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fundiepredictions · 2 years ago

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What happend in 2022

January

Finley Marie Paine was born to Chad&Erin Paine (Bates)

Deborah Joy Waller was born to David&Priscilla Waller (Keller)

February

Jill&Derick Dillard (Duggar) announced they where expecting baby #3*

March

Jeremiah Duggar and Hannah Wissmann got married

Zade Patrick Steward was born to Carlin&Evan Stewart (Bates)

Cambria Rogers was born to Courtney&Christoffer Rogers

Jill&Derick Dillard (Duggar) announced their baby is a boy

Trace Bates proposed to Lydia Romeike

April

I started this blog

Carlin&Evan Stewart (Bates) bought a house

Jill&Derick Dillard (Duggar) announced they where moving because of Derick's new job

Nathan&Nurie Keller (Rodrigues) announced they where expecting baby #2

May

John&Esther Shrader (Keller) announced they where expecting baby #13

Nathan&Esther Bates (Keyes) announced they where expecting baby #1

John&Abbie Duggar (Burnett) announced they where expecting baby #2

Bobby&Tori Smith (Bates) announced they where expecting baby #4

Chad&Erin Paine announced they where moving

Truett Oliver Duggar was born to Jed&Katey Duggar (Nakatsu)

Lawson Bates and Tiffany Espensen got married

June

The photo of Josiah&Lauren Duggar (Swanson) in church with a baby carier was finaly found

Joseph&Kendra Duggar (Caldwell) where seen with another baby

Nathan&Esther Bates (Keyes) announced their baby is a girl and will be named Kenna Joy

Brynleigh Bontrager was born to Mitchell&Bryn Bontrager

Marlin Bontrager spoke about four grandchildren coming (before the birth of Brynleigh)

July

Sarah Maxwell got engaged to Kory Bollinger

Frederick Michael Dillard was born to Jill&Derick Dillard (Duggar)

Jackson Bates teased us for days about his girlfriend: Emerson Wells

Jeremiah&Allison Helferich (Bontrager) announced they where expecting baby #2

We figured out the two missing Bontrager grandbaby's are Carolina and Cassidy's baby. One was born on the 17th of july

August

Cambree Layne Smith was born to Tori&Bobby Smith (Bates)

Katie&Travis Clark (Bates) announced they are expecting baby #1

Sarah Maxwell and Kory Bollinger got married

Nathanael Wissmann proposed to his girlfriend Katrina Sahlstrom

Jeremiah&Hannah Duggar (Wissmann) announced they are expecting baby #1

September

John&Alyssa Webster (Bates) announced they are expecting baby #5

Travis&Katie Clark (Bates) announced they are expecting a girl and will be named Hailey James

Sawyer James Ballinger was born to Meagan&Bobby Ballinger (Forsyth)

October

John&Abbie Duggar (Burnett) announced the birth of Charlie Duggar in september

Trace Bates and Lydia Romeike got married

Ruth&Ryan Bourlier (Wissmann) announced they where expecting baby #5

Joy&Austin Forsyth (Duggar) announced they are expecting baby #3

Jeremiah&Hannah Duggar (Wissmann) announced their baby is a girl

Daniel Shrader was born to John&Esther Shrader (Keller)

Nathanael Wissmann and Katrina Sahlstrom got married

Kenna Joy Bates was born to Nathan&Esther Bates (Keyes)

John&Alyssa Webster (Bates) announced their baby is a boy

We learned about mystery grandDuggar #29

November

Kaylee Rodrigues and Jonathan Hill got married

Flint Billy Etbauer was born to Kord&Gracie Etbauer (Wikstrom)

Newman Christian Keller was born to Nathan&Nurie Keller (Rodrigues)

Mary Maxwell got engaged to Samuel Hook

Gemma Helferich was born to Jeremiah&Allison Helferich (Bontrager)

December

Chloe Ann Bourlier was born to Ruth&Ryan Bourlier (Wissmann)

Jed&Katey Duggar (Nakatsu) announced they are expecting baby #2, a girl, Nora Kate

Kaylee&Jonathan Hill (Rodrigues) announced they are expecting baby #1

We found out from the Duggar christmas video that Baby Duggar-Swanson #2 is probably a girl named Daisy

Chad&Erin Paine moved to Florida

#fundie #year review #duggar #bates #wissmann #bontrager #keller #maxwell #rodrigues #etbauer #ballinger #rogers

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funface2 · 5 years ago

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Paul Merton’s 36 best jokes and funniest one-liners from Have I Got News for You – iNews

He’s a mainstay of long-running panel show Have I Got News For You, and now funny-man Paul Merton is on a mission to unearth long-lost ancestors as part of BBC One’s Who Do You Think You Are?

