#She was level 11 when we ended so there's room to grow

[ihaveonlymydreams]

🎲

[molsno]

god, what happens next is so good. the character writing is just spectacular. it fascinates me just how much depth there is to each character and how that contributes to the story.

milo's dni is the most revealing thing about him, and it's the very first thing we hear from him:

right off the bat, we can see what kind of person the protagonist is. he's a pastel softboi trans man who clings to a childish aesthetic to appear weak and non-threatening. despite being involved in a toxic relationship with another trans guy who attempted to rape and kill an 11 year old girl when he was a teenager and later murdered his girlfriend, which milo helped with by dismembering her corpse, he puts "pedophiles and unhealthy pairing shippers dni" on his carrd. which, ok, maybe he wants to distance himself from people like griffin now - except that's not really true, because he talks to, moves in with, and regularly hangs out with a serial killer fan who idolizes griffin and is even dating the guy while he's in prison. he puts "being against neopronouns" and "anti-otherkin" on the same level as those things. he explicitly denies any responsibility in the murders of haylie and savannah, despite having literally chopped haylie's arm off. all the while, he has "you deserve to heal" in big bold letters, while not applying that belief to anyone but himself.

right from the start, it's obvious that milo is not a good person. but he's also humanized throughout the story. sure, some of his softboi persona is a means of victimizing himself to avoid taking responsibility for what he did - and you could make the case that he was a victim in some ways. on the other hand, he also never got to grow up because he spent 5 years in a psychiatric institute. is it any surprise that he clings to the same aesthetic, interests, and hobbies he had when he was 15? he never got to stop being a kid, and how is he supposed to now? he didn't graduate high school, he can't get a job, and nobody wants to be friends with him because of what he did. it raises uncomfortable questions - namely, what happens next? milo served his time for the crime he committed as a minor. he was already punished, but now he has to live the entire rest of his life. what is he supposed to do?

that, I think is the most interesting part of this story. almost every character in this story makes it hard for you to like them, but they also have very human reasons for doing the terrible things that they do. I'll talk about some of my favorites under the read more, but be aware that there will be spoilers:

claire is one of the most interesting characters to me, just because of how unlikable she is.

when we first see claire in victim impact statement, she tries to ignore haylie, griffin, and milo as much as possible. she doesn't even seem to like her sister. she treats haylie as a nuisance for coming into the room that they share as sisters. she doesn't want to go to the open mic night to listen to haylie play her ukulele. when she finds haylie bawling her eyes out in the bathroom at anime central, she just looks away, as if to say "you chose to date your shitty boyfriend". when she hears haylie and griffin fighting upstairs, she just pretends not to hear it. when haylie is curled up in terror later, claire puts on headphones and turns her back to her. her headphones become a way of drowning out haylie's screams when griffin is around, and because of that, she doesn't hear haylie screaming for her life, and ends up finding her corpse in the kitchen.

that's why I don't find it surprising at all that she becomes an outspoken transphobe who wants to take her anger out on the trans people who murdered her sister. she goes to media events and publicly degenders milo and griffin. she calls aaron's friends trannies. I think it's easy to misconstrue her as a terf, but she literally doesn't even pay lip service to feminism. how could she? she knew that her sister was being abused by her boyfriend, and she did nothing. let me remind you that she lives in a house where "smash the patriarchy" is embroidered on the wall. she doesn't care about any of that. she just wants a scapegoat. she wants to make the law impose harsher punishments on minors who commit violent crimes because she doesn't know what else to do with her life. she very clearly hates herself, becoming an alcoholic to cope with her guilt. she pretends to care about haylie and fight for this law because it's the only way she can convince herself she's a good person, even though she can see that doing what she's doing is turning everyone against her.

and then that brings us to audrey. it's difficult to like her, too, because she's dating claire despite all of the horrible things she's doing. but at the same time, I can see where she's coming from. her mother died of cancer and she and all of her other black siblings were adopted by conservative christian white parents. she's still christian to this day, and makes a point of separating herself from "criminals" by insisting that she has nothing to do with them because she goes to church and takes care of her family. she doesn't want to disavow the law that claire worked so hard to pass because at the end of the day, it won't affect her personally, even though she is aware that the justice system disproportionately punishes black people. she very clearly has a lot of internalized racism, and I think that's best exemplified in the way she draws herself. despite having pretty dark skin in real life, she draws herself as light skinned as claire, her white girlfriend:

like, it's hard to like audrey, but you can clearly see why she's made all of the decisions she has! she idolizes claire because it's her first lesbian relationship. the way she sees it, claire can do no wrong. audrey does actually seem to be aware that her girlfriend is doing terrible things, but she essentially just plugs her ears and tries to ignore it. that's why she doesn't go to claire's campaign events. she ignores all of her girlfriend's flaws because claire is essentially her savior. because she has claire, she doesn't have to go back to her family, to her abusive alcoholic white father. she doesn't have to actually take care of her younger siblings, which is a responsibility she's foisted off unto mark. that's why she ignores that claire is just as much of an emotional drain as her father. she's highly depressed, she's an alcoholic, she trashes their bedroom (leaving audrey to clean up after her mess), she puts up an emotional wall and dismisses audrey's attempts to comfort her, and dismisses audrey's own problems as being less traumatizing and less important. by all accounts, claire is a terrible girlfriend and a terrible person, but because audrey idolizes her as her savior, she stays by her side. I'm really looking forward to seeing how she reacts to claire's disappearance in future chapters.

and then of course, there's vikki. she's been doing something incredibly disrespectful for years by making true crime videos where she talks about the victims and killers like it's all a joke. she makes a video about whether ethical necrophilia is possible, and makes a callous, bitter joke that the concept of "respect for the dead" is antiquated, because nobody respects her as a trans woman of color even though she's still alive. for this comment, people have harassed her online endlessly, enough that she had to make a video called "STOP TELLING PEOPLE I FUCK CORPSES". that doesn't stop her from making a video about the murder of haylie, complete with an interview from milo. she'll throw him under the bus if it means getting the attention off herself for a bit.

and yet, I think out of everyone, I feel the most compassion for vikki. yes, she used milo for content and called him a "sad little blonde girl", but I can understand where she's coming from! like, again, she's a trans woman of color in the true crime community. she knows the archetype milo is trying so hard to be in order to avoid taking responsibility for what he did. like, I've personally seen trans women of color who are victimized by white trans men who pull the same exact shtick as milo over and over, so I completely understand her frustration. that said, she also realized she went too far and tried to apologize, only to find out she was blocked and that milo basically wrote a callout post against her. I think it says a lot that vikki was one of the only people to actually try to talk to milo, even if the way she went about it was wrong.

vikki does things that are disrespectful, but to be honest, it's not that surprising! she grew up in a 90% white town in the middle of nowhere, got assaulted by multiple white boys for being a faggot, got sent to alternative school, worked for a funeral home as a teenager, and transitioned. not only is she desensitized to death, she's angry that people revere the dead more than her.

it's astounding, really! what happens next is so well written because it makes you feel conflicted about each of its characters. what are we supposed to do with these people who do awful things? a lot of the intrigue in this comic comes from seeing how each of the characters handles this question as they deal with the other characters who have done terrible things, while they themselves are deeply flawed as well. I think the writing really forces you to contend with the idea that these are all still people, and that their humanity needs to be recognized even if they do terrible things. it makes you ask, what happens next?

[ladykailitha]

Of Butterflies and Backstrokes Part 11

Hey guys! We're back!! It is feeling like this story is almost done, but every time I finish a chapter I go "This has two more chapters in it, I'm almost done!" and I've done that for the last three chapters. So I have given up trying to figure out when it's going to end. Hopefully the answer is sometime before the next Olympics.

In this we have a silly Eddie, Steve and Max are sneaky, and Max and Eddie have their first competition.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6 Part 7 Part 8 Part 9 Part 10

~

Steve continued to have good days and bad days, but always Eddie and Robin were there to help him work through the bad. And then he would spill it all out to Dr. Hughes.

Today he had been able to wade out to Max in the main pool to correct her foot work. The water had come up to his chest, just like it did in the kiddie pool.

“All right,” Steve said gently. “I’m going to touch your leg. If you feel uncomfortable in anyway, I’ll have Robin do it instead, okay?”

Max thought about it for a moment. “But just my leg right?”

“Just your ankle even,” he assured her. “Ready?”

Max waded over to the side of the pool and started kicking her feet to level out her body. Steve gently grabbed her ankle and repositioned her foot so it was more like an extension of her leg.

“Whoa!”

“That’s right,” he said, “now keep it like that.”

Robin and Eddie who had been working in the endless pool came back to the main pool just as Steve was pulling his shirt back on.

Eddie eyed the wet swim trunks and the happily kicking Max and a sly smile spread over his face. “Stevie... you wouldn’t have happened to have gotten into the pool with Max would you have?”

Steve batted his eyelashes innocently. “Who me?” He turned to Max. “Did you see me get into the pool?”

“Nope!”

Eddie knelt on the side of the pool and said, “I’ll buy you ice cream for the next month if you tell me if he got in the pool.”

Robin sneaked up behind him and with Max’s help pulled him into the water as gently as they could, as to not trigger Steve.

It must have worked because when they all came up for air, Steve was doubled over with laughter.

“Absolute menaces the lot of you,” he said once he caught his breath. “I got the competition schedule for next week. Max is in beginner and Eddie in intermediate. I tried to argue for higher, but they because you’ve been out for so long, they want you in there first to see if you have room to grow.”

Eddie wiped the water off of his face. “That’s fair. I don’t think I’m ready for higher yet anyway.”

Steve gave him a fond look. “And then that’s what we’ll do. If you don’t feel comfortable competing at above intermediate yet, then I won’t force you. I just worry they’ll accuse of you of deliberately choosing lower to spank fifteen and sixteen year olds.”

Eddie blinked at him for a moment.

“Oh.”

He went to go shove his hair in front of his face, but it was all tucked away in his cap, so he started to sink into the water.

Steve, Robin, and Max all watched as he held his breath under water.

“So how long do you think he can hold his breath?” Max asked after about a minute. “Because I think cell death happens after three minutes.”

“Eh...” Robin said waving her hand back and forth, “about four to five, actually.”

Just then Eddie burst through the water, gasping for air. He wiped the water away and looked around. “So is anyone going to be nice and completely forget that happened?”

All three of them shared glances with each other and then said together, “No.”

Eddie buried his head in his hands. He slunk off to his lane with a sigh. “Woe! Woe is me! For I have been forsaken by my own team. Woe!”

Steve and Max shared a glance.

“Is he always this dramatic?” Max asked, eyeing Eddie splashing about and moaning about his fate or some shit.

Robin scoffed as she pulled herself out of the pool and rotated to sit on its edge. “This is tame for him, if I’m being honest.”

Eddie stopped his sputtering and turned to her quickly. “I? I am dramatic?” Then he made a sweeping bow, nearly face planting into the water. “Why thank you!”

Everyone giggled but Max and Eddie got back into their lanes and started practicing again. Robin got up and went to go stand by Steve.

“I’m glad you were able to help Max on your own,” she murmured. “But just remember, if you can’t, call and I’ll coming running, okay?”

“Okay.”

~

It was their first swim meet and Robin wasn’t sure who was more nervous, Max and Eddie or Steve.

She was sure that that pen lid would be a mangled, tangled up mess by the time this was over with.

She looked around the room, spotting a few friends, the Hell Squad from their own facility, and one very unfriendly face indeed.

Billy Hargrove.

Billy Hargrove was a swimmer from California and he thought living on the coast instantly made you a better swimmer. He even had that bit of surfer boy charm. You’d expect this blond haired, blued eyed, tan Adonis to start singing Beach Boys or some shit, but no.

Billy Hargrove was an ass. And he hated all the comparisons between him and Steve at the last Olympics. Dude went on to barely win bronze in two of five events and not medal in any of the others.

