#RoseGoldLetter

[sweetieballoon]

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[littlemooandroo]

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[rosegoldletters]

5 : 08/05/17

Dear Future Victim, You should know up front that I can get a little crazy. I’m possessive and insecure. They don’t mix well for long term relationships. I have low expectations for romance, but I’m high maintenance in the sense that I need constant attention. I read into things, and believe that no matter the intention a subliminal message can be found. I understand that the above characteristics make it difficult to have a balanced and healthy relationship. I work actively against these habits. I find it helpful to keep Eleanor Roosevelt’s words in mind, “Understanding is a two way street.” I know these little mental torments wreak havoc on my relationships and daily life, but I have also found myself within them. I give everything to the things I care about. I invest myself too much, but this has made me into the passionate person I am. It pushes me to advocate for those who can’t because I feel so strongly a need to express my love and gratitude to the people I encounter. I’m aware of how cheesy it sounds, but let me try to put it into perspective. Occasionally, and more often than I’d like to admit, I think about killing myself. Most of the time it’s fleeting, but other times I fantasize about all of the possible scenarios, consequences, and relief. When this happens the only way that I can end this blender of thoughts is to humble myself. I realize that I know nothing, and am amazed to live in this world. I think you get the picture. This wonderment is driven by the same passion that it occurs when I get jealous. It keeps me alive and it keeps me alone. Most of this jealousy will be completely unfounded. I create narratives in my mind to explain minuscule idiosyncrasies in what I hear and interpret. I also use narratives to soothe myself through my darkest days of self loathing. When old traumas are unearthed I bend to them. Not by choice, but more as a reflex. I know that fighting against them is a losing battle. As I bury myself I begin to believe that the only reason I feel this way is due to my lack of morality and overall worth. From tedious practice, countless hours of therapy, and really terrible (fucking awful) mirror pep talks I have narratives to hoist me back up. Everything from nature to nurture as to why I am the way I am. Most of the time I paint myself to be a victor and not a victim. High above all of the terrible experiences of my past. Standing proud of all the times I chose to live. I’ve become so good at this narrative it is practically a cure all. None the less, I will crumble at the idea of losing you. It keeps me alive and it keeps me alone. There’s no doubt, not everything can be turned into a positive, but this is how I’ve learned to cope. This is how I’ve drug myself out of the constant hole I seem to bury myself in. I don’t expect any consolation. I’d like to believe that you exist and are eager to sustain through the bad because I promise my good is worth it. If you are who I think you are then you’ll understand, and you’ll know that I am constantly working for a balance between myself. Lately I’ve been comfortable. Sometimes I sway to one side or the other, but that’s life for me. I’m choosing to live. Eventually, my goal is to lean consistently positive. It’s good to have goals. So, I suppose I apologize in advance, but I’m only half sorry. Love, AR

[dwatsonjewelry]

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[dwatsonjewelry]

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[dwatsonjewelry]

Cursive Initial Necklace, A-Z Tiny Letters, Personalized Jewelry, Lowercase Letter, Handcrafted Jewelry Gifts for just $17.50 Each initial necklace is handcrafted with love and designed to be a cherished keepsake for years to come! Every item is lovingly packaged in a jewelry gift box with care instructions. Choose your letter and metal from the drop down menu. A simple, everyday wear piece - perfect as a personalized gift. Scroll down to bottom of page for 5-star reviews and shops policies. More name necklaces here: https://www.etsy.com/shop/deannewatsonjewelry?section_id=11184506 Disney jewelry designs: https://www.etsy.com/shop/deannewatsonjewelry?section_id=21883775 Bridesmaid/Wedding Jewelry: https://www.etsy.com/shop/deannewatsonjewelry?section_id=19385778 Wire wrap necklaces: https://www.etsy.com/shop/deannewatsonjewelry?section_id=10844123 Wire wrap earrings: https://www.etsy.com/shop/deannewatsonjewelry?section_id=10844143 Wire wrap rings: https://www.etsy.com/shop/deannewatsonjewelry?section_id=10847564 Bracelets/Bangles: https://www.etsy.com/shop/deannewatsonjewelry?section_id=10847564 You can enter my shop here: https://www.etsy.com/shop/deannewatsonjewelry Follow us on facebook: www.facebook.com/deanne.watson35 Follow us on Instagram: www.instagram.com/deannewatsonjewelry Personalilzed Gifts

