#Sacrilege and Sororities

[zeldaseyebrows]

Rest in pieces, Link

Fun little redraw of an old doodle (since my art has improved since then oop) in honor of this scene finally happening in the latest chapter of Sacrilege and Sororities (my grad school au fic)!

[themastercylinder]

SUMMARY

A disoriented person climbs up into the attic of a sorority house in the fictional town of Bedford while the occupants hold a Christmas party. At the party, Jess receives an obscene phone call from “The Moaner”, a man who has been calling the house. Jess allows her sorority sisters Barb Coard, Phyllis “Phyl” Carlson, Clare Harrison, and several other girls to listen in on the call. Barb provokes the caller, who responds by telling the girls that he is going to kill them and then hanging up the phone; Barb and Clare argue over the potential threat posed by the caller. Upstairs, Clare begins to pack and while she investigates a noise, she is suffocated with plastic wrapping by the unseen person before placing her body in a rocking chair inside the attic.

The next day, Clare’s father arrives to bring her home for the holidays. The Housemother Mrs. Mac and the other girls are taken off guard, believing that Clare left the night before. Meanwhile, Jess meets with her boyfriend Peter Smythe, a neurotic aspiring pianist, to inform him that she is pregnant and wants to have an abortion; Peter becomes agitated and urges her to reconsider, but she refuses. Elsewhere, Mr. Harrison, Barb, and Phyl go to the police to report Clare’s disappearance while Jess informs Clare’s boyfriend Chris about the situation. After discussing the case with Lt. Kenneth Fuller, the group learns that a local mother Mrs. Quaife has reported her daughter Janice missing as well.

That evening, Mr. Harrison, Chris, and the sorority sisters join a search party for Janice and Clare. Back at the house, Mrs. Mac is murdered by the unseen assailant with a hook dragging her into the attic. Upon returning home after the search party finds Janice’s dead body, Jess receives another obscene call and reports it to the police. She is startled by Peter, who sneaked into the house to confront Jess about her planned abortion; the two argue and he leaves upset. Lt. Fuller then arrives and arranges for the sorority house’s phone to be bugged in order to trace the origin of the obscene phone calls.

While Christmas carolers visit the house to sing, the killer takes this opportunity to sneak into Barb’s room and stabs her to death with a glass unicorn head as her screams get drowned out from the singing. Afterwards, Jess receives another obscene call that quotes part of the argument she had with Peter.

Phyl goes upstairs into Barb’s room to check on her, and she is murdered off-screen. While the assailant phones Jess again, she keeps him on the line long enough for the police to trace the call. Sergeant Nash contacts Jess to inform her that the calls are coming from inside the sorority house, and orders her to leave the place immediately. Worried about Barb and Phyl’s whereabouts, she arms herself with a fireplace poker and goes upstairs where she discovers both of them dead. The assailant then chases Jess through the house, and she finally barricades herself in the cellar. Peter reappears outside a basement window, telling her he heard screaming. Jess, assuming he is the killer, bludgeons him to death out of panic when he enters to approach her.

Lt. Fuller and the police arrive and find a fatigued Jess in the basement with Peter’s corpse. Later, she is sedated into bed and the officers discuss the case; they also believe Peter is the killer, although they are puzzled about the absences of Clare’s and Mrs. Mac’s bodies. The police then leave Jess alone to sleep while a sole officer waits outside for a forensics team to arrive. After everyone has left, the assailant – obviously not Peter – whispers “Agnes, it’s me, Billy,” before Jess’s phone begins to ring, leaving her fate, and the killer’s identity, unknown.

Making Of Black Christmas

DEVELOPMENT

Bob Clark decided to relocate to Canada. Obtaining a script titled Stop Me! by screenwriter Roy Moore (a previous version of it was called The Babysitter and told of a girl menaced by a killer who made phone calls to her from within the house), Clark rewrote portions of the screenplay – apparently toning down some of the more violent elements. BLACK CHRISTMAS is perhaps Clark’s most skillful work as a director during this period, combining the biggest laughs and some of the creepiest horror yet amid a realistically established college town atmosphere. Clark has always considered casting to be one of his most meticulous duties, often searching out classically trained actors or those with serious stage experience. “Sheer believability is my first criterion in casting. You are continually dealing with the importance of credibility in a horror film. BLACK CHRISTMAS features Olivia Hussey (Zefferelli’s ROMEO AND JULIET), Margot Kidder, Keir Dullea, SCTV’s Andrea Martin (in a rare non-comedy role. Mrs. Mack (Marrianne Waldman) the hilarious alky house mother who hides booze in toilets, was originally going to be played by Bette Davis, and Edmond O’ Brien was replaced in the police chief part by scare film perennial John Saxon.

So what possessed you to make a horror film set at Christmastime?

CLARK: Well, I thought there was an interesting contrast with Christmas. I do actually enjoy the holiday. There is sadness; there are more suicides at Christmas than any other time, but nonetheless, there is a genuine joy despite all the commercialism. A lot of heart is expressed at that time, and it seemed natural: Why not contrast that with something evil?

Were any investors or studios turned off by the idea of sacrilege setting a horror film during the holidays?

CLARK: No, not at all. This was a Canadian production entirely shot in Toronto. There wasn’t any sacrilege or anything really Christmas-y that we used to evoke horror. I was careful not to do that; this [situation] was just something that was going on and it happened to be the week before Christmas. That’s all.

Was Black Christmas a big jump for you?

CLARK: Black Christmas was a big jump in sophistication, yes. And money, we made that one for $450,000 in Toronto.

Did you have a hand in the script?

CLARK: Yes. I didn’t take credit but I actually did write it. People who know me recognize my humor in that film. Margot Kidder’s character makes a joke about tortoises making love for three days. That’s my type of humor.

Do you feel the film needed its humor to balance the horror?

CLARK: For human beings on almost all levels, humor is a significant part of our lives. Even in some of the most gruesome moments. We’re talking about college students, boys and girls, and one of my main objectives was to show how sexual girls were, how often they used the “f” word, because people simply hadn’t done it yet; they were still doing Beach Blanket Bikini. Margot Kidder was outrageously funny and clever, and being funny is a natural thing for young people.

It was pretty daring that you dealt with the abortion issue too. Have you always sought to break taboos?

CLARK: Yes. I was pretty determined to do that. We were in—and still are in—an age where high school and college young people are depicted [on screen] in a way that has nothing to do with the way they really are. Even with Children, I was determined to break the mold. Black Christmas was the first opportunity to show a college milieu and have the characters act like real people. They didn’t want me to have (Olivia Hussey) pregnant; I added that to the script. Worst thing I did was have Santa Claus say, “Oh, f**k.”  I wouldn’t do that today. That word wasn’t used in 1974. When I did Porky’s, I had 100 uses of the “f,” the “c,” those words, and they didn’t interfere with me at all.

SCRIPT AND CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT

 Realizing his script was not particularly strong in character development, Clark chose actors who easily fit their roles, either in reality or public perception. Keir Dullea, who already had a number of emotionally disturbed roles under his cinematic belt, was picked to play Peter, Hussey’s romantic interest and prime suspect number one.

“It was very much a stereotypical Keir Dullea role,” says the good natured star of 2001 from his Connecticut home. “In movies, much more than in theater, I got typecast very early as an uptight, intense, edgy individual. While I was not always a murderer, it was one step away from being disturbed in Bunny Lake is Missing or David & Lisa to Black Christmas. Most people don’t know this, but in theater I had done a lot of comedy.

Saxon, busy in films since the mid-’50s, has made a career out of playing no-nonsense policemen in movies most of his career. “At the end of shooting, Bob tallied up how much film he had wasted on each actor. And my ratio of takes to what he used was something like I 5 to 1. Nobody went broke on me.

