#Rhysand: makes a joke about Cassian and Nesta fucking in the woods

[flowerflamestars]

Effloresce snippet

Beneath the fear, beneath the hollow shape the world had taken, Cassian who could not longer see color or make sense of anything now but this: Nesta was hurt.   Nesta was not with him, now.   Feyre rushed forward, questions he did not hear bubbling from her mouth. It was Rhys, who called a wraith to find a healer, but Mor-   Morrigan, whose golden hands Cassian had let touch him- Mor, who he’d trusted for centuries- Morrigan, the shining light of truth, who reached with her greater power, and kept Feyre from her sister’s side. Wrapped both soft arms around her, restraint a mockery of embrace.   “It’s okay, Fey,” Mor said, cheek pressed beside the crown they’d put atop Feyre’s head, northern diamonds shining. “It’s going to die. It’s not her. We’ll find your sister, whatever they did to her.”   Color did not all come back at once, but in a wall.   Red, red, silently screaming red- Nesta was still bleeding and he could smell it, stinging iron and sweet immortal sap.   “That is Nesta Archeron,” Azriel’s voice was a dead thing, dark as the shadow still clinging to his body as he put him between Cassian and the room.   “That is a changeling,” Morrigan snapped, “Look at her face. Look at her, Az. I haven’t seen one since the war, but look at her. Beguilement. Enchantment. See how she compels you? Think. Humans don’t succumb to faebane poisoning.”   “Who,” Elain said, rising to her feet, “Said we were human?”   Cassian told himself not to move. He did not need to worry for Elain- Vanserra would no more let Morrigan hurt her than Cassian himself could allow even those people he’d considered family near Nesta now, breathing so, so shallow.   Just a whisper.   Hardly a sound.   “Our mother was,” Feyre shook her head, blue eyes planetary with tears, “We’re mostly human.”   “Fey,” Mor breathed, squeezing her shoulders, “That is not a mostly human creature. Listen. The wards are singing.”   Despite the journey, Elain wore still that shining, human dress Cassian had last seen her in. Ever flounce sunrise pink, sheer and dragging, it hissed over the stone. In torchlight, her hair caught nearly the same color, soft. Serene.   He could see the steel in her shoulders, every bit Nesta’s other half.   Hands linked before her, she stopped right in front of Morrigan. Tipped her head in light humans manners, the acknowledgment of equal. A bob, a nod, posture unwavering.   “Say it again.” Elain Archeron’s sweet voice entreated, so blandly polite Cassian got to see Mor blink.   “What?”   “Say it again,” A snap so quiet Cassian doubted anyone but himself heard it, hiding behind her rising voice, “Say again that my sister is a creature you plan to watch die.” 

“Mor doesn’t mean”-   “Feyre,” Rhysand murmured, midnight in a voice, and just like that, drew her away. Out of Mor’s grasp and into his arms, pale spangled clothes shining against the night sky he’d dressed himself as. He pulled her close.   They’d been having a dinner- while Nesta was dying in his arms.   The candles still burned. Pretty piled high platters and the simple silver Rhysand preferred, this whole regal blue room a mirror to stars and starlight. If they’d bothered to open the doors, it would have been the real thing.   “It is my duty,” Morrigan recited, “To see the truth.”   “Hard to do without using your magic,” Lucien spit.   “We are human.” Elain remarked, with a tilt of her head. Cassian blinked- thought, for a second, he saw sparks. “See, by your reckoning Lady Morrigan, even a drop of mortal blood is enough to taint. There are many, many of us who are forced to hide the legacy of bondage.”   Glass breaking, Mor sucked in a laugh. “That is not five hundred years of trickle down.”   “No.” Elain shook her head, gentle. Golden curls and yes, fire. Gilded red gold pink, pink, pink, shattered daylight sun danced up her bared shoulders. “That is my mother’s magic.”

And then, fae quick, she raised her palm and blew a shining cloud into Morrigan’s face. Beads, unbound by the bracelet Elain had broken to crunch two of their number in her grip fell to the floor, pinging off stone in time for Morrigan to crash down with them.

[ncssian]

A Favor: Part Twenty-Six

Nessian Modern AU

Masterlist

a/n: writing this chapter was so much fun but reading it was a train wreck so you’ll just have to find out yourself whether it’s actually good or not. hurt/comfort ahead

***

Most of Nesta’s days lately are spent holed up in her basement apartment, either studying for her finals or preparing for her move—which means that whenever Cassian wants to see her, she has to haul ass all the way to the cabin to make time for him.

Like now, on the morning of her birthday, as she stands in her pajamas and slippers in the middle of Cassian’s home gym. Staring at the reason behind his urgent phone call telling her to come over.

“It’s a pole,” she says dumbly.

