#STOP I WANT TO UNKNOW I DONT WANNA NOTICE MORE THINGS

[godslittlesadge]

[faery-moss]

Warm

Tianshan fanfiction, as requested

This is my first fanfiction, I mostly wrote it to satisfy my own desire for intimacy and closeness. Watching these two interact strangely fills a hole in my heart. I probably shouldn't depend on it too much

Anyway, ENJOY💓

BEWARE OF TYPOS

“Stay with me”

Mo guan shans' heart flutters, he feels heat rising to his cheeks and feels the warmth of he tians face in his hands,  he notices how his body is shaking, shivering . As if he were to break down in any moment.

This happens from time to time. He tian being open, stepping down from his cold, condescending demeanor into a more softer one. A frail person, with deseperate needs to be met and a strong desire to be loved. Mo guanshan wants nothing more than to embrace the guy, to be the shoulder he cries on. But Guan Shan was too scared, too much of a coward. Scared of closeness, just as Much as He tian wanted it. He didn’t know what to do, they were too different of people.

And so he just waited, for the silence to be filled, for He tians moment of vulnerability to pass. He didn’t know what else to do, he was awkward, and feeling uncomfortable with He tian trusting him. He felt like there was little he can do to make him feel better. 

So he settled for the bare minimum

“Alright.” he said, reluctantly

He tians eyes widened and he looked up to meet the gingers avoidant gaze. He noted the pink flush spread across Guan Shan's cheeks. The adorable way he's shifting nervously in his place.

“I'll stay, but just for a little bit okay…?” Mo's voice was small and gentle, as if he was speaking to a baby. It was soft, whispery. He tian wanted nothing but to embrace him, to place his head on Mo guan shans shoulders. He was being met half way

He tian smiled and his eyes were warm.

“Thank you.”

There was a moment of stillness, where neither was hiding anything from anyone, trusting within the presence of each other's eyes,open.

But one of them had to break the spell eventually, or esle this would turn into another therapy session.

So He tian let go of his arms and began to walk towards the living room.

“So what do you wanna do? I have uh.. Magazines?”

Mo guanshan scoffed

“What the hell? You mean you have nothing else to do in this place? Not even a tv?!”

He tian laughed sheepishly rubbing his neck

“Eh I never really found the point in buying one, I mostly just.. Read and.. Sit around.”

Guanshans face contorted into a look of confusion, he made his way over to the couch of the dramatically spacious apartment and took out his phone. 

"You’re ridiculous, you don’t cook, you don’t clean, you have no hobbies. I’m beginning to believe your only hobby is to annoy me.’ he says, while typing out a message for his Ma.

He tian laughed wholeheartedly and walked over to the couch, sitting next to Mo guan shan “That’s definitely one of my hobbies” then leans into Mo guan shan and heatingly whispers into his ear “and my favorite too.”

Mo guan shan shivers and jumps up

“FUCK” he falls from the couch and He tian rolls his head back laughing. Mo stands up immediately and retreats away from the couch in caution, He tian sees this and pats the seat next to him. 

“I’m kidding, I’m kidding, come back.”

Mo guan shan shoots daggers at his direction

“So what? So you can be a pervert and molest me ? No thanks!” Mo creates more space between him and He tian, despite his prior moment of vulnerability he still doesnt trust him enough to relax.

“Alright, Alright” He tian begins, then softens his gaze and extends his hand out to him.

“I’ll stop teasing you okay? It’s just so entertaining, but I’ll keep my hands to myself.” He tian says

“Y-you promise? No more funny business?” Mo guan shan asks , hesitantly  making his way back over to He tian

“Yeah, pinky promise” He tian raises his pinky to Guan Shan,  waiting with a innocent smile on his face. Mo guan shan sighs, tired and still a bit mistrusting, he gives up and interlocks his pinky with his. He tians expression relaxes  and he begins to wave their hands back and forth while fondly looking at Moguanshan. He tians gaze bored into his skin, why is he always looking at him like that? What is he thinking? What does he want?

Moguan shan doesn’t understand. He breaks his hand away and looks down, shuffling his feet.

“Why are you always looking at me like that? “ he asks with a breathy tone, timid and unsure.

“Like what?” He tian asks, perking his head to the side in confusion

“Like I dont know, like you see something or..”

He tian shifts closer to mo guan shan, but not too much to invade his boundaries

“I do see something little mo, I see a person who is very important to me.”

At that Mo guan shans eyes widen and he flinches back again, his cheeks glowing a bright red. He looks at he tian with questions in his eyes

“W-WHO? ME? THATS-” Mo guans shan stutters at his words and struggles  to understand the fluttering sensation In his stomach and the feeling of warmth arising in his heart.

He tian laughs again freely

“Yes idiot, you’re precious to me.”

Mo guan shan looks confused “B-but why? What the heck have I done for you?”

He tian sits back and looks introspective, his gaze wanders far away and a soft smile perched on his features. 

“You make me feel.. I don’t know. Alive. I’ve never felt this way with anyone before. You make me feel safe and happy."

He continues

“Your the type of person that has a kind heart, even if you try to hid it, it makes me feel loved. ” He tians expression then turns sad, as if he’s remember something. Mo guan shan again, did not know how to deal with this level of sincerity. 

‘Me? Make him feel loved? But I just push him away. I don’t get it’

So mo guan shan sits down on the seat next to him, after a couple beats of reflective silence

“You don’t.. Feel loved?” Mo begins awkwardly, looking at everything but he tians expression. 

He tian sighs and sits into the question “I don’t know. How is it supposed to feel like?”

“I dont know..” mo guan shan continued, rubbing the back off his neck

“Warm.. i guess. I feel that way with my ma, when she takes care of me. Other than that, I don’t really know.” They both sit back and watch the sky above the city from He tians pent house. The stars were gleaming in the night and the city life was loud under the darkness.

He tian sighs. “Warm. ” he breathes out, relaxing his gaze

 “I guess, i’m feeling it right now then.” 

He tian looks to the left and watches as Mo guan shans eyes widen again, he can never get tired of those cute, shy expressions.

Mo, to his mistake, turns to the right and catches he tians gaze on him. The same way he was looking at him before, but it was more intense this time.

His heartbeat speeds up, he feels hot from the inside, flustered, embarrassed and… he doesn't know what else, something tingling.

“I guess…” He tian continues, while looking into Mo's auburn eyes “that means I love you.”

Both their eyes widen and they lean back from eachother in shock. Confusion, fear arising. Mo guan shan for one, did not know how to feel. Disgust, confusion, judgement, all these emotions were spiraling within his body,  he froze there paralyzed, unknowing of how to react or respond, 

“I..” He tian started, trying to cover, to fix what he just said “I mean uhh..” After desperate attempts to reorganize his mind, he just sighed and dropped his shoulders down in defeat.

“I’m sorry” He whispers “that was probably too much, I dont even know what I’m doing.” he says exasperately, running his hands through his hair. He’s shaking. “You probably want to go home now.” He tian has made things worse, He wanted Mo guans shan to stay, but didn’t know how to calmly deal with his presence if it’s not getting overly emotional and attached all the time. He knows he has to learn to give him space, to breathe and relax, but He tian likes being around him too much. He has no self control.

