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chuckbass-love · 22 days ago

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Only Love Can Hurt Like This | Ransom Drysdale | Part 12

A/N: Yet again, i have left this way too long and at this point there are no excuses except life being life. I really hope y’all are still invested in this and if not then i completely understand.

Disclaimer: My work is not to be translated or to be posted anywhere else other than MY Tumblr, Wattpad and Ao3 without my permission. However, reblogs are welcome.

Summary: The moment you’ve put off finally arrives and you’re scared, but what will happen if the test is positive?

Pairing: Ransom Drysdale x Fem!Reader

Warnings: Talk of pregnancy, swearing, vaginal intercourse, anal fingering, daddy kink, cum play, sweet Ransom moment (again to make up for such serious moments in this part) 18+ again, being as the entire series thus far has been 18+. Enjoy guys💕

Word Count: 4,380

GIF NOT MINE!!! Credit to @cevanswife go check them out! 💜

Noise. Suddenly, when time is moving extremely slow and you’re impatiently waiting with bated breath, for something so important, there’s always too much noise. Noise that you barely even notice in your day to day life when you’re rushing around completing errands or running out of the door for work. Even when falling asleep in the pitch black and silence, the noise is louder now than it is then.

Like the clock in your bedroom, above the en suite door. Despite having a timer on Ransoms phone set already, you can practically feel that damn clock laughing at you, mocking you and telling you that you still have one more minute left.

One more minute.

Or the wind outside, smashing against the double glazed windows, making your ears ring. God knows why.

And then there’s the noise you can’t hear too well but faintly, and that’s still enough.

The washing machine and the dryer in the laundry room. Rattling.

Tick, tick, tick.

One more minute.

One more minute before your life might change forever.

You never thought you’d see this side of Ransom, the side where he’s switched on, attentive, loving and willing to try and be there, no matter the outcome of this dam test.

Why is it taking so long. Your knee starts to bounce off its own accord. You can’t stop it. Just like your hands, they shake a little, anticipation is the sole cause. Oh and nerves. Your anxiety is wracking your entire body.

Dare you glance down at the timer on the iPhone on the bathroom side.

45 seconds left.

You start too whisper, counting down as your knee starts to bounce more, your nails picking at the nails on your other hand until a soothing hand comes to stop it.

“I’ve got you baby”

30 seconds left.

“What if it’s positive?” your worried eyes search his for some reassurance, needing him now more than ever to show and possess the strength you don’t have.

It’s been a whirlwind couple months, from breaking up with Ransom to getting back together with him, then dealing with his bastard of a friend...well, ex-friend. And then having him use your sister, your own flesh and blood, to get back at Ransom. It’s a lot for anyone to deal with and in the midst of all of it, you can’t help but admit you have been careless with safety during sex. It’s kind of hard to stay on top of things when the last thing on your mind is safety. All you want lately is to feel him close, skin to skin, for him to ease the anxious feelings away with his body. His touch, his kiss. So powerful, so gentle yet rough.

It’s what you always seem to need lately.

And if those needs have resulted in a tiny human growing inside of you.. would that be so bad?

“Then we’ll deal with it, we’ll sort this together. You and me”

Sort this? Deal with it?

Does he mean -

You can barely even let that thought manifest and clearly your knee is working overtime and you’ve gone back to picking at your hands and nails again as Ransom stills both. Using one hand to force your eyes to his.

“Y/N, baby. Look at me. I didn’t mean that in the way it sounded. I meant that we’ll talk about it. We’ll cope and get through this however we need to. We’ll discuss this together..okay?”

You feel yourself nod as you look back down at the timer.

1 second left and...

The ringing sound of Ransoms alarm goes off, startling you despite knowing it was coming.

You take a deep breath, waiting a second so that you can calm your hands and that shaky knee of yours before you look at Ransom and pick the test up. His hand over yours, holding it as you both bite the bullet and glance.

Two lines.

Two very clear, very real lines.

You feel his hand grip the test to look at it properly without you. He takes it and stands up as he begins to pace the small bedroom. His large frame taking up all of the space.

Were you too quick to believe his promises of being there no matter the result? Did you buy into that false sense of security yet again?

Everything moves in slow motion, even your thoughts. You daren’t disturb him while he paces, with his eyes fixated on those two lines. He’s processing. Internally cursing this baby inside of you. Or at least you think

Ransom’s POV

Two lines.

Two very clear, very real lines.

I instantly feel claustrophobic, instantly need air. After pacing for what feels like forever, i feel worse. I need proper air, i need it now.

I rush to the window, practically cursing inside as i fumble with the handle, i push it open and lean there for a moment, breathing in and out rapidly, unable to catch my breath fully.

I needed that. That’s the air i needed.

With my eyes shut and fresh air blasting my face, i start to cool down. The temperature in my face cools slowly but enough for me to regain a coherent train of thought.

It takes a minute before the thought of her comes back to me. I spin around instantly to find her, tears pooling in her eyes, a worried look on her face. I can tell that the first thing she thought of when she saw me just now was that i’m angry.

How wrong could she be.

I rush to her side, pulling her close to me so i can hold her.

“Shhh, i got you. I’ve got you” i soothe, or at least attempt to as she sniffles into my chest.

“A-are you mad?” her voice comes out just above a whisper, while a rogue tear slips down her cheek and onto my chest.

“Of course not”... “why would i be?”

It seems logical in my head, why would i be mad? How could i be mad?

I’m happy, albeit overwhelmed but happy nonetheless.

“You’ve barely said a word’

“It’s overwhelming that’s all darling, it’s a lot to take in and i can’t even imagine how you must be feeling. Talk to me”

Your POV

You pull away from his chest, wiping your tear stained face as you swallow your nerves down as best as you can so that you can get your thoughts out into words.

“I’ve always known that i’ve wanted to be a mother. Even when i was younger with my sisters, playing moms and dads” that earns a chuckle from your sweet but misunderstood boyfriend.

His arm cradles you as you continue.

“But that’s a far cry from that to this, to doing it, for real. Having a tiny human depend on you for everything. It’s also the unexpected, perhaps. The fact that this wasn’t planned. We’ve been so preoccupied lately, being careful when having sex hasn’t exactly been at the forefront of our minds. But what if it was meant to be that way?”

“How do you mean?”

“What if this was always supposed to happen. This little life growing inside of me as we speak. Sometimes things happen when you least expect it, for a reason”

I feel silly saying that but it’s true. Life can have a funny way of challenging you, and doing it in ways you wouldn’t expect.

You look up at him, searching his eyes for anything to show that he’s truly okay with the outcome of the test.

Facing a positive pregnancy test was certainly not on your plans for this year, but what matters is how you deal with it, how you communicate with one another about this. It may be your body but you want the choice to be one you make with both yours and Ransoms input. It took the two of you to create this life. It’s only right the two of you decide what happens.

Your hand naturally goes to your stomach and you gently rub your thumb across it, wondering what life would be like with a baby. How Ransom would hold up as a father. You know he’d be a whole lot better than his father, that’s for sure. Which let’s face it, isn’t a hard feat at all. Richard Drysdale is a bastard of a man. And you know that Ransom wouldn’t mind you saying that. It’s a fact.

Ransoms hand joins you, his thick and long fingers fingers guiding your own to stroke your stomach.

“We don’t have to decide just yet” he starts, getting down on his knees in front of your bed and positioning himself in between your legs, parting them as he inches closer. A position you’ve had him in more than once. It brings heat to your sex. You can’t help it. The man is quite literally a sex god.

You’re sat here, in the midst of a serious conversation and yet you’re in the mood to be intimate. This man can literally touch you in any way, be in front of you talking about politics or even pissing you off in some form and you still feel that invisible string, pulling you to him, like a magnetic force. You belong to him, and he belongs to you. However, times like these make you want him all the more.

His eyes darken as he catches yours doing the same, he knows that look.

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore, if that’s okay?” you murmur, your hands roaming down his tanned and toned body, abs for days, that sexy V-shape leading into his boxers, where his not so mysterious size awaits you.

You need him, god you need him more than you need to breathe. Everything is aching, your anxiety wreaking havoc on your body once again, you need a distraction, just for right now. You know that you can’t avoid it forever, but you can allow yourself to forget, just for today. Or even just for right now.

“Oh yeah, and what do you want, hm?” his finger crooks under your chin, lifting it up, not allowing you to avoid his eyes. “Come on, tell me princess. This only works if we communicate” his voice is going deeper as he finishes talking. He knows exactly what you want, but as always, in true Ransom fashion, he’s making you work for it. Just the way that you like.

“I want you. No, i need you. I need you so badly. Your touch, your hands. I need it all over me. Afterwards i promise we can discuss the pregnancy. I just need to be close to you. Please” your doe eyes cause him to falter his usual Daddy persona.

“Like this?” he rasps, manoeuvring so that you’re laying down on the bed and he’s on top of you, his hands gripping your ass before leading up your body, squeezing and gripping every curve, his soft sighs make it clear how much he wants you too. No spot untouched.

You hum in appreciation and agreement with his words and he continues, his face burying into your neck, kissing, licking and biting like a wild animal desperate for his next feed. You’re his prey. Always have been since day one. You belong to him.

“Use your words, slut” his demand comes with a menacing drawl, one you would never wish to ignore. You couldn’t even if you wanted to. When he’s in this zone, this fantasy of your owner, Ransom is not to be tested. Best believe he will always come out on top.

“Y-yes, like that” you moan breathlessly as his hands slide up to the tie of your robe, his fingers barely need to work at it before it opens, giving him better access to you and that sexy goddess like body of yours, or at least that’s how he’s always seen it. You’ve never once had to wonder if he’s into you, his reaction to you is enough confirmation.

Ransom moves you to the centre of the bed, spreading your legs before moving in between them once again. “Yes, what?” his eyebrows raise, a playful smirk on his beautiful face.

“Yes Daddy”

And that was all he needed to begin.

His lips pucker as he places kisses along your stomach, working his way up to your neck, gentle kisses at first. But the higher he gets, the more hungry he becomes, nipping you here, licking you there. Your chest starts to rise and fall quite quickly now, your cheeks flush as he reaches your breasts.

No matter how many times he looks at them, feels them in his hands and plays with them, he loves them. It’s like he’s obsessed with showing every significant part of your body some love. But then again, when it comes to Ransom, every part of your body is significant. Every. Single. Inch.

“Look at these nipples of yours, all ready for me. I’ve barely even touched you” his pleased tone makes you smile a little. Daddy Ransom is here for real now.

