#SEXLESS

[beta-therapy]

How to Deal with Sadness/Frustration from Rejection

We’ve all been there. We’ve all had a crush on a beautiful woman and wanted to give her the world, only to find out she has no sexual interest in us. Maybe she puts you in the friendzone; or maybe she makes it clear she wants nothing to do with you at all. It’s normal to feel frustrated in these situations, knowing that she probably has a vibrant sex life with other men, yet doesn’t have any sexual interest toward you.

When this happens over and over again, it can make us question our own self-worth: how come so many women have decided that sex is an activity which is off-limits to me? Do my sexual needs not matter? How come a woman can be salivating with excitement as she begs certain men to engage her in the most personal of ways—whereas with me, so much as asking if she’s single gets me permanently labelled as a creep?

As society becomes more and more accepting of personal freedoms, (especially regarding women) like allowing people to dress how they want, freely express themselves, do what they want in their own bedroom, etc., there indeed looms an increasing mental health crisis among those men who don’t get included in all the sexual fun. They can feel inferior and isolated. In this blog, I’ll discuss how to handle these emotions.

Although it might bring you feelings of shame, insecurity, and jealousy to find out that women consider you unsuitable for sex, it is important to understand that these feelings are rooted in misogyny. It is an outdated, oppressive idea that the goal of a man’s life is to acquire dominance, status, power, and wealth; and use this prestige to seduce beautiful women. This idea is so evil because it views women as beauty objects rather than equal human beings. Women are not trophies.

Women are full human beings with no less intelligence, leadership abilities, creativity, and dignity than the men who forced them to be quiet and submissive for all human history. A lot of men still refuse to acknowledge this today. They want to keep seeing women as less intelligent, less capable, submissive homemakers whose value comes from their sexual beauty.

That sexy woman you know probably does have a passionate sex life, but you should strive to admire her as a person: smart, strong, kind, witty, dignified. She can still have all these great qualities to her even if she has zero sexual interest in you. Considering her a “sexy woman” is—in and of itself—toxic masculinity at work. Why is “sexy” the first trait that comes to your mind when it’s clear that her sex life is off-limits to you? Maybe she is sexually submissive in her bedroom, but why should that concern you? She’s allowed to explore the “feminine” part of her existence in her private life without it subtracting from her value as an interesting, fascinating person in her public life.

You can still be a happy, nice, and fulfilled person even if all the women around you would prefer not to have sex with you. Just because the female community around you doesn’t want you as a sexual/romantic person, doesn’t mean you have been rejected as a person entirely. Sexuality is just one component of the human experience, and it’s very common throughout history for people to be deprived of it.

We have evolved for survival and reproduction, not necessarily to have good morals and be happy. For example, racism is part of our DNA. In prehistoric times, racism helped us stay away from warring tribes, so it was positively selected-for with respect to evolution. But in modern times, we can recognize that racism is a huge problem if we want an inclusive, happy society, and so we must actively denounce this artifact of our DNA.

Our sexuality is much the same way. Throughout history, the evil, abusive, tyrant was always better able to protect his children due to his status and wealth, in comparison to the poor, harmless, gentle, and caring man. That doesn’t mean the evil tyrant was a better person, but it does unfortunately mean that women would evolve a sexual attraction toward higher status, dominant men even if it meant overlooking their moral evil.

As a result, the things women are sexually attracted to are not necessarily the things that are good. You can take solace in this fact. Being sexually undesired by women does not mean there’s something wrong with you, it just means they see you as more harmless and submissive rather than powerful and dangerous.

[love2bebeta]

[britney-rosberg06]

i love rpf but there’s no way ollie bearman fucks

[footcuck210]

[dreamdropsystem]

Seraphim (they/it) the sexless angel with mentall health issues - HoneyLily

[schizoid-hikikomori]

Nothing turns me on quite like....

Nothing.

[olivescales3]

I still have more pride flags to make!

• Unnamed maned lioness → lesbian aroace

• Longtooth and Leonidas → MLM aroace

• Voomvoom and Vornon → MLM aroace

• Li'ella → AroAce demi-partnering

• Phoenixes → non-binary/agender/sexless

• Lundor → MLM aroace

• Eris → aroace

• Rinona → bi-partnering aroace

[love2bebeta]

[toxicangelrobotyuri]

The only thing I like my boobs for is crop tops

[footcuck210]

[dreamdropsystemarchive]

hey Void i am a sexless genderless gendervoid nonbinary. i consder myself to be trans because i am sexless intersex

[cocoa-tartan]

no idea what that means

[love2bebeta]

[footcuck210]

[reavers-ruin]

Hey I read your vent post (?) about you and your relationship with your husband. I hope you are doing at least a little bit better mentally after getting those words out. This might be completely out of line and if it is feel free to delete this, but I really think you should try explaining all of that to him. At least that when you felt pressured and burdened to always top that it put a strain on you mentally, and that you also want to experience being a bottom. Especially, because if you don't it could lead to a lot of resentment, especially towards their partner. Not to mention that it might clear some things up for him as to why you had rejected / pushed him away. If you guys have been married for so long, there has to be love from him, and he should at least be able to listen to you. I hope you have a good life.

Thank you so much for the message and concern anon! It really means a lot to have someone message with care. But, yea it was definitely a vent post haha. Most of the ones in my #runic raving tag are pretty venty and complainy. It does help to get them written down somewhere as opposed to just letting them build up and fester like I'd normally do, which is something I've been trying to work on lately cause I can definitely find myself falling into negative feedback loops pretty easily. For some reason writing them down where they might just be seen by someone helps break the loop.

So I definitely explained to him about how it put a lot of strain on me feeling like I needed to top and how I really wasn't one. That's kind of what triggered everything, was my admitting that and how I couldn't mentally keep it up any longer. I was definitely at a low point when I admitted that and it's taken a while to bounce back. Like 7 years a long time.

What triggered that post however was me talking to him about how I was wrong about being ace, something I'd told him when I was at my lowest because I was so depressed and felt so bad about myself with how the bottom surgery went that I had 0 interest in sex and was kind of sex repulsed for a long while. Now that I'm finally in a better place mentally and I'm starting to get a sex drive back, (though admittedly not as much of one as I'd like) I wanted to let him know and see where things could go.

He kind of shut me down on options, though he was definitely willing to talk and hear things out from me. From his end there was basically a combination of a couple things, first he said he's completely incapable of topping so he wouldn't be able to help me there, but also, about how betrayed it had made him feel which made just the concept of sex between us very awkward. He has OCD and can sometimes fall into negative feedback loops himself and apparently my choice of words when I told him that I wasn't a top kind of became a bit of an obsession for him unfortunately. Working on his obsessive compulsive thought patterns is definitely something he's been working on a lot lately.

I will admit I do have a bad tendency towards resentment, though I don't hold any towards his other partner. I'm actually really happy about their relationship, that he is finally getting an actual top. If anything I'm more envious than resentful about it. Envious of my husband getting that kind of relationship but knowing I never will, which I could definitely see twisting into resentment over time.

But there is definitely a lot of love there, we've been married 11 years at this point and there's definitely no shortage of love and care in both directions. I definitely had to work up the courage to talk to him when it's a serious topic, as I've always struggled with subsuming my concerns or desires to make other people happy or comfortable, but it's something I've been working on and while I might not get what I want I at least feel heard and understood.

Thank you so much for the care and concern anon. It really does mean a lot to me to have someone reach out like that!