“I’ll call you a cab. ” He tian begins to stand up from the couch when he feels something pull at his jacket, mo guan shans hand tugging at his sleeve. Both remain still, so much calculation, overanalyzing in the air, they dont know how to stop

Mo guan shan then retreat his hand hurriedly and coughs awakwardly,

“It’s fine.. It’s fine okay? Let’s just watch a movie.

He tians shoulders slump in relief. Thank god, he didn’t mess up his chance to be with him. Okay.. he can handle a movie. He can control himself.

“Okay,” He tian whispers and sits back on the couch, tentative seconds pass and he asks “uh.. What movie?” Mo guan shan seems flustered too, overly conscious of his presence.

“I dont know. I’m assuming you dont watch movies. let’s just scroll through netflix and see whats good.”

Netlfix and chill? He tian almost says but he stops himself, he know it’s too soon to be making jokes like that.

Guan Shan takes out his phone and begins scrolling

“Uh.. fast and the furious?” He asks. He tian shrugs “Sure.” He doesnt really care for it, but if Guan Shan wants it, he’s alright with that.

They begin to watch the movie and He tian notices something. Mo keeps casting looks at him throughout the movie. He hastedly flicks his gaze back onto the movie before he is caught, but it still evokes his curiosity

“What?” he tian laughs at his shyness

“Uh.. arent you cold? It’s like 30 degrees in here.”

He tian shrugs “Nah, I’m used to it.” he replies and he watches as Guan shans face contorts, his eyebrows strewn together

“What the fuck? You’re shaking.” He tian notices how he actually is cold, and is happy that guan shan took awareness of this

“Warm me up then, little Mo” He tian wiggles his eyebrows and to his surprise Mo guan shan, stands up and walks towards his bed. 

“Where are you going”

“Shutup  ” he was responded with

Moguan shan then came back with a big cover blanket and He tian insides swirl in excitement, awe and fondness.

Shan sits back on the couch, with an indignant expression in his face, cheeks flushed and to his surprise, places the blanket gently on He tians body. He tian was frozen, in shock, overwhelmed with happiness.

“What about you?” He tian asks, more like a statement than a question

“Im fine.” Shan replies still feeling really embarrassed and was about to pick up his phone to continue watching when he feels two warm hands cover him under the blanket. Mo stiffens, his shoulders tense, but then he relaxes into it, his body  welcoming the warmth. It was almost, as if he was overthinking the whole thing. As if this is what he wanted all along. He feels protected almost. Safe. 

Mo guan shan then feels two hands touch at his face and he looks to the left to see he tian smiling happily.

 “Now we’re both warm. ”

The implication of his words sent another shiver down his spine. Did he feel warm? I guess he did, he was just too busy fighting to feel it. 

“Y-yeah. I… feel warm” He tians smile.. If even possible, widened some more and insexplanably, surprisingly, tears starting welling up at the corner of his eyes until He tian began to cry. Quiet snuffles, he turned his head away slightly, snuggling deeper into the blanket, shaking. He felt loved, so so loved

“H-hey.. What- what happened? Dont cry.” Mo guan shan shifts closer to he tian and takes his wet face in his hands, he feels the tears running down his cheeks, “It’s okay” Mo whispered quietly and he tian leans into his touch, then leans into mo guan shans body and tucks his face under the crook of his neck. Mo stiffens up, feels the wetness at his skin. Without thinking, He reaches his hands up and softly strokes he tians hair. 

“I’m here” he says which made he tian cry even more.

Mo guan shan wasnt sure what was going on, all he knew is that he felt a deep fondness for He tian, and he wanted to shield him from all his fears. He wanted to stay. With him. 

After a few minutes, he tian calms down and guan shan feels fingers attempting to interlock with his, beneath the blanket,. Hesitant, shy, he interlocks them. It feels like home

“Stay with me, forever” he tian whispers, guttural, rough and gentle

Mo guan shan settles further into the warmth of of the blanket and rubs his thumb over He tians hand. Warm.

“Alright” he says

He feels warm

[megastarstriker]

★{𝗡𝗲𝘅𝘁 𝗧𝗼 𝗡𝗼𝗿𝗺𝗮𝗹}★

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────  

-----------------------------------

{ℕ𝕀𝕂𝕂𝕀 𝕊𝕀𝕏𝕏 𝕏 ℝ𝔼𝔸𝔻𝔼ℝ}

------------------------------------

𝙒𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨: Bullying and Abuse, Slight Cussing, Depression and Anxiety 

Contains: FLUFF AND ANGST

𝙋𝙖𝙞𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜: Nikki Sixx x Asperger’s! Female Reader

𝙒𝙤𝙧𝙙 𝘾𝙤𝙪𝙣𝙩:

Summary: (Y/N) a 13 year old girl goes to her first day in high school. Despite the hard attempts and making friends because of her socially awkwardness she finds herself distracted by a certain boy in her class. (Note: This isn’t made for discrimination or stereotypes to people who go through anxiety, depression or have autism. This is all real stuff and written for the sake of notice and to betaken seriously. I won’t be portraying any kind of offensive or critical stereotypes nor will ever in this one-shot. This was based on personal experience and point of view. IF YOU ARE DEALING WITH ANXIETY AND DEPRESSION AND ARE TRIGGERED BY THESE SAME THEMES. PLEASE DO NOT READ FOR YOUR OWN SAKE. AND IF YOU ARE SUFFERING FROM EITHER ONE, PLEASE FIND SUPPORT OR HELP, WE ARE ALL HERE FOR YOU EVEN IF YOU DONT THINK SO WE ARE. WE WILL HELP YOU GET THROUGH IT, AND IN THE END IT WILL HELP YOU ALOT💕 )

𝙏𝙖𝙜𝙡𝙞𝙨𝙩: @metalheartofgold, @ginny-rose-sixx, @xxqueencolourxx​, @littlemisscare-all​,

💕 LOVE YOU GUYS AND LET ME KNOW IF YOU WANNA GET TAGGED  💕 

Keys:

(Y/N) - Your Name

(L/N) - Last Name

{Photos and gifs aren’t mine they belong to their owners. I only own the editing} 💕

───── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ─────  

 ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆  ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆  ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆  ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆  ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆

 1971

“Mommy, what if the other kids don’t like me or hate me.....”, I managed to utter out as I looked at her through a glimpse as I looked down at my shoes, while sitting on the stool near the counter. 

“Oh Honey, don’t say that, you know that’s not true.”, Mom said in a cheery voice as she was working on breakfast listening to me as she did,” Some of those kids will like you. Might even want to be your friend.”

I looked up at my mom only glancing at her back as she was stirring the ingredients in a bowl, my attitude and mood not changing from its gloom state as I heard those positive words, as it should.’ Is she only saying that to make me feel better?’ I thought in my head as I felt a bit angry at the thought, a bit happy too that she cared, though it didn’t change my idea of it nonetheless. 

......

......

......

“They think I’m a freak and a monster.....”, I said suddenly without emotion my voice breaking a bit as I felt tears building up a bit on my eyes at the idea of it, trying my best not let them crawl and trace down my cheeks as I didn’t want her to see me cry.

