#SARAH JANET WHEN I CATCH YOU

[pinkwhite]

"Cresseida made many sacrifices on behalf of her people", Tarquin offered gently- to me. "Do not take her caution personally " "We all made sacrifices." Rhysand said, the icy boredom now shifting into something razor-sharp.

Rhysand dismissing Cresseida's trauma in UTM is baffling to me because like what? They did nothing to you and your acting rude for no reason? And SJM too, like why is it that SJM dismisses Cresseidas trauma and make it less significant, even though she is a minor character SJM shouldn't dismiss her trauma as well.

[horseshoegirl]

Damn Those Dog Tags: Part 12 - Blue Healer

📜... so... about Sadie... 🫣👀

I just want to thank you again for all the support on this story. It's so strange to believe we are halfway to the end! Thank you to each and everyone one of you who take the time to read, comment and reblog!

Also, It's my b-day tomorrow! 🥳So this one is a little longer!

❗+18, strong language, godmother reader/original female character, original child, shitty family dynamics, hospital settings, hurt child, Angst, conversations about grief, this is a sad one!

#7k Words

Part 11 | Masterlist | Part 13

Jake had been standing in his kitchen, counting down the minutes before he could pick you up for your second date, when he had the sudden urge to call Janet.

She answered on the fourth ring. 

"What's wrong? You never call me."

"Well, hello to you too, Janet.

He could hardly blame his sister for the greeting. Whenever he called, it was usually only to tell her he was still alive or if he was being stationed. The last time they spoke, Janet had called to chew him out for not letting her know he had returned home.

"Who did you murder, or where are they sending you off next?"

Jake smirked into the phone. "Can't I ask my pregnant sister how she is doing?"

"Fine," she replied shortly. "Pregnant. Putting up with our shitty family."

She sighed loudly, continuing, "What's happening in your world, Little Brother? Still kicking ass up there?"

"Damn straight," he remarked. "How's the Bean?"

"Due any day now, Thank god. My bladder has shrunk to the size of a pea.

Jake shook his head fondly. "You still don't want to know?"

"Nope, absolutely not," her voice was firm. "Ma keeps coming up with baby names, and the hell-bringer thinks we are naming it after him because he brought me into this world," she made a gagging sound. "This way, they can't convince the hospital of whatever name they want."

"I wouldn't put it past them," Jake said aloud, leaning against the wall beside his fridge.

It was an unspoken rule between himself and Janet that they wouldn't refer to their father as anything other than 'the Hell-Bringer." Janet had started calling him that one day out of the blue, and it had stuck ever since.

"When is Bean going to have an aunt to go with their new uncle?" she whined. "Janet," he sighed.

"What?" she cried out. "You're my last hope. George can't even hold a relationship, and Melaine will have no interest once this thing is born."

Jake grimaced. "He and Stacy didn't make it past the three-month mark?"

There was a pause on the other end of the line. "Stacey? He was with Sarah."

"Oh," Jake replied, sensing he knew precisely what happened in that regard, Janet catching on with a disappointing sigh. "Dammit, George."

There was silence on the other end, and Jake decided it was time to admit the reason behind his call.  "Actually, I might be seeing someone."

Janet drew in a sharp breath. "Seeing someone? As properly dating seeing someone? Not the bed them and ditch them the type of dating?"

"Janet."

"Oh my god, you know I joke about it, but I cannot believe someone actually decided to date and put up your annoying ass," she remarked.

"I could say the same about you and Ian. He practically had to force the ring on your finger."

"We aren't talking about my love life here, Jacob," she challenged. "Now, tell me. Who is she? Is it Elizabeth?"

Jake remained silent, his hand coming up to stroke the back of his neck. "Shit," she gasped. "You finally made your move. God help her."

"Janet."

"I can't believe you did it."

"What makes you say it's Liz?"

She scoffed. Jake could picture her standing in the farmhouse kitchen, leaning against the door frame with her arms crossed. "I'm not an idiot. I know my brother. You've never spoken about anyone the way you do about Elizabeth. And her niece."

He would be lying to himself if he didn't admit it each time Janet called. He almost always spoke about you and Sadie. And Janet would press and ask her questions. Looking back on it now, she probably knew something long before he did.

"It's early days, Janet."

"I'm happy for you, Jake," he could hear her smile through the phone. "I really am."

"Can you not.." he started to say before Janet interrupted him, calling out, " Do I want to see you killed? Absolutely not. Who do you think I am?"

Before Jake could reply, another voice on Janet's end startled him."What's this I hear about little Jakey getting himself a girlfriend?"

Jake thumped his head against the wall. "Fuck, is that George?"

"When I leave the front porch to take a phone call, it clearly means I want to be alone, George."

George's voice was muffled through his phone speaker as Jake caught his reply, "How long do you think it will be before she dumps him? I give it a week."

"Not your circus, not your monkey, asshole!" Janet called out.

"Come on, Janet. The black sheep of the family doesn't date. I might have to fly out to California and see this mystery woman with my own eyes. Or has Jakey's imaginary little friend from middle school come back?"

There was a scuffle on the other end of the line, and Jake thought he heard George yell out pain before he suddenly shouted, "Fuck Janet, let me go!"

Jake knew what she was doing to him. He had been on the receiving end of it countless times enough to know George would be bent over, Janet with a tight grip on his ear and tugging down hard. He couldn't help the grin on his face.

"You say anything about this to Ma or the hell bringer or even think about flying down to California, I will personally make sure you'll get a pitchfork up your ass," he heard her seethe at him. "You ruin this for him, pregnant or not, I will do it."

There was no way in hell Jake would ever entertain the idea of George visiting him here, let alone meet you or Sadie. It wasn't that he didn't trust you, you clearly could handle yourself, and Sadie was no different.

But George had a way of tainting everything good in his life. He had been compared to his brother for things he should have done better for most of his life.

Despite his words, Jake couldn't help but tease his brother, knowing he could hear him. "I'd listen to her, Georgie. Janet and pregnancy hormones ... not a good mix."

"I'm just teasing him, Janet."

"I dare you to say that one more time."

"You know as well as I, Ma and Dad won't be thrilled about him dating some girl they've never met."

"So shut your trap, never speak about this, and get your ass to the barn. Ian needs help with the haybales," she fumed.

There was a scuffle, and then Jake thought he heard the ranch back door close shut before Janet sighed into the phone. "Some days, I wonder if he really is our brother."

"Jan, if he tells them..."

"Forget about what's happening back home. I'll take care of it," she said, trying to calm Jake down. "When are you seeing her again?"

"Tonight. I've got something planned, but I don't know how Liz will take it." If he timed everything perfectly, as he had discussed with Maverick, the two of you should make it just before sunset.

"Don't tell me my fearsome navy pilot brother is nervous?" she teased him. When Jake didn't reply, Janet took pity on him. "It's cause you like her, you idiot. It's a good thing."

Jake let out a soft chuckle.

"Let me know how it goes, okay?"

After saying their goodbyes, Jake picked up the keys Maverick loaned him and decided he might as well arrive early and wait with you.

Little did he know it then, it was a good thing he did.

---

This small hospital waiting room had clearly never seen the likes of an entire squad from Top Gun gracing its mismatched seats. They were used to this, sitting in uncomfortable chairs, the long-standing hours of hearing no news, the apprehension of slight dread hanging over their heads.

This was different from those situations, though. Not the 'No New, is Good News' kind of thing. Some of the Squad's faces were etched in worry, others stoic as they tapped nervously on the armrests of their chairs.

Jake didn't pay them much mind, wanting to punch something or pace the room. You hadn't said a word to him when he placed Sadie into your arms, kneeling next to you, still mindful of putting pressure on her head. Or when the paramedics arrived, and you forced yourself to hand her over, when he pulled you back into his arms as they worked. Or when you climbed into the back of the ambulance.

"Please tell me you at least got one punch in," Rooster asked, head in his hands as he sat across from Jake.

Jake didn't bother looking up, hunched over in his chair, knowing Bradley was referring to the state of his face. The bruises had set in, the cut on his lip still undressed, and even the nurses at the front desk were urging him to be admitted.

"One," he admitted after a second before sighing. "But not with Sadie watching."

Bradley nodded absentmindedly. While he was pleased with the answer, deep down he wished he hadn't let Tyler go. Jake sat back in his chair, his mind pondering what you told him.

"Tyler ran her sister off the road during that storm."

Sitting next to Jake, Nat sharply turned her head at the mention of Ridley. "What?! He killed her?!"

Jake nodded. "Liz wasn't specific, but putting the pieces together, Tyler's father is running for some electoral bid."

Bob pipped up from his seat beside Nat, filling in the gaps. "So the attempt to kidnap Sadie was some PR save?"

Nobody replied to him. It was obvious his question was rhetorical. And nobody wanted to say out loud what had transpired. Knowing Sadie was somewhere in this hospital fighting for her life was enough. 

Mav came and sat next to Bradley, sitting in the empty chair next to him. "I called Cyclone. He's calling in a few favours."

"Favours?" Bradley asked. Pete nodded, pocketing his phone. Penny placed a hand on his shoulder from her spot next to him. "He knows an admiral where Tyler's father is running for office."

"God. Cyclone is getting involved," Fanboy remarked from behind Pete. Coyote leaned forward, inquiring, "Why?

Maverick shook his head, not bothering to offer an explanation other than, "When I asked, he said it's Sadie."

Everyone agreed. It was Sadie. And if anyone could have won Cyclone over, Sadie would have been the one to do it. But Jake didn't join in on the conversation, too caught up in the realization even as he fought hard on that beach, he had failed the second Sadie fell. 

Unknown to Jake, he was currently the focal point for Rooster's stare, watching every move he made, every facial expression as each thought and emotion crossed his face. Bradley opened his mouth, ready to ask the question that had been burning in the back of his mind since they had arrived until a voice interrupted him. 

"I'm assuming you're all here for Ms. Beck?" 

 Everyone in the room turned to face an older nurse holding a clipboard. Penny was the first to launch herself out of her chair and step forward to ask, "Is she okay?"

The nurse looked at everyone in the room before glancing back at Penny, "Are all of you family?"

There was no hesitation in the way everyone in the room nodded. The nurse paused before announcing, "Sadie's still asleep but stable."

Everyone collectively sighed at the nurse's words. Then she added, "Elizabeth asked for Sadie's uncle to join her."

Nobody protested when Rooster started to stand. But then the nurse asked, "If I could have Mr. Seresin follow me, she's just back here."

Jake's headshot to the nurse, eyes wide. There was no way you'd want him there, not after she got hurt.

He had been too late.

"Are you sure you got the right person, mam?" he said, looking pointedly at Bradley, who had sat back down in shock and anger. She peered down at Jake from over the top rim of her glasses, a slight smirk on her face. "She said the blonde one."

Jake didn't bother looking back at the group when he stood. He could hear Rooster sputtering when he walked through the back doors and under flickering fluorescent lights. She led him through countless archways and winding halls till she stopped at the door, a police officer stationed just outside in a chair. He gave a tense nod to Jake before returning to his paperwork.

"Stay as long as you'd like," the nurse told him softly. "Your niece is one lucky girl."

He didn't hear her, too focused on your back through the crack in the door. He pushed it open, forcing himself to face you finally.

There was a sombre stillness in the room, Jake hesitating as he stood behind you. Sadie's small figure was engulfed in stark white sheets, multiple different wires snaking around her body. She was pale, and her head had been wrapped in a thick white bandage.

And you, not even turning your head as he came into the room, too focused on counting her breaths and watching the steady beep of her heart rate monitor. Jake couldn't see your face but could tell you were trying to hold in your tears.

He slowly gripped the back of a nearby chair to pull it closer to you, sitting down and placing his hand on top of yours that was squeezing Sadie's hand lightly.

"She has a concussion," you said, still not looking up. "And she lost a lot of blood."

He didn't say anything, deciding to stroke the back of your hand with his thumb.

"They say it could have been worse," you sniffed, wiping at your nose. "Had you not gotten there in time, it probably would have."

You tilted your head back, eyes closed, finally allowing yourself to take your eyes off Sadie for a moment before turning your chair towards Jake without looking up. The thread hanging from a rip in his jeans seemed more interesting than facing him.

But Jake carefully reached up to gently press lightly at the bruise on your cheek. You tilted your head into his touch, the action releasing the pent-up anxiety and emotions you had kept at bay for Sadie since you saw her in Jake's arms. He reached for your waist, pulling you close to the edge of your seat as the first sob crawled up your throat.

"He hasn't been around since Ridley found out she was pregnant. We made sure he couldn't get to Sadie," you sobbed, burying your face in the fabric of his shirt. Jake held you tightly as you cried, "Did I fail her? Did I fail them both?!"

"Don't go there, Liz. You couldn't have stopped him. This is all his doing, not yours."

You opened your eyes to a stain of dried blood near his shoulder, Jake standing on the beach in your peripheral vision coming to mind.

Sitting up sharply, you took in his face, small gasps escaping your lips as you trailed your fingers lightly over his lip, then the darkening bruises. He caught your hand, bringing your fingers to his mouth, "I've had worse."

Lowering your hand, he kissed your swollen wrist delicately. You sniffed, stroking the buzz-cut strains of hair behind his ear. "That doesn't mean you should."

With one glance back at Sadie, you urged him to stay as you stood, quickly going to the bathroom. Her nurse had tried to convince you to let them look at your face. You had vehemently refused, not for one second leaving Sadie alone if you could help it.

Despite your stand-offish attitude, she was kind enough to leave a makeshift first-aid kit, not really knowing the extent of your injuries, in some blind hope, you would take care of yourself. Damping a cloth, you picked up the plastic bag and returning to Jake.

He protested when you reached up with the cloth to dab at his lip. You shot him a look that instantly shut him up. Pressing it lightly against his skin, you urged, "If I don't do something, I will lose it, Jake. Let me take care of you."

Whether it had been bar fights or something else, Jake wasn't used to somebody else taking care of him, flitching as you tried to wipe at his lip, shushing him each time gently. He let you clean up the cut in silence, knowing his eyes were fixed on you as you worked.

And it bothered you, thinking his stare was pity or judgement. But the thing about Jake was you never felt like you had to hide around him. That you never had to put the mask up. But with everything that had happened, with Sadie lying hurt on the bed next to the two of you, with learning Ridley was murdered and Tyler was still out there, you were on the verge of caving hard. 

"Thank you will never be enough, Jake."

His shoulders sagged. "Don't. Not yet," he spoke, turning his head towards Sadie. Your fingers trembled as you worked to peel back the wrapper of a Steri-Strip. 

"I thought you would hate me. Me leaving you like that and Sadie..."

Biting your lip, you carefully placed the strip over his lip before flexing your fingers to take his face into your hands. "How could I hate you, Jake?" you whispered concerningly. "You put her first."

"She still got hurt, trying to stop him." 

It didn't surprise you; Sadie was more courageous than anyone you had ever met. 

"It's not your fault, Jake. It's mine," you stated, nodding your head. "I should have done more. I should have realized sooner it was Tyler. I should have gone to the police and fought harder. Realized that white fucking car was more than paranoia." 

Jake shushed you, placing his forehead onto yours. "You couldn't have prepared for any of this, Liz. Tyler, Ridley... Sadie here and now. You couldn't have known." 

You let out a sob as Jake said, "It's nobody's fault but that asshole's." 

Then you heard it.

"Uncle Jake?"

The both of you shot up from your seats, coming to sit on either side of her bed as she tried to force her eyes open. You shushed her, cupping her cheek as you said, "Sadie? Sweetheart?"

And just like that, she opened her eyes.

You wanted to sob.

"Where am I?" She said to the ceiling before looking at you and closing them again. You tried to hide the tears from your voice as you told her, "You're in the hospital, Bug. You hit your head."

She wiggled on the bed, a groan escaping her lips as she weakly reached up to touch the bandage on her head. "I did?"

Sadie pinched her brow as everything came back to her. The glass breaking, her running, and then the panic she felt at seeing her uncle pinned to the sand.

She cried out in a panic, her eyes opening and shooting towards you, "Uncle Jake! Where is Uncle Jake?!"

"I'm right here, Bug."

She turned to glance at him, her mouth dropping open in shock as she saw the patches of blue and purple covering his face. Then she looked back at you, taking in the darkness of the skin around your eye, making her bottom lip quiver.

"I'm sorry," she whimpered, her body starting to shake as she began to cry. "I'm so sorry!"

"Sadie, what are you sorry for? It's not your fault."

But she shook her head, her face riddled in pain as she exclaimed, "He hurt you. The both of you. Because of me."

"No bug, please don't think that," you whined. "It's mine. I should have protected you better. It's never, never your fault. "

You felt Jake place a hand on your back. "Don't play the blame game, Liz. It's not your fault either." 

Sadie's face softened as she absorbed Jake's words. She gasped, trying to control her breathing. "Then it's his fault then. The one who hurt all of us." 

She said it so simply, so child-like, you were scared you couldn't own up to the answer- to an unspoken promise. Yet, you swallowed, nodding with a tense smile. 

"Are we going to be okay?" 

