#Sarek Agrees to Mind Meld with Picard

[filmjunky-99]

s t a r t r e k t h e n e x t g e n e r a t i o n created by gene roddenberry [sarek, s3ep23]

'It is a generous offer. But I must warn you that while I would gain your stability, you would experience the fierce onslaught of emotions unleashed by my condition. Vulcan emotions are extremely intense. We have learned to suppress them. No human would be able to control them. They would overwhelm you. The mind-meld can be a terrible intimacy.' - sarek

[sshbpodcast]

Character Spotlight: Beverly Crusher

By Ames

Paging Dr. Crusher to medbay. Dr. Crusher to medbay. We have a character spotlight procedure to perform, so get your medical scrubs on and refresh yourself on the hippocratic oath as A Star to Steer Her By reviews the vital signs of Dr. Beverly Crusher, The Next Generation’s Chief Medical Officer for six out of seven seasons of the show. Plus the movies (I guess?).

She may have taken a full season off, and you know what: it’s painfully obvious why. Her character probably gets less to do than Troi whom we recently discussed, and she more often than not defaults to just being the mother of the resident boy genius, which isn’t saying much. So what can we say about Bev? We definitely scraped together some moments to highlight, so read on below and listen to this week’s episode on the podcast (jump to 1:00:49 for Bev chat). Stat!

[Images © CBS/Paramount]

Best moments

Say no to drugs, kids As we’ve said when covering doctors like McCoy and Pulaski, Starfleet CMOs are at their best when they put their patients before the Prime Directive. So when Crusher brilliantly figures out how the Ornarans are exploiting the Brekkians’ addiction to felicium in “Symbiosis,” she uses it to pressure Picard to intervene. His response wasn’t NEARLY enough, but Bev was 100% right.

Set phasers to BAMF I love it when the doctors get to kick some ass in an action scene, and Crusher proves herself capable of absolutely owning enemies on occasion. Especially awesome is the scene in “Conspiracy” after the alien-possessed Admiral Quinn beats up Riker, throws Geordi through a door, and swings Worf around like a ragdoll, Bev just walks in and phasers him like it’s no big deal.

The longer we argue, the longer it’s going to take me to save them In the middle of the terrorist attack in “The High Ground,” Crusher puts her foot down and puts her patients first, defying orders to stay with the injured casualties. And though the Federation’s position is to stay neutral (though they fail at this), Bev diagnoses the terrorists willingly and ably despite not agreeing with their insurgence against their government.

I’m here, Jean-Luc. I’m not going anywhere. Though it’s pretty clear that Patrick Stewart and Mark Lenard steal the show in “Sarek,” we’ve got to give some commendation to Dr. Crusher as well. She’s the one who figures out that Sarek’s Bendii Syndrome is causing disturbances around the ship, even when the Vulcan party tries to conceal it, and her devotion to helping Picard through the mind meld is nothing short of beautiful.

Separating the man from the machine Not only does Crusher get to go on the away team to the Borg Cube to find the captured Picard in “Best of Both Worlds” and proceed to shoot Borg drones like she’s swatting flies. But she also defies all odds and deprograms Locutus after they’ve rescued him and destroyed the Borg Cube. She’s so good, there’s nary a scratch on him for the rest of the series.

If there’s nothing wrong with me, maybe there’s something wrong with the universe Pretty much everything Bev gets to do in “Remember Me” is stellar. It makes you realize that Crusher doesn’t get a lot of episodes that are deep character pieces like the other characters get to (even Troi, though those are mostly problematic). But “Remember Me” gets to show off the doctor’s shrewdness and problem-solving abilities in one of the most original episodes of the show!

Correction: Blown out While her and Geordi’s subplot in “Disaster” is probably the most disconnected of the lot, it’s actually pretty impressive that Crusher is able to survive the decompressed cargo bay and get to the panel to repressurize everything. She knows exactly what to do to prepare for the absolutely lethal conditions inflicted on them, keeps her cool, and gets them both through it alive.

