#Shaking murder in front of you like catnip

[poorsallystitches]

Why don't the Hannibal girlies and Merciless evil devil from hell girlies hop on Shin Joo Hyuk and Ryu Soo Yeol from Bad and Crazy

Spoilers under the cut

I probably know why, and it is partially because of how late in the show their dynamic starts and how little time they have to explore it, as well as the fact that there is a more dominant ship people are focusing on, and the fact that the show doesn't really call these types of fans to it, but maybe I could help a bit with the last one.

Now, first things first, Shin Joo Hyuk is actually Ryu Soo Yeol's therapist. He sees right through him from the first meeting because, obviously he already knows him and already has ulterior motives in mind. Sound familiar?

Secondly, there is the murder aspect. Ryu Soo Yeol was once a child named In Jae Hui and he ended up meeting Shin Joo Hyuk aka Jeong Yun Ho as a child and was manipulated by him into making a pact to kill their fathers and run away together. This was suspected to be Yun Ho's first murder, and he became obsessed with Jae Hui until adulthood because Jae Hui's alter ego, K, jumped in and Jae Hui didn't kill anyone.

Shin Joo Hyuk is incredibly intelligent, getting multiple young adults and teenagers to kill their abusers and sometimes themselves all to get Soo Yeol's attention and Soo Yeol, once he realizes who Joo Hyuk is, is justly horrified. Also, his interest in Soo Yeol is delightfully vague. Why Soo Yeol? Because of his alter ego? Because he failed? Because he was his first victim? Because he's hot? Who knows. He does have pretty eyes though. Again, sound familiar?

So, yeah they fit in great. Also, this post is purely for my own benefit. I see no fanfiction and hardly any posts about Shin Joo Hyuk at all and I just wanted to bring about the change I wanted to see in the world. I also completely ship K and Soo Yeol, so don't take this post as saying I think people are wrong for focusing on them, they are phenomenal. I just wanted to get the darker romance girlies to look at them.

Last thing to add is the pretty factor

Ryu Soo Yeol played by Lee Dong Wook (Also plays Moonjo in Strangers from Hell)

Shin Joo Hyuk played by Jung Sung Il (I couldn't even find a good gif for him guys please.)

[rpreaperperson]

Chapter 10: Anger

Masterlist

“There’s more of them?” asked Price from his desk

“As I told you before we’ve been looking for their existence and found many evidence of them, but we got no luck..find the living one” explained Professor while wiping her glasses with her napkins

“until you found her...” Price lean back at his chair crossing his strong arms

“Indeed...” answer Professor, Price pursing his lips a lil' bit

“So..her parents..”

“Unknown but most likely they’re dead, I have found her unconscious in an abounded village none single life lives there, except for some animals there..and what I find it fascinating is..” she paused as she halted wiping her glasses, her dim eyes spark in interest remembering the days she met her dearest subject

“They seem to be protective of her... when I tried to approach her, they stare at me like I'm kind of threat..the deer, snake, birds, all of the kind animals there...by the way they all normal animals Captain”

“how do you manage to take her..?”

“with a little bit of persuasion of course..” Professor smirks emotionless at him putting back her glasses, Price stares at her indifferent

“You sure to share this information? Without asking her first?” he raised his eyebrow at her

“She’ll understand Captain..besides she is under your care now...and I think you deserve to know..but remember this Captain...”slowly she walk closer to his desk

“I’ll not hesitate to murder anyone who harms her.... physically or mentally.. that includes you and all of your team”

“You know in this line of of work she’ll got be-”

SLAM

“then I will now...Captain..I have eyes everywhere...even here in this very secure base..”Professor stared at Price intimidated, but Price calmly smiled and nodded mockingly

“Of course madam” she just huffing and throw a flashdisk on his desk

“Heed my word Captain...you dont want to anger me...nor her”

Then she walked out from his office after she out Price smiled slowly gone furrowing as he took the flash disk and silently inspected it

.

.

 “Bonnie!” Soap tried to reach Claw but he got shot by one of Shadows instead and fell, then Ghost threw a knife at Shadow who holding Claw

“Master!” she cried to Soap dashing to his fallen form, placing her finger to his neck and feeling his pulse sigh in relief when found one, Soap groan then he sat upright

“Both of you! Get out of here!” Ghost growls

“But Maste –“ Claw whimper to Ghost her eyes filled with concern, and fear

“JUST GO!” Ghost yelled in desperation and anger, Claw flinched and with haste, she grabbed Soap’s vest dragged him to the concrete barrier, slid down to the slope covering his body with her small one to protect Soap

“Fuck!” Soap manages to get on his feet, and both of them flee to nearby town

Saw both Soap and Claw flee from them Graves halting the Shadows shooting at Soap

“Stop!” command Graves staring down the slope, silently cursing

“Should’ve used those catnip...” he mutter, pursing his lips

.

Dragging Soap bulk body with her slim one, her feet wobbly and shaking because of the weight she carried and the graze when she slid down the slope

“Stop a little bit Lass..” ask Soap when they reach in alleyway

“B-but..” she whimper

“Shh..it’s okay lass..”

 Claw gently put Soap down in an alleyway, as she checked her gear for medication while Soap tried to connect his comms to Ghost

Unfortunally he got no answer, he glance at Claw when she whimper at him

“I got a bandage in my gear, Master..” a tear fell from her eyes, her hands shaking to offer him a bandage, as much Soap wanted to console her warp his arm around her and whisper ‘it gonna be okay’ , but worried that Shadows would catch up to them any time

“Save it for later Bonnie..we gotta move now” he grunts as he stands up with Claw's assistance she holding his uninjured arm, as they limp their way to somewhere safe her nose smells so much blood two dead bodies lay in front of them

Claw accidentally trips and falls on the ground along with Soap, her wet ears slumping on her head

“ugh..you okay Lass?” grunted Soap

“m sorry!..Im sorry...” she whimpered sniffing, her wet shoes making a squelching sound tried to endure her pain

“Soap, This is Ghost how copy?” ask Ghost that finally answer his comms

“Johnny?” he assisted Claw in getting into her feet, Claw exhaled deeply when she heard Ghost's voice

“Johnny how copy?”

“Solid” answer Soap limping his way to the car in front of him

“Thought we lost you, Claw?” ask Ghost hopping for his little hybrid answer

“H-here..hiks” answer Claw still sniffing, wiping her face with her arms

“you injured?”

“M-master Soap got shot in the shoulder..” she inspect Soap injury

“What about you Claw?”

“...Im good” both Soap and Ghost know that it was a lie, but they don't have much time to get her to spit out the truth

As they sneak around from Shadows and Graves, they can also hear the Shadow's conversation and Graves's order to get information from civilian

“where are you Master?, are you hurt?” whisper Claw as she passes many of civilian dead body, clenching her into a fist

“Good, There’s a cruch. Im heading to it, let’s RV there”

.

When they found an empty house, Claw quickly bandaged Soap's shoulder she’ll get the bullet out of Soap's shoulder when they get into the safest place right now they were being hunted

“forgive me...” whisper Claw to Soap, her ears slumped against her head

“what for Bonnie?” Soap huffed

“..I couldn’t protect you, even Master Ale..is..captured...I should’ve done more”

“hey...Im still alive yeah? And I dont doubt Alejandro still fighting right now”

“still...” Claw leaned into his neck nuzzling and comforting herself with his scent, a sweaty , rainy, and bloody scent but still...she found it comforting unconsciously she licked his neck, Soap tried not to flinch at her intimate gesture his heart beating fast biting his lips Soap raised his arm to embrace her in his chest but he halt his arms when Claw growled

“I promise...I will protect you..” Claw growled, clenching her fist becoming territorial, her round pupils became slit

Soap gulped down his spit as he stared up at her for some reason something awakened inside him when he saw her anger for the first time, and so did Ghost the first time he heard Claw growl it was a pity that he couldn't see her

.

“You sure about this?”

“What?”

“Hunting 141?”

“What chicken out already?”

“Hell no!, this is 141 we’re talking especially that skull mask guy”

“take ‘em out, before they take you out, and don't forget to catch the kitty Boss wants her alive, sedate her immediately she’s sneaky and slippery as fuck”

“Well cats hate water no?, she must be hiding inside the houses”  then  they split up one went into the alleyway and one into the house, unknown to them they became prey to the cat hybrid her eyes glowed in the dark She snatched a knife from her pocket without hesitation ambushed the Shadow, and dug her knife into his neck before he could react

“Forgive me....but it is for my Dear Master..” she whispers into his ear, putting the body gently to the floor she stares at his dead eyes emotionless

“the house clear master...” she talk to the comms

“Good, done ‘ere as well, theres a problem though”

“What is it?”

“gotta find somethin’ to clear the path to the church ,those fuckers hoarding it”

“...I’ll clear it”

“You sure Lass?”

“Dont make a ruckus Claw, they after you”

���Im sure..” without a moment of hesitation Claw rushed into the place where three Shadows guarding it, gripping her knife tightly in both of her hands she threw it at two shadows, one remaining Shadow couldn't even react because Cla rushed into his back and swiftly snapped his head

“Stemin’ Jesus...” Soap softly curses at Claw action

“Enjoying the show Johnny?”quip Ghost

“Very much LT” Claw took her knife out from the body, and she cleaned it with the rain slowly watching the water wipe out the blood then flicked it putting the knife back on her vest and taking a gun from the Shadows

“All clear” confirm Claw as she give Soap a gun

“Nice..Lets go before LT got tantrum” Soap smirk at her and ruffles her hair

“I heard you there Johnny” snide Ghost at the comms

.

