#Sam wasn't listening to the wrong place wrong time conversation he doesn't know that

[freakwiththeknifecollection]

It's kinda laughable to me when people bring up Meg telling Jo that Dean only saw her as a little sister as like, definitive proof that's how he felt. Like demons never lie just to fuck with people

[miniisunshine]

Hii! This is my first fanfic like ever, i had this idea before sleeping one night and decided to write it in case others would like this story too. Kinda taboo and it doesn't follow the plot of Under the Banner of Heaven, i only took the character of Sam! Enjoy!

(Also english is not my first language)

Synopsis : You didn't believe in god, but you sure believed in Father Sam

Warnings : Age gap (21-35), cheating, loss of virginity, sex in a religious place, p in v, AFAB character, soft dom

There you were, in a church with your family, praying to a god you didn't believe in.

Let's get back to the beginning: your mother always had problem conceving, having you almost took her life, but she was determine to have a second one, a boy, even if the doctors told your parents it would need a miracle to have another child. So they began to pray and pray, until your brother was born two years after you; a complete healthy boy.

As they were proud of the "Lord's work" they didn't hold back on talking about the miracle that was your brother at the church near your old house, that's how they met the Lafferty family, proud owners of a little commune where religion ruled the place.

And that's how you ended up living most of your life there. You always felt different, like you didn't belong with these people, religion life wasn't your style, but you couldn't leave. Your parents didn't let you work, so you couldn't save money for yourself, you weren't allowed to learn how to drive and the commune was too far to escape by foot. So you daydreamed about being a normal 21 years old: partying, graduating college, going out, experience life and... mostly sexual life. You've learned all about that on your phone, a 18th birthday present by your parents.

Not that you didn't know about your sexuality,nd sex in general, at your 18th birthday, you already knew your envies and your pulsions were normal, despite everyone telling you otherwise. I mean, why would God have created them? What wasn't normal was your feeling for Father Samuel Lafferty, the oldest son's in the Lafferty family.

It started as a small crush when you were 16, the day his dad let him take over the church's activities, so he could "retire" and live a calm life in the commune. But then, as you grew older, you knew you wanted him more than an high school girl crushing on a One Direction member. Unfortunately, as most men, he was already married to a good little wife, living a perfect life, or so you thought.

As you were waiting for the evening prayer, you noticed Samuel wasn't at the door, greeting his people like he used to, no he was late. Well, he still made it in time, but when he entered the church, you knew something was wrong with him, anger could be read in his eyes, but not enough so that everybody could see it, only you took notice of it.

As the evening prayer's ended, everybody stand up to leave, but not you, you were motivate to know what was on his mind. You said to your family that you had a question to ask to Father Sam and you waited for everybody to leave the house of God to went forward with your mission.

"Father Sam"

"Good evening"

He responded looking at you with a soft smile.

"I've noticed you weren't at the door today to greet our community, is everything alright? I was worried"

"Nothing to worry sweatheart, i still made it in time didn't i?"

"Yes, but i've noticed your anger in your eyes, is there something troubling you?"

"Like i said, nothing really important"

"You know, my family always said i had a great ear to listen when someone needed to talk about their problems..."

You pressed your hands on his forearms.

He sighed.

"i guess its always a relief to talk to someone who doesn't know you personnally, but you can't tell anyone, we are in the presence of God, he will know if you don't keep your promise"

"Mouth shut i promise, its like we'll never had this conversation"

"So... My wife and i, aren't really compatible in the bedroom"

You watch him with a curious face.

"You know, it's hard to conceived when there's no fun in the love making session"

You didn't know what took over you, but you took one step closer to him, putting your hands on his chest.

"Can you show me what fun would be like for you?"

And with that, you got his attention. Maybe it was because he was in need of a good fuck session, or he maybe was possessed by a demon, but he you took by the wrist, leading you to his small office before closing the door and curtains

"On your knees, now."

You could feel your heart beating fast and entrance getting wet. This was all happening so fast, but it was what you've always wanted, and you didn't want to messed up this opportunity, so you did as he told you to do.

He walked towards you, the excitement in his pants quite visible as he took your chin in his hand, smirking in your direction. With his other hand, he unbuckle his pants, dropping them on the floor, doing the same with his boxers, as you watch with anticipation

He wasn't huge, but he was still pretty big, so you wasted no time taking him in your hands, while you look into his eyes, in need of a reaction. As his breathing started to go faster, you surprised him by putting his member in your mouth. You've never done that with anyone, but the porn you've watched your phone, and the pratice you did in your room helped you a lot faking your confidence.

"Fuck..."

He gripped you by the back of your head, guiding you as he softly moan, head toward the ceilling, eyes closed.

As you were adjusting your mouth to his size and beginning to feel yourself on him, he pulled you up, taking you over his desk, bending you over and lifting your skirt to reveal your ass.

"I've never see you with a man before, have you ever done this?"

He massaged your butt, waiting for an answer, while you blushed.

"No... I was waiting for the right one, like you..."

"And what does that mean?"

He pulled down your underwear, revealing your soaking cunt, before carefully placing a finger in between your folds, finding your clit.

"I-I've always had a..a crush on you Father Sam... Every wet dreams i had w-was about you.."

You were a shaking mess, almost coming undone just by his soft touch on your clit.

He lower himself, whispering in your ears before entering a finger in your wet hole.

"So you dreamed about this moment?"

"Y-Yes! Oh my god.. Sam"

He started moving his finger into you leaving small kisses on your back, he wasted no time before putting a second and than a third one, making you moan and cry as you enjoyed this torturous pleasure.

"P-please Father.. I need t-to feel you... Please be the o-one to take my virginity..."

You couldn't believe yourself, you never thought you were this forward in life, but the things he made you feel were too much, you wanted more.

Without saying a word, he places himself in front of your entrance, thrusting a couple of times without entering, making you longing for him, before slowly pushing into you, grunting, feeling your walls taking him so perfectly.

You gasped as you didn't expet this to be so painful, but how so good was the pain for you.

At a slow pace he thrusted more and more of himself, grabbing your hips to keep you in place and moaning quietly to the sin he was committing.

He moved faster and faster, making you cry out of pleasure, scratching the desk you were on, hoping to catch something to hold onto.

Moaning louder and slapping your ass, leaving a mark on you, Sam placed his fingers on your clit, circling your pearl, aiming for your orgasm.

"C-come for me sweetheart, we're in this together..."

And with that, you let yourself coming undone on his desk, while he thrusted one last time, filling you with his semence.

Coming down from the high you were both in, he made sure to clean you, making you feel loved, not like a toy he just used. You look at him one last time, smilling with embarrassement, before leaving the church and going home, your heart filled and your head loaded with new fantasies.

Tadaaa, what have i write?! Hehe! Let me know what yall think!

[guardian-rocket]

@byondtheveil

Rei knew Rocket had been in town. They had planned on meeting up tomorrow cause he was doing stuff with the avengers today... She didn't care which one it was, whoever abandoned Rocket was going to get a beating... even if it was Thor she'd just have to find a way to hit harder... or maybe she'd rebuild her flame thrower...

It didn't take long for Rei to pull up to the address Rocket sent her. Sure she had to borrow her neighbour's car since her truck was being worked on, but she didn't mind. Usually, she'd just walk but she wasn't sure how sloshed Rocket might be, "Hey there did someone order a tiny redhead ready to kick ass??"

Rocket had slugged his drink as he waited, mulling over his conversation that lead to the argument with Sam. He was always the first to admit he didn't care about the grand scheme of altruism, but Sam had pointed it out and somehow it hurt is pride, pride he didn't even know he had. He was frazzled on trying to figure out if he really DID or DIDN'T care. In trying to defend himself and the work he's done, the fact he had a hand in saving the universe a handful of times already and put his life on the line without a second thought.

What started as a toast to the mission they shared mutually turned into some weird interrogation. Either he had to admit he did care or admit he was a self centered prick who only cared about his own inner circle of friends.

Flashback:

"No, it's not your shooting skills I'm questioning. It's your motives. You fight, sure. But it seems like you're only in it if it benefits you or your little circle. You don't really care about the bigger picture, the masses out there who suffer while we're sitting here, sipping drinks."

"So, what? You're saying I'm no hero because I don't go around saving every flarkin' person in the galaxy? I look out for my team, Sam. They're my family. You gonna fault me for that?"

"It's not about faulting you for caring about your team Rocket. It's about what it means to be a hero. It's about doing the right thing, not just for your own, but for everyone. Even if it costs you. That's what being a hero is."

"I never said I was a hero."

"Then why are you upset?"

"Because you ain't got a right to say that. Listen to you, all high and mighty. You think I don't know about sacrifice? About loss? I've given more than you'll ever know, fought battles you wouldn't last a minute in. Just because I don't broadcast it, just because I'm not out there playing the hero for everyone to see, doesn't mean I don't care."

"Maybe you're right, Rocket. Maybe being a hero can mean different things. But at the end of the day, it's about making the universe a better place, not just for us, not just for our families, but for everyone. Can you honestly say you're doing that?"

There was a long pause, Rocket was fuming, "Oh, cut the sanctimonious crap, Sam. You think you're any better? Flying around, saving the day, but only when the cameras are rolling. You're a hero when it suits you, when it makes you look good. What about the dirty, gritty sacrifices no one wants to make, huh?" "No right? When you sit here, dismissing the value of lives because they're not part of your circle? That's where you're wrong. I thought there was more to you, Rocket. I thought underneath all that fur and attitude, there was an Avenger. Looks like I was wrong."

Rocket then growled, more animal-like than man, his hackles going up, and immediately he realized Sam looked uncomfortable, like seeing Rocket like that startled him, and Rocket noticed he didn't care. He was use to that sort of reaction but there was something in his eyes, in Sam's eyes that bothered him. It was like Sam didn't like him at all.

"That's it. I've had enough of this." Sam grumbled as he stood up, his chair scraping loudly against the wooden floor, echoing through the tension-filled bar. "I thought we could find some common ground, but I don't see what Cap sees in you."

"You're leaving? Just like that? After starting this whole mess? The frick is wrong with you?" Rocket's voice cracked a little, and if Sam felt bad at all, for anything there was no sign of it.

"Looks like it. You're resourceful, Rocket. I'm sure you'll figure something out."

Rocket ordered his drink shortly after, letting himself calm down before he called Rei for a ride, letting her know he was free early and giving her a short and very vague explanation of what happened without divulging the topic or what was said. As far as Rei knew he just got in a dumb argument with his ride.

/end flashback.

Rocket went outside as soon as he estimated she'd be close by and sure enough, Rei arrived to his rescue. Wasn't that ironic?

Even with him, angry, sad, and dealing with his own emotions, Rei still seemed to be able to fish a smile out of him.

"Ah... lucky for him he already left," Rocket teased as he let himself into the vehicle. Rei could probably smell the taste of liquor on Rocket, who was by no means totally drunk, but drinking a human sized glass of hard liquor did make him a little tipsy.

[themagnusbane]

GAP The Series Episode 10 Thoughts

Knowing where we left off: some joy, some gay and a topping of pain, I'm hoping that we get a resolution to Mon's "Khun Sam deserves better than me" derailment, so we can get more of our beloved sapphics, before the wicked witch of a grandmother shows up to, like my people would say "pour sand inside their garri." If you're not Nigerian, that probably flew right over your head. Sorry.

I love the irony in just how much I love Mon's love pajamas! It's soooo cute!!! I want!!!!!!

2. But on a side note though. Every single time they wake up with a face full of makeup, I cackle at how unrealistic it is. Like sure, if Idol Factory wants to convince me (which they absolutely CANNOT because I have eyes!!!) that Mon wakes up every morning with her lips soft and dewy and just that smattering of the right blush on her cheeks, and her eyes that pop, one question still remains... WHAT ABOUT THE BED HEAD? WHERE IS THE BED HEAD GAP THE SERIES???

3. Awwwwww. Look at Sam smiling at her beloved. MY HEART!!!!!! But also. Are we just going to ignore the fact that they had a fight with Sam walking away, just the previous episode? Did they think we forgot? Or is Sam just so hopelessly in love that she can't stay mad at the sight of Mon's gorgeous face. Which...

4. The hug from behind. The "Good mornings". That kiss on her cheek. Them walking hand-in-hand. They're killing me your honor. They're killing me with all that sweetness and I AM DYING A VERY VERY HAPPY WOMAN!!!

5. Ah!!! So they started from before-the-fight. Okay, that makes sense. Cuz I was worried for a moment that the show wasn't going to address it. Which now that I think about it... GAP honey. I'm so sorry I doubted you for a minute there. I know you are not that kind of girl. I can't believe I briefly forgot that. Please forgive me!!

6. Ooooof. The fight is still as painful the second time around. Mon sweetheart, we really need to get your self-esteem up. Sure you're a "commoner" [I really REALLY hate that term!!!], but you're a commoner that Sam loves. Why can't you believe that? I would understand if her reservations are around whether or not Sam's grandmother would be accepting of her, considering her gender AND her commoner status, but she's coming from this from a place of "I don't deserve Khun Sam", which urgh!!! I really hope Sam sets her straight and is clear in how perfect Mon is, and how in fact it is Sam who is underserving of her, and not the other way round.

7. Gghghghjgjhghj. Cher complimenting the colour of Sam's car is like that cliche of "I a gay man, likes sports" and I am cackling because this is so fucking hilarious and I love how they're giving my sapphics ALL the cliches. Yes!!! Feed them to me. Shoot them directly into my veins!!!

8. Cher being all "of course the weird girl will give her car a weird name" is SENDING ME!!!! But... she's not wrong though. The only thing is, we and Mon, love Sam just the way she is. Hehehehehehe.

9. Mon Sweetheart, I know you want to get something nice and expensive for your girl. But Sam doesn't want that. The only thing she wants from you, is you. Your love, your goodness, that big, big heart of yours. Why would you feel bad about not being able to buy the woman who has everything, something lavish. Look at Kirk! He could do all of that. But is she with him? No!!! You are the one she wants! Let that sink in. PLEASE!!!!

10. See!!! I knew the minute I saw Cher, there was a connection between us!! I just knew that this was a lesbian who could wreck me, an acerbic tongue, with a sense of style and common sense to boot! Tee is still my goddess, Nita would destroy me, and for Cher I would risk everything. GAP is making me even more happy that I am polyamorous. BRING ME ALL THE SAPPHICS!!! I want to collect them like Pokémon cards!! But also, MON ARE YOU LISTENING TO THE OLDER SAPPHICS!!! Money can't buy love!! Sam knows this. She recognizes this. I hope after this conversation, you would too!!!

11. Romance. Comedy. Drama. Horror. Would you look at that Mon. Risa and Cher's story has the same elements as yours and Sam's. Even down to the wealth and the family that hopefully Sam cuts off because fuck that evil witch of the West masquerading as her grandmother!!! But yeah. Listen to the slightly older and much happier lesbians Mon. Grab your happiness and your girl by your hands and don't let go. Cuz her grandmother would do enough objecting of you both's relationship anyway.

12. Aaaaaaaand... Speak of the witch and she doth appears. Urgh!!! Why do I have the feeling that she probably knows that Sam isn't with her friends, and this passive aggressive phone call with the "is Kirk not with you", is just her testing her granddaughter to see if Sam would lie to her. Urgh. This woman gives me anxiety!!!!

13. I knew it!!! Look at that look in her eyes. She totally knows!

14. Kirk. You piece of trash with your ghost-looking face!!! You know that telling her "you should hear it from Sam" would confirm evil grandmother's suspicions. But you want to keep up the facade that you are a good person, whilst nudging her in the direction where she will confirm everything. You shady bastard. Urgh!!!!

15. And of course evil grandmother is all "I'll handle it" with that conniving look on her face. You see what you did there Kirk? You set her in that direction. Let her see the hesitation in your eyes, indirectly confirmed that you know Sam's with someone else, and have therefore set off the snowball that would seemingly get you what you want, even though it would make Sam miserable. I really, really don't like you!

16. Awwwwww. Look at that sweet apology. Look at Sam being honest about her being hurt, and why she is hurt, and what her fears are. You see that Mon? You're not the only one with fears and doubts. Sure both your concerns have different faces, but the key to solving them is COMMUNICATION!!! Glad you both are finally doing just that!

17. OMG!!!! It's Tee and Yuki, on their couple's retreat as well!!! Look at all my favourite sapphics, gathered under one roof!!!!

18. Sam's "you must have been sent by grandmother, you a spy!!!" talk is sending me!!! And Tee's being able to guess that Sam's grumpy reception is because she and Mon are fighting???? Chef's kiss. I LOVE THIS WOMAN EVERYONE!!! I WOULD DIE FOR HER!!! Tee, I love you. I will make you the main interest in my harem of women. Be mine!

19. Risa and Cher flirting in front of my single salad is making me feel even more single.

20. Awwwww. Look how quickly Sam ran to Mon's side, when she thought she was hurt. Even whilst angry, she's still like "Mon, you come first!" My darling. My baby. My precious.

21. Of course she's not angry anymore. She can't stay mad at you for long. It's why she's so precious. How adorable!!!!

22. Hehehehehe. Cher and Sam have such similar personalities, watching them clash makes me cackle so hard. You can basically see both their Persian cat furs bristling at each other, with Mon and Risa having to work extra hard to calm their women down. This is glorious. Look at them fighting over festivals. Ha!

23. Yo! Why am I only seeing two couples and two lanterns? Where are Tee and Yuki??? Where's their lanterns???? Are they helping with Mon's surprise???? I have questions!!!

