle of a call. Hyunwoo swallows thickly. "Me too."

"I want to see you, can we face time?"

He knows what that means. More often than not your video calls to each to one another ends in a very explicit manner. He looks at Kia who is redressing. God, he wishes he could say yes.

"I..can't right now, I've got company." He adds lamely because he doesn't want to lie to you.

"Oh." The disappointment in your voice is prevalent. "Ok. Maybe another time."

"Yeah." He wants to say more, so much more, but he knows Kia is listening and doesn't feel like an argument.

"It's okay if you're dating y'know." You add, to his surprise. "I didn't exactly think you were some celibate monk every time we were apart."

He laughs at that. "I assumed you weren't either."

"I wasn't." The past tense confuses him. "Been too busy for that lately."

"I bet."

"No one fucks me like you do though," You laugh and he can't help but smirk. "Anyway, I'll let you go. I've got some stress to relieve anyway." He doesn't miss the innuendo. "And Hyunwoo?"

"Yeah?"

"I'll be thinking of you when I do it."

Fuck. He hold back a groan. Now that the image is in his head it's the only thing he wants to see. He gulps. "I always do."

When you've hung up he tells Kia in the kindest possible way he's tired and it's best if she goes home. He senses her unhappiness and he feels a little guilty but not for long.

***

The day you arrive home for the summer Hyunwoo realises it's been ten months of fucking, phone sex and talking about nothing and everything til 2am with you. He's not working today and offers to pick you up from the airport. He knows you could easily have someone on your father's payroll fetch you but you agree nonetheless.

At baggage claim you don't even greet him, flinging yourself into his arms instead. There's a kiss that's all too passionate for such a public space but neither of you seem phased. It's clear that you're just as eager as he is.

You smile at him when he carries your bags for you, loading them into his trusted jeep.

"Can I tell you something?" You ask as he drives. He nods. "I haven't told my parents but I've been working while I've been at school."

You hadn't told him that either. As far as he knew you wouldn't really have to work ever if you felt so inclined.

"I've saved everything. Every single penny I've earned."

"How come?" He's never discussed money with you and he feels awkward.

"Because I don't want to spend my life relying on them." You say simply. "After I finish school next year I'll be free."

Free, he thinks. He notices how ignored you are at home and how unhappy you are there. If you want to be free, Hyunwoo wants you to be free too.

***

You spend more nights with him over the summer than you do without. He doesn't tell you but he broke things off with Kia a long time ago. It's you, and it's been you for a long time. At the beach you tease him and ask him if the other girls like this spot as much as you do.

"I've never brought anyone but you here." He admits.

"Oh." You look surprised. "I thought..."

"Nah," He tries to make it sound more casual than it is. But it means something. You both know it. He laces his fingers through yours. "Just you."

Over the summer a few freckles have appeared on your shoulders as the two of you have spent a lot of time in the sun and he kisses them while he's got you in his arms. You sigh in content and lean back against his chest. He wants to tell you he loves you, has done for quite some time but doesn't want to force it.

You're the one. Not in the conventional sense where he's blindly assured that you're definitely going to get married and grow into old age together. No. How can anyone know that for sure?

You're the one in the sense that you make him happy to wake up each day. It's effortless and it's easy and you've never once held any of his choices against him. He'd do anything for you before any other girl. That's why you're his one. He just needs to tell you now.

MASTERLIST

[writsgrimmyblog]

Rec List #1 Theme: 2018 Favourites

One of my fandom resolutions is to rec more in 2019. I’m going to post rec lists for some of my favourite Nick fics divided up by theme/content/ship or whatever I fancy throughout the year. It seems fitting that my first rec post of 2019 should be my favourite Nick Fics of 2018. If you’re interested in my Harry Potter themed recs, you can find them over on my other blog @writcraft under the tag #writ recs where I’m undertaking the same initiative.

This is by no means an exhaustive list - I’m limiting myself to ten recs per list and it is very difficult, I could have recced many more. I’ve read and enjoyed a whole raft of terrific stories and this rec list is simply based on my personal tastes which may not be everybody else’s cuppa. Please heed the content warnings the author has flagged on AO3 in each case, none of my recs include the content tags.

#1. Ten Track Sophomore Album by @junkshop-disco​ 

Nick Grimshaw/Harry Styles | 4,228

Nick has always lived in noise, been the cause of a lot of it, but one day a boy writes him into a pop song and the whole world dissolves into static.

It doesn’t happen like that, not that easy, not that linear, but that’s the heart of it, the soul, if these things have such a thing.

My Rec: The Nick fic of 2018 is undoubtedly the final installment of junkshop-disco’s incredible Doodle of a Surface Life but that has quite rightly garnered so many recs by now if any Gryles reader hasn’t yet indulged, run, quick, what are you waiting for? I love DOASL with all of my heart, but I’m also a sucker for angst and I wanted to highlight this equally terrific fic in my rec list. The structure of this story, in which Nick loses his ability to hear music, is so cleverly done. It’s a very skilled writer that can create an entire fic around sound and make it come alive, and junkshop-disco manages it brilliantly. The fic reads like music, even as it describes the absence of it and it’s a stunning piece of writing. If you like your Gryles contemplative and angsty with confident, lyrical prose, this is the one for you. Junkshop-disco has such a terrific way with words I highly recommend reading all the works by this author. Every single one. But when you do make sure you take a moment to stop by this beautiful story and leave it all the love it deserves.

#2. Tell Me It’s The Strongest Shape by @louandhazaf

Nick Grimshaw/Elgar Johnson/Louis Tomlinson | 73,224

Nick and Elgar have it all. They’re famous, successful, and engaged to be married—and sometimes they play with others.

When uni student Louis gets street cast by Elgar for a GQ photoshoot, he's drawn into Nick and Elgar’s complicated relationship.

They've always invited mates into their bed. It doesn’t ever mean anything. Until… it does.

My Rec: This is such a great exploration of polyamory and the complexities of open relationships, and the author took a great deal of time developing the relationships between the characters and really working on highlighting some of those difficulties. I tend to gravitate towards fanfic where I care deeply about the characters, and although Elgar seems terrific I don’t have the same fannish relationship to him as I do to Nick and Louis so I was curious to know how I would respond to this fic. Basically, the author killed it. I felt such a deep investment in Elgar, Nick and Louis throughout and everything just flew by as I was reading. It’s also really fucking hot. Like, REALLY. Brilliantly done. I loved it. 

