#So shes thinking about stuff like how much eye contact to make when to change subjects and stuff on top the actual interaction

[i-like-media]

I was wondering when they were going to play with the fact the Doctor is black now. 13 being faced with how people think of women was one of my favourite things in her era, so I was curious how they were going to treat his skin colour this season, if at all.

And honestly, Dot And Bubble exceeded all my expectations on the matter!

What a lot of episodes about racism and bigotry do is coddle the viewer. They make clear early on "this is an episode about RACISM and why it's WRONG!" As if you've never heard of the concept before and don't know it's bad. The episode will often portray racism in an extreme sense and show the viewer the main characters are above that.

What Dot And Bubble did, for the entire episode, was letting the viewer figure it out on their own. There was no coddling, only racism as it silently existed. A perfectly pastel and white community with not a single person of colour and the only visible outlier being a goth white kid. And in this world, the first thing the character we follow did, was to block a black guy with a face of disgust.

The title screen rolls and you're left to rationalise it. Surely it was because he was not in her contact list/saying all kinds of mind blowing stuff... Right? Except when Ruby enters her feed and talks about it, she actually replies back... With an eye roll, but she replies... and keeps talking... and listening.

The episode continues, still not a single POC besides the Doctor. They reveal this is an exclusive place for rich people, and eventually the character in question even admits she thought the Doctor was a different person because "I thought you looked the same".

What this episode also does well, is portraying a character we wish to see change and find a better life behind that change. We see Lindy struggle to navigate the world without her bubble, calling herself stupid, and we genuinely hope she DOES learn to be better, even as you slowly pick up on what's been going on sofar. You are left to hope she'll thank him and realise the error of her ways, and maybe find a new drive to think for herself.

And then she doesn't.

She stays in her bubble, doubling down on how she feels about the Doctor, how they're excited to be like their settler ancestors, and finally CLEARLY revealing to the viewers what's been off this whole time... and the scene asks: did YOU notice the signs? Did you see what went wrong along the way, or did you only notice just now when it's explicitly shown to you? And why do you think that is?

It challenges the perspective of the viewer and tells you to reflect on why you didn't see it coming, and that is so so powerful.

The Doctor's reaction to this scene..... 👌👌👌👌

His mouth is ajar, stunned beyond belief that after all he's done and all he can offer, the offer to literally save their lives, he is reduced to someone who's nothing more than the hue of his skin. He yells at them, telling them he doesn't care what they think of him because he's still the same doctor he's always been, and to still get rejected with a dirty look... Which hits extra hard when you remember how much the Doctor loves being himself. He LOVES being the Doctor again! And he walks with such a pep in his step, celebrating his existence and sharing it with all he meets... and then he tries to save some rich white kids from certain death.

His performance in that moment was literally phenomenal. It's a narrative that's so powerful and so creative in its execution, my jaw was still on the floor throughout the credits.

This episode is definitely up there as one of my favourites sofar

[tan1shere]

Heyy I was wondering if you could do a fic with Ellie x reader when r is on her period. Ellie doesn’t know, but she’s really hormonal, moody, and lashes out at Ellie. Eventually Ellie connects the dots and is really sweet and understanding and R just breaks down in tears saying stuff like she’s a terrible gf etc. R is also in a lot of pain with cramps and just wants to sleep and Ellie is there for her there too. I love your writing!!

You're ok

Ellie Williams x female reader!

A/n: hiii thank you 😊 I'm so glad you enjoy it, this one's just for you nonnie <3 hope you like it !!

Warnings: none really, fluffyness ! Moody reader ? -

Masterlist

Birds were chirping, the sun starting to shine in. You smiled to yourself, this was going to be a good day! Until your legs hit the floor. A wave of blood washes over your uterus. Fuck. No no- was all you could think. You groan, it was always so irregular. It was supposed to come next week. You flop back on the bed, dreading this day already. Curling back up into the sheets. Why today, you planned to do stuff, be productive. It frustrated you how your period could be. Just be normal for God sake.

"Morning baby, I made you some breakfast." You hear your girlfriends voice. You groan in pain, your cramps starting to kick in like crazy, as usual. "Not hungry." Her brows furrow. "Bu-" "I said I'm not hungry." You spit. Her brows furrow more, deciding to leave you alone at your sudden outburst. All you wanted to do was sleep and hope the day speeds up faster.

It infact didn't. The common headache starts, the cramps become more and more. You decided to get up to get some water, moody and annoyed. "You done with whatever this morning was?" "Shut up." You grumble. Exhausted, hair a mess. Her head tilts looking at you in thought. "What it up with you today." You don't reply just wanting to lay in your bed again. She hated seeing you this way. "Hello?" You then go back up the stairs to lay down.

She opens the door a few hours later grabbing a book from the bedside. Noticing you were asleep. She was trying to rack her brain what was bothering you so much, then it clicked. "Period." She whispered. Then her demeanor softens. She felt awful for not noticing. Ellie was smart she pieced it together, she got them too she knows. But she also understood how badly you got yours, especially after you missed last months.

Another hour passes and you're awake again, staring at the ceiling. Your body ached, but your mood certainly changed. You hated how your body made you treat people, your mind all over the place. You look at the clock to check the time. It was way later in the evening. You decided to get up and go see your girlfriend just wanting some comfort after today. But most importantly to apologize, for no real reason as Ellie would say. She was so understanding, always saying that there was no need to apologize. You walk down seeing her watching TV on the couch. "Ells?" You softly say.

Her head turns to look at you. "I'm sorry Ellie, I'm so sorry." - "Hey hey its fine. You're ok." She lifts the blanket. "Come here." And you do, getting under it with her. "Why didn't you tell me when you saw I didn't know yet?" You shrug lightly. "I dunno baby, I'm sorry I've been so awful and evil today." This makes her laugh. "My wicked little moody monster." Your eyes roll with a huge smile. "Youre so silly." Her hand comes in contact with your hair. "How bad have they been?" You sigh and that's enough for her to know that they were bad. "Everything aches." A sad look is present on her features. "I'm sorry angel.

Your body moves closer into her touch loving the warm feeling she gave you. Why couldn't you of just done this, this morning. Instead of lashing out. "Look at me baby." She then says pulling you out if your thoughts. "It's not your fault. It's ok, I understand now, please don't worry about this morning." She saw through you and your mind. You nodded. "We're only human bub." Her soft way made you snuggle into her more. She was truly the best.

"Will you let me take care of you now?" You nod gently. And this makes her smile stick. She loved taking care of you, it filled her with so much joy to be there for the person she loved. "Thank you for being so patient with me." You tell her. She gives you a kiss on the forehead. "I will forever be patient with you, I love you."

"I love you too."

For the rest of that night that's what she did, she made sure you ate. Had something warm on your stomach for the pesky cramps. Ran you a soothing warm bath, for the whole of your aching body. And the cuddliest cuddles to end of a horrible day.

[shotorozu]

(gender neutral reader, reader went to middle school with bakugou and midoriya, reader can make chocolate, and reader bent their back for the making of said chocolate, not that much beta read /derogatory, i got carried away 😭)

bakugou katsuki is a feared, but admired guy— especially during valentines day.

it’s interesting.. when he was a younger boy— he’d take gifts from admirers (usually girl classmates or other kids that frequent the park he goes to) with widened eyes and a scoff, snatching the gift away from them with quick hands, and mumbling how valentines day is stupid— that it’s lame and he doesn’t understand it.

but refusing gifts are rude, he’d remember his mom say, after he refused to accept something his dad made for him— and back then, he’d listen to his mom like his life depended on it. so, for a year or two— he’d take gifts.

but as the blond boy manifested a quirk and became just a bit older— he started ignoring her words altogether, having had grown out of the “listening to mom all the time is cool” phase.

his features started defining themselves, and he was starting to become taller. before he knew it— he had a sudden wave of admirers crashing down at him almost everyday of the year.

and it almost excluding valentines day.

because he’d sneer at anyone willing to offer their affection in the form of sweetened confectionary, and resorted to blowing up love letters into smithereens.

if his personality wasn’t obvious enough, this was precisely the reason why his admire-from-afar to get-personal ratio was obviously imbalanced.

of course, no one really learns— even as he grows older, enters UA for highschool, and retains his personality even after some realizations, because bakugou katsuki is quite beautiful.

so there’s at least a handful of admirers that are willing to risk it all— even if it meant some form of humilation or intimidation.

but not you.

you’ve prepared a little something for everyone in your class— yes, even the forbidden grape haired classmate and him. your hands practically hurt from stirring, and you feel like if you’d even bend up slightly, you’d hear multiple cracks amass from your back.

but you think it’s all worth it. your work tastes good, looks good and cute, and you’re certain everyone would enjoy how their chocolates varied in flavor, even if the change was just slightly noticeable.

you hand out chocolates to each respective person as soon as they pop into the common room.

the girls of your class perk up in interest and clamor around you— smiles adorning their faces as they line up to receive their chocolates.

mina, kyouka and hagakure compare their flavors together, momo asks you how you did it, because she’s “bad at cooking”

ochako’s already munching on the sweets, when he starts thanking you. finally, tsuyu just looks at you silently, and gives you a warm side hug.

midoriya goes beet red when he realizes that you personally gave everyone a slightly different flavor (you don’t know how he blushed over that, but you find it endearing.) todoroki, tokoyami, shoji, sato, koda, and ojiro look a little confused and dazed at first when you give them your chocolates, but they end up accepting it with gratitude.

kirishima, iida, kaminari, sero, aoyama and mineta accept your chocolates rather quickly, wasting no time in giving their thanks (excluding mineta— who just teased you about liking him, which was and will never be the case)

but through it all, you managed to avoid eye contact with your snarky blond childhood friend and classmate— who was silently trailing you with crimson eyes the entire time.

for a moment you think he’s mad at you for not giving anything, which you’d understand— if it weren’t for the fact that he is valentines day’s #1 public enemy. but you exchange this thought for something else.

he must think that you’re strange for making the class chocolate, and you wouldn’t blame him. usually, it’d be sato making stuff like this. not to mention, you heard him remark rather loudly about the kitchen smelling strongly of chocolate, in his usual bakugou tone.

you made the right choice not to give him the chocolates you made, you think to yourself. not to mention, how amidst it all, you might’ve showed a slight bias to his chocolate’s design— and revealing your crush on him on today of all days is less than ideal.

and you think nothing of his behavior—

“s’ i’ve got nothing, huh?”

he jumpscares you when you close your locker, and he lets out a snort when your shoulders rise in reflection of your surprise.

your gaze trails to his locker, which cannot close due to a lump of chocolate and letters preventing it from properly doing so. “you’ve got plenty, though. i don’t want to give you diabetes or anything.”

(which was half true because wow the amount of chcolate—)

“you gave all of them chocolate. why’da do that?”

“because.. it’s valentines day..?” you start walking away from your locker— and to which he follows all the way. you try not to think much of the action

“but what makes you think that i shouldn’t get any.”

normally, one would state that as a question, but the way he said it, the tone of his voice— it wasn’t said like one.

“i know you, kachaan,” you reason while making use of his childhood nickname, which gains an eye twitch from the blond. “if i was told to count how many letters you’ve burned and chocolates you either gave away or thrown out, i wouldn’t have enough fingers on my hands.”

“‘cause all of them were fuckin’ store bought?”

“and what if they weren’t?”

“then they were horrendous.” he states, matter of a fact. then, his eyes narrow, “and it’s not like you’re giving me a damned letter.”

you feel your cheeks heat up. that’s not the case— but the idea of writing him a love letter has your mind going into haywire.

“it’s not. but you’ve never showed interest in this sorta thing in a long time.”

“what— eating chocolates?”

“pretty much.”

he blinks, unamused. “you can be such a dumbass sometimes. can’t take the fucking hint.”

you’re pretty sure he meant to say that quietly, but he didn’t. you’re unphased at this point.

but you don’t get what he means, so you try to defend yourself. “but—” your words come to a sudden halt, as you realize the uselessness.

“wait, why am i trying to reason with you?— look, i actually did make something for you too. if i didn’t then that’d be such an asshole move of me to exclude you.”

“really. you’re not bullshittin’ me?”

“no.” you reply, firmly. “but you have to promise not to laugh. you can insult me, but laugh? no way.”

he raises an eyebrow.

then, you shift onto one leg and start looking for something in one of the front pockets of your bag. the search doesn’t take long, because you pull something out— medium sized chocolate in clear wrapping, with an orange bow tying it together.

it’s clearly slightly bigger than the rest of your classmates, and you hope he doesn’t notice.

he silently unwraps the chocolate, and gets eye to eye with your creation. it’s three pieces of chocolate shaped as explosions— the middle explosion being bigger than the other two. anyone who sniffed it could smell orange first, as the middle (biggest) piece has a swirl of orange and milk chocolate, the left piece is simply milk chocolate, and the right piece is white chocolate.

he takes the middle one and bites half of it, and chews. you observe, like he’s a top chef reviewing your latest work, and when he finishes, he says—

“not bad,” he remarks, flashing that heart racing smile. “wanna taste?”

you gulp, stupefied by his offer. words don’t have real meanings for a second. “huh?”

then, he’s reaching up and popping the other half into your mouth, thumb pressing against your lips.

you almost choke— and it wasn’t from the chocolate. you bite, taste the flavor, the mouth watering taste of orange and chocolate swarming your mouth.

to twist the knife into the wound— he cups your face and presses a deep, but quick kiss against your lips. his soft lips linger onto yours, and this intensifies what you can already taste.

and then, as quick as he kissed you, he pulls back— gaze still lingering on your lips.

a toothy grin starts to grow on his lips, and he pats your shoulder— beginning to create distance between you two by walking ahead.

“next time, give me the chocolates first, will ya? tastes fuckin’ good.”

you have a feeling he isn’t talking about the chocolate.

[joelslastofus]

[SUMMARY: Joel deals with his jealousy as Tommy and you get more serious.]

PART TWO to my last reblog!!

Smut, drama, infidelity, angst

“Did he make you cum?” His sudden question catching you off guard. His eyes darkened as he waited for your response.

Sarah’s mother showed up the next morning to take Sarah to school since Joel had to leave early with Tommy. When she arrived she noticed Joel acting stranger than usual, he was quiet not making eye contact with anyone, he seemed like he was in a bad mood.

“Woke up on the wrong side of the bed?” She whispered leaning toward him making him look up.

“Just gettin’ ready for work”

Tommy showed up and poured himself coffee yawning as he greeted Sarah’s mother.

“Well you missed the show last night, these two gettin’ locked in the basement”

“Who?”

“My brother and my girl” Tommy raised his brows as her mother quickly turned to Joel who kept himself with his back to both of them drinking his coffee.

“Oh really?” She raised a brow.

“Mhm, but it wasn’t for long” he continued.

“You ready to go or ya gonna keep yappin’” Joel uttered before taking another sip from his mug.

“I’m ready, let’s go” Tommy grabbed his bag as Joel walked out yelling out to his daughter that he would see her that night and not saying a word to her mother.

“I wanted my dad to take me to school” Sarah came out the room as she grabbed her backpack.

“Well we all can’t get what we want, can we?” her mother snapped at her before walking to the bathroom and slamming the door shut. Sarah didn’t understand why her mother had returned if she acted like she couldn’t stand being a mother.

As usual, Tommy would see you in the morning on the porch while Joel got the truck ready. Packing his stuff in the back he watched Tommy greet you with a kiss. He failed miserably at trying to keep his eyes off you, his eyes blazing with envy as he watched your lips touch his once more before Tommy walked back to the truck. Joel looked away before he could notice, walking to the front of the truck he looked up and locked eyes with you for just a moment before you quickly turned and walked inside.

Joel drove in silence, his expression rather serious as he kept his eyes on the road.

“You got back in late” he suddenly spoke, thinking about how his brother left with you and didn’t return till nearly three in the morning.

“What are you monitoring me now, dad?” Tommy chuckled but Joel quickly became lost in his thoughts thinking about what you two were doing so late together. Thinking about what you had said the night before in the basement.

His brother fucking you.

The thought making him breathless with anger before realizing Tommy was calling his name.

“Joel! You listening?!”

“What?” He snapped looking over at him, the look in his eyes weirding out Tommy. It was rare when he saw his brother angry to this extent, yet he didn’t understand what was triggering it.

“Nothin’” Tommy uttered before turning back to the road as Joel pressed his foot on the gas and continued driving.

Little did he know, you and Tommy hadn’t slept with each other that night. Instead you cuddled watching a movie and ended up falling asleep in his arms. The guilt still eating at you as you continued to think over and over what Joel admitted to you the night before.

After all this time.

After all this fucking time.

Now when you were giving his brother a chance, now when you were getting to know the sweet charming man his brother was, Joel admitted something to you that you would’ve killed to know earlier.

It didn’t matter, it didn’t change anything. Joel forgot about any history the two of you had when Sarah’s mother showed up. He forgot how much the two of you had in common, how twice for Sarah’s birthday you baked her a cake when Joel called that he would be running late from work. Hell, how you baked him a cake and helped Sarah surprise him with a gift. He forgot about it all…

“It’s Friday night brother, how about a double date with your lady and mine at the bar?” Tommy hesitantly approached his brother at work hoping he’d be in a better mood.

“No, uh, I don’t want Sarah alone and-“

“I’ll call the sitter and set it all up, come on, it’ll be fun. Cheer up a bit” Joel remained silent giving in to the plan.

That night you wore a brown milkmaid dress with a pair of heels you forgot you even owned. You were excited to spend time with Tommy while also secretly excited to get a rise out of Joel. Maybe you were being immature but the more you thought of how he treated you that very day he cut ties, it all made sense to you.

Meeting them at the front of their house you walked out of your door looking out to see if they were there. Joel being the first one to look up spotted you walking in their direction, his eyes drifting down to your body, noticing just how well the dress complimented you.

“Jesus-“ he whispered to himself before quickly looking away. How the fuck was he suppose to ignore you all night?

“Tommy” you poked a finger at his back making him quickly turn and immediately get taken back by how you looked.

“Look at you, you look gorgeous, baby” you smiled before all four of you got in the truck.

Sitting in the back with Tommy, Joel was given the perfect view of you through his rear view mirror. You could feel his eyes on you while Tommy looked out the window, Sarah’s mother complaining about things she had to do for her daughter, Joel was over it ignoring her. Tommy unexpectedly turned around and kissed you making you smile, Joel bit the inside of his cheek and looked away.

Once getting to the bar, Tommy was quick to order more drinks which you were more than excited to try to relieve the bit of anxiety you felt. The night continued and you found yourself drinking more than you had planned yet you felt just right.

“You wanna take another shot?” Tommy leaned over to you with the drink in his hand.

“Sure” you laughed before the two of you took the shot together.

“Oh that one was strong” you made a sour face as Joel watched with furrowed brows. Joel had never seen you drink that much before. Apart of him wondering if you were doing it on purpose just to get under his skin. Whatever you were doing, it was working.

“We should dance” you excitedly turned to Tommy who bit his lip with excitement and got up with you to the dance floor.

“What the hell are we even doing here?”

Sarah’s mother complained while Joels eyes subtly followed you.

“I came to have a drink” He responded without turning to her.

“And you have to figure out something with your daughter cause I’m not gonna be taking her to school everyday” Joel raised a brow as she sucked her teeth. She wanted nothing to do with being a mother. All he heard her do was complain about any little thing she had to do for Sarah.

“Did you hear me, Joel?”

“You can leave if you want, what the hell was the point of you comin’ back?” he responded bluntly before chugging his drink not caring the way Sarah’s mother felt.

He had enough. He knew she wasn’t for him, he knew too late in time that she wasn’t right for Sarah. Angrily she got up and grabbed her bag leaving the bar. Joel watched as you danced with Tommy, your arms wrapped around him, his hands running down your waist. Joel brushed his hand over his lips and looked away, the sight was too much to bare. After a few minutes he could hear the sound of your laughter coming closer before he looked up.

“That was fun” you sighed as you slid into the booth.

“Hey where’s your lady?” Tommy asked as he sat beside you. Joel simply shrugged and took another sip of his drink.

“That’s done” his words making you look up at him. For some reason hearing he was no longer with Sarah’s mother bought you some kind of happiness.

“Well forget her, I never liked her for you anyway” Tommy responded before he took a shot. Just as he did you and Joel looked at each other for a moment before you quickly looked away.

“Im gonna go get us some more drinks, I’ll be right back” Tommy leaned in towards you, before you could say anything he left you and Joel alone together. Uncomfortably you swallowed looking away as Joel stared you down, the jealousy in him rising the more he thought about what his brother had told him earlier. You staying the night with him the night before, Joel hated the thought of it.

“We should get going soon” you spoke casually trying to find something to speak of.

“Wouldn’t wanna keep you from another night with Tommy” he responded with sarcasm.

“What was that?” You raised a brow as he leaned forward.

“You and Tommy…ya know I ain’t surprised you already slept with him, that’s just what girls like you do. I guess Sarah’s mother was right about you after all” Joel letting his anger and drinking take over, allowing himself to insult you in a way he never had.

“Excuse me? Girls like me?” Was he calling you a whore? Before you could respond Tommy showed up beside you making you quickly look away.

“One more drink before we go” Tommy smiled looking down at you.

“Yes…but I need to use the restroom” you quickly stood up almost stumbling as Tommy caught you by your waist.

“You alright?”

Joel almost stood up for a split second to help you before catching himself. Even through the anger he couldn’t help his immediate response.

“Yes….I’ll be right back” you quickly made your way to the bathroom as Joel glanced at you with the corner of his eye watching as you hid your face.

“I hope she invites me back to her place again tonight” Tommy grinned.

“Im sure you’ll get lucky again, don’t worry” Joel uttered low.

“I didn’t get lucky last night,-“ Joel quickly looked up not expecting what he was told.

“She doesn’t move like that, it ain’t what I’m used to but I like it. It’ll happen when it’s suppose to”

A part of him relieved to know nothing had ever happened while the other half of him feeling like a dick for what he said to you. He knew he fucked up, his jealousy getting the best of him, he regretted what he had said. You stepped out of the restroom looking at Joel from where you were. You couldn’t believe the audacity he had to speak to you in such a way, you knew you didn’t deserve it.

“We should get going” you showed up to the table making both men look up.

“What’s a matter, don’t want your drink first?” Tommy pushed the shot towards you.

“No…I’ve had enough” Tommy shrugged and took the shot before he stood up and walked out with you with Joel right behind. Joel’s eyes following Tommy’s hand move lower and lower down your back.

He couldn’t fucking stand it.

The three of you too intoxicated to drive you took a cab as Tommy assured his brother he’d pick up the truck in the morning.

Sitting in the back of the cab next to Tommy you looked out the window thinking about what Joel had said to you until Tommy’s voice distracted you.

“You wanna stay with me tonight?” Tommy’s question making his brother look up into the rear view mirror from the passenger seat. The thought of seeing any more of Joel in that moment only irritated you but you knew him seeing you with Tommy would bother him more and so you agreed to stay over.

Once you all walked inside you quietly sat on the couch with Tommy and watched some tv. Joel ate in the kitchen attempting to sober himself up and slowly he did. Silently watching you two as you both were distracted with the tv when the phone rang making you look up.

“I gotta pick up Sarah!” Joel called out as he hung up the phone.

“Ain’t she sleepin’ over her friends?” Tommy asked.

“That’s what I thought- I’ll be right back” you watched as he walked out and slammed the door as you stood quietly until Tommy turned to you.

“You feel ok?” He asked caressing the side of your face. You nodded just as he grabbed your face and began to kiss you. Yet, somehow you still managed to think of what Joel had said to you. It didn’t sound like him at all. The anger towards him driving you to wrap your arms around Tommy eagerly . His hands touching every part of you he could grab as he kissed your neck and began to undress you.

Joel drove tensely not liking that he left you two alone, not liking that he hadn’t apologized for what he said. His mind racing when Sarah once again called him and told him she didn’t need to be picked up. With a sigh he turned back around and headed home.

By the time Joel returned he noticed the lights were out and no one was in the living room. He walked towards the kitchen when the sound of your sudden moan made him stop in his tracks. Joel froze in place as another moan echoed from down the hall. It wasn’t the first time he overheard his brother sleeping with a woman but this time it wasn’t just any woman…it was you. Angrily he grabbed the bottle of whiskey off the counter and began to drink it. A rage he never felt before settling within him when there was a sudden silence.

