#Sam's perception is also not sound. why wouldn’t Sam believe that if Dean never slept with her? because up until then Dean had been very

[freakwiththeknifecollection]

It's kinda laughable to me when people bring up Meg telling Jo that Dean only saw her as a little sister as like, definitive proof that's how he felt. Like demons never lie just to fuck with people

[just-another-winchester]

Daydreaming

An Endless Maiden voyage

Chapter Four

Pairing: Dean x y/n

Word Count: 2358

Summary: During a fight with a djinn you get sent into your dreams. Soon finding out Dean and Sam are stuck in your dream as well you have to find a way out of your dream before it becomes your worst nightmare.

Warnings: Angst, violence, death

And more thanks to @amanda-teaches for being my beta <3

The night leading to the 13th was peaceful. Most of the passengers had gone off to bed, a few of them stayed up through the night, played cards or chattered amongst themselves. You found you were perfectly happy to sit at the end of the grand staircase and watch people walk about.

Your mind was focused on the sky outside, how dark it was, how cold it would become, how blackness would be the last thing so many people aboard would see. It twisted your heart, and part of you wondered if perhaps this really was a dream, as you might have a chance to keep it from happening.

However, it was as simple as the fact that you knew it was all in your mind. You couldn’t stop the Titanic from sinking, nor would you want to. You learned better after that nasty bit with Balthazar and the Fate.

Saving these 1500 people would upset everything, and, as much as you hated it, as much as you ached to stop it and give the children who would die a life, to allow the women to continue raising their children with their husbands, or go on to do who knows what else, to give many of the brave men just a few more happy years, whatever may come.

But it couldn’t be, even if the Titanic could be saved, it shouldn’t be. This, for better or worse, was a tragedy cemented in history by the loss of not just 1500 people, but also the lives that were changed when those 1500 passed.

They aren’t a number. You scolded yourself.

You had a habit of referring to the dead by the great mass of death, but just because there were 1500, doesn’t mean they were just 1500. Just because they died together didn’t mean they should be any less than they were, each individual person. Unfortunately, the tragedy adds up to the number and that simply becomes the sum of it.

“Daydreaming?” you heard a questioning voice ask.

You looked up to see Dean approaching you. A smile threatened to spread across your lips, but you wouldn’t let it.

“More like Nightmaring,” you responded, earning a chuckle from him. “I thought you officers stayed in your cabins and kept to yourselves. Don’t you have duties to perform or wheels to turn somewhere? I mean, since you’re so devoted to your character.”

Dean simply shook his head and sat down beside you. He nodded his head toward the window, and you followed his cue to look, turning and seeing light begin to sneak up from the horizon.

“One of these days you should get some sleep,” he told you.

“I slept yesterday,” you defended.

“After giving your husband half a scare that you’d managed to jump ship and get yourself killed,” Dean retorted. “He came to find me last night because he searched everywhere, couldn’t manage to figure out where you’d gone. He thought since we’d been talking I might’ve had an idea.”

“I suppose you must’ve. He found me while I was asleep in the library and carried me back to our room.”

“Yes I know, I was with him when he did. Helped him put your books away. Interesting choices by the way. But, that’s not the point, is it? You seem so bothered by the idea that the ship will sink.”

“Wouldn’t you be?” you asked. “If you thought hundreds of people would die in a way that most people considered impossible, and no one believed you, wouldn’t you be bothered? Or frustrated? I can’t stop the ship from sinking, but I can stop this dream and bring you back to me. That’s all I want.”

Dean shook his head. “You’re really certain of this dream aren’t you?”

You looked up at him, his green eyes watching you. “I’m absolutely positive of it,” you assured him.

He looked away, nodding slightly as his gaze crossed over the room. “Would you like to see the bridge? I believe Captain Smith’s entertaining hours aren’t until later, so no first-class passengers should be up there.”

You turned to him excitedly and nodded. Dean simply grinned, standing up he offered you a hand. You gratefully accepted it and allowed him to escort you out to where the bridge was.

---

Dean spent most of the day entertaining you, explaining he had his shift later that night. You accepted every word and enjoyed every second.

You were shown the controls of the ship, met a few of the officers and came rather close to meeting Captain Smith, but, unfortunately, it seemed he was with some of the first class passengers.

The highlight was getting to meet Officer Lowe, who manned one of the 2 lifeboats that returned to the mass of floating bodies in search of survivors. First Officer Murdoch was also more than a pleasure. Both men were incredible, and, all your life in knowing of the story, you’d regarded them as good, brave men.