#3. Let The Boys All Sing And The Boys All Shout For Tomorrow by @lunarrua​

Nick Grimshaw/Harry Styles | 18,429

It's February 1988. Thatcher is in power. There's a new drug sweeping through the clubbing scene. In Manchester, it's the eve of a major protest and a new musical movement. And when Nick finds Harry looking lost outside his favourite chip shop, it's the start of a weekend that will leave an indelible mark on both their lives.

My Rec: I saw the summary for this fic and actually yelled at my screen when it popped into my inbox. Gryles, set in Manchester in the 80s? Hell yes. The fic itself certainly didn’t disappoint, it’s absolutely beautiful. The author writes a well-researched, confident piece and the result is stunning. The atmosphere of the whole story is captivating and you can feel yourself transported to the heady days before the Manchester music scene shifted, the anxieties of the AIDS crisis and the fragility of the relationships formed during that period. The Harry of this fic has a transient quality which evokes the nostalgic reflection on a different time in our not so distant past. A real triumph. I loved this story with my whole heart. 

#4. Séjour by @silveredsound

Nick Grimshaw/Louis Tomlinson | 6,288

It is so quiet, which should be conducive to concentration, but Nick is bored and listless and lonely. He’s been there for two days and wants to know where the helpful lady is who’ll deliver him a gamine but takes-no-shit housekeeper who he can fall in love with without words. Words are not his friend.

“Where is my Love Actually moment?” he asks the ceramic kitchen sink as he pokes holes in the cover of one of the M&S ready meals he brought over with him.

«≠»

Nick’s got writer's block. Louis is a master of distraction.

My Rec: I’ve loved a number of stories by Silv this year and I was swinging back and forth between this and others, but there’s something about this little fic that has wormed its way into my heart and has taken hold so this is the one I’m choosing. As I said in my earlier reblog rec, this has such lush, evocative prose it perfectly captures the sense of a fleeting summer. There’s a seductive quietness to it, and a lovely unfolding of the story through snippets of tasting notes left by Louis on bottles of wine and Nick feeling a little bit lost and searching for words as he struggles with writer’s block. Two boys find one another in the warmth of a sleepy French town and it’s beautiful. Really wonderfully done.

#5. Fists & Flowers ‘Verse by @jiksax

Nick Grimshaw/Harry Styles | 1,613 (Make It Worse) and 2,322 (I’ll Do What You Like (If You Stay The Night)

He’s looking at Nick with that soft, terrible look in his eyes, the look that tells Nick the two of them are probably something.

My Rec: If anyone other than Jiksa had told me they were planning an angsty fisting fic series I would have been like umm really? But of course, it’s Jiksa, so naturally I found myself sobbing at the raw, devastating intensity of the story. Jiksa deftly weaves the intensity of the physical act itself into the emotional tumult of Harry and Nick’s relationship in a way that’s incredibly beautiful. A bold, brave, superb piece of hot, confident writing, rich with emotional complexity. Gorgeous.

#6. Constantly on the Cusp by @shiftylinguini

Nick Grimshaw/Louis Tomlinson | 6169

It’s 5 in the morning, and Nick’s got an alarm going off, an unexpected bed full of pop star, and a nation to wake up.

It’s far too fucking early for this.

My Rec: UNFFFFF. I love Shifty’s writing. Like, an obsessive amount. I was so thrilled when Shifty started writing Tomlinshaw I didn’t know quite what to do with myself. It’s actually hard to believe this was Shifty’s first Tomlinshaw, because everything about the fic felt like they have been writing them for years. Louis is sleepy, horny and pissed off, Nick is awake, horny and wondering what it all means, and together they have this scorching hot, sexy moment. Nick’s internal monologue  gives us so much insight into their relationship and the fic offers a lovely, warm, hopeful moment at the end. Fantastically written and a sexy delight from start to finish. Loved it!

#7. this cookie’s baking by @disgruntledkittenface 

Nick Grimshaw/Harry Styles (Genderswap Femslash) | 8,148

Harry’s eyes flicker between Nick’s eyes and lips. “I just want to be your–”

“Baby,” Nick says softly, cupping Harry’s jaw, “you already are.”

Nick and Harry have a long-overdue conversation.

My Rec: This was the first genderswap Gryles fic I have read and I absolutely loved it. The relationship between Nick and Harry feels so perfectly them and there’s a lovely warmth to the whole story. It’s light and funny but also contains moments of real emotional depth and those first time explorations and the hesitancy of admitting to being something more than friends is handled in such a terrific way. It’s a gorgeous story with wonderful writing and I loved every minute of reading it.

#8. let’s make some new rules by @camiii 

Nick Grimshaw/Louis Tomlinson | 12,743

A coffee shop, a Christmas party & a fake date to make sure no one gets laid at the end of the night.

My Rec: This was such an enjoyable read. I love camiii’s Tomlinshaw, and seeing this pop up was a wonderful surprise. Barista Louis agrees to be Nick’s fake boyfriend as he pines over an ex that definitely isn’t worth his time, and they become closer in the process. The pace of the story is wonderful, the flirting is brilliant and despite some misunderstandings and Nick’s no good ex trying to fuck things up, the ending is warm and hopeful. A lovely story, full of festive cheer. Thoroughly enjoyable.

#9. I’ll be seeing you by @daretomarvel​ / renlyne

Nick Grimshaw/Harry Styles | 11,481

It’s 2028, and Nick’s bought a house.

My Rec: I love Ren’s writing and this Notebook inspired Gryles is a beautiful treat of a story, in which Nick starts buying little bits for his dream house. It’s hard to believe this story is just over 11,000 words because the world the author creates is so rich, detailed, layered and complex. The relationship between Nick and Harry has all of these gorgeous details and nuggets of history as it grows and develops, seedling-like, into something that might just be everything they’ve both been searching for. It’s a warm, hopeful, beautiful story but as it’s Ren, it manages to still tug at the heartstrings in the best kind of way. I read this again as I was putting my rec list together and did so with a lump in my throat, full of feels for the Nick and Harry of Ren’s universe. Gorgeous writing with bags of emotional intensity. I loved it.

#10. All I’ve ever had are love songs by @candybarrnerd / icarusinflight

Nick Grimshaw/Louis Tomlinson | 21,688

Things are finally coming together for Nick.

Nick is the DJ of his uni's radio stations, and he passively aggressively dedicates a song to Louis.