Tommy gave you a pair of shorts and a t shirt of his as you stood aside watching him put on a shirt. You couldn’t believe you just had sex with him, having sex with him out of pure anger against Joel. It didn’t feel right.

“I’m gonna go use the restroom” you spoke low as he finished cleaning up before you quietly walked out.

Just as you closed the door behind you, you looked up to find Joel standing by the kitchen. You gasped in shock as he took a step forward, you noticed a half empty bottle of whiskey in his hand.

“I…I didn’t know you were here” you whispered as he looked down at you. The sight of you wearing his brothers t shirt, your bare legs in his view. He didn’t say a word but the silence was very loud. Pure pain in his eyes he took another chug of his drink, the sounds of your moans still echoing in his mind before he abruptly walked away and slammed the door loudly making you jump. Anxiously, you ran to the bathroom with tears in your eyes. You didn’t understand why you felt this way, you were suppose to be angry with him, he was the one who did wrong, not you.

“I’m so fucking stupid” you whispered to yourself just as you heard Tommy come out of the room. Trying to compose yourself you washed your face and freshened yourself up before walking back out. Not wanting to run into him again you quickly went back to the room and lay in bed.

The next morning you dreaded leaving the room, afraid to find Joel in the living room. Tommy nudged you playfully as you got dressed before kissing your cheek.

“What’s wrong?” He asked pulling you against him.

“Nothing, just tired”

“Yeah, we got in pretty late. Come on, let’s go” he took you by the hand as you took a deep breath and followed him out.

There was Joel sitting at the head of the table having breakfast when he looked up at you both, adjusting himself in his seat.

“Where’s Sarah?” Tommy asked.

“Gonna pick her up in the evening” Joel uttered low without looking at his brother. He couldn’t bare to look him in the eye, not yet.

“Ain’t you late for work” Joel took a sip from his cup as Tommy raised a brow.

“It’s Sunday- oh shit!” Tommy went running through the living room grabbing his bag.

“I forgot I told those two guys I’d meet with them today, and I gotta get the truck- fuck!” You watched as he paced around the house before grabbing his keys and going for the door.

“Tommy?” You screamed out confused.

“I’m sorry baby, it’s a big contract, have some breakfast I’ll call you as soon as I’m done”

“But Tommy-“ the door slammed leaving you and Joel alone together. Awkwardly you stood as he looked down at his paper, his broad shoulders rose high with each deep breath. He looked pissed, you didn’t know what to say.

His knee jumping under the table the more he thought about it before you finally decided to say something.

“You know, it’s not fair for you to act this way” you hesitantly spoke as he suddenly stood up grabbing his plate without looking your way and walked to the kitchen.

The loud sound of his the dishes hitting the sink making you jump before he turned to you.

“It’s not fair?” He spoke low as he walked towards you making you step back.

“I had to hear my brother fucking you last night in my own house, your moans so god damn loud I heard it the second I walked through the door” he continued walking towards you until he backed you against the wall.

“Well-“ you took a deep breath not expecting him to have been so blunt.

“You did say it was easily expected of me…you know girls like me?” Joel regretted saying that to you knowing damn well he didn’t feel that way about you.

“I know he never slept with you before last night, he told me”

“Oh great, so now that he did I guess he will report that to you and brag about it-“

“Did he make you cum?” His sudden question catching you off guard. His eyes darkened as he waited for your response.

“Joel-“

“Did he? Did he give you what you were lookin’ for?” You were speechless, your lips parting yet you couldn’t make a sound. Joel didnt take his eyes off you, his heart pounding hard in his chest.

“I’m not having this conversation with you-“

“Tell me, or are you afraid-“

“What the hell would I be afraid of?!” You yelled back just as he roughly pulled you against him and kissed you muffling your shocked whimper. His hand brushing up the back of your head grabbing a hand full of hair, pulling at it as you smacked his chest before he pulled his lips away. Still, he held you close forcing you to look up at him as he tugged at your hair. As much as you looked like you were trying to stop him, you wanted him to do anything but stop.

“What are you doing?” You whispered as he looked down at you. Joel knew right there he needed to have you, he needed to feel you with whatever time he had alone with you. Carrying you on top of the closest thing near by, he sat you on the edge of his desk and quickly began unbuttoning his pants with one hand. You didn’t stop him, wanting it just as much as him you pulled your dress up above your thighs watching as he pulled out his hard member.

He was ready for you, panting you quickly pulled down your underwear and let it fall to the floor. Joel placed himself between your legs and spit in his hand, his eyes looking into yours as you felt his fingers touch you and make sure you were ready for him. Placing his cock at your entrance he slid himself in you as you both breathed into each other’s lips. He wasted no time in moving at a steady pace pushing himself as deep as you’d take him. Grabbing onto him you kissed him passionately, moaning against his lips wanting to feel every part of him. Throwing your head back you moaned as a wave of pleasure burst within you. He kissed your neck moving his mouth slowly up against your ear.

“This is mine, you hear me?” He spoke breathlessly as he continued to fuck you. His cock filling you up more than his brothers had, stretching you with each thrust. Unexpectedly he carried you off the table, taking you to the couch. He sat down with his hands on your hips as you took over and began to ride him.

“Oh shit baby…just like that” he squeezed your ass as you moaned bouncing on him when you suddenly heard the truck pull up in the driveway.

“Oh my God Joel-“ you froze.

“No don’t stop” he slouched down on the couch and began thrusting upward.

“Joel- he’s there-“ you panted but Joel wouldn’t stop. His eyes squeezing shut as he bounced you on his cock and came inside you. Joel cried out deeply, holding you in place as his pelvis jerked beneath you.

“Oh my god” you whispered looking down at Joel, your hands on his chest balancing yourself when you heard the car door open.

“He’s coming!” Quickly jumping off Joel you ran to the bathroom as he struggled to get up catching his breath.

“Tell him I left!” You screamed from the bathroom hoping Tommy would leave fast. Joel quickly dressed himself wiping himself wit paper towels noticing how drenched in sweat he was.

“Shit” he whispered before noticing your underwear still on the floor. Quickly Joel picked it up and put it in his pocket just as the door unlocked and Tommy walked in.

“I forgot the damn paperwork” he rushed inside not even taking a look at Joel. Rushing past him, Tommy grabbed the folders off the very desk he had just finished fucking you on.

Tommy so distracted with being late to the meeting it slipped his mind to ask about where you were and he simply left. Joel waited for the truck to pull out and called for you.

“He’s gone!”

Hesitantly you came out of the bathroom still in shock with what had just happened.

“I have to go” you awkwardly tried to walk past him until he caught you by your arm slowly pulling you to him.

“Ya don’t have to-“

“No” you pushed him away.

“Why the hell did we just do that?! Tommy doesn’t deserve that”

Joel looked down at you not knowing what to say as he knew you were right.

“I guess you were right after all” you chuckled sarcastically.

“About what?” He looked down at you confused.

“Girls like me right, now I really am a whore-“

“Don’t say that” he pulled you against him hard.

“You know damn well I ain’t mean it when I said that” he whispered.

“Doesn’t matter, cause it’s true. And…and-“

“What?”

“I have to get a morning after pill now”

“I’ll get it for ya”

“No! Just leave it. Look I gotta go” you pulled your arm back and quickly ran out to your home next door.

Your thoughts running a mile a minute you rushed inside and locked your door. Heading straight for the shower you let your dress fall to the floor as you began to cry in guilt…in confusion. Never had you felt like such a shitty human being.

That same day you ran some errands and noticed Tommy had left you a couple messages. Of course, talking about the night before, telling you how he wanted you even more. His messages making you sick to your stomach you didn’t respond.

Out at the pharmacy you picked up a plan B rushing home hoping you wouldn’t run into Tommy or Joel. With your luck, just as you pulled up Tommy was right outside.

“Hey babe,” he walked up to you as you got out of the car.

“You alright? I called you a few times”

“Yeah sorry I just-“ you dropped your bag on the floor making the after pill come out of the bag. Tommy furrowed his brows as he picked it up from the ground and suddenly chuckled.

“Baby, we were careful. We used a condom, I don’t think you need to take this” your skin hot from anxiety you awkwardly took back the pill.

“Yeah…I just…I’m sometimes paranoid and I-“

“Alright, it’s ok. I understand” Tommy smiled making you feel ever shittier. Why would he expect you were taking the pill because his brother had just came in you. You smiled and began to walk to your door as he followed.

“Why don’t you come join us for dinner-“

“I don’t think I can” you responded anxiously trying to unlock your door as fast as you could.

“Please baby, I really enjoy spending time with you” he left you speechless. What the hell else could you possibly say?

“Sure” you whispered. Tommy happily leaned in and kissed you before walking back to his house.

Tommy walked in to his brother fixing something beneath the sink for the third time that week.

“I tell ya, I’ve grown tired of fixing this damn thing” Joel lay on the floor as Tommy laughed.

“Well maybe you’re not even fixing it, that’s why it’s always broken” Tommy teased.

“Haha. Hey do me a favor, the laundry’s been sitting in the washer for twenty minutes now, mind puttin’ em in the dryer for me?”

“Yeah sure” Tommy went on to walk to the laundry room as he informed his brother that you would be coming for dinner.

“You ok with y/n comin’ for dinner again right?” Joel froze and cleared his throat.

“She’s comin’?” He asked surprised that you didn’t find an excuse to not show up.

“Yeah,” Tommy began moving the wet clothes into the dryer when he noticed something sticking out of his brother’s pocket.

“Well, alright but I ain’t cookin’” Joel responded as Tommy grabbed Joel’s pants and pulled out the black material that was sticking out only to see it was the same underwear you had on the night before.

Tommy didn’t move, in disbelief he stared down at the underwear not knowing what to even think.

It couldn’t have been…at least he hoped not.

But what other explanation would there be for this?

“Tommy you hear me?” He suddenly realized his brother was still talking in the background and quickly put the underwear away in his pocket.

“Yeah, yeah I hear you” he called back out to him. Tommy had no idea how he was going to deal with the situation but he decided to first move in silence and see how the evening was going to go with you around Joel…you had no idea what was in store….

[hiraethwrote]

just come home pt. 2 - satoru gojo

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[satoru gojo - f!reader] ✧ summary: dealing with the breakup has been hard for the both of you, and it doesn't help when your randomly bump into each other ✧ cw: angst, some fluff, denial, slight intoxication, somewhat proofread ✧ word count: 3.6k

part 1 - part 2 - part 3

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35 days has passed since he had last seen you, let alone heard your voice and he never knew he could miss something so much. The first week after everything had went down, he had blown up your phone in hopes you two could talk it through. But he hadn’t been so lucky, as he was sent straight to voicemail every time.

He was dying to know how you were doing, wondering if you were as miserable without him as he found himself to be without you. Every time he stepped into the abandoned apartment, the scene of you leaving him played over and over in his head. It wasn’t until your friend had picked up all your stuff he realised how imprinted you were in the apartment. It didn’t feel like home to him anymore.

The apartment was, in theory, Satoru’s. In the beginning, you spent the night every now and then. But the relationship was just so intense, quickly escalating to spending the night, every night. Eventually you both figured it was just better you moved in, so you wouldn’t have to travel in between places for small necessities. As time went on, your stuff and decor brought new life to the place, something he had wanted for a long time but never taken the time to do. But now every trace of your time in his apartment was erased and he couldn’t stand being there.

“She’s not telling me anything, Satoru,” Suguru sighed as he was continuously begging him to spill whatever he had heard from you. Throughout your relationship, it was only natural for you to get to know his friends. Therefore, Suguru had reached out to you once he learned what had happened. But much to Satoru’s dismay, you gave short replies, only answering out of pure politeness.

“She’s a chatty person, I find it hard to believe she’s sending you one-word texts.”

With a sigh, Suguru threw his phone at him, taking Satoru by surprise. “Have a look for yourself.” Suguru didn’t have to ask him twice as he instantly entered the texts exchanged between the two of you. Not only did you answer shortly, but you took your sweet time sending any form of reply. But once he saw the last message he had received from you was yesterday, his heart did a small jump. It was the first sign he’d seen himself that you were even alive.

y/n: doing fine. hope you have a nice weekend too :)

His eyes kept staring at the small screen, fighting the urge to start typing anything just to be in contact with you. After a while, he reluctantly handed the phone back to Suguru.

“Happy now?” Suguru asked, earning him a cold glare from Satoru. “If I’m gonna be honest, I thought the two of you had been having issues for a while.” His glare instantly softened and his entire demeanour had changed into one of pure sadness.

“Come again?”

“You can’t be serious, Satoru?” Suguru asked tauntingly, his voice dripping with disappointment. “You hate work. I thought the first time you volunteered to stay after a meeting, you guys had been fighting and you were just being petty.”

“I’m not petty,” Satoru raced to defend himself.

“That’s beside the point!” Suguru said, rolling his eyes. “You know how you can get. I thought you just wanted to piss her off, but it kept happening. I tried asking you about it, but you just brushed it off every time.”

“I’m telling you, we were fine. There were no issues!”

“You keep saying that, but something changed. Satoru, do you remember the last time Shoko or I begged you to shut up about her?” Now that Suguru mentioned it, Satoru began to think about what Suguru had said and realised he was making a point.

He felt as if his heart was breaking all over again, to hear how even his friends had managed to pick up on his blatant disregard for his girlfriend, but it had managed to slip right by him. And because of that, the image of you, choked with tears because of him was forever burned into his mind.

“I just really want her back!” He stuttered, clearly in despair which caught Suguru off guard. For all the times Satoru had explained the situation to his friends, he had never really let his emotions show to anyone. He kept all that locked up until he was sound in his bed, when he couldn’t keep it together anymore. Nearly every night since you’d left, he fell asleep crying.

“It’s not like you deserve it.”

Satoru scoffed. “I never meant for this to happen, Suguru." He really didn’t appreciate his closest friend going against him on the matter, even though he was fully aware it was what he deserved.

“I’m sure you didn’t,” his friend shrugged. “But it did. This is the bed you made, it’s time you lay in it.” Every word that left Suguru’s mouth was entirely true, and Satoru hated himself for it. Ever since he last saw you, he had tried to convince himself this wasn’t his fault, that there was no way for him to have seen this coming. But every time he went down that road, he came to the same conclusion that he could have avoided it a hundred times over.

Satoru was definitely blaming himself enough, to the point where he was in no mood to sit there and listen to his friend spew statements of how badly he screwed up, so he got up from his seat and headed for the door.

“Where are you going?”

He didn’t even bother answering Suguru, as he slammed the door behind him as he left.

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It had been the longest and most dreadful 35 days of your life. Luckily, your friend had been kind enough to open her home to you and put absolutely no pressure for you to leave anytime soon.

She’d been asleep when you came banging on her door in the middle of the night, extremely confused at first when you had just collapsed into a bundle of sobs on her living room floor. Once she’d wiped the sleep out of her eyes, she had managed to decipher your broken words into a coherent narrative about how you and Satoru had broken up.

The first week was definitely the worst, huddled up on her couch in a blanket, only getting up to go to the bathroom. She had provided you with whatever you needed; ice cream, movies and takeout. You name it, and she brought it.

You were thankful she’d just let you have some time to be a complete mess before being forced to deal with life again. So after the first week, she started to pull you out of you comfort zone in order for you to start a healing process. At first, she just had you help her cook dinner, then she brought you along to shop for groceries. Before you knew it, you found yourself doing your makeup again which seemed like a huge step. Finally you were putting in some effort in making yourself feel a little better. It felt like a breath of fresh air when you returned to a form of normalcy.

That didn’t mean it hurt any less. In the moments you found yourself thinking about your relationship — past relationship — the sadness struck you all over again, and it didn’t seem like it would fade away just yet. But it had at least become manageable, and it was nice falling asleep without sobbing to the point where you couldn’t breathe.

Finally, your progress had resulted in the first social outing since the breakup. Your friend had been invited to a barbecue, and she had begged for you to join her. After some convincing, you decided it would actually be nice to go out and meet some people and regain some of the social life you had lost.

That’s how you found yourself in the grocery store, trying to find anything to bring to the barbecue, not wanting to come empty handed. You stopped your search when you felt a pair of eyes staring at you. Turning to face the person, you immediately froze, your breath hitching in your throat.

A few feet from you, Satoru was standing, his mouth slightly hanging open. You felt your heart begin to race, banging against your chest like a hummingbird.

Time stood still as you both stared at each other, wondering who would be the one to break the ice first. Wrapping your arms around yourself in comfort, you tightened your grip to contain the overwhelming feelings filling your body.

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“You didn’t see his face, y/n. I mean, he has never been embarrassed like that before,” Satoru laughed. He had his arm tossed over your shoulders, while your arm was wrapped around his waist, stumbling down the deserted street. It was definitely not unlike the two of you to leave a party early, as you both much more preferred only each others company.

“Why didn’t you come and get me?” You whined. “I would have loved to see a girl get Suguru all flustered.”

“I mean, she was hot too. Way out of his league.” With the hand resting in his waist, you pinched hard.

“Watch it mister!” You growled, but in reality you were chocking back the drunk giggle that was bubbling up inside you. “If she was so hot, why don’t you go see if she wants to join you for the night.” You shrugged his arm off your shoulders, and released your grip on him. However, he was quick to grab ahold of your hand again and pulled you towards him so you collided with his chest.

“Oh, don’t be like that, pretty girl.” His voice was teasing you, clearly not taking your fake anger seriously. He wrapped one arm around your waist, making it impossible for you to pull away. The other hand grabbed your face before he began to place a bunch of kisses all over your face.

“Satoru!” You squealed in between giggles. Pressing your hands against his chest, you tried to push him away and get out of his grip, but to no prevail.

“What? You don’t want my kisses?” He pouted, loosening his grip, but you remained close to him. “Maybe that girl is interested in them instead?.” His eyes were so soft as he looked down on you, a small genuine smile dancing on his lips. Even with his playful attitude, you had zero concern he would even consider going back to her.

“You’re a funny guy, aren’t you?” You hooked your arms around his neck, standing on your tiptoes leaning in closer.

“I think I'm hilarious.” Your nose brushed against his, your lips only an inch apart. His hot breath touched your skin, and his eyes travel your face.

“What makes you think she’d even go for you, darling?” His head fell back in laughter, as you flashed him a huge grin, still hanging on around his neck.

“Suguru’s a handsome guy. If I were her-“

“Shut up,” Satoru cut you off before he finally connected his lips with yours in a sweet and passionate kiss. The butterflies went wild as you felt him smile into the kiss. “Doesn’t matter anyway. You’re the only girl I have eyes for.” He said after he reluctantly pulled away.

“Keep it that way,” you giggled before pulling him in for another kiss.

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It was strange to see him again, and a new sensation of melancholy entertained you. From the second you’d left his apartment, you began to picture what it would be like to see him again. You imagined you’d be struck with the same sorrow of that night, only thinking of how he had been unable to provide for your needs. But you found yourself only thinking of the good memories you had shared with him. Every sweet affirmation, every gentle touch, just in general the time spent together.

“Hi,” you croaked, observing how his body was brought back to reality at the sound of your voice. He took a few steps closer and removed his signature sunglasses. Seeing his captivating eyes in person for the first time in so long made you tighten the grip around yourself even more, if that was even possible.

“Hey.” His voice didn’t have the same unease as yours, but it was visible on his stance he wasn’t as confident as he usually was. “What brings you here?”

“To the grocery store?”

“Yeah, what brings you to the grocery store?” Satoru repeated awkwardly, trying to play off his weak attempt to make small talk, his cheeks turning to a faded shade of pink.

“Well, I’m going to a barbecue party so just wanted to bring something.”

“Barbecue party. Fun!”

Seeing you again was overwhelming for him as well, and created a twinge of hurt within him. You looked so different from the last time he saw you. There was a hint of a glow in you he hadn’t seen in a long time, and it hit him again that he was the one who had smothered that glow in you in the first place.

Satoru knew he couldn’t continue to lie to himself much longer, and seeing you again was what made him realise that. Right now, looking at you wearing a cute summer dress, looking absolutely stunning, he saw the extreme contrast in your person compared to a month ago. He finally had a clear visual of how his ignorance had truly damaged you, when time away from him had brought a new form of life into you.

What was even worse, was how he could still see the love you had for him in your eyes. From the moment you had gotten together, one could never have doubted the fact that you loved Satoru Gojo. And you’re unwavering love for him had made him feel so safe and seen, like he’d never experienced before. Which was probably the reason he’d let everything get to this point. He knew your feelings for him wouldn’t change if he stayed late a few times, because you never hesitated to show your affection. He just took it for granted he did the same. To him, it wasn’t a question if he was entirely devoted to you, since he was so adamant that he was willing to do absolutely anything for you. He just sort of figured he had given you the same reassurance he’d received. But looking back, he could clearly see that wasn’t the case.

“I hope it’ll be,” you said with a weak smile and his heart fluttered instantly.

“I thought you weren’t big on barbecues though,” he dared chuckle a little.

“I'm not, but figured it was a good opportunity to meet some people.”

He so wanted to reach out his hand and cup your soft cheek, slowly stroking his thumb while his other hand intertwined with yours.

“How are you?” He blurted out, asking the question he had dreaded the answer to.

“Well, I’ve been better,” you stuttered. “But getting there I suppose. Taking it one day at a time. You?”

Whatever dumb thing he thought of answering, trying to conceal how broken he had been the past month, would do no good as you would see right through him. He simply shrugged, which was received by a compassionate, yet sad smile from you.

“You look great, by the way,” he gestured towards you, causing you to blush.

“Thank you,” you whispered, not able to peer your eyes off of him. He was still as gorgeous as ever, but he didn’t look the same. He clearly wasn’t sleeping well, dark circles under his eyes. Knowing him, he probably wasn’t eating well either. But his snow white hair fell the same way, and his eyes looked at you the way they always did. “I have to get going.”

“Wait-“ Satoru quickly interjected, stepping closer again so he was only standing two feet away from you. “Would you like to grab coffee or something sometime?” He sounded so unbelievably innocent, almost like a child as he made his suggestion. He anxiously waited for your answer, his shoulders tense with anticipation.

“I’m not sure that’s a good idea, Gojo.” He flinched ever so slightly at the use of his last name, something you’d never done in the span of your relationship. It created a new distance between the two of you that felt untouchable.

“Don’t you think we could both benefit from talking about everything? I mean, things ended very abruptly-“ he quickly shut up when your friend joined your side, pure fury written all over her.

His posture changed, immediately portraying more confident. He seemed now like the Satoru everyone knew, but you saw through his façade.

“Don’t you have anything better to do than torture this poor girl?”

“We were simply chatting.” Satoru tried to play it cool by flashing your friend a smug grin, but it only seemed to fuel the fire.

“Suddenly have time for her now?” He squinted at her comment, knowing it was more than called for. It didn��t stop the urge he had to fire back at her. “Hope your job promotes you, so it’s all worth it at least.”

“I don’t see how this concerns you,” he replied, trying to keep a considerate tone, but you knew better than to think it was genuine.

“It concerns me when she’s absolutely inconsolable, bawling her eyes out in my apartment.” Your friend didn’t need to go into further detail for him to get a pretty clear picture of the scene. He had, after all, been unfortunate enough to witness it himself.

“I just want a few words with y/n alone,” he said, a hint of desperation in his voice. Your friend was about to continue to argue, but you placed a hand on her shoulder, signaling for her to put down her pitchfork.

“It’s okay,” you took a deep breath. “Just wait by the register and I’ll be with you shortly.” She gave one last stern look in Satoru’s direction before doing as you requested.

Looking at Satoru, his cocky expression had disappeared the second your friend had turned a corner. It felt so bittersweet, seeing the kind person you knew inside out, standing before you so fragile. Old habits die hard, and you felt yourself fighting the urge to stroke his cheek and comfort him.

“Y/n, I just feel like there is a lot of stuff that we’ve left unsaid.” His calm, cool and collected manner had been thrown out the window and he resembled himself the evening of the breakup. “I never got to say my piece or apologise properly.”

“I know,” was all you said, using every fiber of your body to seem levelheaded. You observed how he constantly tried to reach out for you, but stopped himself every time out of respect.

“Believe me when I say, I truly am sorry. I’ve never regretted anything more.”

“I know,” you repeated, same calm tone.

“Maybe it would give us a chance to heal properly if everything is out in the open. So we both know exactly what the other is thinking.”