My mom then turned around from what she was doing in the kitchen towards me her eyes widening at what I said, almost dropping the pan she was holding that held a small stack of pancakes, as she heard those sharp and painful words out of my mouth. She gulped slightly making me quirk an eyebrow, waiting for a response and obviously worried and confused for her silence, feeling insecure as I awaited her answer. She then put the pan down and walked towards me kneeling down unto my level as I tried my best to dry roughly at the tears. Only for her to gently push them away from my face and take her soft and delicate hands and brush the tears away with her fingertips as she grabbed my face gingerly, her eyes filled with concern as she did.

“You are not a freak or a monster....Ok. and definitely not a monster.”, My mom corrected me sincerely as she said in a whispering tone to me letting her forehead connect with mine as her gaze met mine.” You are just different from the rest of the other kids.”

“You are special.”, She said as she kissed my forehead, embracing me as she did, returning the hug it a few moments later as I registered the action in my brain. Letting my arms wrap around her for warmth and comfort, as I left the few remaining tears drop unto her clothed shoulder, cursing myself for it.

......

......

......

“Yeah Right.”, I muttered under my breath sarcastically as I replayed the events from this morning. Holding a pen and flicking it repeatedly, as I felt my anxious state grow with every step I took towards what was now called my school, trying to take my stress away roughly at the writing utensil gripped tightly at my hand as I repeated the process. This was a soothing technique for me for whenever I felt overly stressed or anxious in a situation. Despite the annoying sound it would do, I couldn’t help but feel calm and relief wash over me as I felt the tensing energy leave my body, easing my breathing, nerves, and muscles. I then stopped as I calmed down putting the pen on my pocket as I released a sigh, gripping my bag tightly.

------

This wasn’t the first time my mother has said or used the word special in those exact occasions. To be honest there was nothing special about me. This wasn’t my first school that I was attending either. I’ve been to many, and seen many faces from kids my age and younger to teachers and parents. Despite their differences they have one thing in common when it came to me. They all gave me the same look. Whether it was pitiful or dirty it didn’t matter. All the different kids from different schools gave me that same stupid and meaningless face. At first I thought it was because I was new to them, but then I started to quickly realize it wasn’t just that.....I was a shy girl so I never really understood at that time. All those times I would try to talk to people or waiting for them to approach me as I sat alone calmly doing my work....Being friendly and confident as possible as I greeted them with the best and nicest smile I could muster on my young face...They never responded back they simply whispered something to another kid and simply left me standing there stranded as they went to play with the other kids... Avoiding me entirely even when I went to speak with them again....Sometimes I tried asking the kids if I could play but they would either ignore me and walk away or say that It wasn’t a game for me to play......

“Did I say something wrong?”

“Was I not suppose to talk to them?”

“Why aren’t they talking to me?”

Those were some of the thoughts I had, but I knew those weren’t the exact reasons, knowing fully well I wasn’t bad when it came to speech or greetings when I talked to other people. The teachers blamed me for it of course, when I asked them why the other kids avoided me.

“Maybe if you weren’t and acted like such a freak, they would be talking to you.”, One Teacher I remembered bitterly saying to me with the fakest smile as she then turned her back towards me walking away from my small frame not caring whether those words struck my small heart or tear up and cry.

------

I shook my head and decided to think of something else as my sneakers grazed the cement floor on the sidewalk. I then looked towards the sky seeing the sun shinning and the pure white clouds forming picturesque structures as they floated above. ‘I wonder if there is any people living in those fluffy clouds?’, I thought with a smile,’ Is there such a thing as cloud puppies too!?’ 

I giggled a bit as I thought about what a cloud puppy would look like. Sort of like a poodle or    but more fluffier and soft fur like marshmallows and cotton candy combined.  “Are clouds tasty?”, I whispered out loud as I kept staring at the edible-looking clouds, ‘They do look a lot like cotton candy....so maybe.’

I then starred at my feet laughing at the thought, only for then to look up and noticed that I was already in front of the school.

I gulped as I was frozen in place.

“Here goes nothing”, I said to myself a bit nervously as I let my feet drag slowly towards the horrors of what was now officially called my school.

Walking towards the doors of the school, I couldn’t help but feel a wave of nausea hit me, totally uncomfortable on how all of this was going to go. After I enter the entrance to the school through the double doors I couldn’t help but notice one unnormal thing.

Empty halls.

‘Weird.’, I thought in my head with a raised eyebrow.,’ I thought it would be crowded by this time.’

Reading the letters on top of the doors, I checked to see my assigned class as I looked at each one on both sides of me in the empty halls. Seeing the exact one I enter it only for then to see a crowd of unfamiliar faces turned all of their heads in sync towards me.

I then closed it behind me with a jitter in my hands as I felt belittled by all the beady eyes of the students that were staring at me while sitting in there sits.

“Mrs.(Y/N), You’re late!”, A female voice said harshly next to me.

I then turned towards the origin of the voice to my right, seeing it was a middle aged woman with long hair that was tied up into a bun and was wearing glasses underneath her brown caramel eyes. Her faced was adorned with makeup and an angry scowl in her face as her eyes met mine, obviously unhappy and pissed.

“Care to explain why?.”, She said in a dominant tone, and with stern eyes as she crossed her arms across her chest and her heels clicked underneath the marble floor of the classroom as she tapped her foot impatiently.

“I-i....”, I started with a stammer and whisper obviously nervous and uneasy about all of the students who were staring at me in the front of the class.,”I-im sorry..”

‘Way to go me....’, I thought sarcastically at myself as I said those words.

The teacher squinted her eyes with a humph, only to then close them. Then as if on cue....

An erupting choir of laughter resounded in the entirety of the room in sync as all of the kids started to laugh at me. In that moment I felt humiliated and irritated,  I wanted to just throw myself in a box and at the same time tell the kids to shove their mouths up their own asses to shut them up. But I felt completely vulnerable at the moment unknowing of what to say. as I felt small....

‘So much for good impressions.’, I thought in defeat as I looked down at the floor.

“Quiet down class, quiet down!”, The teacher said as she stared at room full of teens as they all kept quiet some of them still snickering softly, or trying to control the laughter that was still trying to emit from their lips.

“I’ll let you off with a warning since you did apologize, after all. The next time though I won’t and you will be sent to the principal’s office as punishment if this repeats. Understood.”, She said a bit more warmly still keeping a strict poise as she turned towards me.

I nodded slowly of course as I listen to her words looking down a bit ashamedly as I did.” Yes Mrs....”

“Mrs. Johnson.”, She said with a small smile and then she gestured towards the empty seat,” You can go ahead and sit next to Frank over there in the back.”

I then followed her arm towards were she was exactly pointing and to my thoughts, there was a boy with an orange pale button up shirt in the far back right next to were my assigned seat was, looking and snapping his thoughts towards the teacher as he heard his name from the teacher’s mouth. I gulped ‘Why the far back?’ I then looked towards the front row and saw the whole aisle filled students already, ‘Oh that’s why...’

Taking a deep breath, I stepped towards through the rows of filled seats, hearing whispers or name-callings as I walked past them towards my seat. Of course I glared at the students a bit in front of me while also trying to put a fake smile for them as I tried my best to ignore their harsh and childish remarks. As I reached the desk, I couldn’t help but notice the “Frank” boy from earlier stare at me from the corner of my eyes as I sat beside him, knowing that he wasn’t in the beginning until he heard his name being called. His bright green eyes observing me as I put my backpack close to my side and slumped into my seat. I then saw as the boy stared for a few seconds at me more before looking away from me in boredom just like a few minutes earlier. 

