#SPARE ME THAT BRAIN SPACE
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I was thinking of people you were friends with and that just refused to
and just, I was friends with people that I adored to hell and back, that don’t want to be friends with me anymore
But I miss talking to them so much
But that apparently decided I was beyond approaching, and nothing will cross that gap
Honestly, maybe I imagined most of that friendship, maybe I just connect too closely
I miss them
So much
I miss their input beyond anything, I miss seeing that puzzle piece I could never come up with
But
did i cling too hard? was it my presence? (was it just me? did you only ever suffer my presence for someone else? i understand hating me
i hate me)
but nothing ever hurts as much as, whatever someone fucked up
what did I do???
for somethings I really just wish I had an answer
what did i do?
a presence? an action? me?
I miss you, more than anything
#shut up ip#i understand hating me#i miss you tho#what do i do for even a glimpse???#i spent so much time crying over this#and i will do so years from now#i offered my pieces what else can i say#TELL ME YOU DON'T CARE AND I WON'T AGONIZE#BUT IT IS LITERALLY THAT ONE THREAD WHERE I GO#I have nothing so something could happen???#WHICH PLEASE JUST SAY NO#SPARE ME THAT BRAIN SPACE#(OR SAY YES BUT I NEED TIME#AND THEN I WILL LEAVE YOU ALONE FOR MONTHS UNTIL I REMEMBER TO CHECK IN)#but no it is that open thread and that above all just#makes me go absolutely bonkers#my neurodivergent ass cannot leave this alone#and maybe that is it you just torturing me without an answer without realizing#maybe i just completely ceased to exist to you#i was a blib not worth remembering#which fair#i just#blood
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Literally going insane, might have to write fanfic for the first time in 2 years because the people™️ do not get my favorite female characters like I do and I feel the insurmountable urge to write her. I’m going to bite drywall why don’t ppl see her complexities. PLEASE STOP WRITING HER ETHIER AS DOMICILE MOM OR BITCH (or just for shipping) she is so so cool please guys please.
Also while I’m here, fandoms tendency to shove women in the ‘pure powerful goddess who can do no wrong’ box and then proceed to never give them an actual narrative role other than like ‘supportive’ or ‘took out a few background guys’. Like why DOES this incredibly badass and complex female character just get shunted into doinging some cool flips, getting praised about it (she’s the strongest fighter, so feminist wow) then never getting actnowleged as a 2 dimensional character.
I saw this a lot when I was in the Batman fandom, particularly with Cassandra Cain. She is a highly complex and interesting character, but in fandom she’s kind of shunted to ‘Badass therapy dog who takes care of the men’. Because even on the slight chance her backstory is brought up it’s always never delved into and mostly used to make her etheir more tragic and in need of support on a surface level or to let her be compassionate with the men characters who get their actual problems foucused on. It’s a unqiue kind of frustrating because it’s like almost letting the cool female character be cool, but it’s more like the idea of a badass women is shoved in your face, maybe joked about (or if we’re lucky she gets to beat up a few bad-guys), but ultimately treated like a cardboard cutout. Interestingly this actually isn’t entirely a female character thing, it’s also common with like old grandfather/grandmother characters and the elderly in general. But it’s usually badass women from what I see. :/ Why can’t fandom explore their stories (people do but why is it so much less), why can’t they be the prtags of cool AUs or time-travel fix-its, or crossover events
Idk I think I’m just frustrated, and I typed out more than I thought I would. Also Ive seen what happens to some other posts complaining about fandom misogyny, so please know if you’re a TERF, fuck off you have no place in this discussion. We will never agree, and frankly all of these points apply to canon Trans Women characters. Don’t say shit ill fucking end you.
#This is about Katara Avatar because I peaked into the fandom since I’m rewatching#you don’t get her like I do sorry#Azula too#I could save her#I think Azula needs to go on a time travel fix-it fanfic journey#you don’t even understand#this is also Alpha Undertale (the best written Undertale character)#ALPHYS NOT ALPHA#this is also about Cassandra Cain#but actually I don’t think I could write her well- but the way she’s portrayed in fandom drives me insane#and Steph brown#not dungeon meshi actually- those guys got the lesbians who are winning actually#cassandra cain#probably can tag her#I’m not an avid comic reader but I know she is being done DIRTY by fandom#Fandom misogyny#I actually really like fandom spaces#but I do have to be#fandom critical#at times#More female characters I think are done dirty: Mable pines (She needs a cool time travel fix-it where she has to hide it from her brother)#Urakaka from bnha should be in a toxic Yuri situation w/ Toga- but also should be in the time vortex and should be dropped in a crossover#though the source material there doesn’t treat their women the best so I’ll give some grace to fandom#but if you can give background character 108 his own spin off you can spare some characterization for Urakaka who is awesome#Toriel is actually awesome and I think she should get a solo fic series foucusing on her grief of being a mother again to frisk#also I love Asgore but she owes him nothing and they should stay divorced#I think Mad Mew Mew should just become the 3rd skeleton sibling#I won’t elaborate#that’s most my fandoms down- Deltarune isat Orv and stp fandoms don’t really seems to have this issiue#but Odile and Mirabelle very interesting and I will beam them into your brain
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,
#i haven't been this online since around 2020/2021 adfsgh#all for a good cause tho - the royai cause 😌#spending my saturday night counting and spacing out promo posts so they're (relatively) even 💀#(pls spare me i've had a lot of wine as i try to accomplish this HAHA)#i've got spreadsheets on spreadsheets for this event 😎#and i'm just. so thankful and grateful for everyone showing their hype and enthusiasm for the big bang event#royai still going strong after all this time!!! we love to see it!!!#still bringing ppl together 🥰#feeling gratfeul to have been brought in to be a part of it all 🩷 ana ily and ur big magnificent brain for this MWAH#emma talks
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Guys. I am sitting. It is late. I am craving muffins.