“Gojo-“

“No, please, listen. I know I messed up and I really want to fix this!” He rambled on, his desperation resembling the one from that night

“Gojo-“

“Maybe even there’s a chance for us-“

“Satoru,” you said sternly, finally silencing his tangent. Your eyes flickered between his as you saw him trying to find the focus to calm his breathing. “Please don’t make this harder than it needs to be.”

You saw the heartbreak wash over him, his shoulders falling in disappointment as he whispered your name. You’d missed hearing him speak it with such tender care.

“I am finally starting to get back on track. I’ve even started looking for an apartment,” you said with a sad chuckle. You wanted to show him, and yourself, that you had gotten to the point that you could at least manage to not completely breakdown when you were out in public. “I stand by what I said that night.”

“And you should! You deserve to be loved, and I can be that person. I am that person! There has never been a moment where I haven’t loved you.”

“Satoru, stop it.” You raised your voice slightly. “This is not the time or place for this.” It seemed as it wasn’t until now he was reminded of where you were standing. You gathered up the courage and walked up to him, carefully placing your hand on his cheek. The second you felt his cheek against your hand, you felt as if your skin was on fire.

Satoru didn't hesitate eitherm to place his big hand over yours as hea leaned into your touch. His eyes became glossy, realising how much he had craved feeling your skin against him again. “I just think I need to be the most important person in my life for a while.” He slowly began to nod in agreement, and you heard his breath began to quicken like it had done previously.

He licked his lips, trying to find his words. “See you around then?” His voice was unsteady and his chin quivered.

“Yeah, probably,” you spoke sadly. You let your hand fall from his face, but he held onto your hand until you were too far away. In a way, it felt as if both of you were aware that your story wasn’t over just yet. Satoru was right, there was a lot of stuff still left out in the open which made you believe there were still chapters to be written, whether they were good or bad. But it brought you some form of comfort.

Drying the single tear that had fallen from your eye, you turned away and began to walk away. “You look beautiful, darling,” he said, making your head turn one last time. You gave him a sad smile before he disappeared out of view.

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tags: @alisstaa

a/n: oh my, thank you guys so much for all the positive feedback on part one. it is greatly appreciated and really motivates me to write. that being said, i am not as happy with part two as part one but i rewrote it like two times and i guess it's alright. its more important you like it rather than i. hope you guys like it, and again thank you guys so so much for the feedback. reblogs, comments are greatly valued

Plagiarism not authorized

[iwanty0uu]

How would aot boys react to reader saying she want a break and goes to sleep on the couch

Ony :

- “Baby girl what’s the matter?” He asked as he wrapped his hands around you, nuzzling into your warm body on his bed, his dark features enhanced by the blue light of your phone. You didn’t respond which earned a poke in the hip from him. “ You dont wanna talk t’me? What i do?” You hummed in response, scrolling through his following and his liked posts, all the girls that you felt looked better than you.. the insecurity started to get to your head. “Hey Ony..I think we should take a..you know..brea-” You heard the bed creak beneath you as he straightened himself up. “Y/n.. don’t play with me. You not deadass. How you finna be upset with me and not tell me what I did so we could fix it?” He said, his tone changing in frustration and confusion, but internally, he was afraid.. “Ony I dont wanna agrue nd I can tell Im just gonna make this worse.. I’ll sleep on the couch for tonight” You mumbled softly. “Like hell you will, the fuck. You gon talk to me whether u like it or not and if i gotta read your notes app to figure out who or what the fuck got in my baby’s head I will.” He grabbed your face peppering it with butterfly kisses.

• “We’ll figure it out together girl”…

Armin :

Armin was very observant, so when he noticed your distance, he panicked and it bothered him for days. “Love?” He asked from the living room, slowly entering making sure not to invade your space. You looked up in response turning your phone off to give your boyfriend your full attention. “ I got your text.. about, you sleeping on the couch tonight and stuff, n I don’t know if this is because mood swings or if its something that I did or if its something that you’re upset with me about not saying that I have to be the center of your life and emotions and everything because I know that you work really hard in school and-” He paused abruptly collecting his thoughts. He averted his eyes from your now concerned gaze. You never knew it would affect him this much. “What I’m trying to say is.. I got you chic-fil-a and a new blanket to make you feel better.. and hopefully we can watch a movie and talk about it?

• “I’ll give you your space but I’m only a call from our bedroom away okay?”…

Connie :

The ping of the basketballs in the gym echoed in your ears. You watched as your boyfriend got a little too friendly with his personal trainer who you weren’t jealous of, but you simply weren’t fond of her. Who would want their man getting touched up on by a girl for lord knows how long.. but Connie assured you that the only reason she’s here is because his usual trainer broke his arm and in three weeks, he’ll be healed enough to get back in action.He wanted to ask if you wanted to join him for the day but your energy was low so he let you be.. All was well until you were facing the window in the car, being less talkative than usual. The sun retired for the day and the sky was dark, “I’m gonna sleep on the couch tonight”… “ No ur not..”… “You cant tell me what to do..”…. “ k .”

11:04 pm

You felt a sudden jerk, which made you open your eyes skightly, and a pair of hazel eyes met yours.“Hope you got all the space you needed girly..you wont see her training me again tomorrow, she was annoying anyways..”

• His plump lips met your temple as you nustled into his neck, “night”…

Jean :

You never knew when to stop playin. You set up your phone in the kitchen to record your boyfriend’s to your little “prank”.

8:15 pm- jean comes home

8:30- jean showers after greeting you

9:25- jean lays on couch

9:28- “Jean baby.. I’m gonna sleep here tonight..I need some space..”

9:30- “Back in my day, when the women needed space, they’d sleep with the oxen and mules..so”

You stared blankly at his unfunny joke, walking into the kitchen keeping deadpan eye contact, revealing your phone. “It was a prank fucking old ass man.”

• “Oh aii…”

HOPE YA LIKED IT- 𝓵𝓮𝓵𝓮 <3

[goldengalore]

Ready

An anxious!reader fic.

Summary: Harry wants kids. Y/N isn’t sure what she wants. Feeling pressured to make up her mind, she agrees to something she’s not ready for.

Word count: 3k

Warnings: angst, smut

A/N: Hello! It’s been a while. This fic is based on this ask I received forever ago. Enjoy :)

***

Y/N has always been on the fence about having kids.

As a young teenager, she assumed she would have them when she grew up, fell in love, and got married. Social norms, along with her own childish naivete, made her believe that this was the only path one could take in life. Having children was the next logical step to marriage, which was the next logical step to falling in love.

And then she matured and realized that life is not nearly as cut-and-dry, that having kids is a choice, not a necessity, and that she can absolutely go her whole life without having any if that’s what she wants. This realization came as a relief but also felt somewhat unnerving because how is she supposed to know what she wants? She is quite possibly the most indecisive person on the planet, so it’s no surprise that she has bounced back and forth between wanting and not wanting children throughout her entire adult life.

On one hand, she thinks of her friends who have kids and how their lives have become utterly consumed by the little humans that require their constant care and attention. There is just so much that Y/N wants to experience and achieve before settling into a life like that.

Not to mention the horrors of pregnancy. It’s not exactly a walk in the park, having to carry a human life inside of you for nine months and then give birth to it. The health complications, the irreversible bodily changes, the sheer, agonizing pain of childbirth.

And yet, on some days, she fantasizes about becoming a mother, of holding a tiny life in her arms and nurturing it into a full-grown adult. An important character in these fantasies has always been the sweet, thoughtful, loving partner by her side who takes equal responsibility for their child. This person was always a faceless individual—an idealistic depiction of the kind of partner Y/N hoped to find someday.

And then Harry came along.

Sweet, thoughtful, loving Harry who, unlike her, was always sure of his desire to have kids. For him, it was never a question of whether he wanted them but a question of when.

That moment finally arrived for him a year ago. But Y/N wasn’t sure if she felt ready yet.

“What are you afraid of?” he asked her one day. “I don’t mean that in a judgemental way. Bringing a child into this world is scary for anyone, including myself. I’m just curious to know what your specific concerns are.”

“Well, there’s the usual stuff, like whether or not I’ll be a good mother—”

“You’ll be a phenomenal mother.”

She smiled at him, then continued, “Or whether my kids will be able to have a good future with so much chaos in the world...” She trailed off hesitantly.

“But there’s something else,” he said, gently urging her to share what was really holding her back.

“I… I’ve always been terrified of the idea of having to raise a child alone, either because something bad happens to the father or he leaves out of the blue or we break up and I’m left to take care of this child by myself. I know it sounds ridiculous, but I… I’ve never been able to shake this fear.”

“Doesn’t sound ridiculous to me. I was raised by a single mother, so I know it’s not an easy job.” He reached for her hand and kissed her knuckle, never breaking eye contact. “But I’m not going anywhere, Y/N. You know that, right? We’re in this together. We’re a team, always.”

She nodded. “I know.”

“Well, I’m alright with waiting until you feel ready. I want us both to feel ready before we jump into this.”

In the six months following that conversation, the topic would crop up several more times, like after Harry saw her interacting with his godchildren at a party or they walked past a cute baby in a stroller at the grocery store. Y/N didn’t mind discussing the topic. It gave her a chance to ponder and become more comfortable with the concept of motherhood.

Yesterday, Harry returned home from a month-long movie shoot in Sweden. Y/N surprised him by showing up at the airport. What he doesn’t know is that she has another surprise in store for him.

While he was in Sweden, she decided to go off her birth control and now wants to try for kids.

She plans on telling him later tonight once they get home from their friend’s birthday party. They’ve been all over each other tonight. That’s what being apart for a month does to them. Hell, even a week apart is enough to turn them into a couple of horny teenagers that can’t keep their hands off each other.

“You look so hot in that dress,” Harry whispers in her ear, half-joking because they both know this is his fifth time saying that tonight.

Emboldened by a couple glasses of wine, a tipsy Y/N whispers back, “I want you to put a baby in me.”

His eyes widen. He chuckles. “That wine bringing out your wild side?”

“I’m serious,” she states, glancing around to double check that no one is within earshot of their conversation. “I went off my birth control a month ago, after you left for Sweden.”

He stares at her blankly, like her words haven’t quite sunk in.

“H, I’m ready to do this.”

“Really?”

She smiles. “Yes.”

“We’re doing this,” he says as it finally sinks in. He kisses her wine-stained lips. “Let’s get out of here, yeah?”

“Yes, please.”

Y/N can hardly keep her composure on the way home. Harry appears to be in the same boat, as he keeps sneaking glances at her while driving, his hand caressing her thigh. While he’s always been a responsible driver, she can sense the impatience in his maneuvers tonight.

Once they’re home, it’s almost a race to the bedroom. Harry gently pushes her onto the bed and climbs on top of her.

“Do you have any idea how hard it’s been to watch you walk around in this dress tonight”—he runs a hand down her front—“and not be able to bend you over and just slip my cock into you?”

She moans as he cups her pussy through her dress with a firm hand. He lets her grind against it for a minute before pulling away to take off his clothes. She follows suit.

Soon, they’re back on the bed, sharing another series of ardent kisses. By the time he goes down on her, she’s already dripping wet and he licks it up as if he hasn’t had a drop of water in days. Her hips grind against his tongue like they did against his hand just a moment ago. It doesn’t take her long to orgasm.

He shifts up the bed to hover over her body. He kisses her again while lining up his cock with her entrance. As he slides into her, she feels a slight discomfort from being stretched open for the first time in a month. He pulls out and pushes in a little deeper each time to let her adjust until he fills her up completely and she’s too immersed in pleasure to have a single coherent thought anymore.

“Fuck, you feel incredible,” he says, starting to pump in and out. “Gonna come inside you, yeah? Gonna come deep inside your tight little cunt and fill you up, put a baby in you. Is that what you want?”

Those words flip a switch in Y/N’s mind. She makes an involuntary noise that makes it seem like she’s agreeing with him, so he picks up his pace. Just as he finishes inside her, the terrible realization dawns: She is not ready to have a baby. Not at all.

“I love you,” Harry whispers in her ear, his body resting flush against hers as he comes down from his high.

Tears spring to Y/N’s eyes as she realizes what she’s done, what they’ve just done. When she doesn’t reciprocate his statement, he lifts his head to look at her. A tear escapes her left eye at that exact moment.

Concern furrows his brow. “Lovie? Hey, what’s wrong?”

She just shakes her head while staring at the ceiling.

“Y/N.” He caresses her cheek, urging her to look at him. “What’s the matter? Are you hurt? Did I go too—”

“We shouldn’t have done this. It was a mistake,” she says in a trembling voice.

“What are you talking about?”

She tries to sit up. Harry moves out of her way.

“I’m not ready, H. I’m not ready to have a baby.”

His face falls. “I— But— Then why did you say you were ready?”

“I don’t know… To make you happy?” She covers her face and hears him sigh heavily.

“Y/N, you can’t— You can’t lie about things like that just to make me happy. It’s not like we were deciding what to have for dinner. We’re talking about having a baby, for Christ’s sake.”

“I know that. Of course I know that. But I just— I see the disappointment in your face every time we talk about this, every time I tell you I’m not ready. You seem so sad, Harry. I hate it.”

“Well, I’m sorry I’m not able to hide my emotions as well as I thought I could. That still doesn’t mean you should lie to please me. I thought we were past foolish antics like this.”

She squints at him. “Foolish antics?”

He sighs again. “I didn’t mean it like—”

She turns away from him and gets off the bed.

“Y/N.”

She shuts herself in the bathroom. For a brief moment, a part of her resents him. Resents him for being ready to have kids before she was. For bringing it up so often. For making her feel as though she needed to lie about being ready just to make him happy.

But now, as she stares at her teary-eyed reflection in the mirror, she knows she has to take responsibility. She is the one who led him to believe that she was ready when deep down, she knew she wasn’t. He never once pressured her to make up her mind or acted like he loved her any less for not wanting kids yet. He never made her feel any type of way about it. He has done nothing but be the supportive, understanding partner he’s always been. It was her who doubted that. She let her own paranoia get to her.

Knock, knock, knock.

“Y/N? Can I come in?”

A few moments later, he knocks again.

“Please, lovie? I’m getting worried.”

Finally, she opens the door. He takes in her red, puffy eyes and tentatively places his arms around her, only pulling her in when she steps into his embrace.

They stand there silently until he says, “Why don’t we head over to the pharmacy and get you a morning after pill?”

She agrees, so they get dressed and head out. The ride to the pharmacy is a quiet one. Every time she glances at Harry, his eyes are focused on the road, both hands gripping the steering wheel, and he appears deep in thought. It’s the complete opposite of their ride home from the party, when he could hardly keep his hands or his eyes off her. She tries to think of ways to break the silence, but nothing feels appropriate. The last time she felt so awkward and unsure about what to say around Harry was when they first started going out and she was terrified of saying the wrong thing.

When they get back from the pharmacy, she swallows down the pill with some water and they head back to bed.

***

Y/N: Hey H, you on your way home? Hope you’re hungry, I made your favourite for dinner 😊

H: I have a business dinner tonight. Mentioned it this morning

Y/N: Oh! Sorry I forgot about that. I’ll save some in the fridge for you for tomorrow

H: Sure, thanks

Y/N stares at the message. She can’t tell if she’s reading into things or if Harry’s replies really are as dry and aloof as they sound. Her propensity to overanalyze everything makes it difficult to know. Ever since the incident in the bedroom a few days ago, it feels as though Harry has been avoiding her. Spending long days at the studio, coming home late at night when he knows she’ll be asleep, giving short replies, taking longer to text back. They haven’t had sex again since then either.

After scrutinizing their text conversation for twenty minutes, she comes to her senses and realizes that she can’t keep going on like this. It’s driving her crazy. What she needs to do is talk to him. But he’ll most likely be tired when he gets home.

At first, she thinks she’ll sit him down tomorrow morning and talk it out. But when he walks through the front door just after eleven o’clock that night, she can’t help herself.

She stands in the kitchen, leaning against the counter with a cup of tea, when he enters. The dark circles under his eyes are noticeable. He has been willing to sacrifice his sleep just to avoid being around her any longer than he has to. Her chest constricts.

“Hey,” he says, placing his phone and keys on the counter. “You’re still up.”

“Can’t sleep.” She stares down into her half-empty mug, the remainder of the tea quickly growing cold.

“How come?”

“I can’t stop thinking.”

“About…?”

She swallows the lump in her throat and looks up at him. “About whether or not you’re upset with me and how I can fix it.”

He frowns. “Why would I be upset with you?”

“Because of what happened a few nights ago.”

His frown dissolves into something different—sympathy? Guilt?

“Y/N, I’m not upset with you about that.”

“Are you sure? Because it seems like it. You’re gone before I’m even awake and you come home when I’m going to bed. We’ve barely talked or kissed or cuddled in the past few days. I know you haven’t been that busy since you got back from Sweden, so… I don’t really see any other explanation.”

He stares at her wordlessly for a long time before speaking. “You’re right. I have been avoiding you. But it’s not because I’m upset with you. It’s because I’m upset with myself. I feel like I pressured you into doing something you obviously weren’t comfortable with. I never saw myself as someone who pressures people into doing things they don’t want to do. So, I suppose I’ve been feeling some shame and guilt about it… and then avoiding you because it’s hard to face these feelings.”

Y/N sets her tea on the counter. She never could’ve guessed that Harry felt this way. She was so convinced that he was mad at her, it didn’t even occur to her that he might just be feeling guilty about it all. After how long she has known him, it should have been obvious that the latter is more consistent with his character, but her anxious brain wouldn’t even let her consider that possibility. She walks over and wraps her arms around him.

“H, I had no idea you felt that way.”

He squeezes her tightly, resting his chin on her head. She turns her head to the side so that her cheek is against his chest.

“To be honest, there were times I felt pressured when the topic of kids came up,” she says. “But a lot of that pressure was created by my own fears and insecurities. I just hated disappointing you over and over. I was scared your feelings about me, about us, would change if I kept saying I wasn’t ready.”

“This hasn’t changed how I feel about you or us. Y/N, I want you more than I want kids. Way more. If you decided one day that you don’t want them at all, that still wouldn’t change how I feel about you.”

She pulls back to look at him. “Are you sure? That’s a dealbreaker for a lot of people.”

“Well, not for me. Not when it comes to you. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

Suddenly, he lifts her up onto the counter and stands between her legs.

“So. What did you get up to today?” he asks, planting a kiss to her collarbone.

She rests her hands on his chest. “Hmm, what did I get up to? I hardly remember anything other than obsessing over this whole situation.” She laughs.

“Aw, lovie, I’m sorry I had you all stressed out.”

“It’s okay.”

“Maybe I can make it up to you. Help you relieve all that stress.” He peppers kisses along the side of her neck and jaw.

She sighs softly and closes her eyes. “I would like that.”

***

Thank you for reading! For more anxious!reader and other fics, check out my MASTERLIST

[beforeimdeceased]

★ ⋆ ★ ⋆ ★ CONSUME - [E. W]

a little treat! reminds me of some of my older/toxic stuff kinda! thought i’d post a lil something before kinktober hits! consume by chase atlantic is what the title is based off of! also heavily inspired by @eightstarr i’m obsessed with all their works! (tried to post this like 70 times this is the second version of it so please be gentle)

“swallow all of it, fuck.” tears were running down ellie’s face. actual tears of pleasure. she’d been grinding her teeth so much she was sure she’d sawed them down an inch. your tongue, lapping at her cunt at an unforgiving pace, was pushing her over the edge. she gripped a chunk of your hair ordering you not to miss a drop of her.

and you happily swallowed every bit. looking up at her with hungry eyes. this was your way of proving you could be good to each other. by showing one another how good giving in could feel. how much euphoria you could get from one touch. one kiss. all of it leading to a night full of thigh clenching memories.

one being the way she’d shook when she finished. the poor thing nearly lost her balance, causing her to push her cunt further into your face. the action overstimulated her in the moment, making her shake even more. her eyes finding themselves gazing into yours while she bit her lip.

you lift yourself up to give her a break, holding her steady while you place a sweet kiss on her lips. she smiles, tasting herself on your tongue. “damn, you’re so good to me.” you nod at her sentiment. “i think it’s time i return the favor, yeah?”

ellie, only in her bra, had pulled you onto her lap for a deepened kiss. her hands grabbing at your waist while her thigh pushed up into your core. all the friction making you a weak and moaning mess on her mouth. pleads falling from your lips that caused her to chuckle to herself. since she had, as she puts it, “barely touched you and you’re already begging for more.”

ellie loved when you begged. she loved it even more when she felt just how wet you’d get from her asking you to. “cmon pretty girl, tell me what it is you want me to do?” never failed to turn you into a mess for her. what made it worse was the way she’d whisper these things into your ear. her lips kissing up your neck and your jawbone until she reaches your earlobe. a sly smile and a laugh threatening to escape her as she watched you tense up from the contact.

“i wanna hear you ask for it first, and then i wanna hear you beg for it.”

but ofcourse, something got in the way. ellie didn’t let that stop her though, promptly calling you at 10:00pm exactly. wearing nothing but a wife pleaser and a pair of underwear that was ruined the second you spoke. “hey ellie.”

“fuck, i’ll never get tired of hearing your voice.” she breathes.

“are you touching yourself right now?” you ask, noting her labored breathing and delayed response. she sighs on the other end.

“no, but i will if you want me to.”

“what happened tonight? i thought you were coming over.” you were sat in your own bed, conveniently wearing ellie’s shirt and a pair of boxers she’d left. “change your mind?”

“never. some shit got in the way. something stupid, don’t worry about it. tell me about your day.”

you laugh softly. “was that what you planned on talking about when you came over?”

“i didn’t plan to do much talking at all, actually. but we’re over the phone and that’s how you have a conversation. call and response.”

you roll your eyes. “oh i see. it was decent. tiring. a little stressful.” you respond.

she hums. “i know a good way to make all that stress go away.”

“you gonna be a good girl for me and let me hear you make those pretty noises?” was all she had to ask and you’d found yourself with your fingers in your cunt. ellie adored the sound of them slipping in and out. taking the opportunity to tease. “i can hear how fucking wet you are.”

your other hand had found its way to your clit. she was coaching you with her lip tucked in between her teeth. face hot from how flustered you were making her. “slow circles baby. spread your wetness around. make it sloppy. make a mess.”

your labored breathes, quickening pace, and overall inability to respond had let her know that her few words of encouragement were driving you over the edge. she put up that she was a shy loser, but behind closed doors, she had hidden confidence.

“you gonna come for me? is that it?” she asks. you, in a pleasure filled daze, forget that she isn’t there and nod your head. a sigh leaves her lips as her question is met with silence. her hand had found its way onto her very own cunt, rubbing sloppy circles at the sound of your voice.

“yes— yes i’m, fuck.” you finally spit out. she actually laughs. out loud. finding it humorous that she didn’t have to be there to make you a mess for her. she was sure she didn’t have to be on the other end of a phone either. confident in her thought that you’d masturbated to the thought of her all by yourself.

you hold back tears as you feel yourself rivaling on the edge. pleads escaping your lips while ellie begins to come undone herself. “hold it in baby, i wanna come with you.”

you do, fighting the urge to fully let yourself go. pools of your slick staining underneath you. your hands tiring from how long you’d been working yourself up. her name on the tip of your tongue.

you wondered what she’d do when she found out you did this wearing her shirt.

[pyrrhiccomedy]

What sort of proof would you need to believe that a fundraiser was real?

I actually put in the legwork to verify one of these fundraisers today (I wanted to see how hard it was to actually vet one of these posts). It took about an hour, but I was satisfied by the end of it that the person in question exists, is who they are claiming to be, has a GoFundMe, and that the GoFundMe being spread around is probably the same one being linked to (I wasn't 100% satisfied by what I could find on that count? but I ended up in a place where I was reasonably confident). I'm happy to share my work, and have added it below.

I've gotten a lot of nasty messages since making that post accusing me of being anti-Palestine. My heart and money is 100% with Palestine, and I've given as much as I can afford, to reputable aid organizations. I believe both in a free Palestine, and doing your own research on the recipients of your money when you decide to financially contribute to a cause.

Anyway, this is the GoFundMe that I think is legit, and below is the legwork I did to reach that conclusion. While I still think it is better to give to a relief organization if your goal is improving the lot of the people in Gaza, I don't think this one is a scam.

This is the fundraiser for Eman Zaqout, who - first of all - is a real person! This is very easy to verify: Googling her name returns a LinkedIn with a complete work history (she is a molecular biologist), her profile with Unesco, and her profile with the Palestine Academy for Science & Technology. You know, the kind of stuff you'd expect to see when you Google someone. Great start.

