#Sei.txt

[seikyoko]

Jinjae make me insane

SHJ is Crescent Moon's handsome Ken doll, YJ is similarly the beloved playing doll that you pamper and keep in its glass case. They're both the object of many awakener's obsession, some where they keep that person separate (Shishio, BHY, KSH for YJ) or other cases where they continue to take care of them and keep them close.

They're the sacrifice prettied up at the altar, they're the transcendants fighting figurine doll, where those powerful godly beings keep interfering in their lives and "care about/love" them/show them affection and make a mess of their lives in their quest to benevolently help worlds they're not involved in, their death/the undoing of their self and chance at getting a happy ending is a necessary sacrifice for the greater good and the preferable outcome. They're also sought out by other transcendants for similarly dehumanizing reasons.

They both have been the target of a wedding ceremony attempting them to strip them of their self and deeming their personhood irrelevant

They're both simultaneously overwhelmingly powerful and competent and extremely helpless, aware of how bleak their fate is and how their chance of getting their happy ending is next to nonexistent. They're often more valued as an object regardless of their will/individuality which is often deemed inconvenient by many parties.

They're both doomed by the narrative

They're both extremely observant, good at reading people, goot at taking care of people, pretty benevolent in their own way and simultaneously extremely ruthless, they're good at manipulating people and are pretty private and bad at emotional vulnerability/asking for help, in part because their parents fully neglected them outside of basic necessities and because they don't have faith in society in general.

They are frequently put on a pedestal and often people who've they paid attention to define their self worth through the attention they (YJ or SHJ) give them.

They're both wholly unused to being seen due to being either seen through rose colored glasses or sewer colored glasses and it's a system they don't think they mind that much, and they're used to either be twisted into a more palatable light or being despised for not being more palatable/personally useful to them. And they frequently use a palatable/acceptable persona in order to get somewhere with new acquaintances and often play with other people's perception of themselves, either for funsies or for getting what they want, both because it's a more efficient way to interact with other people and also because their actual emotions/selves get rejected or dismissed as a lie. This is why their initial interactions are soo awkward, and why once it hit a certain point they start exponentially getting along better

Then they start interacting and they're more similar/in sync/same wavelength that they expected, even if they're held back from realizing how similar they both are by their preconceptions about the other

They do have their beloved/people who do know them and see them more than others ever do(STW, YH), but the entirely new variable in Jinjae is that the other fucker is the same

they relate to each other too much in a way they can't relate to STW/YH

So we've all read the same novel. Jinjae have this thing where they're seen and not judged for it (aside from the occasional throw away comment where YJ make fun of SHJ for something silly like not eating bread crusts, but they're hardly an actual judgement/condemnation YJ is making on SHJ), they're being actually cared for by someone they actually find reliable and trustworthy and they're in the presence of someone who get it and who understand them

[shroomystar]

2022 FIC YEAR IN REVIEW

Total number of completed works: 180. 177 if you take the completed literally though oops i did that wrong last year lmao

Total word count: 475,191

Fandoms written in: number one for this was definitely stranger things, from the release of s4 on to even now still. then arcane for the beginning of this year, and marvel spread throughout the year, mostly 616. special mention to wednesday and warrior nun bcuz despite only getting into these at the end of the year, i’ve been really into them

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected?: about as much as i expected given last year tbh

What’s your own favorite story of the year?: okay uhhh we got a few bcuz i cannot decide. from newest to oldest: it’s just a question, Good Old-Fashioned Lover Boy, guess i ain’t the loving kind (explicit), darling, you’re so pretty it hurts (also explicit), Diluted, bonafide balcony scene, to be with you in hell, i just know you got to taste like candy, girl and Rose Garden Boy (was that one in last year’s?) to no one’s surprise, most of these are stranger things fic

Did you take any writing risks this year?: idk about risky always but for october this last year i had SO much stuff planned it was deranged & i got through it, so!

Do you have any fanfic goals for the new year?: just keep doing what i’m doing. femslash feb & whumptober (or another october writing thingy, we’ll see), again, but otherwise i’ll be chilling. finish my multichapter fics is also a goal, tho

Most popular story of the year?: Rainbow in the Dark, by far. which is fair, lol

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: ooo, again, a few. for piece by piece i wouldn’t exactly say “under-appreciated”, but it didn’t get as much attention as my other hellcheer stuff and it’s one of my faves i did for them. then Sunny Days bcuz the fandom is not only small, i also put a character into the universe who’s not in there canonically (well, she’s hinted at? she exists she just never appears? etc). from one to ten is i think one i put in here last year, too, but i finished it this year, and it’s my longest fic so far. Mare of Easttown is a small fandom, though