They arrived at the church and met Ghost there, He climbed out the church gate while both Soap and Claw shooting at Shadows, as much as Ghost wanted to wipe all out the Shadows they had to flee and find a safe house

Ghost alerted them that he found a pickup for them to escape, Claw closely followed behind Soap shooting as many Shadows as she can

“C’mon Bonnie!” command Soap ripping the door open then Claw steps into the vehicle first crammed by Soap and Ghost who threw himself to the driver's seat

“Get back!” yell Soap while he slamming Claws face into his chest, he shot at one Shadow who sneak beside the vehicle

“Omphff!” Claw muffled on Soap vest

“Thanks” nod Ghost in graditude

“Drive I’ll cover us” Soap lets go of Claw from his chest as she shakes her head wiping her face off, then hanging on the dashboard when Ghost slams the pickup through a vendor

Taglist : @lilpothoscuttings @unicorngirly1 @kaoyamamegami

[yoonjinkooked]

Kitchen Confidential | Jin (3)

banner: @casuallyimagining​

PART 1  /  PART 2

Pairing: Seokjin / Reader

Rating: 18+

Genre: Enemies to lovers, chef AU

Warnings: slow burn with explicit sex later, cursing 

Word Count: 5.447 

Summary: After years of annoying the life out of you, your rival, Kim Seokjin, pushes you a step too far and he knows it. As angry and resentful as you are, you don’t realize that something has been brewing under the surface for years. This weekend, that will change.

Earlier this morning, you have decided that the time has come to ask Namjoon for a raise. You work hard, do your job well and make sure that the customers walk out of Bonsai with smiles on their faces and bellies full of good food. Having spent most of the day hopping around on one leg, leaning on either Jungkook or Hoseok, going from one room to another to participate in some stupid team building trust exercises, you were agitated and ready for this weekend to be over.

From the moment you’ve opened your eyes, you were in a sour mood. Ankle still very much in pain, you were already thinking about how the hell you are supposed to survive tomorrow in the kitchen – and if you can’t, could you confidently give the control over to Jungkook? And like that wasn’t enough, Kim Seokjin was everywhere. Very literally, everywhere.

Across the table from you at breakfast, two chairs down from you during the lecture you had to sit through and ever as a member of your scavenger hunt team. A scavenger hunt you’ve participated in by sitting on the floor at “home base” and waited for the rest to return with puzzle pieces. And while you helped the team solve the puzzle, Seokjin was right next to you.

The only form of communication between you were the nods you’ve exchanged at breakfast. Other than that, he didn’t say a word and neither did you. At first you thought he was simply going to ignore you for the rest of the day, something you wouldn’t have any complaints about whatsoever, but soon enough you’ve started noticing how Kim Seokjin spends a surprising amount of time just… looking at you. And not just at times when you speak or have the attention on you anyways, oh no. He’d look at you when you’re silent, when you’re minding your own business and always, always, when he thinks that you’re not noticing it. Every time you’d lift your head up and look his way, he’d suddenly find something else more interesting than you.

Even now, sitting between him and Jungkook, you can feel his stare on you. That on itself would be high key unnerving, but after the conversation you’ve had with Jungkook last night, you can’t help but wonder if he had a point. As crazy as it sounded last night, what if Jungkook was right and Kim Seokjin does actually like you?

Perhaps like is not an appropriate word. Can he like you if he doesn’t even know you? Yeah, he’s known you for years but not you as a person, not you as a friend. Attraction might be a better explanation to the current situation. Is Kim Seokjin attracted to you? That’s a bit doubtful but then again, why wouldn’t he be? And he truly is paying more attention to you now than before. Or maybe you’re just noticing it more now. Just how Jungkook had promised you would.

“Now,” Lucy, the weirdly hyperactive middle aged woman leading today’s exercises claps her hands so loudly, you find yourself jumping in surprise. Shaking your head, you empty it of Kim Seokjin and worries about tomorrow’s service and focus on surviving this current form of torture that you are stuck in. “I know some of you guys are closer than the others. After all, you are two teams in one. But for this next exercise, I want you to completely ignore that. If you are close, perfect, it’s going to be fun and easy. If you’re not, just do your best and try. It’ll all help you in the end, help you in trusting your team more than you did before,” she explains. You nod, still wondering how the hell this can help your team work better and why Namjoon thought it was necessary.

“So,” once again, her hand clapping startles you. “You’ll be in pairs. To keep things simple, it’ll be just down the line of how you guys are sitting,” she smiles and this time, you are very startled. Looking down your left, you saw Jimin and Hoseok, Namjoon and Taehyung, Soobin and… Jungkook. It was a mistake to waddle after Jungkook just because you wanted to stay next to him, in your comfort zone. Now you’re stuck with the man on your right. You’re stuck with Kim Seokjin.

“What exactly are we supposed to do?” Wendy, the hostess from Catnip asks. You see her sitting next to Taehyun and you wonder if the two have ever actually talked to one another before.

“Talk,” you want to roll your eyes when the annoying lady in charge laughs at Wendy. “Just talk. If you go way back, talk about how you met. If you barely know each other, get to know each other. After a while we’ll regroup here and I’ll ask you a couple of questions. I’d suggest you find an empty room or table, maybe go outside and get some fresh air? Let’s say, come back here in an hour? And then we can continue with the exercise.”

An hour of talking with Seokjin. Yes, you’re definitely asking Namjoon for a raise.

“Are you okay with not going far?” you ask Seokjin as you stand up, already wincing at the sharp pain your ankle causes you – if this intensity of pain continues tomorrow, you’re going to have to get it checked by a doctor. “I’d rather not test my leg today.”

“Yeah, sure,” Seokjin agrees immediately, standing up beside you. “Do you need help?” he asks.

You want to say no, you truly do. Knowing that your leg won’t appreciate your pettiness, you nod. “Please,” he immediately offers you his arm, which you cling onto as you start bouncing your way out of the hall, not knowing where exactly you’re heading. “Where should we go?” you ask.

“How about the hotel café?” he suggests as he patiently walks in your speed. “It’s pretty much next door and we can drink some coffee?”

“Sure.”

It’s awkward. Perhaps even more awkward than it would have been if last night’s conversation didn’t take place. Both of you are trying extra hard to be polite and it’s just… unnatural. Throwing around snarky comments and eye rolls is more your area of expertise. Now you’re all polite and he’s the perfect gentlemen, even pulling out your chair for you and insisting on buying coffee. It’s weird and awkward and all kinds of wrong.

“So…” he drags out as you reluctantly make eye contact with him. Is this the first time today that you’ve actually looked at each other? He’s been looking away too quickly for you to catch him this entire day. “We’re supposed to talk about when we met?”

It’s ironic now, extremely ironic. Direct eye contact makes Seokjin look more intimidating than he usually does, at least now when you are alone with him. And that feeling of being slightly intimidated by him is something you can vaguely remember from a period that seems like a lifetime ago.

“Didn’t we drink too much during school to remember that?” you ask, smiling when he laughs because yes, you absolutely did drink too much during school. Every damn weekend there was some party, held by someone from your year and you all took every chance that you’ve had for cheap alcohol and an excuse to not study. “But now that you mention it, I do remember one particular scene from the very first day of school.”

Okay, you’re lying. While you don’t remember much, you didn’t suddenly experience a surge of long lost memories coming back to you. The incident in question is something that you’ve never really forgotten since the day it happened, although you don’t think of it often.

“Oh god, what?” Seokjin looks worried and you laugh, knowing that he knows damn well that it’s bad.

“How do you call a cheese that isn’t yours?” you repeat the exact same words that you heard him saying the first day of school, laughing as you watch the pure horror on his face. It’s easy to laugh at him facing his dark past, although a part of you doesn’t believe that he regrets it, not for one second.

“I can’t believe I said that,” he whines.

“Nachocheese. Nacho fucking cheese,” you finish the joke, laughing so hard you feel your eyes watering. It doesn’t help when he looks at you and sighs, pretending that it’s different now, that this is not something he still does and that he does not have a wide array of similar jokes ready to go at any given moment.

“No wonder you hated my ass,” he chuckles, reaching for his cup of coffee.

“I never hated you,” you frown at him, pausing to sip on your own Americano. “Wow, hotel food is horrible but hotel coffee is decent,” you mumble in amazement, enjoying the taste. “Anyways, I didn’t hate you, not then, not now. Don’t get me wrong, you were a pain in my ass but I can distinctly remember laughing at that nacho cheese joke.”

“Huh, I wonder when I ruined that,” he says jokingly but with the way he looks down at the table, you can’t help but wonder if there’s a part of him that’s dead serious. With the events of last night still fresh in your mind, it’s hard to consider him anything but genuine. And with Jungkook’s words also fresh in your mind, you truly don’t want to have a chance to overthink about Seokjin. Especially not while he’s sitting directly in front of you.

“Probably when you changed the labels on salt and sugar jars when we had to make soufflés for an exam. I’m sure you remember that vividly.”

“No!” he lifts his finger up in warning. “I know it was too far but I also knew you’d be smart enough to taste before using! I knew you weren’t going to fall for it.”

