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mae-gi-writes · 4 months ago

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let it be me | kuroo tetsurou (1)

In which you, as a new divorcée, can't help but crush on your 4-year-old's new PE Coach.

genre: singleparent!reader x coach! Kuroo, fluff, acquaintances-to-lovers

---- part one | next part >>>

You know Kuroo Tetsurou before you officially meet him.

Why? Because he's practically a legend to your current four-year-old who's been talking about him nonstop from the moment you've strapped her into the car on the way back home.

"Apparently he was a--a volleyball champ!" Sakura chimes from the back as you swerve into the right lane in the direction of your tiny flat, "he knows how to serve from faaaar away, and --and when he serves, it's like--kapow! and boom! and whoosh! like that!"

You can't help but laugh because seeing your daughter so excited about volleyball is something you hadn't been expecting, not when you have two left feet and a stamina of a tiny pet rat.

"I'm glad you enjoyed your first week back," you meet her eyes in the rearview mirror with a smile, "that's good isn't it? Better than last year then?"

"Yes! I love Kuroo sensei!"

It seems that this particular teacher has specifically changed Sakura's view on school, and you had made a mental note to thank him.

But all thoughts of thank-yous and praise had flown out of your head the moment you bump into the said PE teacher in the corridor leading up to Sakura's class the next morning.

"Oh I'm so sorry!" You cry out, bending down to help him pick up the stack of papers that are now flying about and scattering at your feet, "here, let me help you--"

"It's Kuroo sensei!" Sakura chirps suddenly, causing your eyes to snap up at him.

Oh. So that's the PE teacher she's been gushing about all week. You're quick to shove the papers into a messy pile before handing them out to him, "I'm really sorry about that," you say sheepishly.

"Nothing to worry about," his deep voice is what catches your attention at first, followed by his height as he straightens up so that you get a clear view of his facce; angular features, honey-golden eyes that blink slowly at you in a way that makes you want to squirm, and messy dark raven locks that looks like he's just rolled out of bed five minutes ago.

Not that you won't mind if he rolled out of your bed, you mind chanted without warning.

You stop it as soon as it surfaces, horror and panic crashing into you at the same time. This man is--what? Probably half your age?

"Kuroo sensei! Do we have class with you later?" Sakura, unknowing of all the tormenting thoughts flickering past your brain, seems all too excited to see her PE teacher.

He chuckles lightly before ruffling her short bangs, "not today, little munchkin," he leans down to see her face, "but I'm pretty certain that we have class tomorrow. How about that?"

"Oh really? Yay!" Sakura claps, beaming up at him like he's just put a new sun in her sky, and Kuroo grins before straightening up once more, gold eyes clashing against your dark maroon.

"I don't think we've met," his voice, it's so deep and gravelly that it makes you want to swoon. You snap out of it the moment you spot his outstretched hand, "I'm Kuroo Tetsurou, the new PE teacher."

"So you're the new teacher that Sakura's been talking about all this time," you send him a shy smile as you shake his hand, realizing that his palm practically dwarfs yours in comparison, "it's nice to meet you. I'm Sakura's mum. How are you enjoying the school?"

"It's been really great actually," his grin widens. He has a beautiful smile, one that will easily make all the ladies of staff fall at his feet, "I'm slowly finding my way around the timetable, but other than that it's been smooth-sailing till now."

You nod, "that's great. I'm glad to hear," and then turn to your daughter, "you know where your class is right?"

"Of course I know mum," Sakura folds her arms across her chest indignantly.

You laugh, ruffling her hair before ushering her onwards, "alright alright. Yes, you're a big now. Then off you go."

You both watch her teeter down the hall, sometimes almost falling off-balance due to her newly-acquired skill of running with the weight of her bag around her shoulders, and fondness explodes across your chest. It's sweet and bitter at the same time, watching your daughter grow day by day. She's always changing, you realize, every day is a new one, maybe her hair gets longer, or you find a new mole along her face. It's like she's growing so fast you barely have time to savour it.

"Cute kid you have there."

You realize you're not alone upon hearing the familiar scratchy alto, and quickly blink back to reality, "ah--thank you. She can be a handful when she wants. Sometimes."

"All kids are," Kuroo tilts his head towards you, a smile on his face, "but sometimes I think they know more than we do."

You can't help but chortle, "definitely. Sakura's practically a know-it-all. She's in the phase of correcting everything that I say."

"Ooh, a bit bossy huh?"

"Tell me about it."

It's then that the bell rings, disrupting any kind of moment you might have with the PE teacher.

"Anyway," you dip your head into a small bow, "thank you for taking care of Sakura."

"It's really no trouble, miss...?"

"It's Y/N. Y/N Kosuke."

"Y/N," his golden orbs locks on yours, swirling with a kind of playfulness, with a warmth that makes your heart stutter, "well, I shall see you around, Ms. Kosuke-san."

And with that, he swerves away with a small wave as you watch his broad back disappear down the hallway, wondering whether it's stupid to imagine whether he'd winked at you or not.

Probably not.

Because why would anyone be interested in a mom right?

-----

The second time you bump into Kuroo Tetsurou is during Sports Day.

You remember back when you were in high school, how you'd always find an excuse to skip out on the activities -- feigning your period or cramps just to get to the nurse's office and away from your classmates -- just so that you could sit and daydream about anything and just about everything. You weren't that popular in your cohort, making it easy for you to disappear whenever you wished. But despite that, you could count on your hands the number of times you'd replaced someone and failed to deliver, causing wave after wave of disappointment as you lost team points as a result.

But now, as a grown up responsible for a child and always accustomed to doing whatever they liked even if that meant bringing you unhappiness or shame, you were obliged to attend such events. Actually enjoyed being there and watching Sakura giving it her all despite her short limbs and her lack of talent in sports. From what you can see, she clearly hasn't taken from her dad's side. Every single flaw in physical movement comes down from your side of the family and at the thought, a smile curves at the edges of your lips as you proceed to clap even harder.

"Is Papa going to be there tomorrow?" asks your daughter the night before as you're tucking her into bed. Her wide eyes are staring up at you like you're the one who can change anything in her world. And yet, just the thought that you can't grant her this one wish makes your heart quake.

You press a soft kiss along her forehead before smoothing over her features, "i'm sorry honey. I'm not sure if he'll be able to come tomorrow."

"Why not?"

"He has work to do. But he promises to be there this weekend," you try to smile, though it's hard when Sakura's face doesn't light up like it usually does at the mention of her father. That's when you prod, "everything okay, Sakura?"

Your daughter merely turns away to hide her face against her pillow. Her mumble comes out soft and practically a whisper. But you can still hear her loud and clear.

"Why doesn't he ever come?"

Your heart drops to your stomach. You move to hug her, in hopes of appeasing the pain she feels. But she's right, you can't do anything about it. About this. It's a selfish act, the act of divorcing the one whom you thought would've been your lifelong partner till the day you die. And yet, you hadn't been strong enough for her sake.

And Sakura's the one victim to all consequences that follow.

Because how can you tell her? That her father has decided to choose someone else -- another woman, instead of staying by his family and taking on his responsibilities as he should? How could you tell her that her own father has abandoned her?

Sakura isn't stupid. She's well aware of everything that happens around her. But such words coming out of her own mouth causes your own eyes to burn with tears.

"Papa loves you. He's just--busy with work. But you know that he loves you so so much right?" you hope that your murmur is enough to appease her.

And it does, for now.

Sakura snuggles closer to your bosom, small fingers gripping your t-shirt as though she doesn't want you to leave, "will you stay with me until I fall asleep?" she murmurs through closed eyelids.

You nod, smooth one hand over her forehead, "yeah. Sleep now, okay? Tomorrow's a big day."

Hence the reason why you're here. Burning under the midday sun. Hat poised over your head, and a piece of stray paper from your office that you're using as a makeshift fan.

Until now, it's proven itself useless in response to the heat.

"Come on, Greens!"

That familiar alto. Raspy and velvet like chocolate. It makes your eyes swipe right to the source only to see none other than the PE coach.

Kuroo Tetsurou is bathed in sweat as he stands by the sidelines, cap over his messy hair and eyes never straying from the row of students balancing potatoes across their tiny spoons. His t-shirt is practically soaked through from the back, showing off his array of muscles twisting and twining like vines around a bark of a tree, and when he crosses his arms over his chest you take note of the swell of his biceps. Taunting, tantalizing.

He's a catch, is what your mind thinks.

You shut it down immediately. What's the point of daydreaming when you're not ready to commit to anything? Not even a fling?

No. You'd much rather stay alone. You know exactly how it feels like to be loved and to lose that love by someone whom you thought had your heart as much as you had his. And you weren't in a rush to fall into that trap once again.

It's finally Sakura's turn and almost subconsciously, you straighten up in the bleachers to get a better look at your daughter all decked in Blue. She's holding out her spoon, tongue sticking out in concentration just as a teacher places a potato right in the middle of it.

Catching your eye from where you sit, she gives you a wide beam, all teeth, and you grin back, doing a silly little wriggle of your fingers. You do the mistake of glancing back towards your right only to meet the PE coach's eyes by mistake.

He grins a Cheshire cat smile, as if he knows that he's been caught but he doesn't care, and your own smile turns shy, ducking your head and soon averting your eyes.

The whistle sounds. The race is on.

"C'mon Sakura!" You yell as loud as you can, watching your daughter waddle in what you hope is a straight line. She's second at this point, trying hard not to lose her potato as her classmate -- a red -- blunders right through without hesitation, "C'mon Sakura! You can do it!"

Your daughter all but wobbles, lips parted in concentration as another boy zooms past. You cup your lips using your hands and shout with all your might, "C'mon Sakura! Faster!"

She finishes in third place, not a bad start for her sports confidence, and comes running straight up to you so that you pick her up with a whoop.

"That's my girl!" You nuzzle into her sweaty hair, "aren't you a big champ?!"

"Did you see mum?! I'm third!" she flaps her arms around, "I'm third! Will I get a medal?!"

"You sure will," you pinch her cheek, "and you did great! I didn't know you were good at balancing potatoes!"

"Next time I'll come in first!"

"Then we'll have to practice at home," you chuckle.

It isn't until the end of the Sports day that Kuroo Tetsurou finds you amidst the horde of parents making their way to the parking lot.

"Hey," he calls out to you as you're opening your trunk. You wave at him, slightly embarrassed as you recall the way he'd locked eyes with you briefly on the field. You strive for nonchalance as you say, "how's it going, coach?"

"Not bad, how about you?" he walks straight up to the car, waving at Sakura from the backseat before turning his attention back on you. You and the multiple bags you're organizing, "what's this?"

"Oh it's for an event," you huff out and pull a bag up into the trunk.

"Here," Kuroo's hand reaches for the next one, "let me help."