24. OMG!!! They are!!! Ha!!!! Is she proposing??? OMG! OMG! OMG!!!! They're totally doing a proposal/marriage thing right now. I am not crying! I am not crying. These are not tears! It's my allergies acting up! OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

25. That was so sweet! THE SWEETEST PROPOSAL!! My heart!! I can't stop grinning. That was sooo good, and so beautiful. I love love y'all!! I LOVE LOVE!!!!!!

26. I swear, I think these two became even more radiant after Mon's proposal. It's like them settling into the knowledge that they love each other and want to spend the rest of their lives together, filled them with the honeymoon glow and I AM LIVING FOR IT!!!!

27. Hold up! HOLD THE FUCK UP!!! Isn't that her elder sister??? The oldest, who wanted to become an artist and witchy grandmother burned all her things??? OMG!!! It is her!!!! Look at that glow!! Look at that radiance!!! She is incandescent!!! That is what happens when you get out from under the roof of the wicked grandmother of the West! Sam!! Take a cue from your oldest sister and bounce. Tap into the radiance you deserve. Cuz your shitty grandmother doesn't deserve a modicum of goodness from you.

28. See. I understand what she is saying. And somewhere buried beneath all that, is the truth of what I want Sam to realize (she will never be happy living with her grandmother and she needs to cut the woman off and never look back), but there is a decent way to make that statement, and calling your younger sister, who you abandoned (because she is the oldest, and she basically left her two younger siblings in the hands of an abusive and toxic relative, without trying to create a situation where they can come to her and rely on her and ask her for help), who died trying to get away from the evil witch, weak, is so not cool, and is in fact very cruel.

29. Aaaaaand of course, the witch of a homophobe that is her grandmother now knows the truth. I am bracing myself for carnage because we all know that the person who's going to get the brunt of the disaster that is about to go down is poor, innocent Mon.

30. Urgh!!! It's already here. I don't want to see this. She's about to manipulate her in some way isn't she? Poor Mon. You don't deserve this.

31. See? She's starting things off by establishing that she knows everything there is to know about Mon. That she knows her family. Her friends. Her history. Before outrightly stating that Mon planned everything, and set things up to be close to Sam. And of course she's going to bring Kirk and his "feelings" into this. Which FUCK YOU GRANDMOTHER! Mon sweetheart, just because he was good to you, doesn't mean that you have to sacrifice your happiness for him. Because trust me, if the tables were turned, his entitled ass won't do shit.

32. And of course they are double-tagging to try and break Sam and Mon up. Fuck you and your apologies Kirk. I hope you fucking choke, you lying, backstabbing piece of shit. We already know that her grandmother is going to rot in all the nine hells. But you? You piece of shit who pretended to be a good person, until you weren't able to get the girl... You are so much worse!

33. He really fired Chin and Yha???? And we all know it's a set-up to whatever it is that evil grandmother of the West has set in motion to get Sam and Mon to break up, to to have Sam do what she wants. Which urgh!!! Please tell me Yha wouldn't out of anger at getting fired, want to pull Mon down, because she also knows their secret! Urgh, this is a mess!!!!

34. On one hand, I'm cheering Sam on for being all "I am going to fire Mon. And date her outside of the office. Thank you for opening my eyes to that possibility". But on the other hand, I don't think Kirk is done with his stupid plan and I'm anxious about what he and that grandmother witch have planned.

35. I can't believe I'm saying this but Nop... You are a good egg. You have sense. Who would have thought that between you and Kirk, you would be the one with the backbone and the cool head on your shoulders. Yes please! Call out trash grandmother for her trash ways. Fuck the bourgeoisie. FUCK HER!!!! And thank you for encouraging Mon to pick up Sam's calls and talk to her. You see that Kirk? YOU SEE YOUR MATE?!!! Just like you, he too was interested in Mon. He wanted to be in a relationship with her. And when she said no, he backed away. When he discovered her relationship with Sam, he supported her. And now, he's encouraging her to be with the woman she loves. Nop's baby finger is better than your entire ass put together Kirk! Infinitely better!!!

36. Urgh Mon. Just tell her the truth already!!! None of this "I miss home" nonsense. If y'all's relationship is going to survive, you need to tell her that her grandmother came over, and tell her all the trash things, that witchy vampire of a grandmother said.

37. Atta girl. You did good. And Sam's immediate 'I'm sorry. I shouldn't have let you face this" has me bawling. My precious babies. I want only happiness for you both!! You need to walk away from your grandmother Sam. But knowing Mon, she would feel extra guilty if she felt that it's because of her that you walked away from your witch of a grandmother which urgh!!!! Toxic family relationships are the worst!!!

38. Her grandmother's house really is stunning. But it's cold. So fucking cold. Fitting for a witch in her soulless castle. I swear if this conversation doesn't end with "Grandmother. If you love Kirk so much, then YOU marry him," I am screaming at my TV.

So yeah. We get happiness and sapphics in love, and proposals. But we also get this nonsense with Kirk teaming up with Sam's grandmother which urgh!! This will probably be our lives for the next two episodes until the end of the series. But you know what? The fact that I only have to hang in there for two more weeks, until they kick Kirk to the cub, and hopefully break the bonds with grandmother witch? I can hang in there. I just want to see my babies get their happy ending. And I'm willing to do anything to make that happen for them!!! Including praying and hoping that dishonorable witchy grandmother croaks. Cuz that's the one solution I see to all of this.

[esterzach]

I love this interview. To me, this is how a conversation should go. That's how people actually learn and understand more about the person behind the celebrity status, or the scientist, or the politician. Let them talk. I kind of avoided that one, to be honest. Mostly because I expected them to speak of art and cinema, and honestly what do I know about these things? Nothing. I thought that this was the kind of conversation that would fall on deaf ears with me in general.

But I was wrong. I love that there is so much here to unpack if you listen carefully.

I admit I laughed a bit too much at the story of the Oscar nomination and the toy car. But what impressed me was her answer to the question around the end, when they asked her something along the lines of how you deal with people who are hard to work with. You can see her hesitation and almost as if she doesn't want to speak about it, or want to but buying time to formulate her answer without offending someone. And all of a sudden, she remembers a specific situation, where not someone else but she is the one that screwed up. Even though it wasn't intentional, it's the kind of behaviour that makes you think "Hollywood primadonna" or something like that. But the level of self-reflecting here, and the mature way she thinks of it is an example of how a person should think and behave. I imagine some people wouldn't be that graceful or wouldn't find fault in their behavior in a similar case. I've heard enough stories of the pretentious behavior of the big stars, and sometimes it feels like some of those people forget that they don't exist alone and are isolated in the world, that without the hundreds of people around them, their "art" is nothing, because it would not have even the chance to happen or be seen at all. The small remark about how Ben Affleck might have preferred someone else for Gone Girl made me... slightly angry. I understand she probably didn't mean anything wrong at all, but I also assume she had a reason to say something like that or feel something like that. Made me remember why I didn't like him for years, and I have no idea why. Other than the infamous interview with Ben Maher and Sam Harris, which made me think that person is either a complete idiot or so drunk/high, that he completely lost it, I doubt I have other reasons. Still... dunno. A gut feeling, I guess. The point is, that someone made her feel that way, that insecure, that she doubted they wanted her there in the first place. Maybe I am projecting, maybe it's a past experience and a lot of it, but I definitely hate this type of feeling with passion. I love that when she talks about Hostiles, her voice starts to crack almost as if she is about to cry as if she was relieving the story again. I have mixed feelings about this movie. It's an interesting story and at the same time I found myself thinking "OK, that's too much, I got your point, enough." It felt as if the violence was too much, made me wonder how the hell those people survived all this, and what kind of mindset this creates in the next generations, what they carry in their genetic memory. It was so disturbing that at some point I hit pause and wondered if I should finish that. It's a good movie, but it slightly felt a bit too all over the place. I think I understand the idea behind it, and I agree with it, but it makes me think "What's the point of all this?". I guess I don't understand the mindset.

A random thought... while I watched: Probably it's just me, but I have this feeling of dumbing down and simplifying the language in the last I don't know how many years that comes from the media. It feels like someone decided that being educated is some sort of bad thing and somehow succeeded in instilling that idea in people's heads. It's almost as if there is this sense of fear of educated people as if this is a privilege only of the rich, which... is beyond idiotic in my eyes. I came from a place where there was that mantra for generations, it felt as if it's been there forever that knowledge is power, knowledge is a value, and science is the way we should follow. All of a sudden that changed somewhere in the 90s with the increasing influence of one particular culture. That's... opens a whole different conversation. What I mean is this woman's way of speaking makes me feel sane. I don't mean the accent. It's the reasoning. The way she formulates her thoughts. And the calm temp of speaking. I was so tired of listening to people who couldn't stitch a sentence together and mask their lack of knowledge with overly animated mannerisms and dumb laughter. And it was somehow expected of me to admire and clap to that. Laugh along, because it's appropriate! It is accepted, and everyone else does it. No!

[defygrav1ty]

❝ sometimes. when i'm reading to him at night, or i'm being silly trying to make him laugh ― my mom used to do a lot of that, but, like you said, it's different with you and victoria. not necessarily better or worse, just...different. the parts of my upbringing i didn't want to take into raising jamie didn't have so much to do with my mom being a raging, narcissistic bitch, but with the absence, that feeling that we were too many kids and there wasn't enough time to love and pamper every single one of us. i took the role of being the perfect little girl that makes no trouble to be able to make space for, say, taylor's mayhem, and that wasn't entirely healthy, either. that's why i hung out so much at lucas', i thought there was more of a place for me to be myself there. ❞ wow, she didn't expect a conversation about brooke's doubts as a new mother to sam to lead to so much self-reflection, but it was a welcome surprise. she rarely ever discussed any of this with nathan, as he surely lucked out in the dysfunctional family department.

another piece of pep talk was coming through as haley reached out for brooke's hand, ❝ listen, brooke, we all make mistakes. you think nathan and i are perfect parents and we're not screwing jamie up somehow? i forget to pack his lunch, i arrive late sometimes to pick him up, nathan sometimes forgets to feed chester ― and kids, they take those things to heart if you don't take the time to repair with them. it's not so much the mistake that hurts, but the simple meaning they interpret it with, like i'm not good, i've been abandoned, i don't matter: if you take the time to repair with them, and let them know you're human and you make mistakes, but that doesn't imply anything about how much you love them, they'll be just fine. with sam, you run with an advantage and a disadvantage: on the one hand, she's a teenager, and she'll catch these things quicker as soon as you bring it up, but, on the other hand, you're left with the unrepaired screw-ups other people have left her with, that subconsciously influence how she feels and how she acts. she's probably scared as hell to let you down, because she feels like there's something inherently wrong with her you'll ditch her for sooner or later like everyone else has, so all you have to do is: prove her wrong. teach her taking accountability for her mistakes, but reassuring her you're not going anywhere and that you love her just as much. repeat that enough times, and you'll repair what others broke. ❞ haley takes a much-needed sip of wine, self-deprecatingly joking, ❝ wow, i feel like i dumped two semesters of psych 101 on you. remind me never to drink merlot again. ❞

ever thankful for the wisdom that her friend was able to impart on her, brooke gave a gentle, ever so slight laugh to show that the message had been well and truly received. brooke was going from zero to one hundred –– there was no learning as they grew, as she'd been thrown straight into the deep end with a teen. a teen that she wanted to be able to stabilise, to provide a loving home to, despite what troubles they might have to face together. "martini's in coffee mugs? i could be on board with that."

"really?" expression softened on the brunette's face, a warmth of comfort coming from the assurance that perhaps there was a part of her that was doing something right. the fact that sam was smiling, even only in short, secret bursts, meant that they had to be heading in the right direction. no matter how slowly it might feel. it was a change for the both of them, and they were having to learn together. brooke had never been more thankful for her friendship with haley than she was in that moment. "i don't know. do you hear your mom in your head when you're doing anything with jamie?" she asked, although the relationship between the james's was far better than hers with victoria. "i just want to get it right. undoing all the bad things she's been through, make sure she feels loved. it's just hard."

[londonalozzy]

Stop Pretending (TFATWS)

Fandom: Marvel

Pairing: Bucky x Reader

Genre: Romance, Angst

Summary: The reader thinks she's doing a stellar job of keeping her feelings for a certain soldier buried deep inside. Turns out, all it takes is an observant new friend to begin the unraveling of her most precious secret (Spoilers for TFATWS)

Masterlist

Word: Pretence

Definition: A way of acting that is intended to deceive people.

Example: Saying that he's just a friend when he's really the love of your life.

Your POV

Being caught in the midst of war is something that I, (Y/N) (Y/L/N)  know all too well. As a war vet, former shield agent, and now Avenger I'm used to being centered amongst conflict. When the fight begins within me though, a battle between what I want and what I think is right, how will I react? Will I listen to my heart, my head, or will the winner be chosen for me?

Delacroix, Louisiana.....

I love my sleep, always have, always will. It's not necessarily the comfort of the bed, the quiet or even the rest. It's the fact that I'm at peace when I sleep. My life has a tendency to fall apart when I'm awake, so anything that will put that off for as long as possible I savor.

I wish it were the same for a certain super soldier in my life. I look forward to going to bed, everything calms down then, and for most people it's the same. For Bucky however, it's when everything starts, the nightmares, the terrors, the seemingly unending darkness. If only I could take his pain away like he has with mine.

For the last few weeks, my life had, for want of a better word, been hectic. Hectic to say the least.

After the eventual defeat of Thanos and the loses we endured as a result, I thought naively that life might calm down a bit, that I'd have time to breathe, to live. How wrong I was.

It all began with John Walker being announced to the world as the new Captain America.

I was baking cookies with Morgan in the Stark family kitchen when it came over the radio. As that latest turn of events sunk in, my first thoughts were of Bucky, what that would do to him. Not even an hour later I had said my goodbyes and was on my way to help him get the shield back.

Since then even more had happened. We'd regrouped with Sam, busted Zemo out of prison which in turn ruffled the feathers of Ayo and the Dora Milaje. We came face to face with Morgenthou and the Flag Smashers, and finally witnessed the man who thought he could even compete with Steve, make himself judge, jury and most significantly executioner.

After that went around the world we knew we had to end it sooner rather than later. It couldn't get much worse than Captain America becoming a murderer. We got the shield back, which was a fight all in itself. Handed Zemo over to Ayo, to try and recompense for the distrust we'd instilled in the people who'd helped us so much. Then we travelled to stay with Sam and his family in Louisiana whilst we waited for Karli's next move.

This is where we found ourselves now, in the eye of it, the calm before the storm.

Waking up in the Wilson households guest room, I was greeted to the golden hue of the rising sun penetrating through the single glaze windows, and the melodic sounds of gulls on the hunt for their morning meal down by the docks.

Actually, no that's not right. What I could hear was most certainly not birds, and it was definitely not melodic. What were those boys doing?

Quickly and quietly I threw on the first clothes I could get my hands on and made my way downstairs towards the noise. What caught my attention when I discovered the source, was not the two youngest Wilson boys playing with our newly reacquired shield in the living room, but the super solider who was blissfully ignorant to it all, sleeping peacefully on the couch in front of them. I don't think I'd ever been so happy.

"Right you two, if you're determined to play Avengers all morning then I suggest you re-assemble in the back yard. You're gonna wake Bucky up," I whispered out in one breath, stepping between the boys, then placing my hands on their backs and tip toeing them towards the door.

"So what if we wake him up? It's gone 10am," Cass questioned in protest, pulling on his sneakers and jacket.

"Exactly! Which is why if you do as I say, I will make you the biggest plate of waffles for breakfast that you've ever seen."

The boys eyes lit up. "Can we have ice cream with it? Mum never lets us have ice cream for breakfast, and I'm sure there's a tub of Stark raving hazelnuts in the freezer," AJ clapped in muted excitement. "Oh, for God's sake.....Yes. You can have whatever you want if you get out of this house now and keep the noise down."

Once the boys were outside, I made my way over to the kitchen, stopping on the way to lean over my favourite senior citizen and make sure that he was still peaceful in his slumber. He'd never looked so relaxed, so at ease. It was a brand new Bucky I'd never seen before, a Bucky that had my heart pounding for him even more than it normally did. Not that he knew any of that.

Half an hour later and up to my elbows in waffle mix, I failed to notice my new friend and host Sarah making her way to my side at the counter, the huge smile on my face not going unnoticed. "What's got you grinning like the Cheshire cat, like I need to ask?"

"Bucky's sleeping. Isn't it amazing?" I spoke softly, bouncing up and down on my feet as I did so.

"And why is that?" She couldn't looked more confused if she tried.

"In all the years I've known him, I don't think I've ever woken up before he has. If his nightmares don't keep him awake all night, they normally have him up before the crack of dawn. I don't think I've ever seen him so still."

"Good answer," Sarah nodded in a hush, understanding why this meant so much to me, but not done yet with her morning interrogations, "Now on to my next question......"

"I'm already not liking the sound of this."

"Sleeping Beauty over there follows you around like a little puppy dog. He hangs on your every word, looks at you like you hung the stars or something. It's pretty obvious how crazy he is about you, so when are you gonna stop pretending that you're not head over heels in love with him?"

"I don't know what you're talking about Wilson," I smiled forcefully, making out like the waffle maker deserved my attention way more than the conversation I was being made to have.

This was all Sam's doing, without a shadow of a doubt. He'd tried to have this conversation with me on multiple occasions and I shut him down every time. He obviously hadn't given up like I thought he did, and decided to draft in his sister. He is seriously gonna regret it when I find him.