“And yet you did it anyways,” you laugh, shaking your head as you remind yourself to not waste your time trying to find logic in Seokjin’s actions. “You’re so fucking lucky I didn’t fall for it. If I had used salt instead of sugar, I would have flunked and would have kicked your ass,” you tell him and you absolutely mean it. If his sabotage or fake sabotage had worked, you would have murdered him in cold blood, then and there.

“I trusted that the most brilliant chef on our year would taste the ingredients before using them,” he tries to flatter you to save himself and it works. It fucking works, because here you are, laughing.

“You’re such an ass,” you shake your head at him, chuckling at his antics. “But yeah. You did it, I didn’t fall for it, you lived. Do you remember when Jimin did that to Taehyung?”

“Yes,” Seokjin bursts into laughter. “And Taehyung did fall for it but it wasn’t for an exam, was it?”

“Nope, it was just regular class,” you confirm, smiling at the memory. “He was chasing Jimin around the hallways with that big ass whisk that hung on the wall as decoration.”

“What the hell was that whisk there for?” Seokjin’s eyes are wide and he sits up, suddenly… being irritated by a whisk? “It was always there, since day one. Just that one gigantic whisk. No one ever used it, right? It was just… there. What was the purpose of it?”

“Other than almost being used as a murder weapon once, I don’t think it was ever used for anything.”

“Do you remember that one time Jungkook had dropped one of those 10kg bags of flour?”  

“Oh god, he dropped it on Hoseok’s foot!” you jump up, suddenly remembering the scene that you didn’t think about in years. You can even recall the sound of pain that had left Hoseok. “And the bag ripped!” tears run down your face as you laugh at yet another idiotic memory of your school days.

“We were cleaning that damn flour all day,” Jin adds and you can clearly remember being on all fours with the rest of your class, laughing and cursing as you wipe the mess your friends made earlier, while someone was playing some random song way too loud.

Wiping away your tears, you take a deep breath, wondering if by the time your hour runs out, you’ll have to reluctantly admit that this exercise wasn’t so shitty after all.

“Can you manage?” Seokjin asks as he lets you lean on him again, on full alert to catch you if you stumble. You confirm with a nod. “Are you sure?” he checks again but you don’t have the time to answer as Lucy, the lady in charge, comes rushing towards the two of you.

“Hi!” She smiles in a way that makes you feel instantly uncomfortable. “Namjoon tells me that the two of you are team leaders in your respective restaurants.”

“Well, not really. We’re the team leaders in the kitchen, not in the restaurants,” Seokjin explains.

“Yeah, we’re not in charge for the front of house teams,” you add, looking around the hall where everyone else had already started to gather. “If you want team leaders, you’d need us, Yoongi and Namjoon as well as Mina and Wendy. We’re all in charge of different tasks.”

“Yeah, but kitchen teamwork is the most important,” Lucy laughs.

“Um, not necessarily,” Seokjin counters her immediately. “Front of house is just as important as-“

“Yes, but Namjoon tells me the two of you don’t exactly get along,” Lucy interrupts him. You shake your head, having just spent an hour down memory lane with Seokjin – Namjoon’s kiss ass, teacher’s pet nature is still showing after all these years. “I think it would set a good example for other pairs if the two of you go first. Are you up for it?” she asks and Seokjin turns to you, shrugging his shoulders.

“Why not?” you would shrug too, if you weren’t too busy clutching onto Seokjin’s arm.

“Perfect, follow me,” she orders the two of you and you follow her, standing behind her as she faces the rest of your co-workers. The entire scene must be comical, seeing as you are still very much hopping and clinging onto Seokjin and neither of you have any idea what’s about to happen. Jungkook raises an eyebrow at you, starting to laugh when you glare at him. Oh, but he doesn’t stop there – while Lucy talks, he wiggles his eyebrows and you don’t need to be a genius to know he’s teasing you for your arm candy. Here you go again, thinking about what he said last night.

“Y/N,” you snap out of your daze when Lucy calls your name. Shit, you weren’t listening. “Go on. Tell us what you admire about Seokjin.”

Oh fucking hell, no wonder why most of your co-workers look like they’re a few seconds away from laughing. Just a few days ago, you wanted to snap his neck, not caring who’d be there to witness it and now you are supposed to talk about him and what you admire most about him. In public. In front of people who have known you, and have more than enough blackmail material, for years.

“Can I just like… get a chair?” you ask awkwardly and thank god, Lucy walks over quickly to drag one to you. Once you’re seated and no longer attached to Seokjin, he does the same and sits his chair next to yours while you wait in awkward silence and pray this moment won’t last long because everyone is watching you and you want to cry. “Okay. I guess it’s not a secret that Seokjin and I aren’t exactly best of friends,” you start, immediately embarrassed by the few snickers coming from your co-workers.

“That’s an understatement,” Jimin mumbles loud enough for everyone to hear.

“You’re a jackass,” you smile at him, ignoring the kiss he blows your way. “Anyways, I know Seokjin and I aren’t always on the same page but when I think of what I admire about him…” you pause, thinking of right words to express your thoughts. “I admire his talent. He is a brilliant chef. Of course, I’m better, don’t get it twisted,” everyone in the room laughs at your remark, even Seokjin. Which is a relief, as much as you hate to admit it. ”I humbly think that I’m better a better chef, but I work hard. And way back when, I studied hard. Seokjin never had to. He’s a natural. I’ve… seen him improvise and create amazing dishes without much effort. Or at least he just knows how to make it look easy. But yeah, I admire his ability. And even though I will deny saying this for the rest of my life, I kind of envy him for it too.”

Everyone laughs and when you find the strength in you to look at him, you notice Seokjin smiling. Something that you’ve never noticed before is how calm and content he looks when he’s smiling. It’s miles away from his roaring laughter, just a simple smile and a nod of his head that tells you he’s thankful for your words. He has a beautiful smile and you’ve never paid attention to it before.

You look away immediately once you realize this, but you make the mistake of looking towards Jungkook. Whatever it is that just happened, he saw it. And you’re pretty sure you’ll get an earful later, judging by the way he questioningly raised his eyebrows at you.

“I might regret being completely honest here, so I’ll pull Y/N’s card and if anyone uses this against me, I’ll deny it,” a chorus of chuckles follows Seokjin’s words. You listen carefully but don’t dare to look at him – staring at your convers seems much more appealing right now. “I admire Y/N’s ability to be one with you guys. The way she gets along with her team is amazing. I know I have an amazing team that has my back always but Hoseok straight up sabotaged his own team yesterday during paintball because he’s that loyal to his actual team. Y/N is the glue that keeps you together, functioning as well as you do. I try to do the same. Not sure if it works but I truly admire that about her.”

You’re not sure if Seokjin knows how much hearing that meant to you. Shame swallows you when you realize you didn’t do half as much to portray him as someone you admire, even though not a single word of what you’ve said was a lie. Knowing that someone, someone who is arguably just as good as you are in the industry that you are in, thinks that you are admirable for the way you lead your team has to be one of the best compliments that you have ever received.

He didn’t praise you in an over the top way and honestly, he didn’t have to. He said the one thing that you actually hoped to hear, from someone, at some point in your career.

Did Seokjin know that? Was it a happy accident or does he actually pay attention enough to know how much your relationship with your team matters to you? Before this weekend team building disaster, you would have laughed at the suggestion that Seokjin had paid enough attention to notices something like that. After everything that has happened since, you’re not so sure. Maybe Seokjin did pay attention, more than you ever have.

There’s a thing that Jungkook does whenever he has something to say, but doesn’t want to say it. He tends to purse his lips, either in annoyance or in a desperate attempt to hold back his laughter. He looks away from the person he wants to say it to and it’s usually followed with his leg bouncing up and down.

The lip thing started while you were still at the hotel parking lot. The leg thing started half a mile ago.

“Whatever it is that you’re holding back, just say it.” you know you sound irritated and he hasn’t even said anything. But knowing him, and sadly, you know him well, whatever it is… it’s going to bother you.

“I’m not holding back anything,” he insists, but he almost breaks out in a chuckle. He is barely holding back. You can tell that it’s coming.

“Say it!” you growl at him.

“Seokjin and Y/N, sitting in a tree,” he starts singing. Yep, you were right. It is bothering you. “K-I-S-S-I-N-G! First comes rivalry, then comes flirting, then comes-“

“Oh my god, stop!” you whine. The last thing you want to hear is how he plans on finishing the song. “I knew you were holding something back. There’s nothing happening with Seokjin!”

“I know there isn’t, you’re still in denial,” he laughs, not moving his eyes from the road. “You are now entering Denialtown. Population: Y/N.”

The easiest way to get Jungkook of your case is to simply ignore him. If you play along, he’ll take that as a confirmation and think that he’s right. If you get defensive, he won’t let it go, at least not before this car ride is over. The best thing you could do was ignore him and stare through the window in silence. At least the view is beautiful, with the purple, orange and pinkish sky. You didn’t get any rest over this weekend but at least you got a chance to spend some time outside, much more than you do on your regular weekends. Although a spa weekend would have been better. A spa weekend spent alone.

“I know you’re trying to shut me out,” you hear Jungkook chuckle. “By all means, do that. Still doesn’t change that Seokjin has the hots for you and judging by those exchanged looks between you, you don’t seem to mind.”