Most fun story to write: i remember having a lot of fun with nothing to see. other than that, just a lot of the hellcheer and gothbasket fics, really, especially these i mentioned under fave fics already

Most unintentionally telling story: idk how “unintentional” but and everyone who lives and believes in me shall never die is pretty telling i think bcuz i am absolutely deranged over jason carver for no reason

Biggest disappointment: i cut like two fics i had planned from kinktober bcuz i very shortly discovered jancy week so i had to make room for that. not really that big of a disappointment but yknow something to lament a little

Biggest surprise: not specifically for my fics, but i was surprised by how popular hellcheer got. 2k fics on ao3 for a ship with two scenes lmao,,, was very very happy to be in that fandom, & will continue to be for a while longer :3

[jurousei]

i have too many ideas for chiper, please talk to me about these brainworms

[cranechel]

I made cranechel in a picrew

[bleedingdesert]

We started watching the DMM/D anime thinking that because we already finished the game that this would be a walk in the park.

But um, there was a couple of seconds showing me (this is Sei typing btw) standing next to Toue. Some general surveillance on Aoba was shown too, I mean he had to keep an eye on his possession right?

Just its such a simple part of the episode but it caught me super off guard. Like just everything really hit at once. The years of watching Aoba, the lifetime of my literal slowly being drained and waisted away as a stepping stone for someone else.

I know I'm safe now. But I also know that that lifetime took away so much. Like I'm glad to have everyone here but Toue took away any chance I had to be my own person.

In the game it shows Ren using my body because my fictional counterparts soul had been completely erased. But for me I was still there just really really weak. So Ren and I shared that body for a while. And for now my soul still is working on regaining strength.

Maybe in another life I'll have my own body again. Maybe I'll be my own whole soul. I don't know.

This is a lot of things at once, I know, but I just really needed them out.

[genjis-wife]

me trying to get into the jewish ballroom:

[blueparadis]

PARADIS?!?! I FOUND OUT THAT IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY?!?! HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!! I hope you got lots of love and affections today along with gifts as you deserves everything <33

And came in my ask box. I just woke up. I watched all night till dawn and construction is going on in our area so i woke up. Hope you have a great and peaceful day.

[cutetaako]

why do i suddenly miss everyone i hate this it hurts so much

[my-selfship-days]

Seeeiiiikaaaa! Did you know I love you?! 💚💚💚 You're my world my girl please don't forget that I love you with all my heart and soul! You're the reason I make music and the reason I smile every day! I love you SeiSei!!

I love you too, my rei-rei! I'm glad to be your reason!~

[seikyoko]

Do you mind if I ask your top 10 favorite characters (can be male or female) from all of the media that you loved (can be anime/manga, books, movies or tv series)? And why do you love them? Thanks....

Choosing a top 10 was so painful you should have asked for my top 20 or something

PART 1 - PART 2 - PART 3

Himemiya Anthy (Revolutionary Girl Utena)

I love Anthy, she's weird, she does stuff like giggling to herself in public while watching those slide-paper animation things. She keeps snails in her pencil case, a literal mongoose in her desk drawer and a giant octopus balloon in her closet. She's only capable of making snacks, she does stuff like adressing people via adressing Chu-Chu

She's bitter, unpredictable, venomous, petty, passive-agressive, cynical. She was a kind little girl who sacrified herself for her older brother, yet there's never the question of "who is the real Anthy" because whether it's the buried loving, kind, caring side, or the anger and resentment, bitterness and disillusionment she now feels, those are all relevant parts of the whole

She wants to believe in Utena and see herself in her and Nanami. She's downright disdainful of their naivete and innocence and she clearly take out her self-hatred and disillusionment of her prince on them.

And god, despite being the literal target of all the world's hatred and being eternally empaled by million of swords, with the only person who "care" about her (or so he says) is some gross abusive bastard who only think of her as an object to use and scapegoat as a convenient way of avoiding the world's hatred originally directed at him and a tool to try to reach his fantasies of his past glory, and no signs od anyong being close to able and willing of getting her out of that situation.

Despite how she's probably had to give up to despair on some level if not totally, because having hope in such circumstances just make it hurt all the more and it lasted for decades/centuries

Despite how she stopped caring about what happened anymore and became utterly numb to her own suffering (best displayed in ep 39, with how blank/expressionless/resigned she is when stabbed by all those swords)

She

When Utena reached out to her in that coffin, she still found the strength within herself to try again, to hope again, and to reach back despite how terrifying it all was.