Yet it was Edmond O’Brien, the charismatic star of the original D.O.A. whose busy career stretched back to the 30s, who was originally set to appear as Lt. Fuller. “It’s one of the saddest moments of my life, Clark sighs, remembering his rendezvous with the then-59-year-old actor. “I loved him, and worked hard to get him for the movie. Edmond came up to do the role and we went to the hotel room to get him, and we sat and watched this poor man ramble and try to put his coat on for 45 minutes. He kept telling us how he hadn’t worked in a long while and how he was so excited to be working again. I might have been inclined to use him, but we were going to be filming in 10- to 20-below-zero weather, and shooting was less than a week away. I knew it wouldn’t work. So I finally called his agent and they suggested John. It was very, very sad.

“I remember flying up to Toronto, Saxon recalls, “arriving at midnight, being driven to the set and doing a scene right then and there. I don’t remember if I had read the script at that point.” O’Brien would appear in just one other film (John Frankenheimer’s 99 and 44/i00% Dead) before passing away in 1985 from the Alzheimer’s disease that had plagued him since the early 70s.

Canadian Kidder, already visible as the feisty, down-to-earth lead in films like Gaily, Gaily and Brian De Palma’s Sisters, was picked to play the tough-talking, hard-drinking Barb. While Hussey and Martin were unavailable to be interviewed due to scheduling Conflicts, Kidder, at the time this piece was written, was under private care after a well-publicized incident in which she was found hiding in a suburban LA backyard in a “disoriented state.” Both Saxon and Clark remember Kidder as a major part of what made Black Christmas a memorable production.

Keir Dullea and I got along well, and would later become good friends, studying yoga together almost every day, Saxon recalls. “Olivia Hussey was Sweet and very charming: she seemed so gentle and sensitive. But Margot was the most fascinating to me then and especially with what we all know now. I remember her as being very bold in her personality using a lot of risqué, suggestive language. Like she was making some kind of feminist statement. She was really something, and she definitely interested me a lot. I was married at the time, so of course nothing came of it,” he laughs.

“I love Margot,” says Clark, “She’s an absolute original. A bit of a loose cannon, a bit of a wild child, but always worked hard, always good spirited. I can’t say that knowing her, the recent events completely shocked me, but if she gets the proper care she can get back on track.

Waldman, a well-known Canadian stage actress who was practically unknown in the U.S., is easily one of the film’s highlights in her role as housemother Mrs. Mack. But she, too was not the first choice for her role. “We were talking to Bette Davis about doing the Mrs. Mack part, and we really thought she was going to say yes, but she never did,” Clark recalls. “Knowing what we know now, I think we were really lucky she didn’t. By all accounts, she could have easily made my life very miserable for the length of the shoot.”

MARGOT KIDDER

You starred in three horror films that were recently remade. What are your memories of making Black Christmas, Sisters and The Amityville Horror?

MARGOT KIDDER: They were very different; Black Christmas was a low budget film with a delightful director Bob Clark and we were all kids without much money and it was a much looser, goofier set it was all like we were away from home so it was like a sorority club in that respect and we all had fun like young kids do.

Your character Barb in Black Christmas is so loose and fun. Was that a role you especially enjoyed letting go in?

KIDDER: Well, sure, but what character would you compare Barb to? I mean, you really can’t compare the parts you do. It would be like comparing children or lovers; they’re all different, and acting is always a different experience. That’s the beauty of doing movies; you just never know what the next one will be like.

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 Production Stills

As with his subsequent Jack the Ripper film Murder By Decree, all the humor in the film, particularly concerning Kidders dialogue and Mrs. Mack (Marion Waldman) the alcoholic house mother character, was Clark’s work. Long before his success with Porky’s, the director showed his knack for raunchy comedy: Sneaking a swig from some booze she has hidden in a toilet tank, Mrs. Mack mumbles, “These broads would f**k the Leaning Tower of Pisa if they could get on top of it”; the scene where she shows a man his missing daughter’s room, only to have to hide some X-rated posters from the prudish father, is a genuine laugh riot. “Mrs. Mack was based on my dear Aunt Mabel,” Clark chuckles. “Except she used to hide wine bottles around the house, not whiskey.*

Coming from a theater background, Clark has always separated himself from his horror peers by being primarily an actor’s director. Even for his earliest works, he sought out actors who were classically trained or had serious stage experience. “Sheer believability is my first criterion in casting,” he explains. “You’re continually dealing with the importance of credibility in a horror film. Comedy, realistic character comedy, needs very skilled people to not make it seem corny and burlesque. Horror and comedy are very much alike in that way. You’re asking people to accept an outrageous situation as real. Black Christmas was the first film where I could cast on the basis of aesthetic need as opposed to who I could get for the money.”

Clark added the humor not to make the film a comedy, but to heighten its impact as a thriller. “If we had played it straight, without adding lighter touches to give some humanity to the characters, it wouldn’t have worked for me,” he says. “It would’ve been much too grim. Adding humor makes it more realistic. Not everything has to be exposition to advance the plot. That’s what makes many horror and sci-fi movies often so unreal that’s not the way life is! It also encourages an audience to sympathize with the characters.”

ART HINDLE

Can you tell me how you were cast in Black Christmas?

ART HINDLE: It was very simply through the audition process. I got called in and met Bob Clark and read for him, as you usually do. I read a couple of scenes out of the movie and Bob cast me. Actually, the scenes I read were those of the character of Peter, who is played by Keir Dullea. And I had a chance to work with Olivia Hussey for a couple of weeks, rehearsing the scenes as Peter, because Keir Duella was late or couldn’t come to the early part of the shoot. I got the opportunity to watch Bob in action at all the various disciplines in filmmaking. Camera, sound, grips, gaffers, wardrobe—he was on top of everything. He probably could have been any one of those people, done any one of those jobs.

Why didn’t you actually play the role of Peter?

HINDLE: At that point, Bob had actually cast Keir as Peter. The money people wanted a big name, and Keir had one from doing 2001: A Space Odyssey. But, Bob said to me that, had I read for the role before Keir Dullea did, he probably would have cast me as Peter. And after that, I worked with him on quite a few films, and he just automatically cast in me in his movies. We did Porky’s, and I did a cameo for Porky’s II. We became friends and used to go out golfing together.

What was it like working with him?

HINDLE: I understood that when I was rehearsing with Olivia; a sound guy or the cinematographer would come in and talk with Bob about something, and [Bob] would in fact, at times, seem to know more about their craft than they did. I remember one instance when the sound guy wanted to do something about the children’s choir at the door and said, “Well, I don’t think I can do that.” And Bob just kind of walked him through the scene and told him how he could do it.

Margot Kidder is a blast in Black Christmas.

HINDLE: Yeah, there’s an example of a character you love through humor. Margot was actually the catalyst for my moving to LA. She was surprised to find that I was local, and asked if I was getting much work here. I told her no, they were looking to cast the mechanic next door and not the boy next door, and she told me that in LA I’d be working all the time. My girlfriend at the time wanted to go, so we saved our money, got a Drive away car and down we went. Originally, I wanted to stay in Canada, but the government brought in a policy where movies had to have 65 percent Canadian content, but the filmmakers saw it as 35 percent foreign, so they would cast name U.S. actors for that 35 percent, relegating leading Canadian actors like myself to supporting roles. I figured that I might as well work in America at that point.

Any anecdotes about working on the film?

HINDLE: [For the hockey practice scene], Bob originally had me going up and down being one of the forward guys, and I said to Bob, “It would be a lot more fun if you made me a goaltender.” So we were doing a shooting drill and Olivia was trying to get my attention while they were shooting at me. And Bob asked them not to shoot at my head – and I was wearing that colorful mask – and of course, that’s exactly what they were doing, shooting at my face.

PRINCIPAL PHOTOGRAPHY

Black Christmas was shot in and around Toronto during a bitter subzero winter early in 1974 over an eight-week schedule. “I don’t remember a heck of a lot,” laughs Dullea. “A lot was going on at the time, and I remember that they scheduled it so all of my part of the film could be shot in a week. This way they didn’t need to pay me more than they had to. I never met Margot, I barely met John, but with the magic of film it looks like I’m a much bigger part of the story.”