As he looked away, I couldn’t help but stare at him as I got good look at him clearly compared to when I was in the front of the class. “Frank” had brown blondish hair that was a bit long and slicked back neatly, green and slightly dark eyes as the color of leaves in the trees during springs or summer as they stared boredly away as one hand was held towards his cheek, leaning his elbow against and touching the table on his desk propping his head up, wearing his orange pale button up shirt and white pants, along with some sneakers. 

“Cute.”, I whispered a bit too loudly as I stared at him my cheeks dusting with a violent red as I realized what words fell from  my mouth. Frank being near me ,considering he was beside me and the whole class was quiet at the moment, turned his head to me as he heard what I said with a confused face, either not catching what I just heard or uncomfortable with what I said from my understanding. I then stared to the front away from him, my shoulders tense, my face completely red, and my heart beating out as if it were to rip away from my ribcage and body. I breathed steadily and sighed, as I felt his stare drift away as he huffed a bit going back to his usual stuff to staring at nothing. ‘Geez, what are you thinking girl.....’, I scolded at myself with a mental facepalm,’ You already messed it up with coming late, now your making it worse by telling a boy he is cute....Ugh, at least I hope he didn’t hear me.’

The teacher started lesson as if a few minutes prior and after the incident. Staring mindlessly at the chalkboard, I couldn’t help but feel a bit tired and suddenly....bored as I tuned out the teachers words. ‘School sucks.’, I thought for a moment before a lightbulb suddenly went above my head with a silent yawn,’ I’m gonna draw.’

I then took my separate drawing pad, pen and pencil, while flipping to and empty page. I then started to work my magic as I began to doodle what was on my mind as ideas spurred through my brain. I was pondering on what to draw as I held the pen close to my chin. I had a great influence and overall interest in music, I loved it so much especially when it came to rock music. Because of that, I wanted to become a musician or songwriter one day. I then thought about drawing puppies or rockstars.....

I then did just that as I drew cute little doodles of puppies along with a rockstar sketch of my favorite musician. As I kept listening at the teacher to the class while also distracting myself with some quality time for me, I noticed something soft yet solid grazing shoulder slightly, landing at next to my feet on the floor. It was a crumbled up piece of paper that was made into a ball. Rolling my eyes, I didn’t think any of it as I kept tracing my pen on the paper. 

‘Psst. Hey.’ 

Fixated on the paper I kept on drawing cute little stars and details on the drawing oblivious to the person that was calling someone else, whoever did. 

‘Psst!’

This time it was a bit more louder but still made into a whisper as I didn’t bother to check who it was that made the noise.

I then felt another hard thud on my shoulder this time still soft but harsh as the solid material hit me directly. Leaving my eyes from the paper as I had an angry frown in my face obviously annoyed at the person who threw the paper at me, I looked towards the person who made the ‘psst’ sound again only to see that it was the so called ‘Frank’ boy from earlier. 

He then gestured towards the crumbled sheet of paper in front of my desk. I narrowed my brows at him, with suspicion but complied either way so he could stop bothering me, despite the fact he seemed friendly. Grabbing the crumbled sheet, I heard the sound of the bell ringing before I could open it. The class was then dismissed but before I could read the note that the boy passed to me. I felt a harsh shove as I fell back on the seat causing the note to fall from my hands and into the floor, nobody noticing as they let their dirty shoes graze and paint the paper. Seeing that everyone left including the person that shoved me by accident, I went to pick up the note from the ground only to see that it was indeed painted with shoe prints and ripped in half harshly. ‘Ugh...’ I groaned in disgust as I went to the trash to throw it away,’ I hope it wasn’t something important that I needed to know.’

I then looked towards the back of the class were Frank was, only to find out he wasn’t there anymore. Frowning a bit at the thought as I was hoping maybe I could talk to him, I went towards were all the students were going....probably the cafeteria..

‘Maybe I’ll see him there’, I thought lightening up a bit with a smile.”

‘We’ll even be friends probably....”

------------------------------------------------------------

{AUTHORS NOTE}

Hey there I hope you all enjoyed this little miniseries I’m doing. The reason I made this was because of personal experience in my early years in high school, and I felt I had to write them down. I also wondered how it will be like if Sixx to ever meet a girl with autism. I’ll be uploading part two as soon as I can of course .hope you liked it and Thank you for reading.

💗{LIKE OR REBLOG TO SAVE}💗

[dog-teeth]

How long on low dose t do you think it would take a partner you live with to notice? I'm kinda closeted but wanna be on T for a little bit n get the changes I want

im not sure, changes on T are super individual and go at their own pace for each person, so working in a solid time frame is tough. id also say it depends on how knowledgeable your partner is on HRT / trans stuff. people who dont know much about it will probably not notice or assume the changes are something else, but people who are educated and aware can see it more easily. i had cishet adult family friends see me many months on T and not notice anything, and in the same time my trans friends would see me and go “youre taking T right?” i think the most obvious changes are facial hair and voice deepening, like if you have to start shaving your face and your voice is suddenly cracking all the time, theyll probably notice. so maybe research the timeframe for those? for me, my voice started changing nearly instantly, and i already had a lil bit of facial hair so when it grew in thicker it wasnt obvious until i had to start shaving it.

i’m curious what changes you want, because there isnt very many you can get from a low dose for a short period of time, maybe some increased body hair and your voice might start to crack (stopping T while your voice is changing will make you sound like a goose forever i’m sorry about that. for like 2 months i would just. Honk. and its irreversible so be cautious that to stop voice cracking you might have to keep being on T for a while)

also, im super not trying to judge you or your relationship, i really mean this coming from a place of ‘i dont know anything about your situation but i want the best for you,’ i think its important to be with a partner who respects your gender and transition. i can imagine taking hrt with an unknowing/unsupportive partner would be really really stressful. like its one thing to not tell family and friends you arent as close to, but if you live with your partner i cant imagine its healthy to be closeted and trying to transition without them knowing. again, im sure you have your reasons and ik this stuff is complicated!

[anarchistgumball]

Kirichako

I was going to get this to 2,000 words but im tired- No warnings necessary 

words: 1,856

Pairing: Kirishima x Uraraka 

This is in my bakukami AU to which the first part will be here

The first time he really noticed her was her fight with Bakugo. She was determined, strong, and had wits; there was no doubt about it, even if she did end up losing. Uraraka had earned Bakugo’s respect and Kirishima’s admiration that day. After that he started trying to hang around her more. Getting ice cream with her group and when Bakugo wasn’t around to help him, he studied with her. They had a stable, fun friendship and that was good enough for Kirishima.

Kirishima’s affection for Uraraka grew after graduation however, and he spent nights thinking of her. He was planning on confiding in Bakugo, his flatmate, but while the other respected Uraraka he probably wouldn’t understand Kirishima’s crush. So he told Mina, and Sero, and then Kaminari found out- telling Bakugo. Bakugo just snorted saying how Kirishima ‘wasn’t subtle’, while the rest were eager to play matchmaker. 

“Come on, ask her out!!” Mina said, shaking his arm. “Any girl would be lucky to have you anyways!” 

“Yeah, you’re like perfect boyfriend material, dude” Kaminari added. Kirishima went red and scratched at the back of his neck. “I dont know guys….”