My Rec: Icarusinflight is another author who was already on my periphery from Harry Potter fandom who wrote their first Tomlinshaw fic this year and I was so thrilled to see them writing in this fandom and I’m very excited about their upcoming 2019 projects which also includes fics featuring the 1D boys in various ship combos. I love uni AUs and I hadn't read one for a while, so this was such a treat. I loved how Louis is sharp, sassy and confident but with niggling insecurities. Harry was so affectionately humorous in this story and Nick’s voice is wonderful. This is a really well-paced, enjoyable story with a hot af first kiss that deserves a mention all of its own. The music references, the tea and the cameos from various 1D members are all terrific and the writing is brilliant. Can’t wait for more from this author this year.

Bonus Rec: I was meant to limit this to just 10 recs but I also wanted to give a quick shout out to @nightwideopen. I’ve said this in previous rec lists before, but I am constantly impressed by the quality of @nightwideopen‘s writing and the way they explore things such as asexuality and gender dysphoria which can be harder to find in a relatively small fandom. I’d particularly rec so far (it’s alright) and i’ve been thinking lots about your mouth from this year, both Tomlinshaw.

[wonjays]

Hear Me Out

↣ Woo Wonjae

↣ Requested

↣ Fluff & Angst

Some people claimed that it was easier to get feelings out of a rock than Woo Wonjae but you would be the first to disagree. After two years of a steady relationship both of you had moved in together. Your friends constantly teased you about how slowly you progressed, but it suited both of you.

You know those days when you get up on the wrong side of the bed and cant seem to shake to bad luck and terror that follows you for and unnecessarily long tome? It was one of those days. It started when the hair straightener left a charred mark on you locker this morning followed by sour milk and Weetabix. Wonjae had left for tour three weeks ago and was due back last night but didn’t show up, you presumed that they had gotten back late and that he crashed at one of the guy’s houses but a text would’ve been nice.

Your day didn’t improve. After sending Wonjae a quick text letting him know that you were looking forward to seeing him later you headed out to catch the bus. Upon arriving at the stop you realised that you there were delays in the service and it would subsequently result in you missing your first lecture.

After a long day you arrived home to wonjae’s suitcase in the hallway and smiling to yourself you entered the kitchen hoping to see him. Only you didn’t. What greeted you was what could only be known as a post apocalyptic silence and a mess. Giving him the benefit of the doubt you presumed he was asleep and you proceeded to clean the kitchen.

Two hours later he resurfaced from the bedroom and made his way over to your perch on the couch and you stood up to give him a long overdue hug. Enveloping you in his arms and pecking your forehead he exhaled deeply into your neck. You missed this. You missed him. More than you'd like to admit.

After making your way back to your bedroom for the night you woke up entangled in the sheets, legs intertwined. He stirred next to you turning towards you mutter a quiet “good morning baby”. Smiling in response you gave him a short kiss on the lips before snuggling into his chest, falling back asleep.

When you woke up again, you were met by an empty bed. Getting up and heading in the direction of the living room you saw Wonjae shrugging on a denim jacket.

“Are you heading out?”

“ The guys need me in the studio”. He replied blankly hand on the ready to push it open. Standing there perplexed you questioned him again.

“But you're only back from tour, how can they need you already? I thought we were going to spend today together, I made plans”

He responded with a roll of his eyes and muttered “well you shouldn't have y/n.”

He slammed the door behind him leaving you in a state of shock. What had gotten into him? He was never like this. You knew how important his music was to him, but he was just back. Quickly texting one of your friends you organised to meet her in a coffee shop down the road not wanting to be alone while you were feeling like this.

You didn't realise that when you arrived home to a quiet house when wonjae returned from tour that it would become the norm. If he was there, he would be asleep, otherwise he was in the studio.

After two weeks you decided to confront him about it, you hadn't seen him in days. Waiting up for him to return from the studio, you occupied yourself with rehearsing what you were going to say. You were interrupted by the door opening and wonjae stepping inside.

“What are you doing still up?”

“I wanted to see you. We have to talk”

“I’m tired can we just do it in the morning” he said. Pulling off his hat and jacket heading a-line for the bedroom.

“I would've waited but you would be gone”

“What do you want y/n?”

“Why are you doing this? I never get to see you. You're gone in the mornings, you dont come back until all hours. This isn't how a relationship works Wonjae, I feel like a stranger, at most your housekeeper”.

Stopped in his tracks, Wonjae turned around to face you. “So thats what this is about? You know my music is important to me, if you cant respect that then you're not who I thought you were”

You felt like laughing, did he actually have the audacity to accuse you of that. Getting more worked up, with your voice slight louder you replied, “Are you actually serious? You know more than anything that I understand that but this relationship is not working, I know you love music but you're supposed to love me too. For God’s sake we live together and I hardly ever see you, especially since you came back from tour.”

Simply shrugging he replied, “Well maybe we moved in too soon”. Kicking off his shoes he stepped into the bedroom.

It took everything in you not to burst out into tears on the spot but you couldn't help the one stray that slipped out.

Acting on impulse you began to pack up your things, grabbing a few t-shirts and pairs of jeans from your wardrobe sneaking a glance at wonjae sprawled out on the bed, searching for even an ounce of regret that may be sketched onto his face but nothing to find.

After dialling your brother’s number you waited patiently for him to arrive and pick you up. As he pulled up you sank into the car seat and he didn't question it. He knew something was up but not to push it.

You woke up the next morning disorientated and checked your phone, at the back of your mind was the hope that Wonjae had texted but you had no new notifications. As the days merged into weeks your brother let you stay with him, rent free.

On the way back from college you phone dinged with a message for Jay, inviting you to the after party of the release of his new album on Friday.

Letting out a soft chuckle you responded to the text. After Wonjae was signed you became quite close to the others, Jay in particular and you knew that despite not really wanting to go, you should.

As Friday rolled around you became more and more unenthusiastic anbout the party, but pulling yourself together, you left the house.

After ensuring a man that you were in-fact on the VIP list, you made your way up to the bar to order yourself a drink. Afterwards, drink in hand, you went to go and find jay whilst being pushed from side to side by the masses. After a while it all became too much and you decided to head out onto the balcony for some much needed fresh air.