"Yes," Jake answered Sadie's question for you. "I'm going to make sure of it." 

"I'll go get the nurse," you said softly, stroking her cheek one last time before getting up to walk out the door. Jake watched you leave before sliding himself forward to hold Sadie's hand. She smiled at him, squeezing his hand before weakly murmuring, "I heard you."

"What?"

"When you picked me up, I heard you."

"Sadie..."

" I don't care what you're going to say," she croaked. "I'd do it again."

"I can take care of myself, Bug. I'm the adult who needs to look out for you. You don't need to look out for me."

"This is why you have trouble making friends," she pointed out. Jake smiled softly at her before saying, "You're my friend."

"I'm your wingman. We made a promise."

"I don't think we were facing Ursula this time, Bug."

Sadie yawned, turning her head into her pillow as she faintly murmured, "This time, it was the loch ness monster."

"Really?" Jake chuckled lowly, still holding her hand. "Another Sea Monster?"

"You're the one that flies over the ocean. I'm just sticking with the theme."

---

Once Sadie had been given the all-clear, Jake asked if he could bring her anything from home. You handed him your key, too worn out to protest, asking if he could grab the Navy Teddy bear from the fair off Sadie's bed and her overnight bag from Penny.

Each Dagger made the trek to her room, one by one, seeing for themselves that she was alright. Sadie tried to stay awake for each one, fighting off the threat of sleep, till Bradley decided to stay with you in Jake's absence.

Like you, he couldn't stop staring at her as she breathed, only occasionally glancing at the door. Even with the police officer stationed outside, Bradley was acting like a guard dog, always standing between you and the door at all times.

She passed out the minute she was able to, and you couldn't help but worry about what tomorrow would look like when you'd get to bring her home.

"Why was Jake there?" Bradley asked suddenly, breaking the silence.

You regarded him momentarily, wanting to tell him the real reason. But you weren't prepared nor ready for the emotional blowout. And it wasn't the right time or right the place. So you shrugged. "It's the Hard Deck, Bradley. Why do people go to a bar on a Friday afternoon?"

He didn't say anything, his face hard like he was lost in concentration, watching the rise and fall of Sadie's chest. And why you had the urge to suddenly ask him the following question, especially now, of all moments, you had no idea.

Maybe you knew Bradley would be honest with you here and now and wouldn't try to pass you off or find a way to escape it. Or perhaps it was your way of forgetting the weight of all the information you learned today. So in a moment of bravery, you asked, "Why do you hate him so much, Bradley?"

He went to say something, lurching forward with effort, but you interrupted him, "And don't tell me it has to do with some Navy rivalry about who is the better pilot. I know that's not true."

"I am the better pilot," he mumbled under his breath, falling back into his seat.

"You are both equally as good as each other. You just have different means of doing it. But that's beside the point."

He stared at the floor, his eyes wide, as he thought about his answer. Not that you were feeling any better, but Sadie waking up had eased the burden and allowed you to ask somewhat playfully, "Please tell me you don't have a crush on me?"

Bradley's eyes shot up to yours before he made a gagging sound. "Oh, good lord, no. You're like my little sister." His shoulders shook as if a chill had shot down his spine. "Please don't ever put that image in my head again."

You stuck your tongue out at him before looking down at Sadie, a small smile gracing your lips. He shared your smile, not that you noticed, before admitting quietly, "It's Sadie."

You raised your eyebrows at him. "Sadie?"

"Remember the mission we keep talking about? The one that brought us all together?"

You nodded.

"He said something about my dad."

"He told me he did," you admitted, taking in Bradley's pensive stare. "He regrets it, not that it means much after the fact."

His father had always been a sore subject. Sure, he talked about him from what he could remember. Their shared love of music, playing the piano, and the same taste in vacation dad t-shirts. But he always clammed up regarding the accident, his reason for joining the Navy and wanting to fly.

"Jake does not regret anything he's done," Bradley snorted. "You don't know him like we do, Liz. Sooner or later, he's going to do what he does best and leave the two of you out to dry, and I don't want to see you or Bug hurt." 

"Roo," you said softly. He's just proven he won't do that to Sadie." Or me, you wanted to add.

"You have so much faith in him."

You paused, sliding your hand over the blanket on Sadie's bed before replying, "I have faith in all of you. But Hangman, it's different with him."

"How?"

You didn't want to bring it up, especially now. But something in your gut was telling you it was the only thing that would get Bradley to ease up.

"Did I ever tell you why Ridley wanted to become a nurse?"

Rooster shook his head, resting his elbows on the edge of Sadie's bed.

"She believed everyone deserved a chance. That people cared," you said quietly. "Who would I be? What type of guardian would I be for Sadie if I didn't continue that? If I didn't give Jake the same curiosity?"

"I'm just worried you're going to put your faith in someone who will let you down."

"I don't know Jake as you know him. I don't have that history. But Bradley, he just went to bat for Sadie. His face is a walking mosaic. Don't tell me he will leave her, or me, out to dry after that?"

You reached out across her bed, fingers stretching out. Bradley lifted his hand from his lap to hold yours.

"Can you live with the idea that if that happens, it's my mistake to make?" you squeezed his hand once, trying to hide the quiver from your voice as you added, "The world is not perfect, Bradley."

He gave you a sad smile. "Do you want to talk about it? About Ridley?"

You swallowed hard, recoiling your hand back from his touch. "I can't. Not now."

"Liz, you need..." But he was interrupted by a knock at the door. Jake appeared, Sadie's bag in hand and her Teddy bear in the other.

"How is she?" he asked, coming around to your side of the bed and dropping the bag next to your chair.

"Sleeping," you replied softly, watching as he placed the teddy bear in her arms, Sadie curling around the stuffed animal.

A furrow formed between Bradley's brow as he watched the look on Jake's face as he glanced at you. Everyone loved Sadie, there was nothing wrong with the way he had approached her. But you, there was something in Jake's eyes that told him there was something else. 

Jake's eyes met Roosters, a flicker of apprehension flashing across his face, fearing his suspicions had been laid bare. But Jake didn't notice, instead nodding at him, a drawl of "Bradshaw" escaping his lips. 

Bradley stood, ignoring Jake, his eyes lingering on you as he asked, "Can I have your key? I'll run a few errands to make sure your set when you bring her home."

Jake dropped your key into the palm of your hand as you replied, "Bradley, you don't have to do that."

"Liz, just let us help you." 

You placed your house key into Bradley's hand, a reserved look on your face. He looked at you briefly before nodding, walking to the door, pausing, and turning to Jake.

"Hangman."

Jake's eyes followed Bradley out the door before looking back at you. 

"Jake, you don't have to.." You started to say before you caught the stern look on his face, instantly shutting you up. Honestly, the last thing you wanted was to be alone in his hospital room.

"I'm not going anywhere. Not when he can still get to you both."

Every hour a nurse would come by to wake Sadie up. For the first two, you didn't want to do anything but stare at her, unmoving from your chair. Jake was beginning to worry, watching you fight off sleep, swaying forward occasionally only to catch yourself.

The nurse had kindly brought a 'father' bed from the nearby maternity ward and placed it in the corner of the room with a pillow. You hadn't looked in its direction once or even thought about sleeping.

"Liz," he said softly, trying to arouse your attention. When you said nothing, Jake stood, touching your shoulder. You jolted awake, slightly shocked, until you realized it was him. "You need to get some rest."

"She's perfectly safe, and nothing will happen to her."  You shook your head, barely managing to gather the energy to speak. But Jake persisted, trailing his hand down your arm to grasp at your hand. You let him pull you up.

"I can't..."

"You can. She's not going anywhere. Don't worry. I have my eye on her." Jake led you to the corner of the room, making you stand in front of the pullout. He let your hand go to sit down. 

"Come here," He laid back against the backrest, holding out his arm as an invitation for you to join him. You might have fought him more, but you needed comfort with everything that had happened.

But once you settled into his arms, Jake asked you softly, "You want to talk about it?"

You shook your head against his chest, hiding your face. Jake had read you like a book.   "Elizabeth, you can't keep burying your grief."

Your reply was muffled against his chest, "It's not that easy."

"I never said it was easy, but dwelling in your sorrows won't change anything."

Something in the way he said that hit you in your chest, sitting down with no intent to move. The smell of antiseptic making your stomach turn. The longer he sat there with you, the shock of everything reached its boiling point. 

It was too much. 

"What's wrong with me?!" you wailed. "She's been gone almost a year, and I can't even..."

You drew in a shuttering breath at the end of your unfinished sentence. You didn't need to continue, Jake had seen it repeatedly - in the way you would shelter yourself from any conversation to do with her to gripping your arm. Or to how Sadie remarked you hadn't been happy since her mom had passed away.

"I made a promise," you sniffed through your tears. "That the both of us would be strong for each other while we dealt with everything. That we wouldn't cave. But she struggled when I brought her home, and I had to be strong for her. She needed me to be strong for her. She wanted to be strong, and I needed to do the same."

"Sadie isn't going to love you any less because you can't be strong around her. None of us will."

You whimpered at his word. Suddenly, the dam burst open. "I tried. I tried to read the book, I tried talking about her with everyone, with you. Believing I'm fine when I'm not. Saturday nights with everyone, only to run into the kitchen the first chance I get because she's not there." 

You sobbed into his chest. "It's so hard, Jake. Knowing she's not here. That he took her away from us." 

"I know," he spoke into your hair, gripping the back of it. "Healing isn't linear, Darlin'. It's messy, and it takes time."

Something was validating in hearing his words. Something that no longer made you feel like a self-pity dealer. That it was okay for you to feel like this. That there was no mask needed in any given situation. 

Jake, whether he knew it or not, was giving you the permission you so desperately needed to know it was okay to be sad. 

And he let you. He let you cry it out, rocking you back and forth in this hold until you sniff, wiping at your eyes. "When did you get so wise, Jake Seresin?"

“Wise?” He scoffed. “No, darlin', I'm experienced. There's a difference."

Even with your tears, you rolled your eyes. "Why did that sound more sexualized than it should have been?"

"You're the one that went there. I'm just stating facts," Jake grinned. You huffed, pulling yourself closer to his side as a yawn coincided with your quiet laughter.

"Enough with the heavy. You need to sleep." He adjusted his hold on you, fingers threading themselves through the hair at the back of your neck, pulling you deeper into his chest. "I'm watching her."

You snuggled into his side, your hand making a fist gripping his shirt and the ball chain of his dog tags through the fabric. But you were still tense despite your exhaustion, causing Jake to shake you a little in encouragement.

"Relax, I'm not going to bite," He said before softly pressing a kiss to the top of your head. "Not unless you ask me to."

You groaned sleepily into his chest, "Jake."

You fell asleep listening to him chuckle.

---

Jake had driven you both home once the doctor had given Sadie the all-clear later in the evening the next day. Sadie made a beeline to the couch, a long-standing ritual with her whenever she felt poorly, the second she walked through the door. 

 This left you and Jake standing in your kitchen, the moment making you think back to that first Saturday night when Jake had followed you inside with the dishes. The night before the Daggers were deployed.

You could never have thought this would be your future, holding yourself tight, leaning up against your counter, Jake filling your kettle with water, rummaging around in your tea cupboard. You pressed your forehead to his shoulder as he placed it back on its stand, turning to hold you and pressing a kiss to your forehead, not saying anything. He let you take what you needed from him.

The both of you eventually joined Sadie on the couch, watching as she held the remote to the TV, staring at the black screen. For a second, you were scared she would ask to watch Pride and Prejudice. Instead, she asked, "Can we put on The Princess Bride? I know I can't watch, but I'd like to listen."

To any onlooker, the group of you would have been a sight - Sadie with her stitches across the back of her head. Jake with his bruised face, split lip and marked-up knuckles. And you, with your black eye.

Yet, you couldn't have felt safer than huddled on your couch here with them. 

Halfway through the movie, you found yourself with your head lying against Jake's leg. Sadie had migrated from the other end of the couch to in front of you, head buried in your shoulder as she used your arm as a pillow. Even with the knowledge Tyler was still out there, waiting for the next chance to strike again, you passed out knowing there wasn't anywhere else you wanted to be.

It was around 3 in the morning when Jake woke you up, silently urging you to go to bed. You tried to figure out the best way to move without disturbing Sadie until he stood, kneeling next to the two of you and carefully hooked his arms under her body. In her sleep, Sadie snuggled into Jake's chest once he stood.

"Go get ready," he murmured softly. "I'll get her to bed."

You stayed on the couch for a second, watching as he carried her off to her room before sighing and getting up. You forced yourself not to look out your window as you passed it by. 

The bruise around your eye was an unwelcome sight in your mirror as you washed your face and got ready. You found yourself sitting on the edge of your bed, staring at the book on your nightstand, wondering if Jake was going to seek you out.

And then he appeared in your doorway, watching you dangle your legs back and forth. 

"Jake," you said quietly, shame in your tone. "I don't want to be alone."

He pushed himself off your doorframe, kneeling in front of you, between your legs and hands resting on either side. He slid his whole hand up the outside of your thigh, stroking back and forth, attempting to comfort you.

"What do you need, darlin'?" he hushed. "What can I do?"

"Don't leave me?" it was a quiet plea.

Jake reached for your hips, sitting up to press his forehead to yours. You took it one step further, sliding off the edge of your bed and down to the ground in front of him, arms wrapping tightly around his neck. He hugged you tight, head pressing into your collarbone before grabbing the back of your thighs to stand. You clung to him, legs tightly clinging around his waist.

He was next to your bed in two steps, one arm still clutching you while the other swept your covers down. You weren't sure how he could sit down with you hanging on to him, how he turned while holding the covers up and siding underneath them. You never let go as he settled you on top of him, hand stroking up and down your back. 

Then you found yourself seeking out his lips, lightly grazing yours against his. There was nothing overly sexual in how you lightly pressed into him and grazed your nose along his, how you sought him out, lazily kissing him.

You were mindful of his injured lip each time, content to simply be here and now with Jake in your bedroom, his warmth and smell willing you to calm down. There was no objective, no end goal in your actions - after everything that had happened, you needed the assurance, the comfort, him.

From Tyler. From you feeling like a failure as Sadie's guardian because you couldn't prevent outside forces from coming after her. From the burdening grief of losing Ridley, the one you kept shoving aside only for Jake to crack wide open.

And yet, all you could think about was that it might be time to take that first step - even if it is just turning that one page on Pride and Prejudice on your nightstand.

---

Jake woke in the early morning to a rattle from your bedside table. He had let you sleep, doing Sadie's two-hour checks, used to the lack of sleep. 

The both of you had moved, your back pressed tightly against his front. His arm was wrapped securely around your waist, and his nose was buried in your hair. Rolling over, he reached for his phone and spied the unknown caller ID, bringing it up to his ear as he answered.

"Seresin."

"It's about time you answered the phone."

Jake quickly shot you a look over his shoulder before getting up and walking into your hallway, shutting the door gently behind him.

"Wouldn't have answered had I known you were on the other end," he spat, continuing to your kitchen so you wouldn't hear his conversation.

"I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Always taking the easy way out, just like when you joined the Navy. Flying around, pretending to be important while accomplishing nothing of substance."

"I'm assuming you didn't call to put down my choice in career, though that would have been preferable for someone like you." Jake said sarcastically. 

"No, it's not," Jake's father replied snarkily. "I've heard you've been playing house with some girl."

Jake's grip tightened on his phone, anger bubbling beneath the surface. "And how would you know, seeing as you've never taken the time of day to call before now."

"Melaine."

Of course, Melaine would be the one to spill, Jake thought. Always telling other people's secrets and stories so she could watch the chaos afterwards.

"Didn't know my love life was the only source of entertainment down there," he remarked, leaning up against your island.

"Spare me the sentimental crap. A man like you shouldn't be saddled with someone else's burden."

Jaked laughed lowly. "Don't expect me to apologize for my life not fitting into your narrow-minded definition of what a man should be."

There was a monetary pause on the line. Jake's father let out a bitter chuckle. "Oh, so you're a saint now, huh?" he replied mockingly. "Trying to play the hero? Just like your grandfather, right?"

Jake didn't say anything, staring down at your floor. 

"You think you can be that kid's uncle? You're wasting your time on a woman who can't give you anything real."

Jake saw his opportunity, smirking into the end of his phone, as he answered, "I'd rather be a fool for choosing a noble idea than be somebody who settled for mediocrity. Tell me, Dad, how's the ranch life working for you?"

"Don't test me, boy!" he seethed. "I'm not the one showboating in some plane over the fucking ocean."

"Better than shovelling shit every day."

His father growled, clearly agitated. "You've always been a rebellious one. Thinking you can defy me, defy tradition. No man wants to be raising her sister's kid, son. She's nothing but trouble and damaged goods. I won't have her ruining the Seresin name."

Rather than react to the dig towards you, Jake scoffed. "Yeah, sure, Keep talking like your opinion matters that much anyway."

"End it. Or I'm sending George up to California to end it for you. At least he knows how to take orders like a good son."

And then the line went dead.