Today he was wearing a red and gold coach’s jacket with HARGROVE emblazoned on the back with two blonds standing next him as he talked them in low voices. One was a girl with strawberry blonde hair, green eyes, and bright smile. The other was a guy that looked about the same age as the girl. He looked like he had walked out the pages of Good Christians R Us. Hair neatly cut, blue eyes, chiseled jaw and washboard abs.

Robin hated them both on sight.

She was about to steer Steve away from all that when Billy looked up immediately clocked Steve, who promptly stiffened.

Max and Eddie who were talking to him noticed the sudden change in Steve’s demeanor. And unlike the locker room with Andy, Eddie could tell that this was a different breed of shark coming their way.

“Stevie...” Billy greeted. “When I saw the name Harrington I was wondering if that was you and then here you are. Such a pleasant surprise.”

Robin and Steve shared a bitchy glance. “Pleasant isn’t the word I would use,” Steve scoffed.

“You actually getting in the water, Harrington, or are you going to bitch out again?” Billy went on as if Steve hadn’t said a word.

Steve seethed. Billy had been present the first time he tried to get into the pool after his accident and started screaming.

“Don’t worry, darlin’,” Eddie said with a grin, “Stevie here doesn’t need to get in the water to beat you. He has me.”

Billy looked him up and down and he looked impressed for all of two seconds before he scoffed. “I didn’t think they allowed boys with such pretty curls,” he said tugging on one of the strands. Eddie swatted his hand away. “Maybe you should be on the girls’ team.”

“Last time I checked,” Eddie huffed, “I have the balls for the men’s team. Can’t say the same for the asshole who came up and harassed a guy that had his Olympic dreams washed away because of faulty equipment that left him traumatized and hurt for life, but still loves to swim so much that he would rather coach then to walk away forever.”

Billy’s face twisted in rage and he opened his mouth to reply when the whistle sounded. He jabbed a finger in Eddie’s face. “We’re not done.”

He walked off and suddenly all the tension built up in Steve escaped like a deflated balloon.

“That guy is a dick,” Max hissed. “My mom used to date a guy just like him out in Cali. Wouldn’t surprise me if they were related.”

That made Steve laugh. “I’ll beat him where I’ve always beaten him, in the water. Now come on, it’s time for you two to hit the showers. The beginners are about to start. You’re in the third heat, Max, first podium.”

She nodded and her and Eddie took off their team shirts and hit the showers. Steve looked over at Billy and smirked. Billy was watching every inch of Eddie’s body as he padded over to the showers that were next to the pool.

Robin handed him his bobby pins and he deftly put his hair under the cap, making it as sleek as any of the other male contestants.

The first set of eight girls lined up and then they were off with the shot of the starting gun. Steve watched, looking out for the girls that would be Max’s competition. So far none of the girls showed real promise and that included the girl who won.

The next heat was the same. None of the other girls had the same spark Max did. He looked up to the stands where the families were supposed to there to cheer them on. Robin’s parents were there. Eddie’s uncle, too. Of course Steve’s parents wouldn’t be there. He hadn’t talked them in so long.

He didn’t see the woman that would come to pick up Max and it made Steve squirm a bit. Then just before Max’s heat, he saw her come rushing in. Her hair was wild as if she had been running and she looked out of breath. She leaned over to whisper something to Wayne. Wayne shook his head and pointed to where Max was getting ready to get up on her podium.

Steve went over to her and pointed up at the stands.

Max’s eyes lit up and she waved at her mom. Her mom waved back. Max got up on her podium and put her goggles in place over her eyes. Steve stepped back and gave the judge with the gun a nod, showing that he had moved back far enough. Then the gun went off.

Max easily kept pace with the other girls and managed to squeak out winning by an arms length, touching her pad first.

She pulled off her goggles and looked at her time. She had clearly won. She started jumping and shrieking in the water. She pulled herself out and ran up to give Steve the biggest hug.

“I told you, you could do it,” Steve murmured into her cap.

“Yeah, yeah,” she huffed. “Nerd.”

They went through the next few heats and Max came in third overall in the girls division. Which considering it was her first meet, was very impressive.

Then it was time for the intermediate and as they watched the girls, Eddie began bouncing up and down to warm up his muscles.

“You ready to blow these people out of the water?” Steve asked with a grin. “I gave the organizers one last chance to put you in masters, but they wouldn’t do it.”

Eddie chuckled. “I don’t have the confidence you do in me, but hell yeah, I’m ready.”

Steve slapped him on the shoulder and watched as Eddie got up to the podium. He pulled the goggles over his eyes and turned away from the water.

This is what he loved most of all about the backstroke. Not facing the water or seeing his competitors out of the corners of his eyes. It was just him and waiting for the sound of the gun.

BANG!

And then he was arching backwards into the water, as smooth as silk. His arms and body worked with the water, slicing through like a hot knife through butter. He could hear the splashing of the other competitors but they all seemed so distant to himself. Not that they were that far away. Only that he felt on whole other realm then they were.

He touched the pad and peeled off his googles to look up at the clock.

He was in first place.

He was in first place.

He was in first place.

He looked up at the stands to see Mrs. Mayfield and Uncle Wayne on their feet and cheering for him. He raised his fist and they waved back excitedly.

It came as no surprise that he won best overall.

He was standing next to Steve celebrating with his team, when the judges came up to them.

“We would like to talk to you about moving up to the masters,” the first judge said with a grimace.

Eddie and Steve shared a knowing grin.

“I think that could be arranged,” Steve said, smug. The ‘I told you so’ lingering in the humid air of the pool.

~

Tag List: CLOSED

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2- @gregre369 ​@a-little-unsteddie @chaosgremlinmunson @messrs-weasley @cryptid-system

3- @maya-custodios-dionach @goodolefashionedloverboi @val-from-lawrence @carlyv @wonderland-girl143-blog

4- @irregular-child @bookbinderbitch @bookworm0690 @forgottenkanji @eriquin

5- @anne-bennett-cosplayer @yikes-a-bee @awkwardgravity1 @littlewildflowerkitten @genderless-spoon

6- @dragonmama76 @ellietheasexylibrarian @thedragonsaunt @useless-nb-bisexual @disrespectedgoatman

7- @counting-dollars-counting-stars @tinyplanet95 @ravenfrog @swimmingbirdrunningrock @lingeringmirth

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9- @chameleonhair @sadisticaltarts @dreamercec @xxfiction-is-my-realityxx @mac-attack19

10- @aol19 @tartarusknight @morallyundefined

[albertasunrise]

Hope - Gotta be Hopeful

Masterlist

Summary: After Joel loses his wife and your best friend during childbirth. You support him as he takes on parenthood on his own at 22. But when feelings start to develop, you battle with the guilt you feel for falling for your best friend’s husband.

Relationships: Joel Miller x Reader

Warnings: Like AO3 I choose to give none. Read at own risk. 18+… this is to avoid spoilers! (So happy y'all loving this fic. Sorry in advance for this angsty chapter ♥️ slightly shorter chapter but it'll all make sense in the end 🙊)

Series Masterlist - Part 1, Part 2, Part 3

Your brows pulled together as you eyed the time on the clock. It was gone midnight and the later it got the more worried you became. Alec had promised you that he'd get back no later than 11 and had sworn to call if that was to change. So the fact that it was just shy of 12:30 had you picking up your phone and opening your contacts. 

Your brows pulled tighter when Tommy's name started to flash on your screen. 

"Tommy, what's up? Everything okay?" 

"No." He choked down the phone and your stomach sank. 

"What's happened?" You managed to ask as your hands started to shake. 

"Joel and Alec were heading back from the bar and... Shit... They were heading back and..." He trailed off and your throat tightened as you waited for him to continue "They were in an accident..." 

"What do you mean?" You sobbed as your eyes flitted to the photo Alec has recently had printed and framed of you all at one of the many weekend BBQs you'd had. Joel smiled as he held a giggly Sarah in his arms with Noah at his feet, grabbing his jeans as he grinned at his friend. You and Alec were in a natural embrace. He's kissing your temple as you grin at the camera whilst Tommy stood to one side scrunching his face at the two of you. 

You had taken a few but that was the one you'd ended up picking. It emphasised the family-like unit that had developed between you all. 

Tommy's sob pulled your attention back to the call you were on and you fought to keep yourself together. "I'm on the way to the hospital now with Sarah... Shit... shit it's bad. It's really bad."

"What hospital Tommy?" He gave you the address and told him you were leaving before heading up to Noah's room. 

You picked up the sleepy toddler and grabbed the emergency to-go bag that Alec always had packed for him. The little boy was confused when you carried him to the car and put him in his seat but you tried your hardest to stay calm so that he didn't get worried. 

"Where's daddy?" He asked sleepily as he wiped his eyes and you choked back a sob. 

"We're going to see Daddy, honey." You said softly as you jumped in the driver's seat.

"Is daddy okay?" He asked softly and you shut your eyes a moment as you willed your tears away. 

"I hope so sweetie." 

...

Tommy was cradling a sleeping Sarah against him when you arrived in the waiting room. Noah looked around at his surroundings, his mussy clutched tightly in his little hand. His eyes grew wider when he saw Sarah and he grinned as he jumped up and down on the spot. 

"Sarah here." He screeched, quieting down when you crouched down to his level. 

"I know sweetie but she's sleeping right now." You said softly "We need to be quiet whilst we're here okay? There are lots of poorly people that need to sleep to get better." 

"Are Daddy and Joel sick?" He asked quietly and you nodded softly.

"Yeah, baby... they are but the doctors are going to help them feel better." You said sweetly "But we need to be quiet and gentle so that they can rest okay?" 

He nodded, eyes growing a little teary and you were quick to pull the toddler into your arms, looking at Tommy over his shoulder. He gave you a grim look that made your stomach sink. A short while later, Noah and Sarah were curled up together on the couch in the corner, fast asleep. He held her closely, the blanket from her emergency back draped over the two of them. 

"What are the doctors saying?" You finally managed to ask and Tommy scraped a hand over his face as his eyes drifted to the kids. 

"Joel was driving." He started and confusion filled your features at this new information "Truck jumped a light and t-boned them." 

Your shaky hand flew up to your mouth as you tried to muffle the gasp that slipped from your lips. 

"Joel's suffered internal bleeding and a bleed on the brain. They've put him in a coma and he's on life support. Won't let me see him till he's more stable. They're trying to treat the brain bleed without surgery but..." He trailed off, throwing his head in his hands as he tried his hardest not to fall to pieces. 

"What about Alec?" You asked softly, listening to the soft sigh he let out before he raised his head to look at you again. 

"He's in a bad way." Tommy confessed "Broken leg and arm. Internal bleeding and head trauma." He stated, taking a moment to compose himself "They had to remove his kidney and gallbladder..."

"What else?" You pushed, knowing there was more "Tommy, what else?" 

"His spine was damaged too." Tommy replied, finally looking at you as his eyes started to mist with tears "They're concerned about the long-term damage but at the moment it's too early to tell." 

"Are you telling me he may not walk again?" You sobbed, glancing at the children when Noah moaned softly in his sleep. 

Tommy couldn't keep the tears at bay. They silently slipped down his cheeks as you looked at him pleadingly. 

"They don't know." He answered honestly and you sobbed, cradling your bump when your baby girl started to move. 

...

3 hours later you were finally able to visit Joel. The doctor had promised you that you would be allowed to see Alec soon so you resigned yourself to waiting. You carried Sarah, the lighter of the two toddlers and Tommy carried Noah as you were led to the ICU. Joel was situated in his own room, surrounded by different machines that were throwing out different sounds. Sarah turned her head, tiredly rubbing her eyes as she looked at her father who lay in the bed in front of her. 

"Daddy?" She said softly, leaning back to look at you before returning to her dad "Daddy." She said, her voice growing more distressed and you hushed her as you carried her closer.

"Daddy's not very well." You said softly as you sat in the chair that had been placed beside his bed, Tommy pulling the spare sat in the corner up next to you. 

