#Ruhn x Nesta x Lidia

[venus-celestial]

I have tried to post this six separate times since yesterday so let's hope it works this time

Day 6 of @nestaarcheronweek week Birthday

Also Context: Everyone is alive and nothing bad ever happened also modern au kinda

Sun Moon and Eclipse

Nesta watched her step as her girlfriend lead her through the forest and she genuinely had to wonder if she was about to be murdered on her birthday

She had woken up today to her girlfriend making breakfast and their boyfriend no where to be found Lidia said he had gotten called in early

She had made Nesta's favorite breakfast that morning chocolate chip pancakes with with strawberries and maple syrup and then wished her happy birthday with a kiss

Nesta had went and taken a shower and gotten herself ready for the day before Lidia proceeded to kidnap her around the city for the morning

They had explored numerous book shops and had walked around the large mall before stopping for coffee and continuing their adventures

which brought Nesta to now it was around lunch time and Lidia driven them to a foresty area parked and then they had Started walking

they had been walking for around 30 minutes before her girlfriend stopped and turned to her "Close your eyes and give me your hand" She said Nesta raised a brow

"Trust me" Lidia encouraged so with one last look of question Nesta closed her eyes and gave Lidia her and and they began walking again Lidia guilding her

"Almost there baby" Lidia said Nesta Nodded it was only a few minutes later that they came to a stop and Lidia let go of her hand

"Keep your eyes closed for just a second longer" She said Nesta nodded and heard movement although what her girlfriend was doing she couldn't tell

"Ok Open your eyes now" Lidia said and Nesta could hear the smile in it Nesta opened her eyes and just as quickly widened them

They were in a clearing flowers and fruit brushes all over the place there was a gaint tree in the middle with a swing on both sides of it

There was low to the ground picnic tables with cushions around them there was an assortment of food and a cake in the middle of it

another held a pile of presents and the other had what looked to be board games and card games there were also balloons tied to the tables and a banner had been hung up on the tree

Sitting around the the picnic tables where all her friends Emeire and Gywn where sitting next to each Bryce was sitting next to Hunt next to Bryce was Danika and Baxian

The rest of Danika's pack was spread out sitting wherever and next to Gywn and Emeire Juniper and Fury sat and Then she looked to the only two people standing up her partners

Ruhn was smiling like an idiot grinning from war to ear and Lidia was smiling so brightly Nesta thought she resembled the sun

"I- This-" Words would not come for her as she looked at her partners strick speechless "Happy birthday Princess" Ruhn said "Happy birthday Nessa" Lidia fallowed

Nesta walked over and gave both her partners a hug one which they all took happily returned "Thank you both of you" Nesta said

"Of course baby" Ruhn said "Come on let's go celebrate your birthday" Lidia said taking Nesta's hand and leading her over Ruhn fallowing right behind them

_________________________________________

it was mid evening when they got home Ruhn started dinner while Nesta and Lidia went to watch a show cuddled up on the couch

Lidia got up and went into another room Nesta thought nothing of it as she continued the watch the rom-com they had put on

Thirty minutes later later Lidia was pulling her up from the couch and handing her her favorite fluffy blanket Nesta Raised a brow

"Come on" Lidia said making a gesture with her hand "We have one last surprise for you" Nesta fallowed her girlfriend as she lead her to stairs that lead to the roof of their apartment

fallowing Lidia lead to finding Ruhn already one the roof in a what looked like a nest of blankets and pillows with three plates of food plus three cups of something

"Come on Princess don't be shy" Ruhn teaseed and Nesta Realized She'd just been standing there staring Lidia took her hand and Brought her over

Nesta sat down and got comfortable Lidia Sat down next to her and Ruhn Handed them their food Nesta thanked him and Started eating

After about 20 minutes they had finished and Ruhn handed her a her cup which turned out to be hot chocolate with little marshmallows

Lidia Kissed her Cheek "Look up" She said Nesta did and her eyes widen as lights started shooting across the sky stars she realized it was a star shower

A smile broke out across Nesta's face as she as hundreds of shooting stars passed by lighting up the sky as they went she'd never something so pretty

"Thank you" She breathed still in awe as it continued Ruhn chuckled and put an arm around her Lidia let out a soft noise of happiness

Both of her partners leaned in to give her a kiss on the cheek and Nesta's heart nearly came out her chest She smiled as she thought this was definitely the best birthday she'd had

Hope you enjoyed it day seven will hopefully be posted a little later tonight if Tumblr behaves

And as always please ignore any spelling or grammar mistakes have a lovely night

[azrielsbxtch]

I’ve had more time to sit with HOFAS so here are things I loved and things that bugged me.