Just, how courageous that was, to hope again and reach for Utena's hand despite having fallen into despair long ago, she's so strong.

Also in the ending. I loved the ending, how she just casually drop a retirement letter and casually leave the school grounds. You'd have thoughts that there would be a literal fight against him or her tearfully/angrily confronting him, yet. He's irrelevant, he's just some pathetic old man still raving about fairytales and dellusions of his grandeur, yet he's irrelevant. He doesn't matter enough to have a place in Anthy's closure or life decisions, she just get up one day, decide he doesn't matter, and leave him in her dust. God do I love that finale for many many reasons

Historia Reiss (Attack on Titan)

(In here I pretend that pretty much anything after Uprising/the battle of Shiganshina doesn't exist because I don't respect those part)

I love her, she's kind, compassionate, courageous, she's angry, stubborn, self-serving and selfish. She doesn't do things by halves, and by that I mean the moment she decided to fulfill her promise to Ymir and tell her her name she went running into a swarm of titans and told one to wait before eating her because she didn't do that yet. She glares at Eren and decide to kill him at one of his most depressed states when it's convenient for her, as a way to get her sister back and try to get her father's affection. She's the kind, caring girl who is the ally of all those who aren't needed

SHE'S AN UTTER MESS

ghostmartyr has amazing meta about her and this post summarize well what is so lovable about Historia.

Uzune Hitori (Hatoful Boyfriend)

Yes I chose that particular moment as a defining picture. This was a hard battle between him and Nageki.

There's so many reasons I love him, he shot Shuu, he's an ambush predator, he should have commited more murders, he's an incredibly caring and loving person. His bond with Nageki and the rest of his family is one I'm obsessed by. He tries to strangle Yuuya and says "oopsie you noticed" when caught in the act. He serves tea and snacks to the mad scientist who took him hostage and chat with him to trash-talk his coworker. He likes salmiakki. He's unstable, he tries to gut a teenager to retrieve his dead brother's remains from him, he wears a magical girl outfit and use his magical girl powers to repel a mad scientist alongside his students. I like how in the epilogue after deciding to make peace, he declares that he doesn’t intend to take revenge on Shuu anymore, then tack on a “probably” while Sakuya is appalled.

Pink and Blue (Charlie The Unicorn)

They're having such fun being their chaotic selves, each of their appearances is extremely entertaining. They are such little shits, they're clearly having the time of their lives, good for them.

Brunhilde (Shuumatsu no Valkyrie)

She strolled into the god's meetings and made them agree themselves to the rebellion she was planning on them. She say hella vulgar words while using extremely polite speech. When Zeus makes his "I caught on to your bullshit" speech in that meeting and says she's the representative of the human side and implying she'd go down with them she smoothly agree by saying she's gonna choose representants from all 7 million years of manking including the dead ones. She looks at Zeus dead in the eye when he figure out the weapons are valkyries and catch on to her rebellion. She makes the most ridiculous of expressions sometimes, she likes hella untasty salmiakki pies. She has nerves of steel, she's shameless, she has excellent taste in the candidates she choose. and I'm so looking forward to learning more about her.

Sumire (Toilet Bound Hanako-kun)

I don't really know how to describe my feelings about Sumire, she's just so damn fascinating ? Compelling ? I have a thing for the human sacrifice/scapegoat/were-always-going-to-die characters. I think the actual chapters she appears in/every second of her screentime would sum up why I love her better than paragraphs of text ever could so I'm just gonna make an aimless ramble about my Sumire thoughts

Sumire know from day one that she's gonna be an human sacrifice. Nobody give a damn about her, everyone feels so damn entitled about her death/sacrifice they actively blame her/take out their anger on her that she's still breathing despite it being before her planned death date. They're going to actively celebrate and take joy in her death while choosing her next replacement and she's perfectly aware of that. The only people she interact with are No 06 who is her jailer to protect her till her planned slaughter date, like how one keep cattle, and the villagers bullying her. She's seething in rage and bottle it all up to make an attempt of pretending to look happy because what can she do ? It was game over from day one for her, she can throw a tanthrum all she likes, she could make some pointless attempt at rebellion and get her legs cut off and eyes blinded for all her troubles, and for what ? It won't change a thing and it won't move anyone a bit, she has already lost from the day she was born.

So she keeps those animals to heal because of the degree of control it makes her feel, she makes up that lovey-dovey de-facto husband dynamic with n 06 to pass time/on the off-chance he might give a damn about her dying. The "I hope they go to hell" moment. Her interactions with "Gon", Nene, n06. I'm just.. so obsessed with her.