Next step: Is the person running this GoFundMe the real Dr. Zaqout? (While I have some sources which say she is in a PhD fellowship and does not yet have her doctorate, she is listed as Dr. Zaqout at the Palestine Academy for Science & Technology, and I'd prefer to use the honorific in case it may in fact be more appropriate.)

So. Dr. Zaqout joined LinkedIn in 2014. And she does link to her Instagram from her LinkedIn, and her Instagram links to the GoFundMe. That's a great start!

However, it's worth mentioning that her contact information on LinkedIn was updated less than 3 months ago (which includes the link to her Instagram). Given the number of Palestinians whose accounts have been hacked or spoofed by scammers in order to lend their scams legitimacy, I don't love that change. That coincides with the surge in scam activity following the All Eyes on Rafah movement gaining momentum. Plenty of Palestinians have had their entire social media presences stolen by scammers.

However again - her LinkedIn (which, as established, may be compromised) also links to a TikTok account! And the TikTok account has video! And that sure looks to me like Dr. Zaqout in the video! While the photo of her on LinkedIn is no longer trustworthy since we know her account has been updated in the past 3 months, there is also a photo of her here at Palast.ps, which is a legitimate scientific organization. And yeah, sure, a dedicated scammer could have hacked that too, but there are also photos of her on LinkedIn that look like this:

It's not the best photo in the world, but it's identifiably her. Fabricating this kind of ephemera is more than I would expect of your typical charity scammer.

And in the most recent TikTok video of her, she's even talking about a GoFundMe, on 7/17! And she posted another video on 7/21 in which she is not seen, but you can hear her voice, and it does sound like her.

Today is August 2nd. The last two videos uploaded to Dr. Zaqout's TikTok are just photo collages, so they can't be used to verify that she still has control of her social media accounts. But for now, I'm prepared to say with some confidence that that woman is Dr. Eman Zaqout, that Dr. Zaqout is legitimately a Palestinian scientist, she did actually start a GoFundMe, and that she was posting about it as recently as 12 days ago.

All right all right, we are cooking folks. The last questions we need to answer: is this actually Dr. Zaqout's GoFundMe? The last scenario we need to rule out is that her social media presence was stolen in the last 12 days.

Let's start with that GoFundMe.

First of all, it's not being run by Dr. Zaqout. That's normal: GoFundMe isn't supported in Palestine, and all Palestinians will have to rely on friends or family abroad to set up their campaigns and collect donations on their behalf. This campaign is being run by a Mazin Fakak. I think that's supposed to be this Mazin Fakak, which makes sense; he is based in Quebec, and Dr. Zaqout either studied at or is in close affiliation with McGill University, which is in Quebec. He also lists Arabic as one of his spoken languages. So far this is a plausible connection for Dr. Zaqout to have. His LinkedIn profile also hasn't been updated in over a year, which makes me disinclined to think this is a recently-stolen scam account.

My one issue here is that when I Google Fakak, this is all that comes up. A LinkedIn profile created in 2014 that hasn't been touched in over a year, and two GoFundMe fundraisers for Palestinian families. And Dr. Zaqout never mentions Fakak anywhere. I would feel 100% confident of this fundraiser if she did.

But while my investigation into Fakak didn't turn up anything that confirms the connection to Zaqout, it also does nothing to disprove it, and the circumstantial evidence available to me lends credibility to the claim. So while I land somewhere around 80% on the verifiable credibility of this GoFundMe, please balance that against my 95%+ confidence in Zaqout's legitimacy, and the fact that she appears to still have control of her socials as of 12 days ago. If she posts on TikTok with another live video again (and not a photo slideshow, which can't be considered verification of anything), then I'd say this one is completely safe.

[chelseeebe]

everything has changed

you and steve were once the bestest of friends, cruelly torn apart when you’re forced to leave hawkins suddenly. fifteen years on, everything has changed and yet, nothing has changed.

i had this idea a while ago and then have recently become re-obsessed with the song so decided to give it a rewrite! it’s kinda giving seven x everything has changed and i love that. i have a sitcom level idea of a part two for this but i’m not sure it’ll ever come to fruition

18+. no smut but my blog is 18+ :) mostly just fluffy friends to lovers stuff hehe

‎♡‧₊˚

“you promise we’ll be friends forever?” steve asks, quirking his little eyebrows up. still so innocent, so unaware that the world was a cruel place.

“i promise!” you’d shrieked, toothy grin beaming over at him as you sat poised on the climbing frame. “we’ll write letters every week and in the summer you can come and visit!”

steve whooped with glee, the metal frame shaking from the force of his body, “okay! my mom has your mom’s number so i can call you,” grubby hands clinging onto yours.

you throw your arms around his neck, pulling him into a hug, wobbling atop of your tower. full of hope and your shared joy. oblivious to how the next 15 years would play out.

-

life hadn’t been so kind as to keep the two of you in contact. steve’s mom had tried to explain it to him, but his poor seven year old brain couldn’t quite grasp it.

it was only when he was older that he had realised what had happened.

you had been whisked away to california, your mother’s home state, far away from your dad. for your safety of course. his mother had warned him not to mention where you had gone to anyone, and he’d stuck by that.

and really, life had gotten in the way of thinking about you too much. basketball tryouts and getting girls into the back of his bmw had taken precedence over fading thoughts of freckly girls he once knew.

steve was at college now, admittedly tagging along with robin, but he was enjoying it. he played basketball, studied children’s education and had even scored himself a kinda stable girlfriend.

he’s sat in the library, book open and unread in front of him on the table as robin attempts to convince him to go out tonight.

“it’ll be fun! besides, i promised my roommate that i’d go.. y’know she’s having a hard time,” turning on the puppy dog eyes that more often than not, worked on him.

he groans, “i don’t know rob.. finals are coming up soon and i really need to get this down if i wanna graduate with you,” though he makes no effort to actually pick up the book, more interested in the coffee robin had used as a bargaining chip.

“steve,” almost warningly, “come for an hour,” nodding at him, as if to subliminally make him agree, “and then i’ll help you study all day tomorrow, okay?” tilting her head, bright green* eyes glistening at him.

“fine,” succumbing to her pleas, “but you owe me,” sending a glare across the table as he finally turns the page.

robin grins, happy she’d gotten her own way. again.

-

they walk arm in arm into the bar, squeezing through the crowd as they attempt to locate robin’s mysterious roommate.

steve sighs, whispering into robin’s ear, “why do i have to be here? just because your roommate is a lonely weirdo, doesn’t mean you have to drag me out too,” pouting like a petulant child.

she pinches his arm, causing him to yelp into her ear, “this is why i used to pray for the ceiling light to fall on your head in mrs click’s class,” pulling away from him as she spots whoever she’s looking for.

“wait.. what?” he calls out after her, weaving through the crowd to find her again.

she has her face buried into someone’s shoulder, blabbering about the busy bar and how good it was to get out.

robin pulls away, gesturing over to steve as this lucrative stranger meets his eye.

it’s you.

the little girl who had promised to be his best friend forever now stood before him, all grown up. he almost doesn’t believe it. in fact, he can’t. not until you speak, his name echoes around meaninglessly.

“what the fuck?” he gasps, still in utter shock.

“it’s really you? you’re.. oh my god, you’re steve of course you are,” wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling him in for a hug, the exact way you had fifteen years ago.

you even smell the same, a distinct sort of vanilla smell that takes his mind hurtling fifteen years into the past. he almost wants to throw up from the turbulence of it all.

“i can’t believe you’re here,” you gasp, still nuzzled into his shoulder, “this is so surreal,” now holding him at arms length, dissecting his face in the same way he was yours.

you looked the same and yet completely different. no more gappy smiles or sun bleached hair, very pretty. his seven year old self had thought so too, but your friendship had meant more.

“you two know each other?” robin perplexes, watching the scene unfold with zero context.

“we.. uh- yeah,” unsure of how much he can divulge, still under strict orders from his mom to never tell a soul where you’d gone.

“we were friends, i was born in hawkins so.. god, this is so weird,” you exasperate, letting go of his frame to talk to a bewildered robin.

“you’re from hawkins? you told me you were from california?” robins face twists in confusion.

“it’s a.. complicated story,” you look back at him, still trying to decipher if he was even real, “i moved away when i was young but we were like, best friends,” baring your teeth with your smile.

“well shit, i’ve got time,” robin laughs, sliding into the booth, she looks up at steve, “drinks on you.. you know, to celebrate,” wiggling her brows in that irritating way she did when she wanted something.

he dutifully obliges as you begin your story, he supposes that now you probably can.

your dad had moved out of hawkins a while ago, it wasn’t exactly a secret as to why you guys had just up and left so abruptly. steve had always hated him, made sure to glare daggers into his back when he and his mother would pass him in the street or in melvalds. he felt he owed you that.

plus steve was angry, angry that you’d had to leave him behind because of your dad. his tiny mind couldn’t comprehend that it was for the better, only understanding that it was your dad’s fault his best friend had been taken from him.

steve’s curious about california, how your life differed from hawkins. you play it off as nothing special but you smile differently when you speak of afternoons after school spent on the beach and learning to surf.

he makes some off-hand comment about making it out which causes your brows to furrow, “so did you,” tapping the table in front of him, “remember we would talk about college? living in a big house together?”

he chortles, almost choking on his beer, “yeah, with ten dogs and three cats,” shaking his head at the ridiculousness of it all.

“wow..” robin butts in, “so you did this with other girls before me?” faux-offence written all over her face.

you beam, looking between the two of them, “so are you guys dating?”

steve does choke this time, sputtering as the bitter liquid slides down the back of his throat.

“no!” they chime in unison.

“jesus christ, you think i’d date him?” robin falls into a fit of giggles, it didn’t hurt his ego anymore. robin had very particular tastes and that very much didn’t include men.

“thanks rob..” he snarls jokingly, “i uh, i have a girlfriend.. just not robin,” he’s not sure why he’s apprehensive to tell you. christ, he’d only re-known you for five fucking minutes.

“sorry, i just assumed..” shrinking into your seat, desperate to change the subject.

he’s modestly pleased that you don’t ask any more about his girlfriend, which in turn makes him feel a rotten sense of guilt.

“yeah well, to assume makes an ass out of you and me,” robin adds, giving you a poke to your ribs for good measure, “and he’s definitely not my type,” her nose shrivelling up in disgust.

you snigger, poking robin right back as she explodes into her myriad of reasons why she would never date steve. she kept a list.

there’s a sickening feeling of affinity, like all the years you hadn’t been together just ceased to exist, they no longer mattered.

especially when your eyes meet as robin prattles on, like you’re sharing an old joke.

he doesn’t like this, doesn’t fancy his odds of coming out of this unscathed but that doesn’t stop him from shifting his chair closer as the night goes on. nor does it stop him from walking you home, supporting a tipsy robin on his arm.

and it most certainly doesn’t effect him when you hug him goodnight, nestling your chin into his shoulder the way you used to.

fuck.

-

steve climbs down the steps into the strange smelling studio, he hadn’t even known this ever existed. there’s art littering the walls, the shelves, just about any surface that was available.

you’re at the back of the empty room, dabbing a paintbrush onto a canvas, completely unaware of his presence.

“hey.. robin said you’d be down here,” he speaks softly, so as to not startle you.

you still jump, clutching your chest as you spin on your heel, “jesus christ,” panting rather dramatically, “you scared the shit outta me,” shock turning into a wide smile.

“sorry,” he chuckles, weaving through the easels, trying his damn hardest not to touch or knock anything over, “what ya’ working on?” peering at the canvas.

it’s a beautiful scene, a lone swing set lies in the middle, surrounded by a peachy-pink sunset. it’s reminiscent of something he can’t quite place.

“oh just..” shrugging him off, “some stuff for my exhibition.. i dunno if i like it yet,” downplaying the glorious work of art in front of him. as if there were any need.

“what are you talking about? it’s so good,” still clinging onto his backpack strap.

you shake your head, taking the apron off of your body, tossing it onto the hook full of other dirtied aprons. “i can do better.. anyway, did you trek all the way down here for a reason or..?”

he lingers by the painting for a second longer before turning to face you, remembering his actual aim, “yes! are you joining us for dinner tonight? robin wants you to meet all of our friends,” he offers, though he’s aware it’s not much of a deal for you.

“uh.. who’s gonna be there?” you ask, quirking a brow. he’s aware that you’re not exactly a social butterfly.

“well, nancy, jonathan, vickie.. argyle, if jonathan can convince him to come out,” they were all nice enough, if he and robin liked you, they definitely would too.

“i dunno..” wrinkling your nose.

“come on,” he pleads, “it’ll be fun.. they’ll love you. nance’s been begging me to get you out.. please?”

you shake your head, as if weighing up your options, “okay.. fine, but dinner’s on you,” as you drop the pallet into the sink for someone else to deal with.

“great,” he beams, there’s something to be said about the fact he still hadn’t introduced katie to the rest of his friends yet.. but he doesn’t wanna think about that.

his hand comes to rest on what he thinks is a dry desk, waiting for you to finish up, only to find his hand now covered in goopy white paint, “oh shit,” he fusses, pulling your attention from the sink.

“oh fuck, i should’ve told you that was wet..” looking between his outstretched hand and his eyes, a giggle bubbling on your lips as he stomps over to the sink.

“oh is this funny to you, huh?” joining you at the basin.

you run the hot water for him, grabbing the bottle of soap ready to clean his hand, “well it’s a little funny,” lips twitching while he stands like a lemon.

as steve normally does, he acts before he thinks, pressing his paint-covered palm to your cheek, only registering what he had done when you shriek in response, splashing water everywhere.

“you asshole!” you gasp, brows furrowed as you conjure up something for revenge.

that’s when you grab the still paint-covered brush and smear it over his cheek and nose, staining his features a daring bright orange.

“oh it’s like that is it?” he grins, grabbing your wrist with his clean hand, threatening to mark you again. “you don’t wanna mess with me, i’ve got the upper hand,” sticking his tongue out slightly, unable to shake the way your eyes still glistened the same.

“if you want me to come to dinner, you’ll put your hand down.. call a truce,” bargaining with him.

he obliges, holding his hands up in surrender, “okay.. okay, you win,” unable to contain his laughter as he washes the paint from his palm.

you shoulder barge him as you come back to the sink, pulling your clean brushes from the water and leaving them to dry on the metal board.

“we’re gonna have to swing by my room,” you smile begrudgingly, shoving your stuff into your bag, watching as he dries his hand.

“okay,” his grin still lingering, “personally, i think you should just come to dinner like that.. it looks great,” enjoying the ribbing that came with being your friend.

you scoff, practically pushing him out of the studio, ensuring he couldn’t wreck havoc on anything else.

the pair of you glide down the hall, steve filling you in on the guests that would joining you for dinner when a voice calls his name from in front.

katie bounds up to him, smile fading the second she sees the new colour of his face, “why are you orange?” face screwed up as she rescinds her offer of a kiss. he’s slyly thankful that your adorned his face now.

“oh we.. i- i tripped, got paint everywhere,” he chuckles, feeling like a scolded child.

katie hums, “right.. that’s kinda weird,” her eyes flit over to you and the paint on your face, “you trip too?” a judgemental look flashing across her features.

“no,” shrinking into yourself, “steve.. tripped,” doubting your own words, like your measly paint fight needed to be kept secret. but maybe that’s just how he felt, is that wrong?

he can’t decide.

“hmph,” katie frowns, her attention turning back to steve, “go and clean up.. you look like a clown,” before speeding off down the hall, ponytail flouncing around as she goes.

he just rolls his eyes continuing out of the building as you scurry along behind, “she seems nice,” sarcasm dripping off your tongue.

“ignore her,” brushing the whole encounter off, “she’s just.. pissy because i’m busy tonight, don’t take it personally,” offering a short smile. he glances at his watch, grimacing at the time, “oh shit, we’re late,” grabbing your hand as he starts sprinting ahead.

“i can’t meet your friends like this!” you holler, bounding behind him.

“they won’t mind!” he screams into the wind, dodging other students with a skill only possessed by someone who chronically sleeps through their alarm.

they really don’t.

in fact, robin bursts into laughter as you walk into the diner, “i’m not even gonna ask,” tapping the plush cushion for you to slide in next to her, steve follows closely behind.

the two of you share a look, an inside joke that was just yours. he liked that, it made him feel strangely important. like he was worthy of sharing things with just you.

everyone is lovely, obviously. he had no doubt that they would be. argyle corners you about california, discovering that it is a rather large state and no, you won’t have bumped into each other.

steve doesn’t want the night to end, he’s selfish like that. so he does the sane thing to ensure you spend as much time together as possible, walking you and robin back through campus, still adorned with paint.

“thank you.. for making me go,” you smile coyly once you reach your door, robin had already disappeared off inside, leaving just the two of you.

“no worries.. i told you they’d love you,” shoving his hands into his pockets, mostly so he doesn’t do anything stupid.

you chuckle, reaching for the door handle, “i’ve really missed you, you know? it’s like it’s all hit me at once,” shrugging your shoulders as if that were just some nonchalant comment he would ever be able to forget.

“i missed you too,” he adds, truly meaning it.

sure, he’d found friendship again but nothing had ever felt quite like you. it was different, and even now after years and years of being in separate states, with no idea that the other was even still alive, it all felt normal.

like you could walk back into that park tomorrow, sit on the swings and just natter away about everything and nothing like you used to.

“goodnight, see you tomorrow?” you smile, sliding through the door, waiting just long enough for his reply.

“of course,” returning the smile.

he hums all the way home, a child-like joy overrunning his senses. he thinks about you when he dreams, of sharing crayons and candy. high-pitched giggles and an unfaltering feeling of love.

-

it had been weeks of hanging out now, sharing tales from your childhood, robin was still struggling to understand that you were also from hawkins. “you’re just.. it’s crazy, you’re nothing like the usual hawkins dwellers and the fact that you were friends with him? wow..” she had muttered with a swift jab to steve’s arm.

she had had the bright idea of a sleepover, they hadn’t really been able to since moving to chicago, out of respect for their roommates but now her roommate was you, what was stopping them?

“why don’t we push the beds together?” robin blurts out, like a lightbulb had just gone ding on the top of her head.

you nod excitably, going to heave your bed across the room. steve pushes the end of the bed frame, connecting it to robin’s as she stands there doing absolutely nothing to help.

“phew thanks robin, couldn’t have done that without all your help!” steve quips, throwing his best friend a snide smile.

“shut up dingus, my nails are still wet,” as if that made it okay.

you smile at the two of them, stood in your pyjamas that steve had definitely not been gawping at. he doesn’t mean to, he knows it’s not like that. he has a girlfriend for christ’s sake.

that’s what he’s been telling himself anyway.

“you’re in the middle,” robin declares, looking at you, rather than him, “put your cold feet on somebody else for once,” before climbing into her side of the bed.

you slide in next, cuddling up to robin as you do. steve’s next, fashioned in his excuse for pyjamas, namely a chicago university shirt and his boxers. it probably wouldn’t go down well if katie were to find out but he didn’t particularly care.

there’s a joke there, something about sharing a bed with a lesbian and his childhood best friend but he can’t be bothered to think about it.

not when you turn over to face him, all smiles and warm cheeks, he has to remind himself that robin is on the other side of you, mumbling something about not waking her up early.

“goodnight,” you grin, relaxing into the pillow you shared as the light flickers off.

“night,” he replies, pulling his eyes away from your shadowy features, deciding that staring at the fuzzy ceiling was better than being a freak.

you roll over slightly, head falling onto his shoulder making his breathing falter, sworn to this position until you up and moved. it’s a sacrifice he’s willing to make.

he shouldn’t be thinking like this, you’re friends, old friends to be exact. and he has a girlfriend.

-

except, he awakens in the morning, stiff shoulder and a cricked neck, taking a peek at the other side of the bed to find robin had forced you into him with her sprawling limbs.

you rouse not long after he does, blinking at the light and hurriedly moving your head from his dead arm.

“oh my god,” you remark, “i’m sorry.. was i on you all night?” wriggling around the small space you held.

steve exhales, lifting his arm in the air in an attempt to get some blood flowing back into the extremity, “yup.. it’s okay though,” quickly rolling over to face you, “sleep well?”

“well, apart from robin’s foot in my back.. yeah, pretty well,” chuckling into the pillow as you shy away. he wishes you wouldn’t.

“then it was worth the dead arm,” returning your abnormally bright smile, you were far too chipper for this time in the morning but he didn’t mind. made a difference from the usual grump robin was in, for sure.

“you should sleep over more often,” you smile.

he heart soars, god he’d love to. “oh yeah? like we used to?”

the crinkle by your eye returns, remembering times gone by, “yeah, just like that,” speaking softly, as if it wouldn’t take an industrial alarm to wake robin.

“you wanna go get breakfast?” he asks, before this devolves any further.

“absolutely.”

-

there’s a knock at the door, tommy doesn’t flinch, doesn’t even make a half assed effort to pretend to care so steve huffs and gets up to answer.

you’re stood on the other side, already smiling as you wait. it’s a welcome sight, without robin he’s been a little stir-crazy, not yet brave enough to venture to your room without her there.

maybe he’s afraid that something would happen, maybe he’s not. he’s not entirely convinced that he’d have the power to stop himself.

“i just came to give you a ticket.. for my exhibition, it’s on saturday so.. if you’re busy i totally get it,” you fret, offering out the ticket to him.

there’s an undetermined feeling in his stomach, looking down at the paper ticket in his pal, warmth rushing to his chest at the fact you’d even considered him.

steve steps out of the room, closing the door behind him, away from tommy and listening ears. tommy and katie were friends somewhat, mostly by association through his girlfriend carol. anyhow, he wasn’t keen on him telling some misconstrued story to carol and then reaping the punishment from that.

“wow..” still starstruck that you had asked him. “i’ll be there.. wouldn’t miss it,” sliding the ticket into his pocket, mostly so he would stop looking like a weirdo for staring at it.

“okay,” you nod, smile up to your ears, “it’s only small..” here you go again, downplaying your talent as if steve would ever care.

“stop it,” he warns, jokingly rolling his eyes, “hey, i’ll walk you back.. i needa get out of that fucking room,” gesturing for you to take the lead.

you chatter all the way across campus, talking about everything and nothing, he wants to ask if that painting of the swingset will be there but doesn’t. letting you blabber on about composition and the asshole gallery manager that wants you to set up at 6am.

its only when you reach your hall that you stop, turning to face him with a genuine smile that makes his heart thud.

“it’d really mean a lot if you came..”

he nods, stepping closer only just, “i will, i’ll be there,” assuring you as much as he could. he meant it, too. there’s really nothing he could think of that would make him not go.

he allows his gaze to slip to your lips, he lets himself do that even though he shouldn’t.

studying the curve, the slight gap between your bottom and top lip, the way they twitch with what he hopes is anticipation.

you’re both inching closer, neither of you acknowledging what’s about to happen. the air is thick, silent even. a knowing sense that you’re either about to ruin everything or become something more.

two doors down, a door swings open, a voice bellowing out, “i’ll catch up!” before a boy speeds out, glancing at the two of you briefly before disappearing.

you clear your throat, averting your gaze, studying the dirtied floor, “okay.. i’ll see you saturday,” coy smile as you unlock the door and potter off inside.

steve stands there, blinking at the wooden frame as if you’d somehow materialise from the other side.

he hightails it back to his room, in some sort of daze as he attempts to reconfigure himself. his relationship and his friendship with you. nothing made sense.

he’s not sure it ever will again.

fuck he wishes robin were here. of course she’s at some stupid family reunion when he needs her most. his next port of call would be you and well.. that didn’t seem particularly helpful.

he errs on calling robin, floating around his room with no purpose. at least tommy was no where to be seen, unsure if he could’ve handled his beady little eyes and snooping questions.

katie would be waiting on him, he always stayed over on thursdays, at least he used to. before you were back i. the picture. before you had completely consumed his mind with your stupid smile and stupid face. both a distant memory and an important part of his current life. it’s fucking dizzying.

it’s not really stupid, he thinks he’s stupid actually.

steve does what he does best and decides to ignore his brain, grabs his keys and storms out of his dorm. he’s grateful that katie’s house is on the opposite side of campus from your building. that way he couldn’t accidentally wind up there instead of where he’s supposed to be.

she welcomes him in, a pink, frilly house that steve had always detested a little bit. it smelt too strongly of vanilla and the other girls always side-eyed him, bitter and judgemental over something he couldn’t figure out.

it’s now that they’re sat on katie’s satin bedsheets that he realises that he really, really doesn’t want to be here.

nevertheless, he swallows it down. putting on false pretences as they fake-watch the shitty rom-com she’d turned on to fill the silence.