Then Deanna has to die I’m not going to even pretend to understand how everything worked out in the end in “Man of the People,” but it was all thanks to Beverly Crusher. She figures out Alkar’s psychic vampire deal, risking everything by performing an autopsy against orders. But even better than that, she makes the batshit decision to kill Troi and then revive her to break the link, and even crazier: it works!

Someone in this morgue is a murderer! Later the same season we have Crusher yet again performing an autopsy against the wishes of the deceased’s culture, but in “Suspicions,” there are consequences. Bev’s tenacity in sleuthing out Dr. Reyga’s murder, her flying into a damn sun to prove him right, and her killing the hell out of Jo’Brill make an otherwise forgettable episode into a great showcase for her character.

Let’s make flying into the sun a thing And somehow, that’s not even the last time Bev flies into a sun using Dr. Reyga’s metaphasic shield technology! In “Descent,” she avoids a Borg attack by hiding in a sun’s corona, even while her security officer Barnaby (who’s played by the same actor as Jo’Bril; that can’t be just a coincidence!) is over her shoulder doubting her and tactical officer Taitt’s every decision.

You’re not Nana! Nana’s dead! Okay, hear me out. Even though “Sub Rosa” is a notoriously bad episode of TNG and it even swept our worst of the series list (we’ll hear from it again in this blogpost in the Worst Moments section), there’s some stuff to love about Crusher in this episode. Watching her stand up to Ronin in the end when she’s figured it all out is some great work from Gates McFadden!

Please state the nature of the medical emergency Finally, we get to the movies, which seem to mostly forget that Bev is a character sometimes, but we know the truth! Bev is a rockstar who saves her entire medical staff AND Lily Sloane in First Contact by thinking to have the Emergency Medical Hologram create a diversion while she leads everyone through all the various ducts like an absolute boss.

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Worst moments

I haven’t the comfort of a husband Another week, another mention of “The Naked Now,” which has come up in pretty much every character spotlight except Riker’s (maybe he should have gotten a mention for not getting space drunk). And for Beverly, it’s just another case of the female characters all getting horny for the various male characters in that tropey, sexist way the show had, and it’s just bullshit.

Get out of my mind It’s not every day that someone on the Enterprise gets possessed by some entity or other. It’s more like every other day! So when Crusher gets possessed by the entity in “Lonely Among Us” and suddenly finds herself on the bridge with gaps in her memory, you’d think there would be some kind of protocol to submit yourself for examination, but she just goes back to work like an amateur!

Shut up again, Wesley We gave Picard some guff about this in “Datalore” and we’re going to do the same for his mother later that same episode. Sure, we’re ALL thinking it at pretty much all times this first season of TNG, but Starfleet officers should not be saying “Shut up, Wesley” to their crewmembers on the bridge, especially when he’s just imparting important knowledge about Lore!

The future the AI bots want I’ll always question Crusher’s leaping at the opportunity to assume Yuta is the woman from some impossibly old photo in “The Vengeance Factor” because the computer overlaid her face on top of it when they asked it to. Like we’ve never seen the same actor play different roles before. Call me faceblind, but I wouldn’t have even noticed the resemblance.

No wonder we retconned the Trill... Probably the most questionable thing Crusher does is continue her relationship with Odan after his symbiont is put into Riker’s body in “The Host.” Odan gives her an out several times, but Bev decides to keep romancing him, which seems really squicky to us since Riker didn’t have the ability to consent to the happy couple using his body in… that way.

First, do no harm... by doing nothing at all Cultural differences make the episode “Ethics” a very complicated one, since Worf refuses palliative care for his paralysis and would rather die. What’s a doctor to do in such a situation? How about make matters worse by ignoring every request of her patient, treating him like a human instead of a Klingon, and withholding the experimental procedure he’s requested?