“It was very, very cold during the shoot, and we were under limitations from the budget, but otherwise it was a joyful production,” Clark recalls. “The personalities involved in making it were all just precious.

Black Christmas has some really beautiful cinematography that sort of makes it a bit classier. Especially the way the genre has gone with “The more blood and more violence, the better.” I liked [the film) because there were some unusual deaths – especially mine. I don’t know if anyone else has ever been killed with a dry cleaning bag. They use it on all the posters. But it was unusual for that time, because no one had really done that sort of antagonist POV camera [work]. And there’s very little blood. You see, that to me is scary – the psychological stuff. – Lynne Griffin (Clare Harrison)

Clark’s skill at bringing the best out of a cast is once again apparent, but his ability to choreograph shocks is just as evident. When Barb is murdered with the glass unicorn, Clark takes a ludicrous concept and with delicate montage, use of slow-motion and crosscutting with a group of caroling children, the result is undeniably eerie. The film boasts rich cinematography (courtesy of Reginald Morris) and excellent use of sound and music.

In fact, with the exception of Clare’s death and one other murder, most of the violence in Black Christmas occurs off-screen. The film’s eerie atmosphere is achieved through shots of darkened, shadow-filled hallways. The film’s subjective camerawork – showing the action from the killer’s point of view – would seemingly influence later slasher films.

Black Christmas came out in 1974 and the Steadicam wasn’t introduced until 1976…so how did you film those scenes from the killer’s point of view, especially the beginning scene where he is climbing up the trellis and entering the attic window, with both his arms and legs in frame?

CLARK: Basically Bert Dunk, the camera operator, designed a camera rig that attached to his head! No one had ever done that before… those are his hands climbing with the small camera. The moving shots when we were on the ground we just standard handheld shots. But the climbing ones were the unique style camera, when he looked up the camera looked up.

It was something he created specifically for the movie?

CLARK: Yes, exactly.

 BLACK CHRISTMAS Documentary

POST PRODUCTION

MUSIC AND “TELEPHONE CALLS”

Frequent Clark Composer Carl Zittrer’s trendsetting dissonant plucked piano strings underscore the visual shocks, and layered music, background Voices and sound FX help add a nervy edge to the proceedings. Carl Zittrer’s unusual, discordant score (largely created by hanging forks and other utensils from the tuning pegs of an upright piano); sound effects such as the ticking of a clock; and of course, Billy’s psychotic, rage-filled phone calls which go way beyond typical guttural threats and profanity they are positively bone-chilling.

Carl Zittrer

The phone calls were a very substantial character in the piece, so I knew they had to be good,” Clark recalls. “I wanted them to Sound almost supernatural. We were in the studio on and off for two weeks, with many people contributing, including me, Nick (Nightwing) Mancuso and a few women, actually. None of them were Keir Dullea, we wouldn’t cheat that way.”  As far as the “caller-is-in-the house” gimmick later copped famously for When a Stranger Calls is concerned, it appears both films drew inspiration from the same campfire tale/urban myth. “From what I remember, Roy Moore told me he had read that it had really happened in the newspaper somewhere,” says the director. “But outside of that, his details were shaky and it was very much unverified.”

What was it like working with him?

CARL ZITTRER: Well, I had known Bob since high school, and worked on some movies earlier than Black Christmas and we kind of grew up together in the business,

The score is very unusual. Carl, did you encounter any problems composing it?

ZITTRER: Well, I would say that the entire thing was a problem. And the problem was how to integrate the sound effects with the music – how to make music into the sound effects. I had first been impressed by that technique from a movie with music that was composed by Toru Takemitsu. And that movie was Kwaidan. That’s where Töru used sound effects as music and music as sound effects. There was no division or little division, and that inspired me. And I wanted to try and at least honor that technique in Black Christmas. And when I say honor, I’m not going to imply that I did 1/15th as well as Tõru Takemitsu did, but he showed me the way.

Some of the sounds were – this was in the day, as everybody here will know, before samplers, before synthesizers, so much of these sounds came from a piano that I destroyed. I scraped it with combs and brushes and forks, and recorded it as many ways as I could think of — reversed it, put it through reverb, sent it to a recording studio, had other things done to it — that any of it survived all that mangling is really quite surprising. But they were mostly concrete sounds that you find anywhere, and then, we manipulated them. And much of it was voices, sometimes — …vocals sung into the piano to excite the strings of the piano, recorded backwards — anything you could think of, we did to the sound.

What is it about Black Christmas that sets it apart from other slasher or horror films?

ZITTRER: It was the Canadian film industry that actually gave us more freedom to play with techniques than we would have had in the United States. Because, one, the Canadian film industry was not as union-bound. And two, because it was younger; it didn’t hold us up, with people saying, “Well, you have to do it that way, because that’s the way we always did it.” So it was much freer, and we were able to do experimental things, [and] some things in Black Christmas were clearly experimental. And when we went into the mix with Black Christmas, we asked the mixer to try this and try that and “Let’s hear it through reverb,” and decide what we were going to do. I don’t think we would have been able to get away with that in California, because it would have cost too much.

Whose idea was it for you to do some of the killer’s phone-call voiceovers?

CLARK: That was me. I had a good range in my voice, so I popped in with a few. Nick Mancuso did most of the voice, and there were about five of us. There’s one voice that comes over the phone and says, “I’m going to kill you” to Margot Kidder that really sounds like Keir Dullea. I don’t know why I let that go, because it wasn’t him. Keir didn’t do any of the voices.

The fact that the voice changes and the killer isn’t caught at the end were you hinting that it might be a supernatural presence?

CLARK: I wasn’t, no. I was telling you he hadn’t been caught yet and he was upstairs. Most people liked the twist, but “she deserves better.” And when Warner Bros. bought the film, they wanted to change the ending and not have the phone call, but they respected my wishes, and most people supported that ambiguity.

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Lobby Cards

DISTRIBUTION-RELEASE

Released in October 74 in Canada, the film was beset by a number of problems that delayed its U.S. release for almost a full year. “It did very well in Canada, but it got fumbled in the States,” says Saxon. “Warner Bros. had the U.S. rights and they decided that Black Christmas was a bad title, that people would think it was a blaxploitation movie about Santa Claus. So they changed the title to Stranger in the House and altered the ad campaign. And it laid an egg. Bob had to go down there and make an appeal to them before they would change it and release it properly, and sure enough, it did very well.”

Reissued as Black Christmas, first as a limited release in the summer of 75 and then nationwide in the fall, the film played to respectable box office but mostly negative reviews. In a marked difference from current critical and fan praise, in 1975 The New York Times called it “pointless” and “witless,” while Variety deemed it a “foul-mouthed, bloody, senseless kill for kicks feature that exploits unnecessary violence,” adding that “Black Christmas does no one connected with it proud.”

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Promotional Materials

CONCLUSION

Most classic horror movies have one thing in common – besides the gratuitous nudity, superfluous decapitations and thumping score – the kids/victims in them are just stupid. Bob Clark, director of the classic 1974 scarefest “Black Christmas”, believes the reason his film holds up so well – some thirty years later – is because he implanted an IQ in each of his key characters’ noggins. They, unlike the screaming vixens and horrified hunks of most other horror films at the time, “were college students”.

Though it didn’t strike much heat when it was released initially at theaters, Clark’s “Christmas” – a genuinely scary flick about a sorority house that’s terrorized by a stranger who makes frightening phone calls and then murders the sorority sisters during Christmas break – is now considered many blood-buff’s favorite film, and renowned as a bona-fide cult classic.

The film, which was a smash on video, has a “lot of truth and conviction in it”, says Clark, “I think we were the first movie to get away from beach-blanket bikini treatment of college people – our college people acted like college adults. I think it’s just a good chiller and a very well acted film. It just caught on. At the tribute, we had like 400 people that they had to turn away and do a second screening for! – Turns out, it’s a lot of people’s favorite film”.

It’s ironic that the director of Black Christmas also made A Christmas Story.