“C’mon Kiri you’re like, perfect” While Sero meant it he also just kind of wanted to embarrass the other. Which he succeeded at. Kirishima was now hiding his face in his hands, but they could see him smiling. 

“Guuuuyyyss”

“What? You know its true” Mina poked his head.  “Go ask her out, what could go wrong?”

“Everything”

Mina sighed, and kissed him on the forehead. “Well I have to go but call me when you stop being a drama queen”

“I have to go with her but seriously dude, just go for it” Sero said getting up and following Mina. Kaminari smiled at him telling him “I agree” Then went to the table to start on paperwork.

He was patrolling with her today. Fuck. Normally this would be great news, patrolling with one of his friends? Awesome. But with the development of his feelings he didn’t trust himself to not say something dumb. The first fifteen minutes Uraraka chalked up to tiredness, though Kirishima usually woke up at ungodly hours… 

“You okay Kiri? Something up?” Kirishima yawned, okay tiredness then she guessed. 

“Just tired” He confirmed “Didn’t go to bed until like twelve am”

“Hm, did something keep you up?”

“Yeah, I guess my thoughts did” Kirishima wished he was less tired so he would know how to steer away from this conversation.

“Wanna talk about it?” They were rounding into an ally now and after Uraraka’s eyes swept over the area she looked up at him. She looked like she cared, Kirishima practically felt his insides melt. 

“You’re really pretty” Dammit. Abort, abort. That didn’t even relate to what she asked, maybe he was picking up on some of Kaminari’s dumbass since the other moved in. 

“Oh what? Uh Thank you, Kirishima.” She smiled slightly, and blushed profusely. Her fingers came up to twirl around each other, out of embarrassment.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t….” Mean it? He did for one thing and didnt want to come across as a dick. 

“Ah no, I just wasn’t expecting it is all, you’re pretty too….”  She internally cursed herself, while Kirishima tried to not faint. 

“Thank you!” His smile was bright, and his stance seemed taller, more confident than before. She wanted to see him like that more.

“She called me pretty, Bakugo! Pretty! Me!” Kirishima was practically gushing about Uraraka to anyone who would listen. Unfortunately for Bakugo he was home. He just snorted. Kaminari entered their flat while Kirishima was pouting in Bakugo’s general direction. He threw his keys on the accent table and headed over to them.

“What’s up?”

“Bakugo’s being mean” 

“Ah what the heck, Baku, how could you be mean to this puffball” He circled around the counters to playfully punch Bakugo on the arm. The tips of his ears flushed, something you wouldn’t notice unless you’ve spent years living with him and just as long listening to him talk wistfully about Kaminari. Kirishima stifled a laugh. 

The blond chopping vegetables just grumbled “Kirishima won’t stop fucking fawning over Round Face”

Kaminari turned to face him “So did something happen? Did you man up and ask her out?”

“No… but she called me pretty!” Kirishima was smiling again, head up in the clouds. Kaminari smiled, but looked sad? Shit. Kirishima should really think. His own grin dimmed seeing Kaminari. 

“Sorry, kami…. I wasn’t…”

“No, it’s fine dude, get your girl”

“I just-” He honestly didn’t know what to say for, like, the gazillionth time that day. Kaminari had just been cheated on and here he was flaunting how he might be getting somewhere with the girl he liked! Was he getting somewhere?

“I get it man, it’s not like you can control your feelings- the only reason i’d care is if you liked Jiro” 

Kirishima supposed he had wanted it to sound light and joking when it mostly just came off ... depressing.  Bakugo was silent, probably unknowing of how to help the situation and not really liking to talk about Kaminari’s feelings for Jiro. For more than one reason.

“Hey, Kirishima!!” Uraraka said, waving.

Kirishima looked up from his paperwork, which if he was being honest, he didn’t want to do. 

“Oh! Hey, Uraraka!” He smiled at her.

“I was wondering if you would want to go to the gym with me at some point? Deku has his schedule filled to the brim again” She laughed a little, shaking her head. The dude did need to take more breaks, even if he was the number one hero. 

“Uh, yeah, I would love to! What day works best for you? I’m open after five everyday this week, unless, y’know, an emergency.”

“Maybe Thursday? At 6:30?” She was twirling her hair around her finger. It was cute.

“Yeah, sounds great” He grinned at her and she brightened considerably, unless it was just him thinking that.

“Well I’ll let you get back to work now” He groaned.

“How could you leave me, Uraraka? I’m going to drown in this paperwork or die of boredom! Do you want me dead?” She giggled. 

“What if I did” She said playfully, he gasped, dramatically placing one of his hands against his chest. 

“You wound me” She laughed while walking out.

“I’ll see you later, Kiri!” 

It was Thursday, and he was on the phone with Mina. They were both freaking out over what Kirishima was going to wear to his “date”.  They were apparently too loud and an angry Bakugo joined them.

“What the hell are you guys yelling about?!” Bakugo, very appropriately, yelled. 

“What Kiri’s going to wear to his very, very important date with Uraraka!!” Mina said, speech semi garbled from the shirt covering Kirishima’s phone.

“Did he finally manage to fuckin’ ask her out?” Ignoring Kirishima to talk to Mina.

“No, but she asked him…. Well kind of…”

“The hell you mean?” 

“Well she asked to train with him, alone!”

“...Okay?”  Bakugo looked perplexed, brows furrowed. 

“Well she obviously wants to spend more time with him, so it’s basically a date”

Bakugo scoffed. Then he turned to Kirishima.

“She’s seen you in work out gear before, idiot, just wear something.”

Kirishima rolled his eyes, Mina sighing loudly. 

“Ooooooh I have an actual good idea!” Mina said.

“Let’s here it” Kirishima was getting a little impatient, but still wanted to listen to his friends advice.

“You know that one gray tank top that shows off your ribs and shit? Wear that with like, your light pink gym shorts!”

“Yes! Mina thank you! I love you, but I need to go now”

“Okay, fill me in later!” 

The call ended and Bakugo got up and left, rolling his eyes. Once Kirishima was dressed in the outfit Mina picked he headed for the gym.

Kirishima was on the treadmill warming up when Uraraka arrived, she didn’t seem to notice him so he waved.

“Hey Uraraka, over here!” She noticed him, smiled and waved, walking over. She started stretch near where he was.

“So how was your day?” She asked, looking up at him.

“Boring, mostly. Paperwork and the like, but Mina took me out to lunch!”

“Oh awesome! Iida and Deku were both busy so i spent most of the day laying around” 

“Oh you should’ve said something, I can always make time for one of my bros!” Uraraka blushed, maybe. Maybe it was because she started running next to him. They ran for about twenty minutes, then did some other exercises. At almost the end she asked him if they could lift weights together. She laughed a little when explaining. “I thought you’d be the best because you know….” Kirishima cocked his head in confusion. She was definitely blushing now. “You’re just really strong and I thought you could maybe give me pointers?”

“Of course!” Kirishima flexed, always showing off when he had the chance. Compliments were always amazing, especially if they were from Uraraka. 

She had done thirty- five now struggling with the heavy barbell. Her whole face was red, Kirishima having to remind her to breathe multiple times, but determined. She lifted the bar over her head again with Kirishima encouraging her. She got to forty before she tried to put it back, Kirishima finally grabbing it and putting it back for her. She had her eyes closed, managing her breathing.

