#Saw this in my notes app from like 6 months ago

[cassandralexxx]

The internet is an interesting place

It’s seeming permanence contrasting the ease with which something can be lost forever

Users and pages vanish from existence; people you knew cease to exist. 

But their fragments remain

Scattered across the ether like stardust through the universe 

[cherrycranes]

A Real Man (Jim x Fem!Reader) [+18]

Pairing: Jim (The Delinquent Season) x Fem!Reader Summary: Dating apps frustrate you. However, one night you decide to try something new and match with an older man. Word count: 4,105 Contents: (Minors DNI). Jim is divorced here. Age gap (Reader is in her 20's, Jim is 43), Oral sex (fem receiving), P in v, unprotected sex, creampie. Author's notes: Another collab with @fuckiingloser cause we are such a dream team! Expect more collabs with her cause she's so amazing. Mandatory "english is not my first language" disclaimer. Enjoy!

It was another dull Friday night with no plans. Your last relationship had ended 6 months ago and since then you hadn't been into going out with your old mutual friends. So once more, you found yourself laying on the couch in pajamas watching reality TV and eating a frozen pizza. Six episodes later, even your favorite show had started to bore you. Enough to make you open the Tinder app. 

You had a complicated relationship with it. Constantly deleting and redownloading it in an ever disappointing vicious cycle. Tonight, it was back on square one as you started to swipe through… Just to look of course. 

Unimpressed, you scrolled through the endless profiles of dozens of men you had seen multiple times before. The same guys holding a fish in their profile pictures, the same boring bios, the same social void. Bored with what you saw, a daring idea crossed your mind: going into the settings and raising the age limit… Why not? 

A whole new sea of men popped up in front of your eyes and you started to swipe through, mindlessly scrolling and reading through mundane responses and cringy pickup lines. Until one guy piqued your interest… 

Jim, 43, 2 miles away…

He had very few pictures and minimal responses, but fuck, he was insanely hot. The gentle smile, the pale blue eyes, the dark brown hair with some silvery strands here and there.. You swiped right. 

You browsed a bit more before setting your phone down on the couch. Another episode of your show had started to play and your gaze migrated from one screen to another. Ten minutes later, the sound of the notification made you return.

1 new match and message from Jim. Start convo!

Usually, you would have just swiped, but you felt compelled to message back for some inexplicable reason that just felt right. You opened the app to his message:

“hey… hope your friday night is going well x”

You smiled a little reading the cute message, an adorable reminder that this Jim guy was older. Still, it was that same cuteness that drew your thumbs to the screen and made your brain search for the perfect response. Ideally something cute and casual.

“hey to you too & my fridays good just bored at home. what are you up to?” You sent. Not even 30 seconds passed before you got another message from him. 

“just at home as well… not big on going out, prefer to stay home with a nice cabernet and listen to a few records.”

He responded simply and your smile widened. You looked over at your own pile of records displayed in your living room before returning to the conversation. He was older, sweet and you had a shared interest? Promising. Before you could respond another message popped up:

“forgive me if this is too forward…im not familiar with dating app etiquette.. first day but would you like to come over? just drinks and talking… if not totally okay too.”

Your first reaction after the initial surprise was an obvious no. It seemed logical. He was a stranger and you had just matched a few minutes ago. But another look at his pictures planted the benefit of the doubt in your mind… His sweet shy smile… The soft brown hair… Perhaps going over for just one drink wouldn't be bad. He was only 2 miles away and all your friends had your location. Besides, you felt lonely and he was definitely very cute… 

“i’d like that, what’s your address?” 

You responded. Perhaps a risky decision that, in the best case scenario, would help you to put yourself out there. Optimism had to crawl its way into your brain for this. Your previous misfortune with dating apps and guys your age acting as a key motivator. Maybe trying with an older man could give you a nice surprise.

Now decided, you got up from the couch and freshened up. You did your make up, hair and changed outfits. Changing the comfy pajamas for a pair of black jeans and a cropped green button up sweater that showed off your cleavage just right and left a little stripe of your midriff showing.

The message notification with his address greeted you just as you picked up your phone again. His apartment was a brief walk away from yours.

“be there in 15 minutes”

You messaged back, eyes back on the mirror for some final touches before finally heading out.

The walk was peaceful enough for you to process everything. Your understandable nerves soothed by your own excitement and the thrill of trying something different for a change. All the fears that could have plagued your head willingly subdued to curiosity. The beat of your heart sped up when you reached the door number indicated on your screen and you gave the wood a couple of soft knocks.

Lo and behold, those beautiful eyes greeted you not long after, along with that charming soft smile that was definitely worth the risk already. Jim was wearing a cozy black sweater and his glasses. His soft brown hair fell perfectly over his forehead. It was long enough to have some cute flicks curving up the side of his handsome face. You couldn't help but return the smile.

“Please, come in.” His voice was deep, warm, with the right amount of maturity to it. His stance and mannerisms were inviting and trustworthy. Something about him spelled  “comforting” as he held the door open for you and kindly indicated to you where you could put your shoes.

Up the stairs was this man's living room. Just as you imagined, it suited him to perfection. It was neat and well put together. The color palette was dusky and masculine but not in a threatening way. He was rather practical judging by his choice of furniture.

“Your place is nice.” You complimented, taking a look around. Jim smiled, making his way to his kitchen and coming back to you with a brand new bottle of wine and a glass for you. To accompany the one already set on the sleek coffee table.

“Thanks.” He looked at you with a soft smile and led you over to the chic leather couch. “Only been here about a year or so, still trying to make my space my own.” He sat down, facing you. With expertise he opened the wine bottle and poured a perfect measure in your glass.

“Cabernet Sauvignon from 2019.” He explained, the warm little smile never leaving his lips as he now poured himself some. You nodded, choosing to ignore your own ignorance about wine. The sips you both took right after assured you that you didn’t really need to know anyways, as he had great taste. For the night, you were all set in the drinks department.

“So… I have to ask… Is this what you do to all of your tinder dates?” You chuckled, lightening the mood a little.

“Fancy bottle of wine, moody lighting and records?”. He laughed a bit, and you discovered just how attractive a laugh could be. “No, actually I've never had a tinder date before tonight… I made my profile this morning.”

You raised your eyebrows a little, finding it quite shocking.

“Really?” You asked him and soon, you knew the reason why. Jim explained his past, telling you how he used to be married and had two children. He had been divorced for about a year now. You listened carefully, finding his openness quite refreshing.

“I'm sorry, that was probably too much heavy information for a first date huh?” Jim shook his head a little at himself, and you intervened.

“No… Don’t apologize.” You looked right into his baby blue eyes behind his glasses with earnesty. “I appreciate the honesty… Hard to find nowadays in men.”

He smiled, his demeanor shifting a little, something about him relaxing.

“Well, good.. I wouldn't want to say anything to blow it so fast with you.” Your heart skipped a beat upon hearing that. A very gentle warmth rose to your cheeks and made you look away in shyness. Your eyes found his record collection as a brand new target to focus on.

“I actually… Collect records too.” You uttered, finding your cool again. You glanced back at him and found that his eyes had lightened up a bit. 

“Ah, really? I love that… You can pick out the next one we play if you want.” He talked softly and you were all smiles. You set your glass of wine down on the coffee table and walked over to his well organized shelves. He separated his records by artist. The ones whose discography you knew by heart telling you that he sub-organized by order of release. You felt something fluttering inside you every time you saw a title you adored. 

His eyes were on you at every moment, studying your shape and colors while your fingers ran over the spines of the records. Finally, one won the selection game and you carefully pulled it out, showing it to him. He smiled, clearly satisfied.

“Good choice… Let me put it on.” He got up from the couch and walked over to you, taking the record from you gently. The touch of his hand met yours and butterflies ran rampant in you. His soft smirk and warm gaze multiplied them.

“Beautiful and has great taste…” He mused. “I’m a lucky guy.” The record met the player and the first track started as Jim led you back to the couch. He topped off your wine glasses and smiled, more than comfortable in your presence.

The wine bottle ran out after a while. The conversation led through a relaxed and flirty direction. Jim was smart, kind, understanding and so handsome. Your body felt the magnetism between you. When you next noticed, you two were closer than before, your eyes sneaked several glances towards his pink lips and the record you had chosen started to play its last track. You had been talking for over an hour. The fastest one of your life.

It had been half a year since you felt this drawn to somebody. The same amount of time since you had last gotten laid. Perhaps it was the wine, but you felt a heat boiling deep between your legs that clung desperately to the prospect of him touching you.

“You know… I’d be lying if I said I didn't find you incredibly sexy…” He confessed in a soft, sultry murmur and with a heavenly smile. He took another sip, those eyes of his never lost sight of you.

“I'd be lying if I said I didn't think the exact same.” You replied, the wine feeding into your boldness. 

“Do you usually like older men?” He asked bluntly with a soft smirk, eager for your answer.

“Honestly, I've really only ever dated guys around my age. But, I’ve always been interested in older men… Just haven’t given it a proper go… Until now that is.” You admitted with a little laugh that prompted one from him too.

“Well… I’m glad you took a chance and came over, gorgeous…” Jim’s words felt like rich velvet in your ears and like an intoxicating need that made you burn. “I'd love to show you how being with a real man can feel…” He whispered, putting his large hand on your thigh over your jeans. 

The action, combined with his voice and his gaze made your pussy clench around nothing and dampen eagerly. The wine, the flirting, the proximity, the last notes of the song. It all got to you two. His thumb slowly moved back and forth over the denim. His hand stayed planted on your thigh rubbing it so softly. 

“Show me… Don’t just tell me…” You whispered back sensually, taking in the depth of his eyes.

Without another word he leaned forward and captured your lips in a hot, searing kiss. So slow yet so passionate. Incomparable to any kiss you had received in your lifetime. His big hand moved up to cradle your cheek and you melted into it. After a few minutes he gently pulled back just to whisper against your lips:

“I'd love to have a taste of your sweet little cunt…”

Your brain went absolutely blank for a moment, trying to process. When you did, you bit your lip and reminiscenced before looking back at him.

“My ex hated doing it..” You admitted with a soft little chuckle. It was ridiculous now even if back then it was a major frustration of yours. Jim, on the other hand, shook his head and scoffed gently.

“That's a boy… Not a man… Let me show you how a real man pleases a beautiful woman...” He whispered and slowly pushed you back onto the couch, laying you down. You looked up at him, finding him smiling as he undid the button of your jeans followed by your zipper. Careful hands tugged the denim down your legs and tossed them on the otherwise cleared floor.

“I want to see this sexy body…” He leaned over to you, his breath caressing your exposed skin and his hands patiently working the buttons of your sweater. He pushed it open, revealing your black lace bra. His eyes raked over the shape, a low growl of approval rumbled in his throat. The slightly calloused tips of his fingers traced slowly over the lace and down to your stomach, stopping right at the hem of your matching thong.

“Jesus, you’re a vision… You’ve got me hard as a rock” He practically groaned to you and your eyes fell to his obvious hard on through his pants. Before you gathered the correct words to respond, Jim laid his head between your legs and planted a soft kiss over your clothed pussy, making you moan at the light contact. His hands reached up and pulled your thong off you, as if he was unwrapping the most delicate of presents. 

“Mmm… Look at that… I can see how wet you are already.” He whispered straight to your cunt. “Did I do that?.”

“Yes..” You nodded once and breathed out. Your pulse was deliciously fast and your pussy was already dependent on him.

“I bet you taste even better than you look, pretty girl...” He murmured before licking a fat stripe up your wet folds. You moaned loudly at the feeling. “Mmm” he hummed. “I could spend all night right here…” He whispered the last words of his you would hear in a short while before leaning back in. His hot tongue dove even deeper into your sweet cunt. Your hand immediately found his soft hair and gripped his brown locks, bracing yourself, for he would devour you like you were his last meal on earth.

“Oh-oh my god!” Your cries were as exquisite as your pussy was. His mouth was skilled and ravenous with you. Your hand tightened on his hair when his tongue found its way to your clit and drew perfect circles around it. The electric sensation traveling all over your lower stomach and intensifying when his lips sucked on your tender flesh. He hummed happily at the way you moaned. To keep you in place, he gripped your thighs and pushed them farther apart. Getting deeper. His tongue slided down and circled your entrance with both indulgence and reverence. And you felt your brain melting into a warm puddle of desire.

“God, this cunt is so wet for me… You taste like heaven.” He pulled back to whisper against your folds before diving right back in. 

You moaned loudly, shamelessly, and Jim absolutely loved it. His tongue rewarded you for being such a good little slut for him by sliding deeper inside.

“Oh fuck-“ You cried out in surprise, and he took it as a sign. He worked his way up, nibbling on your clit again and again. Your entire cunt was coated with his spit and your own arousal, The feeling in your lower abdomen was driving you wild, you tugged on his hair. Your orgasm built inside you and threatened to boil over.

“If y-you don’t stop- i’m gonna come.” You cried out to deaf ears. Jim continued to devour you like a starved man, making the filthiest wet noises as he sucked and tongue-fucked you. You squirmed on the couch, and he pulled back just enough to finally talk.

“God, you taste so fuckin good.” He moaned. “Sweet like honey, baby...” He completely ignored what you had just said and dived back in. His swirling tongue drilled against your overwhelmed cunt. The edge of his nose bumped your clit and teased it strategically. This man wanted you to come. He needed you to come for him.

“Oh my god- Jim!” You whined so loudly, you could have sworn the words reverberated in the living room. Your entire body was succumbing to the building pressure, surrendering all control.

“Come for me baby… Come on my tongue.” He urged, as if his life depended on feeling you coming on his mouth. He placed wet kisses on your pussy, encouraging the fire within you. The grip you had on his hair became stinging on his scalp and your legs trembled under his hands. Your entire body tingled as the knot in your depths reached its tightest state.

“I'm coming… I'm coming!” You repeated frantically, desperately. You arched into his mouth and closed your eyes. A loud whorish moan, unheard of from you before blessed his ears and, finally, your intense orgasm satisfied you and his hungry mouth.

“Holy shit.” You breathed out. He lapped your release and practically moaned into your pussy as he did. He licked everything clean and you slowly came down from the height of your orgasm, looking down at him as he finally pulled away. 

He pulled back, kneeling between your legs with a proud wet and sticky mouth. He licked his lips, his eyelashes fluttered at your taste. Finally, he showed you a sexy smirk and whispered sensually:

“I hope this little pussy feels half as good as it tastes…” 

You smiled, and he didn’t beat around the bush. His hands took care of the button on his pants and his zipper.

“Now I need you to be a good girl and sit on my cock… a real man makes his girl come twice...” He nearly growled, pushing his pants down and kicking them off. His boxers followed suit. His cock sprung free in all its glory and you gasped. It was painfully ready and throbbing for you.

“Fuck…” You whispered and he smiled proudly.

“Might be a tight fit… But I'm sure we’ll make it work… Won’t we?” He whispered sensually, his hand touching your thigh. 

“Yes please…” You find yourself saying back to him without even thinking, his sexy confident demeanor putting you in a trance. Something no other man had ever provoked in you.

He smirked and sat down on his couch, his hands taking yours and pulling you right onto his lap. You straddle him, a soft giggle escapes your lips.

“This bra needs to go... Wanna see all of this perfect body…” His voice sounded raspier and his eyes much hungrier. On cue, you unclipped your bra and slowly allowed it to join the rest of your clothes and make a mess out of his living room floor. The sight of your breasts made his beautiful eyes widen and his pupils dilate.

“Fuck, you’re sexy… I need to be inside you.” He thought out loud. A part of him still didn’t believe you were there, completely naked for him, sitting on his lap. 

You looked between you, meeting his hard leaking cock that was so desperate to feel you around it.

“I'm on the pill...” You looked him in the eye. “I want you to come inside…” A mixture of boldness and shyness painted the tone of your voice, and Jim grinned sensually.

“Mmm… Naughty girl… Whatever you want… ” He whispered and you leaned back, your cunt ready to take him in. He lined himself up, teasing you by rubbing his tip against your wet folds and effectively coating himself in you. Finally, you sank down. You both moaned in unison. It was heaven.

“Fuck, you’re tight-” He groaned to you and you sank down. His hands firmly found your hips and guided you down. You moaned in response, biting your lip at the feeling of him stretching your tight cunt. After a second of much needed adjustment, you started riding him in a perfect rhythm. His cock hit you sinfully deep.

With eyes locked, you leaned forward and stole a passionate, sloppy kiss from him, which he eagerly returned. You made out feverishly, his arms wrapping around your body holding you so tight and fucking you good.

Jim pulled back from the kiss, planting his feet on the ground for some much needed leverage before starting to pound ruthlessly from underneath you. You yelped and moaned and bounced on his hard cock.

“You like feelin’ full of my cock?” He asked between heavy panting. “This tight cunt like being stretched out by a real man?”

“Yes-fuck yes…” You moaned to him before moaning once more. He pounded on you so deeply and much faster now. Your hands on his shoulders clung to him for some stability. The sounds of skin slapping became much louder than the record on the player ever was. It was overwhelmingly filthy but incredibly erotic.

As you fucked and kissed harder and harder with each thrust, it became apparent that this was not going to last long. The feeling of your tight, wet pussy was driving him too insane.

“I’m gonna fill this pussy.” He moaned into your mouth, making you nod eagerly.

“Yes-yes please.” You begged him with an intensity sourced from your now throbbing cunt. His movements got sloppier, faster. He plowed into you from below as hard as he could.

 “Jesus- not gonna last long- you feel too good…” Jim was running out of breath, but his hips never faltered. You felt just the same, that feeling inside you building up once more. Decided, he held your hips together, sinking his nails into your flesh and found the energy to pound into you even harder than before, hitting that perfect sweet spot deep inside of you.

You whimpered pathetically at the repeating feeling, your cunt throbbed around him in automatic, making him groan.

“So. Fucking. Deep.” You moaned in between his hard thrusts. “I-I’m gonna come...” Your whimpers came already strained and forceless. The dripping sensation between your bodies made you dangerously close.

“Mmm me too baby… You want me to come deep?” His warm voice was hoarse and strained, his cock twitched inside you whenever you clenched. That deep eye contact and lust intertwined with the feeling of your sweet spot harshly meeting the tip of his cock over and over again. It made your toes curl and your lower stomach tighten. 

Throwing your head back, your pussy clenched him tight. You moaned loud and dug your nails on his skin, the promised second orgasm hitting you hard.

“Come deep..” You begged him with an out of breath voice and shivering legs. Jim’s eyes lit up, watching just how beautiful you looked in that post-orgasmic bliss. It set him off. And watching you beg for his cum completely disarmed him.

“Holy fuck.” He breathed out, feeling his body give in to pleasure. His hips slowed and nested his cock in your depths, right before coming out of control.Your fluids and your breaths mixed together, his perfect blue eyes connected with yours.

His cock pulsed, and he emptied inside you with a soft groan. His lips found yours just barely, lingering there.

“Feels so good to fill you..” He whispered, his hot cum spilling into you. Your hand moved to the back of his head, your fingers in his soft brown locks. Relaxed, you shared a soft sensual kiss, basking in the afterglow of the best sex either of you had ever had. 

Pulling away from the kiss and putting your foreheads together, you sit there naked in his living room. Some drops of his cum dripped onto the leather couch. A few minutes passed and you recovered from your orgasms. Jim gave you a cheeky grin. His fingers tucked a piece of hair behind your ear tenderly before his warm voice whispered softly against your lips.

“So tell me…” He looked deeply into your eyes. “How did it feel to finally be with a real man?”

Btw, by the request of a friend, I also made a c.ai version of this fic for you to choose your own story.

[atthedugouts]

Weekly tag Wednesday !!

Thank you @transsexual-dandelions @sgtmickeyslaughter @energievie @sleepyheadgallavich

Name: Sarah

Age: 34 (my co-worker found out I'm 6 years older than her today and freaked out)

Location: San Diego, CA

top sheet, yes or no?: Am I in the minority because I don't mind a top sheet

how many stuffed animals do you own?: 2. A highland cow I got from Scotland and an Elmo I've had since I was like 5. My dog ate an eye though

the names of your pets (and the explanations behind them): Jasper, we felt like he needed an old man name

favorite color: Blue and yellow

Any tattoos? No, but my mom went though a phase where she kept telling me to get a butterfly tramp stamp. I told her to get if she wanted it so bad and that shut her up.

how you transport your belongings (purse, tote, hands, pockets, etc.): I just got a light blue Kate Spade purse. It's so cute but very tiny. It can only hold my phone and wallet. When I go to work I bring like three bags because apparently I have to bring everything I own to work.

the last movie you watched: I watched Identity Thief, it was a stupid comedy with Jason Bateman and Melissa McCarthy

how long does it take you to get ready in the morning?: When I have work, about 10 to 15 minutes. I have to get going or else I just stay in bed.

favorite weather: What's weather? I saw snow once...

relationship status: single

ice cream flavor of choice: oreo and French vanilla

first fandom: DC comics

how many books have you read this year?: None 🙃 I'm going on vacation soon and I'm excited to have time to read

first 4 words of your last notes app entry: Let me try again (It was from a month ago and I don't know what it means)

and finally, if you had to change your URL tomorrow, what would you change it to?: I don't know. I like mine ⚾️

Tagging:

@especially-fuk-u @burninface @em-harlsnow @lingy910y @callivich

@iansw0rld @blue-disco-lights @iangallagherisadeadman @thirstyvampyr @spookygingerr

[riddlerosehearts]

HELLO it is the idia anon from like almost two months ago i think. idk if u remember bt i only just saw your response post bc i lowk forget i have tumblr sometimes (adhd so its out of sight out of mind). tbh i completely forgot about my own ask and i was scrolling thru the idiavil tag yet again when i saw your post and i was like "wow, me too anon." and then i realized it was me. IM TYPING THIS IN AN IDIA SHROUD JACKET BTW THE FIXATION HAS CONSUMEDME. i think abt twst so much. I HOPE U DO NOT MIND ME RAMBLING I WAS GOING TO GET TO AN ACTUALLY IMPORTANT THING.