You prepare yourself mentally for the rollercoaster your body is about to be put through.

His index fingers and thumbs roll the pert nipples as he kisses the valley between your breasts, licking his way to one nipple to bite it ever so slightly, enough to make you jolt in surprise before repeating the same on the other. His pleasure comes with a build up, a build up that renders you desperate for him, desperate for his cock. But it’s all worth it.

“Being so patient for me, baby. Such a fuckin’ good girl” his New England drawl makes you wetter, the pool of arousal at your entrance causes you to wriggle and writhe, needing to rub your thighs together for some kind of relief. But with Ransom between your legs, you’re trapped.

“Woah woah, what happened to patience” his hand moves down towards your sex as his face moves inches above yours “behave” his words come as he smacks at it. He repeats it once more before continuing his journey to your neck. His mouth starts to suck and bite the tender skin, it’s bound to leave a mark, proof to everyone that he was here. His intention.

You wait for him to move up to your face to give you a kiss and when he does it’s messy, emotional and needy. Tongues moving and colliding, your hands gripping his face before he moves them above your head. One hand of his holding them there while he reaches for the handcuffs in the bedside table draw. Your eyes widen as your brain can only imagine what is in store for you. Rough sex with zero mercy. He plans to fuck you until you beg for him to stop. Just the way you like him to. The arousal worsens as he straddles your chest, tying you to your headboard.

Once you’re attached, no escaping, he gets off of the bed to step out of his boxers slowly. The teasing only makes you more in need for him. And then theres his cock. God it’s like he was sculpted to perfection and brought to you to continuously render you speechless. Every day that you get to look at him and that body of his is a gift that keeps giving.

Your eyes rake over him one time too many but he doesn’t mind. In fact the cocky bastard loves it. It boosts his already inflated ego when it comes to his appearance.

That’s Ransom for you, he looks good and he knows it. He’s used that to his advantage plenty of times. You recall him doing the same for you when you first met.

“Like what you see, baby?” he winks, that wink makes you melt but you forget you’re stuck in place by those handcuffs.

You nod, practically salivating at the sight.

“Please” you beg, pathetically.

“I need you” the whimpers fall on death ears as he climbs back onto the bed, fisting his hardened cock for you to watch as his own eyes rake over you. He knows he’s one lucky man.

“Do you now? How much?” Like you said, he’s a bastard.

“Badly, i’m so wet for you. Please”

And with that, he spreads your legs further, inspecting you with his eyes before his index finger starts to rub at your clit a little while his middle finger explores your folds until it’s at your entrance, rubbing your juices around.

“So you are” he hums in appreciation before lifting your legs up a little and bending down.

His mouth attacks your pussy, making you whimper in shock. It’s never been so easy before to get him to give in. He must need you just as much, if not more.

“Taste so fuckin’ good” his growling and breathy voice turns you on more, god you love him. So fucking much. You love the way he relentlessly attacks your body with his mouth, hands and cock. He just knows what you need.

You’ve been here so many times now, danced this same dance. You’re fluent in each others bodies language. Knowing every weakness, every tell tale sign of an orgasm, every pressure point that gets the other begging for more. However, you rarely get to use your knowledge as Ransom enjoys dominating too much, and who are you to argue?

Your hips buck up as you grind into his face.

“You eat my pussy so good Daddy” you whimper, desperate for more of him, his teeth nip not so gently at your demanding clit but it spurs you on. You thrust faster and faster before he holds you still, your thighs wrapped tightly around is head as his nails dig into your soft skin. He’s hungry.

That all too familiar rope in your stomach starts to tighten, your climax building, and building and building. Until one last flicker of his strong tongue causes the rope to snap.

You cry out, his name falling off of your tongue like a prayer, all to familiar. He licks you through the orgasm while your legs shake around his head, just the way he likes. You’re so sensitive but he wants more, who are you to deny him. His tongue now lapping up all he forced from your body, the juices make him groan

He forces your body back to the bed, allowing you too lay there while he stares at you. In awe, perhaps.

His hands wrap around his hardened cock as he moves over you so that your legs can lock around his torso, keeping the two of you connected, while your hands aren’t available.

“You want this cock inside of you? Gonna be my good little slut, hm?” his filthy words only make you want him more, you shake the cuffs in attempt to free yourself so that you can touch him, wanting him inside of you faster.

The taunting tuts he gives you, warning you about rushing him. Ransom is especially thorough when it comes to giving pleasure. He likes to make sure no stone is left unturned, leaving you a puddle of satisfaction with shaky legs for further proof.

“I need it inside of me, i need you. Make me your slut, use me for your own pleasure” you plead, doe eyes returning as you bite your lip seductively. That’ll do it, the final nail in your coffin, clearly, as he slides into you slowly, filling you up inch by inch.

Two sets of eyes close in tandem as pleasure envelopes both of you. All of your stress from the last 48 hours vanishes in a heartbeat. Tension disappears.

You know you have to face everything soon but this is a short term distraction, one you are both welcoming with open arms. It’s what you need right now, no harm in satisfying that.

His thrusts speed up as he grips your legs, pushing them up and back. Folding you over so that he can push down on the backs of your thighs, using it as leverage for him to go to town. Fucking into you with reckless abandon, giving you all that he has. All of his confusion about the new circumstance you’ve found yourselves in, all of the tension that piled on top of him the moment he saw those two lines. All of it is channeled into this moment right now.

“So fucking wet for me, baby. My god” the sound of his balls slapping against your asshole mixed with the sound of your juices each time he drives his cock balls deep into you bounces off of the walls, making you glad you live alone.

His hands move to splay across your ass, gripping it so tight that his nails dig in, leaving a mark for certain. You wince but revel in the pain of it, the beautiful pain.

“You feel so good inside of me, daddy. Are you proud of me, taking all of you like the good little slut you turned me into mm?”

His eyes darken, his brows scrunch as his middle finger circles your puckered hole, so tight, so fucking tight.

He throws his head back grunting as his thrusts get more aggressive before sucking that same finger and circling the hole again. He pushes it in slowly, blowing out a deep breath he’d been holding in until his finger slipped inside, just a little. It’s been a while since he played with your ass like this.

Oh how you’ve missed it. Pushing in and out, he works it in deeper each time, training it to take all of that finger.

God you’re so good for him, he needs you to keep being good, to keep taking what he dishes out. You’re always good, so perfect, so precious.

He loses control, rough isn’t the word for how he’s fucking you, his finger getting faster with its movements, working in time with his cock as it moves in and out of your soaking wet pussy, your juices covering it tip to base.

Yet again, the tell tale sign of an impending orgasm washes over you as you cry to be released. His one free hand moves up momentarily to pick the key up for the cuffs. You nod rapidly, signalling to him to free you. You need to be closer, you need to touch him.

Ransom notices this, smirking as he speeds the pace of his finger up a notch, working harder to push you through that orgasm you’ve needed so much. “Is my good girl gonna cum, huh? Gonna make a big mess all over daddy’s cock?Give it to me baby, come on, give me that cum, i need it like i need fucking air to breathe. Come on, slut, cum on this cock. Give yourself a mess to clean once i free those hands”

His words are enough to push you over the edge as you cry out once again, for the second time today he’s the reason for your relentless pleasure. Your pussy walls clench down on him, again and again and again, making him moan along with you. He pulls out quick, pushing the key into the lock to free you at last before manhandling you around so that you’re on your knees on the floor, in between his naked legs, sucking his cock.

His hips buck, forcing you to take all of him, one punishing thrust after another, saliva drips from your mouth each time he pulls out. His hands grip your hair, giving you no choice but to comply. All while your cum drips from your stretched out and satisfied hole.

Pleasuring your man brings you pleasure too, you can’t help but feel the same old need for more as you service his cock with your mouth, bringing him close to his own orgasm. But before you swallow it, you pull off in time for him to spray your chest. His arousal covering your breasts fully. You waste no time in playing with it, moving it all across with your fingers before licking it off slowly, seductively. His eyes follow your every move, amazed.

“You’re so sexy, you know that, right?”

You nod, confidently. You don’t always know it but in this moment right now, you believe it wholeheartedly. Nothing could stop you from showing it to him.

The taste of him makes your pussy throb non stop.

Look at you, such a desperate slut, constantly craving his cock.

His thumb strokes your chin as he leans over you, catching a drop that didn’t quite make your mouth before you take it and suck the remains off.

“That, my darling, is certainly my favourite distraction” he hums with satisfaction as he stands up, towering over you before picking you up and carrying you to the en suite. “But let’s get you cleaned up, hm? Then we can talk about that test”

You nod before resting your head on his chest as he walks you into the bathroom for a much needed shower.

Sooner or later you’ll need to face that test, and as nervous as you are. There’s no one you’d rather have those difficult conversations with.

-----------------------

General Tag List:

@deadlymistress24 @coffeebooksandfandom @chris-butt @holtzkinnon @mychemicalimagines @llamadelreyx @haus-of-bitch-talk @buckstaybucky @thewinchestergirl1208 @chrissquares @patzammit @cevans-fics @americasass91 @toni9 @aaliferous @bradfordmyworld @thereisa8ella @yassspose @randomsevans @fanficforfun @meetmeatyourworst @leyannrae @rainbowkisses31

Just Chris and his characters Tag List:

@onetwo3000 @sheofthegarden @whiskeytangofoxtrot555 @mrslokibarnesrogers @princess-evans-addict @stxvercgersslut @chris-evanslover @bval-1 @thejemersoninferno @janeyboo @evansphnx12 @dwights-new-plague @whxre4cevans @cherry-gemz @chvntelle-99 @talley84 @peakascum @gitasor @allthingschrisevans @janaev4ns @moonlacebeam

If anyone would like to be added to my tag list, please feel free to comment, put a request in my inbox or message me privately.