CLARK: Yeah, people said, “OK, you made up for it.” I thought it’d be ironic, that I would have that contrast. I’d met [Christmas Story source author] Jean Shepherd in 1968, 14 years before I got to make the movie. It was actually on the docket before I’d even got Black Christmas. Christmas Story is not a syrupy-sweet movie by any means. It’s got a lot of bite to it, but it is interesting to have done those two.

Black Christmas is a very nasty film. You also made a comedy version of A Christmas Carol. Do you like Christmas?

CLARK: Oh yes, I could never do one of those killer Santa movies. That’s very mean to kids. The thing that appealed to me about the holiday in Black Christmas was the element of isolation. Everyone in the film is going one place or another. No one knows where the other person is or should be. There’s all this bustling going on outside the house. Yet inside, the house is very claustrophobic.

Black Christmas has a lot of elements used in slasher films a couple of years later. There’s a sorority house, shots from the killer’s point-of-view, the strong female lead, the killer phoning from inside the house. Do you think your film influenced future films?

CLARK: Clearly it does… It’s immodest of me to say, but it had an influence, yes. Tarantino screened it at home over Christmas and said it was his favorite movie. I’ve had 20 people who’ve said, “Oh, God, you did one of my favorite movies.” And I would always say, “Oh, Christmas Story,” and they’d say, “No, no, the other one, Black Christmas. ” Steve Martin once told Olivia that Black Christmas is his favorite movie! And it is a very good film; it dates very well. It was a little ahead of its time, and it was played on a realistic, low-key level.

Some critics accuse Black Christmas and other slasher films of being misogynistic and anti-feminist.

CLARK: That’s the other one that angers me. That’s an outrageous lie. Yes, the young women are the ones who are killed, but there’s not one of them without real character, real dignity; nobody is a slut. Margot Kidder’s role is borderline alcoholic, but she’s got plenty of personality, plenty of spunk. I like the hell out of her. Olivia is a very strong, powerful heroine. Unless you want to pick on Mrs. Mack, and you’re crazy if you do, ’cause she’s fantastic too, and she’s got balls bigger than whoever has big balls! That (criticism) is a kneejerk cliché, automatic-pilot comment. I had the same questions on Murder by Decree, about killing women, so I kept it off camera and non-graphic. The two victims are both treated with dignity.

Did you ever think of changing the ending?

CLARK: Warner Brothers was ferociously opposed to the ending. And commercially, I think they were right.

What did they want to change? The fact that the killer remains alive and unknown? Or that the lead character is left to die?

CLARK: Both. But I think having the killer living on and remaining unknown is right. What audiences objected to was leaving this strong female character in dire jeopardy, having her survive everything and then leaving her alone and asleep in the house with the killer. I mean, she’s going to die. That bothered people. I knew audiences would be upset, but maybe that’s why the film is so effective.

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Black Christmas (1974) Pressbook

AFTERMATH

“I’m proud of my work in Black Christmas,” says Dullea. “There are only a few films in which I feel bad about my performance or personally hate. One is De Sade [a 1969 Roger Corman/Richard Matheson/AIP fiasco), which was so bad the critic for the New York Daily News sat behind me at the premiere and described me in her review sinking down in my seat out of view and she was right! The other one was a film called

Welcome to Blood City, with Jack Palance and Samantha Eggar, which hopefully will remain in the ashcan of history. I hated the director (Peter Sasdy); it was just a terrible film. And there are a couple of Italian movies I did which nobody probably even knows about.”

Happy to avoid being typecast as a horror director, Clark credits his nimble use of comedy in his early features with his subsequent ability to pursue other projects. He has not, however, turned his back on the genre. Clark punctuates his Black Christmas comments with discussion of his early horror career, with stops along the way to give discourse on the nature of film as art, offer his criticism of recent genre works like Seven and Independence Day and explain how Dustin Hoffman, Sydney Pollack and famed playwright Arthur Miller are all big fans of Porky’s

As time went by, a number of similar real-life crimes occurred, sensitizing Clark even more to the issue. “There had been some sorority house murders right around the time that it was about to be shown in prime time on NBC, so they pulled it at the last minute, which frankly, I was happy about,” he says. “I would not want my film or me connected with any real-life tragedy in any way. There were some accusations that Ted Bundy was influenced by the film, but that was later mercilessly discredited.”

“Back then, it was considered just entertainment, but today I don’t think you could make the film and have it thought of in the same way,” says Clark. “The stalking thing has become so horrendous that I think it may very well affect the way the film is seen now. I didn’t create the piece, and what I was determined to do was make a woman-in-peril movie without sexuality, except for the phone calls, because we didn’t want to inflame any of that sexually violent kind of impulse in people. Also, I was not interested in showing women in weak, non-aggressive postures, nor was I making any judgments as far as their moral purity. You might remember, the most pure of all the girls is the first, and most graphic, murder.”

I’ve tried to go back to thrillers on a number of occasions,” says the director, whose most recent (though uncredited) genre work was producing 1991’s Popcorn. “Alan Ormsby and I were going to do Northeast Kingdom, about a teen boy who becomes involved with monsters in the nearby woods that had a lot of similarities to The Lost Boys.”

“I watch my movies every few years and I watched Black Christmas a few months back,” Clark concludes. “It holds up. Some of the acting is amateurish, but there’s naturalness to everything that shines through. It’s scary when it’s supposed to be scary and funny when it’s supposed to be funny. That in itself is saying a lot!”

John Carpenter’s Halloween Connection

Its excellent run in the Great White North and surprising open ended finale did prompt interest from the film’s financiers in a Black Christmas follow-up. “Yes, I was going to do a sequel, and I was going to call it Halloween,” Clark reveals, and he’s not kidding. “It was going to be about the killer getting caught and being put in an asylum, and the following Halloween, he gets out again.”

 In 1975 that Clark was developing his Halloween script, he was also working with a young John Carpenter on an unrealized screenplay (for Carpenter to direct) about a murderous family of Appalachian mountain people. Especially considering that Carpenter and Debra Hill later turned their (basically almost identical) Halloween concept into an influential horror hit, some would say the similarities are too strong to be entirely discredited.

“I remember him asking me later if I was going to make the sequel, Clark responds.”At that time I was clearly moving on, so I said, “No, I’II never make that. But I don’t feel ripped off. They’re not alike, really, and he may have totally forgotten about my script by the time Halloween rolled around. Also, the killer in Black Christmas is a phantom-you never see him, and that would have carried over to the sequel. There are a lot of dissimilarities like that.”

Is it true that you wanted to shoot a sequel to Black Christmas and call it Halloween, pre-John Carpenter?

CLARK: No. I didn’t want to. John was a fan of Black Christmas, and he got Warner Bros. to hire me to do his first movie in 1976. It was about some killers in the mountains of Tennessee. We virtually cast it. John asked me at the time, “Do you ever want to make a sequel to Black Christmas?” I said, “John, your movie is my last horror movie. I love ’em, but I didn’t come in to be just a horror maven…I came in to be a director, so I won’t do another one.” He said, “Well, if you did do it, what would it be? Because I bet you thought about it since (Black Christmas) did so well.” The ideal had was that the killer had been caught and institutionalized, and he escapes. It’s Halloween, and he comes back to the sorority. I was going to call it Halloween. And his movie got cancelled, so I did Murder by Decree. So John liked Black Christmas, I think he was influenced, but just as I was influenced by Night of the Living Dead. If Halloween has a little influence of Black Christmas, it flatters me. He didn’t rip me off. For a while, I used to say John could have given me credit, at least for the Halloween title, but he didn’t have to, ’cause [executive producer] Irwin Yablans came up with the title.

(The title of the script is “Prey”, follow the link for more details.)

Did you find it difficult to break away from the horror genre?

CLARK: Not really, I was extraordinarily lucky. I did my first non-horror film after Black Christmas and then came Murder By Decree. It’s a thriller of sorts, certainly not a horror film, but I had that incredible cast. I had such extraordinary luck. Look at Black Christmas who I had—Margot Kidder, Olivia Hussey, Keir Dullea, all at the beginning of very strong career. Murder By Decree was just unreal, it was like a dream—I couldn’t believe this was happening to me. I was in my early 30s. And then came Porky’s.