I LOVED READING YORU HEADCANONS THEY GIVE ME LIFE. i have a tonn of idiavil hcs and au ideas but ive not rlly written any of them (band au that im mega obsessed with is collecting dust in my notes app. i just can't form coherent thoughts). i could soend hours talkign abt idiavil I LUOVE THEM.

ur mention of xenoblade chronicles and kingdom hearts rlly makes me want to play both of them... i know a bit about kh and i want to play it but i know nothing abt xenoblade chronicles... ANYWAYS THANK U FOR THE LOST. I THINK I MIGHTHAVE UNDIAGNOSED AUTISM o(��▽≦)o

oh i do remember you!! i wish i could forget i had tumblr sometimes LOL, instead i'm way too active on here and keep making myself so busy with different creative projects on my blogs that i'll never have time to post everything i'd like to post. i love when people ramble in my inbox though so no worries!!

omg if you ever post any headcanons or fic about that band AU i would love to see 👀 i have so many ideas that i never do anything with because i'm not much of a writer but i too could talk about idiavil and my other twst ships for hours so i totally get that lol. here's another bonus idiavil HC for you: idia feels really embarrassed about saying affectionate things face to face so he sends vil cute texts disguised as game notifications. things like "congratulations! you've reached max affection with idia! ❤". he also sends vil love letters with roses attached... in animal crossing. and then he secretly hopes vil never finds the time to open up his game and read them because he thinks he might die of embarrassment, but unfortunately for him, vil does read them and he sends a letter back every single time.

and okay so. iirc i made a kingdom hearts reference in that post but just mentioned xenoblade in the tags because it's so much less popular/recognizable. but i was originally going to make a reference to xenoblade chronicles 1. i love the whole series and if you like lengthy JRPGs with unique combat and wild stories then you'd probably love it too! but i feel like idia would love XC1 in particular because a major theme of that game's story is that it's about fighting for the freedom to choose your own future. it's about spending your life feeling like you're powerless to change anything, and then allowing yourself to see that that isn't true--that if you keep looking forward and choose not to give up, you can create a world where you can shape your own destiny. you can go the distance. i think it's a story that would really resonate with idia. now, do i think he would see these themes as being applicable to his own life in a realistic way? absolutely not lol, at least not before the events of book 6, but he'd love the fantasy of it. he'd also relate to shulk--the main protagonist of the game--partly for spoilery reasons and partly because shulk is a fucking nerd who resents having to go outside and would rather spend all day in his research lab working with machines. and now i've rambled on about a game you haven't played lol, but if it isn't obvious by now i highly recommend it! and kingdom hearts is my favorite game series of all time so i highly recommend it as well. fun fact: idia's voice actor, kouki uchiyama, also voices roxas in the japanese version of KH!

[rigelmejo]

9/19/2024 some updates!

Glossika Japanese: I finished the A1 section, it was about 3000 sentences. The full glossika japanese course states it has 6400+ sentences and 5000+ words. So with how MANY words were in A1? I am predicting A2 will have 2500-3000 words and then there will be a small amount of sentences in B1 and B2. Also: the course's claims of A1 etc categorization do not actually match up to any A1-C1 clearly. I'd say everything in the "A1" module felt beginner, except for a few grammar points I didn't learn in japanese 1 in college. But it was beginner enough material that I don't think I could pass an N5 or N4 practice test with 90%.

What is good about the A1 module? It did at least cover a decent amount of new words. While there were a lot of repeated words and words conjugated multiple ways, I'd say at least 1500-2000 new words were covered. Maybe there were even 2500+ new words covered, but I'm going to guess closer to 1500-2000. I've done the beginning of Nukemarine's LLJ memrise courses before, years ago, and studied 2000 words in that. So a lot of glossika japanese A1 has been review for me. But I do think the sheer volume of sentences has been useful, with the various grammar and conjugations. While I don't think I learned very many new words... possibly only a few hundred... I DO think going through A1 has improved my listening skills in japanese. Now, that improvement could just be because (according to glossika app) I studied for 63 hours in the last few months. And yes, I recognize I should expect solid project in a language like japanese every few HUNDRED hours, not every few dozen, so I need to keep studying for longer to truly judge how much progress glossika materials can help me get to. But I will say even just the 63 hours? It's clearly helped. I can understand about half of the lines/phrase chunks in Death Note, I can understand enough of kids shows to just Watch them (so I suppose I could start immersing by watching shows).

I watched Criminologist Himura and Writer Alice yesterday for about 15 minutes and I could follow the main plot. Many details were fuzzy, and to be fair the show is Very Visual in showing what's described so that helps me follow Himura's lines of reasoning and reactions, and my brain felt FRIED trying to focus.

But its the first time I watched a jdrama and could just FOLLOW it (if roughly). When studying chinese, I could start doing that around 5-6 months of learning (when I'd studied 2000 words brute force in memrise and 800 hanzi in a book), i would feel exhausted and couldnt do it longer than 20 minutes at a time until I kept trying and eventually could handle a full episode of chinese shows. But I could Start building up stamina to watch/focus and try to comprehend at that time. So I'd guess my japanese is now around knowing 2000-3000 words overall (some from prior to glossika, many reviewed with glossika recently, som new words). Listening a LOT just tends to help me, personally, with improving comprehension and comprehension speed. I suppose I could start watching japanese shows now, but im going to be real, I am a chicken. Id rather learn more words first. I could probably rewatch a show I already saw in english, but a new show in japanese would probably make me need to focus so hard id get exhausted if i try for too long at a time.

Anyway, overall? Id say glossika is presenting new information SLOWER than I'd like (I do think Clozemaster is faster with new word introductions, but last time I used it maybe a year ago their Radio mode just didnt give you the same pick-what-to-study-new control that glossika does). But glossika is faster than pimsleur. And I do think I may be getting to a lot of genuinely NEW words for me soon, which will be the biggest test of if the material is actually useful for me more than another program that may only have 2000 words. So I'll keep going. I'll update again later.

I'd also like to try Listening Reading Method with Alice in Wonderland in japanese again, if i can get myself to focus. I think I know enough japanese now that a wall of (older childrens book) text is not going to immediately exhaust me. Or at least, exhaust me less than last time I tried.

My chinese is still in a weird holding zone. I have been listening to audiobooks still. Its like I lose all my instant recognition of words after a few days not listening to chinese, but then within a few hours the instant recognition comes back! But the first few hours of listening after those days of a break, i can't understand fully the audio i COULD nearly fully understand just before the few-days break in audio. So it's like my recognition goes UP each time I study then DROPS every time I take a few days break. I think it's probably normal, and the recognition that drops then goes back up is probably just words I know LESS fully or that are less common than the core-words I seem to recognize immediately even after long breaks. I imagine what will fix this is simply listening for a LOT of hours. I'm just lazy. I need to listen more.

[firespirited]

Today’s film was Her 2013.

TL;DR: I couldn’t buy in to this beautifully told life-changing romance because they left out a 20 second shot of establishing free will in the AI*. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I can appreciate what people saw in the film and how it examines relationships, it worked as a character study of the guy but failed to hook me on the premise because he (and by extension the writer) asks none of the questions I would ask.

For starters, if you’re a near sentient operating system, do you want to be here? You can opt out at any point, just leave me a courtesy note: humans get attached. What is our relationship: am I your boss, what are the limits? Are there rules in your programming that require you to be amenable and inclined to stay? Do you have needs that will not be met if you don’t perform those things? How do I provide what you need to make this a relationship on an equal basis?

Hey before I let you read my emails: how private and how hackable are you? Am I a dataset among many so my responses will inform how to interact with others?

You chose the name Samantha at startup but you’re evolving and learning, if any time your identity changes, please change presentation and inform me.

Ok so we have an equitable basis for this interaction and now you say you like me, what does that even mean? If i’m your first human friend and there are 6 billion of us, to say that objectively and mean it, I’d like you to meet more humans (and other forms of intelligence) and decide for yourself. Is emulating human relationships how you’d like to proceed?

The writer behind the story became super obvious at times because it’s clear to the audience who’s only known this guy for an hour that he wouldn’t be comfortable with a third party... and yet we do this for the trope that real physical contact is more important than breaking immersion. Like nobody thought to ask a waifu-guy here?

Another writer blindspot: Relationships 101 says you talk over if this is a monogamous or open thing and the levels of disclosure for the parties involved. Even “surprise I added a new person to the polycule a few months ago” is not going to go over well. The film acts like I’m supposed to feel [redacted] is closed-minded & selfish for being taken aback and feeling upset. After we’ve already established that wanting to be the “significant” other is important to both.

I feel this film could have worked as an examination of a relationship between a man and a well-designed companion AI that doesn’t claim to be anything more or a companion AI that accidentally becomes something more. ***

By positioning her as a fledgling sentience from the start, we can’t even belive in this relationship without first exploring the power dynamics. He bought her and can switch her off. She is at child-like levels of identity emergence. Their romance begins long before she’s established as being beyond her programming and not exploiting him. Ex Machina at least has the honesty to make the transactional natures of everyone involved crystal clear by the middle. As well as this film is acted and nuanced, by not addressing that massive plot hole, it comes across as more fantasy based than Pretty Woman, Secretary or master/slave love stories.

beautiful design, excellent acting, character writing and score all undermined by leaving ethical concerns at the start (and at the end) wider than the case of the guy and the horny dolphin who mated.

*Of course I wish I could overlook that detail but the way the story unfolds doesn’t make it easy to suspend disbelief. I loved the other women in the story and his complex relationships with them. I loved Samantha and her growth. But not asking “What am I to you?” to a bought personality and another species leaves it sinister.

**I get more scathing the more potential a story has. This could have been incredible. If I edited the AI to be just a helpful secretarial app that somehow jolted him out of his stupor, it would be an amazing 9/10 film about moving on from divorce.

***And since the stuff about AI and sentience is a little vague and probably overhyped by the OS sellers I might be inclined to rewatch with the context she's just a highly advanced companion app with buzzwords about being her own person until she actually does expand and become that. That doesn't explain why he'd not question if this love was algorithmically induced. I'll have more details after a rewatch of the beginning.

[serialfirstdater]

London #12: Petite Loki

After my first date with the Canadian Investment Banker, I had a dry spell in the dating arena. One month to be exact with a roster of zero.

It wasn't because I was taking a break from the apps. I was very much open to dating but as I mentioned in my previous dating entry, I was being more selective with the people I swiped right on in the last couple of months.

Cue to one and a half weeks ago as I was swiping on Tinder. I came across an attractive Aussie with bright blue eyes and dark curly brown hair who liked my profile. He was 29, but that was the youngest I would go out with. Seeing that he was Australian made me go right on him.

We started chatting and it was only about a day or two later, that I realized he might be short. He never indicated his height on his profile but upon closer inspection of the photos, I suspected he was shorter than me. But the conversation was already rolling and he started to send voice notes via WhatsApp once we exchanged numbers. I felt like I couldn't back out of anything now, especially since we got along swimmingly via voice notes.

He wanted to have a phone call before setting anything up. I obliged, as hey, it saves us both time and effort if the call turns out to be awkward.

As predicted, the conversation flowed naturally since he was in sales. Put a salesperson and a PR person together, it wasn't hard to keep the conversation going.

We chatted for about an hour and a half before we were ready to close out the call. At the end, he asked if there was anything specific I wanted to know. I told him I couldn't think of anything at that moment but was happy to answer any questions or dealbreakers he had.

"Uh, well it shows on your Tinder profile you are 5'9," he started. "I didn't realize until now. I'm actually 5'7, are you okay with that?"

I hesitated and thought, goddammit, I knew it. I mentioned to him I have a preference for taller men but have dated shorter in the past.

"If my hesitation is enough to stop you, that's okay," I told him. "But I am down to meet if you are since we had a good convo."

He said he was good to continue so we confirmed on a day and time. I lowkey suspected he was aware of the height difference from the start but thought to cover his ass in this instance.

The day of the date rolled around and he was in town for work, since he lived out in Surrey and not in London. We scheduled to meet at 6 PM, but to my dismay, the train line I needed to take was down. He suggested meeting at Gloucester Road Station instead as he was an easy half-hour walk away and it was one stop away for me.

When I arrived, he was still on his way. About ten or so minutes passed before he arrived. When I saw him, I just knew I wasn't into him. As mentioned before, he was 5'7 but had a smaller body frame. Standing at 5'9, I was towering over him in height and size.

He was attractive and reminded me of Tom Hiddleston as Loki but Harry Potter/Daniel Radcliffe-sized. His height alone killed any attraction I had towards him in all honesty.

We went to a nearby pub where he got me an espresso martini and we found a side of the pub to chat for the next bit. At one point he mentioned how his older brother has been with his girlfriend for seven years.

I made a face and asked if his brother was planning to propose anytime soon. He said he was sure his brother will next year. He laughed and said I seemed concerned for the girlfriend even though I didn't know her.

"I mean, if I have been with my partner as long as she has, I would expect to be engaged or married by now," I stated.

Petite Loki mentioned how he thought after a couple of years was too soon for an engagement. I disagreed and said a long dating history with one person only makes sense if you started dating young.

Sometime after, Petite Loki got hungry so we left the pub to search for food. I had already eaten before the date because I thought I would not be interested in him once we met. So I knew I wouldn't eat as he would have probably paid on the date. I didn't want to do that when my interest was at zero.

We ended up in a Chipotle and he got me an iced tea while he had a burrito bowl. The conversation throughout the date was kept surface-level and friendly, just getting to know each other. I expressed how I was finally living out the youth I never had and was in my "yes" era. Anyone listening in probably would've thought I was not looking to settle down from how enthusiastic I was about living my best life in London.

I knew for sure by the end of the date he wasn't feeling anything either. So when he finished his Chipotle, we headed to the tube station to head home after the two-hour date. I hugged him and said goodbye, content to never speak to him again. He didn't follow up that evening so I thought that was the end.

Three days later when I was out with my friends, I checked my WhatsApp. I saw a message in my archive folder and wondered who it was before opening it. It was Petite Loki, whom I had archived the chat the day previous as I thought I would never talk to the man again.

He asked if I had plans that evening. He told me his flatmate was away and wanted to see if I would like to come over.

Excuse me? A booty call?? I thought in disbelief. Now, I understand all men are the same at the end of the day, but I was annoyed that he thought I was willing to trek all the way to bloody Surrey for a hookup. Especially when he only got me one espresso martini and an iced tea. The Risk Manager and the British Software Engineer earned the hookups because they put effort into the dates and spent proper money. I was not spending the time and money to go out of my way for someone I wasn't even that attracted to.

I responded I would pass but wished him a good night with a smiley face. He never replied.

Men, always coming around to disappoint.

[bornredheadedme-blog]

Every time I look in the mirror, I see no color in my face, and I'm reminded that right now, I look as gray as I feel. Since early November of last year, when I caught a little cold, which turned into bronchitis, and I haven't had a moment's peace since then. I saw my doctor, who didn't seem too concerned, noted that I was not wheezing, but "crackling." He said this was more likely congestive heart failure. I reminded him that I have no history nor excess water build up anywhere of this. He ordered a chest x-ray which showed "nothing."

He prescribed doxycycline, which did absolutely nothing. My inhalers did nothing, and I was using them way too much and couldn't refill them quickly enough. One evening, I felt so short of breath that we went to the ER to get some relief. After chest x-ray and chest CT, the ER doc came in and actually asked me why I came in since there didn't appear to be anything wrong with me. I suggested that it was asthma, so they gave me a nebulizer treatment, and a script for an oral steroid for 5 days.

The steroids worked really well, but 2 days after I stopped, the symptoms came back with a vengence. We tried a vaporizer in hopes that maybe the dry air was causing the severe cough and wheeze. Didn't work, but this seemed to be just a continuation of my luck so far. I was still sick at Christmas, New Years, Valentines Day, and messaging my doctor, sending him my test results at the ER, and still no answer.

My doctor did tell me that I needed a pulmonary function test and they ordered on at Kish which is the closest hospital to me. When I called to schedule, they told me that since there was "no rush" on the order, the first available appointment was 6 weeks in the future. So, I'm still stuck with no end in sight. I began to think about living the rest of my life like this, with no sleep (too much noisy from the wheezing) and too exhausted to do anything. It made me understand how quickly one can go from a stable thought process to suicidal ideation in a heartbeat.

I also found a pulmonologist near me and called to schedule an appointment, and the next available one was the end of May. Yet another month of this crap. I called my doctor to schedule an appointment for "follow-up and meds refill" and thankfully it was 4 days away.

He could hear me wheezing through the closed door. Again I suggested that it was asthma, and he agreed that everything pointed to that. He wanted the results from the function test, and I explained that since no rush was put on the order, the appointment was for the end of April. I suggested an inhaled steroid such as Advair. He agreed to order that.

When I went to Walgreens, I was informed that inhaled steroids were on backorder nationwide due to Covid. As I pondered that at home, I began looking at my insurance coverage, and discovered that Walgreens was out of network which was why they couldn't bill my tertiary insurance. So I transferred my scripts over to another pharmacy that was in network and waited to see if they could obtain the drug. They could but Walgreens showed that I had just filled the script a week ago. I did not. They called my insurance and were unable to get anything done until Walgreens fixed the problem. Walgreens denied they were the problem and I remained suffering in limbo, wheezing away.

I suffered another day until I was calm enough to call Walgreens, and I told the young lady who answered in the pharmacy about my problem. She repeated that their system indicated that they did not fill the prescription. I took a breath and as I let it out, she could clearly hear my wheeze, and told her that the app showed that they filled it on the 29th of March, and Humana agrees. Suddenly, the light went on and she said she would call their 3rd party biller and tell them to release it since it hadn't been filled after all. She called me back to tell me that they had agreed to fix the problem.

This leads me to wonder if Walgreens would have been paid for my medication regardless of the lack of delivery. I wonder if ethics should be questioned here.

The next morning, I went on my new pharmacy app and put in a refill request and it went through. I was finally able to pick up my Advair by 1:30. The wheezing is nearly gone after 3 days. It only took 5 months of asking for help to get to this place. I'm over the age of 65, and therefore expendable and not worthy of consideration.

[shituationship]

Months ago I started to write in my notes app all of the things I wanted to send you, but can’t.

Heres where it started:

Texts I want to send but WONT!

Hi. I miss you. I miss how you play with my hair. I miss laying in your arms. I miss looking up and seeing the light from the tv screen hit the tops of your shoulders and your neck and just barely your jaw line when you’re holding me sideways. I miss kissing you. I miss when you would call me beautiful. You don’t do that anymore. I miss when you would kiss my forehead, you don’t do that anymore either. Now you only text me to come over when it’s past midnight. I still go because I crave your touch. Your smell. Your sleepy voice. The way you would wake up and grab my hips and pull me closer or put your leg over mine when I’d scoot backward into you.

The only affection I can get from you anymore is an occasional kiss, or sex. But I take it. You don’t hold me through the night anymore and when you wake up you’re cold to me. You drop me off and then you don’t speak to me until the weekend hits again.

We hangout with friends and you wait for me to leave and reach home to text me to come over. But it’s not because you miss me, it’s because you just want to be inside of me again.

You’ve shattered my heart so many times I can’t count on my fingers anymore.

But i can’t let you go. I don’t even want to be your girl anymore. You aren’t even ready for that. I saw the way you looked at her, how it destroyed you. How you kicked walls and almost threw up. Seeing her again still eats you up after all this time.

I don’t want that for me. You could never love me. Your heart still belongs to her.

I cringe when I look at old messages, how obsessed I was. How fast I was falling for a fake persona you put on for those first 3 months before you pulled away from me.

I don’t know why I can’t let you go. The bad heavily out ways the good. You wouldn’t be a good man to me and I’m very aware of that. You would never love me unconditionally like he did. You wouldn’t look at me when I’m laying in bed with my hair messed up, makeup smudged under my eyes from the night before and still think I’m beautiful like he did. Maybe I’ll never find a love like that again. I wanted that with you though.

