#Shudder Review

[kjudgemental]

The Retreat - Horror Movie Review

Director: Pat Mills Production Company: Alyson Richards Productions/Clique Pictures/Outside Line Studio Country: Canada Year: 2021 Streaming services are always a mixed bag. Sometimes you stumble across something absolutely incredible, an out-of-this-world gem that has managed to find a safe haven for all to enjoy for many years to come. And then you get the absolute stinkers that somehow…

[granitefilmreviews]

[squirrellyshorrorreviews]

Girl on the Third Floor (2019)

Don Koch tries to renovate a rundown mansion with a sordid history for his growing family, only to learn that the house has other plans.

Where to watch: shudder

Rating: 3/10

Someday I will start uploading regularly again.

CM Punk being the lead is a little immersion breaking not gonna lie. He looks WEIRD clean shaven and in khakis. BUT. Since I saw Killer’s Game last weekend, I had to watch this one eventually. This weekend seemed like a good time.

What to say.

Gotta give it to Phil, he does Unhinged Weirdo really well using just his face.

Anyway.

A lot of the classic “we bought a haunted house in a rural neighborhood” tropes. But that isn’t necessarily a bad thing. Gives discount Haunting of Hill House/Bly Manor vibes especially with the background ghosts and such.

The amount of times I screamed “please wear gloves” in the early portions of this movie cannot be overstated. It had a lot of predictable “OH GOD NO” sort of gross moments as a result of flawed character logic (LOOKIN AT YOU SHOWER SCENE) but it ended up being more comedic than anything.

Fun use of mirrors. And the way it plays around with visuals in unsettling ways is also fun.

Doggo truly the best character. He’s so helpful. Such a good actor. 10/10. Sadly he does die.

The Final Monster giving mad SILENT HILL vibes.

Line reads are kinda stilted and lacking in passion, but that feels like a failing of direction. There a lot of moments where it’s clear the actors were not given much to work with. Really in general there’s a vibe of wasted potential.

It DECLINES IN QUALITY SO RAPIDLY. Like they just did not know what to do to finish it so they were just like “eh fuck it” and I hate it. The first two acts of the movie are pretty solid but the ending is TRASH. TRAAAAAAASH. I was cackling.

[frecklesandpoverty]

31 Nights of Halloween Horror

Day 12

Late post, this weekend at work was hectic lol. My choice for Saturday was Daddy's Head

I'm rating this 7/10, mostly because that thing was creepy as hell lol. The storyline was fine, the acting was fine, the kid especially did a good job as a grieving angry preteen boy. The monster thing as I said was thoroughly creepy. Didn't like it's voice, didn't like the scuttling thing it did. The wood thing in the woods was cool visually, but hell naw I wouldn't be going in that thing. Worth a watch!

[giveamadeuschohisownmovie]

“Late Night with the Devil” movie review

Short review

It’s Evil Dead. I give it a 7/10.

Long review

LNWTD is one of the campiest horror movies I’ve seen in a long while. But it’s sincere in its campiness. It’s like the creators watched every Evil Dead movie and decided to make something similar.

Because of that, I don’t have much to say about this movie. It’s fairly straightforward; guy makes deal with the devil for fame and fortune, and it turns out pretty bad because the devil is an asshole. You could tell where the story was going from the beginning.

But that’s not why we watch something like LNWTD. We watch it for the spectacle of a concept like this. And on that level, I think the movie succeeds. It is a sheer shlockfest, the scares are so corny and cliched that it’s almost comedic (just like Evil Dead). If you were going into this movie wanting to be scared, you’re probably not gonna like this movie. But if you went into this movie wanting a bloody good time, then yeah, this was a fun watch.

If I had to make a comparison, this is like a haunted house movie. You go in, you see a guy in a scary mask, and you just laugh and move on. Or you get startled and then move on. But the reason why you went into the house is because you’re entertained by those cheap kind of scares. And you know what, as a horror movie fan, sometimes I don’t want to feel horrible after watching a horror movie (like Midsommar or the original Speak No Evil). Sometimes, I just want to have a good time. And that’s what LNWTD is, it’s a campy, silly good time with some decent, cliche scares.

And if you think I’m exaggerating the cheesiness of the movie…bruh…they had a girl in a floating chair, worms coming out of a dude’s stomach, and a girl’s head splitting open and shooting lightning out of it. These are not scares that will keep you awake at night, and I say that affectionately.

Anyways, it’s a fun movie. I recommend at least one viewing, preferably with a group since this feels like a movie you’d play during “horror movie night”.

[books-and-cookies]

5 SECOND REVIEW

[canonically47]

review pls

EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP YUL HAD HIS ASS HANDED TO HIM AND WE GOT JAJAMES IN THE FINALE. ONC DO NOT FUCK THIS UP FOR ME.

