#Shout out to best friend no. 2 & no. 5. i text one when i'm episodic so i can get her attention & the other i consistently like.

[elytrafemme]

my best friend (no. 4, i'll start assigning emojis soon for lore followers) asked me about BPD and i told them i'd talk more about it in person because BPD is the exact overlap of my own lived experience (note: i am not diagnosed but have extensive history with BPD in a secret more confusing way) and my psychological interest. but like now i'm thinking about it and generally speaking i think anything that was a symptom towards BPD i experienced has either grown more mild now that i'm out of an active trauma situation, OR has just become part of what i consider my amorphous CPTSD thing,

but i do like. think about the efforts to avoid perceived/real abandonment. and maybe i've not gone to the lengths some folks might with this but to be honest the more i think back to my own personal history the more i realize that i do in fact repeatedly do insane shit to avoid abandonment 😭

[katierosefun]

Heyy, just wanted to say I LOVE your stories (and all you headcanons and tags hehe) I'm new here and wanted to ask how and when you started writing fanfiction for star wars and if you have any tips 😊

hello! thank you for the kind words :’) and of course, welcome!! 

so if we want to get really technical about things, i started writing star wars fic like,,,,waaaay back in 2013, and i kinda cringe a little when i think of those fics now because lol i was thirteen years old then--and i wrote for a little while until maybe 2016-ish? and then took a break because of mental health things, and then got back into writing fic in the past year and a half or so! 

as for the how, i wanted to write star wars fic mostly because as a thirteen year old, i was devastated by the season five finale (back then, that was when the show just got cancelled and the season five finale was the only series finale we were gonna get!), and i just kinda wanted to write all these stories about the tcw fam actually being happy. filling in the gaps and all. (lol considering how my gut reaction to the tcw season seven finale was also to write as much fic as possible, i can safely say that some things just don’t change.) 

as for tips! i got a little into writing gen fic specifically here, but as for writing fic in general: (and under the cut because i,,,as usual, went off for a while.)

1. rewatch/reread source material! this is something i usually do when i’m trying to refresh my memory on a certain episode--i won’t watch through the whole thing, sometimes i’ll just kind of jump around, but i like to get some quick look back into the source stuff to put myself in the right headspace to explore how to extend/expand the story somehow. 

of course, if you’re writing something that’s an AU then you don’t really have to worry about this, but!! rewatching the source can also just be super helpful when you’re trying to characterize properly/try to get a feel for what the characters’ voices are like. 

2. wookiepedia is your  best friend, but if you don’t have enough info on something, either search through fanon star wars meta or!! just make up something on your own! like, i cannot tell you the amount of times i’ve wanted to tear my hair out because i couldn’t find enough information on x or if i had to stop and be like “wait, but does star wars even have y??” sometimes, wookiepedia is helpful for providing those answers, and other times, blogs like @gffa really provides a big, broad look at all the stuff in star wars, and her blog kinda runs like wookiepedia itself, so i can guarantee that you’ll find some useful stuff if you’re ever kind of lost about what certain jedi customs/culture or in general, what different cultures were like in the galaxy far, far away. 

but also, as i’ve mentioned, i think it’s okay to just kinda ignore the technical stuff and just make something up in star wars as you go along. you don’t like that glass in star wars is called transparisteel? then use glass. you’re not sure if star wars even celebrates the new year? screw it, why not? you’re the writer--you get creative license!

3. there is no such thing as “too much” of one trope. so, idk if you might struggle with this, but just in case you do--sometimes, fic writers will hit a wall and be like “no i can’t post this because so many people have already written about this/used this trope/etc.” to that, i say pffft, nah. there’s a post floating around here on tumblr about a cake analogy and how like,,,to you, you might have just brought another cake to a party with already so many cakes, and you might feel kinda embarrassed about that, but to the large majority of people? all they see is more cake, and who doesn’t love more cake? 

what i’m basically trying to get at here is!! write whatever you want and don’t worry about if someone’s already done it, because everyone in fandom lives to see their favorite storylines expanded over and over and over again/everyone lives to see their favorite tropes used over and over and over again. fic is wonderful for that very reason, and you shouldn’t deprive yourself of enjoying that. 