#I WANNA CRY#ROTATING MUFFINS IN MY BRAIN RN#I FEEL LIKE A PIGEON ON THE STREET#WAITING FOR THAT ONE PASSERSBY TO DROP ME SOME FOOD#SPARE CRUMBS#PLEASE SPARE A POOR PIGEON SOME CRUMBS#babbles from space#i am currently looking at my screen#but my brain is only thinking about muffins ya'll#the agony i tell you
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He could have just gotten it over with when he’d shown the kid around the factory.
Chapter 4: From the same old stories to the new ones
It is Tuesday my dudes and that means a new chapter of Love Like Mine (Met With Mixed Reviews)! Chapter 4 already, oh how time flies.
I have decided to start cross-posting this on DreamWidth for the time being. You can find the chapter here and the masterpost for the fic here. Feel free to follow me on DreamWidth as well!
#we're back to seb pov babyyy i do love me some seb#anyway yeah until I have some spare brain space to think about the ao3 things we will just crosspost la di da#maybe this will help get dreamwidth some more of that critical mass we need to get it off the ground#but after over a decade of trying i don't have much hope lol#wrote some fic and posted it#meo shouting into the void
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VoiceTeam 2023 has wrapped up! I made nine hours of audio! All G and T rated.
Selected Citations from Motions in Limine Filed in U.S. v. McCormick (C.D. Cal. 2019) (unpublishable)
Ace Attorney, Phoenix goes to Federal Court, VERY stupid, twenty minutes.
RESUME FOR Vader, Lord Darth
Self explanatory. Ten minutes.
Encrypted Channel
Multivoice with some INCREDIBLY talented people in which I play Wolffe ready to Kool Aid Man through the wall to get Rex to seduce Vader to the rebellion. Fifty three minutes.
Stargate Physics 101
Via the journal of someone who made the Stargate network we learn they’re a duct taped together nightmare technology. This surprises zero people. Twenty four minutes.
I have a few more I just did too! But this is a good sampler.
#podfic#mine#voiceteam#voiceteam 2023#I’ve mostly been a podficcer instead of a fic writer these past few years#uses a different kind of brain space that I have more spare of#I dunno if anyone who follows me here is interested much in this but I figure JUST IN CASE#also listen it’s fine if you don’t listen to these I enjoyed making them and that’s enough for me
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sonny boy is such a spectacle i love it
#CONSTANT SHIFTING OF SPACE AND TIME. FOLD THIS WORLD LIKE AN OMLETTE#THE COLORS. THE STYLE. THE OST !!!!!!! look into my brain it is sonny boy soup. stew even#the lightship -> spare transition on the full ost yt vid. evil vile sick and twisted#anyways as much as i love love love the insanity and confusion and unrestrained creativity of the bulk of the series as much as i do#if it didnt end with BEEP BEEP SPOILERS BEEEP then what even would be the point. means the world to me#sonny boy#🌸.txt#OMG AND SPARE TRANSITIONS INTO SONNY BOY RHAPSODY. HOLY TRINITY
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Spicy-brained friends, I would like to propose an update to the very useful ‘if you hate everyone, eat, if everyone hates you, sleep, and if you hate yourself, shower’ mantra to live by
Have you suddenly become a petty, hateful little gremlin who thinks people should face the firing squad for (checks notes) leaving teabags on the counter, breathing loudly, or daring to exist in the same space as you? Perhaps mundane and reasonable requests like ‘hey, we agreed to hang out now, let’s hang out’ make you want to scream and move to a yurt in the woods.
You. Are. Overstimulated.
People talk a lot about being overstimulated, and the physical/mental effects of it. What I haven’t seen is people talking about what it does emotionally, and it took me an embarassingly long time to link up those nitpicky, resentful emotions with the state of overstimulation/meltdown/shutdown.
These feelings do not mean that you’re a bad person! They probably aren’t how you actually feel about the people around you. They probably do mean that your nervous system is at its absolute limit and any request/demand/stimulus is Too Much and taking you into fight or flight territory.
Go lie down in a dark room for an hour, or find somewhere safe and familiar to stim for a bit. If it’s happening a lot, schedule yourself regular low-stimulation shutdown time
Signed: someone who moved in with their nearest and dearest only to have a massive crisis of faith about Suddenly Hating All of Them. I don’t hate them, it’s just overstimulating living with people. If I can spare anyone else a similar 9 months of suspecting that they may actually be a bit of a shit person, then this post is worth it!
