#So a lot of things about this I’m EXTREMELY disatisfied with.

[cozymochi]

“Gosh, I wonder what kind of day my birthday will be… Please, please have things go my way for once...!”

happy [redacted] birthday Cecil Mugwort here’s a makeshift “cozy loungewear” iteration. but with 60% less quality control because i had second thoughts on nearly every aspect halfway through, but i was too far in and already made a commitment publicly 🫠

pretend voiceless lines were collaborated on with @/oddberryshortcake under cut. If that’s anyones speed.

Summon: “Being able to tend to my plants at the end of a long day is my favorite part of my dorm room, I can’t think of a better way to spend the night before my birthday.”

Groovification: “There goes those clocks again…It’s practically telling me to get up and start another day.”

Home: “Late nights are so peaceful.”

Swap Looks: “Ugh, I need to get my unruly hair out of my face!”

Home Transition 1: “Having Silver as a roommate isn’t so bad… If you forget the whole ‘sleeping through five alarm clocks’ thing he does.”

Home Transition 2: “It’s a little embarrassing, but I love how soft and fuzzy these pajamas are. They keep me warm all night.”

Home Transition 3: “THE Vil Schoenheit gave me eye cream for my dark circles. Does he think they look really bad? I was so nervous I dropped the bottle right after getting it…”

Home Transition - Login: “My birthdays are usually spent celebrating my twin sister’s birthday too. But here at NRC, I can celebrate my birthday just by myself. It’s nice not having to share for today.”

Home Transition - Groovy: “Nyoka Wadjet gave me some fancy looking cup as a gift. I told him it’d make a nice new home for my Ice Lilies , but he almost seemed upset I’d be using it that way. Did he just want me to let it collect dust?”

Home Tap 1: “I mustn’t let Ollie trick me into feeding him his dinner twice. Tricky ol’ bird.”

Home Tap 2: “I made sure to send my twin sister a card for our birthday. I actually got one from her today too! For once, she didn’t brag about herself in it… She even pressed a small flower into the envelope.”

Home Tap 3: “Housewarden Malleus Draconia approached me earlier. He just wanted to tell me happy birthday but I was so scared I nearly collapsed where I stood… Ahem! Of course, I still said thank you!”

Home Tap 4: “Just one more page of this ancient magical relics book and then I’ll turn in for the night. Oh, but next chapter is on amulets. Maybe a few more pages then…”

Home Tap 5: “Do I dye my bangs? No, its just a condition I was born with. It spreads a little further every year. At this rate, I’m gonna go gray before I graduate…”

Home Tap - Groovy: “I try not to stay up too late, but I can’t help it! Everything is silent, it’s just me, my bird, my books and my plants. It’s such bliss at night.”

Duo:

[CECIL]: “T-Thanks for celebrating, Nyoka!”

[NYOKA]: “It's no trouble, Cecil.”

Birthday Login Message: “Oh, you’re wishing me a happy birthday? I didn’t think you’d remember. You know, the science club pitched in and got me a new plant today. It was a pleasant surprise to know my seniors had been paying such close attention to my interests. …Hm? Is this your present? You made a card all by yourself? …This is much more thoughtful than the ill-fitting sweaters and mugs I normally get, thank you.”

[kelly-chang-sidn372]

Interview/discussion notes

Interviewees: my flatmates Kai (K) Tegan (T) Fiona (F) Georgia (G)

Setting: living room, evening, all relaxed on couches and at the table.

Discussion duration: 16 minutes

 key takeaways:

- transparency between our actions and where our waste goes matters, what happens to it?

- knowing something has been recycled gives some ease.

- seeing the results of our actions and seeing evidence of circular waste and being a part of it is satisfying and motivating

- perhaps the drop-off and manual sorting by consumers is more productive than the curbside system, because that requires more thought into managing one’s own waste

- issues with time and effort, accessibility, affordability of having sustainable consumption and waste

concerns: 

- uncertainty and discomfort that no matter how one manages their waste it hardly makes a drop of difference, especially compared to industry waste

- not having the time to avoid harmful packaging

- affordability of ‘sustainable’ groceries and of rubbish bags

- lack of accessibility or too much effort and deep diving required or for the sustainable ‘end-of-life��� systems to take waste to

- green washing - where does the “recycled” stuff come from? How to feel satisfied that you’re a part of the “green” image?