“That was amazing!”  She grinned at him, still laying down.

“My arms feel like noodles…. But I’m going to keep at it until I can beat you”

“Excuse me I am unbeatable, but seriously, that was manly as hell” He felt his ears burning wondering if he should’ve said something else. She sat up slowly.

“Thanks, for what it’s worth I think your manly as hell too” She stood, walked over to where he was and gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. She left saying ‘see you later’ grabbing her bag on the way out. Kirishima was frozen, probably looking like a tomato. 

He called Mina, squealing on the phone about what happened with her. The next day he realized he’d have to see Uraraka and almost screamed into his pillow, thinking of what he was going to say. What the hell was he going to say?

Was he glowing? He felt like he was glowing. Bakugo seemed to scowl at him but maybe that was because he kept him up almost have the night. Once he got to work (after being stopped by a villian attack) he saw Uraraka. She was talking to Iida and Shinso. He walked over to them, getting a coffee while saying hello to everyone. 

“I had fun last night Kiri” Shinso raised an eyebrow but Kirishima answered the question he didn’t actually say out loud. 

“Yeah, we should really work out again sometime…. But before that you wanna go out with me to this new restaurant?” He grinned, hopeful. 

“I would love too” He hugged her grinning, probably too much, waving at the other two before heading back to his office to excitedly text  Mina.

[tumblunni]

Oh fuck i cant stand this

Ive already almost used up my damn mobile data again and i only bought it yesterday. Fuck i want to go home. You guys are like the only comfort i have here and i dunno what im gonna do when i cant message you again

Fuckin hell stupid shit day! I was supposed to go to a therapy class thing today but the stupid bus went past where my abusive father lives and i had a MASSIVE FREAKOUT and had to go home and then ofcourse to go home you have to go back on the stupid same bus!! I fuckib failed and wasted the doctor's time and he had to grab me to stop me from running off the bus crying and back to fuckin hell dad's house because im shit and i deserve everything he ever did to me

AND THEN fuckin same doctor continues the relentless constant tide of everyone misgendering me and making crass transphobic jokes

"You see you've gotta understand the other opinion" he says, as if trans people werent fuckin raised SURROUNDED by cis people's predjudiced opinion of us and taught it was fact. As if it didnt take me SO MUCH WORK to even become confident enough to stand up for myself! I've gotta see the 'other opinion' that "yknow well families and children use public bathrooms and theyre scared trans people will molest their children so its understandable they want to kick you out or even act violent to you". Yknow the OTHER OPINION that MY OPINION DOESNT MATTER and also MY ENTIRE EXISTANCE IS A CRIME but i'm the one being predjudiced for not accepting that OPINION, right?! Im here trying to tell him that no that isnt rational because there have been LITERALLY NO RECORDED CASES of trans people molesting children in public bathrooms, or even "evil men faking being trans" to do the same thing. There's been more cases of actual cis men breaking into women's bathrooms to drag women out for merely LOOKING trans. More cis women have been harassed because of anti trans laws than they ever did before! But hey "respect that other opinion", right? And also "at least its not as bad as russia" and "but gay pride is everywhere now, that one footballer had rainbow shoelaces." Hey wow i never noticed that not only was homophobia totally over but also transphobia was remotely related to that! Wow! I seriously had to bring out the fuckin 1600s historical investigation on pre-british olde englishe that showed the existance of a gender neutral pronoun before the word "he" ever existed, and the existance of transgender pride and pronoun discussions in the 1800s before the word transgender was even popularized. I cant believe i fuckin had to do a 'show your sources that queer people existed before the internet' IN REAL LIFE. WITH A MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL. I can point at the damn NHS website but nooooo!

Oh and yknow what got me the most? YKNOW WHAT GOT ME THE MOST?? "We have sick people here, you cant expect them to remember stuff like that. Dont ruin their recovery by bringing up stuff like that." Like..fuckin..IM A FUCKIN PATIENT TOO. I wasnt even asking the other patients to stop hurting me i was asking you the staff to maybe consider it! And seriously you want me to be so super ultra perpetually prepared and perpetually rational and able to keep my existance secret and out of every conversation yet theyre too ill to learn about lgbt people existing? Just a sentence would be too painful? And me living every day being misgendered doesnt impact my ability to recover at all, eh? Fuckin shitting fuck hell.

And i hate it i HATE IT because he's being nice so i'll be the bad guy if i complain. Likehe fuckin..doesnt even know he's being rude and doesnt want to consider the idea. He says 'i dont like your tone' if i suggest the concept and FUCK in that moment i was so fuckin scared he was gonna hit me like my dad did. Or at tge very least kick me out of the hospital if i dont cooperate with him. He just fuckin..thinks he's perfectly unbiased and accepts everyone and "oh but i like to make fun of everyone equally". And i even fuckin raised the subject that people who say that often only make fun of minorities and never themselves, the majority, or major power structures. And he's just like 'yeah yeh i hate people like that'. Whoosh. Rigjt over the head. God i wasnt even TRYING to be passive aggressive i was trying tk outright tell him why what he said was upsetting me but NOPE. Trying to explain how its just so hard and tiring to have to verrrrrry patientlyyyyy explain yourself to EVERYONE EVERY DAY CONSTANTLY while they sling loads of rude words at you and it should be just allowed because they 'dont know better'. Like you ask me to educate you but at the same time im rude if i actually tell you?? And god i also tried to explain how the fuckin bathroom violence thing isnt an example of 'educating another opinion' AGAIN by saying like... If someone just asked me to explain being transgender i would. If someone just said they were uncomfortable i would leave. That's 'another opinion'. Reacting with slurs and violence to a trans person existing and not doing anything to you is not 'another opinion' and its not someone who 'just didnt know'. He was seriously trying to argue that it WASNT BIGOTED it was just someone rationally being afraid for their children because of a danger that doesnt exist, and rationally reacting with extreme violence rather than doing anything else. Rationally. RATIONALLY. oh just MISTAKENLY committing a hate crime! Cos they just didnt know trans people exist! Not cos they hate us! Oh no! Yeah sure we totally have a fucking DUTY to educate these POOR UNKNOWING PEOPLE while theyre attacking us, and its our damn fault if we didnt...

And just fucking FUCK i hate how someone can say all that stuff and still be "nice" and still not hate me personally? Like its so messed up?? He's not anti trans or anything he just has so much more damn sympathy for cis people than trans people, and puts all the onus on us to somehow prevent our own murders. And he thinks that "i dont have a problem with trans people" means doing LITERALLY NOTHING to change your behaviour to make trans people feel accepted. They should just magically know that your jokes are jokes when theyre surrounded by so many people saying it honestly, in CONSTANT FEAR OF THAT EXACT THING LEADING TO VIOLENCE. And like in order to be "a guy who has no problem with trans people" he has to do nothing, while in order for me to be not bigoted against HIM it means i have to never get offended by his jokes and also never talk about myself and also constantly educate him about things because he doesnt want to learn, even though he works in a hospital thats supposed to have an anti discrimination policy. Like fuckin just NOT HURTING LGBT PEOPLE doesnt make you discrimination free, shit like telling me to misgender myself because my pronouns would confuse the other patients is kinda fuckin fucked up. Also "that's a question for later" is all i CONSTANTLY get when it comes to talking about legal name changes or therapy or even just talking to an lgbt support group. I have to wait until i stop being depressed because oh no im talking about too many mental illnesses at once. Its been seven years and i havent fuckin stopped being depressed, bitch! Ever consider a fuckin symptom of gender dysphoria is a big ol fat depression!!! And just gahhhhh he was so fuckin baffled and angry that i would dare to get emotional about the subject?? Like he just saw DEBATING WHETHER TRANS PEOPLE ARE REAL and WHETHER PEOPLE WHO MURDER THEM FOR USING THE BATHROOM ARE JUSTIFIED as a perfectly normal casual discussion that a Non Transphobic Man could have with his transgender friend. Why oh why would i cry about this casual hypothetical discussion? Hey its not like it fuckin affects me directly! "Well its never happened to you right?" A Ha Ha Ha Ha. Also fuckin "so which bathroom do you use?" and "well you're not really transgender if youre not getting the surgery-oh wait you do want the surgery? How does that work then?" I swear i could just see the gears turning in his head and he was about to say "do you want both down there". Gahhhhhh *cringes myself into a tiny tumbleweed and blows away*