"Sure you know what I'm talking about. Sam sees it, I don't even know you that well and I see it. The only reason Bucky doesn't, is because he doesn't believe he could ever be that lucky. You're a smitten kitten." These Wilson's are all as annoying as each other.

Knowing I wasn't getting out of this one, I grabbed Sarah by the arm and pulled her right into the corner of the room, trying my best to keep this convo as private as possible. "Look, I'm not pretending.....I'm ignoring. There's a difference."

"Care to explain what that difference is?" Sarah spoke softly, but with a sarcastic air.

Turning to look over my shoulder at the subject of our conversation, making sure he was still safely in the land of nod, I decided to just be honest. Sarah was much like her brother. Once she wanted to get to the bottom of something she wasn't about to give up.

"I love Bucky, more than I've ever loved anyone...and that terrifies me," the rawness of finally being honest making my voice shake, and tears come to my eyes. "Nat was like my sister, and she's dead. Tony was the closest I've ever gotten to having a Dad...and he's dead too. Then there's Steve, Vision, God knows where Wanda is....Everyone I love, either leaves or dies. If I admit my feelings for Buck then I face the risk of losing him too."

"Do you have any idea how crazy you sound right now? He's not going to die because you love him (Y/N)."

Silent tears were falling now. I was revealing my deepest fears to a woman I'd only known a few days, and I'm not underplaying it when I say it was like a colossal weight off my chest, a release I didn't know I needed. "Believe me...I know, but I can't take that risk. I can't lose anyone else, especially not him."

"Let's just say for a second that you're right, that there is some higher power somewhere, set on destroying everyone you love. Do you really think ignoring your feelings is going to make them disappear?" I didn't know what to say to that. "Natasha and Stark died so that everyone could continue living, and (Y/N) you're not living as long as you keep this to yourself. They wouldn't want that for you."

"But what if I lose him?" I whispered with a choked sigh.

"Then at least he'll die knowing how you felt about him. After everything he's been through don't you think he deserves to know there's someone out there who loves him like you do?"

"Of course..."

Sarah's lips pulled upwards in a satisfied smirk, wrapping her arm around my shoulder and giving it a comforting squeeze, "then you owe it to yourself, and to him, to tell him the truth."

"Why do all you Wilson's have to be so clever?" I voiced in mock irritation, pushing her away from me and acting like I was annoyed she had gotten one up on me.

"I don't know," she thought aloud and with a cheeky grin, grabbing a plate to start piling on the long forgotten waffles, "I think it might be the sea air or something."

"Nah, it's in the genes," I chuckled quietly, grabbing my jacket and deciding it was time to get this conversation wrapped up. "I'll go find Sam and the boys for breakfast. Clear my head a little bit."

"You promise you're gonna tell him?" Sarah stopped me as I went to push the door open.

"I'll think about it."

3rd person POV

Once (Y/N) was out of ear shot, Sarah couldn't help but start jumping up and down in excitement, clapping her hands loudly as she did so. That went even better than she thought it would, and she was so proud of herself. Sarah Wilson could now add matchmaker to her resume.

"Coast is clear Barnes. You can open your eyes now."

(Y/N) had no idea what she had metaphorically walked into just minutes earlier, entering that very revealing conversation with her overly inquisitive host.

What drew Sarah to come down that morning was the sounds of both the front porch door opening and the smell of homemade waffles wafting up the stairs. As she entered the kitchen she was met with two sights. One being (Y/N), facing the counter and looking very smiley, the other being a wide awake super soldier who was just laying on the couch and staring at her, the sole object of his affection. Sarah could work with this.

Every time (Y/N) turned back in his direction, Bucky would close his eyes and pretend to be asleep again. He had never slept so soundly, so peacefully, thoughts of (Y/N) and his new friends filling his nightmare free dreams.

He'd initially woken to (Y/N) ushering the boys outside because she was afraid they would wake him up. He didn't want to disappoint her by proving her right. Besides, he liked just watching her move around the kitchen, completely unaware he was observing her the whole time. He had no idea about the conversation that was just about to happen.

After (Y/N) had left and Sarah had confirmed so, Bucky sat himself up, his body shaking with adrenaline and a look of complete shock fixed on his face. Had he definitely woken up, or had the whole thing been a part of his dream? Did (Y/N) seriously just admit that she was in love with him?

Bucky didn't know how to react, didn't know what to say as he looked up at a smug Sarah from his spot. All he'd ever wanted was for (Y/N) to feel the same way about him as he did about her. Now he knew that she did.

"You're welcome by the way."

[astro-rain]

delicate; b. barnes

chapter thirteen - “sober desires & the reminiscence of a winsome smile”

delicate masterlist

word count: 4k

synopsis: wakanda gets a visit from our favorite captain, two drinks is too much rum for a reticent psychologist, and bucky knows (& feels) more than meets the eye.

pairings: bucky x fem!reader

[A/N]: this took so long to write but WHEW this chapter!!!! pls let me know what you think >:D

The knock on the outside of his hut was followed by a deep accented voice, one that he had heard before.

"Sergeant Barnes?" it called.

Quickly enough Bucky was outside, facing the king of Wakanda himself. He wasn't sure exactly what to say. You see, the majority of their past interactions included the Black Panther trying to kill him. T'Challa was kind and Bucky trusted him. It was just... a little awkward given the history.

"Your highness," he greeted.

He smiled bashfully at the title.

"I have some news for you."

Bucky's head cocked to the side, curious. News? Should he be worried? He hadn't been expecting anything.

"Captain Rogers is on his way here. He was alerted about our recent complication with N'Jadaka," he said, referring to who Bucky guessed was who Y/N called Erik Killmonger, "and he asked to come check in, make sure you're okay."

Steve was coming. His mood was immediately uplifted. He hadn't seen his oldest friend for months. It was weird to have Steve feeling the need to make sure Bucky was okay; it was usually the other way around. Nonetheless, he was excited. And he had the sudden urge to tell Y/N.

- - -

READER

"Sharon. Hey," she said into the phone.

The friends hadn't spoken since Y/N left for Wakanda - security measures since Sharon helped Steve and betrayed the... well everyone.

"Y/N!" Sharon greeted. "How is everything? Are you alright?"

"Yeah, no I'm totally okay. The Killmonger thing was more the royal family's deal than mine. I was just hiding out in some bunker with Barnes."

Concerned weaved its way into Sharon's voice. "Oh my god. Did anything happen?"

"What do you mean?"

"Well, historically, stress hasn't affected him well..."

She wasn't sure why she almost got offended. "No... he was completely fine. He doesn't lose control out of nowhere and turn into the winter soldier. It's a lot more complicated than that... We were fine."

"Oh, that's good. Listen... I'm actually on my way to Wakanda right now."

"You're-... what?"

"Steve needed to check in on Bucky after Killmonger. Wilson and I are coming too."

They must all be together. It makes sense considering what happened after the disaster in Berlin, and then the airport fiasco in Germany and then... everything in Siberia.

Aw, they're in hiding together, Y/N joked in her head. She almost laughed out loud.

"Oh. Is that safe? For you? For everyone?"

"I've been careful. We've all been careful. But, things don't always go as planned. And T'Challa feels bad about putting you guys in a dangerous situation when he was supposed to protect you."

"It wasn't his fault."

"I know. We all know. But, it's kind of his way of making up for it: letting us stay so that Steve can check in on Barnes and we can cool off for a bit."

"Was Rogers mad?"

"Well, he wasn't thrilled that his best friend was trapped alone in a country that just got taken over..."

He wasn't alone.

"...he was mostly worried," Sharon continued. "Still is."

"Right."

"Alright, well I got to go. We'll be there in a couple hours."

"I'll see you. Be safe."

"See you."

- - -

BUCKY BARNES

"Hey Buck," the happiness in Steve's voice was genuine as he patted his oldest friend on the back in the middle of an embrace. "How you been?"

"A hell of a lot better than the last time I saw you, that's for damn sure," Bucky smiled.

Sam Wilson stood next to the star spangled man with a plan. Bucky briefly glanced at him.

"Wilson," he deadpanned.

"Barnes," he returned the greeting.

"I was worried when T'Challa told me about Killmonger," Steve said. "Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful that they let you stay here, but I just didn't think I'd have to be worried so soon."

"It's alright. Everything turned out okay and I was fine the whole time. You don't have to lose your head."

"I'm not losing my head."

"You never had it in the first place."

The blonde changed the topic of conversation.

"You were with that therapist right?"

"Yeah."

"What do we think about her?" he asked with equal parts caution and suspicion. "Do you trust her?"

Bucky wasn't sure why he was almost offended.

"Of course. Why wouldn't I?"

"Well, you know what happened the last time you were with a psychiatrist..."

"Yeah well, this one doesn't have a personal vendetta against the Avengers."

"You sure she's alright?"

He looked serious, and Bucky could see the genuine concern etched into his friend's face. Steve was truly wary.

"I'm positive. She's helped so much since I've been here. I really trust her."

"Okay, if you say so. I trust you."

Bucky smirked. "Hey uh... is Sharon with you?"

Sam said nothing but radiated a smirk to match Bucky's perfectly, a kind of smirk that only a ball-busting best friend cracks.

"She is..." Steve replied. "Why do you ask?"

"Oh nothing. Just wondering, that's all."

"She said she wanted to talk to a friend."

"Oh, she's probably with Y/N."

"Who?"

"Y/N. Dr. Y/L/N. 'The therapist.'"

"I didn't know they were friends."

"Why do you think Sharon recommended her?"

"She said she knew 'the best' person to help."

"That true. She's crazy smart."

"As long as she can do the job, I'm all for it, no matter whose friend she is."

In a short-lived thought, Bucky wondered what Steve Rogers would think of who else Y/N was friends with. He wondered if Steve would think it was strange to be friends with your doctor, or if he'd be pleased that Bucky had gotten close to someone, anyone else in this world.

"How long are you guys staying for?" Bucky asked.

Steve rubbed the back of his neck anxiously. "Honestly, we were only planning on staying for like a week or so. We've been moving throughout Europe, and the other day, when we were in Prague... it was almost really bad."

"We need to stay low for a while," Sam added.

"What did you do?" Bucky asked, used to Steve getting himself into trouble.

"It's a long story..."

"What did T'Challa say about it?"

"He said to take as much time as we needed," Steve filled him in.

"You know, I'm startin' to really like this guy," Sam nodded, smiling. "Obviously when he went all cat murderer on you, he was a bit of a pain in the ass. But now? Guardian angel."

Bucky shook his head at Sam's nonsense. What an idiot, he thought. He wondered what Y/N would think of Sam, but then a more pressing question popped into his head.

"Where are you guys gonna stay?"

"I'm guessing there," Steve said pointing behind Bucky.

When he turned around, Bucky was shocked but he also wasn't. Behind and around his hut stood three more just like it, but slightly smaller. He could've sworn those weren't there yesterday, but that's the beauty of Wakanda. They were ten steps ahead of the rest of the world and he guessed that included speed building as well.

"I will never stop loving this place," he admired.

-

He tried not to sound too eager when he knocked on her door. She looked shocked but didn't really try to hide it.

"Oh," she sounded confused. "Hi, Bucky..."

"Hey," he grinned. "I have a proposition for you."

Her eyebrows lowered as her lips twisted into the most devilish smirk. She could communicate an entire joke with just her face.

"Not like that!" he exclaimed.

She laughed, smirk morphing into an endearing smile. "Like what then?"

"Steve wanted to have like a bonfire sorta thing to catch up since we're all together for once. You know, just like drinks and stupid stories from the forties. D'ya think you could part with your paper work to grace us with your presence?"

"Oh, uh... are you sure?"

"Of course. I'd love to have you there."

She wrung out her hands. "I don't know, Buck. Is that really appropriate? To have your doctor hangin' out with your friends?"

"That may be, but that's not what I'm asking. I want my friend to 'hang out' with my other friends."

Out of her composure seeped a meek smile. The air felt softer to him.

"And maybe you can analyze Wilson and tell me what his biggest fear is later," he added.

She snickered.

"Okay. Lead the way, James Buchanan."

-

The fire was a monster, roaring and crackling with all the life in the world. Bucky loved it. He loved the warmth, the heat, the lack of cold.

"I'm gonna get another drink," Y/N said. "You want anything, Buck?"

"I'm all set," he smiled, gaze lingering for only a second too long.

"Sharon?" she turned. "You?"

The blonde shook her head. "Oh, I think I've had plenty."

Surrounding the fire sat five chairs. All but one was empty as Y/N went to get her second drink. Of course they were in Sam's hut, Bucky thought. After all, even though it was Steve's idea, Sam was most excited about the whole thing, actually sitting down and just relaxing instead of fleeing from belligerent governments.

"Therapist's pretty," Sam noted with a smirk once she was out of hearing range.

"Y/N," Bucky corrected, mind going completely elsewhere. "She's so smart."

"Smart enough to call you Buck..." Steve said, catching on to Sam.

"What?"

"She calls you Buck."

"Yeah, so? You do too."

"Yeah, but I've known you longer. And I'm your friend."

"She's my friend too," he shrugged.

"She's your doctor..."

"And I'm a hundred year old man with one arm trying to get un-brainwashed in a country that the rest of the world doesn't even know exists. None of this is conventional."

"...fair," Steve said, with only a little bit of skepticism. "Are you guys close?"

Does spending hours alone talking with someone in a hidden bunker make you close? Does them comforting you after a nightmare and then subsequently allowing you to get the best night sleep you've had in forever? What about making daring voyages to quaint waterfalls and laughing a kind of laugh that makes your heart swell? What about-

"Buck?"

He shrugged. Again. "I guess so."

Sam narrowed his eyebrows. "How close?"

"Wilson," Sharon admonished exasperatedly. "Y/L/N's his doctor, come on. That's inappropriate to suggest."

Sam put his hands up in mock surrender. Briefly, just briefly, Bucky imagined kicking the leg of Sam's chair and watching him fall back. He didn't, obviously. But it would have been funny if he did.

The seemingly never ending conversation was cut short when Y/N returned, drink in hand, and took her seat next to Bucky.

"What'd you get?" he asked, demeanor subtly but swiftly changing into something lighter, something happier.

"I don't know, but it has rum in it," she shrugged sardonically before clinking her glass with Bucky's.

"Cheers," Sam raised his glass, trying to engage.

Y/N wordlessly, and with a half-smile, raised her glass in his direction.

"So," Steve started, comfortably crossing his legs and leaning back into his chair before asking Bucky, "you wanna know what actually happened in Prague?"

"Do enlighten me. I've been waiting all night."

"Jerk."

"Punk."

The rest of the night went on sort of like this. The group took turns telling stories and then listening. Cracking jokes and then laughing. Everyone but Y/N, Bucky noticed. She just... sat and drank, livelihood only extending to the borders of her seat.

He hadn't seen her like this before, and he found himself stuck halfway between confused and worried. Had something happened? Had something wrong been said?

He kept an eye on her as dusk melted into night. He told himself it was because he was concerned, but that was only in addition to the way he was magnetized to how she looked with the light of the fire gleaming on her skin.

After she would finish a drink, she'd stare into the fire for a little while, before leaving to get another. When he made sure no one was looking at him, he'd look at her. Discretely. At her eyes. The reflection of the fire in her pupils made him wonder if she would burn the fire before it could ever burn her. He was all too aware of the heat that accompanied her gaze. It was a ravishing burn that made him ache for the searing feeling as soon as it was taken away.

He didn't dare think of it for too long or else he would get distracted. And someone would call his name, pulling him out of a trance he didn't want to be caught in. A trance he wasn't sure he wanted to admit that he was in.

The night remained as such until someone - he couldn't remember who - said they were tired, and everyone bid their farewells, and wished their good nights.

Y/N spared about a side hug to Sharon before walking off on her own. Bucky half volunteered, half insisted on tending to the fire to make sure it went out, only to ignore it as soon as everyone was gone and follow after his psychologist.

He caught up to her as she was in the middle of opening the door to her living quarters.

"Y/N."

She turned around in the spot, door wide open, staring up at him.

He bore into her eyes, looking at something, noticing her dilated pupils and hazy stare.

"You're drunk," he said, but it sounded more like a question.

"Yeah."

"But you don't seem drunk?"

"I'm not wasted," she padded into the room, carelessly leaving the door wide open for him to walk through. "Just drunk enough to remember why I didn't drink in college."

She rubbed her eyes.

"Think I want another one," she sighed, heading for the door with a bitter smile. "More rum."

Bucky gently closed the door, maneuvering himself in front of it, and blocking her from exiting. Another drink is definitely not a good idea.

He changed the subject. "Why didn't you drink in college?"

Her eyebrows raised, introducing a look that said Really? You think I don't know what you're doing?

"Wow, look at you being the voice of reason for my otherwise inebriated brain."

Nevertheless, she cooperated.

She sighed. "It just... makes me miserable. I'm a sad drunk."

"Better than a mean drunk," he offered.

"Possibly. It's a real mood killer, though."

"That why you were off all night?"

"Off... ? I don't know, I guess so... I'm usually pretty inconspicuous when I'm drunk. Didn't think anyone would really notice."

There was no hesitation when he spoke.

"I did."

"I'm sorry..."

"Don't be sorry. Just... why did you keep drinking if it only makes you miserable?"

