#Ron Swanson tries to eat a banana
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My sister got a banana eraser at a Quarter machine at Harps.
#Deya Talks#Please forgive me#Imma just throw it in the tags#Levi Ackerman#Ron Swanson tries to eat a banana
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Road To The Aisles
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Chapter 12 and thanks to you all for continuing to read, like, reblog and comment. It is much appreciated.
Special thanks to @mo-nighean-rouge @happytoobserve @wickedgoodbooks for their continued support.
Chapter 12 : An Unexpected Exchange
“It’s pointless for a human to paint scenes of nature when they can go outside and stand in it.”
-Ron Swanson, Parks and Recreation
Claire sat at her desk and eyed her tuna sandwich with distaste. While she had magnanimously agreed last night to let Jamie take dinner leftovers -- a very tasty chilli and rice -- for his office lunch today, she had been hoping that he might have somehow forgotten and made his way to the gym and then work without it, leaving her to claim it (rather than it go to waste). When it was clear that hadn’t happened, she had been forced to hastily make the aforementioned sandwich.
There was a light tap at the office door. A grinning head poked around the door, immediately distracting Claire from her dietary woes.
“G, how you doing? Come and talk to me,” Claire exclaimed.
Geillis strolled into the office and pulled up a chair. She looked longingly at Claire’s sandwich.
“Christ, I’m fucking starving. And I’ve only a banana fer ma lunch.”
Claire pushed the untouched sandwich towards her friend. “There you go. Have that. Now, tell me all your news.”
Geillis took a large bite of the sandwich and munched for a few moments before taking a swig out of Claire’s now cold coffee mug and clearing her throat.
“It’s been a fucker of a morning in the emergency department. We had a chap come in, wouldna talk tae the receptionist or a female nurse. Finally agreed tae talk tae Big Steve, ye ken the guy? The nurse practitioner that does the body building? Weel, turns out he’s come in wi’ a can of body spray wedged up his arse, he couldna get it out. Apparently he’d tried wi’ some kitchen tongs, only shoved it further up.”
“He said…” Geillis took a smaller bite and carried on talking. “He said that he’d slipped getting out of the shower and fell on tae it. Imagine that? And we’re there tryin’ tae be serious while he’s spinnin’ us this yarn. So he goes off tae X-Ray and we’re all placing bets on what scent it is.”
“Is he ok?”
“Turns out it wasna lodged too far up, so Dr. Chris was able tae get it out wi’ no operation needed. And then this chap actually asked if he could have the spray back, as it’s his favourite. Dr. Chris told him it was now classed as clinical waste and would therefore have tae be disposed of ‘in an appropriate manner.’”
Geillis finished her sandwich and looked around for a napkin. Claire passed her a tissue.
“And what scent was it?” Claire prompted, laughing.
“Lynx… Africa. I guessed it. Lucky fer him it was only the smaller size… I mean, the girth on those larger sprays… imagine… no’ even Dougal would --”
“And how is Dougal?” Claire hastily changed the subject. “I know it’s ok from your texts, but what did he say about the whole baby thing?”
“Weel… after all that worryin’ and mitherin’ I put meself through, Dougal was verra understanding about it. I told him straight that I dinna want a baby at the moment, and would likely never want one. So it was his choice… me and no bairn, or no me. And he did the sensible thing… he chose me. The door’s left open, but…”
“And why wouldn’t he? He’d be a fool to give you up.”
“Aye, I ken. I tell him regular that he’s lucky tae have me.”
Geillis delved into her voluminous handbag and retrieved a banana, brandishing it aloft.
“Fancy half a banana? Tae eat? I tell ye… what I’ve seen today… it’s oral consumption only with bananas from now on fer me.”
Claire tentatively took half from Geillis, a worried expression on her face.
“Dinna fash,” Geillis sighed. “I bought it this morning. It’s a virgin banana. I do have some standards, ye ken.”
*************
Jamie and Claire strolled through the park, enjoying the warmth of the summer sun. It was a perfect day, with not a cloud in the sky and only a slight breeze rustling through the trees.
“Do ye think I’ve put enough sun cream on William, Sassenach ? I dinna want him to burn.”
Claire looked over at William, clad in a bright blue romper suit and matching baseball cap and strapped securely onto Jamie’s chest. She could still faintly see the layer of sun cream meticulously applied by Jamie before they came out.
“Think you’ve put enough on for a trip to the equator,” she joked.
“Aye, weel, ye canna be too careful. Shall we head tae the river and look fer some duckies then, ma wee man?”
Jamie took the loud raspberry from William as agreement. He held Claire’s hand as they wandered alongside the river, their companionable silence only broken by William’s excited babbling.