Also the entire time he kept calling being trans a sexuality and also asexuality. "No youre not trans youre asexual right?" Yeah sure ive just been saying im trans and saying im not a girl and wearing a chest binder and talking this entire conversation about my experiences as a trans person in public bathrooms just to pull an elaborate prank on you. And like i know what he meant is that he thought the word for nonbinary was asexual (has asexuality REALLY made so little progress towards getting into the sex ed curriculum in the entire 25 years of my life?) But like seriously he was like "youre not really trans if youre nonbinary". And then fuck dude i dont wanna explain how surgery works to you!! And especially not also my entirely unrelated sexuality that has entirely different equally upsetting predjudices!

Ans gahhhh fuck i just got no sympathy for crying and he acted as if it was just some wildly unexpected occurance he never could have predicted. And i hate it cos he's nice to me whenever the subject is about anything else. I cant get any symoathey from ANYONE because he's A NICE GUY and why dont i just understaaaaaand other opinionnnnnns

I wanted to fuckin quit this whole thing on the spot and go home. Only reason i cant is because my support worker is off work until thursday auauauaughhh

Fuck at least one positive i guess is that ive made progress in the social anxiety or at least gotten better at giving the impression im making progress. Cos i want to LEAVE AS FAST AS POSSIBLE. And also fuck all my other worries seem less suicide-inducing when im actually getting the closest ive ever been to killing myself on a daily basis because of a stupid other thing that i never could have predicted. Go here for one form of self hate, come home with another! Yayyyyy

And fuck i havent even made a single bit of progress on drawing or writing anything and i cant practise making ganes cos my laptop cant run rpgmaker and i havent even started reading my giant pile of books cos they fuckin LOOK THROUGH THE WINDOW EVERY SINGLE HOUR TO MAKE SURE YOU AINT KILLED YOURSELF. i have no fuckin pribacy and its making me wanna kill myself even more!! I just live constantly on edge looking at the fuckin door window and i cant even do anything to distract myself because im too scared of them looking at me!! Or barging in at no notice to tell me i have to do some big stressful thing RIGHT NOW because i dont even get advance notice of anything aaaa! And fuck i dont have anywhere to go to even calm down from a panic attack cos i have no privacy so at least im getting over being scared of going outside cos outside is the only place i can go to cry. Fuckin strangers in the crowd at least wont cause shit if they see me.

Fuck i want to go home. Fuck i wish i had enough money to keep buying mobile internet. Its like fuckin 750mb a day to run tumblr but its all ive got to talk to any person who doesnt hate me or patronize me or think im faking a bunch of shit or whatever the fuck. And im not even any fun to be around when im like this so im probably just ruining your day too. And im probably gonna vanish again soon and then just go back to crying alone and getting worse and probably never being able to leave

I knew it was gonna be stressdul but i didnt predict any of this.. I just wanna fuckin die. I wanted to jump out the car and go to my old dad's house and have him pull open the door and slap me around a bit. Like call me a fucking dyke, call me a sick retard, be honest about your feelings! I'd fuckin take being abused over this "oh youre the bad one for being mad because i had goooood intentions" reverse psychology bigotry from hell. Either these people are evil geniuses or theyre even more stupid like me. Fuckin shit dad please manifest in my room and slap me, killing me instantly. I feel like being scared of you would at least be a faster emotion than this nebulous sensation of confusing unease and dysphoria 24/7 for 6 fuckin months. One week done, haha! Hahahabahahahahahahahahahahahahshahahahahahshshshahshahahahhahahaaaa

[akaiitokoibito]

Hello! Id like a, Ouran and Mystic Messenger Matchup,please. Im a 5'10 virgo,hufflepuff,with short brown curly hair and blue eyes, i enjoy writing and drawing i have a love for aquatic animals, and the ocean and cats, im a very timid and nervous person wjen you first meet me but after a while i can get noisey, i dont quite like noisey people but i can warm up to them pretty fast.

Hello hello! Mod Camellia, here~ After careful consideration, we’ve pinned your soulmates to be Hitachiin Kaoru from OHSHC and Zen from Mysme!

“I can’t believe you actually accepted…”

You didn’t particularly like Kaoru at first; in fact, you sort of found him and his brother slightly annoying for constantly interrupting class with their jokes.

But, with the eye of an artist, you began observing them a little closer. You couldn’t help but notice the bittersweet smiles that one twin would wear as his brother teased Fujioka Haruhi.

Eventually, you agreed to your friends’ insistent pleas and finally came to the Host Club. You claimed it was to gain inspiration for drawing: pretty boys did tend to make great models, after all.

Kaoru didn’t really notice you until one day, when he had lingered a bit behind Hikaru (wondering how much longer their pumpkin carriage would last), you approached him and asked if he was alright.

He could tell by the way that you stared at his feet that you were probably nervous, so he didn’t try the usual “flirty host” approach and shot you a smile. “Don’t worry about me.”

To his surprise, you frowned. “Why shouldn’t I?”

He paused, then gave you a half-smile. “Thanks for your concern. I’ll…I will be alright.”

Ever since then, he couldn’t help but notice you sketching during class (he resisted the urge to call you out on it: the teacher still hadn’t caught on to the fact that you doodled over your notes and he didn’t want to bring unnecessary attention to you).

The professor, an unknowing catalyst to your relationship, paired you two together for an assignment. Well, technically he paired you and Hikaru, but Kaoru had generously agreed to switch with his twin so that Hikaru would spend time with Haruhi. (”Don’t tell anyone, though,” Kaoru whispered to you, grinning sheepishly. “I promise I’ll do my best for the project. It’ll probably be better than what Hikaru can do, anyways.” You couldn’t help but laugh, but acquiesced.)

Thanks to the project, you two grew closer and you began opening up to him.

You two started talking to each other more, sharing interests. During club hours, you’d always be watching him; whenever there was a special event, you’d make sure that Kaoru would never be alone. (He appreciated your company a lot, even though he never could vocalize his gratitude. His more genuine smiles said everything, though.)