You wanted to deny but you kept your mouth shut, knowing how this will play out. Of course you looked at him – it would have been incredibly rude not to, seeing as you spent a good chunk of the day talking with him. What Jungkook is forgetting and you can’t is that you are still very much hurt with the events that preceded this weekend. Sure, Seokjin is acting all nice and yes, he’s not that bad to look at. Also, he did apologize for stealing your recipe but that doesn’t change the fact that he did it. You are still salty about it and whenever that saltiness starts to die down, you’ll remind yourself of it, just like you’re doing now. He can act all friendly and chummy but he straight up harmed your career.

The only reason he was being nice is because he knows what he has done. Perhaps he even fears your possible retaliation. Nice and cute he can be, but if you were not angry to the point of seeing red, this weekend wouldn’t even happen. He wouldn’t have been acting the way he was. You are 100% sure that he would have been his normal, annoying self, if that human part of him wasn’t feeling guilty.

“Do you think you’ll manage tomorrow on your own?” you blatantly change the topic. If he could afford to look away from the road before him, Jungkook would see that you are not amused, not in the least. Your tone must be enough for him to figure it out, because his teasing demeanor stops instantly, his smile turning into a frown. “I’m pretty sure I won’t be able to stand tomorrow. At least not for the whole shift,” you tell him.

It was settled before you left, that Jungkook will take your place. Namjoon insisted that you rest, however long it takes and no matter how much you were fighting him on it, he’s the boss and his word is last. He also had a good point – if you were to strain yourself, it could easily backfire and lead to more pain or a longer paid sick leave. Sure, it hurts less than it did yesterday and tomorrow morning, it’ll probably be better, but you know that Namjoon was right and that you really shouldn’t risk it.

That meant that your kitchen, your precious kitchen and team, will be in Jungkook’s hands tomorrow.

“It’s not the first time that I have to run the kitchen. Don’t you trust me?” Jungkook asks and you instantly feel bad for even asking if he’d be able to do it. You didn’t ask because you have doubts in his ability – you asked because you want to make sure that he’s comfortable.

“I’d trust you with my life, you dumbass,” you tell him and instantly feel your shoulders sag in relief when he starts laughing. “I don’t doubt your ability, I never have. I’m simply asking because before we’ve had time to prepare for you being in charge and me being away. This time it’s pretty sudden and I really don’t feel like pushing you into the fire.”

“I can handle fire just fine,” he reassures you. “And in case I need help, you’re one call away. Just… do your best to take this time to relax, not just rest your leg. Fuck, when’s the last time you’ve had a proper vacation?” he asks.

“Uh… define proper vacation.”

“More than three days off? In a row?” he suggests.

“Never?” you wonder out loud. “Not since I’ve started working full time, at least. I think I took a week off when we worked back at Dino’s?”

“Y/N, you need to take a little break,” Jungkook sounds serious, which suddenly makes you feel guilty because of your own irresponsibility. Looking away from him and focusing on the colorful sky again, you wonder how much your workaholic behavior had affected you without even realizing.

It’s not that you were missing any warning signs: you don’t feel overworked, you don’t hate your job, you do have hobbies you enjoy doing when you’re not working. If trying out new recipes, watching movies and hanging out with friends can count as hobbies. On the surface, it’s all fine and dandy but not taking more than three days off in a row is simply not normal. Being in love with your job and fully dedicated to it does not mean that you can’t be negatively affected by it.

Thinking back on the day of the review… a part of you really wanted to strangle Seokjin, then and there. There’s a whole backstory that almost made violence become your solution but maybe it was something more. Lack of patience, stress… Maybe your mind is playing tricks on you but suddenly taking a few days off doesn’t sound like such a horrible idea.

“You know, maybe asking Namjoon to take this whole week off is what I need to do.”

“That sounds good,” Jungkook agrees immediately. “You can rest your leg, relax, think of recipes for the fall menu… take some time off for yourself. I can handle the kitchen for a week.”

“Of course you can. One fine day when I grow a pair and decide to open my own restaurant, you’re going to be a head chef. Being in charge of everything for a little bit is going to be a good practice for that,” you tell him even though you’re pretty he could do a damn good job, even now.

“And here I thought I was going to be your sous chef forever,” he tells you. You immediately laugh but as you turn to look at him, there is a trace of a pout on his lips. Yeah, he’s joking but it doesn’t seem like this kind of joke sounds good to him. You want to coo at his pouty face.

“Kook. You can’t be my second in command forever,” you tell him, leaning over to tap him on the shoulder. “You’re too good of a chef for that. We’re a great team but keeping you a sous chef forever would be an insult to your talent. I’m not planning on going anywhere for now, so you have plenty of time to get used to the idea. But when I open my own place, Bonsai’s kitchen is yours. Unless you get sick of me first and leave,” you joke. “Or we can be partners and open our own place?”

“Nah,” Jungkook shakes his head so quickly, you almost feel insulted at the speed of his refusal. “You’ll open a place with Seokjin when the two of you get married.”

“Oh my god,” you roll your eyes. How lovely, you can no longer even have a touching conversation without him turning it right back to the part where he teases you relentlessly. “You know, I might just speed up to the leaving part and leave your sorry ass in the kitchen alone.”

“I’m just joking!”

 You haven’t even realized how much you’ve missed the comfort of your own apartment, not until you closed the front door and leaned on it with your eyes closed. Too much has happened and instead of being a relaxing, team building event, this weekend felt more like two and a half days of pure stress, with a few jokes and a couple of drinks to make it easier.

Waddling your way to the kitchen, you decide to do the one thing that always helps you de-stress: cook.

It doesn’t take you long to pick out the ingredients and get ready for prep. Wash hands, butterfly the chicken breasts, move them to a plate, season them with salt and pepper, wash everything. Use a new chopping board and knife, get the cheese and prosciutto ready. Fill the chicken with cheese, wrap it with prosciutto. Pan on medium heat, oil. Get out the sauce ingredients and gnocchi.

It’s only when you’re opening the bag of gnocchi that you realize what you’re making. Using the ingredients at hand, things you had ready to go, food that needed to be used before going bad, you ended up halfway through the infamous chicken recipe that was reviewed by the critic.

Frowning, you take out another pan. You’re going to roast the damn gnocchi this time. Just a little, to get the outside to a subtle crunch, since the renowned mister food critic preferred them that way. Cooking them to al dente, you throw them into the heated pan, chunk a bunch of fresh rosemary in it and pour a bit of olive oil, waiting for the cast iron to do its trick.

By the time the chicken is done, the gnocchi is too, and with a quick tomato sauce, you’re ready to go. Finishing it off with a dash of balsamic vinegar, because even when you’re at home, you’re still a damn good head chef, you waddle your way to the kitchen island, ignoring the dishes that are now filling up the sink: that’s tomorrow Y/N’s problem.

Scooping a tiny piece of chicken and one tiny gnocco, you dab them in sauce and try it, approaching it as head chef Y/N, not a hungry, regular person Y/N.

Seconds pass as you chew, analyzing every kind of flavor that you get through the bite, all the sweet, salty and savory undertones in that one bite. And the textures, the textures that your original recipe lacked, because you did not pan sear the gnocchi.

“Damn you, Kim Seokjin,” you sigh, stabbing the chicken with your fork rather ferociously. “You really did make it better, didn’t you?”

You wanted to be mad, you really did. Salty, like you were before. And a huge part of you still was. Angry at him for taking the recipe, angry at yourself for not thinking about adding a new layer of texture to the dish before he did… yeah, a part of you was angry. But a different part of you, the one who didn’t want to stab that poor piece of chicken, was thinking of that smile Seokjin makes – that cute, content smile, when he closes his eyes, his lips subtly lift up at the corners and dimples appear.

The bitter taste in your mouth had nothing to do with the dish you’ve just made. It had everything to do with Seokjin and you once again wondering to yourself, how the hell did it get to this?

That’s a question you don’t know how to answer but you’re sure as hell glad Jungkook isn’t here to tease you about it. A girl can only handle so much when she’s wondering if the relationship with her arch nemesis now involves different kinds of… feelings.

[drsilverfish]

Nothing Gold Can Stay... (15x04 Atomic Monsters)

Nature’s first green is gold, Her hardest hue to hold. Her early leaf’s a flower; But only so an hour. Then leaf subsides to leaf. So Eden sank to grief, So dawn goes down to day. Nothing gold can stay.

Robert Frost

Hey everyone, as ever, I am catching up British-time, so I haven’t jumped into your posts yet, but I’m looking forward to it!

I’m sure there are some great gifs and discussions already out there about Dean and his “man meat” grief-eating. 

But I thought I’d start with Veronica and Robert Frost.

Those of you who’ve been following mine or @occamshipper​ ‘s musings on the use of alchemical themes in Dabb-era SPN will know that gold was highly significant to the medieval alchemists. It was their ultimate goal, to turn “base metal” (lead) into gold, and that was understood as a metaphor (or a mirror on the earthly plane) for the refinement of the soul on its journey to God. 

Next week’s episode, 15x05, is titled  Proverbs 17.3, and in the Bible, Proverbs 17.3 reads (King James version):

The fining pot is for silver, and the furnace for gold:

But the LORD trieth the hearts

Gold is, officially, a theme. As is the symbolic red of the heart.

As Becky tells Chuck, it’s not the monsters (ooh shade at the Leviathan, whom Chuck thinks were “great”, just like he thought the ending of Game of Thrones was “great”) which SPN fans are really interested in, it’s the emotional interactions between the characters - i.e. their hearts. 