After a somewhat disinterested encounter with the ducks, they settled themselves on a riverside bench to watch the world go by. William tried to bounce, pressing his feet firmly against Jamie’s thighs, eliciting an ‘aargh’ sound from his father.
Claire laughed as she gazed at her two men. She held William’s dimpled hand to her mouth and kissed it.
“He’s laughing at you, Jamie, when you make that sound.”
“Aargh… aargh…” Jamie repeated his exclamation to William’s increasing delight, his chuckles growing louder and louder and joining the laughter from his father and Claire.
“Ah, Claire. I’d recognise those curls anywhere. Your hair is very distinctive, you know,” a voice spoke suddenly, cutting into the moment.
She stopped laughing as she stood up and turned around, patting her hair. Instinctively Jamie stood as well and turned to face the voice.
“Frank… wow, what a surprise. I didn’t expect to see you here. I thought… have you… are you still down in England?”
“Er, yes. I’m just up here for the weekend. Conference, you know. Just on my way to the gallery, see the exhibitions. You’re looking well, Claire.”
Frank smiled at her, oblivious to the palpable tension radiating from Jamie.
"Thanks," Claire responded politely. "Frank, this is my fiancé, Jamie. Jamie, this is Frank… an old friend."
Jamie extended his hand and enveloped Frank's long, elegant fingers in a bone crushing handshake.
“Pleased tae meet ye.” Jamie’s words were at odds with the look on his face.
Frank raised an eyebrow. “Engaged? Well, congratulations to you both… and a baby? Life has changed very quickly for you, Claire. So, are you at work, or maternity leave?”
Claire looked at William who, lacking entertainment, was simultaneously sucking his thumb whilst trying to pull his cap off.
“Actually, William is my step-son. He’s Jamie’s son.”
“Oh, I see.” Frank’s statement hung in the air.
“We’re getting married in just over three months’ time.” Claire suddenly felt defensive as she remembered Frank’s judgemental nature.
William, having succeeded in pulling his cap off and dropping it, now let out a cry as Claire picked it up and secured it firmly back on his head. The cry was followed by a series of sobs becoming louder and louder.
“I think he needs a nap.” Claire explained over the crying. “We should be heading home. Well, all the best, Frank.”
Frank leant forward and lightly kissed Claire on both cheeks. “Congratulations to you both.”
“Bye then.” Jamie nodded and took Claire’s hand as they started walking away.
The journey home was made in silence, William dozing fitfully in his car seat. Once at the house, Jamie, still silent, took William upstairs and put him down in his cot. Claire pottered in the kitchen, putting the kettle to boil, pulling the cafetière out of the cupboard, opening the cake tin. When she heard Jamie’s steps coming downstairs, she made the coffee and cut two slices of banana loaf. Each action precise, deliberate and calm, which was exactly what she wasn’t feeling.
“Jamie, come and sit down.” She placed a mug of coffee and slice of banana loaf in front of him as he slumped at the kitchen table.
“Right, so, what is the matter with you? You’ve had a face like a slapped arse ever since we bumped into Frank in the park. It’s to do with him, isn’t it? And don’t try to tell me nothing is the matter. Sulking is not a good look on a thirty-three year old man, you know.”
Jamie was quiet for a moment, fiddling randomly with the baby monitor. Finally, he placed the monitor on the kitchen table, took a large gulp of coffee, screwing up his face as the hot liquid hit his mouth, and sighed.
“Aye, ye’re right. ‘Twas partly yer man. When ye said William was yer ‘step-son’, I could see Frank, I ken what he was thinking. He was looking at me, judging me, thinking I was some serial shagger hopping from bed tae bed… mebbe even wondering if I’d be faithful tae ye.”
Claire came and sat at the kitchen table with Jamie.
“First of all, what does it matter what Frank's opinion of us is? He’s not part of our lives. And if we’re talking about serial shaggers, I could tell you a thing or two about him. So what if he wonders about you being unfaithful? No one we know or care about would ever think that.”
“Second of all,” Claire tapped the kitchen table with her forefinger emphasising her points. “Are you unhappy because I said William was my step-son? You didn’t want me to lie, did you? Let him think I was William’s birth mother?”
Jamie lifted his eyes from his mug of coffee to look at Claire, his cheeks reddening slightly. “No’ lie as such, but ye dinna have tae say anything.”
“To make you feel better, to not be judged by Frank? What does that even matter? Or did you want to prove a point to Frank?”
“Ye dinna understand. It’s no’ jes’ tae do wi’ Frank… it’s like… when we’re in the park or some such place, and I see all the families around us, playing and laughing, I like to think, or pretend, that there is nae Geneva, nae leaving ma son fer half the week. I dinna like tae be reminded. I like tae think that we’re a family jes’ like those around us.”