Bob Clark Director Profile Part Four SUMMARY A disoriented person climbs up into the attic of a sorority house in the fictional town of Bedford while the occupants hold a Christmas party.

[iluvtv]

Break Fast with Snack Blankets

I celebrated the Jewish New Year and the masochistic Jewish tradition of atonement by wrapping up season 3 of Difficult People. I had been waiting, savoring, delaying… but can’t seem to hold off any longer.

Finishing a  secular, divisive comedy on the holiest night of the year may seem sacrilege to some but I would argue it is entirely apropos. Much like some choose to fast for their sins, this too is a masochistic “task” as once I finish I will have another ENTIRE lonely year without my dear difficult friends (and that’s counting on another season even being made at all….*).  

In the spirit of the season premiere where Julie found it necessary to medicate just to survive Passover I will wager bets that I may need a tranquilizer (or two) to survive the combination of another terribly sad Yom Kippur along with the end of my annual DP fix. Thank goodness a season premier of Great News will quickly follow. While it is, perhaps a more mainstream, accessible sit-com, it also is fabulous and produced by Tina Fey. Let’s be honest I basically need something fresh to laugh at from either Pohler of Fey at all times. It should be like a law or something that their particular female dream-team is always gifting us with their comedic fruits of labor.  

So, let’s debrief the season (but seriously let’s put the brief back in debrief as I am a little swamped right now, looking at menus from pricey local restaurant in hopes that my exceedingly generous client will treat me to yet another wonderful dinner —and time is of the essence).

We’ll start where I left off…

Episode 3 delves into Julie’s addiction to her Mother. Grappling with her diagnosis Billy asks Julie what the opposite of Endorphins are.

“Judaism” she replies, deadpan.

And of course it is. Hence the desperate need to self-medicate in episode 1.

In episode 4 I can’t help but notice all the subliminal and yet repetitive advertising of shitty restaurant chains (all of which happen to be in serious financial trouble according to my limited research). Why are Quizno’s, Applebees and Subway advertising with such a leftist show?  What is their agenda exactly? Saving face perhaps? Or maybe Julie just really likes sandwiches on terrible bread. And if staring at Applebees doesn’t excite you here are three unbelievably relatable quotes:

Julie: I have plans later

Billy: food or tv related?

Julie: both, I'm curling up with my snack blanket to watch the lifetime movie of all lifetime movies.

Julie (to her doting man): “I need a break from the sweet snack blanket can you grab the savory one from the closet?”

(I literally own both a sweet and savory snack blanket! How am I single?!)

Julie: I know cunt moves, I respect them

And the cunts that move them.

Namaste.

(And that’s literally how I feel about yoga).

And then, of course the episode ends with Billy and his new boyfriend's first kiss taking place in front of Equinox.

And while clearly Equinox and Gay Pride do go together like me and Gay bars (never underestimate a fag hags love of only flirting with the unavailable -- I guess if the “snack blanket” didn’t cinch the deal this might explain things) Klausner and Eichner might be a bit interested in the fact that I (a girl who only flirts with the unavailable) was actually fired from the company on an unfounded accusation of sexual harassment… basically a sexist overreaction to a female saying the word vagina. I know this isn’t really relevant to our debrief but cultural relevance is cultural relevance and basically Equinox isn’t as progressive as you might think....

Which of course, brings me straight into episode 5 where Julie and Billy discover that the part of Central Park which used to be reserved for Gay hookups is now an outdoor Equinox yoga studio. So, it is basically the same thing but with a hefty price tag. Gentrification is everywhere and even fictional butt-fucking in the park isn’t free anymore. Sad face emoji.

This episode is also fabulous for its intense focus on sexism and the tremendous pressure on women to smile at all times.

Julie just can’t do it.

And that’s why we love her.

Then there is episode 6 where there are so many riffs on sex, politics and TV I don’t even know where to start. So, let’s instead discuss OpenTable’s odd arrival to the small screen. First with this quote from a casting agent to Billy and Julie:

We know from your opentable reservations neither of you have NYE plans

(Oh, fuck my life neither do I. Unless, maybe we can count watching the Season Finale of Difficult People on Yom Kippur and call it a day...?)

Later in the episode it is revealed the the aforementioned reservation platform is also “running original content”. And while they may be the one app that isn’t yet doing this I’m sure they actually are close behind. Funny cuz it’s true?

Which reminds me, I must be brief…I have my own OpenTable reservations to make...

But, before we move on I simply must mention one more sexist/tv/food related quote from this episode:

“Like the ad for yoplait where the woman gets so thin she disappeared and the man says, ‘now there's a woman I don't wanna punch’”

If that doesn’t make you lol you’re dead inside.

If you like the recurring theme of how sexist TV is, Episode 7 takes the cake. Julie (thanks to a vision board) is able to try her hand at working in a writer’s room. Clearly though, no matter how hard she tries she simply cannot make the opportunity successful because what we learn from these insiders is TV is written for men by men (though the recent 2017 Emmy’s did prove times are a-changing). The whole episode is perfect but is best summed up with this quote from the writer’s room:

"Oh no I hate women, I got into writing for tv so I could not write for them"

Meanwhile Marilyn decides to “do something for herself” (gasp, I know) and settles on a Bat Mitzvah. And while I (a Bat Mitzvah myself, actually) had no idea, she teaches us you can’t become a woman without a theme. Her theme? “ME”. 

Why didn’t I think of that?

Episode 8 is a perfect representation of modern day city life. Billy and his boyfriend aren’t able to fall asleep next to each other as this quiet act is just far too intimate (I can relate). The lovebirds spend most of the episode trying to tire themselves out in a desperate attempt to move forward with their relationship. Their antics towards exhaustion are, of course, fantastic especially when the most tiring thing Billy can think of to do is calling his cousin and asking her “why she decided to take a break from social media.”

They take part in every boring, typically tourist adventure New York has to offer only to discover that those who visit their city are actually bigger freaks than those who choose to live full-time in New York. Fabulous.

Meanwhile, the two most narcissistic people on the show (Matthew and Marilyn) secretly work to manipulate the other in selfish attempts to steal the other’s identity. 

And if all this wasn’t enough antics, Julie tries to return to improv only to discover she just isn’t the requisite “yes, and” girl of improvisation but does quite well with “a no but girl.” agenda

Me too Julie, me too.

And finally we have episode nine which includes an unintentional ayahuasca trip, a trans-sorority reunion vacay and most importantly a focus on the premise that the opportunity to change on a whim is available to all selfish, difficult people because we don’t have dependents. You’re welcome world.

Here are the most quotable treats:

Billy (who is feeling very over NY) on Bowling Alleys (and I suppose hipsters in general):

"It's like Poor Man: The Ride "

The team’s view of Etsy:

Julie: “Etsy’s a cult "

Billy: "except for with arts and crafts so basically it’s camp"

Yes, OMG, how did I not think of that?!

And then there is the neurotic Jewish Mother’s method of procrastination/anorexia.

Marilyn: “I should have a lemon wedge. I worked out this morning, I deserve one.”

There is one of the best public transportation scenes I have ever witnessed. I won’t even debrief it because I literally just can’t do it justice.

And then we get down to the nitty gritty: the crew accidentally do the trans-sorority girls’ ayahuasca and in a panic of the unknown Arthur finds a step-by-step guide on Miley Cyrus’s website.

Of course.

They all are on board with most of her steps (no-one even flinches in regards to vomiting) but when the thought of confronting their innermost truth they are less than thrilled.

I agree, who wants to do that?

But they do and it seems to be bliss for them all:

Marilyn enters a Marilyn only world

Matthew hallucinates a terribly fat, naked  gay man in a chef’s hat, jumping

Arthur hallucinates Julie taking charge

Billy gets on a tv show and breaks up w/ NYC

And Julie’s crafting persona has a duel with her actress persona

so, basically everyone wakes up glad they did ayahuasca .