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video editing is so fun... (specifically cutting down hours of gameplay into a highlights format)
#lizz.txt#it feels really ironic to post about video editing being fun when that's all i've been doing for the past 3 weeks LOL#but i haven't been able to edit something in highlights format since late november 2023 (which is my favorite type of editing)#technically i could've edited the big run recording from december but i was intimidated by the 12 hr-ish length#but after working on my friend and i's video essay im like 'actually cutting down 12 hr footage is way easier' LMAOO#and since im 99% done with that and i had some time to spare tonight i started to work through some recordings :D#there's two major ones i want to work through... a splatoon 1 revisit with friends + big run#hoping to have those done by the end of february at the latest!! but ideally i'd like to have it done earlier because!!!#i'm interested in recording eggstra work (not that they've announced it) as well as um. reload#i have so much positive regard for the characters in p3 that i'm like 'i don't think i can control the words that come out of my mouth-#when i'm very excited about something' so i'd like to have my playthrough documented somewhere LOL even if i dont post it!!!#sometimes i think about how when i was playing fe3h i got to the sylvain and felix A+ support and HOW I LOST MY MIND ON VC#and IT WAS SO FUNNY bc i spent like 10 minutes watching that support conversation because every line of dialogue made my brain explode#AND SOMEWHERE in the middle of it my mom called me and i was like (hyperventilating) “HI MOM! DID YOU KNOW! I LIKE VIDEO GAMES!”#or something like that. i can't remember i was kind of lightheaded but anyway im kind of sad that there's no physical proof that happened#ANYWAY i fully expect that reload will make me jump and down ontop of a matress in some shape and form like idk i just like kitaro a lot#but also because purse owner games are LONG im like 'jfc that's going to be a lot of GB. i need to edit my current recordings-#so that i have enough space to accomodate for that' FDKLHLFDH. hence... wanting to work on my video projects#BUT I SO DESPERATELY WANT TO DRAW TOO.. oh the woes of being a multicreative. its ok! i like having hobbies to bounce between#they call it persona 3 reload because it reloads my brain ammo and revitalizes my creative efforts (joke)#seriously though i've been itching to doodle more p3 but im like 'what the FUCK are ideas that aren't splatoon' (this is what happens when-#you only play splatoon. your brain gets filled with SQUIDS!!!). anyway. i hope everyone's had a nice january so far!!! :D#i am always in a constant state of excitement and overload and i needed to get this out somewhere!!#BUT ALSO i want people to know that i like video editing. and that i am looking forward to making videos. while also drawing :3#i will post and share the videos i make here. whenever they're done. LOL. sorry not sorry for filling up your screen with tags <3
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just waffling about my day im being personal ignore me
dear diary (kinda public online space that 21 people have made the unfortunate choice of following but its not a direct person so interacting and being vulnerable does not activate my Instant Dissociation Response) today is a day . i am going to have a challenging conversation i fell asleep thinking about but im slowly figuring my life out :) minor inconveniences keep happening in adjusting to. honestly yeah it is a move. Adjusting To The Move . like i havent had sheets at all, just an old blanket and a mattress. and have run the dryer 6 times on my own blankets and it finally dried but my brothers friend was over so she got them instead so i have to restart the cycle. and none of the foods im used to are here. and i dont have as much privacy even tho it was minimal before (actually. lie. im less alone but i have more private spaces which means a lot more) and i miss my susan and scooby. and the first few days fucked up my carefully cultivated sleep schedule bc alarms went off from 3:30-5:30 and nobody else wakes up to them. but my grandpa may be coming home from the hospital this weekend! and i Feel like i cant draw anymore and i lost that part of myself but i think if i keep trying ill find it. and today if i can schedule it around visiting my grandpa and doing copious amounts of laundry . i will be able to call with a few of my friends and play games ive been excited for all week :-) i am happy this morning i think
#clearly im very unstable. i didnt know that at all. tjought ive been the most stable ive ever been#but thats fine and the world keeps turning and this too shall pass and i think im just gonna talk on here more bc it helps me. stay aware of#life if that makes sense. unfortunately a recent trauma(?) response i discovered that prompted the move was that. for as long as i can remem#ber. venting to someone immediately leads me to wanting to give them a happy ending. not even consciously. my brain blocks off the things#that were bothering me so i can crack jokes and feel like everythings fixed. but then it comes right back eventually#which. kinda sucks. but also to spare ppl how erratic i think ive always been around ventnh im just. shoving this out here#which SHOULD make me feel bad bc a core component of my ethos is to be impersonal in public and i really dont like seeing even tiny 'public#figures' being so brazen about their mental health and life in objectively public spaces#but i think this is the first step to healing and its still. tiny. this thing is still next to nothing. and ill certainly be hiding all the#'meat' of the info like so#at least going forwards#i do feel bad about the few times i certainly just threw open bad vibes on ppls tls#condolences#anyways
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now that im playing stardew again, it had made me realize that when i tried ffxiv, all i wanted out of it is what stardew delivers and everything else that got added in as you progressed in the game made me wildly anxious lmao
#what i want is several grindy tasks to switch between and combat that's mostly button mashing and a profit loop that scratches my brain good#what makes my brain quiver is monetization pushes and being observed when i'm still figuring things out and unpredictable socialization#and the longer i played ffxiv the more i realized that i could either pay a subscription to play an mmo like a fishing/crafting simulator#or spend a lot of time (that i don't have to spare) breaking through my discomfort to play the game like it's supposed to be played#and there wasn't particularly anything about it that made me feel like i wanted to keep trying besides it's a communal interest#and i have so so few communal nerd interests that it's alienating to go into nerd spaces even though i'm a huge dork
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Nuts And Bolts
—mechanic!ghost with psychologist!reader…MDNI
Stepping out of your office and onto the town's bustling streets, you admire the Christmas decorations the city has set up. But, it does nothing to settle your soured mood.