4. this might seem kinda trivial, but spellcheck and formatting is...mostly important. the unfortunate thing about fic is that sometimes people will click out the second they see a huge block of text like so: 

“this is just a practice run,” i say as i start this paragrah. i don’t really know what i’m writing about but this is an example, and i know that this is probably going to look really, really ugly on the screen but here we go oh the things i do for explaining fic i already know that this has gone long enough but who is to stop me you know? wait no i haven’t made any spelling errors yet to prove my point so okay let me think of a common spelling error i can’t think of any right now but hm let’s see i will causally say that i have made a spelling error. oh look! i have made a spelling error (well, not a spelling error, more like a mix-up of words) because you can tell that instead of writing casually which would be more correct i wrote causally and those two are very different things. but there are other spelling errors that can sometimes be a turn-off for readers like when they notice that the k in kenobi isn’t capitilized and once or twice that’s all fine and most people will overlook that, but if you do that consistently then most people will be turned off and click into another fic and oh dear it seems that i am actually explaining things so i guess that means i should stop with this ugly paragraph and actually move forward. “move on!” i shout to myself now. (and just pretend that something like this continues for a good two or three pages.)

do you see how ugly that is? it’s an eye-strain to most people when they read, and you can write the most beautiful fic in the world, but if the formatting and the spelling is off, then most people will move to a different fic. (which is, again, unfortunate, especially for younger and newer writers, but! ‘tis a thing that comes with fic.) 

5. have fun! don’t get yourself caught up with appealing to the crowd. write what you want to write first and foremost, because at the end of the day, it’s you who’s putting in the work and the effort to craft a story, and if you’re about to invest your time and energy into anything in your free time, then it should be something that brings you at least some joy and comfort. so go on and write, and keep writing if you enjoy it! no one can take that away from you. 

hope that all helps!! 

[ettadunham]

A Buffy rewatch 3x19 Choices

aka everyone’s just dying to give each other a piece of their mind

Welcome to this dailyish text post series where I will rewatch an episode of Buffy and rant about it in 10-3k words. What you can expect: long run-on sentences and disjointed observations, often focused on one tiny detail about the episode. What you shouldn’t be expecting: actual reviews that make sense.

And I’ve been waiting forever for today’s episode to finally discuss some quality Willow and Faith feelings... And it turns out that it was just a 2-minute-scene all along? Still, we’ll be making the best out of those 2 minutes, folks.

There’s actually a lot going on in Choices, but I want to get the main rant out first, before I get lost in all the small details of it.

So... Willow and Faith.

Fun fact, did you know that that is actually the 5th most popular BtVS F/F pairing tag on Ao3? Right after the popular canon, the popular “it’s basically canon and you can fucking sue me” ship, the pairing of the two main female characters (shout out to the Wuffys, I got you) and the less popular canon ship.

Which... wasn’t really what I was expecting? I mean, I also wasn’t expecting #6 being Faith/Dawn (having a 2 fic-lead on the ultimate OTP because you’re all heathens), so I guess I know nothing.

Some of those switch though if you filter for the F/F category, look, I have charts:

(Meanwhile Buffy/Kendra has like 12 fics, you really are all heathens.)

Anywho, thanks for coming to my Ted talk about the math of Buffy femslash. Now, back to Willow and Faith specifically.

Once I thought about it, it did make sense that this is actually a popular fandom pairing I guess? On one hand, it’s a common denominator situation, as in note which characters pop up consistently on that chart... On the other hand, in this episode alone Willow taunts Faith to which she responds by punching her and threatening her with a knife... And that’s pretty much how foreplay works as far as Faith’s concerned.

Faith just likes it rough, okay? Remember the screencap I used for Consequences after Buffy punches her?

I rest my case.

But I’m already way off topic here. Because what I was actually planning on talking about initially was how Willow felt about Faith, and the source of those feelings.

I already pointed this out, but I feel it’s worth repeating - Willow’s dislike of Faith goes back to two episodes in particular: Bad Girls and Consequences. As far as I was able to discern this time during my rewatch, there were no previous signs of animosity between the two preceding that two-parter.

In Bad Girls, Buffy blows Willow off for their study session to go out with Faith, and starts rambling about how Willow and Xander wouldn’t understand anyway what she and Faith do.

Willow is deeply hurt and jealous... She actually blows Buffy off too in return when she tries talking to her at school in the next episode, and only listens once Buffy shows up crying at her doorstep not knowing what to do about the whole Faith killed a guy situation.

In the same episode, Xander lets it slip that he and Faith had sex... And Willow is once again obviously hurt and jealous. She even has a good cry about it in the bathroom.