This is a recipe of the Captain’s Aunt Adelle In the very first aired episode of The Original Series, “The Man Trap,” we see McCoy taking a sleep aid of some kind to help him sleep. And it works! So when Riker is suffering from sleeplessness in “Schisms” and Crusher just prescribes a hot milk toddy instead of actual drugs, I just have to call bullshit. You’re a doctor, Bev, not a barista.

The lobes for business Ugh, we’re not even on Deep Space Nine yet and I’m already fed up with oomox. I find it gross how often the women of these shows have to effectively demean themselves by giving a Ferengi oomox like Bev does to get information out of Solok in “Chain of Command.” Sometimes, I swear this show was written for sex-starved teenaged boys and no one else.

Put ze candle back! While I gave Beverly some credit for defeating Ronin in the end in “Sub Rosa,” I also need to take her down a few pegs first for getting so infatuated with the guy in the first place! Sure, it’s some level of minor mind control, but she’s treating her crewmembers terribly, gushing at Deanna about her grandma’s erotic diaries, and quitting her job all for some guy who banged Nana. Gross, Bev! Real gross.

AITA, Enterprise edition While we like to see our two medical crewmembers looking out for each other, Crusher’s devotion to Lt. Ogawa somehow leads her to accidentally spreading a rumor that Powell is cheating on her in “Lower Decks.” Ogawa tells her in confidence that she’s upset he canceled a recent date, and in the next scene Crusher is gabbing at the poker table about every time she saw him in the same room as another woman!

Captain, I believe the crew is de-evolving While we could blame Reg Barclay for making the crew “de-evolve” in “Genesis,” it’s also on Dr. Crusher for elevating his T-cells in the first place. The rest of the episode is a mess that Bev can’t be at fault for because Worf knocked her out with his venom breath early on, but the initial outbreak could have been entirely avoided if the good doctor hadn’t gone tampering with his DNA.

Not that we care about such things in this day and age Another quick repeat that we also brought up in the Troi spotlight, but wow, we must harp on how the writers seem to have no idea what else to do with their female characters. Dr. Crusher has about 20 lines in all of Insurrection and two of them are wasted talking about her and Deanna’s boobs just to titillate the men in the audience.

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With this blogpost wrapped up, let’s blow out this candle for good. We’ve got more character spotlights on the way, with another Crusher to discuss next week, so make you’re following along! We’re also still flying along through Enterprise over on SoundCloud or wherever you pick up your podcast frequencies, maintaining our universe bubble over on Facebook and Twitter, and flying into a sun every chance we get!

[gunstreet]

This whole episode is so amazing, and really interesting for people familiar with TOS and Spock’s character. We've seen his strained relationship with Sarek, we feel for Spock in that regard. Picard, on the other hand, only knows Spock in passing, but has mind melded with Sarek; he sympathizes with him in a way we as viewers wouldn’t. And you see that in Picard’s interactions with Spock in parts of this episode, how Sarek’s opinions have influenced him, as well as in the way Spock reacts. There was some loyalty and respect between him and his father, maybe, but mostly it was a struggle: Spock living his life the way that made sense for him, and Sarek resenting him for it. Over time Spock made his peace with the fact that they would never agree, nor would they be close. And he chooses, in my opinion rightfully, not to offer Sarek the absolution he seeks at the end of his life.

“Ironically, you may know Sarek better than his own son did,” Spock says to Picard. Yet when Picard offers him the mind meld to learn what Sarek felt for his son, Spock doesn’t even hesitate. You see his hand move almost immediately because he has to know. It’s so heartbreaking to think of him, a middle-aged (in Vulcan years) and wildly accomplished man who is accepting of his humanity despite Sarek’s attempts to crush it in him, still unable to completely free himself of hoping for a sign of the love and acceptance his father almost never showed him. And Picard, who now knows he can't possibly understand the complexity of their relationship, wants to offer Spock the only thing he can at this point: the chance to say goodbye. We don't know what exactly Spock gets from the meld, because this is the end of the episode, but the emotion is clearly visible on his face. It's such an excellent moment. Star Trek: The Next Generation S5E8, "Unification Pt 2"

[thegreaterlink]

Reviewing Star Trek TNG - S3E23 "Sarek"

Finally, an episode title which can fit on one line.

