#SORRY XAN ALL THIS GOT SO HEAVY. LUV U THANKS FOR THE ASKS & THE ASK GAME 💛💛💛💛

[eybefioro]

hello eybe i have come to torment you 🌩️

bookshop, rain, record, nebula, polaroid, tartan socks :)

XAN!! 💛

bookshop - what's your happy/safe place? (physical or intangible)

Intangible? The good omens fandom. Physical? My hammock and my dad's home. I have to say most of the years I lived there were bad but he really tried to make there a little piece of paradise, and he succeeded in the end.

rain - have you ever been in love?

Yes. One time. (Maybe one and a half lol). She was everything to me. My best friend, the only one I could confide in for a long time, the first person I felt attracted to and that I loved in a romantic way. I never felt something so strong before. I wanted to melt into her and have every air she'd breathe out. Wanted my hands forever shaped around hers. I don't think she really loved me tho, I think I was a crutch somehow (she was in a really bad state at the time) considering it got toxic & she cheated on me with my brother, to then turn into a nun and saying I was going to hell/trying to convert me LMAO I think a tiny part of me still loves her... or at least a memory of when I still believed she loved me. I hate how I can still remember the smell of her neck or how it felt to have her weight in my arms when we slept. (Dang it sorry this got long)

The "half" is someone I dated online for a while. I really like her but she lives so far that it simply couldn't work. Maybe if we were more physically close I could've fallen completely in love again.

record - a song that's very significant to you? what does it mean to you?

I listen to so. Much. Music. All the time! it's hard to pick one... hmmrmnr okay. Here goes a sad one. So. One of the reasons I like music so much is my dad. And he used to play this song on guitar often. I almost never sang with him bc well I'm very bad at it and felt conscious about it. But on his wake it just... burst out of me. I don't even remember it properly but I sang it with all my lungs for him. Idk what possessed me. I wish he could've heard it. I think it was the first time that I sang something well and probably was the last time lol como nossos pais - by belchior (this performance by Elis Regina is incredible BTW and it haunts me. She's so amazing it destroys me

nebula - something you've done that you're really proud of?

Ngk. Well. That's a hard one. I have counterpoints and critiques to everything I ever did lol but maybe my final project at uni? That was a nice. Oh and also a Chapel I designed a while ago. Thinking that people will marry and make memories in a place I thought every centimeter of inflates my ego. Even if there's many things I'd change in it now.

tartan socks - hot or not?

HOT! almost all fanart of Aziraphale proves my point.

Gomens ask game

(Last question under the cut bc trigger warning i guess. Suicide mention)

polaroid - what's a bittersweet memory?

ISN'T ALL THIS ENOUGH. I'm kidding lol (I just feel like I'm showing you all my scars in this ask wtf) during the quarantine I got really close to some online friends. One day we found a site that let us draw together in one canvas. We had so much fun. I still have that drawing saved in my computer... it's a very sweet memory, the bitter part is that some months later one of them committed suicide, so my most tangible memory of her is that drawing we made together. I was never able to meet her. We all from the group still chat but without the quarantine we have less time to be online, and life obligations take too much time and energy so we aren't that close anymore. I still think the distance between us started growing tho when she left us.