Simon and you had gotten into an argument the previous night, and you haven’t heard or seen him since. You assumed he went to his car garage to let off some steam, but, as his wife, why the hell were you left to wonder about your husband’s whereabouts?
To set the scene, it had been an ordinary night. You had gotten off work before Simon, so you thought you would prepare a nice dinner with a glass of red wine.
Simon swings open the door as you season some vegetables, dawning an unpleasant expression. You turned to face him, raising a brow.
“What’s the matter?” You ask, setting your tongs down to walk over to him. He simply shakes his head and heads straight for your shared bedroom.
You tilt your head and head straight towards the bedroom after him, unable to let him writhe in his agony alone.
“Simon.” You stand in the doorway, observing him as he sits on the edge of the bed. He doesn’t so much as spare you a glance, making you worry.
You make your way to him and sit on the edge of the bed next to him. “You want to talk about what you’re feeling?” You insist, making him finally look at you.
“Stop it.” He firmly states. Your eyes widen at his tone.
“What?” You ask, keeping your tone soft to avoid antagonizing him.
“You’re tryin’ to do that shit again.” He scowls, standing up to walk back through the bedroom door. You quickly follow suit as he continues.
“Trynna’ pick my brain.” He walks over to the liquor cabinet and grabs a bottle of whiskey.
“Like I’m a fuckin’ patient.”
“No. I—” You intently pause, thinking. “Okay, you seem upset, stressed even.” You watch him grab a glass and pour some whiskey into it.
“Alcohol isn’t a good way to cope.” You say, adopting your signature calm voice you use on your patients.
He laughs dryly, even though the burning amber liquid coated his throat.
“And, there you go again.” He sighed, looking up at you.
“I’m trying to help you, Simon.” You insist, reaching out to gently grab his forearm, though he quickly retracts from your touch.
He lets out another dry chuckle before setting down his glass and walking to the coat rack to grab his coat. You attempt to question his whereabouts, but he fills in the space first.
“I don’t need a shrink. I need my wife.”
And, with that, he left. Leaving you to stare helplessly at the front door, not knowing where you went wrong and not knowing where to go from there.
You recounted yesterday’s events in your mind all day today, even during patient sessions. You always left your personal matters at the door, but this was different because you were genuinely dumbfounded.
Even walking out of work, you still thought about the whole ordeal. However, your thoughts were absolved when you saw the familiar mechanic shop sign out of the corner of your eye. They would be closed about now, but, knowing Simon, he would still be there.
You walk into the garage part to see a body under a truck, working on it. You delicately press the little bell, you insisted he get, on the desk closest to the doors.
“We’re closed.” God, it had only been a day, but you missed his voice.
“Even for me?” You question, feeling a little shy. He paused his movements before scooting himself out from under the truck. Your eyes shamelessly glazed over his body, looking at what he was wearing: an old white shirt covered in grease and gray sweatpants with oil marks.
“No, not for you.” He stated, the corner of his mouth quirking up as he grabbed an old rag to wipe his hands clean.
You gave him a half-smile. “Been working overtime, I see?” You try to keep your tone playful, but judging by how he slightly frowns, you can tell your voice has defiled you.
“We should talk.” He stated, with almost a cringe on his face. You nod and sit on a chair adjacent to him as he leans on the hood of the truck he was working on.
“I’m sorry.” He sighs out, clearly disappointed in himself. “Was havin’ a shitty day and brought it onto you.” You look up at him and give him a frown.
“I’m sorry, too.” He snaps his eyes to yours, a puzzled expression taking over his face.
“For what?” You gently tug on your bottom lip before answering.
“For treating you like a patient and not my husband. It’s not fair to you.” You sigh, avoiding his gaze.
“Sweetheart, look at me.” He lightly demands. You bring your head up and bring your eyes to lock with his.
“This isn’t your fault. I was bein’ a dick.” He walks over to you and reaches for your hand, which you grasp. He guides you from the chair so you’re standing before him, looking up at him.
“Are you gonna come home?” You softly question as he stares into your eyes, mentally kicking himself for making them look so sullen.
“Wouldn’t wanna be anywhere else.” He says, bringing his hand up to sweep a stray piece of your hair away from your face, leaning down to kiss your lips sweetly. You could feel your skin sizzle from only a slight touch, internally sighing as he pulled away to speak.
“Should get goin’ then.” He says, walking over to the truck's hood and gently slamming it shut. “Johnny’s gonna come check the exhaust.”