THE PREMISE

Federation Ambassador Sarek (Mark Lenard once again) comes aboard the Enterprise to negotiate a treaty with the Legarans, after which he plans to retire. Sarek is accompanied by his second wife Perrin (Joanna Miles) and aides Ki Mendrossen (William Denis) and Sakkath (Rocco Sisto) who warn the crew that Sarek may be unable to attend to his usual duties due to his advancing age, and the crew only grow more suspicious when the ambassador starts to act strangely.

MY REVIEW

Nearly four seasons in and we finally get to acknowledge that TOS was a thing, since Gene Roddenberry was apparently adamant that this series should stand on its own... even though we had a cameo from Dr McCoy way back in the series' premiere. And the very next episode was just a rehash of a TOS episode, complete with an acknowledgement of that episode's events.

Gene Roddenberry kinda dropped the ball in this series, huh?

Also Spock got married. And it wasn’t to Kirk. Just wanted to get that on record.

ANYWAY, Picard is at least able to get Sarek to attend a classical music concert, during which the plot starts to thicken when Sarek sheds tears.

Now, Vulcan tears are usually reserved for long dramatic one-takes under the influence of viruses which complicate emotions, so we already know something's wrong.

But speaking of "The Naked Now," tempers begin to flare among the rest of the crew, starting with Geordi arguing with Wesley - Geordi says that he'll never get anywhere with his date that afternoon, while Wesley calls out Geordi for getting his women on the holodeck, confirming my suspicions that the rest of the crew will never let him live that down - and Dr Crusher actually slapping Wesley.

Though I'm surprised it took her this long, Dr Crusher herself is shocked at this behaviour, and when she reports it to Troi we find out that similar outbursts have been happening all over the ship, most notably with a full-on bar brawl in Ten Forward. I guess that was Guinan's day off?

Also, if a Star Trek bar brawl doesn't have a shady guy stealing drinks in the background, then is it even a Star Trek bar brawl?

With Sarek (and most of the crew) potentially being emotionally compromised, Picard is unsure if they can proceed with the negotiations. They deduce that Sarek is suffering from Bendii Syndrome (I really wish they could've come up with a better name - it sounds like another term for erectile dysfunction), a rare sickness which causes Vulcans over 200 years old to lose emotional control, and Sarek is unconsciously broadcasting his intense emotions to the rest of the crew. His aides had tried to help him control it, but they could only do so much. The main problem is that it'll take several days for them to confirm it, well after the negotiations.

Also they had brought aboard a slime pit earlier on to replicate the Legarans' home environment, and my original theory was that the Skittles-coloured substance was somehow influencing the mood of everyone on board. Fortunately the writers were above ripping off Ghostbusters 2. But it's not really a "Naked Now" situation either. I'm sure Data will be thrilled.

It's here that an otherwise passable plot starts to come into its own. Bendii Syndrome is obviously meant to be the Vulcan equivalent of dementia - and that's not me making assumptions, it's literally the condition they based it on - and it's good that they were able to handle this matter in a mature fashion.

Sarek of course denies the diagnosis, and his ensuing argument with Picard is a rare opportunity for Mark Lenard to do some properly emotional acting in the role, and he definitely makes the most of it.

It ends with Sarek realising his problem, and agreeing to mind meld with Picard to inherit the captain's emotional control, even if it would overwhelm Picard with Sarek's intense Vulcan emotions.

We all know what happened last time Picard had a meltdown.

(You have no idea how long it took me to find a version of this fucking clip which didn’t have SpongeBob in it.)