“Happy birthday,” he says, looking proud of himself. “Consider it an incentive to move in faster, okay?”

“It’s a pole,” she repeats. Tall and gleaming, it stands in front of the wall of mirrors away from most of the workout equipment. “You installed a pole?”

The gift itself isn’t that surprising—Cassian could afford an entire pole dancing studio if he wanted to. What surprises her is that it’s installed here, in Cassian’s personal space. The gym is to Cassian what the reading nook is to Nesta, if not even more sacred. Nesta rarely enters it, but now… he’s extending a blatant invitation into his space.

“I know you already take classes with Gwyn and Emerie,” Cassian is saying, “but you haven’t gotten to go in a while because of school and work, so I thought it would be easier for you if I brought the dance studio over here.” He scratches his head, and Nesta’s eyes drift to the silver watch on his wrist. “You never told me you used to dance. I found out from Feyre, and she sent me videos of your old ballet recitals.”

“Did she?”

Cassian nods along. “You were good. You’re still good now, which is why you should wipe that look off your face and thank me for your gift.”

Nesta is sure she looks stupefied, but she doesn’t do anything to rein it in. She has so many thoughts, and she can only think of saying, “I don’t want to practice in front of you.”

“You don’t have to,” Cassian promises. “Other than early mornings, maybe evenings, the gym will be empty for you.”

Okay. “You—” Nesta starts, “You’re really okay with this?”

Cassian’s face drops in confusion. “Okay with what?” He looks at the pole and back at Nesta. “Do you not like it?”

“Are you okay with giving me part of the gym? Where are you going to go if you want to be alone?” She chews on her lip.

Cassian laughs. “Why would I want to be alone?”

Nesta shrugs. “I need it at least once a week. I figured everyone else was the same way.” Her alone spot in the cabin is her former bedroom from the first time she lived here. Cassian knows not to enter that room, and on days when she spends time in there he simply waits until she comes out. Nesta assumed the gym was close to being something like that for Cassian.

Realization crosses Cassian’s face. “Oh, you mean like your ‘special room’?”

“Don’t say it like that,” Nesta snipes. “I told you I don’t use it for masturbating.”

He comes over and swings a heavy arm around her shoulder. “Babe, if I wanted to be alone I wouldn’t stay in the house. I’d run the trails in the woods behind the cabin.”

“Really?” Her brows furrow. She didn’t know that.

“Look, am I gonna have to return the pole or not?” Cassian says, exasperated.

Nesta stares at him closely, and upon finding no other catch to his gift, she flings her arms around his torso. “I love it,” she declares into his chest. “I love it so much.”

His body tenses in surprise at her uncharacteristic outburst, but then she feels his strong arms wrapping around her too. “In that case, have I earned myself a private show?” he teases.

“I’ll give you so many private shows,” Nesta promises. At least, once she completes her 2L and has the time to learn how to use the pole. “Emerie and Gwyn are going to be so jealous,” she hums pridefully.

Cassian chuckles deeply, and the sound rumbles through his chest where Nesta’s head rests.

They stay holding each other in silence like that for a while, mostly because it’s too early for unnecessary conversing. When Nesta finally speaks up, it’s to say, “Did you really have to call me over at eight a.m. for this, though?”

“It’s your birthday.” Cassian strokes the hair away from her neck. “Don’t even think about sleeping,” he warns. “We’re spending the whole day together. Your sisters mailed gifts, and Gwyn and Emerie are coming over at noon.”

That works for her.

***

The week after her birthday, Nesta drops her resignation letter onto Rhysand’s desk with a heavy smack.

He looks up from the envelope to her. “What’s this?”

“I’m quitting,” she announces without flourish. “Thank you for the experience. Let’s never do it again.”

“But—you got paid more than anyone else in an assistant position ever would. And you weren’t too bad at your job for a student. What went wrong?” He picks up the letter as if he can’t believe his eyes.

Nesta’s stare is a deadpan one. “Let me guess: you thought I would take your free paychecks, use my connections to move up your nepotism ladder, and end up working at Night Court comfortably for the rest of my life?”

Rhysand sits back in his chair and raises a brow at Nesta. “This is a family business,” he says smoothly. “I thought you wanted to be part of the family?”

How funny of him. “I’m good,” she answers simply.

“You came all the way here to tell me this?” Here being Velaris, which gleams through the wall of windows behind Rhysand’s desk.

“I’m not here to see you,” Nesta says, the implication being left in the air. “I’m just stopping by.” Giving a short nod, she turns on her heel to leave.

“If you ever go looking for another job,” Rhysand calls after her, “tell me if you need a recommendation. I can get you into any position at any business.”