Now you stood on the forward well deck, looking out over the ocean as you stood beside Dean. Sam had found you earlier in the day and joined you just after meeting the other officers, as he and Dean got along pretty well.

The difference in the way they regarded each other now, between how they treated each other in real life, was almost laughable, and there were many times where you had to suppress your chuckles.

You were actually happy. Honestly and completely happy.

You’d spent the day forgetting that this was a doomed ship, that you were in a dream, and just forced yourself to enjoy it, knowing if you hadn’t found something to enjoy you may go mad.

You found yourself growing tired, as you had stayed up all through the night before.

Dean seemed to notice this as Sam was distracted once a young man came over and got him to talking.

“I told you you should have slept,” Dean informed you.

“Meh, who needs sleep when there’s a ship to see?” you asked him.

“Well, you do, apparently, those bags under your eyes could carry my spare change.”

“Oh, so what, you’re rich now?”

Dean chuckled at your retort, the sound of his laugh setting you at ease.

“You know I wonder something, have you met Thomas Andrews?” you inquired.

The man shook his head at you. “Not properly, no. I’ve seen him come up to speak with Captain Smith but I’ve never been introduced. Why?”

“I’d absolutely love to meet him.”

“Well, I think I might be able to get you there.”

You turned to him, eyes wide and full of excitement. “Please tell me that isn’t a joke, because if you’re telling the truth I might burst.”

“Well, don’t burst,” Dean laughed. “Come with me. I know where his cabin is, and he’s a kind man. I’m sure he’d be pleased to meet an admirer of his work.”

You nodded, reaching out and taking Sam gently by the arm. “We’re going to meet Mr. Andrews, the ship's designer. Are you coming?”

Sam leaned over to you. “No, go on. I’ll see you for dinner,” he responded.

You nodded at him before chasing after Dean, who’d walked away before realizing you hadn’t immediately followed.

Dean held out his arm for you as you approached and you cheerfully laced your arm through his, allowing him to escort you to Mr. Andrews cabin.

“So, I suppose I should thank you for keeping me from jumping on our first day,” you said to him.

“You suppose?” he asked.

“I mean, it seems like it makes sense, although if I’d been allowed to jump, this nightmare would be over, however right now it’s more of a dream. And, I’ve never actually seen you more refined than now. You almost seem like a gentleman.”

“Miss, I am not a gentleman. I am an officer.”

“I’ll make sure to mention that to your fellow officers.”

“You’re determined to make trouble, aren’t you?”

“I think I get it from spending far too much time with you,” you answered him, a satisfied smile dressing your face as Dean walked you down a corridor.

He stopped at a door and knocked.

Excitement welled up inside you, and you looked up at him before turning back to the door as it was opened.

A man opened the door, who you recognized to be Thomas Andrews.

At this point, the fact that this was a dream, and this was simply your perception of them who you were meeting, was all gone. You didn’t care if this wasn’t real if it was all just a dream because it was a dream come true. So much so, that you were massively confused by the intentions of the djinn who trapped you here.

“Hello, officer,” Andrews spoke, his eyes scanning over the both of you.

“Mr. Andrews,” Dean greeted. “I have a young woman here who is an admirer of your work who’d like to meet you. If you’re busy we can come back another time.”

“Not at all,” Andrews responded, turning to you. “It’s a pleasure, miss.”

You were pretty much struggling to breathe at this point. This was him… Thomas Andrews.

In your mind, this man was practically God of the Titanic. You were in complete disbelief, so much that you felt you couldn’t breathe from excitement.

“Oh, my, golly… hi,” you squeaked out, extending your hand.

The man smiled and accepted it, shaking your hand.

“I’m sorry I’m so flustered I just, I never thought I’d have the pleasure. Your work on the ship is marvelous, and you’ve put so much thought into every little detail. If I were to do something like that, I fear I’d lose my mind in a week.”

Thomas chuckled at your words. “Well, it certainly takes dedication and much patience, but when you see it come out like this, it truly is all worth it.”

You told yourself not to ask about the lifeboats, or the sinking, or anything about the possibility of the ship going under, but you couldn’t help it.

“I wonder… what, what might happen if the ship did get a fatal wound?”

“Well,” Mr. Andrews said, taking a moment to ponder your question. “I would like to be able to quote our captain, in his faith that the ship couldn’t possibly sink in any circumstance, although it’s true I can’t really think of anything actually damaging the ship so terribly it would sink. Please don’t worry about that though, this is a strong ship, the Titanic is, she’ll hold. She’ll take good care of you.”