"Daddy owie?" She asked as she pointed at the scratches visible on his face and arms.

"Yeah, daddy's got a few owies but they'll get better honey." You said softly "Just needs to sleep a little bit and then he'd be all better." 

You knew it was going to be hard for the toddler to understand. You wished you knew what to do. Tommy was 19 so you knew that he was going to need help with Sarah whilst Joel was in the hospital. You were going to need each other as you navigated this mess. 

Now more than ever. 

...

Tommy took care of the kids whilst you went to visit Alec. He looked, physically in better shape than Joel. The doctor had advised you he was sedated but that they were confident he was going to recover. 

They just weren't sure if he'd walk again. 

His right side was almost pure plaster. His arm and leg elevated to help the healing process. You sobbed as you sat beside his bed, wishing you knew what to say to him. How were you going to cope if he ended up paralysed? 

You were 6 months pregnant and had a 3-year-old also. The idea that you were going to have a disabled partner too was daunting. 

"Hey." Alec croaked, pulling you out of your thoughts and you jumped to your feet, cradling his face as you kissed him sweetly. 

"Hey." You sobbed as you pulled back and rested your brow on his. 

"Hey, no tears." He said softly as he used his uninjured hand to wipe them away "It's okay... We're okay." 

You nodded softly, pulling your bottom lip between your teeth as you drew your head back to look him in the eye.

"How's Joel?" He asked and you choked on a sob "He's not?..." Alec asked as his eyes grew wide and you shook your head.

"No... No, he's alive but he's on life support." 

"Shit... God this is my fault... If I hadn't offered for him to drive-"

"No, hey. You can't think like that." You said as you placed your hand on his hip, pulling your hand back when you noted the stitches "Oh, sorry." 

"It's fine, can't feel it." He said, shaking his head and your eyes widened at that "What?" 

You were fighting not to break down as you stepped back from him and covered your mouth to muffle the sobs that wanted to slip out. 

"Baby... what aren't you telling me?" 

"You damaged your spine in the accident." You choked out, hand shaking as you spoke "There's... there's a chance that..." 

"A chance of what?" He pushed and you sobbed harder "Fuck, baby you're scaring me. Just spit it out."

"You might not walk again." 

The silence that fell over you both was deafening. Your whole body was shaking as you watched him process this news, your hand on your bump as she gave you a powerful kick. Making you wince. 

"You okay?" Alec asked, taking you by surprise and then your eyes followed his to your hand rubbing where she just kicked and you nodded. 

"Yeah, she's just making herself known." You chuckled as you made your way to his side again and placed his hand on your bump, smiling as he smiled at the feeling of his little girl moving underneath his fingertips. 

"We'll work this out." He stated, eyes not leaving your swollen middle "It might now be easy but we'll get through this." He finished, looking up at you "I promise." 

You nodded at him, lifting his hand to kiss his grazed knuckles. You believed him. No matter how this went. You were going to make it. 

Alarms started to blare from another room and your stomach dropped. The sound of Sarah screaming made your blood run cold and you glanced at Alec before sprinting out the hall, almost colliding with Tommy as he was pushed from the room, Sarah crying in his arms and Noah clutched his leg. You pulled the inconsolable toddler from his arms so Tommy could pick up Noah, watching through the slits in the blinds hanging in the window as the doctors shocked Joel. 

"DADDY!" Sarah screamed, thrashing in your arms as she tried to reach for him and your heart broke as you stood there and watched them work. 

Praying for her sake that they could bring him back. 

Next

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[theveryhumanhuman]

I talked about Veronica's motivations in the musical a bit ago, and I've finally gotten my life together enough to look at Musical JD and his character properly, so here goes.

When he tells Veronica off for writing the note to Martha, we can see that he does care for people that are more stereotypically unpopular on some level. He wants justice and for people to get what they deserve, even if this goes a bit overboard later in the musical, but we don't learn too much about him. This is mostly establishing that he exists.

The first song where we really get to see him as a character is Freeze Your Brain. He sings about why he likes 7-11 so much, and it's pretty important for getting him. He's been moved around all of his life, his mother's dead, and his father's not exactly the best caretaker. He wants a constant in his life, something he can rely on, and that's what 7-11 is for him. It never changes and it's something he can trust, so he almost worships it. He also tries to numb some of the pain he feels with slushies.

Later, when Veronica breaks into his room in Dead Girl Walking, she has that moment where she says that JD isn't as tough as he acts. It's not too big, but I think this is when JD realizes he's in love with Veronica. She cares about him and is in his corner, and that's where the almost obsessive devotion we see starts to show up. When they kill Heather Chandler, we see that need for justice start to take a darker turn. He lets Chandler die and justifies it by reasoning that she's a horrible person and the world will be a better place without her.

In Our Love Is God, we see what JD's idea of love really looks like. He says that he worships Veronica, holding her up on a pedestal that partners REALLY shouldn't be put on. She's a constant in his life, someone he can trust, and he'll do anything to make her happy. She also supports that twisted sense of justice at first, really making it seem like she's in his corner and justifying what he does in his eyes. She also pulled him out of his slushie-induced haze of being almost normal, and now he's acting on those motives that he used to not really know what to do with.

Not much happens for a bit, but when JD is willing to let the other Heathers die, he's taking that motivation for justice even farther. He wants them to hurt for what they've done, even if they're still just teenagers.

In Meant To Be Yours, that obsession comes out full force. He doesn't think he did anything wrong, blaming their classmates for making him seem like a bad guy. He thinks he's administering justice and that Veronica agrees and just can't see it yet. She was what convinced him to turn his beliefs into actions, and he doesn't want to lose that source of reassurance and comfort. When he thinks that she's dead, he says that she was all he could trust, but that he'll still go through with the plan. Even with her gone, he thinks he's too far along the path to give up now.

In Dead Girl Walking (Reprise), JD is acting on that sense of justice. To him, the world is broken and he's just showing everyone that and getting rid of bad people on the way. However, by I Am Damaged, he realized that this isn't right, but that he's too far gone to be helped. In the end, he realizes that his motivations were flawed and lets both them and Veronica go. It doesn't justify what he did, but at least he knows that he was in the wrong and chooses to let someone else grow, even if he can't.

JD's main motivations-wanting consistency, protecting the people you love, justice-are all reasonable things that he takes to an extreme. It's so cool to see that, especially compared to Movie JD and how he works. That went on much longer than I thought it would, props to you if you read all of it.

[dadvans]

missing language.

if livejournal posts were still real. this would be it.

i started learning japanese when i was 11 years old, around early summer 2000, from my aunt from okinawa. she would practice with me in the gazebo when she and my uncle would come to visit for family reunions in the midwest, and would continue to buy me tapes, movies, CDs to start learning the language.

my school district was one of the lowest in the country growing up. we had a prestigious japanese immersion charter school, and after a disastrous middle school year, i ended up applying and being accepted. grades four to twelve. each year we were in different (sometimes abandoned or condemned) buildings up until halfway through my freshman year. despite occupying abandoned churches and gymnasiums, we had the highest test scores, and most exclusive college acceptance rates in oregon. it was either that good or that bad. we all hated each other the way family hates each other.

i won my division three years running for the oregon japanese speech contest through my ninth grade year.

i moved to japan two days after my sixteenth birthday. the year and a half that followed was not easy. i had a host family for a period of time that constantly kicked me out, starved me, and found other families for me to live with. i had another family where the host dad tried to molest me twice by taking me to remote locations. when i became fluent, really fluent, around the 6 to 8 month mark (long after i passed the JLPT 3 at the time, which is now closer to JLPT 2), after months of isolating myself in the computers at class to speak english to abroad friends for an hour a day, i told my japanese school friends, and they were horrified. they stepped up in ways i never knew. it wasn't usual for someone to be so forthcoming, and yet they all recognized it as an extreme circumstance, invited me into their inner circle. my home room teachers took notice and would take me out for lunch. my host family situation was codename ONI BABA, and even another family that eventually took me in would refer to her as such, when i asked if i could borrow her koto for a public concert (yeah, the one instrument it turns out i'm a prodigy at is okoto. Played my first concert at a local Obon festival within a week of starting. Talk to me about how Hana Kage is a fucking bitch. this version of 回転木馬 was what i was performing after a year. if you can find my old livejournal account, i guarantee there is a really terrible version recorded on my motorola razr still live).

by the time i was seventeen i was allowed to be on payroll to act as a translator for a month-long "jan-term" project with my mom in japan, where we took about 13 students across the main land. back at my american school i was writing all my essays in japanese, in the style i had been taught in japan (it was WILD to relearn how to rewrite english essays when living abroad-- that shit does NOT translate sometimes).

i went to college. i was immediately accepted into the higher ed programs my school provided. they were working toward offering a major, but only had a minor present. i signed on for level 300 with 8 other students.

the professor hated me. that is the nicest word for it. she would have typos on her quizzes. she would make fun of my hokkaido accent. but the worst part was when i was sexually assaulted by one of the other 8 students in the class, went to her during office hours to request that she not pair me with that student out of fear, and then she proceeded to exclusively pair me with that student on projects.

i was also learning i had a learning disability, but the student union health center refused to directly prescribe me medication for my disability, or refer my outwards--what happened instead was i was put on a prescription that had not been recommended outside of extreme epilepsy (carbamezapine), and when i expressed my fear that it was resurfacing suicidal tendencies, the doctor in charge doubled the dosage and encourage me to kill myself.

it was an ordeal. it was an ordeal that i documented. it was an ordeal that by spring 2008, i was accused of cheating on a test i got less than 30% on because i was so fucking out of it by a woman who would only partner me with a man who had sexually abused me. and when i confronted her about it on tape, with a medical transcript of what i had endured for the past year, i have a recording of her saying, "I don't need a piece of paper to tell me that you have problems."

Anyway, she went on sabbatical to adopt a kid the next year. Idiot sex pest remained in my classes, but god, he really sucked. I had to leave through most of my 400-level classes because I was working a lot. Most of my classes were essentially unpaid labor where we were translating books and providing subtitles for movies that were ready for American distribution. Half of my classmates my second year were born in Japan and spoke Japanese better than English but were able to cop out a foreign language credit, and they were honestly my favorite friends in the class, even if that's a steep fucking grading curve. Asshole teacher appeared once my spring semester, but knowing she took the year off, I actually completed my minor degree my sophomore year in early 2009.

And then I never really spoke Japanese again.

And it's hard. Whenever I'm introduced to media, I'm like, god, I forgot that. I remember that. I knew that, once upon a time. I remember conversations in English that weren't in English. And I remember when I was in my senior year of High School, I would be speaking Japanese and forget that I was speaking Japanese, that sometimes no one else except my teacher or friend who were equally fluent understood too. I miss that feeling. I feel shame, sometimes, at letting it go. I know I still have the pronunciation and local dialect, but it's hard to be reminded of how much I forgot.

When I started learning first, very close to when I was still fluent, Indonesian, and more recently, French, my backup language in my head has always been Japanese instead of English. My wife used to tell me I had a Japanese accent when I would try to speak French (fun fact: one of my friends in Japan was learning French and spoke zero English, and only then did I understand the horror of French phonetics), and it took me literally over a month of quietly practicing my R's in my car when I would get home from work for her to be like, oh you sound like a regular Anglo (read: white boy trying so hard and yet).

Whenever I get back into the mindset of becoming fluent in French (mandatory!), and restart the journey from where I left off these past years, I ache something fierce and weird for my Japanese. It is, surface level, a sense of failure. I couldn't hold onto you, I wouldn't have known how to try. There were obstacles. There were so many bad memories. And yet, sometimes I will be in bed with my wife, and she will be watching a Japanese show, and I will be like, "Did he really say that?" and she will say, "Oh God, I forgot that you knew Japanese."

Some things are bone deep and will probably never go away. I guess I'm still in mourning for the language that I lost as I continue to learn a new language. I want to be better, I know I can be better this time! And yet, I'm afraid that every step forward, I'll lose what I have of my second language identity. I have already lost so much.

