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seokra · 3 years ago

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Maybe in Another Life...

“Bride or groom? She asks me, and I’m not sure what to say. I know you both so well that such formalities seem strange, but I guess I knew you first. So like some awful dream, I move my feet and take my seat and wait for it to end. I can’t help but wonder if I’d told you sooner would we be where we are now? Today let’s live and let die. She makes a lovely bride. Maybe I’m by your side in another life.”

Summary: You’re in love with your best friend, but he’s marrying someone else.

Pairing: Namjoon x Female!OC

Genre: Angst, Unrequited Love

Word Count: 3.5K

[A/N: I’m sorry if I break your heart. I only know how to write when I’m in my feels LOL Feel free to let me know your thoughts on this little story. Please do not steal this story or repost on other platforms without my consent. It is my original work.]

You open the glass doors and step inside, heels clicking on the white tile floors. You are welcomed by a female staff who hands you a pamphlet of the ceremony. The paper feels thick between your fingers, intricate patterns are imprinted over the corners housing the delicate, metallic-foil lettering of names. You bow your head with a curt smile as you walk past her and make your way through the crowd of people gathered in the lobby of the venue.

“Y/N!”

Your heart skips a beat at the sound of your name falling from his lips. You turn around and you spot him. A large, dazzling grin splitting his face, causing adorable indents in both of his cheeks as he waves his long arm over his head. Your grin matches his as you approach him.

“Hey! Wow, look at you! Who knew you could clean up so well!” you tease as you take in the sight of him. He’s dressed in a perfectly tailored, black tuxedo with a matching black satin cummerbund that accentuates his small waist. He rolls his eyes at your comment, his smirk never faltering. “Seriously, though, you look incredibly handsome.”

“Well thank you,” he shyly chuckles, his smile widening at the compliment making his eyes disappear into little crescent moons. You move in to give him a hug, and he engulfs you in his large arms. The scent of his cologne surrounding your senses and you wish you could bask in it a little longer.

“You nervous?” you quietly ask him.

“A little bit,” he admits as he lets go of you to your dismay. “But I’ll be fine,” he shrugs.

“Hey, Namjoon, the ceremony is about to start,” Yoongi interrupts.

You look around and see that most everyone has already moved further into the venue to find their seats for the ceremony.“Oh, okay. I’ll see you later,” he waves before following Yoongi down the hall.

“See you...later,” you reply as you watch him disappear around the corner. You make your way towards the room where the ceremony will be held. You gasp when you see the room. The aisle is lined with varying sizes of prism vases filled with candles alongside small bouquets of white roses, dahlias, and baby’s breath. At the other end of the aisle is a backdrop of cascading white curtains lined with fairy lights, illuminating the gorgeously decorated archway where the bride and groom will vow to faithfully love one another for the rest of their lives.

“Bride or groom?” an usher asks you, causing your attention to break away from the decor. You hesitate. It’s a tough question because they’re both your closest friends. They met because of you, after all.

***

“Come on, Y/N! Hurry up! My clothes are getting soaked!” Namjoon shouts as he holds the door of the library open for you.You run towards him through the rain squealing and giggling as you use your backpack as a make-shift umbrella. As you approach the doorway, the tip of your shoe gets caught on the landing and you gasp, closing your eyes, preparing yourself for the impact of the fall. But you never meet the ground. You open your eyes with your face two inches from the ground. You hesitantly look over your shoulder and see that Namjoon has his hands firm on your waist while one foot holds the door open. Concern is painted all over his face, eyes widened, brows raised, and rain drops slipping down his face from his hair.

“Are you okay?” he asks, helping you straighten up. You swing your backpack onto your shoulders and nod your head while staring at your feet.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m okay. Th-thanks.”

“Phew! I thought you were a goner for a second there,” he chuckles, wiping the droplets from his forehead with the sleeve of his jacket.

You frown and shove him. “Shut up. I would have caught myself,” you say, rolling your eyes.

“Hey, hey. No need for violence,” he holds his hands up in defense.

“Whatever. C’mon, let’s go. I need your notes for philosophy.” You say, grabbing his jacket sleeve and dragging him through the library.