She pauses at the door and looks over her shoulder at Rhysand. “I already have recommendations. And a job.” Her summer clerkship at the local family law firm won’t pay a third of what she made here at Night Court, but it’s good enough for now. Combined with what she’s saved up so far, she’ll get through her final year of law school without issue.

At Rhysand’s surprised face, she takes her cue to leave.

Nesta didn’t intend on going all the way to personally meet the CEO to quit, but since Cassian has been in Velaris the whole weekend for work, she thought it would be nice to surprise Cassian with a visit and cut her ties with Night Court Inc. at the same time.

Night Court’s headquarters are huge, with the skyscraper easily being one of the tallest buildings in the city. Nesta nearly gets lost trying to find her way out of Rhysand’s offices.

When she finally spots the steel doors of the elevator, they’re about to slide shut on her. “Hold the door!” she calls out, kicking into a jog. An arm pushes out at the last second to stop the doors from closing, and Nesta slides into the elevator with a sigh of relief. The doors close after her, and she turns to thank the only other person in the elevator.

The man is already looking at her in surprise—surprise which slowly turns into a shark-like smile. “Nesta?”

Nesta’s blood goes cold. He can’t be.

“Remember me?” He points at himself, still grinning. “Keith? Keith O’Connell?”

She tries to swallow but her mouth is dry. “Yeah, I remember,” she gets out.

She remembers everyone she knew from college. She especially remembers Tomas’s closest friends.

Nesta realizes Keith is saying something to her. “What floor?” he asks.

“Uh…” Where was she going again? She can’t remember. She spits out a random number and lets Keith press the button.

Nesta turns her gaze to the flashing numbers above the doors, watching them go down and down. Why are there so many damn floors?

“Didn’t think I’d see you around here,” he goes on, trying to get her to meet his eyes. “Let me guess, you’re an intern?”

Nesta keeps her eyes glued to the floor numbers. “No.”

“Ah,” he hums. “Don’t tell me you’re still chasing that lawyer dream?”

When Nesta doesn’t respond, she finds five fingers on her jaw turning her face toward Keith’s.

She jerks out of his grip, indignant rage bubbling to the surface—rage that is almost immediately suppressed by dread and fear. She’s so small right now; she can’t remember how to be big and loud.

Keith grins, taking a step closer. “What’s wrong? I just asked a question.”

Her back bumps into the wall. She barely feels it. She might as well be back in the living room of her college apartment, sitting on the arm of the couch while Tomas makes snide remarks about her to Keith O’Connell and his other friends. She’s not allowed to leave, because then she’ll be the one who can’t take a joke.

Keith frowns disappointedly at the ground, as if he found a shiny toy just to discover that it doesn’t do any tricks. Now he’s bored. “Damn,” he says. “When you’re not busy being Tom’s bitch, I guess you’re just a bitch.”

Nesta wishes she could be a bitch right now. She wishes she could fight back. “What are you doing, Keith?”

He tilts his head at her. “I’m catching up with you. You got a boyfriend?” His beady eyes slide down her form, leaving a slimy feeling in their wake.

When her lips stay pressed in a firm line, he grabs her arm and laughs. “Come on, why’re you being so weird?” He shakes her by the elbow. “I won’t tell anyone if you do have a boyfriend, promise.”

Nesta hears a ding, and the elevator doors slide open. She doesn’t know whether it’s her floor or Keith’s floor, but she doesn’t care—she’s the first to pull away from him and make an exit. “See you,” she blurts before speedwalking out of the elevator.

Why the fuck did she say “see you”? She doesn’t want to see him ever again. He doesn’t deserve to see her ever again.

Behind her, she hears Keith chuckle again. “I’ll tell Tomas you said hi,” he calls after her.

***

Cassian finds Nesta huddled under a desk.

He thought his eyes were playing tricks on him when he spotted her hurrying out of the elevator on the eighteenth floor of Night Court’s headquarters, but soon enough he realized that yes, that was Nesta’s coat and Nesta’s hair. She was supposed to be back home studying for her first two finals, but instead she was here looking like she was going to be sick.

He was about to follow her when his eyes slid to the man that had gotten off the elevator after her. He didn’t like how O’Connell was staring after Nesta.

“We’re old college friends,” O’Connell shrugged dismissively when Cassian approached him. “I was just saying hi.”

Nesta doesn’t have any friends from college.

Which leads Cassian to a dim, abandoned meeting room, one that would seem fully empty if it wasn't for the sound of strained breathing coming from under the only desk.

He approaches the desk slowly, his worn sneakers coming into Nesta’s line of sight. Pushing the rolling chair away, he crouches down to get a better look at her.

Tinny music comes out of her earbuds, loud enough to drown out any other sounds. She stares past Cassian like she can’t even see him, and the hollowed out look in her eyes terrifies him for a moment. When she blinks, tears spill over onto her cheeks.