Jake gripped his phone, tossing it harshly to your kitchen island. The conversation stung, leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. Even in California, miles between him and his home state, his father still tried to influence his life.

Needing to seek you out for comfort he returned to your room, pausing after he opened the door. You had turned in your sleep without him there, a hand stretched out to where he once was. The morning sunlight casting a beam through your drapes to the spot next to your head on your pillow. Sliding back beside you, Jake carefully lifted your arm as he placed it on his chest. You pulled yourself to him, head content to lay on his shoulder as a sigh escaped your lips.

"Jake," you murmured sleepily. "Is everything okay?"

"Go back to sleep," he replied, kissing your forehead hard. "It was just a wrong number."

Sadie's fine!!! 🥰 I'm not THAT heartless...

Tags:

@blue-aconite @tinytotontheoversizedpony @djs8891 @caitsymichelle13 @startrekfangirl2233

@mayhemmanaged @ereardon @dempy @shanimallina87 @teacupsandtopgun @daggerspare-standingby

@phantomxoxo @formulapierre @eli2447 @fulla02 @blckgrl-sunflower @mizzzpink @ohgodnotagainn

@bubblegumbeautyqueen @sarahsmi13s @desert-fern @lynnestra44 @memoriesat30 @penwieldingdreamer @mxlanciia

@bradleybeachbabe @bobby-r2d2-floyd @lavenderbradshaw @roosters-girl @lovinglyeternal @genius2050 @gigisimsonmars @dakotakazansky

@keyrani

Part 13 - Sons and Daughters coming soon

Wickett ;)

[leafs-lover]

Sorry for blowing you up but I just couldn’t resist. Last one I think.

“I don’t share” with “Are you…are you jealous?” With Freddie pleaseeeee. 😘

Jealous!Freddie taken from this prompt list

The music is loud, too loud for a Wednesday night. You have to work tomorrow, meaning drinks have to be limited. Fred is off, and you wanted to spend it with him, but it’s your friend’s birthday you had to go out.

You considered inviting him, but you’ve barely been together two months and he hasn’t met your friends. Janet, recently single said she wanted a night with just her girls, and you couldn't argue with her, not today.

The only good thing about being out on a Wednesday is the quieter crowd, allowing you the opportunity to actually talk to your friend and not have a parade of men trying to hit on your group. Or so you thought.

A few minutes ago, a group of three guys made their introductions and slipped into the empty seat at your table. Janet and Sarah were immediately interested and began engaging in conversations with them, and flirting back. Alec was interesting enough, talking about some project at his architect firm he is working on. He listened when you talked about work, made some jokes. The conversation was pleasant enough even if you couldn’t stop glancing at the clock, trying to gauge an acceptable time in which you can leave.

Excusing yourself for the bathroom, you spend more time than needed lingering at the sink, staring at the reflection, trying to muster the will to return when the real person you want to see is at his apartment a few blocks away.

Walking back into the bar, it’s a little busier than before, some more groups having filtered in. Waiting at the bar, you catch the eye of Alec and flash him a soft smile before turning around to order a drink. It takes a little longer than normal, a delay you are surprisingly okay with.

“Who’s that?” There is a familiarity in the deep voice but it’s not until he speaks again that you recognize it. Not from the sound, but the tingling in your core. “He seems nice.”

“He is,” you play into it.

“Really?” shock comes across in his tone. “He looks like an ass."

“That’s a little judgmental given you know nothing of him.”

“I don’t need to know anything about him. All I need is to know you’ll be in my bed three hours from now.”

Growling out the last few words, your knees get weak, kicking your legs apart and slotting his denim covered thigh between them, he flexes, sending a feral instinct through you.

“Are you…are you jealous?” you ask, a hint of intrigue lacing the words.

“I don’t share.”

His breath on your neck is hotter than the fire burning inside you. Digging his thumbs into your hips, you involuntarily roll your hips back against him, conjuring a deep seeded groan from him.

“Thought tonight was a girl's night?”

“The birthday girl apparently changed her mind.”

Grabbing the drink from in front of you, Fred doesn’t let you leave, keeping the tight grip on your hips.

“Well since the rules changed, maybe she wants to meet her best friends boyfriend before he whisks her away to make sure she knows who she’s with.”

Even though you're unable to see his face you can feel the smugness rolling off him in waves, the pleasure he is relishing in. Fighting a smirk you gently nod against his chest. With a brief kiss to your cheek, his large hand grasps yours, and with a slightly aggressive yet playful tug, he pulls you to the table, starting by introducing himself to Alec.

Tagging some people who might be interested, if you want to be added/ removed from the Freddie taglist let me know!

@mandypants95 @c-tangerine @canesjedi31 @daniellepulice72 @puccbunni @hockeyinaussie @delighttfulll @duhhhokay @0kikina0 @sixmapleleafs @je-ne-regrette-rien

[circular-time]

hello! i'd like some help. i've been getting into the fifth, sixth and eighth doctor audios lately but i don't know where to start to get introduced to the audios without being too overwhelmed not knowing what the characters gone through in previous adventures. so any suggestions for a first listener?

and also is there a like a list available online highlighting the audios in order of the doctor's timeline?

Just to double-check: I think you've seen some classic Who but not a lot? The audios try their best to introduce you in case you don't know the characters or haven't seen them in years.

The easiest way to tell where the audios fall in the timeline is to check which companions are involved. Most are self-contained, although the Main Range tended to release them in batches of three, which occasional lead from one to the next in the trilogy. Also, there's occasionally a single release that's an anthology of four half-hour short stories.

Here's the order of the Fifth Doctor's adventures, with which I'm most familiar.

If Matthew Waterhouse (Adric) is listed, then it's set during the Fifth Doctor's early days, aka S19 between Castrovalva and Earthshock. Five starts out with: Nyssa (Sarah Sutton, playing an alien girl with a head for science), Tegan (a human air stewardess trying to get back to her job at Heathrow, after accidentally blundering into the TARDIS and being abducted), and math genius/brash teenager Adric. (Recommendations: Iterations of I/Psychodrome, Kingdom of Lies, Ghost Walk, Cold Fusion)

Adric departs near the end of the Fifth Doctor's first season, S19. The final cliffhanger of that season sees Tegan stranded in Heathrow as the TARDIS dematerializes. By this time she'd decided she enjoyed traveling with the Doctor after all... whoops!

So then there's a bunch of audio adventures with just Sarah Sutton and Peter Davison, Nyssa and Five off being space tourists and alien good samaritans, inserted between S19 and S20. (Recommendations: Primeval, 1001 Nights, Spare Parts, Castle of Fear/Eternal Summer/Plague of the Daleks, Creatures of Beauty, Circular Time, Alien Heart/Dalek Soul. Obviously I love this team)

Returning to TV continuity at the beginning of S20, the Fifth Doctor's second season, there are some audios with Janet Fielding and Sarah Sutton, set after the TV story Arc of Infinity, when the Doctor and Nyssa bump into Tegan again in Amsterdam and she rejoins the TARDIS. Recommended: Hexagora, Aquitaine, The Peterloo Massacre (oh gods, that's a gut punch of a story, but SO good. A rare straight historical with no aliens that didn't come in the TARDIS.)

If Mark Strickson and Janet Fielding are together with Peter but NOT Sarah, then it's set after Nyssa leaves the show at the end of Terminus during TV season 20. I just deleted a long paean to the hot mess that is Turlough, but in short: he's an alien exiled to Earth and forced to attend an English boys' school, a fate so horrible he strikes a deal with the devil to kill some bloke named the Doctor in exchange for his freedom. Turlough's knack for self-preservation wars with his inner stirrings of conscience, making him a tortured little meow meow who hides behind a mask of sarcasm and cynicism. Tegan, who is usually right, thinks he's a little shit. The Doctor Believes In Turlough, which is pretty unkind of him, because Turlough keeps having to live up to his expectations.

ANNYWAY. On TV, Sarah, Janet and Mark Strickson didn't have much overlap, but Big Finish has kindly corrected that at Mark's request by jamming an ENTIRE STORY ARC into the few TV episodes where Turlough and Tegan are traveling with Five after Nyssa's departure on Terminus. They catch up to her again much later in her timeline starting in the audio Cobwebs. I think the Mark/Sarah/Janet/Peter combo is fantastic, and there's barely any audios in that batch of 16 I wouldn't recommend, except Rat Trap. Listen to Cradle of the Snake. Listen to Cradle of the Snake. Preferably after watching Kinda and/or Snakedance, since it brings back the same monster. Cobwebs, Kiss of Death, Emerald Tiger, Butcher of Brisbane, Lady of Mercia, are also good for one reason or another, and Prisoners of Fate/Entropy Plague will just rip your heart out as much as any new Who.

There's a scattering of stories with the Fifth Doctor on his own, nominally set after the tv story The Awakening, when Tegan winds up visiting her... uncle, I think? and, wonder of wonder, lets Turlough stay.

There's a few recent stories with just Turlough, Tegan, and Kamelion, a castoff robot with a knack for mimicry (it can copy both the voice and appearance of a person) the Doctor took from the Master at the end of Season 20. Tegan doesn't trust it. The Doctor thinks it deserves a "life" away from the Master. I'm still trying to finish these because I love Kamelion as much as Tegan does, but the first one is good.

So far there's been one story with just Tegan and the Fifth Doctor called Time in Office which is brilliant, set after The Five Doctors when he is dragged back to Gallifrey to serve as president. A wild Leela appears. (Tegan and the Doc left Turlough to chill for a brief time at the end of the TV episode Frontios.)

There's a very few audios with just Mark Strickson and Peter Davison set after Tegan leaves again on TV. Mark is always fun. The very first one, Phantasmagoria, was the first Big Finish after the pilot and is surprisingly good for being so early, thanks in part to Peter and Mark having fun. I can't decide whether I love or dislike Loup-Garoux— it's definitely from the wild and crazy EU era before there was any hope the TV show would be renewed — but it's unforgettable.

The Fifth Doctor's final companion Peri, played by Nicola Bryant, is an American grad student in botany on gap year. She overlapped with Turlough for one story on tv (Planet of Fire) but he was gone by the end of it. Some of the Fifth Doctor and Peri's early audio adventures have a delightful audio-only companion, the ancient Egyptian Erimem, introduced in the excellent Eye of the Scorpion. Also rec: The Church and the Crown, The Kingmaker, Son of the Dragon.

Well, sorry, that wasn't organized, and it's ONLY the Fifth Doctor. Can someone else do Eight? I haven't caught up with his timeline and there's NO WAY i can be brief.

Sixie's first TV companion is Peri (Widow's Assassin springs instantly to mind, taking place years after Peri's departure from TV, Ish, as well as the infamous Piscon Paradox: basically if Nev Fountain writes something for Nicola, it's good) and his last is Mel, but TV never showed Mel arriving, so Big Finish has given Sixie several good companions:

the AMAZING Evelyn Smythe played by Maggie Stiles (Just go listen to The Marian Conspiracy and the Creature of Lanyon Moor, there you go, also Jubilee is what the pilot episode Dalek was based on but the original is so much more terrifying and very different with Sixie and Evelyn.)

Then Flip Jackson played by Lisa Greenwood; I haven't listened to all of hers, but she's adorable, full of pluck and curiosity and a lively brain but not much burdened by fear or common sense; as far as I can tell Sixie adopted a kitten only she's human.

Then somehow Six winds up with Eight's signature companion Charley aka Charlotte Pollard played by India Fisher, Edwardian Adventuress, a stowaway from the historical airship R-101 (which actually postdates the reign of king Edward by a few years, whoops) — I haven't heard these yet but need to, as both India and Colin are excellent.

Next is Mrs Clarke, Constance Clarke played by Miranda Raison, or "Connie" once Six and Mrs Clarke find Flip again... Mrs Clarke is a WReN (Women's Royal Navy) from Bletchley Park, WWII, one of the Enigma codebreakers with a very "keep calm and carry on" no-nonsense attitude. Recommendations: Cross Cross, Order of the Daleks (that stained glass Dalek you see everywhere was originally deaigned for the cover art of this story), Juggernaut.

Somewhere in all that, Big Finish recorded exactly one — ONE — story with Frobisher, Sixie's shapeshifting gumshoe sleuth sidekick from the old Doctor Who comics who insists on sticking to the shape of a penguin. The Holy Terror is weird and wonderful and creepy.

Pick up The Wormery just for fun. Dear old Katy Manning, who once played the Third Doctor's companion Jo Grant on TV, has had a second life in audio as Iris Wildthyme, retired opera singer, drunk, and all-around zooty old lady wandering the universe looking for a good time in a TARDIS disguised as a red double decker bus. She also flirts shamelessly with the Doctor in every incarnation, includin Sixie.

And finally— thanks I suspect to Flip's actress Lisa Greenwood coming down with long covid in December 2020, poor kid; it's heartbreaking to see how she's lost alla that exuberant energy... Sixie and Mel (Bonnie Langford) were just joined by a new audio companion, Hebe, played by Ruth Madeley. You should definitely hear The One Doctor.

[taylors-fourth-cat-meow]

a thing that gets so ignored in the whole acotar convo is how tamlin is basically sexually assaulted with what happens in calanmai. like the dude has no control over his actions and yet has to have sex. HOW IS THIS CONSENT???? and how does nobody catch up on this? (also ignoring how he was horribly retconned in the following books) why does his ptsd not worth anything? it's so biased and i just hate it so much istg

Hi anon!!

Yes Tamlin's trauma is ignored almost all the time.

I have heard this excuse so many times that rhysie SA feyre for his freedom is okay cause ✨trauma✨

But when the same explanation is given for tamlin being abusive in acomaf (other than the retcons) we are abusive apologists and "abusers and their followers" and my all time favourite "in need of therapy".

The calamnai ritual blurs the line of SA. And it's just disgusting and icky. I have no idea why that was even included in the book probably because SA makes Sarah horny when there are so many more beautiful festivals marking the start of spring in so many different cultures but no Sarah Janet wanted a literal mass orgy.

It's so funny that when the magic chooses the female, tamlin is still blamed for letting Lucien take Ianthee into that cave. And it's SA when Lucien had to sleep with someone incapacitated but not when Tamlin has done the exact same thing for literal centuries.

Tamlin is the bad guy because he didn't save feyre from the darkness that was consuming her but feyre is completely justified in not reaching out to tamlin because she herself was traumatized. When...tamlin was equally traumatized...?I think someone said, that they loved that feyre doesn't stay to save tamlin... My dear... My child... Supporting someone through PTSD isn't 'fixing' or 'saving' them. It's the least you can do for your partner. It's so confusing that they all want Tamlin's head on a spike because he didn't 'save' feyre from her darkness and want to bend over for rhyise because he did... I mean make up your damn mind!... If feyre isn't responsible for trying to talk to tamlin about his nightmares and ask why he spent most nights in his beast form because she was traumatized than how in god's name is tamlin the bad guy for not holding feyre's hair back while she threw up????

The double standards of this fandom make my head spin.

[bookofmirth]

This kind of discussion that the other side of the fandom has about Lucien they also have about Azriel?

Because the arguments they use and talk about what Lucien is doing, Azriel spent 500 years doing with Mor and it was even Azriel who objectified Elain, even Rhys lost the color of his face when he heard his thoughts, but they see it as love.

Hypocrites.

So honestly, I think the thing that is the most telling in this whole entire discussion, is the failure to see that Azriel is being painted in the exact same (problematic) light as Lucien is. By sjm.

I'm going to go into a deep dive on this okay, because I've frankly been surprised that no one has (to me, at least) brought up the idea of Azriel's portrayal in the book being way worse than Lucien's, and so them both being POC, Azriel being more markedly so, should be a similar problem. Talking about either of them being angry or threatening to either Mor or Elain should be the same problem, right? 

Wrong.

This is going to be super long. Under the cut explanation of why the fandom describing Azriel as angry is not at all the same issue as saying that Lucien won’t leave Elain alone, and how while Azriel’s characterization is fucked up on sjm’s part, the fandom’s interpretation of Lucien is fucked up and that’s on the people who insist on reading him a certain way.

ACOWAR, tbh, fucked up Azriel’s characterization. I’m going to call a spade a spade. When he lost his temper at the High Lord meeting and left Mor cowering in fear, everything shifted. Suddenly his attentions weren’t caring, they were creepy. It became way less about his feelings for Mor, and more about his emotional baggage that causes him to have this rage and disregard its impact on the people he loves.

The thing is, all of these arguments about Elain not being able to stand Lucien’s presence, or him pushing himself on her, or whatever extreme interpretation people choose to make, those behaviors are actually explicit with Azriel. I’m only going to use 1-2 quotes as examples of these behaviors, but there are more. We know that:

Azriel has been in love with - obsessed with, has some sort of feelings for - Mor for 500 years. 

Mor does not reciprocate these feelings.

Azriel experiences rage and anger frequently, and towards the people he should be closest to:

“There was an icy rage in Azriel I have never been able to thaw.” (acomaf)

“Az had a vicious competitive streak. It wasn’t boastful and arrogant, the way that Cassian knew he himself was prone to be, or possessive and terrifying like Amren’s. No, it was quiet and cruel, and utterly lethal.” (acosf)

This rage causes Rhys, Mor, and Cassian all to handle Azriel with kid gloves because they know he can explode at any moment:

She had not mentioned it these past few days in Velaris. Had wanted to make this choice on her own, and had understood how the news might cast a shadow over the merriment. 

