#Siri is a terrible wing-woman

[scrapsovereign]

That One Time I Got Kidnapped By An Evil Vampire Lord Ch. 7

AO3 Link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/57838303/chapters/149424046

Summary:

(I mean, this is basically more smut)

Pairings: past Ascended Astarion x Evil male!Tav, past Ascended Astarion x Gale, Ascended Astarion x Original Female Character

Trigger warnings/Tags: NSFW, Somnophilia, Astarion playing with his food, big feelings (including jealousy), Oral Sex, Vaginal Sex, Vampire Bites, Dom Astarion, Possessive Astarion, Morning Sex

Downtown Seattle, Washington  

The Fairmont Olympic Hotel 

Friday, August 25th 

6:45 AM

Warm, gentle hands caressing her thighs and backside rouse Mackenzie from her slumber. Soft lips press kisses to her ears and the nape of her neck, sending chills down her spine. Something hard slots into the space between her legs, sliding between her already slick folds. 

She tilts her hips backwards, her experiment rewarded by a cockhead that nudges at her clit. The length twitches upwards against her sex, as if to ask permission for re-entry. This vaguely reminds her of the start of a dream she had last night, where a terrifying creature of shadow tenderly made love to her in her sleep during the early hours of the morning.

“Please,” a haughty, elegant baritone voice whispers against her skin. “Let me in, darling.” 

She must be dreaming still, because he doesn’t sound like Ari. She feels too good for it to be Ari. Arms with well-defined muscles wrap around her, finely manicured hands knead at her breasts. A rush of slippery fluid resulting from her dream lover’s touch coats the erection that prods at her entrance, creating a lewd squelching noise as he thrusts between her thighs. She’s positive she’s dreaming now. There’s no way she’d be this wet otherwise.

Well, except for Astarion. 

Mackenzie considers the possibility she’s actually awake. The events of the last day overwhelm her in a deluge of heartache as she reviews them. She’d all but caught Ari in the act…again. She had declared an end to the nauseating, crazy-making spiral of being lied to, pleaded with, and threatened. Not on her own, but with the help of the beautiful stranger behind her. 

Pushing into her heat from behind with a stuttering breath, Astarion fills whatever loss she had felt from letting go of Ari. Mackenzie is alarmed by how good he feels inside her, how easily they connect. It’s as if their bodies share a secret their minds have yet to discover.

Astarion sets a pace that she’s convinced is meant to drive her insane, his cock perfectly prodding at that spot he hit last night. Before she knows it, she’s lifting her leg up over his, eagerly rolling her hips back and forth, moaning sinfully at the change in the angle of his thrusts.

“Touch yourself,” Astarion breathes out against the shell of her ear, rolling the buds of her nipples between his fingers. Mac complies, reaching down between her legs to trace circles around her engorged clit. The contact at her erogenous zones makes her cunt clamp and flutter around him, their pleasure building steadily as they rut against each other. 

Moments before she tumbles over the edge into bliss, her phone sounds off with the jarring noise of her wake up alarm.

“Siri! Turnoffalarm!” She shouts, teetering on the brink of pleasure, desperately trying to hold on.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t get that,” the female voice says, interrupting the alarm momentarily before it sounds off again. 

Mackenzie tries again. “Siri! Turn off alarm!”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t understand,” the voice apologizes, the alarm resuming again after a brief respite.

Mac growls in frustration. She can’t climax, not while she’s distracted by the obnoxious noise. She tries to sit up on her elbow, but Astarion firmly holds her in his clutches. 

“Ignore it,” Astarion snaps, wrapping one hand around the column of her throat, the other swatting away her hand over her mound. “Focus on me, my sweet- the sound of my voice, the pleasure you feel.”

Astarion works her throbbing clit masterfully, softly groaning against her shoulder. She tightens around him from his touch and the little noises he makes for her. She’s never had a lover that’s been as attentive or considerate as Astarion, and a part of her wishes that this likely wasn’t just some fling. That she could continue to share his bed longer than a weekend. 

Astarion increases the pace at which he takes her, stroking her clit to the metronome of their flesh slapping together. Mackenzie is so lost in their shared ecstasy she doesn’t notice the dissonance between her phone’s alarm and the noises he draws from her.

“Ah! Want…I want you for more than a night, Mackenzie…want you to be mine…want to spoil you…to ruin you. Pledge yourself to me for eternity, say you’re mine,” Astarion pants against her shoulder. Her channel tightens around him, squeezing his cock as she draws closer to her peak.