THINGS I LOVED

AZRIEL AND NESTA - Where to even begin. Their relationship and friendship is EVERYTHING. I'm so glad SJM chose to highlight both of them for the ACOTAR part because their chemistry is everything. I can't wait for more in ACOTAR 5

AZRIEL - Every new thing we learned about Azriel had me screeching. It's so clear SJM is setting him up for the next book. Every scene he appeared in I was obsessed! Finding out about truthteller, him being protective of his mom, him interacting with music, him being all hot and threatening....this bat has me in a chokehold I swear.

THE LORE - All the new information we got about Prythian and Midgard is so interesting. I wish I was a theories person because there's so much to theorize about!

RUHNLIDIA - They served in this book omg. When Ruhn was like "this is my first mission with my girlfriend I want to impress her" I almost threw my phone I'm not even kidding. They are so cute🥹✨✨

HUNT - I still feel like I need more Hunt. He's such a sweetheart and was truly a highlight for me in this book. I love him so much and I was totally rooting for him to fry Celestina.

THINGS THAT BUGGED ME

Ruhn and Lidia’s mate announcement. I knew Ruhn and Lidia would be mates from HOSAB so I was only waiting for confirmation but the way it was written threw me off. Ruhn just said it out of nowhere and to…of all people…Pollux….like what? Why? Idk it could have been more emotional.

Ariadne- I don’t understand the point of introducing this new character only to do NOTHING with her. I shipped her and Flynn sooo much. The way she was introduced in the beginning of the book had me so hyped only for her to disappear. Like imagine a dragon marching with the armies of Hel when they fought the Asteri…

Sigrid - That entire plotline felt useless to me. She was set up to be this hope for the wolves and it all amounted to nothing. So why did we waste so much time on her. I enjoyed Ithan’s chapters because I really like him. But from an objective point of view…most of what SJM made him do didn’t make sense. If she wanted him to become Prime (which I loved btw) she didn’t need to waste all that time on Sigrid and her resurrection only for her to join Sabine the person she’s supposed to hate and then disappear.

Tharion and Sathia - No…just no…..

Bryce ignoring Hunt’s trauma - She did it in HOSAB but again and on a larger scale in HOFAS. Everytime Hunt brought up his fears (understandable because he has now faced the Asteri twice and suffered insane consequences) Bryce just got angry and put him in such a bad position. She made it look like he didn’t want to support her when he has very valid reasons to be afraid. After what he went through the first time in the Asteri dungeons for years and then again! I’m surprised he didn’t break down even more tbh. His feelings were so valid.

Bryce - SJM tried to do the “Aelin is always two steps ahead” thing with Bryce but honestly it didn’t work. A lot of the times I was side eyeing and was like “that’s convenient” Bryce was guessing a lot of times so that whole thing just didn’t work.

The plot was all over the place. The book really didn’t flow well.

[shadowhandss60]

Feysand 🤝 Rowaelin 🤝 Quinlar

&

Nessian 🤝 Manorian 🤝 Ruhnlidia

It’s the ✨vibes✨

If one person calls Cass, Dorian or Ruhn a himbo though, we’re fighting. As if Dorian isn’t canonically a genuis, Cass isn’t an expert strategist and Ruhn wasn’t raised to rule a kingdom

[azrielsfavoriteshadow]

Follow up to my previous poll.

Hot is defined as “wow! they are so sexy!!!”.

Sorry if I missed anyone, this is the limit on options lol.

[shadowsingerdraco]

i’m sorry but i am literally so down bad for azriel and lidia cervos as a pairing (i know it doesn’t make sense but it does to ME!!)

[sweetclassyfreaknerd]

I really liked CC3, but you know what I miss? Getting my heart broken because the Thirteen dying or Sam, or Gabriel. I miss being shooked by every plan Aelin had and fearing for every fucking life of my fav characters.

For a long time I hated Sjm for giving me this emotional rollercoaster. But now I fucking miss not knowing what to do after finishing another book of tog or all this feelings i had.