Leaning across the balcony, looking down at the crowds below, you felt a presence come up beside you. Not needing to look up, you knew it was Wonjae, you could sense it. So the two of you stood in silence for a while. Both of you enjoying the peace and neither wanting to break it. He took out a pack of cigarettes lighting one up and taking a deep inhale. After a minute or so Wonjae began to clear his throat.

“Look y/n, I really dont know where to start”

You knew he was struggling but decided to let him suffer. Out of spite.

“I know I was an ass, and that I made a dick move," you let out a short exasperated breath, “or a few of them, but i’m really sorry. On tour…” he paused before continuing again, “ on tour, it was mental , playing for all the crowd, al the people supporting us, it should have been reassuring but it wasn't.” You wanted to look up at him , encourage him to go on but you knew that it would only put him off. You needed to hear this, and he needed to admit it. Not only to you, but to himself too.

“I felt burdened. All the others have so much experience. They were all helping me along and I couldn't help but feel like a liability. I knew that I needed to work harder. I thought that the only way I could do that was to lock myself in the studio and hope that some magic came out of it. I took what we had for granted and I feel horrible about it y/n. You have to believe me.”

After he finished, he gave you a minute to digest it all.

“Why didn't you text?”

Letting out a deep sigh he answered.

“I tried. I tried so hard but every time I typed something out it was wrong. I figured that you were at your brother’s house so I went there once.”

This was news to you.

“He opened the door but you weren’t home. After that I knew that it was a get out of jail card. If you had’ve been there I wouldn't have known what to say. I still dont but I just decided to tell you the whole truth”

“He never told me.”

“I told him not to.”

You leaded on the banister for support. You didn't know what to do.

“Please, y/n please. Just give me one more chance. I need you.”

Letting out a deep breath you whispered his name. Without a second thought, you turned on your heel and walked out. Just like you had done before.

A week had passed since you encounter at Jay’s party and there was little time when he didn't occupy your thoughts.

It was a Saturday evening and you brother had gone out for beers with his friends so you had the place to yourself and were looking forward to kicking up your feet with some Netflix.

That was until there was a knock on the door. You figured it was the same guy who was called every week without fail to try to sell you new kitchen appliances with a rather shady business card. But upon opening the door you found wonjae stood outside with a bag of what smelled like Mexican and a bottle of coke sporting a cheeky nervous smile.

“You hungry?”

[deitiesofduat]

DEITIES Update 10/29/18

(Okay wow it's been so long since I've used this banner, I nearly forgot I even had it sdjfksk)

Anyway hey everyone! I think we're due for another brief update, mostly regarding what I'll be up to as this long af year draws to a close. Details are under the cut, but the gist involves an askbox hiatus following this week, to give myself some time for some overdue housekeeping, and maybe some new art and content.

DEITIES ASKBOX & CC HIATUS (Don't worry it's temporary!!)

Might as well put that upfront, but yes rest assured this hiatus is meant to be a temporary one! Those of you who have been following the blog since the beginning may already be aware of my occasional calls to close the askbox, especially after askbox themes and when the volume becomes a bit high.

In this case, it's partially due to the increasing volume of asks I receive; partially due to some new (exciting???) things that are demanding my attention offline; but mostly to just take a break. You all have been asking some very good questions lately, and I appreciate the thought you put in them! But writing thorough answers takes time, and I need to reclaim a bit more of mine in the evening to work thru some projects and online housekeeping thru the end of this year. Rather than rush thru writing my answers for incoming questions, I think a solid break will be more ideal.

For those of you who have some last questions to ask me, I'll keep the ask box open until the end of Thursday, November 1, 11:59pm EDT (Note, this doesn't grant permission to spam the askbox, especially if you'd asked multiple questions already, so be mindful of that please!) After that deadline, I'll close the askbox on tumblr and answer the remainder in my inbox by this weekend, before officially going on break. This way no new questions will sit in the inbox, and I can try to avoid leaving people from wondering whether or not I'll answer them (for the record, I answer about 90% of questions I receive, the 10% that I don't can be explained in the FAQs -- including the very end regarding reasons you may not get an answer).

I'll also try to revisit the DEITIES CuriousCat briefly to see if any pressing questions are there, but any non-dire questions in my inbox will have to wait until I'm off hiatus (another note, I can't pause or close my askbox on CC, so you could technically still submit questions there, just know that I will not log in to check my inbox during this break).

As for how long this break will last? No idea yet; at least thru the end of November, but possible longer depending on how things progress with certain events in the works or if I otherwise feel like extending it. Until then, I ask for your patience until I'm ready to step back into the AMA saddle, so to speak. And fee free to review the FAQs and past questions around the blog to see if any question you might have have been addressed.

TUMBLR & WEBSITE HOUSEKEEPING

On that note, just because I'm taking a break from the project askbox won't mean I'll leave this blog neglected, far from it. At the very least I'm hoping to use part of this break to update a few pages on the project tumblr -- including the FAQs, some of my tagged content, and recording some of my askbox and CC responses as a reference/backup, which I haven’t done in months o)-----< It'll all be done in the background tho, but it should hopefully help visitors find more of the updated/recent info regarding this blog and the project.

If possible, I will also be working to finally migrate the placeholder site for DEITIES -- http://deitiesofduat.com -- to work with WordPress, which is one of the software I've been learning to use from my online classes. I eventually need to use WordPress to construct the full site for the comic, and migrating my placeholder on the system should at least help get the technical set up out of the way. Self-hosting is such a chore you guys. I can do it cuz I like working with WordPress but it's still, a chore. 

Either way, that URL may not function for a bit whenever I sit down to migrate it, but it should only be temporary until I get it to work properly.

CONTENT UPDATES WHEN...?

YEAH ABOUT THAT... cuz I'm fully aware that the blog has had less art and other content over the past few months. All I can say rn is that until I address some huge priorities in my offline life, content for DEITIES will remain irregular. That's the reality, unfortunately, but I'm still determined to see this project through, and I'm optimistic about some recent development that should hopefully help me re-establish my pace. You'll all know when I'm ready to share the news.

That said, I will still try to work on some bits of DEITIES artwork during the remainder of the year, once I have the time and drive for it. I'm also quietly working on updates to playlists on the DEITIES Spotify account (not many atm cuz I'm still evaluating some tracks in like, placeholder lists atm haha--).

There are also a few other fun things I'm playing with as well, that I can hopefully realize and share with everyone soon. I'll making any other necessary updates as they come, but until then take care everyone, and enjoy your Halloween!