Picard is of course overwhelmed, and Patrick Stewart gets to show off his own acting talents as he finally lets loose the emotions that Sarek has been holding back for so long - namely his regret at never being able to show tenderness to Perrin, his first wife Amanda (who had passed away at this point - bear in mind that this series takes place about 80 YEARS after TOS) and Spock, who finally gets namedropped. It's probably the best scene in the episode, made even more impressive by the fact that Patrick Stewart did the whole thing in a single long shot which he nailed on the first take.

More importantly, we also get this meme format.

Meanwhile, the negotiations go off without a hitch, and without the pressure of the negotiations, Sarek is once again in full control of his emotions. Through the mind meld, their lives are now forever intertwined, with each carrying the best parts of the other with them. A surprising connection to be sure, but a welcome one.

So yeah. The plot is fine enough, with Sarek having an interesting new role to play aside from fanservice and his dynamic with Picard acting as a nice emotional core. Only problem is that whenever it isn't focused on either of them, the plot can kind of drag.

Also, why do half of the characters seem to pronounce it “Sah-rik?” I thought it was pronounced to rhyme with “Garak.” That’s how they pronounced it in TOS.

6/10 - Feels like it deserves to be better than it is.

[speedygal]

Old Married McSpirk daddy daycare au

Essentially, it’s a daddy day care au.

Except it starts out like this: McCoy and Jim feel the house is empty, having finally retired themselves after a hundred plus years in star fleet, and since Spock is the one traveling about, it occurs to Spock that they should open  a daddy day care. At first McCoy falls over laughing. Jim’s eyes brighten and he understands the concept. Daddy Daycare was a movie that heavily had Galaxy Quest references in it involving two men taking care of children because they were fired from their jobs. It’s a cinematic classic. To McCoy, it sounds like a daycare for the fathers and taking care of them. Spock explains what he means with some prodding from Jim. And explains that McCoy and Jim should be responsible for it. McCoy humors him by going out and getting their daddy daycare certified and child proofed. McCoy has heavy doubts that it will even work. Jim and  McCoy have sign ups ready. They have a large apartment that is old and creaky and looks beautiful from the outside. The house reminds Jim of his childhood home. Eventually, a bunch of Klingon officers and Andorians come in “HERE, TAKE MY KIDS!” and some don’t even sign up at all just leave their children on the sidewalk with a padd regarding contact information. Including a few humans who believe hanging out with two legendary star fleet officers will do good for their children.

McCoy’s gray hair turns white evidently during the week. One of their old crewmmates,Pavel, drops by for a visit and entertains the children after failed attempts by McCoy. McCoy asks if he likes entertaining children. Pavel, retired security admiral with almost nothing to do, replies with ‘YES’. Hikaru  hears about the mayhem when Pavel gets home. Spock checks in occassionally from his diplomatic mission and gets Jim’s word on it, “It’s fine! We are loving it!” with a dangling tv set behind him that a 3 year old Klingon child is climbing. Jim is alerted to it by Spock then he ends the conversation and goes after the little wild girl. One of the children finds a beehive nest when Spock comes home from one of his diplomatic missions and poor McCoy wacks it down and gets chased by the bees. Spock manages to move the beehive to a safe location to a beehive farm followed closely by the bees. Jim finds McCoy hiding in the closet with bug spray and he uses it on Jim by accident.  At the eyes. Spock supervises the children while McCoy is helping Jim getting the bug spray out of his eyes. They go on field trips.  Spock is finding McCoy’s new grayed hair utterly fascinating and he loves it. Spock helps them with the organizing field trips by date, time, and hour. McCoy gets the supplies while they are living off their retirement pension and he balances it out. They get a child out of their batman costume without pestering and allow them to be themselves, but when they take it off McCoy and Jim are running around the house looking for the boy while he is in the kitchen eating cookies when Spock is taking a brief break from his Ambassador duties.  And Spock is like, “The child is right here, t’hy’lara’ through their link and he gives the Klingon child some more milk to his request. The kids really enjoy the company of McCoy and Jim.