To celebrate the quick-quipper’s nearly 40-year career, we’ve compiled almost as many of his best jokes and one-liners from his work on HIGNFY and beyond.

“I’m always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can’t understand is, if they don’t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?”

Angus Deayton: “And did you chat with the Queen Mother?” Paul Merton: “We talked about you.” Angus Deayton: “No, you didn’t.” Paul Merton: “Yes, we did.” Angus Deayton: “What did she say about me?” Paul Merton: “I’ve never heard such language in all my life.”

“I’ll never forget my first experience of swede. It was at school and I thought I was getting mashed potato. I’ve never got over it.”

“If you stay in a house and you go to the bathroom and there’s no toilet paper, you can always slide down the banisters. Don’t tell me you haven’t done it.”

“I don’t consider myself a fashion victim. I consider fashion a victim of me.”

Ian Hislop: “And they’re behind Theresa May like Stormtroopers!” Paul Merton: “You’re having one of your turns again, Ian! You asked us to tell you when it happens! His nose bleeds when he has to deal with Popular Culture…”

“I think Iran and Iraq had a war simply because their names are so similar. They keep getting each other’s post.”

(Photo: BBC)

“Every story ever written’s in the Dictionary! You just have to put the words in the right order.”

“Gromit is one of the great silent comedians. He’s up there with Buster Keaton and Charlie Chaplin. He may even be above them, because he’s still working.”

Sean Lock: “Only 2% of people go to church in this country.” Paul Merton: “And they’re priests!”

Jacob Rees-Mogg: “We know the plan! We are going to leave the EU! Brexit means Brexit!” Paul Merton: “That’s the Aim! What’s the plan?”

“My school days were the happiest days of my life, which should give you some indication of the misery I’ve endured over the past 25 years.”

“All disc jockeys are without talent. Noel Edmonds – I can’t stand Noel Edmonds.”

“Bono was up on stage saying ‘Every time I click my fingers, a child dies!’ and someone yelled ‘Well, stop clicking your fingers, then!’”

“The first Underground station ever opened was Baker Street in 1906. What was the point of that? Where would you go?”

[On Chris Evans] “He’s got the look of a comedian but without the talent or the writing ability or the timing.”

(Photo: Getty)

“On my first day in New York a guy asked me if I knew where Central Park was. When I told him I didn’t, he said: ‘Do you mind if I mug you here?’”

Clive Anderson: “Do you still live in Islington as well, Boris?” Boris Johnson: “Partly, yes.” Paul Merton: “I don’t think you live on the planet Earth, never mind Islington!”

“It’s amazing how many people think they’ve got dignity to lose, isn’t it?”

[On the Queen at Harry and Meghan’s reception] “She’ll have a footman chucking cheesy Wotsits at her.”

“Am I the only one who’s always tempted to light the wick on top of a beret?”

“My aunt died at precisely 10.47am and the old grandfather clock stopped at precisely the same time also. It fell on her.”

“Anne Widdecombe is the Odd One Out because she’s the only one holding a Decapitated Barn Owl.”

“There are various ways to give up smoking – nicotine patches, nicotine gum. My auntie used to pour a gallon of petrol over herself every morning.”

Frankie Boyle: “A new Superbreed of Sex-Mad, Sleepless Slugs has arrived from Spain.” Paul Merton: “Ah, an Alliterative Threat!”

(Photo: BBC)

“My hair’s got a life of its own. Last week I found it in the kitchen, making an omelette…”

[On reading the A to Z] “Can’t wait to see what happens at the end. The characters aren’t up to much but the places, they seem so real.”

“I used to go out with a giraffe. Used to take it to the pictures and that. You’d always get some bloke complaining that he couldn’t see the screen. It’s a giraffe, mate. What do you expect? ‘Well he can take his hat off for a start!’”

“Mugabe is a Yorkshireman in reverse. Because his name is Ee by gum backwards. 37 years waiting for that laugh…”

“You’ve heard of Sheep gambolling in the meadows, well it was Poker they were playing!”

Paul Merton: “He doesn’t look old enough to have been a Milkman for 50 years!” Host: “They start them very young there. As soon as you can reach the udder, you’re away.” Paul Merton: “That’s not just Milkmen. For many people, that’s a good night out!”

“It’s silly to make generalisations, but if you talk to anyone in the south for longer than five minutes, they will try to sell you fruit.”

Paul Merton: “There are other reasons for squinting in bed, of course.” Angus Deayton: “Such as?” Paul Merton: “Use your imagination, Angus! We’d send out a search party for it, but they’d never come back!”