[mytherapistsays-blog]

SPRING TRENDS - Because floral is boring af 

SPRING TRENDS - Because floral is boring af  ⁣⁣ ⁣⁣ @MyTherapistSays ⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣⁣ https://mytherapistsays.ca/spring-trends-because-floral-is-boring-af/

Goodbye winter depression! Spring is here PPL. A time where the depression is still low-key there just suppressed to enjoy the sun, floppy hats and ten too many Frosés! This does mean there is some housekeeping activities upon us: 1. A long overdue shaving session (legs are back and out to play) in case you haven’t gotten around to getting laser hair removal yet. 2. Pretending you’ve been naturally tan all year round (Grab some St.Tropez & a mitt girl) – note how we said “tan” not “orange”. **We recommend blasting some Dua Lipa bc we all need that confidence while looking at how the winter months of stress eating and hiding from the outside changed us** But most importantly 3. Remembering how to even dress without just throwing on a black coat and scarf over the whole damn outfit and calling it a day. Ugh, #beautyisWORK.   

After many weeks of being bundled up it’s easy to forget how to dress in the warm weather. HA jk not possible because we know you stalk yourself on Instagram at least once a week —scrolling all the way down to those summer pics thinking about how much hotter you were a year ago. Or even worse, you’ve posted a “can’t wait for warmer weather” pic from the one photoshoot you had all year in a bikini (after your week long adderall diet). Well, if you’ve been like me stalking every second of NYFW. You would already know Kaia Gerber is literally cooler than anyone, Anna Wintour and Cardi B became bffs, and the most shocking: fringe is back. Here’s what you should look out for when doing some retail therapy because lets face it, cuffing szn is about to be over. It’s #springcleaning time, say bye to (temporary) bae and hey to these new clothes and get ready to serve LOOKS.  

SPARKLES

Anything Sequin, Bedazzled, Glittery

Welcome to the new age of all eyes on you. Remember the days when we were scared of sequin, not wanting to look like a Sherri Hill prom dress or a tacky Las Vegas bachelorette party? Yeah, that was until Cardi B brought that SH%* back “Diamonds all over my body, shining all over my body”. Day time, night time, hungover at brunch. Shine like the star you believe you are after three tequila shots. 

LET’S GET FRINGE-Y

Not too fringe-y though. *Comeback Alert* Thank god you never actually followed the ‘minimalist’ phase and did anything with the clothes that haven’t been touched for the past three years. Deja Vu from 2015…maybe this is a sign we should text our exes from that year too? Wild West fringe means major Coachella moves are going to be made. However, it’s more of a post one pic in a fringe item (crop top, skirt, purse) so people know you are #ontrend then go back to forgetting it was ever there. 

SHEER

#NewEra

This spring let your feminist rights be shown by wearing the absolute least and doing the absolute most. Support the #freethenip movement with help of your new bff, sheer fabric. We gotta give it up for Bella Hadid for constantly SLAYING this trend. Basically anything sheer is the best way to show as much as possible and get away with it. By legit sliding a translucent bodysuit on, you basically embody the classy slutty look (goals!). 

RUFFLES

Calorie Free Ruffles

The only ruffles we have ever been cozy to are Lays, but maybe only since Kaia is telling us its cool. We believe it. A good tip when finding a dress or top that is ruffly is to make sure it’s fitted so you aren’t looking like an 8 year old flower girl. Just think: mature ruffles. #RuffleMeUp. (How many more times can we say the word ruffle?)

YELLOW

We all have been waiting for our “Andie Anderson” moment from How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days. If you don’t know the exact scene we are talking about, you don’t even deserve to wear satin it’s when Kate Hudson steps out in a simple, yellow, satin open back gown and does a twirl for Matthew McConaughey. She knew, he knew, we all knew she looked hot. So this spring let’s find our ‘Andie’ inspired yellow dress, which Gigi has already accomplished (duh), and live one of the best rom-com moments in the 2000s history. 

BRING OUT THOSE ART HISTORY DEGREES

#Cultured #Art #Intellect 

You don’t have to go to the Louvre to see Mona Lisa, just go to Louis V! Kendall Jenner approved of this art inspired trend with her Louis Vuitton Mona Lisa art purse. This trend is awesome especially because it’ll make you look sophisticated AF. You’re not educated on art history? I’m sorry… I can’t have a conversation with someone beneath me when I have Van Gough on my tote. Many designed embraced art prints this season, but the Versace outfit with the pop art image of Marilyn Monroe is probs our fave. 

[gordonwilliamsweb]

Biden Seeks $400 Billion to Buttress Long-Term Care. A Look at What’s at Stake.

There’s widespread agreement that it’s important to help older adults and people with disabilities remain independent as long as possible. But are we prepared to do what’s necessary, as a nation, to make this possible?

This story also ran on NPR. It can be republished for free.

That’s the challenge President Joe Biden has put forward with his bold proposal to spend $400 billion over eight years on home and community-based services, a major part of his $2 trillion infrastructure plan.

It’s a “historic and profound” opportunity to build a stronger framework of services surrounding vulnerable people who need considerable ongoing assistance, said Ai-jen Poo, director of Caring Across Generations, a national group advocating for older adults, individuals with disabilities, families and caregivers.

It comes as the coronavirus pandemic has wreaked havoc in nursing homes, assisted living facilities and group homes, killing more than 174,000 people and triggering awareness of the need for more long-term care options.

“There’s a much greater understanding now that it is not a good thing to be stuck in long-term care institutions” and that community-based care is an “essential alternative, which the vast majority of people would prefer,” said Ari Ne’eman, senior research associate at Harvard Law School’s Project on Disability.

“The systems we do have are crumbling” due to underfunding and understaffing, and “there has never been a greater opportunity for change than now,” said Katie Smith Sloan, president of LeadingAge, at a recent press conference where the president’s proposal was discussed. LeadingAge is a national association of more than 5,000 nonprofit nursing homes, assisted living centers, senior living communities and home care providers.

But prospects for the president’s proposal are uncertain. Republicans decry its cost and argue that much of what the proposed American Jobs Plan contains, including the emphasis on home-based care, doesn’t count as real infrastructure.

“Though this [proposal] is a necessary step to strengthen our long-term care system, politically it will be a challenge,” suggested Joseph Gaugler, a professor at the University of Minnesota’s School of Public Health, who studies long-term care.