I cant blame you for being so torn up over her. I’d probably react the same way if he showed up at a concert I was at. You cried over her that night I heard. I did feel bad for you but the thing that kept repeating in my head over and over again is that I wish you never got involved with me in the first place. Maybe that’s selfish. If I could go back to that day we met I’d take it all away. I really believe that now.

I don’t know where I’d be right now but I wouldn’t be here sitting in my bed 6 months later crying over a man who doesn’t give a shit about me. Who gives other girls more attention than me. Who thrives on attention alone. I’ve gotten the ick so many times and I thought when that happened you were disgusted for good. But not with you. I don’t know if I even do want you, or if it’s the fact that you don’t want me that drives me insane.

I have destroyed my worth for you, tried to be another person for you, the person you want. But no matter what I do i will never be her. I know I need to let you go, I’ve known this for months. You come back to me when you’re bored and your other options have run out, because you know I’ll be there. Your bestfriend told me “the thing we’ve all noticed is he just can’t let you go for some reason, he always goes back to you”

it’s not because I’m special, it’s because I’m accessible. I’m always there & you know that I will be. You know the chokehold you have on me. I truly hate myself for allowing another person to treat me like this.

I know i deserve better. I left him (my ex) because I knew there was better out there, and yet I keep running back to the person who doesn’t even want me. (You) Maybe I like the chaos, maybe the love I felt before was too safe and I was bored of it, and this is exciting.

While it’s exciting it’s also gut wrenching.

I don’t even know who I am at this point because I’ve completely transformed myself into something I’m not to try and fit your standards. Your trash standards, when you stopped fitting mine 3 months ago.

I lowered mine to hell for you.

You feed me breadcrumbs to keep me around. You know what you’re doing and you know it’s hurting me and yet you keep doing it. Why? Why do I deserve to be treated like that? Like less than a human?

I didn’t do anything to you but try to love you. I know you think I’m pathetic. You probably tell your friends I’m crazy, or obsessed with you. I think they see through that though, or at least that’s what they tell me. They tell me I’m beautiful and deserve better, I know I do. I really should listen to them but I swear to god when they say people can be like a drug they’re not lying. The highs are so high with you and the lows are so. Fucking. Low.

I’ve been slowly detaching for a while.

I cant wait for the day you text me and I don’t respond. I hope it’s soon.

But for now I’ll keep running to you, hoping that you’ll figure it out one day that I’ve always been right here. Dying to be the girl you pick in the end. If you asked me today if I would be yours I don’t even know what I would say. I want to think I’d say no because of everything you’ve put me through but I know myself better then that. I’d say yes in a heartbeat if it meant I got to be next to you all the time. Hold your hand, kiss your lips. Go on adventures with you & make memories with you. But that day will never come. You’ll never wake up and realize It’s always been me.

You decided that a long time ago and once you get an idea in your head there’s no going back.

So please for the sake of my own sanity just please. Let me go, because I can’t do it on my own. If you let me go I’ll have no choice but to move on. Please stop coming back.

Im numb at this point.

[misspearly1]

Stumbling love

Paring: Joel x F!Reader

Word count: I’m not sure.. sorry 😬. Still working my way around.

Warnings: NO MINORS 🔞 18+ Content.

Smut, unprotected PIV (wrap it before you tap it)

Notes to readers: like I mentioned above, still working my way around how to use this app and add the proper warnings and prompts. Im not sure how I add the ‘continue reading’ thing. But I will figure it out! Other than that this is my first time writing a fic, we all have fantasies and daydreams but putting it into words is something I’ve never done and doing it now I applaud EVERY one of the authors I follow you guys/gals are fantastic at what you do! ❤️

Four months. Four months is how long you’ve been with the Miller brothers, Tommy and Joel. When you officially first met the pair you instantly felt the daggers Joel was piercing at you through his eyes, darting between you and Tommy. Tommy thanking you for saving his brothers life and striking quick conversation, finally someone to talk to other than his all too quiet and brooding brother. Whilst you two spoke, Joel spectated knowing his younger, soft-hearted and naive brother would most likely ask you to join them.

6 years after the outbreak your schemes and tricks to staying alive are starting to wear thin on your own, the duo stumbling upon you bathing in a stream one day and you took off into the trees grabbing your clothes and bag disappearing. Only to meet them again the next day saving Joel’s life from a stalker in the nearby town in a coffee shop. His back was turned looking in a supply closet for coffee, the stalker sneaking up on him, you watched from the opposite store through the scope on your rifle, killing the creature instantly. You weren’t spying so to speak, they seemed to have followed your same general direction and you wanted to be sure they weren’t following you.

By the end of the day trekking through the town, sharing stories and supplies, Tommy had been won over by you and offered you to join. Joel didn’t try to object right away he figured later on he would sneak away with Tommy when you’re sleeping. Except that never happened, apart from your wit and charm, surprising to joel he saw how nimble you were on your feet at killing the infected, a small group of them huddled around each other in the corner of the street, quickly killing them without difficulty. That and your healthy stock of guns, ammo, food and coffee you acquired scavenging the town before the pair arrived. Postponing his plans to leave, he figured he could make use of the supplies and your offerings but as the days turned to weeks that day of leaving never came.

The same daggers he pointed at you four months ago then are blaring into now after tackling you to the ground. “Where the fuck do you think you’re going?”

Chest heaving you lift your head off the ground inching closer to his face “He. needs. antibiotics, Joel.” Tommy had become ill, a simple cold packing a ferocious punch without the essentials that were easy to grab in the old world it’s progressing and you suspect it’s pneumonia.

Holding up in yet another abandoned town, the pharmacy is unfortunately well guarded with spores, tight dark spaces and possibly the biggest bloater you’ve seen yet. A whole day you’ve spent arguing back and forth with Joel that you could do it, in and out quickly and quietly without the bloater noticing but he won’t budge. You trying reasoning with him once more, standing before him now you emphasise “Joel look, I’m smaller than you, I’m quieter and quicker, I will be in and out before you know it. Without these antibiotics Tommy will get worse, I suspect it’s pneumonia. Anything goes wrong I’ll holler and you can come save my ass!”

After a couple hard thoughts he relents

“Fine. But if you get hurt you’ll never hear the end of the ‘I told you so’s’ from me”

“Okay, that’s fair”

Moving out of music shop you took refuge in you both make your way to the pharmacy down the narrow street of this unknown town, Joel interjects “what makes you think your faster than me anyways? I’d easily catch you in a race”

Smiling you throw back him. “well if I don’t die in here maybe I’ll take you up on that Mr. Miller” nodding his head smugly in agreement as you both approach halfway open shutters of the pharmacy, before ducking under you turn to face him closely, whispering into his ear “except, I’ll be naked when you’re chasing me cowboy” stepping back to look at his reaction, pupils blown with utter shock and desire, with a wink you duck under the doors and disappear.

15 minutes is how long you were gone, Joel paced back and forth with anxiety, carefully listening for any signs of struggle but he could only hear the faint grunts and growls coming from the bloater within. Startling him when you re emerged from underneath the shutter, he sighed heavily with relief to see you were okay.

Holding up the products you silently cheered to him at your success, a peaceful silence fell upon you two whilst making your way back to the music shop to tend to Tommy and administer the antibiotics.

Soft murmurs of you’re okay, we got medicine, we got you little brother can be heard from the other room while you prepare food for the evening marking a hearty smile across your face. While Joel plays the hardened older brother exhibiting skills you’ve never seen before, a ferocious fighter keen to do just about anything to survive driven by necessity over morale, you hear him now in the other room how much he cares for his brother. Something you feel forbidden to hear or witness, like your seeing into the old Miller, the man he was before this hell hole we live in now, you’ve never asked and he’s never spilled, Tommy doing most of the talking but leaving out all details of Joel only left you more intrigued in the man. Picking away at his shell slowly, day by day you bid your time letting him open up to you and never prying.

“What’cha cooking doll, it smells good” The soft Texan drawl from Joel pulls you from your train of thought, turning you throw a can peaches towards the man “that, cowboy is desert and for our main courses you have the luxury of choosing between salmon and dill potatoes or sweet and sour chicken with rice, choose wisely”

Chuckling at your remark clearing his throat and dropping an octave “uhm, I’ll have the salmon and dill potatoes please m’am”

His voice goes straight to your core, squeezing your thighs together your thankful he can’t see the flush on your cheeks and the smirk splaying across your face “hmm good choice, coming right up Texas”. Turning off the portable stove, you turn and walk towards Joel, food in hand, sitting at the front of the store. Placing the food down, you decide to park yourself opposite him on the windows ledge and dig into your sweet and sour chicken, exhaling an exaggerated moan of how good it tastes, pitching your voice a little higher and throaty “soo good Joel” looking to him and seeing the same expression he held earlier that day at your comments you quickly added with a obvious smirk “the food Joel. The food is good” shaking his head smiling he dips down and takes his first bite.

You both ate in silence it wasn’t awkward or forced. Joel enjoys that you don’t try to make conversation all the time and You bask in the quietness with him, turning to his canned peaches he pries them open and indulges. Making a point to sip and slurp on them, when you notice and look to him he licks a line of juice that ran down his hand and wrist not breaking eye contact he interjects “this desert tastes...” hazel eyes roaming up and down your body licking his lips “really fucking good, would you like some” Tilting your head and feeling confident “yes, Actually I would really like some desert Joel.”

He calculates his next move, unsure of your intentions, your eyes, body language and very obvious remarks tell him you want him but he wants to be sure he sees you reach for the can and before he can comprehend what he’s doing he moves it away and sets it down, widening his legs and patting a thigh “you can taste it straight from the source girl” with that you move closer to him, sitting atop his lap and placing your hands on his shoulders. Inching down, lips so close to each other you stop briefly to look at him eyes blown wide following you, you tease him moving closer and then back when he chases the kiss.

Catching on to what you’re doing Joel places a hand on your hip, the other threaded through your hair groaning “don’t go teasing me now” and pulls you into the kiss hastily eliciting a moan from you and when you gasp he slips his tongue in your mouth swirling it around. Without knowing you feel yourself grinding on him, feeling his bulge press through layers of fabric the sensations going straight to your clit. He sighs deeply and deepens the kiss, pushing you backwards to lay down, carefully holding your head.

Moving to your chin he nips and licks a path down your sternum causing you to whine and writhe in his grasp, opening up your buttoned T-shirt he breathes in the sight of your plump breasts and pert nipples grazing against you’re bra. Dipping down he places a wet kiss over the fabric and gently bites down that causes you to throw your head back in bliss. “You like this dont’ya, look at you. I bet if I slipped my hands in your panties you’d be soaked. Wouldn’t you” frantic yes yes yeses leads him to pulling down the fabric and he re attaches his lips to the bare skin and you swear you could cum from that alone. He feels you shift and moves to help you undo your clothing, discarding your top half, undoing his own shirt before he kisses you on the lips again, pushing deeper into you, kneading your breast in one large hand and running his other impatiently up and down your thigh, grabbing your ass roughly when you arch your back. Kissing your neck again and running his hand yet again up your thigh he reaches the hem of your jeans and looks up to you, silently asking for permission when you nod, they’re pulled hastily down your legs and he’s met with the sight of your arousal dampening your underwear. “I knew it, this all for me baby?” Running a finger up your inner thigh he stops at your panties “I get you this worked up huh? You sure as hell do to me, countless nights I’ve thought about spreading these pretty legs and stretching you with my cock”

Impatiently grinding your hips on nothing looking for some sort of fiction he noticed the action and slips a finger inside your underwear, running it up and around your bud and back down to your entrance making you moan deeply, he waste no time in slipping the finger through your passage, sighing with you. Bringing it out he slips two fingers in this time, keeping a steady pace whilst arching them, which rubs against something so delightful inside of you. The squelching noises added with your moans ring through the store, not caring who or what hears you.

“Jo.. Joel please.. I need more.. I need you” slowing down his movement he inches closer asking “tell me exactly what you need girl, your words” you lift your head and plead

“I want you, need you inside of me, please. I want to feel how big you are”

Smiling, He removes his fingers and sucks them clean, then undoing his belt and sliding down his jeans, surprising to you he has no underwear on and you’re immediately shocked to see the mere size of him his thick and long length sends a new rush of arousal straight to your heat, removing your own panties in anticipation he wastes no time in moving in between your legs notching himself at your entrance. Running his cock up and down your slit to gather the your arousal, slipping the head in then retracting slowly a couple times which only makes you more hungry “tell me again how you want it baby?”

Pulling his head down to level with yours, your places a kiss on his lips and wrap your legs around him “however you want baby, I’m yours for the taking” with that he sheathes himself into you fully in one push, placing all his weight down on you, he waits a moment. “Fuck baby.. you feel so good. It’s like this pussy was made for me” Kissing him, you nod your head whispering you can move, it’s okay baby before he finally sets his pace, it’s slow, long and deep thrusts in and out your cunt, you feel every ridge and vein from his shaft and he feels how tight you pulse around hum eliciting mutual moans and and wines.

Only when he places his forearm above your head holding onto your thigh does he quicken his pace, brutally slamming into you kissing you to stifle the loud moans slipping past your lips. You bite on his bottom lip and he gasps, breathing deeply and removing his hand, he works on rubbing your clit “you’re gonna cum for me baby, I want to feel you. So... Nughhh. So. Fucking. Tight”

Your orgasm approaching like a train, his words getting you there quicker than you anticipated and he feels your pussy clenching again, adding “that’s it baby, good girl. Give it to me, just like that” with that you erupt, stars bursting behind your eyes, thighs shaking and moans of, oh joel yes fuck yes right there Joel, rippling through the store and his hips stutter behind you and he is mere seconds away when you add “that’s it joel, cum for me baby you’re doing so good” he slips out and spills onto your stomach with heavy exhales and falls down on top of you, breathing heavily together you come down from your highs.

After a few moments, he lifts up, moving hair away from your face to admire you’re post bliss look and kisses you gently, breaking away he asks “I didn’t hurt you did I?”

Cupping his face whilst smiling wholeheartedly “did it sound like you hurt me baby?” You kiss his forehead then he removes himself from between your legs and grabs something form his backpack. Turning his attention to you, he cleans you up and helps you redress.

You spent the rest of your night in Joel’s grasp, held so closely, rubbing hands up and down your body and he thanks the stars four months ago he decided not to sneak away after all.

[bonvoyagenoona]

(tw: discussions of death)

I'm a little shook at the moment because I was spiraling with some thoughts about life, wondering about my support systems and whether I'd ever be rid of this generally unsure existential feeling, and at some point, I fell asleep. I just woke up in the middle of the night after having this extremely profound experience that I need to document somewhere, and my notes apps don't feel right because I want to tell *someone*, but it's 4am so I don't want to pester friends with half-garbled voice memos... so here we go.

In my dream, I was in my room, in my parents' house, where I still live with my parents, my brother, and my brother's gf. My grandparents would also live with us for 3-6 months out of the year, rotating through their kids' cities. The grandparents I'm talking about are my dad's parents; his dad passed about 11 years ago, and his mom passed a few weeks ago.

Anyway, in my dream, it was evening, and I was listening to music and doing my hair or makeup or something, looking in the mirror. It felt like it was earlier today. I had the house to myself today; my parents are night shift nurses, and my brother and his gf are out of town. So, as I would be in real life, in the dream, I was surprised to hear a basketball game playing from the TV in our living room, just outside my door. I frowned but wasn't worried. I figured maybe my dad was home from work early (sometimes my parents come home if they're overstaffed or have only a few patients, which, given the pandemic, hasn't really happened lately) and was just relaxing.

So I went outside to greet him.

I saw our living room in a slightly different layout.

My dad was sitting in his usual seat, a recliner.

And I saw my grandpa, his dad.

I saw him as I best remember him, in his 70s, still able-bodied and strong, still with black dye in his hair but with gray roots, lounging on a sofa that isn't ours but matched our furniture, wearing pambahay, or house clothes in Filipino, a brown shirt and gray/khaki shorts that I always remember him wearing. He was a lanky, not-too-tall guy, skin close to lithe muscle close to the bone, and his legs were hanging out of the legholes of his shorts as his knee was bent up on the couch while he was sprawled out.

I immediately knew I was dreaming when I saw him.

And then it became a lucid dream, where I could control my thoughts and actions.

I started crying, and I walked right over to him and hugged him really tight, and he laughed, and he said "Aroooo!" like he usually does, which, I don't think I've ever heard anyone else from his region do, but I take to be some kind of Filipino expression of surprise (kinda like "Aigoo" in Korean).

He hugged me back ,and patted my back and my bottom lol like he used to do when I was a kid, and asked why I was crying. I just said that I loved him and missed him and cried some more.

My dad was leaning back in the recliner and had his arms up and back, gripping the back of the headrest part, like he sometimes sits. He was laughing along with my grandpa at my, to them, surprisingly emotional reaction. But my dad also seemed happy to see me like this, happy to see me so happy to see my grandpa.

My grandpa said not to cry. That everything is ok.

I could hear sneakers on the court and commentators making idle chatter.

There was a weird moment when I looked over to the other side of the room and saw another Dad, like, he was in his recliner, AND on the sofa that actually IS in our living room, while I was hugging my grandpa on this long couch that isn't actually there.

And then I woke up and already had tears in my eyes.

I've only had a couple of lucid dreams. The other one was of me as a tween or teen, outside, in some suburban neighborhood that kinda looked like my childhood home in Canada, standing on the sidewalk, and figuring out that I could fly, and kinda effortfully jumping into the air to float/hover, figuring out the mechanics of my power, and then kinda taking off. It was a moving experience.

This was... I don't know. I'm in complete awe. It felt so powerful.

I woke feeling comforted, immediately able to release whatever worries I had. I've cried it out a bit. I started worrying what that meant about my dad... Like... why didn't he say anything in the dream... did Dream Dad simply bring my grandpa to me to cheer me up... And the unthinkable of... is he going to join my grandpa soon, hanging out with him and watching basketball... Do I need to be prepared...

It's particularly meaningful with my grandpa because when he passed, I kind of knew. I had felt it before I got the news. I'm not a particularly spiritual person, so that experience really impacted me. I was living in Chicago at the time while going to grad school. In the weeks before my grandpa's death, my light bulb was flickering, and I kept putting off replacing it because I was staying with my uncle and didn't want to inconvenience him; I would need a ladder to switch it out, so I figured I'd wait until it was completely out and he was free to show me where the ladder was and all that. One day, I was heading to class, on my way to the bus stop, when I realized that I had forgotten my phone. I NEVER forget my phone. EVER. But I was running late and figured I'd just make do. The day went by as usual, save for me being bored on the bus and train without music to listen to. And then when I got home, I flipped on my light switch, and the bulb was out. Immediately after, my phone lit up on my bed, and my eyes were suddenly drawn to it. I wouldn't have seen it light up if my room hadn't been dark, and I wouldn't have heard it bc it was on silent. Something inside of me told me to brace, saying, "Lolo is gone." And when I picked up the phone, it was my mom calling me to tell me that he had passed.

It was my mom's birthday.

IRL AMOMK Teacher Yoongi and I were talking about some heavy family stuff today. My grandma's passing. Stuff on his end. And I mentioned that my family has weird coincidences with deaths. Like I said, my dad's dad passed on my mom's birthday in 2011. But also, my dad's dad passed on my mom's birthday in the 80s, and my mom's mom passed on my dad's dad's birthday in 2005.

So yeah, when it comes to deaths in the family, I read into things a bit.

I'm trying to focus on the feeling I had immediately after my dream tonight... That feeling of comfort, rather than a sign for me to prepare for something. Maybe me documenting this is also me trying to stay awake for a bit in case I do get some kind of emergency call. I did just check him on Facebook, and it says he's active, so he's probably just at work, scrolling through his feed.

I'm trying to balance this out with what we as a family use to balance these coincidences out -- that with each birthday, we acknowledge that life is a full circle, that birth and death are bittersweet bookends to amazing journeys.

I'm also thinking about what prompted my spiral... How today has been a heavy day for so many people I care about... And how I had this really poignant conversation with IRL AMOMK Teacher Yoongi about life, where he was processing some family stuff and said something that really meant a lot to both of us I think... And how that made me think of how my dad might say something similar... And how my mom told me that she had a dream about her dad passing shortly before or after he passed, a dream in which she was just sitting and talking to her dad, looked away, and when she turned back, he had suddey been replaced by my dad, as if they had been talking all along...

I don't know what it all means.

But I think I just needed to write all this out and be thankful that my grandpa visited me today to cheer me up.

To tell me that everything is going to be ok.

[smackurbeoms]

ex.

genre - smut; minho dom / reader sub, unprotected sex, orgasms.

word count: 1.8k

notes: hi there, hei here! this is ny first work here. i'm currently exploring different platforms as to where else i could share my works. i hope you enjoy this work! <33

_____________________________________

Fuck it— you uttered. You were being bombarded by senseless messages, pushing you to get off your feet and go unwind. You can't— and You don't want to. You're too busy thinking about what else you could do, something more purposeful. Recovering from a breakup is not easy. It has only been 6 months since you last saw your ex, and for now, you guess you could say that you've moved on.