“Nes?” Carefully, Cassian reaches out to touch one of her earbuds. After a second of hesitation, he pulls it out and lets it fall.

Nesta sniffles once, then finally turns her teary gaze to Cassian. Her eyes widen a little bit as she croaks, “How did you find me?”

“I followed you. What are you doing here, baby?”

“Um—” Her voice cracks, and she swipes away her tears with the sleeve of her coat. She clears her throat and says, “I came to surprise you.”

“And how’d you end up under here?” Cassian pulls Nesta’s hand away from her face before the scratchy wool can redden her face further. Makeup is smudged around her eyes, and he tries to soothe the sensitive skin there with his thumbs.

Nesta’s other earbud drops out of her ear while he fusses, leaving her with nothing to listen to.

Cassian is quietly, studiously tucking stray hairs back into Nesta’s bun when she confesses, “I was weak.”

“How?” Concern pinches Cassian’s brow. “By crying in front of me?”

“I was completely helpless,” she goes on, her voice numb. “And I didn’t know how not to be that way. I hated it, it’s so stupid.” She tears up again. “I’m not supposed to be that stupid.”

“Tell me what happened,” Cassian demands. He can’t pretend to be patient anymore.

Nesta presses her lips together and stares down at her shoes. Nothing Cassian can think of can prepare him for when she says, “I ran into a friend of my ex.”

So that’s who he is. A frightening calmness settles over Cassian. “O’Connell?” he asks, though he already knows.

Nesta looks up. “You know him?”

He tightens his jaw but nods. “Move over.” Ducking his head, Cassian crawls under the desk to join Nesta. He has to hunch over in half to fit, but Nesta doesn’t seem to mind.

He has to give it to her—it’s not a bad hiding spot.

“What did he say to you?” He tries to sound steady, undisturbed.

“He didn’t need to say anything,” Nesta answers. “I lost my spine with one look from him. He had me under his thumb.”

“I see.” Cassian has made peace with the fact that Tomas Mandray has long since moved away, that he’ll never be able to track the shithead down and make him suffer. What he didn’t know, however, is that Mandray left his friends behind.

“Were you hurt?” is his next question. “Did he touch you?” Cassian doesn’t know what he’ll do if Nesta says yes, but he has to ask anyway.

“I’m not hurt,” she assures him. But her hands rub over her upper arms like she can feel the ghost of a touch there.

“I see,” he repeats. He watches her for a bit longer before stating, “You’re not stupid.”

Nesta’s huff is amused. “Thank you.”

“And don’t spend too much time thinking about O’Connell,” he mutters, nudging her knee with his. “I’ll get rid of him for good.” That is a promise that Cassian is happy to keep.

Nesta looks alarmed. “Like…murder him?”

Cassian laughs. “No, not like that. But you’ll never see him again, so I hope you’ve said what you needed to say to him.”

Nesta thinks for a moment, then nods. “That sounds good. I don’t have anything to say to him.” She inhales a deep breath. “I think I feel better now.”

“You okay?”

“Yeah.”

Cassian holds out a hand to her. “You wanna get out of here?”

She takes his hand and he helps her out from under the desk.

Nesta apparently booked a hotel room in Velaris to surprise Cassian with, but they both agree on the way to the parking lot that they’ve had enough of the city. Cassian chooses to leave his truck behind for Rhys to take care of, and he offers to drive Nesta’s car while she rests.

The ride home is long and quiet.

Nesta sits in silence with her earbuds in, her head leaning against the car window and one of her hands in Cassian’s. He drives with his free hand, sneaking glances over at her every so often just to make sure she really is okay.

It enrages him that someone from Nesta’s past found their way into her place of work. What if he and O’Connell weren’t working in Velaris this weekend, and Nesta bumped into O’Connell in the middle of town instead? It could have tainted any sense of safety she has with the small city she calls home.

Cassian has no plans on telling her that O’Connell is the team leader for the Milan project, or that he rents a small place on the outskirts of their town. Because soon enough neither of those things will be true, and there’s no use in unnecessarily worrying her.

He absentmindedly rubs his thumb over the back of Nesta’s hand.

When they finally pull up to the cabin, Nesta picks her head up from the window to look around. Spotting the other black car parked in the driveway, she makes a sound of disappointment. “Az is home.”

“We can stay in the car if you like,” Cassian offers. He’s in no rush to go inside and face other people, either.

Nesta pulls her heels off, bending over to rub her stockinged feet. “Maybe just for a little while.”

Cassian unbuckles his seatbelt, gesturing for Nesta to put her feet in his lap.

She obliges, looking too tired to refuse him. Cassian runs his hands up her legs and under her skirt, finding the waistband of her sheer black tights and tugging.