"Alcohol is a depressant," she breathed mechanically, as if speaking was difficult. "It depresses your nervous system, then you get disinhibited. Then you don't care about rationality and just drink! Then in the moment it feels kinda good... but then it makes you sad... and then you need more to blur the feeling away. It's like... the worse you feel, the more you need to drink... but then the more you drink... the worse you feel..."

"How are you drunk but still talking... sorta still like you usually do?"

She smirked, looking like she was trying not to laugh. He was glad she was smiling.

"Maybe you're not the only one with heightened metabolism as a result of the serum..."

He looked at her quizzically, amused. She wasn't making total sense, but he couldn't find it in himself to give much of a damn. She smiled, again.

"Kidding. I just have outstanding self-control."

She plopped down on the floor, deciding that she no longer wanted to use her legs. Fine motor function was overrated for intoxicated people.

He sat down with her, next to her.

"If I tell you a joke will you be less sad-drunk?"

"I already am 'less sad-drunk.' I wasn't before, but," she took a breath in, "now you're here, so... improvements have been made."

"That's good 'cause I was worried before."

She glanced up at him with brazen eye contact. Her face held a mixture of what looked like a confused and pained expression, as something changed. Some sort of realization or reality check.

She wiped her hands over her face. "God, this is so ridiculous. I'm sorry. You shouldn't be worried about me, that's not your job. I'm sorry. I should just go to bed, and you can leave..."

"I know it's not my job. I just wanted to make sure you were alright."

"I was alright- it... it's not like I was crying at the fire or something. I was fine."

"After your second drink, you were silent almost the entire time."

"You were counting my drinks?"

Not exactly.

"I was paying attention."

"To what?"

To you.

"You completely turned into yourself. Your elbows and legs were drawn in close to your body: unrelaxed and almost apprehensive posture. You were nonverbal, didn't make any jokes, no sarcastic commentary. I was literally purposefully saying things I knew you would correct or tease or laugh at and nothing. I was waiting for a 'smartass' or a 'there's a reason behind everything' explanation or anything science related. But there was nothing."

Her face was blank. It took her a second to catch up. Blinking slowly, she shook her head, eyebrows furrowed, all emphasis on the word. "Why?"

Her tone was truly confused. It was like she, in her heart of hearts, for the life of her, could not believe he was concerned.

"Y/N you're my friend," he chided. "Why wouldn't I be?"

She averted her gaze. Her voice was barely above a whisper. "I don't know."

"Look," his voice was soft. "I know you know everything and you know my mannerisms and micro-expressions and you know when I'm lying and whatever else 'cause you're a genius psychologist. But is it really that hard to believe that, after all the time we've known each other, I know you a little too? That I saw you for once instead of you always seein' me?"

"I think you're the only person who sees me."

The words leaked out before he thought to analyze them, tone lower than a whisper.

"Well I can't seem to look at much else."

He had never felt such potent silence. Did he just fuck up majorly? They just sat, on the floor, eyes glued to each other like twenty year old dried cement. He didn't think he could move away if he tried.

"I see you now," she whispered.

"What do you mean?"

"Blue," she breathed. "Your eyes are so blue. I don't... think I've ever seen that shade of blue."

It happened exponentially slowly, but the closer her face got to his, the more his chest felt like it was going to burst in the best way possible. As if liquid light poured into his lungs, inflating his chest and igniting every nerve with adoration.

Her lips hovered over his so lightly it was as if it wasn't even happening, like her affection was a ghost. But it was happening, and he could feel it. He could feel the softness in her lips and the smell of the rum she drank as they combined into the wondrous dual sensation that permeated throughout his brain.

They weren't kissing by any stretch. Their lips were hardly touching. However, in that moment, he was at her mercy. He was prepared to bend the laws of nature to her will if she would allow the continuation of this feeling for even a fraction of a second more.

Until it stopped and she waned away like the moon bidding adieu to the morning sky.

Her voice shook. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't... it's-"

"No. It's not okay. It's not okay."

He leaned back, examining her face. She looked confused and embarrassed and scared.

"Y/N, it's fine. It's okay, seriously, don't worry about it."

"I'm sorry, I'm... I'm drunk and I'm disinhibited and it's affecting my judgement and making me impulsive. I'm sorry."

He couldn't be exactly sure, but it sounded as if she was trying to convince herself more than she was trying to convince him.

Neither of them moved a muscle.

"Do you want me to leave?" he asked.

She was silent, frozen. It reminded him of a past conversation about the fight or flight response.

Bucky stood up and offered his hand to the woman sitting on the floor in front of him. "Here."

She took it gingerly and stood up with him before wide eyes stared into his apologetically.

"Please don't feel bad," he pleaded. "Barely anything happened."

"Still..."

"Why don't you just get some sleep and we can talk tomorrow. I promise it won't seem like such a big deal when you're sober."

She nodded but they both remained motionless, hands still together. He knew they needed to let go, but her hand didn't move, and she just kept looking into him.

"Okay," she whispered.

She walked him to the door, hand still in hand, and until he was forced to let go of her to open it. He stepped, ever so slowly, out of her room and onto the grass outside. He looked up at her, the doorway between them suddenly feeling like worlds of distance. They stood on opposite sides of the open door like statues. Bucky didn't know what to do and he wasn't sure what to say.

He settled on a, "Goodnight."

He tried not to make it sound so weak and timorous but he failed entirely. He didn't want to leave her like this. Guilty and alone. God knows he knew what it felt like.

Her voice was dry and quiet. "Goodnight."

He wasn't sure when the door shut or which one of them had shut it. The only thing he was sure of was the feeling of formidable regret pooling in his stomach.

On one hand, there was regret for letting her lean in and get so close because now he was scared that their dynamic was ruined and worried that Y/N felt awful. On the other hand, there was regret that he just let her pull away. Regret that he didn't lean in more and shamelessly drown in her. Regret that he didn't unapologetically suffocate himself with the softness of lips, the inebriating smell of rum on on her tongue, and the utterly bewitching taste of her he was sure would follow.

He wasn't sure what he felt, to be honest. He was a muddle of emotions of which he had no idea how to sift through. Momentarily, he wished he was drunk so he wouldn't have to think so hard. Then, he remembered the saying, "drunk words are sober thoughts," and he was damn glad he was stone cold sober; he could only imagine the things he would say to her if he was drunk.

This lead him to pondering, it got the gears in his brain turning. It made him wonder. Maybe... just maybe... if drunk words were sober thoughts, then what if drunk actions were sober desires?

Thinking like this could cause him read the situation completely differently. Thinking like this could make him read the situation in such a way that conceived the slightest sliver of hope for emotions gone repressed. Hope is dangerous...

Hope is dangerous, so Bucky shoved it down into the deepest cavern of his brain, the very same cavern where his feelings for her resided. It was a monster in a cave, growling and hissing menacingly. Intensely.

It scared him, this intensity. It scared him so much that the only way he could fall asleep was by thinking about the way James Buchanan sounded when she said it with a winsome smile.

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[dragon-kazansky]

Til death do us part | Helmut Zemo

Bodyguard AU! 🕶

Gender neutral reader

Collage by @realremyd

[Previous chapter] - [Next chapter]

Part 4

London. Arriving to London was much the same as when you arrived to Paris. The Baron ignored you throughout the flight, you were in the follow up car to the hotel, which once again as the exact place you would expect a Baron to stay at, and then you were situated on his floor until he was ready for his meeting.

You figured at this point every meeting was going to be pretty much the same. Maybe you would be able to come up with some fun little games to play while you stood on guard.

You might as well since this was going to be a long process.

The Baron leaves for his meeting and you all follow him. Once again it's pretty much the same as it was in Paris. A meeting in an official building where alliances and such would be discussed and they would make a deal.

You began to wonder if your mental state would be able to handle so many days of this.

However, none of this seemed to last long.

On the dawn of the second day, you all got up and positioned yourself on the hotel floor like before. The Baron got dressed, was escorted to breakfast, returned to his room for a bit, and was then escorted to his meeting as per usual.

The only difference was that Steve wasn't present that day. He had recieved a call earlier from Stark, the big boss, and had to take it. Sam had taken over Steve's postion beside the Baron that morning.

Steve wasn't present on the way to the meeting that day, but he showed up just as the meeting started. He came over to where you and Bucky stood.

"We have an issue."

You both look at him, waiting.

"They're here. I have word that the group who are after the Baron is in London and they're in the area," he keeps his voice level.

You share a glance with Bucky.

"Instructions?" You ask.

"Pay attention. I don't know where they are, where they'll come from, but if they really are here, we have to act fast. When the meeting is over, do not let the Baron out of your sight. I know he isn't too fond of you, Y/N, but no matter what he says, don't leave his side."

"You can count on me, Steve."

He knows he can. He nods at you and leaves your side, making his way over to the others to alert them. You share another look with Bucky, both of you nodding.

The nod. A silent signal. It can be a greeting, or a full on conversation. It's a solid way of communicating without words.

The meeting goes on for an hour before Zemo exists. As soon as he does, both Bucky and yourself are at his side. You let Bucky do the talking, feeling the Baron will the listen to him over you.

"We believe your life to be at risk. We have word that group are in town and may be here for you. Please do as we say and we make sure you are escorted back to your hotel safely."

The Baron, at first, looks confused, but then he seems to become more serious. He glances at you and narrows his eyes.

"They sent you?"

"Yes, sir."

"Where are the others?" He asks.

"On watch. We can't take any chances. I know you don't think I'm capable, sir, but please work with us here. I'm here to a job, and I will do everything in my power to ensure your safety, sir."

Never before have you spoken to a client like that, but your words rang true. You had a job to do and you were going to do it.

He stares at you.

You can't tell if he's upset with you for talking to him like that, or if he was just trying to think about his options, of which he didn't have many.

"Very well. What do you want me to do?" He asks, looking at you. You don't have time to think about that too much.

"Remain calm as we walk you outside. The car is just outside across the road. We are going to get you inside. I ask that you keep your head down. If I ask you to get down, please get a close to the ground as possible. Barnes and I will shield you then best we can."

Zemo doesn't say anything as he looks at you. He nods. A nod of confirmation. He understood the protocol.

You glance at Bucky.

"Ready?" You ask him.

"Ready."

Bucky and yourself walk on either side of the Baron as you head for the doors. Natasha and Clint are right outside, eyes on the rooftops. Steve and Carol are right behind you. Sam is near the car, waiting.

You step outside casually. Bucky and yourself are trying to note every detail, every person who is on this street.

The silence in the air feels eerie.

You get Zemo out into the street. It's far too quiet for your liking. No other vehicles are turning down the road and that makes you uncomfortable.

You glance down the road.

You're all almost across the street. Looking at Sam, you see he has his eyes on the roof of the building you had just come from.

You don't like this.

You're nearly at the car.

A shot rings out in the air and everything happens all at once.

All bodyguards take out their weapons and keep them up as they try and pinpoint where the gunshot rang from. There was no sign of anyone. The Baron crouched down by the car, you take a knee beside him, Bucky shielding him from the other side.

You focus your eyes on the rooftops.

"I don't see anyone," you say down through the earpieces.

"Nothing," you hear Nat say.

"All clear here," Carol states.

"Clear," Clint responds.

"Don't let your guard down," Steve says.

There's another shot. It strikes the car. You swear under your breath as you look up at where it may have come from.

"Not the rooftop!" You state.

Bucky sees the open window. There's movement within, but he can't get an angle. He looks at you over his shoulder.

"I have to move, you going to be alright?" He asks.

You nod.

Zemo looks up at you, brows furrowed together.

"You're leaving me with them?" He asks, turning back to Bucky.

Bucky looks at him.

"You're in good hands."

Bucky says no more as he pushes away from the car and bolts further down the street, taking cover behind the car you had arrived in. You open the car door.

"Please get in, sir."

Zemo stares at you.

Another shot rings out, another one striking the car. He jumps slightly.

"Give me a weapon, I was military, I can shoot," he says.

"Sorry, sir, but I cannot do that. Please get in the car. I have to get you out of the area."

He glares at you, but he climbs into the car as he is told to do. You close the door behind him and stand up, keeping your back to the car. Zemo tucks himself down in front of the seats. He keeps his eyes on you through the window.

"Crazy," he mutters.

You turn to see Bucky waiting the person in the window. From where you moved to, they wouldn't be have a good enough shot on you. However, you should have remembered the fact that cars had stopped coming down this road.

Load screeching causes you turn around. A big bulky vehicle comes to a stop at the end of the street. Along with the others, you lift your gun and hold it up at the car. Nothing happens for a minute, but all at once the car doors open and several people jump out.

All of them are armed.

Helmut watches you raise your gun. It had been a long time since he felt fear like this. They were here for him.

Gunshots go off. He turns to see three of the people from the car either fall back, or backtrack to cover. The others continue to shoot at his bodyguards.

More gunfire and suddenly he can't see you any more.

Zemo moves and looks out the window properly. You're kneeling on the ground. You're hurt.

Zemo glances up and sees them getting back in the car. The windows are rolled down. He panics all of a sudden.

"Shit." He opens the car door and runs toward you. He kneels in front of you and looks down at you. You look at him, brow furrowed.

"Get back in the car!"

"You're hurt."

"No shit. Get back in the car."

You reach for your gun and hold it up toward the car. The engine revs. They're going to drive right into you if you don't move.

You fire a couple of shots, but they got you in the shoulder and it hurts like hell. You groped your gun and give the Baron a rough shove.

"GO!"

He hesitates. He looks at you. It looks like a lot of blood, but it probably wasn't. Still, he can't help how worried he feels right now.

Why was he so scared?

Maybe because this was the first time in years they had come for him, and seeing you bleeding out in front of him takes him back to that night.

Two strong hands grab him by the shoulders and pull him back. He's startled for a moment. He looks back to see Bucky pulling him back toward the car. He is roughly shoved into the back. Bucky slams the door shut and climbs into the drivers seat.

"Wait, we are leaving them?"

As Bucky starts the engine, Zemo looks outside and sees you passed out on the street. Everyone else seems too busy to attend to you and he wonders what will happen.

He wants to jump out and move you, but the doors are locked.

"Go back!" He yells as the car turns sharply and drives down the other direction.

He just left you there!

Zemo had just seen you do your job. You protected him and took a hit for him. Perhaps more than one hit.

Were they just going to leave you to die?

Zemo tries to keep his eyes on you as Bucky drives, but they're not on that street long enough for him to do so.

Through Bucky's earpiece, he hears Steve.

"Ambulance en route. The gang have reversed out of the street, stay off the main roads and be careful."

Bucky replies, "roger that."

Zemo sits in the back in silence. He doesn't know what to do or what to think. Everything had happened so very quickly.

He was also confused.

Why had guilt settled within him.

You had done your job. He had been wrong about you. He can say that now.

I was wrong about you.

@thesuitkovian @justfangirlthingies @belle82devart @zemosimp420 @anteroom-of-death @silverlambcaptain @that-stupid-head-tilt-thing @lieutenantn @daniielbruhl @awesomesauce-abbie @latenightartist-author @lazygurl05 @rumblelibrary @nonamec0s @shura-gorl @ginger-abreu @caligrl1992 @livvyshmiv @luciadiosa @vverliebt @tatooineisdry @charistory @somethingthatsaysbubbles

[julietnterein]

•| Violacea I. chp. 13 |•

It was exactly five days after my incident, when I heard a small knock on my door. Dinner was supposed to be in an hour and I wasn't really expecting anyone.

„Friday?” I ask the AI while i sit on the bed and close the book I was just diving into. I have to stretch my muscles as I can feel them being a little sore after today's training with Natasha.

„It's Miss Maximoff, ma'am.” Says Friday.

„Let her in.” I nod towards the door as they automatically open and Wanda gives me a small smile even before she steps into my room.

„Are you busy?” She asks me as she leans into the doorframe.

I look at the book that I was trying to read and then back at Wanda: „Well, not really.”

„Cool, get up then. We have some training to do.” She doesn't give me a chance to protest or anything, so with a confused face I get up, grabbed my hoodie and followed her into the gym.

„Where is everyone?” I ask when no one is joining us for the ride in the elevator.

„It's just you and me.” She pressed the button with a small smile on her face.

„What do you mean?” I ask her, confused even more.

„I'm gonna help you with your powers.” She nods at me to assure me that everything's going to be okay.

I don't ask any other questions as her strict and determined face stops me midway.

No one from the team really knew about the training that I was taking with Wanda. She was trying really hard, we were taking baby steps, which as we realized after a week, really made progress. I was able absorb and hold the energy in my right hand, but that was where it ended. Even after a couple days I wasn't able to move from there, it was all I could do. Wanda was really supportive and was telling me that we already made a really big progress, but I was growing restless and annoyed. I felt unmotivated, we made such a great progress and now I was stuck.

„Let's leave it.” Says Wanda as she interrupts my hard trying. „Dinner is gonna be in five, we have to go.” She tried again, when she realizes that I want to try again and push my powers to the edge, which would probably end up, once again, catastrophically.

I sighed annoyed and angry at myself as I let my hand fall back to my side.

Wanda tries to smile at me as we walk towards the elevator. But I'm still mad at myself so I punch the button a little too much and she backs up a little.

„I haven't seen Clint for a while.” I say suddenly as we are two stories away from the common room. He wasn't in the gym with us for at least four days.

„I feel like he is on some kind of mission or something.” Says Wanda as we both step out from the elevator and then we continue our way silently. We walk through the hall before we realize that someone is really loudly arguing in the dining room.

„… We don't really know, we lost contact a while ago.” I hear Bruce's voice.

„And you are telling us now, why exactly?!” I hear Natasha's voice with a hint of something I haven't heard from her yet. She was panicking.