"Oh--uhm--" you weren't expecting such chivalry. Heat rises to the back of your neck and you're glad it's a hot summer's day, for you're quite certain your cheeks are flaming, "thank you."

"No problem," he sets the last bag into the trunk, pushing it all the way so that it's secure, "what kind of event is it anyway?"

"It's a corporate event," you explain as he closes the trunk for you, "I'm an event planner."

Something lights up in his golden pupils. He whistles, "haven't heard of that one before," a small smile curves at his lips, "what's the weirdest event you'd had to plan?"

"Oh don't get me started on that," you shudder, "I once had a themed birthday party, but they wanted their party to be set in changing rooms, with the theme 'haunted toilets'."

"Wha--no way," Kuroo bursts out laughing. He has a very nice smile, and a laugh that is contagious. You can't help but grin at him, "is that even legal?"

"Well if they pay you to hire your changing rooms, wouldn't you do it?"

“I suppose so,” you snort, “as long as they pay me.”

He chuckles once more, the sound rumbling through his chest and almost making you swoon. God, he's attractive, even more so when he's all sweaty for some unknown reason.

You hurriedly try to end conversation when you feel your tummy tingle with those familiar butterflies, "well--It was nice meeting you again, Coach."

"Likewise," he tips his head towards you, "and I think you've got yourself a pro athlete back there."

That makes you chortle, "I'm not quite sure, Sakura's been graced with my lack of coordination."

"I wouldn't say so. She came in third, didn't she?"

"You're right," a small smile curves at your lips, "well anyway, thank you. For everything. You're probably exhausted."

"I am, but you're good company," he grins.

Butterflies erupt through your chest and you know without a doubt that this is your cue to leave, and quickly bow to him, "thanks again Coach, see you around."

"See you," a pause, before he adds, "get home safe."

These are simple words, won't that do't matter as much and can be said oh-so-politely. But still, it makes your heart beat so fast you feel it echoing through your chest. You try not to show him your blush as you slide into the driver's seat and watch him raise a hand in mid-wave as you pull out of the parking lot. Sakura waves back with as much excitement and you wonder briefly whether she likes him so much because of the lack of father figure in your household.

Your phone rings then and you scramble for it from the passenger seat, barely able to press down on the green button as you keep your eyes on the road.

"Hello," you place it on loudspeaker and drop it to your lap as you make a turn for the motorway, "hello?"

"Hey, it's me."

Oh.

"Papa!" Sakura's exclamation comes from the back, almost makes you skid off the road as you quickly right yourself with a silent curse. Why in the world is he calling now? It's almost like he knows you were having a good time.

"Aoi," your mumble spills out, "how are you?"

"Good, good." a small pause. "how was sports day?"

"Was great, you missed Sakura in her potato-run," you try not to let the bitterness affect your tone, though it's harder to manage than expected, "how was Cali?"

"Very nice actually, Sakura would've loved it. It's warm, with beaches, and people are always doing stuff. It's a nice city."

Of course it's nice when his new wife owns a mansion and no fees are to be paid for the household. Especially nice when his new wife's family has a multi-national jewelry business and a cash flow that seems neverending.

So you cut to the chase, "why'd you call?"

"Jeez y/n," he laughs, "so brutal. Can't I even ask you how you've been?"

"I've been well, so has Sakura," your patience is running thin, "so tell me, why'd you call? Isn't it like midnight over there?"

"Actually it's still morning," there's amusement in his tone, the kind that makes you want to hurl something at him, "but anyway, I was calling to let you know about the papers."

He doesn't have to mention which papers. You know exactly what he's talking about, "what about them?"

"I've already signed them and sent them your way. You should be receiving them by the end of the week."

"Yes, and?"

There's a bout of hesitation from his side, "and I'd appreciate it if you could sign it as quickly as possible."

Another needle to your gut, "that's fine but...why the rush?"

"Ah well," you don't have to see him to know that he's currently scratching the back of his neck, a nervous tick of his whenever he's unsure or nervous. You hate that you know that about him, "we're--we might be getting married in a few months."

You're so shocked you almost barrel straight into the vehicle in front of you.

-----

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kiwihrt · 2 years ago

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hellooo can i request a le sserafim x reader where reader usually wears oversized stuff but then one day they wore like a crop top and it shows like their abs

jaw dropping ; le sserafim

⇢ le sserafim finding out you have abs

𓂃 ⋆ 𓈒 masterlist

⌁ genre: fluff, romantic.

⌁ 0.7k words

! : gn r. r wears cropped tops.

✐ okay listen… i know my requests are closed, but this one was just too good to wait too long on. thank you dear anon for the request 🙏

MIYAWAKI SAKURA

When you decided you change your attire for the day, wearing something a bit different, you didn’t think it was going to affect your day the way it did. You were wearing a crop top, one that only showed the smallest amount of your stomach. You decided to get your favourite snack from the cupboard, not thinking about how reaching for it would cause your shirt to ride up, exposing your entire stomach. Sakura walked in at that moment, jaw dropping, eyes widening. When you retrieved your snacked, seeing her staring at you, you paused in shock. “What? Why are you staring at me like that?”

She simply continued to stare at your toned stomach, laughing lightly. “How did I not know how fit you were?”

KIM CHAEWON

You had two lunches prepared in your bag. One for yourself, and one for Chaewon. You decided to bring Chaewon something to eat today, which is something you did when you could. You were allowed in the building because of the fact that you’ve done this before, and the staff knew who you were.

Today your shirt was cropped. Your entire stomach was exposed, and it was a type of shirt you hadn’t worn yet, but you liked it. You felt confident.

You found Chaewon doing vocal lessons, and when you knocked, then opened the door, you heard the loudest gasp. It was dramatic, as well. You looked up from your hand on the door handle to find the most wide-eyed Chaewon you’d ever seen, and your jaw dropped slightly as you spluttered, realizing she was staring at your abs.

“How did I not know?” She said. She then laughed, seeing your reaction. She then saw the lunch you were holding out for her, and smiled warmly, thanking you and kissing you on the cheek.

HUH YUNJIN

One morning you had woken up before Yunjin, simply changing into one of her crop tops and a pair of sweatpants before your exited the room. You decided to make french toast for you both, hoping to surprise her before she woke up. You knew you had failed when you heard her footsteps behind you and she entered the kitchen, wrapping her arms around you from behind. She rested her hands on your stomach, freezing momentarily, and then she gasped. She lightly rubbed her hand on your stomach, and then turned you around so that you faced her. She made a noise of surprise, pulling you close to her.

“You look good in my shirt, y’know?”

NAKAMURA KAZUHA

It was quite random, really. You had the genius idea to see who could hold a longer handstand. Kazuha was all for it.

She had held it for quite an impressive time, but you were determined to beat it. What you didn’t think about was how your shirt wasn’t form fitted, and you didn’t tuck it into your pants either, so when you went into your handstand it exposed your stomach, your shirt falling until it stopped at the bottom of your ribs. Kazuha let out a noise of surprise, seeing your toned stomach (bonus: she also saw the way your arms flexed as you held your handstand).

“Since when… why don’t you work out with me?”

“Are you kidding? Your workout routine is brutal.” You replied, falling out of your handstand.

“Oh, I won.” She giggled.

HONG EUNCHAE

You and Eunchae tried your best to have a movie night as often as you could. Your schedules often clashed, but when you two found the time to watch something new or something you both loved, they were moments you cherished.

As you were getting ready for tonight’s movie, you didn’t realize that when you lied down on the couch, your shirt had moved up a bit, exposing some of your stomach.

A voice from behind you made you smile. “Popcorn~” Eunchae said, in the cutest way possible (everything she did was cute). Then, you heard a gasp, and her footsteps paused as she stopped in place. A moment later she giggled going towards you, putting the popcorn on the coffee table, and sitting on the couch you were laying on. She patted your toned stomach and laughed, not in a mocking way though.

“I didn’t know you had abs.”

@ sakufilms

#♡.lsfm #le sserafim #miyawaki sakura #kim chaewon #huh yunjin #nakamura kazuha #hong eunchae #le sserafim x y/n #le sserafim x reader #le sserafim x you #le sserafim x yn #miyawaki sakura x reader #kim chaewon x reader #huh yunjin x reader #nakamura kazuha x reader #hong eunchae x reader #fluff #all my works

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seventeenlovesthree · 11 days ago

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Madoka Magica Ship Analysis - KyouSaya

Based on these two polls [X] [X], I will write an analysis that'll also include how I feel about the ship (similarly to my Digimon shipping game analysis posts).

Disclaimer: I won't claim this to be a conclusive/definitive analysis of all of the ship's aspects. I have watched the original 12-episode-series and movies (including Rebellion), the Magia Record anime and I've read several manga series (the Original, The Different Story, Wraith Arc, Rebellion Story, Oriko Magica, Another Story, Mitakihara Anti-Materials). But I'm aware that I haven't seen/read all of what's out there and am also not thoroughly familiar with the games. Plus, oftentimes, ship dynamics vary depending on which series/timeline you are looking at. I'm fairly certain that thousands of words must have been written about this ship already, better and more elaborate than I probably ever could - so this is going to be my personal take on it.

(Disclaimer 2.0: I may have been a little critical of them by the end of it all, but I tried my best to phrase it all in diplomatic ways! I have no intention of discrediting the ship or anyone who enjoys it, but wanted to put my own perception, interpretation and preference into words.)

Whether canon provides input on them or not.

As one of the - if not the second - most prominent combinations in the entirety of the PMMM franchise, both in terms of canon and promotional/merchandise material, KyouSaya is a ship that should be familiar to the viewer. In the "main storyline", Sayaka Miki and Kyouko Sakura are basically set up as parallels, contrasts, opposing forces that are "actually more similar than they are/at least one of them is capable of admitting (at first)"... As with the majority of PMMM ships, there is a tragic sense of "missed opportunities", "we were so close/almost there" or "wrong place at the wrong time" when it comes to their compatibility - and, just like with HomuMado, it really depends on what "versions" of them you are referring to when estimating whether or not they make a good pair. But, once more, let's start at the beginning:

When they first meet in the main storyline, they immediately clash due to their opposing values, intentions and general approaches of being Magical Girls: Sayaka treats her duty with a sense of moral superiority, she sees herself as a soldier of justice who fights to save others and defeat Witches for the sake of doing "the right/good thing". Kyouko on the other hand appears to fight with selfish ignorance, carelessly stating that she doesn't mind causing human victims by letting familiars grow if it means defeating more Witches and gathering enough Grief Seeds to sustain herself. As she and her approach are being ridiculed by Kyouko, Sayaka's initial response is wrath, hatred - and so, their first encounter ends in a fight, with either of them being perfectly ready to kill the other...