Claire pulled her chair closer to Jamie and reached across to stroke his auburn curls. He inclined his head and closed his eyes, relishing the feel of her nails, now lightly scratching his scalp.
“You are a silly, silly man. We are a family just like those around us at the park… there’ll be every variation of family there… half siblings, step-parents, step-children, single parents, adopted children, fostered, raised by grandparents. And you know what, when it comes down to it, it’s all family. And that’s what matters.”
“Aye, I may be a silly man, but I ken that ye, Claire Beauchamp soon tae be Fraser, are a fine woman that I’m no’ sure that I deserve.”
“Well, I’m not sure either that you deserve me, but…” she replied as she moved to stand between his legs. “... you can try.”
Jamie’s hands settled on her arse as Claire bent her head to kiss him. As the kiss deepened, her hands snaked around the back of his neck, pulling him tighter to her.
The sudden cry from the baby monitor broke them apart.
“He’s no’ got the best timing,” Jamie laughed. “Guess he doesna want his old man having fun.”
Claire breathed in his ear. “Later.”
“Later,” Jamie agreed.
#outlander fan fiction#outlander fanfic#Road To The Aisles#modern au#Jamie Fraser#claire beauchamp#chapter 12
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Do you own a pink toaster? Nope. I own a blue toaster, tho. Do you live by yourself? Nope. I live with my husband and our three kitties. Do you shower everyday? No. Is English your native language? Yes.
Do you like cleaning? Sometimes.
Who is your favorite character from Harry Potter? I’m not into Harry Potter but if I had to pick, Hermione, naturally. Do you hear any music now? Nope. My coworker is doing this training and his headphones don’t work so he’s fucking blasting it through his speakers and I hate it so much. Do you watch PewDiePie? No. Are you married? I am. Do you like Despacito? Ya know, I don’t hate it. Do you drink coffee? I drink lattes. Do you know any Swedish words? I’m blanking. Do you play Pokemon Go? Not super often but every once in a while I open it up if I’m out somewhere. Do you think you’re fat? I know I am fat. Did you ever color your hair pink? It’s currently pink. Super grown out and faded, but pink. Do you press Caps Lock or hold Shift for capital letters? Shift, I’m not a heathen. Do you own any pop figures? Yes. I have all the Belchers from Bob’s Burgers, Ron Swanson from Parks an Rec, and Gus from Breaking Bad. I really want Princess Carolyn from BoJack and Hopper from Stranger Things 3. Unrelated: my birthday is Sept 2nd. Do you like Dr. Phil? No. Do you prefer to be inside or outside? Outside. Do you drink energy drinks? No. Do you eat meat? Yes. Do you need to do the dishes? Yeah. Do you have any posters in your room? In our living room. How old were you in 2010? I turned 21. Are you scared of clowns? No. Who is your favorite youtuber? Grav3YardGirl. Do you have any subscribers on YouTube? I think my husband is subscribed to me? Lol. I don’t make videos regularly. I have some on there from a class I took in college but that’s about it. Do you believe in ghosts? Yes. Do you salt your popcorn? Yes, lightly. Do you like McDonalds? I do. Do you have a Steam account? No. Is the sun shining right now? Yes. What time is it? 10:18am. How much battery do you have on your phone? 100%. What device are you using while taking this survey? My work computer oops. Do you brush your teeth everyday? Yes. Do you bite your nails? Nope. Except for if one breaks and I need to even the rest of the nail out and don’t have clippers handy. Do you like gaming? Eh. What’s the first word that comes to your mind if I say: Boop! Kitty noses. What month is it? July. Do you like reading books? Yes, I just don’t do it often. Have you ever played Five Nights at Freddy’s? I’ve seen Mark play it. Do you like horror movies? I don’t hate them but I don’t seek them out. Is your favorite animal a dog? Nope. Pandas, bats, and kitties are my favorite animals. Do you have a pet cat? I have three. Do you like chicken nuggets? Yeah. I prefer chicken strips/tenders/fingers, though. What color is the ceiling in the room? White. Do you own a car? Yes. What age do you turn on your next birthday? 30. Do you like religion? No. Have you ever tried Akinator? I don’t know what that is. Do you like Grand Theft Auto V? I’ve seen Mark play. It’s okay.
Are you wearing socks right now? Nope.
