#She needs to live the happy health and fullfiling life she absolutely deserves

[soft-dark-vintage-blog]

My relationship with my best friend has basically the same dynamic as Hozier's Too Sweet, except neither of us has an actual health lifestyle. We will just stare at each other looking undead in our 8 AM class, after indulging in the same shitty habits and be like "Noooo :( wdym you slept only 2 hours, haven't eaten a single thing since yesterday's lunch and haven't drunk water at all today? ily you can't do that to yourself, girl! That's really bad for your health, this is not right!"

[avidroyalfan]

Avid, i saw your message on jessica's tumblr. Thank you for sharing it. If you dont mind, will you tell me how did you get out from your academic and life lowest point? I'm from third world countries, there isnt mental health resource from the uni, although there were 2 last year students who had committed suicide, there isnt any action from the uni. I dont even know to face my professor, he had given me time 3 months, and i did nothing. I just want to cry and end it all.

Hello anon!! First of all, I’m so glad you came here. You are worthy and deserving of happiness, love and fulfillment!! I know everything seems dark and hopeless now, but believe me, you will feel better, I promise.

I also want to tell you again that I understand exactly how you feel!! When I read the message you sent to Jess, and then again when I read this message, I felt like my past self was writing to me. I’ve had depression for more than a year now, although it was only diagnosed last June. I wasn’t doing anything at uni, but I somehow managed to hide it for most of the academic year, but at some point people, and my professor especially, started noticing I was doing absolutely nothing. My professor gave me additional time two times, and every time I promised myself that I was going to get it together and to work hard and prove myself but I just couldn’t leave my bed in the morning. Even when I did leave my bed, I didn’t have the energy to do the simplest things, even taking a shower and getting dressed was exhausting. So by the time I was ready to leave my home the only thing I wanted to do was go back to bed. After three months my professor told me she can’t continue working with me, that science is probably not for me, and that I should find something else to do. I was devastated. The uni’s management board summoned me for a meeting, and I was 100% sure they will kick me out and tell me to never come back. I couldn’t stop crying in the week leading up to that meeting. But they were actually much more understanding then my professor, even though they didn’t really know me personally. They told me they will give me three months so that I could recover and also think if I really wanted to come back, and if I decide I want to, they will help me find a new professor and give me another whole year to do my thesis (which is the amount of time you usually get for the thesis in my uni). During those three months I was able to have my mind rest a little bit, and not be stressed about deadlines and how unproductive I’m being. After about a month, I realized I missed science and research, which proved to me that I wasn’t “not made for science”. I was able to find the right medication for my depression (it’s not a magic trick, it takes time to find the right one, and it is very important to also have therapy in parallel). I traveled to France, where my grandpa lives, for three weeks. I highly recommend getting away from your usual environment and getting your head cleaned. I didn’t do any touristic things, just rested and didn’t think about the decision I had to take. Now I am back at my uni, with a new professor, who is much more suitable for my needs. Now I understand that part of the depression had to do with the previous professor and the way she handled things from the beginning.

These are the things that helped me get out of that horrible, dark time:

Professional help - for me this is the most important part. It is important to remember depression is a real physiological situation. Having it diagnosed and treated is the first step. This wasn’t done through my uni - they only suggested the psychiatrist, but she’s not working for the uni. My therapist is the reason I am where I am today (and she has nothing to do with my uni). I don’t know how the health system works in your country, but if you have the possibility to have professional help, do it asap. A good therapist is really important.Adressing the uni’s managment board - or whatever it is called in your uni. You might not know it exists - I didn’t know it did in my uni - but there are very high chances you have someone that is supposed to help students who have difficulties. If you can, have a diagnose before going to them. When people hear you’re already diagnosed they’ll be more keen to help you, because they know you’re not pretending or “being lazy”.Ask for some time for recovery and reflection - Explain your situation and ask for some time for yourself. Tell them that you want to be able to prove yourself, but that you can’t do it rn. If you’re afraid they won’t approve, you can ask for a sick leave. They will most likely approve of it when it’s presented like that.Rest and think - Take that time to mentally rest. Get away from your home/uni if possible.

Things to remember:

You are not being lazy, you didn’t become less smart over the last period. You have a medical condition, and it prevents you from fullfilling your potential. A runner can’t run with a broken leg, and we cannot function well with depression. It doesn’t mean you can never function well again, just like it doesn’t mean the runner can never run again. It will get better, with time and treatment.At the management board meeting, the head of board told me something very important and true: “You should enjoy what you’re doing. You should be passionate about what you’re doing”. I don’t know you/the reasons you’re studying what you’re studying, but it’s ok to change your mind. It’s ok to decide: “this is not for me, I want to try something else”. I’m not saying you should give up, and certainly not now when your mind is playing tricks on you, but just bear that in mind. At the end of the day, you’re the one going to your workplace every morning and doing whatever it is you’re doing for most of you waking hours. You should enjoy it. Do it for yourself, not for people around you. Another thing he told me: “You’re not here by mistake. You were accepted to the university, and it was because we thought you were fit to study here”. Remember that. I don’t know what or where you’re studying, but wherever it is, you’re not there by mistake or by chance. You’re there because you’ve proven in the past that you’re capable of being there. Right now your mental leg is broken, but it doesn’t change the fact that you CAN run, it’s just that your mental leg need fixing first.I hope you find the way to heal and to get out of this dark hole. I know it seems hopless now, but there is light waiting for you. You just need to hold on a little bit longer and it’ll find you. Don’t hesitate to come back if you need anything else, and please keep us updated