The most tragic aspect of them meeting at this specific moment in time - and also in several other timelines as well - is the fact that their attitudes were shaped by their individual relationships and experiences with Mami AND their respective (outcomes of their) wishes. Sayaka - who had never witnessed Mami's own insecurities and feelings of loneliness - puts Mami on a pedestal of being the perfect Magical Girl. And, even if she was warned by her not to make a wish with the wrong intentions on behalf of someone else, Sayaka's intention is to be a worthy successor to the idealized version of Mami in her head, being "perfect" in her place. Kyouko, as we learn in The Different Story, used to be Mami's disciple, enthusiastic, willing to learn, believing in doing the right thing for the sake of others. But as she had to realize that her wish on behalf of her father (= wishing for people to listen to his preaching properly) turned out to be the downfall of her entire family, she decided to put up a front. Not only did she push her closest friend Mami away - whom she felt was only looking down on her as a weakling -, she also began to fight with reckless abandon and a mask of harshness, only for herself, never to let anyone get close again.

It's this version of Kyouko who sees her "former self" in Sayaka - watching her make the same mistake she used to make, believing in the idealized righteousness of being a Magical Girl, fighting for "good" like the hero in a fairy tale. However, this version of Kyouko - who grew hardened, bitter and ruthless by her experiences and who cannot stand seeing Sayaka like this - isn't capable of reaching through to Sayaka. Because her approach, as much as she may be able to understand her, isn't heard by this version of Sayaka. Whether it's Kyouko's (cruel) teasing or her actually opening up to her, offering her an "apple of wisdom" - Sayaka is bound to reject her, clinging to her unreachable ideal, which is slowly but steadily crumbling;

Because upon learning about what it means to be a Magical Girl, Sayaka continues to fall down the path of despair, losing faith in the world being worth saving; not only does she start to fight with reckless abandon herself (just like Kyouko did), she feels like a "zombie", an "idiot" who made her wish for the wrong, selfish reasons (= subconsciously wanting the appreciation and love from the person she liked in exchange for healing him). And now she doesn't even deem herself worthy of love anymore. Pushing away everyone herself now with hurtful words (just like Kyouko did), even her best friend Madoka, it's Kyouko who ends up as the one who keeps her company during her last moments of "being human". Kyouko, who, deep down inside, must have felt a sense of kinship, who related to Sayaka in ways she couldn't fully explain or convey properly at this point in time... Who ends up wishing to find a way to bring Sayaka back from her Witch state and restore her own faith in fairy tales, hoping to see good overcome evil one last time. In the end, all she can do is sacrifice herself - to make sure that neither Sayaka nor herself, who both isolated themselves from everyone they loved, would have to die all alone.

... And thus, it isn't really surprising that the version Sayaka who gained awareness of all of this - we shall call her LawOfCycles!Sayaka - feels a certain attraction towards Kyouko. Maybe even a sense of guilt - for not having listened to and actually having seen her, for having pushed her away and for not realizing how much they had in common. In Rebellion Story, the version of Kyouko we see had never encountered the Witch system and thus never went through the events described above with Sayaka - because this version of Kyouko came from the Wraith!universe created by Madokami. However, this Kyouko stated that she had been on the brink of "becoming friends with Sayaka" before she was "taken away" - and thus, LawOfCycles!Sayaka, who may or may not have been partly/fully aware of her mission and her previous "selves" for most of Rebellion, actually becomes close friends with WraithArc!Kyouko within Homura's idealized world inside of her Soul Gem.

Of course they are still clashing due to their opposing values in various aspects of life - but they do so in a playful, teasing and, most importantly, peaceful way. In an ideal world they are on good terms with, go to school, even live together, where blue and red aren't working against but with each other as the complementary colours they are. Really, nobody could have blamed Sayaka for wanting to maintain a universe like this, continuing to live her best life (after getting over Kyousuke and wishing him and Hitomi well), even though she knew she HAD TO fulfill her mission to rescue Homura. And so, one cannot help but feel like her confession towards Kyouko, saying she had "only one regret" to have "left her behind", does have a romantic subtext attached to it... Especially considering how devastated Kyouko appears at the idea of having to part ways again. With Homucifer then creating a new universe, serving as a fake happy place for everyone involved, she at least granted them another short period of bliss...

Long story short - just like the majority of the PMMM ships, KyouSaya are doomed by the narrative - and usually not meant to be happy together as their own selves in the same universe, it seems.

Whether I think why and how they’d work.

Without going all out on the subtext symbolism of Sayaka's arc, one REALLY cannot help but feel like it was always meant to be a metaphor for her overcoming her comp-het phase: Main story!Sayaka was failing due to committing to her (subtextual heteronormative) ideals (= clinging onto her wish to impress Kyousuke) and she could only overcome her doom as LawOfCycles!Sayaka, who gained awareness and worked hard to develop a bond with someone - a girl - she used to reject (= Kyouko).

However, as outlined above - this also means that Sayaka will not be compatible with Kyouko unless she gains the awareness of LawOfCycles!Sayaka. And that's where I, personally, have always had my issues with the ship from a romantic angle. Despite them fulfilling the typical blue/red ship tropes at first glance, consisting of two opposing forces (Sayaka's commitment to correctness vs. Kyouko's more easygoing attitude) who complement each other once they work together... Their underlying similarities would make it easy for them to relate to one another if they stopped hiding them from one another (Sayaka also having a side that would like to slack off more vs. Kyouko also having a very loyal, protective side).

There is a sense of competitive pride going on between them that, in my opinion, may make it difficult for them to allow romantic feelings to grow. Through the course of the main story, it becomes obvious that Kyouko develops a strong fondness and affection towards Sayaka in the end - but has issues putting those feelings into words in a non!Tsundere way, so Sayaka's can accept them. Whereas LawOfCycles!Sayaka, who witnessed all the effort Kyouko put into saving her, also grew more fond of Kyouko... But, as mentioned above, there also seems to be a lingering sense of guilt within her, so it's not entirely clear if she's aware of her true intentions yet again. These girls were heavily traumatized by what happened to them, both hardened by the experience - and weren't able to ever fully reconcile with each other in their own timelines. Sometimes they didn't get to know or even meet each other properly and, in such cases, couldn't stand each other's guts. And now, LawOfCycles!Sayaka can only reconcile with WraithArc!Kyouko in a playful, affectionate manner. NOW that she has seen it all. And Kyouko may also subconsciously feel drawn to Sayaka after the mistakes she made with Mami before, not wanting to make them again...

Without elaborating on this much further, it's not even a question that all of the girls (no exceptions!!!) would need copious amounts of therapy - and the chance to actually become adults - to make healthy relationships work. A Sayaka who, even without the influence of being God's agent, gains an understanding of Kyouko's personality, might actually be able to put her pride aside and let her in. The same goes for Kyouko, who also has to drop the mask of ignorance and pride in order not to just casually joke and tease whenever Sayaka is in the same room - and instead, actually learn to be open, vulnerable and honest with Sayaka. As traumatized 14-year-olds, they may be too aggressive, too competitive to allow genuine romance to bloom, as they're not able to grasp and cater to the needs of the other. For instance, Sayaka couldn't reciprocate Kyouko's love language before (giving/accepting gifts, such as advice or, more importantly, food) and vice versa (acts of service in regards to fighting and protecting heroically). And thus, they may end up, even unintentionally, hurting each other instead.

My personal verdict is that they'd have an easier time opening up to other members of the Holy Quintet because of their personality structures. As complementary as they are, as much as opposites attract and as much as they genuinely value each other deep down inside - they may certainly give each other short-term comfort and have lots of fun, but are probably TOO different in how they live out their similar values to work out in the long run.

Whether I’d prefer them as platonic or romantic ship.

I didn't intend to sound too "negatively" about KyouSaya as a whole, since I can absolutely see and understand the romantic appeal many, many people see in this ship. Personally, the red/blue ships (as well as the "enemies/rivals to lovers" trope in general) are rarely my favourites in a series, there have to be specific circumstances for me to enjoy them - which is perfectly fine, since everyone has their preferences! With everything I have outlined above, I was never too fond of Sayaka and Kyouko as a romantic couple. Instead, I always enjoyed them most as each other's wing-women; bantering and teasing each other endlessly as acquaintances who would slowly but steadily become good, close friends, supporting and having each other's backs.

#madoka magica #puella magi madoka magica #pmmm #my two cents #meta #ship analysis #long post #kyousaya #kyouko sakura #sayaka miki #kyoko sakura #kyosaya

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anyon-else · 1 year ago

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Yes, These New Walls Are Pretty Hard to Crack (The Red Room pt.13) | Despite Ino's reassurances, believing that Kakashi is good is easier said than done. However, he's making it very hard for you to be afraid of him. (Marvel AU) – spotify playlist | read on ao3

Pairings | Kakashi Hatake x Black Widow!Reader + Sakura Haruno, Sasuke Uchiha, Naruto Uzumaki, Ino Yamanaka, Shikamaru Nara, Asuma Sarutobi, Orochimaru, Kabuto Yakushi

Warnings | female!reader, angst, hurt/comfort, paranoia, nightmare, violence, degrading language (non-sexual), weapons, dissociation

Word count | 9.9k

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"The enormity of my desire disgusts me."

Richard Siken, War of the Foxes, 'Birds Hover the Trampled Field'

"Don't run."

Your eyes were wide as you backed a safe distance away from Kakashi. He sat up, paying no mind to his already bruising neck and kicking your knife to the opposite side of the room.

You hadn't meant to drop it. You were so stupid to slip up like that, but your mind was racing. Your heart was pounding, and your body hadn't responded correctly to your fear. You'd relaxed almost on instinct at the familiar touch on your cheek. A turmoil of emotions and what had to be false memories were clashing with the rage festering in your mind, and Kakashi was the cause of it. You needed to get away from him

You needed to get out.

"Wait," Kakashi said when he saw the sudden resolve overtake your clouded gaze. He got back on his feet slowly, though his eyes were wide as he watched your movements carefully. He looked frantic. Scared, even. "Wait here, and I'll go get Ino–"

"Shut up," you spit, considering the exits on either side of you and wondering if it was worth it to try and fight past him to the door at his back.

That's the side closest to the main exit.

Your head was splitting. You pictured the man who had tortured you and tried to reconcile the image of his sadistic grin and cold eyes with the one standing in front of you. They were supposed to be the same person. They were the same person.

You couldn't breath. You needed to get out of this room. You needed to run until you couldn't move.

He must've seen it on your face the moment you decided to turn on your heel and bolt towards the door behind you. The moment you turned away from him, you heard him turn in the opposite direction to intercept you at the exit.

The windows on this floor open from the inside.

Your body was moving before your mind had time to catch up with it. Your feet carried you down halls and past rooms that you didn't recognize despite how easily you seemed to be navigating them. Your mind easily supplied you with directions as you ran through corriders and dimly lit hallways towards an unknown destination.