Roxanna Agriche (The way to protect the female lead's older brother)

This is gonna feels like a total cop-out but this post sums it up better than I ever could

Todo Aoi (Jujutsu Kaisen)

I love him, he's smart yet an incredible dumbass. He goes around asking people for their type and Itadori having a similar taste in women awakened in him memories where they're long lost buddies/brothers and this prompts him to go against his own team. He has incredible wisdom, when in high stress situations like battling special grade curses he peppers his observations/epiphanies by making daydreams where his idol crush deduct this. Maki specifically aims for his face in baseball and everyone (his own team included) cheers to that. He's a dumbass, he's incredibly reliable, I love him. I love his friendship/bro-ship with Yuuji, I just love him.

Tsurumi Tokushirou (Golden Kamuy)

He likes to spin on a sob story about how the 7th division was wronged because of Hanazawa's suicide. He actually was the one behind Hanazawa's death well aware of the consequences it could actually causes, he's manipulative, ruthless, perceptive and cunning as hell . He's representated in a chapter cover as the devil, he likes to trick and "seduce" people to bring them on his side. He wears a shirt made of human skin on him, he's so damn cunning. That moment where he makes Edogai fall for him by making him shoot the corpse of his mother, that fashion defilee of Edogai's creations where Tsurumi is clapping and cheering him on. The sheer loyalty he inspire in his men, his backstory episode where you see the rare moment of Tsurumi's unfiltered humanity, and how numb/devastated he is by his wife and child's death, and his reaction make it clear how much of a performance most of his current-day behavior usually is ? God. I also like how he does batshit stuff like suddenly biting off a finger to play up his unhinged image and to disturb people around him. I love how he cut off Nikaidou’s ear, then adress him by saying something into the severed ear. I love that I can’t tell when he is genuine and when isn’t

Vincent Nightray (Pandora Hearts)

I like the way he uses his "brother complex" excuse that everyone in-universe unironically believe in in all contexts as an excuse when he doesn't want to honestly answer a question/explain why he did something. I love all the complicated feelings he has about being a child of ill omen and the anger he feels about that. I love his desperate desire to prove to himself that he was not a blight into the world/an aberration causing the tragedy of sablier and doing the opposite of what he set out to do and how his will to live crumble after that, and how he can't look at himself in the mirror because of the crushing guilt and self-hatred he feels on the matter. So much, that when Elliot care about him and he care about Elliot in return, he can't really proccess why he's so enraged about his death and why he cared so much without falling into the usual excuses he generally say outloud ("oh yeah that makes Gil happy"), that basically being confirmed when they travel to the past when Gil says he loves him, and Vincent not being thrilled one bit because his attachment and devotion to Gil are more atonement for the trouble his existence caused Gil as children and self-hatred, which is why, even as Gil tell him he loves him and wants him alive, Vincent is unmoved as long as the tragedy of Sablier is playing around them. And why Ada is the one to reach him.

I love that he commit violent parricide on-screen. I love how his crush on Break manifest on doing stuff like poisoning his food and coming up with ways to enrage Break/make him hate him because people he care about being disgusted with his existence is a dynamic he's comfortable with. I love how after he's forgiven and get closure, he gather himself up and make actual successful efforts to salvage the utter mess that is his self after decades of self-hatred and self-flagelling and figure out what he wants to do/what he wants his identity to be.

[shroomystar]

2021 FIC YEAR IN REVIEW

taken from @nooowestayandgetcaught <3

Total number of completed works: 215

Total word count: 449,448

Fandoms written in: oh, a ton. most often marvel and dc (specifically batman begins in this case, though the marvel stuff is very broad from the mcu to x-men evolution and a lot of other stuff). arcane quickly rushed up the list too, but i only got into that one in december, so it didn’t have too much a chance against the other big two yet lol. hannibal was also one i wrote a lot for, especially during the summer.

Looking back, did you write more fic than you thought you would this year, less, or about what you’d expected?: i wrote a lot more than expected - probably also because this was the first year i really actively wrote fic a lot. even more often than visual art, even though i am supposed to draw more,,, oh well! maybe next year.

What’s your own favorite story of the year?: that’s such a difficult question bcuz i forget everything, but a few of my faves i remember are but please (don’t) bite, kiss me on the mouth and set me free (this one is explicit), Catharsis, hush hush (we both can’t fight it), you made me hate this city and Rose Garden Boy.

Did you take any writing risks this year?: i mean, idk about risks but i participated in whumptober and managed to finish all the fics i planned for it in time!! do that was neat!!!

Do you have any fanfic or profic goals for the new year?: i am just going to continue to write whatever i feel like, probably - but i am planning to participate in both femslash february and whumptober, so that’s goals i’d say.