[pushing500]

Starting today off by introducing our 21st colonist, Henry!! Woo! How exciting- and annoying. My colonist bar had to break into two rows on top of each other to handle so many pawns! it won't be a problem for long, don't worry

Henry is a little boy who is of the 'Hussar' xenotype, which just means he's a genetically engineered super-soldier who will apparently develop a dependency on Go-Juice later in life. Hooray for him. He has a wooden foot and lil' bandaids on his face, which makes me think this kid has seen some fights way too grown-up for him. Fortunately, the colonists at Eureka don't believe in sending children into combat, so Henry is free to spend his days learning and having fun.

The first thing Henry did (after putting on a new shirt) was go hang out with Irwin in the school building to learn about melee. For what it's worth, Henry is already the third-best melee fighter in the colony, at the same level as Kawoo, and only beaten by Irwin at level 14 and Connie at level 11.

I think he is going to get along swimmingly with Irwin.

Then we had a drop-pod raid, which I did not think was going to be a problem because there didn't seem to be that many Saurid raiders... But, alas...

I guess someone named "Executioner" would ruin my day, huh?

The problem with drawing the adventures of these colonists is that I get way too attached to them. So, uh... I wrote eulogies. Sorry. They're under here if you feel like reading 'em.

Wendy Marsengill

Wendy Marsengill was killed on the 13th of Decembary, at the age of 27. She is survived by her wife of 1.5 years, Tamarind, by a vast and eccentric family, including her Aunt Kawoo and cousin Andy, and by many friends in the settlement of Eureka and beyond.

Wendy had a fascinating start to her life when she was recruited as a Child Spy. She went on to become a Barber in her adulthood, though, at some point, she ended up on a distant Rimworld and was lost to madness as a Wild Woman. She wandered in this state for some time before joining the Animist Alliance, where she met and eventually married her wife Tamarind.

Wendy was the best cook in the settlement and often was single-handedly responsible for keeping the colony fed with properly cooked food, and nobody ever got food poisoning while Wendy was manning the kitchen.

Some of Wendy's greatest moments include wearing a jester's hat to her own wedding and somehow managing to cement herself as the most Australian colonist in my head based on a single social interaction way-back-when.

Pearl the Cheetah

Pearl was the first animal to join the ranks of Eureka's ever-growing menagerie, not including Rogan the rottweiler who crash-landed with Albina, Brennan, and Irwin.

Pearl landed near our burgeoning settlement in an animal drop-pod, where she was rescued and nursed back to health by Head Researcher Brennan. Pearl decided to stay with us and spent a very long time sleeping on an animal sleeping spot on the rough marble floor of Irwin's ascetic bedroom (sorry, Pearl. You deserved better).

Once Andrei McCarthy joined the colony, it was love at first sight, and he bonded with Pearl almost immediately. She was eventually given a proper animal bed in the room Andrei shared with his wife, Kawoo and their infant son Andy, before Andy moved to his own room.

Pearl was brave, beautiful and very fast, as cheetahs often are. It is a tragedy that I can't draw animals as well as I would like to, or she would have featured far more prominently in all these posts. I'll miss her. She made silly noises when I zoomed in on her sometimes. It's going to be quiet without her.

First | Next | Previous

[unethicallypleistocene]

I know I keep pestering you for snippets about Blake but I'd LOVE to see how he interacts with Rogue since their powers are somewhat similar! No pressure ofc!!

Pestering?? I just about let out a Victorian-level gasp! Your asks could never be any form of annoyance whatsoever, especially when it comes to snippets! I absolutely adore doing these, and I'm really feeling Blake come to life in my head the more I sit down and try to get some ideas out there. Thank you so much!!

"You arrive at a fork in the darkened road, the cloaked figures still hot on your heels. In your hesitation, one of them calls out, raises his sword- and that's where we'll end our session tonight!" There were groans around the table, along with a few hands thrown up in exasperation. "Ugh, who died and made you DM?" asked Jubilee, starting to collect everybody's dice. "As I recall, nobody else wanted the job," said Hank dryly, removing his glasses to polish them. "You all really give me no choice other than to end on a cliffhanger. It's 11:00 PM, for goodness' sake." "Not like ol' Gambit has anywhere to be," said Remy, propping his feet on the table. Rogue slapped his arm. "I didn't sign up fer one of your sleep-deprived moods tomorrow," she retorted, "especially not after your critical fail streak tonight." "That owlbear came out of nowhere," Remy muttered darkly. Blake stretched and yawned. "Regardless, I really think we should all be going to-" Blake stopped, detecting the tiniest cracking noise coming from outside the window. "Blake?" asked Rogue, eyebrows knitted together. "You guys head upstairs, I'll be up in a bit," said Blake quickly, throwing on his coat as he backed away from the dining room table. "I'm fine, I promise." He turned before he could register the rest of their confused expressions, hurrying out the back door and skittering to the southern treeline. "Hello?" he whispered, feeling stupid and determined and terrified all at once. The ground on which he stood began its telltale vibration, weeds sprouting around his boots. He felt something tug at the bottom of his pant leg. "Come on," Blake muttered, jerkily turning his head as he scanned the edge of the woods in the darkness. His vision caught on a lone antlered buck, eyes glowing gold. The buck flicked its tail and stared at him. "You again," Blake shuddered despite himself, "what do you want?" The buck stood still, eyes growing brighter in the night. "I need to know. Please!" Blake looked down at his hands, which rapidly becoming ensnared in ivy. "Blake! Where'd ya- Blake?!" He heard Rogue's voice, and it sounded too distant to be real. "Why won't you say anything?" Blake pleaded, the buck's gaze burning his skin. The ivy began twisting around his neck.

"For the love of- Can you hear me? Blake!" Rogue called out, speeding to her friend's side. His eyes were rolled back into his head, his feet bound by thick roots to the ground as the greenery started to strangle him. Rogue yanked off her glove and carefully tried to pull at a vine, only to get repelled the instant she touched Blake's skin. She huffed. "I'mma try something new, you just hang on." She sped a good distance away, took a deep breath, and flew at Blake with all her strength. She tackled him, pushing him into the ground, holding him tight. He gasped for air, the ivy rotting away as he gripped Rogue back, suppressing a sob. "I'm sorry," he said, his words coming out garbled between pained inhales. "You're alright," she replied, squeezing him, "you're alright."

[bitch-spectrum]

PART 2/3

Part 1 ,, Part 3

Ed

Personality Headcanons: He hates tobacco. He hates it when people smoke around him. He's the kind of guy to put out your cigarette for you and you look up at him, thinking you're gonna fight some punk but quickly change your mind. His dad used to make him cut and light his cigars and he hated doing it so much he swore he'd never smoke. The hole that he sleeps in is deliberately cut, sanded, and reboarded. He nests in there. Probably Autistic and doesn't speak much around strangers. Will gladly infodump to his friends. He's in his mid-late 30s ~35-38. In addition to being part of TF4 he also works part time as a steam locomotive driver. After being tied to the train tracks, he kind of got curious about it. He can play an instrument, I'm just not sure which one. Probably a fiddle idk. Physical Headcanons: The tooth sticking out is a broken tusk. he desperately wants to grow facial hair, has tried, and cannot. He's very jealous of people who do have facial hair. ~6'05" Gender: Cis male Pronouns: He/Him Orientation: Straight He's a hardcore ally and loves going to pride events to support his friends. He thinks they're a lot of fun. Post Game: His life carried on fairly regularly afterwards, like Ace. I personally feel like he had more of a connection with Clover than the others though so, he was a little more impacted by their death. Sometimes he'll sit into the early morning with Starlo at the Saloon. Opinions: I'm bias. I heart large men so, points. I would have also liked to have seen more of him. One thing though is that on appearance alone I could so clearly hear his voice when he spoke. His design carries. 3.5/5.

Flowey

Personality Headcanons: Flowey is my favorite character in the Undertale franchise so I'm going to TRY to keep this short. As it stands, he's currently stuck at the maturity level he died at, so around 11-13. Since he doesn't have a physical body (other than a flower) he doesn't really age. I don't think he's a lost cause or even completely irredeemable. He's a terrified, traumatized, kid who's own parents don't recognize him anymore. He's had to try to navigate the world in a body that isn't his, completely alone. Sometimes when he goes through episodes he lies close to the ground to bite his petals and rip them off hoping that somehow it'll make room for his horns to grow back. He both despises his family for splitting up and ignoring him but wants nothing more than to be a family again. He has really conflicting feelings on a lot of things. I feel like if he went through extensive therapy his maturity would probably eventually catch up to what would be his chronological age if he wasn't a flower. He's touch starved but hates being touched. Probably has one or multiple personality disorders. Physical Headcanons: We get a side profile of his nose in his boss fight in neutral. I think that's a genetic trait from Asgore. Has freckles. Not much to headcanon since he's a Flower until the true ending of the OG UT when he ascends. Gender: He stopped giving fucks a long time ago. Pronouns: He/They (DESPISES being called an it) Orientation: Aroace. He's not necessarily repulsed but if asked if he has a crush on anyone he'd say "I'd rather watch someone be crushed to death than think ever think about dating." Post Game: N/A Opinions: I'm a die hard Flowey Apologist. He's such a deep, complex, and tragic character. I love him. I want to hug him. In this specific game too, wow, I love Flowey lore. Love Flowey angst. 5/5.

Martlet Personality Headcanons: Probably AuDHD. Definitely has racing thoughts / scatterbrain. Her first job was babysitting when she was a teen. She only barely got into The Royal Guard because they were desperate after losing a lot of good members in the war. She eventually proved herself to be a good member. Probably in her early 20s so ~21-23. Physical Headcanons: She's pretty buffed because of her job. ~5'10". I don't have too many. Gender: Trans Woman Pronouns: She/They Orientation: Multisexual of some sort with a preference for women. Also ambiamorous. Post Game: She quit her job at The Royal Guard, unable to really take the burden of having to kill a human child for the king. Chujin's words haunt her, what he said about her not being cut out for it. Instead she got a job as a classroom assistant. She bounces around the limited schooling system the underground has. So often times she gets a good reputation with the kids and will get to watch them grow up. Sometimes her job makes her think about how she could have done her best to hide Clover and watch them grow up too. She's a very emotional person by nature so, she would probably take the longest to really have it be in the past for her. But, she got right to *appearing* like she was moving on. By day it was like nothing had happened at all, she puts on a smile for the kids she helps out with, plays games with them. She's good at seeming okay but just shatters every night for a long time. Eventually (RAREPAIR), spending so much time with Dalv became beneficial for the both of them and they helped pull each other out of the rut. Opinions: I wish she had more screen time because she seems like a character the creators cared a lot about. She's very OC shaped and that's a good thing. I love when I can see the care that goes into a character. 4/5.

[inbarfink]

Much like many ‘What Remain of Edith Finch’ fans, I also subscribe to the theory that there is nothing truly supernatural about the ‘Family Curse’. That it’s more of a bad trauma-coping-mechanism turned self-fulfilling-prophecy that led the Finches to romanticize and obsess over death, take unnecessary risks, and never learn from their mistakes. 

But generally I see folks people point to Molly’s death as the event where this really got going. Like, obviously the ‘Curse’ existed long before this back in Norway - but its Molly’s death and Edie’s inability to process her own guilt in it that led her into a full-on obsession with the ‘Family Curse’ that eventually doomed almost her entire beloved family. And while I don’t deny that the loss of Molly was certainly an important step in Edie’s obsession- I’d say the true inception of it all was quite a bit earlier, back when Edie lost her father and her house.