[the-dark-artifices-trees]

The importance of the number 7 in crescent city

Throughout the entirety of the crescent city series, the number 7 plays a huge role in both a symbolic and a literal way

⚠️ House of Flame and Shadow spoilers ⚠️

7 Asteri on Midgard

Rigelus (title- The Bright Hand)

Eosporos (title- The Morning Star)

Hesperus (title- The Evening Star)

Polaris (title- The North Star)

Octartis (title- The Southern Star)

Austrus (title- unknown)

Sirius (title- The Wolf Star)

7 Princes of Hel/ Circles of Hel

Hunt also mentions that “Type-Seven is only for the princes themselves, and given what this thing can do, I’d bet it’d be deemed a Six” in chapter 29 of HOEAB, when talking about the demons and princes of Hel

7 districts in crescent city/ city heads/ gates

7 “Made” objects *

Mask (made by Cauldron)

Crown (made by Cauldron)

Harp (made by Cauldron)

Horn (made by Cauldron)

Starsword (made by Cauldron)

Truth-Teller (made by Cauldron)

Ataraxia (made by Nesta)

*now while nesta did make another sword and dagger, we don’t know if they possess any magic and they don’t have any names either*

7 members of the Pack of Devils

Danika Fendyr (alpha)

Connor Holstrom (second)

Nathalie (third)

Bronson

Thorne

Zach

Zelda

7 courts in prythian

Night Court

Dawn Court

Day Court

Spring Court

Summer Court

Winter Court

Autumn Court

7 tog books (not including novella)

Throne of Glass

Crown of Midnight

Heir of Fire

Queen of Shadows

Empire of Storms

Tower of Dawn

Kingdom of Ash

Known starborn fae *

Fionn

Theia

Pelias

Helena

Silene

Bryce Quinlan

Ruhn Danaan

*The term Starborn describes the descendants of High King Fionn and High Queen Theia.

1. Also when bryce traded places so Danika would get into the Bone quarter, she said the vow (“I wish to trade my place.”) 7 times:

“She’d tossed a Death Mark into the Istros, payment to the Under-King—a coin of pure iron from an ancient, long-gone kingdom across the sea. Passage for a mortal on a boat.

And then she’d knelt on the crumbling stone steps, the river mere feet behind her, the arches of the bone gates above her, and waited.

The Under-King, veiled in black and silent as death, had appeared moments later.

It has been an age since a mortal dared set foot on my isle.

The voice had been old and young, male and female, kind and full of hatred. She’d never heard anything so hideous—and beckoning.

I wish to trade my place. (1)

I know why you are here, Bryce Quinlan. Whose passage you seek to barter. An amused pause. Do you not wish to one day dwell here among the honored dead? Your balance remains skewed toward acceptance—continue on your path, and you shall be welcomed when your time comes.

I wish to trade my place. For Danika Fendyr. (2)

Do this and know that no other Quiet Realms of Midgard shall be open to you. Not the Bone Quarter, not the Catacombs of the Eternal City, not the Summer Isles of the north. None, Bryce Quinlan. To barter your resting place here is to barter your place everywhere.

I wish to trade my place. (3)

You are young, and you are weighed with grief. Consider that your life may seem long, but it is a mere flutter of eternity.

I wish to trade my place. (4)

Are you so certain Danika Fendyr will be denied welcome? Have you so little faith in her actions and deeds that you must make this bargain?

I wish to trade my place. She’d sobbed the words. (5)

There is no undoing this.

I wish to trade my place. (6)

Then say it, Bryce Quinlan, and let the trade be done. Say it a seventh and final time, and let the gods and the dead and all those between hear your vow. Say it, and it shall be done.

She hadn’t hesitated, knowing this was the ancient rite. She’d looked it up in the gallery archives. Had stolen the Death Mark from there, too. It had been given to Jesiba by the Under-King himself, the sorceress had told her, when she’d sworn fealty to the House of Flame and Shadow.

I wish to trade my place. (7)

And so it had been done.”

- HOEAB, chapter 62

2. Hunt was in the Asteri dungeon’s for 7 years

“How long did they do that to you—after Mount Hermon?”

“Seven years.”

She closed her eyes as the weight of those words rippled through her.

Hunt said, “I lost track of time, too. The Asteri dungeons are so far beneath the earth, so lightless, that days are years and years are days and … When they let me out, I went right to the Archangel Ramuel. My first … handler. He continued the pattern for two years, got bored with it, and realized that I’d be more useful dispatching demons and doing his bidding than rotting away in his torture chambers.”

“Burning Solas, Hunt,” she whispered.” -HOEAB, chapter 35

“We need to get out of here,” Ruhn said, and nothing had ever sounded more stupid. Of course they needed to get out of here. For so many fucking reasons.

But Athalar cracked open an eye. Met his stare. Pain and rage and determination shone there, unbroken despite the halo and slave brand on his wrist. “Then talk to your … person.” Girlfriend, the angel didn’t say.

Ruhn ground his teeth, and his ravaged mouth gave a burst of pain. He’d rather die here than beg the Hind for help. “Another way.”

