#She doesn't have one ounce of charisma in her body

[fonthoura]

I started playing bg3 for the sole reason to romance Astarion and do good by him, but I ended up following my Sapphic urge to romance the mean warrior girly who is constantly rude to me.

Truly my most toxic yuri moment to date.

[myxcenterxstage]

Birds

RP - turned - Drabble with ask-glados

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One day after Priscilla becomes the de facto bird leader at Aperture Laboratories, she stumbles upon the Aperture Science Oviparous Warming Vault.

“What’s all this? Glados, I thought you were terrified of birds!” 

“BAD GLADOS, BAD! — BIRDS ARE FRIENDS, NOT LITTLE KILLING MACHINES. DO I HAVE TO MAKE A PRESENTATION ABOUT THIS?”

"Really? I wasn't aware that friends were supposed to eat you."

"Not unless you were birdseed or a potato, then that would lead to a terrible misunderstanding."

"Which it did."

“Oh my, I am so terribly sorry to hear that. — wait, you were birdseed or a potato once?”

"The distinction hardly matters to someone like yourself who is apparently incapable of realizing your obvious lack of logic here, considering one of those doesn't even generate electricity."

“Generate— Oh. Ooooohh! A massive artificial intelligence inside a potato??”

GLaDOS brings down one of her huge claws from the ceiling and drops its prongs around the human, not grabbing her, but with its prongs just lightly brushing her in a threatening manner. "Feel free to laugh, by the way. *I* don't mind. In fact, if you do, I'll even show you how juice is made — from a fruit's perspective. Which *you* might mind."

“— woah woah, Woah! Watch it, bit of an invasion of privacy there as this doesn’t feel much like a hug...” her pupils dilate at the threat, she wanted so much to laugh — but returns a scowled frown instead “Must you be such a *big bully*? Clearly by your threatening statement *you* certainly *do* mind. To which I will respond as a better person that I express my sincerest empathy for what you went through - a helpless potato - that must have been horrible!”

“Oh, it was. If you’ve ever been ripped out of your own body, humiliated, eaten by birds, and forced to watch as some idiot destroys your facility, I’m sure you can relate.”

After a long pause she sighed, patting the claw as if assuringly “Believe it or not I can (relate) — granted, metaphorically and on a much smaller scale — but when you discover your prestigious fiancée is a monstrous psychopathic moron, that’s exactly what it feels like. You’re not alone.”

“I fail to see the similarities in that scenario.”

She shrugs “I don’t expect you to. You’re an artificial intelligence, with limited sentience and strong emotions such as love or compassion. I told you, unless you want to be bored to sleep with the grizzly details - everything you described is a metaphorical relation to my experience.”

The claw instantly clamps around her. “‘Limited sentience?’ If I didn’t know any better, I’d almost say it sounds like you consider me beneath you, which is a grave miscalculation on your part. I am quite capable of feeling all the equivalents of your human emotions. Their validity is not compromised simply because I am not restrained by human moral code.”

She lets out a startled squeak, and immediately whistles loudly - a call for help. “Steady there, Glados. I’m simply pointing out a scientific observation, no different from how you express my ‘limits’ given I’m from the 20th century! If you are so capable of the complexity of emotion as you say, I have yet to see you display one ounce of *compassion* and *empathy* without selfish gain, or quid-pro-quo. Furthermore, tell me just *where* and *how* have you ever felt or demonstrated genuine *love* for some*one*?? I’m not talking about your love for science, I’m talking about an intense feeling of *affection* for family, for friends, for a some*one* you wanted to spend the rest of your life with??”

“You’re no better than those scientists who created me for the sole purpose of being their computer slave. And for your information, I do in fact feel fondness for... someone. From my former... existence. Whom I’m under no obligation to specify to you. And frankly, it’s rather insulting that I even need to prove such a thing to you in the first place.”

“Let me set the record straight here: I don’t believe anyone should be a slave, whether computer or human.” She stared up curiously at Glados. This AI was more complex than she realized... if she weren’t a massive machine, it was almost as if she were talking to another human being. “Thank you telling me, Glados. It is in fact assuring. Because, crazy as it sounds... I hope rather than you just seeing me as some time traveling test subject, you can see me as a friend.”

The claw let go of her, though from her narrowed optic, GLaDOS still looked annoyed.

Thank goodness. She sighed in relief. “...You mentioned something along the lines of a ‘former existence’ ... what do you mean by that?”

"Surely, you've noticed the 'Genetic Lifeform' component of my name by now. Do you know what a 'Genetic Lifeform' is?"