You and Namjoon reserve the same study room for the same time every day. It’s the furthest one from the entrance and it’s the only study room with two windows in the library because it’s a corner room. Namjoon always says that being able to watch the leaves blow and birds flying by helps him with his concentration. Whatever that means… You never understood it, because to you, it never mattered. You always sat in front of Namjoon, which meant your back always faced the windows. Though, now that you think about it, maybe facing the windows instead of facing Namjoon might actually help you study better. Less of a distraction. Nevertheless, you hate breaking routine, so you take your seat opposite from Namjoon, with your back facing the windows, and you patiently wait for him to unload his backpack.

“You know, if you don’t understand something, you should ask the professor,” Namjoon advises. “Dr. Ahn is a pretty easy-going guy.”

“Why would I do that when I have a friend like you to explain philosophy to me?” you innocently bat your lashes. “Now, gimme gimme,” you extend your arms out across the table and open and close your hands for him to hand over his notes. He rolls his eyes as he places his blue notebook into your grasp.

“You’re lucky I like you,” he narrows his eyes.

“You need me just as much as I need you,” you respond as you flip through his pages of notes, and he scoffs. Instead of a rebuttal, Namjoon opens up his Art History textbook and begins reading its contexts.

Scanning through his notebook, you can hardly read some of his writing, but you give him kudos for how organized and detailed his note taking is. It makes it a lot easier to follow than the book itself. He has each section of notes marginalized and labeled. He also color-coordinated his highlighting and has written smaller notes outside the margins with extra information. Peeking up at him through your lashes, you shamelessly admire how attractive he is. His brows are furrowed in concentration, eyes framed in glasses, and thick lips gently moving to form the words he’s reading. You’d stare at him while he reads all night if you could. He’s really the whole package in your eyes- highly intelligent, ambitious, and God, is he sexy…

At first glance, he’s got quite the average face. No defined cheekbones, chiseled jaw, or prominent nose, but his eyes… oh, you could get lost in those dark, dragon eyes. And his smile? It’s your ultimate weakness. He could put you on your knees with just a flash of his dimples. And his hands… Your eyes begin to wander down his thick, muscular arms to his hands, following as his long index finger traces each word on the page. The gentle brush of his skin against the grain of the paper makes your mind wander to dangerous places. You force your eyes back to your notes when you begin to feel the familiar heat on your cheeks.

You wonder if he ever thinks of you that way. If he ever has the urge to just lean over the table, grab your face, and kiss you because you fantasize about it everyday. You wonder if his heart ever races in that broad chest of his when your hands are interlocked while you walk across campus together. Or if he ever stays up in bed thinking about your smile. Your heart aches at the thought that he probably doesn’t. Because if he did, he’d have done something about it by now.

After three hours of nonstop studying, you stretch out your limbs and yawn. Glancing across the table you see Namjoon with his head in his hand, book in his lap, and eyes slowly closing while his glasses fall to the tip of his nose. You shake your head and smile to yourself. You close your laptop and begin to gather your belongings.

“Hey, Namjoon,” you whisper, nudging his foot with your own beneath the table to wake him up.He whips his head up, dark eyes a little unfocused as he hurriedly scans his surroundings.

“Hmm?”

“You fell asleep,” you giggle. Standing up, you swing your backpack over your shoulder. “You hungry?” you ask him.

He nods his head, tiredness still fogging his eyes. He pushes his glasses back up the bridge of his nose and leisurely places his belongings into his backpack. Standing up, he follows you out of the library.

“How are you tired already? Did you not sleep well last night?” you ask him as you weave through book shelves.

“No, I slept fine,” he answers, voice deep with sleep.

“Should I make us some ramen?” You ask, turning around to face him and pushing the library doors open with your back. Without paying attention, you accidentally hit somebody with the door.

“Oh! Ouch!”

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry! Are you alright?” you gasp.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be fine,” she says as she rubs her forehead.

When she looks up, you recognize that it’s your biochem partner, Kang Hyeonju.

“Oh, Hyeonju, are you sure you’re okay? Let me get you an ice pack.”

“No, no, it’s fine. I’ll be okay, YN. Thank you, though,” she sweetly smiles at you.

Hyeonju is the most bubbly person you’ve ever met. She’s always up for a challenge, and she’s hilarious. You have a lot of fun with her in biochem. The two of you talk like close friends in class and text each other from time to time, but you never really hang out outside of class because you both have different class schedules. She also works just about every day at the diner down the street from campus as a waitress.