“I was in these dungeons … for seven years,” Hunt said. “No way out. Especially not with Pollux so invested in ripping us apart.” -HOFAS, Chapter 11

3. Apollion (7th prince of Hel) ate the Sirius (7th Asteri)

“No one would dare say his name, not after the Prince of the Pit became the first and only being to ever kill an Asteri. His butchering of the seventh holy star—Sirius, the Wolf Star—during the First Wars remained a favorite ballad around war-camp fires. And what he’d done to Sirius after slaying her had earned him that awful title: Star-Eater” -HOEAB, chapter 51

4. The slave tattoos has seven stars in it

“For there was also no hiding the second tattoo, stamped on their right wrists: SPQM.

It adorned every flag and letterhead of the Republic—the four letters encircled with seven stars—and adorned the wrist of every being owned by it.” -HOEAB, Chapter 6

“Ruhn spied their own solar system in the center of it all. Seven planets around a massive star. Seven Asteri—technically six now—to rule Midgard. Seven Princes of Hel to challenge them.

Seven Gates in this city through which Hel had tried to invade this spring.

Seven and seven and seven and seven—always that holy number. Always—” -HOSAB, Chapter 25

5. 7 is a holy number

“Seven—the holy number. Or unholy, depending on who was worshipping. Seven Asteri, seven hills in their Eternal City, seven neighborhoods and seven Gates in Crescent City; seven planets, and seven circles in Hel, with seven princes who ruled them, each darker than the last” - HOEAB, Chapter 19

“Micah had left the latter’s body up. Justinian would hang there for seven full days and then be pulled off the crucifix—and dumped into the Istros” -HOEAB, Chapter 69

6. Hypaxia and necromancy

“So this is it?” Ithan asked Hypaxia, gesturing with a hand to the seven candles she’d arranged on the ground. “Light the candles and wait?” -HOSAB, Chapter 61

“It took Hypaxia seven hours, seven minutes, and seven seconds to raise Sigrid.

Ithan barely moved from his stool the entire time Hypaxia stood over the corpse and chanted. Jesiba left, came back with her laptop, and worked for some of the time. She even offered Ithan some food, which he refused.

He had no appetite. If this didn’t work …” -HOFAS, Chapter 48

7. Sailings happen on the 7th day after the death

Don’t come to the Sailing tomorrow. You’re not welcome there.

She’d listened to it over and over, the first words to echo in her silent head.

Her mother hadn’t woken from the bed beside hers when Bryce had exited the hotel room on Fae-soft feet, taking the service elevator and leaving through the unwatched alley door. She hadn’t left that room for six days, just sat staring vacantly at the floral hotel wallpaper. And now, with the seventh dawning … Only for this would she leave. Would she remember how to move her body, how to speak.” -HOEAB, Chapter 7

8. Midgard geography

““Seven—the holy number. Or unholy, depending on who was worshipping. Seven Asteri, seven hills in their Eternal City, seven neighborhoods and seven Gates in Crescent City; seven planets, and seven circles in Hel, with seven princes who ruled them, each darker than the last.” -HOEAB, chapter 18

“Bryce didn’t wait for them before trailing the old male up the walkway as the seven planets aligned themselves perfectly, stars glittering in the far reaches of the room.” -HOSAB, chapter 38

“Bryce halted after a turn in the stairs and assessed the long hallway ahead. When it revealed no guards, she stepped into it.

There were no doors. Only this hall, perhaps seventy feet long and fifteen feet wide. Likely fourteen feet, to be a multiple of seven. The holy number.” -HOSAB, Chapter 71

“She’d studied Fury’s rough map of the palace layout. This area was seven levels below the throne room, where the Asteri sat on crystal thrones” -HOSAB, chapter 71

“They could fly no further. The massive black wall stretched for miles in either direction before curving northward, with wards protecting the airspace above it. Hunt knew from maps that the area the wall encircled was forty-nine miles in diameter—seven times seven, the holiest of numbers—and that at its center, somewhere in the barren, snow-blasted terrain, lay the Northern Rift, shrouded in mist. Barriers upon barriers protected Midgard from the Rift, and Hel beyond it.” -HOFAS, Chapter 70

9. Ithan & the number 7

“Sabine stared down at the seven shards the Fendyr sword had broken into, then lifted her furious gaze to Ithan.

Ithan shifted back into his humanoid body with a near-instant flash. “It’s just a piece of steel,” he said, panting, the metallic tang of the blade lingering in his mouth. “All those years you obsessed over it, resented Danika for having it … It’s just a piece of metal. - HOFAS, Chapter 74

“You have seven minutes” -HOFAS, Chapter 81 (when Ithan was talking to Connor)

[atomiccourtdaze]

“The Hind knelt before her undying masters and contemplated how it would feel to tear out their throats.”