„We weren't sure if he didn't do it on purpose, maybe because he didn't want to jeopardize the mission.” Explains Bruce.

A long pause in their conversation is when I realize that both, me and Wanda, has stopped in our tracks, quietly listening to their conversation.

„Alright, tonight we will go to the last coordinates we heard from Clint.” Says Steve suddenly. „There is no need for the whole team to be there. It will be me, Pietro and Natasha, of course.”

„Maybe you could take Andreea.” Says Tony out of nowhere.

„Have you lost your mind?” Growl Steve as he is starting to lose his temper. „Do you even understand how much damage she could do and how much of a civilist we would put into danger if she would have lost her control?” I can feel Wanda's hand as she squeezes my shoulder quietly.

„And we also don't know how dangerous it could be for her.” Adds Natasha.

„Alright, alright… I get it, calm down, old man.” Admits Tony. Weird, from him I would expect much more fighting for something he wants.

„Okay, it's going to be quick. In and out, that's it.” End Steve the whole conversation.

Me and Wanda stayed quiet in the hall for a moment before we step into the room, like we just didn't ears dropped to their whole argument.

Even though all of them really tried, the atmosphere was thick and could have been cut with a knife. Bucky and Sam were really reserved and I haven't heard any of them have any snarky comments towards each other and Pietro was weirdly silent the whole time. I didn't know how close he and Clint were until Wanda told me that they both always have each other's back and that they are the initiators of most of the pranks on the rest of the team.

After dinner I make my way to the kitchen to help Wanda with the dishes but Tony grabs my forearm really quickly and steals me away from everyone. He drags me by arm into one of his labs, where Bruce is already waiting.

„What's going on?” I ask right away as I rub the place on my arm where Tony was gripping my arm.

Both of them exchange a nervous look before Tony starts talking: „I sent Clint on the mission, because that hideout is supposed to be filled with information about technology that I won't be boring the little head of yours.” I frown at him. „It's complicated and definitely not important at the moment. We think he is being held hostage, which we will leave to the rescue team upstairs.” He nodded up towards the place where dining was. „But you…” He points his finger at me. „I want you to bring me these folders, because if they fall into bad hands… you have no idea in what mess we will be.” He nods at. „Like total mess, probably like fall of our governments and total chaos on earth kind of mess, get me?”

„Yeah, I think I do.” I nod a little taken aback with all this.

„Don't worry, Andreea, I know this all is new for you, but Tony is right. If it's gonna fall into the wrong hands we would be screwed.” Adds Bruce.

„So these folders… They are really really important then?” I ask once again, as I'm not sure if I want to stand against Captain in that and ruin the fragile bond, that is almost non existing, but is there somewhere between us. „But I have never done anything like this… I'm not even sure I know how-...”

„You won't be alone.” Interrupts the voice of the silver haired man, that just appeared in the doorway.

„Why am I not surprised.” I shake my head. „Why can't we tell the others?” I ask all three of them.

„Well… Natasha would want to get Clint home no matter what it costs and Rogers is… Well, Rogers.” Explains Tony.

„Plus Tony made some accessories for that he would like to see in action.” Adds Bruce.

„Yeah, that's true as well.” Smiles Tony. „I saw how you and Wanda trains, so I made you a uniform. Friday, please…” He call for the AI, that opens a wall where the uniform appears on hangers. Basic black unitard, nothing special, strengthened in places like knees or spine.

„Well this is mostly an armour so no one shoots you dead.” Says Tony, like he just didn't assume someone will be probably shooting at me. „But look at… this.” He grabs a huge box where a large knives are lying. „Look at the grip, it's made exactly for you and your powers, you can absorb your energy and then let it flow into the knives, so it became a deathly weapon whenever you want.”

„They seem deathly to me, even without my powers.” I mumble quietly.

„They look sharp as hell.” Nods Pietro.

„Well you are both right.” Admits Tony. And then he takes one knife out and makes his way towards the uniform. „And by the way, they are made exactly to fit into your uniform.” He shows me how the knives stick into the places thanks to the strong magnets. „But it has a lot of things and technologies I installed, which you will get along with when you start using them. We don't have time for that now.” Says Tony and a long silence stretches across the room.

Pietro looks at me with a huge grin on his face.

„Let's kick some asses then?”

Chp. 14

TAG LIST:

@littlegasps @multi-images @fandomlover8020

[rocksandrobots]

Phantoms of the Past: Ch. 5 - Best friends, Boyfriends, and Barons Part 1

"Hey Miss Itamae! Ready for a whole new school year? Hee...hee...eeeh.... yeah, fine." Hiro gave up trying to make small talk with the lunch lady as she unceremoniously slopped meatloaf onto his plate.

Today was the first day of the fall semester and the start of Hiro's second year at SFIT.  It felt odd to him, to look back and realize just how much time had passed; how much things had changed during the previous year.

A year ago, today, he had been attending Tadashi's funeral and now he was going about his life as if everything was normal. Well, almost normal. He was also moonlighting as a superhero, adopting an out of time teenager as his new big brother, and befriending deadly robots.

Life was weird.

Of course it wasn't as if he could ignore his loss completely. He had noticed the flowers and cards placed at the foot of Tadashi's memorial over by the exhibition hall. People still remembered that his brother had died a hero. Folks that he didn't even know had left their condolences today, though most of the gifts were from Tadashi's teachers and friends.

Hiro had particularly noticed a painting Honey Lemon had left, of her, Tadashi, and the rest of their friends. He also spotted Gogo sitting out there early that morning, lighting a candle in his brother's memory. He had given her her space, choosing not to interrupt. Gogo and Tadashi had been especially close.

Hiro remembered how excited his brother had been when Gogo finally agreed to go out with him. Tadashi had hurried about their bedroom, a couple of days before the fire, fretting over where to take her on their first date. A date that they had never gotten to go on. At the time Hiro had teased him relentlessly, never passing up the chance to deflate his brother's ego. Now it was just another bittersweet memory to look back on.

Fred abruptly snapped him out of his mournful reflection. "Steve." was all he said as he grabbed Hiro by the shoulders.

"Steve? Uh, my name is Hiro, remember Fred?"

"No, no, no, Steve was the name of the ninja robot that Trina found. She said he was held in a warehouse downtown, along with all the other ninjas. Don't you see, that's our big break! We find this warehouse and then we can track down the mysterious bosu!"

Hiro wearily placed his tray down on the table and took a seat next to Wasabi.

"Fred, it's the first day of school. Can't this wait for later?"

"But-"

"Hiro's right Fred," Wasabi interrupted, "Just because you have all the time in the world to play superhero doesn't mean that we do. We still got our own lives to take care of."

Fred looked hurt at that. "I'm not playing! This is important work. We have a city to protect and this crime boss is just going to keep coming after us if we don't figure out how to stop them."  

Wasabi rolled his eyes. "Then you just go on and do that. In the meantime the rest of us have class to attend. I'm heading early to set up for my first lab."

"But labs won't open for like another hour." Hiro pointed out, confused. "They're still cleaning up from the robot attacks last week."

"Ah, he just wants to get there early so that he can see his boyfriend again." Fred complained.

"Sam's not my boyfriend. He's just a colleague, and at least I'm doing something other than obsess over superheroing." And with that Wasabi stormed off, while Fred slouched into the cafeteria chair with a huff.

"Listen, Fred, why don't you go on patrol with Minimax for a while. I'll help you track down this warehouse after school is over with." Hiro said.

"Okay," Fred reluctantly agreed, "but I'm not 'obsessing'."

"I know Fred, but the rest of us also have school to worry about. We just don't have the same amount of free time as you do."

"I know." Fred sighed before walking off.

                                                ---------------------------

"Sorry Hiro, but we're kind of busy right now." Honey Lemon regretfully informed her friends.

Fred and Hiro had met up after school as promised. Wasabi had declined to join them on their quest and so they had decided to recruit the girls instead. Though this also seemed to be a fruitless endeavor.

"Yeah, we're kind of in the middle of something." Gogo finished as she leaned back in a reclining chair and placed two cucumber slices over her eyes.

They had found the girls at a spa. Honey Lemon sat next to Gogo with curlers in her hair, and they apparently weren't the only ones out having a beauty day.

"Can't you see we're having some girl time?" Karmi asked, annoyed, as she examined her nails.

"Yeah, Hiro, go take your weird superhero hobby elsewhere?" Megan added.

"It's not weird!" Fred insisted.

"If this is supposed to be a girls only event, then why is he here?" Hiro said, pointing to Varian, who sat next to Megan.

"Uh, getting a manicure obviously." Varian rolled his eyes and then leaned over to show Carol, who was beside him, two bottles of nail polish. "Do you think I should go with the midnight blue or just stick with black?"

"Hmmm... I think either would be nice," she replied.

"Ooooh, have you tried the seaweed wrap they have here? It's great." Fred chimed in.

Hiro rolled his eyes, "Okay, so what are you two doing after this? Could you take up patrol tonight?"

"Nope." Gogo said.

"I promised my brother Carlos that I would help him move into his new dorm room. He starts at UCLA this week and Gogo's offered to drive me there. We won't be back till tomorrow morning." Honey Lemon explained.

"Okay, well, we'll just-"

"Alright, I'm ready." A voice called out, interrupting him.

Trina walked out from behind a door at the back of the spa. Her bulky gigantic metal body was gone and in its place was the frame of a young woman, dressed in a t-shirt, pants, and a cropped jacket. She looked very much the same as the day Hiro had first met her, at the bot fights. Only this time her hair had been cut and styled into a short mohawk and dyed a light purple.

"What do you guys think?" She asked as she twirled around.

Everyone shouted encouragements to her, and Varian cheekily whistled.

"You look nice, Trina." Hiro complimented.

Trina snorted and rolled her eyes. "In your dreams, Hiro." She said, leaving the teenage genius confused by what he had said wrong.

Ignoring him, Trina walked over to the rest of the girls, "Thanks for the clothes... and for everything else." She sheepishly added.

"Hey, no problem." Megan replied. "They look good on you."

"Yeah, and if you need anything else just ask." Karmi added.

"Not to mention it's always fun to have a spa day," Carol piped in. "This was a good idea Varian, thanks for inviting me along."

"Sure thing. When Trina said she wanted help with finding a new wardrobe, I figured all of you would like to go shopping too.... and also y'all know more about clothes than I do."

"Hey, Trina," Fred interjected, "that warehouse where you foun- I mean, met 'Steve', do you happen to remember where it was located?"

Trina gave Fred a frown.

"Oooh, who's Steve?" Karmi asked, happy to gossip, "Is that your boyfriend Trina?"

"No." She said, "The place you're looking for is over in Good Luck Alley, next to Louie's."

"It must've been a bad breakup." Karmi whispered into Honey Lemon's ear, she wasn't very good at keeping her voice down.

"Yeah… he kind of... broke alright." Honey Lemon nervously added, unsure what to say.

"Uh, yeah, well thanks for the tip Trina. We'll be going now, bye." Hiro said as he hurried Fred out the door. He had had enough of awkward conversations and makeovers.

                                               ---------------------------

"Fred, wouldn't it be better if we brought our robots along at least?" Hiro whispered.

"You want to sneak around an abandoned warehouse with those two?" Fred whispered back, "I love him, but Minimax doesn't know how to be quiet, like at all."

Hiro sighed, Fred had a point. Baymax also wasn't the best at stealth missions. Hiro slid into the alleyway and peered through a dirty window. He couldn't shake the sense of deja vu as he remembered how he and the robotic nurse had tracked down his missing microbots a year ago at a similar warehouse. They had both been nearly killed by Callaghan when the villain had caught them snooping around. He would prefer to avoid such a scenario again.

"It doesn't look like anyone is here." He said.

"See any ninja robots?" Fred asked as he also pushed by to get a look, pressing his nose against the glass.

"No… Fred, this may be a dead end. Trina already raided the place and no doubt this Bosu would have abandoned the hideout if it was compromised."

Fred pouted, "Maybe… Buuuut, we could always man a stake-out and find out for sure!"

"Fred, I have homework to do. Maybe some oth-"

"Oh please! Just for an hour, or two? Please, please, please? Pretty please? I'll do your homework for you."

"I don't want you doing my homework."

"Okay, chores then; I'll wash Varian's dirty socks and underwear for a… a week… no, a month! Come on, I know how much you hate doing laundry."

Hiro sighed and watched his friend crawl on his knees and beg. "Does it really mean that much to you?"

"Yeeeesss."

"Okay, and no, you don't have to do the laundry either."

Hiro turned to walk out of the alley and Fred got up and followed him.

"That's good, cause I don't actually know how to wash clothes. Usually, Heathcliff does all the laundry. Last time I tried to, I just flooded the washroom."

"Do you have any survival skills? Like at all?"

"Nope. Unless it's kicking bad guys' butts! Ooh, hey, we can host the stake-out at Louie's across the street. I'm starved."

                                               ---------------------------

Hiro and Fred took up a window booth inside the restaurant. The establishment had recovered from the police raid from a few months back and was now serving food as usual; though Hiro had already spotted the advertisement for the next upcoming 'bot fight.

A couple of hours past and they had both eaten their meals, plus dessert, along with Fred going back for seconds. Now they were both nursing a couple of cups of coffee, though Hiro's was going cold; it wasn't great coffee.

"Fred…"

"Yeah."

"It's been three hours now."

"I know."

"No one's showed up."

"Not yet."

"Look it's been… 'fun', but I'm going home now."

Hiro got up to leave but Fred grabbed him by the sleeve.

"Oh but… uhh… we haven't even tried the uh… hot dog sushi special. I hear it's really good."

Hiro leaned his head back slowly and closed his eyes in frustration. He didn't want to snap at Fred, really he didn't, but he was quickly losing his patience.

"Fred… no one is coming. Let's just call it a night and try again some other time. Okay." And with that he yanked his hand away and began to walk off.

Fred didn't follow. Instead he sat in the booth, his eyes downcast, staring blankly at nothing. It wasn't his usual pout either. It was something else. Some deeper sadness that few saw from the usually optimistic teen.

Hiro began to worry. He walked back, and stood there waiting for Fred to jump back up all excited again for his return, only he didn't.

"Fred, what's wrong?"

Fred sighed but couldn't bring himself to answer.

"Look, I know that this superhero business is important to you, so much so that you'll probably wind up making a career out of it, which is great, but the rest of us are not going to be doing this for the rest of our lives. We also have to keep up with our studies, chores, our jobs, and what little shred of a social life we have."

"That's not it… I mean yeah, it's a part of it, but that's not why I asked you to come along."

Fred finally looked Hiro in the eye and tears threatened to spill.

"I just miss my best friend, okay."

Hiro looked at him confused.

"I didn't want to say anything, cause… cause he's your brother and I didn't think you'd want to be reminded about him being gone any more than you already have… but today has just been really hard… remembering what happened… I just thought getting out and doing something fun, getting both our minds off everything, might be better than just… just being alone. You know? Especially today."

Fred didn't even have to say Tadashi's name for Hiro to know who he was talking about.

Hiro sighed and slumped back down into the booth.

"I'm sorry…. I… I guess I just… I don't know. I didn't think...."

"No… no, don't. Of course you didn't think. I mean who wants to be reminded of that. The whole idea was to not think about it. And I just ruined it all by bringing it up. Gah…. I'm so sorry."

Fred put his arms over his head and brought his knees up to his chest as if trying to make himself as physically small as he felt. Hiro just had to laugh at the sight in spite of himself.

"It's okay Fred. You're not going to upset me just by talking about Tadashi."

Fred peaked his head out from between his arms. "I'm not?"

"No. I mean he was your friend too."

"My best friend! Man, Tadashi and I, we got up to all sorts of trouble. He was always down for anything. I mean, did he tell you about the time we crashed my cousin's bar mitzvah? As in, we literally crashed. He drove the sport's car into the buffet table by mistake… We couldn't find the parking and then there was this wet patch in the parking lot and we skidded… Oh and then there was the time Mole dared us to a drag race using scooters and Tadshi had the idea to attach rockets to mine and I went flying.. I tell ya, man, Mole wouldn't live it down for a whole week after. He kept demanding a rematch, but I mean it was fair. He was using his butler to ride for him in his place."

Hiro could barely contain his laughter, "Wait… wait… you and Tadashi did all this?"

"Yeah."

"Why have I never heard of any of this before?"

"I don't know, but he's the whole reason why I got the mascot job in the first place. I knew I could never get into the school myself, but I thought we could hang out together more if I went. He's also the one that introduced me to everybody else."

"Then how did you two meet?"

"Oh at the grocery store."

Fred said this as if it was the most obvious of explanations but Hiro looked as confused as ever. So Fred continued on.

"He was there getting chewing gum and I was buying a shopping cart. Like an actual shopping cart."

"Why?"

"Yeah that's what he asked too. So I told him, 'I'm going to ride down Dead Man's Hill in one.' And he said, 'Dude, that's so rad. You're totally going to die.' And I said, 'Yeah, I know. You wanna join?' And he did. We rode all the way down from the top of Lumbar Street to the docks… and landed right in the bay. It was awesome! We screamed our heads off the whole time. It was so awesome, in fact, that we walked back to the store and bought another cart just to do it again. That was back when we were both still in high school, and we've been best buds ever since. You know… until…"

Hiro looked at Fred sadly. There so much about his brother that hadn't known about, hadn't even thought to ask. What else had Tadashi not shared with him? Probably a lot, I mean why tell your kid brother about your social life? And there's no way that he'd have brought those crazy stunts up around Aunt Cass.