“Michael Gove! That is how a man dresses when his wife doesn’t see him leaving the house.”

(Photo: BBC)

Host: “But who would have loved to have been there? Justin O’ Schmidt!” Paul Merton: “Did the vicar drop him at the Baptism?”

“I’ve never been disappointed by politicians. I’ve never invested that much in them in the first place.”

More jokes:

38 of the funniest cat jokes and memes Jeremy Hardy: remembering the comedian’s funniest jokes and quotes 34 of the best Valentine’s Day jokes and funniest one-liners 30 of Michael McIntyre’s best jokes and funniest one-liners Best father of the bride jokes for a wedding speech to remember 100 best Christmas jokes and funniest festive season one-liners 100 of the funniest dirty jokes that will make you laugh and gasp Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer’s 41 best jokes and most surreal quotes 30 of the best jokes about Theresa May 25 of Dara Ó Briain’s best jokes and funniest quotes 38 of the funniest Russell Howard jokes The 28 funniest Greg Davies jokes and quotes The best Graham Norton jokes and most scathing put-downs Here are 10 of the funniest jokes written by kids 35 of the funniest jokes by Northern comedians The 31 funniest South Park jokes and quotes 100 of the funniest ever jokes and best one-liners 100 of the best knock knock jokes (some of which are actually funny) 26 of Seann Walsh’s greatest jokes 16 of Barry Chuckle’s greatest jokes 34 of Lee Evans’ funniest jokes and quotes 30 of Romesh Ranganathan’s funniest jokes and quotes 26 of Sara Pascoe’s funniest jokes and quotes 41 of Eddie Izzard’s funniest jokes and quotes 41 of David Mitchell’s funniest jokes and quotes 21 of Rhod Gilbert’s funniest jokes and one-liners 45 of the funniest 8 out of 10 Cats jokes 41 of Stewart Francis’ most ingenious jokes and one-liners 19 of the funniest World Cup jokes from stand-up comedians 30 of Jack Whitehall’s funniest jokes 43 of the funniest Donald Trump jokes 100 pun-based jokes that will make you laugh and cringe 50 Edinburgh Fringe one-liners that deserved to win Funniest Joke 31 Best Man jokes that will work for any wedding 100 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds 105 of the best bad jokes 105 of the best clean jokes and one-liners 50 football jokes to make you laugh – or groan 100 of the best jokes for kids that are actually funny 25 of Peter Kay’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners 26 of Stewart Lee’s most gloriously acerbic jokes 49 of Monty Python’s funniest jokes 45 of Ricky Gervais’ funniest jokes 17 of Ken Dodd’s most ingeniously funny jokes 27 of Sarah Millican’s laugh out loud jokes 50 of Jimmy Carr’s funniest jokes and one-liners 50 of Milton Jones’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners 50 of Tim Vine’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners 50 of Frankie Boyle’s funniest (and darkest) jokes 25 of Charlie Brooker’s most cutting jokes and insults 25 of Lee Mack’s wittiest jokes and one-liners 75 of Billy Connolly’s best jokes, one-liners and quips 30 of the best-ever jokes about Scotland – from Scotland

And some hilarious quotes:

29 best Gavin and Stacey quotes and funniest jokes from James Corden and Ruth Jones’ comedy 38 of the funniest Ron Swanson quotes that made Parks and Recreation unmissable 31 Richard Madeley quotes, gaffes and surreal moments that prove he truly is Alan Partridge Valentine’s poems: 32 most romantic quotes from history’s greatest poets 38 of the most darkly funny League of Gentlemen quotes 41 of the funniest quotes from The Good Place about life and death 30 of Stephen Fry’s funniest jokes and quotes Burt Reynolds’ greatest quotes – remembering the actor’s wit and wisdom following his death aged 82 23 of Outnumbered’s funniest (and possibly unscripted) quotes) 35 of Blackadder’s most cunning quips and insults 29 of the most outlandishly funny Mighty Boosh quotes 20 of the most absurdly funny quotes from Nathan Barley 39 of the greatest Brass Eye and Day Today quotes 25 of the most outrageous Summer Heights High quotes 25 of Rik Mayall’s greatest quotes 25 of the funniest ever Still Game quotes 50 of the funniest Father Ted quotes Red Dwarf: 30 of the funniest quotes and one-liners Derry Girls: 35 of the funniest quotes and one-liners 25 of the most cantankerous Martin Crane quotes from Frasier 25 of the most ‘textbook’ Alan Partridge quotes 50 of the best lines from Peep Show 20 of The Young Ones’ most gloriously silly quotes