Maybe being a difficult person also means you are secretly really well adjusted?

Revelations aren’t easy but they are wonderful from this crew:

Julie reading her closing monologue which is covered in vomit: "because I do comedy I will always be on the misery spectrum...I am an unhappy person but the alternative is being someone I don't know and that, is terrifying."

Motivated to change, Billy starts looking for apartments in LA, but finds the process a wee bit exhausting (even his IMDB page must be submitted— fucking LA).

Meanwhile, the trans-sorority girls recite their pledge:

“never go on CNN to discuss Caitlyn Jenner.”

OH GOD IT’S ALL SO GOOD. 

Shall we mourn it’s passing with a yahrzeit? 

But before we commemorate this tragic, tragic end I’ll have the series finale recap for you shortly....

*sadly since writing this first draft the cancellation of this essential comedy has been revealed

[uncleeddy]

New Post has been published on RCSpirituality

New Post has been published on http://bit.ly/2ypmrWn

St Margaret Mary Alacoque

Dear Marge,

It doesn’t surprise me that your commendable and considerable efforts to get that sorority back into shape have gone unacknowledged.  Now everyone is enjoying a lively and healthy atmosphere and engaging in productive and worthy activities, and no one gives you any thanks at all – they even pass over you when it comes to electing officers.  I’m not surprised, because, well, as difficult as it may be to accept, that’s the way we human beings are: ungrateful.  But far from causing you discouragement, you can take advantaged of the experience to purify your intentions (the more we do things to please God instead of to win fame, the freer we become to love him and to receive his love), and to grow closer to Christ, who has never stopped experiencing monstrous ingratitude from the very souls he came to save.

That was the core of his message to today’s saint.  Margaret Mary was a talented and popular young lady of French nobility (well, near-nobility), well educated and with a bright future in high society.  But something held her back from acceding to her suitors.  Brooking consistent and energetic opposition from her family, she entered the Visitation convent at Paray-le-Monial when she was 22.  There she continued living out the virtue she had practiced since childhood, especially humility, charity, and a love for our Lord in the Blessed Eucharist.  But her years in the convent were filled with suffering as well as spiritual consolation.  She was treated harshly by some of her superiors for her clumsiness and inability to follow the ordinary spiritual itinerary of a Visitation nun.  Of course, it wasn’t her fault, since it was Jesus himself who was leading her down the extraordinary paths of contemplative prayer, visions, and strong interior manifestations.  But she persevered in obedience both to her religious superiors and to the Lord, who rewarded her virtue with a series of apparitions (over the course of a year and half between December 1673 and June 1675) in which he spoke to her of what would later become known as the devotion to the Sacred Heart of Jesus.  For the rest of her life, Margaret Mary would propagate this devotion through her prayer, her fidelity, and her influence on another saint who became her confessor, Claude de la Colombiere.  Through it all, her trials never ceased, and she had to suffer ongoing contradiction from her sisters and superiors, along with intense interior temptations and trials.  Such is the lot of all who closely follow our Lord!

It would do you well to read a detailed biography (and the autobiography) of this chosen soul, but I would like to leave you with some of the most famous of Christ’s words to her.  In these words you will find meaning for your own current dilemma, and you will see what a grace God has given you, to experience a little bit in your own life what Jesus has been experiencing so intensely for centuries.  In his final apparition to St Margaret Mary, our Lord showed her his heart and told her, “Behold the heart which has so much loved men that it has spared nothing, even exhausting and consuming itself in testimony of this love.  Instead of gratitude I receive from most only indifference, by irreverence and sacrilege and the coldness and scorn that men have for me in the sacrament of love [i.e. the Eucharist].”

So if your sorority sisters have shown you ingratitude, you can better identify with Christ’s suffering.  Therefore, you will better be able to accompany him and relieve his loneliness by visiting him in the Blessed Sacrament.

Prayerfully yours,

Uncle Eddy

[zeldaseyebrows]

Can Link from your modern AU fold a fitted sheet? Is he truly perfect besides his fashion sense?

He can.

[zeldaseyebrows]

The next chapter of my grad school AU is out!

The title is: The One Where Link Cries. There's drama, exposition, spicy times, and Link gets to have a little breakdown as a treat. Hope you enjoy!

[zeldaseyebrows]

I usually don’t send asks like this but I figured you ought to know it has been Y E A R S since I’ve been so invested with a fic as I have with Sacrilege and Sororities, like I’m so obsessed and cannot WAIT to see what happens next, this is one of the best Zelda fics I’ve ever read. There are many modern AU fics out there, a few good ones, but I feel like you’re really diving in and making a believable modern version of the story without sacrificing the more fantastical elements, which is difficult to do. As soon as Link had cargo shorts and a slow cooker he named Brenda, I was hooked. Just. Mwah. Chef’s kiss. Yeah. Thanks for writing and please know that my eyes are glued to my email and I have a small heart attack (of joy) whenever you update. I have really enjoyed the duo as both “enemies” (more like nuisances lol) and as friends, and can’t wait to see how they handle the transition into something more…. Good work and Godspeed (or goddesspeed, I suppose?)

Thank you!! Your message is so kind and it really means a lot. I genuinely appreciate you taking the time to write this. This is why I write and share my writing, and makes me so motivated to write more.

Link wearing atrocious cargo shorts and giving his things ridiculous names like Brenda is also a hill I will die on, so I'm glad you like it.

Thank you again for your message, and I hope you enjoy this picture from chapter 8 of Link and Zelda at their one year "anniversary!"

[zeldaseyebrows]

10 First Lines Challenge + Last Line Challenge

Thank you @demiboydemon @writingnocturne @raurusthirdeye and @linktheacehero for tagging me! I'm combining these because I'm terrible at remembering to do things I'm tagged in, so 2 for the price of one leggoooo

Published fic first lines:

1. She shouldn’t have looked. Zelda can’t stop chastising herself for it afterwards, cursing herself for her deadly curiosity. - The Calamity of Link's Cargo Shorts 2. The first one is easy. Almost too easy. - Cross My Heart 3. Zelda sees everything. But during the mushroom risotto night, she would do anything to close her eyes. -The Mushroom Risotto Incident 4. When it starts, it starts quietly. -In The Blood 5. “I hate him!” -Sacrilege and Sororities

Unpublished (for now) fic first lines:

1. There are many things Ganondorf should have known. -Ganondorf's Rude Awakening (Ganon Roommate AU) 2. On the ferry ride, Zelda catches a glance of a familiar face. -Sealed with a Kiss (Selkie AU) 3. The new poison taster arrives at the castle in the dead of night. Which is fitting, really, seeing how the last one left. Dead. And at night. -Untitled Poison Taster AU 4. "Link, I'm pregnant." -A Royal Ordon Shotgun Wedding 5. "Surrender the kingdom and your piece of the Triforce to him and you'll be spared," Link commands her, voice low and strong. -Untitled AU where Link works for Ganondorf for ~undisclosed reasons~

Last Line I've written:

"Link, this is going to sound utterly ridiculous, but I need to know the answer." -Sacrilege and Sororities, Chapter 16

Also I am working on the next chapter of Sacrilege and Sororities, don't worry! My life has been crazy busy (shoutout to my 2 jobs), so it's just a little slower than anticipated but very much in the works.

[zeldaseyebrows]

I got tagged by my awesome, talented friend @flutefemme for the Last 7 Lines tag game, thank you!

This is from the next upcoming chapter of my fic Sacrilege and Sororities (which I just updated with chapter 10!). The excerpt is from when Link and Zelda go to visit Link's family.

The creak of the wooden bathroom door breaks Zelda from staring out the window at the dark forest and glowing mountains in the distance. Standing in the middle of the room in his t-shirt and boxers with his hands on his hips, Link appraises the sleeping situation with the gaze of a general surveying a battlefield. “You take the bed,” he says, gesturing at the aforementioned imposing bed. “I can sleep on the floor. Or out on the couch, though my family will probably give me grief about that forever. Though I’d rather stay close to you like usual, though, just in case anything happens. What would you like?”

