#SAVE ME DESI VACKERS

[lucyshypemaster]

save me, desi fitz...save me, desi biana...

[loverofallthingssmart]

HELLO . idk if u still interact with kotlc fandom but a friend has brought up the concept of desi keefe and i am wondering if u have any ideas as in hcs or concepts or just what u think in general?? :0

i do in fact on rare occasions interact with kotlc fandom HELP love how u phrased that like in fact i saw kotlc on a display shelf thing at b&n and went insane <33

and OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH desi keefe yes yes so true

i think. personally. its funny bc keefe does have desi boy characteristics in that he is annoying, flaky, and a charmer that u cant help but love (i have 2 desi boyz as some of my best friends shut up i have experience TM)

anyway hc time!!!!!!!!!

keefe. more like karthik except white ppl r gonna butcher that so keefe works fine.

photographic memory means this bitch remembers every aunty and uncle to ever exist always dominates the "do you remember me" question when he visits india and sees relatives (which i dont bc i nod and THEN they say "what's my name"...um lol goodbye im never coming back ever.)

keefe would love mango lassi and he would adore chaat and he would be obsessed with chai. keefe strikes me as an a "marie gold" type of person don't you DARE tell me im wrong these were THE shit and theyre perfect to dip in chai licherally the only reason i would drink chai

^^ that is everything to me

okay but imagining keefe in canon as a brown boy with his parents obsessed with his "legacy" comparing that to the immigrant experience where you have to live a set life and ur parents worked hard so you can be the person they want you to be......hmmmmmmmmm anyway (except that doesnt excuse how gisela and cassius r literally abusive . lol. actually when ppl characterize them as brown bc haha they care about perfect grades when they r truly abusive. thinking thoughts....ruminating. anyway) back to happy times !!!

keefe would look so good in gold jewelry he gets his ears pierced when hes like 6 months and instead of red being sophie's color its keefe's!! bc GOD do we look hot in red its literally everything

i think. telegu speaking keefe. omg wait what if he spoke tamil. WAIT. marathi. and kannada. yeah fuck it um. he speaks all of them?? i cant choose they're all so !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im obsessed bc its a given hes south indian like duh.

he would play the veena. loser (affectionate) i say as if i can play the veena

omg what if desi vackers and desi keefe met bc biana does hmm. bharatnatyam (no im not projecting SHUT UP) and meets keefe bc hes playing the veena for her arangetram (which is like. the performance when u graduate its a BIG DEAL with live music and everything its huge mines in like 2 years so yea)

ALSO keefe loooooooooves bollywood movies and okay he DOES like the good ones that make u cry but keefe ESPECIALLY likes the ones from the 90s where its a love triange and the girl gets kidnapped so the boy saves her from the other boy who got rejected stuff like that ("andaz apna apna" is the one im thinking of...loosely), he also likes all three dhoom movies (even the third one with katrina kaif which looking back on is so....insanity), and his guilty pleasure is "chak de india" bc screw him sometimes u just like watching the mcdonalds fight scene where a bunch of girls (on a hockey team) who never get along with each other band together and DEMOLISH guys who insulted and catcalled them while their hardass really mean coach sits there in amusement and happiness okay! (SHUT UP YES I DO THIS ITS EVERYTHING TO ME THIS MOVIE IS SO <33 SORRY)

okay sorry i have realized i apparently have many thoughts on keefe and bollywood movies insanity

ummm oh right! keefe loves loves loves idli especially with coconut chutney and he ADORES appam (GOD appam my beloved) and hes so hungry all the time all the aunties love him bc he eats whatever they make. okay but LOL keefe hates payasum and i think i should be able to have this one thing.

i think i should stop here bc WOW this is extremely long um tldr; no thoughts, head empty, only desi keefe

[song-tam]

South Indian!Biana Having A Half Sari Function

A/N: Let me self project with cultural headcanons thank you very much... even though I don’t remember much from my own function from years ago agh—for the record, basically what a half sari function is a South Indian tradition for females after they get their first menstrual cycle to have this big momentous event where they wear a half sari and people bless them. According to tradition, they’ll wear half saris to all formal functions afterward, until their wedding, where they wear a full sari for the first time.