When you finally stopped in front of a closed door, something like awareness tugged at your mind. It shouted and screamed and made the ache in your skull grow worse until you finally shut it out with a shake of your head.

You pushed the door open and strode through the room, ignoring the unmade bed and full bookshelf and picture frames on your way to the door of the balcony on the far wall. It was cracked open, letting in a cool breeze that pushed the curtains into the room and made the fresh air mix with the distinct, pleasant scent of the room.

The air was choking you. Familiarity pushed past the barriers you'd surrounded your mind with and began shouting at you once again. It begged and pleaded with you to stop for just a moment. It told you to think about why the smell of this room was so naturally comforting, or how you'd so easily navigated the building and found yourself here.

You paused with a hand on the handle of the balcony door, staring at the field below it blankly.

Instead of pushing the door open, you turned and looked around the room again. In spite of your best efforts to remain unaffected, anger surge through you as tears formed in your eyes again. You felt lost—like this room was an endless, infinite space that you'd never escape from. It made you feel helpless.

It made you feel weak.

Next to the bed was a small table that held a few books, a lamp, and two framed pictures. The first was of three kids all huddled together with Kakashi towering over them. The man's eyes were closed and his smile was obvious behind his mask, a hand resting on the heads of two boys on either end of the girl in the middle.

You covered your mouth with a trembling hand, crouching to the floor and hugging your knees close to your chest.

The other picture was of the same pink haired girl who stood in the middle of the first picture. She was laughing, eyes squeezed shut and mouth open in what had probably been a delighted laugh. Next to her was a woman with a fond smile on her face and so much warmth in her gaze that it made your chest ache.

It took you a moment to realize that the woman in that picture was you.

You picked the framed photo up carefully, studying the familiar faces of two strangers.

You imagined the rest of the scene playing out after the photo had been taken. The girl reaching a hand to your shoulder as her laughter died down, then seeing that Kakashi had taken a picture and demanding that he show her. She wanted to make sure that she still looked cute mid-laugh. Watching as she tried to snatch his phone from him, hanging off of his arm and demanding that the photo be deleted as Kakashi grinned and held it above his head.

He showed you the photo later. You thought laughter suited Sakura far more than the tears you were accustomed to seeing in the Red Room

"What is this?" you whispered to yourself, choked and strained. You remembered her name. It disappeared from your mind just as fast as it had appeared, slipping away before you had a chance to hold onto it, but it had been there. You knew this girl. You knew this room and this building. You'd been here before.

You'd smiled here. You'd been happy.

It was a trick. This was all just another way for Kakashi to manipulate you—soon enough things would go back to the way they were. Kakashi would reveal his true nature to you, and you'd be right back where you started.

You rocked forward and let your knees hit the hard floor beneath you. The picture hung loosely in your hand, and you leaned wide eyed and reeling against the bed as memories passed through your mind faster than you could catch sight of them. They swirled in a raging tempest that you couldn't possibly breach. They were in dangerous territory that you didn't feel equipped to search through.

The blankets on the bed had the same, distinct scent as the room. They smelled like a forest.

It reminded you of safety. You wanted to bury yourself in it.

It was making you dizzy.

You flinched when you heard the quiet creak of a floorboard on the other side of the room, pushing away from the bed and backing into a wall.

Kakashi froze when your eyes landed on him. You watched him glance around the room and spot the missing picture on his bedside table, then scan your surroundings until he saw it clutched in your shaking hand.

Tears were slipping down your cheeks despite your best efforts to keep them at bay, but you found yourself unable to move your arms to wipe them away. Your body wouldn't respond to you, just like your mind was moving at an uncontrollable pace. You were completely helpless.

It should've been terrifying, but when you searched for the familiar fear that always appeared with when you were in Kakashi's presence, you found that you couldn't feel a thing.

Kakashi took a small step into the room, then another when you only watched him. You kept the picture clutched tightly in your hand like it was a weapon, but you didn't move until he was kneeling in front of you.

"Who are you?" you whispered when he was at your level.

He paused, then he lifted his hand slowly, letting you follow the movement until his fingers stopped at the edge of his mask. He hooked one over the cloth and slid it from his face until you could see his features clearly. The moonlight was shining into the room from the windows, illuminating his lips and his cheeks and his nose—all parts of him that you had never seen before.

"Are you real?"

This was not Kakashi Hatake. Perhaps you were dreaming. Hallucinating, even.

You felt him pulling the frame gently from your tight grip and relented with little fight despite a desperate part of you begging your body to move. It screamed danger as Kakashi's fingers brushed yours when he took the picture, but you just watched him numbly.

He reached towards your empty hand slowly. You watched him very carefully, scrutinizing every movement and waiting for some kind of attack. When he finally brushed his fingers against your palm, you noted that his skin was much softer than before. The hands that you remembered had been rough and unforgiving, always causing pain and inducing fear.

But you felt more relaxed now than you had in a long time. You looked at the features on his face that had been missing when he tortured you and saw a completely different person.

He guided your hand to his chest, then pressed it to his heart and held it there so you could feel the steady beat.

"I'm real," he whispered, threading his fingers through yours and keeping your locked hands pressed to his heart.

He felt real. He looked more real than he ever had.

Kakashi's eyes held yours until they flickered down to your chest. When they widened in alarm, you followed his gaze and studied the red patch steadily growing as it dampened your shirt. You hadn't felt any pain before, but now as you searched for it, you felt the low, dull throb where your stitches had likely ripped.

Your vision was beginning to darken. Staying awake felt safer with Kakashi so close, but the throbbing was spreading to your limbs and your vision was fading at an alarming rate. You'd let your guard down, and now you were paying the price for it.

Kakashi cursed as you slumped forward, but he caught you against his chest and shifted so that you were leaning back against him. Your chest was wet, and you understood how vulnerable this made you, but as you searched for the familiar fear that always seemed to appear when Kakashi was touching you, you found nothing but emptiness.

"I don't understand," you muttered, staring at his shirt when you couldn't bear to look at his face any longer. He was looking down at you as you spoke, but you knew that meeting his eyes would only make the pain in your chest worse, "I don't know what's happening to me."

"I know," he whispered, supporting your head when it began to fall to the side. He adjusted so that you could lean it back on his shoulder, bending his knees so that you were caged in and supported on all sides. You let yourself sink into him like like it was a natural response to his shift in position.

His arms were around you, holding you steady as your body went limp. You'd exhausted yourself completely, and now you were paying the price for being so careless with your injuries. You'd just wanted to get out—to go back to where they'd found you and stay in that room until you slowly faded from existence.

Instead, you were in the arms of the person you feared most in the world, and as darkness dominated your vision, you found that some part of you didn't want him to let you go.

"Asuma," Kakashi blinked, stopping in his yard and watching his friend stroke Bull's back and take a long drag of his cigarette, "I didn't think you'd still be here."

"Well," the man shrugged, tapping his cigarette into an empty cup, "you've got a nice place here, Kakashi."

"It's not a hotel, you know."

"Your mutts are lonely," Asuma said with a grin, petting Bull on the head and watching amusedly as the rest of the dogs ran through the open front door and began competing for Kakashi's divided attention, "and I'm still recovering."

Asuma clapped his casted leg heavily, giving a chuckle when Bull nudged the injury with his nose.

"You're a lucky bastard," Kakashi muttered as he studied the newly-replaced cast. The side that was in his view had a giant signature taking up most of the space that vaguely resembled Guy's name, "if anyone else had taken a hit like that, they'd be six-feet under."

"And you're oh-so kind to help a poor cripple like me by giving me unpaid labor."

"You offered," Kakashi grumbled, sliding past Asuma to get into the house, "and you told me that letting you stay here was payment enough."

"Yeah, but when people say that, they don't actually mean it."

There was a silence as Kakashi looked the living room. The rest of the pack were settling back into their respective beds since the excitement of Kakashi's return had died down. He let out a sigh and strode further into the house.

"So...I know you don't like when people pry into your business," Asuma began from the porch. Kakashi heard him grunt pushed himself up on his good leg and turned to hand him his crutches, "and I know the question about why you got a new place is off-limits–"

"Correct."

"But why the extra room? You really need five beds for just you and the kiddos?"

Kakashi paused, glancing down the hall at the open door at the end. The bed inside was made and untouched, and it lacked any substantial decor aside from a spare painting that Kakashi hadn't really known what to do with. He looked away.

"I didn't pick the place," Kakashi shrugged, "I told Guy to find me something. He must've wanted a bedroom for himself."

"Hm. Sounds like something Guy would do," Asuma chuckled, "but I know when you're lying. I also know Guy's taste in real estate, and this ain't it. But I'll let you off the hook this time."

Kakashi ignored Asuma and rummaged through his kitchen cabinets for one of the instant-ramen cups that Naruto liked. The boy had come back to the compound that morning distraught because the grocery store was sold out, and Kakashi would rather not have another sulking child to look after tomorrow morning when there was no instant-ramen to have for lunch.

"That really all you came for?" Asuma questioned behind him.

"And the dogs. They're coming back to the compound with me."

Pakkun perked up at this, trotting over to Kakashi and pawing at his leg as if he'd understood the statement. Kakashi bent down and stroked a hand over his head.

Asuma was scrutinizing him, looking close to breaking and asking more question about the house. Kakashi ignored him and went back to rummaging through the cabinets for any more instant ramen cups he had buried behind cereal and loose spices.

"Are you sure you're alright?"

Kakashi sighed, heavy and deep so that Asuma would hear. He knew he looked like shit—he'd been up all night while Ino stitched you up, then couldn't bring himself to leave your room no matter how many times he told himself that he needed to go before you woke up. He found that convincing himself to leave you was much harder after he'd spent so long wondering if you were even still alive.

So he wasn't at his best this morning. But he also hadn't expected to still have company.

"I'm fine," he said, though he could still feel Asuma's scrutinizing gaze, "just tired."

Asuma was silent for a long moment, and Kakashi did his best to look focused on the task at hand to keep himself from turning and seeing Asuma's concerned glances.

"If you say so."

"Usually the pawn moves first. You can use the knight if you want to, but I'd stick with pawns until you get the hang of it–"

"I'll move the knight first!"

Shikamaru sighed, nodding at Naruto to go ahead and watching his friend move the knight forward triumphantly.

"Ok, what next?"

"I can't walk you through it step by step. Each game is different, so you have to learn what the pieces do and then decide the strategies yourself–"

"Pakkun!"

Sakura snickered at Shikamaru's unimpressed expression as Pakkun came bursting through the door, knocking the pieces off of the Shogi board and leaping into Naruto's arms.

Naruto let out a laugh, pushing Pakkun away as the pug licked his face and sat on Naruto's chest, tail wagging despite the perpetual frown on his face.