Because the loss of that old house has clearly left a huge mark on Edie, it haunted her dreams every night of her long life - she spent what was probably her last few days on earth writing a story about it. And what is Edie’s biggest problem? She clings, she never lets the past go. In her own whimsical and cheerful way, she’s in a state of permanent mourning. Every death story is retold and mythologized, every dead child’s room is meticulously preserved as the day they died (to the point of making one of her sons share a room with his dead twin for 11 years), the New Finch House can rarely actually change - it can only grow. And I do believe that this obsession with preserving the past is born of the time Edie had to watch all the past she had at that time drown beneath the waves alongside her father.

We really can’t know what sort of memorialization traditions the Finches had back in Norway. We’ve never being inside of the Old House, not even in Edie’s story. And according to Edith’s narration, Odin built it - so it probably hasn’t been around for enough generations for the Finch tendency to cling to the past to be as evident as with the outside architecture of the New House. 

But I feel like it’s very probable that while Edie really took it to another level, the Finches had a tradition of memorialization for a long time. There’s a reason why Odin was so insistent of sailing his entire damn house across the ocean. And when it drowned, Edie didn’t just lose her daddy and her childhood home - but also everything that connected her to the dead Finches that came before her. There’s a reason why we know almost nothing about Ingeborg, Edie’s mother, all of her possessions and pictures have been lost when the house sunk. Odin probably only kinda avoided that fate on account of being a kinda-known writer, so his books and pictures of him were still available outside the House. But who knows many other Finches’ memories were buried under the waves.

During Edith’s flashback of her last day in the house, you can see some of Edie’s post-it notes about ‘the History of the Finches’, full of names neither Edith nor the player can recognize. 

And when Dawn pulls the book away from Edith, you can see a few lines that were not narrated to us. 

“And I wasn't alone. I started seeing things. The bed I shared with my sister. The chair my grandmother died in. The clock I used to hide inside of.”

All of these people were once just as real as Louis, Dawn and Edie were to Edith - but how much of them was really left after decades of existing only in Edie Finch’s mind? How many of these names Edie remembered and how many did she have to guess at inside the fog of her memories? Does Edie really remember the chair her grandmother died in or did she have to hesitate wandering if it was a sofa instead? Did she even remember her own mother’s face by the end? 

The true tragedy of Edie’s book isn’t really that Edith never got a chance to read more of it. We know the other entrance to the library exists, if Edith was truly driven she could have tried finding that key (gathering up the torn book honestly wouldn’t be that much of a worry, it seems to have basically into two big halves, after all). The reason why the Player never gets to read on is cause I think Edith realized that this book was just pure fantasy.

And not just in the sense that there wasn’t ever any freak earthquake and low tide that allowed the Old Finch House to resurface, in the sense that whatever Edie wrote about meeting or discovering in the Old House was stitched together from the half-remembered memories and wishful thinking of a grief-stricken old woman. There was nothing there that would’ve truly brought Edith (or her son, or the Player) more information about the family history or the ‘Curse’. It could only teach her about what great grandma Edie wanted to be true, and what she wanted most of all is see that Old House again. To once again, for the first time in years... feel like she was home. To meet all these people she lost and can’t preserve eternally like she thought she could with her new family. To have something from them she can preserve. To be able to tell Edith about her sister and uncle and grandmother and mother. To truly remember them again. But she can’t. All of these ideas as such of a fantasy as the Old House rebuilding itself before her eyes. And that’s the true tragedy of ‘The History of the Finches”.

Edie was so resistant to Dawn’s attempts to move away from the family obsession with death because she thought she knew what it feels like to let go, what it feels like to move on. And it feels like all of her family and memories drowning beneath the waves. The roof peeking over the shore a constant reminder of all that she lost. And cause the Finches are not really good at finding a happy medium, all Edie knows is to cling to the past, to everything she can lose, to her house. Even as her obsession exacerbated the ‘Family Curse’ - until all her family died or left her. Until Edit Sr. ‘Edie’ Finch died all alone in her big empty house, surrounded by her perfectly preserved memories of her dead children.

Like I mentioned at the start, I think the ‘Curse’ became a self-fulfilling prophecy partially because it led to a mindset that never learns from mistakes. If every death is a manifestation of a supernatural blight upon the family line, then there’s no point at looking at a tragic death of a child as a mistake that might’ve been prevented, then there’s no attempt to avoid similar mistakes in the future. And Odin’s death is really the encapsulation of that problem. 

Odin supposedly moved to America in the hopes of leaving the curse behind and moving on, but just like his daughter, he was seemingly incapable of actually leaving anything behind. He sailed his entire goddam house across the ocean (and through either the arctic circle or the Panama Canal cause the Finches live on the State of Washington) because he was so unable to part with any of the memories imbued within it. And how did that end? With both Odin and his precious home buried beneath the waves forever. If Odin was able to admit he can’t take everything with him to America, he could’ve simply taken the most important mementos of his dead wife and child and the Finch Family History in general and be able to actually preserve some of his memories in his new home. Or at the very  least let his daughter keep at least some pictures of her own darn mother. Instead of losing everything, including his own life.

But for Edie, this whole story didn’t seem like an almost-parable-like narrative about how clinging too hard to the past might just mean destroying it more thoroughly. It just seemed to her like the Curse striking again, making it clear it will follow the Finches everywhere in the most poetic way possible. So instead of learning any sort of lesson from what happened to Odin, she glorified and romanticized the actions of her father. Built him a monument that made him seem like some sort of hero. She reveled in the story of the house that sailed across the ocean and almost made it ashore. And then just set on making his exact same mistake, over and over again.

[alieinthemorning]

Haunt [Ace Trappola | Maeda Yuuna]

Content: Kidnapping, Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort

Pairing: Ace Trappola/Maeda Yuuna

Header: @/n_twst on Twitter

Reblogs: Let me know that you enjoy my work and want to see more, so don’t forget to like and reblog (and comment in the tags. I love seeing people’s rambles in the tags)!

This work’s concepts, plot and original characters are my own which means I do not allow any sort of creative theft nor do I allow my work to be entered into any sort of A.I. bots. Thank you for respecting my space and boundaries.

Ace wasn’t always the best sleeper, but after those nightmares, his sleep became worse. So when he had woken up to 11:59 pm three times, he knew that something was wrong. Trey burst in the room moments later, asking him about his other roommates, who were—

“Where’d everybody go?”

Trey sighed, “I’m too late…” then gestured for Ace to follow him. “Ace, you better come with me for now.”

The lounge was barely filled, and Cater was nowhere to be found, so when Riddle explained that half the dorm had up and vanished, the pit in his stomach began to grow cold. It found its way up to his throat once Headmage Crowley had come to the conclusion that time had stopped over the entire campus, as well as over half the student body going missing. 

What about her?

A plan had been made to escort the students to the Mirror Chamber, but he couldn’t just leave her, so—

“Hey, uh…”

“Yes? What is it, Trappola?”

“Would it be cool if I made a pit stop somewhere?” He tried to keep his voice level, but he was itching to just run out. 

Riddle cut in, “Need I remind you that this is an emergency, Ace?”

“Look, I’m just a little worried about Yuuna and Grim over at Ramshackle.” A little more like terrified. 

Sebek offered his help, for some weird reason (he didn’t even know her), and Trey reasoned that it was a good idea, so he was stuck with him. 

“Trappola, Zigvolt, I would be happy for you to go, but I don’t wish to send two freshmen out by themselves…” He glanced at Trey, “Clover, go with them, if you would. 

Then they were off. There was no small chat made, and Ace was growing irritable every slow step he took. He wanted to run off, he needed to know that you were okay. 

You weren’t.

You were gone and there was someone lurking around. As much as he wanted to sock the fucker himself, he knew that if they were powerful enough to stop time on campus, then they would need all the firepower they could get. 

But in the end, he was too late. The culprit was gone, only leaving a card. 

All Night Raven College students are cordially invited to a Halloween party. Come and join the festivities. I await you at the venue.

An invi-fucking-tation. 

What an absolute bastard.

Yuuna had been kidnapped. Her kidnappers would not say the same as she had voluntarily gone with them, but—

How was she supposed to say no to Malleus Draconia?

She wasn’t, unless she wanted to end up like her nightmares. 

Lilia, who was in on it, assured her everything was fine, and that she only had to sit and wait in this room until the allotted time. Again, she couldn’t argue, she wasn’t a mage, didn’t have any weapons, and refused to get Grim involved. 

So all she could do is wait.

And wait

And wait.

Until the door opened on its open, giving Yuuna her cue. 

“Let’s get this shit show over with.”

As she drew closer, she learned that Malleus and Lilia had pretended to be possessed by the ghost and fought everyone who had come to save the missing students, but everything was unveiled because Grim was hungry (as per usual).

“While we were there, we thought we’d invite our living friends from Ramshackle, as well.”

Yuuna entered the spotlight then, giving the group of disgruntled students a two finger salute. 

“Yo. Been a while.”

“Yuuna…” Her gaze meet Ace’s, and they both knew. 

As soon as the moment presented itself, get the hell out of there.

It didn’t take long for the two of them to slip out unnoticed. The party was now and full swing and people were mainly mingling and eating, the whole ordeal already behind them.

Except for two people, of course.

Yuuna wasted no time plopping down at the base of the tree, the two of them had found. In sight of the venue, but far enough to not be bothered by what was going on inside. 

“You didn’t go willingly, right?” Of course, Ace was getting right to it. 

She chuckled, “No, I didn’t.” the shrugged. “It’s not like I can say no to one of the top five mages, now can I?”

“What a dick.” Ace joined her on the ground. “The ghosts said you were invited, but—”

“Having him starting at you with those eyes…yeah, basically like a gun to my head.” She paused, “...it reminds me of a nightmare I’ve had before.”

From the corner of her eye, she saw him bite his lip, debating on pushing the topic. 

She’d do it for him, since she already had started. 

“Before I came here, I constantly dreamed of death. They were always violent, and I’d never seen the person’s face.” Her gaze meet the moon’s. “Until dreams became reality.”

“Huh?!” Ace lunged forward, looking her over. “You were attacked in real life before?”

She nodded. “Yep. It was targeted or anything like that. Just…wrong place, wrong time.” She closed her eyes. “Just like how I got here.” 

“You…remember how you got here?”

“Of course, I do.” Yuuna turned away, “Never said anything, because no one ever asked.”

“...can I ask?”

Yuuna shook her head. “No, I don’t want to talk about it.”

“And I don’t know if I’ll ever be ready to talk about it.” 

I'll be real, I wrote this out of spite. Adding more OC-inserts to the pile for people to disregard lol.

Anyway, spite aside,

Yuuna, you know I love you, right? The trauma I am inflicting you with is necessary, it's your canon event.

Ko-Fi | Commission | Masterlist

[glapplebloom]

Yep, I’m totally delaying reviewing Season 10 for as long as I can. Maybe not the best choice to do that with this.

Twilight Sparkle is planning to host an event for the school known as the Feats of Friendship. Four challenges where groups of seven have to work together to show just how great Friendship is. And because our Student Six is just six, we are introduced to their 7th Member: Swift Foot, the newest exchange student to the School of Friendship. And Sandbar immediately crushes on her...

She’s All Yak, which established the Sandbar/Yona ship, aired on May 11, 2019. The first issue was published August 7, 2019. And nowhere in the story shows Yona being upset with that. I could probably excuse the first issue since who knows how long it was written for, but the second one was released in October. They could have added something then. Oh boy, let’s get back to the recapping...

Now off the bat, the comic is letting you know something is up with Swift Foot. She said she’s from another sunny little village but the background is showing something MUCH different. And it gets on right away with what that is: getting these six groups of friends to no longer be friends by exploiting differences. Sounds like something Cozy Glow did in “What Lies Beneath” that was released on September 22, 2018. Except she did it better.

When Cozy Glow did it, she targeted specific aspects that were pretty much established from the series already. Since they come from places that don’t understand Friendship, she used that to target their friendships. Sandbar has to help since he came from Ponyville. Growing up as a love starved Changeling. Hiding underwater from an Evil King for years. Griffins not wanting to be around others. Dragons being fierce and degrading themselves into doing things. Yaks saying they’re best at everything makes it seems being friends with others not Yaks being a step down. Great targeting points.