Thank you for reading and as always, please interact, it means a lot. Love you all💜

43 notes · View notes

deedala · 5 months ago

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☀️ weekly 🌴 tag 🌴 wednesday 🌊

hello it is thursday!! not wednesday, alas, we persist. big thanks to a one lil miss ✨🌟🌙 @celestialmickey ✨🌟🌙 !!!! for writing this weeks game and for tagging me!! + @gallapiech @blue-disco-lights @heymrspatel @jrooc @mmmichyyy @too-schoolforcool @lingy910y @crossmydna @energievie @palepinkgoat 💖💖💖

name: deanna 🌱

pronouns: she/her

what year did you graduate high school? lets play a game actually, what do you think? did i graduate in 1998, 2002, or 2006?

tell me where you live without *telling* me where you live: woody harrelson and i know the same amusement park like the back of our respective hands

tell me what you do for work: digital coloring book

caffeine source of choice: brew my own hot coffee in which i pour oatmilk and french vanilla dairy-free creamer

do you have a skincare routine? super sensitive skin, had to do accutane in my 20s *and* back in 2019. dermatologist has me on a very strict routine of gentle salicylic acid facewash and oil-free fragrance-free sensitive-skin formulated facial moisturizer. nothing else allowed!!

how often do you do laundry? every single fucking day of life and if i dont i will be overcome and i will suffer

favorite flower: poppies!! (iykyk) but dandelions are a close second

your go-to karaoke song: i've never gotten to do karaoake for reals but i think it would be an absolute blast (and hysterically cringey) to sing wuthering heights by kate bush!!

what kind of phone do you have? mint green iphone 12

do you wear contacts/glasses? i wear a single contact lens because i had to have a bunch of surgery in my left eye in my 20s and one of them involved replacing my lens with an implant (hi im bionic, i have a serial number) that is a corrective lens giving me 20/20 vision (apart from the blind spots where my retina is destroyed) SOOOO i literally can only wear that one contact lens in my right eye to fix my (extremely bad) vision on that side. glasses dont work when you've got 20/20 in one eyeball and -7.25 in the other.

what color is your hair right now? its a 10

you’ve just been handed $10,000 cash, what are you spending it on? theres a lot of shit in my house that needs to be fixed. or maybe we can use it as a down payment for buying a new house? (probably not the market is so insane in my city because of the university and the landlords) but i guess...in fantasy world where this happens...yeah we use it to help ourselves buy a new house lol.

how many pets do you have? none

have you ever been on a train? many many trains! some in america, most of them in europe

and finally, tell me something about yourself people might be surprised to know: god im so uninteresting... i love olives and pickles and cilantro and mint but not garlic and i cannot taste spicy things (i deeply wish i could, ive tried so many times and all i get is like bitter charcoal numb tongue)

and now i'll tag some folks under the cut who maybe?? havent played yet?? maybe want to play????? if not consider this me handing you a dandelion + poppy 💐 under the cut!!

@darlingian @spookygingerr @mybrainismelted @creepkinginc @suzy-queued

@sleepyheadgallavich @thepupperino @iansw0rld @gardenerian @ardent-fox

@catgrassplantdad @whatwouldmickeydo @gallawitchxx @wehangout @captainjowl

@the-rat-wins @loftec @spoonfulstar @callivich @sam-loves-seb

@howlinchickhowl @rereadanon @softmick @burninface @sickness-health-all-that-shit

@sleepyfacetoughguy @transmickey @lee-ow @themarchg1rl @vintagelacerosette

@xninetiestrendx @michellemisfit @steorie @samantitheos

✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨✨

#weekly tag wednesday #tag game

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fcble · 2 months ago

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LOOSE ENDS — A collection of drabbles to pick up the threads I started months ago. TOTAL WORD COUNT: 3.0k FEATURING: Yoon Mingeun, Kang Haksu, Andrew Han, Ahn Jinguk, Lee Taein, Oh Kiyoung, The Midas Touch

JULY 2024. A direct epilogue to this drabble. Previously posted as screenshots on my main but I don't think anyone saw that so here we go again.

Two hours after having his phone confiscated, Mingeun knocks on Haksu's bedroom door.

Haksu opens it, looking clean and put together for someone just sitting in his room. Sitting in his room, and likely eavesdropping on everything they said. "I heard what happened," he says, confirming Mingeun's suspicions.

He steps inside, trying not to look too closely at the Bible on Haksu's bedside table, or the cross hanging above his bed, the only decoration on otherwise spotless wall. A diffuser sits on top his dresser, filling the room with a faint pine scent.

Haksu shuffles through the dresser for a moment, and tosses three iPhone boxes onto his bed. They're all slightly different variants of the iPhone 15, in blue and white and black.

"You can have any of them," Haksu says. "I don't know why our fans keep giving me iPhones when I use a Samsung."

Mingeun doesn't get gifts like that. Haksu has his phones, and Andrew received a high-end laptop. He must be doing something wrong.

He doesn't say anything, just points to the plastic container in Haksu's hands. "What's that?"

Haksu opens the lid, and that's when Mingeun realizes it's full of index cards. "SIM cards."

There must be fifteen or so in the box, by his best judgement. Each index card has the SIM card taped to it, with a phone number across the top and a series of dates running down the right side of the card.

"You keep these?" Mingeun asks, plucking one out of the box. The dates on it cover the end of 2022 and a few months of 2023.

"I trade them in if they get really bad," Haksu says. "The company pays for most of these. I switch them out when I need to."

He flicks through the container and eventually pulls out a card that looks no different from the rest of the cards. "Here. I haven't used this one in a while. You probably won't get too many calls."

The most recent date on it is June 2022. Mingeun accepts it, and tries to peel the card off without ripping the paper. The paper rips anyway.

He looks at the phones again. "This is fine with you? I can take it?"

Haksu nods impatiently. He produces a pen from somewhere and adds a new line to the index card: Mingeun's name and July 2024 to an unknown date. "I don't use them."

Mingeun picks the blue one, because it's the most basic model. His own phone is still the 12. The upgrade doesn't feel right, not when it happened because Daewoong confiscated his phone.

"Thanks," he says awkwardly.

Haksu waves him off. "Don't worry about it." The cards and the two remaining phones disappear back into his dresser, and Mingeun is left clutching his new phone like a lifeline.

SEPTEMBER 2024. A sequel to this drabble.

Andrew's second visit to the Danyoung Group is no less intimidating than the first. It doesn't have to be a meeting at all. It could be an email. A text message. An Instagram DM. Does Jinguk even use Instagram? Probably not.

His answer is one word. In hindsight, it's ridiculous he even thought otherwise. All it took was spending a day almost, but not quite, third-wheeling with Jaeseop and Jaeseop's girlfriend, Seoyeon. It wasn't supposed to be like that. It was supposed to be an outing for Fable on one of Jaeseop's rare days off, with Seoyeon accompanying them only because Jaeseop had so few days off. Then the rest of the group started dropping like flies in the days leading up their lunch: Kiyoung and Intak at the premiere of an anime film, Haksu on something akin to a date of his own, Byeonghwi doing something he's been incredibly cagey about, and Mingeun's second or third bout of house arrest this year. Andrew's lost count.

The lack of an audience at lunch gave Andrew the courage to ask Jaeseop about his predicament, and Jaeseop the freedom to chew out Andrew in public—all while Seoyeon sat there quietly and ate her food.

The direct consequence of that day is today. This time, Andrew takes the elevator to the ninth floor, and heads down the hall until he reaches the room labeled 923 in gold text on a shiny black plaque. He knocks first, then pushes the door open without waiting for a response.

The first thing he notices is that the view from the ninth floor isn't much different from the view from the fifteenth. This room, too, has a wall made entirely of glass. Better to lord over the people below you with, Andrew thinks.

He bows politely to Jinguk, standing near the window and doing the very lording Andrew was just thinking of. "Good afternoon."

"It's good to see you again, Andrew," Jinguk says. The words themselves might be warm, but the delivery lacks any sort of emotion. "Have you given any thought to my proposal?"

Straight to the point. Andrew hasn't even taken a seat. To be fair, he doesn't think he wants to take a seat. It's a far cry from the waffling Taein tends to do.

"I have," he says, hovering uncertainly near one of the two chairs in the room.

"Have a seat, and we'll talk." Despite his words, Jinguk doesn't make a move.

Andrew sits, against his better judgement. "I appreciate your offer," he says—calm, practiced, rehearsed, like he's staring down a camera—"but I'm going to have to decline. I'm staying with Fable." His heart jackhammers wildly in his chest, and he has to make a conscious effort to keep his knee from bouncing up and down.

"I suspected as much," Jinguk says. "I hoped you'd be more pragmatic."

Andrew is pragmatic. He's so pragmatic he knows he stands to lose too much if he leaves Fable now. And he's done his research on C Entertainment's artists. He sees two potential paths in that future: being indefinitely shelved or constantly scrutinized for payola.

He gives a half-hearted shrug. "I don't know if you're looking for pragmatism. You might want to try selfishness or greed. I can recommend Mingeun or Haksu." He doubts either of them would take Jinguk's deal, though he knows they'd be tempted in the same way he was.

Jinguk's expression grows stormy. His brow tightens, and he fixes Andrew with a disapproving look. "You must not understand the magnitude of your decision. This is not the sort of opportunity anyone can receive. They are liabilities, more so than you."

But Andrew is a liability too. He champions for himself, enough to butt heads with Mingeun on a wide range of topics. He'll bend and bend and bend—he had to, to debut—but he won't break. There are parts of himself he can't give up on, and that, he thinks, makes him more of a liability than someone like Mingeun. He doesn't say any of that out loud.

"They're people," he says, "not liabilities."

"This is a business, and you are an idol. It is a lesson both you and Taein-ssi have yet to learn." Jinguk's bottom lip curves up in a sneer.

Andrew doesn't know what he has to do with Taein. The side he picked, the battle line he drew in the sand. Something like that.

"It's unfortunate you have yet to come to your senses," Jinguk continues, though he doesn't sound disappointed or resigned in the slightest. He checks the time on his impossibly shiny watch. "My two pm will arrive shortly. I assume you know your way out."

Andrew nods quickly. He recognizes a dismissal when he hears one, and he's only too happy to leave. "If I ever come to my senses, you'll be the first to know."

As he leaves, he can't shake the feeling that he got off too easily, like he willing walked into the jaws of the beast and emerged unscathed. Jinguk appeared to respect Andrew's answer, even if he didn't appear to respect Andrew himself. It'll dog him, he knows, one more enigmatic piece in the puzzle of Jinguk's design.

OCTOBER 2024. Live Haksu reaction to this article.

"What is this?" Haksu asks. He pinches a sheet of paper between two fingers, as if it's poisonous. The glaring headline on the printed article reads, "Zenith Entertainment to Press Charges Against Fable Sasaeng." It's hard to read in the dim parking garage lighting, but Haksu has already committed the important parts to memory.

Taein's gaze, bored and disinterested, flicks over the paper and then Haksu. "It's what you wanted." He steps left in a valiant effort to get to his car.