"Shikamaru?"

Naruto looked up at Kakashi standing in the doorway, but he was quickly distracted by the rest of the pack following Pakkun's lead and piling on top of the boy—who accepted them joyfully. Sakura sighed as laughter filled the room, then pulled Bull away as he began wandering towards where you were laying in your hospital bed.

"What are you guys doing in here?" Kakashi asked quietly, looking around at the scattered Shogi pieces, then looking at where you were still unconscious from your injury the night before. You hadn't moved since he left that morning, but part of him kept expecting you to just shoot up from bed and run at the first opportunity.

"Well, you said that you and Y/N had a...conversation," Sakura said sheepishly, avoiding Kakashi's eyes in favor of looking at Urushi as she scratched behind his ear, "and we wanted to be here when she woke up. We thought maybe she'd remember things faster that way."

"I didn't say 'conversation,' I said fight. She attacked me, then she ripped her stitches and passed out on me."

"But something happened in between! You told me!"

"Which I regret now," Kakashi grumbled. He let out a long, frustrated sigh, then sat in an empty chair at your bedside.

"Hey Kakashi."

"Hello Shikamaru," Kakashi deadpanned, then looked at his suspiciously quiet student on the opposite side of the bed, "Sasuke, I thought we talked about the whole 'discretion' issue."

"Yeah, but..." Sasuke looked at Kakashi, then winced and shrugged, "it's Shikamaru. Plus, we didn't tell him anything important. In fact, we brought him here to help."

Kakashi sighed again, pinching the bridge of his nose and thinking through this new development. He knew they had good intentions. They wanted you to heal as much as he did, but including more people in the mess that things had become was reckless.

He couldn't risk losing you. Not again. And if SHIELD found out about you now, when things were still so delicate, he knew what would happen.

Looking at the situation objectively, it wasn't safe to have you in the compound. You'd clearly gotten out of your restraints the first time you'd woken up, and he still had no idea how you'd done it. Telling SHIELD was probably the best way to go about this as a way of ensuring the safety of everyone involved.

But his students would never forgive him if he did that. And he knew that he wouldn't see you again if SHIELD got their hands on you.

He was being selfish, but he couldn't let that happen.

"Shikamaru," he said carefully, looking down at the boy sitting next to the Shogi board, "I know this isn't the most...conventional situation, but please don't say anything about her."

"Don't worry," Shikamaru said, "I have no interest in who she is or where she came from. I'm just here to play Shogi."

"To play...what?"

"We were doing some research," Sakura interjected before Naruto or Sasuke could, "and it turns out that strategy games can help improve memory. We thought that it might help."

"I don't think there have been any studies about this particular issue."

"Yeah, but we might as well try, right?" Sakura asked hopefully. "I mean, we can't just sit back and watch her suffer."

Kakashi opened his mouth with no real response formulated, but the door clicked open before he could speak. Kakashi sighed when Ino froze in the doorway and took in the scene before her.

"Guys, there are way too many people in here. If she wakes up, she's going to be too overwhelmed, and—who is that?"

Ino narrowed her eyes at Shikamaru. Her gaze shifted to Sakura, then to you, and then back to Shikamara still sorting through his Shogi pieces.

"I'm Shikamaru," he said dully, "I'm just here to play Shogi."

"Well, can you do it outside of the hospital room? There are seven people and—jesus—eight dogs in this room."

"Aw," Naruto groaned, hugging Bull as he strode to the boy's side and gaze him a slobbery kiss on the cheek. Ino cringed, "but we want to make sure Y/N's okay when she wakes up!"

"You do realize that she was holding a gun to your head not even a week ago."

"Ino," Sakura hissed, eyes wide with worry as she glanced down at Naruto, but the boy just shook his head and smiled.

"It's okay," he said softly, "I forgive her. Actually, no, there's nothing to forgive in the first place."

Ino stopped, staring at Naruto like he was speaking another language. It took a moment, and it looked like it had been years to Ino, but she finally shook her head and turned towards you.

"Okay, fine, just...go wait outside. This won't take long."

Ino glanced at Kakashi with a look that told him to stay where he was. They waited as the other four filed out, ushering the dogs along with them, then shut the door. Silence filled the room, and Kakashi took a deep breath in an attempt to regain some form of composure.

"The Shikamaru guy won't be a problem, right?"

"No, he'll be fine."

"I hope you're right," Ino said gravely, "because if he is—"

"He'll be fine," Kakashi repeated, glaring at Ino until she shrugged and looked away from him.

Sometimes he forgot that Ino was a Widow. It was moments like this that gave him a harsh reminder.

"Everything seems fine," Ino muttered as she lifted your hospital gown and poked at your wound, restitched but still irritated and swollen from the previous night. "It'll take longer for it to heal, obviously, so we have to figure out some way to keep her from exerting herself again."

Kakashi sighed, head dropping into his hands as he thought through their options. It seemed wrong to put you into a medically-induced coma without at least asking you first, but in your current state, you would never let that happen, even if it was Ino who was overseeing your medical care.

But the alternative was to let you wake up again, and there was no telling what kind of damage you'd cause to your body if that happened.

"So," Ino sighed, sitting in the chair on the other side of your bed and resting her elbows on her knees. Her eyes were narrowed—scrutinizing. Kakashi prepared for the incoming interrogation, "are you going to tell me what happened after you fought her last night?"

He'd been dodging Ino's questions all morning. He had no idea how to explain what last night had been like, and Ino was not the person he wanted to share it with.

But he supposed that she wasn't going to let him leave unless he gave some answers, and he really didn't have the energy to argue with her.

"She went to my room and found the photos I keep displayed. I guess they must've brought something back."

"What were the photos of?"

Kakashi grimaced, cheeks reddening as he tried to come up with a believable lie. It was one thing to have the picture. He never really invited people to his room anyways, so he hadn't thought it mattered.

Well, he usually never invited people to his room.

"One was of me and the kids," he said, leaning back in his chair and looking at the wall above Ino. He tried to steady his voice as much as possible and feigned a casualness that he knew sounded fake, "the other was of Y/N and Sakura."

Silence filled the room, and Kakashi let himself bask in it for a few moments before he glanced back down at Ino. Her eyebrows were raised to her hairline, mouth pursed in a tight line and hands clenched tightly together like she was trying not to jump out of her seat and hit something.

"Okay," she said cooly, "and then what happened?"

"She asked me if I was real, and I showed her...I showed her my face. And then she passed out."

"And you brought her here."

"Yes," Kakashi grumbled, "I brought her here. Then I woke you up."

Ino watched him for another moment. Then she glanced at you, and something in her face shifted.

"During the last month that we were with Orochimaru, I kept asking myself, 'why is it Kakashi Hatake, of all people, who's getting to her? Why is the idea of his betrayal so painful?'"

Kakashi could feel his heart pounding in his chest, just like it did every time he heard that name. He tried not to let it show in his face, but he knew that Ino saw. Saw the twitch of his eye and the clenching of his fists and the tension in his shoulders.

"I don't know what love feels like," Ino continued. "Honestly, I don't really know what a lot of things feel like, but the way that she tried to hold onto your memory..."

"Please stop," he muttered, looking out the window to try and find something to focus on other than the pounding of his heart. Each beat felt like a stab in the chest. He thought it would shatter if he even tried to look at you.

"Why?" Ino asked, and he wondered if there was a point to this or if she just felt like being cruel, "do you not feel the same? Or are you just afraid to face it?"

"I don't want to talk about this with you," Kakashi snapped, finally glancing down from the window and glaring at Ino, "and that's very far from my main concern right now."

Ino sighed. Kakashi took a deep breath to keep himself from saying something out of frustration. When he felt calm enough to look at you again, he felt his racing heart begin to slow.

"We also need to talk about Orochimaru."

Kakashi felt the moment his anger was set ablaze once again. It was a storm inside of him, twisting his insides until all he could feel was that terrible anger that had been building against that monster for six years.

"I don't know what he's planning, but I've known him my whole life. He's not just going to give up," Ino said, observing Kakashi carefully. He tried to calm himself down again, but this time looking at you just made him angrier.

That man had done this to you. He was the one to blame for everything.

"I don't care what he tries. He's not getting anywhere near us again," Kakashi muttered darkly, eyes still on you despite how angry he was on your behalf. He would grab his anger by the throat, and he'd channel it into keeping you and his students safe.

He had already failed to do it once. That wouldn't happen a second time.

"That's a nice thought," Ino hummed. Kakashi glared at her, but she wasn't facing him anymore. Instead she was staring through the window, eyes clouded and very, very far away, "but it's wishful thinking. If he wants to get to you, he'll find a way. He always does."

"Before, he had the Widows."

"It doesn't matter," Ino said, the ghost of a smile still on her lips. Kakashi narrowed his eyes, watching her carefully. She seemed so...resigned. Like she had already accepted whatever fate Orochimaru had in store for her, "he always finds a way."

"How do we find him?"

"We don't," Ino shrugged, "but HYDRA might. In that case, we won't have anything to worry about."

"You don't think HYDRA will come after you too?"

"After me?" Ino laughed, "no, I don't think so. I'm a small fish. They have much bigger issues than a few rogue Widows. Especially ones that are still trainees."

"Trainees?" Kakashi asked, brows furrowed. He finally looked back up at Ino, and he could see her trying to hold back laughter, "what do you mean?"

"I mean me," she said with a cackle, "and Sakura, obviously, but that's because she came in late."

"But you're...is Y/N–"

"Oh, no. She graduated a long time ago," Ino waved the thought away, "but Widows are trainees for a long time. We only rank up once we turn eighteen."

Kakashi blinked at her, and she laughed again.

"I'm younger than Sakura, you know."

"You're...what?"

"Yep," she sighed, "really annoyed me when I found out. I still don't get how she's older than me. It's only by a few months, but man did she seem young when we first met."

Kakashi begged to differ. Sakura had always tried to act older than she was, if only to one-up Naruto and Sasuke. She appointed herself the level-headed one of the group, parading around as the self-appointed leader who could take on any task. She continued to be the brains of their little trio as they got older, and that would likely never change.

But Ino was so young. All four of them were.

"Don't do that."

"Huh?"

"Make that face," Ino grimaced, "like you feel bad for me or something. I know it seems like it to an old man, but we're really not all that young."

Kakashi glanced at her dully, and she laughed again.

"If you keep worrying so much, you actually are going to turn into an old man."

There wasn't really much to do but worry. It had been hard enough knowing that you were with Orochimaru and that he couldn't do anything about it. It was an entirely different type of worry now that you were back, but still trapped in Orochimaru's lies.

"Listen," Ino sighed, "even before you found us, we were making progress. She wasn't as scared, and she was remembering bits and pieces of her past. You just have to give her time to heal."