Anyway in this AU the Neverseen don’t exist

And they are ~human~

Biana was thirteen years old when they hosted the half sari function

And she was excited

She’d gone to plenty of her family member’s half sari function (shh let’s pretend all the vackers are south indian okay)

Because finally it was her turn

The days leading up to her half sari function were hectic

Biana went to an insane amount of dress fittings

She also had to take a bunch of pictures

Those were all pretty boring, for the most part

Getting henna done was actually pretty fun, though

The henna covered her hands and forearms

She also got it done on her feet

Waiting for it to dry was a pain, though, since she couldn’t really move

And also she had to fight the urge not to peel it off

She’d gotten her cousins to get henna done with her so at least she had a distraction

Getting makeup done was also a long time of sitting still

AND THEN she had to fit into another lehnga for the first part of the ceremony

Finally, when the second part of the ceremony began, Biana could fit into her actual half sari

But of course there had to be a lot of pictures

Like... a LOT of pictures

Even more than when she was just in her lehnga during the first half

Everyone had to line up and take pictures and then bless her

The whole situation would be taking hours, she was told

Fitz kept cackling at Biana’s scowl

He still had to be in a lot of photos as her brother

There were a lot of family pictures involved

But for the most part it was Biana and the guests

After all the elders and the adults blessed her would Biana be taking photos with her friends

Keefe would not stop posing

He did all the faces and acted like he was on Project Runway

Marella basically did the same thing

Sophie mostly hid in the photos

Dex just. grinned.

Tam and Stina looked like they wanted to be anywhere else apart from all the people but at least they gave Biana their best wishes

Linh was very very excited about the whole thing

Wylie was the only one who was actually normal

Eventually Fitz pulled them all away to go eat

The buffet had all the food

Biana had wanted to try all her favorite dishes *cough* gobi manchurian *cough*

But no

She still had pictures to take :/

Fitz promised to have the chefs save some of the food for her

He’d been to plenty of half sari functions and he knew how fast the food ran out

Tbh Keefe were the ones eating most of the food

He was having a field day at the buffet

Not that his white people taste buds could actually handle that much spice lmao

His tongues were on fire after a single taste of REAL chili chicken

”THIS ISN’T WHAT I HAD AT YOUR HOUSE FITZ”

“Keefe, we lowered the spice levels accordingly for you.”

Fitzy had the chefs make Keefe mild *cough* bland *cough* dishes when they were cooking another round

Marella went and got henna done

She ended up roping Sophie into it

“It’s so pretty and Biana told us both to go talk to the henna artist.”

”But I want to try the gulab jamun—”

”Not now!”

Linh was the one who ate all the gulab jamun by the time their henna dried

Stina ended up having beef against Gossipy Desi Aunties

They started being all judgy and then Stina absolutely threw hands

Gossipy Desi Aunties left early (much to Della and Fitz’s delight)

Stina is now an honorary Vacker

Wylie somehow ended up at a table with the Tired Indian Uncles

They were discussing cricket

Wylie had never watched a cricket match but acted like he knew what they were talking about

All in all the situation was very awkward for him

He asked Fitz later why the Tired Indian Uncles were so... well, tired

Fitz didn’’t really have an answer

”Desi uncles are just like that, who knows why.”

(also for the record, in ~brown culture~ we’re just supposed to call adults “uncle” and “auntie” idk why—)

Tam and Dex went off and did A Thing for Biana

And by that it meant that they went searching to go find something that worked as an adequate present since they didn’t realize they had to bring her one

(even though actually presents weren’t really necessary, that was only something the adults did—)

They ended up building her a tower out of plastic forks

Biana still keeps it in her room to this day

She did not get to try her gobi manchurian, for the record

Because of all the photos she had to keep taking

She did end up getting to eat some of the jalebi that Fitzy and the chefs saved for her though

And she had pretty henna to show for her half sari function

So for the record it was half okay

Though she was very happy when she could finally change out of the half sari because as pretty as it was the jewelry was really weighing down on her

Biana took a nice long nap afterwards

With Linh’s cat Princess Purryfins for company

Taglist: @the-whispers-of-moonlight @only-one-right-path @raiinyrxse @completekeefitztrash @cvey @bianavacker-is-bi-as-hell @neo-neo-neo @enbies-and-felonies @theobliviouswhale @real-smooth @dreaminq-out-loud @sunset-telepath @fire-sapphics @an-absolute-travesty @turquoise-skyyyy @steppingonshatteredglass @stardustanddaffodils