Do you have a headache? Nope. Do you cry a lot? Define “a lot.” Can you twerk? Sure. Do you like dabbing? OMG that reminds me, at my grandmother’s birthday party a few weeks go my 5 year old niece came up to me out of nowhere and dabbed. Like. How does she even know what that is. Name four things in the room. A purple neon bat light, Can money buy you happiness? In this capitalist society, yes. What was the last country you visited? Only Canada and I was teeny tiny. Do you like fishing? Eh. Do you want to be famous? Sometimes. Do you have any siblings? A sister. Have you ever been to a funeral? Yes. Do you have a Spotify account? I do. Have you heard of Blizzard Entertainment? Yeah. Mark has a WoW account. Clearly Mark should be taking this survey. Do you drink milk? If I am eating something really chocolatey, yeah. I use soy or almond milk in cereal. Are you tired? Always. Do you like bananas? Yes. Are you addicted to anything? Food. Are you in love? Yes. What’s the temperature outside? 79 F Do you like snow? I do and I don’t. It’s pretty to look at but I hate driving and walking in it. And it happens too much here. Where are you from? Illinos. Would you rather Play, Pause, Rewind, Fast Forward or Stop? Uh. Do you know your phone number? Yes? What do you think of Fifty Shades of Grey? You mean fifty shades of r*pe? Do you swear in front of children? I try to watch my mouth but it slips out sometimes. Is my grammar fine? Sure.
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Funk n’ Waffles Intervention
For our intervention, we decided to ask people to participate in an activity in the spirit of the restaurant.
Funk n’ Waffles is known for its unique waffle recipes and cool waffle names. If we were going to do an intervention in a very closed space like a restaurant, we wanted it to be within the theme of the place so that the owners might mind a bit less if they ended up not liking our intervention. Plus, who doesn’t like waffles, right?
Our interaction started at around 4 pm. It was a really slow time at Funk n’ Waffles, with only two customers sitting outside. Inside, the workers were hanging out, seemingly understanding that 4 pm on a Monday was a slow time for the restaurant.
We decided to head outside and tried interacting with the two customers. They both said no to participating in our interaction. One woman said “I’m not interested in the food industry.” When I tried to quickly explain that this was just a school project and nothing that would have any impact on the food industry, she politely declined again. The next customer also declined our offer, but very quietly. I had to lean in closer to hear her whisper “no.” Off to a not-so-good start!
The good news was that we knew the restaurant would be getting busier around 7 pm. I unfortunately had a mandatory event and had to leave a bit early, right before we got some real interaction. Around 7, as expected, a ton of people rolled in and Charles was able to get a good amount of people to participate!
Documentation
Ingredients: Super Foods! Strawberries, Bananas, Peanut Butter, Blueberries, Yogurt? (with a question mark), Nutella, Honey
Waffle Name: Super Trooper
Print Your Name Here: Kristina Fitzsimmons
This waffle was made by the guy on the left!
Ingredients: Strawberries, Blueberries, frosting on waffle
Waffle Name: As You Like It
Print Your Name Here: Bill
This waffle was made by the guy on the right! (He didn’t want to draw on his waffle)
Ingredients: Shrimp, Sour cream, Raw Onions, Hot Sauce
Waffle Name: Bostonian
Print Your Name Here: David C Sabin
Ingredients: Bacon, potatos, chives, sour cream on top
Waffle Name: The Ron Swanson
Print Your Name Here: Michelle
Ingredients: 1 chicken wing (Buffalo Sause), Syrup
Waffle Name: 1 Buffalo
Print Your Name Here: Joe W
Email
To wrap up our project, we wanted to send an email to the manager of Funk n’ Waffles all of the waffle recipes people made. Below is the email:
Conclusion
Our project, ultimately, was a success. Despite it working out well, here are some observations that I had during the intervention that could have led us to an even better result:
We should have picked a different day and time
We had difficulty finding the best time to do the intervention. Our original plan was to do it over the weekend, but either we were busy with other class stuff or the restaurant had conflicts with shows that we didn’t want to interrupt. We ended up having to do the project on Monday, cutting it close to the due date and limiting our interactions, as Funk n’ Waffles isn’t very busy on Mondays. I also had a mandatory event Monday night and had to leave before the busiest time for the restaurant, which ended up putting the main bulk of the interaction work on Charles.
People do not like being bothered on the street
While we didn’t stop people while they were walking around, there was a definite difference in tone between the people who were eating outside and the people who were eating inside. The relaxed environment of the inside of the restaurant was a better place to facilitate interaction, and knowing this in advance would’ve expedited our process (and made things a bit less awkward, which never hurts).
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31 Ron Swanson Moments That Will Always Make You Laugh
*tries to eat a banana*
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31 Ron Swanson Moments That Will Always Make You Laugh
*tries to eat a banana*
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31 Ron Swanson Moments That Will Always Make You Laugh
*tries to eat a banana*
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31 Ron Swanson Moments That Will Always Make You Laugh
*tries to eat a banana*
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31 Ron Swanson Moments That Will Always Make You Laugh
*tries to eat a banana*
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31 Ron Swanson Moments That Will Always Make You Laugh
*tries to eat a banana*
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