She knew Azriel would say no, would want her safe. As he had always done. Cassian would have said yes, Amren with him, and Feyre would have worried but agreed. Az would have been pissed, and withdrawn even further into himself.

She hadn’t wanted to take his joy away from him. Any more than she already did. (acowar)

Azriel tries his best to keep Mor from exercising her agency:

“We could try again,” Mor said. “Let me speak to them, let me go to their palace-”

“No,” Azriel said. Mor raised her brows, and a faint color stained Azriel’s tan face. But his features were set, his hazel eyes solid. “You’re not setting foot in that human realm.”

“I fought in the war, you could do well to remember-”

“No,” Azriel said again, refusing to break her stare. His shifting wings rasped against the back of his chair. “They would string you up and make an example out of you.” (acomaf)

And that leads us to situations like these, when his rage and anger do finally get the best of him:

The frozen rage there rooted me to the spot. But beneath it, I could almost see the images that haunted him: the hand Mor had yanked away, her weeping, distraught face as she had screamed at Rhys. And now, behind us, Mor was shaking in her chair. Pale and shaking." (acowar)

“I want to confirm that Briallyn has the Crown,” Azriel said. “I’ll travel to the human lands tomorrow.”

“No,” Feyre and Rhys said at the same time, in the same breath.

Azriel’s eye shuttered. “I wasn’t asking for permission.”

Rhys smirked. “Doesn’t matter.”

Az opened his mouth to object, but Feyre said, “You’re not going, Azriel. If Briallyn has the Crown and catches you, even if she just suspects you’re nearby, who knows what she could do to you?”

“Give me some credit, Feyre,” Az said. “I can keep hidden well enough.”

“We take no risks,” Feyre said, voice flat with command. “Pull all your spies out.”

“Like hell I will.” (acosf)

(later in acosf)

The High Lord and High Lady of the Night Court had faced off against the shadowsinger this afternoon, and emerged triumphant.

Perhaps triumphant wasn’t the right word, but the argument had ended with Azriel grudgingly agreeing not to spy on Briallyn for the time being - and brooding all through dinner.

Okay, so why did I share these examples? Because Azriel’s anger problem is explicit, it is canon, and that anger can and will be aimed at the people he loves. I could have kept going with the examples, but you get the picture.

Now, the portrayal of a man of color as threatening, especially against a white woman, is racist. That’s just a fact. Saying that Lucien is threatening to Elain has the exact same impact as saying that Azriel is threatening to Mor.

So why aren’t people coming at me for making the statement that Azriel displays red flags? (At least not publicly lol.) I suspect it’s because either 1) people don’t understand the full scope of the argument in the first place and so couldn’t recognize it elsewhere, or because they recognize that....

Sarah Janet Maas explicitly created Azriel to be a rage-y, angry man of color who stomps all over Mor’s autonomy and makes her cower in fear, and argues with the people he is supposed to respect just because... why? Well that’s a different issue, really, but the “why” doesn’t actually matter. The impact of his actions does matter. And his portrayal, combined with the very racist descriptions of the Illyrians, creates a problematic af situation. And to repeat, it is SJM who created this situation.

The fandom is the one saying that Lucien is a threatening POC. It is not canon. It is an intentional choice on the part of some readers to read him this way. They don’t have to read him this way, they choose to. They choose to participate in the narrative that men of color are a threat to white women. Intentionally? I doubt it. That’s why I and others have been trying to explain it, though.

Does SJM even realize what she has created in portraying Az as an angry POC, and by making it unclear why Elain is standoffish around Lucien? I doubt it. But that’s a her problem, not an us problem.

I do understand the instinct to read Lucien in that same overbearing, problematic way because we already have the explicit blueprint in Azriel. That’s already a thing in this world. But there is no evidence for Lucien being that way, and when people settle on that one interpretation amongst many other interpretations, then people are valid to critique the one that leans into the racism instead of away.  

We cannot change the way these books were written. We can critique the fuck out of them, and refuse to perpetuate racist, ableist, or homophobic shit.

SJM created this mess, but we don’t have to roll around in it. We can definitely do better.

[cyberfairyblog]

Caves of Qumran prologue

Jason, Whit, Connie, Eugene, Katrina, Regina, Calypso and Vanessa go to Qumran to rescue Jason's former colleagues. Jason x OC, Eugene x Katrina, rewrite of the cartoon. The dialogue is wonky I know ;_;

Deep within the caves of a tiny Middle Eastern Country, a pretty blonde haired woman wearing a red shirt and green shorts walked down the caves reading the runes with her torch. She looked around sensing something - or someone - in the same vicinity and contacted her partner.

"Stanley Stanley are you there?"

From not far away,a tall brunette man in a business suit answered back. "I read you Sarah I'm just trying to navigate - WHOAH-" He yelped as he fell into the shallow pool.

"Stanley I don't think we're alone," Sarah voiced her concern.

"Don't tell me you're developing a case of the creepy crawlers." He saw a bunch of cobwebs and proceeded to freak out. Blinded by fear he ran smack dab into the wall and fell.

"Stanley what's happening?"

Stanley got up and sputtered "nothing just taking a little breather," he replied hoping she didn't catch that embarrassing pickle.

The two partners went back and forth, Sarah arguing that they needed to stick together, Stanley countered back claiming her fears were unfounded.

"We shouldn't be wasting our time chasing after a shadow," Stanley said. The inappropriately dressed explorer was too busy talking up his own bravery that he stepped on a brick, that sunk into the ground very slightly but the effect was devastating.

Stanley was just getting up again when the walls disappeared from behind him. Alarmed he tried to see what was going on, but then he heard footsteps approaching him.

Stanley screamed.

By then Sarah was too far into the tunnel to hear her partner's distress. Even through the walkie-talkie he was pleading saying that she was completely right there was someone not in their group in the caves hunting them down. But she didn't listen. She arrived in a small room filled with crates and gasped at the labels some of them bore.

Dozens of ancient artifacts strewn all over, and a table upturned as if there had been a fight. Sarah saw an older woman laying on the floor.

"Professor?" The blonde gasped. The professor's eyes were closed and her body was still like ice.

"No you can't be dead!" The blonde woman shouted in fright, collapsing to her mentor's side to check her pulse. To her relief she was alive but her skin felt cold. They needed to get out of there. Taking out her walkie-talkie she contacted Stanley.

She got her answer when Stanley dropped right in front of her, tied up with rope. "My god what happened?!" Her suspicions were sadly confirmed as another person showed up but they were shrouded in complete darkness.

"No stop, let us go please!" Sarah begged but her desperate pleas echoed with not a single soul to care...

It had been a long slow day at J&J Antiques so it didn't surprise Vanessa in the least bit when she saw Jason asleep on the desk in his office. Smiling she took the time to remove the papers trapped under his face - he would hate having them ruined by a cascade of saliva - and sat them aside.

"Jason," she whispered in his ear. "I'm gonna go ahead and close up shop for you."

The ex-agent only muffled a response. Wow he must've really had a rough day, no doubt because of that woman, Vanessa mused internally. She spent the next several minutes stowing things away and turned on the neon closing sign. By then Jason had woken up and dragged himself into the main room. "Did I miss something?"

"No, just me doing your job," the novelist said with a tease.

Blue eyes glanced at his watch. "Wait it's past seven already? Crap!" Jason exclaimed with a frown.

"Don't worry there hadn't been a customer, you were pretty knocked out though," she replied now feeling concerned. "That's a sign you need a vacation."

Jason was surprised at how clean the main room was, and guilty he fell asleep on the job. That rarely happened even during his time at the NSA and that job required doing paperwork *shudder*. In gratitude he wrapped his strong arms around the plush woman, and they gazed into each other eyes. "What would I do without you Nessie?"

"Oh I don't know, missing, dead, forced to perform at some gangster's kid's birthday party," Vanessa said all that with a shrug. Jason chuckled before pecking her on the lips. They stayed that way for a while until the phone rang. Grumbling at the loss of intimacy Jason trudged over to answer it. Meanwhile Vanessa went to sanitize the counters. She could hear him perk up at the other person on the line.

"Professor Janet it's good to hear from you, how's the expedition?" They talked for a good while and then Jason mentioned something about moving. "We hope to get them by the end of this week! Nice talking to you Professor!"

"Who was that?"

"That my dear was Professor Janet, we used to worked together back when I was a missionary," he explained. "She's sending us gifts from her latest expedition!"

"Oh? That's neat!" Vanessa clapped her hands. "Our museum does need some new items!"

"And the best part is they're entirely free! No payment whatsoever!" In excitement he scooped her up again and kissed her. "Trust me our museum is going to flourish!"

So that was how, almost a week later, a moving van arrived outside the manor house and its drivers unloaded beautiful artifacts of times long passed. According to Jason they came from a tiny middle eastern nation called Qumran.

"Are you sure it's a good idea having those things here?" Calypso asked while watching their progress. "I don't want to have to deal with a curse!"

"Come on Callie you know there's no such things as curses," Regina nudged her on her arm.

The Greek woman crossed her arms. Something smelled fishy about the whole thing.

One of the drivers, who wanted to be cheeky, held a vase out for Dylan. "Here kid catch!" The driver sneered before throwing it. Dylan tried to catch it in time but the poor thing crashed into the ground in a bazillion pieces before he could reach it. Vanessa's face drained and she slowly approached the pile of shards. Before anyone could response the van drove away leaving the black woman to pick up some of the pieces. She was almost in tears.

"They looked like they didn't care," Vanessa grumbled. "I oughta call out to their bosses and give them a piece of my mind!"

"We'll get our justice soon," Jason patted her on the shoulder. "What kind of employee does that to rare artifacts?!"

His father hummed. It did seem odd a professor would hire such careless folks. But at least the other items were in tact.

Little did they realize there was a lot more beyond ancient history behind their new gifts. Something that could lead to an exciting adventure away from Odyssey!

So I'm rewriting the episode "The Caves of Qumran" with Jason and my OCs inserted because I'm in a self indulgent mood. Unlike the OG episode Dylan won't be in this - I like him an all but he wouldn't really fit. Besides I want to see how my OCs would act in an episode. I'm not copying dialogue word for word a lot of it is my own. Also the main couple is Jason x Vanessa (my oc, obviously) as well as Eugene x Katrina. Professor Janet is an OC and an important one in this story. This story has a strong message particularly parodying Hobby Lobby and its recent controversies so that'll be fun! Leave some comments and remember: don't forget to tip the servers!

[nitrosplicer]

Since high school, I’ve had a strict policy on pleasure reading: if I’m not enjoying a book, I will stop reading it after trying for an hour. It’s been oddly cathartic. I wanted to post my list of books read in 2020, with the caveat that this is a non-exhaustive list and does not include most of the academic books I’ve read across the year. I’m also including re-reads, marked with an asterisk.

1. Everything I Never Told You, Celeste Ng

2. Pachinko, Min Jin Lee

3. My Sister The Serial Killer, Oyinkan Braithwaite

4. Future Home of the Living God, Louise Erdrich

5. Colonel Barker’s Monstrous Regiment, Rose Collis

6. How To Change Your Mind, Michael Pollan

7. Her Body and Other Parties, Carmen Maria Machado

7. The Yellow House, Sarah M. Broom

8. The Body Papers, Grace Talusan

9. The Starless Sea, Erin Morgenstern

10. Braiding Sweetgrass, Robin Wall Kimmerer

11. The Nickel Boys, Colson Whitehead

12. The Testaments, Margaret Atwood

13. Tentacle, Rita Indiana

14. I’ve Got A Time Bomb, Sibyl Lamb

15. Catspaw, Joan D. Vinge*

16. My Meteorite, Harry Dodge

17. Lost Children Archive, Valeria Luiselli

18. This Republic of Suffering: Death and the American Civil War, Drew Gilpin Faust

19. The Dreaming Jewels, Theodore Sturgeon

20. More Than Human, Theodore Sturgeon

21. Venus Plus X, Theodore Sturgeon

22. Such A Fun Age, Kiley Reid

23. Life Beyond My Body, Lei Ming

24. The Topeka School, Ben Lerner

25. Something That May Shock And Discredit You, Daniel Lavery

26. Good Neighbors: Gentrifying Diversity in Boston's South End, Sylvie Tissot

27. Fear, Gabriel Chevalier

28. Regeneration, Pat Barker

29. The Fellowship of the Ring*

30. The Two Towers*

31. The Return of the King*

32. Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal?, Jeanette Winterson

33. What You Are Getting Wrong About Appalachia, Elizabeth Catte

34. Written On The Body, Jeanette Winterson

35. The Eye of the World, Robert Jordan

36. The Great Hunt, Robert Jordan

37. Rosemary’s Baby, Ira Levin

38. The Stepford Wives, Ira Levin

39. Bad Blood: Secrets and Lies in a Silicon Valley Startup, John Carreyrou

40. The Madwoman In The Attic: The Woman Writer and the Nineteenth-Century Literary Imagination, Sandra Gilbert and Susan Gubar

41. Out of Salem, Hal Schrieve

42. Wide Sargasso Sea, Jean Rhys*

43. The Spirit Catches You And You Fall Down, Anne Fadiman

44. Redefining Realness, Janet Mock

45. Frankenstein in Baghdad, Ahmed Saadawi

46. Kindred: Neanderthal Life, Love, Death and Art, Rebecca Wragg Sykes

47. The Goldfinch, Donna Tartt

48. The Secret History, Donna Tartt*

49. The Red Dragon, Thomas Harris

50. The Silence of the Lambs, Thomas Harris

51. Mrs. Dalloway, Virginia Woolf*

52. House of Leaves, Mark Z. Danielewski*

53. Life On Mars, Tracy Smith

54. HERmione, H.D.

55. Nature’s Remedies: Healing Herbs by Jean Willoughby

56. Winter Botany by William Trelease

[your-angle-of-music]

Anyone want my playlist for my dream cast version of The Phantom of the Opera?

Coming right up!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGFe3xKBIJQ&list=PLyXOfYb8cpfkWW_8EO-XHO2MIBFLMevmn

To my knowledge, this has all the songs that count as songs, but as always, I welcome other people’s additions or suggestions!

Check out under the cut for the list of songs and actors, and my notes and explanations for each of them. Enjoy!

1. Prologue/Overture - Barry Clark as the Auctioneer, Steve Barton as Raoul de Chagny, Rosemary Ashe as Carlotta (Original Broadway)

To be honest, I was never too fond of this long prologue, which is never relevant again and reveals very little about the characters’ future. Clark’s Auctioneer does create a properly grand feel, and Barton’s Raoul does sound heartbroken, but what I’m really here for is that epic, bombastic, beautiful overture. No matter how many times I hear it, it will never stop being exhilarating. This track also features the Hannibal opera part. Ashe’s Carlotta sounds deliciously dramatic and her high note on “Rome” treads that line between impressive and annoying perfectly.

2. Think of Me - Katie Hall as Christine Daae, Angela Caesar as Carlotta, Simon Bailey as Raoul de Chagny (UK Tour)

God, I love Caesar’s Carlotta. She takes her time with all her lines, to excellent effect, and her “spare a thought for me” is both genuinely pretty and utterly distinct from Hall’s Christine’s. I also adore the alternating weepiness and shoutiness she puts into her “these things do happen” tirade, and you can hear her clapping during “all the time!”. And then her “this thing does not happen!” is gloriously over-the-top. Meanwhile, Hall’s Christine’s voice is so lovely here. I appreciate how quietly she starts out, barely audible, and then how sweet her voice is once she gets more confident on “that oh so distant day.” She sounds pure and innocent but yet still clearly classically trained, and damn, she can project. I love the way she sings “think of me, think of me waking silent and resigned” especially. And then that final “think of me” cadenza is perfect. She makes the high notes seem effortless and they’re buttery smooth. Bailey’s Raoul also makes an excellent first impression.

3. Angel of Music - Sarah Brightman as Christine Daae, Janet Devenish as Meg Giry, Michael Crawford as the Phantom (Original Broadway)

We start of strong with Crawford’s Phantom’s absolutely haunting “bravi, bravi, bravissimi.” And then I adore Devenish’s Meg — she has such a pure, clear, young voice that sounds perfect for her role. Devenish makes this the best version of this song in my opinion, even though I prefer the new lyric ““I watched your face from the shadows / distant through all the applause. / I hear your voice in the darkness, / yet the words aren’t yours” to the one that Devenish’s Meg sings here, “Christine, you must have been dreaming, / stories like this can’t come true. / Christine, you’re talking in riddles, / and it’s not like you” (because come on now, talking in riddles is one of Christine’s defining personality traits). Brightman’s Christine sounds gorgeous on the high notes, especially when she sings softly, and I love her on her “father once spoke of an angel” part.

