#Serina Bauble

[trollsgonemild]

So I was visiting the wreckage

Can you believe it’s been like, over an entire sweep since the local office got collateral damaged?  Anyway, recently I was feeling cute so I decided to go take some selfies in the ruins (and of course I brought an example to share with all the fans out there, I got you!), but you will not Believe who I met there.

None other than our very own Miss Destress!!  It turns out, there were survivors, so now we’re looking through all our old files and trying to get in contact with anyone whose personelle records survived -- cross your fingers, but Trolls Gone Mild might be back (sort of, maybe)!

So hey, if you used to work here, consider logging in and checking our drafts!  There’ll be a link to the new top secret meeting site waiting for you~

Proudly yours,

Adjutant Serina Bauble, Professional Killustrator ;)

[trollsgonemild]

yo what the fuck, she some kind of mutant? what a freakish color.

You know, if you don't like my selfie filters, you can just say it straight! I'm a perfectly normal teal thank you very much.

-- Adjutant Serina Bauble

We here at TGM do not hire mutants, though we have been known to write articles on imperially approved charity cases such as the legally undocked and those with unfortunate but not completely disgusting and occasionally slightly desirable mutations. Thank you so much for your continued interest and concern!

-- Sandra Elutik, Social Media Manager

[trollsgonemild]

Ayve never been ayble to contayn my daymond feelings to just one troll. Evayryone's just so pitiable. (*/﹏＼*) But Ay don't want to just have one-day flings either, Ay crayve the closeness that only long-tayme moirayles know. What should Ay do??

Well, depending on how much is left in your natural lifespan, you might consider dating on the warmer end! Just because you'll have time to do it again and again and again doesn't mean it won't be a long time for them! Likewise, the terminally ill or elderly may not have a lot of time left, but there's still plenty to love -- especially since you won't be risking your donation season on it!

If you're looking for something even shorter term, you might try looking at the Imperium's Top Ten Most Dangerous Professions! Check the projected life expectancies of each, and find something that looks like the time commitment you're hoping for. If you lose them a little early, you'll be more than ready for the next to help soothe your sorrows. If they last longer than expected, you can be proud to be quadded to one of the best in their field!

Some might think it takes a big pusher to pity the dying, but I'll never tell your secret if you won't ;)

- Serina Bauble~

[trollsgonemild]

I'm in love with a fuchsia! But I'm loyal only our glorious Empress! What am I to do! I can't betray her like that! But she is bound to be culled eventually! Sets my poor navy heart a aching!

Even the doomed need pity!

Of course, you’ll need to be prepared to swear and prove your allegiance to our Empress, and possibly get culled as well if she deems your display unconvincing, but it’s very possible that a gentle hand could help dissuade an irritable heiress from taking out important infrastructure on her way out!

Not only could you make an important difference in the world, but I think everyone deserves at least a chance at pity.  Invest in life insurance and make sure your flush and pitch quadrants know to make backup plans, but I think you should go for it!

If you live long enough, maybe you could even write a best-seller about it, too!

Crossing my fingers for you!

-- Serina

[trollsgonemild]

i'm sO terribly in lOve with this lOwblOOd, sOmeOne i really shOuldn't care fOr. sOmeOne whO i was actually destined tO kill. but their upkeep is hOrrid. they're made Of filth and live in a dump and eat trash and get drunk and are vehement abOut keeping their misery tO themselves, they never brush their hair and it curls arOund their hOrns in the mOst annOying way... i want tO hOld them sO bad and maybe wash their back in the bath. i'm gOing crazy. they dOn't even brush their fangs.

Well…   I mean, technically speaking, if you changed your mind about what to do with them, it would be a lot easier to kill an ex than date a corpse!

Not to read too much into it, but it sounds almost like a cry for help to me.  Maybe you’re the change they need in their life, and the constant spectre of death will help them get things under control!   I think you should go for it.  Wash them, hold them, and help them treat themselves right – it might only be a fraction of your life, but you could completely redefine the rest of theirs!

You never know when you’ll find a precious diamond after brushing the muck away. And if it turns out to be coprolite instead, you can just kill them and not have to worry about it anymore!

Follow your dreams,

- Adjutant Serina Bauble~

[trollsgonemild]

d=ar tgm, pl=as= h=lp m=; i hav= an absolut=ly WOND=RFUL moirail! th=y'r= smart, charming, and can pap lik= no on='s busin=ss. but th= thing is, th=y lik= making HUG= pil=s out of ch=w=d up gum. which is fin= by m=! th= probl=m is that th=y INSIST on ch=wing up all th= gum th=ms=lv=s, and always =nd up hurting th=y'r= jaw. no matt=r how much i t=ll th=m that i can h=lp, th=y insist on doing all th= ch=wing alon=! i'm r=ally worri=d. pl=as= h=lp m=?

