#SECRET BASE

[soyoquiyo]

ol' miss

[vforvalensa]

everyone loves Jon Bois, 17776, and the big long Dorktown docuseries, but i feel like i never see anyone talk about my personal favorite Jon Bois opus, Breaking Madden and the Saga of Clarence BEEFTANK.

Breaking Madden is a pretty early early Bois joint from way back in 2013 and it's like a text based precursor to the modern Fumble Dimension series hosted by the excellent Kofie Yeboah. The inaugural installment and first of 4 chapters in the BEEFTANK saga features Jon attempting to reinvent the pathetic 2012/2013 Jackson Jaguars/explode his xbox 360 by installing the living bowling ball that is Clarence BEEFTANK as the jaguars' primary quarterback.

There are some excellent early 2010s xbox 360 video capture gifs in the article and some truly sublime Jon Bois prose.

I still think about the phrase "glass of some milks" and laugh to myself.

[mtg-cards-hourly]

Secret Base

For the Goblin Explosioneers, there's no crater like home.

Artist: Dave Allsop TCG Player Link Scryfall Link EDHREC Link

[thedohnut]

It’s been a long week, so here’s Jon Bois (of 17776 fame) talking about blimps from his new doc God Hates a Coward.

You can find the full doc up on the Secret Base Patreon along with 5 other Chart Parties that have yet to hit YouTube, so toss them a few bucks if you wanna see Jon deep dive into the history of people slipping on banana peels, deconstruct the 1996 blockbuster Independence Day, demonstrate how to run a basketball team by cutting any player who ever misses a single shot, and more.

[setaflow]

Dorktown Gang how we feeling?

[pokeprint]

Secret Base

by ぴっぴ

[linguist-breakaribecca]

I suppose I shouldn’t be that surprised that tumblr has a whole Jon Bois fandom, including anthropomorphic satellite fanart. The man is a master of graphs, shitposting, and obscure facts, which is roughly 85% of this site’s fuel.

[vanillayoteart]

Miltalk Doll

A VERY large Miltalk Doll for your Secret Base! The tag reads "Mu!" A sketch for pigshroom from my weekly sketch streams!

[iamshipwrecked]

[styxworld-minecraft]

The fifteenth build is a shed. With a secret door maze underneath! Ooooooh!!!

The hole leads to the strip mine

Each strip mine end has its own surprise

Don't forget about this awesome prank.

And this... hmm...

We'll have to explore this tommorrow

[somethingusefulfromflorida]

New Jon Bois video just dropped, and I have a new life goal

I am a Minor Oaf for an unfortunate chair incident in college, so I just need one more oafish act to go the distance, such as

walking into a very clean window pane

falling down an elevator shaft

hitting your thumb with a hammer

knocking down something precarious by sneezing (house of cards, for instance)

being crushed by a falling anvil, safe, or piano

tripping head first into a garbage can

being hit in the face with a pie (caveat: pie must not have been thrown with humorous intent)

having a window fall on your fingers

being dragged along by a car after getting an article of clothing caught in the door

mistaking a lit stick of dynamite for a birthday candle or cigar

flapping dickey

[bunniesbearsandadventures]

Mmm yes I cant wait to utilize my favorite feature in all of the Pokemon games.

Living in a cave on the side of Mt. Chimney like the little goblin I am. . .all who enter must spin and jump on my little music notes of whimsy . . .

[oarfishfever]

"These oars never stop cutting into the sea. They haven't for more than half a century. There is no rest here. In these 57 years, how many moments of pure catharsis have the Minnesota Vikings experienced? Not just a win, not just a big win, but a full exhalation, a casting-out of the demons. I count two. The Miracle at the Met in 1980, and the 1998 Thanksgiving game against the Cowboys, in which Randall and Randy buried the Cowboy's Super Bowl age by throwing 'em a shovel and making 'em dig. Those were both regular-season games. The postseason is where they suffer, and that suffering never seems to take the same form twice. They get sucker-punched by up-and-comers they're supposed to bulldoze. They lose on freak occurrences, and bad calls, and injuries that won't heal. They lose when they're preordained to win. When their opponent appears doomed, they simply defeat themselves. They faceplant into blowouts of unthinkable margins. Very rarely does it ever seem at the outset like they're fated to lose. They just do. If you're a Vikings fan, this team may never make it up to you. They might not ever balance the books. They may, until the end of time, take more than they can ever give you.

But if you wait long enough...they will give you something."

The History of the Minnesota Vikings: You gotta live with the bounce

[caelichythcat]

no, you're right

[colorninart]

(Alt version below)