And I guess that that seems like a stronger emotional response than how she reacts to Faith stealing away Buffy from her, but it’s still coming from the same place. Note her line in that episode when she acknowledges her biases:

I'm not the most objective, I know. I kind of have an issue with Faith sharing my people.

“Sharing my people” - she’s pointedly talking about both Xander and Buffy here.

And there is a specific kind of betrayal that she feels from Xander, and that’s going to translate to pretty much all of Xander’s relationship... But at this point, it’s not really about her wanting that relationship with Xander. She had the option and she rejected it.

Still, if Xander has that with someone else, that makes their shared experiences feel less special. It makes her feel like less special in his life. (Which unfortunately tracks with a lot of Xander’s behavior about how he’s always chasing the new, shiny and unattainable thing in his life.)

Meanwhile with Buffy, Willow is mostly supportive of her relationships... up until to the point that she feels like they’re taking up the space that she occupies in Buffy’s life. And that very much happens with Faith in those moments, as Buffy suddenly feels like she can’t share with Willow what she and Faith has. (I swear, I’m not even trying, these sentences just turn out this way.)

So... yeah. Willow is super pissed at Faith for having the audacity to try and take away her people from her, and then hurting the both of them.

And I guess we can see some of that same kind of jealousy with Faith (I can and I will read parallels into Willow and Faith’s characters, just you wait) and her whole thing with Buffy and Angel in Choices... Except it’s weirdly misdirected? Like is the Mayor and the show seriously trying to tell us that Faith is jealous about Angel not wanting to make out with her, when that whole thing was all about Buffy in the first place?

Really, Mayor Wilkins? Really?

Well, I guess he is evil.

Back to Willow though, we have this scene where she gets taken hostage, and after she murders her vampire guard with a pencil (amazing), she decides to get comfortable in the Mayor’s office and read through all 5 tomes of the Books of Ascension??? It’s such a delightful nonsense.

Of course, I’m definitely with her on the whole “knowledge is power�� notion. Even if they were to prevent the Mayor from having this Box of MacGuffin, there’s no way to tell if that would actually stop the Ascension. But knowing what’s to come and what they could do about it? That’s a definite win.

The issue is that as Faith puts it, being caught red-handed while gaining that knowledge makes Willow some very strong murder material for the bad guys. She could’ve just put the books in a bag, and tried escaping with them, or get the hell out there the moment she discovered those sensitive pages.

But do you know what I think? I think Willow just wanted to have the chance to confront Faith. She was ready to die just to give her a piece of her mind.

Willow: It's way too late. You know, it didn't have to be this way. But you made your choice. I know you had a tough life. I know that some people think you had a lot of bad breaks. Well, boo hoo! Poor you. You know, you had a lot more in your life than some people. I mean, you had friends in your life like Buffy. Now you have no one. You were a Slayer and now you're nothing. You're just a big selfish, worthless waste.

That’s commitment.

Notice also how she highlights Faith having Buffy in her life and not appreciating it enough to keep fighting. I do feel like Willow is deeply offended by that. I talk about her jealousy a lot, but her commitment to the people she loves is usually her more dominant character trait. Feeling like Faith stole her friends from her hurt her; but her anger mostly comes from the fact that Faith hurt Buffy and Xander in unimaginable ways.

I guess this episode did give me a lot of Willow feelings.

Someone else who shared Willow’s need to impart some wisdom in the most inconvenient times was the Mayor. And honestly? I didn’t care a whole lot about it. Angel and Buffy has a million other conflicts that come before him being immortal.

Like, I get that it’s supposed to shake them out of their own little bubble a bit, and face the fact that they don’t really see a future together. I believe the phrasing I previously used was that being together prevents them from becoming the people they want to be.

Their initial exchange at the graveyard is kinda hilarious though. “You never take me to any place new” - I’m still laughing, ngl.

At the same time, Xander and Cordelia still appear to be having their bitter verbal conflicts. Which is weird, especially after Earshot, an episode that I praised for including Cordelia in the group once again. (I guess maybe Earshot was written with a different place in the season in mind for it initially? I know that it didn’t air when it was supposed to too, because of the school shooting aspect...)

Here, the two of them are once again out to get each other. Even Buffy ends up in the crossfires, as Cordelia aims one of her pointedly cruel jabs at her. Yikes.

But we also find out here that Cordelia is working in a dress shop now, so there’s that.