You smiled at his answer, even though you knew what would happen, his words had calmed you, made you believe the ship was nearly sentient like a seaworthy Knight Rider, that would protect you. You wanted him to be correct, but you knew better. And soon, so would he.

“Well, thank you so very much for your time sir, it really was such an honor to meet you,” you told him.

“Oh, it’s my pleasure. Lovely to make your acquaintance. Have a lovely day.”

Mr. Andrews disappeared back into his room as Dean escorted you back outside.

As you walked out of the superstructure, you found the sunset beautifully coloring the sky.

“You’re really worried, aren’t you?” he asked, as you looked out at the open sea. As the day was coming to a close, the sense of doom became more and more present. Fear was clouding your moments.

You looked up at him, opening your mouth to speak but holding back, turning away again.

“I know what happens to this ship, I’ve learned all about it, I’ve watched every movie, documentary that still exists, read every book I could find. What will happen, it hurts me, knowing that nothing can be done. Because I’ve seen a world where these people are saved, and it’s not much better, it just messes things up more.” You sighed, finally looking up at him again, staring into his eyes “I know you don’t believe me, you think I’m crazy, you think what I say isn’t possible, but I know it, what’s going to happen, and I just ask that when it does, you promise to stick with me and Sam. I need you both when it happens.”

Dean, as an officer, should have mentioned he’d have duties to attend to, a job to get done, but he didn’t waste a second in nodding his head. “If it’ll make it easier for you, I’ll stay with you.”

“I’m not married to Sam, in fact, I’m in love with you.” Your eyes drifted away from his as your cheeks turned red. Something about this ship, these clothes, the people, it made you someone else, you spoke different, acted differently, were different. If this were Dean, he might’ve joked at you for sounding so melodramatic, but instead, he wrapped his arms around you and pulled you close, pressing his lips against yours.

You didn’t fight the kiss, you didn’t consider it wrong. This was a bad dream that was becoming a shade of gray. First, you’d been terrified, it had been a nightmare, then a lovely dream, and now, even though you felt in some way Dean was back and was with you, you also knew what would happen by the next evening.

Dean broke away from the kiss but kept you in his embrace, and you buried your face in his shoulder, comforted by the familiar smell that was Dean in any world, in any dream or universe. Tears slipped from your eyes and down your cheeks. Fear began to consume you.

The end of this all was coming, and you knew, whether you wanted to or not, you would have to face it head on, and hopefully, that would free you and your foreshadowing to the boys of what would come might wake them and they would know what to do.

One way or another, this ship would sink, and you would be there when it did.

The end was coming.

And you could only hope that would be your freedom.

MY TAG LIST IS WIDE OPEN!!

Dream Team

@spn67-sister @queen-of-deans-booty@ria132love@winchestergeekfreak @maui137 @katymacsupernatural@jayneysimp @emoryhemsworth @just-another-busy-fangirl @jensensjaredsandmishaslover @mogaruke @kristendanwayne @cassieraider @squirrel-moose-winchester @hms-fangirl @heyitscam99  

Dean Team

@akshi8278 @polina-93 @aubreystilinski @-lovepeacenhope- @waywardbaby97 @missjenniferb @whimsicalrobots @rainflowermoonlibrary

Titanic Tags

@claitynroberts @atc74@woodworthti666 @strangedeerconnoisseur @avocadean @topendi

[lollydrag0n]

CASTIEL AND HIS SACRED OATH - 12x10, 12x12, 12x23

This scene here. This split second glance is so so important. I don’t know why people aren’t talking about it (I couldn’t even find any gifs of it and had to take pictures coz I’m computerly incompitent). But I wanted to give my own analytical response to this millisecond glance, because I think it demonstrates properly why Cas has never done anything about his feelings for Dean. 

First, some context from my behalf: I always assumed Cas had never admitted his love for Dean for one of two reasons, 1) he was an angel, therefore not quite understanding his feelings himself - perhaps confusing them with familial love, Dean style. Or 2) he was afraid his love may not be reciprocated. But after watching 12x10, 12x12 and 12x23, I can thoroughly rule out reason 1. 

Now, I’ll be talking a lot about 12x10 as that ENTIRE EPISODE and THIS LOOK are so closely correlated. 