Even advocates acknowledge the proposal doesn’t address the full extent of care needed by the nation’s rapidly growing older population. In particular, middle-income seniors won’t qualify directly for programs that would be expanded. They would, however, benefit from a larger, better paid, better trained workforce of aides that help people in their homes — one of the plan’s objectives.

“This [plan] isn’t everything that’s needed, not by any step of the imagination,” Poo said. “What we really want to get to is universal access to long-term care. But that will be a multistep process.”

Understanding what’s at stake is essential as communities across the country and Congress begin discussing Biden’s proposal.

The services in question. Home and community-based services help people who need significant assistance live at home as opposed to nursing homes or group homes.

Services can include home visits from nurses or occupational therapists; assistance with personal care such as eating or bathing; help from case managers; attendance at adult day centers; help with cooking, cleaning and other chores; transportation; and home repairs and modifications. It can also help pay for durable medical equipment such as wheelchairs or oxygen tanks.

The need. At some point, 70% of older adults will require help with dressing, hygiene, moving around, managing finances, taking medications, cooking, housekeeping and other daily needs, usually for two to four years. As the nation’s aging population expands to 74 million in 2030 (the year all baby boomers will have entered older age), that need will expand exponentially.

Younger adults and children with conditions such as cerebral palsy, blindness or intellectual disabilities can similarly require significant assistance.

The burden on families. Currently, 53 million family members provide most of the care that vulnerable seniors and people with disabilities require — without being paid and often at significant financial and emotional cost. According to AARP, family caregivers on average devote about 24 hours a week, to helping loved ones and spend around $7,000 out-of-pocket.

This reflects a sobering reality: Long-term care services are simply too expensive for most individuals and families. According to a survey last year by Genworth, a financial services firm, the hourly cost for a home health aide averages $24. Annually, assisted living centers charge an average $51,600, while a semiprivate room in a nursing home goes for $93,075.

Medicare limitations. Many people assume that Medicare — the nation’s health program for 61 million older adults and people with severe disabilities — will pay for long-term care, including home-based services. But Medicare coverage is extremely limited.

In the community, Medicare covers home health only for older adults and people with severe disabilities who are homebound and need skilled services from nurses and therapists. It does not pay for 24-hour care or care for personal aides or homemakers. In 2018, about 3.4 million Medicare members received home health services.

In nursing homes, Medicare pays only for rehabilitation services for a maximum of 100 days. It does not provide support for long-term stays in nursing homes or assisted living facilities.

Medicaid options. Medicaid — the federal-state health program for 72 million children and adults in low-income households — can be an alternative, but financial eligibility standards are strict and only people with meager incomes and assets qualify.

Medicaid supports two types of long-term care: home and community-based services and those provided in institutions such as nursing homes. But only care in institutions is mandated by the federal government. Home and community-based services are provided at the discretion of the states.

Although all states offer home and community-based services of some kind, there’s enormous variation in the types of services offered, who is served (states can set caps on enrollment) and state spending. Generally, people need to be frail enough to need nursing home care to qualify.

Nationally, 57% of Medicaid’s long-term care budget goes to home and community-based services — $92 billion in the 2018 federal budget year. But half of states still spend twice as much on institutional care as they do on community-based care. And 41 states have waiting lists, totaling nearly 820,000 people, with an average wait of 39 months.

Based on the best information available, between 4 million and 5 million people receive Medicaid-funded home and community-based services — a fraction of those who need care.

Workforce issues. Biden’s proposal doesn’t specify how $400 billion in additional funding would be spent, beyond stating that access to home and community-based care would be expanded and caregivers would receive “a long-overdue raise, stronger benefits, and an opportunity to organize or join a union.”

Caregivers, including nursing assistants and home health and personal care aides, earn $12 an hour, on average. Most are women of color; about one-third of those working for agencies don’t receive health insurance from their employers.

By the end of this decade, an extra 1 million workers will be needed for home-based care — a number of experts believe will be difficult, if not impossible, to reach given poor pay and working conditions.

“We have a choice to keep these poverty-wage jobs or make them good jobs that allow people to take pride in their work while taking care of their families,” said Poo of Caring Across Generations.

Next steps. Biden’s plan leaves out many details. For example: What portion of funding should go to strengthening the workforce? What portion should be devoted to eliminating waiting lists? What amount should be spent on expanding services?

How will inequities of the current system — for instance, the lack of accessible services in rural counties or for people with dementia — be addressed? “We want to see funding to states tied to addressing those inequities,” said Amber Christ, directing attorney of the health team at Justice in Aging, an advocacy organization.

Meanwhile, supporters of the plan suggest it could be just the opening of a major effort to shore up other parts of the safety net. “There are huge gaps in the system for middle-income families that need to be addressed,” said David Certner, AARP’s legislative counsel.

Reforms that should be considered include tax credits for caregivers, expanding Medicare’s home health benefit and removing the requirement that people receiving Medicare home health be homebound, said Christ of Justice in Aging.

”We should be looking more broadly at potential solutions that reach people who have some resources but not enough to pay for these services as well,” she said.

KHN (Kaiser Health News) is a national newsroom that produces in-depth journalism about health issues. Together with Policy Analysis and Polling, KHN is one of the three major operating programs at KFF (Kaiser Family Foundation). KFF is an endowed nonprofit organization providing information on health issues to the nation.

USE OUR CONTENT

This story can be republished for free (details).

Biden Seeks $400 Billion to Buttress Long-Term Care. A Look at What’s at Stake. published first on https://nootropicspowdersupplier.tumblr.com/

[stephenmccull]

Biden Seeks $400 Billion to Buttress Long-Term Care. A Look at What’s at Stake.

There’s widespread agreement that it’s important to help older adults and people with disabilities remain independent as long as possible. But are we prepared to do what’s necessary, as a nation, to make this possible?

This story also ran on NPR. It can be republished for free.

That’s the challenge President Joe Biden has put forward with his bold proposal to spend $400 billion over eight years on home and community-based services, a major part of his $2 trillion infrastructure plan.

It’s a “historic and profound” opportunity to build a stronger framework of services surrounding vulnerable people who need considerable ongoing assistance, said Ai-jen Poo, director of Caring Across Generations, a national group advocating for older adults, individuals with disabilities, families and caregivers.

It comes as the coronavirus pandemic has wreaked havoc in nursing homes, assisted living facilities and group homes, killing more than 174,000 people and triggering awareness of the need for more long-term care options.