DCAS ep 19 - review

spoilers !!!! (but you knew that.)

tom saying jake sees the best in people was so fucking funny i'm sorry like we both know He Does Not. even the line was like 'despite his anxieties he..' baby ur literally saying 'despite not seeing the best in people he really does see the best in people' you are so fucking stupid

side note tom is actually an idiot, unironically. not haha himbo idiot just an actual fucking idiot. how is he 30. how is he a fan favorite. HOW IS TOMJAKE A FAN FAVORITE SHIP nonono im not talking about this rn im NOT (claws at my enclosure)

ugh i forgot tomjake is like. a thing. and not a very bad made-up fanon ship. and they're giving them a spin-off. for a sec i allowed myself to exist in a world where ONC made good writing decisions. what a world it was

james being jake's biggest hater was amazing. almost unleashed my inner jake hater. there is still time though, trust

kinda sad to see huntess not hang out with anyone but each other. i was waiting on tess interacting with gabellie or something

on the bright side, GRETT HAVING A MOMENT WITH GABELLIE??? HELLOOOOOOOOO?????? CAN YALL HEAR ME???????????????

gabgrellie save me.... save me gabgrellie............

speaking of ellie she looked so off the entire episode. why did her eyes move like that. am i crazy. she looked so ugly

oh my fucking god they fucking burnt yul's face. that's crazy. grett the woman that you are <333 i might actually draw the prick because he looks cool now

i am also sooooooo glad they're not giving him a half-assed redemption arc. they know he sucks ass. at least we have that

krystal saying "that's the good shit" was the most embarrassing thing ever in fact her entire part before dinner was embarrassing. why did she keep. doing that and saying that. girl why are you interrupting the moment you want to get on camera are you an idiot

also she fell victim to the inconsistency bc tell me why she was bitching and moaning the entire season about 'those that really matter' and being all lpvey dovey about her friends but then derek is like 'trevor :)' and she goes 'why arent u professional' girl.

and derek. man. we all know youre lying genuinely fuck you. 'he matters to me' GIRLLL WHEEENNNNNNNNNNN HAVE YOU SHOWN THAT 😭😭😭

FIORE AND ALEC!!! ALEC SCOWLING THEN LOOKING AT FIORE AND INSTANTLY SMILING!!! HIM PROTECTING HER FROM YUL!!! HIM COVERING HER EYES WHEN YUL GOT BURNED!!! TH!!! THE!!!!!!! THE FATHER-DAUGHTER DUO EVERRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 😭😭😭

now allow me to be even more not normal

JAJAMES CRUMBS 🗣🗣🗣‼️‼️‼️🔥🔥🔥 JAMES IS HELPING JAKE IN THE FINALE EVERYONE SHUT THE FUCK UP HERE IS HOW JAJAKEDEN NATION CAN STILL WIN- [gets shot] [gets shot] [gets shot] [gets s

please god PLEASE LET THEM BECOME FRIENDS because if they do i will actually write DSVC fic about jajakeden getting together. i made a promise to myself to never write DSVC fic but if they become friends. i will be so. fucking. annoying.

JAJAMES PLEASE BECOME FRIENDS PLEASEEEEEEE PLEASE 😭😭😭

sooooo glad fiore not only did not pick riya but also GAVE HER THE DISADVANTAGE. JAKE FANS HERE IS HOW WE CAN STILL WIN

why did they bring emily back just to make her a bitch.

JAJAMES PLEEEEEAAAAAASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE 😭😭😭😭😭

there are many things wrong with this ep (like derek existing, and also his lines, and also yul existing,,, and the stuff ive pointed out) but its ONC. i'll throw them a bone ig. i'm okay with what we got, it obviously wasn't a masterpiece and it felt fanservice-y in parts (yk that one post or ask or whatever that says season 1 & 2 DSVC was a show a fandom was built off, but season 3 is a show built off the fandom? yea some scenes reminded me of that. coigh cough krystal mildly breaking the fourth wall.) but i'm glad connor only got like 2 seconds of screentime, fiore and alec got along, and the jajames crumbs oh my.. <3

overall, an 8/10 and if my memory isn't failing me this is probably the best rating since ep 13?? but yea it was a good episode i'm fine with it. im surprised they didnt ruin.everything. bc yk its ONC. so yea!!! yay yippee yay!

i am so glad there are only 2 episodes left . istg if i watch the spin offs or new seasons i need yall to shoot me. and remember how i was talking some time ago about rewatching the entire show after DCAS came out fully? yea no. not doing that. when episode 21 comes out i will be cheering because i will finally put DSVC behind me. i fucking hate this show WE ARE ALMOST FREE!!!!!!!!! CHEERING

[fox-guardian]

one thing about me is i fucking hate making new accounts

[spook-reviews]

Hell Hole

"Hell Hole hails from the filmmaking family behind Hellbender and centers on an American-led fracking crew that uncovers a living French soldier frozen in time from a Napoleonic campaign, whose body hosts a parasitic monster."