Your first date was to the aquarium. Sort of. In actuality, the Host Club had dragged their customers to another outing and you decided to accompany Kaoru to see the dolphins. He was supposed to go around helping the other customers, but it wasn’t his fault that you smiled so cutely while pressed against the glass in an attempt to get a closer look. He bought you a stuffed dolphin. The clerk mistook you two as a couple and dang, you didn’t realize that you were head-over-heels for Kaoru until after the man pointed out how sweet he was to you.

Kaoru realized, the next day, that his heart didn’t hurt as much whenever his unknowingly enamored brother went off with Haruhi; it was because of your constant company.

So, to the surprise of everyone, he asked you out at the end of the day after club activities. (Ouran fangirls, being chill for the most part, squealed and took pictures. Hikaru later accosted them so they’d send him the pictures for blackmail.) It was really cheesy, too. (You later learn that Kaoru is a highkey romantic.) His entire monologue about how kind, sweet, and genuinely amazing you are was lost amidst the loud thumping of your heart.

Hikaru wholeheartedly approves of your relationship. Eventually. He didn’t really notice how close you two were before Kaoru asked you out, but he can tell you make his brother happy and that’s enough for him.

The rest of the Host Club, after Kaoru’s confession, accept you as part of the family and basically treat you two as if you’ve married already.

Your first official date is to a fancy restaurant. It’s usually not your style, but Kaoru had been planning the date for ages and you’d do anything to make him happy. He had everything planned down to the last detail, but the plan went down the drain once a waiter spilled a drink on you.

You two exited the restaurant. It was raining. Kaoru was highkey freaking out about all of the unlucky things that occurred, so he called Hikaru. Unusually enough, his twin had pretty good advice: “just yolo, bro, she’ll like anything as long as she does it with you.”

Kaoru turned to you, asked if you just wanted to ditch the plan completely, and grinned as you kicked your heels off and grabbed your much more comfortable shoes out of your purse. (They were killing you. Also, with them, you were three inches taller than Kaoru and he had been trying to figure out a way to kiss you without seeming awkward.)

You two rain through the rain (in retrospect, probably not the best idea: you got sick, but Kaoru dropped by with a large basket of items ranging from high-class cuisine soup to fancy thermometers gathered by himself and the Host Club so that was a plus) and stumbled upon a small pet shop.

Your smile while adoring the kittens seemed to light up the room, in Kaoru’s eyes.

“Your drawings are beautiful, you know that?”

You two met at one of the RFA’s parties. You had been talking with Jumin about cats, exuding their many virtues, when the CEO needed to take a call.

You happened to spot Zen standing to the side of the ballroom, a small smile on his face as he watched all the guests interact with one another. One of your friends was a huge fan of him, which is why you approached him to ask for his autograph.

He couldn’t understand your request at first, since you were sort of nervous and blurted it out too quickly. He noticed you were feeling nervous, though, and smiled at you (making you more nervous, in all honesty: talking to gorgeous models isn’t really something you do everyday). “Say, you were talking with that Jumin Han, right? Are you his business associate?”

“Ah, no,” you refuted, ducking under your bangs. “I just found out he likes cats like I do. That’s all.”

You noted that Zen twitched and his smile seemed a bit more strained. “Ah, cool. So, an autograph for your friend, you said? How generous~ here, I’ll even throw in one of my selfies.”

“Uh, you don’t have to–”

“I insist!”

You left the party thinking that your friend’s adored idol was…weird, but an alright person. Just out of curiosity, you checked his social media account (was it his? or a bot?) and couldn’t help but note that he wasn’t just a pretty face…but a hard worker, if the pile of scripts strewn across the floor in the background of some of his pictures was any indication. When you gave your friend his autograph, she squealed and immediately deigned herself the duty of introducing you to Zen’s many wonders.

You actually liked his acting a lot: you could tell he put a lot of effort into creating his role. When you were invited to the party again, you couldn’t help but look for him.

“I really liked your role in that one film!” you blurt out as soon as you see him. This makes Zen pause: he’s met a lot of fangirls at RFA parties, to be honest, but it’s rare to meet somebody who appreciates his acting…especially for such an obscure film like that. “How much time did you put into it?”

Zen laughs, rubbing the back of his neck almost sheepishly. “Three hours a day, to be honest. I’m not a great actor yet, so I need to work harder.”

You leave the party thinking: yeah, he’s definitely not just a pretty face.

Each party afterwards, you two begin talking more and more. At first, it was just about his roles, but then he started asking about you. Once he found out about your passion for writing, he couldn’t help but ask to see some of your work.

You were nervous as you handed him a script you wrote just the other day with his acting in mind. Somewhere down the line, you grew to value his opinion a lot. Finally, he looked up, his gaze piercing as he said slowly, “Darling, I’d love it if I could act out one of your scripts someday.”

That’s the needle that breaks the camel’s back. You muster enough courage to ask for his number, and you two exchange contact information. He sends you selfies everyday, with just the little things. (”Working hard for that play!” “Thanks for cheering me up, last night.”) You send him little doodles back, which is how he finds out about your passion for drawing. (He loves your drawings, and won’t hesitate to compliment them. “Babe, they’re amazing.”)

One day, you receive a drunk call from him. “[Y/N], I can’t do this anymore,” he complains, the usage of your name shocking you. “I like talking to you too much.”

“I…like talking with you, too, Zen. Is there a problem?”

“I wanna talk to you everyday.”

“We do talk to you everyday.” 

“Every. Day,” Zen insists. There’s some unintelligible murmuring, then one of the RFA members come on the phone.

“Uh, is this [Y/N]? Hi, I’m Yoosung…uh, sorry about that…usually I’m the one drunk calling people ahaha, but I guess he’s a bit off today. Listen…I don’t want to sound presumptuous or rude…but…Zen really likes you, you know.” (In fact, you don’t know. But regardless, your heart beats faster.) “I just don’t want to see him being led on…”

“I’m not,” you blurt out before you can stop yourself. There’s silence on the other line, then Yoosung snickers and thanks you.

Zen calls you the next day, completely mortified. He apologizes, and you…well, you suddenly lose all of your social grace and composure. “Do you like me?”

There’s silence on the other side of the line, then Zen lets out the cutest laugh you’ve ever heard. “Heh, was I that obvious?” His voice is strangled.

“Sort of,” you laughed.

“Then…do you like me?” There’s hope lining his voice.

“Did you think I didn’t?” you ask, because you know that you’ve been pretty obvious.

You two get together after that.

Although he called you plenty of pet-names before, mostly as a joke (”babe” and “darling” being two of them), Zen’s actually somewhat shy to call you such now, which is cute.

Zen wants to take you to the aquarium for your first date, but you learn of his love for the stars and instead insist on going to the planetarium. It’s an enjoyable night, nonetheless; Zen says a cheesy pick-up line that makes you laugh (he immediately flushes in mortification, but you just lean in closer to him and tell him he’s cute).

The RFA, after lengthy background checks to make sure you weren’t trying to con Zen (Yoosung was your staunch defender; after that one phonecall, he could tell that you both were enamored with each other and made one another happy), invited you to their chat.

Although Zen doesn’t like cats, he puts up with the pictures you and Jumin exchange for you. (You’re considerate enough not to beg for a pet cat when you move in with him, though, and instead you two raise a blue Paradise Beta you name “Crystal” -- Zen insisted on the name because he said the fish’s color reminded him of your crystal-blue eyes.)

Hope you enjoyed it, @matchups-and-stuff!

~ Mod Camellia