“Yes! I’m yours, all yours,” Mac sings wantonly, wishing with all of her heart that it could be true, that he’s more than a bit of fun to cleanse her palette after Ari, that he could be her last.

Astarion growls after she submits to him, biting the pinna of her ear, that sharp object in his mouth almost piercing the cartilage. Mackenzie’s unable to control the volume at which she climaxes for him with a shout, her sex spasming around the impossibly hard cock that plunges in and out of her.

Astarion’s not too far behind. “Ngh! You feel so good, going to give you every last drop,” he grits out aggressively against her ear, prolonging her pleasure with his praise. Mac notices his movements have gone from practiced to sloppy with his impending orgasm, the slapping of his scrotum against her drenched sex quickening. 

“So fucking good, Mackenzie, going to get you pre- Aaaahhh!” A long, loud cry escapes from Astarion, announcing his orgasm. Ecstasy overtakes Mackenzie again as she’s filled to bursting with an obscene amount of his semen. She thought cumming when he came last night was a fluke, but a second day of the same thing is raising some questions. Either she’s had worse than terrible relations with others in the past, or Astarion’s a sex god with a magical penis. 

When Mackenzie’s hearing returns to her, the beautiful sounds of Astarion purring out praises to her softly clash horrendously with her phone’s alarm. Her eyebrow twitches. That bitch Siri isn’t going to continue ruining the best morning sex she’s had in her life. 

“SIRI. TURN. OFF. ALARM.” Mackenzie projects in a clear, neutral voice, her body tensing in anticipation of having to leave Astarion’s side if her phone doesn’t shut up. 

The noise stops. She sighs in relief, melting into his encompassing arms. Astarion’s hand releases from her throat yet he holds her tighter, craning his head over her shoulder to capture his lips in a searing kiss. 

“Good morning, little love,” he murmurs to her, moving on from her lips to pepper kisses along her jaw.

Mackenzie’s stomach flutters at his mention of the L-word. She’s sure he’s using it as a pet name. He doesn’t actually mean it. Besides, even if he did, it isn’t healthy to jump from one relationship to the next. It’s been less than 24 hours before she’d abandoned her five-year relationship and three-year marriage to Ari. Catching feelings for anyone else so soon is a terrible mistake and will only end in getting her heart broken.

Which is what she would tell herself if her time with Astarion didn’t feel like the thrill of speeding down Tiger Mountain on Highway 18, windows down and music thumping on full volume on an early summer’s eve. If his touch didn’t thrill her like that one time the nearly invisible electric fence zapped her over at Amanda’s house. If he didn’t fill her heart with a joy she’d long forgotten with the trauma and drudgery of her daily life.

If lying in bed with him didn’t feel like she was finally home.

“And good morning to you too,” she replies, allowing him to shower her with affection. “I should get up and find that before it repeats itself in a few minutes.”

“Of course, pet, anything your heart desires. However, after you retrieve your device, you are to return to bed as soon as possible,” Astarion directs, a dangerous edge creeping in at the end of his sentence. His front teeth capture her bottom lip, dragging them over it when he pulls away to emphasize his need. “I’m a man of great appetites, and I’m not done feasting on your delicious body.”

Mackenzie whimpers from his eagerness. Her sex clenches over his half-hard cock at the thought of indulging in each other again before she has to get ready for work, rapidly nodding her head in agreement.

She tries to sit up and immediately lies back down from the dizziness that hits her like a freight train. She stays perfectly still with her eyes scrunched shut, willing the room to stop spinning.

“Would you be okay with getting that? I’m sorry to ask, but I think I’m going to pass out if I stand up,” she explains sheepishly.

“But of course, there’s no need for apologies. Can I get you anything else while I’m up, my sweet?” Astarion asks, brushing his hand against her cheek. 

Mackenzie flushes at his offer. Usually she’s the one that dotes on her partner. The rush of blood to her face makes the room spin slower, but her stomach threatens to rebel against her.

“Unless you have anything for a hangover, I think I’m gonna need some food and electrolytes. You could mix up the leftover pineapple juice with some of the soy sauce packets Rob brought from the hospital cafeteria. That might work,” she chatters, too lightheaded to notice Astarion leaving the bedroom.

He returns shortly with her phone, the not-complimentary large bottle of water from the hotel room, and a cocktail that looks like orange juice, but smells like cough syrup. “Here you are, darling. Phone, hair of the dog, and a little hydration to chase it with.”

