#SORRY I can take this off ur post sbdjxkc but u. inspired me

[nicolos]

sorry to hijack your post but you said this and I thought of a Thing so.

"What if she's a spy?"

"A spy." Sarah kept her tone as flat as possible, so as not to encourage Matt.

"Yes! She wears those sunglasses all the time—like MIB!"

"I'm pretty sure Nanny isn't a spy, Matt."

Yet again, the kitchen conversation was about the new Nanny the Dowlings had hired for Warlock, who was... a little odd. Since the day she'd arrived, no one had been able to stop talking about her—well, her, or Mr. Fell, the gardener, who'd arrived just a few days after her and was infinitely weirder. And yet, somehow, Nanny was more popular a Topic of Conversation. Sarah thought this was because the guys didn't know what to do with a decidedly un-hot, kind of weird nanny, totally unlike the previous one, who'd won the lottery and flew off to the Isle of Wight or something. The standards women had to face really, really sucked.

"Yeah, Matt," Gin joked, wiping off the dishes with a grin. "Spies are more subtle than that."

Sarah huffed. "There's nothing wrong with her! She's just Scottish!"

Sarah was Scottish herself, and as such liked having some company. Not that Nanny made very good company, as she always spent her free time away from everyone else. No one really knew where she went, but she disappeared a lot. Gin had joked she was a time traveller, but Sarah was pretty sure no time traveller would dress like that.

Not that it was bad dressing! Just old-fashioned. Sarah didn't like to judge.

"Yeah, yeah. Hey, speaking of Scottish, I, heard Cruella de Vil was planning to fire Mr. Fell."

It made sense; Mr. Fell always seemed to be working, but that mostly involved standing around with sheers on one or the other perfectly pruned hedge. He was the really strange one, in her opinion. He dressed even worse (she wasn't judging! It was just fact), and he talked like a wizard pretending to be a Muggle or something. One time, Harry had said something about him being thousands of years old when he'd asked what an app was, and he'd turned all red behind his whiskers and left the kitchen, tea unfinished. Now that was suspicious.

Sarah humphed. "He's not Scottish—"

But Harry was talking over her already. "I know she was, but when I went out earlier the garden looked great, and Mr. Fell was right there talking to himself again."

"Did you ask him what happened?"

"I didn't exactly stay and chat, Gin. He gives me the creeps."

Sarah agreed with that one. Something about him was seriously weird. She'd tried to be friendly (she did with everyone) when he'd first arrived, but he'd acted so strange and just kept clipping away, so she got the feeling he didn't want her to be there and had turned around and left. She hadn't made many other ventures after that.

"Maybe he's in a cult?"

Matt raised an eyebrow. "I don't know if a cult would really accept him. Now, Nanny—"

"She's not in a cult!"

"Look, she's always wearing black, and I swear I heard her singing about the destroying the earth the other day."

That didn't sound so wrong, actually. Sarah had been passing by Warlock's room one night a few weeks back, and she'd heard Nanny singing him a lullaby. At first she'd just stopped to listen to her singing voice (surprisingly nice), but then she'd made out the words. And, sure, a lot of children's rhymes and lullabies were already kind of scary, but rock-a-bye baby, bringer of fear, as you grow older, world-end comes near was a whole new level of terrifying.

"Guys!" Everyone turned to see Liv running in, eyes blown and her phone up. "You will not believe what I just saw."

Gin raised an eyebrow. "What?"

"So I'd gone down to the shed for the net, someone's thrown things into the pool again." That got her sympathetic glances. Everyone knew someone was just Warlock; he was a bit of a (read: a humongous) brat. "And I thought I heard voices, but I figured, well, it's probably Mr. Fell talking to himself. He's always sort of humming, right?"

There were general nods and noises of agreement. Everyone had heard him humming or talking to himself. One time, Sarah could have sworn she saw him talking to a snake in the yard, but then Matt had said he'd overheard him saying things like Sister Slug and Brother Butterfly, so, who knew. Maybe he was one of those—vegans.

"Now, I don't think they saw me, but!" Liv pulled out her phone and turned it around, slow motion as if to fanfare. Inside the shed, through a smallish crack in the door, you could very clearly see Nanny and Mr. Fell snogging. Mr. Fell's whiskers hid most of what was going on, but Nanny had a knee pressed in between Mr. Fell's legs, and there was no way that was just a kiss.

"Ohhhh," came the chorus. Somehow, it made a lot of sense.

"Damn shame," Harry said after a second, grinning. "I was going to ask her out."

love how everyone just pretends half snake crowley and gardener aziraphale don’t exist 99% of the time