“When’s he coming?” You absentmindedly ask as you watch Simon slip off his white shirt, observing his toned body.
“Eh, half an hour.” He casually says, turning away from you to walk over to the cabinet to grab a clean white shirt.
“So, we’re alone?” You question, bringing your hands up to untie the front of your blouse.
“Uh, huh.” He agrees, still rummaging through the cabinets, back towards you. You hum a sign of approval as you open your blouse, then move to unclip your bra, your breasts spilling out as soon as you do.
He finally finds a clean shirt and turns toward you, eyes widening as he sees you, chest bare. Your pulse quickens as he stares, unsure of his thoughts. When he doesn’t speak for a moment, you start to lose the confidence you had garnered.
“Is it too much?” You shyly ask, starting to feel insecure. He can’t speak; his mouth has gone dry at the sight of you. He drops the shirt in his hand and walks over to you, bringing his hand up to trace the curve of your breast.
“Fuck.” He manages to get out as your breathing becomes more ragged and your pupils dilate at the sensation.
“It’s never too much.” He answers your earlier question, cupping the bottom of your breast, making you sigh. You bring your hands up to grip his shoulders as he caresses your breast.
He leans to press a hot kiss onto your lips as he rolls your nipple between his pointer and thumb, making you moan into his mouth. He roughly grips the back of your thighs and picks you up, your legs instinctively wrapping around his waist as he hauls you over to the hood of the truck.
He hikes up your skirt and hurriedly connects his lips back to yours before kissing down your neck, gently sucking on the tender skin, making you whine. He sinks to his knees in front of you, bringing one hand up to grab ahold of your calf, raising it slightly so he can slip the heel off your foot.
Once he gets one heel off, his other hand drifts to your other foot, slipping the heel off as he plants kisses up your ankle, and calf, stopping at your mid-thigh before nipping at the pantyhose encasing your cunt with his teeth, making a tiny hole. He slightly raises his hands and uses his pointers to split the pantyhose further.
“Hey! Those were Falke.” You urge, referring to the German-made, almost three-hundred dollar silk tights he had soiled.
“I’ll buy you more.” He amends, gripping the waistband of his sweatpants and boxers, slipping them down simultaneously. His cock immediately shot up, so visibly hard. You brought your hands to gently pump him up and down as his hands went to massage your tender breasts.
He groans at the contact, gripping your breast a little firmer. You moan at that contact, pulling his cock a little firmer.
“You’re killin’ me, baby.” He chokes out, gripping the back of your neck as he roughly kisses your lips. With your hands still on his cock, you gently pull him closer by it, making him hiss as you guide it to your slit.
“I need you in me.” You whine as he brings his hand to twirl in your hair. In one swift motion, he thrusts into you. You both groan at the swift contact, even throwing your heads back.
His movements continue; over and over again, he thrusts into you, making you dig your nails into his skin, desperate for stability. You knew you wouldn't last long and could tell Simon wouldn't either. It has been only been a God-damned day, and you ached for him. Nothing but him would suffice your craving.
“So, fuckin’ good, baby. So, fuckin’ good.” He gruffly repeated, making you clamp around him tighter until you felt that familiar all-consuming euphoria you had so ached for.
As you reached your peak, Simon followed suit, coming with your name on the tip of his tongue. You were both panting, even after both of your orgasms subsided. You looked up at him as he tied your blouse back so your breasts were concealed, bra be damned.
“You did good.” You praised as he reached down to pick up your abandoned skirt from the floor.
“Yeah?” He lightly laughed out, finding humor in your statement.
“Yeah.” You nod as he grips your waist and pulls you off the hood of the car.
“Can you walk?” He questions, his hands still on your waist to help steady you as he carefully slips on your skirt.
“No. Might need you to carry me.” You sigh as you bring your hand up to fake an anguished expression.
“Uh, huh.” He rolls his eyes, though they contain no actual annoyance, as he goes to pick you up bridal style.
“Let’s get you home, Drama.”
a/n: this is the pipeline i’m here for
ur honor i’m just a girl
reblogs & comments are encouraged!
#˚ʚ♡ɞ˚: rylea writes#call of duty#cod#cod x reader#fanfic#simon riley#simon ghost riley#cod mw2#ghost#ghost cod#ghost fanfiction#ghost simon riley#ghost riley#cod ghost#ghost mw2#ghost call of duty#ghost x reader#simon riley fanfic#simon riley imagine#simon riley cod#simon riley call of duty#simon riley smut#simon ghost x reader#simon riley x reader#simon riley x you#call of duty x you#call of duty x reader#call of duty fanfic#call of duty modern warfare#call of duty modern warfare 2
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i hate most of the wrestlers that you guys hate less than you all do but i take all that leftover hate and put it all on hangman. fuuuck that guy for no specific reason
#i have a lot of spare brain space to post#while these alleged pillars are boring me shitless#mjf fucking get on screen already#it's all about you baby#aew lb
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𝐈𝐓’𝐒 𝐇𝐀𝐏𝐏𝐄𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 𝐀𝐆𝐀𝐈𝐍 .
⟣ sypnosis. a nightmare of your lover’s disappearance wakes you from your sleep.