Swift Foot, on the other hand, is honestly not based on anything. She targets Silverstream under the idea that they only helped when the Storm King affected them, all the while beginning with trying to remember who was the guy that caused them to hide. Off the bat, within the same issue, Swift Foot’s entire argument falls apart. How do you expect them to know about the Storm King until he shows up? The fact it took her a while to remember his name pretty much shows that knowledge about what happened wasn’t widespread enough.

With Gallus, she specifically targets him being the leader. That’s something only really established in this issue. As far as the series is concerned, they’re about equals. With Yona, she targets about her having to learn the language, something that even the show establishes that there is no specific Yak Language. Their kids speak English when they talk privately. Even Zecora doesn’t really have a language except that brief time in Season 1.

You’re telling me that Smolder doesn’t eat gemstones at school? The same school that sets a room aside for the ONLY TWO DRAGONS IN PONYVILLE to have a fire breathing contest There’s literally a gem cave walking distance from Ponyville and she knows Spike the Dragon. They definitely serve gemstones. And Ocellus, Swift talks about how Ocellus is forced to stay in one form... Yet she has numerous times changed forms in front of them with no issue. This is not something she’s forced to be. This is her default look. This is DC’s Act of God’s level of not getting the point. And Sandbar is too lovestruck to fall for her tricks.

But still, he sees all his friends being upset with Swift Foot’s actions and they go their separate ways. It ends with Sandbar walking Swift Foot back into the Inn where, when she’s alone, reveals she’s evil all this time! And I’m going to stop there because I thought I could review the entire series in one sitting, but I got all ranty and want to save the rest of the story for another time.

But so far, I am not liking the issue. My biggest gripes being continuity issues and being a poor attempt at the show’s specific plot. And why is she called Swift Foot? I keep typing it up as Swift Hoof because Horse Pun and have to go back and change it to Foot. And even ignoring all that, it’s basically a whole issue introducing this character and having 8 pages of her gaslighting characters you probably like depending on how you feel about them on the show. 

I’ll save my rewriting when I reach the end of the series. If that’s next week or the following I don’t know. It’ll depend on how much ranty I get in the next issue.

[m-feline]

To adapt, to survive, to live - ch 11

Silco x Freader

Tags: fluff, singing, games, paperwork, makeup, injection to the eye;

Masterlist

Previous ->

Time passed and then a month passed from my ritual. As I took the treatments, my body got accustomed to the moving signia. On the last day, there was no need for treatment, according to the Doctor. We went back to him to get more vials if needed and he also made a full checkup for me. I didn't like to be there, with such a bad memory of the place but I had promised Silco to do it.

The Doctor offered to make my last formula for the ritual himself but I refused. I did however agree to his offer to have a tank set for me, for recuperating after the last ritual. He said it would be easier for me to sleep while the body got accustomed to the formula. He also asked a few questions about the recipes and their purpose, how I made the formulas, and so on. After all that, everything was going back to normal.

Well, not everything. Silco had gathered more power, and influence while I was recovering. He had his factory set and at full capacity, making Shimmer, but it also started something new. Silco had also made a deal with some other parties, and they had started to invest in mechanical implants. Which was slowly yet eagerly getting people interested in augmentations to their bodies. Sevika for example got a new arm, and it became a hit when she used it to deal with nasty businesses for Silco. Many people later began to use these augmentations whether they really needed them or not.

Shimmer kept raging on the streets. It wasn't so hidden anymore. Almost everyone used it one way or another. But other things began to come up as well. Greenhouses in Promenade levels. Markets, parlors, Chemtech, and Chem barons. I tried to not look but in the end, it became impossible not to look at the changes. The Undercity was now full of companies that were directed by Chem barons, and Silco led them. As time went by the Undercity was changing into something entirely different yet at the same time, it had the same rules. Strong will trample the weak. But the scale could now be tilted when you consumed Shimmer. Take just a little and you survive for the day. Take too much and you end up in the slumps with nasty side effects.

For me, it meant that staying with Silco was even more imperative for my ritual and my life. I worked at the bar as usual but now Silco set me mostly on the night shift. It was fine by me. It meant more time with Jinx in the morning and work at night. Yes, I would be tired after it but it didn't bother me too much. What bothered me was Silco watching my every move at the end of the shift when I would close the bar and clean the lounge. But that was about to change too.

The Last Drop was going to be remodeled soon. And remodeling the bar was going to change it drastically. The bar was getting a new look, it was turning into a night club, the façade of the place was changing, and the entire second floor was growing. Jinx was getting her own room. As was I. I didn't ask for it but it was still on the way. I was more interested in the kitchen that was coming to the second floor. I no longer would need to go downstairs to cook. And it kept me closer to Jinx. And Silco.

Though things were normal now, Silco for some reason kept me somewhere so he could see me. I don't know why but it made me nervous from time to time. He would come to the lounge, sit at the bar, sipping his drink and tell his goons to give me some room when I cleaned the place. And many of them did. They were all accustomed to me doing some sort of chores in the Last Drop. Be it cooking or cleaning. So far their favorite thing had been my cooking but Silco was slowly restricting that. I still made more food but only certain people were allowed to eat it. It was kind of a carrot for them to do their work and then receive a good homemade meal. A privilege, that only Silco, and Jinx were allowed to have daily. It was also a way for Silco to calm down when he got his meal which was made specifically for him.

But when I cleaned, it was quiet, leisure time for everyone to simply relax. No need for Shimmer to make them tough. No noise of crowds in the Last Drop. And no rush to go anywhere unless you had an early shift tomorrow. I liked those quiet hours even when Vander was alive. Now there were just slightly more people but that was okay.

One such night, I was cleaning when one new guy was talking with Dustin and brought up my singing.

“So, you see, (Y/n) has this habit of humming when she sweeps the floor,” Dustin said to the new guy. Matt, I think was his name.

“I do noo~t,” I said as I passed and picked the empty glasses for the table next to him.

“You sure doo~,” Dustin sang back with same tone, laughing. "We all heard you, right Lock?”

“Heard you,” Lock said at the other side of the lounge.

“Heard you too,” Ran said before taking a sip of her drink.

“We all have heard you,” Sevika said playing cards with two other guys.

"Well, I'm sorry for ruining your evening with my horrible attempt at singing,” I said dramatically and took a batch of glasses to the bar so Thieram could wash them.

“Woah, Woah, Woah! I never said it was horrible,” Dustin said. "It's just… surprising.”

“Nice save, Dustin,” Ran snickered at Dustin’s predicament.

“Wh-what I meant is…” Dustin tried but I simply plucked the almost-finished glass of rum from his hands. "Hey, I wasn't finished.”

"You are,” I said and took Matt’s empty glass too. "Let's end it here before you get even more embarrassed by getting drunk.” Almost everyone in the lounge chuckled to what I said.. All except one.

“So, everyone has heard (Y/n) sing,” Silco said moving the glass of whiskey and looking at the ice cubes twirl in the drink. He was sitting at his usual spot at the bar. "I haven't heard her.” Shit. Don't tell me…

“Ooh, now you have to sing,” Dustin grinned.

“Why in hell would I do that?” I asked glaring daggers at him.

“You heard the boss, he hasn't heard you,” Ran said trying to suppress her laugh.

“That doesn't mean I'm going to sing now,” I said glaring at her now.

“Just do it, (Y/n),” Sevika said trying to ignore the topic and focus on the game again.

"No, not gonna happen.” I insisted.

“Do we have to say the p-word?” Matt asked.

“And what would that be?” I asked.

“Penalty?” Dustin added knowing this game. To see who will fall to the word "please” before they get me to agree with another kind of p-words.

“Permission?” Ran added.

“Umm, … give me a minute. I got one,” Lock tired. "Umm, Provoke.”

“Persuasion,” Sevika said.

"Yeah, none so far aren't working,” I said suppressing giggles.

“Privilege,” Silco said and made everyone make oooh, sounds.

“Best one so far,” Ran said.

“Tempting but no,” I said.

“Possitive effect.”

I turned to look at the second floor where Jinx stood and leaned against the railing looking down at the rest of us.

“That one doesn't count, it's two words,” Dustin said.

“No one said it had to be one word,” Jinx said grinning.

“Why aren't you in bed?” I asked with a hint of anger in my voice.

“Couldn’t sleep, and I heard you talking. I wanna hear you sing,” Jinx said.

“I'm not going to sing,” I said firmly.

“Pwueeeeease.”

“Yeah, girl, do the puppy-eyes. Oh, that's good p-word too,” Matt said.

“What? Sense when…” I barely had time to ask when Jinx made the most adorable puppy-eyes and looked at me.

“Oh no!” I shouted and covered side of my eyes so I wouldn't see her. "Who of you son-offa-bitches taught her that?”

“Oh come one, you looked after four kids before, surely you got immune to the puppy-eyes trick,” Ran said grinning and made Lock laugh.

“It's not the same when they made the worst puppy-eyes ever,” I said to her angrily. "It is so easy to say no when someone looks like they ate something sour, or look like their bladder is about to explode.” I looked at Dustin who quickly tried his version of puppy-eyes.

“Hell no,” I said to him and then turned to others. "See how easy it is?” Everyone broke to laughs after that and Dusting looked like someone told him to jump to a fissure.

“Pleeeease!” Jinx tried again. She had moved to a place where I could see her better.

“Oh no, oh no. I can't say no to that,” I whined.

“She cracking. Just add a bit of sadness,” Ran shouted to Jinx.

“If I learn you guys taught her puppy-eyes, I swear I poison your next meals,” I threatened Ran while I tried to avoid looking at Jinx.

“Pretty Pleeeease.”

Oh no, she is good. I can't. Silco was just smiling behind his glass as he listened to this spectacle happening.

“Fine. You win,” I sighed.

“Yessss.” Jinx cheered.

“One song and you go back to bed,” I said to her sternly.

“Okay,” Jinx said before she ran somewhere but I didn't look since my eyes were now on the people sitting downstairs.

“And the rest of you will do the cleaning,” I said glaring at them.

“What? No way,” Ran asked.

“They will,” Silco said. "You will go with Jinx and make sure this time she goes to sleep.” I didn't need to say more when everyone gave confirmation either as firm "yes” or groans. Jinx came down with a guitar and held it towards me.

“You do know I can't play that well, right?” I asked.

“But you can play one song,” Jinx grinned. Oh, I knew already what song she had in mind.

"You also know that song is in another language?” I asked again.

“But it sounds pretty,” Jinx said.

“Fine then,” I said and took the guitar before I sat on empty bar stool. Jinx went to sit on another stool next to Silco grinning victoriously that she got her way.

I began the song with very simple sounds from the guitar. The song didn't need more than simple strokes of the guitar and repeat them over and over. Though the melody was simple, the song was more deep. No one knew what I was singing, not even Jinx. For someone it might have sounded like a live song. But I knew what the song was about. It was about missing the past, the people lost, and the days that will not return, and how one will move on despite all that and face the future. As I sang more, the more my confidence grew and I sang louder. When I finished the song, some of the people applauded for the song. That being Jinx, Dustin, Matt, and a couple of more. I set the guitar away as I got up and turned to Jinx when the claps got down.

“And now you go back to bed,” I said.

“Aaw, but I wanna hear another,” Jinx whined.

“Nope, we agreed. To the bed,” I said and picked her up from the stool.

“Oh come on, pleeeease,” Jinx tried begging.

“Not working this time,” I said before I turned to others. "And you guys clean this lounge.” I was answered by choir of groans as I began to climb the stairs. But it got quiet quickly and sounds of moving chairs and clicks of glasses filled the lounge. Maybe they remembered that it was Silco who said they would do it. Either way, I took Jinx to my room and tucked her in, and after another lullaby, which she requested, I left her sleep and headed back to downstairs to see if the lounge was truly cleaned. I didn't even reach the stairs when I met with Silco. He carried a small stack of papers in his hand.