Haksu mirrors his movements. If he could have snuck into his office to borrow his car keys, he would have. As it is, he has to settle for body-blocking his boss instead. "No, it's not. This is loud and messy. I wanted something discrete."

"Like a hit man," Taein says drily. He makes another unsuccessful attempt to get to the driver's side door of his car.

Haksu shrugs. That would be preferable. He folds the paper in half. Over the past couple of months, he's learned how to play Eunmyeong's game, picked up all her rules and added a few of his own. He's managing so far, by himself. He doesn't need Taein's lawsuit interfering with his carefully arranged house of cards.

"She never assaulted me," he says.

"Not everything is about you."

This is. Haksu knows that for a fact. From the moment he read the headline, he knew the anonymous A was Eunmyeong. No one else followed him home. He doesn't need to be a detective. Anyone with two brain cells to rub together could figure that out.

"Think about it, Haksu," Taein says. He rolls his shoulders back. "I'd like to leave work today."

Haksu doesn't budge. "Do you think this will stop her?"

"As much as I'd like to be able to predict the future, I can't say what she will or will not do." He levels a piercing gaze at Haksu. "Don't you know her better?"

There's an accusation in there, if he can be bothered to find it. He's been on more pseudo-dates with her than he'd like to admit. Not enough to have lost count, but enough to recognize certain pillars of their otherwise tenuous relationship. He would know her, if their relationship was more even. As it stands, she's so obsessed with him that they don't talk about much else. Haksu only knows what her last name is because she told his mom. He doesn't know when her birthday is. He doesn't know where she lives or where she grew up or what her favorite food is.

"I don't know her at all," he answers. "Why did it take you this long to press charges?"

"Proper legal cases take time," Taein says, forming each word slowly, as if they cause him physical pain.

Haksu opens his mouth.

"For the second time, Haksu, I don't have any mafia connections you can take advantage of."

Haksu closes his mouth.

Taein continues to speak. "I wouldn't go through with this if there wasn't a reasonable chance the charges would stick. Have faith."

If there's one thing Haksu has, it's faith. He has faith in spades. His faith only falters when it comes to Taein. He should trust his boss more. He doesn't. He steps aside reluctantly, finally giving Taein access to his car.

Taein doesn't even thank him. All he does is pull the driver's side door open and say, "It's not your problem to worry about. Focus on your work, and don't go around giving phone numbers to your group members."

Haksu takes personal offense to that. He tamps it down and responds with his usual decorum instead. "Good night, sajangnim." He doesn't think Taein hears him. The door slams closed as he speaks.

Taein's headlights cast dramatic shadows as Haksu turns tail, shredding the paper as he goes. He doesn't see a problem with giving Mingeun a new phone number—and a new phone. He doesn't approve of everything Mingeun does, but he doesn't have to. He was just doing his duty as a friend.

He pauses as he reaches the fresh evening air, the breeze a welcome respite from the stuffiness of the inside of the garage. Haksu stuffs the shreds of paper into his pockets. Taein can do whatever he wants. Fine. So can he. He wonders if she knows she's going to court soon. It would be courteous to warn her, wouldn't it? He watches Taein's Mazda make a sharp right and nearly bowl over a pedestrian. Then he slips his phone out of his back pocket and writes a quick text.

OCTOBER 2024. Not a sequel to anything. It's more of an update of what Kiyoung is up to and the relevance of The Midas Touch to Fable.

As a collective, The Midas Touch is louder, rowdier, and more energetic than Kiyoung remembers being at their age. The excitement of a newly debuted group is palpable, but not quite contagious. That, and it pales in comparison to the sheer malice simply radiating from Haksu.

"Who pissed you off?" he mutters under his breath, adjusting the mic pack clipped to the back of his waist band more than he should.

"None of your business," Haksu mutters back.

"You'll keep it together?"

"Of course." The words are sharp. He corrects himself a moment later, softening into a more relaxed posture and expression. "I always do." He has the gall to wink at Kiyoung.

It's uncomfortable, watching the ease at which Haksu slides between his true feelings and his perfect image. Kiyoung suppresses a shudder.

Their role today is a supporting one. It's an extremely staged moment in The Midas Touch's extremely staged day. The idea is to present them with the same friendly and relatable boy-next-door image they built as trainees. Kiyoung thinks there are other groups who already occupy that niche, but he's not their creative director or management in any way.

The original plan was for him and Haksu to make a brief appearance to congratulate them on their first music show win. It was supposed to appear spontaneous. That plan fell through last week, when it became very apparent that TMT would be the runner-up to a project group Kiyoung's never hehrd of. Almost all of their music is in English, with the excepption of the song they promoted to win a week's worth of music shows.

So the script was rewritten, and now Kiyoung and Haksu are congratulating them on their debut. Never mind the fact that they already did that, right after TMT's music show debut, back when Fable was promoting their own album. This time is different because Haksu has a cake. He also has strict instructions to give it to Shinji, according to the script Kiyoung read a couple of hours ago. Shinji is, according to the same script, the clumsiest member by far.

He suspects someone is already prepared to clean frosting off the floor.

The long-awaited signal from the couple of supervising producers—a frantic flurry of waving, gesturing, and ushering—finally arrives. The smallest glance sideways tells Kiyoung Haksu is immaculately prepared. He has his cake, and he's turned down the malice to a less overpowering level.

Kiyoung gets the door. He makes it two steps into the room before there are three handheld cameras focused on him—an important part of TMT's relatability. They're greeted with overlapping cries of, "Sunbaenim! You didn't have to!" and "Haksu-hyung, is that for us?"

Kiyoung feels sorry for the editors who have to piece this footage together.

Haksu unceremoniously shoves the cake towards Shinji. The eldest member of the group, Elias, swoops in and intercepts it instead. "He'll drop it," he says, balancing both the cake and his camera.

"That might be the point," Kiyoung concedes quietly.

Though he looks loathe to play along, Elias passes it back to Shinji.

"Congratulations on your debut," Haksu says, an ever-consummate professional.

Then, message delivered, he surprises Kiyoung by making a beeline back towards the door.

Kiyoung grabs him by the wrist. "You can't leave," he hisses under his breath.

"You can come too," Haksu says, tugging his wrist free.

Kiyoung jerks his head towards TMT. "They're filming." A camera is usually the magic switch that gets Haksu to play nice.

Haksu turns around and flashes his usual charismatic smile. "Can you please cut the cameras?" he asks, tone syrupy sweet.

"Deadass?" Arjun asks from behind his own camera. All five of them break into sycophantic laughter.

Kiyoung assumes the cameras are still rolling. "He's not usually like this," he says, making a rather pathetic attempt to salvage the remnants of Haksu's image.

A silent look passes through the group, communicating something Kiyoung can't even begin to imagine.

Elias seems to speak for all of them when he says, "I thought so." He angles his camera back to Haksu. "Anything else for today's TMT Log?"

He's giving them a way out. Kiyoung nearly sags with relief.

Haksu seems to compose himself, straightening up and clasping his hands together. "The Midas Touch are our very precious juniors who recently made their debut. They've worked very hard to get to where they are today. Please make sure to show them lots of love and support!" He rattles off a few lines that are much more fitting of his usual persona.

Elias gives them a little nod, and this time, when Haksu runs for the door, Kiyoung doesn't stop him. He recites his own parting message, spit-balling whatever comes to mind—another congratulatory message, a half-plea to the editors to showcase Haksu in a positive light, permission to visit Fable whenever they'd like.

"I thought you said you could keep it together," Kiyoung says quietly as soon as they're in the hallway again. He suspects most of that footage will be cut. Shinji didn't even drop the cake.

Haksu flicks his bangs out of his eyes. "I did."

They have very different definitions of keeping it together, he thinks, disconnecting his microphone. Whatever is happening in Haksu's head is something he'd never confess to Kiyoung.

"Everything is fine," Haksu says.

Kiyoung suspects this is supposed to be reassuring. He doesn't believe it at all.

#╰ to be written in ink is to be immortal — [ writing. ]#╰ to be written in ink is to be immortal — [ mingeun. ]#╰ to be written in ink is to be immortal — [ yejun. ]#╰ to be written in ink is to be immortal — [ haksu. ]#╰ to be written in ink is to be immortal — [ kiyoung. ]#fictional idol community #kpop oc #idol oc #fake kpop group

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amberjazmyn · 6 months ago

Text

my love, my life 💔🥹🫶

pairing : carlos sainz x fem!reader

summary : with the lyrics of mamma mia's version of abba's song, "my love, my life", we see carlos sainz jr and his wife cecelia sainz have their first child, a little girl called esmeralda rose, who was born on the same day as and named after her maternal grandmother rosanna perez.

warnings : mentions of deaths of parents from cancer, the birth of a child and baptism of said child, non-religious mom and semi-religious dad, crying, abba music if that's a warning, medical inaccuracies when it comes to pregnancy, inaccurate mentions of coronavirus

a/n : writing this for carlos because i wanted to write something again for carlos and this is what i finally decided on. as always, the lyrics will be in bold italics, any flashbacks or flashforwards will be in italics and year-stamped so it's not so confusing and present time of the literal baptism will be in regular font. also, yes, i have made cecelia, the wife of carlos, have the maiden name of perez but she is not related to checo perez who is on the same f1 grid as carlos. and the other drivers will be included as well.

i've never felt this strong, i'm invincible, how could this go wrong?

december 28 | twenty twenty

cecelia almost screamed but couldn't since she was back at her family home in madrid, the rest of her family and her nieces and nephews in the loungeroom where her husband, was. this couldn't have been the reason why cecelia had been so ill recently, absolutely not was she pregnant and had been for a whole entire trimester already? there was absolutely no way that the positive pregnancy test in front of her and the messages from her obstetrician over the random madrid hospital phone app that she had were telling her that she had spent the last twelve/fourteen weeks pregnant with her and her husband carlos' first child and had absolutely no idea whilst also going through the last year of her mother's life due to cancer - rosanna perez succumbing to the horrific disease a couple of weeks ago, not even, on the fifteenth of this month.

but, it was absolutely true that cecelia was pregnant with her first baby. and it was the fact that if only she found out even two weeks ago, she may have just made it in time to tell her mum about her newest grandchild. and that was what took cecelia's strength and invincibility that she had built up since the death of rosanna from one hundred to zero with the click of a finger. cecellia was panicking, she was bent over crying, her head resting on the bathroom sink as her iphone filmed the entire thing. she had taken the pregnancy test at first as a joke after ana, carlos' sister and cecelia's sister-in-law, suggested it since ana had recognised the way cecelia was sick being the same way she was sick when she was pregnant with her and husband's first child. not once at all did cecelia think she was pregnant, sure, she thought she was ill but she genuinely just thought that was due to the grief and stress she had put herself through after the death of her mum rosanna and the broken heart syndrome that her father, riccardo, had just recently received.