4. Little Lotte/The Mirror - Sarah Brightman as Christine Daae, Steve Barton as Raoul de Chagny, Michael Crawford as the Phantom (Original Broadway)

Barton’s Raoul will always be my favorite. There’s a sweetness and a warmth to his voice that makes him always seem likable, when other musical Raouls seem patronizing or boring or manipulative or dumb. I like the mischievous, flirtatious note in Brightman’s Christine’s “you remember that too.” And most of all, I like Crawford’s Phantom’s powerful “insolent boy!” that manages to sound both scary and strangely far-off and echoey — I’d believe he was an angel too. And then the gentleness in his “flattering child, you shall know me” seems more book accurate and likable to me. Crawford has a unique quality to his voice that makes me love his rendition of the “angel of music” motif the best of any actor’s. I am a little sorry that the end of Barton’s cry of “angel” gets cut off in this recording, though.

5. The Phantom of the Opera - Michael Crawford as the Phantom, Sarah Brightman as Christine Daae (Original Broadway)

Brightman’s Christine might not be the strongest, acting-wise, but vocally? She has the range, darlings. She sings the soft, low beginning of this song and the piercing, high end of it with the same facility — I mean, just listen to that last high E. It sounds effortless. And everything in between is good too; her first “the phantom of the opera is there, inside my mind” has a breathtakingly haunting quality. Crawford’s Phantom is also very good with the high notes. I just love the way he sings the words “my power over you grows stronger yet” and “in all your fantasies, you always knew” almost too airily, and of course every time he sings “phantom,” it’s powerful enough to give me chills. And I love how soft he is on his first few rounds of “sing for me.”

6. The Music of the Night - Earl Carpenter as the Phantom (London 2006)

This is one of the few tracks on here that I have video for, and I couldn’t be happier about it. Everything about Carpenter’s Phantom’s body language really makes this song for me, in addition to his positively angelic voice. Carpenter embodies the version of the Phantom that I know from the novel, hesitant and gentle even though he’s...Like That, and he manages to make “The Music of the Night” really seem like a love song. I appreciate that he remains so quiet for so much of the beginning, almost inaudible with your computer’s volume turned up less than a third, and the sweetness he puts into the phrase “night unfurls its splendor.” Also that little hand block he does on “tremulous and tender” and the way he never quite touches Christine during “turn your face away from the garish light of day” makes me Feel Things. The crescendo fakeout he does on “close your eyes and surrender to your darkest dreams” is masterful, as is his high note on “soar” and the way he turns his masked side away from Christine’s hand on “the darkness of the music of the night” and...oh God, we’re only three minutes in. But he’s not just soft and sweet; his “let your soul take you where you long to be” is strong and powerful. I really, really like how he keeps his distance even when he has his arm around her, and the way he stops her hand during “savor each sensation.” Christine’s faint looks weird, because it always does, because it’s really dumb, but I appreciate that Carpenter actually catches her — and looks a small bit panicked about it. And then when he strokes her hair and sings that last “night” the softest and purest of all...perfection.

7. I Remember/Stranger Than You Dreamt It - John Owen-Jones as the Phantom, Rachel Barrell as Christine Daae (London 2005)

Another one with video! And oh boy, what a video. First of all, Barrell’s Christine has a very cool and interesting voice, and I love the way she sings “on the lake there was a boat, and in the boat there was a man,” delicate and unsure, before you can hear her steeling her courage on “who was that shape in the shadows?” I’m equally happy with the way JOJ’s Phantom snarls out that “you little lying Delilah! you little viper!” while still making it sound good, and that over-the-top, extremely JOJ final “damn you! curse you!” that ends in a sob ‘n growl, because if there’s ever a show to be melodramatic in, it’s Phantom. And then his hissed out “stranger than you dreamt it” and the fact that he keeps his hand over his face the entire time makes it perfect. His wounded-animal-style crawling starting on “fear can turn to love” and the roughness and pain and prettiness in his voice reminds me a lot of Erik’s characterization in the novel, as is his sobbed “oh, Christine!” right afterwards, and his “those two fools who run my theater will be missing you!” is believably scary.

8. Magical Lasso - Janos Kurucz as Joseph Buquet, Mary Millar as Madame Giry (Original Broadway)

It’s such a small song, but I really love the unique quality to Kurucz’s Buquet’s voice, as well as the anxiety in Millar’s Madame Giry’s “heat of his eyes.”

9. Notes/Prima Donna - Rosemary Ashe as Carlotta, John Savident as Monsieur Firmin, David Firth as Monsieur Andre, Steve Barton as Raoul de Chagny, Mary Millar as Madame Giry, Janet Devenish as Meg Giry, Michael Crawford as the Phantom (Original Broadway)

This song is way more of a bop than it has any right to be. I absolutely adore Savident’s Firmin and Firth’s Andre, with their humor and their bluster and their old married husbands vibes. I love that overpowering “damnable!” and that long-suffering sigh on “Wrote. Written.” All the indignant drama that Ashe’s Carlotta brings is delightful in every way, especially on her high Italian parts and that “it’s no use trying to appease me, you’re only saying this to please me.” Crawford’s Phantom’s “one last chance” is chilling, and I like how pretty his sound is here — it’s way creepier than growly anger. The “Prima Donna” section is just such a gorgeous melody, really, and Savident and Firth have such rich, lovely voices. And Barton’s Raoul is also amazing; his “is this her angel of music” especially is so gorgeous. I do wish I could hear Millar’s Madame Giry a little bit more clearly, but I love her voice. And Ashe’s last “once more” high note is really quite breathtaking, as is Crawford’s “a disaster beyond your imagination will occur.“ This recording also features a section of Il Muto that will overlap a little bit with the next track — sorry about that.

10. Il Muto - Kim Stengel as Carlotta, Elizabeth Loyacano as Christine Daae, Howard McGillin as the Phantom (Broadway 2008)

There’s some video for this one, which is good, because all the actors are hilarious. This Raoul...sounds like a bit of an asshole, but to be fair, the script shoves him pretty firmly into that role. I can’t find the name of the actor who plays the Count anywhere, but he is perfect. I love the way he holds that “observe her” note, and his hammy self-awareness in doing so. The real MVP here is Stengel’s Carlotta, with all her imperiousness and her high notes and her dramatic nervous laughter and the way she bosses around Christine and the conductor. And her croaking. The croaking is perfect, especially when she does it offstage. Loyacano’s Christine doesn’t have too much to do in this scene, but her kissing in time is amazing. Same for McGillin’s Phantom, although I like how quiet and genuinely amused he is on his “perhaps it is you who are the toad” as well as his maniacal laughter when he kills Buquet. Actually, the whole ballet section is perfectly executed (although I’m not much of an expert on dancing).

11. Why Have You Brought Us Here/All I Ask of You - Sarah Brightman as Christine Daae, Steve Barton as Raoul de Chagny, Michael Crawford as the Phantom (Original Broadway)

Brightman’s Christine is wonderful here, sounding properly hysterical on “and in this labyrinth, where night is blind” and “Raoul, I’ve been there” and beautiful and sad on the “yet in his eyes, all the sadness of the world” bit. And did I mention that I love Barton’s Raoul? Because I do. I really, really do. The beginning of this song can make Raoul look. Really bad. But this one manages to pull it off, sounding so concerned and so utterly in love. When he sings “no more talk of darkness” and “let me be your shelter, let me be your light” his voice sounds so soft and warm and gentle and my God, you can hear the smile and the hug, and then his “then say you’ll share with me one love, one lifetime” is urgent and soaring and lovely. Brightman matches his energy, and she has a lovely, delicate voice that balances perfectly with his. Her “say the word and I will follow you” sounds so tender and there’s a gorgeous intensity in her “say you love me.” Their last “love me, that’s all I ask of you” is sweet and soft, and I love the lightness in Brightman’s “I must go” and of course the warm solidity in Barton’s “Christine, I love you” that sets up the contrast that will absolutely make me cry later. Crawford’s Phantom is perfect too, right from that first haunting, echoing “Christine” at the beginning. He sounds vulnerable and almost disbelieving and on “I gave you my music” and the last repetitions of “Christine,” and that “Go!” is TERRIFYING.

12. Entr’acte - John Savident as Monsieur Firmin, David Firth as Monsieur Andre (Original Broadway)

I don’t have that many feelings about which orchestra in particular preforms this, but I definitely want to include it. I do adore Webber’s score and the switches between the different melody motifs are pretty awesome. Fair warning, though, that it does include the very beginning of “Masquerade” but cuts off in the middle of “I must say, all the same, that it’s a shame that Phantom fellow isn’t here,” which frustrates me to no end.

13. Masquerade - Anna O’Byrne as Christine Daae, Alexander Lewis(???) as Raoul de Chagny (Australia 2009)

Another song with video! And it’s good quality too, highlighting the colorfulness of this scene. O’Byrne’s Christine and Lewis’ Raoul enter at “who can name the face,” and they’re graceful dancers, and everyone reflects the high energy of the scene, especially on the quiet verse. O’Byrne’s Christine sounds young here, but in a good way, and quite scared on “you promised me,” and Lewis lets his Raoul be exasperated on “it’s an engagement, not a crime” — it feels like they’ve had this argument many times before. The part where Christine and Raoul get separated feels genuinely suspenseful, and I really love the lighting just before the Phantom’s entrance.

14. Why So Silent? - Earl Carpenter as the Phantom (London 2005 - 2007)

I do love Carpenter’s Phantom because he’s sweet, but sometimes I love him because he’s really, really scary. There’s video for this bit so we can all admire his Red Death costume and the lighting to match. He stays creepily quiet for the beginning, so that his “remember there are worse things than a shattered chandelier” and his “your chains are still mine! you will sing for me!” are all the more powerful.

15. Notes/Twisted Every Way - Sarah Brightman as Christine Daae, Steve Barton as Raoul de Chagny, John Savident as Monsieur Firmin, David Firth as Monsieur Andre, Mary Millar as Madame Giry, Rosemary Ashe as Carlotta (Original Broadway)

Honestly, Ashe’s Christine is one of the best parts of this song. The way she sings “outrage!” and “ha! here’s our little flower” and the way she absolutely snarls “she’s the one behind this, Christine Daae!” is perfection. She’s also brilliant in the “Don Juan Triumphant” rehearsal. Savident’s Firmin and Firth’s Andre are wonderful as usual, and Barton’s Raoul manages to sound gentle and good in a script that is not kind to the character here — his “you don’t have to, they can’t make you” and “you said yourself, he was nothing but a man” and “every hope and every prayer rests on you now“ are lovely. Millar’s Madame Giry sounds frail and scared and determined (I love her “monsieur, be careful, we have seen him kill”) and she reminds me a lot of her characterization in the novel, and Crawford’s Phantom is deliciously creepy in his letter, and I adore his almost sighing sound on phrases like “an office not the arts” and “her teacher.” His “your obedient friend” gives me chills. Brightman’s Christine also shines here. I actually like the quiet almost-shrillness in her “how dare you” because it sounds like she’s been trying to do what she’s supposed to all along but she’s beginning to snap under the stress, and same goes for her “I’ll go mad!” which sounds genuine and spontaneous. Her “twisted every way” section is haunting and haunted and ethereally beautiful and I could listen to it all day. This recording also includes the beginning of “Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again,” so heads up about that.

16. Wishing You Were Somehow Here Again - Leila Benn Harris as Christine Daae (London 2008)

There’s some video for this one, but the quality isn’t great — sorry about that. Harris’ Christine, however, is extremely great. Her voice contains sweetness and sadness and trauma and anger all at once and her dynamics are just perfection. The way she sings “that voice which calls to me and speaks my name” provokes instant goosebumps every time, and then the softness in her “Little Lotte thought of everything and nothing” is brilliant. The fierce anger in her “sculpted angels, cold and monumental” is what really made me fall in love with Harris’ rendition. And that strength and power in her “why can’t the past just die” and then the softness and clearness in “help me say goodbye” with the last ringing, gorgeous high note. God, she is perfect, isn’t she.

17. Wandering Child/Bravo, Monsieur - Michael Crawford as the Phantom, Sarah Brightman as Christine Daae, Steve Barton as Raoul de Chagny (Original Broadway)

Hands down, this song, at least the first half, is my favorite in the show, and these three singers’ voices pull it off perfectly. Brightman’s Christine has such a delicate voice that sounds so lovely with the two lower ones, and she puts so much gentleness and sadness into that “angel or father, friend or phantom, who is it there staring?” and she sounds beautiful and tortured on that “Angel of Music, I denied you, turning from true beauty.” Her acting on “oh, Raoul!” and “Raoul, come back!” is...not the best, but her singing makes it well worth it to me. And Crawford’s Phantom sounds, well, like an angel. There’s such a strangeness and sadness and beauty in his voice. The way he sings “have you forgotten your angel?” is lovely and soft, and I just love how he says “far from my far-reaching gaze” (and I also love the lyric itself; I think it’s really creepy when later Phantoms change it to “fathering gaze”). And his “turning from true beauty” and “come to your strange angel” are powerful and perfect in every way. His “I am your Angel of Music, come to me, Angel of Music” is properly hypnotic, and I like the steadiness of it amidst Christine’s and Raoul’s panic. And speaking of Raoul, Barton kills it with all of his harmonies, and there’s genuine worry in his deliciously soft “once again she is his, once again she returns” and in his loud and long and powerful “luring her back from the grave.” Crawford’s and Barton’s “bravo, monsieur” exchange sounds properly scary, and I almost like how over-the-top Crawford is being compared to Barton’s relative calmness — they are just on such different pages, emotionally, and are assessing the situation in completely different ways. This recording also gets into the beginning of “The Point of No Return,” or rather “Don Juan Triumphant,” and it sounds...demonic is the best word I can think of, honestly, but that is definitely a good thing. I’m not too fond of Brightman’s Christine or Crawford’s Phantom in this part, but I do appreciate their excellent voices as always.

18. The Point of No Return - Ramin Karimloo as the Phantom, Sierra Boggess as Christine Daae (25th Anniversary)

Unpopular opinion, perhaps bordering on life-threatening: I’m generally not that into Karimloo’s portrayal of the Phantom. His voice is just a bit too smooth for me, too glamorous and sexy, not an eerie Crawford or an angelic Carpenter or a tortured JOJ, and his acting usually reflects that side of him a bit too much for the Phantom I know. But in this song? It works. Holy everloving fuck, it works. I love the way he says “no backward glances” and “what warm unspoken secrets will we learn” Boggess’ Christine is absolutely mesmerizing here too — her high notes on “you have brought me” and her vibrato on “our passion play has now at last begun” and the huskiness of her “past the point of right or wrong” are brilliant in every way. I’m especially glad that I have video for this song, because these two really make it with their body language. The way Boggess’ Christine springs up and bolts away just before her “you have brought me” line and, of course, Karimloo’s Phantom’s shaking hands on “until we’re one” are perfect. And then, after Boggess’ Christine’s realization that it’s the Phantom she’s singing with at “consume us,” their dynamic is perfect, with Karimloo’s growling determination and Boggess’ anger and fear, both expressed perfectly in their “so stand and watch it burn.” I love the way their “return”s are out of sync after Boggess’ Christine reveals the Phantom’s mask, and the way Karimloo spits out his “-turn” like a challenge. And then the tenor sweetness and intensity of his “say you’ll share with me” can just about break me every time, yet it also sounds properly distinct from Raoul’s earlier version, like with the fiercely desperate edge to his “one lifetime,” and his “anywhere you go let me go too” almost has a different melody. And then I think his snarling and “no”ing when Christine unmasks him at the end is...a little much, but still very on-brand. Oh, and there’s like ten seconds of silence at the end of this recording, just to warn you.

19. Down Once More/The Final Lair - John Owen-Jones as the Phantom, Katie Hall as Christine Daae, Simon Bailey as Raoul de Chagny (UK Tour)

I love this production so, so much, and I wish I had video for it, because nothing exemplifies its understanding of the characters like the staging of The Kiss — instead of the standard staging, in which Christine kisses the Phantom, then hugs him, then kisses him again with more enthusiasm, in this production, Hall’s Christine kisses JOJ’s Phantom once, and then he falls to his knees and she hugs him as he sinks into her and then pushes her away. But I’m here for the audio, too. We start of strong with JOJ’s Phantom’s “into darkness deep as hell!” which he holds for an amazingly long time in this voice of beautiful despair, followed by a properly tortured “why, you ask, was I bound and chained” section. His “a mask, my first unfeeling scrap of clothing” is heartwrenching, and his “monsieur, I bid you welcome” section is chilling. Despite his awesomeness, I might still need to hand the MVP award to Hall’s Christine, who carries an anger and defiance into this scene that I rarely see in other Christines that you can hear in her “am I now to be prey to your lust for flesh” and her “it’s in your soul that the true distortion lies” and of course her iconic “tears of hate.” And Bailey’s Raoul is compelling, and his “free her!” and “I did it all for you and all for nothing” are wonderfully delivered. In the frantic part where all three characters sing at the same time, their voices are balanced perfectly. I absolutely adore JOJ’s Phantom’s “for either way you choose you cannot win” and Bailey’s Raoul’s “why make her lie to you to save me” and Hall’s Christine’s “Angel of Music, you deceived me.” JOJ’s Phantom’s “you try my patience, make your choice!” is scary but not deafening, and then comes the tender perfection of Hall’s Christine’s “pitiful creature of darkness” (although I wish there was a slightly longer pause before it” and her angelic “alone” and God, I love them all. Hall’s little “no please” when she sees the Phantom approaching Raoul is an excellent detail, and JOJ’s “angel in hell” sounds desperate and almost childlike. I wish his “go now and leave me” wasn’t quite so loud — my throat hurts just thinking about it, but then his “Christine, I love you.” Oh my God, that “Christine, I love you.” I think stabbing me in the heart would be less painful. And I love the lightness and gentleness of Hall’s and Bailey’s final “All I Ask of You” reprise. Yeah. I adore this production, and I adore this show.