"Going somewhere?” Silco asked.

"To see if the lounge needs cleaning,” I said.

“I told them to clean it, and they will,” He said.

“Okay, what about you then?” I asked.

“I got work to do,” Silco said lifting his hand with papers in emphasis.

“At this hour?” I asked in shock. "When are you going to sleep?”

"Later,” he said. "I only need to go through these and I rest then.” Thought the stack wasn't big but I could tell there was much to go through.

“Let me help,” I sighed. "At least, the ones that aren't about Shimmer production. The faster you get to rest the better I sleep too.”

"Very well,” Silco said and led me to his room. One of the major changes that will happen to this place will be that he will get an office in this establishment. I'm waiting for it. It feels a bit intrusive for me to come and go to his room.

When we enter I saw more papers waiting for him to go through. I'm the one who will be needing rest after going through even half of that pile.

“Just go through that pile and tell me what it is about, if it isn't important just stack it there,” Silco said pointing to one stack and then an empty spot on the table. " If it is important just pass it to me.” Great, late-night shift of secretary work. The job wasn't hard but it got longer as I went through the papers. Some reports from the factory regarding shifts, people, gear, chemicals. Those were papers Silco wanted to look later. The letters from the Chem Barons, unless they were about the factory and possible new location, he asked them to be set away. Then there were about the remodeling of the Last Drop, calls for meeting with people wishing to join Chem Barons, supply networks. And… an invitation to the Topside?

“Set it away,” Silco said sound extra grumpy.

“Why do you get an invitation to the Top?” I asked looking at the letter.

“I wish to make a deal so we can get some parts for the factory. It would make things easier to work with,” Silco said dismissing the letter in my hands.

“It says, they are willing to negotiate,” I said reading the letter over and over again. I saw no problem with it's contents. "Is the person you are to meet an unpleasant one?”

“No, he is alright,” Silco said finishing the last paper of his stack.

“Then why not?” I asked. He turned to look at me and simple motioned to his mangled face. "Oh, that's it?”

“Though I'm not going to meet Piltover’s finest elites, I doubt this face will draw any positive reactions,” Silco said.

“But you need this deal, right?” I asked.

“Unless I'm willing to work my employers to the death, yes,” Silco sighed.

“Wait a moment,” I said and left the room. I wasn't gone long but I came back with my compact makeup kit. "Why not try this?”

“I doubt you and I share the same palette,” Silco said eyeing the compact makeup kit.

“Just for your left side, only the concealer,” I said. He seemed to think about it, and for a moment I thought he would say no. But he then gave a tired sigh and motioned me to come closer. I leaned over him as I applied the concealer and slowly hid the scars under the make up. The result wasn't bad. But he could use a touch of the liner to create an eyebrow over his mutated eye. But I promised that I’d only used concealer so if he agrees to go, then I could add it. When I finished I snapped the sponge back to the compact with a snap.

“Done,” I said happily. " You should take a look in the mirror.” Silco got up with a huff and walked to the bathroom to look at himself in the mirror. I got closer to see his reaction, and it was worth it. The look of surprise and amazement was clear in his good eye as he touched his left side of the face with his hand.

“Impressive,” He said.

“If you let me paint a brow on you face, then you would look even better,” I said smiling. "Add that charming smile of yours and surely some ladies would fall for you.”

“Would you?” He asked turning to face me. I was caught in surprise when he asked that. I was completely speechless for entirely 30 seconds till I got my mouth working again.

“Maybe someone more pretty,” I tried to sound unbothered.

“You can be quite pretty if you allow it,” Silco said smirking. Dammit, what have I gotten myself into?

“My point is, your look won't be too eye-catching as you said earlier,” I said but I was slowly losing my words again. "Surely, your left eye is still evident … but in a good way. What I meant… you're handsome…No!... I mean.. "

“My, my,” Silco chuckled. "Our nightingale has lost her words. How cute.”

“I…I’m … not a … nightingale ,” I stuttered.

“Oh, what then?” Silco asked as he began to walk towards me. "A siren? A nymph? An angel?”

"No-now you are making things up?” I said trying to get my composure back. "And stop with this game, it isn't funny.”

"Oh well,” Silco sighed and ended his teasing. "Still, thanks for the tip. I will have to make more appearances at Piltover in the future. This will certainly be helpful.”

"Good,” I sighed in relief and took there remaining stack of papers. There was a couple of letters about some transported goods but I didn't need to see more when Silco dismissed them saying they can wait. We were about warp it up, when I noticed Silco bring out the injector again. He sat on the armchair and tried to bring the device over his eye yet this time it seemed to be difficult.

“Something wrong?” I asked as I cleaned and organized the papers.

“Just a slight need for adjustment,” He said and tried to concentrate to place the device over his eye.

“Was your drug changed again?” I asked. So far, Silco had three different variants of the drug to his eye.

“Yes, Singed gave me a new one,” Silco said and gave up on the effort. "It's mixed with shimmer and other chemicals. It would be a tenth of the dose from before but the effect should last longer.”

“Meaning fewer injections, that's good, isn't it?” I asked.

“I suppose, the trouble is that since the dose is stronger, setting the device correctly becomes more crucial,” Silco explained. "Otherwise, the moment it is injected I might hurt myself in the process.”

“You need someone else to do it?”, I asked.

“I can do it myself,” Silco said a bit annoyingly. "It just requires more patience.” I saw him try to place the device over his eye again, and for a moment it seemed to work but it slipped again.

“Here, let me,” I said and came to him and took the device from him.

“I said I can do it,” Silco said tiredly.

“Sure but let's just say that we get faster to sleep when I do it,” I said and adjusted the device in my hand. ”Lean back and look up.” After sighing Silco leaned back to the backrest of the chair as I set the device over his eye. It still needed some minor adjustment so I had to lean over him. It wasn't easy unless I sat on his lap but now was no time or place for it. So instead I placed one leg on the armrest and leaned over him. Now it was in place. All that was needed was to squeeze the handle. Ever since Signed made Shimmer fused drug for Silco, I noticed that the reaction was from time to time strong for him. He would have convulses for seconds as the effect dies down. This shouldn't be any different. I felt his hand coming to rest over my thigh that was over the armrest, as I gave a small caress with my thumb to the side of his face. Then I pressed the handle. The needle just pinched his eyes but that was all he needed. He groaned and his hand gripped my thigh as the surge of pain went through him. I saw some purple liquid coming out of his dark eye so I used my sleeve to wipe it away. He looked even more tired now. It was about time we both went to bed.

“Thank you,” Silco let out with a huff.

“You're welcome,” I said as I handed him back the device. ”Good night.”

"Were you planning to leave someday?” Silco asked while he still sat on the armchair. I was just about to turn and leave when he asked that. It made me freeze there, wondering what should I say. Confess it? Deny it?

“I'm not sure what you…” I started saying, hoping I would have an idea before I finish the sentence. But nothing came to mind. Silco just waited for me to finish talking but I didn't. I simply had no idea. "I thought about it when I began working here. When the kids would be old enough to live their lives, I would leave Undercity and Piltover altogether.”

“And now?”

“ I don't know. I just wanted to leave the place that took my family away. No one would need me so no point in staying.” I chuckled at my own naivety. "But now, Jinx needs me. Even if I get my signia, I don’t know if I should stay or leave.”

"Why not stay?”

"Why should I?”

“Perhaps, just to see how everything changes as we reach our goals.”

"I have seen the changes the Shimmer does, it's not that amazing sight to see.”

“No, but what comes after it.”

I kinda wanted to see where Silco was heading with all of his plans but I also worried for Jinx. Then again my ritual wasn't finished. So far I had postponed the thought of it till my signia was done. Then, if I was no longer needed or if I was still needed would depend on Jinx.

“I don't know.” I sighed. " I’ll get back to it once things clear out.” I left Silco’s room and went to my room to get in the bed with Jinx and fall asleep.

Next ->

[dufreydiaries]

Dufrey Diaries Chapter 11

Lucline and Rasina sat down on sofas fashioned in the Youkadian style. Riatira’s mother was an Imperial women with the same brown hair as her daughter. Her skin was lighter than Tira’s, given her father was half Redguard himself. The walls of the sitting room were decorated in various Imperial and Redguard masks and jewlery. There were even a few swords of both Cyrodiil and Hammerfall on the walls as well, just out of Tira’s reach.

“My name is Alcena Artia, welcome to our home ladies. I had a projection from your co-worker, Lobamog. It’s good to meet you, Lucline and Rasina.”

Lucline detected behind her courtesy something was bothering her. Tira sat down on the ground before her though and she started to braid the girls hair like a little crown.

Rasina smiled and then spoke up. “We are just here to confirm if the rumors were true. If they were, the Society is going to install a member here in Bergama to offer teaching.”

Lucline nodded as she carefully braided the young girl’s hair. “Even raw talent with magic can’t protect against a sudden burst of power. Even if she doesn’t want to be a Mage when she grows up, she will need to learn the kind of control that will keep it in check.”

Tira spoke up now. “I want to go to High Rock and train as a knight!”

Her mother smiled, she had clearly heard this before. “She’s been using magic unconsciously since she was two. We were sure she was going to grow up into an arch-mage but ever since she meet a Knight-Errant on a quest to find a lost daughter, she wanted to be a knight. We plan when she’s old enough to be a squire to move to Daggerfall or High Isle to start her training.”

Lucline finished the girls hair and watched as Tira rushed off to look in a mirror. “I’m sure she will be a good one. Knights often are given lessons in restoration magic, she will be a natural at healing and dealing with the undead with her power level. Though she will likely end up needing to serve one or more of the Divines.”

Alcena fished out a small amulet. “Not a trouble. We honor Stendarr in this house. My husband and I were both born in the Empire but had to flee to Hammerfall for various reasons. We were going to go onward to High Rock but I learned I was pregnant and refused to walk another step until our baby was born. We just never started traveling again after.” 

“I understand,” Lucline nodded at Alcena’s words. “You had a lot to risk.”

“I’d do anything for my child. Even send her away if needed. I was so worried you were here to take her to Sentinel, Miss Dufrey. Now that I know you intend to install a teacher here, that settles my worry quite a bit. You may consider your mission here a success.”

Tira came bouncing back into the room. “Mama! Doesn’t my hair look great?” Alcena motioned to her daughter whom rushed to her and run her hands through the braids. “Oh yes, my little Princess. Miss Dufrey did a very good job. Have you thanked her yet?”

Tira turned and Lucline found herself dazzled by the bright smile of the young girl who tackled her in a hug. “Thank you, Miss Lucline!”

“You’re welcome, Tira.” Lucline returned the hug before letting the girl go.

“I insist that you ladies join us for luncheon.” Alcena rose and her tone said there would be no argument. “I’ll just go to the kitchens and make the arriagements.”

“I’m gonna go grab my toy sword and shield to show Miss Lucline and Miss Rasina!” Exclaimed Tira. “I want to show them what Captain Kayeson has been teaching me.”

The doting mother shook her head as her child rushed up the stairs. “Watch out, ladies. That monster can keep up her ‘demonstration’ for a few hours. Even though he’s only shown her a few basic forms and strokes.”

Rasina chuckled. “Start them early, that is the motto at the School of Leki. I was around her age when I first wore the robe of an apprentice, though most of my day was spent in chores. I know Kayeson, he studied with me there. He is an honorable man and has a fine form. He will be a fine teacher.”

Alcena inclined her head. “Much obliged for your recommendation, Miss Rasina. He seemed trustworthy but we still hardly know people here. My husband is neither a Crown nor a Forbearer so he is not as welcome as I feel he should have been. I’ll return shortly.”

The woman headed off to the kitchen as Rasina leaned her head against Lucline’s arm. She hummed in delight as her partner’s weight lay on her.

“What are you thinking, oh light of my desert?” Rasina asked her as they waited.