That’s disgusting!  I am disgusted.  That sounds hard, crusty, slimey, and unsanitary.  They need to stop that and you need to help them!

Readers, back me up here, that’s just gross, right???

- Adjutant Bauble

[trollsgonemild]

how do i comfort myself when im feeling everything is crashing down? what do i do when i feel lonely but theres nobody to get to?

It depends what you’re missing!

For anxiety or stress, I highly recommend fidget toys!  Most of them are aimed at cubicle workers or wrigglers, but there’s no shame in having one around to keep your hands busy, and it can be good for your manual dexterity!

For loneliness, try joining a club for enthusiasts of your favorite hobby!  If you have any interests that are more appropriate for people below your station, you could probably get away with relaxing and doing whatever you like in a room full of your lessers, without worrying about anyone whose opinion will matter in the longterm!

For comfort, spoil yourself!  There’s nothing wrong with taking yourself out on a date to your favorite restaurant alone, or buying yourself a present just because you want it!  After all, you’re the only person you’ll have your whole life -- look out for you once in a while!

To keep yourself busy, try spending more time on hobbies where you either practice a skill, or end up with something solid to look at afterwards!  You’ll be able to show off later, when you do have friends!

Stay strong, friend!  Good luck!

- Adjutant Bauble

[trollsgonemild]

yeah hey dip**** not that i need your ****in' advice cuz i'm kicking *** in this quad right now but is it ever a moirail's business to try and change your pailing habits and/or meddle in your other quads???? like what gives with that **** am i right

I don’t know, are you messing those quadrants up? :)

It’s a moirail’s job to help make you the best you that you can be, and no aspect of life is off-limits!  Is your moirail’s advice something that would legitimately improve your other relationships, or are they giving bad advice?  That’s all that matters!

If your moirail needs to talk to you and your kismesis frequently, separately and together, and that’s all that’s keeping you two together?  That’s probably leaning too far into ashen territory, and you’ll have to decide if you like them both in ash or your moirail in pale!  Aside from that, trust your moirail!

[trollsgonemild]

You may have noticed her work here and there over the past half sweep, but Adjutant Serina Bauble is now officially joining our editorial staff, proudly promoted from within the social media team!  She’ll be bringing her illustration talents and unique insights to bear on all that which ails you, with her characteristic cheer and impish humor.  Say hello, Serina!

[trollsgonemild]

hey, i know This is more of a moiralleJence mag, buT maybe you have some Tips for someone who has Trouble wiTh ashen sTuff, leaf or sTem. i've never felT The need To buTT inTo oTher Trolls business ThaT way and people buTTing inTo mine JusT kinda piss me off. (someTimes even in a piTch way which JusT makes everyThing worse, since i'm already happily haTe'T!) have i JusT noT found The righT Trolls? am i doing someThing wrong? should i JusT be Thankful iT's noT a pailing quad? ~ quesTioning gray

Maybe you just haven’t found the right trolls!  Heck, maybe they messed up their chances at serendipity before you could ever get involved – or maybe they’re still out there!  Be happy it’s not a pailing quad, and don’t worry if it takes a while for you to feel that way about someone.

Maybe someday you’ll meet that special someone who manages to gently keep you and your enemies apart, in a way that makes you feel grateful rather than angry!  Either because the mediator is so gentle, or because the enemy is so frightening – ashen is definitely a way to quad someone entirely out of your league, as long as you trust the stem to protect you!

I can’t give much in the way of specific ashen advice, but don’t be afraid to re-analyze yourself now and again!  Keep an eye on your quadrants’ quadrants, and make sure none of them are getting into any kismessitudes that might make things awkward for your shared quadrant – or keep an eye out for the top leaf of your dreams when you’re surrounded by enemies that miiight like you more than they should.

I believe in you!  Good luck!

- Adjutant Bauble

[trollsgonemild]

My moirail 4nd I don't seem to be connecting the w4y we used to. There w4s 4 big tr4gedy 4nd now th4t it's over it's like we don't know e4ch other 4nymore. Wh4t should I do?

Well... have you talked about the tragedy?  Are you dealing with it in different ways that pull you apart?  Are they hurt in ways they can’t figure out how to talk about yet?  Find common ground!  Let them know you still care, no matter what, and see if you can get them to open back up.

Failing that, there’s always other fish in the sea..  If you’re not a perfect match anymore, maybe you can both find people who are!

Good luck!

[trollsgonemild]

If your moirail disappears, how long should you wait before deciding to move on?

That depends a lot on who you and your moirail are and how they disappeared!  The upper nobility might have sweeps to waste waiting and searching for a long-lost flame, and might even find them again, but down in the mud sometimes people just disappear and there’s nothing you can do!