"I never knew any of that… Those are some really cool stories. Thanks for sharing them."

"Really?"

"Yeah, and you know, you don't have to drag me on some superheroing mission just to hang out and talk."

Fred looked guilty at that.

"I… I know… but it's like what you and Wasabi have been saying. Everyone else has something… something to motivate them, and y'all all do all these really cool things and I'm… I'm just me. I don't really have anything but superheroing. Unless you just need someone to make a mess."

"That's not true. Fred, you're great at a lot of things. You could go to school or get a job, if you wanted to. I just thought superheroing was all you wanted."

"Hiro, I can't even do laundry without messing up. I mean all you do is throw the clothes into a machine and push a button, and yet somehow I managed to screw even that up. All I know is comic books, and superheroing, and I'm not even the best at that! What would I even go to college for? I can't… I'm not a genius. I'm not a businessman. I'm not an accountant, or an artist, or an athlete. I'm not anything. I've no talent. I'm not even good at being rich. I've never fit in with the socialite crowd."

"Fred."

"Yeah?"

"You're good at being a friend, and if I have to sit here list off everything else you're good at then we'd be here for another three hours or more. So how about we head home and tomorrow I'll show you how to work a washing machine, and you can teach me how a stake-out is supposed to really go cause we're not getting anywhere here."

"Or are we?"

"What do you mean?"

Fred was no longer looking at Hiro but past him. He pointed to the window behind Hiro, and Hiro turned around to see for himself.

An elderly gentleman, dressed in an old fashioned military outfit, complete with a monocle, was entering the warehouse. He had a giant mechanical arm and a steam boiler strapped to his back.

"Baron Von Steamer."

                                               ---------------------------

Fred and Hiro found themselves standing in the alley peering through the warehouse's dirty windows for a second time that day. They saw Baron Von Steamer stomping around inside. He seemed irritated as he grumbled to himself and knocked boxes out of the way, as if searching for something.

"What's he doing?" Fred loudly whispered.

Just then Steamer found what he was looking for, a tea cup. He poured himself a cup out of a teapot he had placed on an old fashioned stove that was hidden towards the back and then sat down on top of a crate to sip his drink.

"It must be 'tea time' for him." Hiro said dryly.

Fred narrowed his eyes, "I bet he's just hatching his next nefarious scheme. Planning on how to take us and the city down. What do you think he wants with portals?"  

Just then Steamer stood up and ruefully kicked away a busted up robot that had fallen out of a storage crate in his previous hunt for the tea cup.

"I don't think Steamer is our guy." Hiro said, "He hates modern technology, so why would he build ninja robots? Also, like you said, what would he want with portals? All he's after is your dad, and so far the Bosu hasn't gone after Boss Awesome yet."

"But they might. Remember what Roddy said? That Kensei guy used to be active during Dad's heyday but never got caught. What if, it's because Steamer had two villain identities!"

"That seems like a stretch."

"Okay, well, what if Steamer works for this Bosu? Like Sue and Sparkles?"

"That's more plausible, I guess."

Hiro turned to peer through the window again, but Streamer was gone.

'Wait, where did he go?'

"Well, well, well, what do we have here? A pair of interlopers." A curt British voice  came from behind them.

Steamer must have noticed them and snuck around the back, cutting them off.

Hiro grabbed his phone in order to call his super suit, but Von Steamer nabbed his hand and yanked him off the ground, causing him to lose hold of his phone.

Fred was just as unfortunate, as Steamer held him in a choke hold in his metal arm.

"Waaaait," Steamer said as he eyed them both up closely, peering at them through his oversized monocle, "I know you two. You're friends of Boss Awesome's baby child!"

"I am Boss Awesome's baby child!" Fred protested before Von Steamer gave him a hard squeeze with his cyborg arm. Fred wheezed in pain.

Hiro reacted quickly and kicked the steampunk baron in the shins.

Von Steamer howled in pain and dropped Hiro in surprise, though he managed to keep his grip on Fred. He also had stepped on Hiro's phone while nursing his injured leg.

Hiro ducked and ran as Steamer regained his senses and pulled out a brass gun that was connected to the boiler on his back with a hose. He pulled the trigger and scalding steam shot out. Hiro ducked again to avoid it.

As he ran out of the alley way he heard Steamer shouting after him, "Yes, run back to Boss Awesome little one. Tell his baby child I have their friend, and either he, or they, must show up to face me or else!"

Hiro spared a glace backwards and saw Baron Von Steamer dragging Fred back into the warehouse.

"Fred!"

"Hiro!" Fred called out to him before being pulled into the darkness.

Hiro panicked. What could he do? Finally, he decided that getting help was the best option. He ran as fast as his legs would carry him, fighting back his worry.

[fitzs-trained-monkey]

Chapter Nine: Sleep Peacefully

(Image not mine)

Rated: PG

~What story should I tell? Will it end happy, will it turn out well? What dreams do I own? Can I call any place my home?

And I rock myself to sleep, and I tell myself "don't get caught too deep" 'Cause I know by now, you're here for me.

And I tell myself "move along" and I tell myself "you were all wrong" But I know by now, wrong was right for me.

I'll sleep peacefully~

The black paved road of the near-empty highway stretched out in front of us, a stark contrast to the piles of glittering snow that the snowplows had pushed off the street. We had been on the road for 9 hours and were now somewhere in Iowa. The area we were now driving through was so much brighter than Copper Harbor ever was. There wasn't so much as a cloud to be seen in the sky. The last few orange rays of light from the setting sun sprinkled across the landscape as it dipped below the horizon, glittering and reflecting off hills blanketed in white. The sight almost hurt my eyes. It was one of the most beautiful things I had ever seen. Whipping out my phone I snapped as many pictures as I possibly could, though I knew they would never do justice to the spectacular view.

The sun sank lower and lower and eventually vanished beneath the horizon. Then the stars came out. Scattered across the black velvet sky, they were so numerous it seemed impossible. I could see the differences in colors and size, and I could trace the shape of the Milky-Way. There were no trees or streetlamps lining the Iowa highway and it felt as if I was swimming through inky blackness, like I was swimming between the stars. The glittering lights were so bright and so close. It was special sort of magical.

I rested my elbows on my knees and my head between my hands and stared out the windshield at the beautiful black expanse. On my right, Castiel copied my position.

"Jack tells me you like the stars," he said. Upon hearing his name, Jack briefly looked to me and smiled before turning his gaze back to the window. I had been drifting in and out of conversation with various partners throughout the car ride.

"I do, I love them," I kept my voice soft and my answer simple, "I've never seen so many at once before. I don't think I'll ever get used to it." Castiel smiled softly.

"You know, I am several billion years old, and I am still baffled by the magnificence of this universe. Sights like this, they never get old." I turned my head away from the bright lights in the sky to look at the angel beside me.

"Have you been up there?"

He nodded.

"Yes, I have."

"What's it like?"

Castiel sighed in a melancholy sort of way. I could see the reflection of all those stars gleaming in his eyes.

"It's more beautiful than you can imagine."

I nodded and gazed back out at view of the heavens.

"I wish I could live up there."

Castiel chuckled.

"Someday you might. Who knows what will happen?" He said.

"Yeah."

"However," he added, "As for right now, I think you need to get some rest."

"Nah, sleep is for the weak." At that moment I yawned, emphasizing my point. Dean glanced at me in the rear-view mirror.

"We can pull off and stop at a motel overnight if you need some sleep," He offered. I shook my head and tried to blink away my sleepiness.

"Don't stop on my account! I can sleep in the car," I insisted.

"You sure?" Dean asked. I gave him a thumbs up.

"Oh yeah. I actually sleep better in cars, if you can believe it. Something about the noise and the motion puts me to sleep like a baby, I'm all good." For once I told the truth. I really did sleep better in cars.

"Okay, as long as you're comfy, we've got about eight more hours till' we get there." Dean turned down the volume on whatever album we'd been listening to all day. I'd never been a fan of rock music, but some of Dean's songs weren't that bad.

"We'll try to be quiet for you, Marty," Sam said. I yawned again and rubbed my eyes.

"Thanks guys, for everything. Honestly, I can't even remember the last time I had a good night's sleep."

"You're welcome, kid. This is what we do. Now shut your eyes." Dean mock commanded. I rolled them instead and turned to Jack.

"Jack?" I said to get his attention.

"Hm?"

"What are your feelings on being used as a pillow?" Jack's face was painted with all shades of confusion.

"I-I don't, um, I-" He tried to answer but I cut him off with a wave of my hand.

"I'm just kidding," I explained. "You don't have a choice in the matter!"

I grabbed his arm and tugged it around my shoulders so I could lay my head on his chest. Jack's entire body stiffened, and he looked to Cas with an expression that said 'Help me, she's doing something weird. Tell me what to do'. Castiel merely shrugged and in the front seat Dean snorted. I chuckled and waited for Jack to shift around a bit and get comfortable before I closed my eyes.

"You're a comfy pillow," I remarked.

"Um, thank you?"

I couldn't see his face, but Jack sounded extremely confused. I decided then that I needed something to hold on to. It took me a few moments to feel around for his arm but when I found it, I gripped his hand and held it up.

"This is mine now."

Wrapping his arm around my waist, I tangled our fingers together and smirked when I felt Jack chuckle and wrap his other arm around me in a way that was friendly and natural.

"If this keeps up, I think we're gonna have to have a talk with Jack about a thing or two." I heard Dean whisper to Sam.

"I heard that."

"Shut up, Mcfly. You're supposed to be sleeping." He scolded, teasingly. I kept my eyes closed but stuck out my tongue at him. I smiled when I heard him laugh.

"Goodnight, guys."

"Goodnight." Dean, Sam and Cas chimed together.

"Sweet dreams, Marty," Jack whispered.

With that, I let myself slowly drift into oblivion's velvet embrace.

***

"Is she asleep, yet?" Dean asked in a whisper, peering in the mirror at the sleeping girl.

"Um, I'm not sure." Jack craned his neck in an effort to find out, but he just couldn't tell.

"I'm trying, Mom," Marty mumbled into Jack's chest. That made him grin.

"From that I'd say, she's close."

"I'm not your mom, Marty," Dean sighed.

"Sorry, dad." She murmured. Dean just shrugged.

"Well, that's a little closer I guess," He said, his lips twitching with a tiny smile.

"Say, Jack, when's the last time you slept?" Sam asked, turning in his seat to face Jack who's face scrunched up as he thought about his answer.

"Four days ago, I think." He replied. Now that he thought about it, Jack realized just how tired he was.

"Dude. Sleep. Now." Dean ordered. Jack blinked a few times and yawned.

"No, I can wait." He yawned again.

"Jack..." Cas pressed.

"I can't go to sleep yet," Jack insisted.

"Why not? Marty back there did it just fine," Dean said.

"Gimmie back my socks, Biden," Marty mumbled.

"See? Out like a flickering lightbulb." Dean joked.

"No, you don't get it. I can't go to sleep, she's right here. She'd think I'm weird or something." Jack worried.

"Well, you're not exactly normal, Jack." Cas muttered under his breath.

"Look, she's the one sleeping on you kid." Dean paused, glancing at the others in the car. "That came out wrong. The point is, she clearly doesn't know the meaning of personal space. Just go for it." He finished, refocusing on the road.

"What do you mean?" Jack asked. Dean's eyeroll was nearly audible.

"Go to sleep, Jack. She ain't gonna care."

Jack nodded.

Snow began to fall on the roof of the Impala with a tip, tip, tipping noise as Jack rested his head atop Marty's. Her hair was soft under his cheek and he matched his breathing with the gentle rise and fall of her chest.

"I love that sound," She sighed, in her half-asleep stupor. Jack guessed she was referring to the sound of the falling snow.

"Me too," he whispered, closing his eyes and drifting off to the same place as the girl beside him.

***

"Jack."

...

"Jack!"

...

"You have got to be kidding me... JACK!"

Jack woke with a start. Blinking rapidly, he attempted to make sense of the world around him. Confusion washed over him as he could have sworn, he had fallen asleep in the Impala next to Marty. But he wasn't there anymore. In fact, he wasn't sure where he was.

Everything was white. The walls, the ceiling, the floor. Well, actually this place didn’t really seem to have walls or a ceiling or a floor. It was all just white, stretching off forever. Behind Jack somebody coughed.

"Behind you," They said, sounding rather annoyed.

Jack turned around slowly and cautiously. Standing in front of him now stood Marty. Her tiny hands on her slim hips and her face twisting into a frown that was somehow amused and annoyed at the same time. She raised her eyebrows at him, and her foot tapped rapidly on whatever surface it was that they seemed to be standing on.

"Heya, Jack." Marty smirked.

Jack's eyes shifted nervously left and right. His hand reached up on its own accord to rub at the knot he felt in his chest. He got the distinct impression that something here wasn't right. He planned to figure out what was going on as soon as he could determine where exactly 'here' was.

"Don't worry Jack, it’s just us. Or, I should say, it’s just you," Marty said, clarifying and confusing things for Jack at the same time. Jack shifted his gaze back to the girl in front of him.

"Where are we?" He asked, his brows drawing together. Marty smiled at him pleasantly.

"We're inside your head!" She answered.

"What?" Jack wondered how she could answer his question while giving him so many more at the same time. She giggled a bit at his confused expression. Spreading her arms like wings, she spun in a circle.

"Look around, Jack! It’s so big! You should be proud!" She stopped spinning to grin at him. The line between Jack's eyebrows and his confusion were deepening quickly. Marty tapped her chin and looked upward with a smirk, as if thinking about something. "But we really should both be proud." She mused.

"Marty, what's going on? Are you okay?" Jack took a step towards the girl reaching his hand out. Marty flicked her eyes up and down between him and his outstretched hand, her expression darkened. She held up her hands in a defensive gesture as she took a few sauntering steps back.

"First of all, I'm not Marty," She stated, evenly. Jack's position instantly switched from inviting to aggressive. He bent his knees and widened his stance, shifting his weight onto the balls of his feet, readying himself for a fight.

"Who are you?! Where is she?! What did you do to her?!" He demanded. His eyes pulsed with an orange light as he prepared to use his powers. The person in front of him, who apparently wasn't Marty, put a hand on her chest, gasping with obvious mockery.

"You wound me, Jack! You're not even going to ask who I am? I thought we were better friends than this." She closed her eyes and shook her head, sighing in an obnoxious and sarcastic way. Jack wasn't having any of this thing's games. He clenched his teeth and raised his hand threateningly.

"Where's Marty?" He growled, trying his best to imitate Sam, Dean, or Cas when they were in similar positions. The not-Marty just rolled her eyes, like she was bored.

"Yeah, no. We ain't doing that in here." She frowned, waving her hand simply. Jack scowled and tried to blast her back with his power, but he abruptly realized that he couldn't. Nothing was happening. She had taken his powers away. His eyes snapped open wide and he stared at his hand. Now he was the one taking a few steps back.

"W-what? I-" Jack stuttered. The not-Marty crossed her arms and leaned back on her heels, taking on a much more relaxed position.

"I think we got off on the wrong foot here, Jack. Can we start over?" She tilted her head and smiled pleasantly at him before sitting cross-legged on the ground. Jack nodded at her with a distrusting expression but hesitantly copied her position.

"Thank you, Jack. I'm sorry about the attitude earlier, it's just that, with this form you gave me, her personality and came with it and then there was your expectations and perception to deal with, so I had to battle through that. I'm very sorry, but I think we're all good now."

Jack was struck by just how pretty the pleasant smile on her face was and had to remind himself that it wasn't really Marty.

"What do you mean? Who are you?" He asked, expecting another vague and confusing answer. The girl giggled, her laugh sounded exactly like Marty's bubbling, wind chime laugh.

"I'm you, Jack!" She replied, brightly.

"No, you're not- you can't- how can you be me? I don't understand," Jack shook his head, bewildered. The girl giggled again.

"I'm not you you, of course. I'm your conscience! Or your sub-conscious or whatever, really." Jack didn't know what to say. Not-Marty leaned forward as if to tell him a secret. "Ya remember what I said about us being inside your head?" She reminded him.

"So, this is a dream?" He asked. She nodded.

"You could call it that, yes. So, you don't have to worry about Marty. When you wake up, she'll be right were you left her, safe, sound, and all cuddled up in your arms." She wrapped her arms around herself, jokingly. Jack nodded, sighing with relief, now he could figure out the rest of this weirdness.

"If you're my conscience, why do you look like Marty?" Was his next question. The girl claiming to be his conscience shrugged.

"You were thinking about her when you fell asleep. It's that simple." Jack nodded slowly.

"This is confusing," he stated. The girl just nodded.

"It is. Let's make it a little less confusing, shall we?" She stretched her hand out for him to shake, "I'm not Marty so how bout' you call me Cricket?"

"Why Cricket?"

"Like Jiminy Cricket! From Pinocchio!" She cheered. Jack took her hand and shook it firmly, still not completely sure he trusted all she was saying.

"Hello Cricket, it's nice to meet you?" He said, more as a question than a statement.

"It's nice to meet you too, Jack!" Cricket giggled for a moment before sobering up in a snap, "But we need to have a talk," She said, her voice grave.

"About what?" Asked Jack, carefully. Cricket chuckled at his apprehensive tone.

"Relax kiddo, it's not like I'm mad at you!" She reassured him.

"Then why am I here? What do we need to talk about?" Cricket frowned; her expression dark.

"We need to talk about Marty," She said. Jack narrowed his eyes.

"What about Marty?"