Okay, so 12x10 (Lily Sanders Has Some Regrets). I’m sure you’re all familiar with this episode as it gave us some truly awesome Destiel moments as well as fem!cas. Now my initial reading of this episode (as well as many others, I’m sure) was that this was a detailed explanation as to why Cas hasn’t opened up about his feelings. The reason to this: God. Yes, Chuck, I’m looking at you, you huge cock-blocking celestial dork. You are the reason Cas is so fearful and closed-off. 

Lets delve into this episode a little bit for those who need a refresher: Ishim (an angel of the lord™) falls in love with a human and convinces Heaven a nephilim has been born, all so he and his squad can dispose of this child and the angel who stole the love of his life. Just to hurt Lily and free himself from the pain of rejection. 

I was somewhat surprised with this episode (because hot damn! The symbolism and themes are just SO BLATANT), but mainly by Cas. He seemed so concerned and disgruntled with Akabel who (supposedly) fathered a nephilim and fell in love with a human. Previously (in 12x08) he refers to this as an “abomination” (a word that prompts us to think of another so called “abomination”). Cas sounded quite just damning Akabel, explaining he “broke our [Heaven/God] most sacred oath.” This is important. 

This surprised me, and it felt wrong. Here’s why:

He was a soldier and angry at Akabel for laying with a human, falling in love with her, and birthing a nephilim… But, like… Isn’t this exactly what he’s done with Dean? (maybe not the nephilim part, but you get my point). If we’re to believe that for all these years Cas has had a huge crush on Dean “Humanity” Winchester (which he has), why then is he so stoic and cold when another angel does the same? Obviously this was many years ago when he was still a loyal servant of Heaven, and you can argue that that’s all it is - however - during this episode, Cas still seems uncomfortable with the whole angel/human relationship concept. It came off as very hypocritical, and that’s why it felt wrong. 

Now, it was one thing for Cas to act this way hundreds of years ago - before Heaven lost its controlling iron grip, before he fell, and before he met Dean. But Cas still appears justified with this “abomination” ruling. As he, Dean, Sam, and Ishim sit inside that church (the home of God), discussing the situation, Cas has nothing to say in regards to Akabel. He doesn’t seemed phased about getting him killed and only appears to offer a hint of remorse in conjunction with the child, calling it “horrific, but necessary.” 

After watching this episode I came to some pretty amazing conclusions and realised I was wrong about a few things. Cas wasn’t unsure of his feelings for Dean - he was ashamed by them. Much like I believe Dean is surrounding his sexuality. So now we have both Cas and Dean seeing their feelings as ‘wrong’ in some way. With Dean it’s in regards to his own perception of masculinity. And with Cas its believing his father sees human/angel relationships as “abominations” (this is often explained through the nephilim narrative). This makes Cas’s views way more intense in my opinion. He wouldn’t just be defying himself if he admitted his feeling, he’d be defying God himself - his father. He sees Chuck as believing angels and humans should not be together romantically. And I mean, when your father - the literal creator of everything - says something is wrong, you may feel inclined to obay.     

I also believe this is a parallel to Dean/John - mirroring their early relationship. The reason Dean isn’t comfortable admitting his bisexuality and subsequent love for Cas, most likely stems from his relationship with his dad and his upbringing. John never let him be a kid, never let him play around and shoved masculine behavior so far down his throat that he became frightened to do anything outside these teachings. Which most likely included homosexuality, as he grew up in a time where this subject was often stereotyped with femininity and weakness. John’s word was law in Dean’s world. And we’re only now starting to see him break free and come to terms with who he is. 

Doesn’t this sound a lot like Cas and Chuck? God created humanity and with that came rules - God’s law. One of which being “so like, all my angel children, don’t go around sleeping with my humans, that ain’t cool. Just don’t - in fact, its an abomination.” We know Cas isn’t one for following rules and has certainly distanced himself from Heaven in recent years, however, he is still an angel, and despite falling, he is still loyal. He cares for his brothers and sisters, even when they’re pieces of shit to him (*cough* Ishim *cough*). He is still seen helping heaven and other angels even though they may hate him. Because he remains loyal to them to an extent. This is why he still follows their most sacred oath. 

I’ll break down very basically the two rules Dean and Cas are currently controlled by, thanks to their fathers. 

Dean: “Man shall not lay with man. It is an abomination.”

Cas: “Angel shall not lay with humanity. It is an abomination.”

I believe this is the simplest way to put our two boy’s dilemmas. And although Dean isn’t exactly religious in a lot of aspects, this is the basic outline for their fears (as well as Dean’s being “can’t be seen as weak, can’t be seen as girly”).