Kakashi glanced at you, counting each breath as it rose with your chest and finding a relieving calmness in the task.

Your monitor had been a steady, reassuring beat in the background of the room since Kakashi had entered, but both he and Ino perked up when it began to quicken. Kakashi stood, waiting with bated breath for any type of movement. The speed of the monitor wasn't concerning, but it was becoming clear that you were beginning to wake up.

Would you remember him? Would you still hate him?

Would you be afraid of him?

Your wrists were secured to the sides of the hospital bed with leather straps—a precaution that seemed necessary considering what had happened the night before—but it still seemed wrong. He didn't like seeing you strapped down. He didn't like that he was the one who had restrained you.

"Calm down."

Kakashi looked up and saw Ino staring at him, eyes narrowed as she scrutinized his face.

"I am calm."

"You're freaking out," Ino said matter-of-factly as she looked back down at you and checked your IV and heart monitor. Really, it looked like she was doing unnecessary tasks to distract herself from your slow rise from unconsciousness, "you look ready to bolt."

"I don't want to be here if she's afraid of me."

"She's not afraid of you," Ino murmured, "you're not the one who tortured her."

"It doesn't matter," Kakashi shot back, "I was the one she saw."

"It does matter." Ino snapped, "She can already tell that there's a difference, right? That's what you told me. Like I said, you just have to give her time."

Kakashi knew she was right. As painful as this felt, it wouldn't be for

"Help her believe that you're not Orochimaru," Ino said, watching with Kakashi as your hand twitched and your eyes squeezed shut, "Show her that you're different."

"Y/N?"

You were floating. There was nothing beneath you but empty space and nothing above you but darkness. Your arms were spread at your sides, fingers splayed to feel what was holding you up, but all you could do was ball your hands into empty fists in a fruitless attempt to hold onto the nothingness keeping you afloat.

You closed your eyes.

"Please wake up."

Someone was crying. You felt their tears falling onto your face, and your eyes flickered open when a drop of salty water landed on your eyelid. The harsh light above you felt like a stone weighing down your skull. Your head was pounding, but there was solid ground beneath you now. That, at least, brought you some relief.

"Thank God," someone said to your left, and before you could look at them properly, arms were around your waist, squeezing it like you would slip from their grasp the moment they let you go. You stiffened, body tensing the longer they held onto you. When you glanced down, you saw a mess of pink hair on the head of whoever was holding you.

"Let go of her," a new voice snarled, low and dangerous. You reached out instinctively, covering the girl as best as you could and looking up at the man who had spoken.

He didn't look very strong. You gave him a once over and decided with a fairly high level of certainty that you could take him if it came down to a fight. His long, black hair cascaded down his back, and when he turned to face you, you couldn't help but be reminded of a snake. His irises were practically slits, and they narrowed on you when he met your eyes.

You were sure that you could overpower this man, but you still looked at the ground the moment he turned towards you, fear filling your lungs like it was the very air you were breathing.

"I don't understand," the girl said, still holding your waist. Her voice was shaky, and you instinctively gripped her tighter, "we didn't do anything wrong. We did what you said–"

You hadn't registered that there was someone standing behind you until he grabbed the girl by the arm and dragged her towards the opposite side of the room. You opened your mouth, but a sharp glare from the silver-haired man who had just appeared silenced you immediately. Fear rocketed through you, but you didn't understand why you were so afraid. All you knew was that you felt a deep desperation to make sure this girl didn't get hurt.

The silver-haired man pulled the sobbing girl forward until she was at the other's feet, kneeling before him. He threw her down with a sneer, then turned back towards you. He looked disgusted.

"Y/N," the taller man said sharply. You lifted your chin, but your eyes stayed fixed on the wall behind him, "I know you lied to me about this mission."

Your body went taut, tension nearly bursting from you as you searched for some answer to the unspoken question he was asking, but nothing was clear. None of your memories were surfacing no matter how desperately you searched for them.

Yet, despite the information that you were missing, your mouth opened and you began speaking before you even knew what you were going to say.

"Sir," you heard yourself say, the slightest tremor in your voice, "I apologize. There was some information that I didn't believe was relevant."

Silence spread over the room like a thick blanket of fog. You couldn't remember where this was. You had no idea who these people were, but you were speaking like all of this was a memory.

"Sakura," the man said, and you jolted. You knew that name. You knew this girl—it was right there in front of you, if you could only open your eyes and see it.

"Y/N had a different mission than you. She was supposed to tell me whether or not you are a valuable asset to the Red Room."

Sakura's eyes widened, but she didn't take the risk of looking at you. You could see how hard she was shaking at the feet of the black-haired man, and your fingers tightened into fists. You were fighting a battle against your instinct to protect her, but it was losing to the fear that kept crashing into you in waves. There was nothing you could do. Not against them.

You knew, deep down, that anything even resembling rebellion or defiance would end in pain. Pain for both you and Sakura.

"And she left some key information out of her report. One detail being your failure to kill your target. She had to do it for you, correct?"

You scowled at the ground, wracking your brain to try and figure out how he'd known that the mission had gone so wrong so quickly.

The memories were coming back. You could picture the second you pulled the trigger when Sakura hesitated. It was a crucial moment in the mission, and she would've missed it had you not taken the shot for her. At the time, she'd been grateful.

The events were all coming back. But why...why did you risk that for her?

But despite your confusion, overpowering it was fear. Fear for the girl kneeling on the other side of the room.

You knew what was going to happen next.

And that man...you knew his name. And you knew you had good reason to be afraid of him.

"Why did you lie?"

You tensed, wide eyes fixed on the ground as you tried to come up with some excuse that wouldn't end with Sakura getting hurt.

"Sir," you began, the word escaping you in a hushed breath, "I made the decision to kill him. Sakura wold have had the opportunity to do so had I not stepped in. The fault lies with me."

"Y/N–"

Your head shot up at the sound of skin hitting skin, but you only saw the aftermath of Sakura's body hitting the ground with a thud. Your throat dried as you glared at Kabuto's raised hand, and the anger that had been growing in your chest flared.

You were forced to look away when the black-haired man approached you, footsteps echoing off of the sleek, black tile in the silence of the room. His movement made even the other man pause.

You saw his shoes stop in front of you, but you didn't dare lift your head now that he was so close. It was only when he leaned down and gripped the back of your neck in a tight fist that you were forced to look up and finally meet his eyes.

"What do you think you deserve for lying to me?" he asked calmly, though his tightened grip was a stark contrast to his tone. Any tighter, and you wouldn't have been able to speak. You winced when he gave pulled you up from where you were sitting—a warning not to take any longer to answer.

"I will accept any punishment you deem acceptable to give me, sir," you told him, the words automatic and practiced. You allowed yourself a moment to glance behind him and meet Sakura's eyes. She shook her head, eyes wide and frantic, and you gave her the smallest smile you could manage, unsure if she would even see it. "And I will take any further punishment in Sakura's stead."

"I can't allow that."

"May I speak freely?"

There was a pause. That was a risky question to ask. Especially when you were on thin ice already.

"Speak."

"Sakura responds well to my instruction. You've seen the improvement yourself since we've been partnered together. Let me take on her punishment, and I will continue to train her until she is ready to graduate. I promise that I will make your expectations of us very clear to her."

He considered your words, staring at you as he did so. He was scrutinizing every little movement of your body—every shift in your expression, and you practically felt his gaze reaching the depths and recesses of your soul. He knew everything about you. He knew how terrified you were of him.

He also knew that you would do anything to protect Sakura.

"Fine," he relented. You sagged in relief.

Sakura looked devastated. She looked furious.

"Sakura," you whispered, voice hoarse and strained. The girl looked up at you, teeth clenched and eyes full of fire.

"Sakura," you repeated when the man turned towards her, "it's alright. Just let it go."

"How could I—ah!"

"Neither of you were given permission to speak," the silver-haired man hissed, hand raised to strike Sakura once again. You nearly lunged for him, but the other man's fingers tightened on the back of your neck again and you stilled.

"Don't," he said, watching Sakura on the ground blankly, "you're in no position to protect her."

Then he turned towards you again, and you felt the fear that he been a dull ache in your chest up rise into your throat. You pulled back, attempting to get his hand off of your neck, but it only tightened further.

Instead of the black-haired man, it was Kakashi staring you down, silver hair reflecting in the light. Those snake-like eyes were the only things that remained.

"No," you murmured. Kakashi grinned. "This isn't what happened. You weren't here."

"No?" Kakashi mocked. "How would you know? You don't even know who that girl is."

"I do," you croaked, "I do know her."

"You knew her. But you don't know anything anymore, do you?"

You grit your teeth and tried once again to find any relevant memories. The ones that would answer the endless questions that you had about this place. About Sakura and the black-haired man.

About Kakashi.

"You tried to protect her, and you failed," Kakashi said, voice mocking and humored, "and now look at you. You can't even protect yourself. You're useless."

"You're not supposed to be here," you whispered, refusing to look into his eyes, "I know you're not."

"Think, Y/N!"

You looked up at Sakura's voice. Kabuto was gone, and behind her was nothing but that emptiness you'd woken up to.

"You can find your way back! I know you can!"

She looked twice as desperate as she'd been in your memory, but it looked like she was trapped behind a glass wall. She pressed her hands against it, and her shouts began to fade into silence.

When you looked above you again, Kakashi had vanished. You were floating where he had held you, and once Sakura's voice had faded completely, you shifted your gaze back to where she had been standing.

You were alone.

You closed your eyes, curling in on yourself and hugging your knees to your chest in a desperate attempt to keep the emptiness from swallowing you whole. Maybe if you made yourself smaller, it would forget that you were there. Maybe it would leave you alone.

"Let me out," you choked, feeling the silence of the space pressing you in on all sides, making you smaller and smaller until you were just a speck of dust in its infinite vastness.

"No," you choked, "no, I don't want to be here."

No one responded. The silence was suffocating.

"Let me out!" you screamed, voice drifting off into the emptiness that surrounded you. The sound died the moment it left your lips. No one heard you. You wondered if you'd even spoken at all.

"Wake me up," you whispered, voice cracked and so close to shattering. "Please...please let me leave."

The empty space gave an answering shudder that shook you to the bones. Then, in a merciful acceptance of your pleas, it shattered, leaving you with nothing to do but open your eyes.

Regaining consciousness felt similar to clawing at empty air. Like you were trying to grasp at anything to keep you grounded. It quickly became exhausting.

It was unpleasant, and your head was pounding, but relief still overpowered everything else that you were feeling.

Ino was hovering over you, scanning your expression and giving you a forced smile when she met your eyes. You blinked, watching blankly as she felt your forehead, then your pulse, then the probes on your chest attached to your heart monitor.

"How are you feeling?" she asked after a moment, finally sitting in a chair at your side.