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Bài viết Paul Merton’s 36 best jokes and funniest one-liners from Have I Got News for You – iNews đã xuất hiện đầu tiên vào ngày Funface.

from Funface https://funface.net/funny-quotes/paul-mertons-36-best-jokes-and-funniest-one-liners-from-have-i-got-news-for-you-inews/

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citizenscreen · 6 years ago

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It’s 1919, 100 years ago this year. The U.S. President is Woodrow Wilson. The world population is about 4.4 billion. The cost of a first-class stamp rises mid-year from 2¢ to 3¢. Two pounds of roast beef costs about 38¢ and the most popular work of fiction is The Four Horseman of the Apocalypse by Vicente Blasco Ibáñez and the Pulitzer Prize for fiction goes to Booth Tarkington’s The Magnificent Ambersons. Former President, Theodore Roosevelt dies in his sleep at the age of 60 in January and the Influenza Pandemic rages on, killing more people in one year than during the four years of the black plague.

1919 is the year during which Major League Baseball suffers the worst scandal in the game’s history when nine players from the Chicago White Sox throw the World Series against the Cincinnati Reds. In a positive baseball light, 1919 is the year when Babe Ruth is sold by the Boston Red Sox to the New York Yankees for $125,000, the largest sum ever paid for a player at that time. The deal was announced on January 6, 1920.

The year sees the end of World War I with the signing of the Treaty of Versailles. The US Congress approves the 19th Amendment to the United States Constitution, which guaranteed voting for women, and sent it to the individual states for ratification. January of that year also brings the ratification of the 18th Amendment to take effect the following year.

Dial telephones were introduced by the American Telephone and Telegraph Company in 1919. Numerous important Broadway shows opened that year. You can take a look at the list at Broadway World. And then there were movies by what was by that time a robust industry. Here’s to them and the players who made them possible.

Celebrating a 100th Anniversary

The Movies

Top Grossing Films of 1919:

1. George Loane Tucker‘s The Miracle Man 2. Marshall Neilan‘s Daddy-Long-Legs 3. Ernst Lubitsch‘s Madame DuBarry 4. James Cruze‘s The Roaring Road 5. Victor Fleming‘s When the Clouds Roll By 6. James Cruze’s Hawthorne of the U.S.A. 7. D.W. Griffith‘s Broken Blossoms 8. Cecil B. DeMille‘s Male and Female

A gallery of some of the notable films released in 1919:

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The People

Listen to the top songs of 1919 here. Among the notables who had hits in 1919 are Al Jolson, Eddie Cantor, Bert Williams, and the Louisiana Five.

Popular Movie Stars:

Dorothy Gish

Pauline Frederick

Gloria Swanson

Douglas Fairbanks

Mary Pickford

Charlie Chaplin

Harold Lloyd

Roscoe Arbuckle

Rudolph Valentino

Lillian Gish

Harry Houdini

Lon Chaney

Tom Mix

You may recognize some of the famous faces born in 1919…

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The Debuts

Several would-be legends made their debut in 1919. Among them…

Boris Karloff in George B. Seitz‘s The Lightning Raider

Fritz Lang directed his first film, Halbblut

Vilma Bánky in Carl Boese‘s Im letzten Augenblick

Shemp Howard in Spring Fever (short)

Norma Shearer uncredited in Larry Semon’s The Star Boarder (short)

Oscar Micheaux became the first African-American to produce and direct a feature film when The Homesteader, starring pioneering Evelyn Preer, was released in 1919

Claire Windsor in Albert Parker‘s Eyes of Youth (uncredited)

Anna May Wong uncredited in Albert Capellani‘s The Red Lantern

Erich von Stroheim made his directorial debut with his own script for the film Blind Husbands released in 1919, a film in which he also starred as Lieutenant Eric Von Steuben.

Movie Happenings

A few of the significant movie-related events of 1919…

Charlie Chaplin, D. W. Griffith, Douglas Fairbanks Sr., and Mary Pickford established United Artists.

Charlie Chaplin begins work on The Kid, his first feature film. His co-star will be four-year-old Jackie Coogan.

The Barney Google cartoon strip, by Billy DeBeck, premiered. Originally Take Barney Google, F’rinstance, Barney was later joined by Snuffy smith.

Harold Lloyd suffered a serious accident while taking some publicity photos for his new series of two-reelers. He lit what he thought was a prop fuse bomb and posed with it when it went off. The accident resulted in his losing a thumb and index finger. Lloyd returned to the screen, however, as one of film history’s most daring actors.

United Artists’ first feature film, the comedy His Majesty, the American, premiered. Directed by Joseph Henabery the film starred one of the studio’s founders, Douglas Fairbanks.