“What are you doing?” She jerks under his hands, eyes wide. “The car’s too small for this.”

He narrows his gaze at her. “Chill, horndog. I’m just making you comfortable.” He pulls the tights the rest of the way down her legs and off, freeing her skin.

Nesta gives a little sigh of relief at the feeling of air on her bare skin. She rubs her hands over her thighs in wonder, drawing Cassian’s gaze.

He meets her eyes, and she slowly curls her legs off his lap, tucking them underneath herself instead.

Elated to have Nesta’s undivided attention after two hours of silence, he leans over and slips his hand around her jaw, pulling her in for a kiss.

Her inhale is soft, surprised, before she relaxes against his mouth. Cassian kisses her once, twice, hoping it’ll remind her that she’s safe at his side. That nothing can make her weak.

He’s slow to pull away, and he opens his eyes to find that Nesta’s are still closed, her lips still parted. He stifles a smile and whispers, “I think we should head inside.”

“Mm-hm,” she nods eagerly.

They exit the car, Cassian carrying Nesta’s shoes and tights in one hand and Nesta running over to him barefoot.

He leaves little pecks along her jaw and neck as they enter the cabin, taking extra time to find any moles or beauty marks. She’s about to turn in his arms to face him when they both take notice of Azriel sitting in the living room. Cardboard boxes surround him, and he’s filling them up with books.

Cassian drops Nesta’s heels and tights onto the floor, bringing Az’s attention to him.

“Hey, bro,” Cassian says warily. “What are you doing?”

“Moving out,” Az answers.

Nesta chokes on a laugh. When no one laughs with her, her face drops. “You’re serious?”

Cassian thinks the same thing.

“I’m going back to Velaris,” Az shrugs, dropping some trinkets into a box. “I’m ready to face Elain. I’m taking accountability.” He says it like it’s the simplest decision ever, like he’s talking about bringing an umbrella to a picnic.

“Are you sure about this?” Cassian asks. Just a while ago his brother was terrified at the idea of entering a ten mile radius of Velaris.

“I’m packing, aren’t I?” Az says dryly.

“You’re packing our things,” Cassian points out.

Nesta gasps when she notices. “Hey, those are my books!” She hurries over to snatch one out of Azriel’s hand.

Azriel snatches it back with a dark look. “What goes in the box, stays in the box.”

Cassian sputters in disbelief, looking around at the scene before him. “I mean—can we ask what brought this on?”

“Maybe I did some self-reflection. Or maybe I finally got sick of you and Nesta hooking up while I’m in the same room, like you were about to do now.” Az shrugs, pulling out a roll of packing tape and tearing off a strip with his teeth. “Don’t act like you’re going to miss me,” he continues as he tapes one of the boxes shut. “You two have been waiting for this day for months, and I’m finally granting your wishes.”

Cassian and Nesta share a look, and Cassian says hesitantly, “This isn’t… a breakdown or something, right?”

Azriel narrows his hazel eyes at Cassian.

“Okay, okay.” Cassian holds his hands up in defense. He pulls his hoodie over his head and off in one swift movement and goes over to the couch to help his brother pack. He still doesn’t know what brought on this sudden change of heart, but he knows Az won’t tell unless he wants to.

Nesta remains standing where she is, confounded, before dropping down next to an open box and rifling through it. “I want compensation for anything of mine you’re taking,” she demands, pulling out various paperbacks one by one.

“So like a dime for every three trash porns,” Cassian tells Az.

“I’m upcharging,” Nesta says. Her hand stops rummaging through the box, and she pulls out a framed photo instead of a book. She turns her steely eyes to Azriel. “You can’t have this one.”

It’s a candid picture of Cassian, Nesta, and Azriel on the ski lodge trip. Cassian remembers the moment it was taken with vividness, because it was one of the rare moments on that vacation where all three of them were smiling at the same time.

“Emerie took this,” Nesta continues, “and she’s my friend, so by extent it’s mine.”

Az smiles politely at her. “You’re right, you should keep it,” he says. “You’re too ugly in that photo for me to take it.”

Nesta sneers back, but gets up to reset the photo on the fireplace mantle.

A day or two later, Cassian notices that the ski lodge picture is gone, frame and all. He sighs to himself and hopes Nesta won’t notice.

***

a/n: it’s official less than five parts left!! cassian’s revenge scene is gonna be hotter than every smut scene combined

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[joysbell]

A Mountain of Fire and Blood: Chapter Two

Back to Chapter One!

 ***                                                                    

This place was a jungle. A fancy, pink and purple jungle. Girls flocked to the counter, practically pushing each other over to get a glimpse at what was inside. Little cupcakes decorated with lace and edible pearls and ornate designs. Some were even adorned as animals. Cassian made sure to stand back, as to not be swept up in the sugar-crazed mob. What was so special about these desserts? More importantly, why would Rhys ask to meet him here? It had to be a joke. A meeting at this frilly cupcake shop along the Sidra.