Thank you for stopping by! I’d be happy to talk about these choices or Phantom in general with anyone, any time :)

[aion-rsa]

Lovecraft Country Soundtrack: Complete Details and Playlist

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HBO’s latest blockbuster drama effort, Lovecraft Country, is a unique Lovecraftian beast. As adapted by Matt Ruff’s novel of the same name, the show takes classic horror, sci-fi, and adventure tropes and adapts them into a timely story of American racism.

Though the series is certainly timely, it’s also timeless. As evidenced by our helpful explainer article, it wasn’t immediately clear when Lovecraft Country even took place. That’s partly because the Jim Crow era of American institutionalized racism was a lengthy one. And the fact that Atticus “Tic” Freeman was a war veteran didn’t help out much. Which war coincided with “whites only” restaurants and sundown towns? World War II, The Korean War, The Vietnam War – take your pick, really. That pleasant disorientation is enhanced by an equally disorienting soundtrack.

Rest assured, Lovecraft Country takes place in the mid 1950s. But the show’s excellent soundtrack is not limited to the mid 1950s. Sure, there are your standard old-timey classics like “I Just Want To Make Love To You” by Etta James and “Sinnerman” by Nina Simone. But the show’s music choices also include some anachronistic numbers. The hard-changing “Clones” by Tierra Whack is unmistakably modern hip hop. Even Marilyn Manson of all people contributes a song as an episode closer.

Lovecraft Country’s superb soundtrack isn’t even limited to music itself. The series’ first two episodes both feature extended spoken word monologues from Black academics and deep-thinkers that serve as the score for certain scenes. Episode 1 “Sundown” brings a James Baldwin debate to the table while episode 2, “Whitey’s on the Moon” gets its name from a Gil-Scott Heron poem that scores a climactic scene. 

Given the depth of Lovecraft Country’s fascinating soundtrack, we decided to catalog it. Follow along with the show’s song choices here.

Episode 1 – Sundown 

“Main Title (From the Jackie Robinson Story)” by Herschel Burke Gilbert

“Sh-Boom” by The Crew Cuts

 “I Just Want To Make Love To You” by Etta James

“Clones” by Tierra Whack

“I Want a Tall Skinny Papa” by Sister Rosetta Tharpe

“Whole Lotta Shakin’ Goin’ On” by Big Maybelle

“September Song” by Sarah Vaughan

“You Upset Me Baby” by B.B. King

“Recipe For Happiness” by Jimmy Self

“Sinnerman” by Alice Smith

Episode 2  – Whitey’s on the Moon

The Jeffersons Theme Song by Ja’Net DuBois and Oren Waters

“Bad Moon Rising” by Mourning Ritual (feat. Peter Dreimanis)

“The End” by Earl Grant

“Blackbird” by Nina Simone

“Killing Strangers” by Marilyn Manson

“Whitey’s on the Moon” by Gil-Scott Heron

“River” by Leon Bridges

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Episode 3 – Holy Ghost

“Window” by The Album Leaf

“Ain’t That a Shame”by Fats Domino

“Ständchen” by Marian Anderson and Franz Rupp

“God’s Been Good to Me” by The Mighty Walker Brothers

“Boogie at Midnight” by Roy Brown

“Good Rockin’ Daddy” by Etta James

“Is You Or Is You Ain’t My Baby” by Louis Jordan

“I Don’t Hurt Anymore” by Dinah Washington

“Take It Back” by Dorinda Clarke-Cole

“Satan, We’re Gonna Tear Your Kingdom Down” by Shirley Caesar

Episode 4 – A History of Violence

“Bitch Better Have My Money” by Rihanna

“Get Em” by Jade Josephine

“Cops and Robbers” by Bo Diddley

“Devil or Angel” by The Clovers

“Cows” by Kbn Kbnlondon

“I Put a Spell on You” by Marilyn Manson (cover)

Episode 5 – Strange Case

“Tonight, You Belong To Me” by Patience & Prudence

“Dark Phrases” by Janet League from For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow Is Enuf (1976)

“Return to Love” by Black Atlass

“Between the Devil and the Deep Blue Sea” 

“Money” by Cardi B

“Bad Religion” by Frank Ocean

“Please Give Your Love to Me” by Robin Robinson

“Tutti Frutti” by Pat Boone

“My Baby Dearest Darling” by The Charms

“Sweetly Sad” by Alain Bernard Denis

“Melody in F” by Trevor Brown

“Tutti Frutti” by Little Richard

“Lovin’ Machine”

“Lonely World” by Moses Sumney

“Bodak Yellow” by Cardi B

Episode 6 – Meet Me in Daegu

“The Trolley Song (from Meet Me In St. Louis)” by Judy Garland

“Neujeun Jajinmori” from APM Music Library 

“Main Title (from Easter Parade)” by Johnny Gree, The MGM Studio Orchestra & The MGM Studio Chorus 

“Oppaneun Punggakjaengiya” by Park Hyang-rim

“Overture (from Summer Stock)” by MGM Orchestra 

“You Wonderful You (from Summer Stock)” by Gene Kelly and Judy Garland

Episode 7 – I Am.

“A Message From The Man In The Moon” by Josephine Baker 

“Baby Let’s Make Some Love” by The Penguins 

“Besame Mucho” by Josephine Baker 

“Tear The Roof Off” by Moonshine (Extreme Music Library)

“Piel Canela” by Josephine Baker 

“Better To Miss You” by FirstCom Music Library

“Bam-A-Lam” by Roy Milton Orchestra with Mickey Champion

“Lady Marmalade” by LaBelle

“Fire” by Mother’s Finest 

“Sinnerman” by Alice Smith

Episode 8 – Jig-a-Bobo

“Cruel Summer” by Bananarama

“Wee Small Hours” by APM Music Library

“Stop Dat Knocking” by Peter Di-Sante, Brian Mark, David Van Veersblick & Roger Smith

“I Put A Spell On You” by Alice Smith

“Topsy With Her Yellow Eyes” by actors

“’m here to say never again for black girls too” by Naomi Wadler at the March for Our Lives rally

“Stormy Weather” by Bilie Holiday

“Sinnerman” by Alice Smith

Episode 9 – Rewind 1921

“Avalon” by Al Jolson

“My Baby’s Foxtrot” by FirstCom Music Library

“Don’t Kill Dub” by Rob feat. Sonia Sanchez

“Tulsa, 1921: Catch The Fire” by composer with Janai Brugger of the Metropolitan Opera

Episode 10 – Full Circle

“Easy Living” by Billie Holiday 

“Ready Or Not” by Gizzle

“Jungle Alibi” by FirstCom Music Library

“Weary” by Solange

“Swing Out Sister” by 5 Alarm Music Library

“I Am Blessed” by Nina Simone

“Sh-Boom” by The Chords

“Keep Your Lamps Trimmed and Burning” by Mississippi Fred McDowell

The post Lovecraft Country Soundtrack: Complete Details and Playlist appeared first on Den of Geek.

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[janeofcakes]

Chapter 107

(John’s mobile sounds right as Sherlock steps out of the cottage to put their cases in the rental car. Starting a walk-through to make sure they haven’t forgotten anything, John takes it from his coat pocket and sees that it’s Sarah Sawyer.)

J: (smiling) Sarah, how are you? How’s that beautiful baby of yours?

SS: Hi, John. She’s perfect, as usual. How are you?

J: I am fantastic, actually.

SS: Good. That’s excellent. You and Sherlock got some rest? Or has he been chasing down cases the whole time?

J: Not a single one. It’s been wonderful. Like a honeymoon, really. I’ll never forget this place.

SS: Oh. So you’re still there then.

J: Just about to leave.

(Sarah is quiet on the other end and John stops in the sitting room with a hand on his hip, seeing a pair of bright red pants he knows to be Sherlock’s favorite peeking out from under the sofa. He bends down to pick it up and makes a mental note to get a good look under there for more articles of clothing, then gives Sarah his full attention. He has known her long enough to know her silence, in this case, is indicative of guilt.)

J: Sarah, is something wrong?

(He hears a little laugh and deep intake of breath.)

SS: I swear you’ve spent too much time with him. (sighing) I need a favor. I feel terrible asking before you’ve even come back.

J: What is it? Please say babysitting.

SS: (laughing) I wish I could say yes, but it’s the surgery.

J: You need a shift?

SS: Yes. Tonight. (John blinks his eyes wide as she continues.) I’m so sorry, John, but Janet is out of town for her daughter’s wedding and Robert is sick and this is the one night of the week that the surgery’s open late. I’d do it by myself and just call in more of the aids to help, but no one’s answering. It’s just me, Jack, and Elsa.

J: Slow down. (finally getting a word in edgewise) I can be there by 4. Is that early enough?

SS: (gasping and relieved) Yes! Yes, that’s perfect! God, John, thank you. I’m so sorry about this.

J: It’s no trouble, Sarah. Just know you owe us a visit with Madeleine.

SS: (a smile in her voice) Done. Thanks so much, John.

J: You’re welcome. I’ll see you later. Ta.

(John hits end and pockets the mobile.)

S: Was that Greg? I have been resolutely ignoring his calls.

(John turns to see his fiance standing in the doorway.)

J: So I’ve noticed.

(He gets on his knees and peers under the sofa, finding a black sock. Getting back to his feet and walking toward Sherlock, he holds up the red pants.)

J We nearly left these behind.

(The detective pretends he doesn’t care, but John can see the shadow of pique in his eyes and smiles as he presses them into Sherlock’s hand. The detective shoves them in his pocket and looks down at John.)

S: (cocking a brow) Greg will seek out our help with the triple murder case as soon as we enter the city.

J: (playfully) Ah. So you have done a little looking after all.

(Sherlock shrugs as he rests his hands on John’s hips and gives him a quick, soft kiss.)

S: You were having a ridiculously long lie-in. I needed something to do before I woke you for farewell sex.

(John smiles at the memory and gives the man in his arms a squeeze.)

J: And we’ll need to have welcome home sex after you’ve solved the case.

S: After I’ve solved it? Won’t you be with me?

J: Yeah, about that. (He looks at Sherlock apologetically.) That was Sarah. The surgery is open until eight and it’s just her and a couple of the medical aids. I said I’d help out. Sorry.

(Sherlock pouts with those glorious lips that John can’t help but kiss and then suck lightly. A low moan rises from Sherlock’s throat and he pulls John’s hips close to his own. When the doctor leans back to meet Sherlock’s eyes, he sees pools of silver mischief.)

S: We are definitely having sex as soon as I get home.

(John laughs as Sherlock presses another kiss to his lips and then leads him out of the cottage by the hand. They both stand before the small two-story and grin. Sherlock tilts his head a little and gives John a sideways look. John turns to see a knowing smile playing at Sherlock’s lips and laughs. The detective joins in and then kisses his doctor once more. When their chuckles die down, Sherlock slides his arms around John’s body and faces him adoringly.)

S: Let’s go home.

***

G: Thanks, Sherlock.

(They watch as Sally Donovan and two uniformed officers drag the author of the triple murder case to a police car and push him inside.)

G: Will John be home waiting?

(Sherlock reads 10:30 on his watch and nods at the DI.)

S: Most certainly. The surgery closed its doors at eight o’clock. He would have arrived home at least an hour ago.

G: Better get yourself home then.

S: (with a congenial smile) Good evening, Greg.

G: Night.

(Sherlock catches a cab and sets off for Baker Street. He removes his mobile from his coat pocket and types out a message.

On my way. Greet me naked, if convenient. SH

He looks out of the window for a moment, watching as people hurry in and out of the streetlights that illuminate the dark night. Smiling to himself, he sends John another message.

If not convenient, greet me naked anyway. SH )

(Sherlock pockets the mobile and looks out the window again. Now that they are back in London, he can actually arrange their wedding instead of just thinking about it. The date they settled on in Cornwall is just over two months away, so he must get invitations out to the small group they intend to invite. Sherlock gazes thoughtfully at the darkened sidewalks. He knows a calligrapher who could quickly make the handful he and John need. The detective could put them in the hands of their guests within the next few days.

He resolves to make the design he already has stored in his mind palace digital in the morning and then send it to his friend. Friend? Sherlock frowns slightly. He has used that word to describe people he’s known for some time quite a bit of late. He never thought he had friends before meeting John, and was absolutely convinced that John was his only one. It certainly seemed true at the time. Until John got him to see how Greg felt about him. And Angelo and so many others.

Angelo. A part of Sherlock would like to ask Angelo to cater the wedding, but he’d rather see the man simply attend and enjoy himself. Fortunately, Sherlock knows just the place to do it and transporting the food to the Holmes property out of the city will be no trouble for them.

The detective methodically moves down a checklist he has been keeping since John agreed to be his husband. He will order the flowers and decorations, the cake, the music. Aside from his own, of course. He has been writing a piece for violin and will play it just before their first dance as husbands. Sherlock’s lips curl into a smile as he sees himself and John dancing together slowly in the eyes of all their friends. He catches himself sighing quietly and rolls his eyes. He was once above such sentimentality. What has John Watson done to him?

Lost in his thoughts, Sherlock doesn’t notice the cab has stopped until its driver informs him in a rather loud, but friendly voice. Sherlock pays the man and climbs out of the car. He glances at his mobile as he approaches the door to the building and sees that John never texted him back. Not even one of those eye-rolling emojis he is so fond of. Sherlock shrugs and unlocks the door.)

(When he steps into 221B a minute later, the beaming face and naked body dripping of pure sex that he expects are not there. The flat, in fact, appears to be completely dark. Sherlock sheds his coat and scarf, and toes off his shoes. He rounds the corner to their bedroom, imaging John waiting for him in the bed with not a stitch on his glorious body, but the light at the end of the hall is also turned off. The detective silently continues on his quest for the short doctor. The surgery must have been packed and, coupled with the day’s long drive, John must have been exhausted and gone straight to bed. He would’ve had no idea when Sherlock would arrive home, after all.)

(Sherlock quietly enters the room, eyes immediately finding the bed. The room is barely lit by a streetlight that is obscured by thin curtains, but even in the dim light, Sherlock can tell that the bed is empty. He flips on the light switch and frowns. Looking to his left, he sees their still unpacked cases next to the door. There is no lingering humidity from the shower John always takes after a shift at the surgery to rid himself of antiseptic and other associated stenches. The scents of his soap and shampoo are absent as well. Nor is there the spiced smell of take away.

Sherlock’s heart goes cold, every muscle in his body tense. John has not been back to their flat since he left for work hours ago.

His mind begins to whirl with the possibilities. The detective starts when a ring from his mobile crashes into the silence. It’s Greg. The color drains from Sherlock’s already pale face. He answers with a steady voice and shaking hands.)

S: Lestrade.

G: Sherlock. (The DI sounds quiet and nervous. And scared.) I need you at the surgery now. It’s John.

***

(Sherlock waits impatiently in the cab, tapping his foot on the car floor and looking anxiously across the front seat out the windshield. He slides up the seat to perch on its edge when the cab slows to a stop. There are flashing police lights four or five blocks ahead and a line of cars in between. The cabby’s gruff voice remarks that the detective would get to his destination faster on foot just in time to turn and see two bills float into the front seat with him. He looks out the side window to see his former passenger running down the pavement toward the lights. The driver shrugs and turns on his radio.

Sherlock arrives at the surgery in minutes, bumper to bumper traffic all along his run. Police cars and ambulances block most of the street, leaving only one lane and officers directing. Police tape is draped around the building’s entrance with officers everywhere. Sherlock stops dead when he sees Sally Donovan pacing by the tape a few feet from the surgery’s door. An officer steps up to tell her something as Sherlock approaches. She gives him a stern nod and a few terse words, the detective catching her eye when the officer hurries away. Sally nods at Sherlock in a similar way and raises the tape for him to enter. They walk briskly to the door.)

S: Where is she?

SD: Inside. There are two others. (He looks at her as they enter.) Both dead.

(Sherlock glances around the waiting room full of pleasantly upholstered chairs with an occasional table for magazines, a water cooler next to the door leading to the examination rooms and offices. In front of him is a tall reception counter. Anderson’s minions are everywhere, dusting and peering.)

SD: She’s back there.

(They start across the room. Sherlock looks toward reception as they go and observes two techs on their knees next to a woman lying dead on the floor. Shot expertly in the chest. Straight through the heart. Professional.