Walt Disney teamed with Ub Iwerks to form Iwerks-Disney Commercial Artists (later known as Ub Iwerks), to create cartoon animations.

Max and Dave Fleischer‘s Out of the Inkwell series premiered, introducing KoKo the Clown, one of the first animated characters.

Felix the Cat first made his debut in Feline Follies

Rudolph Valentino married Jean Acker. The union lasted approximate six hours.

Valentino and Acker

Richard Rodgers and Lorenz Hart begin their professional songwriting partnership.

The “Ziegfeld Follies of 1919,” the most lavish edition to date, includes the Irving Berlin song “A Pretty Girl Is Like a Melody.”

George Gershwin writes “Swanee” with Irving Caesar and Buddy DeSylva and Al Jolson’s 1920 recording of the song sells two million copies.

Actors’ Equity is formed after striking actors, stagehands, and musicians bring Broadway to a halt for a month (August to September).

George Gershwin debuts his first full Broadway musicall, La, La, Lucille

Radio Corporation of America (RCA) is founded.

Harold Hamgravy, longtime boyfriend of Popeye’s Olive Oil, made his debut in Thimble Theatre Comics.

◊

I hope you enjoyed this trip down memory lane and the centenary of 1919. I’ll be back in short order with other significant anniversaries for 2019.

1919 Centenary or 100 Years Ago in the Movies It's 1919, 100 years ago this year. The U.S. President is Woodrow Wilson. The world population is about 4.4 billion.

#100 Years Ago in the Movies #1919 in the movies #Films Released in 1919 #Movie History

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nawhgiang · 4 years ago

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The “Mother of Diné College” and a pioneer of the tribal college movement, Ruth Roessel helped forge a model of culturally rooted curricula and self determination in higher education that is at the root of all tribal colleges today. Photo by Peter Swanson

https://tribalcollegejournal.org/the-pathfinders-women-leaders-in-the-the-tribal-college-movement/

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ruthswanson · 10 years ago

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2014, Colby Hewitt / Diiv

#Diiv #Colby Hewitt #Ruth Swanson Photo #Ruth Swanson Diiv #shadow

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funface2 · 5 years ago

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Jack Dee’s best jokes and funniest one-liners ahead of his UK tour this autumn – iNews

Veteran comedian and unflinching miseryguts Jack Dee is set to embark on his first stand-up tour for six years.

Famed for his brand of fed-up, bone-dry humour, few comics have shown an ability, or willingness, to fume at the mundanity of modern-day life like the 57-year-old.

Here are some of the funnyman’s most hysterically glum jokes:

“I hate people who think it’s clever to take drugs-like custom officers. Aren’t they a bunch of bastards, all that finger up the arsehole, all day long. They put a uniform on, for a job like that, can you imagine doing that? ‘Just off to work now dear’. ‘Have a nice day day at the orafice’.”

“I read an article that said if you regularly drink two glasses of wine a day, you could be well on your way to becoming an alcoholic. I thought, if I regularly drank two glasses of wine a day I’d be well on my way to being cured of alcoholism.”

“I love to be in Britain, when it’s hot weather. I love it when you get four or five days of hot weather, because then people in Kent run out of water, don’t they? Know what I like to do? I like to ring them up, and play the sound of running water down the phone.”

“I’ve had my run-ins with booze; it’s well documented. So what I can say from experience is that it takes a lot of guts and perseverance and courage to stop drinking. Which is why I haven’t.”

“The other night, this salesman phoned up and started banging on and on about buying car insurance. I’m not interested anyway. I don’t even have car insurance, because I’m a careful driver.”

“I read in my local newspaper, they had this advert, ‘Please look after your neighbours in the cold weather’, and shall I tell you something about that? I live next door to this 84-year-old woman, do you know, not once has she come round to see if I’m all right. Lazy cow hasn’t even taken her milk in for a fortnight!”

“Try saying: ‘Whale Oil Beef Hooked’ without sounding like an Irish man swearing.”

“One of my friends went on a murder weekend… now he is doing life for it.”

“A sewage farm. In what way is it a farm? Is there a farm shop?”

“Has Boris’s rescue puppy resigned yet?”

“My local’s rough as anything. I went to the pub quiz the other night-First question was, “What the f**k are you looking at?”

“Wish someone would contact me about all the other crap I’ve been missold.”

“People who are pro-smacking children say, ‘It’s the only language they understand.’ You could apply that to tourists.”

“At this time of year, if your bin men knock on the door and give you a Christmas card, it’s traditional to tear it up and say ‘What did you come here for? The bins are round the back!’

“You’re not helping to save the planet by sending e-cards instead of the real thing because every time I receive one I go out and cut down a tree.”