“There’s a much greater understanding now that it is not a good thing to be stuck in long-term care institutions” and that community-based care is an “essential alternative, which the vast majority of people would prefer,” said Ari Ne’eman, senior research associate at Harvard Law School’s Project on Disability.

“The systems we do have are crumbling” due to underfunding and understaffing, and “there has never been a greater opportunity for change than now,” said Katie Smith Sloan, president of LeadingAge, at a recent press conference where the president’s proposal was discussed. LeadingAge is a national association of more than 5,000 nonprofit nursing homes, assisted living centers, senior living communities and home care providers.

But prospects for the president’s proposal are uncertain. Republicans decry its cost and argue that much of what the proposed American Jobs Plan contains, including the emphasis on home-based care, doesn’t count as real infrastructure.

“Though this [proposal] is a necessary step to strengthen our long-term care system, politically it will be a challenge,” suggested Joseph Gaugler, a professor at the University of Minnesota’s School of Public Health, who studies long-term care.

Even advocates acknowledge the proposal doesn’t address the full extent of care needed by the nation’s rapidly growing older population. In particular, middle-income seniors won’t qualify directly for programs that would be expanded. They would, however, benefit from a larger, better paid, better trained workforce of aides that help people in their homes — one of the plan’s objectives.

“This [plan] isn’t everything that’s needed, not by any step of the imagination,” Poo said. “What we really want to get to is universal access to long-term care. But that will be a multistep process.”

Understanding what’s at stake is essential as communities across the country and Congress begin discussing Biden’s proposal.

The services in question. Home and community-based services help people who need significant assistance live at home as opposed to nursing homes or group homes.

Services can include home visits from nurses or occupational therapists; assistance with personal care such as eating or bathing; help from case managers; attendance at adult day centers; help with cooking, cleaning and other chores; transportation; and home repairs and modifications. It can also help pay for durable medical equipment such as wheelchairs or oxygen tanks.

The need. At some point, 70% of older adults will require help with dressing, hygiene, moving around, managing finances, taking medications, cooking, housekeeping and other daily needs, usually for two to four years. As the nation’s aging population expands to 74 million in 2030 (the year all baby boomers will have entered older age), that need will expand exponentially.

Younger adults and children with conditions such as cerebral palsy, blindness or intellectual disabilities can similarly require significant assistance.

The burden on families. Currently, 53 million family members provide most of the care that vulnerable seniors and people with disabilities require — without being paid and often at significant financial and emotional cost. According to AARP, family caregivers on average devote about 24 hours a week, to helping loved ones and spend around $7,000 out-of-pocket.

This reflects a sobering reality: Long-term care services are simply too expensive for most individuals and families. According to a survey last year by Genworth, a financial services firm, the hourly cost for a home health aide averages $24. Annually, assisted living centers charge an average $51,600, while a semiprivate room in a nursing home goes for $93,075.

Medicare limitations. Many people assume that Medicare — the nation’s health program for 61 million older adults and people with severe disabilities — will pay for long-term care, including home-based services. But Medicare coverage is extremely limited.

In the community, Medicare covers home health only for older adults and people with severe disabilities who are homebound and need skilled services from nurses and therapists. It does not pay for 24-hour care or care for personal aides or homemakers. In 2018, about 3.4 million Medicare members received home health services.

In nursing homes, Medicare pays only for rehabilitation services for a maximum of 100 days. It does not provide support for long-term stays in nursing homes or assisted living facilities.

Medicaid options. Medicaid — the federal-state health program for 72 million children and adults in low-income households — can be an alternative, but financial eligibility standards are strict and only people with meager incomes and assets qualify.

Medicaid supports two types of long-term care: home and community-based services and those provided in institutions such as nursing homes. But only care in institutions is mandated by the federal government. Home and community-based services are provided at the discretion of the states.

Although all states offer home and community-based services of some kind, there’s enormous variation in the types of services offered, who is served (states can set caps on enrollment) and state spending. Generally, people need to be frail enough to need nursing home care to qualify.

Nationally, 57% of Medicaid’s long-term care budget goes to home and community-based services — $92 billion in the 2018 federal budget year. But half of states still spend twice as much on institutional care as they do on community-based care. And 41 states have waiting lists, totaling nearly 820,000 people, with an average wait of 39 months.

Based on the best information available, between 4 million and 5 million people receive Medicaid-funded home and community-based services — a fraction of those who need care.

Workforce issues. Biden’s proposal doesn’t specify how $400 billion in additional funding would be spent, beyond stating that access to home and community-based care would be expanded and caregivers would receive “a long-overdue raise, stronger benefits, and an opportunity to organize or join a union.”

Caregivers, including nursing assistants and home health and personal care aides, earn $12 an hour, on average. Most are women of color; about one-third of those working for agencies don’t receive health insurance from their employers.

By the end of this decade, an extra 1 million workers will be needed for home-based care — a number of experts believe will be difficult, if not impossible, to reach given poor pay and working conditions.

“We have a choice to keep these poverty-wage jobs or make them good jobs that allow people to take pride in their work while taking care of their families,” said Poo of Caring Across Generations.

Next steps. Biden’s plan leaves out many details. For example: What portion of funding should go to strengthening the workforce? What portion should be devoted to eliminating waiting lists? What amount should be spent on expanding services?

How will inequities of the current system — for instance, the lack of accessible services in rural counties or for people with dementia — be addressed? “We want to see funding to states tied to addressing those inequities,” said Amber Christ, directing attorney of the health team at Justice in Aging, an advocacy organization.

Meanwhile, supporters of the plan suggest it could be just the opening of a major effort to shore up other parts of the safety net. “There are huge gaps in the system for middle-income families that need to be addressed,” said David Certner, AARP’s legislative counsel.

Reforms that should be considered include tax credits for caregivers, expanding Medicare’s home health benefit and removing the requirement that people receiving Medicare home health be homebound, said Christ of Justice in Aging.

”We should be looking more broadly at potential solutions that reach people who have some resources but not enough to pay for these services as well,” she said.

KHN (Kaiser Health News) is a national newsroom that produces in-depth journalism about health issues. Together with Policy Analysis and Polling, KHN is one of the three major operating programs at KFF (Kaiser Family Foundation). KFF is an endowed nonprofit organization providing information on health issues to the nation.

USE OUR CONTENT

This story can be republished for free (details).