And this episode of course is also about everyone’s futures. Willow decides that despite being accepted into literally every school ever, she’s going to attend UC Sunnydale with Buffy. Not just to be with her, but because she enjoys saving the world and all that jazz.

Oh, Willow, if you only knew...

This of course also presents a welcome contrast for Buffy, who feels like she doesn’t have a choice but to stay in Sunnydale. It’s a really nice moment between them, as Buffy realizes herself that she too very much made that choice herself. Because that’s who Buffy is. Someone who could never turn her back on the people who need her.

Buffy:  I kinda love you.

We all do, Buffy. Just ask Oz, and his decisive ingredient smashing move that annihilated the whole argument about whether or not they should rescue Willow. (”That’s your future wife!” - me @ Alexis Denisof in that scene.)

Also, shout out at that whole Mission Impossible heist premise we got going on in this episode. I always appreciate a weird clash of genres.

[ashley-virginia]

Alright I'm gonna be "that guy" and be totally annoying, but for the unusual asks thing, answer all of them (or whatever ones you want to/have time for) bc I'm honestly genuinely curious :)

Ahhhh thank you so much! I actually love you a whole bunch, because this was so fun and I never really get to do things like this!!

Spotify, SoundCloud, or Pandora? spotify

is your room messy or clean? my room at home is messy as hell, but my dorm is pretty neat and pretty.

what color are your eyes? brown, but like a nice chocolate brown!

do you like your name? why? i guess i like it, i think it’s kinda adorable when people mess up the pronunciation and add an extra syllable in the middle. so they say ash-uh-lee instead of just Ashley.

what is your relationship status? s i n g l e 

describe your personality in 3 words or less calm, friendly, shy

what color hair do you have? brunette

what kind of car do you drive? color? white ‘99 solara. i named him caspar :)

where do you shop? target, forever21, kohls (if i’m feeling like dropping big bucks), lush

how would you describe your style? terrible. i have zero style whatsoever. but i guess it’s classic? trendy? what words do you even use to describe style??

favorite social media account tumblr or twitter

what size bed do you have? queen i think

any siblings? only child!

if you can live anywhere in the world where would it be? why? somewhere warm so i don’t freeze my butt off, and my skin gets super dry when it’s cold out. so like maybe florida or cali. the outer banks is pretty nice in the summer, they have great beaches

favorite snapchat filter? the butterfly crown thingy

favorite makeup brand(s) COLOURPOP, maybelline, ulta brand?, nyx, too faced…(i have a ton of favs)

how many times a week do you shower? usually 7 because i work out quite often so i don’t want to go to work or class smelling gross like some people do 

favorite tv show? gotham, the flash, supergirl, ouat

shoe size? 6 or 7

how tall are you? 5′3

sandals or sneakers? sneakers because i have ugly, wide feet

do you go to the gym? not really, i usually go on runs or use the treadmill/elliptical that i have in my house. but since there’s a gym on campus i might start going, but it’s also out of the way so idk

describe your dream date cute lunch or dinner at a cute cafe. i’m sipping some hot chocolate and munching on a soft pretzel or muffin. and my date, whoever he or she is, is munching on their snack, telling me about a book their reading or something that makes them happy. maybe afterwards we’ll go on a walk and find a quite place to read

how much money do you have in your wallet at the moment? maybe like $30? about to be like 10 after i get my lab notebook

what color socks are you wearing? maroon and white

how many pillows do you sleep with? at home: two regular pillows, a body pillow, two pillow pets. at school, one pillow, three decorative pillows.

do you have a job? what do you do? i work part time at an agriculture company, currently at school though, so i work during breaks. but i help with harvest and such, i don’t really know how to explain it without going into major details

how many friends do you have? not a lot. it’s kinda embarrassing to put a number to it 

whats the worst thing you have ever done? give my phone to two of my friends while they prank called some guy that had called one of them while he was very drunk (the dude not my friend). it turns out he was in a very high position in our state, and we all got in a shit ton of trouble :/

whats your favorite candle scent? classic vanilla i suppose. or anything fall themed

3 favorite boy names noah, adam, jonathan (and any variation of it)