⟣ tags. gojo satoru x female reader. angst, comfort, fluff. takes place after gojo’s unsealed but before dec 24th, bits of spoilers jjk leaks 236 at the end. mentions of death, blood.
⟣ note. based on it’s happening again by agnes obel. coping rn dhmu . . . not proofread bcs i cant read through my tears anyways hope u enjoy im gonna cry myself to sleep now
everyone has to die at one point — not even the strongest of all could avoid that tragical fate. not even the strongest sorcerer you call your lover.
no, not even him. the universe couldn’t spare him. you thought that maybe, it would. maybe fate wouldn’t apply to him. oh, how wrong you were.
blood splatter—a stream of red liquid. right at your feet. right in front of your eyes. a man in half. and not just any regular man;
“satoru !”
your dark surroundings become blurry with tears, your body jolts out of its current dreaming state. you could feel your heart in your chest—in your throat. your brain shut itself off for a few seconds as your eyes try to make out shapes and figures in the room you’re in. your bedroom.
you only then realises that it was all just a gruesome nightmare. a hyperrealistic one at that; one that will haunt you for years.
“hmmh.. ‘m right here, baby.” a groggy voice next to you replies to your yell in agony. the yell that was the shape of your lover’s name leaving your lips—
you instantly turn your head to the right and there he was; the man whom just met death in your dreams. gojo satoru, all alive and well. in your bed, in your presence, in your life.
satoru’s hand aimlessly pats the space next to him in search of your body whilst he rubbed his eyes with the other, trying to adjust his sight to the dark so he could find you. you seemed to be in complete distress. which he does not like.
“it’s okay, shh, shh,” your lover hums, hand finally finding your arm. he doesn’t hesitate to pull you on top of him—your head laying on his chest.
his body was warm. his heartbeat was there. loud and clear in your right ear.
“satoru. . .” a river of tears flows down your cheeks like a dam that has been broken into. your body trembles, lungs feeling like they couldn’t get any air in them from how hard you were sobbing. the pain of losing your loved one; it all came flowing back to you.
satoru frowns, “hey, hey. look at me — sweetheart, c’mon.”
he instantly sits up and pulls you along with him. his hands find your cheeks, tilting your head up. this time it was his turn to feel his heart break in pieces. you looked absolutely distraught. as if you just went through a traumatic experience of some kind. he hated it.
“shit,” satoru mutters under his breath before pulling you into his embrace again, arms circling your waist with his head buried in the crook of your neck, “it’s okay, i’m here now. you’re safe.”
it wasn’t the first time you had nightmares when he was with you. you had them regularly after satoru had gotten sealed in the prison realm for nineteen days—nineteen days of dread for you. of an empty bed, an empty house and an empty life.
when satoru had finally been released from the prison realm it was like a dream come true. a happy dream, that is. not those repetitive, bad ones you have every now and then. you still get those nightmares of your lover being either taken away from you by force or by death itself. your brain couldn’t give you a break — even after his return.
“take a deep breath in,” satoru instructs and sets an example by doing the breathing exercise with you, “hold it for three seconds . . . breathe out for six. mhmm, good—jus’ like that.”
you repeat it a couple more times, sobbing and shaking throughout the entirety of the exercise, but eventually manage to calm down a little. satoru sighs in relief at this;
“you okay, baby?”
you nod weakly and sniff, wanting nothing more than to be held by the man you thought had vanished from your life forever. you had that scare once, when he was sealed, and you never want to go back to those dark times. ever.
“it’s— i, just—“ you hiccup once, unable to complete entire sentences, “i thought you w-were gone. i thought you had died.”
it was silent after that (except for the sound your silent sobs and sniffles). satoru had guessed by now that you saw him die in your dream — that much was pretty obvious. but, the thought that you were this distressed because of it makes him. . . happy in a way.
happy that someone would mourn over him at least.
“well,” satoru pensively replies, hands rubbing your back up and down soothingly, “everyone has to meet their end one day, you know?”
that sentence was one that was meant to lighten up the grim mood somehow. one of his many lighthearted remarks that were supposed distract you from your tears. it would work during other moments like these — were you’d be too baffled by the things satoru says to care about what you were crying for — yet today it only worsens your misery.
“shut up.” you weakly punch his chest to which the white haired male chuckles softly, his slender fingers instantly interlocking with yours. satoru’s thumb brushes against your wrist before pulling it up to his lips, placing ticklish kisses among your skin.
another silence hangs in the air.
“seriously though. . . if i were to somehow die, i’d want you to live and move on, yeah?” your lover whispers in such a quiet tone that it was almost inaudible. satoru had looked death right in the eye before — he didn’t care back then if it were actually his end.
he does now. he has the world to lose — his world — his everything. you.
satoru wants to live a happy life with you. he doesn’t want to die now that he has you. the love of his life which he wants to grow old with. maybe have kids with. start an own family away from the busy streets, away from the swarming curses in the city and away from all that sorcerer stuff. it was a nice dream.