"Tired," you muttered. Ino chuckled.

"That's because you're still doped up on pain killers," she shook her head, "I can't believe you. I thought I told you that we were safe here."

You grumbled something that was intended to be an apology, but probably sounded more like inaudible frustration.

When she got no other response, Ino glanced at something above you, and you saw the nervousness that passed over her face before you turned to find out what was causing it.

You cycled through several emotions at once when you met Kakashi's eyes. The image of that familiar man's face was the first thing to appear, and you swallowed against the bile rising in your throat. You'd just barely held onto the image of his face from your dream, but it felt important. Far too important to forget before you understood what was going on.

Kakashi seemed to sense the internal battle that you were fighting and looked at Ino, freeing you from his scrutinizing gaze.

"Y/N," Ino said, voice frustratingly calm. It was like she was talking to a wild animal, afraid that it would bolt at the first sign of a threat.

Though you supposed that you'd done nothing but prove yourself a danger to the people around you. And the straps over your wrists and ankles were a harsh reminder of how recklessly you'd acted the night before.

"Is it alright if I step out for a minute?"

You looked up at Ino indignantly, eyes wide and a very strong "no" involuntarily forming on your lips. For the past seven months, being alone with Kakashi meant pain. It meant that you were doing something wrong.

"Ino, maybe that's not the best–"

"I'm not asking you," Ino interrupted Kakashi firmly, gaze holding yours even as she spoke to the man on your other side. "Y/N?"

Why would she even ask? She knew what he had done to you. She knew how much you feared him.

You risked another glance at Kakashi, and he quickly averted his eyes when you caught him looking at you.

"Actually, I should probably go check on the others–"

"It's fine," you stopped him as he began to stand from his seat. You turned back to Ino and gave her a wobbly smile. She didn't look impressed by your attempt to look calm, "you can go."

Ino gave a nod, then looked up at Kakashi and narrowed her eyes. You couldn't tell what message she was trying to convey, but Kakashi seemed to understand. Then, after glancing at the straps holding you down by your wrists and ankles, she opened the door and left.

Silence swallowed the room, and you kept your head turned towards the door. Then, when your heartbeat had slowed enough that you felt you could move, you turned your head and gazed at the ceiling.

Maybe this wasn't the best idea.

This wasn't the Kakashi you knew. It wasn't the man who tortured you. There were missing pieces, and you were likely in no danger with someone that Ino trusted to be alone with you.

But you still couldn't help the fear that flooded you at the sight of him. Everything else was obscured by his mask, but his eyes...they often haunted you in your nightmares.

And even though they looked different, they were the same eyes you remembered. They were kinder, but looking at them still reminded you of that machine.

You could feel yourself beginning to float again. You didn't want to shut down now—not after you'd just woken up and especially not while you were alone with Kakashi, but that seemed to be where you were heading.

Useless, you heard a voice say in your head. I'm disappointed. I thought you were stronger than this.

It didn't sound like Kakashi. If your very unreliable memory was serving you well, it almost sounded like the black-haired man from your dream.

You risked a glance at Kakashi. He was remaining silent as well, elbows resting on the arms of his chair and hands clasped together. As far as you could tell from his eyes, his expression was tense, but not impatient. Nothing like the expression you remembered from the past seven months.

"Can you," you began shakily, swallowing against your dry throat when the words came out hoarse. You felt pathetic, and you were certain you didn't look any better than you sounded, "can you take off your mask?"

Kakashi looked fairly unsurprised by the request, and he was quick to relent. Just like the night before, he hooked a finger over the black cloth and pulled it down so that it pooled around his neck. And, just like the night before, it triggered something inside you that you'd buried very deep. Something that was too far away for you to identify.

But it was a far cry from the fear that you were accustomed to associating with him.

Now, without the blinding effects of adrenaline and fear, you took the chance to observe him properly. For the longest time, you'd pictured there being something monstrous beneath his mask. Like he was just pretending to be human as a trick, and what lied beneath the black fabric was too horrifying to imagine.

But he was...perfectly normal.

You almost wished he was a monster. That would make all of this less confusing. And it might make you feel less guilty for being afraid of him.

"I had a dream last night," you told Kakashi. "about a man with long, black hair and eyes that reminded me of a snake's. I was...terrified of him."

Kakashi's breath stilled, and you turned your head towards him. He was evidently very good at hiding his emotions, because his expression gave nothing away.

"Do you know who he is?"

Kakashi opened his mouth, then closed it, breaking away from your intense gaze.

"Yes," he finally said, "his name is Orochimaru."

Orochimaru.

The name was like a slap to the face. Hearing it now, you wondered how you'd ever forgotten it. There was so much fear associated with him that feeling it now was like knowing true terror for the first time.

You thought you'd been afraid of Kakashi, but as the image of Orochimaru and his serpentine gaze formed in your mind, you realized that the fear you'd felt then was just a small island compared to the world of hate and pain that was opening up before you.

"Breathe," Kakashi said next to you, hands kept very deliberately at his sides, "he can't get to you here."

Your heart was pounding, and you had no idea why. You didn't know where this fear came from. You just knew that it existed it.

It was consuming you.

All of the images of Kakashi torturing you with that machine became hazy—as if they had sunk to the bottom of a the ocean, only the ghost of them visible through the water. They shifted so quickly and so violently that you thought it would make you sick.

And then, when the waves calmed and you could see the images clearly, Orochimaru had taken Kakashi's place at the center of each memory.

Maybe it had never been Kakashi. Maybe the person you'd been afraid of for as long as you could remember wasn't real. He was just a twisted version of the man sitting here now, seemingly taking care of you despite how violently you'd attacked him.

What if he's lying? a small, almost silent voice whispered in your ear. How would you possibly be able to tell the difference?

You swallowed, fighting the wave of nausea that made bile rise in your throat. How were you supposed to know what the truth was? How could he prove it? How could you trust him if he did?

Nothing felt real. Every bit of kindness seemed like a trick.

You couldn't even trust yourself anymore.

"Why did I end up like this?" you whispered, trying desperately to keep tears at bay. Letting Kakashi see you cry not once, but two times in the span of twelve hours was humiliating. You felt far too vulnerable as a layer of salty tears blocked your vision despite your best efforts to contain it.

"It's not your fault," Kakashi whispered, though he sounded just as lost as you felt.

It's not yours either.

You couldn't say that to him. You weren't sure you even believed it, but it came to mind as an automatic response to the sadness in his voice and the guilt plaguing his expression. Something in your chest tightened at the look on his face. You turned back to the ceiling.

"You probably know more about me than I do."

In the silence that followed your words, you could hear the faint sound of whispering coming from the other side of the door. After a few moments, a bark made all of the whispering voices pause, then they all began shushing the perpetrator of the noise simultaneously. You glanced towards the door cautiously, counting the different voices and determining that four people sat outside of your room.

That many people could quickly overtake you with your injury hindering you—not to mention the restraints holding you down. Your door wasn't locked, so they could easily come in and ambush you. And you certainly didn't trust Kakashi to come to your aid in the event of an attack—one civil exchange wasn't enough to erase your fear. Not by a long shot.

You tested the restraints again, feeling more desperate to free yourself of them by the second. You were caged in on both sides by people whose intentions were a mystery to you. Kakashi—this version of him at least—hadn't proven himself a threat yet, but the voices outside were unfamiliar. Ino's wasn't among them, meaning she had either left, been attacked, or...

Perhaps she had never been here to begin with. What a sick twist of fate that you were alone in enemy territory after all, and you'd just conjured a hallucination of her as a means of coping.

And there was a dog—not a small one, if that bark was anything to go by.

It didn't matter that, at an instinctual level, you trusted Kakashi. It didn't matter that he seemed to be telling the truth when he said that he was on your side. Trusting him now was a bad idea. You didn't have nearly enough information to believe that all he had were good intentions.

"I'm taking your restraints off."

You looked over at Kakashi, now standing and focused on the leather straps around your wrists. He glanced at you with a raised brow, a silent question in his eyes. You narrowed your own at his seemingly well-intentioned gesture. It was a bit too well intentioned—what reason did he have to believe you wouldn't wring his neck the first chance you got?

He was either very kind, very stupid, or an unhealthy mix of the two.

"Why?" you asked, making Kakashi pause. He shrugged as he reached forward, waiting for your nod of assent before he loosened the strap on your left wrist enough that you could pull your hand through.

"They were mostly a precaution for when you first woke up. We didn't want you to panic and hurt yourself, or..."

He grimaced, neatly avoiding your eyes as he moved to the other side of the bed and undid the right strap. You circled your newly-freed wrists in relief and made a very weak attempt at sitting up. You didn't get very far when pain flared in your chest, and you fell back with a frustrated huff.

"Don't do that," Kakashi shook his head as he took the straps off of your ankles, "you have to give your body a break if you want to heal."

"I got around just fine last night," you muttered. Kakashi huffed

"Well, you're still just as reckless as before."

You furrowed your brow. Before.

The gaping holes in your memory were torturous. Knowing that there was so much missing kept you up at night as you tried desperately to find your way through the haze blocking you from your memories. But everything felt so far away, and you were tired of having to look for things that should have belonged to you.

Your mind should've been your own to control.

"Is there a girl named Sakura here?"

Kakashi's eyes widened, and hope bled into his expression. His lips parted just slightly, then lifted in a happy—albeit small—smile.

"There is," he said with a laugh, "she misses you."

"She was in my dream," you furrowed your brow, "but I don't remember anything about her."

"That's okay," Kakashi shook his head, "anything you remember is progress. Even if it's just a name."

Progress. You almost wanted to laugh. You couldn't even remember what the end goal of that progress was. How were you supposed to find your way back into a mind that seemed lost to you?

"How can I know that you actually mean that?"

"Trust isn't earned over night," Kakashi said, eyes not leaving yours, "it took us both a while to trust one another the first time we met."

The image of a man separated from you by a cell door flashed across your mind, and you stowed it away carefully.

"What changed?"

That gave Kakashi paused. You watched him as he looked down at his clasped hands and pondered on it.

"I can't say what changed for you," he finally answered, "but I knew that I could trust someone who cared as much about my student as I did. You protected Sakura for a long time. That's why..."

The pause that followed was heavy. You shifted in the bed, suddenly unsure whether you wanted him to continue.

"That's why you left. To protect her."

You chose to leave. If what Kakashi was saying was true, it was all because of how much you cared about the girl from your dream.

It was your choice. So why did Kakashi look so guilty?

You replayed your dream again, thinking about the sacrifice you'd made in that one memory to keep Sakura safe. The pain that you were willing to endure to make sure she didn't have to feel it too.

"Will you tell me more?" you asked hesitantly, wondering if it was acceptable to make such a request of someone you still didn't know if you could trust.