“Have we met before?” Namjoon asks Hyeonju once he gets a better look at her.

“I don’t believe so,” she answers with a quirk of her brow.

“Have you been to any parties lately?” he asks.

“Nope. I don’t have time to party,” she replies.

“Ah! I know! You work at that diner a few blocks down the street,” Namjoon states.

“I do,” Hyeonju nods her head with a grin.

“I’m Namjoon, by the way,” he extends his hand for a handshake and flashes that devilish smile of his. The one that he uses to flirt with girls. The one you hardly see used towards you.

Hyeonju accepts his hand and smiles back, “Kang Hyeonju.”

As you watch their exchange, you feel a pang in your chest. Your heart begins to beat a little faster than normal. You feel anxious. You don’t know why, but you have an overwhelming feeling of uneasiness.“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Kang Hyeonju. Say, we’re about to go get some ramen to eat, would you care to join us?” Namjoon proposes.

“Sure, if you don’t mind,” she looks at you for an answer.

“Uh, sure, yeah, that’s fine. You can join us,” you press your lips together and force a smile.

“Okay,” she beams as she follows the two of you to the cafeteria.

As you sit down to eat, Hyeonju sits across from you, while Namjoon sits beside you. You’re mid-slurp when Hyeonju asks, “So… are you guys together? Like… together, together?”

Taken aback by her question, you begin to choke on your noodles.“Oh my, are you alright, YN? Here, drink some water!” Hyeonju opens up your water bottle and passes it to you.“Thanks,” you croak out before swallowing a few gulps of water. You pound your chest as your cough begins to calm down. “Whoo! Ugh! Sorry… almost died there,” you awkwardly chuckle. “Anyways, no… we’re not together. We’re just friends,” you answer with a half smile before returning to your noodles.

Namjoon takes it upon himself to defuse the awkwardness you’ve just created by putting Hyeonju in the spotlight.“So, what are you majoring in?” he inquires.

“Marine Biology,” she answers, and Namjoon’s eyebrows immediately shoot up, impressed.

It doesn’t take long for the two of them to start a passionate conversation about sea creatures. You quietly sit by and eat your ramen while the two of them get to know each other and discuss various types of shellfish. You’re glad they’re getting along, but there’s a nagging feeling at the pit of your stomach and it twists your insides whenever you hear Namjoon laugh a little too hard at a joke Hyeonju just told him. Maybe your two friends are getting along a little too well... You shake your head to rid yourself of the thought, but you can’t shake the uneasy feeling that’s taken over your nerves, so you begin to stand and gather your belongings.

“YN, are you leaving already?” Hyeonju asks.

“Yeah, I’m not feeling too well,” you admit.

“Would you like me to walk you back to your dorm?” Namjoon asks.

“No, no. I’ll be fine,” you assure him. “You stay here and keep Hyeonju company. I’ll text you when I get there.”

As you walk away, you can’t get the image of the two of them grinning at each other out of your head. Realistically, Hyeonju is exactly Namjoon’s type. She’s petite, pretty in a cute way, and she’s intelligent. Something about that thought makes your heart ache. As you step into your dorm, you’re overwhelmed with the urge to cry. Exhaling a jagged breath, you sit on the edge of your bed and text Namjoon to let him know you’ve made it to your room safely. He sends you a thumbs up and a smiley face emoji. That’s all you hear from him that night. You strip out your clothes and put on your pajamas. You should really finish your homework, but you end up crawling beneath your covers instead. Letting the dreadful feeling in your heart take over you, you bury your face in your blanket, and allow a few tears to escape.

It’s not long before Hyeonju begins to join the two of you during your study sessions. They’re always giggling together while you type away across the table from them, shielding your annoyance with your laptop screen. After about a month of knowing each other, Namjoon finally asks Hyeonju on a date. He didn’t even have the decency to tell you. Instead, you’re left waiting in your reserved study room for two hours by yourself, neither of them bothering answering your texts or calls. Frustrated and anxious, you leave and finish the rest of your homework in your dorm room alone.

The next morning, Namjoon shows up to your room with an iced coffee as an apology, finally explaining to you what had happened the night before and why they both missed your study session. Accepting his apology, you ask him about his night.