- looking “green”

- guilty consciousness of contributing to the problem but participating in it anyway

- lack of policies over packaging

- lack of transparency between curbside disposal and journey of recycling.. where does our waste go?

desires: 

- show us transparency from cradle to beyond consumer disposal

- produce the right material sources to begin with so we avoid buying what we feel is our only option even if it feels wrong (ie plastic unrecyclable waste)

- show us where the ‘recycled’ products we buy are sourced from

- show us where our waste goes

- minimal time and effort as the consumer; let the producers , better policies and system take care of it

- easy access ad affordability to “do the right thing”

- feeling like we’re making a difference 

- seeing the difference we make

some of the transcript:

“what is important to you?”

g: family, next generation

t: not too much impact

f: friends fam, looking after enviro

“how does household waste and plastic waste concern you?”

f: price rubbish bags

(all agree)

t: it’s a massive drive to keep waste low in Wellington, even if you don’t care about your impact you don’t wanna out out rubbish cause it’s gonna cost you”

“what if you paid more for rubbish?”

g: well people would probably try to hide it”

t: in wanganui there’s no roadside pickup, if you want to recycle you go to a plant

--------

f: that’s a lot of [recycling category] slots

“did you keep it up there, or was there much dumping?”

t: my family did

---------

f: you’d think there’d be less of an incentive if there was lots of effort to drive all the way there

g: yeah I’d probably pile up all my rubbish for ages

“then what?”

f: people chuck it in the bin [so that] they won’t have to go”

----

“...they don’t take 3,4,6, or 7... do you guys check the numbers?”

f: i do because my parents always checked

t: i payed far more attention hen I was putting it in the slots. i used to know which was which ... but that’s gone now because you just put it all on the curbside.

“so now that we do put stuff on the curbside, how mindful would you say that you guys are when it comes to checking what can be recycled? how much do you think you know?”

f: um, pretty mindful i think... 

g: yeah and i feel like i become more mindful with the act moving it from this [kitchen] bin to the [outside] bin. because i check what I’m putting into the other one, you know what I mean? that extra step for me is definitely more, like, checking.

“do you make an effort to wash out the containers, or-”

all: yeah

f: don’t wanna put something in that’s got, like, peanut butter or something

“how satisfied do you feel that your actions are making a positive environmental difference?” 

kai (immediate response): I feel extremely disatisfied.

“why’s that.. like, what dissatisfies you?”

t: no pat on the back?

(all laugh)

“do you think that would help, like an incentive?”

K: no, no I don’t think that would help

g: yeah i think there’s no input or anything from the other side.. we’re just kind of like doing it into the void and that’s it - you know what i mean? there’s no.. so how could I feel satisfied?

t: we don’t have recycling plants here do we?

“not much demand for recycling here, half our recycling is sent offshore to places like Asia...”

t: isn’t there a problem with them taking out recycling?

f: yeah, they stopped taking our recycling

t: so it’s piling up and not getting recycled, which is really disheartening when you want to try and do that with your household waste..

----

t: after working in a big shop, it’s absolutely crushing how much waste they throw out .. no matter how much i do at home, it would never cancel out the amount of waste that I help to produce at work, that i personally throw into the bin. 

“so do you think if the bigger businesses had better systems for soft plastics and recycling in general that would make a difference to your on actions? Like, do you think that would encourage you at all?” 

t: yeah, totally. 

f: yeah, i think so, and if anything it would just make me feel like... not like, “I’m doing this and it’s not really gonna do much”, it’d be like “oh I’m doing this and adding to a bigger movement”, ‘cause sometimes it can feel like I’m trying my real hardest and it’s not doing much. i couldn’t do it any other way partly ‘cause consciousness and cause if I don’t then it’s still adding to it, but it’s harder to feel like you’re doing much good, you’re just keeping it neutral. just something in one spot- 

k: yeah, that’s what I was trying to say. one thing I had too was the big “CORPORATIONS”, the “MAN”...