“so.. have you got your suit for saturday?” katie asks, playing with his limp hand.

“yeah,” resisting the urge to move his hand away, “sorry- saturday? i thought it was tomorrow?”

katie had asked- or more precisely begged him to escort her to this senior send off ceremony. some bullshit sorority ritual that made zero sense to him.

“uh.. no, always been saturday,” she’s still smiling, still trying, “steve, i told you weeks ago,” her frustrations seeping out of her pores, spilling over onto her features.

“you said friday,” so sure of himself, so sure that she was wrong. how would he forget that?

unless something, or perhaps someone was shrouding his mind.

“well, what plans are more important than your girlfriend’s senior send off?” she asks, all defensive.

he struggles to answer, there’s no way he can really spin it to make it sound less bad, strangled noises drift from his throat as the words fail to form.

“exactly,” katie pouts, crossing her arms over her chest, “you’ll just have to rearrange.”

steve doesn’t stay over, makes up some shoddy excuse about needing to study to get out of it. she’s not happy, obviously, but when is she?

he’s grateful that the campus is quiet as he stalks back to his dorm, thoughts swirling through his brain. everything is so confusing, his cushy little college life had been majorly disrupted and now all of the plans he had made had come crashing down.

there had been conversations about finding a house after graduation, moving in together randomly starting their life and yet, that couldn’t be further than what he wanted.

at least now.

-

steve finally gives up, turning to the only person he thinks will rationalise his thoughts, robin buckley. who has pulled her grandmother’s phone into the private dining room just for this conversation.

“we nearly kissed,” he spits out, eyeing the group of drunk students passing in the hallway. wouldn’t it be great if it somehow got back to katie through some nosy busybody.

“what? when? why didn’t you call me sooner?” she demands, “why didn’t you kiss? oh my god steve harrington, you’re so useless.”

“uh.. what do you mean why didn’t we kiss? remember my girlfriend? who’d chop my balls off if i ever cheated on her?”

“who cares? nobody likes her anyway,” robin roars right into his ear.

“i’m not gonna even acknowledge that.”

“okay, well, did you want to kiss her?”

steve pauses, perplexing the situation. he doesn’t need to really, of course he wanted to.

“..yeah.”

“well there you go!” she shrieks.

“it felt.. weird, i dunno, i think she wanted to too,” he curls the cord around his finger, “and now katie wants me to go to this senior send-off thing but there’s the exhibition.. i don’t know what to do,” his shoulders slumping.

“wait wait wait, what do you mean it felt weird?” dismissing his dilemma. you know, the thing he had actually called her about.

“well it felt right.”

the line goes silent but he can still hear her faint breathing down the line. she’s thinking, probably attempting to sweeten up her words. but eventually she sighs, “i think you know what to do.”

“but i don’t! rob i really don’t! why do you think i’m calling you at fucking one am?”

she clicks her tongue and steve can picture what smug look she has on her face, it was a signature feature of hers, especially when she’d been able to prove him wrong. “you do. i think you called me because you wanted me to tell you what you want to hear.. but i don’t even need to do that.”

he wails into the receiver, all he’d wanted was a clear cut answer from his best friend. a little advice and maybe some confirmation bias, was that too much to ask for?

“you’re no help,” he scowls, patting his now empty pockets in search of more coins, “i haven’t got any more change.. i’m gonna have to go,” sighing as he’s left on his own with his head once more.

“you’ll do the right thing, steve. i know you and i trust you,” before the line cuts out, the dial tone screams out.

he slams the piece of useless plastic back onto the holder. that wasn’t helpful, rather just some weird, reverse psychology lesson. he feels cheated, his first option of just flipping a coin would’ve been more helpful.

his feet drag along the carpet back to his room, swallowing the guilt and all of the other confusing emotions he seemed to have accumulated.

it’s funny that even though robin hadn’t exactly said anything specific, he’d known what she was talking about. it’s even funnier that as he climbs into bed, all he can think about is you.

-

steve hangs back, stood at the back while the speech finishes. he doesn’t know what he’s doing here, what he’s supposed to be looking at or talking to, incredibly out of place.

no one pays him any mind, too interested in whatever this balding man has to say.

you don’t spot him either, keeping your eyes trained to the art director. he can tell you’re nervous, picking indiscreetly at your hangnail, chewing on your cheek. you’d never liked, or been particularly good at public speaking, steve was your voice for many years. not that he minded.

there’s lots of chatter, people walking around the small space with their hands behind their back, putting on this facade that they were art snobs and not just weird middle-aged people looking for something to do on a saturday afternoon.

they all sort of disperse, ogling the paintings and such. leaving him stood in the middle of the room like a lemon, wondering if he should just go over to you or wait until this had all finished.

but you meet his eye momentarily, head snapping in his direction when you realise who it is. your lips slowly curve into a smile, ditching the conversation to weave through everyone to him.

“you came,” you state, like there was ever a chance of him not coming.

“i told you i would,” he’s not one to break a promise. ever.

“no i know but, robin mentioned something about your girlfriend, she didn’t know if you were.. forget it,” throwing your hands about, ridding the air of your words.

he’s not exactly surprised that you’d have doubts, not after your almost-kiss the other night. he hadn’t seen you since, too busy with the exhibit to sit and dwell on it, he bets.

steve shakes his head, “nah, i had something more important to do,” full of unbridled exhilaration, it’s like his body knew he had made the right choice.

you flush, avoiding his eyes as you usually do when you’re nervous or embarrassed. “well.. thank you,” shrugging him off. he so wish you wouldn’t.

he decides to just lay it all bare, tired of skirting around the truth and minimising his obviously very real feelings. “this isn’t the right time but,” smoothing down his wrinkled shirt, “i just wanted you to know that i’ve wanted to do this for weeks and.. shit,” he sighs, cupping your cheek and moving in before you can protest.

your lips connect, sending flames through his veins, you’re not expecting it judging by the lack of movement on your part, stood frozen even as he pulls away.

“sorry,” the first thing he says, watching your face as you stand shocked.

he was so sure that his feelings would be reciprocated, had pretty much convinced himself that you were destined to grow grey together but maybe he’d got it all wrong.

his cheeks burn as you just blink, time slows and he wishes that the floorboards would just collapse under him so he could disappear forever.

in lieu of a reply, you smash your faces together again, this time steve’s not quite expecting it, your noses bang against each others. but he doesn’t move, his smile growing against your lips.

there are a collection of muttered oohs from the crowd. it was rather a lot for a saturday morning.

“sorry,” you echo, biting down into your bottom lip, “not the wrong time at all,” your eyes shining through your spindly lashes.

steve bursts into laughter, drawing an even bigger crowd of eyes as he does so. his eyes dart around the vaguely stunned audience, “hey look, find me after.. i’ll be here,” gently pushing you off to go and do whatever the hell it is that artists do at these things.

you nod, all dazed and smiley, immediately falling into conversation about a painting.

-

he’s only dozing when the door creaks open, too encapsulated by sleep to bother to open his eyes. you’re dead to the world, snoring softly curled into his chest.

a quiet gasp rings out from the door and then just as expected, robin bounds over to your bed, poking his arm that was both underneath your shoulders and hanging off of the bed.

he peeks a look at his slightly deranged best friend, the lamp was just bright enough to showcase her enthusiastic grin, “you did it!” whispering far too loudly, “i knew you’d make the right choice,” buzzing around the room.

she damn near jumps in the air, clicking her heels together like some freak.

steve just closes his eyes again, falling back into sleep with a grin on his face and you between his arms.

[lovedrruunk]

'Girl next door જ⁀➴♡ Chapter 2

In which Joel plays Cupid in order to help a hopeless Ellie win over the cute girl next door.

Series Masterlist!

chapter 1! - chapter 3

"Coffees the way to a heart"

w.c; 1.6k

[silly awkward Ellie Williams x fem reader!]

She should've known not to trust Joel.

"Ellie, hey!"

There you stood behind the counter in your annoyingly cute barista uniform, welcoming her with that same bright smile you always seem to have on.

Earlier that morning, Joel had shuffled into the living room groggily, asking her to grab him his coffee from the new cafe in town—something about fancy brews and all that. Ellie, already dressed to go over to Dina's house and thinking this would only be a quick errand, agreed. But of course, being Joel, he had ulterior motives, so she couldn't help but feel unsurprised when she walked through the door and was met face to face with you.

Your eyes met the second the bell chimed, announcing her arrival. Walking towards you with a small wave she could feel her palms start to sweat.

"What brings you here?" you continued.

Ellie felt like she was being interrogated. She couldn't tell if it was the cute look on your face that made her nervous or the feeling of being in a new place like this. 'It's a cafe... I'm here for coffee duh ...Don't be a bitch, Ellie.'

"Just—coffee." She grinned slightly, failing to keep eye contact with you, hoping you wouldn't notice.

"For yourself?" you asked, raising a brow.

"Yeah." Ellie squeaked out, staring at you for a couple of seconds before continuing. "I, uh, developed a taste for the bitter stuff." She looked away, trying to seem cool, but her face seemed to drop the second she looked back at you. There you were, slightly leaning towards the counter, looking at her suspiciously, seeming entirely unconvinced.

"Sure you did," you said matter-of-factly, playing into her little lie. "What can I get you then?"

You'd say you knew yourself pretty well, but something that always seemed to puzzle you was just how much you knew about Ellie Williams. You knew about what she liked, what she disliked, and what you could say for certain was that Ellie disliked coffee. She had always had a sweet tooth that you vividly remembered, and you doubted that had changed.

Ellie scanned the menu, trying to pick something that sounded hardcore. "I'll take a… triple-shot espresso, extra dark."

"Coming right up!"

While Ellie stared at you as you prepared her coffee, she thought about why she felt the need to lie to you in the first place. A triple-shot extra dark coffee? Hell, she doesn't even know what that means. Maybe it was the way your eyes lit up when you saw her, or the way you leaned in a little closer while talking to her, but she just wanted to impress you in any way.

She glanced around the cafe, taking in the cozy atmosphere. It was a nice place, she had to admit. The smell of freshly ground coffee beans, the soft hum of conversation, you. She thought about how she wouldn't mind coming here more often... then was reminded of why she probably wouldn't.

"One triple-shot espresso, extra dark."

Ellie looked at you before staring at the cup. She comically gulped, making you chuckle. Grabbing it, she read the name written out in your handwriting.

"Elly?"

"Oh sorry, is that not how you spell it?"

"Ha ha, very funny." She rolled her eyes chuckling lightly before smiling back at you.

"Hey, so," you started as you went to put her cash in the register, "do you have any plans after this?"

Ellie froze for a second before stammering. "Uh, no, why?"

She physically had to force herself to stand still in that moment so she wouldn't start running laps around the cafe. She found herself so quick to lie to you again (which she did feel bad for!), but she was a firm believer in trusting her gut, and right now her gut wanted to spend some more time with you for whatever reason. Dina would understand. Besides, who would she be if she wasn't late?

"I have two of Joel's cupcakes in my lunchbox, and I'm taking my break soon. I wouldn't mind some company."

Ellie stood silently for a moment before nodding slowly.

"Yeah, okay. I'll just... go wait for you over there," she said, looking over to an empty table by the store front window.

"Sounds good! I'll be out in a minute." You smiled at her before walking away to talk to your coworker.

Ellie slowly made her way towards the table, sitting on the high chair. She was ecstatic. She had wished to hang out with you but never actually thought it would happen, at least not anytime soon. Now that she was actually here waiting for you, she realized she was a lot more nervous than she thought she would be. She replayed scenarios of how she would act, how she would talk, what she would say, but now that it was happening, her mind blanked.

She looked down at her hands, noticing the way they slightly shook. This is what she wanted, wasn't it? A chance to get closer to you. But not in a weird way. Because she's not weird. Was she? I mean, how could anyone blame her? You just had this presence that she couldn't explain no matter how hard she tried, and whatever it was, it made her want to impress you. She wanted to be cool, cool for you. To talk to you, to skip over to your house, to buy you pretty little things... y'know, like friends do... or whatever.

"Sorry if I took long."

Your voice snapped her out of her thoughts. Looking up, she saw you standing there with your lunchbox, smiling. She quickly took a sip of her coffee, trying to hide her nerves. The bitterness hit her like a truck and she barely managed to swallow it without making a face.

"No, not at all," she croaked, hoping you didn't notice her discomfort. "So, cupcakes, huh?"

You sat down across from her, opening the lunchbox to reveal two not-so-perfectly frosted cupcakes. "Yep! Joel's famous cupcakes."

Ellie nodded, taking another reluctant sip of her coffee. "You sure they're edible?"

You handed her a cupcake, and she took it, grateful for something to distract her from the awful taste in her mouth. Although it wasn't the best replacement, she deemed it good enough.

"Ha ha. Don't hate on Joel, okay? He tried his best! Plus, they're actually really good!"

Ellie looked back at you with a smile. You just couldn't help but defend that old fart, huh?

"Yeah, well, his best wasn't good enough," she said with a chuckle, looking back at her cupcake before taking a bite.

"Y'know, you could always wash it down with some of your coffee."

Ellie froze for a second, looking up at you before swallowing her bite.

"You're right." She smiled painfully.

Of course, you knew what you were doing. How couldn't you? She so obviously hated the coffee no matter how hard she tried to hide it. Teasing her about it would only be karma for her lying... and dissing Joel.

"It's good. Very... dark," Ellie insisted, making eye contact with you, taking another sip and trying not to grimace.

You chuckled, looking back at her, nodding your head. "Mhm. I bet."

"Fancy... brews."

"The fanciest."

"..."

Ellie blinked. Staring at you for a bit trying to read your expression, but you only smiled wider.

She quickly set the cup down, her cheeks flushing. "Okay, fine, you caught me. I hate this stuff."

You laughed, a light sound that made her insides twist in a good way. "I knew it. Ellie Williams doesn't like coffee. Who would've thought?"

"It tastes like liquid shit. I can't believe you actually work at a place like this."

You let out another laugh, the ice finally broken. Ellie felt a weight lift off her shoulders.

"Some things never change, I guess. Can't believe you lied, though. That's bad, Ellie. I made that coffee with love y'know? I feel extremely betrayed."

As you were busy rambling, she watched you take a bite of your cupcake, noticing the way your lips curled downwards for a split second.

"Holy shit... You hate those." Her eyes widened as she looked at you.

"What...?" You froze, looking back at her.

"You hate the cupcakes!" She was fully grinning now, pointing at you accusingly. "You're a fucking liar, you piece of shit!"

"Ellie, what the hell are you talking about!? Stop pointing at me!" you stuttered out, trying to defend yourself, smacking her finger away from you. "If I hated them so much, why would I pack some for lunch?"

"Probably to do what you're doing right now, give them away! Why else would you pack two?"

"..."

It was your turn to be silent now.

She scoffed, leaning back on her chair, looking at you still grinning widely. "Unbelievable..."

"Whatever. Unlike you, I had a reason to lie."

"Oh, c'mon, you and I both know Joel can't bake for shit. It’s no secret."

"Okay, fine," you conceded, laughing. "Maybe they're not the best, but it's the thought that counts, right?"

Ellie couldn't help but smile, thinking back to when Joel had told her the same exact thing. "Sure, let's go with that."

You both laughed again, the tension from earlier completely gone. It was casual, nice. She could totally get used to talking to you like this.

"So," you said, shifting the conversation, "tell me more about what you like to do. Besides lying about liking coffee."

Ellie chuckled, grateful for the change in topic. "Well, I play guitar, I have been for awhile now actually."

"Oh really? You should play for me sometime," you suggested, leaning forward with genuine interest.

"Yeah, maybe," She smiled looking away.

. . .

"He just gets a regular black coffee."

"What's he gonna say when he gets his coffee at 1pm?"

"I'll update you." She said with a small smile.

"I'd like that."

. . .

Thanks 4 reading u all! Notes r appreciated! :3

Authors note!! YALL SEE TRUMP GOT SHOT??? ellie wouldnt have missed... actually idk maybe she wouldve. ANYWAYS i actully DONT hate this as much as i did a week ago when i was working on it lolz! i think im just gonna make shorter cuter fics so i can post one every like 5 days yk!!! this was super fun SOOOOOOO SORRRRYYYYYYY ABT THE WAITTT GAHHHHH TOOK ME FOREVSSSSSSS i was SO busy and then SO lazy and then i also rlly hated everything i wrote but NOT ANYMOREEEE NEW ERA WOOO!!! TYSMMMM FOR THE PATIENCE I LOVE U GUYS UR SO FUNNY (๑>◡<๑)

also taglists r rlly confusing like am i doing it right... r yall getting tagged? (;° ロ°)

[TAGLIST YAY !!!! ヾ(＾ ∇ ＾).] @liasxeatt - @softlysunrays - @radioheadfan699 - @4ftergloww - @elliepoems - @sapphointhe21stcenturyposts - @cattjull- @elliescoolerwife @elliewilliamsrealgf - @ratdungeon - @nombreuxx - @localgirl56 - @givenoutlaw - @i-fucking-love-women-blog - @forgetdisturbance - @boobdrug - @ellieusedtampon - @marrycv - @cyberl33ch - @hysteriawillnotsuccumb (ILYY) - @ragd0ll-4 - @machetegirl109 - @3lliewilliamsluv3r - @tphmnv - @yumimak - @lesbian-useless - @criminallydownbad (ur so real) @robinphobia - @naoblack87 - @soupycloud

[obessedwithfictionalmen]

Co-Stars pt.3

Callum Turner X Actress! Reader

Summary: The moment Callum and Y/n got together, and the interviews that followed...

Warning: Kissing/ allusion to sex/ use of Y/n/

Word count: 1.1k

Before they admitted their feelings, they flirted a lot. Especially on set, but today, they were filming a sad scene. It was Bucky finding Y/n character letters letter after she got captured. She didn’t tell anyone except the makeup artist, but she wrote real love letters, only changing the name. She confessed her feeling for Callum and decided to make him read these love letters as his character. But the letter that Bucky was reading was already recorded by Y/n. Tom Hanks asked her to write a love letter so he could react to one. But today, Callum was getting make up on, by the only person on set that knew… ‘’Callum, you should know that the love letter that your about to read, Y/n wrote it for you, confessing her real feelings for you’’ she whispered. The makeup artist wanted to help the two of them getting together, so that’s why she broke her silence vow. ‘’How do you know that?’’ he asked. ‘’She told me’’ she winked. Callum didn’t know how to act, but he sure was going to read every line of this letter.

‘’Action!’’ the director yelled. Callum came in the room, showing the emotion that needed to be shown. He grabbed the letter and opened it. He was nervous to read it, but he had to act.

Dear Bucky,

When we met, I couldn’t have predicted the place that you were going to have in my heart. You’ve been there for me since the beginning. I am truly thankful for you. You’re my best friend, my partner, my other half. I never told you how much I love you, more than a friend. I don’t really believe in the soulmate stuff, but you and I, I think we’re soulmate in every universe. I love you so much, it pains me to just be your friend. The sleepless night I’ve spent, thinking about you and I. You have the special ability to make me feel like the most important person on earth when I’m with you. My body aches when you’re not in a room with me, my heart hopes that you feel the same way. Because I’ve suffered enough, I want to be with you. I want you to be my tomorrow. I want to wake up next to you, and smile because my dreams are finally reality. When we’re in the same room, I feel like a 12-year-old again, waiting for my crush to look at me. You belong with me Callum Bucky. I loved you yesterday, I love you today, and I will love you tomorrow.

Forever yours

Rose

He couldn’t believe what he just read. When the director said cut, he stayed seated, that letter was filled with true emotions. He had to find her, to tell her that he was feeling the same way. He got up and walked towards her trailer. Y/n heard a knock at her door, when it opened, it was Callum, with her letter in his hand. She looked at the piece of paper, then her gaze went to his eyes. ‘’Callum I, uh, someone told you? Right?’’ she whispered. He nodded. ‘’Listen I – ‘’ Callum cut her off by walking up to her. Their face was so close, Y/n tried to hold eye contact, but she was panicking. She took deep breaths, waiting for him to say anything. ‘’Y/n, you have no idea how long I’ve waited for you. I was afraid to ruin our friendship. I love you too, I love you so much’’ he said, smiling. Y/n blushed and put her hand of Callum’s cheek, caressing his skin with her thumb. ‘’Please, can I kiss you?’’ she asked. Callum nodded and they pressed their lips together. It was gentle, but filled with passion, a tear of joy rolled down Y/n cheek. She was finally with the men of her dreams. ‘’I wanna be yours, Callum’’ she whispered. ‘’You’re already mine, Y/n, and I’m yours’’ Callum replied, between kisses.

-

‘’It’s time to address the rumors about you two!’’ Jimmy Fallon said, taking out pictures. The first pictures were one of Y/n and Callum passionately kissing/ making out against a telephone pole. The crowd screamed, and the couple wasn’t official yet, so it was awkward. ‘’You two are clearly kissing.’’ Jimmy said, laughing. ‘’Uh, we wanted to give the paparazzi something. I mean, they followed us all night, so we wanted to give them good content’’ Y/n blurted out. It was the first thing that came to her mind. ‘’Okay, I’m not convinced, what about this one?’’ he said, switching this picture. It was Callum carrying Y/n that was in a koala position on him. ‘’She twisted her ankle, and I offered to carry her’’ Callum said. They both looked at each other, blushing and trying their best not to giggle because they knew what happened after these photos. They went back home and had sex. ‘’But your hand is on her butt’’ Jimmy argued. Callum giggled and Y/n, too. ‘’You don’t but your hand on your friend’s butt?’’ Y/n laughed. ‘’I, no I-I-I don’t’’ Jimmy stuttered. Even if the internet wasn’t convinced, at least they tried to avoid more damage.

-

They with Drew Barrymore, after the date thing, they tried to act normal. ‘’What’s your favorite Rom-Com?’’ Drew asked. ‘’The Weeding Singer’’ Callum said. ‘’10 things I hate about you’’ Y/n replied. ‘’Wait, you love The Wedding Singer’’ Drew said, with tears in her eyes. ‘’Yes, the gestures are amazing and yeah, it’s really great’’ Callum says. ‘’Yes, chasing her on the plane. Y/n what’s your favorite love gesture a man as ever done to you’’ she asked. She thought about it. ‘’Uh, I think it was when I was 17, I was feeling really sad, and this guy drove 2 hours to come and give me a hug. Or when I was 24, I really wanted a ring, it was so pretty, not as an engagement ring, just to have jewelry, and the guy bought me the ring. I still wear it today.’’ She was talking about Callum. She showed the ring to Austin and Callum, to not be suspicious and when Drew saw it, she gasped. ‘’That’s so sweet! If a man gives me a ring one day, I think I’ll cry’’ she said. ‘’I did cry’’ Y/n laughed. Callum remembered that day like it was yesterday. She drunkenly said to him that she wanted to have a ring to fidget with, when the passed in front of a jewelry store, she pointed at a ring. The next day, he went to buy the ring and gave it to her when he got home. Saying it was a promise ring of friendship. Y/n bawled her eyes out and fell more in love with Callum that day.

[morganitering]

Because I'm the Weakest II: The Women Who Never Won

Pairings/character dynamics: Satosugu, Shoko and reader, Nanami and reader, implied shoko x utahime

Contains and warnings: DARK FIC/DEAD DOVE fem!reader, Suicidal ideation, rape aftermath, referenced rape (not written out in this chap), depression, alcohol abuse, misogyny & sexism, internalized sexism, sexual harassment on minors done by minors, victim blaming (thoughts), self harm, angst, hurt & comfort, I call noncon with the official word for it

Word count: ~9,6k

Summary: There's certain desperation when you try to keep your head above water. You were drowning and all you wanted to do was to forget, the weight on your shoulders unbearable. Despite the cards you were dealt with you found yourself among allies as the web of untold memories started to unfold.

A/N: Hey! Yall waited long for this, sorry about that. I have no idea how to tag this but I'll just do it somehow, bc this is a tricky chapter. Here yall get to dive deeper in the stuff that has gone down before the events that took place in 1st chap and get a hug from Shoko. This is hopefully the last installment of this. Read the tags carefully as always and make informed decisions based on that and take care of yourself. Shit can get heavy, but I'm trying to do this in good taste.