- House of Flame & Shadow

165 Days to go. We will not survive.

[sjmfreeapril]

SJM Free April

First, this does not include any fan weeks happening during April, nor does this mean no one should post their work they’ve been creating (unless you want to/are ok with postponing it’s release). As for the rest of us, I’m so tired of feeling like a pawn in BB and SJM’s ploy to milk as much money out of this fandom as possible.

They stay silent even when the fandom is toxic, artists have been bullied off of platforms or driven away from doing SJM related artwork, they care so little about marketing and engaging with us that I feel like we’ve been abandoned. And they do this and get away with this bc of how active we are as a fandom. Their silence has gotten to a point where it’s genuinely hurt our fandom, as individuals and as a whole.

They think their silence is ok. Well let’s see how they feel about our silence. No free marketing, no free promo, no free hype. For the entire month of April, let’s ban together and show them how powerful we really are. If you want to participate, it’s quite simple, please refrain from posting about SJM’s books, characters, worlds, future books, series, art, fics, theories, HCs, etc. On all platforms. I understand with how big SJM is on social media that being completely silent is unlikely, but even is a portion of us refrain from talking about her and her works, I think that will send a powerful message to BB and her team that we’re over their bs.

If you want to participate, please help spread the word! Reblog, share on other platforms, take screen shots and send to your group chats, etc! Let everyone know!

[wishfulimaginings]

I felt the need to announce, incase anyone doesn't already know...

The prologue n firat chaptee of Hofas are officially out on Sjm's website!!!

Go read itttt !!!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

[wiltingcrowns]

depending on the answer, a fic will follow suit. oh and also, my ask box is open if anyone is interested in requesting anything or wish to ask questions !

[sunshinebingo]

Leave it to Azriel to manage to get another bonus chapter. A menace for real😂😂

[violetasteracademic]

Power and Possibilities

Elriel Month: Theory Post

This week's @elriel-month theme is the perfect time to put together the evidence I have for a pretty popular theory (and one I definitely share) that Elain and Azriel could potentially have a carranam bond. While I'm unsure if it is carranam exactly, I am most interested in the fact that there is evidence of power sharing amongst all of the major mated couples (including Feysand and Nessian, which no one ever talks about!) so let's break it down.

*Multiverse spoilers ahead*

Of course we know Rowan and Aelin are the OG carranam and power-sharers. I have already made a post on the parallel language between Rowaelin and Elriel and the easter egg of true mates being given to another which you can find here.

We have evidence of Bryce and Hunt being able to share their powers in unique ways. While any raw magic can charge Bryce's "battery", they have a unique experience of being able to blend and give each other their powers through intimacy:

Bryce gives him magical orgasms. Literally. 😂

Now, we all already know Bryce and Hunt share power. And of course we know that Ruhn and Lidia had an incredibly unique experience being able to find each other's minds across oceans and not only be able to communicate without a comm crystal, but physically touch each other in a non corporeal space.

Both the Bryce x Hunt and Ruhn x Lidia scenes are very similar to a Feysand scene that I don't really ever see anyone talking about in terms of power sharing with a mate. But they do it, and this indicates it is a connection that happens on all worlds:

Just like Bryce and Hunt, literal stars began to sweep by them. And just like Ruhn and Lidia, they were able to be together in a space where they shouldn't have bodies. And notice the language: I felt him as his power blended with mine.

Another Feysand power sharing moment is of course when Rhys pours his power into Feyre to restore the Cauldron. In Erilea, that's what we call carranam baby.

The Nessian moment is more subtle, but it is there. And I believe we will see all three couples share or blend power on a larger scale:

When Nesta loses herself to the scrying and begins to literally freeze over, Cassian sends his power and heat into her through his kiss and his siphons. He breaks through the ice by pouring his power into her, and unintentionally warms the entire room. Cassian clearly doesn't have a full understanding of what he did or how he did it yet.

Alright.... now what does this have to do with Elriel?

Well, I think Azriel being the one to discover Elain's powers means more than anyone is giving it credit for (and that's saying something, because it is already being given a LOT of credit in the Elriel community!) I believe that the assessments of scenes reflecting Azriel beginning to understand or notice Elain's powers are deeper than just possibly indication of being mates. I think we'll find he can actually feel her power:

Yes he is seeing her and understanding her. He is listening to her. But these passages are worded in such an interesting way. I believe he can literally feel her. Elain starts having another vision, and that's when he discovers the truth of what is happening to her. @rizzoreads88 , this is my take on what these scenes mean from your most recent tiktok!