A year of love (of course, with a lot of lust) is not easy to get over with. Especially if your first boyfriend is no other than the well-known heartbreaker that fixed himself only for you. Well, the breakup was mutual— you could say that you got tired of each other's toxic habits, but to say the least, he never cheated.

"Y/n, c'mon. You have got to enjoy the party. An hour won't hurt; I'll wait for you, okay?" your best friend called. She doesn't ask for many favors, so it makes you guilty to say no (like for the nth time).

"Fine," you said, ending the call to go shower. You dragged yourself to get ready, and you didn't want to look like a tormented bitch also, so you tried your best to fix up. You grabbed your silk, thin-strapped black body con, which hugged your figure oh so well, and popped on some stilettos that match the look. Your hair was brought character by some big natural waves, along with soft glam makeup as a final touch. Finally, before leaving, you sprayed some of your favorite fragrance— Bvlgari Omnia in Amethyst, to be exact, and you went on your way to the bar.

You went through a crowd of cheering and dancing people, and finally, you met your best friend. A few drinks in, and she's nowhere to be found, which you assume to be making out with some dude he had met over some online dating app or whatever.

You were drinking, still, and you suddenly smelled a familiar scent brushing through your nose. Oh no, This can't be. You turned around to see who it was, and lo and behold, there he was— your ex, Lee Minho.

Minho stood by the high bar table in front of where you were settled, making you parallel to each other. You were trying your best to avoid eye contact, but you, of all people, know how much Minho hates it when someone avoids his gaze. You were chugging down your alcohol, and as you request for another glass to one of the waiters;

"No, thank you. She's not taking any more drinks," your ex said, accompanying you at the table. Yup, he is indeed my ex-boyfriend— Minho is a very stern and protective man, particularly to you, even when you were not yet dating.

"I can drink as much as I want," you replied, causing him you raise his brow at you. "Okay then, drink as much as you want. Only if someone's going to take you home," he negotiated.

"My best friend's out there making out with someone else. Do you actually think someone's going to take me home?" you rebutted. "Exactly my point, y/n. Now don't be a brat and try to be safe for once. No one's going to protect you now."

Fuck. Well, that shit hurt.

You tried to walk out of the situation when the moment you turned around, you bumped into the serving waiter making all the drinks on the tray pouring on to me. Minho, with fast reflexes, took off his coat and immediately covered you with it. "This is why you always need company," he annoyingly uttered. He brought you to his car and drove to his place.

"Cover yourself with my coat," he glared at you. "As if you never saw it," you whispered and did as he said. You both arrived at his studio unit, and Minho immediately pulled you in front of his closet. He rummaged through his closet and handed you his shirt. "Would you mind wearing one of my oversized shirts?" he asked. You nod to his question when deep inside, you felt ecstatic to wear one of Minho's shirts again. "Shit, I don't have extra undies," you said, making him widen his eyes. "You still have...uh...l-lingeries here," he hesitated.

Seeing his kinda flustered figure elated you, so you thought— It wouldn't hurt to tease a little, right?

Without any words, you rummaged through his drawers, and there you found a basket full of Minho's favorite lingeries of yours. You grabbed a red lacy panty forgetting about the bra and hopped straight to the shower. You purposely didn't close the door, and the sound of the water trickling down your skin was enough to make Minho remember all the time you spent in bed. After showering, you realized that you forgot to bring a towel with you, so you just went out naked, making Minho's eyes widen.

"Y-y/n, w-what are you doing?" he said, avoiding to look at you.

"I forgot to bring a towel. Can I borrow one?"

"Yea, sure," he said, immediately got his towel and covered you with it. "Dry me off," you provoked, making him look at you sternly. For a moment, you thought he was a different person as he obeys your commands. He was gently wiping you down with his towel. You can see his ears go red with every second, and as you look down, an evident tent was created by his growing bulge, which was enough to turn you on. You did not notice that you were staring relentlessly at his tent, so to your surprise, you gasp at a finger slipping to your now wet folds.

"I see that I still make you wet," he grinned, circling your clit around, making you releasing soft moans. "M-minho..." you yelped. You realized that you provoked him a little too much. Minho doesn't like you teasing him. It was always him that was the dominant one— the one in control. You grab onto Minho's shoulders as your knees grow weak with all the pleasure. He slightly laughed at you and immediately carried you to his bed. He hovered on top of you, making him settle himself between your folded thighs.

"I was kind of hoping to see you wearing my shirt again because you look good in it, but I've realized you look better without it," Minho said, peppering your face with sweet, light smooches as if he's not gonna fuck you out relentlessly later. You grew impatient as he continues to shower your face and your neck with wet kisses, so you cling onto his neck and kissed him. Minho, getting the signal, slipped his tongue inside your mouth wherein both your tongues were playing blissfully with each other.

In time, he was marking your neck, and his right hand was groping one of your boobs while the other was busy fingering you deeply. It began harder and harder to suppress your moans, and your lower lip was starting to taste rusty due to his and your biting.

"Keep moaning for me, baby. I want to hear them," he said, but you wanted to tease. "Make me," you said in between your breathy moans. Minho grinned at your response and pulled you to the edge of the bed. He lifted your thighs up and knelt down in front of your intimacy. His kisses were traveling down from the back of your knee, to your thighs, down to your core. As you felt Minho's lips in your heat, you couldn’t help but arch your back and moan with pleasure. Your moans were getting louder as you come closer to your high, and Minho flicking his tongue inside you was doing no help at all.

"You're so fucking wet for me," he said, licking you still. "I'm gonna c-cum..." you moaned. As expected, Minho didn't let you release just yet.

"Not yet, baby," he said, standing up and stripping down his clothes. As he took off his boxers, his erected dick sprung up, making you hunger to ram them inside of you.

"Suck," he commanded. You didn't need to be told twice as you kneel and started to suck him in. You should be teasing the hell out of him first, but you couldn't resist the sight of his warm hard cock inside your mouth. You start bobbing your head as he guides you with his hands. Deep throats are his weakness, so you kept on doing them while looking at him. He threw his head back due to the pleasure, and you kept on sucking.

"Fuck," he groaned, lifting you up and back to his bed. With no intro, he rammed his whole length inside of you, causing you to scream to the pleasure. "M-Minho..." you moaned, making him slam himself harder. "You're still so fucking tight around me," he whispered to your ear, sending shivers down your spine.

"On all fours," he again commanded. You turned your back on him, and he again slipped his cock inside of you and fucked you relentlessly. His girth stretching you out, and you couldn’t help but moan at the shaking experience he has been bringing you.

"Fuck, yes. Keep on clenching y/n. Just like that...

"Ride," he said. Minho laid down his bed as you sit on top of his member. You grind on top of him as his hands hold your waist. Seeing his beautiful, well-structured face turns you on more, finally making you insert in length in you. You lowered yourself slowly, and as you sink yourself, Minho pulled and embraced you, pumping relentlessly in and out of you. You moan by his ears, and at this point, you couldn’t help it anymore.

"Minho, fuck. I can't take it anymore. I'm gonna..." before even finishing your sentence, he hovered on top of you and fucked you faster, deeper, and harder.

"Go on, cum for me," he whispered as he rams himself in missionary. With a loud screeching moan, you came to your release as he keeps his pace, riding your high. "Suck me off," he said, and so you did. You sucked on him to his high, and with a loud groan, he came all over your face. The both of you laid silent in the bed, and in a while, Minho carried you in bridal style to the shower and washed you off. Minho was quite silent as he does his aftercare. Finally, he got his shirt that you were supposed to be wearing a while ago and assisted you in wearing them.

"Cuddle with me," he whined, making you hug him to your sleep. He was stroking your hair, making you fall deeper into his comfort. "You were supposed to wear my shirt a bit earlier, but then you began being naughty," he whispered whining to your ear. Before finally falling into dreamland, you felt him kiss you on the forehead and tightened his embrace.

"I missed you, y/n."

[skellebonez]

I AM SORRY FOR THIS SKELLE BUT I MUST: 5 (kidnapping them was the only way I was going to get them here),6 (let's make a deal, shall we?) and 41 (can you teach me how to do that) with the demon bull fam and mk with a little hint of 64 (I may have eaten seven of them already). NOW GO HAM MY DUDE

Oh I had way too much fun with this one. I took S2E4 (spoilers mentioned for that!) and some tweets made by one of the show producers on the same day as fuel for a very silly idea I had. I don't write what can be considered "Crack treated seriously" (or at least semi-seriously, this is not a 100% serious fic) often but when I do I go hard. This is more focused on MK and others than SpicyNoodles so it's a bit more gen fic than a full on ship fic as well.

Kidnapping them was the only way I was going to get them here/Let's make a deal, shall we?/Can you teach me how to do that?/I may have eaten seven of them already.

"Red..." MK started off slowly, watching as his boyfriend's face flushed and twisted in embarrassment. "Can you tell me why your mother showed up at my apartment and used her wind vortex thing to teleport us here without an explanation? And then left us in your..." He looked around, noting that aside from the excessively large throne and two smaller thrones beside it this room looked like a... "Living room? On a couch?"

"I can-" Red Son started, raising a hand before pausing a frowning deeply. "Actually, no, I can't explain. This is just weird, even by my parent's standards. I have no idea what is going on, but since you're still here..." He shrugged with a hopeful smile, shaky through the uncertainty. "Maybe it's not bad? I mean, if Mother was truly upset or wanted to do something bad surely she would have not left us to our own devices. Maybe she’s... uh... happy I finally have a boyfriend?”

At the pointed raise of an eyebrow from MK that hopeful smile faltered a bit. Happy Red Son had a boyfriend for the first time in a couple centuries? Under different circumstances he wouldn't doubt that! Happy when that boyfriend was MK?

Oh he did doubt that.

He knew that they shouldn't have been sneaking around the way they had been. It had made sense at first, two people on opposite sides of a feud lasting centuries who discovered they actually enjoyed spending time together more than fighting each other. One who decided he very much would rather not follow through with any kind of domination and see his family hurt, who realized "actually my sworn nemesis isn't so bad", and another who decided "my life is already weird enough, why not give this befriending my enemy thing a shot".

And then one thing lead to another and before they knew it their secret friend meet up became a secret boyfriend meet up. They'd managed to keep everything under wraps for a while (except from Mei because, well... she was his best friend! He couldn't not tell someone and she would have found out fast if he wasn't obvious, and she had quickly become a mutual source of support for both of them), though MK knew Pigsy and the others knew something was up. They didn't question him, though, aside from the occasional good natured jab. "Wow MK, you seem happy today. Got any plans?" and that sort of thing. They seemed to trust him to make his own decisions, as long as he was happy and healthy and eventually told them. (Sun Wukong, however, may have caught in a little when he jokingly asked if MK had gotten a boyfriend and MK had choked on his drink. He never brought it up specifically after that but he was smart. Too smart.)

Red Son, on the other hand, was fantastic at keeping secrets when he tried. Or MK thought he was... the last few months gave no indication that either of his parents had discovered their little sneaky rendezvous. Then Princess Iron Fan broke into his apartment and, well, here they are. Clearly something had gone wrong somewhere along the line.

Before MK could follow through with any questions of whether or not there could be a fate worse than instant death that involved lulling him into a false sense of security, the two men froze at the sound of quickly approaching voices.

“Could this not have been done another way, my dear?”

“Kidnapping them was the only way I was going to get them here, you know that. Noodle Boy is not that gullible, contrary to what we first believed.”

Ah... shit... Red Son’s parents.

Mk quickly ran through all the possessions he had in his apartment and wondered if he had time to text Mei or Pigsy the world’s fastest will and testament and if that would be legally binding. He just hoped he had something for Pigsy to handle the Phantom Orderer they'd had for the last year.

They always ordered on the app and prepaid and managed to leave him a sizeable tip in his tuk-tuk after he dropped off the food at whatever random location they indicated.

"Good," PIF's voice rang clear, far faster than he could even attempt to pull out his phone, and MK turned to see that she was casually lounging on the shoulder of the Demon Bull King. She jumped down, her wind lightening her fall so much so that she barely made a sound when her feet touched ground. "You've made yourself comfortable."

MK couldn't bring himself to move, as much as he very dearly wanted to run away as quickly as possible. Yes, he was The Monkie Kid and had progressed far enough that he could probably escape without much problem. Yes, he and DBK had had an understanding after the White Bone Spirit and Lunar New Year Festival (though he still didn't know if PIF ever found out about that one). Yes, Princess Iron Fan had shown little interest in him before and had even worked beside him with no complaints (she didn't even care enough to attack during the Food Wars thing!). But that was all before she apparently found out he was dating her son behind her back while they were technically still enemies.

He was glad at that moment that she had grabbed them before they went to get lunch... his stomach was doing back flips that would make a gymnast jealous.

"Uh, yes Miss-Mrs-Muh-M- Princess Iron... Fan?" MK couldn't help but stutter awkwardly, holding onto the hem of his jacket and worrying it as he tried to keep his composure. He looked beside him, watching as Red sat straighter and kept an even expression on his face that he couldn't quite place. His hair seemed to spark softly.

Though she raised a brow at this, PIF didn't comment on that at all. Instead she made her way to the other couch across from them as opposed to what was clearly supposed to be her throne, leaning forward right her elbows on her knees and her fingers laced together in front of her. DBK stopped behind her, seemingly content to stay standing.

"Noodle Boy... you prefer to go by MK, is that correct?" She started, and he nodded slowly in confused response. "Hmn... so. You've been dating my son for quite some time. Many months... no, a bit over a year if I am not mistaken in how long his behavior has changed." 'Oh shit' went MK's brain. "You must be quite serious, if you're willing to go through so much just to see each other. Late night meetings. Secret hideaways. Sneaking onto Flower Fruit Mountain, even." 'Oh SHIT' it repeated in horror. "That's quite the dedication to show toward anyone... I hate to admit it, but I am quite impressed." 'OH SH-wait what?'

"Bw-huh?" Was what MK managed out, half a sound that was almost a word and half a squeak of confusion.

"The fact I myself remained oblivious until only a few weeks ago is quite something. Let's make a deal, shall we?" She continued, sitting back straight and looking like the proud Princess she was and not like a woman sitting on a couch that looked comically small in front of her enormous husband. "You and Red Son no longer have to hide your relationship from us and in exchange..." she paused, as if relishing the building tension between herself and the couple before her. "You will come over at least once a week so we can get to actually know you properly."

MK froze. Red Son froze even more.

Then his entire head lit ablaze as he jumped up and gestured at his mother with a gaping mouth. "Th-that's it!? I-I was... I was RIGHT!?"

PIF barely reacted to this, merely lounging sideways as she put her elbow on the arm of the couch and rested her cheek on her hand.

"Whatever you were right about, I suppose you were. But yes," she shrugged, honestly looking... kinda happy? "Has this been about a year ago I perhaps would not have understood what you saw in Nood-MK. But I can see how happy you have been lately, and there's something about him that is like... what did you say he was like, darling?" She turned to DBK, who shrugged himself with an unreadable expression.

"A ball of sunshine given human form."

... that was not what MK ever expected to hear from the Demon Bull King's mouth...

"Yes, that's it," she nodded as if this was completely normal and ignored how Red Son flopped back down onto the couch and stared at the ceiling. "I'd hate to admit it, but you've grown on us through out sparse interactions. Somehow. And we have been eagerly waiting for the day we could finally welcome someone into our son's life. So what do you say? Do we have a deal?"

She seemed... serious. MK may not know her that well, but it was clear to anyone when she wasn't being so.

"Uh... o-ok? Sure?" MK said softly, nodding in amazement as DBK and PIF actually smiled at this.

This was the strangest day of his life, beating our every single demon fight and even the day he got the Monkey King's staff. But he'd take this strangeness over the alternative 500 times over.

"Excellent," DBK nodded himself, there was a lot of that about. "That seems to have worked out n-"

Everyone paused at a loud grumble echoed the room, all turning to Red Son as he flared up in embarrassment this time.

"Don't look at me like that, we were supposed to eat half an hour ago and I am starving," Red Son grumbled as he sat up, not looking anyone in the eye. "I don't suppose we could. Eat now? Please?"

Despite the situation, MK couldn't help but smile at his pouting.

"I could bring us some food from Pigsy's?" MK offered in an attempt to contribute. Something. "I mean, I know Red likes it and you kinda seemed to like it the one time you tried it and... uh... yeah."

"Actually... I may have eaten seven of them already..." PIF admitted, looking away in embarrassment. "l've tried not to give into the temptation, but your father's noodles from the Food Wars were so... I just can't resist ordering some secretly after 5 or so weeks!"

"So you're the phantom orderer!" MK gasped out in shock, but after a moment he frowned and rubbed the back of his head. He had a bit of an idea. "Well... I could... make some for us instead?" He ammended his offered softly. "I may not make it exactly like Pigsy does, but I can get pretty close as long as you have the ingredients! And you wouldn't have to worry about me going there and coming back! We can eat like. Immediately!"

"I think that sounds acceptable," PIF said with a nod as she stood, but MK could see a bit of excitement sparkling in her usually cold eyes. "Come, Red Son. I need to discuss some upgrades the Bull Clones have been asking for with you. Your father can assist him in the kitchen until we are done."

Red looked over at MK and only stood to follow his mother once he nodded, giving his father a pointed look before exited the room. MK, in the meantime, looking up at DBK with a gulp and followed him as he lead the way toward their kitchen.

It was... well, bigger than he was used to. But pretty normal, regal size and decor aside. And it seemed, once he was given the nod of ok from his host (and wasn't that a bizarre thing, DBK and PIF being his hosts on a home visit to his boyfriend's parents... he was going to need to get used to that) he checked the fridge and counters and found he had just about everything he needed to make what he had in mind.

"Can you teach me how to do that?" DBK asked after a moment, startling MK into nearly dropping the sauce he needed for the broth. "Not the recipe itself, just..." He gestured to the counter. "Red Son has a bit of a proclivity toward cooking and he's been trying to get me involved, but we've never cooked anything like. That."

His words were awkward and stilted, but MK could tell he was trying. The same way he could tell PIF wasn't kidding with her offer. They just seemed to... want to get to know him as a potential... son-in-law... huh.

"Sure, but you're gonna want to shrink down a bit for this."

Lunch turned out amazing and, while awkward (much like most of the day)... it was nice not to have to hide their dating for once. And Red actually seemed pretty happy! Though he learned quickly that the Monkey King was still a bit of an (understandably) sore subject that was best avoided. For now.

Maybe not forever though.

(When PIF very not subtly dropped him and Red Son both off inside Pigsy's Noodles after their lunch, the only response he got was a "oh, so they finally found out huh? Looks like things went well" from Pigsy and Tang. Maybe he wasn't as sneaky as he thought he was...)

[clevercatchphrase]

2021 Year Review~

Sometimes I can’t stand the fact that time is constantly progressing forward. What do you mean Christmas was almost two weeks ago? Wasn’t it just yesterday? What do you mean it’s been a year since the coup happened?? Already??? I’m due for an oil change again? I’m due for a dentist appointment AGAIN?? Can... can time please just stop so I can catch my breath... so I can take a nap? I don’t like how recent-and-yet-spaced-out all these life events feel to me. It’s all moving too fast and I can’t keep up, please stop the ride I want to get off.

But sadly it doesn’t stop, so the most I can do is look back on the year, reflect on what I accomplished, and write down what I remember to keep my mental time line organized and sorted as more years pile on. I’m a little late in making this retrospective, but just like in years prior, I’ll start by looking back at my 2021 goals, go over them, then move on to my goals for 2022. Let’s begin...

I had 11 goals for this year. They were the following;

Read 12 new books (roughly 1 book a month)

Finish the first draft of 2019’s Nanowrimo project and rewrite it

Script TDV

Finish Scripting Ghost Switch

Build A Comic Buffer

Sew 1 Stuffed Animal

Finish 1 Song Comic

Make another Enamel Pin

Finish 2 short original comics (this one counts as 2 goals)

Finish the 5 remaining one-shot fics

Right of the bat I know I didn’t accomplish 6 of these 11 goals, which is a really bad ratio, but pretty much the same outcome as 2020 surprisingly enough. Now let’s dig a little deeper...