“I was just envious of Tira for a moment. I wish my mother had been as close to me as they are.”

“One day, I’ll get that story from you, my heart, and then I’ll punch my future mother-in-law in the mouth.”

Lucline giggled. “I would pay much gold to see that happen, my love.”

Just then, there was a terrified scream from up the stairs. Rasina was up first and dashing up the stairs towards Tira’s room. Lucline was not far behind her, calling magic to her hands as she ran. Alcena came to the door, her face pale.

“We got this, ma’am.” Lucline called. “Make sure no one comes down these stairs expect Tira.”

The woman nodded and grabbed a curved scimitar from the wall nearby. From the way she held it, she had used one before.

Lucline braced herself for whatever awaited them at the top of the stairs.

A/N: Another cliff hanger ending. I hope you have been enjoying the story so far. See you tomorrow.

[crowscommunion]

November 11, 2023.

What's kinda ironic is that things are better now than they were first figuring things out. Like the first month us being love-drunk and just being happy, but there were some solid issues I had to deal with personally. I know for people who are used to narc relationships, they're always expecting things to get worse or get boring, not get better over time, but normal relationships grow as you go on. I did still have some abandonment fears and separation anxiety, which are things I hadn't actually had to sort out.. Because I didn't have a relationship in four years- at least not one with mental, emotional, or physical intimacy. I'm not really sure I was even capable of that, even when I dated someone for six months. He was great, I have nothing but good things to say about him, but the reason I ended that relationship was because I couldn't deal with intimacy at that time. So over the next few years following that, I just didn't date, which was a good thing for my health. But when you go from not dating anyone intimately to being in a relationship you want for the rest of your life, it's obviously kind of a shock. It didn't take much adjustment as far as my lifestyle, he's the only partner I've lived with and the only person I ever want to live with, but we definitely did a lot of our healing while actively in this relationship between months 2 and 3. A lot of love there, and determination to get through it, but there were internal struggles. Probably mostly for me, when it came to the past. A lot of things were resolved through time back together, just knowing things have changed, how we handle things have changed, and rebuilding trust by just being together. He had issues with over-stimulation for awhile, which is why it's good to have separate rooms (the option is there), but he prefers to keep his setup in my room. I had a lot of problems with separation, for obvious reasons, and I just dealt with that by sharing how I felt but also keeping a realistic standard for how we handled it. I had to deal with that now, because I didn't really have any intimate connections with anyone since we stopped talking before. I would even say that I avoided a lot of those negative feelings by just not dating, and anyone who wanted to date me that I had any atypical feelings toward really just terrified me. And really, dealing with people who couldn't just be my friend even further damaged my readiness to actually trust anyone on an intimate level again. Because the most basic level of trust and companionship is always friendship. I absolutely hold resentment toward any of the sad dudes in my personal life who jumped ship as soon as they didn't get to date me, and anyone who completely overlooked my personal health for their own wants. I think it's disgraceful. But I did have to spend a lot of my time healing from that while actively in this relationship for the first month, just like he had to deal with a lot of his healing and anger from his prior relationship at the same time. And a lot of the shit we dealt with regarding his ex made us closer, because it's one thing we both have in common. It's one years-long experience we've both been having that was extremely negative. When you both deal with the same narcissistic shitbaby for years and you both have a lot of similar experiences with that person, you spend a lot of time validating each other about everything that's happened, and it did become something we talked about quite often.

It was part of our healing, and it was also closure.

He was able to give me a lot of insight into his ex's behavior and her personality that validated exactly what I assumed, and I was able to validate his feelings toward the mentally and emotionally abusive behaviors she exhibited in their relationship. She inadvertently gave us one of our most similar and intense life experiences, and also was something we both healed together over at the same time. Which is the one thing she assumed we would never be able to achieve.

And the one thing that made me at peace was that he came to me for friendship, not a relationship. He didn't think I would even want to talk to him at all, and if he had messaged me any time before last year I probably wouldn't have.

He really just came back into my life because he missed me as a person. I'm the one who initiated more than that, because of how easily we fell back into being close and at ease with each other. It would have been unrealistic to think we wouldn't struggle with anything after everything that happened, but I am happy to say it's been incredibly minimal, given the circumstances.

And for the past couple of months, things have just been quiet and peaceful. We've been happy, life has been uneventful (just the way we like it), and we spend all day every day talking, playing games, joking around, eating good food, and spending time with just each other. I know I've said that the first month we started talking things were really intense and we were very in our own bubble, but we're really still like that. We've always been like that. It's really easy to fall into the comfortable safe space you've established together when you really like the person you're with. And after the last few years we've had, we both just really appreciate having company with a like-mind and a brain that actually works, he's told me about a lot of the shit he dealt with and I'm honestly shocked she can even dress herself in the morning without a life-coach, no joke. Having the company of a reasonable, rational person is a rarity, and having someone in your life who really understands you and appreciates you for who you are is even rarer. So here's to the next 50 to 60 years, because we're in this shit. Things can only go up from here.

[f10werfae]

What is Victoria’s Secret Anyway?

Pairing: Husband! Chris Evans x Model! Reader

Word count: 1,411

Summary: When Y/n gets a massive career opportunity, all she wants is her husband’s support, and she always gets what she wants

Warnings: none really, just get ready for a very confident and maneater Y/n 😩

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Requests are always open!

Likes, Comments and Re-blogs are appreciated♥️

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(Y/n's P.O.V)

This was the absolute turning point of my career, my manager had just contacted me about the opportunity of a lifetime.

One of the top dogs in Victoria Secret seemed to be really pleased with my continuous work with them, so now i’ve been offered the opportunity to be the new Victoria Secret Angel.

Growing up I had always felt confident in myself, not narcissistic, I definitely know what I want and I will get what I want. Including men.

I guess my personality is how I bagged my husband, Chris Evans. Sure when I first met him I pretended to not acknowledge him, but hey it worked in the end.

Now with us going on being 3 years together, he had never been to one of my runway shows, purely because he said he’d rather not observe men 'ogling' at his wife.

Although if I asked nicely, with this being such a big thing, surely he’d say yes to coming along. After being told the spectacular news by my agent at the company, I ran downstairs to the living to see him watching his scheduled football match on the TV.

Adorning a white tank top and grey sweatpants, God I could eat him right there and then. Clearing my throat, I slowly walked towards him, sitting myself to straddle his lap.

“Hey baby, what d'ya want? I know that look of yours”

He said smugly, his hands massaging my waist, his eyes looking deeply into mine.

“Oi! Jus cause i’m here doesn’t mean I want something” I replied back cheekily, crossing my hands over my chest, turning my head to the side. Always acting the brat I was.

“Awk come on now bub, don’t go all pouty on me” He cooed, his hand holding onto my chin, pulling me to look at him, his other hand going down to stay on my ass.

Rolling my eyes at his hand placement, I wrapped my arms around his neck I bent down so we were eye level.

“I guess you could make it up to me?” I said playing around with the chain around his neck, not daring to look at his beautiful blue eyes.

“Yeah, how’s that?”

“Well, I just heard from a little bird that I may be the new Victoria Secret Angel”

“Mhm, of course look at you hun, you’re a diamond”

“yeah yeah, anyways I was wondering if my lovely husband would want to come watch me?”

“Look at me in the eyes and ask me again”

Hearing his authoritative tone, I looked up, that same smug look still plastered on his handsome face.

“Will you, pretty please come and watch my runway show?”

“Hmm give me a kiss first”

He said teasingly, his hands clasped around my body at the bottom of my back, caging our bodies together.

Leaning forward, I pressed my lips against his, a satisfied groan leaving his lips as I cupped his cheeks to deepen it. Pulling away, I placed a series of small pecks on his lips before sitting up right again.

“Well?”

“I’ll think about it baby”

“That’s it? After all that?”

“Mhm, now pass my beer over would ya?”

“Hmm no” I said now more annoyed, getting up from his lap and walking back upstairs, hearing him chuckling from the living room.

(Time Skip to the Day of the Show)

Chris and I never discussed the runway show again, taking his answer as a no. Although it didn’t really bother me, I knew he loved me and I guess if I had to watch my husband being ogled I wouldn’t exactly be comfortable either.

Looking at myself in the dressing room, I ran my hands over the Lacey lingerie coating my glowy skin. The massive baby blue feathered wings, coming out of the back. The lingerie fit perfectly, it was extremely empowering to have this opportunity.

To show the world that this is what I worked hard for, I love myself and nothings going to stop that. I could care less what people say about me walking in a lingerie set, because only my opinion matters.

My face had beautiful makeup, jewels glued around my eye to contribute to the eye makeup, my hair left down to frame my face.

“Y/n you rea- Oh my gosh” Bethany said, my manager.

“Yeah i’m ready” I said taking a deep breath in and running my hands down my body.

“You look absolutely stunning, and I mean i am starstruck”

“Shutup girl before I start crying, and you know how long this makeup took”

“I’m sorry i’m just so proud of you, went from small town grocery store posters to a globally known model for all women”

“Yeah I know, it’s crazy isn’t it?”

“Now are you ready to kill it?”

“Hell yeah”

Walking towards the side entrance of the stage, I could already hear the singer on stage, the cheers of the people getting louder.

Turning to Bethany, “Did Chris end up coming by any chance?” I asked hopefully, biting my lip.

She gave me a slightly small smile before shaking her head, “Not that I know of, but i’m sure he’s watching proudly at home with Dodger”

“You’re right. Well here I go” With a final pat on the back, my heels clicked as I walked into view. My wings spread out gracefully behind me, cameras already starting to flash.

Smiling brightly, I started walking down the runway, feeling instantly at my highest. Meeting the eyes of many famous designers and celebrities as I sauntered down the walkway, reaching the end of the walkway I put my hands on my hips and smiled at the cameras.

Looking down when I saw those same beautiful blue eyes, the ones that greet me every time I come home from a long day. My husband. Chris.

Noticing my subtlety shocked expression, he clapped along with the audience sending a wink my way before whistling, “THATS MY WIFE!” He shouted cupping his mouth, whistling once again.

Giving one final smile and blowing Chris a kiss, I began walking down the walkway again, my heart thumping more rapidly in my chest,

Reaching the backstage Bethany was waiting for me, the stylists already helping to pull the heavy wings off my back.

Reaching Bethany, she gave me my silk robe to put on, “He came Bethany, Chris was here” I said smiling gleefully, feeling like a kid in a candy shop.

“REALLY?!”

“YEAH” Then we both erupted into excited squeals and giggles

“There’s my girl” I heard that husky voice say behind me, an even bigger smile forming onto my face.

“CHRIS BABY”

I shouted, running into his arms with my arms around his torso. His hands rubbing up and down my back comfortingly.

Dragging him into my personal dressing room, I stood shyly in front of him.

“What’s got you all shy, pretty girl”

“I jus wasn’t expecting you baby, what made you change your mind?”

“Well, I wanted to be here to support you and realised how much I wanted to see you doing the job you love. I don’t care if men look at you during your runways, because in the end, I know you’re coming home with me.”

“I love you so much” I said feeling on cloud 9, no thoughts in my head except for how much I loved Chris.

“Trust me, I love you way more” He said smirking at me, pulling at the edges of my robe to pull me closer to him, placing a fat loving kiss on my lips.

“Well what did you think of it?”

“God I f*cking loved it, getting to tell everyone 'oh yeah that gorgeous woman is my wife' I am so proud of you hun, and I swear I just fell in love with you even more. If that’s even possible”

“You are so corny, now wait ten minutes while I get changed”

Leaving his arms I walked over to the clothing rack, got my undergarments, picked up Chris’ shirt and sweatpants I wore earlier and put them back on again. Not that easy though when your perv of a husband is in the same room.

“Lets go home yeah?” I said picking up my duffle bag, only for him to take it off my shoulder and hold it over his. His arm going around my waist to pull me into his side protectively.

“Say babe, what is Victoria's Secret anyway?”