3 favorite girl names carrie, zoe, dorothy 

favorite actor? river phoenix or cameron monaghan. i could go on and on about why i picked them

favorite actress? i don’t really have one, but i like emma watson and elizabeth taylor

who is your celebrity crush? probably cam or river

favorite movie? stand by be, the mummy, and et are all collectively number 1 on my list

do you read a lot? whats your favorite book? i’ve read 7 books in january so i guess i read a lot. and right now my favorite would probably be The Raven Boys (i’m patiently waiting on the rest of the series to arrive so i can binge read it)

money or brains? brains

do you have a nickname? what is it? sadly i have a very plain nickname. It’s Ash, just the first three letters of my name. but i do like it, usually on my family and few friends call me it, so it’s kinda special to me

how many times have you been to the hospital? oh yikes, proably like 15-20

top 10 favorite songs 

sexual by NEIKED

shout out to my ex by little mix 

anything that dodie calrk sings lol

all i ask by adele

make you feel by love (the glee version)

the dear evan hansen sounddtrack (it hasn’t been released yet but you know i’m gonna love it)

human by darren criss

driftwood by cody simpson (basically the whole album, free, is a bop)

last night on earth by green day

girls like girls by hayley kiyoko

do you take any medications daily? yep, nothing serious just stuff to keep me healthy

what is your skin type? (oily, dry, etc) usually oily, but during very cold days, it can get very very dry

what is your biggest fear? probably being alone in life.

how many kids do you want? maybe 2 or 3

whats your go to hair style? well considering i have short hair, i just shower and let it dry

what type of house do you live in? (big, small, etc) i guess it’s small, but before i left for uni, i was in the process of moving into a slightly bigger house, so now i guess it’s a medium sized house

who is your role model? lea michele

what was the last compliment you received? some girl in my psych class complimented my blue jacket

what was the last text you sent? “i love you” to my dad

how old were you when you found out santa wasn’t real? 7, i saw one of my presents that had yet to be wrapped in the back of my dads truck, and then on christmas day, i opened the exact gift and it had said it was from “Santa”. i didn’t let my parents know for a couple more years.

what is your dream car? idk, i kinda like the one i have now.

opinion on smoking? it’s bad for you and your health, you shouldn’t do it

do you go to college? yep, just started my first semester on monday

what is your dream job? either a writer or an actress, i’m going to school for neither of those things

would you rather live in rural areas or the suburbs? suburbs was always the dream, but i am starting to like more rural areas.

do you take shampoo and conditioner bottles from hotels? no, but my mom does

do you have freckles? yep, on my shoulders and face, though the latter are more prominent in the summer

do you smile for pictures? usually

how many pictures do you have on your phone? 37

have you ever peed in the woods? yep!

do you still watch cartoons? not really, but sometimes i’ll watch old pokemon episodes on netflix

do you prefer chicken nuggets from Wendy’s or McDonalds? i don’t think i’ve ever had wendy’s nuggets, but i’m sure they’re much better than McDonald’s

Favorite dipping sauce? BBQ or ketchup

what do you wear to bed? usually sweatpants and a tank top, but i’ll switch to shorts if it gets too hot

have you ever won a spelling bee? i’ve never been in a spelling bee

what are your hobbies? singing, acting, writing, reading

can you draw? nope

do you play an instrument? ukulele and a bit of guitar

what was the last concert you saw? hunter hayes in 2014

tea or coffee? tea

Starbucks or Dunkin Donuts? starbucks

do you want to get married? yeah, i’d like to

what is your crush’s first and last initial? JC

are you going to change your last name when you get married? maybe

what color looks best on you? i’ve been told dark green and blue?

do you miss anyone right now? yeah, my dog and family

do you sleep with your door open or closed? closed, i like to think that it keeps the bugs out

do you believe in ghosts? hell yeah

what is your biggest pet peeve? body odor

last person you called my dad

favorite ice cream flavor? vanilla or pistachio 

regular oreos or golden oreos? regular

chocolate or rainbow sprinkles? rainbow sprinkles

what shirt are you wearing? not wearing a shirt ;) lol i’m actually just wearing a sweatshirt

what is your phone background? my date for prom and i

are you outgoing or shy? depends, if i’m with good friends, i’m outgoing, if not, i’m usually very very shy

do you like it when people play with your hair? not really

do you like your neighbors? not really

do you wash your face? at night? in the morning? morning and night

have you ever been high? nope

have you ever been drunk? nope

last thing you ate? a granola bar for lunch

favorite lyrics right now literally the entirety of Waving Through a Window. like i relate to that so much it makes me cry half the time i listen to it

summer or winter? i guess summer, but i prefer fall to all seasons

day or night? day

dark, milk, or white chocolate? dark

favorite month? october

what is your zodiac sign cancer

who was the last person you cried in front of? probably my dad