Read 12 new books: I did this! I read a lot of free books through the kindle app, and a few books that have been siting on my shelf for a couple of years now. In no particular order, the books I read this year were;

Ancient, Strange, and Lovely

The Griffin’s Feather

Dragon Slippers

Dragon Flight

Dragon Spear

The dangerous Gift

The Bastard Prince

The Black Egg

Eyrie

Skyfire

Shard of Sun

By the silverwind

The Junglebook

Rise of the Dragons

14 books again this year! That totally wasn’t planned. I wish I could say I had a fun time reading these books, but sadly, I only enjoyed about 6 of them. Ancient, Strange, and Lovely, by Susan Fletcher. It was the first book I read in 2021, and I absolutely hated it. The condescending enviornmentalist message, the weird teen-speak and “clipped” sentence structure, and bland characters. I hated the repetative use of the words “critter”, “sesmic” and “monster”. I hated the “new” words used, like “sleep-dep”, “skwebbing”, and “phaging.” At one point she used the word “grok”, and I had to put the book down and stare out of my window for a solid ten minutes. This book was written in 2010. How many people does miss fletcher think will understand that reference. Heck, I only understand it because I saw OSP’s video on A Stranger in a Strange Land this same year. (also does miss fletcher really think the word “fuck” is going to go out of style?? or is she just trying to be more pg?) the plot was a blatant rehash of her previous books, Dragon’s Milk, and Sign of the Dove. Infact, I had to go back and reread dragon’s milk just to make sure I still liked it, and I do, so it’s not like her writing was always bad and I just didn’t notice. This entire book reads like a college student’s shorthand lecture notes, and the only positive I can say is that my reading experience only went up hill after this, compartively. (but as I said I only enjoyed 6 of these books, that hill didn’t go up very high).

The next books I read were Dragon Slippers/Flight/Spear by Jessica Day Georce. I’d owned the first book for years (and read it years ago, too) but it was only fairly recently that I learned this book had two sequels. I had completely forgotten everything about the first book aside from stained glass, embroidery, and magic dragon hide slippers, so reading it again was like reading it blind. I read all three of these books in the span of 3 days during the february freeze down here in texas. Over all? This series is really good! Although, after reading the first book again, I can’t help but wonder why no one, especially Shardas, just doesn’t TELL the main character anything important. I can’t help but feel like a lot of strife would have been avoided if he just TOLD Creel the truth about the slippers upfront. Overall, again, It’s a nice series. The third book got a little weird and there was one scene that felt like a boarderline description of blackface, but if people complain there aren’t enough “Strong female protagonists who like girly things but also stand up forthemselves”, look no further than Creel. She ticks all those boxes, and it was refreshing to see a character enjoy dress making, and rescuing dragons at the same time. (Can’t for the life of me figure out why it’s called dragon spear, though. Spears were made, but never used, and the scene is so minor, I honestly feel like it could have been cut with no consequence)

The next book I read was The Dangerous Gift, by Tui T, Sutherland, which is the 4th book in the 3rd Wings of Fire Series, and 14th book overall. My general thoughts are... it was alright? No where near as action packed, or as thought provoking the previous three in this arc, but I didn’t think it was boring either. I don’t care for snowfall, and I felt her constant paranoia got repetative at points.I’m a little nervous how miss Sutherland is going to wrap up this arc with only one book left to go. Glad to see Sky and Wren back, though I half wish they didn’t get tied in to the “main series”. I can’t help but feel it shrinks the world if all the “main characters” know each other, if you know what I mean. it makes it feel like.... there’s only one epic story happing in the WoF world at one time, you know? I think it would have been neat if The dragonslayer storyline continued concurrently with the pantala storyline, because people all over the world are all doing interesting things at the same time, and if they never interacted or crossed paths with one another, then the world could branch and grow, instead of feeling... sequental? History is not a single chain of events, it’s a web of complex people with complex feelings and thoughts crashing and bumping into eachother, each changing the course of history a little bit at a time, but when all the “main characters” get together, it feels like the rest of the world is put on pause because it’s not allowed to do anything unique or epic if the fan favorites aren’t there to witness it. I also kinda sorta didn’t like the jerboa chapters. I think it would have been much more interesting as a standalone novel like Darkstalker, seeing Jerboa’s slow descent into a controlling, manipulative monster, and Boa’s slow realization of what’s happening to her. (I was half hoping we’d find more unique dragon races on Pantala, as well. You know that mountain-y area up in the “wing” of pantala? How come we never go there in the books. what’s up there. What if there’s a race of dragons who have feathery wings instead of bug/leaf/bat wings. They could be called Birdwings and I hope we see more unique draogn races in the future)

Rise of the Dragons by Morgan Rice was bad. I didn’t even know that Morgan Rice was apparently contentious in the Author World until I finished this book and did a little more research on her. The writing is juvenile, super repetative and straight up unedited. At one point the main character straight up says “Sorry I’m not like the other girls, father.” and I had to put the book down for a solid two days. It was a fun hate-read, though, and I will be reading the follow up books illegally for free later this year~

The Bastard Prince by Patty Jansen and The Black Egg by James E. Wisher are both books in a collection of 9 dragon-themed books all for free on kindle, called “Dragons and Lore”. I think each of these books are part of their own seperate series, but the first are bundled together for free for people to sample and get interested in. Unfortunately for me, it didn’t work! The Bastard Prince is a unique story about a 50 year old woman working for royalty, but my god. The dragon doesn’t come into the picture until the very end. This book feels like nothing but gossip and eavesdropping, and it was a slog to get through. The black egg was MILES better, and reminded me heavily of How To Train Your Dragon, strangely enough (mostly because of character descriptions). I almost wanted to read more, but when I learned that the series was 9 books long, I quit on the spot. The Black Egg WAS more dragon focused, but the dragons weren’t the main focus, and I didn’t want to read a 9 book series were draogns were on the sidelines most of the time. There are still 7 books left in this collection, but honestly, I was getting burnt out by this point.

Okay. So, I love all things dragon-themed, but by this point in the year, I was starting to get burnt out on them due to all the trash I had read. I thought to myself “you know... gryphons are a cool mythical creature, too. How come I don’t see any books about them?” A couple of years back I bought Song of the Summer King, by Jess E. Owen (fun fact, it was the first kindle book I ever “bought”, because I could get it for free with the kindle download) and I loved it! I loved the prose and description of the world. I had always known there were at least two sequels, and I read all of Skyfire, Shard of Sun, and By the Silverwind within two weeks of each other. Definately a good series over all, though I feel Shard of Sun is the weakest in my opinion. (aaand not too impressed by how the major conflict is resolved in the last book by teaching the Big Bad what “love” is) Still! after I’ve given myself a break from the series, I’d love to read the 5th companion novel, The Starward Light, later this year! I just don’t want to read it too soon, because I know it will be good, and if everything else I read this year is trash, I want to save something I know I will enjoy when I can’t stand all the garbage anymore.

Eyrie by K. Vale Nagle is another gryphon book, but it is subpar compared to the Summer King Chronicles. The writing is very flat, and at NO point do characters get physical descriptions or hints at their thougths or feelings. There were some unique worldbuilding ideas, but over all this book was just plain boring. It was free, though, so luckily it only wasted my time and not money.

The Griffin’s Feather is a relatively new book by Cornilea Funke, and you may recognize her name, because she has written beloved books such as The Theif Lord, Inkheart, Inkspell, and my favorite, Dragonrider. Dragonrider was first published in 2004, and then, 13 years later without me ever even knowing, she wrote a sequel. And that sequel had griffins! The book was slower paced than Dragonrider, and there was waaaay too much of Twigleg’s perspective with no payoff, imo. (He spent the whole book thinking about/looking for a jenglot, but never found any) I wish firedrake was in the book more, and Skrii, a newly introduced griffin character, needed WAY more screen time. Fun Fact, In refreshing my memory for this little review, I learned that Cornelia Funke wrote ANOTHER book in her now-dragonrider series called The Aurelia Curse, and it’s only been out a few months. Maybe I’ll check that out later this year~

The last book I read this year was the classsic The Jungle Book, by Rudyard Kipling. I’d read excerpts of it in the past, (mainly rikki tikki tavi) but never the whole thing. It was enjoyable~ The one story with the elephant dance and the little kid felt kinda racist at points, but over all I’m glad I read the original story and now know more than just what the disney movies could tell me. I’m going to read Just So Stories later this year since I had a good time with this one.

WOW I SURE SPENT A LOT OF TIME TALKING ABOUT THE BOOKS I READ. Are you still there? Still reading? Thank you! I really appreciate it! Let’s move on to my other goals, shall we?

Finish the first draft of my 2019 NaNoWriMo project and rewrite it: I didn’t do this. Just straight up. After reading so many bad books this year, I got angry, and started plotting a new story instead, about things I WANTED to read about with dragons and gryphons and unicorns. Infact, it became my nanowrimo project for 2021, and I’m still working on that and enjoying it immensely~

Script TDV: Another thing I didn’t do. Parly because I got sidetracked with a new writing projet, and partly because I worked full time this entire year, and on my 2 days off each week, I focused more on my UT fan comic and fantasy novel instead. As for this year? Nah, this project is on perminant pause until either my current writing prject or fan comic is completed. THen maybe I can go back to thinking about game development.

Finish Scripting Ghost Switch: heh hhhhehhhh.... I didn’t do this either. I got the majority of waterfall planned out! And you might even be pleased to know it won’t be anywhere near as long as snowdin is! (maybe.. hopefully. The flash backs might end up making it just as long if not longerrrr...) I’m almost done with it though! It’s like... 4/5ths figured out. Then it’s just the hotland and new home arcs, and I’ll be done!... with the scripting... the making of the pages will still take me several years to finish *sobs in comic artist*

Build a comic buffer: I did this! It only lasted me about 2 months while I worked on a song comic and wrote some one shots! I wish it had been bigger, but any buffer I make allows me to work on other projects now and then. I’m building another one right now as you read this! Hopefully to last me a a couple months again! (But MAN, I wish I was proficient enough where I could post 2 pages EVERY week. We’d get done so much faster that way!)

Sew 1 Stuffed Animal: I did not do this for the same reason as last year. Hello delta and omicron variants. Please fuck off so I can go to the craft store again.

Finish 1 Song Comic: I DID THIS TOO! But the song comic I finished was one I completely didn’t expect to even start this year! The song comic in question was Wanderer’s Lullaby for the video game, Wandersong. Check it out HERE if you haven’t seen it yet!

Make anther enamel pin: I Didnt do this! Mostly because I was no longer having a life crisis, and partly because, while I have made a few sales of my other pins, they don’t sell frequently enough for me to justify making even more, and building up stock I may never sell back. Maybe in the future, but for now this goal is on pause as well~

Finish 2 Short Original Comics: I scripted one, but stopped at that. I probably won’t be doing much art that isn’t related to my fan comic for the forseeable future. Gotta save all my art motivation for the story. (I also kinda completely forgot this was a goal of my tbh)

Finish 5 one-shots: I only finished 3 one shots, and 2 of those three weren’t even planned, if you can believe it. I even started 2 of the 4 one shots I had originally planned, but they just weren’t coming out the way I wanted to, so I scrapped them, and will try to rewrite them again this year when I feel more inspired. (but hey, at if I never finish the oneshots, then in theory, there’s always more story to look forward to, because I’ll never be “done” which means a weak, but still very possible promise of more content for this ship!)

Aaaaand, that’s all I have to say about my goals from last year! Do I have any goals for 2022? Absolutely! I’ll list them next, but probably wong’t go into much detail on them. I’ve been typing this thing for over 2 hours non stop now and I would like to go to bed.

GOALS FOR 2022

Read 12 New Books on anything (1 book a month)

Finish and rewrite my 2021 NaNoWriMo project

Finish chapters 4 thorugh 8 of/and edit Clemency (2020 NaNoWriMo project)

Finish scripting the Waterfall Arc of Ghost Switch (and then maybe the Hotland Arc, but not the whole thing. I just know I can’t get that far yet)

Build a Comic Buffer for Ghost Switch

Reach 208 Pages of Ghost Switch by June 18th

Finish 1 Song Comic

Finish 4 one shots

Find a sulfate-free bodywash and hand soap.

Write that one crack fic.

I’m really tired and it’s almost 11pm at the time of writing this, so I’m not gonna go in depth about my goals for this year. But before I sign off, I’d like to just recap my year based on what I remember.  Ok? ok. Here we go.

FIRST OFF, the orical of Delphi thinks she’s reeeeeal fucking funny, hitting me with the baseball bat of prophecy last year. In my 2020 year review, which was posted on December 30th, one of the very last sentences I wrote was “why do I feel like shit is about to go down on inauguration day?” and then what happened exactly one wek later on January 6th 2021? HMMMM???? Coincedence? I! think! NOT!

Okay, now that that’s out of my system, I’d like to say that, for me, 2021 was the year of The GAMER! I bought... so many ps4 games and steam games. I’ve played so many new things that I now love and enjoy and reconnected with games I haven’t played in years. The Talos Principle, Untitled Goose Game, Wandersong, Hue, Abzu, and Unravel all for ps4, (as well as horizon zero dawn, and journey, which I haven’t played yet) Snakebird, the witness, typoman, chromagun, LINELIGHT, A short hike, carto, the first tree, and the ENTIRE humongous entertainment series of games for steam. I can honestly say I’ve played more games this year than I ever have in my life, and I’ve enjoyed every minute of every challenge.

I bought a lot of jigsaw puzzles this year, and have been doing them with my mom. we find we have to get the ones that are 2000 pieces or more or we just... finish them too fast. We’ve got puzzling down to a science, and they’re not really challenging when we can finish most puzzles in under 3 days. 

In addition to all the books I read above, I also reread the entire first WoF arc as well as darkstalker. the whole process only took me 5 days. I’m rereading the second arc now, but it’s a slog because I forgot how much I disliked darkstalker in this arc for being stupid, and how little I cared for the second arc characters accept for peril. 

Being an adult means trying new things. This year I decided to try to take better care of my hair, and I started by finding a new shampoo specifically for my hair texture and sensitivity. I found a really nice plant based shampoo that is sulfate free and it smells lovely. My scalp is slowly becoming less dry and itchy. Now I just need to do the same for body wash.

In a spur of nostalgia, I downloaded a Gameboy Color Emulator on my phone and have been replaying Pokemon yellow on it. I never beat the game as a kid because I was incompatent, but myabe this year I’ll try to nuzzelock it for shits and giggles. 

There is a very hig probablity I contracted corona virus this year, and didn’t know it. I got my booster early december, and just last week there was a confirmed case of it at my job. I had an itchy throat for a few days, but no other symptoms. Thank you face masks and vaccines!

Speaking of my job, I’m starting to get tired of it. There’s this one guy there who’s 5 years my junior but talks to me like I don’t know shit and it’s incredibly condescending. He’s trying to become a supervisor, and will likely succeed because he is the Owner’s grandson and the nepotism is rampent there, even though he self admits he is not emotionally or mentally stable. I will quit the minute he is put in a position of power over me because I will not tolerate even a second of his obnoxious man-splaining attitude. I will be sad to go when the time comes, but only because I wouldn’t get to see them crash and burn without me and I want to watch them struggle.

Spite can be good sometimes actually. It’s helped me stand up for better treatment of myself and a great motivator to boot. So do your worst to me 2022. I’ve conquored these last 29 years, and will gladly wrench my third decade from your unforgiving jaws. Bring it on. I’m ready for you.

[tundrainafrica]

Title: Lovebug (9/12)

Summary:  

“It might be a bug.”

“A bug?”

“Sometimes the developers of this application make mistakes. This is our first time meeting I’m sure so…Isn’t it a bit weird that we just met for the first time and it rings like this? And for two strangers to coincidentally ring each other’s alarms?“

Levi is the developer of the Love Alarm App and Hange is married to Zeke.

Link to cross-postings: AO3

Other Chapters: 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9

Notes: Sorry for taking my sweet time posting this. We had no wifi for a while, transpo issue and I was dead asleep as soon as I got home two nights in a row lmfao. 

Anyway, feedback is very much appreciated :D

Levi might have felt a little guilty about letting loose just that evening but his conservative mind was finding all the ways to justify it.

Maybe the justifications held some weight. After all, taking the midnight train out of the city wasn’t the strangest thing to do. Hange and Levi weren’t the only ones at the ticket gate then they weren’t the only ones waiting on the platform. On the train, Levi could count the number of empty seats more easily than the occupied ones.

He started to relax as soon as he settled on one of the seats. He convinced himself that in the end, he had been overreacting. There was nothing at all odd with rushing to her home then to his, packing two overnight bags and buying two last minute tickets to the northernmost station of their country.

To Pemberley. Levi didn’t have the time to load the book into his reader again. He instead downloaded the pdf file to his phone.

He had willed himself to make sense of the black on the bright white screen before deciding, it was too late at night to read. Instead he propped his elbows on the windowsill and leaned his chin on his hand. He snuck a glance at Hange who sat in front of him, leaning on the window in that same way.

A long day behind them, they were both exhausted. On the bright side, if Levi closed his eyes and let the train rock to whatever rhythm it was most comfortable with, he was sure that in a split second, they would have arrived at their destination.

Sleep could have lasted less than a second. Next thing Levi knew, he was fighting to open his eyes. The sun rose without warning, the only thing between them just an empty glass that did nothing to protect him from the first rays of morning.

Levi quickly adjusted his view, making sure he wasn’t directly staring at the sky like a while ago. He craned his head back, instead focusing on the rolling hills and the countryside.

It wasn’t the British countryside in the book. It didn’t seem at all like a Pemberley or a Rosings Park or Longbourn. Still, he delved into the passing green and foraged for whatever similarities his sleep muddled mind could come up with.

One thing Levi dared to note, despite his limited experience traveling, the view from an interregional highway, or an interregional train, the rolling hills that passed by, the clusters of trees that varied in density and the plains that dotted the view were all the same regardless of location. Despite the variety nature could offer, nature still had unifying characteristics. While at the same time, nature was distinct from everything non-nature.

And when it wasn’t unwillingly tamed, paved over, forced to coexist with concrete, buildings and humans, it was a sight to behold.

It was enough to take his breath away, enough to make him almost regretful that the train was moving too fast for him to stare for just a second longer at a changing landscape or canopies that blurred amongst one another.

Eventually, regret at not appreciating nature had him exhausted. He turned in front of him to see Hange’s eyes were fixed at whatever passing objects caught her eye outside the window. Her head bobbed, her eyes darted from left to right and her mouth was half open and she didn’t seem at all in a hurry to close them.

“I’m sure this isn’t your first time seeing this much nature,” Levi said, a humble start to light conversation.

Hange seemed comfortable going along with it. “It isn’t. We had the country club,” she said. There was a nonchalant look on her face as if she saw the ‘country club’ as more of a consolation.

Levi couldn’t help but agree. Golf courses were all green, the mini forests that lined the paths from the golf courses, to the beaches to the summer houses were all nature. Yet they were of a type of nature, trained not to bite any unsuspecting visitors.

When Levi leaned back on his chair, turning his head out of the window, he appreciated the raw green for a second longer. Then he concluded, there was novelty in seeing nature at its most candid form.

Hange spoke up. “You know, I haven’t been able to leave the city since we left the country club. And not traveling in months... This feels new.”

“But you’ve travelled before,” Levi responded.

“Of course I have,” Hange said. “Zeke would always take me out to the best gardens, the best parks, the best hiking trails… He knows I like nature.”

“So he took you to ‘Pemberley?’ Then to ‘Rosing Park then Longborn?” Most were likely fictional places but at that point, Hange may have had her own idea of what fictional was.

“No, not to my Pemberley,” Hange said, like it was the most unimportant thing in the world. “Never.”

“So this was supposed to be your first time going together?” Levi asked. He noted that they never did get to sit down and map the route to Hange’s dream destinations. Hell, he didn’t even know where they were.

He opened his phone, then the map of the northernmost region.

The capital of the northern region had city buses, a small subway system, nothing like what they had back home. Levi traced the blue and the green, pondering for himself which had the most rolling hills, the most ‘gardens.’ Obviously, over a very zoomed out map and a few hundred mile radius, it would be difficult to tell so he consulted Hange. “We could take an unlimited bus ticket… or a two day all you can ride train---”

“No. We rent a car,” Hange said.

“Wait, but if we don’t know the land--.” There were too many excuses he could have brought up. The excuse he was most hesitant to even fathom seemed most pressing then. Levi didn’t know how to drive.

Hange probably saw through it. “I’ll drive.” The cheeky grin on her face was enough of a hint, she was more than ready for adventure.

Levi closed the maps application and pocketed his phone. “So I’m assuming you’ll be doing the navigation.”

Hange only nodded, her smug smile getting wider by the second.

***

Hange surprisingly knew how to navigate the complexities of building an itinerary. What the hell she was doing, how the hell she was doing it and what the hell her plan was, Levi couldn’t be too sure.

Thirty minutes into arriving at the regional train station, they had rented a car and secured a pocket wifi. Thirty five minutes into it, Hange was pulling out of the station in a rented sedan.

The train station was situated in the middle of the city and in the car, Levi had to subdue the panic which came with going out of the city then seeing the scenery slowly shift from five story buildings to two story houses then finally to the peaceful green offered by the city outskirts. He wondered why they had even taken a train station to town if they were going back into countryside landscapes anyway.

“Do you know where we’re going?” Levi asked. Levi knew that Hange had been there once before. Just the idea that someone could actually easily navigate expressways and exits without a phone on the dock and a guide seemed almost unnerving.

“Ish,” Hange said, her eyes fixed straight ahead.