(laughter)

yeah

“stuff that’s out of our control?”

f: mmm

k: yeah

“I don’t know if you have answers to this, but do you think there’s anything that might help you be able to make a difference and actually see progress in our waste management and recycling?

g: in this house?

“yeah and in the bigger picture, do you think there’s any changes you want to see, or anything that might help you?”

t: NZ recycling plants

f: yup, if that would help NZ, definitely. and like, more transparent chains, like, when you know you see something plastic that’s recycled plastic on things? it would be nice to have more public knowledge of where that comes from and how it gets to that point? you know, I see these things where “reycled plastic” or “recycled fabric” they’re usually a bit greenwashed. when i see that people have reycled plastic a little part of me goes: “okay, recycling’s going SOMEWHERE. Maybe just a little bit’s being recycled?” cause yeah, it’s nice to see that, even if I know a little bit sometimes it’s not the most honest of things, but it’s nice to see, and I see it more and more, like recycled plastics kind of things on cartons and stuff.

-------

f: as a student trying to afford definitely means you can’t afford it and won’t eat it or i comes in plastic... all the stuff i want comes in plastic that i feel so terrible about buying but I’m like “i want to eat something”

t: and we don’t have the time to make it ourselves

f: I’d buy less if we could use our oven! (our broken oven)

----------

Tegan  (on bulk stores): Greenwashing, again 

f: yeah all the organic whole food bulk places are very much catered to the rich, upper-class Wellington people who can afford to buy bulk stuff. it’s organic, it’s really nice stuff, hopefully most of it is organic and fair trade... I went with you eh? and it was so expensive!

g: the advertising, being eco friendly... (laughs)

f: yeah it makes you feel like being eco friendly is impossibe as a student, though it’s not impossible, but it just feels hard beause so many eo friendly things are so expensive cause they’re not as mainstream.

(agreement)

-----

t: I’d really like to see more policy over what people can use as packaging. cause if consumers were to be one hundred percent ethical with their packaging it’s an absolutely ridiculous time drain and no one can do it.

f: yeah, it’s like you need to go to the source which is the people you buy the stuff off

t:there’s been talk of companies being forced to be circular (...) take back their packaging themselves.. unrealistic but it ould make them think harder about what they use.

f: some comapnies do that but maybe some would feel comfortable saying so because they know people don’t have the time, accessibiltiy or money to send things back... if you’re not living within walking distance or maybe even a short driving distance from the place that takes it back... you have to post it,  and it’s too- I think for some people, it’s just too much.. work.

“is that how you feel personally, like it’s just too much?”

f: Um... probably, yeah.

“yeah?”

f: yeah.

“that’s valid.”

f: well, i feel almost bad saying it cause I’m like, oh, you know, “just do it, you should just do it, it’s the right thing to do” because it’s the right thing to do, but...

[linkspooky]

Touka Kirishima and the Rotting Womb

The two biggest pieces of evidence for what is next about to happen to Touka lies in the colored cover art for this chapter of Tokyo Ghoul, and a poem translated by michi here [x] attached to the Yomo, Touka and Ayato birthday art.

Starting with the art, the most immediate eye catching area is Touka’s bloodied stomach.

Starting with the art, the most immediate eye catching area is Touka’s bloodied stomach.

Blood on the stomach is typically a feminine symbol, it does not have to necessarily mean being stabbed through the stomach. It could also mean menustruation and miscarriage, however, what comes to mind with deliberately invoking a symbol of miscarriage on Touka is what miscarriage means in a literal sense “A new life being cut short.”

Returning to the top of the image, those are white sakura blossoms with the phrase “Bloom for me, a flower of my own.”