no, here, here's where we belong, i see a road ahead i never thought i would dare to tread.

after cecelia finished her freak-out, she realised that maybe, whilst it was a road she never thought she'd tread, it was a road she belonged driving on. even with her husband being a formula one driver and constantly travelling around the world. wiping away her tears, cecelia picked up the pregnancy test with her shaky hands and she smiled, turning the positive pregnancy test to the iphone camera as she started laughing.

whispering, she spoke up, "...carlos is going to freak the fuck out! oh my gosh, he's going to be so happy this said positive! ay dios mío oh my god!" cecelia giggled as she then looked down to her tummy which didn't even indicate a 12/14 week baby bump

cecelia then realised because she was going into her second trimester, she was able to tell the rest of her family since there was now no longer any worry about her losing the baby. and then, she started crying all over again when she remembered carlos. carlos had always wanted to have a little family of his own. having a little mini carlos or little mini cecelia running around. and now, his dream was finally coming true. but, without his wife's mum with them.

turning back to her iphone, cecelia spoke up again, "i need to tell everyone! but what do i do? i can't just tell them..." the spaniard trailed off as she tried to think of what she could do to announce the pregnancy to the rest of her family and husband as she quickly pressed stop on her camera recording

that was when a knock sounded on her door and she almost screamed, however, the voice that followed was not who she thought it was, "...lo siento i'm sorry, didn't mean to scare you cece, it's just ana here, are you okay? you've been in the bathroom for a while now, what did the test say?" breathing out in relief, cecelia unlocked the door so her sister-in-law could let herself in

letting herself in, ana closed the door and felt her heart sink when she saw her sister-in-law's teary face however, she wasn't ready for the scream that was to follow, "...i'm pregnant ana!" cecelia squealed out as loudly but also as quietly as possible as ana's face lit up in excitement

"seriously? cecelia, i didn't even mean to--"

"--no, don't apologise, ana! it's a good thing that you recognised my symptoms as being the same ones you had when you were pregnant! because i totally wouldn't have, not until i was giving birth anyway it seems like it..." cecelia trailed off as ana looked confused

"...what do you mean? you can't be that far along, could you?" ana questioned as cecelia nodded her head as ana's eyes widened

"ana, i've been pregnant for an entire trimester...if only i found out earlier, i may have been able to tell mum..." cecelia trailed off as ana's face deflated as she moved closer to the younger brunette

"...oh bebe oh, baby...cecelia i am so sorry!" ana's voice trembled as she pulled her sister-in-law in for a hug

like an image passing by, my love, my life, in the mirror of your eyes, my love, my life.

january | twenty twenty-one

cecelia and carlos couldn't hide their excitement as they watched their ob-gyn do an ultrasound of their baby. thankful that carlos was even able to make it to the ultrasound considering f1 could sometimes be rather unkind. after giggling over the coldness of the gel that the nurse had placed on her stomach, cecelia was entranced by the image on the ultrasound screen. she couldn't believe that inside of her tummy was a growing human being. whilst it wasn't their first ultrasound of their baby, it was still something that blew the husband and wife's minds every single time they came in for a new scan.

"...mr and mrs sainz, because of how many weeks the baby is, we are able to tell you guys the sex, is that something you want to know now or would you like to wait until the birth to find out?" the female ob-gyn questioned as cecelia and carlos smiled, their excitement doubling

"may we know now?" cecelia asked nervously, carlos nodding his head in agreement with his wife as the nurse smiled and nodded her own head in confirmation

"of course, you guys can! well, if you just look here, i can tell you that you are having a baby girl!" the ob-gyn was stoked to tell the new parents they were having a little girl, cecelia and carlos were silenced by shock

thankfully though, they weren't silenced for too long as tears quickly slipped from the corner of cecelia's eye that was closest to carlos as he wiped them away for her, "we're having a little girl, cece! that's amazing, thank you, doctor!" carlos spoke up with excitement as the doctor smiled and nodded her head as she moved the probe across cecelia's tummy a few more times

"my pleasure carlos and cecelia, and i can already tell how loved this little munchkin is," she responded as she wiped off the residual gel that had stayed on cecelia's tummy, allowing the soon-to-be mum to clean herself up properly

whilst the ob-gyn cleared her own station and led the sainz's back to the reception desk with the little envelope with the pink piece of paper inside of it stating that their baby was a little girl, she couldn't help but feel her heart breaking for the way cecelia reacted. it wasn't a secret that the sainz and perez family had just gone through a tragedy. it had been reported on by almost every single spanish and european media site, f1 related or not, that cecelia lost her mother, rosanna perez, carlos sainz jr losing his mother in law. and it was obvious that finding out that cecelia was now pregnant, not that long after the loss of her mum and now finding out it's a little girl would have been so conflicting and an added bag of emotions for the young girl to be carrying with her. the nurse just hoped that this child, this little girl would be the healing angel that cecelia and the rest of her family needed to heal and to see the light at the end of the grieving.

and, turns out that the ob-gyn was correct, that little girl would be the healing angel that the entire sainz-perez family needed.

i can see it all so clearly, all i love so dearly, images passing by, like reflections of your mind, my love, my life are the words i try to find, my love, my life.

february | twenty twenty-one

cecelia smiled and waited patiently in the press room of an f1 interview alongside her husband's f1 grid with david coulthard. she was going to announce publically, to the world, that she was pregnant after it had been rumoured. she was with the f1 grid because the rumours had gotten so bad that the magazines and journalists had started asking the other drivers about the rumours since the sainz's hadn't actually told any of them apart from fred vasseur, the team principal of ferrari and charles leclerc, carlos' teammate. and because charles had actually found out accidentally whilst cecelia was filming an ad for a clothing brand on her instagram. since cecelia's last ultrasound scan when she and carlos found out she'd be having a little girl, she had blown up like a little balloon and was starting to show so, it had gotten somewhat harder to hide the bump however, she managed with an oversized white button-down with a flowy skirt. the button-down being tied at the base of her belly button which somehow hid the fact she was ballooning with her little pregnancy bump after not showing for over fourteen weeks.

"...today's press conference we have my personal favourite guests in the world and they are the f1 grid and cecelia sainz, wife of carlos sainz jr. i interview them and i also find out what i'm being told is the best news in the entire world right after this break so don't change this channel..." david coulthard, the f1 interviewer announces as the camerman then signs that it's a commerical break to which david moves closer off his seat to speak with the f1 grid and cecelia

as he spoke with his favourite guests, david had a slight idea of what the younger girl's announcement could be but, again, he didn't want to pry nor did he wanna ruin the surprise for himself. so, he didn't even think about what the surprise announcement could even be. so, he continued his conversation like he always did, happy to catch up and also quickly sending his condolences to cecelia and carlos for the loss of mrs sainz's mother rosanna, moments before they were back on air. cecelia and carlos thanked david sweetly as they both smiled and readied themselves for the interview.

back on the air, david smiled and introduced the segment before he handed it over to the grid and cecelia, "...so, as i said before the break, i have the amazing drivers of the 2021 grid and the even more amazing, gorgeous young lady, cecelia sainz who is carlos' wife! so, guys, how have you all been? even though we did catch up a little during the commerical break, give us the gossip, what's been happening over lockdown?" david questioned, getting excited as he noticed the way cecelia seemed to be wanting to just already tell him and the rest of the grid and the world the big surprise news she was even in this interview for

"well, personally for the f1 grid, we've just been getting ready for our upcoming season after we had so many races taken out due to the pandemic. so, we're very very keen for it but, honestly, that's the only thing that's been different to what everyone else has been doing considering we've just been through lockdown just like everyone else has..." lando chuckled as david nodded his head and then smiled over to cecelia so she could answer for herself

"...umm, personally for me, i've been writing some music in my little home studio and doing some self-tapes for some tv and movie auditions but, carlos, we also recently returned from our honeymoon since it was postponed. because, for those who weren't aware, carlos and i got married just at the very beginning of twenty-twenty so, right before covid kind of destroyed everything *giggles* and it was only in the last couple of weeks where we were able to safely have a little honeymoon a year later so we went to greece for a couple of weeks which was exciting..." cecelia trailed off with a giggle as she had to stop herself from suddenly caressing her baby bump - a comfort thing she had since picked up ever since the belly had popped out of seemingly nowhere and instead placed her hands on the couch beside her

david smiled sweetly with a head-nod, "...that's gorgeous, i mean, we have got some photos here and where you and carlos were staying just looks absolutely lush! but, obviously, you made sure you were completely covid safe and took all of the precautions *cecelia nods her head* that's great. i'm glad you guys had so much fun considering it was still tainted due to the continuing worries of the pandemic..." david trailed off as cecelia nodded her head and smiled as she looked to carlos with a cheeky smile as he couldn't hide his giggle

this, obviously, caught the attention of david and the grid so, he questioned it, "...what was that about, mr and mrs sainz? care to share with the class? i feel like a teacher saying that but, care to share what's made you two giggle?" david laughs himself as the husband and wife calm themselves down as carlos speaks up

"i think cecelia is just ready to reveal the surprise announcement. you see, my wife can get quite impatient and can sometimes be close to ruining surprises if you make her wait for too long!" carlos giggles as cecelia shyly nods her head as david's face relaxes and he smiles, nodding his head as the other racers are still considerably confused

"okay then cecelia, come out with it. what is this big surprise announcement that you are so eager to tell us..." david was being cheeky as cecelia bit her lip as carlos gripped her hand tightly and she just came out with it

and, truthfully, this was not the surprise annouoncement that david or the drivers thought it was going to be, "...i'm pregnant with me and carlos' first baby..." cecelia trailed off, finally allowing her hands to cradle the growing baby bump, carlos' hand moving back to his lap as he bit his lip to stop his smile from getting any bigger and stupid

it was silent which freaked cecelia and carlos out but, it didn't last for too long when david cheered and stood up. ignoring the fact that he really shouldn't have pulled the newly pregnant woman in for a hug in regular non-covid times. but, especially now due to corona but, he'd known this girl since she was a kid when her parents first introduced her to formula one when he was still a driver. giggling, cecelia hugged the british former driver back before she moved out of the hug so she could sit back down as the other drivers were in shock at the surprise announcement. they genuinely had no idea that their teammates wife was pregnant. they knew she had been unwell ever since the loss of her mum, rosanna, but never did they think it was because mrs sainz was pregnant. but now, it made so much sense to them, especially when they remembered the way they heard carlos' sister ana immediately rushed up the stairs at the slight sound commotion heard by her from the upstairs bathroom to the right on that day that the drivers came to realise as the day that cecelia found out she was pregnant.