“shut it!” you huff and satoru takes another weak punch to the chest. his gaze lands upon your tear struck face and he instantly drops the serious ‘act’.
the sorcerer laughs, his usual boyish laugh that makes you feel better, and he flips you both over so that he has you pinned underneath him. satoru grins before kissing your tummy all over, making you giggle from the ticklish feeling;
“i’m playin’, baby! i’m not going anywhereeee!” he promises through wet pecks against your skin, the smile on his evident even if you couldn’t see it — you could hear it in his voice.
satoru leaves your tummy and moves on to your neck and face. he was smothering you in affection in hopes you’d cheer up some way. he just wants you to forget about anything bad happening to him. you didn’t deserve to think about all that stuff — you deserve to be happy and full of joy.
even without him one day.
“i’d never leave my princess all alone.” satoru shakes his head and pouts dramatically, “who else is gonna spoil you? or kiss and cuddle you to bed, huh?”
you finally show an ounce of joy. a tiny smile. that was all satoru had needed to see. he wasn’t going to stop there, however. his goal was to turn that small smile into a full blown fit of laughter.
“i’m one of a kind, baby. you’re never gonna meet a man like me.” he continues with a proud grin, putting all of his body weight on top of you which causes you to groan and grumble a lighthearted complain.
satoru knows you like it whenever he clings to you and thus he uses that piece of knowledge to help you feel better. his head was buried into your shoulder, limbs enveloping your body like a koala.
“whatever.” you roll your eyes and snuggle up to your lover, closing your eyes as the tiredness hits your body after all that crying.
“whatever !” satoru mocks you in a high-pitched tone, followed by a pair of giggles from the two of you. a third and final punch to the chest finally shuts him up for the rest of the night.
the sorcerer made sure you had fallen asleep first before he whispered the next words in your ear, hoping they’d calm your mind and body so that no nightmares would ever bother you again;
“don’t you worry, sweets. i’m not leaving you. ever.”
. . .
those were the same exact words satoru wished he could utter to you one last time before the current date — 24th of december.
#sttoru writes.#jjk x reader#gojo x reader#gojo satoru x reader#jjk fic#jjk fluff#jjk angst#gojo x you#jjk x you#gojo angst#jjk comfort#jjk spoilers
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love that Vaggie had ZERO fucking idea how much of Adam and Lute's brain space she was apparently taking up
legit she has NO thought of herself being important enough for them to have noticed. meanwhile, Adam, Lute, and the other Exorcists were just like
Vaggie: "Yeah, I'm pretty sure my old coworkers won't recognize me."
Adam: (instantly recognizing her) "ITS ON SIGHT BITCH ITS ON SIGHT!!!"
Lute: "SIR I AGREE BUT THERE ARE WITNESSES!!!!!!!"
-
Vaggie: (answers door and comes face-to-face with them) "Charlie's not here. Leave a message after I slam the door on you."
Adam: "???? I'm here to see you???"
Vaggie: "Why."
Adam: "Why? WHY? YOU LEFT THE BAND! YOU WENT YOUR OWN WAY! YOU FUCKED OFF TO GO BE SEXY WITH MY EX'S HOT DAUGHTER!"
Vaggie: "And?"
Adam: "? AND YOU WERE ONE OF MY BEST MURDERERS?????"
Vaggie: "So?"
Adam: "?!?!!??!?!?!?!??!!?!???????!?!?!"
Lute: "You're gross and we hate you."
Vaggie: "Is there a point to this."
Adam: "Sure there is! Betray the woman you love or else."
Vaggie: "Nah."
Adam: "IM SUING"
-
Adam: "Okay Exorcists! Who here remembers Vaggie!"
ALL the Exorcists: "BOO!!! HATE HER!"
Lute: "GOOD THEN GO RIP HER A NEW ONE AND SHOVE IT DOWN HER THROAT!!!"
Adam: "???? just cut off her head?? can we just cut off her head like normal people with a normal weird obsession over someone???
-
Lute: "I hate you so much I'm gonna rip my own arm off and throw myself at you!"
Vaggie: "Oh for fuck's sake- I wouldn't have spared your stupid life if I'd known you didn't even have one!"
Lute: "IM GONNA TAKE YOURS"
Vaggie: "YOU fired ME like three years ago! Where the hell is this even coming from???"
Lute: (ineffectively throttling vaggie with her remaining hand) "YOU SHOULD'VE KILLED ME WHEN YOU HAD THE CHANCE!"
Vaggie: (wheezing) "WHY THE FUCK AREN'T YOU IN THERAPY???"
#hazbin hotel#vaggie#adam hazbin hotel#lute hazbin hotel#incorrect quotes#it's like vox and alastor all over again#she's like “they probs don't even know me anymore”#and they're like “WE ARE YOUR NEMESIS HERE TO FUCK WITH YOU SPECIFCALLY!!!”
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Be warned. I wrote this at midnight. I have no clue what im talking about. Do you get it?
"Why doesn't this wolverine teach history? Other wolverine did"
Well, because THAT Wolverine had a Charles. Let me remind you just how fragile Logan's mental state is and just how quickly his brain can throw him into a temporary amnesia due to shock and / or panic that is triggered by his CPTSD.