Some of you may say (just like I did while writing this): “What about April? Cas had no qualms sleeping with her and he thought she was human, so waddup?” April, as you may recall, was that piece of crap that slept with Cas and stabbed him the chest before Dean rightfully kicked her ass. Well you’re right. When Cas slept with her, he did in fact think she was human (and not a reaper like we later find out). But don’t forget Cas was also human during this moment. Metatron had stolen his grace. If he really feels being with a human (love or sex) is as bad as I think he thinks it is, he must have convinced himself of that fact. “She’s human, I’m human - this is fiiiiiine.” You can even see the confused and conflicting fear skim across his face as he kisses her. 

I’d also like to point out that this episode is literally called “I’m No Angel” with Cas repeating this line after they have sex.

 Next up, we have Daphne (also human and practically the female equivalent of Dean), who was his wife for the briefest of moments during 7x17. But again, Cas wasn’t himself, he had amnesia, thought he too was human, and therefore saw no wrong in this. Other than these two examples, I don’t believe Cas has ever had another human love interest (excluding Dean, obviously) in all of the 9 years we’ve known him, which is a hell of a long time. So I think its safe to assume that Cas (when he’s fully sound of mind and all graced-up) believes it is wrong to be with a human. 

So, to recap: 

Cas loved Dean and is fully aware of this.

Sees human/angel relationships as wrong (thanks to the rules of Heaven and Chuck which are hard-wired into his brain).

Hasn’t done anything about his feeling because he is AFRAID (of Dean’s response) and ASHAMED (of what God would think).

Has only been with Humans when he is human, or thinks he’s human.

Okay, now its finally time to get back to those first three stills (thank god, you must be saying). Here is the scene that plays out directly before the glance:

This is then where we’re presented with that half-a-second glance at Dean from Cas. Pay close attention to what Luci says here and when it cuts to Cas. Directly after: “We can’t, daddy’s watching.” 

LOOK AT HIS FACE! Note how the frame LINGERS ON DEAN AS CAS FADES INTO THE BACKGROUND! LIKE!!???!?! I see no other reason for this exchange unless it is specifically related to something Lucifer is saying. The only other explanation I can think of is perhaps Cas is worried about Dean because Satan is mocking Sam and clearly not bothered by the threat of God, and he knows how Dean could get aggravated by this, but that’s stretching it. No, what we have here is Cas connecting to something Lucifer is saying. Its reminding him of his own fears. Namely, “Dean and I can never be together because daddy is always watching, and he would hate me. I can’t break my oath.”  

BOOM! There it is - the moment that made me sure of why Cas has never opened up to Dean and why he couldn’t keep eye contact during his group love confession. Because he is ASHAMED AND SCARED. I didn’t notice this glance my first watch through, but when I did the second time, HOLY SHT. This just drove home suspicions I had after watching 12x10 that Cas is fearful of his emotions and worried about how his father would react to them - even if it may be subconsciously.

I may be slow to this realisation, but I really wanted to bring up this scene in 12x23 as I don’t think anyone’s mentioned it. I just hope we get more of this, more of Cas confronting his feelings and dealing with why he hides them. Maybe we could even see him disregard his fears and start to accept himself and become less closed-off, like we’ve been seeing Dean do in the last two seasons. 

Anyway, that’s all I have. Thank you to anyone that read all the way through. 

EDIT: I wrote this before Season 13 came out and I feel compelled to mention Cas’s depression/empty!cas scene in 13x04. This entire post was about me believing Cas was ashamed of his love because he thought God would judge him (even if that may be wrong from what we - the audience - know of Chuck, but Cas certainly believes it - maybe subconsciously). This episode just further solidified my analysis with the whole “I know who you love, what you fear” line. 

Empty!cas is most Definitely referring to a secret feeling Cas harbors for someone (yes, singular) for which he feels shame. This is just more proof (fool proof proof that’s finally being rammed down the antis throats) that Cas is in love with Dean and thinks what he feels for him specifically is wrong and something he should be ASHAMED of. I am so happy with my reading after seeing this episode and empty!cas spelling out all my beliefs in the most obvious way that SPN could possibly present. I even appreciate empty!cas kicking Cas while he’s down by pretty much saying “I know what you hate (yourself, your emotions, why you are the way you are), who you love (Dean), what you fear (him not loving you back, and the ramifications you would face if you ever did anything about it)”. 

Beautiful. This episode was just beautiful. I could not have wished for anything more. LollyDragon out.

@tinkdw @olympiahell @postmodernmulticoloredcloak @elizabethrobertajones I’m interested in your guy’s response, if ya’ll have the time