#Raph loves his family sm he would never intentionally hurt them

[froggyphycosis]

Sensitivity is a wild thing

1121 words

Summary~

Just a short drabble about Raph's anger issues and how he feels/felt about them through out his life!

(based on a tiktok that I could not find of someone referencing a Pinterest poetry line that I also cannot find that says "not fragile like a flower fragile like a bomb")

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Raph has always known he is fragile, not like Mikey, who always cries during bambi or oliver twist, who can feel the emotions of his brothers so precisely, that it causes him to crumble under the weight of it. Not like Mikey, who collects the torn and frayed teddies washed up from the sewers and cleans them, sowes new buttons into their eyes and stitches up their 'wounds', who kisses them on the nose and then places them in his bed and on shelves with new names that he always remembers to use.

Mikey's sensitivity is like a flower, all though easily broken, it brings something soft and beautiful to the world and the meadows wouldn't be the same without it.

But Raph's isnt like that.

Raph's is explosive, he's not fragile like a flower but like a *bomb*.

Raph gets angry. Angry at Leo when he's perfect again, angry at himself when he messes up in training, angry at his Sensei when he gets put into the naughty corner *again*, angry at Mikey because he's so loud and annoying and excited all the time, angry at Donnie when he's a stupid little know it all, especially angry at that one loose brick in the floor that trips him up on the way into the kitchen and ruins his whole day.

Raph is fragile, stupidly more than Mikey and it does *nothing*. And serves *no one*.

Especially not his brothers who don't understand why he acts this way, or his Sensei. he has a hard enough time sorting through his own emotions, let alone explaining to anyone else what's going through his head.

It feels isolating, knowing in his world of three brothers and one dad that he's the only one going through this.

Then years and years into the future when he first meets April and her Sensei and all the bad guys they fight almost daily, that he realizes he's not alone because there's a name with his issues, that only got put into the light after an intense conversation with his Sensei about an especially bad anger out burst, causing him to give Leo a black eye. Something that he still looks back upon with deep regret and a lot of grief, despite Leo, being the lovable asshole he is, forgiving him not even moments after the incident and trying to comfort all three of his brothers at once. Donnie went deathly pale and silent Mikey sobbing and flapping his hands behind him and Roah about ten seconds away from the biggest angriest grief stricken meltdown ever.

He finds out from his Sensie infuriatingly enough after, that he probably has anger issues. Information that would have been extremely helpful years and years before. Raph is surprised he didn't blow up about that, but then again, he never exactly told anyone what he was going through and he was litterally to emotionally exhausted to care about anything other than his brothers and Leo's black eye at that moment.

This new revelation didn't bring about anything new though, as he still as one could expect could not relate to anyone his age, or above it either.

Exept there was someone else. Just like him with all the same hatred and fragility of destruction.

The shredder.

And it was then that Raph realized he's not alone, because the worst people can relate. He could see it in the Shredder's eyes, the way his rage controlled everything he did, the way he flipped like a coin. It's almost an exact reflection of Raph and he *hated* it, hated *himself* for it, because if there is no one on this planet that feels the same way he does, expect from the worst of worst. Then that in conclusion makes *him* the worst.

The way that the Shredder and Sensei act is almost parrelel to Leo and Raph. Although it's never been said out loud, he knows Leo sees it too. But as much as Raph gets angry and explodes, at everyone, but at Leo especially. He knows he can't let him and His older brother get that way. especially for their younger brothers who need their big brothers to lean on.

With all these thoughts going on at such a difficult time, with little to no helpful insight or understanding from anyone, Raph stews in his self hatred. (which when Raph looks back and thinks of all the love and support his family had ready for him, even if they didn't understand what he was going through his stupid thick teenage head it all seems kinda silly).

He unfortunately, and quickly, realized that he couldn't hurt anyone if he locked himself up, he can't hurt his brothers or his sister or his father.

Hence isolation!

This is all to say he was a shitty emotional wreck until one day he met Casey.

He found Casey annoying at first, cocky reckless and absolutey wild. An uncontrollable child, who learned of free will clearly at a to young age. Casey was idiotic and angry and alone, he feared nothing, not even the consequences of his own Actions. New York was his playground and he did with it what he pleased when he pleased.

April was constantly jumping roofs with them, doing ninja training and sparring and fighting weird abominations of all shapes and sizes, because she was with the turtles all the time.

But Casey was doing that long before he met them. He fought people in alley ways and ran across the Newyork city roofs like he was born and raised there.

And most importantly he was *angry*, and Raph realized that he was just like him. He saw himself in Casey, in every aspect, the good and the bad.

And little by little he got better, because Casey was fiercely loved and cared for by their little hobbled together family, underneath all the hustle and bustle of new york. With their own brand of crazy and wierd that suited him perfect, like a puzzle piece lost for so long finally found that clicked and made the whole beautiful picture. And if someone like Casey was meant to be here then so was Raph.

And it made Raph more confident of who he was.

Because someone in the world *could* relate and it just happened to be one of the most incredible and bravest people Raph knew.

Bonus~

"nahhh don't worry Case u can relate i mean i used to think that only evil people had anger issues because we didn't have the Internet and the only other person I had met like that was the Shredder, so I thought I was like gonna become a crazy psycho lmao."

...

"SORRY YOU WHAT-"