Mackenzie steels herself for the swirling of the room around her that resumes with her vertical state, evaluating the glass handed to her with a heavy dose of skepticism. She watches the contents shimmer in the faint morning light, considering the following scenarios:

Number one: Astarion could be a serial killer playing the long game to drug her into a stupor before he chops her up and scatters her remains, just like what happened to that one nurse who worked up the hill in 2016. 

Number two: He could be a black hat corporate espionage agent looking to have a little fun, giving her some illicit substance to drug her into a stupor before he does God knows what with her.

And the most ridiculous, number three: He’s actually an evil vampire lord from another realm, plying her with potions for his nefarious purposes.

Mac’s gut is telling her that the liquid is safe and she should just drink it, but she needs her higher reasoning to agree. If he was a serial killer, he’d have to be someone that had profiled her or she already knows, and he’s a perfect stranger. Number two seems like a stretch. She’s fairly certain he knows he could get her to do any number of depraved sexual acts with just a smoothly uttered phrase and the batting of his eyelashes. Number three is just absurd. Vampires aren’t real, and if he was a visitor from another realm, why the hell would he come here?

Finally, and the most important point: drinking the mystery liquid wouldn’t be the worst decision she’s ever made. She married Ari, after all. 

Mackenzie knocks it back and chases it with a series of generous gulps from the bottle of water. 

“Well? How are you feeling now?” Astarion inquires with smug delight, lounging next to her on his side, propped up by his elbow.

Mackenzie blinks. The dizziness is gone, but her vision is off. She pops her green contacts out of her eyes with the hand that wasn’t touching her genitals. She’s stunned she can see without them. Not only that, but she feels like her ADHD meds have kicked in without taking them. Miraculously, her persistent fatigue and discontent have been cured, her usual cloud of morning brain fog has lifted.

“My hangover is completely gone, but it’s weird…I feel…happy? Like I can think clearer? I can see without my eyeballs in, too. What was that stuff you gave me?” She exhales in amazement, the hint of a smile curling up at the side of her mouth. 

“Oh, just a little tincture made by one of my staff,” He dismisses as he grins at her, punctuating his statement with a twirl of his hand. It pauses, and he leans in abruptly to reach up and grasp her chin, angling her face down at him to get a better look at her sapphire blues. 

Astarion gasps softly in delight. “Your natural eye color is gorgeous, just like the rest of you. Why hide them? Are green eyes a preference of Ta-Ari’s?” he corrects himself, clearing his throat as though something had caught in it.

“Yeah, and my natural hair color isn’t blonde. I’m actually a redhead. Need to do my roots soon,” she points at her crown, revealing the dark copper line on her scalp before it turns to ash blonde. 

Astarion sits up to see eye to eye with her, the morning sun filtering through the windows highlighting him in a warm amber gold. 

“You’ll not alter yourself any longer unless it’s what you truly desire. You’re a rare beauty, you know,” he utters to her, caressing her face. Mackenzie’s eyes sting with moisture, refusing to meet his gaze. The compliment about her looks cuts deep. How he sees her goes against the canned definition of beauty that she’s been force-fed since she was a child, and she’s afraid his words are nothing but lies.

“Now that you’re restored to full health, shall we-gah!” Astarion jumps, startled by Mac’s alarm sounding off again.

She utters a hasty apology, turning off her many alarms set to get her out of bed. She sees a text from Amanda and her stomach leaps into her throat- her shift doesn’t start for another hour or so. What manner of shenanigans has occurred this time? Is the power out at the clinic? Was there a pipe burst? Did one of the tech bros at the box of human suffering next door burn the popcorn in the microwave again, effectively closing the clinic until the fire department checks out the building?

No, it’s only Amanda texting to wish her a good time and to pick up some sweet swag for her at PAX. Three little dots form and Amanda quickly adds to let her know she’s free for a drink at the hotel bar next to the clinic after work, just in case Mac needs a break from Ari and his bullshit. 

Mackenzie feels her heart hammer in her ears, texting back with shaky hands that she thought she was going to be working today. She glimpses Astarion’s pointy ears flatten out of the corner of her eye.

Wait, pointy ears? 

Mackenzie does a double take to confirm what she just saw. 

No pointy elf ears here. He has rounded ones, just like she does. Astarion’s a completely normal human male, looking at her in concern, tracing soothing circles on her thigh. “It’s not your dreadful ex, is it?”

Her eyes flick down to see Amanda’s response that she’s got until Tuesday off. Amanda explains the reason her PTO looks like she doesn’t have any time off is because the system auto-deducted (or deductered per Amanda) it when she approved it. Mac types back to thank Amanda for clarifying and that she’s not going to PAX, that she was right about the walk-in from yesterday and she’ll tell her more later.