max was the first one out of the three to stand up and pull his former torro rosso teammate's wife in for a hug as she giggled, "...congratulations, cece! you've been pregnant this whole time?" max whispered as cecelia giggled and nodded her head

"yeah, this whole time!" cecelia giggled as lando, charles and daniel joined seconds later in an excited group hug as carlos watched on

thankfully the hug didn't last too long and david started to just focus on this new announcement and asked all the questions, "so, cecelia, how long have you been pregnant for? because from what it looks like, it looks like you've got a little bit of a bump," david smiled as cecelia smiled sweetly and nodded her head, caressing her little bump

"i found out i was pregnant on the twenty-eighth of december so, not that long after christmas and not that long after we lost my mum. however, i had been pregnant for a whole trimester before finding out that day. so, if i had found out earlier, i may have had the chance of telling this wonderful news of another grandchild to my mum..." cecelia trailed off as her smile stayed strong and didn't falter

"...aw, love. do you know the sex of the baby or, is that something you and carlos want to keep a secret until the birth?" david asks cautiously as cecelia nods her head, the other drivers, except for carlos, now in shock as they weren't told the sex of the baby

"yes, we do but, the surprise will be for these guys, they'll need to wait until the birth but, david, if you really can't wait that long, i can whisper it to you? so it's just between me, carlos and you?" cecelia giggled at the end as david's eyes lit up as he nodded his head, not caring this was live television

david stood up as cecelia followed, grabbing the english interviewer's hands and whispering it to him. david, if he wasn't on live television, could have burst out into tears but he managed to hold them off, "...congratulations, cecelia and carlos! oh, this baby is already so loved!" david whispered back after cecelia revealed that she and carlos were having a little girl

"thank you, d.c, this baby is so loved," she whispered back as they sat back down

the interview continued even though the excitement of cecelia and carlos' pregnancy took over and was still a big topic of discussion on everyone's lips, they continued to mention other things that were also supposed to be talked about. like the details of the next season of f1 that lando mentioned and the songwriting and auditions that cecelia had mentioned she'd been doing as well.

but i know i don't possess you, with all my heart, god bless you, you'll be my love and my life. you're my one and only.

present time | twenty twenty-two

cecelia was running around everywhere like a headless chicken as carlos and their little baby girl stood watching. carlos was trying to sort everything out but wasn't able to due to the way she was so manic about it and, carlos called her out over it.

"...cariño, cariño, CECELIA...querida, you won't be able to sort everything out before little one's baptism if you continue to be so manic over it!" carlos chuckled at the end as cecelia finally stopped herself and nodded her head in agreement dear, dear. darling

"sorry bebe, it's just..."

"...yeah, i get it, it's hard that she's not here but, just remember who still is here. i'm here bebe, you're here, nuestro pequeño está aquí our little one is here. if you keep on freaking out, you won't be able to get anything done..." carlos trailed off before continuing

"...i know your mum wasn't so sure about our future children getting baptised into the catholic church, but the spanish catholic church more specifically. but, it's truly only because of the fact that her papa is spanish and, if my own mama wasn't so insistent, i would have also said no to this happening. but, because i'd get my arse kicked, i compromised...we compromised and said our children would only get baptised and if they so chose to be religious as they got older, they could choose..." carlos smiled as he wrapped his arms around cecelia as she smiled and nodded her head

her husband was correct. the only reason why their one-year-old was getting baptised into the spanish catholic church at a year old was because of the little girl's spanish lineage due to her father being fully born and raised in spain. because originally, not only cecelia but carlos himself was unsure about their children being baptised when it wasn't really a thing that exisited in his wife's family. although cecelia was also spanish, born and raised, her family were not religious.

"...so, cece, what is it you need to get done before we leave?" carlos was calm and he was collected and that was truly one of the reasons why cecelia fell in love with him because he always balanced out her impulsiveness and her anxiety-induced living whilst being an f1 driver for ferrari all at the same time

and, when it came to responding to her husband's question, cecelia had no idea how to respond, "umm, i actually don't know..." and that was because everything that needed to be done had already been done so this very situation wouldn't happen even though it was going to happen anyway because it always did

"...thought so, and it's because everything has already been done! we should be in the car driving to the church right now for bug's christening but, because i already suspected that this was going to happen, i rang up the priest in advance just in case. so, your welcome bebe, now can we make out way out of this house and to the church, please?" carlos tilted his head to the side with a cheeky smile as cecelia opened and then closed her mouth and smiled, shaking her head

"thanks, carlitos. i'd really be losing the plot if i didn't have you with me," cecelia whispered as she moved closer to her husband and daughter, her lips almost caressing her husband's face as he pulled away with a chuckle

"not here babe, we need to go watch our daughter's christening and your welcome and i too would lose the plot if i didn't have you with me, cariño dear," carlos spoke as the husband and wife left it at that with their conversation and made it out of their house to their car

on their drive to the church for their daughter's christening into the spanish catholic chruch, which would be photographed by vogue espana, cecelia felt a calm rush over her. her husband was right, she should really stop making her focus be on those who she no longer has with her. even though it included both her parents, rosanna and riccardo, riccardo lost his battle with broken heart syndrome ten months after rosanna, a couple of months after cecelia had given birth to her and carlos' little girl.

i held you close to me, felt your heart beat and i thought: i am free. oh yes, and as one are we in the now and beyond, nothing and no one can break this bond.

may | twenty twenty-one

cecelia hadn't felt this kind of pain in her life before but, it was a pain that she was sure she never wanted to feel again...even if it meant she never gave her daughter any more siblings. but, in all truthfulness, this pain was surely going to be forgotten about any moment when she...

...hears the cries of her little baby girl for the very first time...

"...here's your little girl, mamá and papá. isn't she just gorgeous?" hayley, cecelia's midwife smiled as she handed over the baby girl as cecelia choked down a happy sob, her arms cradling her baby girl as though it was a regular instinct - as if in a past life cecelia had been a mother before

"she's beautiful, oh my goodness, we made this baby, carlitos!" cecelia turned to her husband who smiled tearfully as he nodded his head, too tired to speak in spanish

"yeah we did bebe, we made out little miracle, cariño!" carlos sniffled, wiping away a tear with his shoulder as he slowly sat himself down on the edge of the hospital bed, his hand reaching up to touch the top of his newborn's head

"wow...we're parents, carlos. we actually have our little family! we have our little dogs, our husky girl bambi and piñón and now we have our little esmeralda rose..." cecelia trailed off, tears hitting her eyes as she realised she had just said the name of her baby girl out loud for the first time

and it made both carlos and hayley smile, "...so, is esmeralda rose this little pretty's name?" she asked, rolling her wheely chair towards the computer to write up the birth certificate as both parents, cecelia and carlos nodded their heads

"yeah, esmeralda rose is her name...rose for her middle name since that's her abuela's grandmother's name and because they were born on the same day and esmeralda as her first name since it's my middle name," cecelia explained as hayley nodded her head, knowing the significance of the little girl's name

"that's beautiful, cecelia. however, because little esmeralda is earlier than her due date in august, we do have to place her in an incubator, however, once she reaches a certain weight, she'll be able to leave. is that all okay?" hayley asks, knowing how daunting it can be from being so happy with your newborn in your arms to them then being taken away to a different room

and cecelia and carlos smiled, both understanding that they couldn't hold onto their little girl forever like many other parents who had their babies on time, "absolutely fine, hayley. thank you for telling us, we'll be glad to hear that she'll be able to gain some more weight since she is really tiny," cecelia spoke up, only now realising just how tiny their little esmeralda was as carlos too only realised

"wonderful, well, if you two want to, we can either have the abuelas and abuelos grandfathers and godparents meet little esmeralda in here or we can place her in the incubator and have them meet her in there. which would you prefer?" hayley then asks as cecelia and carlos smile, they could choose how their family meet their little bundle of joy

"we can choose?" carlos choked out in shock as hayley giggled and nodded her head with a smile, making the new parents smile

"absolutely you can! however, if you do want for them to meet esmeralda in here, it can only be for five minutes per person before i'd have to then take her and place her into an incubator a couple of floors above us. is that okay?" hayley questioned as carlos and cecelia nodded their heads straight away

"that's absolutely fine, hayley! we just want them to see her, they've waited for so long already, i feel selfish enough making them wait whilst we have this conversation," cecelia giggled as hayley nodded her head

this movement encouraged carlos to fetch his parents, esme's grandparents and the godparents. who, were obviously max, carlos' former teammate from torro rosso and cecelia's best friend as well as his girlfriend, kelly piquet.

so, that's what carlos did, like the proud husband and father he was, he wiped away his tears with a tissue. placed it in his jeans pocket, gave a kiss to his two girls and rushed down the hallway to announce the happy news.

like an image passing by, my love, my life, in the mirror of your eyes, my love, my life. i can see it all so clearly, images passing by

june | twenty twenty-one

the last time cecelia sat in an interview with david coulthard, she was in the second trimester of her pregnancy with little esmeralda and now, she was just a month gone from giving birth to the little girl. since it was the twenty-ninth of june, this interview today was.

and, in the audience, slightly behind the camera was her husband carlos, their little girl esme and her godparents max and kelly and the rest of esme's f1 uncles and aunties who were watching the solo interview.

with the show on the air, david introduced his guest, "...on today's show, i have my favourite guest on the show. you know her pretty well because the last time i interviewed her, it just felt like yesterday when it february, only a few months ago, she announced her first pregnancy with her husband on live television with her husband's f1 teammates...it's only cecelia perez sainz sitting with me today on our brand new couches everybody!" david introduced as that earned a lot of applause as cecelia giggled and applauded

"haha, thank you for that wonderful introduction david, it's great to be back being interviewed by you and on this new couch, oh my goodness, so comfy!" cecelia giggled after pulling out from the hug david pulled her into as she sat back down, crossing her right leg over her left, slanting them to the side