Cherry or Sakura blossoms in japanese culture have a lot of meanings, but the most relevant to the situation is this one:

Cherry blossoms are a symbolic flower of the spring, a time of renewal, and the fleeting nature of life. Their life is very short. After their beauty peaks around two weeks, the blossoms start to fall. [x]

This meaning of a “beautiful life cut short” could possibly apply to Touka if there were upcoming danger to her, or even to her and Kaneki’s relationship if their sudden chance at growth was taken away by Mutsuki’s interference.  For example in the film 5 cm per second, cherry blossoms were used to symbolize a promising new relationship cut short.

Touka’s even referred to within this same chapter as beautiful, once again.

One thing I will note though is that the words:

“Bloom for me, a flower of my own”

Become foreboding if you realize that flowers in Tokyo Ghoul, and especially flowers blooming have always been a shorthand symbol for blood splatter and tragedy.

They were used here:

and here:

finally here:

Finally though, to the poem. The birthday poem written by Ishida is entitled: “ Her womb smelled like it was burnt.”

Which goes along nicely with the miscarriage and feminine symbolism already being associated with Touka in this image. A lot of the allusions described in this poem also correspond to events that have been happening recently in canon.

To the point where I am now convinced that the narrator of the poem rather than Kaneki, is Touka herself.

The children who were meant to be born, died. The vision of the future convulses. Someone declared that they’ll crush only half of the broad bean. The gene is in a severe bipolar state. The nucleic acid sequence having no recollection of its own actions.

The children who were meant to be born could be referring to the ghouls from Aogiri. Touka herself is witness not only to ghouls and children being born into this world dying early, even herself being subjected to violence early as a child as CCG officers tried to kill her.

Someone declared they will only crush half the broad bean is Kaneki. It’s two of his most famous lines combined together “I’ll only half kill you” and “I’ll pluck the rotted beans.”

The gene is in a severe bipolar state is also Kaneki, somebody who switches haphazardly between his ghoul and human sides even though he claims to be a person who can see both humans and ghouls. Bipolar is usually associated is Bipolar Manic Depression the mental illness, but the root of the word means “Two poles” or two opposite ends.

The nucleic acid sequence having no recollection of its own actions, that’s Haise. He had the same body as Kaneki, and the same mismatch of DNA, however he could not remember what it was he had done and Touka had to witness him in his memoryless state.

All of the fingers that were supposed to be connected from start to end, are scattered around; it’s annoying.

If you look closely at the knot, you can see that it can be surprisingly easy to untie.

This is referring to Touka’s family itself, even the threadbare remaints of it, Yomo, Ayato and herself she has a difficult time trying to keep them all together. All Touka wants is for the people to love to stay around and love her in return, and she feels also that her family should have stuck around, it should have been simple but actually the ties of family aren’t so binding and they easily unwind, both Ayato and Yomo left her at different points.

I was always asked to keep the switch.

Go forward. Go back. Stop.

I can hear my voice from the mouth. That voice gave me a feeling of discomfort and it had become extremely disgusting but, no one noticed that and everyone was under the impression that it was indeed, my voice.

This is the three years of waiting Touka did. ‘Asked to keep the switch’ could refer to Touka having to host Re: and sit back and wait as the rendezvous point for both Ayato and Kaneki to eventually return to while they were allowed to move brashly ahead on their own. Even after they return though, Touka is still asked to hang back and monitor communications rather than allowing her to fight in the field.

The result is a Touka who acts much differently from the Touka we know today, and Kaneki even comments as such. The person who could act decisively and boldly for herself, the one who was always moving ahead of him scared him. It sounds a bit different to the Touka we know now in :Re who is acting as an advice dispenser and a passive source of guidance, standing in the place of Yoshimura.

The Touka that years of loneliness and abandonment has been conditioned into this current state.

Everybody accepts this change in Touka, but does Touka herself accept it? She’s at least still disatisfied with having to hang back, telling both Ayato and Kaneki when they tried to leave her out of critical moments to protect her that they didn’t need to.

Sin is irresponsible. I’m getting tired of being forgiven. My shoulders have even forgotten about my legs.