Read on ao3 part I

Shoko Ieiri had worked a long time with people who suffered. She had seen it all, limbs cut off, even the toughest of sorcerers reduced to crying messes as they practically had their innards falling to the floor. There’s something utterly horrifying watching a patient, no – a friend scream in pain when even her skills were not enough. Funerals came and went, the white sheet thrown over the deceased on the operation table in the same routine way she’d change her linens. Nothing really shocked her. 

That’s what she liked to think. 

Your visits have been more frequent. It started with bruises and sprained ankles. Then it was broken bones that soon turned to puncture wounds, your clothes sticky with deep red and dirt. When she asked about it, you laughed it off saying it’s nothing, just a silly little mishap, “I was too reckless in the heat of the moment.”  But your eyes were empty, your words hollow like a dead tree. Of course Shoko did her job, without asking too much. You’re an adult and you’ll speak about it if you want to, right? Her job was to keep you alive. Your job was to exorcise curses. 

Shoko and you had been close too, hanging out with the two men, but at some point in high school she had withdrawn from the group. Gojo and Geto had tried to keep in touch with her in adulthood, inviting her as well to spend time together as the four of them, but she had always declined, smoothly changing their relationship to acquaintances at best. She heard enough of the despicable men from you. The only times she was in direct contact with Gojo and Geto was work related and god how she hoped that it would stay that way. She’ll play that pretend game almost happily. 

Shoko closed the office door the day turning to evening, sundown coloring the city in hues of orange and yellow. She held onto her little black purse, thankfully it was friday. A man stood on the long corridor, standing upright as if he did not belong here. He looked indifferent, almost bored.

“Nanami.” 

“Ieiri.” 

They greeted each other with a curt nod. 

“So what brings you here? You seem healthy enough,” Shoko asked as they walked to the open parking lot, only a few cars in sight. The warm summer sun caressed her cheeks, wind making her long hair flow in waves.

“I think she’s going through something,” Nanami stated as a matter of fact talking about you. He and you had gone on missions together, but something about you wasn’t right. He had seen the way you clutch your weapon, throw yourself at the enemy recklessly almost as if you had a death wish. It’s like you waited for your end. 

“No shit.” Shoko chuckled amused. It was as clear as a day if you just had eyes on yourself. “Why do you care?” 

“I’ve seen enough people spiral to know where it leads. You’re a healer, can’t you help?” His voice was thoughtful, not betraying a hint of emotions. 

“I can’t help a person who doesn’t want it,” Shoko said. “But I’ll try to figure something out.” 

“And that is enough. Thank you.” 

***

You hated meetings and rarely took part in them if you could avoid them. You had not met Gojo or Geto after the unfortunate night. If there were some work related things where there was a possibility to meet either of the men, you requested to be part of them remotely or that someone would just forward the key points. But after doing this for a few months Yaga had sent you a passive-aggressive email writing that it is absolutely mandatory for you to show yourself at least once in a while. You didn’t bother to answer him with anything other than a polite see you there.

Honestly you were tired. Your whole body ached in overexertion. Sleep escaped from you, ran a marathon around the block never stopping at your house, and every time you seemed to catch a break, hazy images you rather forbid being real filled your vision. Your eyebags told a story of exhaustion, your body shrinking in every possible way away. You went to see a doctor, not Shoko, just some normal practitioner from the private sector that you ended up paying yourself sick for. 

The doctor gave you pills to help you with sleep. He asked you if you were stressed or going through some sorts of crisis. You answered with a diligent no and explained that you’ve always had issues with sleep, but you were otherwise okay. He looked at you, raising his eyebrow in suspicion, the glasses on his head hung on his nose by a thread. He decided to believe you as he wrote the prescription, but insisted you took home pamphlets about depression and crisis hotlines. 

You tried the pills. You did fall asleep, but only after a panic attack wrecked through your body as the effect of the medication forced you into a deep slumber. The pills made you feel your pulse in your whole body. “It’s a quite strong product, previously used to treat psychosis, but nowadays it’s for patients with severe insomnia. Take it one hour before sleep. The effect might be really sudden.”  

When you woke up you decided to throw them away. It’s better to not to sleep if it meant that you’d go free from the horrors of the night you had experienced. 

The huge meeting table sprawled out horizontally and was able to sit around fifteen people in it. It had several small electric outlets for computers and tablets. Light poured in from the big windows, the blinds only halfway done. You stared at the weird scribbling on the white board that Principal Yaga was wiping furiously, muttering things about how students shouldn’t be let in this room under any circumstance since they can’t differentiate which markers are okay to use on it. 

You exchanged pleasantries with him. The room was devoid of people since you were too early. You swung your leather bag on the back of the upholstered office chair and sat yourself down.

Shoko walked in and her face lit up a little bit when she saw you sitting there. It was subtle, you thought that you were maybe the only one who could differentiate that expression from her. She sat next to you, a faint hint of neroli wrapping you to its calming aroma. 

Next came Meimei and then Utahime who came running to you two giving a happy hug to Shoko. They were so cute together, you thought to yourself as you fidgeted with your slightly too big shoes, constantly removing them and pushing them back to your feet. People don’t usually like small talk, but nonetheless the group chatted with each other. They had to, because it’s polite and you were coworkers. You thought that small talk was easy. The script of it was burnt to your brains for the rest of your life. You get to keep people at an arm's length and keep up appearances, so what’s there not to like? 

A familiar blonde man stood in the doorway. You checked your phone for the time. Only five minutes before the official start. Yuki also appeared after Nanami.  

“Hello,” he said and nodded at you as he sat himself next to you. Your whole body stiffened around him. It was hard to look him in the eyes and even harder to work missions with.

It was ten minutes past the official time when the meeting was supposed to start. 

“Sorry we are late.” Two men marched in the room with confident strides and took their place in front of you facing you, that was sitting in between Nanami and Shoko, Utahime next to the doctor. Suguru sat down next to Yuki leaving a space for Satoru who had Meimei next to him. 

Hearing Suguru’s voice made your skin crawl. 

“It’s fine,” Yaga said and looked over his shoulder to look at the white screen he had pulled down earlier with only a blue screen reflecting on the fabric. “I can’t seem to get this work anyway,” he mumbled. 

“Do you need help?” Suguru walked over to the man struggling over his laptop. “Have you checked the HDMI-cable?” 

“Of course I have, I just don’t understand why it won't work. We have Ijichi remote today,” he muttered partially to himself.  

“Let me.” 

You sat fidgeting on your chair focusing on everything else than the two men and their presence that suffocated you. If you were a candle they’d be snuffing you out but not properly, no, that would be too kind. They’d always let enough air in so that you’d never be completely put out. 

“Hello to you girls.. and Nanami,” Satoru flashed a playful grin at the four of you. Your head jerked involuntarily to look at the man. Thank god he has a habit of covering his eyes, but somehow that made him even worse. 

“Hello. How are you?” Nanami nodded politely. 

“I’m well. Hopefully the work isn’t stressing you out too much.” Satoru’s smile widened. 

“Speaking of work, I’ve heard that you and her have started doing missions together,” Satoru nudged his head towards you as he spoke directly to Nanami. “I actually green lighted the idea of sorcerers working more together. It’s good to practice teamwork and I put in good words for the two of you, since you compliment each other with the techniques you have. ” Satoru moved his head to look your way as he drew out his words in a way that you’d be sure to catch the dual meaning.

The wall flashed a few times showing the computer screen and it’s default wallpaper for only a moment and after that went back to blue. 

“An idea that I actually can get behind,” Nanami said agreeably. 

Your eye twitched. 

“Really? That was your doing?” You barely hid the anger of your voice. One more push and you’d pour your life savings on an amoral hitman, not that you’d believe that anyone could finish him off. It was a thought just for you so you could at least think about being mean in your own petty way. 

“Not a fan of working in groups of two? How about in groups of three?” 

“You fucking piece of-” 

“Okay I think it’s working now,” Yaga put his hands together straightening himself properly. Suguru walked over to Satoru, slightly shaking his head before he sat down. You heard Utahime’s quiet “okayy..” whispered in the awkward silence. 

“Unfortunately principal Gakuganji wasn’t able to make it today, he’s sick or something.”

You heard Gojo scoff audibly. 

“Try to respect him.” Yaga shot a glare in the young teacher’s way. 

“Ijichi and Nitta have gathered data about the hotspots of cursed activity,” he continued and opened up the window to teams only to be greeted by a tired looking black haired man in a suit. The background behind him was red, it looked like some type of wallpaper and small paintings covered the walls. You reckoned it was a hotel room. Or a motel, you really could not tell. 

“Ijichi, do you hear me? Would you like to take over?” Yaga’s voice boomed louder as if he wasn’t already near his computer. 

The grainy picture of the tired man smiling uncomfortably stayed still a little too long to be taken as a real time reaction to Yaga’s question. 

“I hear you. Sorry, the connection here is a bit bad.” Ijichi’s voice echoed in the office room. The picture of a slideshow appeared on the wall, making Ijichi’s face smaller. 

The map of Tokyo loomed on the wall as everyone stared at it intensely, more or less dozing off. Some parts of it had big red circles on them and Ijichi explained the way these places were having exceptionally heavy activity. He reckoned that partially the rise in activity tied to the sorcerers working more missions together leaving less people available. Ijichi also showed statistics comparing the effectiveness of sorcerers based in Tokyo and Kyoto. 

You were about to lose your mind, your body still pumping adrenaline after the conversation with Gojo. Everyone else seemed to be bored, oblivious to your struggle. Satoru had yawned at least three times in the last ten minutes, Shoko and Utahime were both interested in their nails. Even Suguru looked tired and he was pretty good at hiding his thoughts. The only ones who did not look outwardly dead inside were Yaga and Nanami. 

“Thank you Ijichi for your hard work,” Yaga said and Ijichi nodded smiling. The pop up of the slideshow vanished from the screen leaving Ijichi’s face in a huge resolution looming onto the wall. 

“We are going to take in account the effects of pairing up sorcerers. I’m not entirely in charge of how long this trial will take,” Yaga said. “Ieiri has this trial affected the health care aspect in any way?” 

Shoko cleared her throat tapping open the ipad in front of her, her nails making a satisfying click click sound. 

“The injuries have lessened,” she started. That’s good, you thought. “But the severity has increased,” she said with a serious face.

“Why is that?” Principal scrunched his eyebrows together. 

“In my professional opinion it is due to people being more brazen when having a partner. This can be seen especially in lower grade sorcerers, who are prone to believing that they are invincible when someone backs them up.” Everyone had turned to look at the doctor who played with her hair idly as she spoke. 

“And the second grade and up?”

“It happens less. But there are some, even first grade sorcerers, who are accident prone,” Shoko said and quickly looked at you, not long enough for others to pick up on that she was speaking about you.

Gojo’s phone rang in the middle of the conference. He left the room with an apology and never came back. Relief and anger ignited in you playing tug of war in your heart as your eyes followed him bitterly.

“I think this is all. I’ll send everyone the upcoming jobs, but if no one has anything to say, I think we can conclude this meeting here,” Yaga said, the choir of thank yous and goodbyes filling the room. 

You stretched yourself, happy to be on your feet again. 

“Hey, can we talk?” Nanami tried to get your attention. 

You stood in the room that was quickly emptying out of people. Shoko awkwardly hung around in a small distance from you and Nanami, trying to pretend that she wasn’t listening to your conversation. 

“I don’t entirely understand the conversation between you and Gojo, but if I have somehow disrespected you I offer my deepest apologies.” Nanami’s voice was soft. Your heart ached as you realized how bad your words must have appeared to him. 

“I’m so sorry. It’s not about you. You’ve done nothing..” You trailed off as you saw the tall curse eating man walk outside with a sly smile on his lips.

“That’s a relief but if I may be so blunt, I have a hunch that there is something bothering you,” Nanami said. 

You looked at him and chewed your lower lip nervously. This was all their fault. If they had not done what they did, you would not be in this position. The least they could have done is to keep the names of people you know out of their mouths. 

“I’m sorry to leave you hanging like this, but can we finish this conversation later?” You  hurried past him, only hearing Nanami mumble the word ‘sure’ like a kicked puppy and you said goodbye to Shoko agreeing on staying in touch with her.

The corridor was almost empty as you walked through the school building frantically searching for that bastard of a man. Your footsteps echoed on the wood as you arrived at a not so well known exit of the building. Geto stood in front of the dual doors, half heartedly pushing it open as he furiously wrote something on his phone. 

You yelled out his name, but he did not bother to react to you. You closed in on the man that was still standing back towards you. Anger surged in you as adrenaline made you braver than what you normally would be. You were supposed to just grab the ends of his hair that were sprawled across his back, but in the heat of the moment your impulse control had another lapse as you kept on raising your hand. A fist closed around the bun that had been carefully crafted on his scalp and you dug your fingers around the hair tie and then yanked, hard. 

“What the hell are you doing?!” He turned around stepping out of the doorway letting it close properly with a thump and he closed the distance between you for good. His eyes shot daggers at you. 

“You did not pay attention to me.” You shook your hand out of the spare strands that were stuck on your palm and offered the small hair tie back to him. 

“Well you got it now,” he hissed. “You can keep that as a souvenir. I don’t want anything that a filthy bitch like you has touched,” he said, the calm composure nowhere in sight. 

A filthy bitch? Really? Then maybe you should break up with Satoru if this is your deal breaker.. That’s what you wanted to say, but you held back your tongue. 

Geto took a deep breath, calming himself down, slipping on the mask that you were more used to seeing. He put his phone back in his pocket.

“What do you want?” 

“You told me,” you started, tears threatening to flow over. “You told me that I can just leave and do whatever I want. Why do you keep tormenting me? Why do you let Gojo do what he does?” Your voice broke as you started crying openly. You hated it, it made you weak. No. You were weak. 

“Firstly, I’m not his guardian. He can do what he wants.” He sounded like a smartass. 

“Second of all, never. And I repeat. Never, lay a hand on me ever again, especially on my hair.” You rolled your eyes. 

Of course it was the hair that ticked him off completely. It was his crown, the only thing he had ever been able to take care of besides Satoru. Suguru loved to flaunt himself as the calm one, the kind one, but the exterior had always had some cracks in it. No amount of paint was able to hide the rotten wall behind it. 

“I can forgive your outburst at Satoru’s, but now that you’re in your right mind, you won’t get second chances.” 

“I don’t want ‘second chances’. I want you to leave me the fuck alone so I can do my job,” you yelled at him. 

“Lower your voice. Or do you want to air out all the dirty laundry for everyone?” Geto hushed you. 

“It’s not my ‘laundry’, it’s fucking yours!” You roared and tears fell down your cheeks blurring your vision. Your face felt hot as it got wrapped in the wrath of your words. 

Geto did not answer you, instead he chose to stare you down, not moving at all as if he was a statue. He looked like a child throwing a tantrum when things did not go his way, his face contorting to a sneer that could challenge any rich spoiled brat. You panted and wiped your face with the rough backside of your palm. 

“Move.”

“Ladies first,” he snickered childishly and kicked open the heavy door with his foot as he stepped slightly to the side. God this man hangs out too much with Gojo. 

As you left the school grounds barely holding your breakdown away, there was one figure in the corridors hugging the wall near the exit, clutching onto her purse. 

***

SHOKO’S MEMORIES, 2006

“Truth or dare?” Satoru asked, popping the pink bubblegum in the air, sucking the sticky material back in his mouth to chew on loudly. 

“Truth,” Shoko said, placing another cigarette in her mouth. She smoked especially heavily when she was drinking. 

Satoru had managed to bring a whole six pack of beer to the picnic whereas Suguru had found a travel size vodka bottle from his parents. Shoko had brought a package of different berries and salty crackers with her. 

“If you could have any technique in the world, which one would you have?” Satoru asked. He looked at the clear blue sky and the way the summer breeze pushed on the white clouds. 

Shoko played with the corner of the blanket as she thought deeply about his question. She stared at the shoes she had placed on the grass and the manicure on her toes that Utahime had insisted on putting on her. 

“I think I’d keep this one,” she smiled wistfully. 

“Really? You wouldn’t want my powers?” Satoru looked at her tilting his head to the side. He spat out the chewing gum and placed it on the plastic lid that belonged to the packaging of berries. He did not like it when things ran out of flavor, always searching for something more. 

“No. I don’t envy you at all. I just want a happy life and that’s all” Shoko answered his gaze, with a gentle smile. “Besides, I like the way I am and I suppose I can help people like this,” she added. 

Satoru hummed. He was clearly dissatisfied with the answer. 

He did not exactly know why. 

“Satoru, that's sad. You should ask something fun,” Suguru pointed out and took a sip from the beer can. 

The three of them sat on a grassy hill that had a pretty decent view of the city and the park below it. Shoko leaned against the huge tree behind her back. The cicadas were performing their own concert with the hum of motorways working as their orchestra.  

“You figure out better questions then,” Satoru pouted, but wasn’t actually hurt. 

“Isn’t it my turn to ask though?” 

Shoko looked in the distance watching closely how a woman jogged with her shiba inu, her ponytail swishing in the same rhythm as the chord of her headphones. Both men nodded slightly out of sync. 

“Satoru truth or dare?” 

“Truth.” 

“Who’s the hottest person you know?” Her eyes twinkled teasingly. 

“Waka Inoue of course. She’s sexy as hell!” Satoru slapped his hand on his heart as if he was saluting. 

“Really? You still have a crush on her?” Suguru questioned. It was his turn to pout. “Am I not enough?” 

“Baby you’re plenty, but you can’t replace a huge rack,” Satoru’s voice was steady as if he was talking about the most important thing in the whole world. 

“I can’t argue with that.” Suguru sighed defeatedly, his shoulders slumping down dramatically. 

“Ugh. I shouldn’t have asked that. Both of you are so weird and gross about women,” Shoko grimaced regretting her decisions and lifted the cigarette to her mouth as if to cover the bad taste of Satoru’s words. 

The man in sunglasses ignored the criticizing words. “Suguru. Truth or dare?” 

“Dare.” 

“I dare you to share this,” Satoru lifted up a huge strawberry. “Like in Lady and the Tramp with Shoko,” he referred to the scene where the two dogs shared a spaghetti meal, eventually kissing. 

“That’s too small!” Shoko protested immediately, shaking her head. The idea of doing that with Suguru made her feel iffy. 

“I’m game if she is,” Suguru said and offered his palm to Satoru who plopped the berry in his hands. 

Shoko had a nervous giggle come out of her. 

“C’mon, it’s just a game. You can always let go after like one bite. This is truth or dare afterall,” Satoru coaxed. 

“Fine. But I won’t kiss you, not even a peck.” Shoko established her own rule and rolled her eyes. She put out the cigarette on the grass and left the butt there. 

“We’ll see about that,” Suguru laughed and picked at the stem that got thrown over next to the chewed up gum. 

He awkwardly came closer to the young female student and placed the bigger end between his lips. He looked silly, the red end peeking out of his mouth. Suguru attempted at mouthing the words ‘come closer’, but neither Satoru or Shoko understood his words but the context clue carried the point to Shoko. 

She got on her knees sitting on top of her legs and straightened herself out. Suguru was way taller than her, even when he sat. Her face approached Suguru’s who had a pink tint on his cheeks from the alcohol he had drank.  

She opened her mouth and barely bit down on the smaller end, her tongue touching the bumpy texture of the strawberry. 

“Ready. Set. Go!” Satoru exclaimed, motioning finger guns happily. His gaze was completely glued on his two friends. 

Suguru closed his eyes and he started to carefully nibble, closing dangerously on Shoko’s lips. She bit quickly, not really tasting anything and began to pull away in hopes of Suguru calling it quits too. 

Unfortunately she wasn’t fast enough. The last bits of strawberry fell down on Shoko’s lap when Suguru pressed his lips against hers, a faint red trail dripping on her chin. She didn’t move and her eyes widened in shock. Shoko didn’t know what to do so she just held her hands on her lap. 

Suguru pet gently behind the girl’s head kissing her motionless lips. His hand trailed down to her neck and all the way to her shoulder. Shoko felt the sweet taste in her mouth mixing with the alcohol, stranger’s saliva and nicotine as Suguru dragged his hand to the mound of her breast. The warmth emanating from his palm was enough to bring her back to reality and Shoko pushed the bigger guy off of her. 

“Why did you do that?” she snapped and crossed her arms. 

“Oh don’t get angry now. Have a drink and chill out.” Satoru sighed. He shuffled awkwardly and placed the almost empty tote bag on his lap and grabbed a new beer can from there. Shoko narrowed her eyes in suspicion, but did not want to make room for any weird thoughts that would imply even weirder things. “It’s just a joke.” 

“This is not the first time you take jokes too far.”

Shoko looked away from the two boys, disappointment turning into an ache in her heart and wiped her chin clean from the strawberry. She slipped on the ballerinas laying on the ground. 

“Seriously? You’re leaving because of this?” Suguru tilted his head, his voice defensive.

Shoko threw her cigarettes and lighter in her own purse checking the blanket for other stuff she had. 

“Yeah, I am. I’m not having fun anymore.” Her voice was cold as she was attempting to hide the nervous tremble in her body and almost jumped up throwing the bag on her shoulder. She turned around, once again crossing her hands against her chest as if to protect herself and started walking.

“Hey! Don’t you want your blanket with you?” Satoru yelled after her. The two guys sat on the quilt completely bamboozled. 

“Keep it! I don’t need it!” 

She didn’t eat strawberries for the rest of the summer. 

***

“Hey you really should sing this one!” Shoko laughed as she scrolled through the song list.

“Whaat? No that’s not even funny,” you laughed and slapped her arm gently. 

“Is it really not? Or are you just a bore?” Shoko taunted getting ready to put the song on.

“Can we sing something from this?” You pointed at the category called 2000’s hits. 

“I’ll pick something at random and you’re just going to deal with it,” Shoko laughed clearly tipsy too after the multiple drinks you both had drank. 

The disco ball was spinning around the small room painting the walls in hues of blue, red and green. Nanami sat on the couch nursing his whiskey as he stared off into space. The upbeat music filled the room, bass shaking the ground underneath your feet.

It was the first time going out after the events at Gojo’s house. Shoko had basically begged you to come with her to get shit faced complaining that she really needed someone to rant with. You told her that Utahime was right there and would probably love to listen to her, but she claimed that the woman from Kyoto had other plans for the weekend.

After arriving at the karaoke bar you had been taken back after seeing the stoic blonde man at the venue. You weighed the option of immediately leaving in your head, but your conscience did not allow you to do so, after leaving him so rudely hanging in the meeting. When the three of you had gotten your own private room you decided to immediately order shots and drinks with the only goal of getting absolutely black out drunk tonight despite having Nanami there. 

It was honestly rare to see him after work as he had preferred to keep his distance. He was wearing the same clothing he always wore, dress shirt ironed, necktie perfectly hanging against his chest as if he was on the clock. You wouldn’t have been surprised if he were to whip out a cursed tool onto the bar table. 

You clutched onto the microphone singing unevenly as you danced to the beat, half of the syllables disappearing to you being out of breath. Shoko cackled, almost folding over as she kept slapping her thigh eyes watering. She had drunk a few drinks less than you and she had been exceptionally happy even before drinking. Truthfully Shoko was quite a heavy drinker and she definitely should not have been as wasted as what she appeared to be. 

Nanami stared at the both of you, raising the whiskey glass to his lips after checking his wrist watch. 

“Come here! Sing with us!” You yelled to the mic only getting a slightly alarmed expression out of him as he shook his head.

“I think I’m okay with watching you two perform,” he said. 

You pouted but kept on singing, your concentration skills nonexistent. You did not notice the way Shoko glared at him, nudging her head towards you as she pointed the microphone in her hand towards him. 

Nanami cleared his throat under the threatening gaze and clumsily got up. 

“Oh my god! Nanamiii!” You screamed the noise so high pitched that even the speakers were unable to handle it and you could see how Nanami cringed at the sound. 

Shoko squinted her eyes and mouthed the word sing to Nanami. Shoko was not going to deal with you alone. 

The combination of the pop song and Nanami’s voice made you giggle as you hurrayed him happily. He was not a bad singer by any means, but his voice did not fit the song choice. You wondered to yourself, why had you not gotten shitfaced earlier when you had all the good reasons to. 