"isn't it so comfy? i'd sleep on these couches if i could *giggles*. oh my goodness, it is so lovely to see you again and to catch up since, like already mentioned, the last time you were here, you announced that you were pregnant with you and your husband's first baby. and then just after that we spoke only briefly during my interview with carlos at the end of may since you were in the background and you were just about to pop weren't you?" david pointed and brought it back to rest on his lip as cecelia giggled and nodded her head

"yes, i was about to pop! literally hours from giving birth *giggles* so, my due date was originally in august of this year so, in two months...one month basically. but, no, the little one said absolutely not mamá, get me out of here now! *giggles* and i had to be induced and have the c-section to get her out and, she was a preemie baby but, thankfully she gained weight pretty quickly and within a couple of weeks i think, we were able to bring her back home with us," cecelia nodded as she smiled as david smiled as well

"aw, isn't the little one just gorgeous, falling asleep in papá's arms," david cooed, his eyes captured by the little sleeping girl as cecelia's eyes followed and she nodded her head with a small giggle

"i know, i still can't believe she's ours. like, i was fine with just having our little husky, bambi and little piñón for a little while before starting to try. but, apparently, we didn't even need to try," cecelia giggled as david and the audience giggled as well

"seems as though you didn't *giggles* but, back to this little bundle of joy because, you and carlos have obviously picked out a name for her, but, it's quite a special name, isn't it? would you like to tell us what the name of your beautiful little girl is?" david introduced, even though he was already told, he was still hanging to see how the rest of the audience (minus the family who of course already knew) was going to react

"of course i can, david. so, our little baby girl's name is esmeralda rose sainz perez *coos* and the reason why she is called esmeralda rose is that one, esmeralda, her first name, is my middle name and two, rose, her middle name, is the shortened version of my mother's name which is rosanna. we also came up with that name ages ago not even thinking what day esme was going to be born on either..." cecelia trailed off as david smiled

"...so, what day was little esme born on, may i ask, cecelia?" david questioned as his eyes sparkled with excitement as cecelia smiled, her concentration going to the very little girl and her husband who was teary

"she was born on the twenty-ninth of may, the same day as her abuela, rosanna," cecelia smiled, her own tears building in her eyes, managing to will them away as david's face relaxed and he smiled sweetly

"aw, that is so special and that is crazy because that was the same day we saw you for the last time briefly in my interview with carlos, cece. so, you were moments away from popping!" david smiled, a still of his zoom interview with carlos and just a little peak of six-month about to give birth pregnant cecelia

"i know, it was absolutely terrifying as well david because it was like, the second your guys' interview finished, my contractions started. and bang, carlos, myself and carlos' sister ana were off to the hospital. thankfully, esme had managed to wait until after silverstone to decide that during the three week break that she was going to arrive so we had time to leave england and return back to spain so i could give birth in madrid. and after trying to have esme naturally, my midwife, hayley, came back to us and said we had to c-section because esme wasn't in the right position since she was so small. so, the only other safe way to get her out and delivered alive was to have her c-sectioned and i'm forever grateful that we did do the c-section otherwise we wouldn't have our little love," cecelia explained as david smiled and nodded his head, the audience watching in awe

"aw, bless. and speaking of the little one, how old is she now?" david questioned as cecelia's eyes widened, how old was her daughter? what day was it? was today the twenty-ninth or the thirtieth of june?

"uhh, shoot, what day is it today?" cecelia asked in a hilarious panic as carlos reached for his phone

"it's the twenty-ninth, cariño!" shouting back to his wife, cecelia metaphorically clutched her pearls, grateful that her in-head counting was indeed correct along with the finger counting she hadn't been so secretive with as she liked

"oh, thank god! she is a month old! oh my goodness, i didn't count wrong!" cecelia could only giggle at her baby brain in the same way she laughed over everyone elses when they had kids

"wow, she's already a month? that's crazy how time flies, soon it'll be two!" david was in shock as cecelia nodded her head and she turned after hearing the crowd coo in aw only to see a photo cecelia had posted of the day she, carlos and little esme left the hospital

"i know, don't start me off, david. it makes me so emotional that she's already a month!" cecelia giggled as she turned back from the photo back to david to continue the interview

the interview continued on smoothly, except for a couple of times when esme cried out for her mamá. the second time carlos had apologetically brought up the little one so she could be held by her mamá for the rest of the interview. where in which she stayed silent the rest of the interview, content in her mamá's arms, her tiny little hands gripping tightly to her mamá's pinky finger.

like reflections of your mind, my love, my life, are the words i try to find, my love, my life. but i know i don't possess you, with all my heart, god bless you.

present time | twenty twenty-two

walking into the spanish catholic church with her little bundle of joy, her little esmeralda, cecelia was happy. she was content and she was in peace. even though none of her family, including her parents, rosanna and riccardo, weren't so sure on the spanish catholic baptism of their nieta granddaughter, it was still upsetting that they weren't there to witness it. because whilst they weren't really wanting it, like cecelia and carlos weren't, they wouldn't have disrespected the event because they knew that it was a compromise made by the parents and grandparents of esme that she would be baptised and if she got older and wanted to go further in the religion or not, she had that choice to. but, honestly, cecelia had truly made peace with that ages ago, way before the situation in the house had happened before they left. it was truthfully just a moment of vulnerability for the new mother and she had no other way of describing it other than her missing her parents, her mother especially.

in her flowing champagne-coloured wrap dress, cecelia held her daughter as esme's christening dress overwhelmed her because of how big it was. cecelia held her as she walked through the hall of the church and towards the priest, her husband carlos and esme's godparents, max and kelly with kelly's little girl, penelope, close by.

cecelia smiled in a joy that could have only been described as overwhelming. she knew every single person in this church: first, her remaining family which were her brothers and sisters with their partners and children; the (other) perez family, sergio "checo" and carola and their beautiful kids; pierre gasly and his girlfriend francisca; charles leclerc and his girlfriend alexandra and the rest of his family. and that was just the "main" f1 grid, there was also sebastian vettel and his family, david coulthard and his family were invited. there was no use in introducing every single guest and their families and plus ones that sat in this church in madrid, spain for esmeralda rose perez sainz's christening. however, it just really reiterated to cecelia how loved this little one-year-old baby girl was to so many people that weren't her direct family.

cecelia basked in the flashing lights from the photographers but made sure to still shield little esme's face just in case the lights still frightened her like they used to. especially when she'd visit her papá during race week and she'd get scared by all the noise and cameras. however, in a cheeky, sly move, the little one-year-old smacked her mamá's hand away and seemed to stare right down the barrel of one particular photographer's camera. of course, this shocked both mamá and papá but also made them snicker at the same time as cecelia then looked up and blood rushed to her ears in an instant.

cecelia couldn't help the blank, emotionless stare she shared towards the female photographer that little esme had also seemed to be entranced by. it was just that...the young photographer looked scarily similar to her mother, rosanna perez. that was until the young girl had completely morphed into cecelia's mother and the young mother was glad she didn't completely drop little esme herself.

it obviously scared the crap out of cecelia that she was the only one that was seeing her own mother in this female photographer but, she continued to zone out until a little side tap from her husband, carlos. it was only then that cecelia fazed out from the void she was in and noticed that the young female photographer no longer looked like her beloved mother and continued to photograph the christening. little esme taking a liking to the girl.

"...oye, cece, cariño, de qué se trató todo eso? estás bien?" carlos later questioned in spanish as he held esme after they finished the walk back up to the church foyer now that the one year old had been christened oi, cece, baby, what was that all about? you okay?

"sí... sí, estoy bien nena. solo, esa fotógrafa, la que tenía cabello castaño, se parecía aterradoramente a mamá, eso es todo... parecía como si esme también pensara lo mismo..." cecelia shook her head and rubbed her eyes, feeling like she was going insane as carlos smiled, gently kissing his wife's golden hair yeah...yeah, i'm fine babe. just, that female photographer, the one with brown hair looked scarily similar to mum, that's all...it seemed as though esme thought so too

"...i thought i was the only one who noticed that. she did look so much like your mum, i secretly hoped she'd do the dramatic movie reveal thingy, coming out with the dramatic news that she was your long-lost sixth sibling," carlos chortled in english as cecelia cackled, her head shaking

"oh shut up, carlitos...she is not my long-lost sixth sibling, you goose. besides, the more i looked at her afterwards, i saw the differences that truly sold it to me that she wasn't anyone in the family that we should have been told about," cecelia giggled as she grabbed esme from him as carlos nodded his head

"okay, that's good to know bebe, i'll be back in a moment, i promised ana and blanca that i'd touch base with them after the christening, see you soon darling, i miss my two girls already!" carlos shouted after he had left his two girls with kisses to their heads as that allowed the verstappen-piquets to swoop in to have a conversation with the mother and newly christened daughter

"...hey, max, victoria and kelly! penelope, lio and luka! did you behave?" cecelia lit up in excitement, hugging all six of them as the little girl nodded her head to her aunty cecelia, victoria's little boys, lio and luka giving a shy head nod

"she behaved exceptionally well, cece, she was quiet the whole entire time and luka and lio were also very well behaved. and, also, just a quick note, did you notice the female photographer right at the front that looked ridiculously like your mum?" kelly whispered at the end, just in case she felt like she was insane as cecelia giggled and nodded her head

"good to hear she behaved and, yes, i did and so did esme. did you see the way she smacked my hand away when that lady's camera started flashing?" cecelia giggled as kelly, victoria and max both nodded their heads

"it was absolutely bizarre, i thought i was going crazy when i turned around to see her," max spoke up this time as cecelia nodded her head in agreement

"i thought so too! i then had that weird moment where after looking at her for too long, she actually turned into mum which was even weirder. but, i then saw the things that was the reminder that she wasn't my mum," cecelia giggled as she bopped esme up on her hip higher since she started to slip

the verstappen-piquet's stayed to chat with cecelia and esme until papá had come back from his conversation with his family and happily picked up esme when she reached out for him. allowing cecelia to build up her arm strength again after feeling like they were going to fall off.

you are still my love and my life, yes i know i don't possess you. with all my heart, god bless you, you are still my love and my life

present time | twenty twenty-two

cecelia softly started to sing the song that was playing during the mamma mia: here we go again movie when she finally looked up from playing with esme and realised the song she had been singing the entire time...