"Of course," he said immediately, "anything you want to know."

You weren't sure what you could possibly ask.

"Start from the beginning."

(previous chapter) | (next chapter) | (series masterlist)

Author's note | YEESH another long one, hopefully it makes up for the nearly two month long wait. i'm hoping you guys like the direction the story is going. we're (kinda) nearing the end of this particular story, but i have more plans so no worries there.

i'm hoping that the storyline isn't getting too repetitive, and i know that not much is happening in the way of romance, but i PROMISE we're getting there. i tend to say a lot and take a while to get where i'm going but i hope that's something you guys enjoy.

also, if you haven't yet, please check out the playlist for this fic (linked above)! it is very specific to my taste in music but i think it fits the story really well. i tried to order it to fit the order of events in the fic, so maybe listen while you read if that's something you enjoy. i do want to point out one song that i've been listening to non-stop and that has inspired me a lot recently. it's called "take me to war" by the crane wives, and my favorite lyrics are "there are no stones at my disposal / there's no god to award me a crown / but i am always swinging at / somebody i can't knock down." i feel like it fits so well.

anyways, thank you for reading this far and don't forget to leave me some love if you enjoyed!! see y'all in the next chapter!

title is from "Arms Unfolding" by Dodie

#kakashi #kakashi x reader #kakashi x you #kakashi x y/n #kakashi imagine #kakashi hatake #kakashi hatake x reader #kakashi hatake x you #kakashi hatake x y/n #kakashi hatake imagine #naruto #trr #emwrites

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lonelyghosts-stuff · 10 months ago

Text

Kakashi Hatake x Reader Idea, Drabble, Thingy

(this is stupidly long and just the ramblings of tropes and story ideas I have but probably won't ever fully flesh out cuz I lack motivation. Idk maybe I will write it out fully if people are interested lol?)

Enemies to lovers, sickfic, angst, comfort

(TW: Kind of suicidal ideation but not exactly? More like extreme recklessness and disregard for one's own safety)

You and Kakashi are frenemies at best. Often paired up to work together due to your complimentary skills, but your personalities often clash; Kakashi finds you to often be too reckless, always putting yourself on the line too often for his liking and how you tend to be quite stubborn and competitive. You, on the other hand, didn't like how much he seemed to doubt your skills and jump in to protect you. You would both often find yourselves arguing and fighting. Disagreeing on almost everything. Even the most basic things. You would disagree.

One day after a mission together, you begin feeling quite sick and exhausted and are ordered to rest by Tsunade and Sakura. Despite this, you continue training and pushing yourself. Knowing your guys' dynamic (and Kakashi really being the only one available) Tsunade tasks him with trying to convince you to take some time to rest.

Of course when he approaches you with this, you brush it off and continue your training. He realizes you're tired and looking a bit worse for wear with your sickness and he decides to take advantage of your competitive and stubborn nature and challenges you to spar for training, making a challenge that if he wins, you will go home to rest until cleared by Tsunade. Despite your tired and ragged state, you accept his challenge, feeling the need to prove that you are fine.

As you spar, Kakashi notices your movements are sloppy and unfocused as you are clearly exhausted, and he thinks it'll be an easy win and something he can tease you over later. Despite your condition however, you still manage to put up a good fight and get some good hits in. After a bit though, he notices you sweating and breathing incredibly heavily as you slow down a lot. Suddenly, you feel the exhaustion taking over and find yourself falling forward as your consciousness slips away, Kakashi barely being able to catch you in time, feeling panicked and concerned. He can feel that your skin is hot to the touch with a severe fever coursing through you and quickly brings you to the hospital where Sakura is called to help.

When Sakura arrives, he quickly helps treat you and get you set up in your bed, noting how severely sick you are and how she is shocked at how well you had not only hid it but still sparred with it and proceeds to scold Kakashi for pushing you so hard. He is embarrassed and ashamed, not having known how serious it was, just having assumed it was like a bad cold. Sakura then comes up with an idea and tasks Kakashi to take care of you, with approval of Tsunade, as he has no current or upcoming missions to force him to make up for it and how the hospital is busy right now and that the sickness is something easily treatable with rest and care. He reluctantly goes along with it, nervous mostly for the your reaction when you wake up and you are brought to his house and set up in his bed as he crashes on the couch.

You eventually wake up a little later that day and are exhausted and confused, but then mortified upon remembering what happened and realizing you are in an unfamiliar bed and house. Kakashi tells you what the deal was with Tsunade was and when you try to argue that you are fine and try to leave, you nearly fall from the aches and exhaustion still present from your sickness. Kakashi insists upon you staying, and further convinces you by reminding you of Tsunade's wrath the last time you went so far to ignore her orders for recovery, so you reluctantly stay.

Days pass and awkward interactions come with it of Kakashi caring for you. Making you soup, giving you medicine, helping provide a cool towel for your head to cool you down, etc. Even him needing to make a stop by your apartment and see it for the first time as he gets you a change of clothes so you can shower and change into something more comfortable. You stubbornly accept his help, feeling ashamed at needing to be helped and also feeling guilty that he is the one doing it. He starts off annoyed that he was given this task but also feeling guilty that he pushed you this hard in the first place. After a bit, you start warming up to each other a little more, being forced to tolerate each other's presence.

You learn more about one another and eventually the discussion of your less than friendly relationship comes up with you questioning why Kakashi doesn't like you. Kakashi retorts that you never seemed to like him either (that good old classic trope). Kakashi reveals that he couldn't stand how reckless you would always be on missions, feeling like you didn't care for your life enough. He reveals his own experiences of losing his comrades and how it killed him inside seeing you seem to be so careless for your own safety, believing you either to be too cocky or simply too uncaring. You end up revealing your own past, having made some major mistakes before ever being put on a team with Kakashi. Mistakes that lead you to become more reckless as you desperately felt the need to always give your all regardless of your own safety, feeling the need to be useful up to your last breath, being more than fine with dying helping as you felt you could make up for your mistakes. You state that you just felt like he didn't trust in your skills and always felt the need to protect you like you were incapable. He insists he never doubted your skill, in fact that's one reason he hated your recklessness because he knew how capable you are and didn't want to see you throw yourself away.

With the revelation of your past, Kakashi opens up more into his own mistakes and the dark path he fell into in the Anbu, especially after killing Rin. The two of you are able to find comfort in each other over your experiences and begin to see each other in a new light. You both realize how your conflict and initial disliking for each other stemmed from your individual experiences in the past. Eventually, you begin to feel better again and get over your sickness, able to leave and be discharged from Kakashi's care, but you are both hesitant to part ways after it all. Reluctantly, you do go, but when you leave, Kakashi's house feels empty to him again and your place just doesn't feel much like home anymore.

Time pass and you guys are set on a mission again. You are acting like your reckless self again until Kakashi calls you on it, and you try to be more focused. On the mission, you encounter an enemy that utilizes poisoned weapons, and Kakashi gets hit by one when he tries to help you fight off another shinobi. You are able to take down the rest of the enemies and quickly turn to help Kakashi who is suffering from the effects of the poison and you are able to perform some minor medical ninjutsu to stabilize him enough to get him back to the village. When you return, Tsunade is able to finish treating him but reveals he will be sick for a few weeks as he recovers and you volunteer to help keep an eye on him and help him with your medical skills for his recovery. This time, you bring him to your apartment and get him settled in and care for him, much to his embarrassment and flustered state. During the time, there is lots of teasing as you help care for him. You get to know him even more as you care for him as you both discover your feelings towards each other have changed but you both don't know how to confront them.

After a bit of taking care of him, he notices how tired you look. You had been sleeping on your couch while he was in your bed as you were trying to be respectful and professional. As you turn to go sleep on the couch once more, he catches your wrist and decides to be bold and offers to have you stay in the same bed as him. He simply insists it's because he feels bad that you are sleeping on your couch while he is in your bed and you are caring for him. At first you are hesitant, but then accept the offer. You crawl under the covers on the opposite side of the bed, both facing opposite directions feeling awkward. You both talk in whispers to each other trying to ease the tension until you both are able to fall into a deep sleep, one of the best sleeps you have had in a long time.

When you wake up, you find yourself struggling to move, discovering that, in both of your sleeps, your bodies moved closer to each other. His arms wrapped tightly around you with your back pressed against his chest and his face buried into the back of your neck. You try to remain still to not wake up, secretly enjoying the embrace and trying to suppress the butterflies you feel in your stomach. Slowly, Kakashi wakes up, suddenly aware of the proximity and feeling very embarrassed and quickly separates himself from you. You try to pretend you are still sleeping, but Kakashi is able to sense you are awake with your flow of chakra and speaks to you, confessing he knows you are awake and apologizing.

He tries to insist that he feels all better now and gets out of the bed and should go back to his apartment, making you both feel quite sad. You sit up in bed for a bit just watching as he packs some of his things before you interrupt him and insist you have breakfast together first. Then after breakfast you help him pack just a little more before you insist on doing some final checks on him with your medical ninjutsu. Then he packs just a little more. Then you insist he takes a shower here first before leaving which he says he can do at his own place, but you insist he does it here to make sure it goes well and he can move fine on his own, and despite you both knowing he can as he has been able to slowly move around your house for the past few days, he does it anyways. Then you insist he helps you file the report on the mission since he's feeling better. And he does. Then you both find yourself in the afternoon and you insist he stay for lunch. And so he does. You spend lunch together talking and talking. He insists he help you clean up the dishes from lunch. Then he insists he helps do the laundry for the bedsheets and towels from his time spent. Then he insists he help you with your other chores for the day. As you both do the chores, you both fall into peaceful and content conversations with one another. And when the chores are finished you migrate over to the living space and sit down and continue talking. Then you realize it's getting late and time for dinner and insist he stay for dinner. And he does. Then after dinner, he comments that it's dark out. You agree. You state that it's getting near the time you both normally go to sleep. He agrees. He states that his house is on the other side of the town. You agree. And then you state that it might just be best if he stays one more night given everything. And he agrees.

Wordlessly, you both get ready for bed together, brushing teeth, washing up, changing into pajamas. For a moment there is a beat then you turn to go to the living room where the couch is before he catches your wrist. He states that it's awfully cold and that body heat helps maintain warmth. And you agree. He slowly brings you close to him. And you state that you enjoyed spending the night in bed with him. And he just barely whispers that he agrees as he draws you closer and gently tilts your chin up to him. He then states that he would like to spend even more time with you if it was something you wanted, and as you leaned in and closed your eyes, you whispered that you agreed, and you came together in a kiss. That night you both fell asleep wrapped in each other's arms. Feeling blissful.

#naruto #naruto shippuuden #fanfic #kakashi #kakashi hatake #kakashi hatake x reader #enemies to lovers #enemies to friends #enemies to friends to lovers #sick fic

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