He found a seat at a white iron table, toward the back of the shop. The chair was too tiny, his wings were scrunched; he hunched over, trying not to stand out too much. But it was pointless—he could tell people knew who he was. The High Lord’s General of Blood.

As hushed whispers filled the air around him, Cassian leaned further down, pretending to read some menu on the table. When was the last time he had felt this uncomfortable? Bryaxis. He shuddered at the thought. Maybe cupcake shops weren’t that scary if he had to compare.

When the whispers stopped, Cassian looked up to see Rhys coming toward him. Most of the people inside gawked—but they didn’t dare murmur about their High Lord. Rhys smiled, greeted a few people, and things went back to normal. Cassian wondered if Rhys had calmed the patrons down; probably, and they don’t even know it.  

“Sorry I’m late,” Rhys said, grabbing a chair to sit. “I got tied up.”

Cassian chuckled, “I didn’t realize you let Feyre do that to you—how playful.”

Rhys rolled his eyes and snatched the menu from Cassian’s hand. “What looks good?”

“They all have silly names,” Cassian leaned back, even though his wings protested. “I’ll just have a vanilla one.”

“Really? I thought you might be a Raspberry Razzle Rabbit kind of guy.”

“If it has ears, I don’t want it,” Cassian said. He crossed his arms. “Why are we here? And not at the house.”

“I wanted to get Feyre something special. These cupcakes are supposed to be delicious and luxurious… Should we order tea?”

Cassian huffed. “Just tell me why you wanted to meet here, in this very public place, where I won’t make a scene. Are you breaking up with me?”

Rhys gave a sly smile that hid a little sympathy behind it. “No, it’s worse than that.”

It was then that Rhys started talking about Nesta, and Cassian wanted to break free of this world.

 ***                                                      

Cassian had this ache in his left shoulder. He rubbed it, incessantly. He tried massaging it all day, but it just wouldn’t go away. He cursed and breathed deliberately. Today was not going to go well. The feeling seeped into his bones. This pain, his brain had probably made it up. To remind him of the ache he was going to face in person.

At least Rhys had let him get acquainted with the cabin he would have to visit every day after their excursion to the cupcake shop. At least he had run his hand along the wooden table, counters, and walls to get the feel of the place. He was a soldier, a commander, after all. Cassian certainly needed to know his battleground.

The fact that he had not been a part of the plan made the ache in his shoulder worse. His High Lord and Lady had left him out, opted to tell him about it after discussions had occurred. Why? Well… Maybe he could understand. But he was still pissed about it.

Rhys had asked him out on a date after the fact. To a fancy little cupcake stand in the middle of Velaris. Someplace public, of course, which would prevent Cassian from causing a scene. Amongst pink, frosted treats he had been told what his new job would be:

Cassian, the babysitter.

He slid back into the chair he occupied in the home of his High Lord’s river estate. The cushions gave him comfort, and he didn’t want to leave. Once again, he rubbed his shoulder. It wasn’t enough to warrant a healer. The pain was nothing compared to his accumulated catalog of hurt.

For fuck's sake, Cassian was solid. He was a leader. And no, he did not need a phantom pain that reminded him of a girl he had to go see who had made him so angry he had thrown her gift into the Sidra. That stupid gift.

In all his years he had never felt this way.

Why was Rhysand doing this to him? Well, and Feyre. And Elain. A trio who had made a choice which seriously affected him and that girl. Right now, if he acknowledged she was a woman it would probably break him in a way that he certainly couldn’t handle. So just as she was, a girl who pissed him off. Not a woman who had shielded him in the face of imminent death. Absolutely fucking not!

The faint footsteps did not startle him. Cassian smiled, weakly, as Elain entered the social room he occupied. It was a little surprising to see her, and he had hardly ever been alone with her.

“Are you going to see Nesta?” She broadly asked, standing before him.

Looking up, Cassian replied, as softly as he could manage. “Soon.”

Elain nodded and handed him a basket he had not noticed. “I made some more bread. And some other things. Could you please give this to her?”

“Yeah, of course,” he reached out, left the comfort of the cushion, and took the package. He tried to smile, again, but it was harder than he had realized. He felt her touch his hand and it felt oddly familiar, albeit shocking.

“I know Nesta can push,” Elain squeezed his hand, smiled, and released him. “Thank you.”

Cassian got the feeling she was saying a lot more than that to him. Cassian nodded and made his way out. He could not think about this anymore. Was he even emotionally mature enough to combat these thoughts? He had thrown Nesta’s gift in the Sidra. He had been a child.