“Have taken Southern Rail’s advice and carried a bottle of water with me in the hot weather. Thanks for that nugget . I wish they’d take my advice and run their trains on time with enough seats on them for all the poor bastards who’ve bought tickets from them.”

Best letters from Mrs Trellis on Radio 4’s Sorry I haven’t a clue

“Dear Guinness Book of World Records: I have a collection of six Guinness Book of World Records. Is this the Guinness Book of World Records record for Guinness Book of World Records? Yours sincerely, Mrs. Trellis”

“Dear Woman’s Hour: Why waste money on baby-naming books when all the names you need can be found in the telephone directory? Yours, Mrs. Trellis. P.S. Any chance of a signed photo for my grandson Dyno-Rod Emergency Hotline Trellis?”

youtube

“Dear Mr. Gadaffi, You must be very proud. It’s not every duck that becomes President. Yours in haste, Mrs. Trellis”

“Dear Mr. Duggleby, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why, Why does my typewriter always stick on the letter ‘Y’? Yours sincerely, Mrs. Trellis, North Wales”

“Dear David Dickinson, I can sum up why the BBC have your programme on TV every night in three words: Cheap As Chips. Yours etc., Mrs. Trellis. P.S. I can tell by your face that stuff really does do exactly what it says on the tin.”

“Dear Mr. President: What were the chances of someone called Mr. President actually getting that job? Yours Sincerely, Mrs. Trellis. P.S. Love your butter.”

More jokes:

And some hilarious quotes:

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Bài viết Jack Dee’s best jokes and funniest one-liners ahead of his UK tour this autumn – iNews đã xuất hiện đầu tiên vào ngày Funface.

from Funface https://funface.net/funny-quotes/jack-dees-best-jokes-and-funniest-one-liners-ahead-of-his-uk-tour-this-autumn-inews/

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funface2 · 5 years ago

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55 of Tim Vine’s most hilarious jokes and one-liners – iNews

Tim Vine, best-known for his his role on Not Going Out from 2006 to 2014, is a quick-witted connoisseur of comedy who often appears on best jokes lists that follow in the wake of festivals around the world.

Here are 55 of the comic master’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners:

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“I’d like to start with the chimney jokes – I’ve got a stack of them. The first one is on the house.”

“I did a gig in a fertility clinic. I got a standing ovulation.”

“I had a dream last night that I was cutting carrots with the Grim Reaper – dicing with death.”

“I rang up British Telecom and said: ‘I want to report a nuisance caller.’ He said: ‘Not you again.’”

“I saw this bloke chatting-up a cheetah and I thought: ‘He’s trying to pull a fast one.’”

“The advantages of easy origami are two-fold.”

“I rang up my local swimming baths. I said: ‘Is that the local swimming baths?’ He said: ‘It depends where you’re calling from.’”

The ‘king of one-liners’, Tim Vine (Photo: Getty)

“I said to the gym instructor: ‘Can you teach me to do the splits?’ He said: ‘How flexible are you?’ I said: ‘I can’t make Tuesdays.’”

“I’m against hunting. In fact, I’m a hunt saboteur. I go out the night before and shoot the fox.”

“This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, ‘I want you to trace someone for me.’”

“I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it. I thought, ‘that’s Abba-riginal.’”

“I’ve decided to sell my Hoover – it was just collecting dust.”

“I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me ‘Can you give me a lift?’ I said ‘Sure, you look great, the world’s your oyster, go for it.’”

“I went down the local supermarket. I said: ‘I want to make a complaint – this vinegar’s got lumps in it.’ He said: ‘Those are pickled onions.’”

“I’ll tell you what I love doing more than anything – trying to pack myself in a small suitcase. I can hardly contain myself.”

“I was at sea the other day and loads of meat floated past. It was a bit choppy.”

“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said ‘Parking Fine.’ So that was nice.”

“I’m so lazy I’ve got a smoke alarm with a snooze button.”

“I’ve spent the afternoon re-arranging the furniture in Dracula’s house. I was doing a bit of Fang-Shui.”

“I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of vampires. I was charged with shoplifting on three counts.”

“Uncle Ben has died. No more Mr Rice Guy.”

“I once did a gig in a zoo. I got babooned off.”

“Eric Bristow asked me why I put superglue on one of his darts. I said ‘you just can’t let it go can you?’”

“I saw this advert in a window that said: ‘Television for sale, £1, volume stuck on full.’ I thought, ‘I can’t turn that down.’”

“I’ve just been on a once-in-a-lifetime holiday. I’ll tell you what, never again.”

“Conjunctivitis.com – that’s a site for sore eyes.”