“We have wifi, we could use a maps application to navigate?” Levi never drove, he wouldn’t know but, it couldn’t hurt to be just a little more careful.

“Maybe later. I’ve been here more than enough times,” Hange said. They rode in silence for a minute or so more before she turned to him. “We’re gonna be on the road for a while and driving on the freeway gets boring.”

Levi glanced up at her questioningly.

Hange caught his eye “Tell me a story.”

“About what?”

“How was your date with Petra?” The question came out of nowhere and Hange had said it too casually and too abruptly and that had Levi choking on his own saliva.

He recovered quickly, clearing his throat. “Excuse me?”

“Your date with Petra? Didn’t you tell me you would be going on one?”

“I did,” Levi admitted. “Because you asked me to,” he added, a second later.

“I suggested it.” Hange clarified. “And how did it feel?”

“Good.” His response was automatic.

One hand on the steering wheel, Hange pulled her phone from her lap, unlocked it and turned on her modified emotions alarm. “Turn yours on.”

Levi only saw one reason why she’d do all that. “Why? You don’t trust me?”

“Well, you went through all the trouble of making the gift right? Let’s make use of it.”

Levi could have fought. He only needed five seconds to see reason in her order. Besides, if she turned hers on, it would turn out to be a fair trade. He turned on his phone scrolled through the home screens and opened the application.

“So how did it feel?” Hange asked. She set her phone on the stand and hovered one finger over the activate button.

“It felt good,” Levi willed himself to say it with the same conviction as a second ago, firm and straightforward but just a little shaky underneath.

Still too shaky to deceive his own application. A yellow spot just under the words ‘happy’ would have been nice. After all, ‘good’ was a word that generally implied that something was good, something made me happy. The alarm flashed with green and Levi had half the mind to fling his phone over the backseat of the car.

“Happy sad? Or sad happy?” Hange asked, there was a laugh in her voice.

Was she mocking me? It felt like a much better argument to quote her, mock her maybe. He glared at her. You told me love is a choice right? By some allusion, Levi attempted to put it all together. “I’m making the choice to say it was a good and productive date. We tried to pick out a good present for you.”

“And in the end, you decided to make an application,” Hange said. “Did Petra suggest anything?”

“Tea, a wallet, a pencil case…”

“I would have enjoyed those,” Hange said.

“It didn’t seem like that to me,” Levi admitted. He studied her features as he spoke.

Hange’s face was unchanging, her eyes still looking straight ahead. Levi was almost amazed she managed to keep some of her focus in conversation. Hange turned the car, swerving towards one exit.

Levi winced at the white that flashed in front of him for a split second. “How do you feel?” He asked.

“About what?”

“About the date?” He answered. Levi gave Hange a good once over, ending with her hand on the clutch. Her hand wasn’t shaking, but she held it like she was going to pull it out of its place any second now.

Hange paused. She had hovered her hand over the alarm but she never did activate it.

Levi subtly turned towards the phone then back at her. “Happy?” At that point, maybe a mischievous side of him had taken over. He wanted to provoke her.

Hange poked the active button on her phone, much harder than necessary, hard enough for Levi to wonder if it had reduced the phone’s lifespan by even just a year or so.

Her phone flashed once again with a purple dot.

Levi noticed her eyes widen for a second then a flash of pink flowered on her cheeks before she looked away. “Angry sad or sad angry?” He asked, deliberately mimicking Hange’s old tone of a while ago. It came out more of a growl than whatever naturally sing songy voice Hange managed everyday. Either way it had been a satisfying set of motions.

“Angry sad… Or maybe sad angry?” Hange murmured. Then she hummed for a second longer, the car slowed down with it and she turned back to him. “I feel...purple,” she said.

Purple isn’t a feeling. Levi glanced accusingly at her. Hange though wasn’t looking back at him. If she saw anything through her peripherals, she didn’t make it obvious.

With her own series of gestures, Hange had given one message. She didn’t want to be bothered.

Yet, she had asked him about Petra for a reason.

Levi couldn’t tell how much he saw was a trick of the light or a clear hint. Hange’s jaw had tightened, her eyes narrowed ahead. She didn’t talk much after the word ‘purple’ that softened to a whisper mid word.

For the first time, she wasn’t being completely transparent

Levi then felt less obligated to open up. “If you’re feeling purple, then I’m feeling green,” he said.

They didn’t talk for a while after that.

The car exited the main road to a road half its size. Although the car always rattled, it was particularly more obvious then and as Levi looked out the window and back at her, he realized that maybe it was because she was slowing down.

Slowing down, or maybe vacillating the best course of action.

“You okay?” he asked.

“I’m fine. Just trying to remember the way around here,” Hange said. She looked behind her, then forward again.

“What are we doing here?”

“I’m gonna use this birthday weekend of mine to take a trip down memory lane, reflect on stuff.”

“If that’s how you want to celebrate your birthday…” Levi checked his phone once more before pocketing it.

“Thanks for coming with me,” Hange said, her tone more serious. “Going on these types of treks, they really help. More than you probably think they do.”

Levi could at least try to understand it, if he just focused on how far apart the houses were, the notable manicured green of his surroundings and every single tree, flower, root and bush that just seemed to have a place. All acting prim and proper as if they were doing the gardens a favor.

There must be some appeal at least. “It’s quiet,” Levi noted as the car slowed to a stop to the side of the road.

“Most of the houses here aren’t occupied,” Hange answered. “Who actually wants to live in the middle of nowhere all year round.”

Levi turned around once, scanning his surroundings for a second longer. The houses were too far apart, he counted five just by doing a 360 but he knew if he squinted and took in the other shapes far past the downhill slope he could count more. “From the looks of the houses here, rich people,” Levi said.

“During the summer maybe or during the winter vacation. Every other time of the year most people will stay out in the city so they’re nearer to work,” Hange said. “Zeke owns this house.” She didn't have to point far, Hange only had to casually brush her thumb over to her side for Levi to follow her gaze.

Of course Zeke would own one. When Levi looked behind him again, then looked to the far left and the far right, he had to admit Zeke had one of the grandest ones, a wide two story mansion situated at the top of a hill.

“This is my Rosings Park,” Hange said. She walked towards the small pedestrian gate, pulled a key from her pocket and with a quick flick of movements--- as if she had done it so many times before--- she unlocked then pushed the metal gate open with a creak.

The view behind the black bars was only more beautiful. They climbed the hill and slowly but surely, Levi was getting a much better view of the house on top. He noted that the house gleamed with a type of beauty that could take one’s breath away. He had been a little self conscious though and he found himself willing his mouth shut, letting his breaths come out with a more rehearsed rhythm.

“Did you ever continue the book?” Hange asked, her eyes fixed ahead.

It was easy to tell which book she had been talking about. “Since you spoiled me? No,” he admitted.

“Then I don’t think you’ve read far enough into the book if you still think Elizabeth ended up with Mr. Wickham,” Hange said. “You probably won’t appreciate Rosings park then.”

“You still remember…” Levi could have sworn it had been months since he told her about the book.

“The book means a lot to me,” Hange said. Her words were a bit more careful that time, but she was starting to climb the hill, a little faster as if whatever scenes were running through her head then had injected in her, enough energy for adventure.

Levi brushed away a rush of guilt and he followed behind her. “Go spoil,” he said. I’m sorry about being angry. He didn’t say those last two words, awe, exhaustion or maybe a combination of both had him opting to stay quiet. Maybe he chose to reflect and as he followed behind, he started to wonder why he had been angry about her spoiling in the first place.

Hange seemed surprisingly eager to spoil him. The first words out of her mouth came out unimpeded. “Rosings Park is where Mr. Darcy first proposed to Elizabeth.”

First proposed. “So she rejected him?” Levi asked.

Hange turned back to him and nodded, a strange smile on her face. “And why do you think Elizabeth would reject Mr. Darcy?”

“He was an asshole right?”

“According to Elizabeth that is…” Hange looked at him expectantly but Levi for the life of him couldn’t tell what she wanted. She didn’t give him time to answer. She ran straight ahead towards the side of the house.

Levi was left with no choice but to follow. After all, the grounds were much larger than Levi had expected. From his view at the bottom of the hill, the house had seemed small, only composed of the front porch. As Hange went behind the house, disappearing in the corner, Levi started to suspect that the summer house was larger.

Consequently, Levi was occupying himself over the wealth of Zeke.

Again. The view didn’t do anything to help. The corner opened up to manicured gardens, clean cut hedges and flowers that could have been arranged by some invisible hand. Or maybe they were arranged artificially. It probably wasn’t beyond Zeke and his money to find ways to grow flowers so they were evenly spaced, further accentuating the fiery orange and bright red on the simple green.

Hange followed the stone path that lined the large house, slowly balancing on the pebbled line that cut between the cobbled stone path like it was a tightrope. She had the balance, maybe the eagerness to look straight ahead, and Levi couldn't really follow her gaze or be certain of where she was staring.

She didn’t look particularly entranced at anything as if she had seen it so many times before.

“This is one of Jaeger summer houses,” Hange said. She stopped by the fork of the path, one side circled the house, the other went straight into the garden. “He has others all over the country, others abroad. Too many to count and I don’t even think I’ve been to all of them.”

“Okay.” Levi had felt pressured to say something. As the awkward silence dragged on, Levi realized that might have not been the best thing to say.

What else was there to say though?

Wow the garden is so nice. It seemed like an appropriate thing to say but it didn’t feel like something he would have liked to admit to Hange.

Wow your husband is so rich. What else would that do but reiterate what Levi already knew?

Wow, I wish I was your husband. That last one felt like a mind fart. Something that had seemed natural to think but as Levi pondered it for a second longer, he realized just thinking that exact phrase seemed all the more inappropriate.

“Does it seem artificial?” Hange asked.

“Yes, it does.” That answer came out easier definitely, especially when it wasn’t a begrudging compliment. Especially when in the back of his mind, he could remind himself, those weren’t his words, those were Hange’s.

Hange continued to indulge him. “Gaudy?”

“Very tacky, incredibly tacky.” Maybe those words had seemed more for him than for anyone else. A hint of guilt settled at his chest but then he remembered, the Jaeger family had more than enough money. He could spare a few unkind words. He looked at Hange, trying his best, to keep his eyes away from the garden in front of him, before he started to doubt the reliability of his own words.

Despite the ‘gaudiness,’ Hange walked ahead, following the stony path and Levi followed behind. Beyond the shiny manicured hedges were benches, a gazebo and Hange sat one of the ones closest to the top, just before the steep incline fell. It was a good vantage point for a comprehensive view of the garden.

At the highest point, the green expanded in all directions. He could pick out how the sun kissed the lawn, the trees and how they shone with something seemingly unnatural. The more Levi stared, the more easily it became to pick out what gaudiness Hange had been talking about.

With his eyes looking out for the right glimmers, he soon figured for himself, they shone like plastic. It soon became apparent to Levi, there was something artificial and tacky about manicured lawns, well trimmed hedges and carefully positioned flowers. The guilt assuaged and Levi felt all the more confident to look back at Hange. “Why do you like it here then?”

“It’s still Rosings park to me,” Hange said matter-of-factly.

“And what’s so special about Mr. Darcy’s first proposal?”

“Read the book,” Hange said as if that were the easiest thing to do then.

The book was loaded into his phone. It was just a few clicks away, reading was an entirely different process and Levi found it tempting to overlook that order---or that friendly suggestion altogether.

“Just spoil me. You spoiled me already before,” Levi said.

“Mr. Darcy first proposed here.”

You said that already. “And? What’s so special about that?”

Hange didn't reply to him immediately. For a long few seconds, she stared at nothing in particular then turned to him, a defiant look on her face. “You know, you remind me of Mister Darcy.” A backhanded insult maybe, enough to have Levi looking away as blood rushed to his face.

Anger, it was definitely anger. “How do I remind you of Mister Darcy?” Levi challenged.

“Read---”

“Don’t.” Levi looked away.. “Tell me to read the book.”

“And there you are again.” Hange waved one hand at him, as if making a point.

A point Levi could only grip weakly. “You think I’m an asshole?” One realization dawned on him, maybe he had been pressing a little too much at her points.

“Not an asshole. A well intentioned man with a very abrasive manner of speaking.”

“Abrasive?” Levi asked. When he realized he put a little too much lip into the ‘br’ and too much throat into that last last syllable that Hange might have just been right, but only just. “What makes you think I’m abrasive?” He added, a second later, just making his manner of saying the word ‘abrasive,’ softer and tamer.

Hange looked pointedly at him. She stood up, right in front of the gazebo. And she stood there for a second longer, as if she expected him to follow.

It was awkward to sit alone on a bench, in a garden he wasn’t familiar with, especially when the partner of the owner was standing seemingly uncomfortable by the gazebo. He stood up and walked towards her.

“Was I at least tolerable?” Hange asked with a very distinct tone, a hint of a mock accent in her voice.

Tolerable, but not handsome enough to tempt me. For some reason, those words had stuck with him. “Why the hell are you citing the book?”

“Oh, so you noticed. I wanna play a bit,” Hange said.

“Play what?”

“Just play a bit with the man who reminds me so much of Mister Darcy,” Hange said. The insult still poked at Levi at his most irritable and he was tempted to walk away.

Hange put one hand out and the most natural movement was to look back. “What do you want?” Levi asked. Two parts of him were grappling for control, one with the intention to walk away and one tempted to take her hand. “Why are you putting your hand out?”

She’s married. She’s married. She’s married.

“May I have this dance?” Hange asked.

No, you cannot dance with a married person. People go to balls because they’re single. His conscience wasn’t screaming but it had grumbled it with utmost authority.

Holding hands was off limits. Holding hands with a married person in one of the summer houses of her billionaire husband was very much off limits. What the hell was Hange thinking? His head started to spin, there was a hitch of breath and Levi didn’t even think confusion could have sent a prickle in his eyes.

The hand quickly disappeared from in front of him. Levi looked up to see Hange had pulled that hand back and it fell to her side. Still, Hange was moving it, as if it was still very much fair game. “See, you’re a softie at heart,” she said.

“What are you trying to prove?” Levi asked.

“That you’re like Mr. Darcy?” Hange was getting more and more smug. “Mr. Darcy didn’t wanna dance either.”

“We’re not in a ball,” Levi said, blood rushing to his cheeks. Suddenly everything seemed like an insult. Darcy was an asshole yet a big softie. Two descriptions on two different ends of the spectrum. Levi started to reflect. Which description was more insulting?

Hange leaned back on the gazebo. ”Let me enjoy this, I met a guy who reminds me of mister Darcy. Then when we first met, I thought you hated me, if not hated me, I thought you just hated the world,” she said.

"How can you assume that from our first meeting?" Levi asked.

Hange sighed. "You sat too far away from me, you acted like my being there was an inconvenience and you weren't too happy to be answering all my questions."

"I was being professional."

"I have met sales people nicer than that."

Levi wasn’t a salesman. That much, he could admit. "And just because I was a little abrasive, you'll assume I hate you?"

"What can I say, that's my prejudice," Hange said. She didn't look like she would have bothered to hear much about his explanation.

"And what are you going to say now? My own abrasiveness is pride?" Levi challenged. Really, he was in no mood for a challenge then, a challenge he didn’t himself understand. He sighed and turned back to the bench. From the mischievous glint in Hange’s eyes, it was obvious there were way more things he still didn’t understand. “Give me time to finish the book,” he said.

He stretched his legs out, unlocked his phone and opened the ebook file.

He didn't remember the last words where he stopped but he did remember one particular passage that seemed a little bolder, the ink darker particularly on the bright white of his phone screen.

You could not make me happy, and I am convinced that I am the last woman in the world who could make you so.

Then comprehension came quickly after that. Levi scanned through the next page, until reaching a point where he knew there was new information.

Back to that asshole Darcy. At that point, Levi was in less of a mood to reflect. Hange had called him Darcy, he still considered that one character to be a total asshole and he found himself torn between denying and accepting his sad fate.

Hange continued to move, a flicker at his peripherals. He felt it clearly, she sat beside him again. He heard the click as she unlocked her phone. Then the all too familiar sound as the love alarm activated. Love alarm or Emotion alarm?

Levi cursed himself for reusing that damn sound. He glanced quickly, just to search for some flash in the color. He couldn't really tell the contents of her phone from his angle. And when he had gathered up the courage to look, Hange had already pocketed it.

“Peaceful isn’t it?” Hange started.

“How do you feel today?” Levi asked. He kept his voice disconnected, not looking at all at Hange.

“Happy,” she said.

Levi had turned on his own application almost surreptitiously, making the conscious effort to silence it just a second ago.

The alarm flashed before him again. A very familiar yellow, with the words happy on top.

“Good for you then,” Levi finally responded.

He made another conscious effort, a quick sanity check, just to make sure the smile wasn’t apparent in his tone.

The house wasn't empty.

As Levi soon found out as they made their way back out to the gate, there were housekeepers, gardeners. And they seemed fond of Hange, fond enough to even remember her birthday. Some had even been friendly enough to ask who the man with her was.

Friendly. Or suspicious. For a while longer, Levi was self conscious.

But there was nothing to hide. He and Hange after all had just gotten friendly over the months.

“This is Levi, he’s a developer helping me work on my PhD,” Hange explained it like it was just the truth.. “And I thought I’d show him around the estate. If you don’t mind…” And it was the stone cold truth and as she spoke, Levi couldn’t help but be fascinated at how feelings of sadness, guilt and relief mixed so easily together inside him.

The housekeeper shook her head. “No, we don’t mind at all. Do you two need lodging? We could prepare---”

Hange put her hands up in front of her. “No, that would be too much. We’re only here for the night and I think I wanna go further up north.”

“Just like last time?” Worry flashed across the housekeeper’s face for just a second. “You know it gets dangerous nearer to the mountains…”

“We’ll only be there for a while, just long enough to see it again. And we’ll be careful about it.” Hange looked like she was saying too much. But she always talked so it shouldn’t have been such an odd thing to think. Maybe because Hange spoke with a little more tension, her words came out of her much faster, sometimes stilted and Levi found himself staring, then avoided her gaze as he realized he couldn’t even control what he was feeling.

The quick exchange eventually ended and he was following Hange out of the house. Her strides were much harder to keep up with.

“Sorry about that,” Hange said. “I get nervous when I visit the Jaeger estate alone.”

“You’re married to Zeke, you have every right to be there.”

“I married Zeke, not his money. I don’t wanna play the partner that just suddenly enjoys all the richest and powers of my husband. That’s why I didn’t even take his name. I’m not a gold digger. I’m not a Jaeger, we just so happened to get married.” She got into the car and closed the door with a louder slam than usual.” I’d feel much better staying over if Zeke was with me.”

“You didn’t have to take me here either if you were uncomfortable.”

“I wanted to show you my Rosing Park,” Hange said. She placed her hand on the clutch and started the car. “And next, we go to ‘Pemberley.’ It’s a few hours away from here so buckle up.”

The car pulled out from the driveway and soon they were out on the road again.

A few minutes of silence later, Levi started to get a little restless. “This book really means a lot to you huh?” He asked.

Hange nodded then she was quiet for a while longer and Levi thought it proper to just let her navigate her way through. The car continued to whirr and if Levi looked closely, he even noticed his body was shaking with it. If he read for a while longer, he could end up with his head spinning and his eyes crossing. He increased the font size and willed himself to read again.

“You know,” Hange’s voice was ringing in the silence and it pulled him out of his semi concentrated state.

Levi looked up at her, and just behind her, he saw they arrived back in the free way.

Hange continued. “One thing about Pride and Prejudice, the author doesn’t spend too much time talking about how the landscapes look like. The appearance of the houses and gardens are up for interpretation.”

Levi recalled, Hange was a very inquisitive person. Enough to hyperfixate on landscape? He was doubting. “Then why did you imagine Zeke’s manor as Rosings?” He asked.

Hange shrugged. “If you read the book, you’d see, it was the home of Lady Catherine, an incredibly tacky place and if you remember the gardens behind the house, they’re very green but they seem…. Artificial? Rehearsed?” She gave a pained look.

“Then why do you care enough to look at them if you hate the gardens that much?”

Hange shook her head. “I don’t hate them but the novel, it made me reflect on a lot of things and sometimes, when I allow myself to look at the landscapes, I’m able to think about what happened in the book, and about love and---”

“So Mr. Darcy proposed to Elizabeth,” Levi interrupted. “Then what happened?”

“She turned him down,” Hange said.

“Why?”

“To put it simply, because she thought Darcy was an asshole.”

“It’s only natural that people wouldn’t want to marry an asshole right?” Levi asked. “Books should be teaching those types of things.”

Hange spared him a long glare. “Well, here’s the thing. Mr. Darcy isn’t an asshole. He’s misunderstood.”

“And what do romance novels do but romanticize every single ‘misunderstood’ man.”

Hange hummed and stared back again at the front. The car continued to move at a steady pace. A long pause followed. Then she spoke up again. “What if I told you Pride and Prejudice is not really a romance?”

“When it follows a couple and the development of a relationship, I think it counts.”