And now Elain plainly saw his agony and offered comfort. This was all wrong. Nothing had ever gone this badly for him before—he really, really, really wanted to stay away from Nesta. For weeks, months, he had. Cassian had stopped making himself miserable because of the men she brought home. He had stopped going to the local haunts, in the hopes of seeing her like a creep. Gods, he had felt like a slinky piece of shit.

The notion that someone could dissolve him. It was impossible, yet it was happening. He had to fix this.

He put the basket on the ground for a moment. The air was soft outside, and he would fly. Reaching back, he tied his shoulder-length brown hair. The muscle still ached. The Nesta muscle. It wasn’t going to stop hurting any time soon. With an eye-roll directed at someone who wasn’t there, he took off to the skies. Off to the cabin in the woods.

Tags: @ fourshizzle149  @shimmerglimmerandsparkle @ witchy6fangirl  @ prabl1382 @ nuclearplanets

I hope you like it :D

[courtofbooksanddreams]

The 20 Times I Cried While Reading A Court of Wings and Ruin

I have never cried while reading a book as much as I did for ACOWAR - and that’s saying something considering how emotional I can be when it comes to books. It seemed like every chapter I was holding back tears and by the time I made it to the end of the book I felt like a husk of the person I had once been. This book drained me, emotionally, mentally, even physically with its moving scenes and finality and I felt to truly do justice to the impact of ACOWAR, rather than favorite moments (of which there are many), I needed to give credit to the scenes that left me inconsolable at three in the morning. And while this post could be more accurately titled the “82 times I cried while reading this book”, I spared myself and you from that emotional trauma and narrowed it - really, I did - to the moments I physically, tears on my cheeks, sobbing, cried, while reading ACOWAR.

So grab some tissues, some tea and a pillow, because here are the 20 reasons I cried while reading A Court of Wings and Ruin by Sarah J Maas.

1. The Time Cassian and Azriel Saved All Our Asses.

Because I was so desperate for Feyre to get back to the Night Court, to her family, to see if my Illryian bats were okay and then they came for her, healed and ready to defend their Lady, and finally took her home. 

2. The Time in which I was Feyre.

Because I joked with my friend that I would probably start sobbing the first time Rhys showed up and I was right. Because they were finally back together again after being apart after so little time to enjoy being mated and I’d so overwhelming missed Rhys even though I’d only been away from him for 120 pages. 

3. The Time Rhys Told Feyre Exactly What She Needed to Hear

Because Feyre deserved to be told that, deserved to know that the person she loved more than her own soul was proud of her for what she had done for herself even though the scars still lingered, was proud that she was fighting after she’d been so ready to give up. Because how many times have I wanted someone to say those words to me when I feel like what I’ve done isn’t good enough?

4. The Time Azriel Reminded Us We are All Strong in Our Own Ways

Because its important to never underestimate the people around you. Because sometimes the love we have for others can lead us to do extraordinary things we didn’t even know we were capable of. Because we all need to be reminded that our weaknesses truly can become our greatest strength. Because this story told more about Azriel than the entirety of ACOMAF. 

5. The Time I Lost My Shit Because I Was Right and Rhys Wanted to See a Future He Didn’t Believe He Would Ever Have

Because I knew as soon as I read the first Bone Carver scene that the boy Feyre was seeing was their child! Because I wanted the two of them to have that future and practically felt Rhys’s heart break when he figured out who Feyre was seeing and asked to see him even though he knew he would never likely get to see their son in person because he’d already resigned himself to giving all of himself in the war and wanted just one chance to see the future he never dared allowed himself to wish for. Because they deserve that future and I NEED to see their children in the next part of his series or I will loose my shit SJM, I will loose it!

Okay. I’m fine. 

Moving on.

6. The Time Rhys Made Feyre a Star

Because Rhys truly meant it when he said he would make Feyre his equal. Because for the first time, Feyre would be presented as High Lady. 

7. The Time Feyre Returned the Favor.

Because Rhys needed to hear those words as much as Feyre did. Because Rhys has spent his entire existence pretending to be something he’s not and for the first time revealed who he truly is at the risk of being ridiculed. But he was brave enough to face it - the truth - and Feyre’s validation was enough to start making him believe he might be worth something.

8. The Time Before Everything Went to Shit

Because the first time I read it I truly didn’t know if they would ever go back to Velaris again, who would be left to go back to Velaris. Because I knew, I knew Rhys already believed he would never see it again. Because Rhys knew he was going to die and this was the last time he ever thought he would see his home again and wanted five seconds to appreciate the happiness he’d been so close to achieving and the city he’d treasured his entire life. 