Becky, in Perez’ metafictional commentary, is the fan-fiction representative who has come to understand the SPN story better than sucky origin-writer Chuck. She knows it’s about the emotional notes, the heartfelt conversations between the hero characters (including Cas, since she shades his non-mention all too often in Chuck’s MOTW stories) - aka the real “gold” of the story.

Interesting also, in terms of alchemical colour symbolism, are Sam’s God-wound induced “red visions”, which seem to be of an AU in which Sam has succumbed to his old demon-blood addiction (symbolic of his S5 apparent “destiny” of possession by Lucifer):

I was waiting for the Ouroboros (spiral/ circular narrative) reference to 5x04 The End (in its numerical correspondence to 15x04). And here it is, because Sam in the red-vision in 15x04 speaks in a similar voice to Lucifer!Sam in The End. Dean in the 15x04 red vision is a desperate fighter and Sam has said “Yes” to the demonic, just as was the case in 5x04 The End.:

In alchemy, there are four traditional colour-stages along the alchemical transformational road from lead to gold - nigredo (blackening) albedo (whitening) citrinitas (yellowing) and rubedo (reddening). Reddening is the final stage before gold. So Sam’s red-visions, and the gold which becomes a theme in 15x04 by means of the quotation from Robert Frost’s beautiful poem, are linked pieces of alchemical symbolism. 

Their meaning, I think, is that just as Amara’s link to Dean through the Mark of Cain changed Amara for the better (she learned about love through experiencing Dean’s “heart” through the Mark in S11, thus shaking off The DarknessTM to become clothed in yellow, the colour of the sun, at the start of S15), so Sam’s link to Chuck through the God-gun (of equalising/ revenge) will (hopefully, eventually) change Chuck for the better. A balance of powers - the feminine God-principle and the masculine God-principle, both learning compassion and becoming their higher selves (achieving the spiritual synthesis of “gold”) through their links to the (red) hearts of the Winchesters.

That means suffering for the Winchesters along the way, of course, as they too, undergo the alchemical process of self-transformation by (eventually) fully facing their Shadows (their unconscious); Sam’s fear of being permanently “contaminated” by the demon-blood fed to him as a baby, and Dean’s fear of abandonment (stemming from the loss of his mother) which leads him to be over-controlling and to act out and push people (ahem, Cas) away.    

But back to Veronica. Veronica who quotes Robert Frost’s lovely poem in her tribute speech to her “best friend” Suzy (possibly, her lover - that subtextual reading is certainly available).

Veronica is a fascinating character, because she is “read wrong”, by Dean in particular, who thinks she’s the vampire, the one killing her cheerleader rivals in order to get the top spot. And he’s wrong because, as Sam points out, she has braces, a no-no for vamp-teeth. Dean is really sarcastic about the memorial speech Veronica is practising for Suzy, of whom she says, “I’m lost without Suzy, it’s like a piece of my heart is gone.”  

Here is Dean, being a sarcastic little shit about Veronica’s emotive school-girl speech: 

Of course, Veronica’s eulogy for her dead beloved, who was “gold” and thus (in her Frost’s poem analogy) was too beautiful to last in this world, is too painful for Dean to hear. It verbalises what he cannot (he can’t even bear to speak Castiel’s name, all episode):

“My best friend Suzy who I miss like she was a part of me, and in many ways she’s still a part of me.”

In subtext, Dean also reads Veronica ���wrong” because he thinks she was Suzy’s rival, when in fact, she was her lover (part of a Veronica-Suzy-Billy love-triangle, the F/F element emphasised by their attendance at a school called “Beaverdale” where “beaver” is of course slang for vagina). 

Look at all those red hearts (symbols of romantic love) on Suzy’s memorial pin-board, Indeed, look at all that red in general. A “match” for Sam’s “red-visions”. If Sam’s rubedo (alchemical reddening) trial is his God-wound, Dean’s is his separation from Cas: 

Veronica, it seems (unbeknownst to the Winchesters) is a neophyte hunter (as well as, in subtext, Suzy’s lover) a sleuth, on the trail of whoever killed Suzy. And it looks like she knows it was a vampire. When Sam and Dean are questioning her (and she’s clearly suspicious of them) we see her with a syringe of what looks like blood behind her back, ready to jab them:

We know, from 1x20 Dead Man’s Blood, that in the SPN universe, a dead person’s blood can temporarily take down a vamp. So it seems that whilst Dean suspects Veronica of being the vampire, she suspects the Winchesters (a recurrence of SPN’s perennial - “Who is really the monster?”/ it’s not black-and-white theme. The reference to Dead Man’s Blood is also interesting, as this was an early episode in which Dean defied his father (stepped out of being John’s “good little solider”, who did see monsters in black-and-white) yet now, we have, Ouroboros-style Dean regressing to old John-learned behaviours (conceal, don’t feel) after the second death of Mary. 

I love this little Veronica detail. It’s an un-explored thread in the story, a piece of fan-fiction catnip begging for further elaboration. More Perez meta-narrative, in fact, in which he suggests that, despite the sinister Chuck and his insistence on a final SPN ending with a gravestone reading “Winchesters”, the story itself is WaywardTM; it is capable of fluidity, of control being wrested from the origin-creator (God). After all, Chuck created free will, and despite his desire for total control, he cannot undo this wild-card element in the narrative, which Veronica’s little secret hunter-identity (in subtext, also, her secret queer identity) just like Becky’s fan-fic, is a mirror for. 

Veronica’s citation of Frost’s melancholic poem becomes a metaphor for (Dean’s) lost love. Just as Sam’s mention in the final Impala scene, of how he still thinks about Jess often, becomes a verbalisation for Dean’s own constant (unspoken) thoughts about his own lost love; Cas.

 Veronica and Billy (who were possibly both Suzy’s lovers; although in text it’s Billy, in subtext Veronica, true to SPN’s ongoing bisexual subtext in relation to Dean) exchange a memorial bracelet to Suzy in front of Suzy’s picture, as Veronica tells Billy a piece of her heart is gone:

Both are mirror images for Dean - Veronica-the-vampire-hunter who mourns excessively, and Billy-the-vampire, who has killed the person he loved (just as Dean has driven Cas away):

Dean is forced by Chuck’s authorial hand to kill Billy, who is both a representation of his own lost son, Jack (Chuck’s cruel re-staging of the scene in which Dean almost kills Jack in 14x20 Moriah) and of Dean himself (symbolising Dean’s present “self-murder” aka his self-punishment and repression re Cas):

Nothing gold can stay....

Frost’s poem is also used by Perez as a metanarrative commentary on the sadness we all feel as SPN draws to a close. Everything beautiful has its time to fade and die, Frost says; even SPN, says Perez.

Frost’s poem also makes reference to Eden, to the Fall, and how that was, in God’s plan, an inevitability; the descent from the Godly to the earthly. 

It’s noticeable how, just as The Fall was presented as Eve’s fault in the Bible, Chuck is, yet again, trying to eliminate the feminine principle from the narrative, just as he has always done throughout SPN (which began with the deaths of Mary Winchester and Jess). Chuck kills Suzy, as the driver of the episode, and he “poufs” Becky (the fan-fic writer) out of existence (possibly into an AU) so he can finish the story the way he wants, just as he has re-murdered Mary Winchester (or possibly also poufed her into an AU) to continue the Winchesters’ suffering. 

But Chuck’s determination to arrive at a tragic ending, an ending in which the feminine principle is still subjugated, Perez suggests, can be subverted, because the seeds of subversion are already there in the story; Veronica’s secret and subversive sleuthing (slash her subtextual queerness), Becky’s emotionally open, subversive, fan-fic, and the continued yearning of the Winchesters for true free will (not yet knowing Chuck is still actively f-ing with them) despite the burden of their grief,  

If gold is the result of the final alchemical synthesis, of “masculine” and “feminine” principles, of the conscious and the unconscious mind, here represented by Chuck-the-author and Becky-the-fan-fic writer (who were once a couple, but are now broken up, just as Chuck and Amara, Dean and Cas, are currently broken up).... Then, the alchemical symbolism suggests, the darkness of the break-up stage (The Abyss, which we are currently in) can be overcome by the red (rubedo) power of the heart - Sam’s God-wound trial, his heart-connection to Chuck, and Dean’s own heart-wound trial, the loss of his (heart) connection to Cas.

Yes, we are still working on the power of love.

Love ultimately confounded Chuck’s apocalypse in S5, when TFW went “off script” and, Ouroboros-style, it can do so again in S15.

Chuck can be overthrown (transformed), Perez tells us, by his own story; and thus the story can find its own (heart-filled) free will ending. 

Perhaps, after all, something gold can stay.*   

*My usual disclaimer applies - none of this suggests or implies an inevitable Dean/ Cas romantic (unequivocal) textualisation. 

Although, I would like to think that Perez, by including the by now all too formulaic Dean-is-bisexual subtext via bisexual (subtextual) mirroring in 15x04, is commenting, meta-fictionally, on Chuck’s (aka TPTB’s) (wearisome) eternal tendency to do this, thereby suggesting that the over-turning of Chuck’s narrative control should, by rights, also include the overturning of this formula into... something new. 

[cosmiceverafter]

All I Want for Christmas is You

Michael Guerin finds the true meaning of Christmas for the first time in his life.

This ficlet is a Christmas/Holiday gift for the Junkyard; the best group of people I know. I love you all so much!

Happy Holidays Everyone! Enjoy. xo. 