She receives a text back that says “eyes emoji” repeated over and over again, with a note that says “Sent with Siri” underneath. She smiles at her friend’s attempt at replying with her voice to text while driving. Classic Amanda. 

Mackenzie slides back down into bed next to Astarion. “No, it was my boss. Surprise! I don’t have to go back to work until Wednesday, my dude,” she declares, giving him a quick peck on his lips. 

The meme reference goes over Astarion’s head. He grasps at her waist and pulls her to him effortlessly, chuckling when she yelps at the sudden contact. “I wasn’t going to let you leave so soon anyway, not when I have yet to-”

A series of knocks at the hotel door raps loudly, interrupting Astarion’s monologue to Mac about his wicked plans. Astarion presses his lips together in a flat line with a growl, springing up from the bed. He dons the bathrobe he wore during his conversation with Ari last night with a flourish, disappearing out of sight. Mackenzie hears him utter curt pleasantries with a hotel staff member before he reappears, balancing two plates on one arm and a steaming hot mug of beige liquid in the other. 

Mac’s mouth falls open as she watches him set the items down with the practiced ease of a server who’s worked at a diner for 30 years. 

“I’m agog that breakfast arrived so fast as well. Let’s see what they’ve sent up for us, shall we?” He smiles mischievously, lifting the steel covers of the heated plates. 

Mackenzie’s mouth waters at the plates displaying waffles and berries with syrup and the crab benedict with real crab. She dips her finger in the hollandaise sauce, moaning around her digits as she savors it. “That’s not a powder. They made that from scratch. How could dinner be so awful when this is so good?” She asks rhetorically, ignoring the silverware on the plate to break off a piece of waffle with her fingers. She almost starts sobbing when she chews on it, impulsively breaking off another piece to offer Astarion. 

He leans forward with a smolder in his eyes that sends a zing of pleasure down between her legs. She feels awkward and aroused all at the same time as she feeds him, her actions reminiscent of the smutty fanfic she’s come across on Tumblr late at night when she couldn’t sleep. He sucks her fingers into his mouth and laps at them, a sound coming from his vocal cords that should be illegal to make at breakfast. 

Astarion cuts off a wedge of the benedict with the fork on the plate and dumps it in Mackenzie’s lap. “Oh dear, how clumsy of me,” he drawls, bending down to lick the scattered pieces of egg, crab, and English muffin into his mouth. He spends what Mackenzie considers to be a cruel amount of time cleaning the buttery hollandaise near the apex of her thigh, his nose dangerously close to her throbbing sex. 

“Is this what you meant by being a man of great appetite?” She wonders out loud, her hunger for the meal eclipsed by how her body thrums with want for Astarion. 

He sits up and daintily plucks a ripe blackberry coated in syrup from the plate of waffles. “This? Not specifically. Though now that you bring it up, I have a reputation for playing with my food,” he clarifies before popping the berry between his teeth, leaning forward in an invitation for her to bite off the other half. 

Mac leans forward, too embarrassed to be anything but timid, and too aroused to not play along. Their lips brush together as she bites off the other half of the berry. Astarion waits until she swallows to trace an intentionally slow line up her syrup-covered lips with the tip of his tongue. Mackenzie’s lips part with a shudder, welcoming him in. They explore each other’s mouths languidly, savoring their shared sweet, buttery flavors.

“Delicious…” he moans, reaching over to coat his fingers in syrup and smear a generous amount on her pebbled nipples. Mackenzie gasps as he fastens his lips around the rosy bud, clenching so hard from the impropriety and newness of it all that her hips cant forwards on their own.  

He detaches with a pop, settling back with a playful shimmy on his hands, his flushed cock standing proud, twitching upwards for attention. 

Mackenzie feels her shame evaporate away as she zeros in on his erection, her mouth watering when she sees him twitch under her ravenous gaze. 

She cuts up the rest of the English muffin, never taking her eyes off Astarion. He licks his lips at her and leans back on his elbows, Mackenzie catching a flash of recognition in his half-lidded ruby eyes.

Mackenzie arranges the bits of food in a scattered pattern over his lap. She bends over and takes her time, nibbling and licking the bites off his perfect body, paying him back with equal reverence at all the spots he’s paid special attention to on hers. Mac's heart leaps as he exhales her name, gathering her hair away from her face with one hand to watch her worship him.

Mackenzie shifts to place herself between his legs, her mouth inches away from Astarion’s cock. “May I?” she asks with a wiggle of her hips to ease the aching of her clit.