Biden Seeks $400 Billion to Buttress Long-Term Care. A Look at What’s at Stake. published first on https://smartdrinkingweb.weebly.com/

[realcleargoodtimes]

JUSTICE IN AMERICA FOR BLACK AND OTHERS, REALY? HERE’’S  THE CASES SHOWING  IT’S NOT TRUE! 

ge Les Hayes once sentenced a single mother to 496 days behind bars for failing to pay traffic tickets. The sentence was so stiff it exceeded the jail time Alabama allows for negligent homicide.

Marquita Johnson, who was locked up in April 2012, says the impact of her time in jail endures today. Johnson’s three children were cast into foster care while she was incarcerated. One daughter was molested, state records show. Another was physically abused.

“Judge Hayes took away my life and didn’t care how my children suffered,” said Johnson, now 36. “My girls will never be the same.”

Fellow inmates found her sentence hard to believe. “They had a nickname for me: The Woman with All the Days,” Johnson said. “That’s what they called me: The Woman with All the Days. There were people who had committed real crimes who got out before me.”

In 2016, the state agency that oversees judges charged Hayes with violating Alabama’s code of judicial conduct. According to the Judicial Inquiry Commission, Hayes broke state and federal laws by jailing Johnson and hundreds of other Montgomery residents too poor to pay fines. Among those jailed: a plumber struggling to make rent, a mother who skipped meals to cover the medical bills of her disabled son, and a hotel housekeeper working her way through college.

Hayes, a judge since 2000, admitted in court documents to violating 10 different parts of the state’s judicial conduct code. One of the counts was a breach of a judge’s most essential duty: failing to “respect and comply with the law.”

Despite the severity of the ruling, Hayes wasn’t barred from serving as a judge. Instead, the judicial commission and Hayes reached a deal. The former Eagle Scout would serve an 11-month unpaid suspension. Then he could return to the bench.

Until he was disciplined, Hayes said in an interview with Reuters, “I never thought I was doing something wrong.”

This week, Hayes is set to retire after 20 years as a judge. In a statement to Reuters, Hayes said he was “very remorseful” for his misdeeds.

Community activists say his departure is long overdue. Yet the decision to leave, they say, should never have been his to make, given his record of misconduct.

“He should have been fired years ago,” said Willie Knight, pastor of North Montgomery Baptist Church. “He broke the law and wanted to get away with it. His sudden retirement is years too late.”

Hayes is among thousands of state and local judges across America who were allowed to keep positions of extraordinary power and prestige after violating judicial ethics rules or breaking laws they pledged to uphold, a Reuters investigation found.

Judges have made racist statements, lied to state officials and forced defendants to languish in jail without a lawyer – and then returned to the bench, sometimes with little more than a rebuke from the state agencies overseeing their conduct.

Recent media reports have documented failures in judicial oversight in South Carolina, Louisiana and Illinois. Reuters went further.

In the first comprehensive accounting of judicial misconduct nationally, Reuters reviewed 1,509 cases from the last dozen years – 2008 through 2019 – in which judges resigned, retired or were publicly disciplined following accusations of misconduct. In addition, reporters identified another 3,613 cases from 2008 through 2018 in which states disciplined wayward judges but kept hidden from the public key details of their offenses – including the identities of the judges themselves.

All told, 9 of every 10 judges were allowed to return to the bench after they were sanctioned for misconduct, Reuters determined. They included a California judge who had sex in his courthouse chambers, once with his former law intern and separately with an attorney; a New York judge who berated domestic violence victims; and a Maryland judge who, after his arrest for driving drunk, was allowed to return to the bench provided he took a Breathalyzer test before each appearance.

The news agency’s findings reveal an “excessively” forgiving judicial disciplinary system, said Stephen Gillers, a law professor at New York University who writes about judicial ethics. Although punishment short of removal from the bench is appropriate for most misconduct cases, Gillers said, the public “would be appalled at some of the lenient treatment judges get” for substantial transgressions.

Among the cases from the past year alone:

In Utah, a judge texted a video of a man��s scrotum to court clerks. He was reprimanded but remains on the bench.

In Indiana, three judges attending a conference last spring got drunk and sparked a 3 a.m. brawl outside a White Castle fast-food restaurant that ended with two of the judges shot. Although the state supreme court found the three judges had “discredited the entire Indiana judiciary,” each returned to the bench after a suspension.

In Texas, a judge burst in on jurors deliberating the case of a woman charged with sex trafficking and declared that God told him the defendant was innocent. The offending judge received a warning and returned to the bench. The defendant was convicted after a new judge took over the case.

“There are certain things where there should be a level of zero tolerance,” the jury foreman, Mark House, told Reuters. The judge should have been fined, House said, and kicked off the bench. “There is no justice, because he is still doing his job.”

Judicial misconduct specialists say such behavior has the potential to erode trust in America’s courts and, absent tough consequences, could give judges license to behave with impunity.

“When you see cases like that, the public starts to wonder about the integrity and honesty of the system,” said Steve Scheckman, a lawyer who directed Louisiana’s oversight agency and served as deputy director of New York’s. “It looks like a good ol’ boys club.”

That’s how local lawyers viewed the case of a longtime Alabama judge who concurrently served on the state’s judicial oversight commission. The judge, Cullman District Court’s Kim Chaney, remained on the bench for three years after being accused of violating the same nepotism rules he was tasked with enforcing on the oversight commission. In at least 200 cases, court records show, Judge Chaney chose his own son to serve as a court-appointed defense lawyer for the indigent, enabling the younger Chaney to earn at least $105,000 in fees over two years.

In February, months after Reuters repeatedly asked Chaney and the state judicial commission about those cases, he retired from the bench as part of a deal with state authorities to end the investigation.

Tommy Drake, the lawyer who first filed a complaint against Chaney in 2016, said he doubts the judge would have been forced from the bench if Reuters hadn’t examined the case.

“You know the only reason they did anything about Chaney is because you guys started asking questions,” Drake said. “Otherwise, he’d still be there.”

BEDROCK OF AMERICAN JUSTICE

State and local judges draw little scrutiny even though their courtrooms are the bedrock of the American criminal justice system, touching the lives of millions of people every year.

The country’s approximately 1,700 federal judges hear 400,000 cases annually. The nearly 30,000 state, county and municipal court judges handle a far bigger docket: more than 100 million new cases each year, from traffic to divorce to murder. Their titles range from justice of the peace to state supreme court justice. Their