You can read on ao3 as well! 

Christmas was something Michael Guerin had never truly experienced, especially with a family of his very own. Now here he was, sitting in front of an evergreen tree with the love of his existence, a dog that liked watching TV, and a kitten that spent more time in his hat than in anyone’s arms.

“It’s definitely a good one we have here,” Alex said, eyes gleaming with wonder as he looked up. Michael smiled as he looked at Alex marveling at their tree.

Last Christmas, Alex gave Michael his heart, unfortunately, Michael wasn’t ready and gave it away. This year, everything was different.

“I’ll trust you in the tree department because to me…looks a little, I dunno, sparse?”

“Michael, that’s the point. We picked a tree that was forgotten. One left behind. We’re making a stand. No tree left unloved.”

“Wow, you’re passionate about this, babe,” Michael laughed as he picked up Boots who was rubbing against his ankles.

Alex stroked Boots who was now purring in Michael’s arms, “I think for me, I just have never enjoyed Christmas. Getting with my family, well, it wasn’t exactly a treat. And being with you and our little ones here, it’s just special.” Alex smiled, “So yeah, I guess you could say I’m a bit passionate about spending the holiday with my true family for once.”

“You, Alex Manes, are the real gift.” Michael leaned in and kissed the love of his life on the lips gently. It started to grow more intense, as it always did when Boots tapped his chin with his white paw. “Alright, alright.”

Alex laughed and grabbed Boots out of Michael’s arms, “Ready to decorate?”

“So what, we put these little blue balls all over the tree?”

“Well I don’t know about the blue balls, especially for you,” Alex winked with a mischievous gleam, “But yes, Guerin, we put the little ornaments on the tree…but first the lights.”

Michael was actually feeling excited, that is until he had to help string the lights. It took them a few tries when finally Michael used the help of his powers to get it just right.

“I know what you did there, love,” Alex replied as he stood back looking at the tree. “And honestly, I applaud you. Stringing lights is a real bitch.”

“Yea, you humans, and these little mundane traditions. Let your alien lover be of assistance.”

“Does that same offer apply in the bedroom?”

Michael scooted closer and grabbed Alex by his hips, pulling him in, “Darlin’, your wish is my command.” And he dashed them to the bedroom.

***

Decorating a tree was hard work, especially when you made love in between stringing the lights and hanging up a few ornaments here and there. But Michael couldn’t help it, his man looked too damn good and happiness shone through him like the gleaming star at the very top.

The tree was just the beginning of the festivities. Within the next few weeks, their group decided to do several activities with each other, because as Liz had stated, “That was having the Christmas spirit,” whatever the hell that meant.

Pulling Isobel away from her long list of holiday to-do’s had been a real challenge, but deep down, he knew she just wanted to be around them anyway.

That hadn’t stopped her from insisting to take him shopping. He didn’t see what the big deal was. The plan was just to give everyone a tune-up on their car, and he was going to do it, not Sanders. Well, Isobel nixed that idea as quickly as a snap and told him he was going on the top of her list of priorities. Cue major eye-roll.

He had never really seen this side of her around the holidays, especially with Noah now out of the picture; it was quite a sight. Max had quickly declined her many offers and gave Michael a look of good luck. He hadn’t understood, but then... he did. At one point, after she had dragged him around their small town for hours, he muttered “Christmas Nazi” under his breath.

Isobel didn’t find it amusing.

Overall, Michael was still grateful for her. They had lots of laughs, especially when he got her to let loose and have a few festive drinks, including the strong eggnog served at the Wild Pony.

When she jumped on stage, not during karaoke hour, and started singing Santa Baby, he saw Maria staring at her with what didn’t appear as an annoyance for once, but more like admiration sprinkled with something else Michael couldn’t quite place.

Something must have been brewing in the wind of Roswell.

When they all decided to go sledding down Warf’s Hill, Michael didn’t understand the appeal. What was so fun about riding down a mountain of snow in a plastic case?

Well, he changed his mind quickly as the thrill of soaring down the freshly fallen snow whirled and brushed around his face. It was such a rush.

However, the best part came when he decided to add a bit more speed onto Valenti’s sled. The good doctor was screaming bloody murder as he went over a snow jump. As Michael laughed, he caught a look at Alex who knew exactly what he had been up to and was now shaking his head. But Michael saw the hint of laughter in those cheeks of his.

Karma had definitely paid him a visit as he ate ice on the Roswell Skating Rink. Michael was about to curse the entire experience when he got a look at Alex gracefully skating up and down the sides wearing his Santa hat.

He was so beautiful; he always managed to take Michael’s breath away, even here in the cold.

So Michael took the chance of falling again, just to go around one more time holding his man’s strong hand.

It had been worth it.

A few days before Christmas, a few of them went to see a showing of White Christmas at the movie theater. Michael had never seen the movie but was equally touched nonetheless. The music, dancing, and the story spoke out to him, especially as he saw a small tear run down Alex’s cheek.

He gently stroked Alex’s arm and when Alex smiled at him, he knew that all he would ever want for Christmas, was Alex Manes.

***

On Christmas Eve, Alex decided he wanted everyone to join them for a Christmas pot-luck at the cabin.

Michael had to laugh when Isobel instantly bonded with Boots. He seemed to adore her, just like he did with Alex.

Buffy, on the other hand, was getting all the loving from Kyle on the floor. He was such a dog person. Then they both turned their attention to Christmas Vacation, where there were laughter and barking.

The roast they attempted to make was burned and a bit dry, but in the end, no one even cared. They were all together and that was what mattered.

Michael looked around the table and smiled. Max and Liz were clearly whispering sweet nothings in each other’s ears—disgustingly so.

Maria and Isobel were in a conversation that seemed more like their usual banter. But if Michael didn’t know any better, he’d say there was a bit of flirting going on, which was what he had assumed was happening at the bar that day. Isobel kept eyeing the mistletoe hanging from the wooden arch in the cabin, and Maria did have that little gleam in her eye. Very curious.

Kyle was in another discussion about Star Trek being practically the same thing as Star Wars, and his love was getting all irritated, which Michael thought was amusing and cute as hell.

Halfway through dinner, Boots had jumped onto his lap as he always did when Michael and Alex were eating. The kitten, when taking a break from his hat, loves to curl up with them. It was a sense of security—one that Michael understood. It was the same feeling he felt when wanting Alex to hold him. To love someone and to be loved in return.

Alex had given Buffy a special dog bone for Christmas, and she seemed beyond happy and content as she munched on through.

Seeing everyone carefree and happy, made Michael’s heart swell. He had never had this. A group of friends that they had chosen to call family. It was a special moment, one he would cherish.

After everyone left, Michael spent the rest of the night kissing Alex all over his beautifully toned body. As they curled up in front of the crackling fire later on, with their four stockings hanging ever so perfectly, Michael knew he never wanted this to end.

He could lie here with Alex Manes for the rest of his life and be happy. Of course, it wouldn’t be complete without their “toddlers.” Buffy was curled up in front of Alex as he rubbed her ears, both of them closing their eyes. Boots was, of course, lying again in his hat, but was still within reach.

He fell asleep with love dancing around his curls.

***

When Christmas morning arrived, there was snow falling from the sky.

Alex was humming “I’m dreaming of a white Christmas,” as Buffy happily pounced out in the snow; her inner puppy coming out to play. Boots was still eyeing the star at the top of the tree, hoping to just make it up. Before he could make a jump for it, Michael scooped him in his arms. Boots gave a grumpy meow, but soon was purring away as he stroked his soft white and black fur.

They enjoyed their black coffee and cinnamon rolls and went out to play in the snow with Buffy, who they couldn’t seem to get back into the cabin. Boots watched from the window but didn’t seem too bothered. He was busy washing himself looking rather content.

Finally, it was time to exchange gifts.

Buffy had finally come in when Alex had yelled treat! In her stocking, there were new chew toys and an alien stuffed animal that squeaked. She still worked on the bone from the night before; a very happy beagle indeed.

They had gotten Boots his own little cowboy hat to wear from Amazon. He wasn’t a fan, but they were able to get a few pictures to share with the group and get a good laugh. Making it up to him, they gave their little kitten a few catnip toys, a new scratch post with an area he could rest, even though Michael knew to just give up his hat by now, and some delectable chicken stuffed treats. It was purrfect.

Pausing to both laugh, Boots had crawled on top of Buffy and was playing with her ears. Buffy, the saint, didn't seem to mind in the slightest. Until she rolled over and Boots ended up on her belly. The two of them went together like peanut butter and jelly.

When it was time for their exchange, Michael ended up getting Alex a new leather jacket, which was just as much for his enjoyment as it was for Alex’s, a beautifully bound journal so Alex could start writing music again, and a picture of the two of them looking at each other smiling in a wooden frame. Liz had snapped the photo when they were all at the Crashdown Cafe one night.

“It definitely captures how much we love each other, doesn’t it?” Alex said with a warm smile, leaning over to share a kiss.

All of these gifts were fine and everything, but what he had really wanted to get Alex, Isobel quickly said it was too soon for. Well, nothing was too soon when you were with your one true love.

Alex had given him a few new shirts and murmured in his ear to keep them unbuttoned as he stroked his chest. Michael didn’t know if he could carry on opening his gifts, he wanted to open something else, but Alex pressed on. He had also given him several old books that were classics, including A Christmas Carol, one Michael had wanted to read since forever. After all, he too wanted to see what the big deal was.