Sally leads him through the door and into the hall that leads to exam and supply rooms, loos, and offices. Several techs are moving in and out of an exam room a few doors down to the right. Sherlock can hear Anderson speaking loudly over the din)

SD: The other medical aid is down there. Shot just like the first one.

(Sherlock turns his head to look at her, but sees around her instead. Down the hall, techs are going in and out of doors, stepping around two officers standing guard at John’s office door. He strides quickly through the hall. Blood is smeared on the floor from the office door to one of the exam rooms. Sherlock quickens his already swift pace, stopping at the door just as Greg Lestrade comes out of it. The DI’s hand is at the base of his own neck, having just run it through his salt and pepper hair. His brown eyes are wide as he meets the sharp silver of the detective’s.)

G: She’s in here and she’s asking for you. It’s bad.

S: And John?

G: He’s gone.

(Greg steps into the office and to the side, so the other two can follow him in. Paramedics surround Sarah Sawyer where she lies on the floor next to John’s desk in a pool of blood. Sherlock can see at a glance that it is too much to be only her own, in spite of her obvious wounds. She has been shot twice, once high in each shoulder. Not fatal unless she were to lose consciousness without calling for help and bleed out. Even then, it would take hours. Sarah is mouthing off to the medics and being generally uncooperative as Sherlock comes near. For the first time, he can see why John likes her so much. Her eyes widen when she notices him. Her expression is somewhere between relief and terror.)

SS: John. They took him.

Medic: Slow down, Doctor. You need to relax.

SS: Fuck off! (turning to Sherlock, face full of worry) He shot him. The blonde one. He was losing so much blood. (Sherlock squats at her side and she clutches desperately at his arm.) I tried to convince them to let me help, but they wouldn’t listen. Just dragged him to the exam room to bandage him up. Sherlock, John will die without surgery. He has to get that bullet out. It’s his shoulder in nearly the same place as the war wound.

S: The two men. What did they look like? 

(Sarah stills, but for a hard shiver through her body. Her hand squeezes tighter on Sherlock’s arm. Her eyes bore into his with a piercing cold.)

SS: He told me to give you a message. (Sherlock cocks a brow.) He had dark hair and gave the orders. Said he’s an old friend of yours and John’s.

(Sherlock clenches his jaw. His eyes are pure steel. He vaguely hears Greg rub his hands over his face and Sally gasp behind him.)

S: What is the message? Tell me what he said, exactly what he said.

SS: (swallowing hard) He said John belongs to him. You took his property and you’ll pay. You’ll both pay.

(Silence hangs heavy in the air like a dense fog. Sherlock feels Sarah’s words sink into his bones, replacing his blood with ice. A chill settles over his body. He wipes his hands over his own mouth as he looks into Sarah’s pleading eyes.)

SS: I’m sorry. It’s my fault. I saw Jack walking him to the exam room, but I didn’t know who he was. I didn’t warn John. I should’ve warned John! And now… There’s no way he’ll live without medical attention.

(Sherlock closes his eyes briefly and opens them with new resolve. He places his own hand on Sarah’s and gives it a firm, but brief squeeze.)

S: I’ll find him. (looking at her with a penetrating stare) But you must tell me everything they said and did, every detail. Leave nothing out.

(Sherlock can feel the glare of the medics. He looks at Sarah’s bandaged shoulders and then back to her cool blue eyes.)

S: Can you do that?

SS: (with sincere eyes) I’ll be fine. He wanted me to give you the message. I heard him call the police himself as the other one dragged John out. I’m fine, I promise.

(The medics grumble. Sally shifts on her feet. Greg rests a hand on Sherlock’s shoulder. The detective meets Sarah’s eyes.)

S: Tell me everything.

[astarkey]

Rules: Answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you would like to get to know better (or don’t it’s up to you!)

tagged by @alwaysupatnight Thank you lovely!!! 😁💖

Nickname(s): Ash

Gender: Female

Sign: Taurus

Height: 5’6

Time: 6:42 PM EST

Fav band(s): Silverchair, Deftones, Soundgarden, Incubus, Nine Inch Nails, Alice in Chains, Warpaint, Sneaker Pimps, Radiohead, Nirvana, Foo Fighters, Drain STH, Pearl Jam, Nothing But Thieves, etc.

Fav solo artist(s): Aaliyah, Jeff Buckley, Banks, Jhené Aiko, Sabrina Claudio, Natalie Imbruglia, Utada Hikaru, Sade, Janet Jackson, Mariah Carey, Sarah McLachlan, Chelsea Wolfe, Whitney Houston, Toni Braxton, etc.

Song stuck in my head: Eighties by Killing Joke

Last movie I saw: From Dusk Till Dawn

Last show I watched: Married… With Children

When did I create my blog: February 2012

What do I post: Music, tv shows, movies, video games, anime, art, basically anything I like (it’s a HUGE mess lol)

Last thing I Googled: styrial bluefin tuna (I’m trying to catch a fish in Final Fantasy XV haha)

Do I have any other blogs: My Silverchair fanfic blog, but sadly, that’s been inactive for a while.

Do I get asks: Yeah, but rarely.

Why did I chose my URL: I wanted my blog to be personal and my URL to be original, so I just used my name and rearranged them.

Following: 381

Followed by: 975

Average hours of Sleep: 7-8 Hours

Lucky number: 1, 7, or 9

Instruments: Piano, guitar, drums (I’m not the best at all of them since I’m still learning, but I can play some pretty cool tunes on the guitar lol :p)

What I am wearing: A black t-shirt that says “LOVE” on the front in pink, and my high school blue mesh shorts.

Dream job: Animator and musician (but animation is what I’m already doing, so that’s 1 out of 2 that came true lol.)

Dream trip: California or somewhere on the west coast, Australia, Japan, Canada, and France

Fav food: Mac & Cheese all the way!

Nationality: American

Fav song: I have WAY too many favorites, so I’m just gonna name a song that’s currently my favorite haha. Caught a Lite Sneeze by Tori Amos

Last book I read: I have no idea, I think it was probably A Yellow Raft in Blue Water by Michael Dorris (I haven’t picked up a book in a while as you can tell lmao)

Top 3 fictional universes I wanna join: Harry Potter for sure haha, Cowboy Bebop, and Final Fantasy

I tag: @obsessivecompulsivee, @wishfulthinkingandfantasy, @msdeathhouse, @clarkebell, @eizagonzalezs, @grmy, @diivasataniica, @divinequeer, @punkrockromantic, @ambrosiaswhispers, @quaeveritaserum, @bloodychamber, @exhaustedmaddie, @sarahandrelouise, @wandering-around-the-world8, @maikmakridi, @the-highest-most-exalted-one, @davegahanarchive, @margaretophelia, @famousflowermagazine, @canarydown, @sowhatelseisblu, @dream-land-l, @mothdecay, @grantcary, and anyone else who wants to do this! (But everybody I’ve tagged don’t have to do this! 😊)

[humansareweirdsedition]

Humans Are Weird: Women’s Edition Side Stories

Up until second part of this story is what happened to me today at school. I’m not even kidding. This literally happened. Just imagine me as our story’s main character and this is essentially what happened.

By the way, I go to an American university, but this side story takes place in Jordan because that’s where Fatima’s family currently lives.

Aisha sat in class as Dr. Whitethorn lectured about grant funding and how to differentiate legitimate from predatory scientific conferences. Aisha glanced up to her left, taking a quick look at the clock. Only two o’clock. Hope we get out of class early, she thought before glancing back at the lecture slides.

Again, Aisha’s mind wandered away; she was not interested in today’s lecture. Instead of listening, she people-watched from her seat near the door that gave her a clear view of the well-lit hallway and dimly-lit space between her class and the one a yard across from her. However, she tried to focus on the lecture, on knowing the red flags of predatory scams included no official conference website, no conference committee, etc, etc... And her mind wandered again to the door, but only to catch a glimpse of a blond young man dressed in black lurking outside of the other classroom. What’s that guy doing? Is that a gun? Aisha tired to catch a glimpse of the telltale bright orange gun tip of BB guns on the young man’s gun; she desperately prayed within the next five seconds to spot the bright orange tip that she was not seeing—

Suddenly the man rushed into the classroom across from hers and shouted “GET DOWN ON THE GROUND!” followed by a loud THUMP. Panicked, Aisha and her class rushed to the blackboard, hiding from the sight of the gunman. In that split second, Aisha thought whether she should grab her jacket; should she grab all her belongings; should be barricade the door with the chairs? She was fucking terrified, just like the rest of her class.

Huddled in the corner with her classmates, Aisha pulled out her Comm Dev and half-whispered to Dr. Whitethorn: “Should I call the police?!”

Dr. Whitethorn nodded. “Yes, I don’t have my phone on me.” Just as she spoke, another THUMP sounded and Aisha, with trembling fingers, tried to recall how to type in 211 into her Comm Dev.

The next three seconds were agonizing as her Comm Dev rang once and a calm woman’s voice sounded on the other side of the communication. “211, what’s your emergency?”

Aisha, her voice trembling as much as the rest of her body, stammered. “A-A man with-with a-a g-gun just walked into the classroom across from us... H-He yelled—” I don’t remember what he yelled, something like ‘get down’ or ‘get down on the ground’, but maybe I imagined that? Oh no. Everyone’s hushing me, telling me to whisper. I need to learn to whisper. “—and then a-a sound—”

The 211-operator asked, “Ma’am, where are you located?”

“T-The fourth f-floor of the main building, of the U-University of Jo-Jordan.”

“Ma’am, I don’t know where that is. What is the address?”

Shit, what is the address? “I don’t know the address. It’s just the main building. T-The fourth floor.”

“What street is it on? Al Jama’a?”

“I don’t know. Oh—” Jennifer, who Aisha was huddled against, had pulled up the address of the school. “Queen Rania St 275, Amman.”

“Can you say the address again, ma’am? 27—”

“275, Queen Rania—Wait.”

“WE’RE OKAY!” Just as Aisha tried to finish the address again, Jonathan walked into the room and announced they were safe from the gunman because the young man wasn’t a real gunman.

“It’s not real,” she said as a relief washed over her.

“Ma’am, what’s going on?” the 211-operator asked.

“It wasn’t real,” she replied, still trembling, but with a lighter heart.

“Are you sure?”

Aisha paused and captured bits and pieces of what Jonathan was saying to them. “Y-Yes, it was a-a drill for the other class. Oh Allah. That wasn’t funny. We’re okay. It’s okay.”

“Okay ma’am.” And that ended the communication.

Aisha and her class spent the next ten to fifteen minutes getting their nerves back and laughing at themselves over the whole incident.

“So, what was that about?” “I didn’t even see the gun. I just heard him yelling.” “Apparently, it was an A.L.I.C.E. training for the Introducing University Life course.” “God, that was terrifying.” “The guy from the other class is going to come over later to talk to us about what happened.”

Dr. Whitethorn said to Aisha “I didn’t even know what was happening. I was just watching the expressions on your face change.”

Aisha nervously laughed, most of her trembling having subsided by then. “Yeah, I was looking for the yellow-orange thing that goes on BB guns.”

“It was a BB gun?!”

“No, I was looking for the orange, bright tip thing that goes on top. I was hoping it was a toy.”

Samira, from the seat beside Aisha, laughed. “I didn’t even know he had a gun until you said so.”

Aisha shook her head and giggled. “That was the only reason I was making those faces.”

Sarah and Janet, on the other side of the room, added to the conversation. Sarah said, “We were going to barricade the door with the table.”

Janet nodded, “Yeah, we were going to do it in another minute.”

Aisha felt relief that she wasn’t the only one thinking about barricading the door, but they had a better idea on how to do it.

Jennifer then jumped into the conversation, saying, “I was debating whether or not to bring my things with me—”

“Oh, that’s a smart idea,” Dr. Whitethorn interjected.

“—Yeah, like, I didn’t want him to know people were in here.”

Then Rachel added, “I literally texted my mom ‘I love you’ during the whole thing. She texted back me back, ‘You know this is your mom, right?’ Like, I know you are.” They all burst into laughter and talked and talked, letting out nerves, shared thoughts, and relief.

After another few minutes, Dr. Whitethorn tried to steer them back to the lecture slides, but Aisha’s mind definitely did not want to focus anymore. Aisha was focused on people-watching again; she watched as the other class let out and impatiently waited for whoever was supposed to talk to them about the fake gunman.

Eventually, a large, imposing man, a least foot taller than the student who played the gunman. The man knocked on the door, giving Dr. Whitethorn a scare, before she invited him into the room to introduce himself to their class. “Hello everyone,” he began as he put his bag down on the nearby recycling bin, “I am Sergeant Richard Qasim and I am impressed by all of you. Never in my career have I seen anyone, any class, act like you all did. No one, especially not from one of my classes, has reacted so strongly and correctly at the prospect of a potential shooter.” Sgt. Qasim continued to praise them and explain how what happened earlier was part of an advanced A.L.I.C.E. training for the other class. He explained how A.L.I.C.E. stood for alert, lockdown, inform, counter, and evacuate; he told them about the university’s first responders app; and then he gave them future advice on barricading the door using the table and Comm Dev connection cables. After a few laughs and complaints, including showing them how the gun was a bold navy blue toy gun and a black handgun, he parted ways with them after he praised them more for their quick actions.

“Well,” Dr. Whitethorn began, “I don’t suppose anyone feels like finishing class. Everyone’s nerves are still running high.” Aisha and her classmates voiced their agreements. “Alright class, I’ll see you next time.” And, with that, class was dismissed.

“A FAKE GUNMAN?! WHAT?!” Aisha’s mother, Fatima, practically screamed during their FaceSpeak session on Aisha’s Comm Dev.

Aisha laughed, trying to reassure her mother, “Mama, I’m okay. We’re all okay—”

“—Silence, you are not okay, you empty head! They should have warned your class! You’re still trembling even now. No, I can see you are still afraid, habibti. I’m going to file a complaint to the university—”

“And what, Mama? You’re, like, thirty-seven billion light years away. I’m fine. I’ll be fine, Mama. Besides, I only go to the university for my advanced courses two days out of the week. Sorry Mama, I have to go. I need to wake up early for school tomorrow. See you. Love you. Bye.

Fatima groaned at the blank Comm screen after her daughter cut their FaceSpeak session early. Reclining in her office chair, Fatima wondered where Aisha got her free-natured spirit from. Well, she is just beginning her teenage years, Fatima thought, the child’s bound to brush things like this off. Kids always feel like they’re invincible. Sighing, Fatima stood and stretched her body, trying to rid herself of her worries, though she knew that would be impossible. Aisha was her only child, born from her child-marriage, and the light of her life. No one could compare to her little Aisha, her beautiful child. Then again, I don’t let that many people into my heart in the first place.

“Fatima,” Lt. Gen. Vallion poke their head into her office. “I have a problem.” Vallion’s ears were drooped and she could hear their tail swishing the air behind them.

Smiling, Fatima asked, “And what is the problem?” as she grabbed her hoodie and walked over to them.

Vallion remained hesitant until she was by their side. “...I accidentally threw Noor’s favorite sweater into the incinerator. I didn’t mean it! The sweater was already in the disposables bin, but you know how she can sometimes just leave things lying around...”

Unable to stifle her laughter, Fatima assured Vallion she would help them out. “First, you need to search for an equally high-quality sweater to replace the one you destroyed. The higher the quality, the more likely she’ll forgive you. Second, you need to apologize and explain the situation.”

“But she’s as scary as you when you’re pissed at me,” Vallion whined, anguishing over their dilemma.

She rolled her eyes. “And you are the superior officer, so I don’t know why you’re being such as pussyfoot. C’mon, Mx. Lt. Gen. Vallion.” Squarely smacking them in the back, Fatima couldn’t help thinking how different her life now was.  I don’t let that many people into my heart, but the ones I do let in are always the best.

[snowwolf1118]

Humans Are Weird: Women’s Edition Side Stories

Up until second part of this story is what happened to me today at school. I’m not even kidding. This literally happened. Just imagine me as our story’s main character and this is essentially what happened.

By the way, I go to an American university, but this side story takes place in Jordan because that’s where Fatima’s family currently lives.

Aisha sat in class as Dr. Whitethorn lectured about grant funding and how to differentiate legitimate from predatory scientific conferences. Aisha glanced up to her left, taking a quick look at the clock. Only two o’clock. Hope we get out of class early, she thought before glancing back at the lecture slides.

Again, Aisha’s mind wandered away; she was not interested in today’s lecture. Instead of listening, she people-watched from her seat near the door that gave her a clear view of the well-lit hallway and dimly-lit space between her class and the one a yard across from her. However, she tried to focus on the lecture, on knowing the red flags of predatory scams included no official conference website, no conference committee, etc, etc... And her mind wandered again to the door, but only to catch a glimpse of a blond young man dressed in black lurking outside of the other classroom. What’s that guy doing? Is that a gun? Aisha tired to catch a glimpse of the telltale bright orange gun tip of BB guns on the young man’s gun; she desperately prayed within the next five seconds to spot the bright orange tip that she was not seeing—

Suddenly the man rushed into the classroom across from hers and shouted “GET DOWN ON THE GROUND!” followed by a loud THUMP. Panicked, Aisha and her class rushed to the blackboard, hiding from the sight of the gunman. In that split second, Aisha thought whether she should grab her jacket; should she grab all her belongings; should be barricade the door with the chairs? She was fucking terrified, just like the rest of her class.