...she had been singing along to my love, my life without even consciously realising it whilst the entire christening scene of sophie and sky's baby was going on during the duration of the song. and it reminded cecelia of esme's christening that had just happened the day before. it was sort of ironic because the scene that was playing in front of her was the exact same scene that played in cecelia's head when she saw that female photographer that looked ever so similar but yet still so different to her mother.

she then grabbed her phone and quickly put together a little instagram post dedicated to her little girl, her love and her life: esmeralda rose.

liked by carlossainz55, maxverstappen1, schecoperez, francisca.cgomes, kellypiquet and 9k others

ceceliaperezsainz you're my one and only esmeralda rose 🤍

view all comments

carlossainz55 my two beautiful girls 🤍

ceceliaperezsainz carlossainz55 my beautiful man 🤍

maxverstappen1 absolutely gorgeous 🤍

ceceliaperezsainz maxverstappen1 thank you maxie🤍

schecoperez pretty baby girl 🤍

ceceliaperezsainz schecoperez isn't she just checo🤍

francisca.cgomes esmeralda is gorgeous, cece 🤍

ceceliaperezsainz francisca.cgomes i mean, her parents are also gorgeous so it makes sense

kellypiquet beautiful baby and baby mama 🤍

ceceliaperezsainz kellypiquet truth has been told 🤍

davidcoulthard esmeralda is beautiful, cecelia🤍

ceceliaperezsainz davidcoulthard thank you, david! she is truly everything i could have dreamt of for our first baby 🤍

fin

and this is finished! woo, what a fun time writing this but it was difficult! i am also kind of proud of the kind of mamma mia/cecelia moment i added in there but, i think it could have for sure been written better, right now, i like it. also, just to reiterate, cecelia is not a real person, she is a character which means her parents are not real, they are made up and were killed off for the plot. and also, i totally made up the fact that david coulthard has his own tv show but whatever!

#formula one #carlos sainz jr x fem!reader #angst #fluff #comfort #parental death #no description of death but it is mentioned #mention of illness #if any of these topics trigger you please do not read because it is not my fault if these triggers and warnings are ignored

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handforthstudy · 2 years ago

Text

How do digital vs paper mediums impact reading?

The digital world is here to stay. PDFs and e-readers allow access to books without the space and weight constraints of traditional texts. Given this and that students are constantly surrounded by the virtual world, it is unsurprising that many students prefer digital books (Singer & Alexander, 2017a; Singer-Trakhman et al, 2019). Teachers, however, must question when digital texts are most effective and if there are drawbacks to them that we have not considered.

While this post is primarily aimed at teachers (blame my MEd), it can be useful for parents and students too! A summary is given in the section below, allong with a more detailed analysis after the second picture.

Image credit: geralt (n.d.). [A book and a mobile device with a bookshelf background]. Retrieved Feb 11, 2023, from https://pixabay.com/photos/books-smartphone-hand-keep-mobile-3348990/

The TL;DR

The brain process information presented on paper differently than that presented digitally, although we are still determining why this happens. All else equal, students have consistently better reading comprehension when working on paper.

High school and post-secondary students tend to rank themselves higher on comprehension when reading digitally, even though it does not reflect reality.

The genre of the text matters. There is no statistically significant difference in reading comprehension for narrative texts between paper and digital mediums. Meanwhile, there is a very significant difference for informative texts.

The longer a digital reading is, the exponentially greater the resources required to keep the brain on task. Comprehension on short digital readings is at least close to paper readings; comprehension on longer passages is not.

Digital enhancement is not a replacement for a knowledgeable mentor. Students reading on paper with a teacher to guide them consistently outperformed reading on any digital medium.

On the other hand, texts designed to take avantage of digital enhancements - such as with activities, videos, and a built-in digital dictionary - do acheive better comprehension than reading the same text on paper without a teacher’s support.

Digital mediums do not influence test-taking positively or negatively. Outcomes correlate to whether the student studied on paper or digitally, regardless of the test’s format.

Want to know more? Read on!

Image credit: zapCulture (n.d.). [Girl working on laptop with School Supplies]. Retrieved Feburary 12, 2023, from https://pixabay.com/photos/girl-laptop-school-supplies-student-5662435/

Comprehension

The overwhelming consensus amongst the studies surveyed is that reading comprehension is better when texts are on paper (Clinton, 2019; Delgado et al, 2018; Furenes et al, 2021; Gudinavičius, 2016; Mangen et al, 2013; Singer & Alexander, 2017a; Singer-Trakhman et al, 2019). Most worryingly, the effect size of reading digitally is –0.21, about equivalent to two-thirds of a year’s reading comprehension progress (Delgado et al, 2018)! There are, however, nuances within these results — reading digitally does not appear to impact comprehension for narrative texts the same way it does for informative texts (Clinton, 2019; Delgado et al, 2018). The inclusion of a digital dictionary can disrupt the flow of reading and decrease comprehension, but it does improve vocabulary building. Likewise, reading with an adult mentor yields higher comprehension than any form of digital reading, but digital enhancements aimed at improving comprehension produce better results than reading unguided on paper (Furenes, 2021).

Attention

Screen reading also appears to impact the attentiveness of the reader to the text. Gudinavičius’ (2016) research indicates there are significant differences in the level of attention required when reading in different formats with the most pronounced being between reading in print vs on an iPhone. This corresponds with meta-analysis indicating that information is more shallowly processed in the digital medium, making it more difficult to engage with sustained challenging tasks (Delgado et al, 2018). This implies that deeper and more critical thought is demanding in the digital format because more cognitive resources are required to keep the brain on task. It also follows that the longer a passage is, the exponentially more difficult it will become to process in digital format, a key consideration for teachers to bear in mind.

Test Taking

One question teachers may have given the rise of digital tests is if reading on a screen influences test results. Current research suggests that the medium a student takes a test in does not influence the end result. Likewise, it does not matter if students take tests in the same medium they studied in initially (Ben-Yehudah & Eshet-Alkalai, 2020). What does matter is whether they read digitally or on paper while studying, with hardcopies producing better results regardless of test format (Ben-Yehudah & Eshet-Alkalai, 2020; Mangen et al, 2013).

Image credit: sik-life(n.d.). [ebook plugged into paper books]. Retrieved March 1, 2023, from https://pixabay.com/photos/girl-laptop-school-supplies-student-5662435/

A Note of Caution

All of the conclusions we can draw about reading on screens vs paper have studies presenting contradictory evidence (Chen & Catrambone, 2015; Schwabe et al, 2021). Several meta-analyses (Singer & Alexander, 2017b; Furenes et al, 2021) provide a possible explanation: studies have failed to define what they count as reading in the first place and are inconsistent about the texts and formats they use in their studies. It is essential for teachers to be aware above all else that the question of how reading on screens impacts comprehension is a complex issue that we are just beginning to unpack. There are many caveats to be aware of when assessing the media format a text should be presented in. Our answers in this field are tentative, not definitive, so remaining abreast of current research will be essential.

Implications for Teaching

Research seems to clearly indicate that when studying academic material, working from paper is best, especially if details are required. Furthermore, the advantage that physical texts have over digital is also more pronounced when time constraints are a factor (Delgado et al, 2018). This is especially worrying when paired with the tendency for students to be overconfident in their knowledge when working digitally (Clinton, 2019; Singer & Alexander, 2017a; Singer-Trakhman et al, 2019). This is a clear warning sign for teachers — we must encourage the use of physical books for academic topics, especially when working digitally would be more convenient. The instinct for students to cram at the last minute by rereading their class’ slides is strong and may leave students feeling positive, but it does not translate to better performance.

Teachers must also consider what type of texts their students use digitally. A digital format is much more appropriate for narrative stories in Language Arts than it is for learning about activation energies in Chemistry. Teachers should be especially aware that while providing students with a PDF of their textbook is appropriate — emergencies happen and PDFs are useful for a variety accommodations, including speech-to-text — unless there is a specific reason to use PDFs, they should be a last resort, not the student’s goto for deskwork. A textbook that has been enhanced to take advantage of digital interactivity, on the other hand, may be much more appropriate for students to use a home when they do not have access to their teacher.

References

Ben‐Yehudah, G., & Eshet‐Alkalai, Y. (2020). Print versus digital reading comprehension tests: Does the congruency of study and test medium matter? British Journal of Educational Technology, 52(1), 426–440. https://doi.org/10.1111/bjet.13014

Chen, D.-W., & Catrambone, R. (2015). Paper vs. Screen: effects on Reading Comprehension, Metacognition, and Reader Behavior. Proceedings of the Human Factors and Ergonomics Society Annual Meeting, 59(1), 332–336. https://doi.org/10.1177/1541931215591069

Clinton, V. (2019). Reading from paper compared to screens: A systematic review and meta‐analysis. Journal of Research in Reading, 42(2), 288–325. https://doi.org/10.1111/1467-9817.12269

Delgado, P., Vargas, C., Ackerman, R., & Salmerón, L. (2018). Don't throw away your printed books: A meta-analysis on the effects of reading media on reading comprehension. Educational Research Review, 25, 23–38. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.edurev.2018.09.003

Furenes, M. I., Kucirkova, N., & Bus, A. G. (2021). A comparison of children’s reading on paper versus Screen: A meta-analysis. Review of Educational Research, 003465432199807. https://doi.org/10.3102/0034654321998074

Gudinavičius, A. (2016). Towards understanding the differences between reading on paper and screen. Libellarium: Časopis Za Istraživanja u Području Informacijskih i Srodnih Znanosti, 9(1), 175–184. https://doi.org/10.15291/libellarium.v9i1.240

Mangen, A., Walgermo, B. R., & Brønnick, K. (2013). Reading linear texts on paper versus computer screen: Effects on reading comprehension. International Journal of Educational Research, 58, 61–68. https://doi.org/10.1016/j.ijer.2012.12.002

Schwabe, A., Brandl, L., Boomgaarden, H. G., & Stocker, G. (2021). Experiencing literature on the e‐reader: The effects of reading narrative texts on screen. Journal of Research in Reading, 44(2), 319–338. https://doi.org/10.1111/1467-9817.12337

Singer Trakhman, L. M., Alexander, P. A., & Berkowitz, L. E. (2019). Effects of processing time on comprehension and calibration in print and digital mediums. The Journal of Experimental Education, 87(1), 101–115. https://doi.org/10.1080/00220973.2017.1411877

Singer, L. M., & Alexander, P. A. (2017). Reading across mediums: Effects of reading Digital and print texts on comprehension and calibration. The Journal of Experimental Education, 85(1), 155–172. https://doi.org/10.1080/00220973.2016.1143794Singer, L. M., & Alexander, P. A. (2017). Reading on paper and digitally: What the past decades of empirical research reveal. Review of Educational Research, 87(6), 1007–1041. https://doi.org/10.3102/0034654317722961

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