Now, is this all just theory and speculation? Absolutely, which is why I labelled it a theory post! But I do think it is interesting that Lucien tried to feel Elain. Tried to reach for her through their bond. And this is what happened:

Elain starts actively having a vision while Lucien is trying to reach her. This is in *direct contrast* to when Azriel is studying her while Elain is having a vision.

Even though Elain is using her powers while Lucien is reaching for her through the bond, he doesn't sense or feel anything except the thread of the bond. And likely, due to his blush, the previous thoughts he had the first time he was around Elain. The mating bond commanding that he touch and taste her. But he does not sense or feel her or her powers which are active in that moment. And he is *unconvinced* trying to reach her again will do any good.

We already know Lucien experiences a call from the mating bond to be physically intimate with Elain, and I actually think he was quite respectful in working through that and trying to see past it. However, even while reaching through their "bridge" he could not sense or feel her power while it was active. He didn't feel anything other than the call to be intimate. Whereas all other endgame couples have both.

Elain has already shown her ability to wield Azriel's shadows when she travelled through them and stepped out of them to stab the King of Hybern in the neck. (I do not believe that is a theory, I think that is quite clear. There is no other explanation for how she got across a freaking battlefield by herself in a dress to save her sister at exactly the right time.) Yes, Nesta uses Truth-Teller to remove the king's head, but Elain uses Truth-Teller's power.

Azriel discovers and understands Elain's power.

And yeah, they wanna bang. Do I even need to reiterate that through text grabs?

I can't wait to see how this all unfolds. I truly hope that with Az and Elain already paralleling Rowan and Aelin in so many ways, (Rowan and Aelin sealed their carranam bonds and began sharing power before the reveal that they were true mates and Maeve interfered with fate) they will be the couple that we really get to see power sharing play out with in a meaningful way.

I need their book so bad. It physically hurts.

[shadowsingerdraco]

absolutely losing my mind over thinking about modern au where all of the sjmu is in a club and katy perry’s peacock start playing and all of the girls start dancing/singing it for their men (after a couple shots i’m assuming) (bryce and aelin don’t require any alcohol to go full out)

[julemmaes]

Always Been You

Nesta Archeron x Cassian, ~2.5k words

a/n: I saw a reel of a baby and this was born, it's trash but I love them, so enjoy!

"Sweetheart, do you know where my sweater is?! The black one?"

Cassian was rummaging through his wardrobe in desperate need of something heavy to wear in the frigid winter Velaris was hitting them with.

Nesta's robotic voice came from the speaker of his phone, hidden somewhere between his bed sheets. "Uh, might be here, actually."

Here, as in her place. On the other side of the city. More than half an hour from his flat.

He groaned, bending his head forward and halting his hunt.

"Care to tell me why yet another piece of clothing of mine is at yours?"

Nesta chuckled, rejoicing in his despair. He glared at the phone, thankful that his best friend couldn't see him and level him with an equally nasty look.

Her words came muffled this time, more distant, and Cassian knew he'd put him on speaker.

"Not my fault this time. You used it to wrap Little Miss Sunshine up," he couldn't help the smile at the nickname he used to call her daughter. "You claimed she was gonna be too cold on the oh so long way from your car to the door."

"Sounds like something I would do," he muttered to himself, a dopey grin on his lips still. He loved that little nug of happiness that was Nesta's daughter. He loved her as if she were his own.

He shook his head, focusing on the date ahead, and put on another sweater, of a light brown colour he despised, and shook out his duvet, fishing for the phone.

Turning off the speaker, he put it to his ear, "You think I could pass by after the pub?"

Nesta only hummed, seeming distracted.

A few beat of silence, "What is the girl's name again?"

Cassian clenched his jaw, pondering whether he should lie or not, and knowing full well that if he gave Nesta too much information she would stalk the poor lady till sunrise.

"Her name is Anne," he lied.

"Liar," she scoffed. Then she grunted, "Whatever, keep your secrets. But don't come crying to me when you'll find out she has a secret dark past as a pig slaughterer."

Cassian laughed, "You're so dramatic."

"And you love it." She couldn't even begin to understand just how true those words were. "Now leave me alone before you're late to the party."

Nesta didn't give him the time to say goodbye that she'd hung up.

***

Slamming the door and closing himself shut in his precious, silent car, Cassian finally got to open his texts app and check what Nesta had sent him mere minutes before.

The date hadn't gone terribly, but Lidia was not his type. And he wasn't hers.

That had been starkly clear after the first fifteen minutes they'd spent talking about a new friend of hers, a certain Ruhn that she'd been crushing on for a while now.

He was her type. He and him only.