One day in the morning, two star fleet officers arrive with long looks on their faces. Jim answers the door and learns one of the children lost their parents in a air-car accident. McCoy is making sure a Deltan child doesn’t pull a kid’s hair as a symbol of their affection because they don’t like it. The officers have the now orphaned child isolated from the rest and informed. But that relatives will come to pick them up. Before they close that night, McCoy tightly hugs the child and tells them not to forget. This relative came from Australia and takes the child with them. McCoy is more than over joyed when Spock gets back from his diplomatic missions and he grumbles most of the night away. Jim and Spock shower McCoy in kisses. They have a entire schedule devoted to when Daddy Day Care is not open so they can have some breathing room and repair the damage the children had done. Pavel is looking up ways to entertain children f different civilizations since five bajoran children are added and one Cardassian. Spock retrieves more Dr Lazarus,Commander Tawny,and Commander Taggart dolls including Meechan dolls after the children tear the old ones up after rough play. Jim cooks around the house. McCoy is the one who puts the house together though he does have to call a Klingon house repair shop. No one knows that Lt cmnder Worf is the reason why McCoy knows the Klingon House Repair shop. McCoy tyhink’s he just came across them on the web. In their free time, Jim often times reads novels and McCoy does crossword puzzles. Spock meditates. But when it comes to putting a stubborn child refusing to take a nap,they call in Spock when he is in the middle of a diplomatic conference. Spock’s the one who reassures his aging husbands that they are still as majestic as he met them and beautiful when they have angst. Jim’s got some aging issues that they are still working out. McCoy often finds the childnren crowded around Jim when he has a novel in his hand and they are all asleep.  McCoy finds himself worrying about everyone’s health and has a secret stash of hypos which he refills weekly because they do come in handy.

Jim and McCoy compete against a very academic pre-school, which they don’t actively compete against, and OH YEAH. IT’S KOLOTH ALL RIGHT LEADING IT. Jim is thrilled to hear his old rival is still going strong. Eventually half of the students from Koloth’s pre-school go to Jim’s daddy day care and it’s a madhouse. McCoy agrees. They end up struggling to find a way  to handle this new situation. Pavel suggests a big building once used as chuck-e-cheeseys joint and he goes with Jim and McCoy during daddy day care’s off days. They end up finding the price and it’s twice their pension and ohmygodisithauntedwhywoulditcostthatmuch? Koloth is heavily enjoying the lack of responsibilities and goes to Risa. His assistant,his protoge, Kar’li, manages to get Koloth off as the director and intervenes in any means possible to draw the parents and children back which means thwarting the fund raiser. Pavel and Hikaru help in the fundraiser  including a few cadets who had dropped off the children in the beginning. McCoy enjoys it as does Jim. Spock isn’t there as there is a conflict between the Tellarites and Romulans regarding some Ambassador being kidnapped and some treaty being broken. Spock has decided that is his last negotiation and Ambassador Picard will replace him. When he returns to Earth, he finds the house isn’t covered in children. In fact,noticably, there’s something wrong about it. He goes to the backyard to find McCoy and Jim on the porch sitting alongside each other having a good cup of eggnog several months early than they should have it. Apparently, the fundraiser was a total disaster. Hikaru and Pavel went to Russia for some down time. The cadets have recently graduated and been assigned to starships and what not. Some star fleet officers had to move because of a new assignment (which,the parents claimed, was heavily unexpected) and it’s getting near to their anniversary so Spock plots a get away to Risa with his husbands and tell them the good news that way. Koloth returns to find the pre school is full to the brim by children.