Make sure you’ve checked every appropriate avenue of investigation before losing hope!  Ask every member of their clade, even the ones you don’t like or talk to much, just to be completely certain!  Look into every recent piece of drama or gossip that’s been circulating among groups they’re part of – at hive, in their clade, and in their workplaces especially, and don’t be afraid to ask for help if you can afford the cost!  Once that’s done, you might have some valuable suspicions to take to your local legislacterators or subjuggulators to try and find your lost love.

If none of that pans out, and all you’re left with is waiting?  Well….  Ask yourself how the lack of a moirail is influencing your life.  Can you stand waiting for them?  Are there other trolls, ready and willing to help you through this tragic time, that might leave or quadrant elsewhere, if you don’t hop on the chance now?  How many people will die because you aren’t being soothed (or soothing others!) properly, while you wait for someone specific to waltz back into your life?

You’re the only one who can answer this question, but when the cost of being single starts getting too high (and if you’re asking yourself this question – face it, you’re probably single now), that’s the time to start thinking about moving on.  Seek help from a friend, and kindle something new, when you’re ready.

- Adjutant Bauble, TGM Social Media Team

[trollsgonemild]

Please help! Drone season is coming up, but my flushed has been vacillating pale more often than not. I don't want to get another matesprit, even if I could find one in time - do you have any advice for pushing things back into flushed territory instead of pale?

If they really love you, they need to keep your best interests at heart!  Talk to them, tell them what you’re worried about, and be absolutely sure you can get them going in an emergency if you need to!  Don’t be afraid to ask them for the secret little tricks that turn their gears, and maybe use this as a way to bond in the right quadrant – the conversation might start off pale, but if you can flirt properly, it sure won’t end that way!

- Adjutant Bauble

[trollsgonemild]

my rail has this really close friend who he gets along with great and theyre always looking out for each other. shes known him longer than i have and theyve apparently tried piling when they were little but broke it off because neither of them was into it. my friend says shes competition and i should get rid of her but... nothing they do really comes off as pale?? its really weird! she actually helped me ask him out! and i know he loves me more than anything! its like theyre mutual lusii what do

It depends on who you trust, your instincts or your friend’s.  Either it really is fine, and your moirail and their friend are close allies that you’ll really be able to count on, or your moirallegiance is in danger!  But, what is it in danger from?  The friend that warned you about this – have they ever had pale feelings for your moirail?

Keep an eye on this situation, and if you’re sure you can trust him, ask your moirail for advice!  If you trust him completely, tell him that, and maybe ask for ways to help reassure your friend that it’ll be fine!  Another possibility is that you might end up in some kind of pale vaccilation situation with your moirail and one or both of the friends – so be careful, and stay safe!  Good luck, and tell us how it goes!

- Adjutant Bauble

[trollsgonemild]

1ts a terr1ble 1dea to date someone just because of ancestor th1ngs, r1ght? th1s navyblood g1rl keeps messag1ng me on my dat1ng prof1le say1ng we're serend1p1ty but 1 don't l1ke her! 1 want someone for ME, not some dead guy w1th my s1gn

It’s not that simple though!  I mean, none of us are exactly like our ancestors, and that’s probably a good thing, because they’re all dead!  It’s our responsibility to aspire into being the perfect example of what our bloodline can be – and the best way to do that is to know the kinds of things we’re probably up against, and what worked or didn’t work last time!  These are spoilers for your life!

At the very least, I think you should listen to what the story was between your ancestor and hers – and if she’s being unhealthy about it, maybe convincing her not to fixate on it quite as much might be the next natural step!  That certainly does sound pale though, doesn’t it?

What did your ancestor like about hers?  In what ways does she not measure up to her ancestor?  Is she better than her ancestor in any way?  How can she be her best?  Is there anything about your ancestor that you don’t like and aren’t comfortable with because it resonates just a little bit too much with the problems you’re facing?  What if there was someone who could help you overcome that?

Ancestral pairings aren’t perfect and aren’t for everyone, especially since with lifespan concerns most highbloods have A LOT of possible ancestral pairings that might end up living simultaneously or out of order if they’re particularly unlucky, but it’s probaby worth at least making sure whether there’s anything interesting to gain from it first!

Kick her to the curb if she’s bad and there’s really no spark, but if you’re looking for love anyway, why not?  

- Adjutant Bauble

[trollsgonemild]

I've been hinting at my pale crush that I want him to pacify me by having more volatile outbursts around them, but I think they might be misinterpreting it as pitch flirting. How do I make sure no signals are getting crossed? Preferably before his kismesis makes any false assumptions of her own?

When you’re right on the verge of an outburst, visibly hold yourself back, and ask your pale crush for their advice.  If they give it, try the advice out – let them feel how good it is to watch someone else doing what they advise!  Help your friend help you, and good luck :)

- Adjutant Bauble