I open the door with the side of my arm.

The path that I should’ve advanced in is gone and darkness pulled onto the horizon that lay right beneath it.

This is another direct reference, when Touka was in the doorway with Yomo, Yomo explained to her that Koma and Irimi needed to die because their sins were unforgivable, but at the same time she countered why were her sins forgiven then?

“Come on, come on! Come on, come on!”

Go forward. Go back. Stop.

I can hear my voice from the bones.

“Did you know that our voice is the mixed voices from dad and mom? No wonder it’s so disgusting.”

The last part is Touka in reference to her father. Touka’s always had complex feelings about Arata, but lately she has been turning away from him entirely because she sees his decisions as what led to her abandonment.

Touka does not want to acknowledge the actions of a man who fought for a mother she barely remembers, a mother who died because of murders she did a long time ago. Despite not choosing to be, she was born a ghoul who carries the sins of those two previous ghouls as well. Touka’s always dealt with self disgust for being born a ghoul, and also her own actions.

I pinched my nose and jumped down without a pause. Just like how a child would when jumping into a pool.

Even the never-stopping rain, even the never-breaking night, even the never-ending agony.

It’s surely there, it’s just that it wasn’t there until now.

Falling down, falling down. It’s as if right has become left.

And on the brink of collision, I recall Björk’s song,

I think this is where we are at at the poem, Touka has dived in by basically lying it all bare in front of Kaneki. Approaching the point of collision could be Mutsuki, a final collision between those two plot lines.

As for a Bjork song, most assume that song is Hyperballad, the song played during the New Year’s livestream. The lyrics are a bit abstract, but basically it is about a girl throwing away things off a mountain, pieces of herself so she can be happy with someone else. At some point in the song she also considers throwing herself off of the mountain too.

I follow with my eyes 'til they crash Imagine what my body would sound like Slamming against those rocks When it lands Will my eyes Be closed or open?

I go through all this Before you wake up So I can feel happier To be safe up here with you [x]

I would say all of this foreshadowing at least points to Touka’s dissatisfaction and possibly the confrontation causing her to lose consciousness. She might even throw herself in front of Kaneki to protect him, since the person in the poem and the song both willingly throw themselves.

In conclusion though, what does a rotting womb mean in association with Touka? It means that new life that could be born from her, has suddenly hit a stopping point and that stagnation is causing her to rot. What that could mean in literal terms though, we’ll have to see as the events unfold. 

[avi-stella]

Smile, Gorgeous | Zen/Hyun Ryu x Reader

Rating: General Word Count: 1,168 Genre: Fluff | Slice-of-Life Summary: You're self-conscious about your smile, but Zen thinks it's beautiful.

"Babe, let's take a selfie!" Zen chirped as he suddenly wrapped an arm around your shoulder while his other one held his phone above the two of you. Your eyes glanced up towards the phone and gave a faint smile just as the camera clicked, snapping a photo of the two of you. Zen turned his head to give you a quick kiss on the cheek before removing his arm from you and bringing his phone down closer to himself so that he could look at the photo while you went back to what you were previously doing.

As soon as the actor looked at the photo, the corners of his lips slightly tugged down into a small frown. There wasn't anything wrong with the picture; it looked great, except for the fact that your smile seemed weak and half-hearted, not quite reaching your eyes as though you were extremely self-conscious of how you looked. Zen couldn't help but ask, "Do you not like me taking selfies of us together?"

The question was sudden and unexpected, and you curiously tilted your head to the side. "I...don't dislike it, no. They're fun, and you always ask for my permission before you post any of them online, so I don't particularly mind... Why?"

Zen contemplated on his answer, carefully choosing his words. "Your smile seems...off. Ah, n-not that I'm saying anything bad about it! It's just that it's usually different whenever it's just the two of us alone."

At his words, you brought a hand up to cover your mouth, and your eyebrows scrunched together in disatisfaction. "I...don't really like my smile. It's different when it's just the two of us alone and it coming naturally that I don't even think about it, but I usually don't like showing it since I don't like it..." Your explanation came out muffled behind your hand, still hiding your lips away from sight.