[dwatsonjewelry]

Dainty Initial Necklace, A-Z Tiny Letters, Personalized Jewelry, Cursive Lowercase Letter, Handcrafted Jewelry Gifts for just $17.50 Each initial necklace is handcrafted with love and designed to be a cherished keepsake for years to come! Every item is lovingly packaged in a jewelry gift box with care instructions. Choose your letter and metal from the drop down menu. A simple, everyday wear piece - perfect as a personalized gift. Scroll down to bottom of page for 5-star reviews and shops policies. More name necklaces here: https://www.etsy.com/shop/deannewatsonjewelry?section_id=11184506 Disney jewelry designs: https://www.etsy.com/shop/deannewatsonjewelry?section_id=21883775 Bridesmaid/Wedding Jewelry: https://www.etsy.com/shop/deannewatsonjewelry?section_id=19385778 Wire wrap necklaces: https://www.etsy.com/shop/deannewatsonjewelry?section_id=10844123 Wire wrap earrings: https://www.etsy.com/shop/deannewatsonjewelry?section_id=10844143 Wire wrap rings: https://www.etsy.com/shop/deannewatsonjewelry?section_id=10847564 Bracelets/Bangles: https://www.etsy.com/shop/deannewatsonjewelry?section_id=10847564 You can enter my shop here: https://www.etsy.com/shop/deannewatsonjewelry Follow us on facebook: www.facebook.com/deanne.watson35 Follow us on Instagram: www.instagram.com/deannewatsonjewelry Personalilzed Gifts

[rosegoldletters]

3 : 2/15/17

Dear Future Love, Sometimes you feel so far away. Far enough to make me doubt that I'll ever actually be near you. This thought is terrifying. The idea that you exist but that I just can't get to you. Maybe it's the recent holiday making me doubt myself more than ever. I have this idea of an unconditional love. A love so big and pure that it overrules all selfishness and self serving actions. I think I have found this with a few people in my life already. I cherish what I have with them, but I feel deep inside myself that I have more to offer. I have this ability to love and care for someone so completely, but I don't have anyone to smother. I'm trying to be patient. I've been trying to make better decisions. In hopes that these choices will lead me to you or you to me. All of this eventually will be worked out and you and I can exist together. It'll be worth it. Love, AR

[rosegoldletters]

1 : 1/31/17

Dear Future Love, I have started this in the hope that maybe someone will read it. Well, not just that someone will but a person who really loves me. A person who loves me so completely. In my head I like to imagine that this person exists, out there, in the world already. Somewhere. Somewhere this someone lives and breathes. They have an entire life that I'm not apart of yet. Maybe I am apart of it, and neither one of us have figured it out yet. We are in love. I wanted the opportunity to write things here. Things I want them to know with the hope that it will help them in some way. It may help them deal with me, comfort me, or maybe just something for them to read while I awkwardly wait for their reaction. I know this seems far fetched, and maybe just a tad pathetic. I'm feeling a little lost and lonely. The world is changing with big sweeping motions lately. Yet, something inside me keeps telling me to wait for you. This person I may or may not know. A person who will be my windswept partner. If you're reading this then I suppose I should say hello. Hello. I hope this gives some insight into the moments before you existed for me. It's perfectly fine to laugh, cry, get angry, or whatever emotion you may feel throughout it. I'm sure I'll go through many of them writing here. I have been waiting for you. Waiting for what feels like a very long time. I have tried to be patient, but as you can see I'm not terribly good at it. I hope you enjoy this. I love you. Love, AR