Koloth’s reaction:

and-ohmykahlesswhoclosedtheadmiral’sdaddydaycare?thisdoesn’thavetheroomforthismanykids

His protoge is not bothered and informs him the tables have turned. Koloth feels this pre school has lost it’s honor. Koloth leaves but not without planting evidence of it being unkept due to some loyal instructors. He comes across Uhura, after his fifth unauthorized visit, still admiral of linguistics who is here to see the place she heard about it so often. He tells her everything is rotten by the inside. Uhura enters with a biased perspective and sees it for what it is. Spock pampers Jim while McCoy is pampering himself by getting a relaxing back massage. It’s only later Spock informs them that he is retired. McCoy tells Jim owes him fifty federation credits. Jim reluctantly hands him the credits with a sigh of defeat. Spock is stumped. McCoy explains it was only a matter of time before he, himself, retired, since it was only six months ago they retired.  Sarek had been requesting that he get himself a grandchild before he goes and McCoy and Jim was thinking of finally having the house crying because their child is making a mess of it. They both agree to enjoying taking care of children and the baby will have to be made in a tube, only if Spock wants it. Spock, undoubtedly, wants one.

They figure out which one of the humans gives a DNA sample because:

‘Noyouarenotdumpin’thischildasmineonme.iallreadygotoneasitisbreathing downmynecktowritemywill.’

and Jim wants their child to have McCoy’s eyes. As does Spock. McCoy refuses to give his  DNA just for his damn baby blue eyes. They plead, McCoy refuses. Spock and Jim play a game of cat and mouse for the DNA sample during their vacation. McCoy is winning.  McCoy is hoping they give up and decide to have a spirk child. Because a baby version of Spock would make him melt as would baby Jim. AND HE WOULD LIKE TO SEE A BABY WITH Jim’s eyes. When McCoy leaves the sweet, Spock and jJIM tear the room apart looking for any piece of McCoy’s hair. “i think I found it!” “no jim that is your hair.’ ‘ah damn’ Spock comforts Jim regarding the closure of their business because they didn’t have the room for their expanding business and knows how miserable the man is. They share a intimate mind meld and allows Spock to see what happened. Spock notices a suspicious Klingon and Bajoran working together,who he had seen on his visits earlier,in the memory and puts it aside for the time being to be there for his t’hy’la in his time of need because telling him it was set up right now would be illogical and hurtful to finishing the grief process of the fundraiser failing. Hours later,McCoy still hasn;’t come back. So they go search for him only to find he is taking care of some kids on a fieldtrip on Risa  because their chaperon/guide is sick. It is so adorable and sweet. Spock and Jim join taking the kids to various parts of Risa. Including going through  beautiful mountain on a ride and exploring its caverns when the rde malfunctions.  Spock keeps track of the headcount while McCoy makes sure the kids wounds are wrapped up using a knapsack.

A certain entity pops up and leaves as a toddler with McSpirk  while it does some errands. The baby is nicknamed Dennis the menace by McCoy and Jim and Spock adore the child. They stay an extra week on Risa waiting for the toddler’s father to come back and pick him up. McCoy hears the two year old crying then makes his way  to the bedroom to find a figure there. He turns the lights on to see it’s the toddlers father.  Q apologizes for being so late and that Mister Garak took longer than usual. McCoy is unfamiliar to that name. Q picks his son up then tells him the year is going to get better.  And leaves in a flash of light. McCoy finally decides to make his will once they reach Earth. He leaves several of his belongings for a medical history museum in Georgia and allows his likeness to be put up after his death and he thinks of everything including if he dies where does this hypothetical child goes if Spock and Jim are gone.  He lists Christine Chapel and Nyota Uhura.   McCoy decides to continue his autobiography of his life. The crazy thing is people are interested in a historical biopic based on Leonard McCoy. He discovers this when his agent comes forward and asks him if he would like it if the book was turned into a series of historical biopics. McCoy complains that there should be a biopic based on Jim and Spock,which the agent replies with ‘the camera crew is coming over for the ending’. McCoy agrees on the terms that they keep it real and no sugar coating. The agent agrees.