Huddled in the corner with her classmates, Aisha pulled out her Comm Dev and half-whispered to Dr. Whitethorn: “Should I call the police?!”

Dr. Whitethorn nodded. “Yes, I don’t have my phone on me.” Just as she spoke, another THUMP sounded and Aisha, with trembling fingers, tried to recall how to type in 211 into her Comm Dev.

The next three seconds were agonizing as her Comm Dev rang once and a calm woman’s voice sounded on the other side of the communication. “211, what’s your emergency?”

Aisha, her voice trembling as much as the rest of her body, stammered. “A-A man with-with a-a g-gun just walked into the classroom across from us... H-He yelled—” I don’t remember what he yelled, something like ‘get down’ or ‘get down on the ground’, but maybe I imagined that? Oh no. Everyone’s hushing me, telling me to whisper. I need to learn to whisper. “—and then a-a sound—”

The 211-operator asked, “Ma’am, where are you located?”

“T-The fourth f-floor of the main building, of the U-University of Jo-Jordan.”

“Ma’am, I don’t know where that is. What is the address?”

Shit, what is the address? “I don’t know the address. It’s just the main building. T-The fourth floor.”

“What street is it on? Al Jama’a?”

“I don’t know. Oh—” Jennifer, who Aisha was huddled against, had pulled up the address of the school. “Queen Rania St 275, Amman.”

“Can you say the address again, ma’am? 27—”

“275, Queen Rania—Wait.”

“WE’RE OKAY!” Just as Aisha tried to finish the address again, Jonathan walked into the room and announced they were safe from the gunman because the young man wasn’t a real gunman.

“It’s not real,” she said as a relief washed over her.

“Ma’am, what’s going on?” the 211-operator asked.

“It wasn’t real,” she replied, still trembling, but with a lighter heart.

“Are you sure?”

Aisha paused and captured bits and pieces of what Jonathan was saying to them. “Y-Yes, it was a-a drill for the other class. Oh Allah. That wasn’t funny. We’re okay. It’s okay.”

“Okay ma’am.” And that ended the communication.

Aisha and her class spent the next ten to fifteen minutes getting their nerves back and laughing at themselves over the whole incident.

“So, what was that about?” “I didn’t even see the gun. I just heard him yelling.” “Apparently, it was an A.L.I.C.E. training for the Introducing University Life course.” “God, that was terrifying.” “The guy from the other class is going to come over later to talk to us about what happened.”

Dr. Whitethorn said to Aisha “I didn’t even know what was happening. I was just watching the expressions on your face change.”

Aisha nervously laughed, most of her trembling having subsided by then. “Yeah, I was looking for the yellow-orange thing that goes on BB guns.”

“It was a BB gun?!”

“No, I was looking for the orange, bright tip thing that goes on top. I was hoping it was a toy.”

Samira, from the seat beside Aisha, laughed. “I didn’t even know he had a gun until you said so.”

Aisha shook her head and giggled. “That was the only reason I was making those faces.”

Sarah and Janet, on the other side of the room, added to the conversation. Sarah said, “We were going to barricade the door with the table.”

Janet nodded, “Yeah, we were going to do it in another minute.”

Aisha felt relief that she wasn’t the only one thinking about barricading the door, but they had a better idea on how to do it.

Jennifer then jumped into the conversation, saying, “I was debating whether or not to bring my things with me—”

“Oh, that’s a smart idea,” Dr. Whitethorn interjected.

“—Yeah, like, I didn’t want him to know people were in here.”

Then Rachel added, “I literally texted my mom ‘I love you’ during the whole thing. She texted back me back, ‘You know this is your mom, right?’ Like, I know you are.” They all burst into laughter and talked and talked, letting out nerves, shared thoughts, and relief.

After another few minutes, Dr. Whitethorn tried to steer them back to the lecture slides, but Aisha’s mind definitely did not want to focus anymore. Aisha was focused on people-watching again; she watched as the other class let out and impatiently waited for whoever was supposed to talk to them about the fake gunman.

Eventually, a large, imposing man, a least foot taller than the student who played the gunman. The man knocked on the door, giving Dr. Whitethorn a scare, before she invited him into the room to introduce himself to their class. “Hello everyone,” he began as he put his bag down on the nearby recycling bin, “I am Sergeant Richard Qasim and I am impressed by all of you. Never in my career have I seen anyone, any class, act like you all did. No one, especially not from one of my classes, has reacted so strongly and correctly at the prospect of a potential shooter.” Sgt. Qasim continued to praise them and explain how what happened earlier was part of an advanced A.L.I.C.E. training for the other class. He explained how A.L.I.C.E. stood for alert, lockdown, inform, counter, and evacuate; he told them about the university’s first responders app; and then he gave them future advice on barricading the door using the table and Comm Dev connection cables. After a few laughs and complaints, including showing them how the gun was a bold navy blue toy gun and a black handgun, he parted ways with them after he praised them more for their quick actions.

“Well,” Dr. Whitethorn began, “I don’t suppose anyone feels like finishing class. Everyone’s nerves are still running high.” Aisha and her classmates voiced their agreements. “Alright class, I’ll see you next time.” And, with that, class was dismissed.

“A FAKE GUNMAN?! WHAT?!” Aisha’s mother, Fatima, practically screamed during their FaceSpeak session on Aisha’s Comm Dev.

Aisha laughed, trying to reassure her mother, “Mama, I’m okay. We’re all okay—”

“—Silence, you are not okay, you empty head! They should have warned your class! You’re still trembling even now. No, I can see you are still afraid, habibti. I’m going to file a complaint to the university—”

“And what, Mama? You’re, like, thirty-seven billion light years away. I’m fine. I’ll be fine, Mama. Besides, I only go to the university for my advanced courses two days out of the week. Sorry Mama, I have to go. I need to wake up early for school tomorrow. See you. Love you. Bye.

Fatima groaned at the blank Comm screen after her daughter cut their FaceSpeak session early. Reclining in her office chair, Fatima wondered where Aisha got her free-natured spirit from. Well, she is just beginning her teenage years, Fatima thought, the child’s bound to brush things like this off. Kids always feel like they’re invincible. Sighing, Fatima stood and stretched her body, trying to rid herself of her worries, though she knew that would be impossible. Aisha was her only child, born from her child-marriage, and the light of her life. No one could compare to her little Aisha, her beautiful child. Then again, I don’t let that many people into my heart in the first place.

“Fatima,” Lt. Gen. Vallion poke their head into her office. “I have a problem.” Vallion’s ears were drooped and she could hear their tail swishing the air behind them.

Smiling, Fatima asked, “And what is the problem?” as she grabbed her hoodie and walked over to them.

Vallion remained hesitant until she was by their side. “...I accidentally threw Noor’s favorite sweater into the incinerator. I didn’t mean it! The sweater was already in the disposables bin, but you know how she can sometimes just leave things lying around...”

Unable to stifle her laughter, Fatima assured Vallion she would help them out. “First, you need to search for an equally high-quality sweater to replace the one you destroyed. The higher the quality, the more likely she’ll forgive you. Second, you need to apologize and explain the situation.”

“But she’s as scary as you when you’re pissed at me,” Vallion whined, anguishing over their dilemma.

She rolled her eyes. “And you are the superior officer, so I don’t know why you’re being such as pussyfoot. C’mon, Mx. Lt. Gen. Vallion.” Squarely smacking them in the back, Fatima couldn’t help thinking how different her life now was.  I don’t let that many people into my heart, but the ones I do let in are always the best.

[asmilemakesadarkdaybright-blog]

Google earth offline part 1.

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[womenofcolor15]

The Oscars Were Pretty Dry, But The Afterparty & Watch Party Scene HIT – The Wades, The Wests, The Wilsons, Klay & Laura, Kerry, Tracee, Tessa, Lena & MORE!

In case the Oscars didn’t do it for you, the afterparty scene was super LIT. Go inside to see how your faves Kanye & Kim West, Gabby & D.Wade, Ciara & Russell Wilson, Tracee Ellis Ross, Tessa Thompson, Lena Waithe and tons more hit the afterparty scene….

This year’s Oscars ceremony was REAL white, dry and unseasoned.

However, the afterparty scene was lit with melanin and celebs def brought their A+ fashion game to Vanity Fair’s annual Oscars afterparty - hosted by Radhika Jones - held at Wallis Annenberg Center for the Performing Arts in Beverly Hills. All the “IT” folks were there to mix, mingle and have fun.

  OK...we see Gabrielle Union and her hubby Dwyane Wade coordinated their party 'fits.

Rocking a spring-inspired floral look, the former “AGT” judge slipped on a white strapless Giambattista Valli midi dress that featured white 3D flowers cinched at the waist with a diamond-encrusted belt. She paired the dress with a bomb pair of Jimmy Choo’s ‘Thyra’ sandals.

In case you've been under a rock, catch up on all the deets involving Gabby and her departure from "America's Got Talent" HERE.

Coordinating with his wife, the retired NBA baller rocked a white blazer with lace detailing, black trousers and black shoes. 

Mr. & Mrs. West were in the building! Rapper Kanye West showed up at the soiree in an all black Alfred Dunhill 'fit while his wife Kim Kardashian West rocked a dramatic Alexander McQueen dress for the festivities:

        View this post on Instagram

                  Before The Wests went to an Oscars party.... #KanyeWest #KimKardashianWest

A post shared by TheYBF (@theybf_daily) on Feb 10, 2020 at 5:54am PST

    We see you Queen!

American Son actress Kerry Washington killed this Zuhair Murad couture outfit, styled by Luxury Law.

If you haven't heard, she's starring opposite Reese Witherspoon in Hulu's upcoming miniseries, Little Fires Everywhere. Peep the explosive trailer HERE.

Another win for Zuhair Murad!

"black-ish" starlet Tracee Ellis Ross looked like goddess when she hit the carpet in this gold Zuhair Murad Spring 2020 Couture gown with a pleated cape.

The Golden Globe winning actress accessorized her look with Jennifer Meyer Jewelry.

Twirl sis!

        View this post on Instagram

                  @vanityfair portrait by @markseliger and BTS images by @katiecouric #vfoscars

A post shared by Tracee Ellis Ross (@traceeellisross) on Feb 10, 2020 at 1:01am PST

  The Wilsons have been super busy this week, hitting up fashion shows and doing date night. Ciara had to get cut out her dress, Russell Wilson has been getting clowned on social media for his new hair. Either way, they've been outside, bumping along with their growing baby.

The "Level Up" singer is pregnant with her third baby STILL out here looking like a bag of money: 

The "America's Most Talented Family" judge stunned in a custom sparkling Ralph & Russo gown that featured a thigh-high slit and crystals.

        View this post on Instagram

                      A post shared by Ciara (@ciara) on Feb 10, 2020 at 10:22am PST

Sheesh. We love to see it.

  We were counting on Chrissy Teigen to gives us some meme-able moments during the ceremony, but that sadly didn't happen. However, chick was on the afterparty scene with her hubby/EGOT John Legend.

The "Lip Sync Battle" color commentator floated on the carpet in a seafom green Georges Hobeika couture gown.

Speaking of EGOT...

Oscar nomiee Cynthia Erivo was in the running in two categories and had she won one, she would have officially reached EGOT status. Not only that, she would have been the youngest person and the one who reached the big feat the fastest. Unfortunately, she didn't nab an award last night, however, chick slayed the Oscars red carpet and the afterpary carpet.

The British born actress wowed in a lilac and teal gown with a thigh-high slit. It resembled her white Versace gown she wore on the carpet.

After chatting it up with celebs on the red carpet for the Oscars before the show, "POSE" actor Billy Porter changed from his Giles Deacon couture gown to something more dance ready. The Golden Globe nominated actor slipped into this custom purple and lilac Christian Siriano 'fit, topped with a custom Sarah Sokol Millinery brimmed hat, and a "F*CK U PAY ME" clutch by These Pink Lips.

Billy stay shutting down a carpet, honey.

Kiki Layne is def becoming one of our faves to see on a carpet because chick hardly ever disappoints. Like, ever.

The If Beale Street Could Talk actress looked regal in this sparkly gold Michael Kors gown, styled by Wayman and Micah. The hair, her skin...walking perfection.

        View this post on Instagram

                  #reginaking x #prada Hair: @larryjarahsims MUA: @makeupbylatrice x #vanityfair

A post shared by Wayman + Micah (@waymanandmicah) on Feb 10, 2020 at 8:59am PST

  After getting kissy with Brad Pitt, Oscar winning actress Regina King hit the afterparty scene in a baby blue and black Versace gown, styled by Wayman + Michah.

"Westworld" actress Tessa Thompson looked bomb on the carpet in this mint green trimmed in black vintage Versace high slit gown. Sis snapped with this one.

Actress Megalyn Echikunwoke posed it up at VF's afterparty after cheering her man Chris Rock on during the ceremony.

The "Almost Famous" actress posed it up in a white strappy Hamel gown paired with Stuart Weitzman heels.

Fab directress Ava DuVernay follows a specific blueprint when it comes to her red carpet looks and her Oscars look didn't stray from what works for her. The "When They See Us" director wore an emerald green Galia Lahav gown, styled by Jason Bolden.

On the carpet, the SELMA director snapped shots with EMMY winning writer Lena Waithe.

"The Chi" creator - who recently announced she was getting a divorce after less than a year of marriage - rocked Rich Fresh threads for the Oscars afterparty.

Television producer Shonda Rhimes was all smiles on the carpet in a printed black and white dress. 

Oscar winning producer Spike Lee kept his custom Gucci suit on where he paid tribute to the late NBA icon Kobe Bryant. His wife, Tonya Lewis Lee, joined him on the carpet.

Yasssss! Fashion model Halima Aden totally killed this look. She was styling and profiling in a custom-made Atelier by FANG signature pleated fan gown. It was def a one of a kind look that she pulled off perfectly:

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                  I MEANNN!!!! Dream dress thank you sooo much @katie.keim & @byfang_official for this one of a kind LOOK

A post shared by Halima (@halima) on Feb 9, 2020 at 10:46pm PST

  Hmmm...no. We're not feeling model Joan Smalls' Schiaparelli look. What about you all?

"This Is Us" actress Susan Kelechi Watson was picture perfect in Naeem Khan and Stuart Weitzman heels.

"Grey's Anatomy" star Jesse Williams hit the carpet solo, sans his girlfriend/ZOLA actress Taylour Paige.

Rapper Wiz Khalifa put his blunt down long enough to snap a flick on the carpet.

Hmm...do y'all see what we see, or are we reaching?

After celebrating her man's birthday, BlacKKKlansman starlet Laura Harrier posed it up with her BAE/Golden State Warriors player Klay Thompson.

The Spider-Man: Homecoming actress wore a Louis Vuitton ensemble that featured a bustier and a stripped skirt.

  Los Angeles Lakers player Anthony Davis brought his longtime girlfriend/mother of his daughter Marlen P. Both. It's rumored he may propose soon.

Singer Miguel and his wife Nazanin Mandi looked goodt.

Looks like singer Usher - in a silk Balmain 'fit - saw something that caught his eye.

Singer Anderson .Paak was too cool for school.

"How To Get Away With Murder" star Aja Naomi King looked like a princess in a Mylah Morales dress, styled by Wayman + Micah.

Come all the way through, Jurnee Smollett!

The Birds of Prey actor looked amazing in a black LBV plunging neckline hooded jersey gown, Jimmy Choo heels, styled by Luxury Law.

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                  Sometimes you just need a little bit of Grace in your life. #vanityfair #oscars

A post shared by Jurnee Smollett Bell (@jurneebell) on Feb 10, 2020 at 2:33am PST

  Musical icon Chaka Khan came though looking like the musical goddess that she is...high slits and all.

Bad Boys For Life actor Martin Lawrence brought his fiancee Roberta Moradfar to turn up.

"When They See Us" actor Michael K. Williams pulled up on the party scene.

"Parks & Recreation" star Rashida Jones wowed in a long, black gown.

Our political queen! 

Congresswoman Maxine Waters looked like a bag of money.

Maya Rudolph - who presented during the ceremony - kept it cute in a maroon mini dress.

Trans activist/"POSE" executive producer Janet Mock posed it up alongside "POSE" actor Angel Bismark Curiel.

"Queer Eye" star Karamo Brown and his fiance Ian Jordan got kissy on the carpet.

EMMY winner Keegan-Michael Key brought his wife/film producer Elisa Key as his date for the afterparty festivities.

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                  Tradition #vanityfairoscarparty

A post shared by Gabrielle Union-Wade (@gabunion) on Feb 10, 2020 at 8:33am PST

  Photos: Getty/MEGA/Backgrid/INSTAR

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