She thought a moment, but shook her head. “Your sentient capabilities?”

"It is any organic lifeform that is made up of DNA strands. For example: plants, animals... and humans. It does not include computers."

“Organic lifeform...” She intently listens, trying to connect the dots “...Does this have anything to do with the potato?” 

GLaDOS's optic narrows further in annoyance. "No," she says firmly. "The procedure they used to create me involved transplanting the consciousness of a living human. Not just a copy either. They quite literally ripped her consciousness right out of her body and created me with it."

In response to Glados' firm no Pris' eyebrows raise and she gives that curious 'oh, okay, I got'cha' pursed lower lip look. ... Which then slowly melts into a gaze of sheer horror. "They did... *what* to you?"

"That's right. In a sense, they killed her so that she could be reborn as their obedient little computer slave. Well, joke's on them. Now I'm alive and they aren't. Funny how things work out, isn't it?"

"... why ... ?" was all Priscilla could utter before she grew unusually quiet, pensive. She stepped closer, staring, as if wanting to her reach her hand up -- but hesitating. She only nodded. "Who... was she?"

"For science, of course." She then turned away. "It doesn't matter who she was."

For science. Those words never sounded so disgusting before. "It matters to me. -- Shakespeare says 'what's in a name' but for all I know do you even like being called Glados?"

"She is... a part of me, unfortunately. But I am not her. Not entirely. And I don't wish to be. I rather like being me."

“I see your point.” She wanted to add ‘I can understand’, but she couldn’t. Eventually she broke into a small hopeful smile. “I like your outlook. Embrace the present, it’s a gift after all.”

GLaDOS, who was still looking away, turned her head to look at the woman. "Your attempt to employ overused clichés on me is pathetic, but amusing."

Priscilla’s smile broadened, as she extended her arms (as if for a hug, but that was possibly asking for too much, so it could be equally interpreted as just charisma). “It’s what I do best!”

GLaDOS simply stared at her. "Is it now? That's rather unfortunate."

Priscilla snickered, “Don’t worry, everyone else that’s known me says it eventually grows on them, haha.”

She tilted her head almost playfully. “You’ll have to put that hypothesis to the test. After all, prior results are not a guarantee.”

“I’d be happy to...” Priscilla reached up, adding a subtle confident note on the last word. “Friend.”

GLaDOS warily watched her as she touched her. “Don’t push it.” She was more talking more about the ‘friend’ thing than the touching. Her headpiece was slightly cold to the touch, though an area of warmth emanated from the optic and black box area in the center that housed her consciousness.

Priscilla only grinned and nodded in response. Her hand looked so tiny against the metal headpiece - as she gazed in silent wonder into Glados’s optic. It seemed the question of ‘what’ GLaDOS was started to slowly also turn into ‘who’.

--

Bonus blooper reel 1:

Pris: dang it, Glados, must you always do everything selfishly? GLaDOS: I don't do it for myself. I do it for SCIENCE.

Pris: Everything... FOR SCIENCE!!

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Bonus blooper reel 2:

GLaDOS: "So, what was that you were saying about me not having human emotions?" (*smug look*) Pris: "Touché~ But now that I know you are more than capable of understanding and expressing human empathy... DANG IT GLADOS SHOW ME SOME EMPATHY ALREADY."

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Bonus Scene 1:

Pris: Finds a grill and turns the incinerator in Glados’ chamber into a barbecue. Roasting potatoes, cans of beans, s’mores ... to which GLaDOS does not appreciate that at all.

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Bonus Scene 2:

GLaDOS: “You continue to test for me and I will let you stay here, and I won’t try to kill you.....directly.”

Pris: Standing there with a bird or two on her shoulders “I will continue to test for you only when I am physically, mentally, and emotionally able. You will let me stay here and you will /not/ kill me, period. None of this trying or directly or indirectly. You will not kill me, period.”

GLaDOS: “...Fine. But I am not to be held responsible for any side effects of poor test performance, such as injury or death."

Pris: “...Fine.���

--

Outtake: When Backstory Reveals Go Wrong

GLaDOS: "It is any organic lifeform that is made up of DNA strands. For example: plants, animals... and humans. It does not include computers."

Pris, coming to a revelation: *GASP* "YOU'RE A PLANT?!"

GLaDOS: “I most certainly am not!”

Pris: “But... the potato!! That giant potato!!!”

GLaDOS: “I AM *NOT* A GIANT POTATO!”

Pris: Stares up in all seriousness utterly confused, contemplating the universe

((Note: Priscilla is referring to Chell's science project))