“Do you ever get that when you’re half way through eating a horse and you think to yourself, ‘I’m not as hungry as I thought I was?’”

“Black Beauty – now there’s a dark horse.”

Tim Vine has won numerous best joke awards (Photo: Getty)

“I was reading a book – ‘The History of Glue’ – I couldn’t put it down.”

“I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said ‘Who’s speaking please?’ And a voice said ‘You are.’”

“Exit signs? They’re on the way out!”

“Velcro? What a rip-off!”

“I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said ‘Analogue?’ I said ‘No, just a watch.’”

“I was in this restaurant and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver.”

“I went to the doctor. I said to him ‘I’m frightened of lapels.’ He said, ‘You’ve got cholera.’”

“I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can’t remember his name, it’s P-something T-something R…”

“I was having dinner with my boss and his wife said, ‘How many potatoes would you like, Tim?’. I said ‘Ooh, I’ll just have one please.’ She said ‘It’s OK, you don’t have to be polite.’ ‘Alright,’ I said, ‘I’ll just have one then, you stupid cow.’

“A friend of mine always wanted to be run over by a steam train. When it happened, he was chuffed to bits!”

“I was in the army once and the Sergeant said to me: ‘What does surrender mean?’ I said: ‘I give up!’”

“This bloke said to me: ‘I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar.’ I said: ‘Is that a fret?’”

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“I saw Arnold Schwarzenegger eating a chocolate egg. I said: ‘I bet I know what your favourite Christian festival is.’ He said: ‘You have to love Easter, baby.’”

“I used go out with an anaesthetist – she was a local girl.”

“Crime in multi-storey car parks. That is wrong on so many different levels.”

“I went to a Pretenders concert. It was a tribute act.”

“I went down my local ice-cream shop, and said ‘I want to buy an ice-cream’. He said ‘Hundreds & thousands?’ I said ‘We’ll start with one.’ He said ‘Knickerbocker glory?’ I said ‘I do get a certain amount of freedom in these trousers, yes.’”

“I bought a train ticket and the driver said ‘Eurostar?’ I said ‘Well, I’ve been on telly but I’m no Dean Martin.’ Still, at least it’s comfortable on Eurostar – it’s murder on the Orient Express.”

“I went into a shop and I said, ‘Can someone sell me a kettle?’ The bloke said ‘Kenwood?’ I said, ‘Where is he?’”

“I went in to a pet shop. I said, ‘Can I buy a goldfish?’ The guy said, ‘Do you want an aquarium?’ I said, ‘I don’t care what star sign it is.’”

“You know, I’m not very good at magic – I can only do half of a trick. I’m a member of the Magic Semi-circle.”

“My next door neighbour worships exhaust pipes. He’s a catholic converter.”

“He said ‘I’m going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library’. I thought ‘That’s a turn-up for the books.’”

“And the back of his anorak was leaping up and down, and people were chucking money to him. I said ‘Do you earn a living doing that?’ He said ‘Yes, this is my livelihood.’”

“I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet ‘Best Before End…’”

“So this bloke says to me, ‘Can I come in your house and talk about your carpets?’ I thought ‘That’s all I need, a Je-hoover’s witness.’”

“So Batman came up to me & he hit me over the head with a vase & he went ‘T’PAU!’ I said ‘Don’t you mean KAPOW??’ He said ‘No, I’ve got china in my hand.’”

More jokes:

