#SHUT THE F UP LEESE

[389]

BLUNDERDOME MIX JULY 2023 [Bass, Breaks, Electro, Breakbeats]

Clouds - An t-Samhain

Ingi - Fade

Skee Mask - Collapse Casual

Kessler - Pandemonium

Nü Kvlture - dadan karambolo

Fear-E - A Chase Off Roadrunner

Paxman - Too Little Too Soon

Tom Place - Elementals

Tom Place - Break Cycle

OSSX - Alkaline

L/F/D/M - Shutting Up

Privacy - The Net

Cyan85 - Bassturbation

Ten Pence Criminal - Find My Money

Kiddy.Wav - Sympathy for the Dev Heel

Bobby Lasers - Haunted Fairground (Original Mix)

French II - Girl Unit

Mattia Trani - INNER HARDSHIPS

DJ Decay - Rinse In Brie

TFHats - I Can't Breathe (Slaves of Sinus Remix)

All Trades - Hec

Patricia - Downlink

Poly Chain - Acid Regular

BXTR - Artificial Desire

Samuel Kerridge - Elastic

Objekt - Ratchet

Objekt - Ganzfeld

Lazarus - Sinus Node

Nothus - Le Segrete

Skee Mask - Wiz

Glass - Postlexia

Leese - Num

Leese - Anäam

Re:ni - Spirits

PPC - Maximum Style

[itsleese]

Oh gosh, that horiscope post. I'm a Leo too. Why is it so accurate?!

rude, right? smh 😔

like I KNOW HOROCOPES ARENT REAL OKAY IM NOT DUMB— but there’s a semblance of realness there.

im gonna get emotional and... angry? (ew) under the cut. 

((sorry, @peachblossomjelly omg i can’t even tag u this fucking WEBSITE))

YOU DO NOT NEED TO READ THIS I’M JUST LETTING IT OUT!

i always try to bring the good energy, u know? people be sad and I’m like HEY look/listen to this dumb thing I did because of my inability to function lmaoooooo. or, MEMES. MEMELORD. and it’s fine, and good because I THRIVE on that shit. gimme a sad person and imma make em happy because that’s a kind of power, yanno? idc if I look dumb, idk maybe it’s just me. the jester. the fool. whatever, just let me shine for you, make u happy. i liveeeee for that shit.

I PROMISE THIS IS ME LIKE 99.99997% OF THE TIME, NO LIES

but when shit goes south, I know it’s on me. I KNOW. but I don’t want others to know that, because they don’t need to know about my failures. im so full of fucking excuses to save face, like, you have no idea. granted, it’s gotten easier as I’ve gotten older, and there are other factors that come into it— health issues, as you know, anxieties, past trauma, yada yada— and i make those excuses with a smile on my face.

boss: “leese, you didn’t do that report you were supposed to do two days ago.”

me, smiling: “oh well, this thing happened, and then this thing, and then— oops hehe I’m so dumb.” HOLY SHIT WHAT THE FUCK THAT REPORT IS SO IMPORTANT IM SO FUCKING USELESS

I gonna let it all out? nah, imma internalise it all because nope. you don’t get to touch my shit. that’s mine. im just the dumb girl, the cutesy twirl my hair, bat my eyelashes. no word of a lie, i get away with so much shit at work, im so fucking sly that my coworkers don’t even know. and i pretend i don’t know either.

but, like, sometimes— so so so so rarely, I promise—it just explodes, right? like youve just got so much in your head— insecurities and excuses and holy shit I shouldn’t have eaten that, why did I eat that, and people want shit from you, and you don’t have the energy for them, or even for yourself, because what is energy? why you? is there no one else you can go to for your shit???? like, come ON. don’t touch me. you don’t know what ive been through and im not telling, but go    a w a y.

you explode. it isn’t pretty. its ugly, and angry, and unfair, and it’s a heavy, thick feeling, and there’s nowhere to direct it because you’re the happy one, but fuck that noise. because when im unhappy, no one should be happy. my unhappiness will seep into others because i become their safe spaces, their happy place. i know not on here— like I’d show y’all that LMAOO 🤪— but at home, at work. if I’m miserable, and you’re happy BOO NO. imma ignore you, roll my eyes, dig at your insecurities. ask me why im upset then I’ll unload-- maybe a lie, maybe not-- and it’ll ruin your damn day. 