She had apologised, and Cassian had laughed, confessing that he had been forced into this date by his brothers, who were so over seeing him brooding because he was single and they were married and with kids.

Their words, not his.

Because in reality, Cassian was happy.

He was happy waiting for his friend to notice he was there for her, when she decided she was gonna have him.

He was happy splitting his time between his own apartment and Nesta's, whenever Logan requested his presence. Which nowadays bordered on always.

Exactly why he wasn't surprised when, opening his thread with Nesta, he found a video of the little girl, now almost one year and a half old.

A weak smile blossomed on his face as he clicked on it.

Nesta was lying on her side, her right arm under Little Lo's head and the baby was looking up at the ceiling, probably staring at the bioluminescent stars he had glued there.

He didn't press play immediately, because the picture of his best friend's half face was too distracting.

Nesta wasn't even fully in the frame, but Cassian wasn't seeing anything else. Her lips were tugged on a corner, a half smile there as she cuddled with her daughter. Her nose glimmered with moisturizing cream, something he knew she put on every night before bed. Her eyes were hidden, out of the picture.

He could have killed, if it meant the promise of tracing his finger down the nape of her perfect nose, to her lips and chin. Of caressing her jaw, holding her face in his hands.

He would have killed to taste those lips, even once.

Taking a deep breath and pretending he wasn't unsettled by the mere thought of touching Nesta, he pressed play and his heart clenched in his chest.

"Da-da, dada, da-da-da-da," Logan was simply calling out for him, basically whispering in the quiet room, brushing her fingers on her lips. "Dadadadada, dada."

His eyes stung lightly and his pinched the tip of his nose, reigning in his emotions.

The little girl turned to the phone once she noticed her mom was recording her and the smile she gave him ended him. Lo yawned in the most cute and tiny way on video and Cassian's stomach tightened to the point of pain.

He loved her.

She smacked the phone from Nesta's hand, calling for her dada once again and everything went black for a few seconds.

The moment colours and pictures came back up, it was Nesta's face smiling at him, now sitting with a writhing Lo saying his name over and over again.

Nesta tilted her head to the side, avoiding being smacked in the face by the baby, "I need you to come here asap. This little beast won't go to bed unless she hears her favourite uncle's lullaby."

Uncle.

The video ended with an otherworldly screech from Logan and Cassian turned off the screen, throwing the phone on the seat, a weird kind of sorrow pulling at his heart.

Uncle.

Nesta had this bad habit of calling him uncle whenever Logan insisted on calling him dada, or dad, or any other way that pointed to the girl thinking he was her father.

And he couldn't be mad. Fuck, he couldn't do shit about it if not accepting the fact that that was the truth.

Logan wasn't his daughter and the only reason they had stopped trying to make her call him anything but dada was because of the meltdowns she had whenever they did.

She was definitely too little still to understand what they were saying, but she rejected the idea anyway. It was like trying to take her favourite toy away.

Putting the car in reverse, he drove out of the parking spot and on the road, hoping Lo would still be awake once he got to their house.

He tried to keep his thoughts at bay as much as he could, failing miserably.

Cassian wanted in on their life. Cassian wanted to be part of it, every morning he wanted to wake up next to them and love them the way they deserved all day long and at night he wanted to hold them tightly to him and fall asleep again. And do it all over again the next day.

For the rest of his life.

He didn't have a single dream or goal that topped this one.

And he was so tired to pretend anything else was more important to him.

***

He cupped the chubby rosy cheek with his palm, passing his thumb over her eyebrow over and over again, watching the way her tiny, tiny lips moved in her sleep, as if she was latching. Logan's little body twitched in his arms, and Cassian repositioned, hoping not to disturb her too much.

Her minuscule hand clutched his shirt and she rubbed her face in the niche of his elbow.

He lowered just enough to place a kiss on her forehead and the small sigh she released did something to him.

He was so focused on memorizing every little detail on her baby face—knowing perfectly well how fast she was growing—that he hadn't noticed Nesta standing just outside the nursery door.

"I'm happy she has you," she whispered.

Cassian didn't look up from Logan, too afraid of his own feelings, which were riding rampant in his mind tonight.

"I'm glad she..." Nesta paused, drew a deep breath and stepped inside. She sat next to him on the fluffy couch and pulled her legs up to her chest.

He hoped she didn't feel him tense when she leaned against him, her head on his shoulder as she put her hand on Logan's belly.

"I'm glad she can count on somebody else. That is not me."

Cassian paused his face massage, sliding his hand under Logan's head and moving so her neck wasn't straining. He fixed his gaze on the floor, not daring moving a muscle.