When Michael leaned in to thank him, Alex pulled away to grab something else. It was a small wooden box in the shape of a cabin.

Michael looked up at him and Alex smiled. He twisted the roof of the house and there, lying in the box, was a key.

“Is this…?”

“Yes,” Alex answered. “Move in with me, Michael.” It wasn’t a question, it was a hopeful statement, one Michael clearly heard in his tone. “You’re practically here every day, and honestly, when you are here...I feel even more at home.”

Alex pointed to Buffy and Boots, “With them, here as well, this is our family. We belong together in this space.”

Michael was unable to form words, he was so moved.

“So what do you say, love?” Now Alex asked. “Will you two move in with us?”

Squeezing Alex’s hand, he leaned in and kissed his lips softly, “Yes, Boots and I would be honored to officially move in.”

Michael knew he needed to go back to that jeweler and get Buffy involved to help ask the question he wanted to ask. The forever-and-always one.

As they kissed, he smiled knowing that all he would ever want for Christmas, and all the days after that, was this. This tiny oasis they created within the wooden walls of this cabin.

So this was Christmas. He finally understood.

[clownistyping]

The Neverending Story, Chapter 24

Lydia makes an appearance and Livius is still an asshole.

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Cover by @laneygthememequeen

Beetlejuice glared at Livius as he hovered over your sleeping form, Beetlejuice repeatedly has tried to make him just leave you alone. But stopping him is harder than he planned. 

"Would you fuck off already?" Beetlejuice seethed and Livius shook his head, he gently tugged at your hair. 

"This is too fun to pass up." He laughed and you moved, adjusting to get more comfortable in your sleep. 

"I just don't understand why you haven't tried to possess them yet, I mean you out of all people." 

"What do you know about me?" Beetlejuice asked and Livius spoke, 

"I've heard of you around the block, how you practically forced a girl to marry you. Tortured a living and dead couple, just being a plan nuisance to the living and dead." 

Beetlejuice stayed quiet, "I have self control." He muttered. Livius smirked and nuzzled close to you, 

"Really? I haven't noticed." He said as his hand hovered over your neck again. Beetlejuice's eyes flared with anger and he reached for the ghost only for Livius to disappear and instead Beetlejuice squeezed your neck. 

You gasped and snapped your eyes open and Beetlejuice quickly let you go, panting in shock you looked up at him. 

"Shit! Babes I'm so sorry I didn't mean to- Ya see I was tryn to get-" 

You sighed and touched your neck, shaking your head you got out of bed. 

"Didn't think you were into that kind of thing." You laughed and Beetlejuice stared at you,

"Wait- so..what?" He jumped out of the bed, you left the room and he followed. 

"So you-" he directed behind him to the invisible ghost, you didn't see Beetlejuice's actions as you headed downstairs. Beetlejuice stopped at the top of the stairs, scratching his head he questioned you mentally. 

Looking to his side he saw the attic door, then back downstairs then back at the attic. 

"The blades." He whispered to himself and opened the door, 

Looking up the stairs he bit his lip, shutting the door. 

He can take care of the blades later, for now he's gotta make sure that ghost ain't trying anything. 

Going to the kitchen, where you were, he wrapped his arms around your waist, leaning his head on your shoulder. You stood in front of the oven, scrambling eggs. 

"Sorry for..waking you like that.." you hummed, 

"It's fine just gimme a warning next time won't ya?" 

"Next time?" He looked at you and smirked, leaning into your neck he smiled. 

"Yea, okay I will." 

Livius sat on the dining room table, listening to you both speak. He grumbled, this wasn't what he was expecting when he came here. He expected you to live a lavish life with riches and champagne, not in the middle of nowhere with plants and cheap wine. 

This blows. 

Beetlejuice thought to himself, about the ghost that invaded his peaceful life with you. How yes he did the same thing but this guy, nobody wants him here. 

His intentions are unclear, sure Livius said that he wants you. But in what way? Possession, pleasure, company? Yeah definitely not company, and God he hopes it's not for pleasure. 

So that leaves, Possession. 

Beetlejuice kissed your cheek, letting you go he spoke. 

"I'll be right back, Babes. Gotta take care of some business." You hummed, 

"What kind of business?" 

"Ghost stuff..but I'll be back before you know it." He dissapeared from your sight, appearing in the dining room. Beetlejuice looked down at Livius, pointing at him. 

"You. Come with me." Livius rose a brow, 

"Just what makes you thi-" Beetlejuice snapped his fingers and suddenly the two disappeared from the scene. 

The two poofed into a dark bedroom, a flash of light appeared and blinded the two. 

"Aw shit!" Beetlejuice yelled and rubbed his eyes, a feminine laughter made Livius perk up. 

"Sorry BJ, ghost detectors. Takes a picture when a ghost appears in my room." Lydia sat on her bed, a book in hand. 

"What's up though, Got kicked out already?" Beetlejuice dramatically gasped. 

"Very rude of you to even assume that (Y/N) would kick me out." Lydia looked at the ghost she knew nothing of, 

"Whose this?" 

"Livius Durand. Grade A asshole." Livius nodded in agreement. Lydia rose a brow, not very informative. 

"A dead immortal that won't fuck off." Beetlejuice grumbled, and Lydia nodded. 

"Who killed him? Or did he kill himself?" 

"I'd never kill myself, that's the weakest way to die. I was murdered, specifically by his lover." Livius pointed to Beetlejuice. 

"I see, so what brought him here to prove something?" Lydia stood and Beetlejuice shook his head. 

"I want him gone..out of me and babes house, exorcised." 

Livius's eyes widened and he looked at Beetlejuice, 

"You bastard!" He grabbed Beetlejuice by the collar, 

"Ghost punch!" Beetlejuice yelled and punched Livius in the face, Livius fell back and groaned. 

"Stop it!" Lydia yelled and stood in between the two, 

"No ghost fighting!" The two ghosts glared at each other, Livius stood. 

"Just try to exorcism me! I can't go anywhere else, remember no afterlife thing?" Beetlejuice groaned, 

"Well then leave!" 

"No!" Beetlejuice groaned and snapped his fingers sending Livius off, 

"Don't even know why i brought him." He grumbled Lydia shrugged. 

"I can still exorcise him from (Y/N)'s house." Lydia mentioned, walking over to her desk she sat and skimmed the open books on it. Her books only read of ghosts, demons and the supernatural. It suits her considering she's working to become a professional expert in the supernatural, i.e. probably a ghost hunter. 

Not saying she's gonna wear the whole ghostbuster get up, no she'll just meet with ghosts and see if an agreement can come with their haunting. 

Beetlejuice looked over her shoulder, failing to read the words he sighed and sat on her bed, his face in his hands. 

"Yep right here, sure I may not get rid of his dead existence. But I can evict him from your house. Send him somewhere else, not sure where though." She turned facing the ghost, holding the book, 

"My book doesn't really cover immortal ghost and all." 

Beetlejuice nodded, standing he pulled Lydia in for a hug. 

"You sure you wanna do this?" He asked, knowing her past with exorcisms, she may not be comfortable with it. 

Lydia nods "of course, hell if (Y/N) asked me to get rid of you it'd do it for free."

"Wait I have to pay you?" 

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[gffa]