Shoko decided to take a small break sitting on the spot where Nanami had been earlier and inspected the brown liquid swishing in the glass. She stole a sip from it when Nanami wasn’t watching, not really caring about the fact that it wasn’t her drink.

You grabbed your drink from the table and drank from it and you kept on singing happily, almost jumping around. Nanami looked at you with a terrified expression when you moved side to side with the drink spilling on your hand, but you did not notice the wetness of it. 

“Hey, put that down before you drop the glass,” Nanami said and gently tried to take the glass from you.

“No, I want to keep this,” a pout formed on your face but you still did what he told and turned around swiftly to place the drink on the counter. Your vision was blurry, the lights slightly too bright and you lost your balance tipping over the glass that was already safely on the table. You felt yourself starting to fall but a strong arm snaked around your waist to stabilize you. 

The world felt like it was stopping when the arm around you changed into a tight rope that pressed around your ribcage. The karaoke room changed inch by inch to a vast room with a wall made of windows with a night view of the streets of Tokyo. The shattered drink turned into a broken light bulb on the floor. You felt a hot breath on your skin, but your body had gotten cold. It was as if you had been dunked into ice water, all the earlier excitement completely vanished. The disco ball spun around casting blue lights on the white haired man’s face that ogled you like a piece of meat. The imagery was so vivid and real in your mind that you reacted on instinct, elbowing the man behind you. 

The rope vanished around you as the windows melted to the concrete floor, the shadows of city lights turned back to the tacky illumination of the disco ball. You felt the remnants of cursed energy fizzing out like a soda can as your eyes landed on Nanami, who was slightly hunched over holding onto his side the pain making him grimace. You had no idea how much force you had actually used, but probably quite a lot judging by the way Nanami was reacting. 

Shoko stood there completely still, eyes filled to the brim with worry and confusion. Her lips were ajar and she gulped down wanting to say something, but she did not know what. 

“My apologies. I didn't mean to touch you inappropriately,” Nanami managed to say. The music track played in the background, but it felt empty without a drunken voice guiding it. He was lucky to have good reflexes, instinctually protecting himself from the blow, otherwise Shoko would have had a patient off the clock. 

“Uh,” Your mouth gaped at him hopelessly. He had done nothing wrong. 

“I’ll go for a cigarette,” you blurted out and left the room hurriedly. The long hallway stretched in front of your eyes as you looked at the numbers on karaoke booths, only muted colors flashing through the slightly translucent doors. You leaned on the wall as you dragged your feet forward arriving at the front desk that thanked you for your time, but you did not pay attention to them and turned to your left to stare at the steep stairway.

The steps were made out of wood with a black paint that had started to chip away and the walls were pure red, too bright and intense for your eyes. You focused on the door in front of you and barely saw the red walls around it as they got covered by a dark cloud, your way of seeing more animalistic than human.The only thing in your mind was the need to get some fresh air as emotions threw you around like a shipwreck at the sea. 

You pushed the door open and walked over to a bicycle stand choosing an empty spot where you plopped yourself on. You rocked yourself back and forth as you cried and gripped onto your skin painfully hoping that at least the physical sensation would put an end to your suffering. You started to be more aware of the familiar banging against your skull. 

The door of the karaoke bar opened as Shoko walked outside, her face now serious, resembling more the woman she was at work than the friend giggling at drunk people's jokes. 

“Hey. You forgot this inside.” She handed you your bag.

You wanted to answer something but you could not as the words got stuck to your throat. Your world flashed back and forth between sensations that you weren’t supposed to feel in this moment. The guilt and sadness ate you alive, nipping away from your vitals the more you tried to push them down. 

Shoko placed a cigarette between her lips and lit it up and offered it to you. You took it gladly off her hands inhaling the sweet smoke, but you almost ended up suffocating on it as your nose was too stuffed to handle it. Even the menthol taste was unable to help you with this issue. Shoko opened the green box once more to get herself a smoke as well. 

She took a drag out of it and watched your shuddering figure. 

“I saw you in the hallway with Geto. Something happened at Gojo’s right?”

You lifted your head up mascara running on your cheeks. Had you not been in such a bad state her words would have shocked you. 

“I can’t help you if you don’t want my help.” Shoko crouched down to your level. You stared at her face as she left out a puff of smoke that trailed around her face, the dark eye bags now more visible than ever. 

You choked on your tears once more, now openly wailing on the pavement your fingers digging into the soft flesh of your arm. You dragged your nails across yourself leaving pink trails behind it, the soft tingle covering the areas you had just clawed at. 

“I can’t do this anymore,” you cried, your words hard to decipher as your breath hitched. “I can’t keep on doing this. It’s all my fault. I’m so stupid,” you screamed snot falling onto your shirt. 

“So fucking stupid!” You impulsively pressed the cigarette butt against your thigh melting the cloth away the stinging pain shocking you as your skin shed its layers against the fire. 

You had no shame in your breakdown, frankly you did not even recognize the others that looked in your way speaking with hushed voices around you, as they tightened the grip on their partners hands. “That girl really needs to lay off the drinks,” someone had said loudly. Shoko had wanted to immediately pounce, but she held herself together. She knew that you needed her more. 

“Don’t hurt yourself, when you want to hurt someone else,” her voice was just a whisper. “Can I touch you?” She asked not wanting to trigger you further. You nodded. 

Shoko pulled you into a tight hug and you buried your face on her chest, holding onto her like it was the last thing keeping you afloat. You seeked comfort in her presence. 

“I want to die.” You gripped onto her tighter. “I’m so weak.”

Shoko stroked your hair, her own eyes watering as she listened to you wordlessly. She felt your pain almost just as viscerally as you were experiencing them now.  

“No matter… no matter what I do. I can’t escape them. I just want to be gone. I want to-”

Shoko shushed you and slipped her free hand into her pocket, digging out her phone. Almost ten minutes had gone by. She awkwardly opened her chat with Nanami trying to inform the man who was probably still sitting in their booth waiting for the two of you to come back. 

A male voice disturbed the two of you. “Is everything okay?” 

Shoko pressed her hand on your shoulder pushing herself up from the ground, she whispered to you to stay put, not that you really were in any condition to go anywhere. 

“Good that you’re here. I was just about to text you. Can you get us a taxi?”

“Of course,” he said and opened the app punching in your address that Shoko forwarded to him. He looked so much older and out of place in the busy street. 

This was the kind hearted and lovely Nanami that had forgiven you immediately, after you had punched him in the gut because you were fucked up in the head. The kind hearted and lovely Nanami that you couldn’t look in the eyes, because of a certain man whose name you felt like acid on the tip of your tongue. The thoughts in your head brought fresh tears to your eyes. You dangerously sailed in the deep waters of suicidal ideation, your tired hands opening the forbidden door.  

“It’s going to arrive in five minutes,” Nanami hummed. 

“I think you should go. I’ll handle this,” Shoko said, her voice full of pity. “I’ll keep you posted.”

Nanami nodded in agreement. 

“For what it’s worth, take care of yourself too.” Nanami’s words were carefully chosen, anticipating that you weren’t the only one who needed a hug. 

***

SHOKO’S MEMORIES, YEAR 2006

The beach was filled with people who enjoyed the way the sun spoiled them with its warmth. Shoko was sitting on a towel next to Mei Mei who applied generous amounts of sunscreen on her hand. They sat underneath a parasol that had been propped in the sand, covering them both from the direct sun. The brown haired girl watched as Utahime excitedly threw herself to the water. She had given up on trying to get Shoko and Mei Mei in the water as well. 

“Mei Mei, don’t you have a lot of experience with boys?” Shoko almost whispered and hugged her legs. Her beach shawl swayed when the breeze decided to start playing with the huge piece of cloth. 

“Are you trying to imply something?” Her voice was low and melodic but not at all accusatory. 

“No, nothing like that. I just wanted to ask you something.” Shoko shook her head flustered. “Is it normal for a guy to kiss a girl without asking?” 

Mei Mei burst into laughter. This was the question Shoko was getting all worked up for? 

“Shoko,” Mei Mei’s eyes glimmered softly when she said the younger girl’s name with gentleness that reminded her of a mother tugging a child into bed. “I did not take you for being this innocent,” she teased. 

“I’m not innocent,” the brown haired girl huffed with the unexpected blush decorating her cheeks.

“Did someone do that to you?” Mei Mei tilted her head curiously and offered the sunscreen bottle to Shoko who happily took it to her hands.

“If I tell you, will you promise that you won’t tell anyone?”

“If I’m honest, I don’t think I care enough to tattle. You got me curious now. Tell me,” she hummed as a smile curled on her lips. 

“Well uh.. Suguru kind of kissed me when we were playing truth or dare with Satoru,” Shoko explained . She ran her hand between the warm sand, the grainy texture giving her something else to think about. “It was a stupid dare on Satoru’s part. Dunno why I accepted it.” 

Shoko added that she did not want to kiss him under any circumstances but the boy had managed to go over her boundary with ease. 

“That’s it?” Mei Mei asked, raising her eyebrow. She was almost bewildered at how tame the story was. 

“Yeah.” 

The blue haired woman scoffed.

“Guys think that girls like it when they take control and in a certain sense they are right. Maybe they got their eyes on you? Although, I did think that Suguru and Satoru were..” Mei Mei’s voice trailed off as she thought. “It doesn’t matter.” She concluded. 

“If I were you. I’d go along with it.” Mei Mei suggested. 

“No way. I don’t like them like that. Besides that’s not what I asked for your opinion on.” 

“And?” Mei Mei turned her gaze on Shoko, her eyes hardening as she intensely stared at the younger girl. “Those two men are our generation’s strongest and you’re going to complain that one of them gave you a little kiss?” 

Mei Mei’s melodic voice dropped lower as she showed her true feelings of distaste towards Shoko’s views. 

“If I were you,” she started again, her voice tough and bitter. “I’d be securing my spot by their side and not planning to bring forth meaningless accusations over a game of truth or dare.” 

Shoko was at loss with the things that were being said to her. Now that she thought about it, maybe it wasn’t the best idea to speak with Mei Mei. 

“I did not say I was going to tell anyone,” her voice was squeaky like a little girl’s. 

“But you thought about that right?” Shoko did not deny nor confirm the accusation.

Mei Mei’s face softened. “Shoko, you’re a smart girl. You should know better than to get shaken by two boys, especially when you so eagerly lead them on.“ 

“..I don’t lead them on.”

“Then stop meeting them in your spare time. If you do that, guys will think that you’re willing. You’re not a kid anymore, they do notice that you’re a woman now.” 

She stayed quiet, Mei Mei’s words burning on her skin worse than the summer heat. She did not want guys thinking about her that way. She simply wanted to be their friend and the idea of boys and girls being unable to do that because of bodily differences made Shoko shudder. 

“You want to help your friends, right?” Mei Mei asked when Utahime got out of the water. 

Shoko nodded. 

“Then become a doctor. That’s the best you can do to others with the technique you have.” Her words were probably meant to be comforting, but they made Shoko’s heart sink to the bottom of the ocean. 

“Shookoo!” Utahime ran towards the two girls sitting on the beach towels. 

“Are you willing to swim now?” Sand and water droplets clung onto her radiant skin that the younger girl admired silently. Shoko felt her heart skip a few times in her chest when Utahime offered her hand to her. 

“Sure.” The shy smile stretched on Shoko’s lips. 

“I’ll stay here. But you guys have fun.” Mei Mei announced as she opened the book next to her the pages slightly crumpled up. 

Shoko did not really register Mei Mei’s voice anymore. She grabbed Utahime’s hand and the world slowly faded away around them. 

****

Shoko went through the bathroom nimbly avoiding piles of clothing or takeout bags as she looked through your bathroom cupboard. She found a bag of half used cotton pads and a micelar water from the mess.

The taxi drive had felt like eternity. Your tears had dried before settling in the car and numbness had taken over. Shoko helped you to your bed and said that she’d come back soon, closing the door behind her giving you some space to change into something more comfortable. 

The door opened. Shoko looked at you and sat on the bed. You were using a pillow as a support for your back. The night lamp’s warm color casted shadows around your puffy face. The woman shook the bottle in her hand and poured liquid on the white cotton pad and tilted your face towards hers. 

She pressed the pad on your eyelid carefully letting the mixture soak through the heaps of makeup on your face. You sniffled sadly before speaking. 

“I can do this on my own too.” 

“I want to do this,” her voice was soft as she spoke the makeup remover leaving your skin slightly cold. You simply nodded and admired the way her hair framed her face. 

“You know I’ve had my own bad experiences too,” Shoko said, her face turning to a slight frown. Her mind was sailing in memories that she had given up on trying to understand. 

You were at a loss of words. You wanted to pry, but it felt invasive. 

“With them? Really?” You heard yourself asking as you danced on the line of impropriety.

“Yeah,” Shoko hummed, “but we shouldn’t have this conversation yet. Maybe in the morning, but not now,” she tried to make her voice sound brighter, feel brighter as if it would fix everything. 

“Okay,” you said. Maybe she’s right about this. Shoko discarded the dirty cotton pad, simply placing it on the bedside table. It was at its limits the whole thing turned into the color of your foundation with the small black streaks of your mascara on it, or what was left from it. 

She held onto your face gently for a moment too long even after she was done. You opened your eyes to really look at her. She looked so sad and.. young? Yes young was the right word. She looked like a woman robbed out of something sacred. She had been so happy, so easy to excite in her youth, but now all she seemed to carry was baggage. 

Your drunken mind wanted to close the distance, but something held you back. Maybe it was all the answers that were still being withheld by her, maybe it was the understanding that it’s not the right time yet. 

“Can you stay the night?” you whispered. Shoko breathed in and opened her mouth to say something, but you were faster. “Please? Th-there’s some clothes you can borrow in my closet.” 

She stayed quiet and you waited patiently.

“I’ll stay.” 

You smiled weakly at her and muttered a gentle thank you. She shuffled up from the bed and walked over the closet you had pointed for her. You turned your back to her when you heard the rustling of clothing that she ended up piling up neatly on one of the spare chairs in your bedroom. 

You fluffed up the pillow next to you and lifted up the blanket when she climbed in. You turned your back to her as you lay down on your side. Your hand searched the light switch and then the room was pitch black. 

Shoko awkwardly came closer to you till your back was against hers and she played with your hair idly in the silence. The touch was friendly, your body slumping in relaxation almost immediately. It was nice to have someone there. You had gotten so used to being afraid of the nights. 

“Good night,” she said, her voice hoarse. 

“Night.” 

***

You woke up alone with no trace of the woman in your room. She had gotten up earlier than you and dressed up back to the clothes she had in the bar. You hugged your plush blanket, almost burying your whole face underneath it, not ready to face the day.

Your head hurt and you felt nauseous. How is Shoko even able to do things? You wondered to yourself.

The faint knock on the bedroom door disrupted your thoughts as the door opened slightly. 

“I made a sandwich for you and found some painkillers, if you want any,” she said and you heard her steps further away again. 

You groaned and threw the blanket away from your body, the cold greeting you roughly. 

Your kitchen had gotten miraculously cleaner, the multiple empty beer cans piled in a bag and the dishwasher hummed quietly. You stared at the brown table in front of you that had two sandwiches and glasses of water on it, hunger long gone from your body. 

“You really should drink less.” Shoko picked up another empty can from the counter just to place it in the bag.

“Like you’re the one to talk.” You sat on the chair with its legs squeaking against the floor with your rough treatment. 

You grabbed the pill bottle and rattled out two tablets that you threw in your mouth and drank barely enough water to chase them down. 

“What do you remember?” Shoko asked and sat in front of you. She wasn’t feeling very hungry either. 

“I remember punching Nanami and the talk we had before we fell asleep,” you mumbled, playing with the edges of the slightly crusty lettuce between your sandwich. You had meant to use it on a salad a few days ago, but you were too tired to cook for yourself. Even the simple things were hard. “What did I tell you?”

“Nothing. You were just crying.”

Oh. So it was like that. 

“They assaulted me.” Your face was stern, emotions hidden behind a wall. The words felt weird. It was the first time you had actually said it out loud.

Shoko’s face widened from shock. 

“They what?” 

“Don’t make me repeat it,” you hissed. 

“Sorry, I won’t.” 

The silence felt unbearable and you stuffed your face full of bread just to do something. 

“They did something similar when we were still in school.” Shoko ripped the hangnail painfully from her skin and pressed on the miniscule wound with one of her fingers. 

You chewed the sandwich aggressively without tasting anything, the texture turning to mush in your mouth. 

“Why didn’t you warn me?” Your words were way more accusatory than what you wanted. 

Shoko turned her head to the side looking hurt by your sudden outburst. Her eyebrows scrunched together in pain as she looked for the perfect words, but there were none. 

“You admired them. I didn’t want to take that away from you, and when I realized that I probably should have said..”

“Bullshit, Shoko. It’s been ten years. I deserved to know, you could have-”

“Stop blaming me for their shit!” she yelled. Shoko never yells. 

You fell quiet. You reined in your anger, its hands still attempting to reach out to anything it could latch on. She was right. It’s not her burden to bear, but you still couldn’t help but feel powerless, when there could have theoretically been someone who could have told you to not go there. 

“Sorry,” you simply said just to drop the topic. Shoko sighed defeatedly and pushed her head briefly against her hands. She understood the anger, she really did. 

“They drugged me and then raped me together. I don’t remember a lot from it. I fought back – well attempted to,” your voice shook as you spoke. 

The brown haired woman simply looked at you with silent empathy. 

“Did you at least get one good punch in?” 

Your lips curled into a downhearted smile. The memory of your feeble fight playing in your mind, the weakness and despair of it all, a futile attempt of a prey to preserve their life just one moment longer. 

“Not a single one,” you laughed hollowly as one tear rolled on your cheek and your lips trembled. “But I did rip some hair out of Geto at the school,” you tried to brighten your voice and be brave. 

Shoko’s eyes watered and she answered your smile with her own. 

“Good.” 

The almost happy expression faded from your face. Everything hurt, never had you ever thought to be in a situation like this where you were exchanging devastation with your friend like gifts on christmas. 

“Why did you stay? Even Nanami left for a while, you could have done the same.” Your question was gentler this time. 

Shoko pondered for a minute, not sure of her answer either. 

“Because this is the only way I could help. I had you and Utahime and I didn’t want to leave you two behind. Besides what else was I supposed to do? I’ve been given a technique that can save many if I choose right. Had I left a lot more could have died because I wasn’t here — all because of what two men did,” she tried to put her thoughts together. 

“There’s a reason why Utahime doesn’t like Gojo,” Shoko blurted out and played with her hair. 

You took a careful sip of water as if you were trying to carefully dissect the different flavors of Shoko’s words. 

“What do you mean? Did they do something to her as well?” 

“No. I just mean that women know, you know? I think it’s in our blood to recognize danger. That’s one of the reasons she despises him. But this is just my thought, not an universal truth,” Shoko wondered out loud. 

She breathed in once again as if the words she was about to speak were too painful. 

“I think sometimes us women have to carry the atrocities of men. There’s no rhyme or reason why they do certain things. At least that’s what I’ve been telling myself. I never went through what you did, but I can’t say that I’m surprised,” she mused. “I’m sorry though. What you went through. It’s not right.”

Her brown eyes stared at you expectantly. You chewed on your lip nervously and tapped the empty plate with your nail, the small tinkle sound working as a metronome. 

“No, it’s not,” you huffed. But it feels like it’s my fault. If I had not gone there, if I had not idolized them – loved them even. This wouldn’t have ended this way. It was easier to leave those words in your head. 

“So what now?” You looked at Shoko, your eyes pleading, asking for answers, guidance, anything she would be able to provide to you. You knew there was nothing clear cut Shoko could say, but god how you wished that someone would know what to do. 

Shoko shook her head in defeat as if telling you that she wasn’t able to point you on the right track like that. 

“Whatever you want. You can stay or go, but you don’t have to carry it alone,” Shoko said, her face gentle. You could still draw out the remnants of the young girl from the year two thousand and six on her features. The lines were almost faded but they were still there. 

You found kinship in her even if neither of you had shared the full story of what had happened. You weren’t there yet and you weren’t ready. Instead the two of you skirted around words unspoken finding solace of at least having someone who could understand. It was up to the both of you what to make out of the confessions of the past. 

[voxsmistress]

Mama Didn't Raise No Bimbo - Part NINE

PHHEWWW this seems a bit of a filler but I wanted to show you some little moments she had with the Vee's - after all not everything can be big dramatic happenings - how else will we get to the good stuff if they dont build some trust together ;)

Plus what do you think is Y/n's surprise?

Part One / Part Two / Part Three / Part Four / Part Five / Part Six / Part Seven / Part Eight / Part Nine / Part Ten / Part Eleven / Part Twelve / Part Thirteen / Part Fourteen / Part Fifteen / Part Sixteen

It had been a week since that last meeting with the Vee’s and it had flown by. You were singing at the clubs, having meetings with Velvette to get your measurements done correctly, being more social on Sinstagram and other socials, you had a few interviews with small time magazines promoting you. You were a busy bee. And you loved it!

Tonight, you were going to a club opening that had asked you if you wanted a part time contract there as a singer – before you agreed you said you’d like to see what the night life was like first, which they then invited you to their opening night. Once you had the date set, Vel had been nonstop harassing you with pictures, sketches and videos of her designs and then letting you know all the progress when you chose the outfit you wanted. Sometimes you caught Vox or Valentino in the background of her videos; both rolling their eyes dramatically or pulling faces making you laugh. Or sometimes they took over the video and had a little chat with you pushing Velvette out the screen completely.

It wasn’t just Vel that you were in constant contact with either: Vox had taken to messaging you every day letting you know that certain media outlets wanted to talk to you (after he ‘persuaded’ them) about an interview or have you on their show. He also, a few days after you complained that your phone had such a crap camera, sent you a brand-new state of the art VoxTek phone. You laughed for ages when you turned it on as he set the background as himself standing proud with that charming grin of his. No matter how many times you tried to change the background, after a few hours it always switched back to that photo so after a few days you just left it.

Valentino, he was a bit more subtle than the other two. Sending selfies of himself and the other two on SinsChat with flirty little messages to you, a few text messages here and there but nothing too ‘Valentinoish’. When you mentioned that you were going to the club opening, he actually suggested some ideas to talk about if you were stopped by the paparazzi. Which you doubt would happen but better to have the ideas and not use them, than need them and not have them. Right?

You were in the elevator heading up to Velvette’s floor, you had a few hours to get ready and she was already in boss mode ordering everyone about when she phoned you this morning waking you up. You could only imagine what she was like now. Which is why you have brought the coffee: one for her, one for you, and two more in case the other two appear. They seemed to have a habit of appearing when you and Vel were having a meeting, usually causing Vel to have to kick them both out as they tried their best to distract you.

Striding onto Vel’s floor you hide an amused smile at everyone running around like headless chickens and Velvette in the middle orchestrating the mayhem. Your phone buzzing in your pocket distracted you, walking over to one of the tables with no fabric on – you were not risking your undead life by getting coffee near Velvette’s designs – you pop the coffees, your purse and jacket on top. Yanking your phone out your leggings leg pocket (thank you Vel for that genius invention) you spy Angel’s face pop up on a notification. Pressing it you quickly read the message, frown appearing on your face. He was letting you down tonight, so much for your plus one. Now you think about it, all this week you hadn’t see hide nor hair of him and his usual constant messaging was getting less and less. Hmm. Reminding yourself to call him tomorrow to speak about it you pop your phone back in your leggings pocket. Okay no plus one, you can totally do the opening by yourself. Wouldn’t be the first time.

A hand grips your wrist and swirls you into a seat. No longer surprised at Velvette’s ways you just get comfy and sit up straighter in your seat. After the third or fourth time she’d done this to you, it’s easier to just accept the gentle manhandling.

“Finally, you are here. You know you were meant to be here an hour ago, right?” She raises an unimpressed eyebrow at you, lips pulled down in a scowl. Yanking her coffee from the holder you hold it up as a peace offering, your best sorry expression across your face.

Taking the cup off you, a quick sip later she hummed under her breath before smirking: “fine you are forgiven! But do it again and I’ll start cutting that pretty hair shorter and shorter – an inch for every hour you are late” she threatens, swirling away to grab another sinner to start on your hair while she got her make up out ready. She had determined she was getting you ready for this club opening before you even thought about how you were going to get ready.