wow, I am a terrible person.

well, I guess, if you’re still here thank u for being my therapist. this isn’t entirely horoscope related, and i very clearly went on a tangent thank u for letting me get that out but the horoscope post itself was like a slap in my face, like it CAME for me and i very nearly had a bad day. but i talked to some people, and read some fics, and did some work on our fence, and I’m baking a cake. so I’m okay. please don’t ask me if I’m okay, because I am. and I am very sorry if this warps your mental image of me. like I said, it’s super rare that I get like that, but I acknowledge that I do, and I’m working on myself 💖

[emilyisaacson]

Leadership Skills and College Women

One of the things I'm thinking about a great deal with my teaching -- and my administrative work -- is how to teach leadership skills to young women. This week, in particular, I was struck by the way that Senators treated Kamala Harris, how a congressman tried to shut down Nancy Pelosi on the floor of the House, and how Claire McCaskill forcefully responded to the ACHA in hearings in the senate. I'm also thinking about the way that Kristen Gillibrand dropped the f-bomb in a speech (and according to my social media, there's been some hand-wringing about the "coarsening of our politics" ... puh-leese).

While I don't agree with all of these women on everything (I fully admit to voting against McCaskill in a primary while I lived in Missouri. I am not a fan.), I do appreciate their public personae as strong and skillful orators, politicians, and public figures.

But I'm also having to think a lot about how we teach young women to be leaders, given these examples. One of the things about feminist conversations over the past decades is that we're trying to propose a new model of leadership -- one that doesn't require the sort of leaning-in-masculinizing of the self that Sheryl Sandberg advocates (and frankly, while I found that book inspiring for myself, I still think it caters too much to the idea that women need to work like men, only harder). Women in leadership positions do not have to behave like men -- and certainly, the current brand of masculine leadership in Washington is something that no one should want to emulate anyway.

So on the one hand, I want to teach young women how to be leaders without selling out who they are.

But I also know that women who succeed in leadership positions have some commonalities, many of which must be learned, and many of which fly in the face of what I want to teach my young women to do. I want the young women I work with the learn not to be automatically deferential to other people, especially when they know that they're right; I want them to explain their ideas in ways that fit with their personal style, particularly if that style is more collaborative than confrontational; and I want them to embrace their own quirks and eccentricities. I hate the idea of forcing these young women I work with into a conformist view of what it means to operate in the adult world, of what it means to operate in civic life.

And yet ...

That's not what these times call for, in some ways. My ideal view of what women leaders can be does not mesh with what our current political situation requires. (Or perhaps I'm wrong. I hope I'm wrong.)

What I think my students may need is practice in patience and practice in speaking steadily and firmly -- those things that allow the women that I've named above to look much better than their detractors. The fact is, we know that women are still called hysterical, no matter how calm they are in speaking. People will criticize women in public life no matter what -- and many of those criticisms are simply sexist slurs, rather than substantive arguments.

How do I prepare my students for this? How do I teach them the patient-yet-angry stare that Kamala Harris deployed this week on her colleagues (it was amazing and it was a look that every professional woman I follow on twitter recognized from personal experience)? How do I teach them that they're going to have to have some really thick skin in public, if they want to serve their communities in any way? (Even at our local level of politics, we've had some really nasty, sexist attacks on women in public positions.)

I admit that I'm at a loss, but this is something that I'm going to continue pondering for some time. I suppose a lot of it is simply that we need to talk about it. I cannot teach my students how to be patient and firm in their beliefs, but rather I need to give them opportunities where they can learn it on their own.

Note: My own training in leadership was through the church. I spent a week every summer in high school at Leadership Lab, which is a program sponsored by the ELCA synods of Illinois. While the program is primarily about training up the next generation of church leaders, the education in servant leadership was deeply important to me and is something that I draw on more than 20 years later.

Cross-posted here

[itsleese]

W H A T

GUYS I HIT 1K FOLLOWERS WHAT EVEN IS HAPPENING THANK U ALL SM I L Y ALL 5EVA