"What?" Zen seemed taken aback by your response. "Why?"

You casually shrugged your shoulders. "It isn't pretty," you answered matter-of-factly.

Zen seemed disatisfied with that response, and he took a few steps closer to you, firmly grabbing hold of your hand and slowly tugging it down away from your face. You bowed your head to hide, but the young man cupped your chin with his other hand and tilted it upwards so that you would look at him. "Why do you think that?" He questioned softly, a hint of pain laced within his voice.

A wry smile made its way onto your lips. "Because I've had people tell me that all the time," you answered self-deprecatingly. "Stuff like my teeth look ugly or my lips are chapped and unsightly... Y'know, stuff like that."

Anger bubbled within Zen's chest as he squeezed your hand that he was still holding, his eyebrows stitching together as his eyes narrowed. "What?! Who would say such things to you?"

You flinched at the slight rise of volume in the actor's voice, and you averted your gaze. Zen immediately calmed himself and apologized. Before he could comment any further, his phone rang, and the young man reluctantly let go of you so that he could retrieve the device. Zen made a small sound of frustration when his eyes scanned the caller ID, and he flashed you an apologetic look. "It's the director. I have to take this."

You offered a nod of understanding, feeling relieved to have an excuse to escape the situation. "Go ahead," you urged him, but Zen still felt bothered as he went to answer the call, vaguely wondering to himself just what he could do for you.

You had just gotten out of the shower when Zen came home a bit later than usual. "I have a surprise for you," the actor announces in a sing-song voice, prompting you to curiously tilt your head to the side.

Zen brings his hands he was hiding behind his back out in front him, carrying a small box of your favourite sweets. Zen's heart absolutely skyrockets when he sees your eyes light up as a wide grin spreads across your face. You graciously take the box from Zen's hands, but not before giving him an appreciative kiss on the cheek.

The two of you engage in some light conversation about each other's day as you bring the box of sweets over to the table to set down. Without waiting, you open the box and reach inside for a piece.

"You're just eating it directly from the box?" Zen asks with an amused chuckle as he gives you a sidewards hug and placing a kiss on your temple.

"Yes," you answer straight away. "Is there a problem?"

The actor closes his eyes as laughter rumbles out from his chest. His hands roam around your body, his touches innocent as he shakes his head. "Not at all, but are you going to eat all of that by yourself?"

You respond by giving a playful whine, small giggles slipping in between. "But I thought it was all for me." Despite your words, you take another piece of the sweet and turn around, holding it up to the the young man.

Zen leans down a bit and opens his mouth, and you pop the treat inside for him. He closes his mouth to appreciate the taste, and you move to retract your hand; however, Zen suddenly grabs hold of your wrist. He brings your hand closer to his lips and kisses your finger, making an exaggerated smacking sound that you can't help but laugh.

The actor's expression softens at the sound, and he lets go of your wrist so that he can rest his palm atop your cheek instead. "You know, I think your smile is very beautiful," he whispers to you, his eyes shining with sincerity.

"You think so?" You ask, uncertain of how else to respond. There's a hint of disbelief in your voice which Zen catches, so he continues.

"Not just your smile," the young man adds. "Just seeing you happy overall is the most beautiful sight I've ever laid my eyes on, and trust me, I've looked into a lot of mirrors."

The last part of the sentence catches you off guard, and you snort in amusement before a wide grin spreads across your lips which makes your cheeks hurt. Suddenly, Zen wraps his arms around your waist and lifts you up in the air, twirling you all around the apartment with his hair flowing behind him. His laughter fills the room, and it's infectious that it sends you laughing too, neither of you knowing why you're laughing in the first place.

Eventually, the laughter dies down, and Zen stops twirling you around, the two of you staring at each other while you're still suspended in the air. Zen gazes up at you with a look that never fails to make your heart race, and you lean your head down to rub your noses together, the two of you exchanging loving smiles.

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