The thing is, this Wolverine has a Wade. Not a Charles. Sure, Jean could probably do something to him if things got too crazy but you know just how dangerous of territory that would be. Yes, Charles doesn't have a healing factor but it was his confidence and perfect reassuring words that helped him, plus If something did happen Im pretty sure he wouldn't blame him much anyway. He knows what hes dealing with. This isnt to say that jean doesn't but I can see her panicking too much and Logan would feed off of that fear and panic and become worse.
Wade, on the other hand, is neither calm nor says the right things, BUT he can't die :D Which is a massive YES when it comes to dealing with a panicking 3+ time war veteran with knife hands. And is known to attack first ask later.
Trying to teach the kids about 'Nam, a thing sets him off. He stares off into space for a bit, Backs up and his breath gets heavy. The hairs on his arms are raised up and his pupils dilate, they widden and its as if he doesn't even remember he's a teacher.
When he starts the whole "Who are you? Where am I!?" Thing, a student (probably the oldest or one that's been dubbed most responsible) slowly just gets up and leaves to tell a trusted adult.
"Mrs. Munroe?"
"Yes?"
"Mr. Howlett is acting funny again."
"Okay darling. Go fetch Mr. Wilson for me? There's a dear."
She, calm as ever walks into the class room, standing away from the door so not to make him feel trapped, and very clearly shows her hands as she gestures the kids to leave.
Backing himself into a corner, he watches them one by one leave, Gripping at the chalk boards ledge and the windowsil, trying to balance and ground himself.
"Come now children. Quietly and slowly please. Good job. Go next door to Mrs. Summers please." Sending them to the next class room so to leave this one empty.
She stands off to the side of the room. Hands in front of her, smiling softly. "Hello Logan."
"What? Who are you?" He almost hisses but can't help but to feel not so threatened. He always did have a sweet spot for women. Maybe its their scent difference, but like most reactive animals, he's a little calmer for women. A little more trusting.
"Im a dear friend of yours. My name is Ororo. You are in no danger here." She states this practiced sentence with the same whisper of a voice.
"Where the fuck am I. How did I get here!? Did you bring me here!?" At this point he's growling.
"Logan, I assure you that no one forced you here. This is a school. You're a teacher."
"A teacher..?" Just a tad he softens, as if you had just told someone who wanted to be a vet when they grew up that they actually would become a very good vet, except the look in his eyes was as if questioning why they would ever him do that. Be a teacher I mean.
"Yes. If you would like to leave that is okay." She slowly sits in a spare chair, her leg crossing, not knowing how long she will need to play baby sitter but she hoped someone soon would alert the other staff of this. It IS a safety risk after all and Ororo knew that if he hurt anyone at all he'd immediately regret it terribly so when he woke.
"You.. you told her to go get someone. Why? Who are you getting? For what!?" Another snap, as if he thought she was trying to trick him into letting his gaurd down.
She smiles. "Your husband."
"What the fuck do you mean my 'husband'!? What are you sayin' lady!?" The venom in the way he says this makes her giggle a bit. Oh, goodness. He really did lose all of his memories, didn't he? How was the same man who once was so dastardly in love with scott to the point of shredding his heart into a gazillion pieces and is married to the silliest man alive, so internally homophobic? The irony of the thought made her laugh.
"And that kids is how you slice someone into sushi. Rice not included-" His weapons tatics and saftey class is interrupted.
"Mr. Wilson?"
"Oh hey, squirt! You wanna learn how to disconnect someone's joints without even leaving a puncture wound?"
"Maybe later.. uhm...Mr. Howlett's scared again..."
You just see Wade running out on these kids like "I'M COMING WOLVIE!"
"What, you think it's funny!? I ain't got a husband lady! Now, Im leaving! And there's nothing you can do to stop me!" He goes to walk out the door only to run into said husband, who immediately hugs him.
"Babe!! Hi! They told me- OUCH- okay yeah I deserved that- no tocuhy I forgot."
And is stabbed.
"What the fuck is wrong with you!? Get off me! Freak!"
"D'aawww!! Did you see that? He called me a freak! I hate to tell ya cupcake, but you're married to this freak. Now, what's wrOOW- Mad kitty are we? Woah there tiger! Easy boy!"
Logan looks at him, confused, stabs him again, and is trying to figure out why Wade's not dying. He goes to slash him in the head and wades like "WAITWAITWAIT NOT INFRONT OF THE KIDS-"
Mrs. Munroe, by now, has gotten up and left, closing the door and letting out a big sigh, wondering what shade of red they were going to paint the room this time.
She does a little clicky on her walkie and infroms all the staff about the situation and so for the next half hour or so, Logan's kids get to skip class and said classroom now needs a deep scrub.
And this ladies and gentlemen is why this Logan doesn't teach history anymore.
P.E. is SOOOO much easier on his mental status, and sometimes Wade joins, and he puts the whole class against him to make them work on their team building skills. Plus- it's funny to watch your husband get slapped in the head with 20 dodgeballs.
#deadpool and wolverine#poolverine#logan howlett#deadpool#wade wilson#deadpool 3#finding home au#worst wolverine#is the best#ororo munroe#storm xmen#storm#Headmistress storm#jean grey#xmen jean grey#charles xavier#professor x#charles xavier was for real Logans handler for the longest time#and now thats wades job#very scary#vietnam war#living with cptsd#x mansion
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