"There's something off about that girl, but I don't know what it is," Cricket answered.

"Why not?"

She rolled her eyes.

"Well, if you don't know, then I don't know, and we don't know!" She he exclaimed.

"Oh."

"But I'm telling you, all five-foot-two of this," Cricket gestured at Marty's body, "Isn't what it seems." Jack frowned.

"What are you saying?"

"I'm saying, Martina is dangerous," Cricket deadpanned.

"No! She's my friend! She's not dangerous!" Jack protested. Cricket raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms over her chest.

"Really? How much do you actually know about her? You don't even know her full name," She pointed out, her voice harsh. "She's keeping secrets, Jack."

"No."

"Don't make me the villain here, Jack. You're making me the villain, I'm not!"

"Stop! Get out of my head!" Jack shouted.

"Jack, listen to me. I'm you and I'm trying to protect us!" Jack scrambled to his feet, shaking his head.

"I don't believe you!" The girl in front of him stood too.

"If you won't listen to me, then maybe you'll listen to mom." Then Marty was gone. Standing in her place was Kelly Kline.

"Mom?" Jack whispered he couldn't stop himself inching forward. Kelly opened her arms.

"Jack! Please listen to me, you can't trust that girl. I know she's your friend, but you need to look-" Jack cut her off.

"You're not real!" He said, backing away. In an instant, Kelly was gone, and Cricket came back.

"Fine, suit yourself." Cricket's glared was ferocious and her voice was cruel. "But don't say I didn't warn you."

Jack blinked and when he opened his eyes, Cricket was gone.

***

"We should probably wake em' up," Sam whispered as the Impala rounded the turn off on the dirt road that led to the bunker.

"Wait! Cas, do me a favor," Dean said passing his phone to the angel in the back seat, "take a picture of those two." Jack and Marty were still fast asleep. The only thing that had changed in eight hours on the road was that Marty had grabbed a hand full of Jack's shirt. Taking the phone from Dean's hand, Cas snapped three pictures of the sleeping duo.

"Here." He passed the phone back to Dean who took his eyes off the road to observe the pictures.

"Awesome." Dean grinned. "These are going in the black-mail folder."

"In the what?" Sam asked.

"The black-mail folder, Sammy. You don't have one?"

"Uh, no."

"Your loss," Dean shrugged, turning his attention back to driving. The car was quiet for a few minutes.

"So, what's in the black-mail folder?" Sam asked after a bit. Dean smirked at his brother.

"You'll find out," He said, ominously, "Next time I want something, you'll find out."

Sam decided in that moment that he did not want to find out what was in Dean's black mail folder. As the bunker came into view, Castiel reached over and shook the shoulders of the sleeping pair next to him.

"Jack, Marty, we're here," Cas urged, gently. Jack eye's opened and he blinked the tiredness from them, his neck was stiff, so he stretched it out. Marty, however, did not wake nearly as easily.

"Martina." Cas shook her shoulder again.

"Hmm?"

"Wake up."

"Five more minutes." She murmured. Jack chuckled at her antics.

"Marty, wake up. We're home." Marty's big grey eyes fluttered open and she turned her head to look up at Jack.

"Home?" She sighed.

"Yeah, home," Jack said. Marty sat up and yawned, stretching her arms and rubbing her eyes.

"Home sounds pretty good."

~What story should I tell? Will it end happy? Will it turn out well? What dreams do I own? Can I call any place my home?

And I rock myself to sleep And I tell myself "Don't fall to deep" Cause I know by now You're not comin' for me

And I tell myself "Move along" And I tell myself "You were all wrong" But I know by now Wrong was right for me

I'll sleep peacefully~

Lyrics from: Sleep Peacefully by Lilly Kershaw

[echo-three-one]

Whatever It Takes

Sequel to A Forgotten Memory

Now facing an internal battle between her heart and mind, Samantha faces her fears and searches for the truth. Will she accept the past? Will she listen to her heart? Or will she let her memories get the best of her?

Chapter 10 to another story made by Ray (echo-three-one) Comments and Reviews appreciated! I hope you enjoy! Love you all ❤️

Previous Chapter : Roach - A SurPRICE Visit

What is this o.O

The Heart knows what the Brain Doesn't

Samantha Coleman

141's High Value Individual

Task Force 141 Base - General Shepherd's Office

The base was quiet. Everyone else fled off to their mission and all Samantha could think about is Alex. But why? Maxine told her he wanted to meet him, but Alex told her it's because she dropped her pendant. Whose story is she going to believe in? She could feel her heart beat differently ever since she saw him with General Shepherd. Her whole body except for her brain reacted to his presence. She even felt weak after slapping him, it's like her brain commanded it but her hands wanted to disobey. Who is he?

Maxine passed by with an apple she got from the kitchen counter.

"Sam, you okay?" she asked, biting the fruit and sitting in the chair across from her.

"I've been thinking… about how you knew Alex and how she knows me…" she sighed, it was relieving to let out all her bottled thoughts, especially that now they're both alone.

"Well, we met in a bar. Had a few drinks then showed me a photo of you." she said, holding her hand.

"I honestly believed he did know you and tried to lengthen the conversation, just so I know he's good enough and knows a lot. He actually aced the test but he was very drunk when I told her to meet again. After that He showed up the next day and I had to work. Whatever happened after my shift was- ow." she interrupted herself because of a minor pain from recalling her memories. She still hasn't been able to remember all of them, even after a lot of sleep.

"Yeah. That's about it on your side. Mine's just that… He looked creepy, his eyes felt like he was looking for me in a weird way and so I ran. After that life continued. You went on a leave and I resumed working." She supplied, staring at the grey walls of the mess hall.

"I wish I'd remember where I went on that vacation. It'd be cool." Max commented, crunching on another bite.

"My heart… beats differently when he's near. It's like he's really familiar." She whispered.

"Oh. Someone's been struck by the Cupid. He is attractive though. Without those ink, he'd probably be your type." Max teased, winking at her and nudging her. Samantha was serious, though.

"Look. I admit my heart feels something for him. It's a mix of guilt and longing. But why would I long for someone I just met?" She sighed and dropped her head on the table, groaning as her mind and her heart battled against the inconsistencies.

"Look. It's not too crowded here. Maybe we could do some research by their library!" Max suggested, creating finger guns and humming the Mission Impossible theme song as she stood up and went to the library. Samantha chuckled.

"So we're spies now?!" She placed a hand on her forehead as she followed her wacky best friend.

Maxine typed down Alex on the search bar, his public profile appeared and they began reading his file. It was all basic ideas, Nationality, Height, his name was redacted and they couldn't bypass it so they just ignored it and headed to the next term.

"CIA Agent Alex helped locate and detain CIA Mole." Samantha read with her mouth. Maxine quickly clicked the article and photos of her appeared on almost every page.

Unlike Maxine, these notes didn't hurt her mind except it hurt her heart that she treated him that way, after all this time. He was there to save her. He located you through Maxine to save you from the same captors that played with your brain months ago.

"Ooooh. It says here you two were safely housed in a remote safehouse for almost a month. Really Sam? Maybe something happened within that time? Can you please remember how he looked underneath those clothes. For me?" she giggled. Samantha knew she was joking but it was an honest possibility.

Could it be that she fell for the guy that saved her and sat with her for almost a month? Or the two of them fell in love? Her heart was racing as the possibilities overloaded her brain, her cheeks started to blush as her thoughts consumed her. This wasn't her mind talking to her, it was her heart. It's reminding her of Alex.

"Oh. Shit." Maxine muttered and Sam snapped back to reality, putting her hand on Max's shoulders and looked into the screen once again.

Due to a special favor promised by Samantha's father, he has authorized to apply an MK Ultra procedure to her, whose main intention is to Alter her memories of the IP Address along with the events that happened prior to kidnapping.

"You agreed to forget him?" Max looked at her, a frown formed as she started to console her.

"I guess so… Maybe something happened between us." She sobbed. She didn't want to cry, but the realization set in on her. They met, they bonded and she forced herself to forget him. No wonder Alex felt sad after being slapped.

"I want to ask him about us." Sam said with determination. Maxine liked the confidence but was also concerned about her feelings.

"What if you wanted to forget him, that's why you did it? Would you be ready to feel the sadness all over again?" Maxine asked. Samantha paused for a while. She made sense but her gut is telling her to push through her initial plan.

"I'm sorry Max, but I made my choice. I have to know everything about us, Whatever it Takes." she said.

"I'm here to support you. After all, you're the only memory I have left. They took everything. I don't know why but my memory began when I moved in. That's where my story started. Maybe there's a reason for it so, here I am for you. You're my family." she said, hugging her tight.

"Well, you could add a few more people in your family." she smiled.

"Yeah. It's full of tough looking brothers ready to protect us. And one soft Gary." she noted.

"He is a sweetheart, huh?" Samantha asked, getting a hint of something else from her.

"Well, he talks a lot and he gets me sometimes. It's a shame he's always out there saving the world." Max chuckled. Samantha froze.

"I know you want this to work..."

"This is our proposed digital art for our ad…"

"... and I know in my heart that I do too…"

"The colors need to be more vibrant!"

"...but I can't live loving you with worry in my heart..."

"I'm staying a little bit longer, See you tomorrow!"

"... and I don't want to be the reason that you'll stop saving the world. I know you want that. It's your job to. It's what you built your whole life to become..."

Her head started projecting two realities, it confused her. Which was right and which was wrong? She knew the work one was right, but the memories she just made right now while crying in front of Alex made more sense. Which was real? Which was fake?

"Sam! You okay?" Maxine snapped her fingers and Samantha blinked rapidly.

"I'm going crazy Max." she panted.

"What's wrong?" she consoled.

"My memories. They're all wrong. Why did I agree to this?" Samantha continued breathing heavily.

"Well, for starters. It's to forget that IP Address you memorized as a kid."

"But why did they change the recent ones too? Did I decide that my time spent with Alex is worth forgetting? Did he break my heart or did I break his?" She sighed. She knew for herself that she was unable to love again because of her loss, but what if Alex made it right for her? Alex did something that helped her move on? That's why her heart felt yearning for him?

"Sam. I'm no love doctor but if this really bothers you, you should talk to him. I have no idea when they'll get back but I'm looking forward to your resolution." She patted her shoulders and gave her a soft hug. Samantha felt like crying, but why?

~

After a while, Samantha actually had the courage to ask about Alex's whereabouts. Word has it that he's being redeployed to Germany to investigate another alleged Augustus base and that they had no idea when he'll be back.

This worries Samantha because they already heard about a transfer of authority, which in simple words meant : You're leaving the base. And that meant she won't see Alex anymore.

Maxine and Samantha sat on their beds at the infirmary to recover once again, both of them fell quiet as the news they got started to bother them. They already got attached to the people in the base and were sure that they're going to miss them. All they could do is hope that the team gets home before they leave the base.

“You think Alex will be okay?” Samantha shifted her sleeping position to Maxine, who was still awake humming to soothing melodies. Maxine shifted to face her too and smiled.

“You’re worried.” She teased, making her smile and giggle.

“Well, my heart told me I have to worry…”

“That’s normal. And don’t you worry ‘bout a thing… He’s a tough guy, remember? He’s trained to survive such harsh conditions. That’s what his file said, right?” She reminded Samantha, giving her an assuring smile. Samantha shrugged off her worry and closed her eyes. She started to imagine what it felt like being with him, based on information from his file. She can’t help but smile at her crazy idea. She felt like a teenager all over again, obsessing herself on fictional characters she watched on TV, since she could only base his personality on words alone. But she did remember how his cheeks felt, from the slap, and placed her palm on her cheek as well. It felt like he was with her and her heart felt excited as she awaited for his return.

Next Chapter : The Berlin Tower

NOTIFICATION SQUAD MY BELOVED ❤️

@smokeywhalee @enderio @samatedeansbroccoli @whimsywispsblog @beemybee @ricinbach

[alw4ysf0rev3r]

the witch and the boy || dean winchester

you and dean have know each other for half a year now. you always knew there was something there. he did too. but you guys just hid that love for each other as best friends.

you're a hunter just like sam and dean. but you're also a witch. dean's hatred towards all witches was prominent, but he made an exception for you. he didn't freak out or try to kill you, but yeah, he was a little weary after that. but it was sam. sam adored you for how much you cared about bobby, cas, dean, and him. he just couldn't believe how dean just let the fact you were a witch go over his head. and that's what started everything that night.

"dean! she's a witch. she could kill us all or get us involved in some witch-on-witch stuff!" "samuel fucking winchester i swear to god if you start this again." neither of them knew you could hear the conversation. this happened once or twice before but you could sense this fight was gonna be worse. last time you got involved you told dean you could fight you're own battles.

"trust me, i know. you proved that when we first met. but you don't have to. and sam... he's never like this, he's usually the one to sympathize with the-" he trailed off, "monsters dean. monsters." he freaked out then of all times. "no, no, no. y/n you're not a monster. why would you-" you started laughing. "baby boy trust me i know i'm not a monster. save that speech for sammy."

dean finally spoke after taking one of the plates from the table to the sink, but really quiet to the point you could barely hear him. "sammy, why do you care so much. i'm the one with the grudge not you. she's a good person. you know that. y/n saved us before she knew us."

when you guys first met, it wasn't at a diner or some macho god vs winchesters fight, one night, the boys and cas were fighting a large group of demons. nothing new. but they were outnumbered and even cas was having a difficult time taking them on. dean was about to be stabbed when he heard the demons drop one by one. he didn't see who, so he immediately thought it was cas. he saw a few knives fly towards the one to the right of him, the one pinning cas had his legs swept beneath him, then the one holding dean turned to you after you took a knife to his back. this demon was a pain in the ass. punches were thrown, a few kicks to the side of his head, and yours. finally it gave up and you exercised it. you moved the hair from your eyes and all the boys stood looking at you like you were the best hunter they'd seen (which you are) but at the same time, they had horror in their eyes. you took down a full room of demons with ease. and you weren't even using your powers. they didn't need to know that yet.

sam did that grunty-thingy he always does and whiped his face, mumbling something you couldn't hear. "she's a monster. she'll kill us all. you know how powerful she is." dean rolled his eyes from hearing this over and over and over again. "i don't care sam. y/n has done nothing but keep all of us in line and alive. you should be happy she's with us not arguing the same god damn argument!" he yelled. you slumped your back against the wall along the stairs, holding back tears.

"you really wanna risk us for her?" sam asked. "you know what sam? maybe i do. she's been there for me more that any of you have my whole life. she understands me without the judgement. i wouldn't wanna have anyone else by my side if something went wrong or hell, if something went right. if you have a problem with her you can leave. cuz i'm not leaving her. i made her that promise." he rolled his head around and started mumbling swears under his breath, then went to the coat rack and grabbed his lea ther jacket and keys, slamming the door behind him.

that's when you went to your room. sam smashed a few plates and then went to bed. see, that gut feeling was right. dean definitely cared but who knew that much? you cried for a while, and obviously knew you weren't gonna get sleep.

dean didn't get back until 3:46 a.m. he went to a bar and got drunk you assumed and when he got back you walked downstairs. "you good?" you saw him slouching and caught him as he missed the first step on the way up the stairs. "great." he responded with a smile and clear smell of whiskey on his breath. "here c'mon." you half-guided, half-carried him up the wooden staircase to his room which you migrated to around 1 earlier. "were you planning on stayin' in here sweetheart?" he asked, noting your spare blanket and charger you kept in his room. you gave him a slight chuckle. "i was." after you took off his shoes and placed his trash can next to his bed you started to leave. "hey. hey. you." you stopped in your tracks and looked back. "yeah dean?" he kinda stumbled on his words at first. "c-can you stay with me 'till i fall asleep?" after reaching the other side of the bed, you released a slight puff of air after hitting the matress. at first you wondered why he stumbled asking that question because he doesn't usually talk like that when he's drunk. so yay he's sobering up. but it's not like it's the first time you've spent the night in the other's room. it was normal for you two. that's when it hit you. a different way.

he turned around to look at you, which you were half on the wall and half on the bed. you raised your eyebrows at him and he knew that meant 'what?' "i'm sorry. for sam. i get it if you don't want to stay, i'm gonna leave if he keeps doing that." "dean, don't. i don't want the hardy boys spliting cuz of nancy drew. and i should be thanking you. you keep sticking up for me." "oh so you were listening?" he sassed. dean smiled. "that's my girl." you two looked at each other for a few seconds and that's what happened. he kissed you. or did you kiss him? you both kissed each other? doesn't matter.

you stopped him. "dean you're drunk. if you're gonna kiss me at least be sober enough to remember it." he rested his head against yours. "alright. g'night y/n." you looked into his apple green eyes before you kissed his forehead. "night dean." you shifted so your head met one of the two pillows dean kept, his met the other.

dean woke up before you. he showered (thank god) and picked up coffee and donuts. when you went downstairs you saw dean and walked towards the donuts, almost ignoring him. not because of the night before, you just didn't like mornings. he laughed and looked at you, taking a large gulp of his coffee. "so, we gonna talk about earlier?" you almost choked on your donut and said "what?" as your voice cracked. "just becuase i forget my abc's from time to time doesn't mean i didn't forget what we talked about and that we kissed y/n." you set down your food on a plate and walked over to him. "if you remember what's there to talk about dean?" you slightly squinted at him. he grabbed you by you're hips and swayed you two side to side. "well... i could ask you on a date. i mean we already have the chemistry and live together so,” “please you can't even spell chemistry." you smiled at him. he took his hands away and said, "wow. wow. ok. y'know y/n, i'm hurt. really." you walked back over to your food. "8 o'clock, movie and dinner. nothing fancy though. deal?" he looked at you with hope and love in his eyes. "deal. i'm just happy you didn't ask me with that cheesy knock knock joke." you fake gasped. "it's a great joke dean, get over it."

that’s when you knew he had your heart, and you had his.