“Gods yes, darling, please,” he assents, gripping the hair he’d gathered to pull her forward. 

Mac watches him bite his lips as she licks underneath the head of his cock with the flat of her tongue, his eyes pleading with her to keep going. She seals her lips over the sensitive spot, feeling herself clench hard around nothing when he whimpers for her as she batters the frenulum with her tongue. Stopping to lap up the pre-spill that leaks from his slit, she wraps her hand around his cock, greedily squeezing it as she strokes upward to gather more on her tongue. 

Maybe it’s the pineapple juice cocktail from last night, but he tastes pretty damn good. She licks her lips to coat them in saliva, peeking up at Astarion’s face as she closes her lips around the head while her hand twists up the shaft.

“Sweet hells…that sinful little mouth of yours feels so good,” he groans while he arches his back, his hips pushing his erection up for Mackenzie to take him deeper.

She does, lazily swirling her tongue along the bottom of his shaft to pace herself. She feels him on the back of her tongue and swallows around him, smiling when his cock jumps in her mouth. 

Astarion’s staccato cry ripped from his throat makes Mac’s center coil tighter, the evidence of their shared passion dripping down her thighs. He grips her hair tighter, pulling on her scalp. She moans at the pressure, swallowing and nearly gagging when he cants his hips towards her inviting mouth. 

“Gods, you’re better at this than Gale,” he thinks out loud. For a reason she can’t understand, a familiar malice creeps in at the mention of the other person’s name. She pulls her mouth off him, her hand traveling up and down his erection slowly with a firm grip.

“Who’s Gale?” She tries to sound as nonchalant as possible, kissing the underside of his twitching cock to hide the poison that’s bubbling up inside her. 

“It’s complicated, but currently he’s nothing more than a friend,” Astarion says quickly, almost as if he hopes his explanation is enough to earn her mouth around him again. He grows impatient, snapping his hips forward to penetrate between her lips. 

Astarion whines in protest as Mac moves to the side, her hand slick with saliva stroking the shaft that thrusts into the air. 

“A friend with benefits? You’re not seeing anyone right now, are you? I feel like we talked so much about my situation that we didn’t discuss yours,” her voice cracks with her question, trying to punch down the melancholy spreading out from her chest. All this bedroom talk of belonging to Astarion and the suggestion of him having another lover back home has made the klaxons blaring in her head since last night finally audible. 

“Not for the last several months, and no,” he admits softly, touching Mackenzie’s wrist to still the hand that pumps his length. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Yeah, actually,” Mackenzie replies, feeling her dry eyes flood with tears at his thoughtfulness. Astarion holds his hand out to her, and she takes it, pulling her into his comforting arms.

Mac babbles out an apology like its muscle memory. “I’m sorry, but for some reason I’m feeling jealous? We barely know each other and I don’t have the right to feel this way. I probably should have asked-“ 

Astarion shushes her, kissing her furrowed brow. “We’ll work on breaking you of that over-apologizing habit of yours, but for now? I assure you there’s no one else.”

He tilts her head with his thumb and forefinger with so much tenderness it makes Mac’s heart ache, an errant tear spilling down her cheek. 

“With what you’ve recently been through, it’s understandable your trust is so easily shaken. I struggle with jealousy too, you know,” he smiles with his confession, letting go of her face to brush away another tear that escapes. “You’ll find you’re in good company, darling.”

Astarion’s better than good. He’s the best company Mackenzie feels like she could have right now. She exhales a shuddering sigh of relief and squeezes him tight, burying her face against his shoulder. 

“Thank you,” she starts, her voice muffled. She turns her head to the side and takes in a deep breath. “You’ve been so damn good to me. I keep wondering what’s the catch, but maybe there is none? I just…I haven’t been with a normal person in so long, maybe I’ve forgotten what that’s like.”

Astarion giggles as though she’s told the punchline to a joke.

“Normal isn’t a word anyone’s used before to describe me. How novel.”

“Mackenzie, my treasure- I do hate to change the topic when the subject is myself, but are you going to eat the rest of that confection?” Astarion points over at the abandoned breakfast food with a manicured finger.

Mackenzie shakes her head. “Nah, it’s all yours.”

Astarion smiles at her, a playful sparkle in his ruby eyes giving her pause. Mackenzie rolls on her back, watching as Astarion takes the plate of waffles…and dumps it on top of her torso. His eyes stay trained on her as he lets the last of the syrup drizzle between her legs, tossing the plate away from the bed with a flick of his wrist. 

He crawls over her, caging her in between his arms. 

“Good, because I’m very, very hungry.”