Will they end up sharing the bed? We'll see...

[zeldaseyebrows]

Chapter Four of Sacrilege and Sororities is out!

Summary: After an assassination attempt, Link and Zelda must live together and navigate the impending Calamity, grad school, strange dreams, and their complete disasters of personal lives. One of those things is more difficult than the others.

Pairing: Link/Zelda, OG Link/Hylia

Rating: E (earned it this chapter haha)

Excerpt from Chapter 4 (Dreams of the Divine):

Link dreams.

Stars that he’s never seen shine above ancient trees whose names are forgotten. Warm night air rushes against the skin of his arms that his light tunic doesn’t cover. The woods smell like summer and blooming life and everything he’s been yearning for in the last four years trapped in a dank dungeon. And the woman glowing in the moonlight in front of him is everything that he’s been yearning for since he first learned how to want. As she approaches Link in the center of the clearing, her bare feet brush against flowers that emit their own blue glow.

“Link,” she greets him as she does every night, her voice speaking his name like an instrument he can’t quite name but that he knows deep in some ancient part of his mind. “It’s lovely to see you again.”

It’s both his name and not at the same time; it isn’t really Link here, but it is still somehow his name. And aside from the difference in names, Link realizes that they’re speaking a long-passed dialect of Hylian that is forgotten to even history books. But he somehow knows and remembers it as well as his own language.

For Link, sometimes dreams, memories, and memories of dreams are one and the same. But this is the first time he’s ever dreamt of her, the Goddess.

“I fell asleep as soon as I could, My Goddess Hylia,” his past self replies, unable to help the grin that breaks his face whenever he sees her. Now that’s Link’s gotten used to smiling again, his facial muscles ache less.

They’ve met in his dreams every night after Hylia arrived on a crimson loftwing and gave him the divine sword, gave him his life back, gave him purpose again. He knows it’s not normal for mortals to converse with goddesses, let alone for hours every single night for months on end, but he can’t bring himself to care. Link would give anything to spend all of his daylight hours with her, too.

Hylia laughs but then grows quiet at the sight of his bare arms in the moonlight.

“Oh, Link…”

Link almost chokes when the Goddess takes his hand in hers and brings it up to her face, examining his wrist and forearm. Her touch is fire and lightning and everything dangerous and powerful.

It’s been months since his release from prison and he’s had hardly any human contact, aside from help during his relearning to walk. Though he supposes this doesn’t exactly count as “human” contact.

As her gaze focuses upon the heavy scars encircling Link’s wrists, Hylia speaks, her voice full of sorrow, “I’m so sorry for what you had to endure. I’m so sorry for all of your suffering. I fear that there is still so much more you’ll have to bear, and I can’t protect you from it.”

Hylia’s words sink into his mind with a dull sort of horror. After years and years of suffering, Link is still not done. He’s never done. Perhaps he’ll never truly know comfort or peace. Though her touch is an absolution Link never even imagined he’d know, either. And if pain is the price he has to pay for her touch, he’s a willing sacrifice.

[zeldaseyebrows]

Chapter Three of Sacrilege and Sororities is out!

Summary: After an assassination attempt, Link and Zelda must live together and navigate the impending Calamity, grad school, strange dreams, and their complete disasters of personal lives. One of those things is more difficult than the others.

Pairing: Link/Zelda, OG Link/Hylia

Rating: E

Excerpt from Chapter 3 (Hangovers and Hair Bands):

Zelda wakes and thinks that Ganon must have appeared, razed the entire kingdom, and killed her. And then tap-danced on her skull. With spiked platform heels. Since she’s obviously dead and being punished for eternity.

Taking stock of the situation, Zelda realizes that she’s laying on her side in her bed, a wastebasket positioned right over the edge and a glass of water, litre bottle of pedialyte, and a suspiciously pink elixir on the nightstand. A gentle spring breeze blows through the large bay windows, causing the curtains to sway and carve sharp patterns into the light wood floor. On Link’s nightstand, the obnoxious alarm clock announces to the world it’s 1639.

Well,  Zelda realizes, at least it’s a Saturday and I won’t miss any class because of my idiotic indiscretion.

Pain stabs through Zelda’s temples in time with the beat of her heart and her mouth is drier than the Gerudo desert during a drought. The underwire of her bra cuts into her ribcage and the buttons on her pants dig into her stomach. At least she kept her clothes on and was spared that humiliation. Though she doesn’t like him, she trusts Link’s professionalism and knows he would never take advantage of her, even if she tried to strip down whilst sloshed out of her mind. He even averted his eyes and took off his own shirt to give her when she got hit in the chest by a rouge water balloon on the quad. Though him going to lecture topless almost incited a disgusting hormonal riot.

The person here she can’t trust is herself, since she can’t remember most of what had happened since the ill-fated dinner last night. She knows she had a strange dream as well, but she can’t hold onto it, and any memory of crimson and gold slips out of her mind like water through her hands.

Taking a deep breath for strength, Zelda drags her eyes up from where the Master Sword, in all of its glory and ostentation, is propped up on his headboard to the wide-eyed stare she knows awaits her.

Dark circles cling under his bloodshot eyes and an emotion she can’t quite parse is stuck on his face. Concern? Disappointment? Disgust?

Tiny bits and pieces come back to her: Doing body shots off a beautiful woman’s abs, dancing very badly around the spinning living room of the sorority house, Urbosa steering her into the bathroom, a stunning blonde woman picking her up, and something with a storm ditch and a hedge. But there’s hardly any detail and nothing to tie it all together. The night is a big swirl of confusion and questionable decisions.

How can I stop the Calamity and protect anyone if I can’t even keep it together for a night?

Zelda breaks the eye contact and silence first, clearing her rough throat.

“I apologize for my conduct last night,” she tells Link, voice scratchy and strained. “I’m afraid I don’t remember what transpired, but I hope that I wasn’t too much of a burden and that I didn’t do anything unbecoming.”

Link’s eye almost twitches before he shakes his head and responds, “No,” much too fast.

Right then, Zelda realizes that Link is not good at everything. Since Link is apparently a terrible liar.

[zeldaseyebrows]

Chapter One of Sacrilege and Sororities is out!

This is the botw Grad School AU I’ve been talking about forever and finally am publishing. I hope you all enjoy!

Summary: After an assassination attempt, Link and Zelda must live together and navigate the impending Calamity, grad school, strange dreams, and their complete disasters of personal lives. One of those things is more difficult than the others.

Pairing: Link/Zelda, OG Link/Hylia

Rating: E

Excerpt:

“I hate him!”

Zelda narrows her eyes with the vengeful focus that comes after consuming copious amounts of spirits. However, her righteous anger would be more chilling if she wasn’t hunched over a toilet bowl in a sorority house bathroom. The cute sand seal printed shower curtain surrounding the claw foot tub destroys any sort of gravitas Zelda’s tirade could have possessed.

“So I’ve heard,” Urbosa replies.

So I’ve heard for the past hour, Urbosa thinks, shifting to get more comfortable on the cool bathroom tile.

Even though it’s already 2am, it’s still going to be a long night. But she’s a loyal friend, and would never leave Zelda in her darkest hour. Even if it means missing the party she’s hosting or getting puke on her skirt or having to listen to Zelda rant about her poor appointed knight and bodyguard for an egregious amount of time, Urbosa’s in it for the long-haul.

Zelda wipes her mouth with a piece of toilet paper Urbosa passes her then continues her drunken rampage, “He’s just so… short! And everyone thinks he’s such hot stuff, because he can do athletics and kill things and looks like –and I quote verbatim– a ‘sexy little androgynous jock stoner elf.’ But they don’t have to see him at 5 a.m. But you know who does?” Zelda smacks her hand against the toilet bowl in emphasis and raises her voice even more. “Who does have to see him at 5 in the bloody morning when that monstrosity of an alarm goes off so he can do push-ups and pull-ups and sit-ups and all the other ‘-ups’ and make me feel bad about myself?”