“It was the best night I’ve ever had” he explains. “I’ve never met a woman who knows so much about life. With every word she speaks, she amazes me. I learned that we share similar morals and beliefs, and we both love nature and animals. I could listen to her talk about her goals and dreams all day long. Not only is she compassionate and intelligent, she’s funny, too. I haven’t laughed that much with anyone since you and I were in middle school!” He chuckles to himself as he stares at his hands in his lap. “I think I’m falling for her... I can’t get her out of my head. I think about her before I fall asleep and as soon as I wake up. Her smile is one of the first things I want to start my day with... I don’t know how else to explain it, but she just brings warmth to my life.”

You understand him completely... and deep down inside you know you should be happy for him because he’s never been in love before... but the selfish part of you always hoped that it would be you he fell for.

A tear slips down your face as you remember the day Namjoon told you he fell in love with Hyeonju. Now here you are, celebrating them both on their wedding day. You quickly wipe the tear away and take a deep breath to calm your heart. It’s been five years since then, yet your foolish heart still hoped Namjoon would realize you are the one for him. But now it’s too late. Now, you’re finding a seat on the groom’s side- Namjoon’s side.

You watch as the music begins to play, and the love of your life begins to walk down the aisle with both of his parents beside him. His smile brightens when he finds you in the crowd. It makes your heart ache, but you force yourself to smile back because you are happy for him. You watch as he escorts his parents to their seats at the front, his mom giving him a kiss on the cheek and his dad giving him a congratulatory hug, before he takes his place at the altar. The bridal party follows shortly after him, each of them filing into their designated spots.

Then the music changes and everyone stands up to welcome the bride. You keep your eyes set on Namjoon, though, intent on watching his reaction. He clenches and unclenches his jaw to keep calm, a nervous habit he’s had since being a kid. He drops his head, inhaling a deep breath just as the double doors open to reveal Hyeonju dressed in white. When he looks back up, his jaw slightly drops in awe, and his eyes soften. His plump lips stretching out across his face as she begins to descend toward him with her parents beside her. You can see the tears beginning to brim at his lashes.You turn to look at the bride and she is breathtaking. Her dress is pure white adorned with lace and pearls. The silhouette of the dress hugs her every curve all the way down to the floor with a gorgeous train trailing behind her. She has a simple cathedral veil that frames her face, cascading over her shoulders. Her smile is as bright as ever, even with tears spilling from her lashes as she walks closer towards her groom she’s beautiful. You witness her father placing her hand into Namjoon’s hand, leaving a kiss on her powdered cheeks before he takes his seat beside her mom.As Namjoon and Hyeonju face each other, he lifts his hand and gently caresses the side of her face, his thumb softly wiping away her tears.

“I love you,” he whispers to her.

“I love you, too,” she whispers back.

You don’t even realize you’re crying until the lady next to you hands you a packet of tissues. “Oh, thank you,” you dip your head in a bow and pull out a tissue to wipe your face. When the music stops, the officiant begins to speak. He thanks everyone for coming to celebrate their union and says a few lines about the sanctity of marriage. Then he asks Namjoon to present his vows, and as he speaks, you close your eyes, and pretend that it’s you he’s speaking to. You imagine it’s you dressed in white, holding his hands. More tears spill into your lap as you imagine it’s you he’s promising to faithfully love through sickness and in health, for rich or for poor, for as long as you both shall live. It’s the last thing you cling onto before you exhale a shaky breath and open your eyes again.

After Hyeonju says her vows, the officiant declares them husband and wife, and the moment Namjoon seals their fate with a kiss, your heart shatters one last time. Mascara streaks your face as you watch them walk hand in hand back up the aisle, happier than ever. You’re happy for them, you really are. They’re both your closest friends after all, and they’re perfect for each other… but it doesn’t stop your selfish heart from wishing it was you instead of her. Maybe if you had expressed your feelings sooner, or if you had never introduced them to each other, then maybe it could have been you by his side instead of her… but it’s no use dwelling on the past now. So maybe, just maybe, if you do it right, he’ll choose you in another life.

#namjoon #Namjoon x reader #Namjoon fanfic #Namjoon angst #Namjoon x oc #bts fanfiction #BTS #BTS angst #Maybe in Another Life #Seokra #unrequited love

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