First impression: AS DARTH VADER, WATCHING THE OT AS A WEE THING:  Meh.  I don’t care much about that guy, I’m way more interested in the space twins!  I was very much a Luke fan as a wee thing, but if I was going to be interested in Darth Vader, I wanted interaction with Leia, because I felt the films satisfied me. AS ANAKIN SKYWALKER, WATCHING THE PHANTOM MENACE FOR THE FIRST TIME:  I barely remember anything of Anakin from watching the movie the first time!  I barely remember watching the movie the first time and my impressions are mostly of Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon and just how hard I fell for them the first time around! AS ANAKIN SKYWALKER, GETTING BACK INTO FANDOM TWO YEARS AGO:  I was 100% on that train about how Anakin was literally a slave all his life and it was the fault of the people around him who made him make bad choices because everyone failed him. Impression now: MY BEAUTIFUL GARBAGE BAG, I LOVE HIM SO MUCH.  As I consumed more of the canon, I started seeing more of Anakin Skywalker with the context from the show and how it wasn’t matching up with the views I initially had of him--and I’m glad, because I love him way more now.  I see way more of myself in him now.  I see way more weight to his character now. This is someone who is deeply complicated and makes monstrous choices, who actively chooses to become a monster even when he had the knowledge to do better.  This is someone who was a victim in a lot of ways, as a child slave and then of himself and his demons that he couldn’t let go of, but also someone who justified his horrible actions, who didn’t want to look outside his own thought patterns, who wanted everything without consequence and wanted it his way. He was also someone who is infinitely charismatic to me, someone who shines so brightly with that smile of his or when he’s doing something really badass in the Force.  I absolutely get why people loved him, why they loved him even after he did such terrible things, why they were willing to keep giving him another chance, because there’s something so entirely genuine about him, there’s so much potential and promise in him, even after murdering so, so many people. Favorite moment: GOD, HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO CHOOSE?  As much as I love the lighter moments (”Study the bottom of my boot!” NEVER FAILS TO MAKE ME LAUGH), I think it’s actually that scene from issue four or five of the Dark Lords of the Sith, where kyber crystal shows him that he could go kill Palpatine, find Obi-Wan, beg for forgiveness/death, that it was absolutely still an option for him.  His eyes even turn blue, to show us that this is an active, conscious choice, when he says, “No.  This is all there is.” and forces the crystal to bleed. I keep coming back to that moment again and again because it’s everything that connects Vader and Anakin, shows that they’re the same person on the same character trajectory that’s always been there.  Rejection of objectivity in favor of his justifications, an inability to admit he fucked up REAL bad, a powerful, badass moment, all in one scene?  I keep coming back to it because it’s the most Anakin Skywalker | Darth Vader moment ever. Idea for a story: I’ve had this idea in my head for probably about two years now, a time travel fic where he wakes up back in his own body, where he dragged Obi-Wan with him after Endor, so he wakes up the moment they shake hands for the first time.  I wanted to explore what someone who was Darth Vader for 20+ years would do, if he could do it all over again.  How sorry he was VERSUS how much he was just tired and ready for death.  How he would try to hold onto Obi-Wan and Padme and Ahsoka this time around or would he be more willing to actually LISTEN to those trying to help him?  How would he react to Palpatine?  I don’t want fully evil!Vader, but I don’t want soft boi Anakin, either.  I want a complicated mix between the two. Unpopular opinion: Anakin Skywalker made his own choices.  The creators have said more than once that this is true, but still it seems unpopular to give Anakin his agency in the choices he made, that he had the knowledge for another path, another choice, but he didn’t.  It wasn’t the Jedi’s fault that he chose the way he did.  It wasn’t Padme’s fault that he chose the way he did.  It wasn’t Ahsoka’s fault that he chose the way he did.  It wasn’t Shmi’s fault that he chose the way he did.  It wasn’t really even Palpatine’s fault that he chose the way he did. These people are influences, for good or bad, in Anakin’s life, but ultimately he had the knowledge to make a better choice--a kyber crystal literally slams it into his head that he has a better choice!--and did not. Favorite relationship: His relationship with Obi-Wan, while his relationship with Padme is a close second.  Ideally, I think the three of them work best together, they balance each other the best, but if I had to pick one?  Well, the heart wants what it wants.  And they loved each other so very much, their relationship literally helped shaped the galaxy (I DID NOT SAY THIS, A CANON REFERENCE BOOK DID) and their story wouldn’t have nearly the weight and power it did without that dynamic, without that love between them. They’re complicated, Obi-Wan idealizes Anakin in some ways (he’s blind to the depth of Anakin’s faults, he loves Anakin so much he cannot see that, yes, Anakin is going to let him down), but it always came from such a great place, that he was always disappointed for Anakin, not at him, as Ewan said.  He wanted the galaxy for that guy!  He thought the sun rose and set on him! And Anakin loved Obi-Wan, he relied on him, felt like Obi-Wan would always be there for him to fix things.  Even when he hated Obi-Wan--hated him for turning his back on Anakin, for betraying him, for leaving him behind--he still could never let go of that guy, just as he could never let go of the other people he loved, like his mother and Padme.  I mean, every time he has a conversation with Luke in the OT, HE’S the one bringing Obi-Wan’s name up out of nowhere! They had their flaws in that relationship, Anakin was so needy and wanted external validation instead of the internal validation that Obi-Wan tried to teach him, Obi-Wan waited for Anakin to come to him because he wanted to respect his boundaries instead of just barging in and telling Anakin what to do, like some part of Anakin craved.  But, oh, there was never such a team that anyone could remember like there was this team.  They flew in sync, they whirled together like they were one mind in two bodies, they bantered in a way that made each of them laugh and relax because it meant nothing couldn’t be handled, as long as the other person was there. Even as far into everything terrible and bitter as A New Hope was, Anakin still loved him enough to fall deeper into loneliness when Obi-Wan was truly dead and left him behind once again. Favorite headcanon: Whenever there’s a Force Nexus concentrated in a single point, Anakin gets super high off it, like a cat on catnip.  He’s not allowed to wander too close to the central spire of the Jedi Temple because he starts getting all wide-eyed and large pupiled and his brain goes fuzzy and he starts rubbing his head on things and touching everything and everyone and laying on things and waving his hand in front of his face and just kind of floating along. They have to call Obi-Wan every time this happens because nobody else can move him, he just sort of smiles dreamily at them and pokes at their hair or head tails, but won’t actually leave, not until Obi-Wan comes over and says, “All right, let’s go get you to lie down.” and Anakin doesn’t really listen, but Obi-Wan’s his favorite Jedi and so he follows along and rubs his head on Obi-Wan’s shoulder as they go back to his room.

[ghost-chance]

Woozle Thomas: The inspiration for Kirk O’Brien

I’ve mentioned our cats a lot on here but rarely say much about their personalities. Well, here’s a few examples of Woozle’s persnickety cattitude. Readers of ANLoL have heard of “Kirk” by now and will in time be reading more about him. Well, SPOILER! A LOT of Kirk’s personality comes from our little ball of sass Woozle Thomas! Read on for a barrel of laughs and some head-shaking and sighs.

Woozle wanders the hallway howling for attention until he finally finds someone to demand attention from. When they give him attention he decides to go all ‘mini murder machine’ on them. Then when they leave him alone again, lo and behold, he wants attention again! Rinse, lather, re-bite.

He’s decided that it’s ‘his job’ to make sure Cold and I go to bed. Not ‘make sure we’re both well-rested.’ Not ‘make sure we go to bed at a reasonable time.’ Nope, he just wants us to go to bed. He spends most of the day standing in the hallway staring at both of us, then the moment anyone stands up he jingles his way to the bedroom, stops to make sure we’re following him and keeps going when we do, then keeps it up until we get to the bedroom. The minute whoever followed him sits down on the bed he gives us this creepy little bug-eyed look then struts out of the room like he just cured cancer. Cold thinks he’s hoping for a little brother to pick on. That ain’t happening. He’s still gonna keep trying.

Earlier today, Cold and I gave Woozle a test to see which ‘parent’ he liked better: we shook a pair of treats out of his Greenies bin and both held one out to him to see whose treat he snagged first. He sniffed both several times then gingerly nipped mine from my fingers. I made the mistake of bragging “Told ya he’s a Mama’s boy!” I shit you not - he spat the treat out, tried to bury it, passed gas, then streaked away like the devil was after him. Heifer got both treats.

For a time we were buying a cat litter that came in big cardboard boxes - to pour the litter you tear off a strip of the cardboard, the top lifts up, and it can be loosely re-closed for future uses. I left an empty box by the front door once for Cold to break down and take out. Heiferlump and Woozle both found the box and Heifer hopped inside - because cats and boxes. Woozle watched, then hopped up on top of the box, plopped down on the flap, and trapped her in there...and curled up to sleep. Fortunately I was watching (and laughing so hard I saw spots) so she wasn’t stuck in the box long at all. She was pissed. They both got canned food that night.

Heifer and Woozle both learned to play fetch as kittens, but Woozle’s the only one it stuck with. He has, however, learned a dozen ways to fuck with me during fetch. Sometimes it’s harmless - he’ll ‘lose’ the mousie under furniture then goose me when I get down to dig it out, or he’ll bring it back and dump it a yard away. The really fun times come when he brings back something that isn’t the mousie. Sometimes it’s non-threatening - a used tissue from the trash or a ball of lint from the utility room - but he’s brought me enough still-twitching grasshoppers and incredibly pissed wasps to be wary. On really special occasions he brings me wadded up socks with Wozzle bombs in them. I rarely find out in time.

Remember Deadpool’s "Hashtag drive-by?” Woozle does it. Frequently. If no one hears it happen, he usually skitters away, then when we notice the stink, he glares at Heifer like she’s responsible. He also has a tendency to leave little ‘bombs’ on the floor with no warning. (He has some health problems so it’s not ENTIRELY his fault.) He will try to steal broccoli, especially off your plate. DO NOT ALLOW HIM TO EAT BROCCOLI! The gas it gives him could kill a bull elephant at thirty paces!

Apparently “This is Sparta” - or so Woozle thinks anytime Heifer gets to acting like she’s the alpha female. Talk about death from above. Anytime Catnip is available for consumption, Woozle starts a ‘crackhead’ fight with Heifer for first pickings. Cold and I can pour them separate little piles at opposite ends of the room but it’s no good - they will wage all-out ninja-kitty war for both those piles like junkies fighting over their stash. The results vary. If Woozle wins, Heifer usually comes crying to Mommy about being bullied; if Heifer wins, it’s because she sat on him long enough to inhale one or both piles of catnip...then she usually gets her butt beat because she’s too stoned to fight him off.

Exercise caution when wearing low-cut shirts around Woozle. He has a creepy habit of trying to dive headfirst into the Mystical Land of Booby. If he doesn’t try to crawl down a woman’s shirt, he’ll instead ‘pat’ the boobs repeatedly or nose his way into the cleavage. It’s really creeped out some of our female guests. He is a repeat offender when it comes to hamper-diving; we often find him strutting around with a random bra or pair of underwear wrapped around his neck like a deranged cape. I suspect he was a frat-boy in his last life.

Those are only a few examples of his unique personality. Despite all his smartassery and asshattery, Woozle is still a sweet little Mama’s boy. He follows me around when Cold’s gone, crawls in bed while I’m sleeping and cuddles up behind my knees, and loves little more than to be carried around on his back like a baby while I’m doing chores.

In short (I know, too late) our little Woozle is a real character.