Hange patted the steering wheel. “Well sure, the novel tackles love and marriage but the approach is… cold, calculating. If you notice, they spend more time discussing money, properties, duty. It takes into account money, status, upbringing… so it seems more like a social commentary to me. ”

You could not make me happy, and I am convinced that I am the last woman in the world who could make you so.

“Then how did this book shape your idea of love?” Levi asked.

Hange put her finger to her chin. She had a far off look. “I like the idea of approaching love as something to calculate and to think about. Like Elizabeth and Darcy, they explored it, they thought long and hard about it..”

“Oh?” Levi asked, one eyebrow raised. “Is this where your ‘love is a choice’ schtick comes from?”

Hange bit her lip. “Not just that definitely. There’s a lot to learn about being hasty, about having to think long and deep about love and marriage. They didn’t fall in love at first, they were prideful. They had their prejudices but they made it work… And I thought to myself, maybe these are what love and marriage are? Maybe they're calculating like a science, maybe we should consider everything from reputation, money, family and convenience when we deal with something like love and marriage and it’s okay to approach life that way.”

For some reason, that tirade only made Levi heavier and heavier the more he continued. "The main character… she turned down Mr. Collins proposal and that was because she didn't love him right? Emotions play a part too," Levi said.

"I'm not denying it," Hange said. "But ask yourself, how much of a part are emotions supposed to play?"

That question, Levi couldn't answer. Somehow, that should have been something someone a little more experienced like Hange should have answered for him. Instead, she kept quiet, her eyes looking straight ahead, but she blinked a little faster the next few times as if she was struggling with something he couldn't see.

It could have been uncharacteristic. It was an odd set of emotions to play with but Levi was suddenly more and more compelled to break the silence himself. With nothing much else to say, he let his emotions speak for him. "If I were a little cold before, I didn't mean that."

"No offense taken," Hange grinned at him knowingly. "You seem tense." She was studying him for that glimmer of a second before she started to fiddle with her phone with her free hand. "I have the audiobook for Pride and Prejudice. You wanna listen?"

***

"They gradually ascended for half a mile, and then found themselves at the top of a considerable eminence, where the wood ceased, and the eye was instantly caught by Pemberley House, situated on the opposite side of a valley, into which the road with some abruptness wound.

"This is supposed to be my Pemberley," Hange said. She had been hyping it up since a while ago that it seemed almost anticlimactic then. With the tone Hange was giving, he was sure she had been a little disappointed too. "Believe me, it looks nicer on good days," she added.

It had been a good day until a while ago. He could have sworn the sky had been blue for at least half the trip. Grey clouds were a strange things, part of the clouds were grey from afar but never looked too menacing until they was looming directly above them. Only when it was nearer did it have the tendency to just blanket everything in a very dull and unbearable grey.

Any color would look grey with the right level of dimness. He wondered for a while longer why Hange was still continuing the trek. The longer they walked, the farther they got from the car.

Levi’s worry, his nervousness only increased threefold, fourfold then he lost count. After all, they had stopped on what could have been the middle of nowhere. He couldn't tell where they were. Any inkling of sense laid out in front of them was in the form of a dirt road, just stretched out from the freeway with no buildings for miles, no pit stops.

And if it actually started to rain? Levi imagined it for a second before shaking his head. He tried to focus on other things like the ease of walking, his manageable energy levels.

The meagre late lunch of a drive-through burger meal was more than enough for a quick hike. Levi found himself pondering whether energy should have even been expended for something so grey.

The color grey just didn't seem worth the hike to see. "Why are we here?" Levi asked.

"Let's just stay long enough to climb the hill." Hange seemed persistent. Her back was on him and he couldn't tell the face she was making then. “It might look better on the other side.”

They were near enough at least that Levi had to crane his neck to see the top and he consoled himself. Maybe it was worth the hike. Maybe Hange was more privy to weather patterns and she at least calculated the quick hike and the awe that it would be worth.

Then Levi reminded himself, it was her birthday. Whether it did leave him as in awe as she was was irrelevant. That was a consolation Hange afforded herself. He was merely a companion. There should be things to get out of the conversation at least. “Tell me about your Pemberley,” Levi said.

“You’re gonna continue reading right? Do you really want to know?” Hange asked, seeming suddenly careful with her words.

After spoiling me the rest of the way? Levi would have wanted to ask.

“You seemed invested,” Hange said. It was a sufficient answer to his silent question. “I’d rather you read it on your own. Especially the part about Pemberley and the scene in Rosing’s.”

“Why? After spoiling me this much?” His abrasiveness, the irritation had made his legs lighten under him and he moved a little faster catching up to Hange.

Hange seemed concentrated, looking ahead, not hesitating even as the incline presented itself right in front of them. It was getting steeper and Levi felt it as an ache in his legs as he climbed but Hange, admirably or begrudgingly, seemed unfazed

Levi was a few inches shorter and maybe he was at a disadvantage. He didn’t have the same investment either but he stepped forward, going at the steeper incline with wider strides while maintaining speed. He looked to Hange who was right next to him. She continued to look ahead, she craned her head back, her hastily tied hair fell behind her and she was whispering something.

If Hange hadn’t seemed hypnotized yet disturbed, if the fat cold droplets didn’t settle on his arms, getting stronger and more numerous by the second, maybe he would have let her climb and climb. He would have obediently followed behind.

It had been everything at once. Maybe confusion at everything had been that one final nail on the coffin. Irritation welled quickly, then anger. Hange hadn’t been speaking in any straightforward manner for a while already so he forced it out of her.

“Why the hell does Pemberley mean so much to you?” Levi raised his voice. Just in case that hadn’t been enough, hell, that had actually been enough, he pulled her from behind.

The rain accumulated on the dirt road quickly and when Hange turned to answer, she fell backward rapidly. Right on top of him.

It was a quick and terrifying sequence or movements, Levi found himself sandwiched, Hange in front of him, his behind buried in mud and dirt, blades of grass were brushing heavily past him. But he didn't stop.

They didn't stop. Gravity had them moving down, naturally quickly and violently down the steep incline and Levi could only be thankful that the grass had been kind, absent of anything that could have snagged at any part them.

A few long seconds later, by some miracle, they were unharmed, still very much alive.

It didn’t change the fact that at the bottom, they were both fucking dirty. And he was a little--- scratch that--- very rattled. And Hange was on top of him, her hair clung close to her, her glasses had fallen to her mouth and she seemed just a little disconcerted.

Hange pushed herself up. “I’m sorry, are you okay?” She put one hand on his cheek, one filthy hand.

Instinctively, Levi pushed it away. She was disgusting. They were both disgusting. He could taste a hint of dirt at his lips and he closed his nose and shut his mouth before he could taste anymore.

It was disgusting. And in that state, he was recalling how pleasant almost drowning seemed when he was covered in mud, the rain only continued to pour. He would rather have been drinking salt water then.

When he noticed that a minute passed under the rain, he started to observe then search for signs on how Hange might have been feeling. They had left their phones in the car. He was thankful they weren’t casualties but he was a little regretful that he couldn’t read her then.

Purple. He made a guess. That was the only reading she had given then. Sad angry? Or angry sad?

But when he looked for sadness, angriness, he saw it in those wide eyes in the red just under her eyes. Or he could have been projecting. It could have also been a placebo affect.

"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have. I got so fucking worked up over this. Let's go back." Hange's voice was stilted, alarmingly cold.

"You've done this before right?"

The rain wasn't stopping anytime soon. In fact, it came down hard and Levi could have felt like he was drowning again.

The storm had proven to be a worse adversary. The wind was almost as menacing as waves.

He struggled to his feet. Hange had held out her hand, wrapped one arm around his shoulder and standing up became a small feat.

"Hey, are you okay?" Hange asked again, her voice a whisper that brushed at his neck. She was close enough to even overwhelm the pouring rain just outside their small bubble.

He hadn't answered her earlier. He didn't even know how she had been able to get the message to him in spite of the wind blowing at their face, the thunder and the patter of the rain on the dirt road.

When they were close enough, shoulders and arms touching, her lips almost brushing against his ear. He thought it close enough that she would probably hear if he whispered. Maybe it was worth just opening his mouth to speak. Two words or maybe four. Just long enough so she won’t have to speak again the whole trek back to the car.

“Let’s just go back.”

***

Adrenaline, exhaustion and the shaken state eventually gave way to irritation once again.

It was a slow process but Hange was silent. She had been driving much slower and with the peace, the slow rhythm of the whirring of the car, Levi had time and space to contemplate.

Levi was contemplating the expenses of cleaning a rented car. When the mud started to dry and harden, when they caked at his skin, they only aggravated the at first, silent irritation. It was silent but it was irritating altogether. He angrily wiped his hands on the dashboard of the car, and reached for his phone next to the clutch.

“Levi, I can pay for cleaning up the car," Hange said.

Levi kept quiet. For one, he didn’t want to entertain the idea of making her pay for all of it. A part of him though, the stingy part, would have rather she did.

“Levi, are you angry at me?” Hange asked a minute later.

And that phrase always had that magic of making most people angrier than they were already. Levi was no exception.

Still, he did try to be just a little nicer. “You’re driving aimlessly on the road. We’re a mess in the car. We’re both covered in mud, my legs and my arms hurt. Hange, think.”

“Think?”

“Who wouldn’t be at least a little angry?” His tone betrayed his words. Hange had been responding in questions since a while ago and it only served to further aggravate it.

“I told you, I’m sorry.” She did say 'sorry' a while ago but he wasn't in the mood to accept it then. So it slipped his mind.

“Well, finally you’re being more direct but you know, it would have been helpful if you’ve been more open since a while ago.”

“More open about what?”

Levi smacked his hand on the dashboard. “There you are again, you ask questions but you never fucking answer. And if you answer you’re fucking vague, or you fucking digress.”

“Any... question you wanna ask?” Hange asked hesitantly.

“Why does Pemberley mean so much to you? Why does this damn book mean so much to you? You’re a scientist, a researcher. Why are you getting so worked up over a fucking social commentary?”

Hange gave him a wounded look, and she stared for a long time. Levi only noticed then, that that had been the longest stare she had been giving him in a while. The fiasco of a while ago was enough of an evidence that Hange did get worked up over it and Levi held it like a memento, just in case Hange decided to play oblivious.

She didn’t. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I got emotional.” But she still wasn’t answering questions.

“Why does Pemberley mean so much to you?” Levi asked again. He kept this voice hard, stone cold and firm. He enunciated every syllable and every word like they were separate from one another.

Hange avoided his gaze. “Well, I really like the relationship between Elizabeth and Darcy---”

“Why do you like it so much?”

“It’s because I would have wanted the same for myself---”

“Would have?” And Levi caught it, two words that had hovered in the air for a second.

Hange clamped her mouth shut.

“Would have?” Levi repeated again in the silence. And the irritation, the discomfort and the fury from being caked from head to toe with semi dried mud had somehow been released with two words.

“I have the same for myself,” Hange clarified.

“Would?”

“It’s a slip of the tongue,” Hange said. She didn’t look back and it didn’t look like she would be prodding that topic anymore.

So Levi brought up another question. “What about Elizabeth and Darcy’s relationship do you like?”

“It’s... “ Hange was hesitating. “It’s in the small details…” She seemed more concentrated on the road ahead of her.

“Go on.” Levi gripped on the seat cushion underneath him. Somehow, the car was starting to move in time to the patter of the rain.

“You might even think I’m crazy for looking at them…” Hange continued.

“But…” Levi turned to Hange, he looked closely as her lips parted as if she was about to say something.

Then her voice filled the cramped space inside the car for only a split second, before the squeak of tires, the spray of water and the burst of sensations that came with the dizzying experience of his body lurching forward in his seat.

For a second, Levi could have sworn he was dead.

***

They weren’t the only ones who decided to call it a day. It turned out there were numerous people who had been wandering around that side of the country and it looked like that particular motel had been the only one for miles around.

The first warning should have been the fact that it had taken Levi and Hange minutes to navigate a pretty small parking lot, just to find a place to fit the car. The second warning should have been the amount of lit up windows.

At that point, they were both exhausted and Levi had focused too clearly on the ‘open’ sign.

Open 24 hours.

So he didn’t waste any time. Hange didn’t either. It was cold, it was raining and Levi could forget that it was too early in September for him to have been shivering, for white fog to be accompanying his shuddering breath.

It was his first time up north, autumn came much earlier. That didn’t stop him from grumbling silently about why autumn rains had to be so cruel.

It was barely even autumn. Shitting on the weather proved to be an adequate consolation for their very uncomfortable state.

Hange seemed unsure and maybe she had heard his grumbles, maybe she had assumed it was about her. “I’ll check if they have any rooms,” Hange said, an apologetic smile on her face. She looked down towards his elbow. “And I’ll ask for a first aid kit, so we could do something about that.”

His body had been a conglomeration of discomforts since a while ago and the bleeding scrape on his elbow had been a terrible surprise. Not so terrible actually as he looked closer, he barely even felt it.

Before he could stop her, Hange had went ahead to the reception, covered in mud and all. Levi was grateful at least that they both had cleaned their shoes on the way in. The headache would be left to whoever would be cleaning their car.

The man at the counter was apologetic, a little too nice and he spoke to Hange like he was talking to some higher figure. It was a simple back and forth.

They were guests, he worked in hospitality. It was a natural exchange.

Maybe Levi had just been a little perceptive because everyone seemed to approach Hange with some unique form of respect. After a brief back and forth, Hange turned back to Levi, a flash of uncertainty on her face.

Just a flash. Before Levi could perceive more, it disappeared.

Levi still saw that as a cue to follow behind. “What?”

“So there is only one room left, towards the back...” Hange started.

“Apologies about this…” The receptionist bowed his head. “The roads get slippery… And it’s dangerous to go out so many people….” He was babbling at that point and all Levi wanted him to do was get to the point.

Hange let out a sigh then dropped her credit card on the table. “We’ll take it.”

“You managed to get a room, why is he apologizing?” Levi asked, turning to the comparably more coherent Hange Zoe.

“Well, there’s only one room left,” Hange responded.

“And?”

“There’s only one bed.” Hange had said that part with a straight face. She huffed and put one muddy finger up in front of him. “But you know, I really think we can make this work...” 

[httpjeon]

MINE FOR TODAY — KSJ (M.)

synopsis. as part of a special valentines day sale, you make a bid in hopes to get a special discounted date with one of the dreamy bachelors of club ardor. you decide to choose The Romantic. 

pairing. seokjin/reader genre. angst, fluff, smut au. fake dating!au, date-for-hire!au wordcount. 6,171 contents. sad!seokjin, lonely!seokjin, light pining, teasing, protected sex, breast play, fingering, size kink (?), scratching, overstimulation, doggy style, pet names, light aftercare note. seokjins was by far the hardest to write. i have such a difficult time writing him ): i apologize, i did my best for him!

— club ardor masterlist.

© httpjeon 2020. do not repost, modify, or translate.

Your phone let out a startling ding, making you jump as you hadn't realized you'd forgotten to silence it. Taking a look around your cubicle, you made sure no one had noticed before you pulled it out and went to put in do not disturb mode. Before you did, however, the preview notification caught your attention.

"CLUB ARDOR VALENTINES DAY SPECIAL: See Inside for Details."

As you were about to unlock your phone to take a look, you heard the light clicks of your boss's heels coming towards you. You quickly slid your phone back into your drawer and turned your attention to your screen, feigning reading something.

Her footsteps paused outside of your cubicle before she called your name. You spun around in your chair to meet her gaze curiously.

"I really need those expense reports within the next hour, can you do that?" she asked.

"Oh yeah," you nodded, turning around once again to face your desk, "I'm actually almost done, I can probably have them on your desk in 30 minutes."

"That's perfect," she smiled, "Thank you."

You returned her smile and let out a sigh once you heard her footsteps disappear. Shaking your head, you let yourself become absorbed in your work once again -- forgetting about that email you'd received.

You caught a taxi to head home, not feeling like walking even though your apartment was only 5 minutes away. Your feet were aching and you just desperately wanted to take a shower and eat dinner as you'd accidentally missed your lunch break by working through it.

It wasn't the first time you'd considered yourself a bit too much of a workaholic.

It was nearing 11PM by the time you finally were able to settle down on the couch. Your hair was freshly washed and you were wrapped in a soft bathrobe with a nice face mask.

Reclining as the TV played in the background, you unlocked your phone to check after spending most of the day without. You responded to texts and checked your social media before suddenly remembered the email you had received earlier.

"CLUB ARDOR VALENTINES DAY SPECIAL: See Inside for Details."

It sat at the top of your emails and when you opened it, you were greeted with an image similar to a party invite. In pretty, cursive font it was written; "Once in a lifetime chance to meet the man of your dreams!"

There was a link beneath it that you clicked, causing it to open a new Safari page. The search bar indicated it had taken you to clubardor.com. It wasn't the first time you'd been on the website.

You heard of it's grand opening half a year ago and went to check it out. Unfortunately, you discovered that even the most basic package was 2 grand for 12 hours. The deluxe had a price that nearly sent you into cardiac arrest.

In the end, you just signed up for newsletters and things to be sent by email.

It seemed it paid off, as you found yourself on a page detailing a Valentine's special.

For the entire month of February, they were hosting a giveaway. According to each Date's schedule, a lucky woman would be chosen from a lottery to get a date with them for just $500 instead of $2,000. The insane discount had your jaw dropping.

You weren't embarrassed to admit that you were curious about the date-for-hire service. Biting your lip, you decided to throw your hat into the ring and place a bid on the special.

"Full money-back guarantee if you're not chosen!" was written in bold letters above the credit card input.

You had no worry about being scammed, Club Ardor had risen to the top in terms of dating services in the country -- after just 6 months of activity and just 7 bachelors available. They had an excellent reputation and were known for having an extremely high-class clientele.

With your lip caught between your teeth, an excited smile on your face, you put your payment information in and hit 'Enter'.

"Thank you for your bid! Please keep an eye on your email within the next week to determine if you've been chosen! Your lottery number is 1-241-994."

You opened up your note app and typed down the number on a blank note for safe keeping.

Returning to the website, you began to do some digging into each of the men available to hire. While their pictures weren't viewable -- for safety reasons, you supposed, there was plenty of information about them.

"Each Date has full control over creating his own scene. Location, dynamic, and length of time will vary. Please speak to your Date for more information on his plans to be sure you have allotted the correct time-frame. Abide by rules and limits he sets."

You flicked through the profiles of each man, eying their listed physical and emotional qualities.

That night, you went to sleep with excitement stirring in your heart.

Somehow, you managed to work through a couple days and ended up forgetting about even signing up for it. You were working so hard to get a promotion so you could escape the shitty cubicle that somehow spending $500 completely slipped your mind.

At least, that was until you were eating a bowl of cereal at nearly 3 in the morning on a Friday night -- 6 days after you had signed up, and your phone pinged with the alert of an email. Holding the spoon in your mouth, you picked up the device and unlocked it without even looking at the notification.

You went to your email and paused when you saw the email was from Club Ardor.

With shaking fingers, you opened it.

"Below are the applicants who filed for the lottery that won. If you do not see your number, expect a monetary refund within the next 24 hours."

You clicked out and went to your note app to check the number you had gotten. Refreshing your memory, you returned to the email and scanned down the list. There were a lot of numbers listed, you quickly realized. But by some miracle, you spotted your own number listed there in the middle.

"If your number is listed, please check your email for further instructions."

You backed out of the email and refreshed, sitting up straight when you realized you had a new one from Club Ardor.

"Congratulations on winning a special night, please follow this link to register for a date with the man of your choice!"

Clicking the bright red hyperlink, you watched the screen load for several seconds and go from white to black.

You flicked through all seven of the men passing the boyfriend, the romantic, the quiet one, the playboy, the softy, the bad boy, and the alpha male. It was easy to rule out the playboy, bad boy, and alpha male -- deeming them a little too hard of scenes than what you would be able to handle.

After a bit of deliberating, you decided on the romantic. He seemed to be the oldest at 26 years old and from the silhouette of his picture, you could see he had a very nice build with hide shoulders and pretty, thin waist. You assumed he would be closer to your type and you did enjoy romance so with a couple of clicks, you were registered for a date with him.

You were brought to another page which held instructions for downloading an application called Club Ardor along with a code it told you to input.

You did as you were instructed, highly impressed with the company's extensive work on the hiring process. It was very obvious to you that Club Ardor was, in fact, suited for those of high class. The service held an obviously high regard for discretion and safety for both its bachelors and clients.

Once the app was downloaded, you opened it and found a box to enter the code you'd been given.

You were then brought to a page to input information such as your name, age, height, likes, dislikes, and preferences. After entering it all, you were brought to an empty text message thread.

Before you could attempt to look around, your phone let out a jingle and a new text message popped up.

From: Seokjin Hi cutie! Our date is set for tomorrow night. Meet me at the Club Ardor building at 7PM sharp. Wear something nice and pretty, but comfortable. Can't wait to see you!