Released 2024

This was not really scary at all, but it was a lot of fun to watch. The use of rock music rather than the usual slow eerie tunes of most horror movies gave it an interesting flavor. There is a bit of gore, but it is comically unrealistic. Most of the people that get killed by the creature just explode like a boneless meat balloon. The concept behind the creature is what I enjoyed the most. I don't want to spoil it, so I'll just say that I thought it was an interesting take on the parasitic monster trope. My overall impression of the movie was that it was a bit corny but, like I said, a lot of fun to watch. If you're a fan of mpreg or The Thing and want a horror-flavored movie with no real horror to it, this is the movie for you!

Spookiness: 1/5

Effects: 1/5

Enjoyability: 4/5

[sarnie-for-varney]

Just watched Alex Winter's new Shudder Original movie Destroy All Neighbors (directed by Josh Forbes) and it is a complete clusterfuck of gore, slimy special effects, and rock n roll craziness!

Alex Winter really loves having his head detached from his body, huh?

Vlad has got to be one of Alex's most unique (and potty-mouthed) characters yet. He is almost unrecognisable, donned head-to-toe in grotesque prosthetic makeup (not unlike his beast boy look for Freaked!).

Not just that, but Jonah Ray did an absolutely fantastic job playing struggling rock musician William Brown alongside Kiran Deol as his rather fed up girlfriend, Emily. This film mostly takes place in a shitty apartment building with equally shitty residents.

A drug-fueled splatter-comedy with epic music. An absolute blast! Highly recommend.

[crownedinkcomix]

Oddity is a film that sandwiches genuinely frightening moments between long stretches of generic 2020s horror. That's not to say the majority of the film is bad; it's just that genuine scares in a horror movie are so rare that they make the rest of the film feel weaker by comparison.

After a few serviceable expository scenes setting up the main characters and locations, Oddity grabs our attention with an excellent setup for either a home invasion or stranger-in-the-house horror story. The genius of this scenario is that it could be either—and that's the point. Oddity effectively puts the audience on edge, leaving us to question whether the danger lies within or without. But instead of capitalizing on this genuinely suspenseful setup, the film abruptly cuts to a year later, introducing a new protagonist: a psychic who feels like she belongs in a completely different movie.

From there, the film plays out like a Blumhouse facsimile of a cozy mystery novel, until it flashes back to the original protagonist and delivers genuine suspense, along with the rarest of all modern horror achievements: a jump scare that actually scares. Not since Jaws have I been this impressed by that technique. However, after this flashback, we return to the present, where the film ties up its loose ends then continues on as if it were part of the Insidious or Conjuring franchises. That's not to say there aren't any more scary or tense moments, there are. But it's in the context of a predictable script where every new revelation or development is obvious or tonally inconsistent with the rest of the film.

Oddity is by no means a bad movie. However, it feels as though the director crafted an excellent short film and then padded it out into a feature without a clear idea of where to take it next.

[thenefilim]

Review - The Demon Disorder (2024)

Steven Boyle, known for his effects work on films ranging from Ghost Ship to Boar and Two Heads Creek, makes his directorial debut with a tale of dark secrets and demonic activity somewhere in the Outback.

https://www.voicesfromthebalcony.com/2024/08/30/the-demon-disorder-2024-review/

[granitefilmreviews]

Elegantly crafted and genuinely terrifying, Oddity is a brilliant, well made horror gem brought together with it's terrific direction.

[noeljpenaflor]

This Review of Revenge (2017) has Tom Hanks Playing Fred Rogers at his Most Violent.

This Link will AVENGE You!

[bloodsplatteredcinema]

BLOOD SPLATTERED VLOG: V/H/S/BEYOND (2024)

New Blood Splattered Vlog!

This week The Horror Guru & Count Jackula review V/H/S/Beyond!

The latest science fiction themed entry in the VHS franchise, a series of found footage horror anthology films!

[cinematicendevaourz]

Shudder has plenty of hit or misses in their catalogue and "Azrael" plays the middle namely because of it's pacing which makes the film asţ much a a slog to get through as IFC's "In A Violent Nature" which released earlier this year. The mute premise was also handled better by John Woo with "Silent Night", but the gore and the "Baby Driver" earphones-in fight scene was a plus. A pregnant woman with a meat cleaver? That was dope. The cult like summoning of Moloid-like mud people using qi-gong breathing techniques? That was unique. But putting this film in the forest, just wasn't the move and gave "Azrael" too much of that "In A Violent Nature" taste. If only the cars at the beginning of the film with the kidnapping would have drove off into a city instead of deeper into the brush, then I would barely have an issue with "Azrael". But still, all those problems aren't enough to make me not watch "Azrael" over and over again. But then again any flick with a preganant woman and a bunch of gore is going to be a draw for me. I recognize my bias, knowing that there is a better movie in here if the setting was switched and if it would have been a "talkie", but I'll still try and catch "Azrael" as much as I can before it vacates it's limited run in U.S. theaters. -

C.V.R. The Bard

29th/Sept.2k24