Most popular story of the year?: hits-wise, although it’s so romantic on the borderline tonight (explicit!). kudos-wise... also the same fic, lmfao.

Story of mine most under-appreciated by the universe, in my opinion: honestly probably all of my hannibal and especially batbegins fics bcuz both fandoms are so small lmfao,,, if i had to name one, it would probably be Muskrat Farm Sleeping Beauty, because that’s the longest fic i finished this year, and as i said, the hannibal fandom is kind of small, especially when it comes to femslash.

Most fun story to write: another case of me forgetting!! but a story i had a ton of fun with world building recently is from one to ten, though it’s not yet quite done. for a shorter one with just simple “letting go” kinda fun, writing someone to watch me die (explicit again) was soooo freeing in a way bcuz i was just fucking around basically.

Most unintentionally telling story: idk what this means lol. but!! if i understand this right and it’s like. unintentionally telling about me as a person, then it’s Sugar High, which is definitely both unintentionally and surprising.

Biggest disappointment: honestly missing femslash feb!!! but i’ll fix that soon when it rolls around.

Biggest surprise: at the end of the year, my fic popularity suddenly skyrocketed (for my experience, because my interests are usually very niche) when i started writing fics for arcane, specifically timebomb, and there were so many nice comments and i got so many new subscribers??? thank you to the timebomb fandom lmfao y’all are lovely <3 special thanks also to the sylki fandom back when the show was still airing bcuz that was the first time i really experienced my fics getting a lot of attention.

[cranechel]

I'm gonna start reading jujutsu kaisen

[bleedingdesert]

Soulspace Warping

Reason: This “soulspace warping” has happened to us twice now. The first one happened probably over a year ago. We had just been broken up with and because of that weren’t in the best mindset to stay the least. It’s hard to say at what point in the soulspace started happening because of that- but at one point our panic had gotten so bad that suddenly the cabin that our soulspace holds caught completely on fire. The flames spread from the house to our garden to the forest beyond it. Everything was swallowed in heat and flame and we were absolutely terrified- thinking that we would lose our little home forever. But eventually it did return back to normal. Our cabin was still there the same as it was before.

Early this week- maybe the one before- something started to seem off in our soulspace. We were talking as normal (for us when we are just talking we tend to go to a form of void, though we can also talk in our normal space) when we wanted to go to our cabin. Then we were falling and found ourselves in the pathway leading to our place. This is when we started noticing things were strange. In the corners of our vision we could see little patches of glitches. Sort of like the gmod imaging when you don’t have a texture. They weren’t all pink and black checkered, some were rainbow, some were weird warping of an object. It was odd, but at the time ultimately seemed harmless. Over the next couple of days it continued to spread for a while until I couldn’t contact anyone. I tried reaching out to Desire, Restraint, and then Sei. When I tried to talk to Sei there was this wall. It was the same glitching out patterns surrounding them and completely blocking me off from them. Unlike the others I could hear something- and this something was Sei screaming. Loud, continuous, non stop. Obviously this was really terrifying. After a while I was finally able to connect to Ren, who is a lot closer to Sei (Ren’s part of the soul and Sei are more closely tied together due to previous life events), and Ren was able to push his way past Sei’s barrier. Soon after the glitch wall was down. We were obviously worn out by the whole ordeal. So all of us got in a small pile and held each other until we fell asleep. In the physical world these events mostly resulted in me looking like I was just having a bad mental health day. Lots of anxiety, lots of just being extremely exhausted.

Sei: Okay- so it’s a little hard to remember a lot of specifics right now for me. Our memory makes it hard to remember exactly what goes on inside, but I do have some pieces. I remember screaming. I remember having some sort of emotional flashback? I don’t know of what specifically. Just that I didn’t want anyone near me. It’s weird to think that I might have done something powerful considering I tend to think of myself as a weaker soul? Might be a little less weak than I thought, heh.. If I remember anything else from this I’ll try and write it down but, for now that’s all I really got. Don’t really want to try and force a memory that isn’t really there, yknow?

[genjis-wife]

everyone in the world on april 10th:

[blueparadis]

HAPPY NEW YEAR PARADIS!!! New year, new theme huh? It's prettyyyy!!! Anyway I hope that 2022 will treat you good and brings you a lot of good fortune!! Stay safe and healthy always <33

Ah thank you so much Sei for such a warm wish. happy new year to you too. hope it brings joy and peace for you and your dearest persons in your life.

[cutetaako]

brother, i don’t blame you. i’m sorry our story was such a sad one.