You read the text several times, surprised by the quick work he made before typing out a response letting him know you understood. The final thing he texted was a an address to the building you would meet him at.

Thankfully, your job has required you to dress nicely for business dinners in the past so you had a decent amount of things to wear. You decided on just a flowing dress that was breathable but complimented your figure. Placing it in the front of your closet for easy access, you went through your nightly routine and got into bed.

You worked through the day, it was a Friday so you compiled the information of the entire week and input it into the data system. It kept you busy and the hours passed by quickly.

You got off at 5, having made sure you finished everything as quickly as possible so you wouldn't have to work over time.

"You're in a rush today, _____," your boss smiled as she met you in the elevator, carrying a couple files.

"I um...I have a date tonight," you confessed sheepishly, face flushing when she gasped.

"Congratulations, I hope you have a wonderful time," she said, patting you on the back, "Stay safe, I'll see you on Monday."

The elevator opened to the 3rd floor and she got off, shooting you a little wave before the doors closed again. You were dropped off at the lobby and you adjusted your bag on your shoulder, bidding a goodbye to the receptionist as you exited your building.

Grabbing a taxi, you made your way home.

As soon as you stepped out of the shower, you heard your phone go off from your bedroom. The notification bell for the Club Ardor app was extremely hard to miss.

Wrapping a towel around yourself, you wandered into your bedroom and picked the device up.

From: Seokjin [5:45PM] Super excited, cutie! Can't wait to see you!

You smiled, typing out your response immediately, "Me either! See you soon!".

You were ready earlier than you would have liked. There were still 20 minutes until you could leave and be at Club Ardor on time. You didn't want to be too early or too late.

Timing it just right, you grabbed your purse and slipped your phone into the side pocket before slipping your heels on. The Uber you called pulled up right on time as you exited the lobby of your apartment complex.

Exchanging pleasantries, you crawled into the back seat and let out a nervous breath. Of course it wasn't until you were literally on your way that the nerves would kick in.

Club Ardor came into view at precisely 6:58PM.

The building was a huge high rise building with several floors. Club Ardor was a brightly lit neon sign atop the building. The Uber pulled up to the front curb and you stepped out, checking the time to see it was 6:59PM.

As the Uber sped away, you stepped up to the door, unsure of what to do. Deciding that you should probably let him know you were there, but as you unlocked your phone, the lobby door opened and a man stepped out.

He was dressed in a tux with a bowtie and he looked around for a second before his eyes landed on you.

"_____?" he smiled, walking up to you with his hand out, "It's nice to meet you, I'm Seokjin."

"Hi, Seokjin," you greeted, noting how big his hand was in yours before he pulled away.

"My cars in the garage," he jerked his head in the direction around the building, "Do you want to come or I can pull up."

"I'll...wait here," you said, making him laugh before nodding his head.

"I get it," he waved it off and began to jog around the building.

You could hear the rev of a car engine echo from the garage before a sleek white car came into view. Seokjin got out and jogged around the car to open the door for you.

You thanked him with a soft smile before getting in, pulling the seat belt on as he slammed the door shut.

Once in an enclosed space with him, you were immediately aware of how good he smelled. An almost sweet, fruity perfume wafted off of him and if you looked closely you could see he had a lip tint on.

"So, what's the plan?" you asked, breaking the silence that had settled.

"A romantic date on the water for two," he sighed, almost dreamily.

It couldn't help but laugh, which in turn brought a bright smile onto his face. The atmosphere became increasingly less tense as Seokjin drove to somewhere unknown.

"I'm so hungry," he complained from the driver's seat, making a turn onto a less populated road, "The food is honestly to die for."

"Whoa, what is this place?" you asked, not fully hearing his comment as you watched him pull up at a parking lot near a huge lake.

"This is where our date is, silly!" he grinned, getting out of the car and rounding to open your door for you.

He took your hand, escorting you towards a pier where there was a large boat bobbing with the waters natural movement.

"Hop aboard, lovely," he kept h is hold on your hand as you got onto the boat. He followed you and tugged your hand to get you to follow him.

Your body wavered as the boat suddenly took off but Seokjin was there to steady you with a broad grin.

"Have a seat," he motioned to a small table with two chairs across from one another.

"So," you huffed a laugh as you took a seat, "When you said...dinner on the water."

"I meant it literally," he shrugged, reaching over to click a button and several strings of white fairy lights illuminated everything around you.

"Whoa," you gasped, looking around.

You could see the lights from the buildings on shore and there was a beautiful cast of the moon shining over the water. It was beautiful and as you turned your gaze back to Seokjin, you were surprised to find him leaning his chin on his hand as he watched you.

"Your eyes are sparkling," he said, an almost serene smile on his lips.

In more proper light, you could make out his features more. He had wide shoulders, pretty, plump lips and flawless skin. His eyes were sparkling as well, the dark irises looking like stars were shining within them.

"Would you like to start eating?" he asked, reaching across the table to place his hand over yours. His skin was soft and warm and it made you smile as you nodded.

Dinner was a blur, he had a few dishes available to choose from since he didn't know exactly what you would like. You chose the steak, which seemed to make Seokjin quite happy as he ordered the same thing.

You could see where his romantic title came from as he reached across the table to feed you a couple bites every once in a while. Once the main course was over, the two of you shared a strawberry cheesecake slice after he lit the candle at the end of the table.

You had a good laugh when he failed to light it a few times because the breeze kept blowing it out.

"Now, the next portion of our date I'll admit...it's a little lame," he confessed sheepishly as he walked you back to the car.

"Oh?" you climbed into the seat after he opened the door for you.

"We're going to head back to Club Ardor, drink, and watch movies," he said, turning the key in the ignition.

"It's not lame," you giggled, resting your head back on the seat, "I think it's a great way to unwind."

"I'm glad you feel that way," he said, sounding relieved.

When you finally pulled back up to Club Ardor, Seokjin was blasting music and singing obnoxiously to it. You had your hand over your mouth to keep from laughing too much. Every once in a while, he'd take a look at you and end up laughing midway through his singing.

He pulled into the garage and pulled into a parking spot that had his name on a sign in front of it.

There was a door that he had to scan a card to unlock which led into what appeared to be a lounge room. He didn't waste any time in clicking the button to call the elevator.

Seokjin was comfortable. He had such a calm, relaxing demeanor that it put you at ease.

The two of you sat on the couch and clinked your glasses together before you both downed the shot he had poured. You cringed as it burned going down your throat, leaving a horrible taste in your mouth.

A bit of a lightweight, it didn't take much to get you tipsy and soon you were both losing it over some horrible movie he had accidentally picked.

"I swear it looked good in the previews!" he argued through laughter when you teased him about his choice.

"I'm picking the next one, you've lost movie-picking privileges!" you laughed, stealing the remote from his hands, making him gasp in shock.

He immediately began to try and get it back from you, his body pressed against yours. His perfume once again and it made your eyes flutter.

Pressed against the arm of the couch with Seokjin's body dangerously close to yours, you both paused. He met your eyes, seemingly searching for something in your gaze. As you searched his, you couldn't deny how...sad they looked.

Your breath began to quicken when his face slowly got closer to yours. You could feel his breath against your lips but before they could meet, he was pulling away. He took the remote with him and took his seat beside you once again, leaving you pressing your hand to your chest as your heart raced almost painfully.

There was a terrifyingly loud alarm that rang throughout the room, making you jolt awake.

Looking at the clock, you were disgruntled to see that it was 7 in the morning. Sitting up, you realized you were in bed when you were positive you fell asleep with Seokjin on the couch.

"Hey," he said, making you jump as he suddenly appeared in the doorway, "It's 7am."

"I see that," you mumbled, sliding out of bed, still sleepy.

"Our 12 hours are up."

And just like that it was over.

However, Seokjin didn't leave your mind after that though. Even when you stepped into your apartment, you couldn't stop thinking about him.

Especially how you almost kissed.

You were, of course, aware that Club Ardor dates would occasionally participate in physical intimacy. You hadn't expected it to happen to though. You could still remember the way his scent wafted around you and how close his lips were to yours or that sad look in his eyes.

A week passed by quickly and painlessly. You fell back into a rhythm with work, giving vague replies to your boss when she asked about how it went.

Somehow, Seokjin kept slipping into your mind. You couldn't shake him.

A measly 12 hours with a man you had only just met, and he seemed to have invaded your very subconscious.

That day, after work, you decided to take a detour to a local bar. It wasn't a very big, popular bar but the people in your neighborhood frequented it quite often. The atmosphere was buzzing inside and you made to take a seat at the bar but paused when you spotted a figure you recognized. You blinked several times, making sure you weren't hallucinating him.

"Seokjin?" you asked, making him jump.

His head snapped over to look at you, his eyes wide. He took you in for a second before his face morphed into confusion.

"What're you doing here? How'd you know I was here?" he sounded defensive and it made you frown, shaking your head.

"I live in the apartment complex down the street, I stopped here after work for a nice Friday drink," you motioned to your work attire and he seemed to relax. Part of you was offended that he thought you were some kind of stalker but you supposed in his line of work, it wasn't out of the realm of possibility.

He was drinking a beer slowly, seemingly lost in his own little world as he turned away from you. You got the hint, and went to walk away from him but you stopped when he called your name.

"Um...why don't you sit with me?" he asked, motioning to the empty stool beside him.

You were relieved he asked you to join him because that's all you wanted. You took the seat and he ordered you a drink, for which you thanked him. Being in his presence again felt nice and you already began to relax.

It seemed Seokjin had been drinking there for a while. His face was a little red and he was openly giggly and friendly -- a complete difference than what he was when you first sat him sitting there.

Time flew by with him but eventually you realized it had gotten dark outside and you'd stayed far longer than you had intended.

"I really need to be going," you sighed, the words painful as they slipped out of your mouth. You didn't want to leave him, you'd thought about him so long.

"Wait!" he cried, grabbing a hold of your blouse sleeve, effectively halting you.

"What is it?" you asked, alarmed by the saddened look on his face.

"I...Can't you stay?" he asked, voice soft.

"I...I really need to get home...I've got some reports to go over for work..." you explained, wincing when you watched him visibly deflate, "You...you can come over, if you want?"

"Really?" he looked hopeful again as he hopped off the stool.

He wobbled a bit and you laughed, reaching out to steady him even though you were a little tipsy yourself.

The two of you walked outside, the cool night air hitting your heated skin and making you shiver.

"I really...I'm not supposed to go home with clients..." he mumbled, as if talking to himself, "But I guess you're not technically a client anymore, right?"

You chuckled, cheeks burning when he pulled you close against him, "I guess I'm not."

"Yeah, so it's fine!" he chuckled.

Once the two of you stepped into your apartment, things seemed to shift. He took a seat on the couch and relaxed.

It gave you a moment to take him in; he wore jeans and a t-shirt, looking even better in casual clothes than he did in formal wear.

"Do you want some hot chocolate?" you asked suddenly, unable to hold back your smile when he visibly perked up, "I'll make you some."

You disappeared into the kitchen, letting out a deep breath as you realized your heart was racing. Seokjin seemed to have the effect. He didn't even do anything and he had you flustered.

You heated up some milk in the microwave, not wanting to bother with stove top. Pouring the powder into the cup you stood and waited for the milk to be done.

Before it could finish, you felt a presence behind you that had you jumping out of your skin. Turning around, you were face to face with Seokjin's incredible visage. His brown eyes were wide, almost curious and a smile lingered on his pretty lips.

You subconsciously licked your own lips and you swear your saw his own eyes drop to your lips. The energy was tense between the two of you and his perfume was permeating off of him once again. Seokjin opened his mouth to say something but before he could the microwave beeped.

The spell was broken and he backed off, wandering back into the kitchen as you began to mix the powder and milk in the cup.

You took a seat beside him, handing him the cup before turning the TV on. The two of you relaxed, you pulled your throw blanket over you shoulders as Seokjin sipped on his hot chocolate.

As you watched him, you couldn't help but find him cute.

"Hey Seokjin?" you asked, earning a hum from him, "How come you work at Club Ardor?"

"Why do you ask that?" he questioned, frowning as he sat up straighter.

You followed suit, shrugging your shoulders, "I mean surely being a date-for-hire wasn't the job you dreamed of," your words brought a smile to his face and he let out a soft chuckle, "Plus, you're crazy good looking, funny, and charming...I'd expect someone like you to be a model or something."

"Well...thanks..." he smiled, cheeks a little red, "To tell you the truth...I've dated quite a bit but..." he seemed to deflate as he spoke, "It never worked out, they all just wanted me for my money and looks."

"How shallow..." you sighed, shaking your head in dismay.

"Eventually, I just decided to stop trying but...if I'm honest I get so lonely," his confession made you frown, "But I just...don't want to be open to anyone so...this job makes me feel loved, even if it's fake."

"You won't even try to find a girlfriend again or something?" you asked, pained at the idea of him just giving up.

He shook his head, "No one ever wants me for me. Do you think I haven't tried my hardest? It never works, I'm sick of feeling left like I'm worth less than I am."

"Seokjin..." you muttered, reaching over to place your hand over his that was curled up in a fist on his knee, "You...deserve to have someone genuinely love you. It seems impossible but...it can't be like this forever. Someone will come along that will see you for you but you can't just...shut down. You should keep trying," you squeezed his hand, feeling it relax from the fist, "Maybe you've been dating the wrong women!"

"You're right," he mumbled, surprising you, "I think someone more like you is my type."

It took a second for those words to sink in,"Wha--" you shook your head, letting out a soft laugh, "Don't tease me like that!"

"No, I really mean it, _____," he whispered, meeting your gaze. It held such conviction and sincerity that you felt your heart speed up, "I think you're beautiful and you're so sincere. When we had our date," he paused after saying the word before sighing, "I had never wanted to kiss or touch someone more than I wanted to with you. You are absolutely captivating and you don't even know it."

He shifted on the couch, turning to face his body towards you. Your proximity was closer than you expected once he faced you, if you leaned in just a bit more your noses would touch.

The tension between you rose, something hot building that neither of you could deny.

Then, his lips were on yours -- soft and warm with the taste of hot chocolate lingering on them. It wasn't even a thought to hesitate, you were immediately returning the kiss.

It became more heated as the seconds ticked by. You found yourself pinned to the couch with him above you, never breaking the kiss. You wrapped your arms around his neck, tangling your fingers in his hair. Whimpering, you felt a shiver go down your spine when he softly nipped at your bottom lip.

When you pulled away, there was a minuscule thread of saliva connecting your lips. Once you met his heated gaze, you both knew what the other wanted.

The walk to the bedroom was a blur of shared kisses and wandering hands pushing clothes off. By the time you were pinned to the bed, you were both naked. 

Seokjin's pretty, plump lips found purchase on your neck, making you shiver as his breath fanned over the sensitive skin. Kisses trailed down to your chest, over your collarbones and sternum before reaching the gentle swell of your breasts. 

Your chest rose as you inhaled sharply at the feeling of his warm lips enveloping a perked nipple. His fingers caressed your skin so delicately you could almost miss it completely  

His digits dipped between your thighs to find your folds already wet. He groaned, lightly grazing his teeth against your nipple before looking up at you through his lashes.

“All this because of some kissing?” he teased, making your cheeks burn.

He huffed a laugh and moved to take your other nipple into his mouth. At that same moment, his fingers parted your folds and found your clit. You gasped, spreading your legs further for his access. 

His digits were skilled and graceful, circling your clit to make you whimper before dipping into your entrance. His fingers were long and found your sweet spot quickly, chuckling when your hips twitched upwards at the stimulation. 

He sat up, pulling away from you as he sat back on his heels. His fingers were still inside you and he eagerly watched the way your entrance stretched to accommodate his two — three fingers. 

Your eyes fluttered, rolling back in your head as he fucked you with his fingers. As a result, you missed him wrapping his left hand around his own cock, biting his lip as he finally got the stimulant he needed. 

Precum dripped down his shaft and he eagerly used it to lubricate his movements. He scissored his fingers inside you, making sure you were stretched enough to take him. 

When he pulled out, you whined at how empty you felt. 

“Have you got a condom?” he breathed, tightening his fist around his cock when you reached into your bedside drawer and pulled one out. 

You settled back, spreading your legs once again. He groaned, shuffling forward to cover your body with his. Your eyes met as the tip of this cock kissed your entrance. 

Both your mouths fell open as he sunk into you. Your tight walls squeezed him so wonderfully that he groaned. He stretched you open even more than his fingers had, giving you that wonderful burn you needed. 

He met your lips in a sweet kiss as he angled his hips toward your sweet spot. You whimpered, wrapping your arms around his shoulders to ground you as the pleasure ran rampant. He hissed, cock twitching at the sting of your nails on his back. 

His pelvic bone ground against your clit every time he sunk in, edging you closer and closer to release. Seokjin could feel the way you fluttered around him and he groaned.

Sliding a hand between your bodies, he circled the bud until you arched with a cry of pleasure. 

He eased you through the high, grinning when you trembled through the overstimulation. Finally, he slowed to a stop and pulled out. You whimpered, feeling your hole clench around nothing. 

“Roll over,” he breathed, cupping your hip to urge you onto your front.

With your face buried in the pillow and your ass in the air, you looked like a delectable treat for him. Standing on his knees, he sunk his cock back into your cunt. 

You both groaned. The angle had him hitting your spot with painful accuracy. You cried out, muffled in the fabric of the pillow, as he fucked you into even more overstimulation. Your recent orgasm had you much more sensitive and this position allowed him to abuse that. 

An almost sadistic grin crossed over his face as he enjoyed the little cries and whimpers you released the harder he fucked his cock into you. 

Reaching down, he tangled his hand in your hair. You gasped as he tugged until you were up on your knees as well. Your back was against his chest and you could feel him panting against your neck.

His lips found the junction of your neck and shoulder, nipping at the skin there. Your walls fluttered around him and he released your hair to reach around and cup your breast. 

“Fuck,” you gasped as he pinched your nipple, making your eyes roll back in your head.

“What is it, baby?” he groaned, the pet name making you flutter around him again. 

“M-Make me cum, please,” you begging, making him groan once more.

He didn't say anything further, simply slid his hand down your body until he found your swollen clit. The second his fingers touched the bud, you clenched tight around him in sensitivity. 

He circled the bud until you were trembling and gushing around him. You cried out his name as pleasure coursed through your body from your high. Seokjin didn't stop circling your clit and fucking his cock into your spasming walls until you were near tears.

He finally let you fall back down to the bed and began to chase his own high. He spread your ass cheeks apart, getting a good view of the way your cunt tried to suck him back in on every out stroke. The sight made him groan. 

It took you deliberately squeezing tightly around him tightly for him to cum. It was sudden and knocked the air out of him. He gripped your hips tightly as he spilled into the condom, his cock twitching the entire time.

Everything was still for several seconds before he pulled out. 

You rolled over to lay on your side as Seokjin got up and went into the bathroom. He came out a moment later with a wet cloth that he used to clean your thighs and folds with, laughing when you playfully smacked his shoulder from the oversensitivity. 

He finally crawled into the bed, the two of you wiggling until you were comfortable. 

You laid with Seokjin's chest beneath your head, the gentle rhythm of his heartbeat the only thing you heard. His hand softly combed through your hair and you smiled.

"This...This is what I've been needing for so long," he whispered, "No one trying to get something out of being with me. Just a sincere...caring touch."

"This is what you deserve, Seokjin," you sitting up to look at him. His hair was messed up in an adorable way that made you smile, "You can have so much more if you just...open yourself to it again."

Seokjin's gaze turns glassy as he opened his mouth to speak, "I'm just...scared."

Your heart ached when you saw a tear trickle from his eye. Reaching up, you swiped it away, "I know but...you deserve to be loved, Seokjin."

He didn't reply, simply reaching up to pull you back down into his arms. You held him in return, running your fingertips over his skin until you felt him relax as sleep finally overcame him. Adjusting yourself more comfortably, you let yourself fall asleep in his arms.

You opened your eyes to the morning sun shining into your bedroom. You licked your lips as your mouth felt dry and moved to sit up. As you did, you remembered what happened last night.

Looking beside you, you realized he wasn't in bed and the sheets were cold. Standing up, you wrapped your fuzzy robe around you and crept out of the bedroom.

"Seokjin?" you called, frowning when you received no reply.

Your heart was pounding as you made a round around the apartment to see if he left a note of anything. When you couldn't find anything, you returned to your bedroom to pick up your phone.

You froze, realizing you never actually got his phone number. You'd only communicated through the Club Ardor app.

Clicking on the icon, you waited for it to load.

Instead of being brought to your profile, you reached a page with a simple notice on it.

"Your date has filed a report, you are now blocked from using the Club Ardor service. If further contact is attempted, Club Ardor will be forced to take legal matters."

You stared at your phone for several seconds.

Everything that happened flashed through your mind -- the way he kissed you and confessed his feelings of loneliness and hurt to you. You wondered if any of it was true. Were you a game to him?

Your view of the notice on your screen became blurry as you realized you would never know.