Spock sues Koloth’s former assistant on defamation of business. Jim wholeheartedly supports it after learning about it and so does McCoy. Koloth approves, as well. Spock ruin’s the assistant’s credibility. The academic pre school is closed on grounds that it isn’t safe for children. Spock raises their prices for them being filmed without McCoy’s knowledge because it’s their character they are filming and their story. And it’s perfectly logical. Koloth apologizes to Jim for his assistant’s behavior and that he has opened a self defense class in Boston and thinks it is going to fair better. Jim takes every opportunity to suggest Koloth’s place of business when the camera crew comes over. Their child is being made at this time in a tube. McCoy finishes his biography nine months later with the lines, “And here I am, living with the two insane men  I ever met in my life. That’s the best retirement package I never expected. And soon, there’s going to be five people in this house. Yes, twins. Hi twins, no, we did never call you baby aliens in fish tanks. Who said we did?” Christine and Nyota visit with Scotty,Pavel,Hikaru, and Rand and Demora and Joanna and Saavik and David and T’Pring and Riley visit on the day the twins come home. Spock  took the time to baby proof the entire house overnight after winning the suit. The twins are boys. and they are Jason N. Kirk  and S’Chn T’Gai-Kirk Hinek (who has the ears and Vulcan physiology). Jim reveals they named Jason after Peter Taggart’s actor, Jason Nesmith. Hinek opens his eyes and--McCoy is scratching his head because how did they get his DNA? Baby blue eyes and black mess of hair. Spock will never spill his secret. Jim reveals, that they took the opportunity to make a baby with three parents because hell it’s possible, why not? Spock has done the probability of which one has brown,black, and gold hair. He concludes Jason will look resemble Spock and Jim simultaneously and Hinek will look like a mix of himself and bones but mostly Bones. He stresses just how much McCoy is in the child. T’Pring knows what hinek means and congratulates them and McCoy has no clue what it means. Rand congratulates them.

Eventually, everything settles down and Spirk’s loving, beautiful biopic is released. Spock goes up and uses  the federation credits to purchase the big abandoned building then furnaces it up while McCoy does interviews for his biography and Jim gets interviews for the biopic. Spock is getting the building ready for the surprise they have in store for the doctor and reopens it as McSpirk Daycare. He does this while his husbands are busy. McCoy is busy taking care of the twins while Jim does the shopping and Spock doing what’s best. Jim gets everything of everything of everything. Basically, back up of back ups of back ups. Too many in fact because he got back into the habit of taking care of little children. Spock comes back  while the twins are asleep and tells them,”this year is going to be excellent.” He brings them to the building while Wesley Crusher is babysitting the twins while they go check out the building. Jim has McCoy’s eyes covered and they go in and let McCoy see what they had been doing this all for. McCoy loves it. The scene transitions to a few years later with the twins playing with other children. Hinek is playing doctor,passionately. Jason is playing scientist with Klingon children and Cardassian children and Ferengi. He is very frank and displays leadership skills. Spock and Jim are speaking with Garak and Bashir regarding their child’s recent activities to the side regarding a few . . , discrepancies they made and how they exaggerated Garak. McCoy is reading a children’s book to a bunch of Betazoids, Humans, and Vulcan hybrids and Romulan hybrids. Pavel’s role of sockpuppets has been taken over by Hikaru as Pavel is sick. Scotty is their reliable friend who drives the children to fieldtrips on his lucky bus he nicknamed Enterprise that he painted in the colors of. Christine and Uhura somehow got involved and went to Illinois to begin a joint operation called mommy daycare associated with MCSPIRK daycare since they have retired. Scotty meets a alien named Keenser inbetween the time jump and the are best pals and he is currently friends with a aged Jaylah who he drives to the academy for her ‘scheduled’ ‘house’ visit. Koloth’s business is soaring. Spock is happy. Jim is happy. McCoy is happy. McCoy said it once, and he will say it again this is the best retirement package he got unexpectedly. The children love McSpirk daycare.

End AU.

Wow, this became longer than intended