9. The Time Rhys Reminded Me Why I Love Him

Because there is no better feeling in the world than someone telling you they are grateful to have you. Because Feyre spent most of ACOTAR and ACOMAF believing she wasn’t worth very much at all but Rhys makes her believe that she is, that she is worth all the stars in the sky to him.

10. The Time I Was Unprepared for The Suriel to Break My Heart

Because I didn’t know the Suriel had come to mean so much to me. Because the Suriel helped Feyre when no one else did and helped her because she was kind and it believed she could be the change the world needed. Because a terrifying monster of death just wanted to see a better world and was killed by hypocrite who’s only ambition was to further her own power.

11. The Time Tamlin... Tamlin Made Me Appreciate His Existence.

Because I hated Tamlin and after the meeting with the High Lords believed there was nothing he could do to redeem himself in my eyes. Because he saved her, even though he hated her for what she’d done to him, his court, and hated Rhysand and the Night Court, - whether it was for his own selfish love or because he knew it was the right thing to do, he still saved her. Because the one person Feyre thought was her weakness, ended up being her strength. 

12. The Time The Archeron Sister’s Forgave Each Other

Because I hated Nesta and Elain just as much as Feyre resented them in ACOTAR - their attitude and selfishness toward Feyre and that they would allow their sister to hunt in those woods so close to the wall. Because as much as Feyre resented them, she never stopped loving them, wanting to protect them. Because despite her anger, Feyre forgave them and all three sisters realized the value of being together, of cherishing the ones you love because you never know when they might be taken away from you. 

13. The Time Mor was the Bravest of Them All.

Because while I may not be bisexual or lesbian with the ability to comprehend how her situation truly feels, I understand how it feels to have something you want to protect that is truly yours. Because I, too, hold things close to my heart in fear that those around me will tarnish them with their judgement, misunderstanding and prejudice. Because Mor deserves to be happy, after everything she has been through, she deserves to be happy.

14. The Time Rhys Gave a Speech and Shattered Me Completely

Because no matter how many times I read this scene, I still end up crying. Because this was Rhys’s goodbye to his family, the family he had fought so hard for and now was forced to give up. Because he believed he was going to die. Because he believed they were all going to die but it was okay because they were fighting for a cause worth dying for. Because he was grateful, no matter how small of a time he was granted with those he loved, to have known them at all, to have been given this time with Feyre. Because they were a gift, one he never truly believed he deserved. 

And I’m crying again. Dammit.

15. The Time I Allowed Myself to Hope

Because I truly believed they were all going to die and this was the first time I allowed myself to think they might have a chance. 

16. The Time Feyre’s Father Allowed Me to Hope Again

Because the last person I fucking thought I would be proud of and crying over was Feyre’s father. Because a father who’d failed so miserable in taking care of his daughters came back to fight for them. Because Drakon had came and they stood more than a fools chance of winning this war. Because Rhys was crying and I think it was the first time he might have allowed himself to hope too.

17. The Time I Understood the Value of Nesta

Because I hated Nesta, hated her stubborn, dismissive, and rude attitude, hated how she treated Feyre, Cassian and those around her. Because I finally understood her, understood it was all a mask to hide behind, because may she felt too much, rather than too little. Because Nesta was willingly to die with Cassian. Because she didn’t want him to die alone. 

18. The Time.. Chapter 76 - 77

Because I can’t even bring myself to type up any of the scenes. Because Rhys knew, he knew he had nothing left when he allowed Feyre to use his power. Because I knew what he was doing, what those I love you’s meant - seen it coming through the entire book. Because it was the one thing I’d asked SJM not to do with this book and she tore me apart and I was left sobbing at three in morning. Because I had to watch Feyre fall apart, beg the other High Lords and Tamlin, watch her plead with him as he had once done with Amarantha for her, only to have SJM put me back together again with three words. Because Rhys is my over dramatic Lord of Darkness and I wanted to kill him for believing he deserved to die for everything he had done. Because Rhys means everything to me and having to watch him die was by far the worst thing I have ever had to read.

19. The Time Rhys Finally Believed He Could Have a Future

Because Rhys spent most of his life believing he would never have a family like that at all. Because he didn’t think he was the kind of person who would, who someone would love enough to want that with him. Because Rhys finally allowed himself to see his future for the first time, the future he’d never dared allowed himself to wish for. Because Rhys got his dream and might’ve felt like he deserved it. 

20. The Time It was a Gift. All of it.

Because I can see it, see them flying over Velaris with the stars and the moon and the lights of the city. Because it felt like a goodbye, even though I know I will see them again in future books, Feyre and Rhys’s story is over and I don’t have the words in me to express my gratitude for that what they have done for me. Because they deserve to be happy, after everything they have been through, and now they have the chance to, to reshape the world with their dreams and create a future that is wholly their own.

Because this story was a gift and there will never be another one like it.