Paul Merton’s 36 best jokes and funniest one-liners from Have I Got News for You 38 of the funniest cat jokes and memes Jeremy Hardy: remembering the comedian’s funniest jokes and quotes 34 of the best Valentine’s Day jokes and funniest one-liners 30 of Michael McIntyre’s best jokes and funniest one-liners Best father of the bride jokes for a wedding speech to remember 100 best Christmas jokes and funniest festive season one-liners 100 of the funniest dirty jokes that will make you laugh and gasp Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer’s 41 best jokes and most surreal quotes 30 of the best jokes about Theresa May 25 of Dara Ó Briain’s best jokes and funniest quotes 38 of the funniest Russell Howard jokes The 28 funniest Greg Davies jokes and quotes The best Graham Norton jokes and most scathing put-downs Here are 10 of the funniest jokes written by kids 35 of the funniest jokes by Northern comedians The 31 funniest South Park jokes and quotes 100 of the funniest ever jokes and best one-liners 100 of the best knock knock jokes (some of which are actually funny) 26 of Seann Walsh’s greatest jokes 16 of Barry Chuckle’s greatest jokes 34 of Lee Evans’ funniest jokes and quotes 30 of Romesh Ranganathan’s funniest jokes and quotes 26 of Sara Pascoe’s funniest jokes and quotes 41 of Eddie Izzard’s funniest jokes and quotes 41 of David Mitchell’s funniest jokes and quotes 21 of Rhod Gilbert’s funniest jokes and one-liners 45 of the funniest 8 out of 10 Cats jokes 41 of Stewart Francis’ most ingenious jokes and one-liners 19 of the funniest World Cup jokes from stand-up comedians 30 of Jack Whitehall’s funniest jokes 43 of the funniest Donald Trump jokes 100 pun-based jokes that will make you laugh and cringe 50 Edinburgh Fringe one-liners that deserved to win Funniest Joke 31 Best Man jokes that will work for any wedding 100 of the funniest short jokes that will have you laughing in seconds 105 of the best bad jokes 105 of the best clean jokes and one-liners 50 football jokes to make you laugh – or groan 100 of the best jokes for kids that are actually funny 25 of Peter Kay’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners 26 of Stewart Lee’s most gloriously acerbic jokes 49 of Monty Python’s funniest jokes 45 of Ricky Gervais’ funniest jokes 17 of Ken Dodd’s most ingeniously funny jokes 27 of Sarah Millican’s laugh out loud jokes 50 of Jimmy Carr’s funniest jokes and one-liners 50 of Milton Jones’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners 50 of Tim Vine’s most ingenious jokes and one-liners 50 of Frankie Boyle’s funniest (and darkest) jokes 25 of Charlie Brooker’s most cutting jokes and insults 25 of Lee Mack’s wittiest jokes and one-liners 75 of Billy Connolly’s best jokes, one-liners and quips 30 of the best-ever jokes about Scotland – from Scotland

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47 of the best pub quiz team names that are actually funny – iNews

The hardest and most mentally challenging part of a pub quiz isn’t the sport round, or arguing with the quiz master over their factually inaccurate lines of questioning (the Baha Men’s version of ‘Who Let the Dogs Out?’ is NOT a 90s song, Brendo), it’s coming up with a witty team name.

You want the kind of name that will put the other groups in the room on notice; the kind of name that says “I know What I Am Doing”, and also “fear and respect me and buy me a pint” at the same time.

To help out listless quizzers struggling over that perfect team moniker, we’ve compiled a some suggestion to get you started.

Fair warning: Googling a team name is arguably a more punishable offence than searching out an answer, and you may be banished from the quizzing community indefinitely if caught.

Old reliables

From the cheeky (try saying them fast) to team names that will mess with the quizmaster via celebrity puns, here are some firm favourites to get you started:

Big Fact Hunt

Norfolk ‘n Chance

Universally Challenged

Comfortably Dumb

Artificial Intelligence

I’m Smarticus

I Thought This Was Speed Dating

Not So Great Expectations

Beyoncé Know-Alls

Victorious Secret

I Refuse to Say This Name

Simple Minds

We’re Googling Everything

Boozy names

(Photo: Shutterstock)

A quiz team’s success can sometimes rely on (or, more likely, be hampered by) copious amounts of alcohol, and in the pub setting, what better way to celebrate the boozy camaraderie than with these drink based names?

Tequila Mockingbird

My Drinking Team Has A Trivia Problem

Know it Ales

Beer Necessities

Blood, Sweat and Beers

Beer View Mirrors

A Few Beers Short of a Six-Pack

Liver Let Die

Only Here for the Beer

Empty Vessels

The Brewsual Suspects

The Pilsners of Azkaban

In Dog Beers, We’ve Only Had One

Menace to Sobriety

The Three Must Get Beers

Quiz in My Pants

(Photo: Shutterstock)

When desperate times call for desperate measures and there’s only 30 seconds until the start of the quiz, you can always just fall back on these ‘hilarious’ quiz puns.

Tried and tested, they won’t let you down. They also won’t be the funniest in the room. Here’s hoping your high scores make up for you lack of imagination.

Risky Quizness

Agatha Quizteam

Don Quizotee

Bucks Quiz

Quizzee Lizzees

Quizzee Bees

Les Quizerables

Quizteama Aguilera

Quiztopher Big Ones

Quizwas

Thin Quizzy

Eddie Quizzard

Taking Care of Quizness

Quiz Hurley

Quizzly Bears

The Quizzard of Oz

The Spanish Inquizition

You’re a Quizzard, Harry

Let’s Get Quizzical

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And some hilarious quotes:

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Bài viết 47 of the best pub quiz team names that are actually funny – iNews đã xuất hiện đầu tiên vào ngày Funface.

from Funface https://funface.net/funny-quotes/47-of-the-best-pub-quiz-team-names-that-are-actually-funny-inews/

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