You closed your eyes as they got to work, the sinner working on your hair was sectioning it off and placing it in large curlers to make bouncy waves in your waist length hair and Vel was cleansing your face. At ease you barely notice anyone else until you smell the distinct aroma of a certain cigarette.

“Good evening, Valentino” you murmur, completely docile because of the fingers combing through your hair. You didn’t realise you liked it so much, not remembering if it felt this way when you were human or if it was a new thing now you were in Hell.

“Evening Princessa, it looks like you’re getting all the works tonight”, opening your right eye you smile at the Moth Overlord. Over this past week you’ve settled into a more relaxed relationship with each other. Less threatening and overbearing sexual innuendos and more flirty banter, which you could cope with.

“Yes, Vel was determined she was the best one to get me ready even though I offered to do my hair and make up myself” a small tap to your nose with a brush made you scrunch it.

“Well darlin’, if you want something done right, sometimes you just gotta do it yourself!”

Humming in agreement you close your eyes again at the feeling of the sinner sorting your hair, sighing happily. Or you did until you heard a snarl and the fingers stopped combing through your hair: “enough. Fuck off!” Blinking in shock you look up to see the sinner running quickly away and a glaring Velvette stood with her hands on her hips. She flashed you a smile when she caught your bemused stare, “she was taking the piss bae, Val is gonna finish off your hair. It only needs a few more curlers put in and then to set”. Hmm … a smile tugged at your lips from her behaviour. Was she jealous that you were enjoying someone else touching your hair?

“Like you said, if you want it done right, you got to do it yourself. My hair is in your talented hands Val” you close your eyes again at Velvette’s instruction as she starts on your eye make-up.

Fingers raked through your hair that hadn’t yet been pinned up and curled, nails scratching at your scalp caught you off guard as a moan nearly escaped your lips. Okay. You learn something new about your body every day. Even in Hell. Clearing your throat when you hear him lowly chuckle you try to distract yourself from the luscious feeling that he was pulling from you by playing with your hair.

“There’s a coffee on the table for you Val if you want one. I know you are usually up late with shoots so figured the caffeine fix might be what you need” you tell him, nose twitching when Vel turns and her hair tickles it.

“You are so kind to us, mi cariño” humming your agreement you allowed them both to work, chuckling every so often as the bitched and picked at each other. A week or two ago you would have thought they’d hated each other the way they spoke – now you realised this was just how they showed each other they cared. Toxic and not your style but it worked for them so who were you to stand in the way and judge.

You must have dozed off as the next time you opened your eyes Velvette was putting the last touches to your make up and Val was taking the curlers out of your hair. Closing your eyes you felt yourself being blasted with a fuck tonne of hair spray. Not a hair would be out of place and your make up would not be smudged. You’d be surprised if you could move your own face with the amount they used.

“Now who is your plus one to this opening Princessa?” Opening your eyes you look in shock at yourself in the mirror that a random sinner was holding in front of you. The demon who looked back at you from the reflection looked like some kind of Siren. Velvette and Valentino worked miracles. In awe of their skills, you mumble how your riding solo tonight as Angel cancelled on you, missing the look they both shared behind your back as you twisted to see how the waves rolled down your back.

 “Guys you are miracle workers, thank you so much! I don’t think I’ve ever looked this good even when I was alive!” Spinning in your seat you clap your hands giddily as Velvette giggles with you.

“Now for the outfit babes, then we’ve gotta get some photos of you posing before you go”, pushing you towards the dressing room you spy Valentino aggressively typing on his phone. Strange. But too excited to put on your clothes to give it another thought you barge into the room. A small shriek of excitement escaped your lips as you saw it finally. A black feather bustier with accents of the pink that you are starting to be known for, high waisted black leather pants which flared at the bottom, your favourite black stilettos with the pink bottoms were waiting for you. Pushing Velvette out the room to get ready you wafted away her complaints that she wanted to help you get ready saying you wanted it to be a surprise when you finally were all done up.

Carefully putting on the bustier, wriggling into it into place making sure it hugged your curves and synched your waist in but didn’t expose anything you didn’t want exposing. No nip-slips here people! The leather pants were a little easier to put on but again there was a lot of wriggling and jumping to get them completely up. And men thought we looked sexy putting these outfits on? The heels were the easiest thing to put on thank Lucifer. Slipping on the black choker you check that the little pink sapphire crystal was dangling correctly at the front of your throat, matching bracelet and ring then added. A quick spritz of your favourite perfume on your neck and wrists you were finally ready. Turning around to look in the mirror you grinned happily. Never in a million years did you ever think you would look this good.

Opening the door, you step out into the studio. Velvette and Valentino both talking about something heatedly together with their heads turned so you can’t read their lips. Hmm. Clearing your throat at them both to get their attention. Velvette was the first to look at you, beaming she claps her hands together as Valentino just licked his lips in a flirtatious manner.

“GIRL! You look AMAZING!! Right, we’ve gotta get some pics ready for your Sinstagram – you are gonna be trending tonight!” Suddenly there was a flurry of movement around you, lights blinding you as you were shoved in front of a backdrop. A photographer appeared from behind a big camera, him and Velvette directed you how and where to stand. Blinking in amusement you give your best seductive smile from over your shoulder to the camera, catching Valentino and Velvette watching you intently. Both of their gazes dark, Valentino was puffing aggressively on his cigarette. Blushing at their attention you lower your gaze before winking at them both. Screw it, you were going to have fun tonight! A few more photos turned into hundreds with you in different positions, places and sitting on different things. Your last set was you lying against the pink (you noticed this was a new addition in Vels studio) chaise lounge, back arched and your hair rippling down your back.

When you finally finished with the photographer you grabbed your phone and took a few selfies of yourself while you still had the light. Velvette appeared at your side, pulling your phone down a little you both took a few cute selfies together until a huff was heard from behind you. Smirking at the pouting Overlord you pull him closer by his hand.

“Come on you big baby, you’re gonna have to take the photos though as you’ve got the longest arms” you tease. Velvette clutching your arm on your one side and Valentino with his arms wrapped around your waist on the other you took a few selfies, laughing at how some of them turned out. Though you were having a blast with them both you couldn’t help but miss Vox’s sarcastic comments and charming smile. Shaking that thought from your head you check the time and squeak. It was time to get moving!

Thanking them both for helping you get ready and promising Velvette you would take loads of photos tonight you grab your purse and phone – glancing at the lone coffee left on the table you sigh a little under your breath. It woulda been nice to have seen Vox’s reaction to your outfit. Rolling your eyes at your own thoughts. Jeez y/n get a grip! Walking to the elevator you miss the smirks crossing Vel and Valentino’s faces. If you had, you’d have known you were walking into a big surprise.

Taglist:

@tasha-1994  @azullynxx  @reath-solia @leathesimp @klorinda @twinklethewarrior @wonderlandangelsposts @th3rizzler @martinys-world @rosiethevoxobesser

[heartilywrites]

i rlly like your gyomei fic! :3

can i request some tragic yet wholesome stuff w him?

the reader is a fragile health person, however she's very stubborn and often overwork to the point of fainting. that’s because they’re gyomei’s childhood friend (and fiancé maybe) and often times she feel guilty for not being strong enough to be a demon slayer. they probably work w lady amane.

،، 𝓒ommunication ; G. Himejima

request guide | masterlist

resume: where a visit to the butterfly estate made Gyomei realize something.

content warning: hurt to comfort ; Gyomei Himejima x fem!reader ; established relationship; r is not a slayer ; it totally comes with angst ; i feel like its a bit ooc for amane's dialogues,,, ill let you decide on that ; no use of y/n

wc: 1.7k

a/n: HI thank you i'm glad you liked the fic <33 i loved doing this one, i'm weak to write angst i love it. THANK YOU FOR REQUESTING, LOVE, ENJOY:D banner does not represent r in any way, it's just a painting i liked <3

“ All your thoughts running through your head, the things you think better left unsaid.

Shinobu took a step out of the room when the sound of a crow squawking and heavy footsteps were suddenly heard, a stone hashira with concern painted all over his face was what her eyes met in a fraction of second.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Where is she? Is she okay? What happened?” the older one asked, desperate.

Kocho smiled softly and nodded. “She is okay, Himejima, she's sleeping right now, but you can stay and let her tell you what happened.”

Gyomei nodded back and took his step in the room where you were laying down, peacefully sleeping after such scary event. You, his beautiful fiancée, the love of his life, the person who had seen all his phases, looking so fragile before him. After sitting to your left, his big hands took your closest one with such caution and love, the warm feeling of your skin made him sigh in relief. Gyomei could hear your very slow and almost imperceptible breaths, he tried to replicate them to calm his nerves.

You knew you shouldn't be working more than you could handle, you knew how your health could change drastically in a blink of an eye, then why were you doing it anyway? Gyomei couldn’t get through his head how foolish you could be. He loved you, oh, you had no idea the amount of love the stone hashira felt for you ever since meeting you when you two were children and seeing you not taking care of yourself like you were supposed to be doing made him feel angry. Angry at Amane for not stopping you after you usually insisted that you could handle another heavy task, angry at you for not recognizing your own limits and more important: angry at himself for not being able to take care of you like he wanted to.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Gyomei?” the calling of his name in such a hoarsely manner made his face lit up a bit, your free hand made contact with his face to clean the tears streaming down his cheeks. “I'm sorry.”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I thought we had an agreement.” he whispered, his voice didn’t sound mad, but you either way made a small grimace. “You are supposed to take care of yourself instead of being out there working.”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Gyomei, stop...” you shook your head, taking away the hand he was holding. “You don't understand–”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Oh, no, I do understand.” he cut you off. “I understand that you don't care about your own well-being, you're the one who doesn't understand how if this does not stop soon, it will only get worse with time. Don't I provide enough for you to not worry? Why do you keep doing this?”

Your eyes blinked astonished to his words, that had to be the first time he talked to you like that. “This is not about you, Gyomei, it's about how this” your hands signaled the room and yourself. “Makes me weak, I'm not strong enough to be a demon slayer, I'm not good enough to help out there in such dangerous times we live, when help is much needed out there and you better than anyone else know this.”

Now the man was the one who was in a loss of words. He didn’t know you felt like that, he definitely was feeling bad to jump so quick to attack you like that.

Your relationship had been build up by communication and trust, and Gyomei felt like he maybe hadn't been asking the correct questions or worse, you just didn’t trust him with your feelings about your condition like he thought you did.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I want to be left alone, please.” you said when he tried to talk again, wanting to apologize. “We can talk later.”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I... I have a mission.” he answered with a sigh leaving his mouth. “I'll be quick and we can talk about this when I get back.”

A small humming noise vibrated on your throat, agreeing. “Take care, honey, I love you.”

Gyomei adored the way you always said the sweetest of things when he needed to leave you for a couple of hours or days even if you two were having an argument just before leaving. His job had always put his life on the line and even if you were mad at him, you knew it was a thing of the moment, something temporary that you wouldn't risk for it to be permanent in his mind, if anything happened you wanted him to remember you loved him, you always had and always will.

The stone hashira left a small kiss on your forehead after a whispered 'I love you too' had sounded and a ephemeral smile was shown your way before leaving, you watched him leave while playing with your engagement ring. You weren't double thinking about marrying him at all, you were totally sure you wanted to be his wife, you had been dreaming for quite some time now about being his wife, but the previous talk made you nervous about what he would say when he came back.

Both of you had this heartache the days Gyomei was out on the mission. That time was well used by the hashira, his mind thought about your words, he acknowledged your feelings towards your situation and he realized just then why you were so eager to be always helping Amane, it was your way to feel useful under the corporation. His heart felt both warm and shattered to such realization.

His walk back took him longer than defeating the demon he was assigned to take out, the stone hashira was practicing what he could say to you, the things he wanted you to know. Before arriving to his estate, Gyomei had bought a bouquet of your favorite flowers; when he entered by the front door and at the moment he wasn't greeted by a crushing hug from you, his feet turned back around and started to walk to the Master's estate knowing fully well you'll be there.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Himejima!” Amane greeted happily when he was announced, the named one bowed to her. “I'm glad you came back safe. Your fiancée is just bringing some important documents we needed, she'll be back soon.”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Thank you for taking care of her.” he said smiling softly to the pale woman, she shook her head a bit.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “No need, I try to give her the easiest tasks to prevent any issues, but she's quite the stubborn girl, huh?” the hashira smiled bright at your description.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I know, I will talk to her about it, we don't want anything bad happening to her.” he finished just when the sound of your steps began to be louder.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Gyomei, you're back!” you exclaimed in such a sweet way he felt finally complete. “Here you go, Amane, may I leave now?”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Sure, no problem!” the white haired woman smiled big to the two of you. “Enjoy your time, I'll see you tomorrow.”

You took your fiancé's arm to walk back to your shared estate.

Halfway through he remembered the bouquet and extended it to you, when you gasped happy he smiled, brighter at the thank you your mouth said. Once back to the estate, you were quick to put the flowers in a vase and sit beside your fiancé, Gyomei looked for your hand and left caresses on the back of it when he found it.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I want to begin,” he said before you. “I would like to apologize to you, my love, I wasn't aware of how you felt and now that I know I get why you like to push yourself, but I really want you to take care of yourself.” your eyes were scanning your partner's face while he talked. “You are the most precious thing I have in my life, my rock where I can find rest, the first one to lend a helping hand when I need it.”

Your free hand went to place to the big one taking your other, the feeling of your touch made Gyomei feel an electric current travel his back.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Please, know that I just want to protect you from everything I can, if I need to fight Muzan with my bare hands just to assure you will be okay trust me that I will do it.” your face started to feel warmer to such comment. “I'm sorry that you feel like you're of no help, but you couldn’t be more wrong, you're such an important piece in this corporation just as any of us are. Not fighting demons doesn't make you any less important.”

His eyes started to tear, your own were glossy with tears as well at such beautiful words he was saying to you.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “I will take better care of myself, love.” you answered after a couple of seconds of silence. “I promise, I won't overwork myself.”

Gyomei smiled a little bit. “You know? I always knew you would be such a strong and hardworking woman when we played together and you were the one putting all of us in order.”

You giggled, cleaning the couple of tears that had escape your eyes. “Well, it was always a mess to play something as a group, someone needed to guide that mess.”

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “What if our kids happen to be a mess themselves? Like our old friends.” the question made your face grew hotter.

‍ ‍ ‍ ‍‍ “Gyomei Himejima, we haven't gotten married yet and you are already planning kids.” now it was your fiancé's turn to giggle.

The rest of the afternoon felt lighter, with everything sorted out you two could finally breath again. Not even after decades of knowing each other a fight took a bad turn, ever since you two were friends at childhood when one got angry to the other it was just a matter of talking it. Obviously it took a bit of try and error for your relationship to get to this exact point, but the path was definitely worth it to such beautiful relationship you two had built together.

[littleplantfreak]

Run my hands through - Umemiya Hajime

Made a post about how much i loved Ume with his hair down yesterday and ended up writing something entirely self indulgent //gestures at this official art too

-SFW (but almost wasn't I almost got super carried away but deleted it cause I leave smut to the professionals) so uhhh marking/hickeys, hair pulling, makin' out with Umemiya and slightly possessive behavior on readers part but in a silly way if that makes sense just in case anyone has problems with that stuff.

You're looking at him more than usual. Umemiya can feel your eyes boring into the back of his head while he's re-potting plants on the roof. He asked you about it before but all you do is hum and say you think you're staring a normal amount. Of course he doesn't mind, but it feels like he's under a microscope. When he asked Kotoha if she knew why you were acting weird, she shrugged and said you'd were looking at some old pictures at the children's home so maybe you'd just been noting how different he looked in his childhood pictures. She ended it with a look and tone that conveyed you'd already asked her to keep something secret.

-----

It's his hair again. The hair that's always gelled back in a slight wave keeping it out of his face completely. It's not hard to break it free from the glassy prison he molds it into though. There have been plenty of times strands fell forward from sweating, working or fighting, but you've never seen it fully down in person. That's why, when you saw a semi-recent picture of him with his siblings, long hair falling in his face, trimmed neatly with ends blunt, you started to feel a certain way about it. You innocently asked Kotoha if she had any more pictures of Ume like that.

"Like what?"

"Like with his hair down."

"Oho you have a thing for his hair now?" She teases and although you know she won't tell him if you ask her not to, you're still embarrassed at being found out so easily.

"He's my boyfriend! I have a thing for nearly everything about him."

"But anyone can tell you're kinda obsessed with it with how much you fix and touch it throughout the day. Just ask him to wear it down for you."

It's not that you hadn't thought about it, but the more you thought, the more you started getting frustrated. Why didn't he wear it down more often? It seems like he did in old pictures. If he hated it now you didn't wanna force him to change it

Your self control was pretty good, but once you'd started really looking it was impossible to stop. His most recent fight with Shishitoren had haphazard strands in his face dislodged by sweat and aggressive movement. Of course you were concerned with the wounds spanning across his face and body, but another part of you wanted to eat him alive with how good he looked. You're not quite sure you'd be able to stop yourself from jumping him if you saw him with his hair fully down. Sitting in a chair on the roof, you watch him and think about the feeling of running your fingers through his white locks unhindered by that damn tough gel he puts in.

"Pumpkin can you hand me the small pruning sheers to your left?" he calls over without looking over at you.

"Mhmmm," you barely reply still stuck in a daze.

Pruning sheers...

Right!

You snap out of the daydreams that'd been haunting you to stand and grab them. Just as you're about to hand them over, Umemiya grasps the wrist with the sheers and pulls gently but firmly to drag you down on the ground with him. He sets the sheers down before taking both your hands in his.

"Something on my face? You've been starin' an awful lot."

"Ahh dirt, if I had to guess," a halfhearted excuse while your brain continued to process things slower than usual.

"Sweetheart baby love of mine," he is all dramatics now stringing pet names together in a silly amalgamation. Once he starts making direct eye contact it's hard to look anywhere else, "you have got to tell me whats going on in that beautiful head of yours. I love the attention but if something's bothering you-"

"It's your hair!" You spit out in a panic, drawing your hands away to cover your face in embarrassment. You can tell he's a little worried and it makes you feel even worse for making a big deal about it.

"My hair bothers you?" He's confused. Of course he is. It isn't something you've brought up in the past after all. He thought you liked his hair since you were always fixing it for him and you do. Your voice is muffled by your hands but he can still understand to a point.

"It looks great and I love it, but I reaaallly wanna see it down," you can hear yourself whining the words instead of saying them normally. "You always have it up when you're at school," taking a deep breath as your hands come off your face to speak more clearly. "I was looking at pictures with Kotoha and they're pretty much all of you with your hair down." Taking a second you twirl one of his loose strands around your finger in lieu of staring again, sincerely embarrassed you let it get to you this bad. He finally puts the pieces together from his conversation with Kotoha earlier.

"Our date night's tomorrow right? I'll wear it down then," he says, letting you mess with his hair. He can see a jolt go through you at his words and you lock eyes with him immediately.

"Really? Really really?" You're just about vibrating in place, grabbing his face with both hands and squishing his cheeks.

"Rweawy rweawy rweawy!" His breath is coming out of his nose in amused puffs due to the quick shift in enthusiasm and your hold on his face.

"I'VE GOTTA GO PICK MY OUTFIT OUT OH MY GOD ILOVEYOUBYE!" A small peck on the nose and you're gone like the wind throwing open the door and running past Sugishita who was on his way up the stairs. The long haired boy looks back at Umemiya with wide, questioning eyes before letting the moment pass, his head dips in the usual greeting before he walks over to do the daily gardening tasks.

_____

“I changed my mind we can’t go out tonight.”

“Babe you’re all dressed up and you were so excited to check out that new restaurant near the park,” Hajime sighs exasperated. You’re in the foyer of his home, hands on both sides of the door frame blocking his escape.

“Not looking like that you aren’t! Do you want every girl in a 20 mile radius to fall for you? The men too? I’ll have to fight every single one of them and of course I’d win but imagine the casualties! The collateral damage!” you cry hanging your head in fake hysterics. Both Kotoha and their other siblings have been watching this two-part comedy special for about 10 minutes now, two minutes of which you just STARED at him. Then you began circling like a hawk looking at him from any and all angles as if to commit it to memory. Then you started laying on the compliments and pick up lines but he could tell you meant every one of them. “Who is this absolute knock out in front of me? Is my boyfriend a model now? Did it hurt when you fell because I’m staring at an angel.”

Which brought you both to the current scene and while you were (for the most part) joking, you also…weren’t. You could and probably are just extremely biased but GOD you think no one could pull off that hair quite so well. Usually it takes a lot to make Umemiya blush, but his face is currently stained red by how brazen you are at the moment. He’s smiling and trying to take it in stride but even Kotoha can tell he’s affected by your display and she's relishing it.

“No more arguing,” he picks you up by the waist and hoists you to him in a hug that leaves your face in his chest and feet off the floor. “We’re heading out now.” He sends a farewell back to your amused audience and the kids yell back a cacophony of teases and calls for their onee-san and onii-san to come back soon. You start muffling unrecognizable words into his shirt before he puts you down as he gets further down the street.

“It would’ve been one of the best ways to die if i’d stayed there a little longer,” you breathe and stumble back a bit.

“You are shameless today,” he laughs and goes to hold your hand. Anyone watching you both can tell you're grossly in love by the dreamy look on your face as you watch him while you walk down the street. You realize now that this is the first time in about two weeks you have him to yourself, which may be why you've been clingier than normal. Every time either of you tried to schedule date night with the other, someone or something came up and made you push date night back.

Going two weeks without any prolonged physical contact (save for hello and goodbye hugs or kisses) with your boyfriend has made you starved for him in every way your brain can fathom, which is why it isn't surprising that you end up dragging him through the park to an alcove you know isn't traveled to often. It also isn't surprising when you sit him down on the bench bracing a knee next to him, and pinning him loosely in place. He doesn't say a word, but tilts his head up slightly angled in favor of you closing the distance, daring you with those stormy grey eyes.

Your hands find their way easily to the soft ivory of his hair, delving deeper to twist and pull him in. Caught between a sigh and a moan, Umemiya Hajime is melting into you, lines blurring and nerves on fire. His hands fumble to grab the thigh closest to him as he moves you to straddle him. You haven't let up on your assault on his senses, fingers loosening their hold to rub small circles into his scalp.

Is this how you feel when he goes all out after stress starts to take it's toll on him? Now that he thinks about it he's always been the one to initiate this kind of thing, but god he would've asked you to take the lead sooner if he knew it felt this good. Heartbeat thrumming through his hands, he runs them in a soothing pattern from the top of your hip to you knee giving your legs the occasional extra squeeze.

A wave of calm shifts the clouds filling your head out as you have an idea. Parting from him briefly you start kissing and mouthing your way down to the collar of his shirt. He squeezes your thighs harder as your breath ghosts his neck and you give it a few experimental nips before cooling the spot with your tongue. He's trying to stifle a high pitched noise in the back his throat but once you hear it you latch on biting and sucking a single bright red mark. A soft breath over your work before you sit back to admire it. The mark peeks out just enough for you to see it right now but low enough that when he's wearing his furin jacket, he'll be able to hide it.

"That was-," you start, still breathless.

"Wow," he voice cracks at the same time. His eyes are a little wild but his hair is even wilder, sticking up in some directions and falling flat in others. Giving a small tap on his arm he releases the deathgrip he had on you before his eyes stick right to where he had been holding. Blue bruises are scattered over both legs where his fingers were, but they're just barely hidden once you fix your dress.

"Guess we're uh...even?" you're suddenly bashful at what was probably the same type of stare you've been giving him for a week straight now. Umemiya runs his own hands through his hair trying to catch his breath and make himself a little more presentable too.

"No way are we close to being even you little monster. After dinner I'm getting you back," and you can tell he's not bluffing.

"I'm shaking in my shoes Haji," you shot back feeling a bit more like yourself as you go to grab his hand. He moves towards you but you end up spun around and he picks you up for the second time that night, this time settled on carrying you bridal style.

"Put me down," you squeak in warning, the skirt of your dress no longer hiding the fresh bruises.

"This is part of your punishment sweetheart. Also, no one's coming after me if I carry you around like a princess right?" It was hard to argue with that logic and to be fair, despite your earlier boldness your legs ended up weak. He had probably seen the shaky steps you took towards him a second ago.

Both of you got to the restaurant in time despite the detour and the next day you were sporting a hoodie to hide the payback you took happily after.