"Sometimes I think I'm fucking everything up by not actively looking for someone that would step up as her dad, but–"

Nesta moved again, pressing closer to him, moving her hand from Lo to his arm. He knew that if he looked at her, even if he just turned her way, he would kiss her.

When she spoke again, her voice was trembling slightly and Cassian's heart was threatening beating out of his chest.

"What I'm trying to say is, thank you. For being here for her."

He stayed silent, not knowing what to say. He just resumed tracing lines on Lo's cheekbones, something that never failed to soothe her before bed and that knocked her out almost immediately.

It was a long time before he found the courage to talk.

"Nesta, I–"

Or maybe not.

What if he fucked everything up?

What if he was reading her wrong, and all of this was just in his head?

"Yes, Cassian?" She whispered.

He took a shaking breath, closing his eyes, and said, "I don't wanna be her uncle."

The words were out now. And he couldn't seem to be able to stop them.

"And I don't want you to text me during a date that you can't get her to sleep because she needs me to sing to her. I don't wanna have to drive all the way down here every other day because you might need something from me. And it's frustrating when I'm at home and I wanna eat something, just to remember that I bought it for your place and not mine. And don't even get me started on my clothes. Half of my wardrobe is in this house, as far as I know."

Nesta retracted from him so fast that his head whipped her way. He missed her warmth on the spot.

She was looking at him like she'd hit her. Her brow was furrowed and her eyes were shiny, watering with unshed tears.

His throat closed, "Nes, what–"

"I'm sorry we're such a fucking problem to you," she hissed, doing a piss poor job at hiding the hurt.

Cassian's eyes widened with horror, "Problem? What are you talking about?"

She didn't give any sign she'd heard him, "If it's such a pain in your ass driving here just to make her happy, then don't. I annoy you with my texts, I'll stop texting, no big deal." She was heaving now, emotion and exhaustion from a long day taking over. "And you can get your food and your clothes and get the fuck out of here and never come back for all I care. But you could've told me sooner that we were such a bother to you, I'd have kept her from getting so attached."

Cassian was moving before he knew what he was doing.

One second he was on one side of the couch, looking baffled and confused for all the shit that she was spitting at him, the next he was on her, Logan's body close to his chest as he lunged for Nesta's lips.

He moved his hand to her hair, sliding his fingers to the back of her neck, pushing her towards him. He closed his eyes, savouring the plush touch of her mouth on his for the first time.

Taking in everything she was giving him.

Nesta didn't react immediately, but as soon as she realized what was happening she melted into the kiss, backing away slightly before going back for more.

Her hands went to his face, cradling his neck and bringing him impossibly closer to her, as much as she could without hurting her daughter, and Cassian soared.

They both lost track of time before they stopped, never going far. Nesta pushed her forehead against his, brushing her nose sweetly to his.

"Explain," she breathed out.

He chuckled, stunned, "I want her to call me dad, dada, daddy, whatever she prefers. I wanna be there for her, I'm happy to be there for her." He started, leaving a kiss on her lips.

Nesta turned her head sideways, keeping the contact with him, "Focus."

"I hate driving up here every day because I wish I didn't have to go back to my house. It's just another reminder that I'm a guest, someone that is temporarily here.

"I forget I bought food and brought it here because I eat basically all of my meals with you girls, and I want the entirety of my wardrobe to be in this home. I hate going back there. It's lonely. And I want to be here. All the time.

"I want this to be my permanent home. I want you to be my permanent home."

Nesta was keeping her eyes closed, but a tear was running down her cheek. He swiped it away with a thumb, and then passed his fingertip to her lips.

"Cassian," she said.

He kissed her again, a slow, full-of-love peck on her lips.

He inhaled, "I love you, Nesta, and there's literally no other place I'd rather be, than here with you and Logan."

She opened her eyes then and let him in, at last. She let him see the love there, the wanting and longing that had been eating at them both for years.

But they were done running.

"It's always been you," she said, running a soft hand down his cheek.

Cassian nodded, nuzzling her palm, "It's always been you."

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[itsthedoodle]

Ruhn/Lidia alone will make me sob A LOT so I really don’t know how I’m gonna survive this book. I wasn’t kidding when I said not even a therapist would be able to put me back together

I know HOFAS is going to make me sob a lot whether it's tears of joy getting to see Azriel, the IC, and potentially Gwyn and Emerie + Quinlar's reunion, or it's tears of rage and sadness seeing Hunt/Ruhn/Baxian getting tortured, or Ruhn/Lidia's angsty scenes, all the bloodshed and deaths, the fact that it's the conclusion of Quinlar's story and they'll no longer be leads.

My eyes are tearing up just thinking about all that's to come.