Urbosa, demonstrating her infinite wisdom, does not answer the rhetorical question. A crisp spring breeze flutters the lace curtains and sweeps through the bathroom. It brings the sounds of intoxicated women laughing and dancing and cheering. Urbosa wishes for the thousandth time that Zelda could just be a happy drunk like them.

Balling her hands up, Zelda shrieks, “Who does? I do! I do because my awful father made him my bodyguard and my accursed roommate. All because he pulled that dinky little sword out of the stone while he was camping.” Zelda contorts her face and pretends to brandish a sword but ends up bashing her arm against the toilet lid. “Oh, I’m Mr. Sir Link Perfect Arse Chosen Hero and I’m barely clearing 5’3” on a good day, but everyone and their mother still wants me. I’m so quiet and stoic and annoying and I wear a stupid little knit beanie and have a motorcycle and a ponytail because I’m soooo cool. Look at me!”

“His beanie does make him look like one of my ex-girlfriends,” Urbosa mumbles to herself then refocuses.

“He’s such a little weirdo and I think he’s in love with his ratty old crockpot. If he even can feel love, since he’s as empty inside as a kiddie pool after it gets drained because someone’s shat in it. He even named the crockpot. Its name is Brenda. Brenda the crockpot.”

Urbosa draws upon every single ounce of willpower she has in order not to burst out laughing.

[zeldaseyebrows]

Chapter Five of Sacrilege and Sororities is out!

Summary: After an assassination attempt, Link and Zelda must live together and navigate the impending Calamity, grad school, strange dreams, and their complete disasters of personal lives. One of those things is more difficult than the others.

Pairing: Link/Zelda, OG Link/Hylia

Rating: E

Excerpt from Chapter 5 (The Great Fairy Budget Motel):

When they enter the chain restaurant that Zelda suspects Link led them to because of the promise of unlimited breadsticks, the hostess immediately hones in on Link. Her eyes flick up and down his body, taking in his hiking boots and ugly zip-off cargo shorts that reveal his muscular calves and thighs, lingering on the slight curve of his lips and where his worn flannel shirt stretches across his chest and shoulders.

“Why hello there,” the hostess greets only Link, eyebrows raised and mouth slightly open. “And how many will be dining with us this fine evening?”

Link clears his throat, holds up two fingers, and then answers, “Two. Please.”

The hostess makes sure to swing her hips much more than necessary when leading them to their table, Zelda notes. In a burst of sick curiosity, she wishes Link wasn’t behind her so that she could tell if he notices or not. He can’t always be perfect and upstanding, right? Does he look at nice butts? Does he ever look at her when she walks in front of him? Sometimes she feels the prick of his gaze against her neck and back, but perhaps she’s just imagining things. There has to be something about him, some weakness he possesses. Maybe then she won’t have to feel so guilty about losing her temper at him; his imperfection will offer her some amount of absolution. Maybe then she won’t hate herself as much.

And Zelda’s certainly not feeling great about herself now in her hiking boots and unflattering black field pants and the weight of her constant failure wrapped around her like her shapeless fleece pull-over. But at least no one ever recognizes her when she’s dressed as herself with field clothes and no makeup, so there’s no real reason to be upset with how she looks, right?

Zelda takes a deep sigh and cracks open the brightly-colored, laminated menu.

“Good evening, darlin’,” the waitress says only to Link, ignoring Zelda completely. “What will you be having to start?”

And history repeats itself.  

Zelda wants to say that she will be having the fried bass and a major side of tact, since it seems to be brutally absent in this establishment, but she abstains. She cannot believe that everyone in this godforsaken restaurant is horny for her knight.

The waitress obviously assumes they’re a fighting couple and hits on Link constantly. As per usual, he’s completely oblivious at first and then blushes into his pasta bowl that he’s truly testing the guarantee of “bottomless” with when the waitress becomes brazen enough to make even him notice.

Zelda orders an apple martini. It’s disgusting and far too sweet, but at least it keeps her distracted. As per usual, the dinner passes with awkwardness and silence. Link stuffs himself with unlimited breadsticks while Zelda picks at her disappointing salad that’s been drowned to death by way of dressing.

Breadsticks surrender to Link. Zelda’s apple martini holds strong. The waitress puts her hand on Link’s shoulder and laughs.

For the love of Nayru, Zelda thinks, we’re not even a couple– far far far from it– but have some respect.  

Link shrugs the offensive hand off and gives the waitress a placating smile. Zelda chomps down on her fried bass and glares at him. If there’s a way to guiltily cram a breadstick in your mouth, Link accomplishes it. She almost wishes Link didn’t always tip so generously with the discreet royal credit card, but then she feels evil for thinking that since the waitress’ livelihood shouldn’t be threatened by Zelda’s pettiness.

Why should I even care that the waitress is blatantly interested in Link? It’s rude and disrespectful since she assumes we’re a couple. But we’re not, so it doesn’t matter. Not at all. I don’t care.

[zeldaseyebrows]

Chapter Two of Sacrilege and Sororities is out!

Summary: After an assassination attempt, Link and Zelda must live together and  navigate the impending Calamity, grad school, strange dreams, and their complete disasters of personal lives. One of those things is more  difficult than the others.

Pairing: Link/Zelda, OG Link/Hylia

Rating: E

Excerpt from Chapter 2:

When the first text comes through, Link brakes so fast he almost gets rear-ended.

It reads,  You’re not cool jut bc you have the Master-bater Sword you know

Firstly, from just the first text and the spelling errors and the mean puns, Link can tell that Zelda is absolutely shitfaced. There’s no way she’s in her right mind, since she’s the woman who texts with proper semicolons.

Secondly, Link’s impressed that Zelda somehow still used the correct form of “you’re” even though she misspelled “just” and called his sword the Master-bater Sword.

Thirdly, as much as it’s offensive, Link finds it hilarious. He’s seen glimpses of Zelda’s terrible sense of humor and he loves it all, hoards all the little glimpses into a small chest in his memory.

Though it is a little strange that Zelda’s sending him such rude texts, since she’s normally so polite and formal with him. And even though she’s obviously not fond of him, she’s also never rude. In fact, she’s kind to everyone. That was one of the first things he noticed about Zelda, besides her intelligence.

When they were in the castle right after the awful ceremony establishing him as the Hylian Champion, she greeted all of the guards by name and they all thanked her for the personalized solstice gifts. And at the banquet afterwards, a little girl started crying because she’d dropped and broken her tiara and Zelda plucked the crown off her head and let the child play with it and wear it to a chorus of happy laughter, and to the embarrassed mother’s infinite relief. It was at that exact moment when Link knew he was completely fucked. He was doomed to have a massive, unrequited crush on the woman who can’t even bear to look at him.

[zeldaseyebrows]

hi, sorry if you’ve answered this already, but i was just wondering how many chapters sacrilege and sororities is going to be? thank you!!

No worries! So the answer is that I’m not quite sure yet. While I have most of it written, I’m reformatting some of the structure so some scenes and chapters are being either condensed or expanded.

There are 4 major plot arcs and the end of the second one will be chapter 9. And I have over 100k written for the story, so there should be at minimum 15 chapters. My best guess is in the 15-20 chapter range.

I hope you enjoy the story so far, and thank you for your question! I’ll update the chapter count on Ao3 as soon as I know 😂

[zeldaseyebrows]

hi! sacrilege and sororities is soooo good. just wondering if you had any sort of update schedule? no pressure at all, i was just curious!! 💖💖

Thank you!! I'm so glad you're enjoying it- that makes me so happy to hear and kind words always motivate me to write more!

I was planning on doing every other week updates, but wasn't sure how the totk release would impact it- I don't want to put out a chapter if everyone is having fun playing the game! So I might put one out next weekend instead.

But about a chapter every 2 weeks is what it'll usually be! I have most of it written already so it's mainly just editing at this point. And I'm so glad you're enjoying it so far!