[iamsherlockedondoctorwho]

OMG I just want to say this: wasn't rude for the dora milage to disarm bucky, the wakandians literally trusted him and helped him and what he did? Let the man who killed king T'chaka get out of prison, the dora had all the right to kick his ass cause he broke the trust they gave him

Secondly. From the therapy scene all that you caught was that one line of bucky throwing HIS problems at Sam? Sure I get it he's hurt and all that and here's the thing: so is Sam, Steve left them both, Sam is dealing with it too, the less thing my man needed was to deal with bucky's shit too, I'm sorry but all of this touches my nerves, Bucky is a grown ass man and sure has a lot of trauma but that doesn't mean he can't connect a with b (to understand why Sam gave the shield to the smithsonian) and throw that fear/insecurities to Sam. In the firsts episodes he was a complete asshole with sam u can't deny it. anyway I'm happy he apologized on ep 5 (it was about damn time) and stop just thinking in your fav for two seconds and realice he's responsible for what he's doing now

And sorry if I get the wrong idea of what u think about all of that I just saw your posts and couldn't helped but came and say what I said :/

Okay so yeah the Dora Milaje had EVERY RIGHT to be furious about Bucky letting Zemo out and try to take him back. That wasn’t my point at all. I was just making a point about the fact that they used their knowledge of Bucky’s body against him. And it was once again something that even he didn’t know his body could do. and that’s pretty messed up. They had every right to attack and try to regain control of Zemo, but to me using Bucky’s body in that way against him, knowing he didn’t know they could do that, was wrong. Like if that was a thing they knew his arm could do, it should have been told to him while they were helping him heal and gain freedom of his mind and control of his body. Because like how can you say you’re free, while keeping certain bits of information about his arm to yourselves? To some extent from their pov it was a very strategic move to keep that knowledge to themselves in case they needed to take him out later, still doesn’t make it right. But i’m not saying what they were trying to accomplish overall in that scene was wrong.

So the therapy scene. I didn’t actually post all my thoughts on it, i was just posting as i was thinking things, so sorry if it seemed a little one sided or like i only cared about Bucky’s feelings in the situation. We don’t hate on Sam Wilson here, so that was not my intention. 

Honestly as fun as I’m sure we all thought that therapy scene would be, it felt EXTREMELY unhelpful for them, to me. I feel like it caused more hurt for both of them because it wasn’t a constructive conversation. Bucky started to air out his grievances, but clearly Sam wasn’t in a place where he was comfortable enough to express his side of things. so there was no constructive conversation between them, and in ways i think it made things harder. Because you're right, Sam now kind of understands why Bucky was upset, which just adds to his growing pile of stress and guilt.

I think both of them are completely valid in their own feelings on the situation, i just think the problem was communication. they aren’t friends really. they joke around, but they didn’t really have that relationship yet where Sam felt comfortable opening up about why this was hard for him and why he chose what he chose, which is a completely reasonable position. However, you can’t expect everyone else to automatically understand your choices and feelings, you can hope they might, but. Once Bucky understood Sam’s position in it and why it was hard for him and why he felt the way he felt, he apologized. But he clearly didn’t understand before, and he had a lot of his own feelings about it that he wasn’t dealing well with. So yeah he was a bit of an ass about it. The reason his line was the one i posted about was because it was heartbreaking to hear. Not because it was the only thing i noticed or cared about.

I don’t think either of them were in a good place in the beginning to have that conversation so I wouldn’t say either of them were to blame for it. Bucky wasn’t ready to listen, and Sam wasn’t ready to talk. Which I think the later episodes got them to the point where they were ready for it. Which is interesting because they even comment on how they weren’t really friends before, they just shared a friend, but now maybe they might start to be friends. 

Hopefully this cleared up some things and didn’t sound antagonistic or mean because that wasn’t my point either! haha I just wanted to dive deeper into my opinions on some of this stuff and clear up any misunderstandings. Typically when i’m watching an episode i don’t post anything of any real opinions on the episodes except my random major feelings of hate or love etc. haha 

[verobatto]

Destiel Chronicles

It was a love story from the very beginning.

Vol. XXXVI

Goodbye my Love. Goodbye Stranger.

(8x17)

Hello My Friends! How are you? Another important meta from season 8, and we are here... We are in the crypt scene!! Our hearts will break... 😭

I want to say thank you to my friend @agusvedder she made the gifs for this meta and discussed with me the episode.

Okay... Let's do this... **Deep breath**

Sam knows

In episode 8x17 Goodbye Stranger, Sam and Dean knew Castiel was behaving weird.

Although that, Dean had prayed to him because he was worried about Sam, but as we learned in the previous volume of this Chronicles, he didn't pray just for that, but also, because he wanted to see Castiel. Because Dean missed him and he was worried about him too.

So, when Sam discovered Dean was praying to him, even knowing Castiel was acting weird, he didn't just ask once, but twice about why his brother prayed to him...

This first time, Sam is in awe, but this second time... With the whole thing digested, and with Castiel off, Sam is more direct.

DEAN: Well, he puts the "ass" in "Cas," huh?

SAM: He's definitely off.

DEAN: Off? He hasn't been right since he got back from Purgatory. We still don't know how he got out of there

Okay, this is a discussion the brother had had already, maybe a lot of times. They both were agreed about Castiel behaving weird. Then... Sam has this clear, but it caught his attention Dean's doesn't have things clear apparently, because he prayed to him. So... Here is the question, direct, and without anesthesia...

And Dean's face is acting everything. Okay, you can argue with me about this point, because later on this episode we will have this dialogue...

SAM: I'm fine.

DEAN: No, you're not fine. You haven't been fine since the first trial. That's why I called Cas.

Yes, Dean prayed to Castiel because he was worried about Sam, we already knew that... But... What we know too is... He prayed waiting for Castiel to appear right there in his room, remember? So... One of the reason, the big one, is the necessity of Castiel to heal his brother, to protect him, but the Hidden One, that one that makes Dean try to hide, and put himself flustered when Sam asked him the reason why, I because he wanted to see Cas, because he's worried about him, and he missed him. Because he loves him.

So here he had the perfect motive again to show his brother he called Cas because he was worried about his little brother's healthy... Perfect... No homo there my friends... Just a worried brother calling for his totally platonic bro/friend to help him.

But Sam is insightful and clever, I want you to jump with me to the last scene... We can do that because we all know this episode like our names, so... A little more of Sammy knows...

After the crypt scene, they were back on the road in baby, Castiel had left, as we know, and this is what Dean says to Sam...

SAM: So... what happened? I mean, Cas touched the tablet, and it reset him to his factory settings or something?

DEAN: I don't know. And I don't care. All I know is that he is off the reservation with a-a heavenly WMD. Listen, man, I can't take any more lies -- from anyone.

Dean is mad, Sam gets it immediately, he's mad. But not at Sam. Sam gets that too.

Because when Dean avoids a topic... Is because that's really affecting him...

And then... This song starts to play... And watch Sammy's face...

These are the lyrics from Goodbye Stranger

It was an early morning yesterday

I was up before the dawn

And I really have enjoyed my stay

But I must be moving on

Like a king without a castle

Like a queen without a throne

I'm an early morning lover

And I must be moving on

Okay, this is a lover of one night, a lover that doesn't get strains to anyone. After Dean confessed his feelings to Castiel on that crypt, Castiel decides to run away with the tablet, leaving Dean alone, heartbroken and feeling unrequited. Again.

Now I believe in what you say

Is the undisputed truth

But I have to have things my own way

To keep me in my youth

We are still talking about Castiel here.

Like a ship without an anchor

Like a slave without a chain

Just the thought of those sweet ladies

Sends a shiver through my veins

Castiel deciding to leave again, he rejected Dean's feelings (from Dean's POV) and help. He's a lone wolf. B

And I will go on shining

Shining like brand new

I'll never look behind me

My troubles will be few

Goodbye stranger it's been nice

Hope you find your paradise

Tried to see your point of view

Hope your dreams will all come true

And we had reached Dean's POV at this point, he's mad, and very very angry. Because he was rejected and Cas didn't trust him. So he's saying goodbye to him.

Goodbye Mary, goodbye Jane

Will we ever meet again

Feel no sorrow, feel no shame

Come tomorrow, feel no pain

Dean pushing down all his feelings again.

Sweet devotion (Goodbye, Mary)

It's not for me (Goodbye, Jane)

Just give me motion (Will we ever)

To set me free (Meet again?)

In the land and the ocean (Feel no sorrow)

Far away (Feel no shame)

It's the life I've chosen (Come tomorrow)

Every day (Feel no pain)

So goodbye, Mary (Goodbye, Mary)

Goodbye, Jane (Goodbye, Jane)

Will we ever (Will we ever)

Meet again? (Meet again?)

This is Dean trying to say goodbye to his feeling for Castiel, is not for me, goodbye sweet devotion, because he feels so hurted and heartbroken, he decides to push everything down, because he feel unrequited.

Now... Let's come back to one important thing right here... Megstiel time...

Megstiel brought us Jealous!Dean back again

The classic Megstiel scene, is quite interesting, because Meg can't stop to seduce Cas by throwing at him a lot of sugestives quotes... I won't talk about the whole conversation, Agua is making a gifset I will relate with this meta because sadly, I just can put 10 gifs to show you all the things I saw, but what I want to point here is an idea I constructed in my head since I met Castiel. Please read this mini meta here I wrote time ago, about Castiel's seduction techniques.

And you will catch what I need to show you now in this piece of dialogue...

CASTIEL: These wounds have festered. [CASTIEL wraps gauze around one of MEG's wrists.]

MEG: You really do know how to make a girl's nethers quiver, don't you? [MEG is sitting on the couch, holding an open bottle of booze, she's been cleaned up a bit.]

CASTIEL: I am aware of how to do that. Although it doesn't usually involve cleaning wounds.

Did you read that?!!!!!! Cas is aware about seduction techniques!!

As I said on my mini meta, I'm pretty sure Castiel used his seduction techniques with Dean... And he still does that! Because HE KNOWS HOW TO DO THAT!!

Plus his innate sexiness... BOOM! HERE YOU HAVE THE HOTTEST ANGEL ON THE GARRISON.

Irresistible... PrayxDean.

Okay, let's talk about Jealous!Dean. We had two scenes in which we had Dean feeling jealous in Meg presence.

First scene, and how writers and producers are very aware of the fandom's ships... And they use it.

Dean is saying this with disgust, why he feels jealous always about Meg? Well, maybe because Castiel kissed Meg so passionate that time? And they had that special friendship in season 7???

And then this one... Dean acting like cockblocker, really Dean? Control your jealous face please 😏

The Crypt Scene

Okay, we're here, Carver era, crypt scene, a place in which Dean had to say I LOVE YOU to Cas, making Destiel canon, but he did, because Jensen's was so right back then, Dean wasn't prepared...

But... What happened in this crypt? Everything!

Okay, First of all, I need you to rewind the video, at the beginning of this episode, remember that scene with a lot of Dean's killed by Castiel, with Naomi watching? Yeah... She made Cas kill a lot.of Dean bc she knew what Cas felt for him. So she needed to be sure Cas will kill Dean when it will be needed. She was a bitch...

Then... When CAS and Dean were alone at the crypt, and Dean had the angel tablet in his hands... The program in Castiel's head started to roll. Dean noticed Castiel was trying to get the tablet, and he didn't trust in Cas because he was acting weird... So... He tried to get from the angel some truth... Like... How he had been pulled out from Purgatory...

CASTIEL: I can't let you take that, Dean.

DEAN: Can't or won't?

CASTIEL: Both.

DEAN: How did you get out of Purgatory, Cas?

Immediately, after seeing that wasn't HIS CAS, Dean threw that question.

The entire scene flips between the crypt and Naomi, and how CAS is trying so hard not to obey and keep Dean safe.

DEAN: Just tell me how you got out of Purgatory. Be honest with me -- for the first time since you've been back -- [DEAN nods towards the stone he's still holding] and this is yours. [CASTIEL's blade drops into his hand.]

Dean needed to hear the truth. Everything, he needed to hear too... Castiel didn't stay because he didn't want to come back with him... He needed Cas to say that was a lie too...

DEAN: Cas. Cas, I don't know what the hell is wrong with you, but if you're in there and you can hear me, you don't have to do this. [CASTIEL attacks, DEAN blocks the blow with the stone.] Cas! [Flashes of light, thunder rumbles.]

Dean sees Castiel isn't there, he's defending himself against a robot, where is his friend? He tries to call h back, to drag him to reality. He tries because he believes he can reach him.

And while this is happening and Cas began to hit Dean, Naomi tries to keep him under control, because Castiel is fighting back strongly, Naomi wants him to protect the tablet and kill Dean, and Cas wants to protect DEAN.

NAOMI: Do you realize what that tablet can do for us?

CASTIEL: I...

NAOMI: For heaven?

CASTIEL: I won't hurt Dean.

NAOMI: Yes. You will. You are.

The scene is too intense, and Cas keeps hitting Dean, and Dean keeps calling him. Till... This happens...

Look at Dean's hand, trying to reach Castiel...

Dean is not just trying to reach Cas with his hand, but also with his words... He's sure Castiel is there, and he's sure he will listen, and he's sure Castiel will come back to him. That's why he tries with everything he has... With honesty. Tries to get him back with honest feelings and words... We need you... Not hell... Cas... I NEED YOU. The same words he used when he convinced him to follow him in Purgatory. I need you, don't leave me. This I NEED YOU is so so important, is the replacement of the I LOVE YOU that never happens. So is the big I NEED YOU. Dean's naked feelings. His last shot. His bare soul. Right there. Chest open, heart beating.

Dean is waiting for Castiel's reaction after his confession, and immediately after that honest I NEED YOU, Castiel breaks connection, and he's back again.

Not the tablet, why not? Because the I NEED YOU is what makes Cas stop. And when he touches the tablet, and Crowley reveals the tablet was what kept Castiel disconnected with Naomi, why he still was disconnected after losing the tablet? Pure logic, my friends, the tablet had nothing to do with this disconnection, it was Dean's I NEED YOU, who worked, and brought Cas back. The love. The Profound Bond.

And it hurts a lot, because while Castiel was hitting him, Dean was grabbing his forearm, with fear, he thought Cas will kill him... But he just couldn't stop grabbing him, he couldn't stop being close to him like that. He has to get his angel back... And when CAS reach's his face with his hand... Dean grabbed Castiel's forearm again, you have to rewatch the scene is so romantic and angsty, Dean was terrified, but he just remained there... Kneeled... Tryin to make Cas to hear him, and trying to get him back, and he did it.

The big question the writers left to us, we already know the answer...

DEAN: Well, w-what broke the connection?

CASTIEL: I don't know. I just know that I have to protect this tablet now.

DEAN: From Naomi?

CASTIEL: Yes. And from you.

Castiel said this, because it was Purgatory all over again, and Leviathans chasing after Cas, but this time, were Angels and a dangerous Naomi, so he needed to put that tablet safe and far away from everyone, and from Dean, to protect him again.

But what Dean understood here is CAS DOESN'T TRUST ME, AFTER I CONFESSED MY FEELINGS, HE DOESN'T TRUST ME. And his heart broke again, and we had to hear that song in the car... Dean is heartbroken, as the first half of the season showed us, tons of broken and eaten hearts... He's disappointed with CAS... And he's feeling rejected and unrequited...

To Conclude:

This episode showed us Sam Winchester getting the idea of what Dean feels for Castiel.

We also had Megstiel as a tool, because it brought us back Jealous Dean and we got the idea about how Castiel is conscious about seduction techniques.

But the most important scene, one of the most emblematic of Destiel scenes, was the Crypt scene. The I LOVE that never happened, but a huge love Confession from Dean to get Castiel back.

The confession brought Castiel back, but when the angel ran away from Dean, Dean felt rejected, heartbroken and unrequited, and he began to pushing all his feelings down again.

I hope you like this meta, I suffered a lot, but we'll.. I love this scene...

See you in the next one!

Tagging @metafest @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @angelneedshunter @trickster-archangel @dea-stiel @poorreputation @bre95611 @thewolfathedoor @charlottemanchmal @neii3n @deathswaywardson @followyourenergy @dean-is-bi-till-i-die @hekatelilith-blog @avidbkwrm @anarchiana @mishka-the-angel-of-saturday @dickpuncher365 @vampyrosa @foxyroxe-art @authorsararayne @anonymoustitans @mybonsai1976 @love-neve-dies @wildligia @dustythewind @wayward-winchester67 @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @deeutdutdutdoh @destiel-is--endgame @destiel-shipper-11 @larrem88 @charmedbycastiel @ran-savant @little-crazy-misha-minion @samoosetheshipper

@shadows-and-padlocked-hearts @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning @nerditoutwithbooks @mikennacac73 @justmeand-myinsight @idontwantpeopletoknowmyname @tenshilover20 @teddybeardoctor @pepevons

If you want to be tagged, just let me know.

If you want to read the previous metas from Season 8, here you have the links...

Vol. XXXI, Vol. XXXII, Vol. XXXIII, Vol. XXXIV and Vol. XXXV

Buenos Aires November 5th 2019 8:11 PM